Hi all! This is the next chapter in the ongoing story of me, my husband and a more fulfilling marriage for both of us.
My first chapter centered more on me and how I went from fantasizing about black men to black men being my reality. If you haven’t read it, you should stop and go read that one first. Its called “Married Lexi’s First Real Cock.” Its about how I found fulfillment three doors in the house of a black man named Robert.
But what about my husband? Could he find fulfillment once he becomes a cuckold?
Well, that’s what this chapter is all about.
As I said in my first chapter, I had been having sex with Robert almost every day for 3 1/2 weeks — minus weekends. Except for one rushed blow job when my husband went to the store. The sex was so overwhelmingly good that it pushed the presence of any guilty feelings so deep that I didn’t even know they were there. Every day, Robert would fuck me and every night I would greet, eat with and then sleep with my husband. But little by little those guilty feelings was rising to detectable levels.
In the last week, I was going to bed and vowing to myself that I had to stop seeing Robert. And then I’d wake up counting the minutes until I could rush to his bed. It was wearing on me physically and more importantly ... it was draining me emotionally.
Eventually, Steve asked what was going on. At that point, I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I knew I was going to confess, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to save my marriage in a way that I wouldn’t also lose the sex that I knew I would never willingly give up.
So, my last day with Robert...3 1/2 weeks after he first fucked me...I told him that I was going to confess. He didn’t understand why I would do that and tried to warn me about what would follow. But also, he was a little scared of what my husband might do. Spouses who have been cheated on don’t always place all the blame solely on their spouses that cheated on them. But I told him I had to do it and he realized that he couldn’t talk me out of it.
So the next morning I asked Steve to come home as early as he could because there was some stuff I needed to talk to him about. He asked me what it was only once. When I wouldn’t answer he left it alone. He doesn’t like it when people try to pry information out of him and he affords others the same courtesy. That’s just how he is.
All morning I paced and paced and paced. I was scared but I really wasn’t scared that he would divorce me. Somehow I knew it was going to work out the way that I wanted. But I was scared of the process that we would have to go through to get there.
And then he came home. I had asked him to come home early but I didn’t expect him at lunch time!
When I heard the car drive up, I panicked and almost ran out the black door. WTH!!!! I breathed deep and chanted to myself, “It’s going to be okay. Its going to be okay. Its going to be okay.”
He came in, set his stuff down, walked over to me and saw how frazzled I was.
“Lex? What’s wrong? What did you do?”
That’s, honestly, a pretty common question directed towards me.
I can be impulsive and a bit half hazard with things. This last month has certainly proven that!
But even before that, I’ve had 6 minor car wrecks, ripped up carpet before I was supposed to because I wanted new floors, took down cabinets because I wanted new ones, cut my hand using his tools before asking, then my leg a month later with the same tool. That’s not even close to the number of times I’ve done something that I had to confess. So, “what did you do” are not foreign words in our house.
And each time, he was disappointed but never and I repeat never ... did he get mad. Its just not his way.
But this was different. It wasn’t a car or a floor or a power tool that I was playing with ... it was our marriage.
That single thought came rushing to the front of my mind like a gust of wind through an open window. It was too late to stop and ask for permission. And I didn’t think forgiveness was going to come any time soon. But I still knew that I had to do it.
“I’ve been cheating on you.” All the air left my lungs as if to say “there I said it!” My confession came out quick and blunt. And his reaction matched.
He just said, “What the fuck?”and sat down at the kitchen table that was just behind him.
The follow up was what could be expected. The who’s - the what’s - the where’s - the why’s - the how’s ... all came with mind blitzing succession. It was a whirlwind.
I knew I was going to get peppered with questions and I knew the first decent thing I could do for the last month was sit there, take it and answer them as best I could.
And so I answered the who (generally but not specific). I answered the what. I answered the where (generally). I answered the how. What I didn’t answer was the most important question of all — why.
I just couldn’t. Not yet. He wasn’t ready for it. And honestly, neither was I.
For the next several hours, He threatened and I promised. He raised his voice (he never yells) and I cried. He questioned my virtue and I extolled his. It was as awful as you’d expect and as awful as something like this deserved to be.
After that first day, Steve never spoke of leaving me again. He didn’t say he wouldn’t ... but he didn’t say he would.
What I remember most is that it was cold between us in a way I had never experienced. We had fought before ... as much as Steve will ever fight. He’s just not that type of person. He’s not weak. He’s just very calm about things. Logical. And once he decides something, its almost impossible to change his mind. I was starting to lose confidence in my “its going to be okay” mantra.
Because of several factors, I had really believed it would be okay. For some reason, I believed that somehow I would keep Steve who I loved and at the same time, Robert who I loved fucking. I had worked and reworked everything in my mind a thousand times. I had thought back to Devon (first chapter) and how Steve reacted way back then. Also, Steve had known that I was running with another man almost every morning and never once did he ask me to stop or question why I was doing it. On top of that, Steve had seen me be flirtatious with many other men and never ever acted as though he minded. And Steve knew that he was both small and quick. All of that and coupled with the fact that Steve has always done whatever he could to meet both my needs and wants I had believed we were going to be fine. Better than fine. Eventually. I had convinced myself that we just needed to get through this cold stage. But I was getting less and less sure.
So, with all my free hours away from Robert and while Steve was at work, I started reading. I googled everything from how to fix a broken marriage to when a wife cheats to when a wife isn’t satisfied.
I read countless articles about the need for counseling and helpful hints on how to regain a couple’s former spark. None of that was speaking to me.
But then it happened. A shooting star shot across the bow of the dark and dreary, crashing sea I had felt lost in.
Cuckolding!
I had never heard the word before. Nor had I ever considered that there was an actual, recognized, and practiced lifestyle that could meet our needs! And couples were actually actively making it a part of their marriage! Wowzers!
Now, I’ll admit that not everything I read was helpful. The more I searched the more I found that was intended only for the arousal of people who already identified this way as well as some other stuff that’s sole purpose was to entice people into this alternative lifestyle.
But I also found some really good stuff. The psychology of it. What makes a cuckold a cuckold. How to possibly identify one. Could your husband be one. Could the wife be a cuckoldress.
I was soaking it up. Reading and reading and reading. Writing stuff down. Taking online tests ... tests for me and tests for Steve.
Everything seemed to fit! This was it! Here was our answer!
But I couldn’t just interject this into a dinner conversation. “What did you do today?” “Oh I was reading about cuckolding.” Neither could I heartlessly just come out and say “By the way, you’re a cuckold, Steve. Now get me ready for my date!”
So while I researched and read and took notes, I waited. I was going to let Steve do something that might give me the sign that now was the time. If this was where we were headed, I was going to let him lead one last time.
And then it happened. One night several weeks later, he came out of his upstairs office holding his tablet out to me, “I know who it is.”
I panicked. What was he saying? How did he know?
He walked toward me in his t-shirt and basketball shorts and handed me his tablet. What did I find? It was an email ... from Robert!
The header said, “My Deepest Apologies.”
I had spoken only once to Robert since the day I told him I was going to confess. Only to tell him that I did it. I never asked him to do anything like this. In fact, I told him to stay the hell out of it! What in this wacky world was he doing?!? What was going through his stupid head?!? I had a plan, you idiot!! Sort of.
It read:
Steve, I would like to apologize for seducing your wife. I have no excuses and I offer you none. I could tell you what was going through my mind, but that would make this less of the apology I intend it to be. Though I am certain you don’t want to hear anything from me, Lexi is an incredible woman who loves you very much. That I know without question or hesitation. I take full responsibility for what has transpired between her and myself and I am willing to sit down with you to say the same in person. If you so wish. Again, I humbly apologize for my actions.
Robert C********
email address
cell #
As I finished reading it, I didn’t want to look up. I knew this was my opening but I didn’t know how to navigate it yet.
In the mean time, Steve had sat down on the couch next to me. I knew he was there, but I didn’t want to look at him. I was ready with my research, but I also didn’t want to make things worse.
“So now I know who it is, Lexi.”
I slowly turned toward him and handed him the tablet. I still couldn’t look at him. We had barely communicated during the last couple of weeks. We talked. But everything had mostly been superficial.
“Yeah. I’m sorry Steve. I don’t know what else to say or how to say it any other way than I already have.”
“I’m not asking you to, Lexi. Neither am I asking for another empty apology.” (That hurt)
“It’s not empty, Ste...”
He stopped me. “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Lex. But I think we need to talk about why you did it if we’re ever going to get through this.”
His tone was sincere. I knew he meant it. And there was a ray of hope in what he said and even more in the way he said it. My opening was getting bigger!
“Ok, Steve. What do you want to know?”
He asked me to look at him. As I turned my head, he turned his body on the couch toward me. I did the same.
We were staring at each other. My right knee was on the couch and touching his left knee that was on the couch. The coldness that had filled the room every time we were in it together, seemed to dissipate.
“Why? That’s what I want to know. Is there something I’m not doing? Am I working too much? What made you run to another man and why did it take you so long for you to tell me. Do you not love me?”
That last question pierced my heart. I immediately reached for his leg, “Steve it has nothing to do with love. I love you. I have never loved any one else. Never ever. Love had nothing to do with what I did.”
He seemed to soften. “Why then?”
“Steve, you are the single greatest person I have ever known. And I’m not just talking about men. Anyone. I promise that. And I love you with all my heart. I know this doesn’t show you that very well. And maybe I’m just not very good at loving you the way you want. Without a shadow of a doubt, I’ve been awful. And I regret when and how I told you. I wish it had been sooner. I wish it had been before I did it.”
Steve is very perceptive. And he picked up on what I said immediately. I was steering this conversation with the utmost carefulness.
“You regret HOW you told me that you’ve been fucking another man behind my back? Not THAT you’ve been fucking another man?”
He wasn’t yelling at me. Again, that’s just not who he is. But his words were serious.
I paused. Stared into his eyes.
“Yes.”
“I don’t ...”
“Please let me explain.” He eased his posture and set back a little. I stiffened mine and leaned forward. This was my moment. I needed to explain this in a way that didn’t completely shatter him but at the same time it had to be honest enough that he believed me. This was the moment little Lexi started to transform herself from cheating wife to hotwife.
I continued ...
“I know I just said it, but I want to say it again before I explain. I love you. I may not love you the best way I can or the the way I should ... but I do. Please don’t ever question that while I say what I’m about to say. I love you but ... there is a but. And that’s the only way I can explain why I did it.”
(Ready or not here it comes! Steel yourself Lexi! Breathe! You can do this!)
I grabbed for his hand that was in his lap. I pulled it it towards me a little so that both of our hands were resting on the side of my bent leg that was still touching his. I tilted my head a little, like when you see something cute or see something pitiful. And I spoke. And while I spoke, he didn’t interrupt.
Everything that I had been working and reworking in my mind the past few weeks was now coming easily to me ... my research was about to pay off. It was almost like there was a PowerPoint presentation being digitally transferred to my brain. All the bullet points were crystal clear.
“I’m not satisfied with our sex. And before you tell me you’ll do more or do something different or be more attentive or whatever, its not something you can fix or add to what you are doing and its not that you can do anything different. Its not what you aren’t doing, Steve. Its what you can’t do.”
At this point he tried to pull his hand away but I wouldn’t let go. I needed to be touching him while I spoke and he needed to be touching me while he listened.
I continued and started with bullet point # 1 that was in my head:
“Steve, you know that you’re small ... you know that you have a small ... ummmm ... penis.”
As those words stumbled past my lips, I looked into his lap. For some reason, I felt that I needed him to see my eyes look directly toward his crotch. He was wearing his normal after-work basketball shorts, but its as if he were naked and exposed to me for the very first time. I had teased him before about it. Not in a mean way. In a cute way. As if to say “you’re small but iI love your cute little pink thingy. It doesn’t matter to me.” But I was serious now. And it was clear that it did matter to me. And then I quickly glanced back to his eyes.
With this admission, his shoulders slumped a little.
Now, I thought, time for bullet point # 2:
“And you know that you finish really quickly.”
I let the word really draw out a little so as to add emphasis.
“You’ve apologized a thousand times for not lasting long enough for me to orgasm.”
I was gaining confidence.
As I watched him, he didn’t break eye contact with me .. but i could see that his ownership of this dilemma we were in was crumbling right before my eyes. While I didn’t want to give it back to him, I still wanted to reassure him. So I inched towards him. I scoot, scoot, scooted until my leg that was already touching his was now on top of his. And I ran my other foot, that was dangling over the edge of the couch, over his foot.
I held his hand, and then reached for his acceptance of these first two points, “I love you, Steve. But that’s stuff we already know, right?”
I was asking him to admit that he knew he was small and that he was too quick to cum. And I got it.
“Yes.”
I gripped his hand. “Yes??”
“Yes, Lexi. I know that. I’m sorry, its just ...”
I stopped him.
“Shhhhh. I’m not wanting you to apologize for anything, Steve. I’m not blaming you for any of that. You can’t help that you have a small dick (I was talking a bit more crass ... not sure why), and neither can you help that you get so excited so fast.”
I climbed even closer to him. With my free hand, I reached for his cheek and then slid it down his neck to his shoulder. I wanted to touch him as much as possible. I had not yet read anything about conditioning your cuckold, but it was coming naturally to me. I wanted to touch him as much as I could so that he might be reassured that I love him but also so he might start to get turned on. That’s conditioning 101! (Lol) I leaned forward and kissed his lips very softly and very quickly. He didn’t budge. He didn’t kiss me back but he didn’t budge! He was shellshocked!
“But its not just that, Steve. Even if you could somehow grow bigger down there (I looked down again) and even if you could control yourself long enough for me to truly orgasm ... you’re so gentle.”
I could tell he was confused by this or that he was questioning this.
“What I mean is, I love that we make love, Steve. I really do. Its so sweet. But almost since we started dating and started having sex, I’ve wanted you to be more ... how should I put it ... aggressive. More forceful. More dominant. Even ... ummm ... rougher with me.”
He almost nodded as if he knew ... he did know.
“Remember, I’ve said that. I’ve hinted at it. That I wanted you to just take me sometimes.”
He nodded.
I pressed.
“Right?”
“Yes. I know. But ... “
“Shhhhh, Steve. Please let me finish. This is so important.”
I scooted even closer. Any closer and I was going to be sitting in his lap.
I kissed him again. This time he kissed me back.
“It started back in college, Steve.”
This was important. From my research I knew that I needed to select a moment where Steve and I both knew that I was turned on by another man. It had to be clear what we were turned on by.
“Remember Devon?”
He nodded.
“Remember that night we were all swimming at that hotel?”
He stared.
“Do you?”
“Yes. What about him, Lexi?”
He was getting uncomfortable.
“I didn’t like him. I really didn’t. And I never thought about him in any other way except that he was your friend.”
I scooted one more inch. I kissed him. And again, he kissed me back.
“But that night. When he got out of the pool. I saw him. I saw his ummmmm ... his cock. It was through his underwear so I couldn’t really see it. But I saw that he was big. Really big. Like, way bigger than you.”
“Do you remember that, Steve? It doesn’t change how I feel about you at all. And I never ever did anything with him. I promise you that. But do you remember?”
“Yes. I remember that night.”
“Steve, but do you remember me staring at it? At his cock? I looked at you and I knew you caught me. Do you remember that?”
I climbed in his lap.
“Please, Steve. This is important. Do you remember?”
He was staring up at me. I’m not very big so I had to get on my knees. I wanted him to be looking up to me.
He nodded.
I held his face with both hands and kissed him. He kissed me back ... again.
“You do remember that?” I needed him to do more than nod. I needed to hear his words.
“Yes, Lexi. I remember.”
At this point, he still hadn’t moved his hands to touch me. They were laying on the couch outside my legs.
I was getting so turned on. Like I did when I was doing my research and found out about cuckolding. I wasn’t getting turned on by thoughts about Devon or Robert. I was actually getting turned on by my husband. It was different than it used to be. But it was still him. The difference was that he was turning me on because he was submitting to me.
I had planned to sort of do this in stages. I didn’t think it could happen all at once. I thought I would introduce my feelings about sex. And then bout sex with him. And then maybe next start talking about men with bigger cocks. Or even black men. But tonight was moving so effortlessly. I decided that I was going to take this as far as I could...and I was going to do it all tonight!
I reached down for his hands, while staring in his eyes. I held them and pulled them to my bare legs (I was wearing shorts too) and then I slid them to my hips. I smiled. I let go of his hands and kissed him. He kissed me. Then I slid my tongue between his lips. He opened them. His tongue met mine. We kissed. It was soft and romantic and sensual ... and it was passionate! I started to move my hips ... pressing my pussy down onto his crotch. I could feel that his little thingy was getting hard. In fact .. it was hard!
I stopped kissing him. I needed to him to clearly understand what was going on.
“Does this turn you on? The way we’re talking?”
He stared. He didn’t know how to answer that. If he said yes, he was admitting something macho men aren’t supposed to admit. If he said no, he knows I would know he was lying. A man’s dick is the easiest way to tell if he’s lying or not! So he just stared.
“It is, isn’t Steve? This is turning you on?”
Nothing.
So I helped.
“I know it feels weird. But I think this is turning us both on. Talking about me and you ... swimming with Devon. I think this is turning us both on. I’m turned on, Steve.”
I kissed him again and he kissed me back. Harder.
I stopped. Looked into his eyes. Smiled my sexy smile.
“It was Devon that made me think about sex with other guys. With black guys.”
I kissed him again.
“I love you so much, Steve. But I wanted to feel what it was like. You know .. to feel what it was like with a man who had a bigger cock. A really big cock. I wanted to feel it inside me. I’ve been thinking about it since Devon. I’ve fantasized about it. What would Devon’s big cock feel like inside me.”
I reached for his hands again and slid them up my side under my shirt. He slid them up higher on his own.
I leaned down and kissed his cheek. His neck. I kissed up his neck to his ear. I bit his lobe and breathed into his ear.
With barely a whisper I told him my answer to why — why I cheated on him. Why I couldn’t stop. — “I love you so much Steve. But I wanted a black man with a big cock to fuck me.”
“Fuck, Lexi ... ”
He slid his hands down my side. Removed them from under my shirt. He put them on my hips and held me away.
I was afraid I had gone too far. Like I always do. I was thinking I should have stopped. I shouldn’t have pushed it. Why didn’t I stick to my plan?!?
He just stared at me. I tried to lean forward. He leaned back. He just stared at me. I truly had no idea what was going on in his head. Was he about to lose it?
And then he grabbed me tight and rolled me onto my back with himself on top of me. He lunged for my lips with his. He kissed me hard and deep ... and rough. I held him tight and kissed him back. I wanted to cry I was so happy. We kissed for several minutes. My legs were wrapped around him and he was pressing tightly into me.
And then he stopped.
He sat up ... reached for my legs ... pulled them straight up in front of him. And with urgency, he yanked my shorts and panties up and over and then off my legs. He threw them behind me onto the floor.
Then ... without a second of hesitation, he wiggled his shorts down just far enough to expose his hard little dick. Before he could push into me, I reached for it ... smiled at him with my sexy smile he says is “crazy sexy.” I stroked him a few times while I stared at him. I think he was slowly realizing what was taking place. That all the power in this situation had been handed over to me. No. That I had taken it. And then i pulled him to me. He was harder than I can ever remember. It wasn’t bigger. And in my mind it was impossible not to compare him to Robert at that point. He was still small. And because of Robert, he felt even smaller. But I wanted him. And I wanted him bad.
He leaned down. His hands were on either side of me. And in one motion he pushed his dick all the way into me. When Robert would do that it would literally take my breath away. With Robert there was resistance. My pussy would open for Robert as he pushed his cock into me. My walls would expand around his cock as his impressive cock invaded my deepest parts. Steve, though, went in effortlessly. There was no resistance at all. He didn’t fill me. But it still felt good. Our talk had made me so wet. But it was also because Steve and I had just crossed through some barriers that needed to crumble if he was going to follow my lead all the way. They hadn’t crumbled yet. But they were definitely cracking. But what was abundantly clear to me for the first time in weeks, was that I still had Steve and he still wanted me. And at that moment, I knew that he would be my cuckold. Steve had shown that he liked the idea of me having sex with other men. I had never mentioned Robert’s name. I didn’t have to. Steve didn’t make love to me. He fucked me for the first time in our relationship and it was because he was thinking of me fucking Robert.
We went to bed and held each other all night. When we woke up, my mind started going into motion. My hurried plan had one more step yet to take. And I was about to take it.
When we woke up, it was a little awkward. There was still so much unsaid. And honestly, Steve was clearly feeling awkward. He may not have said it, but he clearly enjoyed our fantasy driven sex ... a shared fantasy that was inspired by another man.
I rubbed his hairy chest while my head rested on his shoulder. I looked up toward his face and he was staring straight up at the ceiling.
“Whatcha thinking about,” I asked.
“I really can’t say. I mean I’m thinking but its hard to verbalize it. Everything is spinning.”
“I know. Me too.” I lied. My mind was clear. I knew exactly what I was thinking and how to verbalize it.
“But you liked it, right? What we did?”
“I don’t know, Lexi. Honestly.”
I climbed on top of him...straddling his waist. I was leaning over him with my hands on either side of him. My long hair was pulled to the side but dangling just above his face.
“Yes you do. You know you liked it. You’ve never been like that. You’ve never fucked me like that. I loved it and so did you.”
He just stared. He knew it was happening again. That I was leading him. That I was reading him. And he couldn’t stop it or hide it.
“What you’re not sure about is why you liked it. That’s right isn’t it?”
Nothing.
“Tell me Steve. We have to work through this.”
“Yes, Lexi. I did enjoy last night. I just don’t know what it all means. Is that what you wanted? What you needed? If we had talked about stuff like that before you wouldn’t have cheated?”
He was serious. There was still so much hurt in there. I hated it. I really did. But I knew I couldn’t let this moment go. If I let it pass, I’d have to start all over again ... some other time. He didn’t understand it yet. He didn’t know it was okay for him to feel like that ... to be turned on by that. He needed to know that I wasn’t going to think less of him for feeling like that. So I pressed him. What he needed most at this moment was to admit that his arousal came from thoughts of a bigger, blacker man fucking me.
“Steve, last night was amazing ... for lots of reasons. Talking about Devon the way we did was so hot. You got so hard remembering that night, didn’t you?”
There it was again. That damned stare. He needed to talk.
“Didn’t you? You have to answer me, Steve, so we can both be sure what we’re saying. Didn’t you.”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“You were turned on remembering me staring at him ... staring at his cock, weren’t you?”
“I guess.”
“That’s not an answer, Steve. Talk to me. Its me. I love you. And I love this and so do you.”
I scooted back from straddling his lap so that I was now straddling his legs. I sat up and slowly drug my left hand down his chest. He just watched me. As I reached his shorts, I ran my hand over his crotch. He was getting hard. I squeezed his dick just a little so he would know that I knew he was getting turned on again. I looked back up to his eyes and smiled at him. I pulled his shorts down like he did the night before ... just enough to expose his little hard-on to me. I ran my index finger down it and then gently wrapped my hand around it. The very tippy tip of his little head was all that was poking through. I slowly stroked him.
“You were turned on by the image of me staring at Devon’s big cock, weren’t you?”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that Steve. I think that is so hot. I really do.”
I kept, slowly stroking him. He started to squirm a little. Uh oh. I know what that means! (Lol) I didn’t want him to cum because I knew if he came in my hand this would be over. So I stopped and just held him again.
“Were you turned on that night? Catching me. Knowing that I saw you catch me look at another man’s bigger cock?”
“Fuck, Lexi. What are you doing?”
I let go. I pulled my shirt off so that I was completely naked.
“I’m just talking. Okay? Like last night. I love it. You obviously do too. And I love that you’re so turned on by how I’m talking about Devon.”
He propped up and started to reach for me.
“No, Steve. We have to finish this first. I will let you have me again if we finish. Okay?”
He laid back down.
I barely traced one of my nails around his little head. Just barely touching him while I circled it with my finger. It was jumping with every touch.
“Steve, can we talk about Robert now? We need to talk about this. I want to and you want me to. I know you do.”
He kind of gulped. I know he didn’t want to admit that he was turned on — not just because we were fantasizing about something that never really happened. He didn’t want to admit that he was getting turned on by thoughts of me actually being fucked by another man.
I was apprehensive at this point. But I kept pushing.
So I started to hold him with my thumb and index finger ... just below his little head.
“Can I, Steve? Can I talk about Robert now?”
“Lexi, I don’t ....”
I let go of him.
“Steve just answer me.”
“Yes ... I guess ... you’re not going to stop until you do.”
I smiled and put my hand back on him. Holding him but not stroking him.
“Steve, Devon is why I let Robert seduce me. I already knew Robert was big like Devon. I saw him in his running shorts. He had a really big bulge in his shorts. I knew that he must be big like Devon. And the fact that he’s black just made my mouth water.”
Steve was breathing heavier now... squirming more under my touch. So I let go again. I just couldn’t let him cum. So I started to just touch his body instead, as I talked. His chest. His nipples. His stomach. Just above his little dick.
“I couldn’t help it, Steve. I really couldn’t. I mean, I could have stopped running with him. And i guess that would have helped for a while. But I had to. I love you so much and I didn’t want to hurt you, but I had thought about Devon for so long. Steve I have touched myself to thoughts of Devon and that big black cock for so long. Ever since that night. I imagined him fucking me while you made love to me. I imagined his big black cock pushing into my little pussy so many times while you were inside me. I just couldn’t resist Robert. I couldn’t. Do you understand even a little bit?”
I let go of his thin shaft and slid my fingers over the head of his little dick again until he answered.
“Yes. I guess. I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for you.”
“Don’t apologize, Steve. Don’t ever, okay? Its not your fault. I don’t resent you because your dick is so small.”
As I said that I wrapped my hand around him again and held his little white dick more firmly than before.
“I love you, Steve. I do. So much. And I would never ever want to lose you. Never. Never ever. Do you know that?”
“Yes, Lexi. I think I do. I thought I did. But I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I’m getting to that Steve.”
“When I first felt Robert’s cock in my hand. When I first saw it. I just couldn’t stop. It was so big, Steve. It was bigger than I had even imagined about Devon. It was so big and black and it was so heavy, Steve. And when I put him in my mouth? God, there was just no way I could stop. He tasted so good, Steve. He really did. But it was when he put that beautiful cock inside me ... it was then that I knew ... this is what I’ve wanted ... this is what I’ve needed. This is what I’ve been missing. It hurt at first. It really hurt. I was used to you, Steve. My little pussy was used to your little dick. But it also felt sooooooo good, Steve. I don’t know how many times that big cock made me cum that day. I couldn’t even take all of him, Steve. That’s how big he is.”
At this point a power rush started to flow through me. I had never felt like this before. I would later come to realize that that power rush can be a dangerous thing for me. If I’m not careful now, I can do things and say things that I shouldn’t. I would learn to control it later. But this wasn’t late. I still had so much to learn. And that would come.
So I scooted forward until my pussy was sitting just below his dick. I held him to me so he could see how far up my body it goes.
“Steve look.”
He looked.
Then I placed my hand on my belly just below my belly button. I wanted him to see the comparison. I wanted him to see that there was no comparison. He had to see that there just wasn’t anything he could do to compete with a man-sized cock like Robert’s.
Then I looked down to where my hand was.
“This is how deep he goes when he’s all the way in.”
I looked back to his face and smiled.
“Do you see how deep that is?”
He nodded.
“Do you see why that would feel so different from you.”
He nodded again.
“Once I felt it, I knew I was hooked on it. I felt things I’ve never felt with you. Not in my heart. I only love you. My heart will always be yours. What i felt with Robert was In my pussy. I had never ever gotten that wet. I had never ever been so turned on in all my life. I don’t know how to explain it, but when he really fucked me ... when he was finally able to get his whole cock inside me and when he really fucked me hard? I knew it Steve. You would never be able to do that to me. You would never be able to make me feel that. I had so many orgasms on that big black cock, Steve.”
I reached back down and held him. His little white dick was starting to leak now (later ... much later I would call it weeping).
“Does that make sense at all, Steve?”
He nodded.
“Answer me, Steve.”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“And it turns you on, doesn’t it? You’re almost ready to cum because you’re thinking about Robert fucking me with his big black cock, aren’t you, Steve?”
“Fuck, Lexi ...”
“Just say it Steve. I’m almost done.”
“Yes, Lexi, but....”
“Shhhh. Its okay. You’re doing so good, Steve. We’re talking. We’re really being honest and that is good.”
“But what am I...”
“Shhhhh. Have you ever heard of a cuckold, Steve?”
“Yes.”
That surprised me!
“You have? I had never heard of it before. Tell me what a cuckold is?”
“Its when a wife cheats on her husband and he’s too much of a wimp to stop her. I know what it is Lexi.”
“Noooo, Steve. She doesn’t cheat. And its not that he’s too much of a wimp to stop her. It’s because he loves her so much that he gives her the freedom to have sex with men who do things her husband can’t do.”
“Do you want me to put you inside me?”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“Okay. But first ... since you know what a cuckold is ... I mean what my definition of a cuckold is ... that you’re not a wimp and that I love you so much that I would not have sex with another man if you didn’t want me to (that was a lie ... just being honest) but you love me so much that you give me freedom to do it. With that definition, do you think you could be a cuckold? Do you?”
“Lexi, this is getting crazy.”
He tried to stop me ... he tried to slide out from under me. He was trying to save his masculinity. But I didn’t let him. I knew that if he REALLY wanted to get me off of him and stop all of this he could have. So I knew that he wasn’t really trying.
“Stop Steve. We’re just talking. Do you think you are a cuckold? Answer me.”
“No, Lexi. I mean I don’t know. What are you doing?”
“Yes you are. Admit it, Steve. Last night you fucked me hard for the first time in our marriage because you had the image of me staring at Devon’s cock was in your mind. You liked the idea of me staring at Devon’s big cock.”
“Damnit Lexi. No. I’m not going to admit that.”
I looked down to his little dick ... held it and said, “But we both know that isn’t true. You were so turned on because of Devon.”
“And now, you’re just as turned on from me explaining how big Robert’s black cock is. And from imagining how good he must fuck me. How loud I must scream from his huge cock as he takes me over and over and over. You know the answer. You are a cuckold. Tell me.”
“No, Lexi. I’m not going to say that. That’s sick.”
“Yes you are. You’re not a wimp, Steve. And you CAN stop me from being fucked by black men. But you’re hard little dick is telling us both that you really don’t want to stop me. You’re little hard-on is telling us both that you are a cuckold.”
He squirmed out from under me a little and propped himself up against the headboard.
“Lexi, are you telling me you still want to have sex with Robert and that you want me to be okay with it?”
“Yes, Steve. That’s exactly what I want. I want you to tell me you want me to keep fucking Robert. I want you to tell me you want me to get the kind of sex you just can’t even remotely give me. I want you to tell me that you want to be my cuckold.”
He just stared at me.
I inched further toward him. I rose up a little and held his little dick. I lined it up to my pussy. Then I sat down on it all the way. Then I kissed him deep. He put both of his hands on my butt. Very slowly I rose up and down on his little white dick as he moaned and closed his eyes.
I stopped kissing him. He was so close to cumming. I could tell and so could he. He tried to hold out as long as he could as if to prove something to me or to himself.
“Be my cuckold, Steve. (I slid up his little dick) Tell me you want me to keep seeing Robert. (I slid down) Tell me you want me to keep fucking him while you’re at work. (I slid up) Tell me Steve. (I slid down and stayed down). Tell me.”
“Damn Lexi. What are you doing?”
“I’m making you my cuckold, Steve. And you like it. Tell me. Just say yes. (I kissed him deep and hard. He moaned on my tongue. Then I stopped) All you have to say is yes and I will fuck Robert tomorrow. You don’t have to say anything else. Just say yes. (I rocked my hips back and forth. i could feel his little white dick barely poking around inside me). Just say yes.”
“Yes, Lexi.”
I smiled my biggest smile. I rolled off of him onto my back.
“Imagine Robert fucking me Steve. Close your eyes and imagine it ... while YOU fuck me.”
He quickly got on top of me, closed his eyes and proceeded to thrust in and out of me for about 30 seconds until he exploded inside me.
I smiled and held him. Kissing his cheek and his neck and his shoulder as he laid on top of me. I was kissing my cuckold.
My first chapter centered more on me and how I went from fantasizing about black men to black men being my reality. If you haven’t read it, you should stop and go read that one first. Its called “Married Lexi’s First Real Cock.” Its about how I found fulfillment three doors in the house of a black man named Robert.
But what about my husband? Could he find fulfillment once he becomes a cuckold?
Well, that’s what this chapter is all about.
As I said in my first chapter, I had been having sex with Robert almost every day for 3 1/2 weeks — minus weekends. Except for one rushed blow job when my husband went to the store. The sex was so overwhelmingly good that it pushed the presence of any guilty feelings so deep that I didn’t even know they were there. Every day, Robert would fuck me and every night I would greet, eat with and then sleep with my husband. But little by little those guilty feelings was rising to detectable levels.
In the last week, I was going to bed and vowing to myself that I had to stop seeing Robert. And then I’d wake up counting the minutes until I could rush to his bed. It was wearing on me physically and more importantly ... it was draining me emotionally.
Eventually, Steve asked what was going on. At that point, I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. I knew I was going to confess, but I didn’t know how. I wanted to save my marriage in a way that I wouldn’t also lose the sex that I knew I would never willingly give up.
So, my last day with Robert...3 1/2 weeks after he first fucked me...I told him that I was going to confess. He didn’t understand why I would do that and tried to warn me about what would follow. But also, he was a little scared of what my husband might do. Spouses who have been cheated on don’t always place all the blame solely on their spouses that cheated on them. But I told him I had to do it and he realized that he couldn’t talk me out of it.
So the next morning I asked Steve to come home as early as he could because there was some stuff I needed to talk to him about. He asked me what it was only once. When I wouldn’t answer he left it alone. He doesn’t like it when people try to pry information out of him and he affords others the same courtesy. That’s just how he is.
All morning I paced and paced and paced. I was scared but I really wasn’t scared that he would divorce me. Somehow I knew it was going to work out the way that I wanted. But I was scared of the process that we would have to go through to get there.
And then he came home. I had asked him to come home early but I didn’t expect him at lunch time!
When I heard the car drive up, I panicked and almost ran out the black door. WTH!!!! I breathed deep and chanted to myself, “It’s going to be okay. Its going to be okay. Its going to be okay.”
He came in, set his stuff down, walked over to me and saw how frazzled I was.
“Lex? What’s wrong? What did you do?”
That’s, honestly, a pretty common question directed towards me.
I can be impulsive and a bit half hazard with things. This last month has certainly proven that!
But even before that, I’ve had 6 minor car wrecks, ripped up carpet before I was supposed to because I wanted new floors, took down cabinets because I wanted new ones, cut my hand using his tools before asking, then my leg a month later with the same tool. That’s not even close to the number of times I’ve done something that I had to confess. So, “what did you do” are not foreign words in our house.
And each time, he was disappointed but never and I repeat never ... did he get mad. Its just not his way.
But this was different. It wasn’t a car or a floor or a power tool that I was playing with ... it was our marriage.
That single thought came rushing to the front of my mind like a gust of wind through an open window. It was too late to stop and ask for permission. And I didn’t think forgiveness was going to come any time soon. But I still knew that I had to do it.
“I’ve been cheating on you.” All the air left my lungs as if to say “there I said it!” My confession came out quick and blunt. And his reaction matched.
He just said, “What the fuck?”and sat down at the kitchen table that was just behind him.
The follow up was what could be expected. The who’s - the what’s - the where’s - the why’s - the how’s ... all came with mind blitzing succession. It was a whirlwind.
I knew I was going to get peppered with questions and I knew the first decent thing I could do for the last month was sit there, take it and answer them as best I could.
And so I answered the who (generally but not specific). I answered the what. I answered the where (generally). I answered the how. What I didn’t answer was the most important question of all — why.
I just couldn’t. Not yet. He wasn’t ready for it. And honestly, neither was I.
For the next several hours, He threatened and I promised. He raised his voice (he never yells) and I cried. He questioned my virtue and I extolled his. It was as awful as you’d expect and as awful as something like this deserved to be.
After that first day, Steve never spoke of leaving me again. He didn’t say he wouldn’t ... but he didn’t say he would.
What I remember most is that it was cold between us in a way I had never experienced. We had fought before ... as much as Steve will ever fight. He’s just not that type of person. He’s not weak. He’s just very calm about things. Logical. And once he decides something, its almost impossible to change his mind. I was starting to lose confidence in my “its going to be okay” mantra.
Because of several factors, I had really believed it would be okay. For some reason, I believed that somehow I would keep Steve who I loved and at the same time, Robert who I loved fucking. I had worked and reworked everything in my mind a thousand times. I had thought back to Devon (first chapter) and how Steve reacted way back then. Also, Steve had known that I was running with another man almost every morning and never once did he ask me to stop or question why I was doing it. On top of that, Steve had seen me be flirtatious with many other men and never ever acted as though he minded. And Steve knew that he was both small and quick. All of that and coupled with the fact that Steve has always done whatever he could to meet both my needs and wants I had believed we were going to be fine. Better than fine. Eventually. I had convinced myself that we just needed to get through this cold stage. But I was getting less and less sure.
So, with all my free hours away from Robert and while Steve was at work, I started reading. I googled everything from how to fix a broken marriage to when a wife cheats to when a wife isn’t satisfied.
I read countless articles about the need for counseling and helpful hints on how to regain a couple’s former spark. None of that was speaking to me.
But then it happened. A shooting star shot across the bow of the dark and dreary, crashing sea I had felt lost in.
Cuckolding!
I had never heard the word before. Nor had I ever considered that there was an actual, recognized, and practiced lifestyle that could meet our needs! And couples were actually actively making it a part of their marriage! Wowzers!
Now, I’ll admit that not everything I read was helpful. The more I searched the more I found that was intended only for the arousal of people who already identified this way as well as some other stuff that’s sole purpose was to entice people into this alternative lifestyle.
But I also found some really good stuff. The psychology of it. What makes a cuckold a cuckold. How to possibly identify one. Could your husband be one. Could the wife be a cuckoldress.
I was soaking it up. Reading and reading and reading. Writing stuff down. Taking online tests ... tests for me and tests for Steve.
Everything seemed to fit! This was it! Here was our answer!
But I couldn’t just interject this into a dinner conversation. “What did you do today?” “Oh I was reading about cuckolding.” Neither could I heartlessly just come out and say “By the way, you’re a cuckold, Steve. Now get me ready for my date!”
So while I researched and read and took notes, I waited. I was going to let Steve do something that might give me the sign that now was the time. If this was where we were headed, I was going to let him lead one last time.
And then it happened. One night several weeks later, he came out of his upstairs office holding his tablet out to me, “I know who it is.”
I panicked. What was he saying? How did he know?
He walked toward me in his t-shirt and basketball shorts and handed me his tablet. What did I find? It was an email ... from Robert!
The header said, “My Deepest Apologies.”
I had spoken only once to Robert since the day I told him I was going to confess. Only to tell him that I did it. I never asked him to do anything like this. In fact, I told him to stay the hell out of it! What in this wacky world was he doing?!? What was going through his stupid head?!? I had a plan, you idiot!! Sort of.
It read:
Steve, I would like to apologize for seducing your wife. I have no excuses and I offer you none. I could tell you what was going through my mind, but that would make this less of the apology I intend it to be. Though I am certain you don’t want to hear anything from me, Lexi is an incredible woman who loves you very much. That I know without question or hesitation. I take full responsibility for what has transpired between her and myself and I am willing to sit down with you to say the same in person. If you so wish. Again, I humbly apologize for my actions.
Robert C********
email address
cell #
As I finished reading it, I didn’t want to look up. I knew this was my opening but I didn’t know how to navigate it yet.
In the mean time, Steve had sat down on the couch next to me. I knew he was there, but I didn’t want to look at him. I was ready with my research, but I also didn’t want to make things worse.
“So now I know who it is, Lexi.”
I slowly turned toward him and handed him the tablet. I still couldn’t look at him. We had barely communicated during the last couple of weeks. We talked. But everything had mostly been superficial.
“Yeah. I’m sorry Steve. I don’t know what else to say or how to say it any other way than I already have.”
“I’m not asking you to, Lexi. Neither am I asking for another empty apology.” (That hurt)
“It’s not empty, Ste...”
He stopped me. “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings, Lex. But I think we need to talk about why you did it if we’re ever going to get through this.”
His tone was sincere. I knew he meant it. And there was a ray of hope in what he said and even more in the way he said it. My opening was getting bigger!
“Ok, Steve. What do you want to know?”
He asked me to look at him. As I turned my head, he turned his body on the couch toward me. I did the same.
We were staring at each other. My right knee was on the couch and touching his left knee that was on the couch. The coldness that had filled the room every time we were in it together, seemed to dissipate.
“Why? That’s what I want to know. Is there something I’m not doing? Am I working too much? What made you run to another man and why did it take you so long for you to tell me. Do you not love me?”
That last question pierced my heart. I immediately reached for his leg, “Steve it has nothing to do with love. I love you. I have never loved any one else. Never ever. Love had nothing to do with what I did.”
He seemed to soften. “Why then?”
“Steve, you are the single greatest person I have ever known. And I’m not just talking about men. Anyone. I promise that. And I love you with all my heart. I know this doesn’t show you that very well. And maybe I’m just not very good at loving you the way you want. Without a shadow of a doubt, I’ve been awful. And I regret when and how I told you. I wish it had been sooner. I wish it had been before I did it.”
Steve is very perceptive. And he picked up on what I said immediately. I was steering this conversation with the utmost carefulness.
“You regret HOW you told me that you’ve been fucking another man behind my back? Not THAT you’ve been fucking another man?”
He wasn’t yelling at me. Again, that’s just not who he is. But his words were serious.
I paused. Stared into his eyes.
“Yes.”
“I don’t ...”
“Please let me explain.” He eased his posture and set back a little. I stiffened mine and leaned forward. This was my moment. I needed to explain this in a way that didn’t completely shatter him but at the same time it had to be honest enough that he believed me. This was the moment little Lexi started to transform herself from cheating wife to hotwife.
I continued ...
“I know I just said it, but I want to say it again before I explain. I love you. I may not love you the best way I can or the the way I should ... but I do. Please don’t ever question that while I say what I’m about to say. I love you but ... there is a but. And that’s the only way I can explain why I did it.”
(Ready or not here it comes! Steel yourself Lexi! Breathe! You can do this!)
I grabbed for his hand that was in his lap. I pulled it it towards me a little so that both of our hands were resting on the side of my bent leg that was still touching his. I tilted my head a little, like when you see something cute or see something pitiful. And I spoke. And while I spoke, he didn’t interrupt.
Everything that I had been working and reworking in my mind the past few weeks was now coming easily to me ... my research was about to pay off. It was almost like there was a PowerPoint presentation being digitally transferred to my brain. All the bullet points were crystal clear.
“I’m not satisfied with our sex. And before you tell me you’ll do more or do something different or be more attentive or whatever, its not something you can fix or add to what you are doing and its not that you can do anything different. Its not what you aren’t doing, Steve. Its what you can’t do.”
At this point he tried to pull his hand away but I wouldn’t let go. I needed to be touching him while I spoke and he needed to be touching me while he listened.
I continued and started with bullet point # 1 that was in my head:
“Steve, you know that you’re small ... you know that you have a small ... ummmm ... penis.”
As those words stumbled past my lips, I looked into his lap. For some reason, I felt that I needed him to see my eyes look directly toward his crotch. He was wearing his normal after-work basketball shorts, but its as if he were naked and exposed to me for the very first time. I had teased him before about it. Not in a mean way. In a cute way. As if to say “you’re small but iI love your cute little pink thingy. It doesn’t matter to me.” But I was serious now. And it was clear that it did matter to me. And then I quickly glanced back to his eyes.
With this admission, his shoulders slumped a little.
Now, I thought, time for bullet point # 2:
“And you know that you finish really quickly.”
I let the word really draw out a little so as to add emphasis.
“You’ve apologized a thousand times for not lasting long enough for me to orgasm.”
I was gaining confidence.
As I watched him, he didn’t break eye contact with me .. but i could see that his ownership of this dilemma we were in was crumbling right before my eyes. While I didn’t want to give it back to him, I still wanted to reassure him. So I inched towards him. I scoot, scoot, scooted until my leg that was already touching his was now on top of his. And I ran my other foot, that was dangling over the edge of the couch, over his foot.
I held his hand, and then reached for his acceptance of these first two points, “I love you, Steve. But that’s stuff we already know, right?”
I was asking him to admit that he knew he was small and that he was too quick to cum. And I got it.
“Yes.”
I gripped his hand. “Yes??”
“Yes, Lexi. I know that. I’m sorry, its just ...”
I stopped him.
“Shhhhh. I’m not wanting you to apologize for anything, Steve. I’m not blaming you for any of that. You can’t help that you have a small dick (I was talking a bit more crass ... not sure why), and neither can you help that you get so excited so fast.”
I climbed even closer to him. With my free hand, I reached for his cheek and then slid it down his neck to his shoulder. I wanted to touch him as much as possible. I had not yet read anything about conditioning your cuckold, but it was coming naturally to me. I wanted to touch him as much as I could so that he might be reassured that I love him but also so he might start to get turned on. That’s conditioning 101! (Lol) I leaned forward and kissed his lips very softly and very quickly. He didn’t budge. He didn’t kiss me back but he didn’t budge! He was shellshocked!
“But its not just that, Steve. Even if you could somehow grow bigger down there (I looked down again) and even if you could control yourself long enough for me to truly orgasm ... you’re so gentle.”
I could tell he was confused by this or that he was questioning this.
“What I mean is, I love that we make love, Steve. I really do. Its so sweet. But almost since we started dating and started having sex, I’ve wanted you to be more ... how should I put it ... aggressive. More forceful. More dominant. Even ... ummm ... rougher with me.”
He almost nodded as if he knew ... he did know.
“Remember, I’ve said that. I’ve hinted at it. That I wanted you to just take me sometimes.”
He nodded.
I pressed.
“Right?”
“Yes. I know. But ... “
“Shhhhh, Steve. Please let me finish. This is so important.”
I scooted even closer. Any closer and I was going to be sitting in his lap.
I kissed him again. This time he kissed me back.
“It started back in college, Steve.”
This was important. From my research I knew that I needed to select a moment where Steve and I both knew that I was turned on by another man. It had to be clear what we were turned on by.
“Remember Devon?”
He nodded.
“Remember that night we were all swimming at that hotel?”
He stared.
“Do you?”
“Yes. What about him, Lexi?”
He was getting uncomfortable.
“I didn’t like him. I really didn’t. And I never thought about him in any other way except that he was your friend.”
I scooted one more inch. I kissed him. And again, he kissed me back.
“But that night. When he got out of the pool. I saw him. I saw his ummmmm ... his cock. It was through his underwear so I couldn’t really see it. But I saw that he was big. Really big. Like, way bigger than you.”
“Do you remember that, Steve? It doesn’t change how I feel about you at all. And I never ever did anything with him. I promise you that. But do you remember?”
“Yes. I remember that night.”
“Steve, but do you remember me staring at it? At his cock? I looked at you and I knew you caught me. Do you remember that?”
I climbed in his lap.
“Please, Steve. This is important. Do you remember?”
He was staring up at me. I’m not very big so I had to get on my knees. I wanted him to be looking up to me.
He nodded.
I held his face with both hands and kissed him. He kissed me back ... again.
“You do remember that?” I needed him to do more than nod. I needed to hear his words.
“Yes, Lexi. I remember.”
At this point, he still hadn’t moved his hands to touch me. They were laying on the couch outside my legs.
I was getting so turned on. Like I did when I was doing my research and found out about cuckolding. I wasn’t getting turned on by thoughts about Devon or Robert. I was actually getting turned on by my husband. It was different than it used to be. But it was still him. The difference was that he was turning me on because he was submitting to me.
I had planned to sort of do this in stages. I didn’t think it could happen all at once. I thought I would introduce my feelings about sex. And then bout sex with him. And then maybe next start talking about men with bigger cocks. Or even black men. But tonight was moving so effortlessly. I decided that I was going to take this as far as I could...and I was going to do it all tonight!
I reached down for his hands, while staring in his eyes. I held them and pulled them to my bare legs (I was wearing shorts too) and then I slid them to my hips. I smiled. I let go of his hands and kissed him. He kissed me. Then I slid my tongue between his lips. He opened them. His tongue met mine. We kissed. It was soft and romantic and sensual ... and it was passionate! I started to move my hips ... pressing my pussy down onto his crotch. I could feel that his little thingy was getting hard. In fact .. it was hard!
I stopped kissing him. I needed to him to clearly understand what was going on.
“Does this turn you on? The way we’re talking?”
He stared. He didn’t know how to answer that. If he said yes, he was admitting something macho men aren’t supposed to admit. If he said no, he knows I would know he was lying. A man’s dick is the easiest way to tell if he’s lying or not! So he just stared.
“It is, isn’t Steve? This is turning you on?”
Nothing.
So I helped.
“I know it feels weird. But I think this is turning us both on. Talking about me and you ... swimming with Devon. I think this is turning us both on. I’m turned on, Steve.”
I kissed him again and he kissed me back. Harder.
I stopped. Looked into his eyes. Smiled my sexy smile.
“It was Devon that made me think about sex with other guys. With black guys.”
I kissed him again.
“I love you so much, Steve. But I wanted to feel what it was like. You know .. to feel what it was like with a man who had a bigger cock. A really big cock. I wanted to feel it inside me. I’ve been thinking about it since Devon. I’ve fantasized about it. What would Devon’s big cock feel like inside me.”
I reached for his hands again and slid them up my side under my shirt. He slid them up higher on his own.
I leaned down and kissed his cheek. His neck. I kissed up his neck to his ear. I bit his lobe and breathed into his ear.
With barely a whisper I told him my answer to why — why I cheated on him. Why I couldn’t stop. — “I love you so much Steve. But I wanted a black man with a big cock to fuck me.”
“Fuck, Lexi ... ”
He slid his hands down my side. Removed them from under my shirt. He put them on my hips and held me away.
I was afraid I had gone too far. Like I always do. I was thinking I should have stopped. I shouldn’t have pushed it. Why didn’t I stick to my plan?!?
He just stared at me. I tried to lean forward. He leaned back. He just stared at me. I truly had no idea what was going on in his head. Was he about to lose it?
And then he grabbed me tight and rolled me onto my back with himself on top of me. He lunged for my lips with his. He kissed me hard and deep ... and rough. I held him tight and kissed him back. I wanted to cry I was so happy. We kissed for several minutes. My legs were wrapped around him and he was pressing tightly into me.
And then he stopped.
He sat up ... reached for my legs ... pulled them straight up in front of him. And with urgency, he yanked my shorts and panties up and over and then off my legs. He threw them behind me onto the floor.
Then ... without a second of hesitation, he wiggled his shorts down just far enough to expose his hard little dick. Before he could push into me, I reached for it ... smiled at him with my sexy smile he says is “crazy sexy.” I stroked him a few times while I stared at him. I think he was slowly realizing what was taking place. That all the power in this situation had been handed over to me. No. That I had taken it. And then i pulled him to me. He was harder than I can ever remember. It wasn’t bigger. And in my mind it was impossible not to compare him to Robert at that point. He was still small. And because of Robert, he felt even smaller. But I wanted him. And I wanted him bad.
He leaned down. His hands were on either side of me. And in one motion he pushed his dick all the way into me. When Robert would do that it would literally take my breath away. With Robert there was resistance. My pussy would open for Robert as he pushed his cock into me. My walls would expand around his cock as his impressive cock invaded my deepest parts. Steve, though, went in effortlessly. There was no resistance at all. He didn’t fill me. But it still felt good. Our talk had made me so wet. But it was also because Steve and I had just crossed through some barriers that needed to crumble if he was going to follow my lead all the way. They hadn’t crumbled yet. But they were definitely cracking. But what was abundantly clear to me for the first time in weeks, was that I still had Steve and he still wanted me. And at that moment, I knew that he would be my cuckold. Steve had shown that he liked the idea of me having sex with other men. I had never mentioned Robert’s name. I didn’t have to. Steve didn’t make love to me. He fucked me for the first time in our relationship and it was because he was thinking of me fucking Robert.
We went to bed and held each other all night. When we woke up, my mind started going into motion. My hurried plan had one more step yet to take. And I was about to take it.
When we woke up, it was a little awkward. There was still so much unsaid. And honestly, Steve was clearly feeling awkward. He may not have said it, but he clearly enjoyed our fantasy driven sex ... a shared fantasy that was inspired by another man.
I rubbed his hairy chest while my head rested on his shoulder. I looked up toward his face and he was staring straight up at the ceiling.
“Whatcha thinking about,” I asked.
“I really can’t say. I mean I’m thinking but its hard to verbalize it. Everything is spinning.”
“I know. Me too.” I lied. My mind was clear. I knew exactly what I was thinking and how to verbalize it.
“But you liked it, right? What we did?”
“I don’t know, Lexi. Honestly.”
I climbed on top of him...straddling his waist. I was leaning over him with my hands on either side of him. My long hair was pulled to the side but dangling just above his face.
“Yes you do. You know you liked it. You’ve never been like that. You’ve never fucked me like that. I loved it and so did you.”
He just stared. He knew it was happening again. That I was leading him. That I was reading him. And he couldn’t stop it or hide it.
“What you’re not sure about is why you liked it. That’s right isn’t it?”
Nothing.
“Tell me Steve. We have to work through this.”
“Yes, Lexi. I did enjoy last night. I just don’t know what it all means. Is that what you wanted? What you needed? If we had talked about stuff like that before you wouldn’t have cheated?”
He was serious. There was still so much hurt in there. I hated it. I really did. But I knew I couldn’t let this moment go. If I let it pass, I’d have to start all over again ... some other time. He didn’t understand it yet. He didn’t know it was okay for him to feel like that ... to be turned on by that. He needed to know that I wasn’t going to think less of him for feeling like that. So I pressed him. What he needed most at this moment was to admit that his arousal came from thoughts of a bigger, blacker man fucking me.
“Steve, last night was amazing ... for lots of reasons. Talking about Devon the way we did was so hot. You got so hard remembering that night, didn’t you?”
There it was again. That damned stare. He needed to talk.
“Didn’t you? You have to answer me, Steve, so we can both be sure what we’re saying. Didn’t you.”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“You were turned on remembering me staring at him ... staring at his cock, weren’t you?”
“I guess.”
“That’s not an answer, Steve. Talk to me. Its me. I love you. And I love this and so do you.”
I scooted back from straddling his lap so that I was now straddling his legs. I sat up and slowly drug my left hand down his chest. He just watched me. As I reached his shorts, I ran my hand over his crotch. He was getting hard. I squeezed his dick just a little so he would know that I knew he was getting turned on again. I looked back up to his eyes and smiled at him. I pulled his shorts down like he did the night before ... just enough to expose his little hard-on to me. I ran my index finger down it and then gently wrapped my hand around it. The very tippy tip of his little head was all that was poking through. I slowly stroked him.
“You were turned on by the image of me staring at Devon’s big cock, weren’t you?”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that Steve. I think that is so hot. I really do.”
I kept, slowly stroking him. He started to squirm a little. Uh oh. I know what that means! (Lol) I didn’t want him to cum because I knew if he came in my hand this would be over. So I stopped and just held him again.
“Were you turned on that night? Catching me. Knowing that I saw you catch me look at another man’s bigger cock?”
“Fuck, Lexi. What are you doing?”
I let go. I pulled my shirt off so that I was completely naked.
“I’m just talking. Okay? Like last night. I love it. You obviously do too. And I love that you’re so turned on by how I’m talking about Devon.”
He propped up and started to reach for me.
“No, Steve. We have to finish this first. I will let you have me again if we finish. Okay?”
He laid back down.
I barely traced one of my nails around his little head. Just barely touching him while I circled it with my finger. It was jumping with every touch.
“Steve, can we talk about Robert now? We need to talk about this. I want to and you want me to. I know you do.”
He kind of gulped. I know he didn’t want to admit that he was turned on — not just because we were fantasizing about something that never really happened. He didn’t want to admit that he was getting turned on by thoughts of me actually being fucked by another man.
I was apprehensive at this point. But I kept pushing.
So I started to hold him with my thumb and index finger ... just below his little head.
“Can I, Steve? Can I talk about Robert now?”
“Lexi, I don’t ....”
I let go of him.
“Steve just answer me.”
“Yes ... I guess ... you’re not going to stop until you do.”
I smiled and put my hand back on him. Holding him but not stroking him.
“Steve, Devon is why I let Robert seduce me. I already knew Robert was big like Devon. I saw him in his running shorts. He had a really big bulge in his shorts. I knew that he must be big like Devon. And the fact that he’s black just made my mouth water.”
Steve was breathing heavier now... squirming more under my touch. So I let go again. I just couldn’t let him cum. So I started to just touch his body instead, as I talked. His chest. His nipples. His stomach. Just above his little dick.
“I couldn’t help it, Steve. I really couldn’t. I mean, I could have stopped running with him. And i guess that would have helped for a while. But I had to. I love you so much and I didn’t want to hurt you, but I had thought about Devon for so long. Steve I have touched myself to thoughts of Devon and that big black cock for so long. Ever since that night. I imagined him fucking me while you made love to me. I imagined his big black cock pushing into my little pussy so many times while you were inside me. I just couldn’t resist Robert. I couldn’t. Do you understand even a little bit?”
I let go of his thin shaft and slid my fingers over the head of his little dick again until he answered.
“Yes. I guess. I’m sorry I couldn’t do that for you.”
“Don’t apologize, Steve. Don’t ever, okay? Its not your fault. I don’t resent you because your dick is so small.”
As I said that I wrapped my hand around him again and held his little white dick more firmly than before.
“I love you, Steve. I do. So much. And I would never ever want to lose you. Never. Never ever. Do you know that?”
“Yes, Lexi. I think I do. I thought I did. But I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I’m getting to that Steve.”
“When I first felt Robert’s cock in my hand. When I first saw it. I just couldn’t stop. It was so big, Steve. It was bigger than I had even imagined about Devon. It was so big and black and it was so heavy, Steve. And when I put him in my mouth? God, there was just no way I could stop. He tasted so good, Steve. He really did. But it was when he put that beautiful cock inside me ... it was then that I knew ... this is what I’ve wanted ... this is what I’ve needed. This is what I’ve been missing. It hurt at first. It really hurt. I was used to you, Steve. My little pussy was used to your little dick. But it also felt sooooooo good, Steve. I don’t know how many times that big cock made me cum that day. I couldn’t even take all of him, Steve. That’s how big he is.”
At this point a power rush started to flow through me. I had never felt like this before. I would later come to realize that that power rush can be a dangerous thing for me. If I’m not careful now, I can do things and say things that I shouldn’t. I would learn to control it later. But this wasn’t late. I still had so much to learn. And that would come.
So I scooted forward until my pussy was sitting just below his dick. I held him to me so he could see how far up my body it goes.
“Steve look.”
He looked.
Then I placed my hand on my belly just below my belly button. I wanted him to see the comparison. I wanted him to see that there was no comparison. He had to see that there just wasn’t anything he could do to compete with a man-sized cock like Robert’s.
Then I looked down to where my hand was.
“This is how deep he goes when he’s all the way in.”
I looked back to his face and smiled.
“Do you see how deep that is?”
He nodded.
“Do you see why that would feel so different from you.”
He nodded again.
“Once I felt it, I knew I was hooked on it. I felt things I’ve never felt with you. Not in my heart. I only love you. My heart will always be yours. What i felt with Robert was In my pussy. I had never ever gotten that wet. I had never ever been so turned on in all my life. I don’t know how to explain it, but when he really fucked me ... when he was finally able to get his whole cock inside me and when he really fucked me hard? I knew it Steve. You would never be able to do that to me. You would never be able to make me feel that. I had so many orgasms on that big black cock, Steve.”
I reached back down and held him. His little white dick was starting to leak now (later ... much later I would call it weeping).
“Does that make sense at all, Steve?”
He nodded.
“Answer me, Steve.”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“And it turns you on, doesn’t it? You’re almost ready to cum because you’re thinking about Robert fucking me with his big black cock, aren’t you, Steve?”
“Fuck, Lexi ...”
“Just say it Steve. I’m almost done.”
“Yes, Lexi, but....”
“Shhhh. Its okay. You’re doing so good, Steve. We’re talking. We’re really being honest and that is good.”
“But what am I...”
“Shhhhh. Have you ever heard of a cuckold, Steve?”
“Yes.”
That surprised me!
“You have? I had never heard of it before. Tell me what a cuckold is?”
“Its when a wife cheats on her husband and he’s too much of a wimp to stop her. I know what it is Lexi.”
“Noooo, Steve. She doesn’t cheat. And its not that he’s too much of a wimp to stop her. It’s because he loves her so much that he gives her the freedom to have sex with men who do things her husband can’t do.”
“Do you want me to put you inside me?”
“Yes, Lexi.”
“Okay. But first ... since you know what a cuckold is ... I mean what my definition of a cuckold is ... that you’re not a wimp and that I love you so much that I would not have sex with another man if you didn’t want me to (that was a lie ... just being honest) but you love me so much that you give me freedom to do it. With that definition, do you think you could be a cuckold? Do you?”
“Lexi, this is getting crazy.”
He tried to stop me ... he tried to slide out from under me. He was trying to save his masculinity. But I didn’t let him. I knew that if he REALLY wanted to get me off of him and stop all of this he could have. So I knew that he wasn’t really trying.
“Stop Steve. We’re just talking. Do you think you are a cuckold? Answer me.”
“No, Lexi. I mean I don’t know. What are you doing?”
“Yes you are. Admit it, Steve. Last night you fucked me hard for the first time in our marriage because you had the image of me staring at Devon’s cock was in your mind. You liked the idea of me staring at Devon’s big cock.”
“Damnit Lexi. No. I’m not going to admit that.”
I looked down to his little dick ... held it and said, “But we both know that isn’t true. You were so turned on because of Devon.”
“And now, you’re just as turned on from me explaining how big Robert’s black cock is. And from imagining how good he must fuck me. How loud I must scream from his huge cock as he takes me over and over and over. You know the answer. You are a cuckold. Tell me.”
“No, Lexi. I’m not going to say that. That’s sick.”
“Yes you are. You’re not a wimp, Steve. And you CAN stop me from being fucked by black men. But you’re hard little dick is telling us both that you really don’t want to stop me. You’re little hard-on is telling us both that you are a cuckold.”
He squirmed out from under me a little and propped himself up against the headboard.
“Lexi, are you telling me you still want to have sex with Robert and that you want me to be okay with it?”
“Yes, Steve. That’s exactly what I want. I want you to tell me you want me to keep fucking Robert. I want you to tell me you want me to get the kind of sex you just can’t even remotely give me. I want you to tell me that you want to be my cuckold.”
He just stared at me.
I inched further toward him. I rose up a little and held his little dick. I lined it up to my pussy. Then I sat down on it all the way. Then I kissed him deep. He put both of his hands on my butt. Very slowly I rose up and down on his little white dick as he moaned and closed his eyes.
I stopped kissing him. He was so close to cumming. I could tell and so could he. He tried to hold out as long as he could as if to prove something to me or to himself.
“Be my cuckold, Steve. (I slid up his little dick) Tell me you want me to keep seeing Robert. (I slid down) Tell me you want me to keep fucking him while you’re at work. (I slid up) Tell me Steve. (I slid down and stayed down). Tell me.”
“Damn Lexi. What are you doing?”
“I’m making you my cuckold, Steve. And you like it. Tell me. Just say yes. (I kissed him deep and hard. He moaned on my tongue. Then I stopped) All you have to say is yes and I will fuck Robert tomorrow. You don’t have to say anything else. Just say yes. (I rocked my hips back and forth. i could feel his little white dick barely poking around inside me). Just say yes.”
“Yes, Lexi.”
I smiled my biggest smile. I rolled off of him onto my back.
“Imagine Robert fucking me Steve. Close your eyes and imagine it ... while YOU fuck me.”
He quickly got on top of me, closed his eyes and proceeded to thrust in and out of me for about 30 seconds until he exploded inside me.
I smiled and held him. Kissing his cheek and his neck and his shoulder as he laid on top of me. I was kissing my cuckold.
