Just sending this in. A mate sent it to me, and I thought you guys might get a kick out of it. The guy he's talking about is my brother by the way. We're all in Athens now, on his money!
>> forwarded message
Hey Matt, how's it going? Not heard from you in a while, guess you're busy.
It's awkward, but I think I'll have to get that money back off you, the 5k I lent you the other week. Weird how things change quickly, but some other stuff's happened which means I kind of need to ask for it back. Hope that's OK, I know I said it was no problem and to take as long as you like, and I know you were looking forward to that holiday in Athens (how's it going by the way? You must be there already!), but wouldn't you know it, the week after I lend it to you, my bank starts shouting about insufficient funds lol. They have screwed up, as that account has loaded in. I'm going to go all Thor's Hammer on their asses, but just to make sure while I sort it, it would be good to get that money back temporarily. Like I say, hope that's OK. You've been quiet recently, lol, what's up, Are you avoiding me now you've cleaned me out lol? Anyway, no worries. Let me know when it's back, cheers.
Hey, do you remember me telling you about that guy at our work? You remember me and Helen work at the same place, right? Well, that dickhead Gavin who normally works remotely (he's out near you somewhere, right?), but stays in town sometimes, the one with the same surname as you (same surname, remember? I said he must be related cos he's a real dick! Haha! The one I told you I set up for all that shit at work, but covered my tracks?) who was checking Helen out, right when we were talking? Well, he's still been hanging around her. Nobhead! Really funny the other night. He came over for dinner last week. Yeah, the sadsack didn't have anywhere else to go and Helen 'felt sorry for him'. Haha, hilarious. Don't remember anyone feeling sorry for James Bond, right? I mean, he drives into work in his Aston Martin, and then, oh no, I have to go back to my hotel all alone, FFS. I heard he's staying at the Hilton, which is ridiculous, right? I mean, hard to feel sorry for someone in the lap of luxury... Anyway, he came to ours, so some climbdown, haha. I cooked him my spag bol, so screw you if you think he didn't deserve some food poisoning, lol.
Despite I've seen him flirting with her whenever we've all been together, he comes around with a fucking Playstation game! Gran Turismo! The one I was telling Helen I wanted! Walks in and gives it to me! Haha, and you know Helen has always given me shit about always playing on the PlayStation???! Well look, I guess Mister fucking perfect also loves the PlayStation! Was keen to see what she said about that, but she just smiled and simpered and said she was sure I'd love it, and how clever a choice it was. Haha, not what she'd said if I'd bought it, that's for sure! It would be, oh, playing that are you, what about me and you? why don't you want to spend time with me? lol.
So Helen makes us some drinks and I start installing it. Gavin tells me, while he's staring at my wife's arse, that he is a bit of a pro on it himself, and we should have a competition. Sounds all macho, going on about finding out who's the bigger man! Helen finds that funny and starts giggling while cooking the spag bol. (I know I said I cooked it, but she just kind of sorts it at the end, you know? for the glory) Well, I'm all for it. Bring on the giggling! I'll shove it back down your throats! Make you choke on it! They're grinning at each other, but if anyone is going to beat this Aston Martin motherfucker at Gran Turismo, it's me, right here! She's pouring him a G&T from the best gin, which I normally keep hidden from guests, but heh, if it is going to make him more sluggish around corners, I'm willing to take the hit, you know!! I tell him I'M the bigger man, and he gives me such a cocky grin, and Helen laughs fit to burst. Well, that just makes me sure I'm going to win. I just drive better than most, you know? We all have our skills. And mine is Gran Turismo.
So when it's installed, I keep calling him in. It's harder than I think to get him to come in, cos he's chatting away to Helen. Like he has to be behaved to get his spag bol or something. Teacher's pet, lol! Anyway, when he's in, I show him the course I've chosen, and the car, and the various options. Fuck him, I'm not doing the Aston Martin. We're doing the Lamborghini. Play to your advantage, you know? Anyway, he grins, all confident, says to let him know when it's his turn, and heads back to the kitchen. Cheeky twat. So I fuck up the second lap on my first playthrough, and restart, cos you know, he's not here. Haha, what a mug. Takes me a while, but I get a decent time in the end, 6 mins 43 seconds, go through to him. He's helping her stir, so they're both all a bit red-faced by the oven, so into cooking, they look a bit flustered when I come in. That's got to help my chances. I take advantage of their guaranteed absence by changing all the settings so it'll be harder for him. Haha, the wanker. Good luck stirring your sauce in the kitchen, I'm just in the other room adjusting your wheel nut settings, you dick!
He comes through, and eventually, they're both laughing away at the whole competition, even though it was his idea. No backing out now, I think! I'm expecting it, so ready to head it off - oh, this isn't my controller, I want the Aston Martin, oh, why don't we do this course, all of that. But he just checks it all out, agrees to all the settings, and then says the course isn't long enough. He likes to get in the zone. What a wanker. Who is he? Lewis Hamilton? The thing is set to 4 laps. I ask him what his Royal Highness thinks it should be set to! He asks how long it took and I say 7 minutes, more or less. He thinks about it and tells me it needs to be 35 laps. Haha! Like what the fuck! Who does that?
But I can see he thinks he'll have me on stamina. So I change the settings, crack my knuckles (drives my missus mad, but I swear it's needed for the best cornering), and tell him I'll let him know when I'm done. He heads off all smug, saying he hopes he'll be done then as well. Wanker doesn't even make sense like it's not his turn yet. Anyway, I do a pretty decent stab at it, once I put all the dodgy settings back. I take the chicane in the right way, like I saw on that YouTube channel I showed you. It's not intuitive, he won't know that one unless he saw the same one, and I feel pretty confident. I go to find him, and they're not even in the kitchen. I'm looking around for them, even going outside. Weird. Anyway, I find them coming out of the bathroom eventually. Helen said she was showing him the problem with the shower. Shows how much I pay attention lol, I didn't even know the shower was playing up!? Turns out he'd got all wet trying to fix it, so she'd found him a dressing gown. Mine, obviously, lol. Trust the wife, bloody hell. At least give him a shit one! Still, I asked Helen if he'd managed to fix the shower and she looked at me, all annoyed, and said he'd "tapped it in just the right spot". Like she's having a go at me and I didn't even know the shower was broken, ffs. At least let me know before you tell me off for not fixing it.
They both come through, and I give him the controller. Turns out he needs me to tell him the controls, so fuck the idea that he's any good at this. My victory is assured! I walk him through it patiently and catch them grinning at each other while I do it. He tells her he thinks he has it, and she says "My hero!" lol, like she's ever said that to me when I'm playing games! One rule for one, lol. Anyway, on the first lap, he's going off every bloody corner, not only like he's never played it before, but like he's never played even PlayStation before! haha! My victory is assured indeed!
He says some stupid crap about how the controller is broken. I go over, I'm not having that, I'm trying to fix it. Helen suddenly comes out that she's got a bad back! Such a moaner! As I look back to talk to him about his controller, I have to try hard not to laugh. The guy's sitting on the couch, legs akimbo, concentrating on the screen. His dick is totally on display like anybody could see it! Sitting there in that dressing gown, legs spread, what did he think was going to happen? Haha! The ridiculously gross thing too, it's like stupidly big, all swollen and shit. Probably something wrong with it, I'm assuming, don't think they get that big normally. Luckily Helen can't see it from where she is. She always said she hates the idea of big dicks, like in porn or something. As she says, she only has a little home for it. Why would she want more than the normal, which I guess is me? I'm pretty sure I'm normal, lol. Anyway, she comes and sits down, and I sit close to him, making sure I'm covering it. FFS, what we do for love, right?!
He suddenly decides he's an amazing masseur, and tells her to lean over the dining room table. Like that's even a thing. She does so, just sprawled across it, It's like we weren't just planning to have the spag bol on that table! He gets up, goes over, and starts rubbing her all over her back. Anyway, I'm keeping an eye on it. I know he wants to fuck her and all, but if it's just a massage, and her back hurts, I'm not sure I'll cope with starting a fight on that one, you know what I mean? You have to pick your battles!
Anyway, she is LOVING the massage. I swear I've done the same thing at times, just trying to get with her when she isn't in the mood, you know? I've done the rubbing the back thing, but you would swear I hadn't when you see her reaction on this one. She is giving it all the fucking big one, like "Oooh, Aaahhhh! That's it!" all of that shit. Anyway, she decides she needs to relax, so goes off to get a dressing gown on. Like that helps your back or something. Anyway, I was going to have a word with her, but he comes over to check on the rules for Gran Turismo, so I'm not letting him catch me out! He wants to change the difficulty level, so I say I'm not falling for that. Having him do a different difficulty level to me, in a competition! I say I'm doing my turn again. Anyone could do it at this level, it does most of the work for you! I can tell he's disappointed, but says fine, just as Helen comes back out in some silky bloody dressing gown. Honestly, never seen that before! Imagine me doing that, all getting togged up in sexy undies in front of, well, anyone that might come in. She'd probably be fuming, I'm sure of it.
So there's me redoing my Gran Turismo, on the hardest difficulty, it's pretty tough. He's massaging her over the kitchen table, but I know he's secretly keeping an eye on my progress. I'm not having him beat me in my own house, so I'm concentrating hard. It's going pretty well, but blimey, Helen is moaning away at the back massage, like she's the only person who ever had backache before, ffs. I mean, I'm on lap 17 out of 35, in the zone, and she's all Oooh and Aaah again. I take a pitstop, and when I look over, he's all hunched over her, on the dining room table, both in dressing gowns, he's lurching forward repetitively, his hands on her back, and she moans with each thrust, and she's so red in the face it's ridiculous. I mean, such a weird thing when someone comes over for dinner lol. Looks like he's fucking her, for fuck's sake, but it's just a massage. Still, I'm pretty sure he's not going to catch me in the game, based on the pathetic effort I saw on the race he tried earlier.
I pause the game and go over.
"I'm in the pits," I say. "Halfway through, decent time."
He grins at me, over her face which looks pretty out of it, I have to say. He must have found a way of sorting her back pain.
"I'll need a breather soon too," he says. "You gonna take over?"
That doesn't even make sense, he's not even started his race yet. Feeling super confident again.
"I wouldn't even know how to do that," I say, pointing at my wife's poor back. "No idea how you'd even start!"
"So fucking true," grunts my wife, red-faced, moving forward with every thrust.
"Is it working?" I ask her.
"It's the answer to my dreams," she grunts again, each word coming out with a forward thrust of Gavin's hips. I'm impressed by how much she's enjoying it. She's almost having an out-of-body experience!
"He'll have to teach me what to do," I say, "so I can do it too."
"You don't have the equipment," she says, which confuses me, as I didn't see him bring any equipment in! He just waltzed in with his shmaltzy grin and, obviously only known to me, his huge grotesque swollen cock, but apparently, he also had some effective back massager hidden on his person lol. Gavin laughed and told me to get him a beer. I was a bit annoyed at the tone, but I did it because I was glad he was helping my wife in a way I couldn't. I don't have any kind of knowledge of back issues.
Gavin asked me to tell him when I was entering my final lap, and so I did, and as I counted down to the finish line (I had it pretty down to the second by then, what a pro), they did too, and I swear they were more into it than I was, both grunting and cheering away, and Helen gave such a wail as I crossed the finish line, I could have sworn she was an absolute gaming fan. I looked over in surprise, and her eyes were closed and she had both fists clenched, and a face of such, well, such primal TRIUMPH! It's insane. I'll always think of that when she tells me she's sick of me always playing games. Cos she didn't look sick of it then. I think that was a great shared moment.
You know what was the best bit of it all? Gavin told me I'd earned his beer, what was left of it. He took it, and held it behind the table for a while, like he just really didn't want to give it to me. Haha, it must have hurt his pride. He said giving me his beer took it out of him, and that it was like a huge sacrifice, giving away a part of himself. haha, so melodramatic. Helen joined in and said maybe Gavin would feel like he'd been cleansed in some way. I just said give me my fucking beer, and when she moved out of the way, and he produced it, I drank it down. The funny thing was it tasted kind of gross, but I guess it had been out there while he'd been massaging her so long. But I don't think I'll buy that brand again.
They came back and sat with us a bit, but Gavin didn't want to play his race, which was annoying. I think I had him beat, guess he thought so too. Fucking loser. Anyway, he'd had too much of my gin to drive back so we put him in the spare room. Haha, he may fancy my wife, but I'm the one who gets to go to bed with her. He has to sleep alone!
I don't mind telling you this, cos we're mates, even though I only hear from you when you want to borrow money, lol. How is Athens by the way? But I know you've teased me in the past about not satisfying Helen, and I just want to prove you wrong.
Helen's sometimes told me she wants me to be more controlling in bed, but this just shows you what women bloody know, cos she took full control that night. I mean, where the fuck was Gavin when Helen woke me up, still wearing that dressing gown from the massage, stinking of gin, telling me to lick her pussy. She sat on my face, legs astride, keeping me firmly in place. It was pretty hot, I have to say. I couldn't move my face to the side if I tried, and I did try, lol, as I hadn't fully woken up. It was hot as fuck looking back, though she was so wet it was ridiculous. I'm assuming my win in the Gran Turismo had done something, seeing me beat my love rival for her affections, lol, but it was practically oozing out of her, and she kept moving around when I moved my face till I got it all. She kept insulting me, which was weird, but I think she was just all kind of angry, like controlling, in the moment. Like I say, I'm telling you cos it was kind of hot, and well I guess you don't need to be a big dick Aston Martin guy to end up with the girl, right?
In the morning, I wanted more, but she started saying we should check on Aston Martin boy, and see if he was OK. Lol. What a loser. We went through there, and that's the spare room where my desktop is. I opened it up and logged on, hoping to make him leave, but he asked for a cup of tea. I went off to make it, and when I came back, Helen had got in his bed too, saying it was cold. Ridiculous. I pay a fortune for heating. By the way, please do make sure you pay back that money. The bank says it's all gone, and I'm not quite sure how it can have made such an error. That's our shared account, and it's got the vast majority of our funds in there. I'd hate for her to worry about it. She's away at the moment, in Athens actually, with work! Coincidence! Lol! But when she gets back, I don't want to worry her about anything.
But anyway, they were in bed together, and I was on the laptop. I remember him asking me to pass him his tea when it was close to him. What an idiot. Like he just wanted me to do it. I passed it to him, and he grinned at me, and she grinned at me too, though she wasn't as grinning as him. She looked kind of in pain actually, like a grimace. Haha, I guess his back massage the previous night had been shit after all. What a dickhead. She was all red again too. Like whose heating isn't working, lol?!
I went through my various sites, like Facebook and Twitter, and they cheered me on. Weird, she always told me off for spending time on all these sites, now she was like "Check your email," and then they'd cheer every time a new page came up. Mixed messages, you know? How are you meant to please them? lol.
Weirdly, after that, we went back to bed, at Helen's insistence, and she made me lick her out again. And it was all overflowing again. I'll have to check her diet. Whatever she's currently eating, it's not normal. Tastes far too bitter, and smells weird too. Probably too much info, lol. Sorry.
Look mate, I need to get that money back. Some weird shit happening with my accounts means I need to get it back. My shared account was suddenly empty, soon after Helen left (luckily) for Athens, and work is saying they're re-opening the investigation into that thing that I thought I had sorted, by landing Gavin in it. If they find out it wasn't him, I'll be in trouble, but I can't see how they will. I've only ever told you, and as I say, you don't even know him, despite sharing the same surname, lol.
Weird when he left, she said see you next week, but obviously, she went to Athens this week. I guess the message fried her brain, lol.
Just let me know when the money's back mate, I'm not sure when Helen's back. She hasn't replied for a while, which is a bit weird, but I'm sure once she's settled in Athens, she will.
All the best,
Steve
>> forwarded message
Hey Matt, how's it going? Not heard from you in a while, guess you're busy.
It's awkward, but I think I'll have to get that money back off you, the 5k I lent you the other week. Weird how things change quickly, but some other stuff's happened which means I kind of need to ask for it back. Hope that's OK, I know I said it was no problem and to take as long as you like, and I know you were looking forward to that holiday in Athens (how's it going by the way? You must be there already!), but wouldn't you know it, the week after I lend it to you, my bank starts shouting about insufficient funds lol. They have screwed up, as that account has loaded in. I'm going to go all Thor's Hammer on their asses, but just to make sure while I sort it, it would be good to get that money back temporarily. Like I say, hope that's OK. You've been quiet recently, lol, what's up, Are you avoiding me now you've cleaned me out lol? Anyway, no worries. Let me know when it's back, cheers.
Hey, do you remember me telling you about that guy at our work? You remember me and Helen work at the same place, right? Well, that dickhead Gavin who normally works remotely (he's out near you somewhere, right?), but stays in town sometimes, the one with the same surname as you (same surname, remember? I said he must be related cos he's a real dick! Haha! The one I told you I set up for all that shit at work, but covered my tracks?) who was checking Helen out, right when we were talking? Well, he's still been hanging around her. Nobhead! Really funny the other night. He came over for dinner last week. Yeah, the sadsack didn't have anywhere else to go and Helen 'felt sorry for him'. Haha, hilarious. Don't remember anyone feeling sorry for James Bond, right? I mean, he drives into work in his Aston Martin, and then, oh no, I have to go back to my hotel all alone, FFS. I heard he's staying at the Hilton, which is ridiculous, right? I mean, hard to feel sorry for someone in the lap of luxury... Anyway, he came to ours, so some climbdown, haha. I cooked him my spag bol, so screw you if you think he didn't deserve some food poisoning, lol.
Despite I've seen him flirting with her whenever we've all been together, he comes around with a fucking Playstation game! Gran Turismo! The one I was telling Helen I wanted! Walks in and gives it to me! Haha, and you know Helen has always given me shit about always playing on the PlayStation???! Well look, I guess Mister fucking perfect also loves the PlayStation! Was keen to see what she said about that, but she just smiled and simpered and said she was sure I'd love it, and how clever a choice it was. Haha, not what she'd said if I'd bought it, that's for sure! It would be, oh, playing that are you, what about me and you? why don't you want to spend time with me? lol.
So Helen makes us some drinks and I start installing it. Gavin tells me, while he's staring at my wife's arse, that he is a bit of a pro on it himself, and we should have a competition. Sounds all macho, going on about finding out who's the bigger man! Helen finds that funny and starts giggling while cooking the spag bol. (I know I said I cooked it, but she just kind of sorts it at the end, you know? for the glory) Well, I'm all for it. Bring on the giggling! I'll shove it back down your throats! Make you choke on it! They're grinning at each other, but if anyone is going to beat this Aston Martin motherfucker at Gran Turismo, it's me, right here! She's pouring him a G&T from the best gin, which I normally keep hidden from guests, but heh, if it is going to make him more sluggish around corners, I'm willing to take the hit, you know!! I tell him I'M the bigger man, and he gives me such a cocky grin, and Helen laughs fit to burst. Well, that just makes me sure I'm going to win. I just drive better than most, you know? We all have our skills. And mine is Gran Turismo.
So when it's installed, I keep calling him in. It's harder than I think to get him to come in, cos he's chatting away to Helen. Like he has to be behaved to get his spag bol or something. Teacher's pet, lol! Anyway, when he's in, I show him the course I've chosen, and the car, and the various options. Fuck him, I'm not doing the Aston Martin. We're doing the Lamborghini. Play to your advantage, you know? Anyway, he grins, all confident, says to let him know when it's his turn, and heads back to the kitchen. Cheeky twat. So I fuck up the second lap on my first playthrough, and restart, cos you know, he's not here. Haha, what a mug. Takes me a while, but I get a decent time in the end, 6 mins 43 seconds, go through to him. He's helping her stir, so they're both all a bit red-faced by the oven, so into cooking, they look a bit flustered when I come in. That's got to help my chances. I take advantage of their guaranteed absence by changing all the settings so it'll be harder for him. Haha, the wanker. Good luck stirring your sauce in the kitchen, I'm just in the other room adjusting your wheel nut settings, you dick!
He comes through, and eventually, they're both laughing away at the whole competition, even though it was his idea. No backing out now, I think! I'm expecting it, so ready to head it off - oh, this isn't my controller, I want the Aston Martin, oh, why don't we do this course, all of that. But he just checks it all out, agrees to all the settings, and then says the course isn't long enough. He likes to get in the zone. What a wanker. Who is he? Lewis Hamilton? The thing is set to 4 laps. I ask him what his Royal Highness thinks it should be set to! He asks how long it took and I say 7 minutes, more or less. He thinks about it and tells me it needs to be 35 laps. Haha! Like what the fuck! Who does that?
But I can see he thinks he'll have me on stamina. So I change the settings, crack my knuckles (drives my missus mad, but I swear it's needed for the best cornering), and tell him I'll let him know when I'm done. He heads off all smug, saying he hopes he'll be done then as well. Wanker doesn't even make sense like it's not his turn yet. Anyway, I do a pretty decent stab at it, once I put all the dodgy settings back. I take the chicane in the right way, like I saw on that YouTube channel I showed you. It's not intuitive, he won't know that one unless he saw the same one, and I feel pretty confident. I go to find him, and they're not even in the kitchen. I'm looking around for them, even going outside. Weird. Anyway, I find them coming out of the bathroom eventually. Helen said she was showing him the problem with the shower. Shows how much I pay attention lol, I didn't even know the shower was playing up!? Turns out he'd got all wet trying to fix it, so she'd found him a dressing gown. Mine, obviously, lol. Trust the wife, bloody hell. At least give him a shit one! Still, I asked Helen if he'd managed to fix the shower and she looked at me, all annoyed, and said he'd "tapped it in just the right spot". Like she's having a go at me and I didn't even know the shower was broken, ffs. At least let me know before you tell me off for not fixing it.
They both come through, and I give him the controller. Turns out he needs me to tell him the controls, so fuck the idea that he's any good at this. My victory is assured! I walk him through it patiently and catch them grinning at each other while I do it. He tells her he thinks he has it, and she says "My hero!" lol, like she's ever said that to me when I'm playing games! One rule for one, lol. Anyway, on the first lap, he's going off every bloody corner, not only like he's never played it before, but like he's never played even PlayStation before! haha! My victory is assured indeed!
He says some stupid crap about how the controller is broken. I go over, I'm not having that, I'm trying to fix it. Helen suddenly comes out that she's got a bad back! Such a moaner! As I look back to talk to him about his controller, I have to try hard not to laugh. The guy's sitting on the couch, legs akimbo, concentrating on the screen. His dick is totally on display like anybody could see it! Sitting there in that dressing gown, legs spread, what did he think was going to happen? Haha! The ridiculously gross thing too, it's like stupidly big, all swollen and shit. Probably something wrong with it, I'm assuming, don't think they get that big normally. Luckily Helen can't see it from where she is. She always said she hates the idea of big dicks, like in porn or something. As she says, she only has a little home for it. Why would she want more than the normal, which I guess is me? I'm pretty sure I'm normal, lol. Anyway, she comes and sits down, and I sit close to him, making sure I'm covering it. FFS, what we do for love, right?!
He suddenly decides he's an amazing masseur, and tells her to lean over the dining room table. Like that's even a thing. She does so, just sprawled across it, It's like we weren't just planning to have the spag bol on that table! He gets up, goes over, and starts rubbing her all over her back. Anyway, I'm keeping an eye on it. I know he wants to fuck her and all, but if it's just a massage, and her back hurts, I'm not sure I'll cope with starting a fight on that one, you know what I mean? You have to pick your battles!
Anyway, she is LOVING the massage. I swear I've done the same thing at times, just trying to get with her when she isn't in the mood, you know? I've done the rubbing the back thing, but you would swear I hadn't when you see her reaction on this one. She is giving it all the fucking big one, like "Oooh, Aaahhhh! That's it!" all of that shit. Anyway, she decides she needs to relax, so goes off to get a dressing gown on. Like that helps your back or something. Anyway, I was going to have a word with her, but he comes over to check on the rules for Gran Turismo, so I'm not letting him catch me out! He wants to change the difficulty level, so I say I'm not falling for that. Having him do a different difficulty level to me, in a competition! I say I'm doing my turn again. Anyone could do it at this level, it does most of the work for you! I can tell he's disappointed, but says fine, just as Helen comes back out in some silky bloody dressing gown. Honestly, never seen that before! Imagine me doing that, all getting togged up in sexy undies in front of, well, anyone that might come in. She'd probably be fuming, I'm sure of it.
So there's me redoing my Gran Turismo, on the hardest difficulty, it's pretty tough. He's massaging her over the kitchen table, but I know he's secretly keeping an eye on my progress. I'm not having him beat me in my own house, so I'm concentrating hard. It's going pretty well, but blimey, Helen is moaning away at the back massage, like she's the only person who ever had backache before, ffs. I mean, I'm on lap 17 out of 35, in the zone, and she's all Oooh and Aaah again. I take a pitstop, and when I look over, he's all hunched over her, on the dining room table, both in dressing gowns, he's lurching forward repetitively, his hands on her back, and she moans with each thrust, and she's so red in the face it's ridiculous. I mean, such a weird thing when someone comes over for dinner lol. Looks like he's fucking her, for fuck's sake, but it's just a massage. Still, I'm pretty sure he's not going to catch me in the game, based on the pathetic effort I saw on the race he tried earlier.
I pause the game and go over.
"I'm in the pits," I say. "Halfway through, decent time."
He grins at me, over her face which looks pretty out of it, I have to say. He must have found a way of sorting her back pain.
"I'll need a breather soon too," he says. "You gonna take over?"
That doesn't even make sense, he's not even started his race yet. Feeling super confident again.
"I wouldn't even know how to do that," I say, pointing at my wife's poor back. "No idea how you'd even start!"
"So fucking true," grunts my wife, red-faced, moving forward with every thrust.
"Is it working?" I ask her.
"It's the answer to my dreams," she grunts again, each word coming out with a forward thrust of Gavin's hips. I'm impressed by how much she's enjoying it. She's almost having an out-of-body experience!
"He'll have to teach me what to do," I say, "so I can do it too."
"You don't have the equipment," she says, which confuses me, as I didn't see him bring any equipment in! He just waltzed in with his shmaltzy grin and, obviously only known to me, his huge grotesque swollen cock, but apparently, he also had some effective back massager hidden on his person lol. Gavin laughed and told me to get him a beer. I was a bit annoyed at the tone, but I did it because I was glad he was helping my wife in a way I couldn't. I don't have any kind of knowledge of back issues.
Gavin asked me to tell him when I was entering my final lap, and so I did, and as I counted down to the finish line (I had it pretty down to the second by then, what a pro), they did too, and I swear they were more into it than I was, both grunting and cheering away, and Helen gave such a wail as I crossed the finish line, I could have sworn she was an absolute gaming fan. I looked over in surprise, and her eyes were closed and she had both fists clenched, and a face of such, well, such primal TRIUMPH! It's insane. I'll always think of that when she tells me she's sick of me always playing games. Cos she didn't look sick of it then. I think that was a great shared moment.
You know what was the best bit of it all? Gavin told me I'd earned his beer, what was left of it. He took it, and held it behind the table for a while, like he just really didn't want to give it to me. Haha, it must have hurt his pride. He said giving me his beer took it out of him, and that it was like a huge sacrifice, giving away a part of himself. haha, so melodramatic. Helen joined in and said maybe Gavin would feel like he'd been cleansed in some way. I just said give me my fucking beer, and when she moved out of the way, and he produced it, I drank it down. The funny thing was it tasted kind of gross, but I guess it had been out there while he'd been massaging her so long. But I don't think I'll buy that brand again.
They came back and sat with us a bit, but Gavin didn't want to play his race, which was annoying. I think I had him beat, guess he thought so too. Fucking loser. Anyway, he'd had too much of my gin to drive back so we put him in the spare room. Haha, he may fancy my wife, but I'm the one who gets to go to bed with her. He has to sleep alone!
I don't mind telling you this, cos we're mates, even though I only hear from you when you want to borrow money, lol. How is Athens by the way? But I know you've teased me in the past about not satisfying Helen, and I just want to prove you wrong.
Helen's sometimes told me she wants me to be more controlling in bed, but this just shows you what women bloody know, cos she took full control that night. I mean, where the fuck was Gavin when Helen woke me up, still wearing that dressing gown from the massage, stinking of gin, telling me to lick her pussy. She sat on my face, legs astride, keeping me firmly in place. It was pretty hot, I have to say. I couldn't move my face to the side if I tried, and I did try, lol, as I hadn't fully woken up. It was hot as fuck looking back, though she was so wet it was ridiculous. I'm assuming my win in the Gran Turismo had done something, seeing me beat my love rival for her affections, lol, but it was practically oozing out of her, and she kept moving around when I moved my face till I got it all. She kept insulting me, which was weird, but I think she was just all kind of angry, like controlling, in the moment. Like I say, I'm telling you cos it was kind of hot, and well I guess you don't need to be a big dick Aston Martin guy to end up with the girl, right?
In the morning, I wanted more, but she started saying we should check on Aston Martin boy, and see if he was OK. Lol. What a loser. We went through there, and that's the spare room where my desktop is. I opened it up and logged on, hoping to make him leave, but he asked for a cup of tea. I went off to make it, and when I came back, Helen had got in his bed too, saying it was cold. Ridiculous. I pay a fortune for heating. By the way, please do make sure you pay back that money. The bank says it's all gone, and I'm not quite sure how it can have made such an error. That's our shared account, and it's got the vast majority of our funds in there. I'd hate for her to worry about it. She's away at the moment, in Athens actually, with work! Coincidence! Lol! But when she gets back, I don't want to worry her about anything.
But anyway, they were in bed together, and I was on the laptop. I remember him asking me to pass him his tea when it was close to him. What an idiot. Like he just wanted me to do it. I passed it to him, and he grinned at me, and she grinned at me too, though she wasn't as grinning as him. She looked kind of in pain actually, like a grimace. Haha, I guess his back massage the previous night had been shit after all. What a dickhead. She was all red again too. Like whose heating isn't working, lol?!
I went through my various sites, like Facebook and Twitter, and they cheered me on. Weird, she always told me off for spending time on all these sites, now she was like "Check your email," and then they'd cheer every time a new page came up. Mixed messages, you know? How are you meant to please them? lol.
Weirdly, after that, we went back to bed, at Helen's insistence, and she made me lick her out again. And it was all overflowing again. I'll have to check her diet. Whatever she's currently eating, it's not normal. Tastes far too bitter, and smells weird too. Probably too much info, lol. Sorry.
Look mate, I need to get that money back. Some weird shit happening with my accounts means I need to get it back. My shared account was suddenly empty, soon after Helen left (luckily) for Athens, and work is saying they're re-opening the investigation into that thing that I thought I had sorted, by landing Gavin in it. If they find out it wasn't him, I'll be in trouble, but I can't see how they will. I've only ever told you, and as I say, you don't even know him, despite sharing the same surname, lol.
Weird when he left, she said see you next week, but obviously, she went to Athens this week. I guess the message fried her brain, lol.
Just let me know when the money's back mate, I'm not sure when Helen's back. She hasn't replied for a while, which is a bit weird, but I'm sure once she's settled in Athens, she will.
All the best,
Steve
