Journal of a Journey - Book #137

Thanksgiving was a bit more somber this year with everyone well aware that this is the first time the ****** has got together since the funeral, and being without the 'head of the ******'. At the same time, it was also very nice to be with everyone for a special occasion.


I love having sex with her more regularly now but at the same time, I haven't yet admitted it to her but I almost already miss her telling me that, "it's not for you tonight". Still, she truly seems to just enjoy letting me essentially use her to masturbate with. I know she claims to not feel much and that I do try to be quick but I also know she cannot 'not feel me'.

I know it sounds cold but it's not; I know it sounds like I'm using her but it's also very much the reverse as she's explained, that while she may not orgasm with me, she knows she is making me feel good in a way that I need physically and that she likes that she feels she is still sharing herself with me.


The women, my wife and ********, are out braving the Black Friday traffic heading to the movies and my son is off at a friend’s enjoying some kind of craft beer leaving me here on my own to enjoy some quiet time. I have to say that this is a welcome occasion when I can enjoy writing down my thoughts and not feel rushed or pressured.


Our biggest discussion has been about how we are both feeling with my upcoming business trip. She's said that it's sooner than she would have preferred but that she is going to take advantage of it and she wanted to know my thoughts about her essentially 'moving in with Paul' for the week I'm away.

I asked her why she said it like that, 'moving in' and she said, "It’s the truth" and that she won't be coming home here at all while I'm gone.

I told her it sounded more like she was simply going away with him but she pointed out that she'll be living with him in his place for the week and I slowly began to understand what she was saying. She told me that she had hoped something like this would have waited till January or February when, by that point, she hoped to feel more strongly about wanting him and wanting to spend more time like this with him. She said she wanted to have her desires for him built up more and that this whole week, with Thanksgiving approaching, she's been as 'un-sexual' as she can ever remember.

It was my turn to laugh at her because I'd been enjoying this stint of abstinence a bit more since she'd been letting me have her physically. Although she had a bit of the last laugh when she told me that was one of the reasons she'd also been looking forward to the week because, as she revealed, she's not seeing him until then and she giggled back and said, "I'll surely want him by then baby".

I gave her my take on my feelings about it, that her 'moving in with him' was something I too had wanted to see and experience. I also told her that it had scared me too as to how and when we'd come to talk about it as I too had known she was going to want this at some point. As we talked I told her that it made me feel a little better knowing this had come about circumstantially as opposed to it being something we'd planned and that for me, it made it almost a relief that circumstances had brought it about. She said she too had thought this way and she said it was also some of the thought she'd had about saying yes to it sooner than she had 'planned'.

It was quite surreal to be talking like this with your wife, about her moving in with her boyfriend for a week, but the more we talked, the more I could tell that this was truly something she had wanted. She was hesitant to talk about it at first but when I told her that I thought it'd be erotic, like some of the stories we'd read where the lover moves in when the husband travels, she seemed to be more relaxed about opening up to me. She told me that she was scared to let herself admit that this was something she'd wanted but now felt she could tell me that this was also a part of when she'd talked about having a 'big affair', how she wanted to feel as though she was escaping to her boyfriend's house to enjoy a week of illicit sex.

I joked and asked her if that was all it was about and she said at first, in a much more serious tone than I'd expected, "Well... yeah!” but then added that she wanted to feel what it would be like to truly let go of everything and give herself completely to her lover.

It made me squirm to hear it but when asked me about it I had to admit that it was arousing to me to tell me of how she wanted Paul and I told her that it turned me on to think of her spending that time with him.

She giggled back and asked me to tell her what it was that made me horny thinking about it. It was hard to tell her at first but then it got easier, like when I told her that I envisioned her being naked at his place a lot and she giggled and said, " … not all the time; sometimes it'll be just in his shirt or his robe!"

Throughout the conversation we both seemed to feel more and more emboldened and I think I surprised her by saying how much it turned me on that he'd likely have sex with her every morning before work. She blushed when she realized I'd remembered what she'd said but then realized that I wasn't kidding her.

It led to some pretty explicit conversation where she shared that sex with Paul is very different now than it was when they first got together. She said she feels she's able to share herself fully with him ever since I wanted to assume the beta role with her. I know it is something that she is surprised about, of how she enjoys it with him but also how it truly seems to turn me on that she is so open about it in some ways,

Paul knows her body and can make her cum better than I could (although she also admits that when we did have sex, I hit all those same buttons and high spots) and that she feels comfortable sharing herself with him.

I groaned at what she said and I told her that she knew it turned me on that he gets to share in everything she does and how it turns me on, especially in the mornings. She giggled at that and said, "Oh yeah, the whole bathroom thing....." and she smiled and said that she'd forced herself to overcome her modesty and admitted that, "he's in there all the time when I'm peeing" and she told me that she even thinks she could poop while he's in there with her., something that made my eyes bulge out in response as she'll barely fart around me!

I didn't say anything in response as I was sort of grossed out at the thought and she knew it. She was gracious enough to say, "Sorry....." but at the same time I knew what she was telling me.

The thing is, I get it, she wants to essentially turn herself out to him; I think if he wanted more out of her she'd give it, I think it's because of who and how he is that it is working for both of them and I do get it. I've seen it before, how she is when she can be with him more often and how that 'up-mood' doesn't fade and each time lasts longer. I told her at one point that I would look forward and want to see how she looks when I get back.

She giggled, "You know where my mind went to at first?" and then said she hadn't appreciated I was talking about her face and not as she thought, her pussy! It was surely a moment when we both had a good laugh.

Oh well, before the afternoon comes to an end, I’m going to go and get a little time outdoors.


When we went to bed last night she knew I was horny but I also knew she was tired and with the kids home I wasn't sure I wanted to go venture into the office and masturbate so I lay there and she fell asleep almost right away. I thought about stroking away with her there alongside but I didn't want to wake her so, after a while the urges subsided as did my hard-on and I fell asleep.

This morning when we woke up she got up first and I watched her as I love to do most mornings, seeing her wake up looking so warm and cuddly. Anyway, after she returned from the bathroom (she still won't leave the door open) she sat on the edge of the bed next to me and she reached under the covers and felt my rapidly hardening cock. She asked me, "Did you take care of this last night?" and when I shook my head no, she smiled moved the covers off me knelt between my legs, and asked me, "Want me to take care of it now?"

I thought she was going to stroke me off and immediately said, "Yeah, that'd be amazing".

She stroked me for a second and then looked up and smiled at me and then said, "Enjoy this honey" and she leaned forward and sucked my cock!

The feelings and sensations were incredible, it'd been a long time and I was horny. She moaned at me as she cupped my balls and at one point she sucked her mouth off it and said, " .. but don't take too long" and she giggled as she went back at it.

Well, she didn't have to ask in the first place, feeling her mouth or anything warm and wet without a condom on was such an amazing feeling that it didn't take long. I moaned at her that I wasn't going to last long and a part of me feared her pulling away at the very end but she didn't, not at all. She edged me a few times hearing me moan louder and louder at her until she looked up at me with her eyes and saw that I was on the edge and with that I could feel that this was going to be it. I held off as long as I could, feeling the urge more and more until she took me deep one last time, and then, putting my hand gently on her head, she sucked me deep one last time and I started to cum and cum and cum. She moved her mouth back and forth almost with each spurt until I was spent and exhausted! She's never forgotten how I love to have her run her thumb up from way down to the tip and she even moaned out loud with the last of my cum she sucked out.

I knew what to expect and I wasn't disappointed when a moment later she slid up to me and we kissed passionately. There was so much cum in her mouth and it was a bit tart tasting but feeling her tongue on mine and knowing we shared the moment made it incredible. We continued kissing until she passed I guess all of it to me and I swallowed it. When I did she pulled away from me and looked at me and told me that was so hot for her and she admitted her pussy was soaking wet. I joked that I could return the favor, never expecting her to say yes but, as crazy as it was, she looked at me and said, "Okay .... I'll take you up on that offer...." and a moment later she rolled onto her side of the bed and pulled up the front of her night-shirt.

It'd been a long time since I'd been close to her pussy much less her wanting me to make her cum but, like riding a bicycle, it's something you can't forget how to do. I gave her pussy lips a flick with my tongue and they spread apart revealing her dark pink wetness inside. I literally dove in and sucked and licked at her from her ass to her clit and back again as she writhed beneath me. I spent time gently licking all around her button and then gently sucking at it which made her scream loud enough that we worried the kids would hear her but, in the end, it was her that pulled her legs far back and wide and as she teased me about my, "licking at Paul's pussy" that seemed to unleash even more moans from her so I added my teasing about how "he's going to fuck you good while I’m away" and about how she must, "like his cum in you!"

Then it was her turn to put her hand on my head (only she wasn't gentle like I was ) and she guided me to obviously what she wanted, my tongue reaching inside her as deeply as I could. I obliged and she let out this incredibly sexy groan as I was treated to her pussy gushing this incredibly sweet taste all around my tongue as she thrashed back and forth until it was her turn to lie back and catch her breath.

She giggled as I moved up next to her to kiss her and she reached for a tissue to wipe off my nose and cheeks before she pulled me to her and we kissed passionately. She looked at me a moment later and said, "See, we can still connect in other ways, baby...."


Some of what we've talked about lately has been unexpected in some ways. One is that we've been pretty honest with each other about how things are with just the type of sexual interaction we are having now. I told her how sometimes I feel guilty or weird essentially, " … using you to masturbate." Yes, I said it that way!

She smiled and asked me if I thought she'd let me do it if she didn't want it or if it didn't feel good to her.

She had me there but that conversation led to one more about sex in general than just me using her as a 'sex toy'.

For example, we had an honest and open discussion about condoms and she pointed out that it's almost 2 years now that we've been using them and that she honestly feels that she would like us to continue using them indefinitely. She said that she's enjoying what I started when I asked to be the beta and that she now enjoys this kind of thing between us where she says she feels very strongly and deeply now that she truly may not want me to cum in her again, or at least not very often. She says she feels it is something that she says now defines how we are together, " … that you've given up on that now".

I asked her if she was saying that the longer we go like this, the more strongly she feels about things in general.

She said, "Yes".

As we talked her answer to the condom question became more apparent and I told her that I understood and told her that I liked it and that, yes, I liked that it meant that only Paul (or whoever else there may be in the future) will likely be the only guy to cum in her.

She seemed to be aroused and gratified by this talk and she shared that she liked how it made her feel to have this kind of 'alter ego or alternate life' going on. She also told me how she felt very touched and very much appreciative of knowing it is something that fulfills me and gives me that edge to what sex we do have; she said she very much understands that it is a sacrifice I'm making to her fulfilling her desires and that she is grateful for that.

Other stuff that we shared was that now, especially around the holidays, how incredible she feels just having sex with Paul and the thing is the more she talked, the more I understood.

Like this past weekend. In the past when we were more active sexually, I know she always felt pressured and anxious about having sex with me when at the same time there was so much else going on (such as '****** stuff', planning for holidays, or shopping; this party or that gift or whatever). She explained, "That's why this morning (yesterday) was so good for us .." it was spontaneous and at the same time lacked any sort of ****** pressure. She smiled and said that's why she responded as she did.

When we talked about it some more last night she said that after the kids had left home the lessening of those sorts of feelings, really let her enjoy sex when she's with Paul, not having to worry about the kids. Then she added the other thing which I also knew to be true, that she felt not having the kids around was letting her enjoy letting go with him and separating sex with him from sex with me.

As we talked she said some of what she'd been saying for a long time now, that this feeling of being unattached to Paul lets her enjoy sex with him a lot more and that, just like me using condoms with her, that this 'unattachment' is becoming something she feels more strongly about.

I told her that it scared me to think about it that way but she eased my mind and said that it's just for now and that once the kids are properly out on their own and we are more in a retirement mode, or whenever we go away sometimes that she still wants me sexually.

The thing she made me realize is that it's not that she doesn't want to have sex with me, it's more that she doesn't want all the pressure that comes with it.

I told her that this sounded a lot like what she's told me in the past and she said, "I know, but I can really feel it and understand it now." She again told me that she loves it now that she can get undressed or change or whatever even have sex with Paul and truly feel now that she doesn't have to worry or think about me if she doesn't want to; that she can truly enjoy the pleasure of being with him and understand that I am okay with it.

I asked her honestly if I was losing her.

That stopped her dead in her tracks. She turned to me and with what I can only say was true concern and compassion asked me, "Why ever would you ask that, is it something you are truly thinking?"

I told her that I can accept that our sex lives are changing and admitted that as the big 'six O' approaches I am a lot slower and less virile than Paul who is at least a decade behind me. I told her that I can accept that we've both discovered things that are kinky sexually that seem to turn us both on but some aren't things we do together; I told her that the combination of those two factors is something that does worry me.

Her first and immediate response was, 'no way' and that if anything, she felt even closer and more in love with me now than in the past; that, "maybe this lack of pressure between us now is good for us". She said that she's read that sometimes when sex drives change it can cause problems for couples and that she's happy we are avoiding them.

She looked at me squarely in the eye and said, "it's not like we're not going to have sex again," and then added, "… but you have to admit that when we do, it's really good for both of us because it's when we are both in the mood!" She pointed out earlier yesterday morning again as an example.

Our conversation sort of came to an end when she asked me, almost as a casual inquiry, to confirm that I still have my beta desires and I, almost as casually answered, "Yes". As we'd talked earlier in the week, I repeated myself that while I did miss having sex with her at times, the pleasure and satisfaction I seem to feel now as a beta is in fact what I want and seem to need to feel content.

She looked at me and asked if that was the right way to describe it, that I was content. When I nodded in return she smiled and asked me, "Then why are you still always so concerned about all of this?”

I had no answer for her last night nor yet today; maybe she's right, why am I so concerned?


Another question that occurs to me is one of whether she would deny herself if Paul or me were out of the picture and I think I can answer that rhetorically as is a 'no' to her. I don't know how quickly she'd 'come around' but without having another guy of Paul's status, I'm quite sure that sooner rather than later it would return to the two of us.

A second question of whether she'd deny herself the extremeness of her orgasm to continue or even fulfill what is likely to be my continued beta desires. A part of me believes her, it scares me a little to think of this as perhaps a fait-accompli, but then I know that even if she were to truly want and even insist on my continued use of condoms, I know well that without another guy in the picture, perhaps not all the time. I like to think that surely, occasionally she would let and want me to go bare with her.

For me, with that as an ever-looming possibility, I do think I would be content continuing to use condoms with her. It does seem strange to think that, much less write it, but it is true. It's difficult to explain it but it is perhaps the single most thing that arouses me the most, that Paul is the only one to enjoy that with her.

We have talked more about what she perceives as me 'fighting it' and she says, rightfully so, that I do still find it awkward and uneasy to talk with her more openly about my feelings. She's also said that she would like it if I could find it in myself to be there with them when they're having sex and to interact with them, saying, "It'd be nice if you were able to talk to us … ." and she giggled and said, " … it's not like we don't know you're there".

Anticipating the next few months, in some ways, I think it's quite the opposite; I feel very calm and aroused by everything that may happen.


We have talked more openly about next week when I will be going away on business. My departure is now on Sunday evening due to me traveling West so as I will be gaining time I can afford to leave later.

She's decided not to see him until after I leave and she says at the moment, she's not sure if she's going to his place on Sunday night or whether to leave it until Monday after work. She was and still is very concerned that I'm okay with her spending, "this much time with Paul."

I simply asked her if there was anything for me to be concerned or worried about.

That caused her to laugh and she immediately said, "Oh my god, of course not!" but she did say that she anticipated 'having sex a lot'." She then shared that she wanted the experience again of, "having to put a pad in my undies when I go off to work," adding she has fond memories of that from back when she was with Dan when they would go out at lunch and have sex.

She asked me if that turned me on and I told her, "Of course, it turned me on," but also told her that what turned me on was that she was going to have sex with him every morning before work. She giggled at hearing that and said, " .. and it's been a long time for that too!"

I told her that I expected her to enjoy herself all week and that it was what I wanted to do. She said that she would find time to talk to me and that we'd text when we couldn't talk and then she asked, "Should I tease you and tell you how many times like that one time before when I went away?"

I groaned having forgotten all about that and she giggled and without me even answering she said, "Okay, I'll do it."


I don't know if this makes any sense but I am also comforted by the prospect of our 'schedule', that we will find time to have sex together, that is, truly make love and not just her letting me get off in her, sometime just after New Years. She knows I am extremely aroused by not having sex with her this New Year's Eve and that we'll find a way for her to be with Paul sometime that day/night if he doesn't opt to simply come over.

It felt good to tell her that again and she said she understood that it would turn me on and she giggled and said, "It’ll be fine with me baby".

The same is true for Christmas but their getting together is extremely unlikely the thought that she will likely abstain with me that night too is also just crazily arousing to me.


So, we’ve already agreed while I am away that we'll talk at least daily but she stated the obvious and told me, "as long as you don't mind it if Paul's around." So I will be aware that at times she may not easily be able to talk but that we can always text, etc. As she said, "Why wouldn't we talk like normally if one of us goes away without the other".


It is incredibly arousing to think of her living with him for a week. As I said, we've talked openly at times and she knows that for whatever reason, having sex with him aside, her waking up with him in the morning and all that goes with it is still the most intense thing for me to deal with. I know how she is in the morning and knowing he'll see that side as well as all of her at those times, is just crazy arousing.

I looked at her this morning after she had woken up and as she stood there and hiked up her night-shirt, pulled up her panties, and then pulled the night-shirt off she stood in front of the mirror and held different bras up to her breasts till she picked one. Knowing he'll be lying there in bed like I was seeing her like that, just so turns me on.

She saw me looking and I guess knew what was going through my mind and giggled and said something to the effect that she's comfy peeing in front of him too and not me!


These conversations that I'm sharing in this journal aren’t conducted in the heat of the moment. Granted just lately there has been a bit of a sharper barb to her teasing, evidenced last night when she was quite explicit in telling me she wanted to see me, "cum all over yourself".

At another point last night she sidled up next to me and almost whispered in my ear as she watched me stroking my cock, she started to tell me, "...his cum is thick sometimes baby..." and how, "... it takes a long time for me to feel it start to drip out...".

She was very much seizing on things I'd told her about when we'd been talking and she giggled when I suddenly came all over myself as she told me how, "... his cum goes in my vagina all the time..." (she knows at the right moment to let me hearing her talk like that; knowing, correctly, that such talk will just set me off. Last night was no different ).

I guess he does cum a lot more than I do at times because while last night felt wonderful, let’s just say that there wasn't nearly as much cum as at other times.


She banished me to the office to 'take care of things' before coming back to bed. I say 'coming back' because when I got into bed I thought she was asleep already when I started to masturbate. Not so, she said I was disturbing her and that she could feel it and thought it would be better for me to go and enjoy myself more fully elsewhere.


What's that they say about the candle burning hottest before it burns out completely? I do think that once she fulfills her desires with Paul things will change. At times she says things that I don't think she realizes she's saying but rather seems to infer it. An extension of that perhaps brings a change or not to my desires and I'd also say that even I am not sure of how I will feel then either.

What I can say for sure is that, crazy and surreal as it is, I do want her to spend next week with him just as I also want the other things we've talked about. Perhaps she's right, maybe I should just let my issues go and participate and talk with them as the cuckold that I truly am. It's not like I try to hide that I enjoy watching them and he is under the impression that our sexual involvement is quite limited due to my 'ED issues' (but not quite as much as it is).

In some ways, I feel we've come to some kind of equilibrium again. She's found a nice way to share some of what she's experienced with me in a very limited way that still definitely reinforces my beta desires.


Dateline: West Coast.

So I left for my week away on business and I arrived a little later than anticipated last night and now it's 7:30 am and I'm up for my Monday.

Suzanna and I talked when I checked in last night and she confirmed she'd been at Paul's since just after the earlier dinner she had with her mom and sister. (So much for waiting until she finished work on Monday!).

It was quite late when I called and I knew they were going to bed soon so I just asked her if she'd enjoyed her evening to which she giggled and said, "Yes honey, several times already!" That made me groan and she told me that this was going to be good for her and that she wanted to see how it was all going to feel afterwards.

This morning, I guess when she went off to work (while I was still sleeping), she sent me a text message with just the number "2" in it.

So now I have this huge morning hard-on here thinking of her already being at work for a few hours and will be 'going home' to him quite soon.


I can share that I've felt anxious all day and now that it's 5:30 pm I'm back in my hotel room. I texted her when I was leaving my last session that I was going to call her and she replied to give her till after 9 pm (East Coast time) so I have another half-hour to sit here wondering what she's doing.

I was aroused all day though and I suspect that tonight is going to be longer (harder) on me than just feeling exhausted last night. I simply am so horny that she spent last night with him and this morning, but then to just get the '2' from her and what it implied left me turned on for the whole day.


She is succeeding in driving me crazy when she texted me earlier this evening about 'going for #7'.

We had talked before that earlier tonight for a while when she said that it's more than she expected, essentially 'living with him' but then allayed my fears by saying, " … but nothing to worry about sweetie". We didn't talk about sex at all but it was obvious that she was enjoying herself by the way she answered some of my questions about what they'd been doing and that sort of thing. She also made quite a point of telling me she couldn't wait for me to get back and also about not wanting to be alone in 'the empty house' which sounded like an attempt on her part to make me feel better about everything.

She did ask me if I was 'taking care of things while I’m away' which is her way of asking me if I’m jerking off. My answer was an emphatic groan of, "Oh yeah" which was followed by a loud giggle on her end of the telephone line.

There was also a serious side to her and she truly wanted to know if I was okay. I told her the jet lag was hard to get over at first but today was better. Even so, even though it's not even 9 pm here, my body still knows it's almost midnight at home.

All of which makes me quite horny thinking of her in bed with him yet again. I simply cannot describe how intense it is to jerk off to the thoughts of her giving herself so completely to him. That he's likely having this much sex with her is just amazing to think about as I lie here some 3000+ miles away and knowing he's fucking her before bed and, from the sounds of it, in the morning too. I am soooo horny thinking of him pulling her onto him in the morning and cumming quickly in her before they both go into the shower together.

It's crazy to think about what may very well be taking place at home but at the same time, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't enjoying the thought of it.

Anyway, I can only stay at the bar for just so long shooting a line with some of the other guys here at this mini-conference with me. Thankfully I know some of them from other work-related events where they traveled back east instead of vice-versa this time but now I am back here in my hotel room and am getting quite worked up already.

Knowing I'll be home in a few days is also quite comforting; letting myself go and enjoying the moment with my deviant thoughts.


Last day of the conference and I was happy when some of the guys from the meetings said they were meeting up at the bar for drinks in a while, so after the big dinner on the last night with all the participants, and a bit of continued liquid dessert, I'm happy to just change into a pair of jeans and go back down and have more to drink rather than sitting here in my room trying not to jerk-off.


Ugh, too much alcohol last night. Thought I'd get a few lines written before getting packed and then I'll be heading to the airport. Good thing I can sleep on the plane for a while.

I was so wasted that I didn't even see or hear her text to me this morning that just said 'Good morning sweetie, hope you have a good flight home, can't wait to see you. xoxoxo'. Then there was a second text about an hour later, which looked like about when she must have gotten to work, all it was said was the number 10.

You can imagine how I'm feeling right now wishing I was there!


I can't even really describe how I am feeling right now. It doesn't seem real to me and yet at the same time, I cannot get the images out of my head of what she's been doing the last few days and how she replaced me with him. She hasn't told me specific details but she has said the last 2 times when we've spoken at length that this was a bit too much time with him all of a sudden. I got the distinct impression that she would have liked to have maybe gone back home last night.


As I said, I can't describe how I'm feeling. A part of me is hugely turned on that she was his all week in every way. That surely included them cuddling in bed every night while watching TV and I'm sure that having sex every night as happened, made it easier for them both to feel closer. I am just so turned on thinking of her lying next to him post-orgasm watching TV together, maybe him gently playing with her hair or feeling her breasts, and yes, for me knowing that her pussy would be full from him too.

She knows full well that the whole morning thing gets me aroused and that she might have slept naked next to him instead of wearing a nightshirt has been on my mind too; seeing her get up and out of bed naked in the morning is an intimate moment that so turns me on to think of her sharing that with him.

What is new for me is the feeling that I have of wanting her right now in a way that I haven't felt in a long time. It's been a long time since I've felt an almost alpha desire in me; that I genuinely want and need to fuck her tonight. I don't care about a condom, I just need to be in her. I can't shake this feeling and it is surely her living with him has brought it out in me.

Would I want her to do this again? My first answer and almost immediate thought was 'Hell No' but now having re-read what I have written above, I have to say that if it leads to me having this sort of alpha desire again, that maybe it's not such a bad idea. It's been a while since I've felt this.

Anyway, I must go get some breakfast and find who's on the same flight back as me so maybe we can all share a ride to the airport.


I got home late Friday night (more accurately, early Saturday morning) and it was my turn to climb between her spread legs and gaze down at her nakedness while she gently rubbed her pussy to get it ready for me.

Yes, she teased me about, "Is it still wet from this morning?" It wasn't but her words still did the trick.

She smiled when (despite what I said) I tugged the condom into position and said she was hoping that I was still going to want to use them, adding, "After last week, I was going to insist." She smiled even more when I told her that her desire hadn't changed. ( She later told me that my answer had relieved her tremendously and that I still wanted to be the beta).

The obligatory teases were there for sure including her asking, "Does it feel different after being with Paul so much?"

I groaned back something about, "Yeah, it feels tight at the bottom but not at the top" alluding to how his cock is shaped and his fat knob. She groaned back.

It felt good to feel her pussy spasm around my cock and to feel her both get wetter and more open at that moment. Soon enough, both of our teases were forgotten and became moans of pleasure as she orgasmed first and then I followed just after.

We lay there hugging and kissing while I stayed in her and I thought she'd reach down as I started to soften and when she didn't, I did. I was surprised when she pulled my hand away and told me, "Let it go, I'll clean up your mess ..." so we continued to lay there hugging and kissing.

We talked some more and Suzanna continued to reassure me that she doesn't 'love' Paul and that while they may share pillow-talk it doesn't seem to include professions of love for each other.

Still, I do not know what is said in those quiet moments of theirs together, and that lack of knowledge both arouses me and sometimes concerns me. I know she is very into everything now with Paul as I'll try to explain and rationalize later.

I have to admit that it wouldn't bother me if she did say she had feelings for him, though, if she doesn't, I suspect she is denying them. I understand that for her, some degree of emotional involvement is probably a requirement at this point. So far, it seems to be good for her and us as things have been good that way since I've been back.


And once again a book is filled just as I am getting into my literary stride. Need to get down to the store.