Journal of a Journey - Book Twelve

Book 12

The snow has ended and I finished shovelling us out last night. Despite the work, I love the snow and it should bode well for great skiing.

Last night during ‘foreplay’ Suzanna brought up Dan's whole issue again. As she was sucking me hard she actually said (between giving me that deep-throat thing she does so well) she thought it was cute in a way that he wanted her all for himself. I wasn't really thinking as I was just into enjoying what she was doing and I asked her, "what do you want?” I don't know what I was thinking but my cock definitely got bigger and harder when I asked her!

She giggled when she pulled her mouth off of me and looked at me and said, "Well...." and after a pause where she just licked the tip of my cock she said, "it might be fun to give him what he wants every now and then!” I didn't say anything other than to moan in response but I KNOW my cock started throbbing when she said that. She kept it up a bit more as we got into it at one point she said to me, "you are enjoying this, aren't you?"

All I could do was moan, "yes". After we were done and we were lying next to each other she looked at me and said that she was, "only kidding before," and that, "I always want you in me!”

******

Suzanna is out shopping with our ******** at the mall and our son is off at his girlfriend’s house.

I am going to start by saying this past weekend Skiing has been wonderful.

Not much happened on the Friday night after the long drive up to Vermont but in bed that night she cuddled up to me and was very loving as she stroked my cock. Even though I was tired from driving and lugging the bags into the room, her whispers in my ear got me hard. She didn't tease me but instead hinted about tomorrow and for me to go to sleep thinking about the next night and how much more I'd want her by then. She left me with a raging hard-on as she simply said that she was going to get me hard again a few more times before I'd get to have her.

She woke me up Saturday morning and spent some time sucking my cock until once again she said, “That’s enough,” and then she got up. I had to wait till the tent in the blankets went down before I could get up and have breakfast with the kids!

Then she did it again after breakfast when we were in the bathroom as we showered and supposed to be getting ready for our first day on the slopes. She stood naked in front of me and watched me get hard looking at her. She smiled as my cock pointed stiffly at her but did nothing other than leaving me there as she got into the shower. Talk about blue-balls, by the time we were ready to drive up to the ski-lifts she'd done it again to me. I could already tell that just being away from home was already getting Suzanna to relax and open up.

By Saturday night I was wickedly horny. The whole day long all I came across on the slopes, on the lifts or in the lodges, were beautiful women. Something about a day outdoors that just makes some women look so beautiful. Anyway, at the end of the day we went back to our suite and had some wine and went in to take a nap. Suzanna stripped naked in front of me and said she felt a lot like she feels when she's with Dan or Peter; that she had this desire to be very sexual. It was one of the first times I've seen her feel that way with me.

With our bedroom door locked we had a glass of wine and I began to understand how Dan feels as I was still dressed but she was totally relaxed and feeling no inhibitions as she literally sat opposite me on the bed Indian-style with her legs crossed. The thought that she probably sits like this with Dan or Peter stayed in my head as when I looked down to see her pussy was literally spread open for all to see. She saw me look and didn't flinch a bit. What a change from how she behaved just last year when she's be horrified to let me see her like that (or so she said!).

I had to get undressed myself as my cock was throbbing in my pants. As I lay down next to her she moved over and leaned onto my legs and started to stroke me again. I started to moan and she reminded me that we'd have lots of fun later, after dinner, but she didn't stop stroking me until I guess she felt my cock really start to throb. She kissed the tip and said, “Later.”

We finished our glass of wine and she seemed to have no problem with just rolling over and going to take a nap but not before reminding me again that she wanted me to wait till later. I don't know how she slept because I lay there for what seemed like ages before my hard-on went down.

Dinner was a blur, even now I can't remember much of it, I just remember wanting to get back to the suite and have her. It must have been 9:30pm when we told the kids we were going to go and relax in the bedroom and get changed. Once in there she got undressed just like before but this time she said, "It’s your turn." With that she laid back on the bed, spread her legs and bent her knees and smiled. It took me a second to realize she wanted me to go down on her and, my god was she wet!

As I licked at her, probed her with my tongue and rubbed her clit she started to get more and more aroused. I kept going and she started to talk to me about what she wanted with Peter. She told me that if I kept licking her that she'd tell me about what she was hoping for next weekend. I still had my clothes on and my cock was trapped in my pants but I wanted to hear her so I kept on licking.

She told me how she misses what she felt with Peter, that she felt much more of an emotional bond with him and though she likes sex with Dan very much she says that she thinks she felt more relaxed and more open with Peter; that she didn't need ‘as much fucking’ with him as she does with Dan for her to feel as fulfilled or satisfied; that she loved that I let her have so many firsts with Peter. As I looked up at her she said in the most loving voice/tone I have ever heard from her, "I loved letting him be the first to try out my IUD." When she saw me still looking at her she just said, "thank you; I can’t wait to fuck him again!”

She said a lot of other stuff as I'd brought her closer and closer to an orgasm. I could tell she was trying to hold back and I started to really have fun with it. I'd take her closer, taste her sweetness as she'd get very wet and then ease up only to hear her moan. In a way I was making up for the past 24 hours where she'd done the same to me. We'd kept quiet as the kids were in the other bedroom or the living area with the TV on. I think she thought I'd get her off once at least but instead I did just what she'd done and said, "We ought to say goodnight to the kids". She groaned and reluctantly threw on a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt.

The kids got us caught up on the Olympics results and a little after 11pm they were already falling asleep so we went back to our room where we picked up where we left off.

She was so wet that we needed only a few minutes till she was almost begging me to fuck her. We were both very much in need and for the next 45 minutes or so we let our horniness run wild. She was on top, then I was on top; we did 69, 96 and everything in between. Her first orgasm came finally when she was on top riding me. I could feel her approaching and this time I knew I wanted to let her cum and as she leaned forward and let me suck on her breasts I held her ass cheeks tightly in my hands and pulled her down forcibly onto my cock over and over. We forgot all about the kids as she screamed when I put my wet finger in her ass and took her to her first, violent, orgasm.

I don’t know how I didn't cum but I managed to hold off. Much as I love her on top, I like the missionary position even more. There’s something about spreading her legs so wide apart that drives me wild. I knew she'd cum when I did, it's just how she is sometimes, especially when she's away from home, and she made it a point to tell me, "It’s your turn". Soon after that it was my turn to be the noisy one as I got closer and closer. I tried my best to hold off. I'd fuck her deep and hard and then pull almost out and wait to let the moment pass only to do it again. She rode the crest of her own orgasm the entire time until I couldn't take it any longer and plunged into her and let loose.

As we lay there afterwards, we both felt very relaxed. In that moment, with all her talk of Peter earlier, I started to ask her some more about him. I'd never really felt like there was a point where I could ask her some of the more intimate or emotional questions but it felt like the right moment. I was still in her even though I'd gone pretty soft and as we lay there it felt easy to just ask her things that I'd realized I'd had pent up for a while.

As we lay there together I asked her about Peter and if she missed him or wished it hadn't ended. She was quiet for a moment and then she told me things that I knew was coming. She said it was good that it ended because she was very close to having it get to a point where she knew she wouldn't be able to let it end.

I think she felt me get hard in her again because she asked me if that somehow turned me on. I was honest and said something about it being a turn-on that she was enjoying it that much and experiencing something new. I then just said to her that, "you've been such on such an up since you started seeing Peter" and that I was glad she'd let it happen.

She confessed to me then that she did really enjoy the whole world of exploring her sexuality with him. I told her that it was obviously okay with me and I just went along with it and asked her to tell me a little more about it. I thought I'd hear things that I may not be ready for but at that moment, lying together, sweaty and sticky with my cock still just barely in her pussy, I didn't care, it just felt right.

She must have felt the same way because the first thing she said to me was that she wasn't really sure about the whole extramarital-sex thing after the time in Boston but that the first time she felt Peter cum in her that she began to admit to herself that she might enjoy it. All I did was smile and say, "uh huh" in agreement. The more she talked the easier it was for me to answer and continue. She said she was really surprised that this was really something that I wanted and turned me on and that she remembered not being able to believe that it was what I wanted.

I told her that I knew that Peter was a good partner for her in that she never had to be someone else and that it seemed to be easy. She smiled big at that and said that she hoped she was still that way with Dan and I told her of course she was.

She then went to a subject that I remembered, something that really got me anxious. She told me how she felt when she let Peter put her diaphragm in. She said that she felt like she wanted to be closer to him saying something like she couldn't give him anything more emotionally but that she could give him something physical that would make her feel more close with him. She told me how she showed him her pussy and helped him to be sure he put it in right. It was how she said it that made me realize just how intimate that moment really had been. I mean I knew it at the time but hearing her tell it, how she let him have her body and for him to be responsible for her protection. I don’t think at the time I really could feel her side of it, I was too busy in my own part of what was happening, but now thinking about it again, my god, she must have been so comfortable about it to let him do that.

She seemed to be waiting for some sort of response from me so I told her what I was feeling, that it did turn me on and make me feel good that she wanted that and wanted him to have that with her.

We must have talked like this for 30 minutes or more lying there in the dim light. At one point I told her that I liked who she was now and what we had and that if the experiences with Peter were what got us here, then I was okay with what we were doing. She liked hearing that.

At another point she asked me why I'd encouraged her to let Peter be the first to ‘try out’ her IUD. I just tried to explain to her that in looking back at it that it was almost like it was a test of my real desires; did I really want her to do stuff that was beyond just extramarital sex; did I really want her to have this sort of experience. She smiled and said I must have loved her lots to let her do that. Then it was my turn to ask her what she thought. (At the time I remember thinking to myself that I'd never really asked her that before).

She told me that she was surprised at first but that she remembered that she quickly realized that I was pushing her in that direction; that it was something I seemed to want. "That you were willing to keep on using condoms gave it away." She remembered that Peter couldn't believe it when she told him that he'd be the first to have her as bare as she could be. She said she remembered being naked with him that night and feeling like she wanted more than ever to be with him.

After hearing all of this and more I was pretty much hard again, a rarity for sure! She giggled when she realized that our talk had gotten me up again. She told me that she couldn't wait to spend another night with Peter and that this time neither of them would need to be in a rush. I was already getting back in position on top of her when she said something about her and Peter being in this position soon and that got me going a bit more. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I told her that I couldn't wait for her to come back home next Sunday and she giggled and said something about her saving enough energy for me.

At some point we started rolling around on the bed again and back into the missionary position. I moved up and she whispered that, "this is how I'll feel" and as I felt how slick she was from our first time, that was it, we both took off like rockets one more time. I didn't even know I could cum that intensely a second time any more. Between our sounds and then her giggling as she coughed me right out of her pussy! I am sure that was what must have woken the kids up.

Sunday morning as we got up and Suzanna said she needed to take a shower; the kids had this look on their face for sure!

******

Sunday night was much more hurried as we needed to be ready to check out in the morning to ski for the day. Nevertheless, the weekend did prove my point in that taking her away from home seems to really let her relax and let her horniness come through.

In the days since we've continued our discussion and she's become more candid about her time with Peter. We'd had a glass or 2 of wine over dinner and since we weren't going to be having sex, it was easy to talk as we both idly watched whatever was on TV (it's pretty much reruns or Olympics).

I asked her what she liked about exploring and she figured out what I meant. She rolled towards me and said that some of what I'd told her years ago was true. She admitted to me that over the past year and a half that she had realized how much she'd changed over time. How tame and timid and shy she'd become. Maybe it was having kids; it's what happens, but the thing is she admits she missed it. I told her long ago that the sex we had when we first met was intense. It was physical, you felt it after you was done that it felt good.

She talked about Peter again and each time she does, I see a new side of her. I'd missed some of what they'd had together and it's sort of erotic to hear her tell me about it, knowing she'd tried to hide it from me at the time (and now realizing she didn't need to do that!). She felt totally comfortable with him and that she never felt at all self-conscious about him looking at her body. She went as far as to say that she wanted him to look at her and that when he did, she said she felt incredible, "knowing he wanted me". I told her she was beautiful and she giggled back.

She said her exploring with Peter really let her see what she truly enjoyed sexually. He was open with her about wanting her in every way and she felt the same. "It let me enjoy sex in a way I hadn't in a long long time". Which led us back to that letting herself go with Peter or Dan or Grant is something she almost feared at first, that she might really want it, to now being something she wants and enjoys. Having seeing how quickly and deeply she was able to get into having fun with me last weekend, I think, says a lot about how far she's come along. We both still remember the first time we fucked in the backseat of her car. At how steamy the windows were and just how much time had gone by. Without saying it so much as conveying it, she now seems to accept that having sex with other guys has brought back an intensity to her, as well as our sex life!

I can't say it was what she said as much as how she said it though that perhaps is what gives me more of the feelings I have about them. There's a certain softness in how she talks about him; a quietness if she mentions the passion they shared. I do understand and I told her that. I know he's the first guy she really ‘liked’ in almost 30 years and that he's the first new sexual relationship in that same time. I told her it turned me on that she got to experience that same sort of passion again with him.

She told me tonight that she expected her period to be over tomorrow so there's a goal for tomorrow evening. She then told me, "are you going to be okay later this week if I want to wait to be with Peter?” This was something else she did tell me, that it wasn't so much that it was denying me but that by her also having to wait that she is that much hornier! I loved hearing her admit it.

If I had to say what I think about her liking being nude around her lovers, it's that what I got from her is that it's her way of flicking the off switch on the rest of her life and just focusing herself on the time at hand. It's very much how she is when we go away on vacation (even being with the kids) but it's been a pattern for over 18 years I guess. From what I've seen, she's totally comfortable with it which is VERY weird at first but the thing is, even she said it, she wants us to look at her. She wants him to look at her and want her. It's not her clothes or anything like that. It’s wanting to be naked and having whoever looking at her and to know that it's her that I/we want, her body; her breasts; her neck; her pussy. I think she may even feel like she has a bit of power or control in a way!

******

One thing of interest that came up in our discussions that I'd totally forgotten about was that I'd asked again, "What does Dan think of all of this?”

She reminded me that as she'd already said, he wasn't happy about it at all.

My sense is that he's really annoyed that she won't see him on Friday night when it's not till Saturday that she's seeing Peter, as if that's adding insult to injury! I laughed at first until Suzanna looked at me and said, "You probably wouldn't like it if you had to wait 3 weeks for me either!" That quietened me down. She said that she may have to do something ‘nice’ for him to make up for it and I told her that would probably be nice for her to do.

What surprised me was that there was no room for any compromise or anything from her for Dan's ‘situation’. I thought maybe she'd want to find a way to see him somehow to alleviate his tension and concern. I guess that’s something else about Peter, that she'd put him well above Dan in this sense.

******

Last night after our ******** was in bed and after we'd said goodnight to our son Suzanna gave me the sultry look and crooked her finger for me to follow her up to the bedroom.

She told me, "Let’s make tonight good" and after a pause she said, "it will be the last time till next Sunday...” I just stared at her and she said, "I told you this last week and you said it'd be okay".

I was going to argue it with her but the look on her face coupled with my own horniness plus, I'll admit, some level of instant arousal at her really saying it to me led me to just say, "I guess".

She leaned into me and said, "I'll help you pass the time if it helps...”

After some very passionate love-making we lay there on the bed together and she started again with, "so are you going to be okay?" All I could say was "yes". She reached over and gently stroked my softened cock and said, "I'll help you from being so horny this week if you promise to not push for sex with me..." It seemed like she didn't even need an answer as she just leaned into me and started nuzzling up to me and said, "I promise it'll be okay for you".

That was all for last night but this morning she was back into panties as she got her clothes out for the day and dried her hair and got ready where she'd usually be naked so I know her mind is already in motion for the weekend.

Seeing her like that just got me turned on. Something about knowing why she's wearing them just drives me crazy. It's going to be a long week.

******

Whew, it's only Wednesday but work-wise it feels like it's a Friday. Talk about crazy.

It's actually good as I'm both preoccupied as well as pretty tired by the time the extended work-day is over. I won't say I'm not horny though but thoughts of her aren't consuming me, at least not yet.

Monday night was idle around home. Suzanna dutifully stuck with wearing granny-panties that denied me even a camel-toe view! The teasing was minimal as we were both pretty tired.

Yesterday continued as is with today, with her wrapping a towel around her waist after her shower and then her pulling her panties up underneath! It is such a turn on to know she's doing that intentionally to turn me on as well as to keep herself under control.

Last night after the kids were off for the night I was in our office messing with some MP3 downloads and she came in and sat on the bed and asked me again if I was going to be okay with ‘waiting till after I'm with Peter?’. I told her what I always do, that I'll be okay and that she turns me on with what she's doing.

She asked me, "do you want to be alone or do you want me to help you?” I wasn't sure what she was asking until she pretty much told me that she wanted me to jerk-off to be sure I wasn't going to be pestering her. I told her, "you can always help" and she smiled.

Now I thought maybe she'd give me a hand-job or even suck me a bit but instead she lay back on the bed, opened her robe and pulled the crotch of her panties aside and just said, "maybe this would help?” Then she said, "Just think, next time you have me will be after I've been with Peter and I'll be all wet and used." She continued gently rubbing at her pussy and pulling it open so I could see her fuck-hole! She carried on fingering herself but not to orgasm, she wants to wait if she can.

She kept it up telling me to imagine how she'll look when she gets home and how I may get to go down on her if I want to. When she started telling me or, rather, teasing me about how she'll spend the night with him she knew I was close to cumming and looking at her spread pussy was enough to send me over the edge. She giggled at how much I'd cum and said, "next Sunday you can put all of that in me but not till then!” With that she smiled and left me to clean myself up.

******

She is quite horned up already! I have to say that it isn't all that common for her to be visibly wet but the dark blue crotch of her light-blue panties summed it all up when I found them just before she jumped into the shower a little while ago!

She'd come in here and opened her robe, naked underneath, and said, "let me know if you need my 'help' again later tonight" and with that she closed her robe and went for her shower. I know what kind of help she's suggesting as she already told me she WANTS me to masturbate tonight to make it easier on me.

I'll say it again though, I feel good about this. It's not really that much angst this time as I do feel I/we owe Peter a lot in terms of letting Suzanna learn about her own desires from which I/we have definitely benefitted! Of course I'll miss her, but in this case I really do want her to give him a good send-off. It would feel weird for me to say thank you to him but this can be my way of, in a way, saying it. Maybe I've rationalized it in my head somehow but it really feels right to me to let her, no, encourage her to go Saturday night.

*******

Last night was actually quite enjoyable as Suzanna ‘helped me’ not just by letting me see her again (finally got the panties back off her) but also by gently sucking me to get me closer to the edge. In the end though she wanted to watch me and by then I was only too happy to let her.

I've always enjoyed masturbating in front of her and all the rest of the women in my past. All were supportive and, just like Suzanna, have always liked to watch me get off. Most of the time Suzanna would rather it was in her pussy but at other times it is very arousing to let her watch knowing she genuinely wants to see me cum. I didn't disappoint her, the first spurt landed up by my neck and the rest splattered my chest and stomach. She let out that same giggle and mashed her legs together and I know she wanted to get herself off and I was surprised her own hands weren't busy. She leaned over to me and played with my cum running her fingers through it and then bringing some up to my mouth to lick off. I swear I was getting hard at the look on her face as I licked not just her fingers but my own too. We've done this before and it's always been a very erotic feeling to know she's feeding me my own cum that way. Other times she'll bring me off in her mouth and will then snowball with me.

Either way, what she's doing is working as my libido is well under control right now while her's seems to be off the scale!

******

Tonight she's shut me out. Told me to have fun on my own and then said, "I'm Peter's till Sunday now, hope you're okay".

Now I’m just waiting to say goodnight to our son so I can relieve this raging hard-on! Just seeing her in her panties and t-shirt, knowing Peter will be between her legs next has me all wound up!

*******

She left about 2 hours ago all giddy and excited; she even said that she was surprised at her own self-control as she'd been horny for days already. I tried not to think too much about it.

She was on the phone with Dan late last night and I heard her say that she was sorry this was so hard for him (for him?!) and she also ‘promised’ she'd do something to make it up to him but today, I can say that I don’t think she even had a thought about him.

She packed a small overnight bag and I cannot tell you how freaking horny I was watching her sort through her sexy lingerie and then packing her stuff for the morning. Now that she's gone, the whole thing is pressing on my mind and despite days of masturbation, I swear I could shoot off with just a moment's stimulation right now.

I have to say, I really was happy for her and I know my attitude made it easier for her to feel good about tonight. I kissed her goodbye and just told her, "Have a good time and say goodbye to Peter for me".

She hugged me for a long time and at one point I thought she might even change her mind but in the end she held me close, kissed me passionately, told me she loves me so much. Then she reached down and gently grabbed my now perpetually hard cock and just said, "Save him for me if you can".

I honestly don’t want to masturbate tonight and I'm confident I won't, I just know that tomorrow morning when she gets home that I am literally going to fuck the heck out of her!!!

******

Well, it's like 7:30am and despite my best efforts to sleep in later, it's just not happening.

Not that I expected it but I had held out some hope that I'd hear from her sometime during the evening, maybe just a "good night" text but now thinking back, I'm sure I wasn't even given a thought by her last night.

I want to be horny when she gets home so I am letting my mind go and it is a turn-on to think of them waking together, surely naked with each other and to know they are probably not even done yet. I cannot wait for her to get home and at this point I hope Peter has done anything and everything to her and that she comes home full and wet from him.

With that thought my cock is now rock hard again.

******

I know it may sound crazy but I'll say it again, that I really did feel supportive of her wanting to say goodbye to Peter. I felt that way up until it got later Saturday night and my mind started to wander. I watched them fuck, I know how she felt about him and while I certainly wasn't worried about ‘losing her’ or anything like that, I have to say that lying there alone Saturday night knowing that as I looked at the clock in the middle of the night that she was next to him maybe sleeping, maybe not, but most definitely in a post-coital bliss with him. I was wicked hard too thinking about what they'd done and surely what they'd be doing in the morning. Somehow the thought of them waking up together, showering, washing, dressing is just such a turn-on for me. It's like they are truly sharing themselves with each other instead of just some furtive intense sex.

I did manage to NOT masturbate despite spending most of the night and morning with a hard-on. Good thing I hadn't taken any Viagra or I'd have to be at the doctors!

Sunday morning, I felt alone as if I knew she'd be giving all of herself to Peter and not even giving much of a thought of me.

I didn't hear from her till about 10:45am when she texted me that said ‘.be home after lunch’ I knew that would mean they were spending the morning in bed and it left me happy hoping she'd be home very soon afterwards.

I wasn't disappointed, she called me from the road just after noon and said she'd be home before 1pm and she was. She was in my arms kissing me at about 12:45pm. I could tell from how she looked that she felt drained. Her hug and kiss were deep and passionate but I could definitely feel like she was on the edge emotionally.

It wasn't till about 1:30pm though that I could get her behind closed doors and see what was going on. She told me she was just very sad. She said she was even close to tears with him as they had their last fuck before she came home. I asked her if she was serious that she was all teary eyed as they'd had sex and she said, "Yes." It was very emotional, like saying goodbye to someone for no good reason other than it just had to be. I asked her if she'd enjoyed it and she sniffed and said that she'd loved it and hugged me again and said, "thank you" for letting her have her moment. I guess to her it must have felt like saying goodbye to a terminally ill person or something. I hadn't really expected this type of emotional response from her, I guess I was a bit too focused on the sex side.

She opened up and shared a lot of what they'd done and she felt so incredible when I got her to lie down with me and we made slow passionate love. Her body felt amazing under me. She was still very wet from their morning and night before and she teased me saying, “I tried to not clean up too much!”

In the end she wrapped her legs around me and held me close with our bodies only moving at our hips. Damn how it turned me on to know Peter had been in her not 2 hours earlier. I swear I could feel her pussy clenching down on me despite how wet and open she felt. She pushed her pelvis upwards to match each of my thrusts and all I could think of was how Peter must have enjoyed her.

Suffice to say that after having my desires built up for almost 2 days, it didn't take much to let loose. Now I've had intense orgasms after she's come home from being with a lover but what I felt, and what she felt, was so intense. I'm thinking it's certainly months and maybe ever years since I came quite so much in her, I literally felt like a 20 year old from how much gushed out of me as she coaxed me into her and to top it all off I even stayed hard! She felt it too with her moans punctuated by oohs and aahs as I managed to hold off until she was about to cum too. Afterwards as I held her closely, still imbedded in her, I could hear and feel her crying softly and in my moment of weakness I whispered to her that if she wanted to, she could try to figure out a way to see him again if he wanted her to. That made her smile and she again thanked me and said how lucky she was to have me. Then she said that she'd have to see and that she just felt like she needed time to get past it all.

We did fall asleep after that and then spent the rest of the afternoon/evening with the kids. Part of me felt like she seemed to be somehow guilty and making up for being gone on Saturday night but I don’t think the kids picked up on it

******

After our nap she seemed to be acting more normal and as we were heading down to get dinner started even said, "it was nice saying goodbye". All that did was remind me that I was still horny! Dinner seemed like any other night with conversations about everything but I'd be lying if I didn't look over at Suzanna and picture her naked with Peter as she was the night before.

She seemed surprised when I was horny in bed last night and said she wasn't expecting this but then giggled and had a smile on her face. After we got naked she started to tease me, telling me that, “You look all turned on that I spent the night with Peter again" seemingly emphasizing "again". I didn’t' say anything but my cock was bobbing away as she watched and giggled again. She gently held my cock and stroked me gently and said, "I held Peter like this last night" and before I could say anything she leaned down and said, "this too" and sucked my cock into her mouth.

Had I not cum earlier I am sure I would have already gone off at just that but instead I felt rock hard as she teased me more. As she stroked me she spread her legs and kept up the narrative she'd started, "he licked me too" and I was mesmerized watching her fingers dancing across her still swollen pussy. She slipped a finger in her pussy and almost whispered, "He did this too .... " and then, ".... until I came the first time".

I really had to try to hang on and had to control myself as I really wanted to be in her if she was going to tell me more. I pulled away from her hand and turned to get her into position. As I stood up she got on her hands and knees at the edge of the bed. Her hands pulled her open and she half moaned/half said, "He wanted me like this too". I stood behind her and ran my cock around her wet hole and I just came out and asked her, "what did you want?" and as I started to push into her she moaned and said, "ohhhh, this".

I was hard but having cum earlier, I had lots of time on my hands and it was a real hot feeling her as she almost relived some of what she'd done. The more she talked, the harder and hornier I got. We were both on the edge but seemed to both decide almost at the same moment that position wasn't working. She reluctantly slid forward and pulled herself off of me and then turned over and presented herself to me in her favourite missionary position, my favourite position with her, and last night was no different, she felt so wonderful. I knew she wanted to cum one last time with me so I tried to encourage her to the point she'd explode right along with me and she moaned to me that, "it’s your turn again." We both came almost together; there may not have been all that much cum but it was one of those times that you just have that ‘complete’ feeling.

Tonight I was pretty drained from yesterday and Suzanna seemed very receptive to a ‘no nookie night’. We really didn't talk that much more about Peter rather more of how she feels and how she connects with him, blah blah blah. I did ask her if she's spoken to Dan yet and she said no, but she expected to tomorrow. I asked her if he was still pissed at her and she just said, "I guess we'll find out".

******

It's Wednesday and we've returned to our pattern of, after a rousing night last night, the panties have re-appeared this morning. I knew it was coming as last night she'd more than teased me that she'll be with her ‘other lover’ later this week. This was something we'd talked about and at one point I had told her that it was hot that she'd be fucking three different guys this week. I'm seeing that she says things and using stuff like that to turn me/us on again. However, being it's a Wednesday, Suzanna has gone to bed already and I will have some fun after I complete this diary write-up.

She wouldn't share much in specific details of her time with Peter. I didn't expect her to, and to be honest, I think if she shared how emotional she probably felt with him, I might not like to hear it even though I do know how they were. She did say that she felt like she was his for the night and she also said that she seems to be able to slip out of her mom/wife role more easily. She saw my reaction and said that it doesn't mean anything about us. I don’t recall exactly how it was said though; there was more to it than just that but I understood what she was saying and I told her something being okay with it as long as it stays under control and I know to that she replied that I will, "always be hers".

I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, that she would be able to slip into being ‘his girlfriend’ be it Peter, Dan or whoever may be in the future. It's a very intense feeling knowing you are letting go of her for that period of time.

She did share that they, as she put it, ‘fucked a lot’. I told her it must have been good and she said that she felt much fulfilled and at one point last night said that she felt very natural and very much at ease with Peter even after not being together for so long. I told her that I am sure he felt the same way about her as she did about him, "you shared a lot with him." I told her that I knew that he would be the same as she'd said she'd be about her boyfriend that was her first sex partner.

She giggled at that and said she couldn't believe that I'd remembered what she'd said about him and added that she would always have a sweet spot for him and admitted she probably wouldn't be able to resist if he wanted her again. I know that's just how she is; I knew when we first got together that she'd fuck you and if she liked you she really felt like there was a future.

She kept it going in our foreplay and teasing about having to ‘cover up after tonight’ or ‘being his’ for the rest of the week. It wasn't until a sweaty climax for both of us that as we lay there I asked her what she was going to tell Dan. She told me she wasn't going to bring it up but if he asked she was going to tell him and answer whatever he asked.

This was like a calm, lying-on-the-bed-catching-your-breath conversation, so I just told her that she may not want to be quite so honest with him. She turned to look at me quizzically and I just said (and I'm laughing thinking about now), "I don’t think he's going to want to hear how much Peter fucked you or came in you." I just said it so calmly and it was weird that we'd just had this pretty intense physical fuck but that it just felt comfortable.

She half-giggled back and just said, "Duh".

I kind of realized I'd been pretty blunt and I added that I meant I didn't think she should play up how strongly she felt about Peter. To that she asked what I meant and I just said that Dan might not like knowing she was so able to just go back with Peter, kind of suggesting that she might want to make him think she might even have regretted it.

It sounds crazy now, me giving my wife pointers on how to handle her boyfriend but sometimes in that afterglow moment you can just talk. The thing about it was she seemed like she was in the same place and it had to feel the same way to her, her asking me! Maybe I'll bring it up with her one day.

She fucked Peter a lot between Sunday and last night she shared that at times he was ‘in her’ while they weren't even fucking. At one point she told me they'd watched some TV like that and I know she must have felt my cock double in size at that comment.

She said she'd forgotten how gentle he could be at times and how, "wonderful he is with his tongue". Now that was an intense moment hearing her tell me how good he is at licking and eating her pussy. She told me she didn't know how many times they'd fucked but she did say that he didn't cum every time which totally sent my mind in a million directions.

I can tell you that from how she felt when I finally had my time with her on Sunday that she had been quite active. Her whole pussy was gently swollen, not inflamed at all, but engorged might be the better word. Her lips parted with the slightest stimulation. I can't begin to explain how intensely arousing it was to watch her arousal build and see her pull her knees back letting me see where Peter had been in her. Something about seeing the glistening wetness just inside her vagina, knowing there was more inside her from him. It sounds crazy but the thought of her orgasming on his cock, her taking him inside her and then seeing her arching her back as she would cum under him, made my cock throb. I spread her open more and saw inside thin creamy liquid was still in her. I put my finger in her and could feel what was still there from their time earlier.

I would say that perhaps that is a defining moment of being a cuckold, to feel another man’s cum in your wife's vagina and for you to respond like I did with fiercely intense arousal. Even now when I say it to myself or write it here that it still sounds crazy that I like that my wife fucks other guys, but I do. Knowing she gave all of herself to Peter it feels good to me to know she did it because she wanted to. I fuck her all the time and I know how it feels, I know that closeness and intimacy. I still feel it every time but it is such a turn on to know that another man has felt it too.

I didn't ask for I knew she wouldn't say yes or no but it wouldn't surprise me if he'd cum in her at least 4 times. I also remembered that many times she'd let Peter fuck her a second or third time when they were together even if it'd take a long time or he'd barely cum and what I remembered was that she loved giving herself to him to let him feel that with her. It actually made me smile as I too enjoy that with her when we're alone or able to get away, something about ‘squeezing that last one’ out and I knew from how we would feel afterwards that she also felt that with Peter. As she'd explained it, she just gives herself to us and lets us do what we want to or need to in order to get off that last time. She said it makes her feel very special to do that for him.

******

Suzanna said that Friday night was a bit tense as Dan wasn't happy to learn about her and Peter. Despite my advice to the contrary, Suzanna shared much with Dan that I'd suggested she not do. Needless to say, it led to quite a bit of an argument for them followed by what she said was Dan's extremely physical fucking of her. On top of all of that, it was the first time that he's given her hickeys (at least that's what we called them) not on her neck which she would have killed him for but on her breasts and on her legs near her pussy. She said he just did it and she didn't really know until afterwards. She said he said he felt like it was his way of re-claiming her.

She also said several times how he didn't like to know that she'd fucked Peter bare. In his words, "it's bad enough your husband does, but now another guy too!"

She was quite tender when she came home on Friday night. She said my gentle oral attention helped her relax enough to let me have a ‘quickie’ with her as that is all she felt she could take, "just be quick" were her exact words. I let her watch me masturbate a bit. Seeing her reddened swollen pussy was enough visual stimulation to get me almost there such that when I did enter her it took me no time at all to get off. I swear her pussy felt like it was on fire but even so it only took me but a few short strokes to let loose!. She was much more comfortable Saturday night.

******

When I got home about 10:30pm I hung out with Suzanna for a bit. I knew better than to ask if she was keeping herself for Dan but we did take the opportunity to talk and she asked me if I wanted some ‘alone time’. After she confirmed she wanted to wait for Dan she asked me if she could help me out and I simply told her that I always enjoyed her help. So as we talked more she helped me out of my pants and she stroked me giggling at how quickly I got hard in her hands. She even broke down at one point and pulled her panties aside and said, "you can look but not touch tonight!" and then continued with her teasing in between what we were discussing. I know that she could feel my cock throb as she told me that ‘she was Dan's’ for now. We talked on and off in between her taunting and teasing. She giggled and squealed when I finally let loose all over my stomach and chest when she told me how she, "can't wait for Dan's cum to be in me on Friday!”

After cleaning me up (I have no qualms about eating my own cum and Suzanna loves to get it on her fingers and let me lick them off) we continued talking about much of what we'd been discussing all week. She confessed she didn't like that Dan felt hurt and upset by what she'd done even though she wouldn't have changed a thing if she could do it again. I told her again how she shouldn't have told Dan everything or as much as she did and she simply said it didn't feel right not telling him. I said she should have waited till he asked instead of her just saying what a great time she had. Reluctantly she's agreed.

The theme that keeps coming up in what she's said and has conveyed from last week was that she spent the night with him and all of that but when I asked her for more details, it seems to me that Dan is annoyed that she'd let (and wanted) Peter to cum in her so much!

She's already told me that she wants to do something, “nice for Dan" as she put it, to, "make it up to him". I asked her what that may be and she hemmed and hawed but was non-committal. I had asked if that might mean she would want to go back on Saturday as we'd discussed in the past and all she said was, "maybe". She said she'd see what happens tomorrow night when she sees him again.

I did not give her any suggestions and I have stayed away from putting other ideas in her head but given the focus of Dan's complaints I would be foolish to think that she may not give more consideration to his ‘issues’.

Two or three weeks ago I'd have said that scenario isn't in the cards but now I would be lying if I said that I didn't think it was possible. I know in the back of my mind that she may very well want the ‘something special to make up to Dan’ to give him what he wants. It's no secret that even the two days, Wednesday and Thursday, that she currently gives him is less then he'd like. While it's something he's not said in as many words Suzanna has said that the times when she hasn't been with me and has gone straight to him after her period, she says he is much more oral with her, that he will go down on her much more often and more readily. So whether it's something he's doing intentionally or whether it's subconscious Suzanna has concluded that it's because she's been with me earlier in the week.

Honestly, if she came to me and said that for a week or so, that she wants to just ‘be Dan’s’ I would probably say okay but my biggest fears and concerns are that this is a big step down the slippery slope. I know I'd be okay for a week or maybe even two but certainly not longer than that and I am NOT going to offer this up to her as a suggestion. I'd rather see her go back to him on a Saturday as we discussed but, no matter what, I want her to come to me and ask/tell me what she wants. As I've said before, I am presupposing Suzanna’s mind of what is going on, and this is one of those times I want to see what she wants for herself.

I asked her more about the hickies and she said that Dan hadn't really asked her if he could give her them. More that in the course of, as she put it, ‘his passion’ that it just happened. I told her that I thought it was that he was ‘re-claiming her’ and leaving his marks on her. She giggled and said, "could be; I didn't think of it that way" and then she said that while she really hates hickies that when she saw them on herself that it was a bit of a turn-on. She admitted to me that part of her turn-on was knowing I'd see them (as if seeing his cum in her all the time wasn't enough?).

I guess maybe the time with Peter has brought out a bit more possessiveness by Dan towards her or maybe made him more aware of how much she isn't his. I asked her something like that and again she just said, "could be" and giggled at that too saying, "that'd be cute if he was".

So hopefully a lot of stuff will get cleared up tomorrow night. I had originally planned/thought I'd join them tonight but in light of the issues between them I think that giving them some alone time to work through things more might be more appropriate. Last week, after Peter and before she'd seen Dan again, we'd talked and both thought that I would probably join them tomorrow but even up to last night, she hadn't mentioned it again. I'll leave it to her to bring it up and if nothing’s said then I'll go out anyway as we already told the kids that we were both going out tomorrow.

******

I think I would enjoy experiencing her asking me to abstain with her for a while but that has to be her coming to me and wanting it. To me it just doesn't feel right or feel the same if it's something I suggest. I can't really explain it but it is definitely one of the ‘harder’ cuckold things that does get me aroused for sure. Many of the stories that I thoroughly enjoy on my Wednesday fun-nights have a strong ‘denial’ theme to them. In many ways it is what excites me on Wednesdays and Thursdays. In my head, to hear her tell me she ‘only wants Dan’ this week or whenever, my god, is incredibly arousing but it HAS to be her asking me for it, that she wants it even if she wants it for Dan. He's asked for it many times and it's what led to Wednesday and Thursday. I also know that he'd be overjoyed if she told him that she'd only be with him or, more aptly, that his would be the only cum in her.

Yet at the same time, I have to say that I am a bit scared if she were to ask that. I mean I know I'd say, “yes ... but only until...." is, as I said, a slippery slope.

I don’t know that I see Dan manipulating Suzanna. I'm not sure how that could be as he's rather clear in what he wants and, thus far, she's rather clear in what she wants.

In my head I would love to do just that but there is a part of me that is a bit reluctant to be so out in the open about it. Suzanna has told Dan that I ‘clean her up’ when she gets home. My recollection of Dan's response to that was more surprise than arousal at it. Again, the feeling I get is that he doesn't like or enjoy my being sexual with Suzanna when we're together. I Don’t think he'd look at it in a cuckold-way but, rather, I think he'd probably look at it as my intruding in his time with Suzanna, my intruding on his time with Suzanna's pussy to be specific, but I could be wrong as it doesn't seem like it's been something that would have worked thus far in the times I've been with them. Yes, she's usually been naked and such, but she's not directing her sexuality towards me as she always sits so Dan can see her. After they have sex, she's with Dan and not me, she's totally oriented towards him. I guess, in some ways, I'd feel like I was intruding on them if I crawled over and went down on her. It's also something she's said, that she likes being ‘his’ when she's with him and I just think that she'd feel torn or conflicted in giving me some of the intimacy that's his otherwise.

Maybe it's something I'll ask her about one day; maybe later tonight even. I'm thinking I can bring it up as part of my asking her about ‘when can I be there again’. It's really just the uncertainty about the situation that I guess would hold me back, that, plus just how the whole scene feels. Sometimes the best plan is not to have one.

*******

It's about 5pm and I will not be joining them tonight. Suzanna didn't seem thrilled by the idea this morning when I raised the question. She said that she wanted tonight to give her time alone with him to see how things are.

I asked her if she had any other thoughts on what she might be doing to ‘make up’ with him. She said she wasn't sure but that if it came up and she felt it necessary she asked me how I'd be if she wanted to go back to him tomorrow for a little while.

I agreed but only later on after we'd already gone off to work did I realize that I may have also said, "okay" to having to skip sex tonight with her! I'm horny enough that it won't thrill me to have to wait another day so much will depend on how her evening goes which I won't find out till she gets home later.

I thought about going to the club they hang out at and then leaving to give them time alone but then the rain decided me against it. It seems odd having the house to myself as both kids are gone overnight tonight till late tomorrow (both have begun finding things to do on Fridays).

I question of whether the kids are getting curious but I don’t see it. They are in their own worlds, especially when mom and *** are agreeable to them going over their friend’s houses. I know when I was a kid my own parents went out every Friday night too. I am sure it wasn't anything sexual for them, but nevertheless, they were rarely home on Fridays.

******

She got home last night about 1:45am and I was eagerly waiting for her. I knew from the moment I saw her that something was up; she just didn't have that same look as almost all the other times getting home from Dan's. Actually, it was more her ‘look’ after she saw that I was so ‘up’ waiting for her. I guess I should have expected it; again goes back to the whole ‘me telegraphing’ things.

She came in and saw that I was ready and raring to go for her and she hugged me first but not a big welcome-home kind of hug. When I went to grab her butt and pull her into me against my raging hard-on, she pushed back at me and just said it, "I’m sorry baby but I told him I'd go back to see him today". I knew immediately what she meant and I think she even felt my cock rapidly deflate as she said it.

All I could say was, "are you sure?" and she nodded.

She said she was really tired and that things had been tense with Dan in that he was still harping about not liking her being with Peter and other stuff (this is what I got at 2am). Apparently Suzanna assuaged him by telling him she wanted to make it up to him. He asked how and she said she just said, "how about if I come back tomorrow and we continue our fun?” Obviously he said yes.

She held me tightly again and said softly, "I promised him that I wouldn't have sex with you until after I get home tomorrow" and she told me how that really seemed to smooth things over. She held me tightly and said she'd give me a blow-job or help masturbate me if I wanted and then she seemed to almost plead with me to let her do this and go back to him.

I suggested to her that maybe in some ways it's my doing or, maybe, even my orchestration but it was really the look on her face, pleading, loving, sadness but also a calmness that told me that she also seemed to want it for herself. She even said she told Dan, "it's almost as good as me staying over!”

Of course I said, "okay ... " but I immediately added, ".. but this isn't a regular thing". She hugged me again and said, "no and he knows that too".

She reached down into my shorts and held my cock and said playfully, "should I help you out?" I almost said yes but then the thought of being totally horned up for her today came into my head and I said, "No. I'll have you tomorrow".

She giggled at that and just said, "I’m sure you will".

It sounded like the right thing at the moment until we got to the bedroom and I watched her get changed. Not sure if she meant it as a tease of if she did it subconsciously but she stripped naked and let me see all of her. There were some new hickies on her breasts and she knew I was staring at them when she said, "I told him this was the last time." I think she was referring to the hickies and not the whole ‘go-back-on-Saturday’ thing but staring at her as she pulled off her damp panties and seeing her body knowing she'd just had sex with him so recently, I started to regret saying I'd wait!

I can't say that I saw much, There was no cum running down her legs or anything like that but there was no doubt from how swollen and reddened her bare pussy looked that she'd definitely had sex earlier.

She pulled clean panties back on and a night-shirt and went to brush her teeth and get washed up. I will say that when she got in bed I could smell Dan and sex on her and I will definitely say that her not showering was a big turn-on.

She lay next to me and hugged and kissed me and told me stuff about how wonderful I was and how lucky she was. She caressed my still hard cock through my boxers and asked again if I was sure I wanted to wait. I just said something like, "yes, I would rather wait if that's when I can have you".

She smiled and hugged me and said, "okay, I guess I'll have to make this up to you somehow too!”

I can't say I slept well but Suzanna was out like a light in a flash. I was tired by then and really needed to cum to be able to get to sleep. I eventually fell away thinking as I did so that I wouldn't be surprised if I had a wet-dream that I was so worked up. (Haven't had one of those in years it seems).

She didn't shower this morning either. Somehow that turns me on, knowing she's still as he left her. She did change her panties again this morning and yes, I did feel them on the floor and they were wet and smelled of stale cum. Even now thinking of her sleeping next to me with his cum in her is getting me all horned up.

She's downstairs now and has already told the kids (they both came home earlier) that she's going off shopping in a while and would be home later.

She told me she's leaving about 10:45 and whispered she will be back ‘for me’ by about 3pm or so.

I had to put on a pair of jeans this morning as my swollen cock was making a huge bulge in my sweatpants and Suzanna said it didn't look appropriate in front of the kids.

So there you have it. Again I feel like I'm setting myself up with this stuff but I can also say that despite the angst I feel right now I am also very turned on at what Suzanna will be doing, going back for more of Dan.

******

Amazingly, both kids just left for the rest of the afternoon including both of them saying, "do we have to be home for dinner?" so I have the house to myself until Suzanna gets home and then we will have our time, finally.

I have to be honest about last night. I knew from when we'd first talked about her going back to Dan's the next day that she wouldn't want any sexual contact with me in between. If I remember right, she wanted it to feel as if it were just an extension of the night before only without the overnight sleepover. I do sort of understand that and for as difficult as it may have been to be okay with last night, I also did know what she wanted. I guess, in the circumstances, of what she wanted to give to Dan. So despite my desires to be with her in any way, including even ‘cleaning her up’, I knew that she'd not want anything to do with me.

It's okay. I was kind of down earlier this morning after she left, watching her pull out of the driveway in the rain, knowing she was going back to him. In the bathroom her clothes were there in the hamper including both pairs of panties. I'd be lying if I didn't say I got hard looking at them knowing it's their cum that was ‘crusty’ in the crotch.

Also, as I looked back, I can see why I might be confusion regarding Suzanna's reference to ‘the last time’. I am pretty sure it was related to the hickies he'd left on her again. Suzanna's never been fond of them; once, maybe twice when we were starting out I'd given some to her and she always hated them. I do wonder if that may have been part of Dan's mentally reclaiming her and ‘marking’ her for others to see regardless of who, me or Peter or anyone else.

It's about 1:15pm now so maybe two more hours until she's home and then, finally, we can reconnect. I can say that despite my ‘whatever’ feelings that I am definitely turned on by what she's doing. I know it must be something she wants, not just Dan, for her to get up and get out in this weather. There's something about knowing she wants to fuck him again even if it's something she wants just to make him feel better.

For me to be as content as I feel right now, it really lets me know I am happy with my place as a cuckold. I think I have found comfort in this relationship. That is, when you are as content and eager for her return as I feel right now, to me it says that I truly am a cuckold. I've encouraged Suzanna to explore and accept her sexual desires and it really does feel great. Right now, I'm focused on having the house to ourselves. Maybe I’ll be lighting some candles in the bedroom to add a glow to having a cozy rainy afternoon fuck.

I think back to one of Suzanna's statements when she said, "if it turns you on, why wouldn't I do it?" There's no concern there, she already knows that despite my reluctance/apprehension of the situation, that when she did leave, the goodbye kiss we shared, I think foretold of what we both want when she gets home. Her knowledge and evidence of my perpetual hard-on at what she's doing has already told her that I am enjoying it and that I certainly WILL enjoy it even more when she returns.

I guess I'm content that she ‘chose’ to go back and see him today as opposed to the other possibilities she had to give him something special. I'd actually say that this is far easier than in the past when she's gone straight to him after her period ended and I've even considered how I'd feel if she were to want to give him more be it today as an example, or something else. I really do think that if she were to ask me honestly that within limits (as in nothing forever, permanent or un-do-able) that I probably would say okay. In my heart I want her to do it, I want to feel the emotions of her wanting someone else, even to further exclusion of me if that's what she wants. I can't explain it but it turns me on to no end but isn't that all part of being a cuckold? However, just because it's a turn-on, doesn't mean you want it all the time.

******

We’ve had a bit of a discussion. I'm not sure where to start.

It felt like forever yesterday before she got home. I think on the way home she must have started feeling guilty because when she came in she was very apologetic and said she was sorry several times. I asked her if she'd had a good time and she smiled and told me that was a silly question but then she looked at me and I guess realized that I wasn't as upset as she thought I might be. She smiled and said something like, "of course I had a good time". She broke our hug by the door and asked where the kids were and she was smiling when I told them we had the house to ourselves until after dinner.

She followed me up to the bedroom where she let me undress her. It still feels like a first-date sometimes not knowing what will happen and I wondered if there'd be any more marks on her. With her top off I noticed she'd changed her bra and when I pulled off her jeans I noticed she had different panties on too. That excited me and I just knelt there looking at her for a moment, enjoying how she looked but just for a moment as I really wanted her naked.

I love remembering the little details and putting down here in my journal to keep them clear. I've looked back at a lot of what I've written and I can honestly say that the things I've put down when I look back have given me a lot of pleasure. What I remember from yesterday afternoon is the rain outside as I pulled off her bra and saw her nipples hard already as she lay back on her pillow on the bed. I held her tits in my hand and gently squeezed them as I just thought of Dan maybe having sucked on them himself just an hour or two earlier. I can picture them hard in his mouth as she feels his hand on her hips.

Pulling her panties off was and is still the most exciting moment for me. Something about revealing where they've been together; seeing that he's shared her there. Sometimes I have mixed feelings, but not yesterday afternoon, seeing how wet looking, red and swollen she turned me on incredibly. Seeing how she looked left me no doubt that she'd been well fucked (no other way to say it) earlier but there was no mistaking that at that moment, she wanted me. Despite whatever she may have already felt and experienced, for whatever reason, for herself or for me, there was no mistaking her calling to me. I went to go down on her and licked her not sure how ‘ready’ she was and she let me enjoy her for a few minutes. I was tentative at first but she felt so warm inside that it was hard to resist just going for it. She is still self-conscious sometimes that I am licking Dan's cum and she was relaxed enough for those few moments to let me taste enough to know he had enjoyed her very much. Just when I started really getting into it she put her hands on my head and pulled me up and said, "it's not your tongue that I want".

What a fucking turn-on to hear her say that, just like that. I pushed off my jeans and underwear and wet my cock a bit and just rubbed around her hole for a moment. The heat from inside her was incredible; it felt almost like lava inside her but, no matter what, I had to be in her. What a feeling. She was a little tight at first and I almost felt bad forcing myself into her even though she seemed to be saying she wanted me. Once I was in her and we got our rhythm going and, my god, did she open up inside and in no time at all I was sloshing and out of her.

Neither of us were talking as in one way I felt huge in her, my cock seemed like it was a foot long as I could pull it all the way out and then plunge it back in but, at the same time, she was so open, so wet and so warm inside that there almost seemed to be no resistance at all. As I fucked her and she rocked back and forth under me I let all the thoughts I'd been holding off all day loose in my head. All the wicked erotic thoughts I'd put on hold on Friday night came flooding out; picturing her on her back with Dan savagely fucking her. The one I love to think about is seeing her arching her back under him knowing she's unable to resist finally cumming; thinking about her pushing her pussy up at him each time he plunges back into her; thinking that my cock is now buried deep in that same pussy is such an incredible moment.

I think I've always thought about that, maybe since we first met, that other guys, ones from work, her ex-husband, boyfriends before that, all have cum in her. Knowing her boyfriend is still doing so and focusing just on the sex part, not their whole relationships, just rockets me.

Feeling her under me, holding her own legs back just as she'd undoubtedly done for Dan, knowing how soft, wet and deep she feels and knowing he's shared that feeling, turns me on so much.

Needless to say the thoughts and how she felt and how she looked did it and I let loose like a fire-hose in her. I was forceful enough that even she let out a yell at several of the deep thrusts in her. Then, feeling her legs relax around my back; feeling my chest against her breasts as I lay on top of her, there is perhaps no better moment than that.

After we caught our breath she gently pushed me off and I lay next to her and I don’t think either of us was thinking anything other than about each other at that moment. Something about the way her hand held mine or the way she rolled over towards me and curled up against my side. I dare say that moment may be the most defining one in our sexual relationship.

We actually both fell asleep for a while right then. Even though there were still a million things I wanted to say or do or ask, at that moment, the rain outside, the dim lights, the warm body next to mine and the warm covers we'd pulled up added up to one heck of a cozy nap.

When we woke up it was after 6pm and Suzanna was both giggling and moaning at how she felt going in for a shower. I felt a tinge of guilt as she was walking a bit gingerly but she seemed fine when I joined her in the shower. We washed up and I wondered if she'd taken one with Dan earlier but didn’t ask.

We honestly didn't discuss much. After showering and a bit of hugging and messing around as we dried off, we just went out to have dinner and a few drinks. The kids had both gotten home while we were out and nothing else happened until we were getting ready for bed.

I saw Suzanna looking for what she was going to wear to bed and I came up behind her and took her in my arms and I guess from what she felt against her butt that she realized I wanted to fuck again. She turned and said, "Are you serious?"

I was genuinely horny and I just said, "yeah, I really want to" and I pulled her tight against me. She looked like she was going to say something but then said, "okay, if you really need to". I told her I did but not if she really didn't want to. She just said, "no, I know, you want to" and with that she lay back down on the bed and opened her arms to me. As I lay next to her and started to get us started the only thing she said was, "can you use a little lubricant?”

She was a bit slow to get started, thinking about it now, I guess she'd had quite a day, but last night I genuinely needed to cum and I really needed a good fucking. She reluctant at first but feeling me get fully hard in her helped her along and by the end, she grinned that she'd even had a bit of an orgasm herself. I won't say I came much but even that little bit just felt awesome as did the moment when I gently pulled out of her. She lay there for a moment under me letting me look at her; I love that sight, seeing the visible evidence of our passion. A moment later she pulled her legs away and jokingly said, "what a perv..." and giggled as she got off the bed and got a washcloth from the bathroom. She gently patted at her now abused pussy and said, "I hoped you enjoyed that because I am off limits tomorrow" and with that she playfully ‘fanned’ her hands between her legs as if to cool herself off!

Even with the hour less sleep last night, I have to say I slept great!

We did our talking today and we're not done yet so more later when I have more time to write, or maybe not till tomorrow. I’ll leave it as saying that it's been an interesting afternoon. From what she's said, I may have painted Dan as a bit too childish as Suzanna has surprised me by owning up to having orchestrated some of this herself!

******

I’ve been wondering if there was a reason why Suzanna didn't shower before she left on Saturday. I understood it to be that all along, that she (and he) wanted it as an extension to Friday night.

I guess it helps to hear the back story on her orchestrating this. She reminded me that even before she'd seen Dan on Friday that we'd discussed how he was going to be and then she reminded me that it was that had suggested she go back to him on Saturday. (I actually had to go back in what I written to see that I did actually say that.) I asked her what that meant and she just said, "I knew it turned you on when you suggested it" and then she said, "you are quite predictable".

I just stared at her when she said that and she proceeded to nonchalantly explain how Dan was annoyed with her. She just said he wasn't so much upset as (I guessed correctly) annoyed and not so much that she'd had sex with him but that she spent the night with him and, of course, that she'd let him cum in her.

I asked her what the deal is with that and she just said, "he's not like you" and explained that while he, "certainly likes having sex with me he just doesn't like it when he knows someone else has cum in me”. She then said that he was kind of annoyed for a while at first on Friday but he soon gave in once she was undressed. She looked at me and said plainly, "you might have been turned on by 3 different guys being in me that week, he certainly wasn't!"

She said she wasn't sure what to expect when she got home on Friday night. She said that if I was really horny for her and she didn't get the feeling that I could or would wait, she said she wouldn't have had a second thought about having sex with me. The conversation was happening quickly and I could barely comprehend what she said much less think of something to say.

She went on and said when I seemed okay about it and didn't give her a hard time at all she just went with it. Then she said something that I did remember, that in that moment she said to herself, "even if he does want it, he now has to wait". She just looked at me and said, "you wanted me to tell you that didn't you?”

I just nodded my head and she said, "I know". She looked at me and asked me, "Are you happy that I did?" I nodded my head yes in reply.

We talked about other stuff. I asked her if Dan was really acting as childish as it sounded to me. She said that at first, yes, she even admitted that he sounded like a spoiled child but by the time they'd had dinner, even before they had sex together, that he'd already calmed down and that by later in the evening it wasn't something that they were even really talking about. It wasn't until she was getting ready to leave that he brought up that she'd promised him something ‘special’. She said that she wasn't only half-serious when she, "I could come back tomorrow?" and she said he jumped on the opportunity.

I waited for it as I knew it was coming and sure enough I didn't even have to wait for it, "he kissed me and said he'd really like it if I'd come back just as I left".

She knew what it meant and so did I.

******

I noticed how gingerly she seemed to be walking yesterday morning. It’s justifiable that she wanted last night off; even I felt almost a little sorry for her but she's always described the feeling as a painful ache and she told me that she just feels ‘used’. She did confirm that her period is due ‘any day now’ and that she's considering seeing her ob-gyn again as she thinks she's definitely pre-menopausal now since she also said she's been feeling more hot-flushes recently too.

One of the things that did happen which I am still getting acclimatized to is that in our talking I admitted that I wanted the experience I had on Friday night and Saturday. I started saying this last night and it sort of rung home into this morning at what I admitted to. She asked me if I had wanted her to go back to Dan's and I said yes and I also opened up to her and told her that I did want to feel how it would be to know she was going back to him and that I would have to wait longer. She asked me a bunch of stuff that all sort of surrounded her trying to, I guess, believe that I wanted it. I think when I told her that Friday night lying next to her that I swore I was worried I'd have a wet-dream from being so turned on that she started to understand more.

In some of the talking we did last night she came out and asked me if some of the other stuff we'd talked about in the past would actually be something I would want to have happen. I was very hesitant to answer but eventually I nodded my head ‘yes’ and said that I would want to experience them much in the same way that Saturday came around; not as something that we so much plan, but as something that just happens. She agreed and reminded me that this was the same thing we ran into when we first started experimenting and fantasizing about other guys. I listened to her and she reminded me that every time we tried to plan for something to happen, that we were always disappointed but when it just happened on the spur of the moment, that we both seemed to enjoy it a lot.

The more we talked, the more relaxed I felt about opening up to her a bit more. She said several times, "We’re just talking about what turns you on, not that I'm going to necessarily run out and do it". So I just started talking to her and it was one of the first times that I haven't felt so self-conscious. I told her that she's already doing stuff that is really turning me on and she didn't seem to even really know it, "like what? What do you mean?" I just told her that the whole ‘panties on Wednesday and Thursday’ thing was something that just drives me crazy with desire. She giggled and even laughed out loud at that and she said she knew it turned me on a little but not that much and she admitted that she did it to keep HERSELF under control now!

I told her what I've written here many times, seeing them wet at times or seeing her ‘camel toe’ through them and, at the same time thinking or knowing she wants to keep herself for Dan, was just an incredible turn-on.

I think she is really now more fully understanding what she does that is a turn-on. She asked me again if I was happy that she'd ‘not wanted’ me on Friday night. I told her it was all I could do to not masturbate or even just spontaneously cum just from thinking about her and that lying in bed next to her that night that I have never felt myself have so much desire for her as I did at that moment. She giggled at that and then moved close to me and said, "I think I understand" and she held me and said that she would try to do more stuff if that was what I wanted. I nodded my head yes, still a bit almost ashamed to say yes.

I think the ‘light’ must have come on for her because she came out and asked me, "does this mean that you are also turned on when my period runs late?"

I hesitated for a moment before I nodded yes to her again and I have to say, I had a chill go up my spine at the smile I saw on her face after that. She seemed to fire off a bunch of questions after that as if to confirm what I'd just said to her. She asked about Wednesday and Thursdays. She again brought up Friday night and then asked about the other times she'd been out overnight. She even asked about how I felt back when she was with Peter and the things that had happened. I nodded yes to most of them.

At the end she held me close and said she understood a bit more. I told her that as long as I knew she was mine and would always be; that she could probably do anything and I'd go along with it. She smiled at that and really hugged me deeply and said she loved me. All she said was, "let me see what I’m comfortable with but I think we can have some fun with all of this now that I know what you're thinking".

There was more but I think that's the gist of it. I feel good that I finally opened up a bit more to her and let her know how I feel. I mean I thought I'd done all of this all along, but I guess we need to keep repeating it to each other.

I guess a part of me is worried that I let the cat out of the bag, but the other part of me feels good about it - now let’s see what happens.

******

Suzanna was sort of PMS-ey but both of us seemed to feel an urgency for sex last night.

I don’t have much time right now but she seemed to take the initiative herself regarding teasing and such. It began with her just saying earlier in the evening, "maybe you won't have me later?" followed by that giggle. Damn if my cock didn't jump at that.

It continued in bed later as she let me get started on her and she began to tell me how I should, "get her started for Dan..". That was a first, she'd never said anything like that before and, damn, I could taste that she really got wet as she said that and she knew from how my cock felt in her hand what my reaction was.

It was a very new feeling for me, having her take the lead and, my god, did it ever turn me on! Needless to say sex was explosive for both of us, enough that I think it left both of us a bit surprised.

*******

New book time!

******