Journal of a Journey - Book Thirty Six

It’s just past midnight now and I'm totally wired and awake ... even after an intensely satisfying solo-session.

As I lay there even after I'd cum I was still horny thinking of her. 11 days since my last time with her and, at the last count, she's had him at least 10 times. I swear I could hear it in her voice - no other way to describe it other than the sound of her being well-fucked. Maybe there's truth to it, that women become more responsive to the men who cum in them the most? Is it for real or is it all in her head thinking about it? You cannot imagine the way I feel knowing she wanted it this time; how horny and on the edge I feel.

Yet, I will also say that there are also many moments of doubt, at times the empty bed next to me seems to haunt me. I think about the times when I was travelling and I’d call to hear her voice before we'd be going to bed, I do miss that, but at the same time, when I think of her lying there, spooned up with him falling asleep in front of the TV, probably with his cock still in her, it is enough to push out those sad thoughts and replace them with a stiff cock in my boxers!

It is just so awesome to hear her. It's not so much excitement as it seems to be her being up in general. Like a spring in her step, there is a subtle inflection in her voice.

I’m having a million thoughts, thoughts like this one; I wondered what Suzanna might think of a black guy as a lover. I've said it before but she's never felt that race had much effect on her. I believe she wouldn't necessarily say no to a black guy but at the same time, it's not something she's looking for. Personally, I think the colour contrast could be very arousing to see.

I also think about Suzanna being aroused by the pregnancy risk (even though it's now impossibility). I cannot help but to think back to that summer day when she was clearly taken with some sort of pregnancy related thought! That she would possibly be aroused by that sort of thing would also be very erotic to know about her. I can see the idea being quite arousing in the right circumstances.

I'll even share that something else that was in my mind, would Suzanna, under the right circumstances, have sex with one (or more) of Ray’s buddies?. I suppose if the moon and the stars were lined up and enough alcohol was involved that anything could be possible. I can say that I've given this idea a run around the block. Could I see her staggering back with Ray and another guy after spending time at the hospitality-suites? Yeah, if the guy was smooth enough and, more importantly, that Ray would have indicated to her somehow it’s okay with it and he was into it too.

It's now about 12:30am so I am going to say goodnight and take a mild sedative which will hopefully let me close my eyes and stop my head running amok, full of thoughts.


I wonder why Ray hasn't found another girlfriend, I haven't asked him but I will. My impression and memory of an earlier conversations was that he's not a pussy-hound and that I thought he'd conveyed (or maybe what was gleaned from his ex-wife) that he wasn't all that into lots of sex. I'd always assumed that was all he wanted.

What I hadn't noticed so much was her pattern of distancing herself afterwards. I'd assumed it was her way of making sure she separated fantasy from reality and kept things in check. I have seen that she is much more aware of this part of herself of late. Perhaps the openness that we can talk with now is helping.

She texted me again late last night "love you lots. having a wonderful time here, hope you are okay tonight. Miss you and can't wait to be home. 1x " I didn't see it till I woke up but it immediately triggered a huge morning hard-on.

My ******** said she'd get herself out this morning so I could sleep in a bit. After jerking off to a massive orgasm last night I can't believe I felt so horny again this morning when I woke up (and am again now as I write!)

This morning, oh my, that was wonderful to be lying in bed and letting my imagination go. I had the vision of her on her knees, face down into the mattress and I pictured the moment he pulls out of her. That was enough to get me off for sure. Now, I do so want to wait and let this build for her tomorrow.


It is really starting to hit me that she's been gone a while now. I’m not sure if I feel as good about things as I thought I would be however, it’s done now and even if I wanted to I can't change anything.

It is such a crazy intense feeling to know that Ray has by now shared all of Suzanna. It is incredibly arousing to me to know that he knows her body so well. Seeing them together last Sunday it is obvious they are comfortable with each other; she readily allows him to do almost anything. One of the things they did that hit me the deepest was seeing how comfortable Ray is in playing with her pussy with his hands and fingers; how comfortable and confident he is. It is just crazy to watch another guy put his fingers in your wife's pussy and play with her all open as if it's nothing. Even more intense is seeing her react and respond to him.

But it is more than just the sex that turns me on. When I think about the sharing all of the intimacy together for 5 days now, oh god, it drives me crazy with arousal. It's the same type of arousal I get to see her prance around our bedroom with her panties on; to think of her sleeping next to him naked; sharing time in the bathroom and getting dressed together or, oh wow, (this one she told me yesterday that’s almost enough to ger me to jerk-off again) the thought of him leaving her naked in bed in the morning after he’s had a before-conference quickie! I love that she wants him to do it to her.


She is due to call sometime in the next 30-45 minutes. It's their last night there. It's weird, I don't feel upset at the prospect as I thought I might be talking to her. It is what it is, I guess, but I thought our conversations would be more emotional at times; I suppose it's good that it's not.

I dropped my ******** off to watch the High School football game with her friends tonight so she'll get a ride home later. The urge to masturbate is already rising so perhaps I’ll find something to do to take my mind off things so I am not provoking things further. I know I just need to get through tonight.

I am going to go get into a movie or work in the garage on something to give myself something else to focus on. I am quite sure though that later tonight there will be another bout with insomnia. I don't have to wonder why; the empty bed next to me alone is enough to trigger all sorts of thoughts in the middle of the night.


She called and straightaway she asked me if I was horny and I told her that I wanted her so much. She said she felt the same way and I joked, "So; horny too, huh”. She said, "well, maybe not so much horny but I do miss you". That both made me feel good as well as get even hornier!

I can't figure it out but hearing her talk about, "we're going out to dinner and then some other people are joining us for drinks afterwards", I'm not sure if she knows that saying such things turns me on. She went on to say, " ... but we want to get back not too late ..." and then hesitated. I pushed her to tell me and she said, " ummmm, you know.... " and coyly added, " ... you know, we want to spend the last night here in bed". I was silent as I took that in then she broke the silence, "You said you wanted to know; are you okay?"

I can't explain the feeling I had hearing her say that, knowing she wants it and knowing that it also meant she'd definitely been able to let herself go with Ray just as she'd wanted.

She told me that she had to go and we said our goodbyes and as I closed the call I thought to myself that Ray is in for one heck of a night!


It's only 12:35am and I am sure, if she's gotten herself in the mood, that she is begging him to fuck her again and again. I know when I can get her like that we can literally fuck for hours if I can keep it hard. She will ride it for hours; she'll kiss him; he'll caress her with his cock still in her; he'll rub her tits or kiss behind her ear and get her turned on. Soon she'll start to thrust herself back and forth. If he's like me, I'll get a little softer but once she starts to grind, I firm up and she loves to feel me grow inside her. She'll ride like that , side-by-side, sometimes she'll push him over onto his back and enjoy herself. I know how she'll grind herself against him until he feels her pussy starting to really get wet and with the right rhythm, her vagina will open up inside and feel like a warm glove. As she starts to cum the sensations she gives you are unbelievable and he will feel her pussy milking away at his cock. If he can hold off and allow her to cum and then come down, she'll repeat this for as long as he can keep from cumming in her.

I know she's going to be there tonight; I could just tell by the playfulness in her conversation, the up in her voice let me see and hear her excitement.

It's good; I'm good with it. There's this ache in me at knowing what she's experiencing without me that Ray is bringing her this pleasure but it's also wildly arousing to think of him having that much liberty with her sexually. It is even more intoxicating to think of her finally able to let herself go with him, or more pertinently, someone other than me.

I've lost count of how many ‘x’s’ she's sent me but the thought that each ‘x’ indicates Ray's cum flooding her pussy for damn near 2 weeks now is also crazily exciting. I don't know why, maybe it’s the thought of that pregnancy thing; maybe, maybe not, I just know the thought of his cock buried in her this many times and it being only him that cums in her is such a turn-on. Not so much from it being him, but most definitely from Suzanna wanting it.

I guess that is the denial that turns me on.....


I'll end here with the jumbled thought of knowing that at times she grows tired of Ray and his passive ways and her wanting him to be dominating but then she gets frustrated in not being able to find, or even know where or how to look for a guy that could know those boundaries she wants to be reached. Time for sleep.


A text came through at 1:12am "mmm - love you - see you tomorrow - hope you're okay. 2x"

I didn't see it till I woke up at around 4am but reading it and seeing the empty bed next to me, oh man, it made my cock sprang to life.


Last night and this morning have I think been the most difficult;. I know what blue-balls feel like for sure! Even after jerking off as much as I have I know there's a huge load in there waiting for Suzanna.

I'm not sure if I can quite convey how horny I’m feeling but this is most definitely what I wanted to feel. I love this feeling of intense desire for her, longing for her. My hand, even with lube just isn't a substitute for her pussy and the feeling of having her body drawing it out of me.

If there was ever a feeling like going on a first-date all over again, it's going to be tonight. Not that I've forgotten at all what her pussy feels like but the thought that she's had Ray so many times is equally driving me crazy.

I don't think she'll be spending time at Ray’s today when they get back. When I spoke with her briefly this morning she said she expected to be home by 3-3:30pm at the latest so I suspect they’ll be landing soon.


The call this morning about 9:30am was brief. I could tell she hadn't been up long as she had this sleepy sound in her voice and I’m sure I could hear the shower running in the background. I asked her how her night was and she sort of moaned gently and said, "everything I wanted, thank you so much". Just the way she said it left me in no doubt how she felt. She said some other stuff but I was again kind of lost in her words and I think she knew it because she giggled and said, "I'll tell you more when I get home. Love you". And that was it.

I am now on pins and needles waiting for her to come home. Our ******** must be well in-tune with her mom's desires as she's again ‘made plans’ for the evening so it means Suzanna and I will have the house to ourselves until later this evening after dinner. It's going to be my turn to add a few ‘x’s’ to the weekend!


I have to say that a bit more of ‘reality’ set in on me as I waited those last 2 hours. After I wrote that last update I got into kind of a funk. As I wandered about the house waiting it really started to get to me that my wife had just spent almost a week away from me with her lover and there I was sitting alone with just a hard-on for company. I know I shouldn't have let my mind go there but within just a short time I found myself kinda feeling really down.

There wasn't anything I could do to shake it and I guess I should have been surprised that this didn't hit me earlier in the week. I was straightening things out in our bedroom but seeing her rings in her jewellery box didn't help my mood any and I just had to get out of there.

What did cheer me up was a text from her about 2:15pm that said "just picked up our bags. See you in about an hour -” Seeing that from her snapped me out of my funk to a degree. I scrolled down and saw the other texts from her from earlier in the week and when I let my mind run that really helped and turned me on. By mid-afternoon I had pushed most of the bad thoughts out of my mind and had gotten myself back towards being really horny again.

What really cleared my head was looking out of the bedroom window and seeing her pull in the driveway. I could see from the look on her face before she even closed the car door that she'd had the week away she needed. I saw the smile on her face and as she walked towards the door I ran down the stairs and met her at the door. She came in and at that moment I didn't care what she'd been doing before; I felt her in my arms and nothing else mattered.

Kissing her felt electric. I knew she felt it too when she didn't want to break it. We actually moved into the house and closed the door while still kissing. I backed her up to the wall and we still stayed connected. Her moaning left me in no doubt that she wanted to hold me as much as I did her. It felt so good to feel that much desire, it felt so exciting to feel her whole body against mine.

Finally we broke the kiss and I stepped back and looked at her. She giggled at me and said, "I guess you missed me, huh?!"

I told her she looked great, she really did. From looking a bit tired and stressed before she'd left now she looked so calm. Her eyes told how relaxed she must be feeling; I told her she looked beautiful.

She asked where our ******** was and I reminded her that she'd be gone till after dinner. Suzanna smiled and said, "I guess I know what that means!" and a second later she said, "let’s go up to the bedroom". Needless to say I eagerly followed her up!

(I have to say that as I followed her up the stairs I suddenly had the thought of the whole sperm-competition thing and from how much I wanted her at that moment, I’m thinking there may be some truth to it.)

When I got to the bedroom, Suzanna was standing there waiting for me. We went into a kiss again and I started to run my hands all over her including starting to unbutton her top. She let me unbutton a few buttons on her top and then stepped back from me and said, "I know you're horny for me, but we don't have to rush .... besides, I wanted to talk to you first".

I took a step back and took a breath and realized she was right and that I should probably savour the moment a bit more. I stepped back suggested we could get a glass of wine while we talked. She liked that idea and I told her I'd be back in a second. (I already had a bottle open so I was back upstairs in literally just seconds.) My hand shook as I poured, she looked so sexy sitting there on the edge of our bed.

We drank our wine and talked about general stuff; how was the flight (okay - no delays); whether she'd come straight home or stopped in at Ray’s (straight home after getting her car at Ray’s - just a kiss goodbye), etc. but after we almost finished the glass we both felt the pressure to get to what was really going on.

I moved towards her and she lay back and let me get next to her. As we started to kiss again I asked her, "so, were you a naughty girl today?" She giggled and played along and said, "mmmm, you'll just have to find out".

I knelt above her and continued to unbutton her top until her bra was *******. I pulled her up from the bed and reached behind her and she giggled as I unclipped it with one hand when she felt my hard cock pressing against her. When she lay back down I pushed her bra up and out of the way. Oh man, her breasts looked incredible! It'd been 5+ days since I'd seen them and they fitted right in with the rest of her appearance. They looked taut and erect, her nipples were definitely hard and I swore it looked like they'd been sucked at just recently. I pulled off my shirt and she pulled off her bra and top and we again kissed. I told her that I loved feeling her hard nipples against my chest as we kiss. She giggled and said that she liked it too.

I was really anxious to get into her pants. As I was kissing her the reality of finally having her back again was getting to me. I felt that I wanted to rip her clothes off of her at that moment but I took a deep breath and tried to slow myself down. It was so difficult trying to keep calm with the thought of just a pair of jeans and her panties beneath as being between me and her pussy was getting to me.

We kissed more and I could tell she was horny; I was glad she was, it made me feel good that she seemed to really want me. I needed to feel that from her and she surely let me know it. I kissed my way down her neck, from behind her ear and down to her breasts. I could feel her breathing get deeper and hear her gently moaning as I kissed around and then gently sucked and nibbled at her nipples. The thought that Ray had them for most of the past week to do the same made me even hornier, I couldn’t rid my mind of the vision that he'd no doubt been sucking, gently biting and tweaking them.

I knew she was just as horny from how she was responding and I got off her and slid off my pants down to my boxers. I climbed back up on her and unbuttoned her jeans and as I started to pull them down she became a bit skittish. She reached down and held onto her pants up and said, "Not so fast". I nearly jumped out of my skin at that, I wasn't sure if she was just teasing me or what. "What’s up?" I asked.

She was calm and said, "I just wanted you to take moment longer ....." she paused " ... while I tell you something ....” I think I stopped breathing.

"Before you start I thought you should know that I did some trimming down there while I was away". My mind went back to before she left for she'd let her pubes grow in quite a bit. Now, I didn’t know what I was going to be seeing and instantly started going out of my mind with desire.

I reached for her jeans and she giggled and said, “mind, just the jeans first ... " and then she pulled at my waistband and said, " .... because you still have these on!” I pulled off her jeans and she lay there in just her panties beneath me. When she spread her legs a bit I swear my cock came poking out of the fly of my boxers as I jumped off the bed and pulled them off. She looked up and me and had the biggest smile when she saw my hard cock.

I knelt next to her and put my fingers into the waistband of her panties and she teased me again and said, "are you sure you're ready?" I moaned a, "uh huh" affirmative, she smiled and lifted her butt and spread her legs a bit to let me slide them off.

I swear I nearly came just as I slid them off her. The first thing I noticed was the wet-spot right in the middle of the panties as they came off. With her legs still together I couldn't really see any change, she'd left most of her bush in place but when I pulled her panties off she spread her legs to reveal her new look! She'd shaved the sides bare from just below her clit all the way back to her butt! I could feel the pre-cum running out of my cock as it throbbed away but I couldn't take my eyes off her pussy.

It had been almost 2 weeks since I'd even seen it and I immediately felt such a rush of desire that I didn't think about much more than finally having her again.

As I lay down next to her, both of us now naked, she rolled towards me, our bodies touched and my cock grazed against her mound for the first time in almost 2 weeks.

She reached down and gently held my cock, smiled and said, "oooh, someone's ready!". At the same time my fingers found her newly bare smooth skin and traced gently up and down the sides of her pussy. Each time I went up near her clit she moaned; each time I went down to the bottom I ran my finger between her lips and all around the now wider and wider opened pussy. I could feel wetness seeping out of her and even without going down to taste it, I just knew the wet had to be from Ray earlier that morning! As I rubbed up and down the sides with one finger, I started to use a second one to spread her pussy lips apart and when I did, she shook a little bit next to me again as if an electric shock had run through her.

She raised her knees and pulled them back a bit as we got more and more worked up. What I should also say is that I was as worked up as she was and we hadn't even talked about anything from her time away, she hadn't even mentioned anything about what she and Ray had done, this was all just purely physical desires at missing each other (and more).

I teased her for a little longer, the whole time my fingers only traced around the outside of her pussy, up to her clit which would make her moan and then down the centre of her lips down to her vaginal opening but I would only trace around the edge of it. She thrust her hips upwards to try to get me to push my fingers into her but I had mentally decided that I wanted it to be my cock that entered her first; I wanted to feel her that way first after so long without.

As she moaned away under my fingers attention to her pussy and my continued sucking at her tits, I started to move to get on top of her and she looked up at me and down at my cock. I knelt between her legs and ran my cock up and down just as I had run my fingers just a moment ago. I pushed the tip up against her opening, rubbed it all around and then up and down her slit. Between her wetness and the pre-cum I'd drawn out it felt awesome feeling her labia against the head of my cock.

She squealed at feeling how hot and hard my cock was. I was really close to just plunging into her but I wanted to feel her as horny as I was. I rubbed it up and down a few more times and she started to moan that I was teasing her. I smiled and kept it up for a moment longer. That was when she regained her composure and pushed me back away from her for a moment, "Maybe you won't have me just yet?”

What? Holy crap, I wasn't ready for that. My cock was throbbing and now she'd pushed me back and had pulled her knees together keeping me away. It was playful for sure but I sensed she had this tone about her that put me on edge.

"What? Come on!" I moaned. She smiled but still kept me away and I’m thinking that maybe I'd teased her enough that she wanted her turn. She looked up at me and said, "what if you waited a little longer baby; would that turn you on?" She tipped her head up a bit and said, "you look so horny, just think how you'd be if you waited a little longer.”

"Come on, you said when you got back...." I started to complain and whine a bit but she kept it up. "Maybe I could give you a blow-job. Would that be okay?"

I honestly didn't know if she was serious or just teasing me.

"I was really turned on with Ray all week.... " then she added "or, like I told you before I left, maybe you could use a condom".

I started to freak out at this. I mean I was so horny, kneeling there against her and my cock was literally throbbing with my heartbeat standing straight out. She held it gently in her hand and said as if she was talking to it, "maybe you should wait a little longer before you get to go back in me." Then she looked up at me and said in this convincing voice, "I'm going to leave it up to you - if you want to wait".

I was frantic; was she serious? It was all happening so fast; I barely had time to think about it. I felt like I was a puppet on a string; I needed to have her say what she wanted. I managed to croak out, "is that what you want?”

I was on my knees and she looked up at me, smiled and slowly spread her legs apart again inviting me to look down at her at where her legs were parting. She put both hands down and gently pulled at her pussy spreading it open for me and revealing the silky pink inside her along with the visible wetness that seemed to be everywhere inside her. I was in a trance staring at her until I heard her start to speak, "It's only been Ray in me for 2 weeks now ... " She waited till I looked up at her face to continue, "... it feels really sexy that he's been the only one".

I think I must have moaned at that because she looked at me and said, "I know you must really want me" and I definitely moaned back a, "uh huh" for she responded by continuing to tease me. I watched her slip one finger into her pussy and she said to me, "it's just been Ray in me for so long now." She then licked off her finger, "he left me very wet this morning".

I think all of that took like 15 seconds but it felt like an eternity. My cock was going crazy and I knew if she touched it again that I'd blow my load on her wrist. She looked down at it bobbing away and she said, "I'll bet you'd like to cum in me. What did you call it, reclaim me?” Then she turned on this sexy coy attitude, "I'm not sure I'm that kind of girl to be with more than one guy...” I was about to lose it when she even went as far as to open her nightstand and said, "if you really have to, there are condoms in there...."

Oh my god, I was about to freak out. I mean if that's truly what she wanted then I would have done it; at that moment I would have done anything including putting on a condom. She saw the frantic look on my face but continued with her tease, "what do you think? Should we go a little longer with just Ray having me bare?" She made a move to reach towards the nightstand.

I must have had a look of total dejection and acceptance. In my head I know for a moment I’m thinking, "Okay, this time if I have to, I'll use a condom." I was even getting close to actually saying "okay" when she spread her knees apart and pulled me down to her and kissed me. She looked at me and I noted her breathing had become very short and shallow when with a shaky voice she said, "Wow, you're really worked about this, aren't you?" Then she said in a clearer voice, "okay, how about if I let you fuck me but maybe you tell me when you're about to cum?"

I could tell she was worked up but I still couldn't quite read whether she was just teasing me or whether she was for real. She was driving me crazy making me want her even more. When she suggested that I pull out before cumming I had reached a point where I didn't care and I said "okay". With that she pulled her knees back and said, "okay, but go slow, I am a little sore down there".

She pulled her knees back and I finally pushed my way into her pussy! Oh my god, the first time in almost 2 weeks and, wow, she was so open and soooooo wet.

I pushed slowly until I was half-way in her when she suddenly pulled her legs together and held me off. "Maybe you should wait". She looked up at me and said, "Maybe I want it to just be Ray for a little longer?” She then told me I could fuck her with just the first half of my cock but not to push in any further.

She felt so incredible; her soft silky wetness. She let me push in and out of her but only with the first part of my cock and all the time saying, "if I let you have more you have to tell me if you're going to cum".

I managed to groan out at the height of my arousal something like, "okay, if I can" and she allowed me to stroke in and out of her a little more of my cock then more and more until I was just about all the way into her but I knew, and she knew, that I wouldn't have much more control after that. I felt my cock bottom out in her and as I started to pull back I moaned to her that, "I’m going to cum soon". She seemed just as excited, her reply was, "ok, just tell me when you're going to".

I fucked her for a few moments longer, each time plunging deeper and more forcefully into her - until I was almost at the edge. I said, "I'm almost there ..." and then I groaned, "... do I have to pull out?”

I was scared to hear her answer. I knew that if I had to knowingly pull out of her that I'd wind up spurting all over her stomach so in the few remaining seconds I steeled up my nerve. She hadn't answered me yet but sure enough, a moment later I moaned to her, "oh, here it cums". I half expected her to push me off of her but at that moment instead of pushing me off and away from her, she pulled her knees back and smiled and looked up at me and said, "let me have it!”

It took me a second to realize she'd opened up and that she wasn't pushing me away; that I was plunging freely balls-deep into her and a second later, damn, if I didn't slam into her and start to cum and cum and cum in her!

She squealed herself as I seemed unable to stop cumming and cumming. At one point my cock slipped completely out of her on an upward pull and her hand immediately guided me back into her wet hole. This time I plunged into her and didn't move until the waves of orgasm finished rolling over both of us and I felt 2 weeks’ worth of pent-up orgasms release all at once into her!

I collapsed against her as we both struggled to catch our breaths. She giggled and looked up at me and said, "well, I guess that was one heck of a welcome home". I looked at her and in between breaths I told her I'd missed her so and that ,"I thought you were serious for a moment there?”

She kissed me and said, "I was but I knew you really needed to have me".

I looked at her and said, "Are you serious? I didn't want to but if you were serious, I would have".

She smiled and just said, "Maybe next time".

And that was my welcome-home for her.

We cuddled for a few moments and even pleasantly dozed off together. It wouldn't be till later Saturday night that we'd talk more fully about things.


We had dinner and then the girls went out to go shoe-shopping. That’s fine, right now I'm still kind of wired from earlier tonight and I wanted to finish this update off.

I realized in my haste to recall Saturday that I have skipped over things that in re-reading (and getting me worked up yet again) that there is more that I should fill in. Rather than a blow-by-blow (or thrust-by-thrust) recap of second time we did it Saturday night or the intense afternooner we had yesterday that left me more than satisfied, you can understand that the sex between us since she's been back has just been astounding. She's already said she wants it again tonight and believe me when I say, amazingly, I am up for it! (Although I will admit that my cock is feeling a bit worn out!

I know she'd played up the whole continued-denial thing with me on Saturday and, wow, did it get me off intensely. Afterwards, I didn't really dwell on it, nor did it really come up again other than in a playful tease that was nowhere near as intense as earlier. No, the intensity of later Saturday night came from her telling me of some of what they'd done over the past 5 days.


To hear her tell it was just incredibly erotic. She told me she was turned on when they checked in as Mr. and Mrs. She emphasized how she felt, how it made her feel, but not really mentioning Ray as a part of it.

It reminded me of way-back-when when we were dating and if we went away people assumed we were married. I remembered that sort of thing making her horny (of course, it could just be my imagination fuelled by all of this stuff now creating memories). To hear her tell me how they unpacked and how they then got ready to go out that first night, she seemed so nonchalant telling me how Ray was getting washed up at the sink as she was in the shower.

I joked with her that I was surprised that he didn't jump her when they first got into the room. She looked at me and said, "why do you think we were getting washed up?”

I asked her, "So, are you going to tell me about that?" and I pointed at her semi-bare pussy.

She got all quiet for a moment and then said, "Okay, I'll tell you".

She proceeded to tell me how after they'd had a bit to drink in the hotel bar they'd gone back to the room and she'd gotten naked. She said that Ray made an off-hand comment on preferring her bare if he was going to eat her pussy. At first she told him that she was going to not respond but then she said very calmly that she thought, why not, and offered to let him help give her a little trim.

I started to get a bit squirmy at the thought but she said he mainly helped by trimming everything with a scissors down short and then, "he held my skin taut while I used the razor and some lotion". I knew she wasn't going to hold back and I guess I shouldn't have been all that surprised. However, it was the way she said it that made me queasy to think that she'd shared that with him but at the same time, damn, if it didn't turn me on to hear. I confess that I just wasn't sure how to respond to my wife describing her doing this stuff of being away with Ray but after the shock of it kind of wore down that it just became in my head, "okay, it's done". From there, I don't know, it just seemed easier to talk about, or I should say, it became easier to hear.

I did want to hear about it and when she described some of their sex together, oh my god, I can't fully explain how it felt; it felt in some ways almost as if I'd been punched in the stomach. It was like a knot in there but at the same time seeing the bubbly bouncy look on her and her genuine excitement, how could I not be turned on? Hearing how she would get on her knees for him or how she would suck him, that ‘he'd always cum in me’ was just intense and even though our first time earlier was incredible I found myself plunging into her with another raging hard-on and knew that I was going to blow in a few moments more of hearing her describe what they had shared.

I'll confess that as she kept on with telling me what she had done that I found myself in an intense daydream about her. Feeling her really really silky inside; that little ring of tightness that she'd usually had seemed to have gone; she felt velvety all the way in and the more I got into it the more all I could think of was how she must have looked and felt all week. Forget lubricants, no need, for in my mind she really was that hot girl in her late 20's who was into sex and the feeling of my cock thrusting into her combined with hearing her moans and the visions in my head it took only a few moments before I let loose with a second load that seemed to scald her pussy. She squealed as she too came just as violently under me.

(Later on she commented on ‘how much’ I'd cum and once more it made me think about that sperm-competition thing).

After that beginning I just had to ask her later about the text message and whether she'd found what she was looking for. She held my hand and nodded, she said that for the first time in a long time that she felt totally uninhibited and totally free.

I asked her if she doesn't feel that way with me and she said that when we are away that she does get there and, yes, it might take some champagne and such but, “yes”.

I waited for the other shoe to drop and she obliged. She said that she'd been able to feel all of that with Ray then she added that she found she was able to let go more easily with him and that by the end of the week she felt like she'd been able to experience the kind of sex that she'd been wanting.

I was a bit hurt but not surprised, I think I've maybe known it all along that she might find something with Ray or whoever that she can't get from me or not as easily. Basically saying that she didn't need to drink as much to let herself go and that between her leaving her rings home and knowing I wanted her to go that she felt she could maybe finally let herself have it.

She looked at me and said that it didn't mean anything bad about us and while I know it sounds good it doesn't necessarily ease this feeling I'm finding I'm having. I knew it was going to happen, that one day she'd begin to feel and experience things with other guys other than me. I think I've known it all along but I don't think I was totally ready to hear it but what she said next did make me feel a little better.

She said, "it isn't Ray you know.”

I didn't know what she meant and she said, "It isn't Ray that did it for me".

I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "what I got from last week was all from me and my own letting go. OK, it was with Ray but it could have been any guy ... I think I could let myself go".

I asked her, "how about me?"

She smiled and said, "Yes, of course with you but baby, it's always going to be different with a lover than with you," and then she said it, "it's what turns you on too, that it's not with you .... I know that".

I asked her what she meant by letting-go and she said that it's all in her head, that in reality the sex probably wasn't any different, but in her head this time she just felt that she could truly be someone else and that she could let herself go and get into that character. She said that it wasn't a bad thing as she was actually able to not have to think about the rest of life for a while while she was away, not to have the stress of dealing with her ***; not the stress of crap going on at work; not the stress of dealing with the hormones of a 16 year old girl. She even said, "not the stress of making sure you are well taken care of too".

She looked at me and said that she was finally able to cum with Ray to where she could think of and feel nothing but the pleasure from him. She giggled and told me that, "he even made me squirt a few times". That stunned me, up until then she said I was the only one to ever truly make her squirt during sex (we thought she was peeing at first till we both realized it) and the last time was probably a year or more ago. When I heard her say that I realized what she was saying and telling me.

I was a bit sad at that thought but, at the same time, I have to be honest and say that thinking of her that way is just a beautiful thing to imagine; to know she's able to achieve that is strangely arousing to say the least.

It is incredibly exciting to see her come alive like this.


It is most interesting to learn so much new about one's spouse. At times I am not sure that this is really all a good thing but then when I feel the closeness and openness between Suzanna and me I think, “What’s not to like?”

I have to sometimes remind myself that it is just sex. Not to trivialize it but I still don't feel any threat from Ray for she barely mentions him. Yes, in hindsight some of what set me feeling ill yesterday and the day before now seems somewhat overblown. I think it all feels new to me (even though I've experienced similar things in the past) and I have to accept it doesn't matter, it still gives me just the same excitement along with the same angst; it’s just the same. I have to pinch myself so-to-speak and listen to the voices in my head that tell me it’s the same thing!

Perhaps that I feel it all over again is a good thing. Maybe it means our relationship is just as vibrant and exciting even though it's been done-before. It is still just as intense for me the second time around.

I'm laughing at myself as I think back to how I freaked out when I found out that Suzanna had shown Peter how to insert her diaphragm. Iit's making me laugh to myself that I'm on edge this time about her shaving her pussy. Even though it has gone on now for a relatively long time, at times it still amazes me and gives me the chills that Ray and whoever else have had as much intimacy with her as they have. I guess it's a humbling feeling in a way to know that it's something that she's shared but, my gosh, at the same time it is just so arousing to think of her being so sexual.

I’ll just add that as with the last time she went-away with Ray that she's already declared this to be ‘my week’ and she is not seeing Ray this week at all. In a similar vein, this morning she came out of the shower naked and stood at her dresser looking at panties. She held a pair against her waist (I could see her in the mirror) and as she did so she looked at me and said, "I think I'll wait till next week to resume wearing these around you" and she proceeded to put the panties along with what she was going to wear to work on the bed before she went back into the bathroom to dry her hair still naked. So, hey, I'll take this for as long as she wants!

She has said though that there is a lot more we need to talk about so I expect tonight may be a bit less active and a bit more passive (talking). There's still a lot that I want to know about and I suspect she feels the same. I can just sense it when we're together.


We weren't going to have sex tonight. That was confirmed earlier in the evening when came up behind her in the kitchen and she said straight out "you're not getting anything tonight; I need a break already!” I suppose she's right when I thought about what she's been getting is for the past 7 days but, frustratingly for me, that same thought also got me horny.

After dinner we went upstairs as our ******** had commandeered the den-TV. In our bedroom we started to talk and she actually said that she was happy she ‘wasn't having sex tonight’. I joked back with her that I didn't want her getting worn out down there which made her laugh with me. It was a good ice-breaker.

We had the TV on but she wanted to talk more about her new revelation that she was able to let herself go. She said, "It was really different than last time with him" and I asked her to tell me more. She said something about that she's always felt really comfortable with Ray. I added that I felt the same way about him.

I asked her if they'd really had sex every time she'd sent me an ‘x’. I told her I'd counted 10 (actually 9 for I knew they'd gone at it one last time before they left on Saturday) and that this has been in the back of my mind.

She smiled and nodded as her answer so I asked the next obvious question, "did he cum in you each time?"

To hear her say ‘yes’ so calmly, oh my god, my heart took a skip as I figured 10 times in 5 days; 4 more times the week before they left.... I was humbled to think that he'd cum in her 14 times before I got to reclaim her. No wonder I was so horned up for her. Even now, thinking about it I feel like a horny teenager.

She told me again how she'd really cum hard along with him some of the times. She seemed to be very calm and open about saying, "it was so much better than at the wedding". It killed me inside to hear that she responded so well .... and so many times.

She then said, "I want you to feel something". I wasn't sure what she was leading to but she stood up and came over to my side of the bed, pulled up her night-shirt and revealed her pussy to me (no panties!). She spread her legs a bit and she said, "feel me, go on, push your finger in me". As I did she looked at me and said, "do you feel how wet I am inside?!"

I nodded and admitted, wow, that she felt really soft and hot and yes, very wet! I joked with her, "that’ll be from me yesterday and the day before".

Her answer was, "maybe but I was like this all of last week too" and she proceeded to say that by the end of the week she was away that she said she felt like a teenager again when she would get so wet sometimes.

The thing was, she was very concerned about how I felt hearing this. I mean she was calm about telling me it all which was kind of sexy in just hearing her talk like this but she started to then say things to make sure I was okay. She said again how it wasn't so much Ray as it was her own desires and in her own head.

I told her that she'd told me this the other day and I reminded her about what she'd said about, "it could be anyone". She said she was still concerned that she'd hurt me by saying all of that and then she said, "With all you've given me and let me do, I just want to make sure it's all good for you and that you'd always be honest with me if it wasn't".

I pulled her to me and hugged her and said, "as long as we can talk about it, we'll be okay". She seemed relieved to hear me say that and from being calm before that exchange, she then became much more animated after it, as if she maybe finally felt she could tell me more.

Like earlier in the conversation, it wasn't easy for me to listen to her rave about, "how good it felt to cum like that" and to her say how wet she was all week. She held little back as she told me how she'd easily have multiple orgasms this time with him; how very aware at times of how he felt in her, especially when she'd cum. She said she was able to tell him what to do to intensify it (telling him that she likes to continue to be fucked as she cums but that she likes it less forceful but with longer-strokes; telling him that’s how I do it!) She described, “He is so wet from just cumming in me when he pulls out".

I have to admit it, when I could stay focused on the sex part, that it was sooo erotic to hear her talk like this. It then became kind of eerie when she said how my keeping her rings also seemed to influence her; she said that in her mind it sort of symbolized my wanting her to let go and that she found it exciting to think of that way and that she thought it helped her.

I was a little dry when I managed to say I was happy and that it turned me on to see them in her jewellery box knowing what it meant. She smiled at that and said it was nice to know. She even told me that at one point she was feeling good enough to have considered letting Ray try to fuck her ass.

I gave her a surprised look and said, "Really?" in a choking kind of voice and then I added, "... and?"

She looked at me and said, "don't worry baby, I told you I don't like that. So yes, you were the last to do that to me and it's probably going to remain that way!" With that we both laughed which felt good because I was feeling kind of edgy.

She held my hand and she said, "I'm really glad that you're not all freaked out by this".

I told her that as long as ‘she and me’ are still ‘us’ that things will be okay. It was an awkward moment and I felt she needed to hear something from me so I said, "it still turns me on that you are so horny these days". I could see she wanted to hear something more so I added, "... and yes, it turns me on incredibly".

It was a nice moment between just us two. She pulled me in for a hug and a kiss and said she loved me and I returned the thought.

I think she may have wanted to talk more (it was only about 10pm) but we'd spent over an hour and a half talking so I suggested we go and join our ******** and watch some TV with her. As I said to Suzanna, "maybe spend some time with our ********?" She agreed saying, "you're right" and we went down and the 3 of us watched a couple of shows before our ******** went off to bed.

I know she'd said ‘no sex tonight’ earlier but now after all of that talk, damn, I was horny again. When we were washed up and ready for bed, lying there she leaned over, kissed me and reached for my cock and gave it a squeeze. She felt how stiff I was and then said with a laugh in her voice, "Not again?"

I could see how sleepy she was feeling and I made no objection when she said that I should go have some fun in the den and let her sleep....

I know we haven't yet talked about the pink-elephant in the room, the whole denial thing, but tonight it just didn't seem right to bring it up if it didn't come up of its own accord. Despite my wariness at what she may say, I want her to be comfortable and confident enough with me to say what she truly wants to say.


I'm struck at our return to relative normalcy these past few days. I'm surely appreciating it and actually hadn't realized how much I missed enjoying her lack of modesty.

I am sure that tonight our openness and communication are going to be called on again. Over coffee before she left we talked about watching a debate tonight on TV and as she was finishing and getting ready to leave she turned and saw me looking/ogling her and then came up to me and said, "you know, there's something we haven't talked about yet."

I gave her a kiss and I said, "I know".

She replied, "I haven't been ready to talk about it yet, but I think we should tonight".

I held her again and said, "it's okay, when you're ready" I paused and then said, "I do want to talk about it too".

She held me close, hugged me and I felt her grind up against me. When she pulled away she had a sly smile on her face. I am sure she felt my cock feeling a little stiff in my pants.


It is clear that her actions the week before she left was both for her own benefit but also made to push my buttons too. She could have kept it from me that she got together with Ray and she certainly didn't have to include me on Sunday. However, she was pretty clear about it to both of us, Ray and me.

I'm not sure why I have this ill feeling at times wondering and maybe even worrying about what she may want to tell me. I honestly don't think she would ever force me into something that didn't work for me so I'm not going to get concerned about that. However, at the same time I'm not so naive to think that if she pushed for something enough, that I do know I might give in too.

I've said all along that while I do want this feeling of her wanting to deny me, that it's not something I can ever see as a long-term thing. It is satisfying in its own way to see the woman I love so being pleasured and fulfilled by another guy but the difference is that I simply can't go months without having intimate sex with her.

What would I be willing to do? I can't really say what my limits are as far as denial is concerned. For me, not being able to say how far I would be prepared to go is the main reason I haven't brought the subject up on my own. She already knows it turns me on that she will deny me but I'm not sure myself of what I will and won't be okay with. Maybe it might be wise if I don’t jump into anything or agree to anything off the bat without giving it some thought.

I’m thinking that in a way it was easier for me last week when she was away, which has been a recurring thought. Was it easier for me knowing I wasn't going to have sex with her to simply not have her here with me? Would it have been more extreme for me to have her here at home but to be with Ray? It's a hypothetical question about which I have given a lot of thought.

What do I want? I don't know. Apparently, I'm not alone, Suzanna has confessed to the same sort of questioning right now herself.


I had thought when we went up to the bedroom about 9pm that we were going to start ‘the talk’. Our ******** was skyping with friends and her boyfriend as she did her homework and somehow they were watching ‘Glee’ on TV at the same time. Why do teenage girls like that show?

Anyway, in the bedroom she turned and basically said that we should have a quickie before we started to talk. I made no complaint and we quickly got undressed. I felt her pussy and it was wet but not drenched as it had been earlier in the week. Nonetheless, no lubricants were needed and within a few minutes she had a screeching orgasm just before my own. I’m guessing it was my motions that carried her all along the way! It really felt great to feel in sync with her and she was right, it did feel easier to talk lying there afterwards.

We lay and as we got our breaths back and she came out with it, she asked me, "how would you feel if you didn't do that?"

I wasn't ready for the blunt start of the conversation but rolled up on my side towards her and said, "Do what?"

She looked at me and she said, "you know, cum in me.” I was a bit surprised that she just came out and asked and my face must have shown it. She said, "I know you said it turns you on and I want to know how you liked it last week and the week before?”

I think she was being blunt like this because it was just easier for her to come out and say it rather than trying to work around it. I'd just cum so I'm not totally sure of what I was feeling. I told her that it turned me on. She asked me why and I said something to the effect of, "it turns me on that you want that".

Then she asked me something really interesting. She said, "does it only turn you on if I am seeing someone else?” I didn't understand what she meant but she explained further that she wanted to know whether if she just denied me but didn't have sex with anyone else, whether that would turn me on.

I hadn't really thought of this in this way before and I told her so. She encouraged me to think about it and to be honest with her. It didn't really take me that long to think it through but it did make me realize that it isn't just her denying me that turns me on rather it is definitely that she has sex with Ray.

She held my hand and she asked me if I’d enjoyed masturbating in the last 2 weeks. I wasn't shy, I nodded my head.

It felt like it was my turn to ask her a question in the conversation, so I asked her, "how was it just being with him?” I thought I would have had a bit more trouble asking her that but it seemed to just flow at the moment. She didn't answer right away and I sensed she needed something else so I said, "did it help get you what you wanted to feel?”

I think she might have been on the edge of shedding a tear at that moment so I held her hand and said some stuff about it being okay and that I wanted her to be able to do what she wanted if it meant her happiness so I went for broke and said, " ... after the stress with your ***, you needed it".

She took my hand again and she started to say how she felt it affected her that, mentally, yes, it made her horny to think about and be doing, especially when she saw my reactions. Then she looked at me and said that she thought it was also a physical thing and she said that each time she'd see Ray before they left, even if it was just for a quickie, that she felt she was wanting him more.

She said that, "by the time we went away, I think it really made me want him ...". She was quiet for a moment, "... it might be what made it so good". She went on to say that she was thinking that when we go away and I get her all crazy, that it's (usually) just me who cums in her before we go and certainly while we're away and she was starting to think maybe it helped her last week.

I went quiet and she asked me what I was thinking and I immediately said, "I can't give you up forever." Maybe I had a look of fear on my face or something because she leaned over and said something like, "...ohhhh sweetie, we're just talking now... and you did ask me to tell you." She then proceeded to explain more of what she was feeling.

She said that for her it was knowing she'd have all of that time with him and that she did know from going to the wedding with him that, "he could get horny" and that the closer she got to going away with him and after seeing him virtually every other day, the more she was looking forward to it. It was what she said next that floored me and took me totally by surprise, "... he'd never do that at home, you know, have sex with me that much. He never wants it that much".

Well, the conversation got pretty intense after that. She said that my admission that it's her being with Ray that is a part of my denial thing is, "sort of the same of what I'm feeling". It sounded weird to hear but she explained that what she's understanding is that the denial turns me on because it involves her having sex with her lover. For her, the denial turns her on in the same way. It was an admission out in the open from both of us that denial for denial's sake doesn't work for either of us. She said she gets no satisfaction out of actually denying me but she most definitely enjoys knowing my being denied turns me on. Crazy or what!

So what our conversation was revealing is that it is Ray who is the limiting factor here. I asked her candidly about that (I didn't mention Dan as I didn't want to stir up bad memories) and asked her simply if she wished Ray were more aggressive.

She giggled and said instantly, "yes. God knows I've been trying ... I know he has it in him....”

My head was spinning from what I'd been hearing for 20 minutes or more. I finally asked, "What does that mean about Ray and you?"

she giggled again and said, "nothing sweetie, for now, this is fun" and she kissed me and said, "you'd better enjoy me this weekend, next week I think I'm going back to panties". She reached down and felt my cock and damn if it wasn't swelling up despite just having had sex not much earlier.

I wasn't happy to leave it there though; there was still too much unsaid. She had started down a path earlier that she hadn't gone back to when she'd asked me how I'd feel if I didn't cum in her. I hadn't fully answered when she said, "so, if we were to go away again, you'd be okay with me doing it again?”

I told her that if all was well between us like it seems to be now, that I would be okay with it.

So I'm now almost instantly thinking that maybe she's already planning to seeing if she can get this out of Ray if she can get him alone again for a few days.

I probably should have just left it there and simply said again, "that would turn me on" but I didn’t, I just went with the flow and asked, "what if Ray or whoever wanted more?”

She kissed me, "that would be something we would have to talk about".

It was the mood; it was the moment, I just kept going and asked, "is it something you'd want?"

She smiled, "maybe," and immediately asked, "... but what about you ... is that what you'd want?"

My spur of the moment answer was, "maybe, yes, but I could never not have you".

That was the second borderline tear moment for her as she hugged me and said, "me too".

Our conversation was interrupted by our ******** calling out and saying she was going to bed but I think by that time we were both talked-out and, well, I felt good about it. We watched some more TV for a while and then turned over and went off to sleep.


So, my conclusion is that I have a bit more time before things may happen, if they happen. It's apparent that my suspicions about Ray appear to be true, he simply doesn't want sex as much as Suzanna would like him to but she’s good with him and I think she's just content to see where this present thing with Ray goes to. She is certainly not falling for him or him for her. However, I think the writing is on the wall for what type of guy she will look for as her next lover. When that time comes with someone new (or should Ray ‘grows a pair’ and become the aggressor) that will be the time when she'll want to discuss something more than what she currently does denial-wise.

Somehow I’m now finding all of this a bit anticlimactic at this point.


I've been thinking about last night’s conversation all morning and I think we're in a good place for now. I'm not sure what the future has for her and Ray as this is the most I've heard her comment on him in a negative way that reminds me that she may not be so much tiring of him but possibly that she wants more than he can give her. I do believe if she would let herself truly accept what she wants she would enjoy a more aggressive, even more dominant lover than Ray is providing. I know the risks that each step down this line brings but I also know that it would be awesome to see her being pulled by another guy further along and to see if she would let it happen and how she'd respond. Thing is, I don't know how she'd ever meet such a guy.


There's been no talk of when the next time may be that they might go away again together. She hasn't seen Ray yet since last weekend although I know they've swapped Emails. She’s told me she will be ‘returning to panties’ next week; she said she'll also be seeing Ray again on Thursday.


It’s a rainy Sunday and Suzanna is out shopping with our ******** leaving me home alone with my thoughts.

Ray seems to be less of a topic with her. She doesn't/hasn't really mentioned him by name or shared with me anything other than her own parts of their time away. It's a bit anticlimactic as I had expected a bit more. She'll tease me with it but I honestly feel that this trip was more about fulfilling her own desires rather than it was to get more out of or closer to Ray. I also think it's actually a bit weird that them having spent so much time together that she won't be seeing him till next Thursday.

Other than describing her own experience she hasn't really described anything special or unique or otherwise about Ray. I haven't heard about much ‘romance’ between them other than the moments she shared such as when they checked in or other points when the thought of them being a couple seemed to turn her on.

To be honest, I think Ray has become just a pastime for her in a way right now. At least, in my head, she doesn't seem to want more from him and I feel now that this trip was more about her being able to maybe know that she can let herself go. For a while now, I have felt that there isn't as much passion in her regarding him and what I'm seeing is making me think that she's literally just using Ray until maybe the next guy that turns her on comes along!

I am thinking, or rather, I know, that at this point in our journey down our evolution is that she enjoys, wants and needs to have a lover in addition to a husband.

I have given things a lot of thought and I wanted to share my conclusions before going much further. Suzanna is a submissive at heart but at the same time she is controlling of a situation, keeping things within boundaries, directly or indirectly set a goal.

We have always enjoyed a lot of variety in our sex including her enthusiastic response to what we did together regarding role playing being a dom or the sub. Whether it was master/slave role-playing, spanking or other types of experiences, or even her being forced into experiences like when I took her naked at night out into our backyard while the neighbour teens were in their yard just beyond the fence. However, I also know that I cannot do this all the time with her; it's just not me, not us. So, my realization is that she would like to find someone a bit more forceful (perhaps not as extreme as Dan) or perhaps not quite as rigid. Actually, watching this side of her come out, I think I can see how she might want a bit more of an opposite of me. Perhaps a more physical and demanding lover than me, the warm loving husband, to fulfil her emerging desires! To me, this seems more in line with what she wants.

One of the comments that she shared and we've talked about and makes sense is, “What’s the point in denying you more if it only gives me less sex too?” Couple that with what we've talked about already and it’s clear that Ray isn't the kind of guy who will make demands (requests?) of her to give her what she really wants.

Suzanna just called and she's on her way home.


I don't see Suzanna going out looking for guys. Our social circles don't really involve people or circumstances when or where that could go on. Suzanna's not really the kind to go out to clubs and such alone and, at least at the moment, I don't see her wanting to put an ad up on a website. I say that is for now but I can see her doing these things if/when things end with Ray or if/when she tires of him and decides for herself that she wants more and isn't willing to leave it to chance or coincidence as has happened thus far.

We've had some pretty frank discussions on things including denial and her admission of being turned on by me not cumming in her. As I wrote earlier, she says she doesn't find herself being turned on directly by denying me because, as she says, if she didn't have a lover, she would not deny me at all because as she says, "denying you is then denying me". So, when last night after having sex she reminded me that she'll be seeing Ray this coming Thursday again. As she did so she said, "So these will be going back on". With that she stepped into her panties and pulled them up.

Now, we've talked more, much more, about her feelings on all of this. She says it does turn her on in many ways knowing she is denying me and will be having sex with Ray next, but just withholding it from me doesn't do all that much for her. Yes, knowing it turns me on does give her satisfaction but that's not enough on its own. She said that this part of it is a turn-on for her in many ways, empowerment in that she is controlling not just her own sex, but also mine and Ray’s. It also turns her on that she is keeping her husband out of her pussy while she waits/prepares to see her lover. As she said, "it turns me on that my lover will have me next and not you".

We talked about resuming our Wednesday routine and she opened up that when she knows she's seeing Ray that it turns her on intensely to see me ‘waste my cum’ especially when she knows she's seeing Ray the next night. She said that seeing me jerk-off and cum like that also conveys to her that I truly want her to be with Ray and that turns her on even more. That led into the whole discussion we'd beaten-around-the-bush on which is what she's said about my not cumming in her.

She said she's convinced that having just Ray cum in her as much as he did before and during their trip, that it really was part of what helped her to let go and enjoy herself as she did. She also said that she can almost ‘feel’ the difference in her desire for him since she's been back and I've resumed having sex with her. She's admitted that she really didn't think it would affect her and she admits that she's unsure if it's mental (just knowing I'm not cumming in her) or if it's really physical (hormonal?). The thing is she's also said that she doesn't want me cumming in her it to be something that we never do again but that she'd like it to be something that, "worked for both of us".

Of course she asked me how I felt about it and I told her that it was part of the same feeling of denial that I was turned on about; just another side of the same feeling and desires of the same thing I'd said all along and what she'd said, that it needs to work for both of us and that I too didn't want it to be something that eventually came between us if it went on too long. So I asked the million dollar question, "is it the sex itself or is it just me cumming?" She didn't understand what I meant so I said, "is it that we don't have sex at all or is it just that you don't want me to cum in you?" Then I said it, "what if I pulled out or even used a condom?"

She smiled at me and said she didn't know the answer to that; she was honest, she said that she didn't know how she'd feel if the only difference was that I just didn't cum in her but we still had sex. Before I could answer she said, "... but it doesn't matter because Ray isn't the guy I'd want to try it out with ... he’s not that-kind-of-guy.”

In response I told her that when she felt she was ready to talk about it more, that I'd be there and that as long as we talked about it, that I was sure we'd find some arrangement that worked for us.


Last night in bed she brought out some new teasing taunts. As we got started last night she began to throw in some new teases, "better have me now while you still can" and as we were fucking she would look up at me and say, "better make it good, this could be the last time for a while". At one point she even said, "maybe you should pull out at the end and see how it is," and, "maybe a condom would work; keep your cum out of me?". Between all of that and what she teases me with normally, "Ray’s going to have me next," and the like I soon was at the bursting point! She pulled her knees way back and said to me in this sexy voice, "this is how Ray liked it" and she wasn't arching her back, just pulling her legs back to her chest. Wow, did that feel intense. She cooed at me, "come on give it to me good so you don't mind waiting till Friday to have me". Just hearing her say it all plus the conversation we'd had put me on the edge and a second later she teased, "Pretend it's the last time you'll have me".

OMG, that did it, just how she said it did it to me. I blasted a huge load into her pussy, so much so that it was enough that she squealed too! It felt to me like it was huge and she confirmed it a few moments later when it came gushing back out of her. She looked up at me and said, "one day you're not going to make this much of a mess in me". She giggled and pulled me close and at that point she said, "unless you need to, I'll always be here if you need to, you know that baby".

I just know that for now, I'm not worried about her and Ray and when/if that changes, well, that's when I think we'll have turned to a new page in the book.

Talking of which I’ve just filled this one so let’s get started on another!