Journal of a Journey - Book Thirty Five

That’s another “volume” safely stowed away; on with the next.


Suzanna has made it clear that for this weekend, just as last, that she will make herself available to me, "whenever you want to fuck". She's not running around naked, but is in a very loose bathrobe a lot of the time with nothing underneath.

She's made no secret of it that tomorrow evening we'll begin a longer period of denial than in a long time. She reminded me that I'd endured it before and for even longer sometimes when her period would coincide. She did hug me deeply many times and reinforce that she wants to do this, starting next week.

I asked her if she would be seeing Ray next week. She said that she'll see him on Thursday but didn't tell him what we're doing and that he believes we'll be having lots of sex next week to make up for her going away.


I share part of a conversation that left me a bit surprised and also a bit scared in a way. After we'd had sex Thursday night (which was quite awesome if I do say so myself!) I asked her in a playful way whether I could have her before she left if I really felt the need to. At first she said as she held up my right hand, “No, you’ll just have to make do with this". Then she relented and said, "... but if you really needed to, would you use a condom?"

Well, that led into quite the discussion about just what's going on. She said so many things; things like, "you've had me for nearly 30 years, a short break won't be bad ..." and then continued, “.... maybe having Ray for a while will be good for me..... " Then she proceeded to tell me about some story that's always turned her on about a woman who always let her lovers have her bare but preferred the husband to wear a condom. I knew this story was something that turned her on but until recently I'd thought it was the lover’s actions and not the husband’s.

She then turned to me and said, "It’ll be fun for these next 2 weeks" and she playfully pushed at me and said, "You’ll be fine." She then spread her legs letting me see her wet just-fucked pussy and said, "3 more days to have fun with me".

My response was, "it'll be fun for a while" and then added ,"just for a while though".

Her reply was something like ‘of course’ and then she added, "You did ask me what I was thinking about".

I told her that I could never not-have her and she said that she could never see not having me either which made us both laugh a little; then she added, "but it does make me really horny to think that way" and again went off into her bit of, "I never thought I'd want to feel this kind of thing" and that when she thinks about it and fantasizes about it that she feels more like ‘she's Ray’s’ as if he's the only one. So I’m thinking that maybe it's not so much chemical/hormonal, but rather it’s a mental thing.

However, I would be lying if I said that it didn't turn me on a little to think about her letting herself go with him.

At one point I asked her, what's changed and what's different about now vs. when Dan had asked for this. She reminded me that at times she had given into his requests and that, "it wasn't so bad" and she told me that she knew it turned me on but she added that at that point, she wasn't ready to accept that she wanted it and that she felt she was doing it for him. She giggled and then admitted that she was almost scared to let herself believe that it could turn her on to deny her husband.

What I should add is that at the end of the big part of that discussion, that she held me tightly and after a deeply passionate kiss, she looked at me and told me that she loved me and that if I really wanted or needed to cum in her before she went away that, "of course I'd want you to".

The words she chose really stuck with me, ‘of course I'd want you to’. I hugged her back and told her, "We’ll see" and then joked that I planned to enjoy the next few days!


Her father has gone home, with quite a bit of health-care aide, this past Friday; so far, so good. He's acclimatised to being back in his house and is now enjoying the ability for more people, Suzanna included, to more easily come/go visiting and such where as either the hospital or rehab centres were just more of an ordeal to get to and get signed into, etc. So, she's there this morning and will be back this afternoon.

I will say that there has been a certain amount of sexual tension in the air this weekend. I've enjoyed Suzanna's ‘availability’. I often run my hands up and down her body and felt her wet pussy every time. She tells me that it's because I've cum in her so much over the past few days but I think it's that she's just very sexually charged right now. I cannot describe the intense feeling of arousal I get thinking of her putting her panties back on late tonight and then knowing the next guy to have her will be Ray. It feels so crazy to put my fingers in her pussy as we kiss and to feel the passion and desire coursing through us and to think that it’s Ray that will enjoy her this way next week.

Just the thought of not having her for days and then letting my mind go to Ray fucking her instead of me, it just turns me on. I can feel it as the thoughts go through me, my fingers seem to become more sensitive of just how wet and soft, deep and open her pussy feels.

Thursday evening was very intense. Aside of the conversation and discussion, in my head I could think that it was me who was taking Ray's place tonight and I wondered if it was for real and whether Suzanna felt it too as she seemed wetter, more open. Certainly more available as she readily encouraged me to go down on her and, "see how wet I am".

She's encouraged me even more since then. Some of it has been teasingly, "better enjoy me now or soon you'll have to wait" and she knows that comments about, "think about how much Ray will cum in me while I'm away" whispered in my ear have surely aroused me even more by the way she'd squeal as the ferocity of my fucking her increased!

I guess maybe if I felt threatened or didn't trust Suzanna as I do, that this could all be a horrible nightmare for me but I don't feel threatened and I do trust her. I know I'll miss our sex together and I know for several days that I'll surely miss her company next to me but on the other hand, just sitting her now thinking of her getting what SHE wants when she's away and, yes, having lots of sex with Ray, it's cool with me.

Really, I accept some of what she's said is true, that it’s been almost 30 years that I've been fucking her almost non-stop and until relatively recently, it's been only me. Maybe in a way, I'm not surprised that once we reached a point where freedom returned (in terms of kids being older and work being more secure) maybe her old desires would re-surface. Is it crazy to think that while she's always been the girl I fell in love with maybe all this time I've wanted to get to a point where we could maybe go back to when it all started with her sexuality being much more open? I know while she may have had guys close to each other that she tended to not be with more than one guy at a time (or at least not for all that long in the overlap period). Then again maybe this is how I'd liked have remembered it!

Anyway, she's due home soon so we can enjoy the afternoon so I'll put this journal to one side. We have a bottle of wine waiting for later tonight and she's made it clear that we are most definitely fucking later tonight. As she put it to me, "this one, I want" and I told her I was surely happy to give it to her! She giggled and hugged me.


Sex last night had a bittersweet feeling to it. We'd talked about a lot of stuff before and during foreplay; she really wanted reassurance that I was going to be okay with it all. I asked her why she was asking so many times and she said, “Because this time it's me that wants it.”

I was curious so I asked her more. She said that in the past whether it was Ray asking her to go to the wedding or whether it was my abstaining from sex with her, that she felt it was always me or her lover asking for it and she felt that when I said it was okay, that she could just go along with it. She said she also felt a bit uneasy; that she wasn't sure of herself at times.

I asked her if she wanted to do this. She said a meek, “yes.” So I just came out and said it, "If it's what you want to do, not have sex with me till after you come home, that you just need to tell me and I'll be okay.”

She took a big breath and said, “I want to.”

I laughed and said teasingly, "want to what?”

She smiled and then said, "I want to not have sex with you after tonight until after I come home from being away with Ray".

I held her tightly and said, "if it's what YOU want to do, then I want to do it with you" and then I said softly, "I will be so horny waiting for you ... but I want to do this too; I want to feel how it is to know you are his for a while.”

She hugged me back and she said softly in my ear, "I want to be his".

There was more that we talked about but shortly after her admission we were having passionate sex in our bed.

She teased me and egged me on at times saying things like, "... you should enjoy it now .... you'll miss my pussy" and such but towards the end when she knew I was getting close she told me to, "go for as long as you can and enjoy it as much as you can ... come on, one last time ". Damn, if I didn't ride her for as long as I could but towards the end, I couldn't really hear exactly what she'd been saying other than hearing her words that finally pushed me over the edge.

I know we'd fucked a lot in the past few days but last night it felt like I was a teenager again with how much cum I left in her. She squealed as she felt me spurt inside her and then her sexy moans with each subsequent thrust were just awesome to hear. I stayed in her as long as I could; she knew what I was doing and she hugged me as she whispered, "you can enjoy me for a little longer" and we rocked back and forth with my softening cock still in her saturated pussy. Eventually it slipped free and she giggled as my cock slid out.

Afterwards she just lay there as I moved back up onto my knees and making no effort to close her legs at all said, "I thought you'd like to see for a little longer". She gave a squeeze that pushed out a thick bead of cum and giggled, "ooh, that's a lot in me".

Eventually she closed her legs and said, "That’s enough, before my side of the bed is a mess" and with that she went into the bathroom to get cleaned up. I followed and she playfully handed me the washcloth and then the towel but she took the washcloth back and with one foot up on the toilet again wiped up. She saw me staring at her in the mirror !

When I was done she asked me to step out while she finished cleaning up. I left her alone while I pulled on some boxers. I heard the water running and then the toilet flushing A minute later she came out wearing her long-t-shirt. I kissed her and went back into the bathroom. As I was peeing I noticed something on the counter and picked it up. It was an empty douche container and it immediately hit me that she had asked me to leave the bathroom so that I wouldn’t see her cleaning out all of my cum. I know she would sometimes do that so she wouldn't leak later on or even have a smell but this was unexpected. I was stunned for a second until I thought that she'd done this intentionally tonight instead of what she'd normally have done; sleep with her panties on even if she was a mess in the morning. I stood there staring at the container in my hand and the crazy thing was it turned me on in a way. All I could think about was what she'd been saying about me not cumming in her and it turning her on and, wow, now this. It was just crazy to feel aroused about it but I did and actually I still do.

I did not bring it up with her as it had to have been a conscious decision of hers to leave the empty container out like that as a message to me. Instead, I pulled up my boxers knowing there was no chance my cock was going to get hard again, not after that fucking on top of the night before but I did look at her differently in bed afterwards.

When I came back from the bathroom she was standing at her dresser. She turned to look at me and said, "one last view" and she pulled up her night-shirt and let me watch as she stepped into her panties. She saw me staring at her and she got this smile on her face and said to me, "do you want to pull them up for me?"

I was hesitant for a moment but then saw the look on her face and it just registered with me that she wanted to do this and she wanted me to support her on it and, perhaps, this was what she really wanted to convince her. I walked over to her and she looked at me and said, "you know what this means, right?" I kissed her and she kissed me back and said, "My heart will always be yours". I knew I should have maybe said something or done something else but instead I just smiled and I actually bent down and pulled them up. I did hear her inhale sharply as I pulled them up but I didn't stop. I took one last glance at her pussy and her curly pubes and the swollenness between. I probably should have done more but instead I took my own deep breath and pulled them up to her waist. As I stood up she hugged me really deeply and then pulled back, kissed me and then said in the most sincere voice she has, "thank you, thank you for making this easier for me".

That was it. I kissed her and we climbed into bed and cuddled.


This morning she was very loving with me, kissing me frequently and the like. I know I should feel something but I don't, at least not just yet. Even now this afternoon, yes, my ardour is returning (my cock is a bit hard writing this) but I feel a strange contentment knowing I've given her what she's asked for.

She was late from work. She dismissed my concerns by saying she had stopped by Ray’s before coming home.


Well, it's 11:30pm now and I've just about been instructed by her to go masturbate and then come quietly back to bed! It started about 9pm when we had some alone time and I asked her what was with the spontaneous visit with Ray and she said that, "it just struck me". I went for broke and asked her what was going on as that just didn't sound like she was being genuine and I asked her what were her plans for the week.

She started to say something and then stopped and said, "does it turn you on that I stopped to see Ray on the way home?” I told her that wasn't what I'd asked her and she said, "If you tell me, I'll tell you". I nodded and she lowered her voice and proceeded to tell me much more of what she's got going on in her head!


Now I'm a bit scared at what I've released in her. Granted, her thinking is definitely along my lines of arousal and fantasy (so that seems to have worked in my favour) but I hadn't fully realized the extent of her willingness to explore her own desires so quickly.

For one, she confirmed that she's found some of those (Penthouse) stories to be very arousing and she's confessed she masturbates often as she thinks about them. I started to ask her what kind of stories but she didn't seem to hear me as she kept on talking. She told me how she'd printed out ones that, as she put it, "really got me going". I'm not sure where she got them from but let’s just say, she surely knows what the word cuckold is!

She looked at me and said that she was serious about not wanting me to cum in her for a while and again said that she found herself very turned on to know that she is actually trying this out because it is she that wants to do it. Okay, maybe not quite in those words but it's the closest I can summarize like an hour’s worth of conversation.

I'm not sure, maybe I had a tear in my eye at one point because she hugged me tightly and then looked at me and said, "I just want to try this for this little while".

I asked her to tell me, "what specifically is it that you want to try?”

She finally came out and said, "Okay, you must want to hear it." She paused and said, "I want it to just be Ray's stuff in me." Another pause and she said, "it's making me very horny to think about going away with him". She looked at me and said, "it turns me on, these stories about wives who only let their lover’s cum in them."

I asked her if Ray knew about this and she said, "no, he thinks I'm just horny this week." Then she laughed that she was, "so wet for him today that he swore he thought he was getting sloppy seconds".

I looked at her and said, "that's not possible" and she immediately turned red when she realized what she'd said and that my response meant I knew. I asked her again, "what's going on and why didn't you tell me?”

Her eyes looked like they were on the verge of spilling over with tears as she said that now she has all of these desires that she's genuinely scared to let herself feel them. I held her hand and asked her sincerely, “Are you falling for Ray ... " and whether this week " .... might not be a good idea"?

When you're with someone for so long you know them. Her immediate response was one of mild-laughter along with the look of disbelief on her face. Her immediate response, tough to be faked, was her saying, "oh my god, you think this is because of Ray?"

I looked at her and asked her what the heck she was talking about and she proceeded to say that Ray is nothing more than a friend; yes, a close good friend but she doesn't see him as a partner, just someone she's comfortable with sexually. Then she said it clearly, "someone who I can control".

It seemed to just come out of my mouth when I asked in response, "are you looking for someone who would control you?”

She looked at me and said, "I don't know. I don't know that I can let someone other than you do that." .Then she added (which is why I say I'm a bit concerned to say the least) that she's not sure what would happen if she did.

I was quiet for a bit, it was a lot to take in. She saw that I was quiet and sat down next to me on the bed and said, "I told you I'd never hurt you, but you said you wanted this too." She reminded me that I had told her of my fantasies at times to have this type of thing happen. I told her that it felt different because I know it's her that wants it this time and I came out and said it, that I was scared. I didn't make a big deal of it, more like, "it scares me a bit".

She held me and said that she loved me and again that she'd never hurt me and that if it became too much that I could say so but she then reiterated how she only sees Ray as a playmate.

I asked her, "what are you thinking for this week then?"

She again took a pause before talking (that always means something!), "Those stories really turn me on, I printed out some of them years ago now.” She giggled at my astonishment and said, “They've always been in the bottom of my night-stand ...” and added, " ... you've benefitted from them many times!". I laughed with her until she said, "but I'm serious" and then she said, "I want to see if I want Ray more next week than last time we were away together".

I was speechless at hearing but before I could say anything there was some commotion going on downstairs and she got up and went to see what was going on. She went out of the bedroom door and I rolled over and opened the drawer of her nightstand and found her secret-stash of letters along with some other stuff including the condoms that I think I bought years earlier when she was between birth-control methods and a small vibrator. I looked at the stories quickly and I recognized many of them and although I had forgotten about a few I immediately recognised some when I read the first paragraph or so. It took a minute or so to remind myself but I quickly put them back when I heard her returning.

"So, as you were saying?”

She proceeded to explain whilst she'd had fun with Ray at the wedding that it didn't seem all that spontaneous or crazy. She said that after the ‘novelty’ had worn off, she hadn't felt as much desire. I was listening and she said, "so, I know it used turn me on a lot back when I was with Dan and he did something like this, so I thought I'd try it with Ray".

I guess I was in a trance or something as I just couldn't answer for a moment and she added, "you know, when it was only Dan cumming in me for a while ... " her voice trailed off and I thought of the stories that were in her night-stand and this shared type of theme. I finally swallowed whatever feeling was stuck in my throat and held her hand tightly and said, "if it's what YOU want, then I'm sure I'll be okay".

She turned her head to me, kissed me and said, "I'll make sure it's okay for you .... and ... yes, it is what I want to try ... for myself this time".

The TV was on the whole time and as we reached this pause, there was a very loud commercial, that caught both of our attention that we looked away and watched for a moment. When the show came back on she squeezed my hand and said, "Are we okay?"

I turned to her and kissed her and said in full honesty, "As long I don't get hurt in the process, I'm sure I'll be okay".

She hugged me and kissed me again and we lay back in bed held hands and watched TV a while and tried to figure out what was going on. We turned the TV off and lay there for a little while until she rolled over towards me and kissed me good-night.

I guess I wasn't sleepy; how could I be after what she'd been telling me for the past hour plus! I guess she could tell too because after a little while she rolled over to me and said, "what's up with you now?" and she reached down to feel my cock. She felt it was hard she giggled and said, "Aw, wow, you feel so horny!"


It's now an hour later and sitting in my Den I've re-written the above several times already and I'll probably regret recording this here knowing I’m so tired but the thought that she's sleeping away in the bedroom with Ray's stuff in her is what's going to fuel my own enjoyment for the next 15 minutes or so.

I don't know where it's going but I'm taking my hands off the wheel and hoping for the best.


Today feels like any other day but at the same time, I know there are still 11 more days before I will get to feel her silky pussy again wrapped around my cock.

I'd like to say there was more to say but there isn't.

I haven't asked her (but I think it's obvious that she wants Ray’s cum in her for this whole time. It's the only thing I can think of that fits; she douched my cum out on Sunday night and then saw Ray yesterday and I have no doubt that his cum was leaking out of her all night long. I keep thinking about her comment that she wants to see if it makes her want him more and I think it’s proof of the whole theory behind the female wanting it more from the male who cums in her most. At least that's my take on this and I have to say that that specific thought is an incredible turn-on to me to think about, her getting and making herself hornier for him next week.

I never did hear a lot about the wedding from her other than ‘it was good’ so perhaps it wasn't as good for her as I assumed. I guess in a way, I’m not seeing the same passion in her desire to be with Ray recently. It seems to me that since I took her away earlier this summer I detect a bit of pull-back from Ray if anything.

I know I’m rambling on here but another of the thoughts in my head is that maybe she's tiring of Ray. I mean how long can it go on for as it is? Maybe she’s looking at their time away as something to revive their relationship.

Like I said, I have a million thoughts going through my head and most of them seem to turn me on. I’ve wondered if Suzanna might step-out on Ray with another guy while she's away or maybe do a 3-some with him and another guy, it could happen. Given the right circumstances it certainly could happen, but then again, I don't know that Ray is the guy to push her in that direction .... which brings us back to where we started!


Suzanna texted me to say that she was stopping by Ray’s while she was out food-shopping earlier. She did get home a while ago with a car-full of food but also did take longer than expected. I'm not sure if it's true or just her teasing me.

I was helping unload the groceries when she turned to me and said, “it's Wednesday, are we having fun later?" so I'm not sure whether she did or didn't see Ray earlier.


Suzanna's still reluctant to accept her desires but says my support is giving her the extra push she needed. She admits she didn't enjoy the wedding as much as she expected but says that she's very turned on by the idea of only Ray cumming in her and she wants to see if it affects her desire-level next week.

I'm feeling more comfortable after hearing her tell me all this. I guess in my head she is doing this to have a more-intense experience next week, which is better I'm thinking than hearing her say she wanted to be alone with Ray as the focus. It reinforced what I'd said I felt she wanted, to maybe re-live some of how she was and go and get well-fucked. She really doesn't talk about him in the personal sense, more of what she wants to do in general. As I say: interesting.

last night it was actually quite arousing at points to hear her admit her desires and to hear her ask for what she wants. It also turned me on a bit knowing she liked to watch me jerk off while she was telling me that.

Suzanna informed me this morning that she would again be seeing Ray this evening and thought it very convenient that our ******** would be going out. She also informed me that if I wanted to that I could join her when she sees Ray again on Sunday. She reminded me that it was her intention to see him every 2 days before they go away so, as she explained it, to have his 'stuff' in her as much as possible before they depart.

Surprisingly, I'm finding it quite erotic that she's actually doing this. It's given way to me having quite an intense masturbation session.

It's hard to describe how I feel. There is a most definite feel of foreboding inside me when I let my brain think about the reality of what we are doing. Indeed, there are times when I think I'm going to be ill.

This week has been long but fortunately work has been insanely busy and that's taken my mind off things and made some of it easier. It’s crazy to say it but despite my emotions going all over the place a big part of me wants her to go. Every time I think of what she's doing it makes my cock hard as a rock.

We've talked so much, I feel I am almost living inside her head; I almost feel what she is feeling in a way. Late last night was another point where it seemed easy for us to talk. Actually, it seemed it was easy for her to talk and she profusely thanked me for ‘allowing’ all of this. She openly said that she hoped, "having Ray’s' stuff in me all week will make next week that much better". She's encouraged me to masturbate enough so that I don't feel the intense horniness that makes me uncomfortable. She knows me so well but she did ask me what I was thinking.

I'd never realized how it could feel to be able to be completely open with Suzanna. It's really an odd feeling to talk so comfortably and relaxed about her desires for her lover but it's also a wonderful feeling too.

I told her that it turned me on incredibly (I even admitted to masturbating to the thoughts of it) that she's letting her body acclimate to just having his semen in her. I've seen her wet/stained panties in the bathroom in the morning and you simply cannot imagine the way that turns me on, to think of her having just his cum in her all week long. Panties are the closest I've seen of her pussy since last Sunday night and if I think back to then, that she actually douched out all of my cum so that she could only have Ray's in her, is something I find intensely arousing to think about of her literally preparing herself for what she wants.

I asked her, "is it working?"

She looked at me and saw that I wanted an honest answer and said, "I think so. I'm horny right now and I really want him". I must have had a look on my face because she added, "of course I want you but this is about next week for me".

She held my hand and I told her that I wanted to have her right then knowing her pussy was still full of Ray's cum. She smiled and kissed me and said, "but you're okay about it all, right?” Once again my hard-on again gave away my true thoughts.

We talked about Sunday and going to Ray’s. She asked me clearly if I was going to be okay being there and not having sex with her. I thought about it for a moment and then asked her "would you give me a blow-job?"

She smiled at me and said in this very happy voice, "sure, that'll work ..." and then she held my hand and added, " ... that'll be fun". I told her this way she didn't have to alter her plans or desires. She held my hand and said to me, "letting me do that to you and you letting it just be Ray’s cock in me will be nice," and then she said, "I didn't think about it but I could suck you off more often if you'd like!"

I asked her, perhaps stupidly, if swallowing my cum was okay. She smiled and said, "I think so" and then she giggled and added, "I could always spit it out and not swallow if I thought it mattered". She hugged me and said that she was happy that I'd be okay with her just having sex with Ray and not me on Sunday. I groaned back at her that I'd put up with it many times when she was seeing Dan. She smiled back at me and said, "it makes me feel really special that you are okay with it being me wanting it this time instead of Dan".

One might think there is a lot of gloom and doom in all of this so it’s important to share her clearly obvious excitement at, "just think of our 'reunion' next Saturday when I get home". In emphasis she patted her pussy through her panties and said, "You’ll get to feel me again ... " adding in this incredibly sexy voice, " ... and I know already how much I'm going to be looking forward to that too. After 2 weeks of just Ray, I know I'm going to want you!” She giggled and said, "you'd better take it easy with your right hand at the end of the week" and reaching over and massaging the bulge in my pants said, "I'm definitely going to want 'him' to be ready for me!”

Her gradual reducing the frequency of us having sex and me cumming in her is an obvious turn on for me, as it would any cuckold, but I also know in my heart that we both feel an active and fulfilling sex life between us is a necessity.

After the stuff we talked about on Wednesday with her encouraging my masturbation fun, I'm strangely calm, relaxed and not worried about next week. Again, my focus wasn't on ‘her and Ray’ but more about her enjoyment and ability to really let go with him. She said that she wants to feel the same level of desire for him sexually as I am able to bring her to when we were away. She said that in her head, it's not so much that it's Ray; that it is more that it is not me. I didn't fully understand what she was saying until she said that she used to go out/away with guys that she liked but didn't always love or really feel emotionally for but that she was horny for sexually. In her head, it's because she used to have sex a lot with them that she was so into the sex when she'd have gone away with them. She said that when Dan had coaxed her into denying me that she did feel it was much easier for her to get-into-it with him.

I continued to masturbate while she told me all this but it was when she told me how horny she herself feels ‘with Ray’s cum in me like this’ having her sitting next to me suddenly set me off and I spurted my orgasm over my stomach and hand. She squealed her approval!

I hope tomorrow goes okay. I've felt this gap between Ray and I and it's only gotten wider since this whole trip adventure came up. Perhaps tomorrow will make some of that a bit easier to deal with. I do still like that he's the guy she's chosen; I do still feel good about sharing her with him and not at all bad.


We're going over to Ray’s about 4pm after we drop our ******** off at her boyfriend’s house. Suzanna has reminded me that Ray doesn't know that she's not having sex with me this past week. I didn't ask what he must think about her more frequent visits with him this week as I've been more focused on her and me than him.

When Suzanna and I get to go away together it takes a day or so before she lets go and properly relaxes. Then when she's with me, she becomes very horny and very demanding of sex. From that point forward, the sex between us sort of becomes more intense, she wants it more and more and it's towards the end of these times away with her that I see the side of her that I've wanted to bring out all these years.

I still recall one of the first times when we'd gone away together that she'd brought along a selection of lingerie and proceeded to put on this erotic fashion show for me. This was maybe a month or so after we'd started to see each other, around the point where she was stopping being with other guys. From that moment forward, she turned into this unbelievably horny girl and I saw the side of her that is just so awesome. She could and would cum and cum and cum and beg to be fucked. At times she'd want to fuck just to have me in her and for us to be horny together even if neither of us were going to cum, she just wanted it.

I've still been able to bring out that side of her when we've been alone and I guess my recent admissions that to her that I get turned on by her being like that with other guys have finally let her accept that it’s fine by me.

It's okay with me; Really. She seems to question that, but I honestly look at it now as part of who she is and what I guess I've always had in my mind, that she's this simmering sexual being just below the surface. It's turned me on that she's been able to let it out at times with other guys, before me and now after me. At the moment its Ray and it's a weird arousal that I feel knowing he too has now seen all of this side of Suzanna. I like it; I like knowing that another guy has experienced this with her.


It’s going to kill me when she leaves on Tuesday. Lying in bed last night just listening to her breathe next to me, I'm going to miss her so much. Then when I think that she'll be lying next to Ray, ‘just fucked’, it’s a thought that continues to turn me on to just think about.


I don't know what to think about later this afternoon. Already she’s reminded me that she doesn't want me to cum in her. Actually what she said was, "you can fuck me if you want this afternoon if that'd make things better when we're with Ray." Then when she saw me looking at her strangely she said more directly, "I'd rather you didn't cum in me if that's okay."

She must have thought she was being too direct for she softened and then said, "if you really need to, maybe you can go first?" but I could tell from the look on her face that she wasn't serious so I said, "I thought you were going to give me a blow-job?"

She smiled and said, "Sure, that'd be good, I wasn't sure you were going to be okay with it".

Anyway, you get the picture.


Suzanna came out and said that she hadn't felt that kind of desire with Ray when she was at the wedding. She laughed and said that the sex had been great, but that she hadn't felt like she really wanted to. She said a few other things besides which made me know what she means. Just as I've had times with her when she's gone wild, we've also had several times/trips when she just hasn't felt it or gotten into it as much as I'd/we'd hoped. The more she explained that she wanted to feel herself let go on this trip with him, the more the rest of the things seemed to fall into place.

If I had to say what I see happening is that this week will be fulfilling for Suzanna but I don't think it's going to ‘scratch the itch’ that I keep sensing she’s feeling. Yes, she wants someone to be dominant with her. Had Dan not fucked things up with her and been a complete arsehole I might even say that she would go back to him because I did think he was able to let her let go at times but, for sure, that particular bridge is most definitely burnt now.

I still think back to Suzanna's alcohol-induced admission at being aroused at our neighbour’s party and hearing about their ********’s pregnancy. While she's no longer able to get pregnant (proved by the amount of bareback sex she's had!) and I can't say that it's in her mind as a primary fantasy, it wouldn't surprise me if the thought of getting knocked up did turn her on. Clearly it's a thought she finds arousing based on some of the stories I found in her night-stand. I'll even admit that I am sure there's an element of it in my own head, certainly it must have been somewhere in my mind given some of what I've encouraged Suzanna to do in the past.

The girls are due to be back from shopping with some lunch shortly and then we’ll be going off to Ray’s.


When we got there I was both horny as well as apprehensive. Ray seemed to be similarly uncertain of things and we both sat grateful for the distraction of whatever game was playing on the TV at the time. We each had a drink but after we'd been there maybe 30 minutes, it didn't seem like the ice was thawing and to be honest, I wasn't ready for a confrontation but at the same time I couldn't see how to get the whole trip out in the open so we could move past it.

Well, that was when Suzanna surprised us when she took control of the situation. She stood up and said pretty much, "...this isn't a competition between you two...”

At first I thought it was something she was coming up with on the fly but then she continued and pointed at me and said, "You are my husband and he is not." She pointed at Ray and said, "you are my lover ... " followed by, " ... and this trip isn't going to change that". Both Ray and I went to say something and she said, "I'm not done yet".

With that she pulled a piece of paper out of her purse and started to read it to us. She said she written some notes to get things made very clear and proceeded to tell us that she's going on this trip because SHE wants to, "not because either of you two want me to". She continued to tell us both how she doesn't want anything to become awkward between ‘you two guys’ and how she hoped we could make this good or better for all of us. I was amazed to see her literally take control of the situation and be so forthright.

What she said next was in the same vein when she asked Ray to tell me honestly what he'd recently told her. I looked at Ray and he said something like, "I don't want to come between you two".

I didn’t know what to say as I just wasn't ready for this. Suzanna looked at me and said, "tell him what you said to me .... Please?”

I wasn't sure exactly what she was fishing for but I assumed (correctly) that she wanted me to say that I wanted her to go. This was why she was keen for us to be together, she wanted to clear the air and put me at ease, so I said it, "I said that I wanted you to go". Thing was, the conversation that followed also wasn't what I expected.

Ray said that he'd picked up on Suzanna's excitement and also her openness about the trip and said that he thought she might be thinking things were going beyond where they were.

I played dumb (which wasn't hard at that moment as it was still a surprise at what had happened) and he said that while he still didn't totally understand it all but, looking at me he said, "I think it's awesome that you trust me with her .... and I value that trust". I was about to say something but he continued and said that he was concerned she was getting too involved and that was something he didn't want it to do. There were some other things he said but I was still kind of stuck on the whole trust thing he'd said.

She looked at me and then said, "It’s your turn".

I was disarmed as I was still trying to digest what he'd just said. Suzanna looked at me and I think was about to get pissed off at my silence while I got my head together. I recognised her look and I stumbled and stuttered out and told him that I didn't mind him having sex with her and that I felt comfortable sharing her with him then I said, "so perhaps it’s that same trust for me too". The whole weight of the conversation definitely seemed to ease the as soon as I said it.

I didn't say anything about what Suzanna had been doing denial-wise and she didn’t either (she had previously said she hadn’t told him and it seemed to be the case) but did openly say that I enjoyed knowing she was having sex with him. I did say that I knew she always had a good time and that was what mattered to me most.

Suzanna laughed and said, "you both have that goal for sure!" and she whistled out loud to emphasize it.

The mood between us seemed to have eased up in just those few moments to now where we were almost openly talking about the trip. I asked Ray how these trade shows usually worked and he explained they had seminars and other focus things as well as general showings of new products. He said that usually they had hospitality suites setup from 5pm-9pm afterwards.

It still felt awkward but slowly the conversation steered towards sex and we joked that if there were early sessions in the morning that it might ‘curtail their fun’. That brought Suzanna out of her shell a bit more and she said something about, "...as long as we have the night-time, I'll be quite happy..." a remark which seemed to make her blush a bit! Ray seemed surprised at first at her candour but then after some other comments he went along with the banter.

I can't recall how it came about but the subject of ‘dirty movies’ came up and Ray said he'd gotten a new one and it just happened to be in his bedroom. He got up to go get another drink for us when Suzanna suggested we go and watch it and then she winked at me and pointedly made some hand-gestures that I interpreted and I said, "you guys go ahead and I'll catch up in a minute" and then I went off to the bathroom.

I found myself daydreaming in the bathroom but snapped out of it when I heard noises outside. I opened the door and sure enough, there was the sound of laughing coming from Ray’s bedroom. Then the laughing turned to softer sounds, then to soft murmurs and then to audible moans and wet smacking sounds.

I'd lost 5 maybe 10 minutes time in the bathroom and now as I stood in the hallway easily another 2 or 3 may have gone by. When I snapped out of it the first thought that came into my head was that she was surely naked already. I went through the doorway, I was right.

She really is beautiful when she's sexually aroused. She’s only a 34C's but as she's relatively small in overall size that her breasts seem larger and, amazingly, they don't sag or flop all over when she's on her back. No, instead they seem tight and taut with incredibly hard pointy nipples making it clear that she's horny.

Ray already had his face between her legs; as she admitted to me earlier that's one of the signs she's getting into the sex she was hoping for that she becomes much more desiring and even demanding of oral sex. Seeing her hand holding Ray’s head against her bare pussy was so beautiful and hot to see. I enjoy seeing him hold her legs back at times but at this point, she was holding her legs back and apart by herself. I love knowing she is doing it. Standing there watching Ray reaching into her pussy with his tongue and seeing her respond was both beautiful and incredibly arousing.

When he knelt up on the bed I saw he was naked. I'm not gay and have never had interest in being with a guy, but I will say, he has a nice cock. It's similar to mine in size but the head on it seems a bit larger while the shaft, compared to mine is a tiny bit smaller. No matter what it looked like what did turn me on about it was thinking that he's about to push it into my wife!

He looked up at me in the doorway and saw me smiling. He proceeded to rub the whole length of his cock against her swollen pussy lips up and down and said to me, "are you going to join us?". I could see the underside of his cock was very wet which I knew came from her wetness and man did that turn me on. I dropped my pants and underwear, released my cock and walked towards her.

Suzanna turned her head to look towards me and smiled when she saw me approaching. She moved around on his bed until her head was at the edge obviously so she could suck me. She lay down on the bed and put both hands around my cock to control and limit me in her mouth and throat. As she started to lick and suck at my cock, Ray went back to going down on her.

That didn't last very long though. Suzanna seemed to really be getting off on sucking my cock but at the same time, Ray's desire for her was growing and it seemed in no time he had moved back up to rubbing his cock against her pussy only this time she was even hornier. Ray looked so at ease with her body his movements were smooth and seemed natural. With one hand I saw him reach down and gently spread her labia apart.

I am sure not having fucked her for a week at that point was weighing on my mind but I have to say that watching that happen so naturally was a huge turn on. Seeing him so effortlessly pull her wetness from inside her pussy and spread it all around, hearing her squeal as she felt him first enter her, even now thinking of it some 4 days later, wow, I feel myself getting stiff again at the thought.

I moved to kneel next to her head instead of above it and it made things even more intense feeling her body move and respond with each of his thrusts into her. She had admitted that she'd wanted this very experience, me in her throat (and going to cum there too) and ‘a guy’ in her pussy also going to cum there so there was no surprise when I was able to watch her almost effortlessly orgasm from him fucking her.

I've talked about denial but that also seems to imply that it is something forced on me but I can definitely say it isn't being forced. Not this past Sunday, no, I wanted to cum in her mouth and, yes, I wanted Ray to cum in her again.

I don't really focus on Ray. It's almost as if whenever he (or whoever) is fucking her, that I block out faces and such and I concentrate on her which makes the memories and visions of her responses to be the most vivid. Hearing her scream out and seeing her pussy almost froth up at times leaves me so turned on and this Sunday was no different. When Ray would pull his body up and away from hers I could see down between then and see each thrust he took into her. Yes, it excited me then just as it excites me now to write about it, his cock, her pussy, seeing him plunge into her and knowing from how she moaned what her pussy must feel like, it so excites me and turns me on to know that Ray has really felt her when she cums like that. I do love that feeling of sharing that moment with him.

I do know that when he pulled her legs together and up and over his shoulders instead of being held back and apart by his elbows that in that position her pussy will be tighter but also much more sensitive; he really started fucking her just then. I could tell she had a huge orgasm simmering too (after this long, I can tell) and I also knew that Ray could tell too! It was obvious from how he varied his speed and depth and each time Suzanna's passion would rise. She'd pull my cock out of her mouth and thrash at times and breathe in deeply before pulling my cock back into her mouth seeming to almost devour me but it was when Ray spread her back open again and this time started to plunge into her with his whole body that she really responded and started to moan as her orgasm approached the tidal-wave stage. Sure enough, a moment later it was truly beautiful as he fucked her into this massive orgasm that caused her to pull away from my cock and to rock her whole body back and forth underneath him.

A few moments later she'd come down a bit but was still delirious with each stroke Ray took. Her hand had a death-grip on my still hard cock and as she regained her senses she pulled my cock again to her mouth. It was then that I realized Ray hadn't cum yet. In the next minute or two, Ray started to fuck her deep and hard and she followed suit with her sucking, deep and hard; her sucking felt awesome but I have to be honest and say that it wasn't totally her sucking that was doing it for me, it was watching Ray this time knowing it was for him that was bringing me closer to the edge.

He started out slowly but then moved to very deep and very firm strokes with her body making her shake and move each time. When I let myself think that he's using her pussy and that any moment he was going to cum, well, that did it for me. I let out a loud grunt and I put one hand on her head and she took my whole load! Damn that felt great to let loose but immediately after I'd just started to come down Ray grabbed her hips tightly and pulled her firmly towards her where he stayed buried deep in her as he moaned. I immediately knew he too was cumming in her and I think she had an orgasm, maybe not a big one, just as Ray came in her too.

Afterwards we lay around Ray’s bed and maybe it was good for me in a way as they were lying naked afterwards and despite everything that had gone on, I seemed to be at ease with them lying next to each other and gently touching each other.

As with the other times I've been there I started to get the feeling of being like the proverbial 3rd wheel so with a cough I slid off the bed and began gathering up my clothes. I said that I'd be in the other room and Suzanna giggled, "give us a little more time and I'll be out".

I did not ask what they did but maybe 10 minutes later Suzanna came out alone, naked and asked me if she could take a few minutes to wash up. I said yes not really thinking about it till I heard the shower start up in Ray’s bathroom and I then realized they were going to shower together which made me think of that picture from a few months ago!

Before we left a short time later Ray and I talked a bit more and I told him that I appreciated his discretion with her. He looked at me and said he still didn't understand why I was doing all of this, the trip and the rest, but he did get up and shake my hand and said,"thank you; I meant what I said earlier".

The whole 15 minute ride home afterwards Suzanna must have told me at least 5 times how she was ‘leaking’!


Sunday was okay. Ray had, as always, been a gentleman. Suzanna found a reason to leave him and me alone for a while and we had a surprisingly open conversation starting with him saying, "I am not trying to steal your wife" and him explaining to me what Suzanna's been telling him. I'm sure there's a certain level of desire on his part to go along with everything Suzanna says rather than analyze it, he seemed to buy into Suzanna's whole explanation to him.

I looked back in my mind when I did watch them fuck. He really does do her well and she looks beautiful when she cums under his ministrations.

When we got to bed that night she did suck my cock and, yes, she most definitely swallowed.


As strong as I tried to be, there were times yesterday when it was tough. I had intended to go into work early rather than staying at home to be reminded of her going away. I was dreading the thought of an empty house but I couldn't get my thoughts together so I stayed at home and figured I would find other things to do for a few hours while she was in the bedroom getting her stuff together.

That didn’t work for I couldn't focus on anything and I soon wound up in the bedroom watching her put clothes aside that she was going to pack. It was agonizing at times.

The suitcase was on the floor and she was picking stuff out of the closet and holding it against her while looking in the mirror. She caught my reflection and I guess my face told how I was feeling and she asked me if I'd rather she wait to do her packing after I had gone to work. I shook my head and despite the churning in the pit of my stomach, I admitted that I did want to watch her pick out what she'd be taking.

She resumed looking through her closet and made idle talk along the way, asking me about what we (my ******** and I) would be doing for dinner and whether I had any plans or anything. I was going to answer her but she suddenly stopped talking and I looked up to see her looking in her dresser drawer.

I joked with her, "can't make up your mind?"

She laughed and said, "No, do you want to help me?"

I didn't move and she giggled and said, "You can stay if you want" and she went back to picking through her stuff.

I did help, at one point she turned to me and said, "Do you like this top or this one better?" I realized that I was actually choosing clothes for her to please her lover! At least her question took me out of my daze.


My mind was in a million places and right now I am just as scattered.

Yesterday. I came home earlier than usual not more than 15 minutes after Suzanna. It was early enough that we had time before dinner for a glass of wine. She was very close to me as we stood in the kitchen, she held my hand and pulled me in for a kiss and said she was going to miss me.

I looked at her and was going to say one thing but the look on her face was kind of sad and for a moment I thought she might say she wasn't going to go. But I did want her to go. I kissed her back and said in a quiet voice, "you want to go though, right?"

She nodded her head and I pulled her close and told her that I wanted her to go. I told her that we've come this far and that Ray really was a gentleman about things (he is so far from dominant when I'm around him that he's either a great actor or Suzanna has a lot of work to do yet). I kissed her and I said, "Go and enjoy him" and after a second I added, " .... you owe me, I think that's fair".

She giggled and said, "Okay" and then smiled.

That part was easy. As I stood at the barbeque a little while later once again my brain went to a dark place. I thought that I'll only be cooking for the 2 of us for the next few days and that really hit me that in addition to her absence with me that she’d be doing such things with him. Then my brain moved to picturing her enjoying dinners out with him and then my cock got hard when I thought that perhaps they'd do room-service. It's been intense; one moment I’m feeling horny thinking of her, the next feeling so queasy at the thought of her doing whatever without me.

Later last night after she'd gone through as much clothes as she possibly needed to (I think she may have deliberately taken longer and teased me at times too) we wound up lying in bed talking about everything, pointedly not mentioning the trip. It was okay, we talked about stuff coming up this week that she'd want me to tend to or remind our ******** about. Inevitably we did come back to the trip and she asked me if I was horny thinking about her and if I was okay with all that we'd/she'd done (or rather didn't do) in the past week.

I told her that I was definitely horny and she asked me if I'd wanted to ‘take care of myself’. I took the moment of focus at the time and said, "No, I think I want to wait till tomorrow".

It took her a moment to think it through and then she just smiled.


Our ******** was off to school this morning by just about 7am. Suzanna reminded her that she won't be back till Saturday but we're not sure if she even heard through her music and ear-buds but she nodded her head yes and did give Suzanna a kiss goodbye. That left Suzanna and me alone.

I deliberately left late for work this morning as I wanted to relish her company for as long as possible. I knew she was going to finish packing when I left but I just couldn't bring myself to leave for I knew that she'd not be there when I got back and I was right.

We had a cup of coffee and she reminded me that she did need to finish packing and asked if I minded if she did it while we drank our coffee. I joked with her that like most trips she'll never wear half of what she brings. It was only after I said it did I realize how it sounded and that made me laugh out loud.

She giggled along with me and said, "think what you want" and then took her cup and went upstairs. She looked sexy in her night-shirt nicely folding her clothes and putting them in. She did not flaunt the lingerie she packed but I was watching and I know what she took (and she peeked at me in the mirror and saw me looking at her so she knew that I knew). I saw several teddies and several pairs of very skimpy panties get packed. I also saw mainly camisoles but perhaps only 1 or 2 bra's. There was also this matching set (I only saw the bra which is a half-cup that leaves her nipples half-out but the panties that go with it are crotchless!) It actually felt good to get a hard-on watching her and I think, at that moment, I even felt some excitement and maybe even feeling proud that she was going after all.

For as little that seemed to have gone on, the time flew by and it was soon after 8am and I did need to be on the road by 8:30am at the latest. We talked a little more, me asking her when she'd call and that sort of stuff while she was in the bathroom getting her make-up and other crap together. I was sitting on the bed and I laughed at seeing all of this stuff thinking that Ray will get the whole package including the ‘Miss Prissy’ moments.

"You still here?" she said to me, smiled and came and sat down next to me and gave me what sounded like a pep talk. At one point she reached over and patting my semi-hard cock said, "when I get back, we have a date!" Joking apart, what she said to me was to reassure me that while this time is for her, that with all the stress over her ***, that she just wants to let go. She hugged me deeply and said, “it'll never change us". As we broke that kiss I held her hand and that was when I noticed she still had her rings on.

We'd talked about her leaving them home and I was surprised to see them. I almost came out to say, "Weren’t you going to leave them home?" but instead, I waited to see if she realised she was still wearing them. I guess my hand lingered a bit too long because she gave a start, looked at me and said, "oh yeah ..... are you still okay if I leave these home?”

Even this close to her leaving I sensed some hesitation in her. I tightened my hand on hers and held her hands for a second and then said, "Yes, I am". I stretched out her fingers and held her rings, the motion was obvious, I wanted her to pull her finger out of the rings.

She looked at me and said, "Okay" and then she did it.

It was probably the most erotic feeling I've ever had knowing what that action meant and what it conveyed to Suzanna. I kissed her and told her that they'll be here for when she gets back on Saturday.

I knew I had to leave for work, if I didn't go then I'd never be able to. Despite my now fully hard cock (which she giggled at as I hugged her) I managed to stand up and pull her to her feet. I kept my composure and told her quietly that, "I'm going to go now." A short pause and I managed to blurt out, "Have a wonderful trip and tell me all about it when you can".


Suzanna texted me that she was leaving earlier this afternoon and said that the four and a half days would go by quickly and that we'd talk later tonight.

I could barely focus on work and all I could think about was that she should be getting in anytime now as they had an early-afternoon flight down.

I came home a bit earlier than usual as I just couldn't focus on work for obvious reasons. It's not quite an empty house as my ******** is home and that's good because otherwise it would surely hit me more than it is right now.

My ******** wants to watch a movie later and make popcorn so that ought to be nice.

So that's it. I feel numb. It's like everything before this morning is one big blur that seems to have come and gone so quickly that it’s just a whirlwind. Right now, well, I just feel numb. It’s almost like I've taken a Valium or something that is buffering the world.

Right now, I need to go tend to dinner with my ******** (she's requested we go to a good restaurant we frequent; I think she likes one of the waiters that works there). Hopefully I will hear from Suzanna before we go out.


She did call me, about 6pm and said that ‘they had just checked in’. Just hearing her say that gave me a jolt for sure. I can't explain it all but can only say, as the saying goes, that pain can be pleasure which is definitely the case here. We only talked briefly and she said she'd call me back later. I said that I was really looking forward to that and she clearly said she would call me.

I was going to give her till 11:30pm before I called her but she did call me just after 11pm and we talked for a while longer. Ray was downstairs in the hotel having a drink with some of his acquaintances. She said he'd introduced her as ‘my friend Suzanna’ and it was clear that she wanted me to hear that. She asked about dinner and I told her about that and the movie I watched with our ********. She then asked me how I was holding up and I was honest with her, I told her that I loved her but I knew how much she wanted this trip. In response again she promised me she'd make it up to me. It seemed to make it easier to talk to her hearing her say that.

We made other conversation like, how is the hotel; how was the trip down; how do his friends seem, etc but it seemed like she was never going to say anything so I straight out asked her, "so, did you guys have fun yet?” (It seemed a nicer way of asking her if they'd fucked yet!)

She giggled at first and then said, "Do you really want to know all of this?"

It took me no time to say, "Yes" and she giggled and said, "Ok, no, not yet....”

I thought that was it until a second later she added, in a teasing voice, "If you must know, I'm lying here naked waiting for him now". I think I groaned more than I spoke for a moment and then said something about how hot she can make me. She giggled back and then shooed me off the phone and said, "how about if I text you 'good night' later?”

It's now 12:15am and there's been no text from her.

I’m having a lot of crazy thoughts in my head right now. I keep stopping to think of something or another but right now I'm stuck on the look on her face just as she about to cum. Sometimes she'll open her eyes just then but you can tell she's not seeing anything. Her jaw will go tense as the passion rises.

Oh man, this is crazy right now. I’m waiting for her to call and my cock is like a rock. The thought of her being his for the next few days, it is so crazy to think about but I hope it fulfils her desire and "scratches her itch".

Maybe I'll give her a little longer to text me. I know she won't forget about me so I can only assume she is too busy.... That thought is one I will savour and enjoy in a few moments.


She did text me about 12:45am. It said ‘Had a nice evening here, miss you. Talk to you tomorrow’ and that's was it.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep very well.


It is most definitely a combination of denial and the fulfilment of that desire of mine, to experience giving her away for a period of time, that I am experiencing. That I've had to use my right hand for 10 days now while I know she's freely fucking Ray is something that perpetually turns me on right now. My cock will rise to the occasional thought or vision of her. However, it will just as quickly shrink away when I think of the other sides of it, that I've set her free and that her pleasure is solely hers and not mine; well, not directly at least.

Last night after I wrote my update I laid in our bed and found myself incredibly horny. The empty space next to me coupled with knowing what she was undoubtedly doing was incredibly arousing, even more than I had remembered it before when I closed my eyes and pictured her. Indeed, I was so horny that I pulled out the Astroglide from her nightstand and lubed up. The thoughts of her with Ray just drove me crazy. I pictured her lying naked next to him, knowing they'd have already fucked and her enjoying probably lying in his arms; I can even picture his hands caressing her breasts afterwards. It's making me hard even now to think about it. I can just say that it was one of the most enjoyable solo-sessions in a long long time.


This morning and I awoke to an empty bed and missing her prancing around in her panties. Even after the workout last night, damn if my cock wasn't rock hard as I thought about her. I knew she would no doubt sleep in later this morning and could imagine Ray leaving her naked under the covers as she fell back asleep, maybe even after a morning-fuck.

I didn't text her but instead found myself incredibly distracted at work again until she did text me about 10:30am.

"Morning sweetie, hope you're ok and that last night wasn't too hard on you. My night was wonderful. I miss you but after last night, I know I need this. Thank you for letting me have it. Love you lots.”

I must have re-read it two or three times before she sent a follow up. All it said was,"2x".

It took me a second before I realized she was telling me how many times they must have had sex. Crazy, but I felt let down that it was only twice!

We swapped text messages more during the day where she definitely teased me with lots of use of ‘we’ and ‘us’. We agreed to talk later tonight about 8pm as she felt that'd be after dinner and before they were getting ready to go out. Just hearing her say they were going out together gave me a wild feeling; they've never really gone out socially other than at the wedding. It got me really horny to think of this as maybe their first real date?


I'm home now after work and having these crazy feelings. I know she's not here and that I am sorely missing her already but, at the same time, I have to say that I feel incredibly alive right now. The slightest thought of her (or about sex in general) brings me straight to a boil. Add to that just having my right hand (with some lube is very nice!) to satisfy me is somehow also strangely satisfying to think about.

I don't fully understand it all. It turns me on to know that she is away with her lover and when I think that she spent last week getting-herself-ready sexually for him it gives me the most intense sexual chill throughout my body to think of her wanting that for herself. I can't even put into words at the intense thoughts that I have.


Our conversation last night was nice. I asked her what she meant when she'd said ‘she needed it’. She was quiet and then said in a soft voice, "I really came last night ... " and then a second later, " ... it was what I needed to feel".

I wasn't really ready to hear that but after I got my composure back I said, "that sounds nice for you" and she came back with, "you said you wanted to know, right?" and I said "yes".

She suddenly seemed to have a concerned sound in her voice and asked me if I was okay. I told her that this was more difficult than I'd thought and told her that both the empty house and the empty bed were sometimes hard to take. She said she was sorry and then in a lower voice asked me, "does it still turn you on?”

I groaned back an affirmative, "uh huh" and she asked me in a sexy sounding voice whether I was, "enjoying thinking about her?" and again I grunted a, "yeah".

She giggled and said, "So, tell me... how many times?

I didn't lie to her when I said, "four".

We talked about what they'd done the night before and what she'd done all day. She said she'd met some of Ray’s acquaintances and all seemed polite but she said she felt a little weird at times too. She confessed she wasn’t keen on doing all the hospitality-suites stuff with Ray, most of the guys were into drinking and some of them were a bit too coarse for her at times. Plus, there weren't that many wives/girlfriends there too.

She said that they'd gone out to a nice restaurant for dinner and I think she told me what she'd had for dinner but I confess that I was taken with the thoughts of her just being out to dinner. I figured it to be, yes, a romantic dinner with Ray and in my mind that made it ‘a date’. My thoughts strayed; is she now going to go out with him here at home? Now that her *** is more stable, she does have a lot more time on her hands. (I've been thinking a lot about this but those thoughts are tempered by what she's said both on Sunday and now in this call.)

I didn't hear much about Ray himself as she didn't talk about him much, more of what they'd done. It was a friendly conversation and as we drew to a close I joked back with her that I was ‘kind of disappointed’ that they'd only ‘done it twice’ and laughed that she's ‘ruining my fantasy!’.

She giggled and said that she'd, "make up for lost time tonight".

She'd texted me another goodnight message last night. In it she said the same sort of stuff as Tuesday night and then added, "2 more x".

It was around 2am as I struggled to fall asleep that my phone buzzed with another message from her, "make that 3 ."

I was too tired and too spent from stroking earlier but, damn, that message was surely behind my solo-fun this morning!


Her ‘good morning sweetie’ text this morning to me has my brain in overtime again. I can imagine him having mounted her at 2am to relieve his desire and again, I can picture him leaving her naked in bed as he gets up to get ready for the day. Oh man, why does that turn me on to think about?

My thoughts are still all over the place. I can say that knowing I haven't had her now for 11 days while she's been steadily filled with his semen this whole time is just driving me insane with desire. I can also say that come tomorrow morning, if it's like it was this morning, that after my ******** leaves for school I find that when I'm in our bedroom and I see her rings in the jewelry-box. I look around and realize that is all of her that is home with me and I feel an almost uncontrollable urge to relieve myself. Again, all I need to do is to just think about what she is doing and, wow, I'm ready to pop!


I'm sorry if my writings seem kind of scattered lately but my brain is literally all over the place. Every time I start to write I seem to get off track or seem to focus on a thought that consumes me. Right now (it's just after 11am) and I can imagine her still lounging in the hotel bed perhaps naked; perhaps in just one of those fluffy robes. That thought alone is a turn on but when my mind goes to her having had sex at like 2am and, fulfilling my fantasy, going at it again this morning, oh man, it's so intense to think about and even though I've cum so much it is still incredibly fulfilling to let my mind go and stroke off again.

Sorry for being so explicit but in some ways this is also what I've wanted, I've wanted to be here alone and to masturbate to the thoughts and knowledge of what she's doing and that I'm not doing it with her.


She called a little earlier than last night and said they were going out for drinks and then dinner. Oh god did it give me the most intense feeling again hearing her say ‘we’ knowing what it means.

We caught up on things from the day. She'd gone shopping nearby to pass her time until Ray was done. I asked her what was going on now and she said that Ray was hanging with friends while she called me and that he'd be coming up soon to get ready. I know she said other things but, again, my mind just wandered at the thoughts of them getting ready to go out later; her standing naked in front of the bathroom mirror putting on her makeup or doing her hair; Ray next to her shaving or whatever. Why does that thought get me so worked up?!

I have to say that it is going far better than I'd expected. I know what she's doing and who she's with and yet, crazily, it doesn't feel nearly as horrible as last time.

I'll go out on a limb here, perhaps it's because she's again said, told me this time, that she is enjoying herself immensely. I asked if she was, "scratching that itch?"

She seemed to have a mellow sweet sound to her voice as she said, "Mmm, yes, most definitely this time ... oh my god, yes ... so much different than last time". She added that even Ray had mentioned how spirited she seemed to be!

All too soon she said she needed to go as Ray would be up soon for sure. A part of me wanted to tell her to leave the phone on so I could listen in but I couldn't bring myself to say it knowing she wouldn’t feel comfortable that way. She told me again she loved me so and thanked me again. Then she said something like, "Ray knows his place too".

That made me feel good.


Now the biggest question I have to ask myself is, “Where is all this cum coming from?” Damn, I feel like a teenager jerking off 3 or more times each day now and cumming a lot each time.

Tomorrow's Friday and I expect I'll have the need in the morning but after that, oh yes, I do so want to wait for her for when she gets home for sure!

The other surprise I've had is, wow, it’s amazing how much stuff Suzanna does for our ********! Never realized it till now just how much running around there is involved; single parents, you have my sympathies!

I'll end this update by saying that I got a text from her about 8pm that said, ‘going out now. text you later when I get in (even if it's late). Oh and one more thing - 1x’.

It's this thought that will surely consume me later tonight in bed as all I can think of is that she's out to drinks/dinner and more with him and that she must be leaking from him the entire time.


Time for some more ‘me time’ and another new book.