Journal of a Journey - Book Thirty Four

We’re finally back from our ****** vacation down at the beach. We rented a condo big enough for us to all have enough room and other ****** members were nearby so things were busy. However, not so busy that we didn't have lots of time to be by ourselves alone (including several bottles of wine out on the beach) when we were able to talk pretty openly about everything. A lot of our talk centred about her going off with Ray and for me that made the sex between us equally intense; we even managed to fuck out on the beach one night!

The condo we were staying in was just a block or so from the beach and one night we put together a little cooler with a few beers in it and Suzanna giggled and sneaked a bottle of our lubricant into the outside pouch on the cooler. I looked at her like she was crazy not sure what she was thinking until she pulled up the wrap-around beach-dress she had on and showed me she'd was naked underneath. The kids were off with friends/cousins and we went out to the beach and walked away from the more illuminated area and we found a lifeguard-stand a few blocks down the beach. In the distance we could hear music from a bar. It was a clear night and still quite warm, probably mid-80's. We climbed up into the lifeguard stand and started drinking and making-out. The lifeguard stand stood about 6-feet above the ground and had a rung-type ladder in the front leading up to a small bench/seat area wide enough for 2 lifeguards to sit when they were on duty during the daytime. Usually they tip the stands over at night, no doubt to prevent people from doing what we were about to! When we were sure no one was nearby she let me untie the knot of the dress and to pull the down and I stood facing her on a rung in front of the seat and started kissing her neck and worked my way down to her breasts. I loved that she leaned back so that her breasts were so ‘available’!

She reached into my bathing-suit and started to stroke my cock and giggled at how hard I got so quickly but then we heard some people coming so she pulled her top up and I got back up onto the bench next to her and we opened another beer and watched the waves in the moonlight. From the height of the stand you could see pretty clearly off into the distance; for anyone approaching the sides or back of the lifeguard stand nothing looked out of place but from the front ...!

That scene repeated itself several times until the alcohol and foreplay got to be too much and she scooted forward and pulled the bottom of her dress up to her waist. I had her legs spread and was playing with her pussy which fed her desire for more! We looked around and not seeing anyone coming our way she reached out, pulled the cord on my bathing suit and slid it down; again she giggled at how horny I was. She told me to keep watch and as I did, she put some lube on my cock and spread some on her pussy. She looked up at me and said, "you keep watching" and with that she again scooted her butt towards the edge of the seating platform and pulled my cock right into her.

I let out a moan loud enough that she put her hand over my mouth but at the same time she started to laugh out loud at what I'd done and then at herself being just as noisy. She looked around to see there was no one around at the moment so within a few seconds we were back fucking. I pulled her knees up over my elbows and pulled her forward to get deeper into her pussy; she leaned back against the stand and started to get into it. She moaned again for me to watch for people coming. I told her I would but knew that by the time we were into it any such thoughts in my head would be long gone.

She put her hand over her mouth to stifle her own moans as I started to plunge into her and she started to push back at me with each thrust. Whatever position we were in was awesome, her pussy opened up totally for me and within just a few minutes we were into one intense fuck! I was pulling out of her almost all the way and then slamming back into her with all I had. I was looking around at times knowing that if anyone was walking near us they’d either hear us or they'd see her legs sticking straight out behind me as we fucked; I didn’t care!

I heard her stifle a deep moan and I knew she'd cum from how her pussy felt opening deeply under me. The whole scene must have turned her on because she felt drenched inside after she'd cum and started to pull me into her with her legs around my back. My eyes had adjusted to the moonlight and I could see her pussy spread apart just off the edge of the seat - when I looked up I could tell she was focused on the same place - my cock plunging into her. A few minutes later I buried it deep in her and she didn't hold back the squeal she let out when I finally came in her - neither did I. With a huge "oooohhhh" I filled her with my cum and she squealed away.

As I started coming down I remembered where we were at the moment and I looked around quickly and saw what I thought was a younger couple that looked like they were now walking away from us and I could only guess that they'd been much closer as we'd both let loose and I was pretty sure they'd heard us cum. I didn't tell that part to Suzanna but I did say, "there's someone over there". She pushed me back and pulled my cock out of her as she tried to get herself together. I told her that they were far away and she put her head up over the edge of the lifeguard stand and saw that they were, in fact, walking away and she relaxed. Before I knew what she was doing, she'd leaned over and sucked my cock clean.

Afterwards as we walked up the boardwalk towards the street to go back she stopped as she stood still and called me over. When I stood in front of her she showed me that underneath her was a drip of cum on the sidewalk and more on her thighs!


I’ve been having thoughts about Suzanna's lack of inhibition when she becomes comfortable with her lovers and what I have remembered so vividly from our earliest times. She’s also confirmed/conveyed to me about her times with other guys back then too. I know I’ve said a lot of that already in terms of what the other guys at work and such shared with me before she and I started dating; from the ‘fashion show’ with me and others that ended with her in her most explicit lingerie to spending a weekend or more with me (and other guys) where all we did was fuck. She spent most of the time naked back then too (although she was a little more inhibited than she is now); back then she seemed to still be struggling with the idea that me (and other guys) thought she looked beautiful post-fuck. Back then she ran off to the bathroom to wipe away what she now enjoys but, other than that, I think she was as uninhibited then as now.

It's something that we've talked about and she's never varied on her thoughts about it; that it's something she enjoys and being naked (or with very little on) makes her feel closer to her lover and in a way forces her to shed the other thoughts she may be having about other things or people.

I asked her if she remembered anything about other guys from when we were first dating. She was reluctant to share but the wine, my coaxing and reminding her that it was that behaviour that attracted me. She told me that when we were first dating that she was still seeing a guy I knew named Bob. She'd mentioned this before but she repeated it and said that while we'd go out and she'd come to my place and we'd have sex, that many times either when she'd said no to a date with me, or even after we'd gone out on a Friday, that she'd not gone home afterwards, but rather that she'd gone and spent the weekend with him, fucking him through Saturday and Sunday.

She said that as we got more involved together, she felt she had to push that sort of thing aside. Back then I wasn't as secure or trusting in ‘us’ and she knew that as we got more serious, at least back then, that her seeing and fucking other guys would have to come to an end. She said that was a conscious choice she'd had to make and that it was a good one as we'd both clearly remembered and valued the awesome sex-life we had together.

I told her that I think I always knew that one day she'd want to spread her legs for another guy; I told it to her just like that. She laughed for a moment and then said that it's probably true but that it is also true in terms of how she's feeling too. In the ensuing conversation she told me of how back then that she never confused sex with love and that my description of ‘spreading her legs’ was probably more accurate than I knew. I think I wrote long ago that Suzanna had always felt it was easier for her mentally or whatever to fuck another guy than to give him a blow-job. She'd always said she had to love or really feel for a guy to give him a blow-job since it was something she was doing totally for him as opposed to having sex which she always said she felt was for her (she was always very orgasmic). At one point she hugged me and said, "That you and me make love but, in many ways, I'm really just spreading my legs for Ray".

I'd always known that she was easy, that if she liked a guy enough to go out with him more than once, she'd always have sex with him. She confirmed that and said that she just never felt that having sex was necessarily something that had to involve love, that it could just be that she liked the guy. She said that was how it started with me, that she liked me after getting to know me at work and at after-work things and that back then it was nothing to get into the back-seat of a car and have a quickie.

I reminded her that I'd known a lot of this and I told her that it turned me on. She said that it wasn't until much later on that she realized how much it turned me on to know that these other guys had not only gotten her naked but had fucked her and cum in her as she was on the pill back then. Granted there were a lot of other girls at the time doing the same thing she said that hearing it from me, her husband, seemed to have a bit of a different impact.

Anyway, I digress although it is all related to what's behind her desire to go away with Ray again. She says that the past few years and now the past few months with Ray have re-kindled some of the feelings she had way back when, the desire to shed everything and, as I said, just go and get fucked.

I asked her about all of the rest of it, 3-4 days of sleeping, showering, dressing, living together. She looked at me and said that way back when she never really thought too much about all of that and she still doesn't in terms of what she's feeling and wanting. It was at that point that she held my hand and looked at me and said that she knew that was something that I thought about and she asked me to honestly tell her what I was feeling.

I took a deep breath and told her that it was a double-edged sword, that I felt both ways. Yes, it made me feel kind of queasy that my wife would share all of that with Ray, I took another deep breath and added, honestly, "but at the same time it turns me on in a crazy way".

She asked me more and I told her again that it turned me on to think that I was giving her to another man and that she would share all of herself with him, not just sexually, but the rest of our routines and personal stuff. She laughed and pointed out that she's been doing this with all of the guys and that she's known it turned me on. She joked that way back when she was scared and hesitant to tell me how she wanted to share those intimacies with her lover and that she was very concerned on how I was going to respond when she began letting Peter insert her diaphragm; how my response confirmed what I had just again told her. She said that when she was able to let herself feel comfortable to let Peter do that, that it started to really remind her of the way she had felt long ago sexually.

Hearing me talk so openly gave her, I guess, the courage to open up. She said that while she loves our sex-life together and that there will never be someone she feels so compatible with as me, she paused, took a deep breath and then continued to say that she's feeling things on Wednesday nights with me that she hasn't really felt before. She held my hand tightly and told me that seeing me masturbate and cum and knowing that it's not going in her is something that turns her on incredibly.

So my thoughts were correct for she then confirmed that she will often orgasm herself just from watching me masturbate and that there's something about seeing how much I cum that seems to touch her deeply. I told her that she knows I've always liked to masturbate and always liked it if she'd wanted to watch me. She admitted that maybe this arousal has always been there.

We were quiet for a moment just sitting together looking out at the ocean when she finally said, "You know it turns me on that you don't cum in me sometimes". She didn't look at me when she said it but the way she just made a whole range of emotions come over me including arousal!

I held her hand and I said, "I know..... it turns me on too...".

She kissed me and said she so didn't want to do anything that could change our happiness together but that our Wednesdays were giving her the courage to finally accept and say this. I was quiet because I was uncertain of what to say. She picked up on it and continued, it seemed easier for us to talk to the ocean instead of facing each other. Over the next hour or so, we both opened up a bit more and I told her that it was definitely part of the arousal I felt at her going away with Ray and that I'd be home masturbating while she was away. She asked me if it turned me on to know that my cum was going into a tissue while Ray's would be in her!

I hesitated but then said 'yeah'.

The next fifteen minutes or so and with the help of the wine it became easier to talk about openly for both of us. She admitted that to her, in her head, that she would spend 3-4 days just having Ray cum in her was turning her on too. I mentally noted that she'd said it was 3-4 days of having just Ray cum in her and not that it was 3-4 days of having sex with Ray and a few minutes later I mentioned it.

She giggled and said that she hadn't really noticed what she'd said but that when I repeated it, she admitted that it was more what I said. At that point she turned to me and said that it was crazy that it turned her on like that but that IT did. I held her hand and told her it was okay; it turned me on in the same way.

She asked me if that was why I was so agreeable and cooperative with everything and whether that was behind a lot of what I'd seemed to be turned on about? I nodded and slowly got the courage to tell her, “yes.”

She smiled a huge smile and said that it must have been hard for me to accept that myself, much less share with her and to allow or even encourage it. I asked her why she was still smiling after she'd stopped talking and she said that it now made sense to her why I was so okay about not having sex with her before she was going to see her lovers. It felt like she had more to say so I pushed her and she turned to me and said, "it turned me on when Dan asked me to not have sex with you". She paused and then asked me in a very quiet and hesitant voice, "if you felt okay about us and knew we would be okay and if you felt better about Dan, is there a chance you'd have said okay?"

OMG, it was a moment that I'd never considered would actually happen. I held her hand, steeled up my courage and told her that when she puts her panties on for the week that in my head she is Ray’s sexually from that point and that the 4-5 days of waiting for her are incredibly arousing for me. I told her that I had the same feelings and thoughts when she went to the wedding with him and that my desires for her only grew even more waiting for her to be mine again. I turned to her and said, "I could never give up sex with you totally" and I told her more clearly that I thought I would like to experience it for a longer period and maybe that this trip she was planning would do that for me.

She held my hand and said, "would you like it if I denied you even before I go with him?" I asked her what she meant and she said, "you know, put my 'panties on' before I go with him, like a few more days?" She paused for a moment and said, "maybe not let you have me before I go with him?”

I'm sure it was the wine that had made our tongues so loose; I put my other hand on hers as she held mine and told her that I had thought about her denying me more before she left and I said, "like maybe the week before too?".

She turned to me and said with a bit of surprise, "would that really be something you'd like; to not have me for that long?”

I suddenly seemed to have a dry-throat but managed to say, "I think so?" A second later I added, "Somehow knowing that whole time that Ray will have you away before I'd get to have sex with you again turns me on ...". I immediately added, "... but when I say it like that it sounds crazy ... and I don't want to lose you or us".

She turned to me and hugged me deeply and pulled her face back and looked me right in the eyes and said something about sharing all of this with me only made her realize how much she loves me. She hugged me and said I'd never lose her and as she kissed me she said, "you can tell me anything, I'd never think you're crazy, I love you and always will". She kissed me once more and then said, in a mocking kind of courageous voice, "I guess we'll just have to figure this out how to make it work won't we?”


The news for the evening is that Suzanna ‘announced’ her upcoming trip to our ******** and me over dinner tonight. I knew she was going to do so but didn't know it would be tonight. We'd agreed that she'd say she was going to a training-class for work and that this one was out-of-state. It's believable as she's attended several that were nearby so she was able to commute and had talked about others who were staying at hotels, etc. It was a good thing that I didn't have a bite in my mouth as she said it as I coughed as I realized what she was about to say. She told us the plan is that she's leaving on Tuesday, September 25th (I think she said it was a 12:30 flight) and that she'd be back on Saturday, September 29th on a flight that gets in about 2pm. (She told me afterwards that Ray had suggested a later flight home but she wanted the earlier flight).

Our ******** said, "Sounds good mom" as if it was just another dinnertime conversation but over the minute or so that all of that took I developed a wicked hard-on. Thankfully our ******** was more interested in the dinner than looking at me! It seemed so crazy to me to hear her announce her trip away with Ray just like that. She turned to me and smiled and said, "I'm sure you two will be fine while I'm gone" and then she added,"and when I get back, we'll have the rest of the weekend to catch up". She was staring at me as she said that and the look in her eyes gave me this calming feeling.

Even now, just writing all of this I'm growing hornier and hornier. Now it's a definite that she'll be going with him. I wish I knew why this turns me on so much that she'll be his for a while.


Last night I asked the question of what she's feeling and enjoying about all of this. I still don't think that I was fully ready for her answer.

For myself I'm getting what I've been asking for or hinting about or even in a way fantasizing about but underlying that is a nervous feeling at the reality of getting it. I’m still not sure of her take on it all.

We’d started to talk, centring around her trip obviously, with me asking about the flight home on Saturday. I casually asked/joked with her about Ray wanting to get a later flight so he had more time with her before they left. She turned to me and said that she just wanted to get home to be with me. I mentioned that by then I'll sure want her. She giggled for a moment and then turned to me and asked again if this was what I wanted. I took her hand and told her that I did want her to go and that it was something I did want. She smiled and said that was good as she's becoming more comfortable with her feelings and desires and that she now definitely did want to go.

It pleased me to hear her now openly admit this. I know it’s how she's been feeling, I've known it since she'd first mentioned it, and I've wanted her to feel comfortable enough to openly tell me. I have to admit that hearing her say it gives me such a queasy feeling at times but I know she loves me and isn't doing this out of anything other than desire to give me what we both want. When we did finally get into bed I was worked up from all of this earlier talk and, yeah, a bit uneasy, but the thought of her being so sexual with Ray is still such a turn-on to me.

As with past weeks I continue to find the whole idea of masturbating for her viewing pleasure like this to be incredibly arousing. My cock was hard already when she suggested we get started and she smiled at my readiness! I didn't need her to ask or encourage me, I just started stroking away. She did sit on the bed next to me Indian-style after she saw that I'd started on my own and I could definitely see the camel-toe outline of her pussy through her panties; that turned me on even more.

I asked her, "What's up with you liking watching me so much? I don’t I mind but I'd like to know what you're thinking".

she avoided answering directly for a while, she just murmured things about ‘it was nice to see’ but after I'd cum the first time (and it was a lot as I'd abstained the night before despite my arousal) that was when she started to talk more openly.

She told me it turned her to see that I'd cum so much that afterwards I'm unable to really get hard or to cum. (It’s true, my cock will have this aching feeling and I'm definitely unable to cum the following day) then she said it again, that it turned her on that none of my cum was in her.

She'd teased me as part of working up to my first cum how she liked watching me and how it made her horny. I got more and more aroused as she started to tell how her pussy felt ‘empty’ after the fun we'd had last week and teased me about her wearing panties and how Ray was going to have her next. When she got to where she shared how Ray likes to fuck her so much that he never has to masturbate and when she said how, “Even though he'll have been waiting for 2 weeks when I see him this week”, I knew what she meant and a moment later I groaned out my first load.

I started to stroke myself again towards my second time and she'd started to tell me more about me not cumming in her. Just hearing her say that got me harder but I have to say that I was (and still am) a little scared at the thought too but last night that the idea just added to my arousal. I'm still trying to think it all through but she said that while she loved having sex with me and having me cum in her, that at the same time it turned her on to think of me not doing so. (She didn't exactly say it like that, that's more my interpretation.) She started off by saying how sexy it was to see how much cum I ‘produce’ and how she liked this new routine of ours. Then she said, "Sometimes I think how much you've cum in me over all these years". I told her it made me horny to think about and then she said, "of course, these last few...." and just paused as if she was thinking about something. I spoke her thought and said something like," ... it's been more than just me". She smiled and nodded.

I was still stroking and was getting closer and closer. It was so erotic to me to hear her talk like that. She turned her attention away from my cock, looked at me and said something to the effect that she now gets so turned on herself with this whole denial thing. She took several pauses to tell me she loved me and that if this didn't work for me that she wouldn't do it but it did scare me a little when she said very clearly, "it turns me on sometimes to think about you not cumming in me" and that this was a new feeling for her and that she'd begun to feel herself very aroused at it.

She said she felt it when we started with her wearing panties during the week, openly admitting that initially she did it more for fun and the titillation of teasing me but now she found it arousing to herself knowing that it turned me on that I couldn't have her pussy. She says that with what I've told her over the past few weeks or longer, that when she watches me masturbate and cum, that it really affects her and that it REALLY turns her on and then she said it again, "... I love watching you cum but it turns me on now to think that it's not going in me...”

What's really crazy is that my cock only got harder as she said it. I know I was scared at hearing her say it even though I knew it was coming one day. In a way it has always been because it turned me on that she did all of this stuff but now that day arrived; she wanted it and it wasn’t just for me.

It still scares me to think about it but not last night, at least not at that moment. No, at that moment my brain was a million miles away from ‘scared’. Hearing her talk so much about cum and her pussy and being turned on, my thoughts went all over, everywhere but scared.

I moaned back at her something about liking her watching me and she commented at how big my cock looked. She took my free hand in hers and again said how, "... it turns me on to think about you not cumming in me... " As she held my hand tighter she said "... I think I know how you feel....” With that she lay down next to me and started talking really sexy in my ear saying stuff like, "... it turns you on to see my panties and know you can't have me.... and how Ray gets to have me first, doesn't it?" I moaned back and she kept going, "... it makes me feel sexy when he cums so much ....”

I was getting close and she knew it. She kept going, "... I'm going to be all his when I go away with him ..." and I know she watched for my response of my right hand strokes to become even more fervent.

She cooed in my ear, "... he's going to cum in me all week long you know ..." - I was sooo close; I could feel pre-cum running down my hand. I know she again watched for my response and when she knew I was close she leaned in and whispered, "... and you won't ....”

Just hearing her say it like that and it was a second later that I let go and came all over my stomach and chest.

And not a second more after I'd felt the second or third thick spurt I heard Suzanna let out a deep low moan and as my orgasm eased, hers became more intense as I felt her grinding her legs together and could then see her hard nipples through her night-shirt! Her eyes were closed for another moment or two and it was awesome to see her at that moment knowing how she must have been feeling but also knowing what turned her on so. Now that same thought is a bit scary!


After I'd cum that second time and she'd calmed down she was quiet for a bit but then she seemed to take on a new attitude in a way and she didn't hide that she'd orgasmed to what had happened. She looked at me and said, "Wow that turned me on". I smiled and told her I knew it and that she looked beautiful with her eyes closed.

She held my hand again and rolled to her side and looked at me. She glanced down at the puddles of cum on my stomach and then back at my face and started talking saying that it turned her on that she, my wife, would be all Ray's. She again emphasized that, "he'll be the only one cumming in me". She again said that it wasn't that she didn't love me or want me or anything, but that the idea that she'll be his ‘exclusively’ is something that just turns her on. She looked at me and said, "isn't that what turns you on too; isn't that what's behind you liking my wearing panties all week?"

It was my turn to squeeze her hand and I took a breath and said as calmly as I could, "yes, I don't know why either, but it does".

My response to her must have been what she wanted to hear because she then said, "you know, I've been thinking" as she started to collect together my cum. I breathed in sharply and she looked up at me and said, "Relax, I won't ever hurt you."

I said, "I know" and she went back to pushing my cum together and said, "I've been thinking that maybe we should do more of what we used to do when I was seeing Dan?”

I moaned a bit before I said, "what do you mean?" but I already knew what she was going to say and I swear my cock started to even throb, or at least it felt like it was, when she said (and she was doing that thing where she's talking more to my cock than me) she picked my softening cock up with her fingers and said, "maybe we'll just have to have you wait a little longer for me sometimes?" She teased my cock, pulling gently at it, kissed the tip of it and then turned up to look at my face, "Well, would you like that sometimes?"

I should have been speechless but instead at that moment, I felt I could bare my soul to her, I just felt so safe from how she sounded. I simply said, "Is it something you want?" emphasizing the word 'you'.

She smiled and moved up to give me a kiss, touching my cheek as she did so (with the hand that had my cum on her fingers) and looked at me up close and said, "Yes" and she kissed me again. When she pulled back she said again something to the effect of, "... I'll never hurt you..." She was quiet for a moment but then she said, "but it's something that I think I've been scared to accept that I'd want". She waited another second and said, "It’s weird to be turned on by you not cumming in me". Before I could say anything she kissed me again and then went back to playing with my cum and like a second later she was saying, "now open up and help me here" and she fed me a finger dripping my cum.

After she'd finished getting me cleaned up we both lay there and it was kind of eerily quiet for a moment until she said looking upwards towards the ceiling, "did you feel weird when you first knew you felt this?"

I held her hand while I still looked up too and said, "I still feel weird" and that made her laugh which kind of broke the tension. She rolled on one side and started just telling me how lucky she felt to have someone like me; not only who would allow her this kind of freedom but who would have gotten it all started. She said how she hasn't really felt this way sexually in a long time. It seemed almost normal for me to say back to her something like, "not since just before we met" and she smiled at me and said, "you did always say that my past had turned you on; now I think I see why." A moment later she added, "I guess I did go through a lot of guys back then".

I asked her how she felt about it, "It seemed like you enjoyed yourself a lot back then..." I paused, "You had a reputation, I had heard about you".

She punched my arm and got playfully hissy and said, "what did you hear?"

I opened up and told her, "... I thought I told you but the guys all liked that you were easy..." and quickly added "... but that was how it was back then". She smiled and laughed a bit and agreed.

So, like I said, I felt good, in this safe place with her at the time and I said, "it turned me on way back then that you were on the pill." She picked right up on what I was saying and countered, "you liked that I let them all cum in me, isn't that right?". I smiled a little and said, "yeah". She smiled back and again playfully pushed at me and said, "so, you were kinky back then?" and she laughed.

We kissed for a moment and then she said to me, "So, I was serious you know.”

I said, "About what?"

She said, "you know, making you wait longer for me sometimes.”

I knew what I was going to hear; I knew that she was going to tell me that she wanted me to not have sex with her before she was going with Ray. I think I heard it in my head before she spoke it and, sure enough, a second later she said, "I think after next week, you may have to wait till after I get back ...." She kissed me and said, "... what do you think about that?”

Now how much more evidence can there be that I am definitely a cuck when I when, with a little hesitance, I said, "okay, yeah, we can try that."

She looked down at my cock and it was still pretty firmed up already even after just having jerked-off twice. I think I should nickname my cock ‘L.D.’ as in lie-detector! She looked up towards me and said, "it feels good that we can talk more openly about this ... " and a second later, " ... I can see you're more relaxed about it too." With that she held my hand and said, "it's okay, it's going to be okay; it'll be good and even fun for us" and a split second after as if she clearly had meant to say it she added, "I promise, we’ll stop if you just say so if it's not".

She leaned up and gave me a kiss and sat back on the bed Indian-style and she seemed to have this air of triumph or success as she leaned over and picked up my cock and started stroking it for me. A second later she guided my right hand back into place and then said, "let me see some more of the cum that won't be going in me". The way she said it got me even more aroused and with a bit more teasing from her, I was somehow very close to cumming again. She leaned over and this time held my balls gently and said, "These don't feel so heavy now" and then a moment later she said, "It turns me on that you'll do this for me knowing that when I want sex tomorrow I have to turn to Ray".

My hand was moving faster and faster and, amazingly, I felt another load brewing. I knew it wasn't going to be big but I knew it was going to feel great to let it go. She leaned down towards my head and started whispering sexy stuff. It was when she said, "mmmm, are you still going to clean me up tomorrow if we don't have sex on Friday?". Oh my god, the way she said it was just so incredibly sexy that a stroke or two later she brought forth my third and most definitely, final orgasm for the night. It felt huge and deep as I felt my nuts contract and my muscles tense up in waves. Unfortunately, the reality is that there was pretty much just one big thick dribble of cum that ran down my cock onto my hand and wrist.

As I came I also knew that it was going to signal an end to the night's fun. Suzanna moaned gently sharing the moment of pleasure with me and then kissed me and said she was going to get washed up and that I should follow her when I'd ‘regained my senses’. A few minutes later I walked naked into the bathroom and started getting washed while she stood there in her t-shirt and panties brushing her teeth. She gently patted my now very deflated cock and after she rinsed she kissed me and said, "I was thinking of next Friday you know. I have plans for you this weekend".

I didn't question it and we didn't talk at all this morning. I am expecting her home anytime now and somehow, maybe even strangely, after writing all of this that I feel kind of calm about it all. I guess as if a weight has been lifted, or, more likely, that my balls are well drained and that's making me relaxed about it. In a way, I'm definitely aroused. I guess you don't need a hard-on to be aroused as even without one, the thought of going down on Suzanna is a turn-on.


Last night she did come home from Ray’s and we managed some alone time just after dinner as our ******** was busy already with homework.

I know it's Ray’s cum in her but it is incredibly erotic to experience my wife's pussy this way. I was definitely turned on but still ‘well drained’ from Wednesday. Yesterday she knelt at the edge of the bed and I knelt on the floor behind her as I pulled her panties off. I wish I could have taken a picture for in that position as I slid her panties down, her pussy was a sight to cherish. It seemed to stay open on its own and my tongue was greeted with the warm stickiness that I expected.

I've been close enough at times that I know how they look and how Ray was during their passion but whilst I have no desire to interact with him or his cock I am not fazed that it is his semen in her. When I think about it that way I do get a bit of uneasiness, but when I think of it as my experiencing some of what she had earlier, it's actually quite enjoyable.

What I did want to write was that after she'd orgasmed with me last night, as I cleaned up a bit in the bathroom I asked her casually and openly if she was going to see more of Ray now that she's had her new revelations. She answered as I returned with a washcloth for her to clean up with if she wanted. She said, "no, nothing’s changed about Ray, I don't plan on seeing more of him". I didn't push it any further and when I came back in the room from putting the washcloth and towel back in the bathroom, Suzanna was pulling up her panties and looked over at me and said, "you have to wait till tomorrow" in a calm tone of voice as if she was telling me the weather.

This morning she came out of the shower with the towel around her waist and shimmied panties up underneath. I watched as she pulled off the towel and she giggled and said, "Tonight...." and then added, "... and remember, I have plans for you this weekend too".


Our ******** has again conveniently made plans to stay at a friend’s house tomorrow night so I'm unsure of what might be happening this evening; hoping for a pleasant surprise when she gets home.

I have questions and thoughts going on in my head. It still seems crazy that I want her to go with Ray like this. Since Suzanna's become a bit more demanding with me it's put a little distance between Ray and me. I am sure it's my doing; I guess I feel a little odd knowing what's happening between them and I think it's just easier to avoid it by avoiding him. In my head, it’s one thing knowing that he was fucking her, but now, she's shared with him some of what we're doing including her telling him about our denial-play.

I don't think Ray is in love with Suzanna. I just don't see it. We've been away several times, alone and with ******, and when we get back I never see any kind of urgency from either of them to rush back together. Maybe I'm naive but I would think the absence would increase desire; I know on my and Suzanna's part there sure is.

I need to ease into this a bit more and see how I feel. I know we'd done things in the past where I'd waited two and I think even three weeks to have sex with her all the while she was seeing Dan but this time, it's different, she'll be away with Ray for part of the time. I want to see how it feels to know that. In a way maybe it's what I need to experience to be sure I want her to take this kind of control. In the past (with Dan) anytime other than when she went to the wedding with Ray I've always had that knowledge that if I really needed to have sex with her that I always knew she would comply. This time, for 5 days, if I have that need or desire I can't have her. It's crazy but I want to know that feeling.

If it feels right to me to wait for her and if it gives me the feeling I want and the strange satisfaction I seem to need then maybe it might be something I would let go of and let her be in control. However, her newfound interest in me not cumming in her scares me.

I don't know what Suzanna expects from Ray on this trip. I don't think he will ever be the dominant type that she truly desires; I just don't think he's that kind of guy. I think he's just a lucky guy and it's not so surprising to me that he waits for her as she says he does. I'm quite sure that the weeks we're away from him that his right hand gets plenty of exercise. I just get that feeling, not bad or good but that he's content with what he's got and as he's said to me, he's going to enjoy it as long as it's working for both Suzanna and me.

I have not yet suggested or asked her about her rings but I suspect she will leave them home again based on how she said it affected her ability to let go of things.

I'm now going to go open a bottle of wine and find out when she'll be getting home.


It’s been an awesome weekend. With our ******** gone for most of the day on Saturday and not returning till late yesterday afternoon Suzanna and I had the house to ourselves. We actually started getting into the weekend-mode on Friday evening when I was waiting out on our deck with a bottle of wine.

I will openly admit that I am a bit scared and hesitant about what I may have unleashed in Suzanna but at the same time, I still feel love and can trust her regarding ‘us’. Whether she can mould or change Ray into someone who can be a bit more aggressive remains to be seen but I'm also happy/content that she isn't out looking for someone who would be more dominant with her, at least not yet.
******

Suzanna hasn't yet officially come out and told me that she is cutting me off next week. She has teased and made suggestions but she hasn't yet come out with a definitive statement that as of whatever day I'll just have to wait for her. Even after this past weekend, she's remained a bit ambivalent about committing to a hard-stop date and has only said to me that she ‘wants to be horny for her trip’.

This weekend without our ******** at home included quite a lot of sex (even by our standards!) as well as a lot of open discussion. The discussions were mainly pushed by Suzanna and my immediate thoughts are that she is as cautious and just as hesitant as me about all of this and that she's far from certain about her desires, likes and dislikes.

I was waiting for her (horny as hell) to get home on Friday. I'd already started on my first glass when she arrived and seemed quite pleased to have our weekend start that way. Suffice to say that the bottle of wine was soon gone and my horniness had increased my desire to drag Suzanna off to bed ... but that wasn't to be. We did go upstairs and I watched while she got changed. This time she stripped naked for me before pulling on some new panties and then just a pair of jeans and a top. Her stiff nipples couldn't hide that she was horny.

We talked briefly about other things while we had some dinner and it wasn't until later that I was able to get her back up to the bedroom with no expectations of interruptions. I teased her asking her, "So what's up for the weekend?"

She just smiled and said, "You’ll have to wait till tomorrow to find out". After the deep kiss that followed, she revealed that, "we can have a quickie tonight - but tomorrow will be a long-ie".

With our ******** shut inside her bedroom engrossed in both a combination of homework and Facebook, we knew we had some alone-time. As we started Suzanna looked at me and asked/reminded me that she was hoping for a just quickie to alleviate my desires but not totally to satisfy either of us so it didn't surprise me much when she put the lubricant on the headboard and suggested I use some so we can ‘get started’.

I still had images of her at the edge of the bed and I asked her if she'd mind if we started there again. She giggled and said, "ok" and that was basically the last time we spoke clearly for the next hour or so. She jokingly asked me if I missed, "tasting Ray in me" as I licked and ate her pussy.

I was pleasantly surprised when she responded very quickly to my attention and her pussy became quite wet. I joked with her about whether she'd ‘already had a quickie’ and she laughed back and said that she was probably still wet from the night before! Nonetheless, the wine and the work-week were both having their effects on both of us such that within just a few minutes (and some lubricant to be sure) I was pushing my way cock into her pussy. She was very responsive and knowing that she wanted this to be quick I didn't waste too much time. When I felt her own orgasm beginning, I re-doubled my own efforts and I actually found myself lost in the thought of Ray having been in her just the night before. When I felt her begin to climax, my own desires also peaked and my own orgasm kept hers going for a few moments longer ending with her wrapping her arms and legs around me as we ground away through the end of both our passions.

All the while I was fucking her she kept teasing and saying, "save some of me for tomorrow night you know...." - when we were finally done and I was laying there on top of her with my cock still buried in her I managed to finally ask her, "how about you, did you save anything for tomorrow?" She giggled and said she'd always be horny for me.

She didn’t laugh or anything as I pulled myself away from her and as my cock hadn't yet totally deflated she actually lay there holding her legs back and let me gently continue to fuck her now wet and cum-filled pussy. I felt my cock start to grow and throb again and she looked up at me and said, "if you get me started up again you're just going to have to take care of me.” It felt awesome fucking her wet/open pussy but I also knew in the back of my mind that she had something planned for Saturday so I didn't push to get my cock back up to full hardness or to try to go for 2nds.

She's become very open about her sexuality now and after I pulled out of her pussy she had no qualms about just lying there totally naked, legs and pussy spread and now dribbling my cum out of it. She seemed totally comfortable like that and I have to say, I so loved looking at her.

It had been pretty quick so there hadn't been all that much time for sexy talk, teasing, etc. As we just lay there holding hands we heard some noises downstairs and that broke our post-fuck mood. We called out for our ******** to see what was going on and she said she'd broken something in the kitchen (a bottle of something) and was working on cleaning it up. Suzanna quickly pulled on her night-t-shirt and threw on a robe over it to go help. When I went down a few minutes later I was greeted by Suzanna on her hands and knees looking for any more broken glass with our ******** on the other side of the room doing the same. I had to give a loud ‘ahem’ as I walked into the room because from my viewpoint when I knelt down to try to help, Suzanna's pussy was totally visible and more of my sperm was starting to run out. Suzanna turned to look at me and saw my facial expression. She quickly stood up and said, "I'll be right back". When she came back a few moments later, much to my chagrin, she'd put on panties.

Once the kitchen was cleaned up and our ******** chastised for being so careless we headed back up to the bedroom but, by then, the mood had been broken and we both lay down and watched whatever we could find on TV.

Mentally I said to myself that we need to get our ******** out of the house the next day so that we would have no interruptions of any sort!


Perhaps our ******** is more in-tune than we think at times to mom and ***'s sexual needs. Come Saturday morning, Suzanna and I had been up for no longer than an hour or so did our ******** come bounding into the room to announce she's going over her friend Stephanie's house for the day and was going to stay through the night. She was going to be picked up just before noon and not be back till perhaps dinner-time on Sunday! As we both told her to go and have a good time, when she left the room, Suzanna had this grin on her face and I asked her, "you knew?”

I was busy in the garage when my ******** came out of the house with her overnight bag and said goodbye to me. I reminded her to call or text us and let us know she's okay and what time to expect her on Sunday. She laughed and said, "Mom just said the same thing".

That’s where our weekend began. I put away the stuff I was working on and closed the garage door. I went inside to find Suzanna and found her sitting in the living room reading a magazine having a cup of coffee. Ordinarily this would have been nothing to comment on but she was naked!

She looked up at me, put the coffee and magazine to one side, stood up and then came up to me and said, "I thought you might like to be 'my lover' for the weekend."

It took me a second to understand what she was saying ... doing but then it twigged, she was going to do with me whatever she does with Ray, starting with her being naked. She said, "we have all weekend, let’s get comfortable and then sexy...." and a second later she said, "you ought to go get comfy yourself...". It was sooo sexy seeing her standing there naked talking to me so openly and comfortably.

I will say that as I was getting changed in the bedroom the reality was that not only was I going to get to be her lover but also that I was going to get to experience her openness that she shares with Ray.

It took me a second to get used to the idea. I know I consciously decided to not think about the things that gave me a queasy feeling and to focus instead on how hot she'd looked.

I pulled on my boxers and a clean shirt and went back downstairs. I have to say, it was a wild feeling as I walked down the hallway and I could see her sitting there naked on the couch as if it was the most normal thing. I felt very powerful being dressed (if you could call it that) and seeing her sitting there knowing she was waiting just for me.

I came down the steps and she put the magazine down and patted the couch and asked me to sit next to her. As I sat there I looked at her and she said, "you can touch me - I'm yours today... and tomorrow....”

She didn't resist as I kissed her, instead she went along with anything and everything I did. It was crazy, I asked her if this was truly how she was with Ray and she said quietly, "yes". I wanted to test her to see if she meant it so I did something that she normally wouldn't like, I knelt on the floor in front of her on the couch and without any warning I took her coffee cup and put it on the end-table then I just pulled her butt to the edge of the couch, leaned in, spread her pussy and started to lick away. Normally if I'd just dive into her pussy, she'd be a bit taken aback as usually she likes a little build up but not this time, she took a deep breath and actually pulled her legs back for me.

What struck me most is that it almost seemed like she was going to be my ‘slave’. We'd long played these kinds of games when the kids were younger and were in bed earlier where I'd be the master and she'd be the slave. Indeed, I even suspect most of her demeanor both with me and with Ray (and the others) started back then when as ‘master’ I'd always insisted she not wear panties and that when she would sit or lie down when we were together so that her pussy was to be visible and, if possible, spread for me. It actually turned me on a lot to see that this had all connected with her way back when and certainly led to (and helped) where we are today.

She lay back and told me that she was ‘all mine’ sexually and then teased me several times saying this is how she behaves with all of her lovers.

I can't write everything that went on as it wasn't so much individual acts as more the entire journey but after I knew she was quite worked up (evidenced by how her pussy was wet and seemingly swollen) she took her turn to suck me to hardness. She looked up at me and said I could cum in her mouth if I wanted. I told her no, that by the time I was going to cum, that she would be begging for it to be in her pussy.

It took a little while for us to fully get immerse in our roles; me more than her for sure, but soon I found the line she wanted to follow not quite my slave-girl as she still wanted pleasure but perhaps 'slutty' would be more appropriate.

I sat on the couch and stroked my cock to fullness then I applied some lubricant to it and I called her over and told her to climb onto me reverse-cowgirl position with her back to me. It was so erotic seeing her hold and guide my cock into her waiting pussy, even more so to feel her fuck herself on me almost to the point of cumming.

We played like that for a while and eventually it led to her begging me to finally make her cum. That was another ‘rule’ I'd introduced long ago that still seemed to apply, that she was forbidden from masturbating unless I said it was okay. When I pushed her off of me before she orgasmed, she squealed but acquiesced and the look in her eyes grew deeper and deeper. Somehow we made it through dinner but I was getting hornier and hornier seeing her prancing around naked for so long and from being quite the exhibitionist too!

It was dark out Saturday night. It had rained a little bit and then stopped but it was overcast and dark. About 9:30pm I told her to come to the sliding door off our den out to our backyard with the excuse, “to look at the moonlight through the clouds". She tried to look but couldn't see anything so I simply told her, "Let’s go outside".

I know she's gone out on Ray’s balcony at night naked with him and I know that at points in time with the other guys that she's done similar and long ago during a slave-night I paraded her into the backyard and left her there naked. So Saturday wasn't a total surprise for her although it has been a long time since I made her do such a thing.

I still hadn't cum yet and I planned to remedy that. I told her to lie in our lounge chair and to look up at the clouds hiding the moon and to relax. I think she knew what was happening as I went down on her as she lay there. She started to push me off until I was a bit more forceful and pushed her legs back and again went down on her. It was quiet with no neighbours around so she didn't quite have to worry. When I knew she was wet enough her eyes grew wide as I slid off my boxers and went to mount her. I think she might have said no if I wasn't ‘her lover’ but at that moment we were both caught up in the game that she didn't flinch at all. Instead, she held herself there and allowed me to push right into her. She closed her eyes and her head rolled back and forth as I rode her. All the teasing and all of the preliminary fucking had gotten to me and as we went at it on the lounge chair, she pulled her knees back and looked up at me and said, "fuck me". With no further encouragement needed I started to slam into her harder and harder until I finally let loose with a long-overdue load of cum. She squealed out loud, loud enough that neighbours could easily hear if their windows were open, as she felt me cum in her and that triggered her own long overdue orgasm. The arms on the lounge chair kept us both in place and prevented us from rolling right off the lounge. She immediately put her fingers in her mouth after the first squeal as her own climax followed and lasted well past when my own ended. Again, at the end she lay there spread and let me continue to fuck her as long as my cock stayed hard enough to do so.

When I finally pulled free of her she just lay there. It took me a moment to recall that this is how she is when she's with Ray. Not only had she been naked for hours now but she just seemed so comfortable laying there without a care in the world including not caring about the dribble of cum that had run out of her pussy and down her ass. We both started laughing and as I stood up she sat up on the lounge and said, "come here". I didn't even realize what she was doing until she sucked my softened cock into her mouth and licked all around the base of it to clean me off.


I don't know if she did all of this as a tease to me to 'show me' what she does and how she is with Ray or if she did it to truly give me my turn and time with her or, more appropriately, a combination of both. As she sucked my cock clean, I realized that she's probably now done exactly the same thing with Ray, by now, probably hundreds of times. Feeling her suck out the last of my cum while thinking about that started to make me hard again and she even giggled and looked up at me and said so matter-of-factly, "Ray is like this too; sometimes this gets him hard again".

I pulled out of her mouth and said that we should go back in and up to the bedroom. Again, she surprised me by just standing up and walking back inside. From behind her on the steps I could see the dribble of my cum from her pussy running down her legs. When we got into the bedroom, again where she probably by now would have reached for the washcloth to clean up, now she just lay back on the bed and looked up at me and said, "want more?”

I smiled at her and immediately took the opportunity to push back into her, my own sloppy-seconds! As I started to get into it I decided to push things a bit and I pulled out of her. She had a look of disappointment for a second until I got her dildo out and told her that I wanted to watch her fuck herself and joked with her that I wanted sloppy-thirds!

She remained naked with me through to Sunday afternoon including us falling asleep together after our last-fuck Saturday night and waking Sunday morning when we had a shared-shower followed by more fun. I managed to cum in her twice again yesterday giving a total of 5 times in her between Friday night and Sunday night and today I'm still quite satisfied as well as very content in what we shared over the weekend. I know she played it up mostly as she would with Ray but I also know that the post-fuck closeness and the way we felt together at night together included a realm of emotions and feelings that she assures me are not shared with Ray.

In between the sex, we did spend a while with some pillow-talk including some conversations yesterday afternoon that I am still thinking out and sorting out in my head. She's promised me that this week we'll be together and started out this morning without her worrying about putting on panties. We did talk about what will happen next week and the following days. I'm okay with it but feeling nervous nonetheless.


Obviously some of what we talked about was the new pink-elephant in the room, her admitted penchant for enjoying me not cumming in her. By the time our ******** returned Sunday evening I was quite well satisfied and quite sure that Suzanna was feeling the same. She even commented tonight that she knows how I must feel on Thursdays as she had little desire for sex tonight right along with me.

I know I may put forth some air of concern or uncertainty at times. I think it's good as it makes me question myself but I am actually quite certain this time about her going with him. It sounds crazy but knowing she really wants to go with him as opposed to her just ‘going with him’ (I know it's the same thing) but I know she really wants this. She's told me so now quite explicitly.

I guess I should frame the conversation a bit more. We'd actually been talking about it the whole time with Suzanna occasionally telling me I should enjoy her and at other times that I ‘might be waiting a little while for more’. I looked at it as her teasing me much in the same vein as her other comments about how she was acting and how she remained naked as much as possible but I also know that she wasn't lying.

We had already had the discussion about her leaving her rings home but it came up again and I reassured her that if she felt leaving them home would give her what she wanted then she should do it. She asked me again about them only this time she asked me what I wanted. I steeled up my courage and told her that it turned me on that my wife would want to step out of her day-to-day life for a while. I am sure she's looking for reassurance when she asked me what I'm going to think seeing them and I simply told her that it'd make me think she wasn't mine till she put them back on.

That was when she said that she felt sort of the same way and I was confused till she said, "about you not cumming in me". I was still confused until she tried to explain how me not cumming in her did the same for her, it turned her on making her think and seeing that she's not mine when I don't cum in her. She held my hand and said that it also turned her on to think about how she'll only be having sex with Ray for two weeks. I started to say something and she said, "I promised you we'd have fun all of this week, but then, starting next week...." and she took a breath and held my hand tighter and said, "Starting next week, I want it to just be Ray till we get back".

I have to be honest it wasn't that she'd just said that she was cutting me off for 2 weeks, no, as crazy as it sounds, it was the last part of what she said, "...till we get back," that turned me on.

I didn't say that specifically but I did give out a groan at the thought of it. I think she mistook it as a groan of dissatisfaction because she rolled over to me and said in a sexy voice, "but it'll be worth your wait".

I turned to her and kissed her and said she was crazy and she immediately said, "so, are you okay with that or not? I'm serious here, you said..."

I cut her off and said, "if you want to hear it again, I am okay with it". She hugged me and kissed me again and when she felt the swelling in my pants, knowing how fucked-out we were, she didn't think I saw it but she had a smile on her face.


It's now after midnight and I am wired after tonight’s conversation. It was about 2 hours ago when she turned the volume down on the TV in the bedroom and sat next to me and said, "Are you still okay with all of this?” she paused and then said, "After this past weekend, knowing that's how I am with him are you sure you are still okay with this?".

I sat up and said, "if you aren't sure of yourself then it's okay to say so" –

She immediately said, "that's not what I asked you" to which I immediately responded, "no, but it is what is equally important". She leaned over and held me tightly and said she felt very torn about everything. She looked at me straight on and said that the past few years have made her want to feel and do more and then she said, " ... but I don't want to do anything that will hurt us".

I knew that an hour and a half ago, had I answered her concerns in one way, that she'd have cancelled the trip in a heartbeat and perhaps even more but I also knew that if I squashed this, that it may end the journey or, at the very least, derail it for a while. I also knew that if I had to make a decision that at that moment I truly did and do want her to go.

I held her and I said that I will be okay and I even joked that, "you made me wait longer sometimes when you were seeing Dan". She countered immediately that she came home every night to me and that's what makes this different. She turned to me and said, "you saw how I was with you this weekend; that is how I will be with him".

I held her again and I said, "I know. You were beautiful". With that reply I felt her breathe out deeply and then her breath slowed down as she hugged me back. She kissed me and as she pulled away she looked at me and said, "You want me to go, don't you?" Before I could answer, she said, "it's okay. I sort of get it."

I smiled and said that it seemed crazy but that after almost 30 years of us together, that this whole thing made me want her even more. I openly told her, “yeah, I will be going crazy the whole time, but that at the same time, just knowing what you'll be doing will equally turn me on.”

She giggled at how explicitly I worded it and laughed out loud when I told her that my right arm will be getting quite the workout. She teased back that she'll have to leave a bottle of lubricant home for me to use.

I held her hand tightly afterwards as we watched a little more TV. She rolled over towards me and said, "I never dreamed I could have so much fun with you like this." A second later she said in this angelic voice, "I'll never hurt you; promise" and she gently kissed my cheek. I rolled over towards her for another kiss and as I did so she took my hand and pulled it under the covers and then under her night-shirt. I felt her pussy while we kissed and then she smiled, pulled my hand away and said, "just a reminder that I'm not off limits this week" and then quickly added, "well, tonight not included". When I sat there staring at the TV as she turned over to go to sleep she said, "you can watch in the other room you know...." and as I started to get up she said something quietly that sounded like, "... take care of yourself too ..." and she then moaned that I should, "go and turn the lights out".


So here I am at 12:30 pouring out my thoughts. Yes, I'm scared. I'm scared that she's going to spend 5 days or thereabouts with him alone. I think she did this weekend maybe as a test for me to see if I really want her to go but I have to say (and it's weird and crazy to say it) I want to see how it feels to let her go and to know what she's going to be doing.

Ray, on one hand I want to go to him and tell him to have a good time and to fuck her till she can't take it anymore but, on the other hand, he's going to have my wife for 5 days, all of her just the way I had her for the weekend, naked at times and openly sexual for him. I know I'm going to be miserable at times without her knowing how she'll be with him but I also know that even now as I finish writing this that my cock is throbbing at the thought of it.

Now, it's time to go relieve the tension before crawling back into bed with Suzanna.


She's foregone the pantie-routine this week and it has been awesome to go back to how it was where she'd wear just a night-shirt which sometimes could be on the short-side, to bed and where maybe she'd wear just a loose bath-robe in the morning.

Last night it felt like what I can now say are ‘old times’ when she came into bed and can I nuzzled up behind her and her bare-butt. She giggled and we kissed and it soon turned into a furtive before-bed quickie when she came, orgasmed several times as I tried to hold off until I couldn't hold back any longer.

Thing was, afterwards, I felt a little depressed. Suzanna slid back towards me and encouraged me to spoon with her but she sensed I was down. She asked me what was up and I let it out, I told her that I wasn't sure of any of this and was having second thoughts.

She pulled away from me, turned me around and looked at me and said, "if you don't want me to do this, then I won't....." but then she reached her hand down to hold my cock and said, "... but I think it is what you want and maybe you're just scared".

She proceeded to talk to me about her own fears and that she too is scared and hesitant. Not about denying me next week (she teased me a bit with that and said, as if talking about my cock, "he always wants me more when I make him wait a bit") but then she looked at me closely and said, “You may not want to hear it but I do want to go away with Ray”. She went onto say she's scared, not about us, she made that clear that she only sees this as something temporary and that it could even be ‘good for us’, but she was honest and she said that she's scared to let herself enjoy the time with Ray. Not because she won't come back to me and she emphasized, "... certainly not because I'm going to fall for Ray" but she said it's more her own mental issue. She held me and said, "it's the first time I've truly wanted to do something like this; to be someone else and do whatever...”

She hugged me and again said how she loves me and wouldn't ever want to hurt me.

Then she sort of put the blame on me saying, "you started these desires in me" and I said in response, almost without thinking, "I love seeing you want more".

She hugged me and said, "Good, can you think that way when I'm away?"

I held her and said I hoped so and that I thought we should talk about this more when we had more time. She hugged me back and told me to stop worrying. With that she turned me around, got behind me and started rubbing my back and massaging my neck. Within a few minutes we were both asleep.

This morning she held me and said, "Thanks for talking last night; I hope you're feeling better".

I hugged and kissed her back (her being naked just coming out of the bathroom with a towel around her head) and said, "talk more tonight?"

She giggled and grabbed my cock which now seemed a bit more swollen and said, "okay, after he's had some more fun".


It's Thursday and I have such a different outlook on today than usual; I'm friggin' horny as heck and will have her tonight too!

I will definitely say that the weekend is weighing heavily on me as I know by Sunday I'm going to be consumed with the thought of not having her but, at the same time, the closer it gets I am more and more convinced this is something I want to happen.

I've known how she is when she's with Ray and I've been there so I've seen her submissive side (if that's what you want to call it. I'm not so sure that her being naked and 'available' equates to being submissive) but I have to say that this past weekend has opened my eyes to a bit more of the ‘whole thing’ than I'd previously thought about.

The thought of her spending 4-5 days with Ray the way she spent it with me is a bit sobering when I think about it but at the same time it is crazy thinking that what I want to feel is that another guy has experienced all of her. It sounds weird but I think that was a part of what I found so exciting long ago. I'd long known it's that she was so sexual but I have to admit that after we started dating and getting serious that it turned me on that so many other guys had spent time with her and ‘had all of her’ in their time with her. I can remember the 2 of us at pizza-lunches out with other people from work and that even while we'd sit and hold-hands together or whatever, I can remember that I always found it incredibly arousing to know that she'd had sex and more with these other guys and some of them were right there at lunch with us!

The more I think all of this through, I think this is something I'm just realizing about myself and our relationship. A part of me is incredibly turned on to know that other guys have had all of her just as I have. I know it's a crazy thought to think of them sleeping naked together all night and then sharing intimate moments in the mornings but at the same time it turns me on to no end that Ray will truly share all of her and will know all of her in every way.

It's never bothered me to know or be with guys who've had sex with her; not back at work long ago; not with Peter or Dan and certainly not with Ray. It's something that just turns me on that these guys have had her as I have.

Is Suzanna being ‘Ray’s-slave’? She will most definitely play slave with me and she will be submissive (to a limit) with me but I am not sure she will do so with Ray, at least not as submissively.


Suzanna has said she will begin denying me after this weekend. My assumption based on how things are so far is that she will most likely make a big deal of her panties being back on next week to emphasize things. I do not know of her plans regarding Ray next week. On one hand I can see her possibly seeing more of him; on the other hand I can see her not seeing him so as to build up both of their desires!

Am I aroused at the thought of being denied? I can't explain it other than to say that as time goes by, and I know she is sexually active with someone else (or even alone) it just builds up such arousal and desire in me. The thought of her enjoying sex without me and the images going through my head (if I’m not there in person) of her passion and desire is something that has always aroused me. Even long before we got to this stage of our journey I'd long fantasized of her being this way of another guy (or guys) filling her pussy with cum while I watched or had to wait to have her afterwards. Over time I've realized that the time without sex with her coupled with these thoughts really is so arousing to me.

While back then I'd fantasized about immediate sloppy-seconds, now as time goes by, in my head it amplifies the arousal to know that through all of that time without her, she's been getting it elsewhere! When we do get back together, whether it's been 2 days or 2 weeks, or dare I say, maybe longer, I know that by then, my arousal is off the scale and the release I feel is equally intense.

In the past she's come home most every night afterwards so I could be with her and enjoy her sexually. If not sexually, she would be there physically but this time it'll be a longer period of time and she'll truly be doing something she wanted to do which will surely amplify those thoughts. Yet, right now, I can see me two weeks from now masturbating furiously to a brief Email from her while she's away and looking at her rings in her jewellery box and knowing what that will mean. It's crazy to think this way but the symbolism of all of these things is so incredibly arousing to me. I think it's always been this way.

I fully recognize that if I pull back or show Suzanna some undue level of concern that she could react negatively. I am trying to remain very supportive even when I have periods of bad-thoughts. I am convinced that I want her to go.

It's crazy to say it but I want to feel all of this; the angst; missing her; relieving myself to thoughts of what she's doing; hearing it from herself and also, most definitely, to have her when she gets back. But also, weird as this might sound, I want to see Ray afterwards and I want that feeling from long ago of knowing he's had all of her just as I have. Weird, I know.

I admit I am a bit hesitant about Suzanna truly taking the initiative and control on her own but, in the same way, if there is ever anyone who I would both trust and even want to give control of my sexuality, it's Suzanna. It's already so exhilarating that she's so much more open, confident and able to express her desire and it most definitely turns me on to hear her say that she wants to do this for herself and not because Ray or someone else is coaxing her into it. I don't think either of us could go back to vanilla-sex but, then again, I don't know that we were exactly vanilla-ish before we started!

Thoughts on the effects of who's cum is in her most is something that has captivated some of my desires and fantasies. I have wondered if her desires to not have me cum in her have any roots in this. Whether it’s something she thinks about or not, does more time with just Ray's sperm in her cause her to want him more or does it influence her thoughts regarding me not cumming in her? It's exciting for me to think that this could be some of what's going on with her; could it be more of an effect post-menopause hormonally?

I have thought about this before and will admit, it's something I considered in the past when she would see Dan more frequently. I'm trying to think back to when she came back from the wedding whether she was any different.

I will admit that I am excited at the prospect to see and observe when I have her back for myself if the effects are reversible!


Heck, another new book needed.

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