Journal of a Journey - Book #104

She continues to surprise me with her playfulness and also what I am seeing as her increasingly controlling nature.

I already had the bbq going last night when she got home, once again a little later than I'd expected, and had been waiting anxiously for her appearance so that I could start cooking. The kids were spread about the house and their measure of concern about the absence of their mother was shown when they merely yelled 'when's dinner' when they heard her come through the door! She yelled back that they'd have to wait a little longer, that she needed to ' … get changed out of her work clothes … '

She smiled at me and I could tell she'd 'been busy' but when she started to talk quietly to me I could tell that there was more. I just turned to her and said, "you didn't want to leave him, did you? ...... you can tell me.....".

She sort of smiled and said, "God, how well do you know me?" gave me a little kiss and then in a quiet sexy voice "… no, I didn't".

I followed her upstairs and watched her get undressed. How can it be that I still love watching her undress after so long, but I do. She got down to those sexy undies and she stood there for a moment willing me to look at her. I told her how hot she looked and she giggled and said, "I can tell" and she pointed to the bulge in my pants.

I could see the tops of her nipples, just the darkened areolas on the bra and lower, the stiff tips poking through the lace. I went up to her and hugged and kissed her and as I did I reached behind her to unclip her bra. She giggled that I usually struggle and sometimes I can't seem to get it undone … but not last night.

I loved it as I stepped back and she slid the bra off her arms and all I could think about was that Paul had his hands and mouth on her tits just an hour earlier. When she didn't step away I knew she wanted me to help take her panties off. This was another moment where I could really sense the change in her, nothing specific but just how she held herself and acted.

I stepped closer and put my hand on her stomach and, again, leisurely, as I slid my hand towards her panties she spread her legs just a bit for me. Fuck, her pussy felt so warm and soft and a little swollen.

As I slid downward she told me, "... I didn't really get to cum .... just a little....."

As I felt lower and could feel how wet she was she giggled, "but he did..." then, just as my middle finger parted her pussy lips and spread the slippery stuff up her slit up toward her clit, she put her hand on my wrist and pulled my hand away, looked at me and said, " … I don't think you'll be upset if I tell you that I want him to finish tomorrow".

I just stood there and licking my finger I told her, "oh you little..... tease....." but she had already turned to go into the bathroom. She looked back over her shoulder, wiggled her butt at me and said, "yeah, that's me".

She came out a second later and walked over to her dresser and let me watch as she took off the lacy panties and then pulled on a pair of plain white cotton ones. That was also the moment when I noticed for the first time that she had left her wedding rings at home that morning. She slipped them back on and turned to me and kind of waved her hand at me and teased and said, "I'm hungry and you can wait till tomorrow if I have to too".

I thought she would be more playful later on last night but she turned and looked at me and said that I could go in the other room if I 'needed to' but that she hoped I'd wait till tomorrow when she wanted to have some fun with me after she got home.

I don't know if she was disappointed when I told her that, "no, I'm not going to try anything more tonight, but actually I already have plans of going over a buddy's house instead."

Two can play at this game!


She made up for last night for sure. It was her decision to not want sex with me and I loved that she was very comfortable saying so.

I told her that last night as we were getting warmed up and I even told her that while I was horny that it really turned me on to know how she'd felt and that while I was horny, falling asleep next to her while knowing how she felt was something I enjoyed a lot. She asked me what I meant and I told her that knowing she was sleeping so peacefully next to me and knowing the reason why, that she'd been in bed with Paul for a while earlier, that it just made me feel good to know how she felt. At hearing that she rolled over to hug me deeply and must have felt that my cock was really hard already. She gave me a couple of strokes, nothing more, smiled at me and said how content she felt too.


In contrast to yesterday, tonight she was very animated and quite openly comfortable telling me how good it had been with Paul and how he'd made her 'really cum' several times. We were both horny as we went up to the bedroom (both of our kids had gone out, conveniently, and we actually wonder if they know when we're horny!) and it seemed we were both undressed in a flash in the bedroom.

We started to kiss and run our hands all over each other and she started to tease me straightaway. First about her breasts when she told me quite candidly that, "Paul loves how my nipples get hard when he has them in his mouth". I gently caressed and held her breasts and I gently rolled her now stiff nipples between my thumb and index fingers. She cooed and moaned as I leaned down and gently licked at each of them. At the same time she held my cock in her hand and had started to stroke it.

We were both on the bed and I moved up onto my knees next to her and as she held my cock I looked her body up and down. As I gazed at her breasts, to her stomach and then her pussy she moaned and giggled at, "you get so hard looking at me". I looked back up at her face and told her that seeing her naked like this always turns me on. She giggled back and said, "you want to see this?" and when I looked back she was framing her pussy between her hands, she'd spread her legs and indeed it was exactly what I wanted to see.

It wasn't long before I lay down next to her and we started a little 69-ing. She was looking at me more than she was sucking on my cock but it didn't matter because in between sucking me she was asking, "… am I still wet down there? … " that she'd felt wet all day long and, with a giggle, " … I had to put some tissues 'down there' because I couldn't stop thinking about him!"

I then realized she was giggling more not because of what she was saying but because my cock was rock hard and bobbing away as she talked. I didn't care what the reason was, I just so loved hearing her talk that way. She continued to tease and then added, "Want to give it a lick baby?" It was what I was waiting to hear her ask!

After a moment of working at her clit and using my fingers lower she moaned and said, "you know, I think I could really go for that …" She got up on her elbows and said, " … would you do that for me, you know, just make me cum licking me?" Before I could say 'yes' she added, "I'll tease you and tell you some stuff while you do it...."

It almost sounded as if she was pleading but there was no need, she had me when she had said 'would you'. Sure enough, a moment later I was lapping at her gorgeous pussy thinking how blessed I am. As I lay there just inches from her pussy the thought crossed my mind of just how nicely she is formed. Yes, maybe she has become a little looser over time, even a little more gaping too, especially after being with Paul, but still really nice looking. I ran my tongue gently up from the bottom (she always squeals when I just run it over her vaginal opening but not into it) and then I continue up spreading and pushing her labia back till I get to her clit. It's always too sensitive to start in at right away but licking around the sides of it drives her crazy and as I did so, her pussy really opened up and after a few moments, I knew it was time for my fingers to join in the fun.

She told me that she likes something that Paul does (I'd seen him do it) but it's something I've never done a lot. She told me that he pulls her open, how good it felt and how, "Paul gets me so worked up doing that". It turned me on to imagine him doing that very thing to her, his fingers pulling her open and, fuck, did that thought make me hard. But I hadn't made her cum yet so I tried to stay focused.

I could feel her wetness increasing and I could feel her pussy starting to tremble as I eased up on my fingers as I licked around more and went back to it, this time I pulled her open gently at first and then a little more forcibly. She moaned again as I went up and down licking each side and then she told me, "Paul loves how wet I get for him …. " and getting up on her elbows to look down at me, moaned, " …. oh fuck, am I wet enough?" as I guess she finally felt what I'd been enjoying.

It seemed to have been a long time since she wanted and allowed me to play with her like this and she was really into it. It was really erotic being up so close and at the same time knowing that Paul has been there too just before me. Seeing her pussy so open, revealing the slick interior got to me. I pushed my tongue in deeper, tasted the nectar from inside and as she moaned loudly I felt her clench my fingers and then ease open again.

My cock was bursting by this point and when I felt her spasm a little as I licked I knew she needed to cum before I was going to be allowed to take my turn. So when I felt her so close and heard her moaning, I began working faster with both my fingers and my tongue up and down, in and out.

As an addition I stroked the area between her pussy and her ass with my thumb and as I did so she let out a muffled grunt followed by a groan and I felt her body tremble first and then burst into a huge orgasm. Her legs jerked back and forth and she pushed her pussy up at my mouth inviting me to drive my tongue into her and, all the while, the sweetest wetness was seeping out of her. The juices tasted both sweet and tangy and it turned me on to think it might be still some of Paul's deposit in her. In reality, it was all her own juices I was tasting.

Finally she lay back and put her hand on my head to push me away for a respite. I was subconsciously stroking my cock and rubbing my balls but now as I moved to my knees I was just struck again by how she looked after having orgasmed, how she used to look and how she used to act, shy and demure, a little uncomfortable to let me see her lying back with her legs obscenely spread as they were in front of me right then.

She blushed as she caught me staring at her being so open and on display but then, true to form, she teased, ".... Paul likes this moment too... just before he has me....".

Fuck, that did it. I needed her and she knew it.

I moved to climb over her and as I did I reached over into the drawer by the bed and pulled out a condom. She saw me and said, "good boy. Only Paul gets me bare … " a moment later she whispered, " …I like teasing you like this".

When I had rolled the condom on I moved and knelt between her legs She got up on her elbows and reached down to inspect to make sure the condom was down around the base of my cock and that the tip had some room in it. Just feeling her handle my cock like that had me so hard, she had this smile on her face the whole time too.

Although the condom was lubricated she reached for the bottle of lub saying that she 'might be a little sore', just like that, as if it were nothing. A moment later I was rubbing my cock up and down between her lips and even through the condom I could feel how wet she was.

Another moment and I slipped almost effortlessly into her and in my head, all I could think was that her pussy was slick after having fucked Paul so much. She must have known something was in my head because she giggled and said, " … he makes me so wet baby".

I didn't count the strokes to the point till I came in her but I know she teased me several times including just before I came in her about how, "you don't get to cum in me now baby". Hearing her say that the last time was heavenly and I felt my cock spasm and I stayed hard and rode her until she screamed and let go herself in one of those very deep post-fuck orgasms that she has. It was very cool that she came like that even with me in the condom. She had her legs around my back for just a few more moments as we kissed and totally were into each other.

We both felt me softening but when she let out a little cough, my cock was squirted out of her pussy and we both giggled as she immediately sat up and reached down and stretched my cock out a little bit and slid off the condom. I was lying on my back still catching my breath when she almost leaped up and lay down right next to me. She had the condom in her hand and she held it in front of me and teased me, " … there's a lot in here baby, you must have been really horny". Then she changed her tone and went to the direction of, " … it's kind of sexy that you don't get to cum in me, doncha think?" and she looked at me and said, "I mean it's like I said, it's romantic, you giving something so special like this to me to just enjoy with Paul".

Before I could say anything she held it to one side and leaned in and started an incredibly passionate kiss that led to us rolling around on the bed and being very playful and very close together. She nodded her head towards where she'd put the condom down on the bed, " .. it is good for you, isn't it?.... You know...."

I leaned over and I told her that it was some of the best sex with her that I've ever had and, yes, it was really good. I hugged her and told her that I don't know why it's good - "me not cumming in you … that it was different but strangely satisfying."

She giggled and held me tight and said, "I hope so because that's all you're getting!".

It wasn't said threateningly or anything, just sort of matter-of-factly. I hugged her back and said, "I know".


I had hoped for maybe some more fun over the weekend but it wasn't to be. Suzanna actually teased me and commented on Saturday night that, "geez, as a beta you sure are horny .... you'll just have to deal with it yourself!"

Of course I would rather have sex with her than jerk-off so I waited till last night but that didn't happen either. She actually said as we lay in bed that if I wanted to masturbate while she read a little that I could while lying next to her or, if I preferred, I could go off into our office and 'find some horny story or video'.

I asked her what she'd prefer and she giggled and said that I should know better that she likes to watch me whenever she can, " … you know I like to see you cum".

She lay on one side and watched as I slid off my boxers and she commented again at how big my cock looked and then teased me that, " …too bad it's not going to feel me again".

I know she saw it throb and grow even more as she talked. She slid over towards me and teased me even more, "Oooh baby, it really turns you on to think about that doesn't it? ..... does it turn you on to think about not cumming me again?" I must have moaned or something because she cooed really sexily in my ear, "It's hot to think about isn't it - only Paul's cum being in me....".

Fuck, I was horny as hell and she knew it. She seemed to sigh and almost whisper "... I still think it's kind of romantic, you giving that to me and Paul....". It was the way she said it, emphasizing that it was 'my decision'.

"Come on honey, let me see you cum...." and then she said it ".... let me see what you used to leave inside me....".

That did it. My god, just how she said 'used to'. A second later I let out a loud moan as her thoughts filled my head and it was so intense as I stroked out my load of cum for her. As soon as she saw me start I heard her moan and I could feel her moving as if she were rubbing her pussy while she was watching me. But it was when she squealed, "oooh, yeah....." that spurred me on and I have to say it was one of the best orgasms I'd had in a long time. I heard her moan quietly and felt her moving next to me as I let it go.

I hadn't even caught my breath yet when I felt her hand on my stomach scooping it all up and hearing her say, "mmmm - wow, you must have been horny huh?".

I managed to raise my head and I had to agree, I'd splattered 5 or 6 good size squirts of cum all over my stomach and chest and it gave me a chill when I felt her run her thumb up from the base of my cock to the tip. She drew out a good size glob of thickened cum that she took onto her fingers and rubbed it around. A second later she held them up and I gently licked the tart droplets off her fingers.

It brought back many memories of Wednesday night's as she scooped my cum into a little puddle and she'd tease and talk to me. She told me how it looked like I'd cum a lot again and as she scooped it onto her finger she teased, "it's so sexy feeling it like this". When she brought the last fingerful up to my lips she surprised me by kissing me and sharing a bit of a snowball. It was so sexy to play with her tongue like that.

With a hug she told me she loved me and, "I hope that was good enough." When I said, "oh yeah" she smiled and went back to her book.

I went into the bathroom to clean off a bit more and when I came back into bed she put her book down, we snuggled up and, spooned. Before we got all settled in she reached behind and felt my now softened cock and she just sighed a 'mmmm' to herself and when she pulled her hand out from between us, she took my right arm and pulled it tightly around her.


She seems very comfortable in this role she's assumed. Whether it's alpha or her taking the dom side or just her wanting/taking more control, it's crazy exciting. Her teasing has become much more pointed now and it's really a turn-on. I think she really understands what gets to me most too, a little scary that she is getting to know me this way now, but at the same time, it just feels right with her.

I don't think Paul would ever become really a dom kind of guy unless, maybe if Suzanna really encouraged him. Yes, he's demonstrative but he's very acquiescent of what Suzanna and even I seem to be into and, at least so far, I don't see any signs of him having an agenda or really changing much of anything now that he's been made more aware of what we're doing. He was off at some kind of golf tournament somewhere over this past weekend and Suzanna mentioned how much he is enjoying his summer. What's not to like; good sex when you want it and no pressure otherwise?


We haven't talked, yet, about September when the kids go back (it's only 4-5 weeks now), only what we'd said earlier this summer, that she wants to resume where either she spends a night at his place or he comes to our house at least once for an overnight.

I still sometimes think I'm crazy for saying I want that to start again. I would love to hear, see, be with and even be in the next room when they're together at our house.

As far as jerking off, she's not asking me to wait because she doesn't want me to do it, it's just that she knows that if I jerk off too much, it's not quite as intense for me when I'm with her. That first time after a day or so of abstaining is still really the best and it's nice that she wants me to save it for her if I want to.

However, there are other times, like tonight or tomorrow night, when for sure I'll find time to relieve myself!


I hadn't really noticed it before but I’m thinking that Suzanna is actually 'rewarding' me for abstaining from masturbating for a day or two. I guess I have been so lost in the arousal and waiting eagerly for her that I hadn’t realized it.

I will say that I also noticed something that I asked her about. For the past few times she's been going to Paul’s during the week, she hasn't seemed to take much along with her and this morning I noticed that her red lingerie set that used to be in her drawer was missing. When I asked her she casually replied that she's left 'stuff at Paul’s' . I asked her if there was anything else and she rattled off the red lingerie set as well as a light-blue matching set that she says she's also left at his place and then she added that, "there's probably a bra there along with a few pairs of panties too". She really thought nothing of it until she turned around and looked at me and said, "is that okay?".

I told her it was and I think that if it wasn't such a surprise that I might have been more turned on at hearing it. Nothing more was said of it but it just surprised me that I hadn't noticed the lingerie was missing and that I guess she could have told me she's left some of her stuff there. I don't know when she left the lingerie there, it could have been weeks or even longer ago. I'll ask Suzanna later tonight if Paul has bought her any lingerie that is at his place, I don't know if he has or has not, I just know that for her and she's told me this many times, when she wants to feel sexy and horny for him, that she will just wear one of his dress-shirts. I know that it makes her horny to be naked underneath his shirt just like it did with all of her boyfriends in the past. I actually am rock hard thinking about seeing her like that.

There is also the other thing that I noticed the other day, that she'd left her rings at home. What's that all about?

Anyway, she IS seeing him this afternoon. The longer summer has gone on the more she seems to almost have a 'need' to see him. She just seems tense and distracted at times but I know how she'll be tonight and tomorrow night.

We are already eagerly anticipating the kids going back to school for more than just sex reasons; they're adults now and its feeling crowded here at times.

She's downstairs exercising right now but when we heard that both of our kids were going to be away Friday and Saturday nights (our son is going to Boston for the weekend and our ******** is heading to a friend’s beach-house) Suzanna asked me if she could tell Paul that she would stay over one of those nights and if I would be okay with that. I nodded and told her I expected her to ask that when we both heard of the kid's plans.

I took the liberty to ask her whether I might join them tomorrow night. She said we could talk later tonight about it.


She got me all horny talking before bed when she asked me if he could come over our house on Saturday. She said it would be overnight, that might be risky, but she came out and said it and said that she missed, "fucking in my own bed".

My god, did that thought get my attention. She turned to look at me and asked me if that turned me on and I eagerly, told her the honest answer, Yes! (I'm still hard hearing her say that.)

I told her that I thought it would work out okay as long as he didn't stay too late to which I immediately added the suggestion that he could come over earlier.

She gave me a kiss, felt my hard cock and banished me to the office so I 'can go and take my time' having fun and let her get some sleep.


I have to say that right now as I’m typing this I have just realized that perhaps I can have a part of a bit of a fantasy come true. I have long wanted to have her lover, whether it's Paul or whoever, to come over on a warm summer day and swim and lie out in the sun with us for a while. At some point I would so love to see both of them go inside for a little while and know that they were fucking and for them to come back out and for her to lie back on the lounge next to mine knowing that beneath the thin fabric of her bikini bottom, her pussy full of his cum. Fuck I’m horny.

So, that was when she said to me that, "as you'll see us together on Saturday, can I be alone with him tomorrow?"

Knowing as we talked that she did fuck him a few hours ago, it just turned me on that she was so relaxed and calm about it in how she asked.


She's off to bed already and there's been no action between us these last few nights. She came home on Thursday evening not as late as I'd thought. At first I thought maybe she'd be in the mood to have some fun or share some details from the night but instead she told me she really wanted to stay in the mood for him through Saturday and that I 'could wait or take care of it yourself' as she put it.

I'm still all sorts of worked up about tomorrow, it's been a while since he was here and it felt this comfortable, I hope it carries through to tomorrow, but right now my brain is all over the place and Suzanna basically kicked me out until I'm ready to fall asleep, or, she giggled and said, "You could sleep in the office if you wanted.

The plan as she told me was that he should be here sometime after lunch and that I should expect him to stay 'very late' but she confirmed he won't be spending the night as she's just a little concerned about oversleeping and having one of the kids come home early. I'm horny thinking about them finally being here and hopefully, if it works out, to be with them tomorrow in some way.

I hope (one day) I can overcome my awkward feelings and, maybe it'll be tomorrow, I can wear a condom and fuck Suzanna in front of Paul. The thought of her is already tempting me to masturbate because while I'm horny as hell right now. Despite the need, I am surely going to wait till tomorrow.

Call me crazy but this just feels very right for me and between us right now. I like the thought of her telling me to wait, a definite absence of a tension I guess I used to hear in her voice, or am I conjuring up memories? So horny to think about.


It’s just 2:30pm now and he just texted her that his golf game is finished and he's about 20 minutes away. She's been acting all crazy this morning, first cleaning and tidying up the house and then spending meticulous time in the bathroom where she openly admitted she was cleaning and tidying up herself' "touching up for him" as she put it, meaning taking the razor to her pussy and making sure there was no stubble.

Right now she's already got her bikini on and is getting ice in the ice-bucket and putting some music on in the backyard. We've been drinking vodka and lemonade for the past couple of hours, so she's quite horny right now as well as buzzed!

I'm excited to see if I'll have the courage to take a turn with her and, I guess, let Paul see what he already knows. Maybe I'm being foolish about this but right now I’m hard thinking and knowing how simmering hot her pussy is based on how she had been acting all day today.

Oh, she's already teased the heck out of me including showing me her freshly shaved pussy and then telling me that I'll get to see Paul fucking it.


One thing that has become obvious to me now is that while Suzanna still enjoys sex with me, she made it clear yesterday that it is when she wants it with me that she'll have it. At one point yesterday morning she told me that I never should have expected to be having sex with her at all on Saturday when Paul was here. We'd sort of talked just before he got here when I mentioned my 'poolside fantasy' again to her.

She remembered when I'd told her something similar when we were in Jamaica but she reminded me that she wanted to mainly be with Paul and that if I got to have her at all, that it would be when she and Paul were done. So I sort of knew that I wasn't going to be having any real contact with her once he arrived.

He did show up just before 3pm and again, he was very cordial with me but once I confirmed our kids were away, he became very demonstrative with Suzanna in front of me including passionately kissing her when she came down to greet him. I could tell and see her nipples were hard when she stepped back from him.

As I said, Suzanna and I had already had a drink or two and we extended the offer to him when he arrived. It wasn't too long before Suzanna told him that he should put his bathing suit on and join us out on the deck and maybe have a swim. I thought for sure she'd go upstairs with him when he got changed but instead she waited for him with me and a moment or two later he emerged in his shorts and we took our drinks out to the pool.

The conversation varied and was animated between us, but eventually, after maybe 30-45 mins, the tone turned sexual. Paul told her how sexy she looked in her bikini again and this time he said straight out that, "the top shows off your tits really nicely" which made her beam and smile. What she did next almost made me spill my drink as she pulled the bikini bottoms up a little tighter which showed off her camel-toe and she, obviously a bit buzzed, giggled, "does the bottom do the same?"

We both glanced over to see that the thin material was now stretched just so that you could easily see that she was shaved but also could see the bump of her engorged clit through the material.

We had the music on outside and I guess we must have been out there, like I said, for maybe 30-45 minutes when I heard Suzanna say something to Paul that I didn't hear clearly. He said something back which again, I couldn't hear it clearly. A minute later a shadow appeared in front of me and I opened my eyes to see Suzanna standing above me blocking the sun. As she spoke I heard the sliding patio door open and then close. She said to me, "we'll back in a little while baby, okay?".

It took me a second to be realize what she had said and I just said something like, "go for it". What is more clear is how I felt when I heard her open and close the same sliding door leaving me alone.

I just have to share the thoughts that were in my head at that moment as I realized she'd gone in with him and was likely working on fulfilling my fantasy. My mind was racing that she was likely at that moment heading up to our bed to fuck with Paul. I craned my neck after a while to see if I could hear anything through the windows and cursed under my breath that the a/c was on and the windows were closed.

I looked at my watch and as I thought about what they were likely up to, my cock grew hard and swollen in my bathing suit. I could almost 'see' them in my mind; seeing her spread her legs for him showing him that she was all his. Yes, I could mentally see that big head on his cock and how it must look with Suzanna sucking and licking him and how he'd be fingering her pussy till she was ready for him.

I know I was enjoying my thoughts while I let the hot sun bake on me and I admit that I got a bit lost in time and I was very into thinking about her, what position she might be in; would he be on top of her; would she be on top; would he be behind her? Then it seemed that all of a sudden, I heard the deck door slide open and I heard them laughing and talking as they both came back out.

I turned to look at them and could tell almost immediately from how she was walking that they'd just fucked. She saw me looking and she gave me a huge smile back as she said, "hope you didn't miss us" as she lay down on the lounge next to me. Paul added in, "yes, sorry to keep her so long...." but that was all. As she settled back into the lounge she turned to me and said quietly, "that was fun …" and a second later she raised her head one more time and simply added, "yes...." answering the unspoken question of 'was her pussy full of cum right then'.

She glanced over and saw that Paul was now lying back with his eyes closed and then back to me noting I was looking at the small triangular layer of cloth covering her pussy. I watched her pull her bikini bottom aside for a second and let me see that her pussy appeared swollen and 'used' but it wasn't that obvious and may have been my fevered imagination.

The 3 of us lay out for another 15 minutes or so until I sat up and said that I was going to take a swim. Suzanna looked up at me as I sat on the edge of my lounge and when I talked her into taking a swim with me, just before she got up from the lounge, she spread her legs putting one on each side of the lounge to stand up. As she did so, that was when I could see the darkened crotch of her bikini bottom. She knew I was looking at her and she giggled when she saw how transfixed I was.

Paul heard us splashing in the pool so he got up to join us. I have to say it was erotic to see him adjusting his bathing suit as he followed us. Neither of them owned up to having just gone in and fucked.

I keep wanting things to somehow change with Paul and me. So far, we talk and can be together like friends and it's not awkward but it's obvious that neither of us feels comfortable talking openly about Suzanna, at least not outside the bedroom. When the conversation earlier outside had turned sexy, it was mainly Suzanna that was leading the way when she said that, "lying out in the sun always gets me horny … " giggling that " … I guess it's making me hot". I added the comment, with the help of the alcohol, about it, "... making you hot and sticky ...!"

I guess it still just feels awkward to talk openly about sex with my wife and to be honest, I don't know that Suzanna would be comfortable with Paul and I talking over dinner about how she likes her pussy licked most. Having said that, as we were getting the barbeque fired up and dinner ready, there was certainly plenty of innuendo. As we refilled our drinks yet again, off-hand comments about 'getting buzzed makes Suzanna horny' did happen but they were always followed by laughs or giggled or 'good one', but nothing beyond that. We talked about movies and restaurants and upcoming TV shows while we were cooking and eating dinner. I know that while I was out at the bbq, that the two of them were obviously kissing and when I peered in through the window, I could see that he had his hands on her breasts or he was pulling her tightly against him.

We adjourned back out to the shady area of the deck out back and we had another glass of wine as the sun was going down and it was cooling off. However, it was clear that things were heating up as when I walked away to fix fresh drinks, by the time I came back, Suzanna had moved to sit next to Paul and they were starting to get what I'd call 'chummy'. We kept talking for a while longer but it was obvious that they were getting more and more into each other as sometimes they would talk to each other more quietly so that I couldn't hear them over the music we had on.

I guess it was 7:30-ish when Suzanna turned to me and said that, ".... it's getting buggy out here.... we're going to go inside....". She gave me that look that said she wanted me to stay put and wait outside for a little while. Sure enough, as I sat out there with my hard-on growing I looked up at the back of our house and it totally got to me when I saw the light come on in our bedroom, knowing what it meant.

I so wanted to run up to the bedroom but then I remembered that she had already said that I was likely going to have to wait so while I wanted to get to my feet and follow, I did not. Instead, I forced myself to sit there on the deck looking up at the bedroom window, thinking about the whole thing and my cock got harder and harder.

By about 8pm I couldn't wait any longer and I went inside and it turned me on to see a trail of clothes (well, just their bathing suits) on the floor in the living room. The thought of her getting naked for him so quickly after they went inside turned me on letting me know she really wanted to be with him. I looked up the stairs and I could see that the bedroom door wasn't fully closed and I could see the bedroom light around the edge of the door. It felt so horny for me to standing there in the living room knowing they were both up there naked.

I crept up the stairs and watched them from the doorway for a while giving them some privacy. I will say that it was very erotic to see them enjoying each other and obviously building up to wanting and needing to fuck. Again, the thing that I remember most now is just how comfortable they seemed with each other; her spreading her legs and his casual way with his hands and fingers was so obvious to me but what really got to me was how into it she was and how responsive she was to his touch.

I watched them for a few minutes but then I felt as if I was prying or spying. After a while and I decided to give them some alone time so I went back downstairs. The next thing I can remember was Suzanna coming downstairs in just a silky robe with nothing underneath and her asking me if I was okay … and that they were taking a break. She opened the robe and let me see her naked body. She was deliberately showing me that he hadn't cum yet which turned me on like crazy as they'd been at it for a while already.

Next thing was she pretty much told me that I'd be waiting till Sunday to have her and that she hoped that was okay with me (as if I had a choice). With that she went back up to our bedroom but deliberately she didn't close the door all the way which I took as a sign and an invitation to follow and to go back up myself and watch.

Once again I stood at the doorway and if I wasn't horny already I sure was watching her as she sucked him hard before she climbed up on top of him. I don't remember exactly how many times she came while she was on top of him but I do know I could see how wet his cock was when she got off him. I knew this was coming, I know Suzanna, if she has it her way she loves missionary position. She's told me so long ago and so many times now that she likes to feel him the best that way and that she likes to look at him and see him when he cums too.

I'm hard again right now thinking of the scene and I can remember how he had to rub his cock around her pussy before he went to push back into her again. I'm sure it was in my head but I swore I could hear the squishy wet sounds from them and, yes, from the doorway I waited and watched as they got closer and closer before, he first, then her, shared an intense orgasm. I think I will always love the moment when I know he's about to cum in her, I've asked her if she recognizes the moment and how she feels and she's teased the heck out of me by telling me she can surely recognize when she feels him really swell up inside her and she always tells me she can't wait to feel how hot his cum feels inside her.

So yes, I watched him plunge into her and I knew that when he'd cum in her that he would keep going afterwards and that Suzanna would respond explosively. When he kept going at her she began flopping around in bed thrashing her head back and forth and almost obscenely thrusting her pussy up at him as he pushed into her. When she let loose with her post-fuck orgasm it was something to see. He held her tightly as she seemed to zone out all the while keeping her legs pulled back as far as they could go.

I admit I felt a little self-conscious till peering into the room so when they stopped moving around I let them be and carefully tended to my hard-on while trying to not trigger my own orgasm.

I went into our office and turned the computer on. My head was on fire and all I can say is that I just didn't want to deal with Paul at that time. I kept the door to the office closed until I heard and then, looking out of the window, saw his car-door closing and him driving away.

When I went into the bedroom Suzanna was under the covers. She looked up at me and said that I was definitely going to have to wait till Sunday morning for any kind of relief.


Sunday morning when we both woke up she was more playful with me and told me to be gentle with her as she felt a little sore but that she wanted to have sex with me. Eager isn't enough of a description to say how I felt pulling the condom onto my cock. If I remember the order of things, Suzanna put her fingers into her pussy and giggled that she still felt 'sooo wet' and open. I remember that once I was fully in her, that it was just a matter of moments before she teased me into orgasm.

Oh yeah, it was a good one but as I pulled out she said something about that, " will hold you for a while!" Dare I hope that by next Sunday she'll again be horny and want me or am I being maybe a little optimistic.


She’s still in a pissy mood for the most part. I was going to joke with her that she needs a good fucking but I know she wouldn't take it the right way, nor is she looking at me to satisfy her need. She more or less told me that when I was staring at her when we got up and she took a quick shower. As she stood in front of the mirror she turned to me and said, "it's not happening, at least not now" which usually means her mind isn't on sex with me.

I shouldn't be surprised by this, we had quite the talk last night and when I told her that even without having much sex with her, that I still was enjoying the beta role. She told me that she was also enjoying it and now that things have been more out in the open between us, that she feels good not having sex with me 'until I really want it'. She pretty much told me that when she wants it most with me is a day or two after she's been with Paul and is still feeling good and satisfied from him; that she looks at me and can say that she wants me to be with her. She told me that it's not that she doesn't want sex with me and even joked that, "your big cock still gets me wet" but that she wants this to be exciting and fulfilling for both of us and that happens most when she focuses on Paul. She teased me and picking up on my more openness about wanting the beta role, she teased me and patted her pussy and told me that, "I guess only alpha men get to have me".

The more we talked the more she continued to tell me that if I am enjoying being the 'beta' that she is understanding it more and while it's maybe not what she would have chosen for our roles, she did say that it's been a long time coming now; that as we both know, the signs of this were apparent even years ago and she's again said that if it's what makes me feel good, that we shouldn't really try to fight it.

She said that she now gets this very sexy feeling when she thinks about me using condoms with her. At one point she said that it turned her on to think that I might not cum in her for the rest of this year. I groaned in response to that idea, that I wasn't sure about that and she quieted me and giggled saying again that, "baby, you know if you want to be this beta thing that means you're going to use condoms with me … that's what I meant before …." she hugged me and kissed me, "… baby, that's why I keep telling you it's okay if it's what turns you on".

Anyway as we were heading obviously towards going to sleep last night, she offered to tease me more if, "you know, you wanted to do it tonight". I thought about it but I think a part of me was hoping that maybe tonight she'd be wanting me.


The thought she might just want to wait till she sees Paul on Wednesday is intensely arousing to me as I'm quite sure she's masturbated with 'Jim' or another toy in the past few days for her to be not giving in to wanting me. That'll be something I think I might tell her in return, that I'd like to maybe know about that when she does it even if I'm not around. It just gets me horny to think of her pleasuring herself like that.


I think what I'm having the most problems isn't with Suzanna but in my own head.

Suzanna and I talked more last night when she said that if I was hoping to wait for sex with her, that it won't likely be till Friday or over the weekend. In talking with her she told me that I seemed anxious and that I should remember that I'm the beta and that right now, she wants the type of sex she feels (for right now) she can only have with Paul. At one point she even said to me that she needs to feel him cum inside her. As she said it, to have the kind of orgasm she needs (and yes, she said she 'needs it').

Then she led the conversation to what was it that I seemed anxious about what she's doing and she asked me why I felt that way. Before I could really answer she told me that she's been emailing some of her pen-pals who have been following her postings on-line and, I guess here and via email with her. She said that she (and they) say that I haven't really accepted that I am the beta now. She said that 'you want to be' but then you seem sullen and unhappy when I follow-through on it for real.

I told her what I've been thinking too, and can admit it here, that in a way I wish Paul were more of a demonstrative or dominant kind of guy with her. I told her that I thought it would be easier for me if he weren't such a 'plain normal' kind of guy. She came and sat next to me and we talked for a while and she said that it shouldn't matter how he is, that it's how I am with her and how she is with me that matters.

She asked me in a very close and personal way whether I still wanted all of what I'd said I did as a beta and that she'd look to Paul when she wanted or needed sex.

When I said yes, she said that, "You then need to accept how I feel right now, that the only man I wants to spread my legs for is Paul and that I want to 'feel like his woman'", which I later deduced means she wants him to cum in her and for her to cum with him that way.

She held my hand and said that she knows I am capable of making her feel that but since, ".. you want to be the beta" that she is learning to direct her desires and to do as I'd asked.

She suggested that I masturbate when and how I want to and to not feel like I should wait for her. She added that while that may have worked in the past, she recognizes that it's a compliment that I want to wait for her but, at the same time, she no longer feels that she has to have sex with me if I've been waiting for her. She also added that if I was waiting to have sex with her this week, that I should have enjoyed my right hand a lot more instead of feeling anxious all the time.

We spoke about the future a little and she asked me if I still wanted to be the beta, whether I was accepting of what it meant. At first I thought she meant the waiting thing but then I realized that she was also talking about condoms and she held my hand and she said that she's actually come to think of this as something beautiful we are sharing and that she realizes it's a loving gesture under it all to give her this exclusivity with Paul. She also said that it is starting to really turn her on that this is part of our sexual relationship together now and said that, in a way, it signifies 'my beta-ness' (her words) in that how she feels right now is the perfect example and, looking directly at me, said, "you can't give me the sex I need right now as my beta".

I told that, yes, I understood it all right then and I started to talk about the future but she stopped me and she said that we should talk more about the present before we talk about what might happen in the future.

I told her that she makes me nervous and concerned when she talks like that. I also added that her keep bringing up references to her sister and brother-in-law (which she has been doing quite often now) is unnecessary but she countered by saying that she just wants me to think about things and what other people do.

She is confusing me right now with how this whole thing is going. In fact, I was so confused that I forgot to ask her about this latest habit of leaving her wedding rings at home when she knows she is going to be spending time with him. I must try to bring that up next time I have the opportunity and she is in the right frame of mind.


.. and another book filled.