Journal of a Journey - Book 116

I guess I’ll start by relating the weekend by recalling what got to me the most and turned me on as well, which is pretty much what I knew was going to happen so, in some ways, it wasn't a surprise.

Suzanna and I pretty much skied together most of the time while Paul, who is the much better skier, would often opt for more difficult trails and thereafter would meet up at the ski lift. There were also several times when they went off together while I explored elsewhere, and a few times Paul and I took a few runs together. Dare I admit that I found him an 'okay guy'?!

It'd be Saturday night that got to me the most. We'd gone straight from skiing to changing out of our ski clothes and boots and then getting drinks at a bar for a while after skiing. I knew to expect it and it so brought back memories of when I would be out with her and Dan and she would essentially be his for the night. This was very much the same feeling, it was obvious from the way she concentrated on him that it was a case of 'Suzanna and Paul' with me as a 3rd wheel. At the same time, I knew she had wanted to feel very 'into him' this weekend away and I knew that her focus on him, laughing and talking closely while having a few drinks, was necessary for her to get herself in the mood. When I came back from the bathroom I found them making out at the bar one time and at other times she had her arm around him or vice-versa. I was included in the conversation but only out of necessity like when I was 'told' to get them another round of drinks; I actually found myself staring at the TV above the bar reading the rolling headlines.

Their coziness extended to us getting into our car with them both sitting in the back with me acting as a chauffeur as I drove us to the restaurant we'd picked for dinner. It was very nice that Paul insisted on picking up the whole bill, myself included, but I was under no illusions it was really a gesture that he was paying for Suzanna as by the end of the meal, like when she was seeing Dan, that she was Paul's for the night.

She was mildly buzzed when we got back to the condo and that's when things began to get a bit more explicit. They both went into the bedroom and the door clicked shut but almost straightaway I could hear her moaning and I imagined he was going down on her (confirmed later on). With the door shut I turned the TV on and kept busy until it opened a while later and she came out wearing a bathrobe underneath which I could see some sexy lingerie when the robe would slip off her shoulders. They joined me watching some TV on the couch with both of them sitting alongside me with her on his lap. They kissed as if I wasn't there and soon his hands were roaming all over her and she responded to his touches, again as if I wasn't there.

They continued groping each other and at one point they shifted so that she was no longer sitting on his lap but had subtly adopted a spooning position. He pushed up the back of her robe and although I couldn't see for sure (I was trying to keep my attention on the TV) I heard her gasp and felt her shift herself around and I actually wondered if he'd stuck his cock in her from behind right there next to me. Feeling definitely uncomfortable, I got up to get something to drink. From the kitchen I then and before I came back, I heard their bedroom door shut again.

This time while I watched TV (with the sound turned down) there was no doubt he was fucking her. I could hear her moaning and making sounds but I could also hear her tell him 'harder' and 'deeper' many times until she let out a moan that I knew was when she'd cum hard with him. Just a few moments later I heard him moan loudly too and I remember feeling so warm all over thinking that they'd both just cum almost together. It wasn't even 8 pm yet and they'd already fucked. A few minutes later they both came out of the bedroom dressed in bathrobes and joined me again in the living area by the TV. This time they were a little more engaged with me and talkative and less touchy-feely. I don't even remember what was showing on TV because with her lying across his lap it was distracting to me to watch as he just caressed her hair, stroked her shoulder, and massaged her back and neck while they made conversation.

What really got to me, and I don't know if it was intentional or accidental, was at least 2 or 3 times when I looked back at them, her robe had moved or fallen open. One time I had a clear view of her breasts and I loved seeing how hard and aroused her nipples were. Another time the robe opened below the belt and I could see, fairly clearly, the slit of her pussy glistening wet and the lips looking slightly swollen. I wished she would have shown me more but I also knew with her lying in his arms it just wasn't to be my turn yet.

My cock was incredibly hard as we watched TV and talked and had some wine together. She made some comments about Paul having taken good care of her and my reply that, "I could tell" was made light-hearted and even though awkward, to say it turned me on.

It was probably sometime about 9:30 pm that again their focus returned to each other and they again began messing around on the couch in front of me. The additional wine seemed to ease Suzanna's inhibitions and somehow the top of her robe opened fully showing me both breasts and I could see faint hickies on them. She giggled and said, "whoops, look at me showing you almost everything". A few moments after that she giggled again, sat up and took Paul's hand, and said, "let’s go, baby, I want some more of you". (I knew what to expect and I knew this was coming; every time she skis she gets horny, it's as if the exercise and fresh air make her want it even more.)

This time they didn't close the bedroom door and when I heard the sounds of them getting involved I went to the door to watch. He was hard and already in her when I got to the doorway I saw them not going at it full and heavy but rather them enjoying what was clearly a slow fuck. He would pull so slowly out of her and from my viewpoint behind them I could see her pussy lips clinging to his cock until I saw her pussy seeming to be pulled open as I knew the big head of his cock was right there before he'd push back into her.

I watched for what had to be 10-15 minutes and that was all they were doing. She was so wet and he was just enjoying fucking her slowly and deeply. I knew from our own past that she really liked sex after skiing and now seeing her really enjoy it with another man was just amazing. I admit, it did give me a lot of angst and agitation to see just how comfortable and intimate they were together; how easily he would tease her and bring her almost to orgasm and then back down but, sure enough, several times he slowly fucked her till she shook and came hard beneath him. I was amazed that he just kept ploughing away at her and he didn't cum himself. After like 20 minutes of watching this I realized that they were going to fuck like that for a long time.

It was incredible to see her close her eyes beneath him and to see her knees pull back and apart even more just as she'd slip into an orgasm. And no, they weren't faked as each time there was a thick bead of wetness that would appear on the underside of his cock and would take on a whitish color as he kept fucking her. The crazy thing was that I was rooting for him and thinking that I'd like to see him fuck her harder and deeper?

I left the bedroom door just as she'd moved on top of him and I could hear the sounds that again, she'd cum either a lot or a little as he kept on enjoying her.

I was in the kitchen when she surprised me by coming out of the bedroom in her robe (loosely tied) to get some more wine. The look on her face was just incredible as if she was smiling in her eyes. I filled her glasses and she thanked me and suggested that I might like carry the glasses for her and to join them. She went back into the bedroom I followed.

Paul was lying naked on the bed stroking his cock, apparently keeping it hard. She walked in and as she stood at the foot of the bed she dropped the robe off onto the floor and I watched her slither up onto the bed. Whether she did it for me or not, it didn't matter, she crawled across the bed with her butt up in the air and her pussy looking directly at me while she leaned over and took his cock in her mouth. When he was hard I watched from behind as she climbed up on top of him, took hold of his cock, and rubbed the head back and forth over her pussy. Then as I watched her work it back into her pussy, she ground herself down hard onto him. She moaned loudly, leaned over and kissed him, and then she lay still on top of him and she must have whispered something to him because he shifted around, took her hips in his hands and he proceeded to fuck her, thrusting upwards into her as she held herself above him. Within a few moments, she began to moan and then let out a whimper as a gush of wetness sprayed out of her and I guess, Paul's earlier load of cum.

She just held herself there and let him fuck her like that, moaning loudly the whole time and shaking her head back and forth. Finally, after I didn't think she could cum much more, she literally collapsed against him. My god, she looked so hot lying on top of him like that with her legs lewdly spread apart and his cock still buried inside her, and his swollen balls almost taunting me knowing that he had plenty more cum to come! Even more so, the taunting keeps giving me thoughts of reaching out to touch him, which is a bit disturbing, but in the event, I was scared to move or do anything to disturb them. I was actually in awe at how many times she'd orgasmed while Paul expertly fucked her.

She finally caught her breath and managed to roll off of him (I still don't think she saw me) onto her back and to Paul said something like, "it's your turn already" and I realized that they'd probably been fucking for over an hour already in one form or another and that he still hadn't cum. Her pussy looked reddened but beautiful and can I say that I really felt pride at that moment. I just loved how comfortable she looked lying there, spreading her legs for him and most definitely inviting him to use her as he wanted. Her whole focus was on him and his cock, it was obvious she wanted back inside her. She still made no indication or acknowledgment that I was present, indeed, I think if she would have seen me there it might have broken the spell. I wasn't feeling slighted rather at that moment I know that all she could think about was being filled again with his cock and that fat knob. (I have to say it was the look on her face as well as just how erotic she looked lying there literally giving herself to him that I kept in mind to think about when I would be finally jerking off later on!)

I think he tried to get her to cum yet again because I heard her moan and say something about, "no more, it's for you now" and after that, she seemed to lie almost still and literally just lay there and let him do what he wanted. I guess the whole time had gotten him recharged because after she said that, he seemed to really step up his energy. His thrusts into her would be accompanied by her body moving with him and when he'd pull back she'd try to hunch herself downwards to keep him in deeper.

Again I found myself rooting for him and almost wanted to encourage him, say out loud that he should fuck her good. Maybe he heard my mental message because just a few moments later he started to really pick up the pace and she was right there with him. I do love how she looks when she's about to cum, her eyes will flutter and her head with thrash back and forth, her toes curling up so tightly.

I didn't think she had any more orgasm strength left in her but then I realized the more he thrust hard into her, was happening, she was responding to him. I saw his own familiar motions that I know mean he was getting close to cumming. (I guess that sounds weird but then again, I've seen him fuck her a lot now, and, well, you just know these things) and sure enough, just a few minutes later I saw her wrap her legs around him and I knew that she must have known he was close. A moment later I heard him grunt and moan loudly and even from the distance I was, I could see his body tense several times and as he seemed to move up on her with each grunt the last 2 of them I could see his balls seem to pull upwards as he'd push into her slightly more.

I swear, the knowledge that he was cumming in her right then was almost enough that if I'd had my cock out I'd have cum all over but I struggled and deliberately kept myself zipped up and managed to hold that off …. at least for a little while longer.

I stood there just long enough to see that Paul had now relaxed and for them to roll over onto their sides, her with her leg still around him and him with his cock still in her. They started to kiss and caress each other right then and for as much as I wanted to kiss her or hug her (or cum on her) myself I was also very aware that she wanted this weekend for herself and that I was quite sure she wouldn't want me to interrupt the moment she was sharing.


The weekend was 'okay', I managed to give her the space she wanted, and let’s just say there was no doubt she enjoyed every minute of it. As for me, 'enjoy' would be an awkward word to use to describe my feelings. I had actually found it uniquely enjoyable in abstaining and enjoyed the experience more than I had expected. Had I been undressed then it's likely I wouldn't have lasted.

The reality was more like I'd been edging the entire time because when I got time alone I was quite ready to re-live the scenes that I had witnessed and I stripped naked and lay in my bed and listened to the silence after they'd exhausted themselves and as every vision and thought that came into my head was more and more erotic as I lay there stroking my rock hard cock.

I don't know how to explain why I found it so satisfying. Yes, I would have loved to have been with her and shared her with Paul but on the other hand, I had known how she would be with him after the day of skiing and I wasn't going to spoil things by getting in the way. She wanted, no, needed, to literally 'get fucked' by him alone and it didn't surprise me when they took their time.


Sunday was spent on the slopes and by mid-afternoon, we returned to the condo for just long enough to pack up our stuff and hit the road for home before the sun went down. On the ride, Suzanna and I talked about the good time we had just spent and she promised that next weekend she wants to spend it with me.

We got home about 45 minutes ago; Suzanna's getting unpacked and I'm supposed to be putting things away down here in the basement but I figured to jot a few notes down lest I forget the details!


Before bed last night she surprised me by telling me as she isn't seeing him tonight (I had any idea that was even a plan!) that she would like him to come to our house this coming weekend and yes, possibly spend the night.

Since the trip home on Sunday she's been very complimentary and thanked me over and over for letting her really enjoy last weekend and she apologized to me if it had gotten out of hand at all. I told her that it had actually gone pretty well.

She said she'd like it if he could come over and pick up from 'where we left off'. We had some fun as we talked more about it and as we did, she realized that she may have created a conflict for the weekend and that wasn't going to work out for Paul to stay the night. She admitted that she may have spoken too quickly and not thought through his schedule and about the weekend as a possibility.

The point of mentioning this and I may as well get right to the point is that last night as we were getting into things I came out and asked her point-blank who she'd rather have sex with this weekend. Her answer stung but is what I'd expected to hear. She admitted that for her own pleasure (and she did hesitate when she said 'her own pleasure') that she would choose Paul right now and added, " especially after last weekend away".

We'd obviously been talking about it the whole time but after she said that she explained that after last weekend and how she really enjoyed herself, she said that she just feels she's in a good groove with Paul and that if I really wanted to hear the truth, that she would rather from a pleasure and a selfish point of view, that she'd want him. I know that sounds cold and harsh but it's not, it's what I sort of knew already and expected from how she'd been talking and what she'd been saying since the weekend.

However, she immediately followed up with, "but for us, I think this weekend should be about you and me, about us. I'm thinking you need to be with me this weekend."

It felt nice to hear her say it but then she rocked my boat when she added and asked me honestly with a giggle, "can we do both … I guess I mean can I do both?”

Hearing her ask that led to a bit of a discussion that had been coming since the weekend. I asked her if she was falling for him; whether she was feeling more for him, more emotionally for him. I told her that I hadn't really felt or seen it that much over the weekend and indeed (what I haven't mentioned) that she WAS attentive to me, that when time was right, she did come to me and spend some time with me so I wasn't totally ignored or lonely (perhaps my entire attitude would be different had she not done so) but, that apart, that I wanted to know from her, was she falling for him?

She took the time to make it a serious discussion, veering away from the teasing sexy stuff. She told me that it was hard to not want him more and she admitted again that sex with him is better than with me right now. She insists that 'it's just what we're doing' and that this in part was also due to me wanting to be the beta-guy for her, that if it wasn't for my attitude that it would be different. She also added that she knows this has been good for me and that she knows it makes me feel somehow sexually fulfilled and that she is okay with all of this if that's what I want.

What she was basically looking for me to confirm yet again is that I did still want to be the beta for her.

I did so and I also remembered very clearly what I'd previously said to her, that I wanted her to look to him to satisfy her sexual desires as opposed to me as long as she wanted it and in that very moment I understood what she was saying to me. I held her tightly and I told her I loved her. She said that she knows that and that it's me that shouldn't forget it about her. That made me laugh and it made it easier to talk.

She told me that she'd loved how she felt being so 'immersed' in sex with him for the weekend and she thanked me for letting her enjoy herself with him like she had. We'd talked and I'd already told her that it had turned me on to see her wanting him like she did on Saturday and to see her enjoying herself as she did. She blushed because she'd already admitted that the wine and the whole weekend had gotten to her by then and that she was incredibly horny for him. She told me that even now, days later, she still felt the arousal and excitement of the weekend and, if I was really asking her who she'd rather have sex with, that to continue that enjoyment, she'd pick Paul.

I told her that I felt torn, that I was very horny for her and that I had wanted to have sex with her this coming weekend; that I was looking forward to it but (and this will sound crazy) I told her honestly as she lay there next to me on the bed last night that it did really turn me on to hear her say she wanted him instead of me.

She giggled and said 'yes' I was crazy but that I was also, "so easy to figure out". She pulled me to her and kissed me passionately and then said, "there's only one solution then, isn't there?"

I looked at her eagerly, she said, "Paul can have me on Saturday and then Sunday I'll be all yours .... He doesn't have to stay over..... How would you feel about that?”

How could I say no? It actually sounded quite good to me and for a moment there I even had the thought of maybe using one of my coupons with her, but after second thought, I think I'd rather save them for a more important or meaningful time for us.


It might be said that 'he gave in and caved in again' and that 'she doesn't love him or want him now' but, honestly, I don't feel that way. If you could have seen us as we talked more last night it was clear as I masturbated with her and she told me how she loved that I was okay with the ski-weekend and that she felt very fulfilled from the whole experience, well, there's no way to be concerned how things are going.

She asked me how I'd felt and I confessed that I'd loved the random peeks beneath her robe and how erotic that made me feel to sneak a peek like that. She blushed and said that it wasn't intentional but that she was happy it had turned me on.

I told her as I'd often mentioned how erotic it was to see her wanting him so much and enjoying him so much. She asked me several times whether it was good for me sexually and I told her that while it always is a little humbling to see her orgasm so much and so easily with him, that it so turned me on to see her truly enjoy herself. I didn't hold back on the explicitness though and I told her how I'd watched them and how I'd been incredibly excited and aroused seeing him truly satisfy her, telling her, "I know how you can get after skiing...." which made her slightly laugh and moan at the same time. (I didn't think it was the time to tell her about how I felt at seeing his erect cock also was a factor in my arousal!)

I was very turned on when I told her that I liked seeing her so sexually aroused by Paul and that I liked seeing how natural they looked together. I think I said something like seeing how good they are together makes it easier on me. She seemed to really like hearing that I still was so focused on her pleasure and that I still enjoyed it so much.

As I stroked she asked me again about what parts of the weekend turned me on and she was surprised when I mentioned some of the non-explicit sexual stuff. She stared at me as I told her how horny it made me to see her come out of their bedroom in just her bra and panties.

She thought it was sweet that I called it 'their bedroom' and then she asked me why I found the sight 'horny'. I told her that it was just my brain thinking about her being naked with him as she picked out her clothes and put them on, I said it was the same sort of thing that I felt when I thought about her waking up with him and sharing the bathroom, shower and toilet with him.

She blushed at that as I continued. I told her that I was very turned on by sharing what previously were only private intimate moments between us and I told her that seeing her come out of their room all ready for skiing was equally a turn on.

I was really close to cumming when she slid down closer to me and began to moan in my ear at how sexy she felt and how she had found herself focusing on him when they were together; how she loved coming to bed with him and 'sliding in naked next to him knowing what was coming next'. She said that by the time Saturday night came around and she'd seen how okay I was, that she'd been so turned on by being naked alone in the bedroom with Paul knowing I was 'around somewhere but not interfering' that " that I really felt like I was his " and that she'd loved how it felt to let herself go.

I think she knew it was really getting to me because she told me that he pulled her to him and how they spooned up naked in bed. She giggled and said that she wished he would have gotten hard yet another time and then she turned to me and said, "I let him watch me cum once more".

The realization of what she'd said hit me, that she'd let him watch her masturbate one more time! I felt my cock start to throb and she teased me, "you know, like when you watch me...".

The thought of her lying there next to him after I'd watched him fuck her like that and that he watched her masturbate really got to me. I recalled just how she looked when I'd left them and the thought of her lying there letting him see her cum-filled just-fucked pussy as she fingered herself just got to me.

I think it surprised her that I grunted and started to cum just then but once I started she got into it and moaned as she encouraged me saying, "ooh, baby, that's so hot to watch …. wow, that's a lot of cum" as I let it fly.

I didn't contradict her.


It did sting a little bit to hear her say she wanted to share some of the weekend with Paul when she'd said previously said the weekend would be mine. However, if I'm honest I just really want some alone time with her and if Paul leaves early enough on Saturday, I'll still have both days with her and hopefully she'll want me both days.

I think that is part of what she wants, to give me Saturday night after he leaves so that in a way, she'll give me a chance at something similar to last weekend. At least that's the way I took it.


In my cuckold-persona I did love to hear her admit her preference for Paul. I don't say that lightly because it really does both tweak my cuckold heart and also represents a real change in her that she is admitting to more and more. It turns me on that in a way, her pussy itches for him and not me but what I don't feel is any threat here. They may have been all over each other and had more sex in 2 days than she and I have had in 2 months but what I didn't feel was an overflowing of emotions or anything like that between them.

For sure, I have the 'L word' when she was crying out in pleasure with him (at least it sounded that way through the walls!) but that's all and she's long told me that she says that whenever she feels it in reference to how she feels, that she does 'love' fucking him.

Right now, even after quite an intense workout last night, I can already feel my ardour rising and the heaviness in my balls that will only grow between now and the weekend.


I made a mention to Suzanna about how this was supposed to be my weekend. It's led to a bit of an argument. She's considering telling him to not come here today while we sort this all out.


It's Saturday and I caved and he is on his way over now but told her he's not staying long. I said if that's the case then I'm actually going to be going out and doing some of my 'own stuff' while he's here. She was surprised when I said that and admitted to me that she wants to fuck him today and said that in her mind, she thought it would have been something I'd have wanted to maybe be here and watch., that she thought I would want to be with her later tonight after he left.

I told her that it would have been a whole lot nicer if she'd asked me or checked with me before just assuming things.

Her response took our conversation down a sobering path as she again said that she does actually prefer sex with him right now vs. me using a condom with her. She asked me if that wasn't what I'd been telling her and asking her for with my whole 'beta thing'.

I told her yes, and that it really was more the sudden unannounced change in plans that seemed disrespectful to me. She smiled and said that I was right and that hadn't been nice and that was when she said what I said above.


Part of what we talked about was her really getting into the groove with Paul after last weekend and she said she hoped it didn't hurt me to hear it but that she would rather have sex with him than me.

I told her that I understood that but the thing that stung was that she had said one thing that we would be doing was what I'd asked her to do and now she was going to be doing something quite different, that I should maybe I shouldn't have got my hopes up.

She didn't say too much but she did hug me and said that she understood that I’d gotten my hopes up and maybe I'd been expecting something that she felt bad about.

Anyway, he's due here by about 5:30pm and when I agreed to it I told her that I hoped he didn't hang out too long but at the same time I am sure he's not just going to come here for a quickie. She kissed me and promised me that she just wanted him for just a little while and then told me she'll make sure she makes up for it later.

The fact that I got an apology, an admission and understanding from her went a long way in my head and I think she really understood my feelings.

I'm letting her get showered and dressed up a bit and then I'm going to head over buddy's house for a while.

Before she went into the shower she pulled my pants and underwear down and went down on me for a bit and she smiled at how quickly and hard I got. She smiled and said I should just relax about everything and enjoy what she has in store for me when I come home later.


And there goes another filled book onto the shelf.