Journal of a Journey - Book Thirty Eight

It was a depressing day yesterday. I had thought maybe Suzanna would relax the whole pantie-restriction thing and maybe want to make love when we returned home but instead she just wanted to cuddle with me and ‘feel close’. When I'd said that I'd thought we might have sex all she offered was to lie next to me and said it would be fine if I wanted to masturbate. She then said, "But that's all you're getting".

She is most definitely enjoying her sense of control during the week; perhaps she really has taken control!

Come last Friday and straight through the weekend, she wanted and definitely enjoyed sex with me (several times!) so despite all of the playing we are doing, I still feel very connected with Suzanna and still relish the moments when I can feel her cum under me during sex. She still says that the orgasms we share together are very different than what she has with Ray.

We did talk more about Thanksgiving and what might happen. She says she's started to talk to Ray about ‘getting away one more time’ and she held my hand and said, "just a few days this time" and then added that the longer build-up period to ‘their time’ should help. I asked her what she was thinking specifically and she said, "I thought our last time would be the weekend after Thanksgiving" and then said, "we'd go away maybe around the 8th; maybe that weekend.”

I did the math in my head and worked out that meant she wanted 2 weeks ‘without me’. When I shared that with her all she said was, "you'll be okay, right?"

It seems so strange now to talk so easily and openly about her going away with him again. I remember the first time how it pained me to hear and think about it, but now, although, the time away will be tough at the same time, damned if it doesn't turn me on to hear it from her and think about it.

I often wonder what Ray thinks is going on. He knows we practice some forms of mild-denial; he knows that Suzanna doesn't have sex with me at least a day or so before she sees him. Beyond that, she's said, "but that's just between you and me" meaning her and I.

I asked her, "what did he think was going on before you went away," adding, "I thought he wasn't up for all that much".

That's when she said to me what the biggest issue is for her, as she put it, "It's me that wants it, not him".

What she said was that during that week when she saw him like 4 times that he knew she was doing it to get turned on about the trip with him. She says that he thinks she came home and had sex with me after most of those times.

I told her that we had an excuse about her going on a work-related trip the last time and asked what she was going to tell our ******** and our ****** this time when she's gone over a weekend. She said calmly that she's already started the story, that she's going to visit her old college roommate again before the holidays.


I will definitely admit that it does seem that Suzanna has taken control of things. I'm not really sure I saw it coming to be honest but I know that I did and do want it. There is something very intoxicating about her, being as sexually desiring and now controlling how she fulfils those desires; it's amazing. What's totally crazy is that I'm not freaked out about her going away with Ray again. I am sure my comfort with it has to do with what I know of Ray's own sexual desires and limitations but there’s also an element of that I've seen them together many times now. It is beautiful to watch her give herself to him and at the same time it does give this incredible twist to my insides. Ray's okay though, he doesn't flaunt it or make a big commotion out of it. I've seen her cum with him and I know that she must get a lot crazier when she's away so perhaps it’s better that those thoughts stay in my head!


Last night made it clear that she definitely wants more in a lover and that if she has her way, when she does move on, that she hopes he'll demand more from her than Ray does.

I won't get into the foreplay stuff other than to say that she'd teased me both when she got home as well as after dinner when she cupped my cock and balls and said, "I want to watch you later" and as she squeezed gently she said with a giggle, "I think you have some cum for me".

It was later when we got in bed that she made no bones about it. She sat Indian-style next to me on the bed in just her long-t-shirt and her panties. She pulled the panties tighter against her pussy and teased me saying, "this is all you get to see tonight" and then she pointed out what I couldn't see including her swollen nub where her clit was under the material. I could see the area between her legs was darkened from her moistness.

I suppose she is in control when I think of how she conducted herself. There wasn't much build-up, she pulled the covers off and went, "ahem". She looked down at my boxers and I knew she wanted me to take them off too.

It wasn't so much what she did as what she said to me. She told me how horny she was this week and how she hadn't played-with-herself much. At first I thought she was suggesting we maybe have sex or something until she said that she wanted to be horny for Ray. I asked her, "I thought he doesn't do it for you".

She replied that it's not that he doesn't do it for her, and then proceeded to tell me how he is able to get her to cum ‘almost as easily as you do’ (meaning me), but that he just doesn't ever want it from her and that it's always when she wants it. Then she said to me, "seeing you cum tonight always makes me horny for him since I know I can't have you".

I told her that I didn't mind; that I liked her watching me.

She asked me what I was thinking about and I told her just what she'd said to me, that it turned me on that I was going to masturbate and cum enough that if she wanted her satisfaction, that she'd need to go to Ray.

She cooed and said again that she wished I'd have done this years’ ago as she realizes now that it seems to truly convey that it’s me that wants to do this. As she put it, "that you'd cum from your own hands to make me go elsewhere". She said if only I'd done this years ago, that she'd have believed me.

She went back to some of our trips away where we'd been out at clubs at night or after skiing and she looked at me and said pretty plainly, "if you'd have jerked off I would have known you were serious and I probably would have gone with another guy long ago".

I told her that knowing her ‘married pussy’ will be Ray’s was a huge turn-on for me to think about. As I told her this I was pretty far along and I knew that with the right stimulation, my first orgasm wasn't far off. That was when she said to me, "how are you going to feel when I have a lover who wants more of my 'married pussy'?"

That elicited me to ask, "Are you looking for a new lover?"

She responded, "not yet, but maybe after the holidays if Ray doesn't come around". Then she looked at me and said, "what do you want if that happens?”

I was quiet for a second; she kept going, "what if I find someone like Dan who wants some of what he used to was ask me for?" Before I could answer she added, "I know neither of us was ready for that back then .... " and with a hesitation in her voice, " .... but I think I may be now".

It was one of those moments when the combination of mood, horniness, setting and her sexiness combined to let me talk freely. I told her that I thought maybe I could be okay with it and then said to her, "what are you thinking?"

She looked at me and said that she was thinking that she'd like a lover who wanted her ‘more exclusively’ and that while it was a turn-off when Dan had 'demanded' it from her, that she now thought it might be exciting if she had a lover who wanted her more than Ray does. She looked said, "how are you going to feel if you had to wait longer to have me?"

Before I could answer she said that she could only see it working if her lover wanted her more often and she asked me if that was going to be okay with me. I groaned that I was sure we could work something out, "as long as it's not too long" and I reiterated that I couldn’t see myself being in a sex-less (or should I say fuck-less) relationship.

She giggled and said, "of course you'll still get to have me .... sometimes" and she said she couldn't ever give it up with me either but then she added, "you know it's been over 25 years that you've been cumming in me .... maybe a little break wouldn't be such a bad thing?". Then she put on this sexy voice, "Anyway, you'd be horny while you waited knowing someone else was enjoying my pussy instead of you, wouldn't you?”

Oh man, it wasn't just what she said; it was how she said it. As she continued to talk she ran one finger up the underside of my cock as I stroked it and she said, "it’s sometimes what I think about too watching you cum each time ... it turns me on to think that it's one less cum that is in me". With that she leaned into me and started to kiss my neck and shoulder and ear while she cooed, "come on, let me see how much there is tonight?" She said a few other things but when she said, "it turns me on that is what you could be doing inside me" that it pushed me over the edge and my first load came squirting out. I do love to hear her sexy moan in my ear as she watches me milk the last few squirts out.

She helped clean me up and then, a bit later, she insisted on a second load from me.

I’m guessing there's little doubt of what the future will hold.


She watched me on Wednesday night and this time she asked me to tell her again what I was thinking. Looking back, I can see that each time she asks, I seem to reveal more and more with me opening up to her.

She asked me what I thought about all of this and she commented that, "it obviously turns you on" from how hard my cock grows as she watches. I told her, maybe in a way I hadn't before, that I was a bit scared to think this way. She was very supportive and said something like, "aww honey, I promise I won't ever hurt you". So I sort of admitted more openly that, "I think it'd be hot if you did some of that stuff". She pushed me and I know I'd already told her this in one way or another but she seems to almost need to hear me repeating it so I just said, “I think it'd drive me crazy with arousal if I knew you were only fucking Ray and making me wait".

Now, I know she's not actively looking for someone else, other than the passing comment here and there; she's never mentioned it and instead has said indirectly that she'll be waiting till the New Year. What she did say was, "it probably won't be Ray you know?"

Well, my cock must have throbbed or grown at that moment because she immediately said, "looks like you like the idea of another guy". I nodded and told her that I was sure I'd enjoy jerking off while knowing what she was doing.

She giggled, "I know you will" and then she asked, "does it turn you on to think about not cumming in me?”

I've answered this many times but each time it turns me on just the same to say so. In response she said, "it's been a while now that we've been doing this on Wednesdays ... maybe 10 or 15 times already ... " and she continued in a really sexy teasing voice, " ... that's like 30 to 45 times less you haven't cum in me." She leaned in and whispered in my ear, "that thought turns me on, not sure why".

Just hearing her say things like that pushed me right over the edge and I squirted all over for the second time.

As she started to clean me up and feed me my second load of cum she said, "I guess we'll see how it all works out in another month or so, sort of a trial run if you will". I didn't reply but I know she felt my cock throb a bit as she held it up while she collected all of my drippings.

She's pretty much made it clear what she wants to do and what she's going to do about it. I do still believe that if I every truly came to her and said, "I really need to fuck you" that she would relent and let me do so but I think part of this dance we're doing is that while I think it's all play we are treating it as if it's something real.


Yesterday (Thursday) and Suzanna saw Ray yesterday afternoon. She went over his place after she’d got out of work a bit earlier and she was home by 6pm last night. Our ******** is working on a school-play so she's occupied till later on some Thursday's when practices are going on or when they're working on the set or lighting or whatever. Anyway, when Suzanna came in about 6pm last night I was hoping she'd indulge me.

She doesn't share details of their time together. I'm not sure if it's that she's not comfortable telling me it all, or whether it’s that she struggles to find the right words to tell it to me without making her feel weird or slutty. Last night was an exception when she told me a little about her time with Ray starting with her getting there about 4pm. She then told me how after sharing a glass of wine with him that she got undressed. She said she felt very horny yesterday which she soon made clear to him. I suspect her horniness stemmed from our talk and my admissions the night before. I cringed a little when she told me how she sat on his couch and, as she put it ‘spread her legs’ and how Ray knelt in front of her and ate her pussy until she came the first time. She said she'd even put her hand on the back of his head to make it clear to him what she wanted.

With her being quite wet from that first time, she told me how she stayed in that position and how he came up to the edge of the couch and how they fucked there. She told me how he watched her reach down and rub her clit and how he began to fuck her more and more deeply. I know the couch she's referring to and I've actually been there and seen them fuck like this. She's regaled to me how that position makes his cock rub against her g-spot and she had no problem telling me that she orgasmed a second time before he'd even had his first. She said he followed her shortly afterwards and she seemed to take pleasure in telling me, "In that position, I could feel him so fully".

They took a break for a while and had another glass of wine. She told me that she stayed naked before him and then made it clear to him that she wanted him a second time before she was going to leave to come home to me. She got that second time as she knelt in front of the couch and he took her from behind. I felt such arousal at hearing her tell me how her breasts were mashed against the couch as she put her butt up in the air for him. She said she'd quickly cum a second and then easily a third time before they got into a rhythm that she knew was going to bring them both to an awesome finish. When she felt his hands on her she said she started to cum and how it seemed to go on and on until Ray finally let go in her a second time. She said they stayed there in that position with him still in her, for at least another few minutes and she made it a point to tell me how she could feel his cock slipping in and out of her as they each breathed. I had to laugh when she said she tried to hold back a cough but couldn't and how they both laughed when her cough literally squirted him out of her!

I was entranced at hearing so much detail after not really having heard much for so long. I could feel this dull aching throb in my cock but after our Wednesday night, I knew I would struggle to get a hard-on. She looked up at me and said, "I'm kind of messy down there but since we have time, if you wanted to, you could undress me and have a lick". Just like that.

I smiled at her and said I'd like that a lot and we went up to the bedroom. She asked me to undress her. I loved unbuttoning her top and seeing her bra beneath knowing that it had been off not long before. I unclipped it and slid it off her arms and I loved looking at her breasts. Something just thrills me to no end to think of and know they were in his mouth not long ago; knowing how when he sucked at them her nipples would get so stiff; knowing how she would have felt her pussy respond. It is so weird but it is so satisfying to think and know that about her and him.

I reached behind her and unbuttoned and unzipped her skirt. It fell to the floor and she stepped out of it and just had her panties on. She looked awesome but I was stunned when she said, "You know, maybe this isn't a good idea? I think you do better when you wait for me till tomorrow"

I looked up at her and I guess the look in my eyes showed my disappointment. She saw it and said, "Okay, I guess I shouldn't have offered it in the first place then" and with that she said I could pull her panties off.

She had made me nervous and for whatever reason my hands were shaking a bit as I put my fingers into the waistband and began to pull them off. It was so erotic to slowly reveal her pussy that way. The gusset stuck to the bottom of her pussy a bit and the thought of it being glued to her with his cum suddenly got to me and my cock definitely started to get hard just thinking about it.

She giggled at my fumbling and teased, "Nervous, are we? Let me lay back on the bed to make it easier" and with that she stepped out of her panties and lay back at the edge of the bed. I pushed her knees back and separated her labia revealing her swollen used pussy to me. I guess it's been a while since I've had this pleasure or maybe Ray was overly passionate but there was an almost overwhelming smell of sex and cum that started to emanate. I know it sounds a bit gross, but at that moment, oh my god, it was so exciting to me.

I know if you take it out of context, it still sounds weird that I want to lick Ray’s' cum out of her but at that moment, seeing her used body in front of me and the knowledge of what he deposited in her to me it’s anything but weird. I can't explain it but it is just so intense. The thought that I was between my wife's legs dipping my tongue into her and feeling her respond to me was, like I said, anything but weird and my cock was soon throbbing away surprising me too.

I had thought about crawling closer to the bed and slipping my cock into her but I knew, as I'd said before, that we're starting to play this more realistically and I knew the rules said she wasn't ready for me to enter her yet. I licked at her for a while longer until I felt her own responses building including feeling her hand on my head this time gently encouraging me to lick a bit deeper and more firmly. That soon led to her more forcefully holding my head and her own body responding instinctively. A short while later she made no bones about letting me bring her off one more time and letting loose with her final orgasm for the evening.

Afterwards she giggled at how messy my face looked when she caught her breath. I was too busy still staring up close at her pussy marvelling that she'd had Ray’s cock in her earlier and how he'd cum in her. She moved up onto her elbows and looked down at me and said, "you can have me tomorrow, promise".

I took the moment to ask her a question in response; I simply asked, "could I have you now if I used a condom?” I wanted to see her answer.

She smiled and with this really beautiful look on her face she said, "baby, not tonight, I just want to feel what I am right now ... but tomorrow....”

I panicked for a moment, had I just committed myself to using a condom with her?!

I didn't say a word as she sat up in bed and scooted close to the edge and as she hugged me she said, "I'm sure you can wait till tomorrow" and I think she might have realized what had been said when she added, "tomorrow I want you to cum in me baby, but tonight, I just want to relax".

A few minutes later she stood up naked and went into the bathroom. I watched her (for as long as she'd let me) as she put one foot up on the toilet and then she pushed her fingers up into her pussy. When she pulled them out she turned to me and said, "wow, you did a good job cleaning me up!". She came back in the bedroom and went to her dresser and pulled out a clean pair of panties and when she saw the look on my face she said, "Be happy with what you had tonight, now you'll have to wait till tomorrow" and with that she pulled them up.


Anyone who might doubt or question the closeness Suzanna and I share or the love between us should have been a fly on the wall last night.

Our ******** was busy with the school-play and related stuff so our evenings are now undisturbed. Suzanna came home about 6pm and we relaxed with shrimp cocktails and prosecco-mimosa's until the time came for us to adjourn to the bedroom. There we took advantage of the empty-house and hours of time available to us and we started a very slow seduction of each other. Of course there was some teasing especially when I saw what could only be almost-hickies still remaining on her breasts from the night before as well as her asking me to be gentle on her nipples. Equally arousing was the teasing when she pointed at me as I knelt between her spread legs and began to rub my cock up and down between her swollen lips. She looked up at me and said, "have you been waiting for your turn?” However, once we started fucking in earnest, the teasing ended and there was 30 minutes of grunting and moaning to replace the talk plus her cries of orgasm several times even before I entered her.

We went from position to position including one of my favourites of her kneeling at the edge of the bed and me spreading her pussy and ass apart to reveal everything. Hearing her squeal at first and then go to a deep moan as I entered her slowly from behind is a sound that cannot be disguised or faked nor can the feeling her body gives me as she cums, sometimes violently, as her pussy will tighten up at first, and then both flood with wetness and open up as her orgasm passes over. I can reach around her when I'm in her from behind and rub at her clit which most always sends her over the edge.

I was totally into fucking her but in the end there was only one place we both wanted to be when I was finally going to cum in her, that's with her on her back and me holding her legs back and apart with my arms. Feeling her at that point, so spent from multiple orgasms, her pussy markedly looser and wetter; it's wild. I knew I really needed to fuck her really deeply; I could just feel it.

She commented on how, "waiting seems to really make you harder" because my cock seemed huge even to me. I responded by saying that I felt like she was tighter and the combination was awesome. I would pull out till just the tip of my cock remained in her opening and then I would slowly but steadily push all the way back into her. After just a few full slow thrusts like this she wrapped her legs around my back and begged me, "Fuck me hard". Soon the only sounds were our muffled moans and the squishing sounds from her pussy as we both approached one last climax. She could tell when I was close and whatever she did, it felt awesome to be inside her as she started to crest. I felt the slickness around my cock and a billion things flashed before my eyes as I tried to hold off as long as I could until I couldn’t do so any longer and then, wow, I started to cum and, wow, cum I did. She squealed as I kept fucking her steadily the entire way through my own orgasm and then, she had a last hurrah herself as I kept on fucking her with my softening cock.

Before we'd started I'd thought that maybe we'd go twice but after the intensity of my first orgasm with her and her equally satisfying multi-orgasmic response, both of us felt quite sated afterwards. Our moment of post-fuck afterglow was broken up a few minutes later when she said, "oh my god" and she hopped up out of bed and moaned as she stumbled to the bathroom, "Wow, you seem to be cumming a lot these days".

I looked at the big wet-spot she had been lying in and I had to laugh at it all as she came back out of the bathroom holding a washcloth against her pussy. She came to the edge of the bed and said, "I should make you clean up this mess". Then when she saw me smiling she said, "... if you want to, okay ...". She lay back down (being careful to miss the wet-spot!) and said, “.... if you really want to" and she spread her legs for me.

I pushed her legs back and pulled her pussy open a bit with my fingers and dipped my head. She didn't cum this time as I licked and cleaned her but she sure seemed to enjoy it. So much so that she’s already hinted around that this afternoon she wants me/it again.


What do I think about when I masturbate? Well, obviously I think about the incredible sex Suzanna and I have had but I also think about other things that aren't necessarily physical aspects of sex. For whatever reason, just thinking about other guys’ cumming in her will get me hard most any time. I certainly masturbate and cum to thoughts of my own passionate fucking with her especially if she was wet and open from being with someone else but I also think about other things such as knowing, seeing and thinking about her orgasming with Ray or other guys. The thought of her sharing that most intimate moment with them when she is, mid-orgasm, unable to do anything other than lie there and receive him.

When I reach the point where I need to cum there are many different things that go through my mind. Thinking about how she feels when I first enter her and can feel the slickness from an earlier partner, even more when I can feel it in her pussy that she's cum, maybe several times, already; whether it’s' with another guy or just from her toys that thought can surely send me over. Just as much in some ways the thoughts of her either asking me to pull out before I cum or even her denying me altogether can surely turn me on and get me there.

A frequent memory and a thought will almost always get me to cum is what I've now seen so many times, the pulsing of her lover’s cock as he cums in her. God, I’m getting hard just thinking about that now!


It's like there are two-sides to Suzanna! I really don't think too much about it but I suppose that I do take charge/control a bit more when she offers herself. I also find that while the Mon-Fri denial routine has become a bit more routine it continues to affect me more in terms of my desire for her and my physicality with her. It's been good with our ******** being out of the house on her school project as we've both been able to open up and be a bit louder when we have the house to ourselves. I do so love hearing Suzanna moan out loud in orgasm as her body trembles under me.

I think this is where we have this whole cuck-thing rooted for her. She would love it if our sex together could be just as it is when we're alone but at the same time she doesn't want me to be that person with her outside of the bedroom. Yet, in reality, the cuck and the non-cuck are both tied together and really can't be separated. She doesn't want me to treat her this way (being the cuckold) all the time but yet she would like a sexual relationship seemingly almost based around it. It’s very confusing.


I ask myself, "why is she waiting till the New Year to find another guy?” but the answer is quite simple, she’s just been too busy. She's already started shopping for the holidays and now has to work out helping with Thanksgiving at her parents’ house this year around her ***. Add to that our ******** is having a Halloween party here next weekend and that she wants a few days away with Ray before Christmas, the truth is that she won't have time for much else!

When she does make her move I do believe she will want to experience someone Dan-like but perhaps not quite so self-centred. I'm actually very excited for her!


We are hunkered down for the big storm that’s been forecast. The generator is in the garage gassed-up and waiting for the power to go out like it did last year for hurricane Irene. Fortunately both of our jobs are such that we'll work from home tomorrow and probably Tuesday if power and internet access are up. We stocked up on some food probably not enough if it's a true disaster, but plenty if it's just a 1-2 day storm.


With the storm approaching last night it was particularly nice to spoon up naked in bed listening to the wind and to slip into a nice passionate fuck-session! I spooned up behind her, unsure if we were going for 3 days in a row and she felt great against me. When I pulled her t-shirt up and found no panties underneath, well, it only took a little coaxing to get her as horny as me!

This morning, she was up before me not realizing our ********'s school was closed or that both of our employers would tell us to 'work from home'.

When she came out of the bathroom she had a towel around her wet hair and nothing else on ... except for a pair of panties! She said she had no further details on her planned get-away other than to confirm that it will be after Thanksgiving and that I should be ready to do without her pussy for a while.


The storm hit us bad and put out the power for a few days but we are safe and have come to no harm. At least with intermittent or no power and limited TV it gave us plenty of time to talk. Ray was a frequent topic and she says she's not so much tired or bored of him but more that she ‘wishes he wanted her more’ and ‘wanted more from her’ (her exact words).

I coaxed her to admit that she wants to ‘consider’ other guys after the holidays but says that, especially after the storm and its impact, she just doesn't have the time or energy to think about it now. Practical as ever she said she's already behind on shopping for the holidays.

She mentioned that she still plans on going away with him again for a few days but now admits that maybe it will just be 2 nights. Again, she said her focus is the holidays in her mind.

We've been a bit closer but there's also just so much more stress with the power issues and the gas supply issues; just a lot to deal with but the end is in sight and later this week we should be back on-line. What’s the use in getting upset about it; can't change it.

I called Ray and he reported no significant damage to his place; mostly fallen trees taking out power-lines that is the bigger issue but the storm has certainly made a mess of her plans for this week.

To be sure, now the storm has passed Suzanna went back to panties as expected on Monday. I questioned her in light of the storm on Wednesday and maybe not being able to see Ray on Thursday that maybe ...? She said, "... yeah, maybe not; but you just enjoy it".


I suppose it could be that Ray considers Suzanna and I as being his friends and that limits his possessiveness and desires. However, I don't think it's only that, she's been with him for a while now and she's said that he's just not a highly-sexed guy. That's what she's been saying to me, that he would obviously have sex with her more frequently if she pushed him but she's convinced that he just doesn't ‘want it’ much more or, perhaps, is content with what he has and doesn't want to mess it up. I guess I can see things from his point of view that it would be nice having a fuck-buddy like Suzanna where there aren't any strings attached....


Still intermittent power so lots of time to talk and reflect. We must be bored for we have just made a calculation and the mental math surprised Suzanna when we figured;

28 years together

Conservative estimate of sex 2x per week average.

36 weeks a year.

Maybe 1/8th to 1/4th ounce of cum.

28 x 2 x 36 x .25 = about 500 ounces or like almost 4 gallons of cum that I've put in her over the years.

She found this number and quantity to be fascinating.

We carried on with our mental arithmetic and estimated that she's been with other guys now for maybe a total of 36 months or 3 years.

3 x 2 x 36 x .25 = about 60.

When we did that math quickly she said she felt so wicked and sexy thinking about her lovers’ cumming almost 1/2 gallon of cum in her too.

Needless to say this became something she's teased me about since and I am sure it will come up again tonight!


Under influence of wine she admitted that pregnancy turned her on. She was buzzed at the time for sure but in later conversations she admitted to it again but said she didn't feel comfortable talking about it when she wasn't buzzed or deep in passion. When she did talk about it she opened up and said that now knowing she can no longer get pregnant, that to think about it sometimes now does turn her on. She asked and I said yes, that I suppose there was a certain element of that as a risk when I encouraged her to be with Peter first with her IUD and then to let Ray be the first to have her without any birth-control.

I had to say that I was very turned on by those 2 times and not just that I wanted to feel that level of denial. I told her that it felt crazy arousing (still does) to know that we both wanted to give those times to her lover. I can't fully express how that turns me on. It’s much the same as the arousal I feel to think of her first boyfriend who took her virginity when he fucked her after her senior prom; of thinking about the guy in college who got to fuck her ass; of her ex-husband who I enjoy thinking about on their wedding day and how she must have felt and what she must have enjoyed. She told me later that hearing me confess these memories to her had explained a lot but just as I struggled to understand it she in turn thinks she understands what types of things turn me on this way, so that was a bit of a revelation too.

Which led her to declare the ‘big one’ and openly admit, and has no qualms about it, that she will always want a lover in her life. She cautioned me that it was something I'd asked about and that I had to be ready for that answer. I was and she said that what she'd like is to be able to essentially live 2 lives. She wants what she and I have including sex and all of that, but that she also wants to, as she put it, to ‘let the slutty side out too’. She still considers it slutty have a lover but it's what she's come to accept in herself and feels very comfortable with being the adulteress; another revelation.

We continued to trade our innermost thoughts and I told her that while it's the denial that truly stokes my desires it is most definitely the moment when I get to have her again that I truly value and need and cannot give up. In my head and during masturbation (with or without her) denial and all of what goes with it is most definitely the thoughts that get me off but when we talked about what fulfils me and makes the experience feel complete, there could be no doubt that it is the time afterwards, when she comes back to me and I get to have sex with my wife again.

We joked and talked about lots of stuff but I'll finish this entry and share one of our conversations that buzzed evening. We had Penthouse magazines out on the bed as we were drinking and we were reading stories to each other. We came to one about anal-sex that reminded me so vividly about her college boyfriend with the skinny cock who used to fuck her ass. (She seemed embarrassed to be reminded but listened anyway!) The story that we were reading ended with the wife who would share her pussy with her husband and lover but her ass was exclusively her lover’s. It was revealing when Suzanna said that if she enjoyed anal sex more, that it just might be a fun thing to do again but she commented that unless it was ‘a skinny cock like that guy back in college had...’ that she just can't do anal.

I concluded that it presents a hint of possibilities for the future if she can find a guy with a skinny cock again!


Still no power but we've somewhat gotten used to the generator even if it does sound like a freight-train on our front-porch!

Tonight will definitely follow our usual Wednesday pattern. Suzanna commented this morning that she ‘wants to see me cum’ tonight.

Ray did get back into the routine today too. Suzanna texted me that with a smiley-face attached to it so I have no doubt she'll be going to his tomorrow.

Tonight will most likely be later in bed probably after we've turned the generator off for the night so it'll probably be by candle-light. How romantic!

Here's hoping for power back soon but we are far from alone in wishing for that.


In the candle-light she played with the pool of cum on my stomach. She teased about the math we did and as she ran her fingers through it she kept saying, "gallons of this?”

Ever since we did that quick math I've been waiting for her to realize that all of that didn't leak out of her and that she's absorbed it over the years and I can't help but think it's had an effect on us. It's also part of what gives me a thrill to think that after all this time, it's not just mine in her now and I've wondered if maybe it's what she's done so far that is influencing her desires to continue.

We only had fun twice last night. The cold/storm outside and the continued dependence on this noisy generator is taking its toll.

After the second time last night when I once again shot my load she joked that, "no wonder I got pregnant so easily".

Hearing her talk about pregnancy and cumming in her got me hard. It's weird that she's now a bit more open in talking about it. I'm still not really prepared to really fantasize about another guy knocking her up but this fantasy isn't something I want to really bring up as I'm just not comfortable there yet.

As she stroked me she commented on, "how much of your cum has been in me ..." and that was when she mentioned, "... and now, it's not just yours anymore!”

Wow, did that get me going. She teased me about how, "... none will be in me when I go away again". That comment really put me close but when she said how, "I'll want a few weeks before to get ready" I knew what that meant and, man, did my cum fly when she went on about that!


Power’s back on and already it's taken Suzanna to Ray’s place this afternoon. She texted me and said she's going to be there a little longer than usual but thought she'd be home before 7pm. I had been out at lunch today and noticed a lot of work on trees on roads over near Ray's place so it wouldn't surprise me if she got stuck in a detour.

I do think that the next few weeks are going to be interesting. I have yet to write about the things we've found in common between us that are now out in the open for both discussion as well as exploring. Perhaps later tonight or tomorrow I'll have time.


Suzanna has finally told me their plans. She says that now they know the casinos are open and undamaged they are just going to go down to Atlantic City NJ for a few days. She said they were planning it to be a bit more than that but the storm and subsequent issues have put a damper on things.


It was interesting last night as our ******** was back in school finally and the school-activities resumed too. With her out, we had the house to ourselves when Suzanna came home a little after 7pm. She kept me waiting but eventually she finally teased me and said, "do you want to see what Ray did to me?”

I followed her up to the bedroom and (now with our power back on and the house once again being nice and warm) she encouraged me to undress her. She cooperated and raised her arms and I helped pull off her dress.

I loved seeing her standing there in just her bra and panties and I relished the thought of Ray having undressed her only a few hours earlier. I knew as I undid her bra that her breasts would show signs of his hands and mouth having been on them and I was not let down when I saw her nipples still hard. I stood next to her and she said, "You can take them off" referring to her panties. I think my hand was even shaking a little as I pulled the front of them away from her stomach and I slid my hand into her panties. Her pussy felt so warm but as she felt my fingers she reached down and pulled my hand back and said, "just your tongue in me tonight, not your fingers.... okay?” I had just slid my middle fingers into the cleft between her pussy lips and could already feel the warm wetness when she pulled my hand back.

She asked me an almost philosophical question as I pulled her panties down. She said, "does it ever bother you?" I looked up at her as she stepped out of her panties and she continued "... does it ever bother you that I have sex with Ray?”

It was a strange moment as I was kneeling there eye-height with her pussy where I could see a dribble of wetness. I stood up and kissed her and told her that it turned me on that she had sex with Ray and added, “... other guys”. We kissed more and I told her that at first it felt kind of crazy but now, "after so much time, I like it, I like knowing about it".

She smiled and said, "Good, because whether it's Ray or someone else, I don't think I want to give it up". I hugged her and said that as long as it’s something she shares with me and doesn't hide from me, that I loved knowing about it.

I was way too taken with her at that moment as she sat herself down on the edge of the bed and then turned to lay back. She looked so beautiful lying there naked and as she looked at me she smiled and then slowly started to spread her legs for me. Once they were apart with her pussy lips spread revealing all of her beauty to me it was clear she'd been fucked several times earlier and the thought and sight just turned me on incredibly. My cock grew even harder as I struggled to undress myself.

I lay next to her on the bed and kissed her and I let my hands run all over her until one went down near her pussy and she again looked at me and said, "Just your tongue tonight, okay?"

I kissed her and said, "my pleasure" and I started to move down her body. The closer I got to her pussy the more I could smell the sweet smell of sex on her.

As I started to kiss around her pussy she started to talk about how nice it was to see Ray again (they'd missed last week) and as I started to lick at her and could begin to taste Ray's semen in her she started to talk to me and said things about, "it's just going to be Ray's stuff in me soon." She continued to tell me how when she doesn't see him very often, how her desires for him fade a bit but how, after a passionate evening, how she feels more desire for him. She let me and even helped pull her legs back so her pussy would open up more for me and I knew she liked it when I felt her moan and felt her pussy spasm a little as my tongue probed inside.

Once I'd gotten her going she relaxed a little and I guess started to get into being eaten out. After just a few moments I began to taste much more cum running out of her than earlier and sure enough, a few minutes later she relaxed into what seemed like a very deep orgasm that swept over her. I felt her pussy quivering at one point as she peaked and then her whole body relaxed as I remained gently licking at the secretions coming out of her.

She told me in short bursts how Ray had seemed hornier than usual for her (maybe because of not seeing her last week) and she told me they'd fucked twice, the first time not more than 15 minutes after she got there and the second after they'd been lying around together on his bed and she sucked him hard and got him to go for a second time. (I sensed she had been annoyed at him that it had needing her to suck him hard!) It was one of the few times she's shared some of what they did and it seemed to get her horny once again.

Yes, I know it's Ray’s cum and when I think of it like that it doesn't sound so good but when it is oozing out of my wife's well fucked pussy, it no longer has that connotation. I loved that my licking was able to take her to orgasm and that my reward was the unmistakable flow of cum out of her that was deposited earlier. In that moment between her legs, the thought that on the weeks that she doesn't have that post-fuck orgasm with me; the thought that Ray’s cum remains in her afterwards and slowly gets absorbed still weighs on my mind. It doesn't matter in the least to me as feeling her body come alive like that and feeling her cum once again makes it all okay.

I looked up at her after she'd calmed down and she smiled at me and said, "That was wonderful". I knew she was done for now and that even if I wanted to, I knew that she'd need a little while to become a little less sensitive down there so I slid up next to her relishing the feel of her warm body against mine. She hugged me and said, "thank you" and as I held her she asked me quietly, "so, are you going to be okay after Thanksgiving?”

It took me a moment to realize what she was saying but after a pause it led us to the brief discussion about where they were going. I was relieved a bit when she said Atlantic City as I reckon it's far enough from our home that she won't run into anyone we know there (if they even leave the room). After finding out about their destination I asked her again if she was, "Starting it after Thanksgiving weekend".

She said, "Yes.... but I'm sure you're going to enjoy that weekend!”

Atlantic City is offering all sorts of discounts and such so it makes sense. The storm passed that way but the casino's and the boardwalks/shopping were all undamaged. Other areas, not so but Atlantic City brings in such tourist-dollars that they get it back to usable as soon as they can.

They're looking to go over the weekend so it's not like he's missing work and Suzanna wouldn't want to take off more vacation time either. Suzanna's already planted the seeds to her friends and colleagues that she's going away that weekend already. She’s hinted that she is going to visit her old college roommate so no eyebrows raised by anyone at hearing that.

It's not terribly cold today. Low-50's but overcast so not a warm-feeling day but a good one for working in the yard.


Suzanna had made it quite obvious she wanted a night of sex with me when we'd have the house to ourselves and could be quite loud. Actually neither of us realized how the power-failure had seemed to affect us in that it just seemed to add a lot of stress to everything which seemed, in a way, to dull things a bit. No matter how hard you tried, it was always in the back of your mind.

Anyway, with the house to ourselves, fuck we did! The first time was earlier when we'd come home from going out to dinner and continued with another drink or two at home. There was the usual teasing including Suzanna, several times, saying, “You’ve only got two more weeks to enjoy cumming in me".

After that first-bout our ardour remained high and we lay about in bed naked for a while afterwards. Suzanna encouraged me to go down on her and clean her up whenever a trickle of my cum began to run out of her. At one point she lay back and spread her legs and as I was licking her I decided to get out one of her toys and enjoy fucking her wet-pussy with ‘Jim’ her soft ‘gel’ style dildo. I knew she'd enjoy it and I love seeing her doing so.

Thing was when I opened her night-stand and pulled out the bag with our toys in it, I was confused at what I saw in the bag, a 12-pack box of condoms. I knew we'd had some left over from the events of the past few years but this was a new box. I picked it up and asked her about it.

She smiled when she saw it and said, "I got them for you" and proceeded to say that she'd decided that for the two weeks after thanksgiving before she goes away with Ray, that I could used them with her and we could have sex more often. "I just don't want you to cum in me until I go away with Ray; you know that, we talked about it ..... I thought this would be better for you than having none at all". Then she paused and added in a matter-of-fact way, "unless you like to use your right hand instead all that time".

I wasn't ready for the reality of it (surprised, yes) but then I realized she'd done it because she loved me and didn't want me not to have sex with her but, at the same time, it was a definite step I hadn't been thinking of in terms of her seriousness of not wanting me to cum in her.

I immediately remembered last time before she went away with him, how she went into the bathroom after we'd had sex and had douched out all of my cum from her pussy. I held her and said, "if it means that much to you" and she hugged me back and said, "I know it's weird to say, but it's how I feel ... for a while baby, I just want to see how it is between us and how I feel about it all if you don't cum in me for a while".

I know it's no different than me abstaining totally from sex with her as we'd done last time but this was different and it is a huge turn-on to think that she'd actually bought them on her own. My cock grew huge at all of these thoughts flashing through my mind and I almost went for broke with my cuck-instinct and asked her if she'd wanted to ‘try one out’ right then but I didn't. Instead, I pulled the dildo out of her wet pussy and replaced it with my cock.

I could feel every bit of her pussy which only made me think of how different she'll feel when I am using a condom with her. Damn if that didn't get me going and we soon moved into some passionate love-making which most definitely included her repeating comments on how, “You’ll going to have to take a break for a while". She started to really tease me about, "how many of those are you going to fill?" and that really got me going. Her final tease of telling me how she, "only wants Ray’s cum for a while" pushed me over the edge and all I could think about was him having her bare and me using condoms. Wow, talk about an awesome second-round!

Afterwards she rolled over towards me and said, "It’s okay if it turns you on; I could tell it did".

I hugged her and said, "It does, but it scares me a bit too".

She hugged me back and said, "It’s just us having some fun together. Let’s see how much fun it can be, okay?”

I kissed her and said "ok".


We didn't talk about it more last night but today we did for a few minutes before she went out shopping with our ********. She apologized for surprising me when I found the condoms last night and that she wasn't totally ready to discuss it with me then but she thanked me for not freaking out and for seeming to be okay with it.

I told her that she had indeed surprised me. I told her at first I thought they were a sign that she was looking around for other guys. She giggled at that (good thing I made it up on the spot) and said, "That’s a good idea when that time comes".

We talked some more and she said that ever since our quick math the other night, that she's become fixated in a way on how much I cum in her and said jokily, "besides, a break will probably be good for both of us".

She'd said it with a laugh in her voice and I joked back, "yeah, for one of us that is" and she turned and kissed me and said "yeah, but it's something I think I've had in my mind since way back with Dan and, well, it feels like it's the right time to try it out" immediately adding, "... but that's assuming you're okay with it". She went on to say that last time she'd felt bad that she'd had sex with Ray so much and I'd had to wait and she again thought this was a good idea to let her have what she wants but not totally cut me off. She kissed me and reached down and felt my semi-hard cock and smiled and said, "see, even after twice last night this idea still turns you on" and after a quick hug she said again, "let’s try it out and see if it works for us, okay?"

How can I say no?

Again what really is surprising me is that she actually went out and got the condoms for me. That fact is just blowing me away right now. I know we'd talked a bit about it, but this is very much a new page for her. It’s a bit scary that she's taking the initiative on this but at the same time if I’m going to go down this road I might as well see where it takes us.

The thing is I know how loving and caring and concerned she is for me as part of all of this. I know it’s a big step for her to admit and want to try this but at the same time I genuinely think she's concerned for me too.


I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions. A part of me, the cuck-part, wants to see what happens and it's scaring the other part of me that realizes it's a turn-on and is scary about the slippery-slope feeling it’s giving me. I know at points in the past we've used condoms and it's been okay; not the same as having her bare, but still good. It's scary to be thinking that she could be wanting this for herself and yet, at the same time, it's what we talked about so I guess I've set myself up for this.

I've already written about how she now finds herself aroused by many of the thoughts and ideas that I've had and shared with her. During the power cuts when we were feeling so open by candlelight I confessed to her that I was turned on by her routine and the preparations she was planning for her time away. She talked to me openly about whether I was going to be okay and how she didn't like how she'd cut me off so much last time. I told her that I'd miss feeling her and sharing her excitement but never thinking that she'd put it together with her growing desire to have me not cum in her so much. Now I see that she is offering the compromise which, I suppose, speaks also a lot about her love for me.

It makes sense for her that she now wants to deny me, even without having a more aggressive lover, although it is something I hadn't expected from her. It's very intense to see happen; just her buying condoms in the first place is amazing whereas in the past that was my job.

I have tried to say it's not much different from the normal denial that's become our norm, but I know it is. Knowing that I won't cum in her for a few weeks but Ray will is quite intense to think about. I think I'm scared to let her have the reins.....

It is what I've wanted; to see her so empowered sexually and now, finally accepting her own desires. It’s just that I didn't think this would be what she'd want at least not right now and not really this way.


I can't help but feel that it's different in a way. I guess it's both better and worse. I've always been aroused by her denying me access to her pussy and in my head it's been okay that she wants that. As I’ve often said, it seems to very much intensify when we do get back together.

But this...? I just don't know. I'd never really thought that she'd actually come to saying this to me but I guess she's been leaning in that direction now for a while.

I guess it's a cuck-thing that I'm just going to learn to accept but it seems like it is affecting me more in a way of that she doesn't want me to cum in her versus not wanting me in her at all. I think I could maybe accept outright denial better than the realisation that Ray will still have her bare. On the other hand, maybe it will be better this way and that she'll be more available to me. I guess, I'll just have to get used to it.

What I'm not sure about is whether this means she'll go back to having sex with me during the week now or not. There was no change today as she went back to wearing panties the moment she stepped out of the shower this morning. If it means that she relaxes things during the week, then it'll probably be okay for me but if we still stick with just Friday-Sunday plus that she wants me to be using a condom, I don't know how I'm going to feel about that. I guess the bigger question is whether she's going to give my feelings any consideration.

It's all a bit scary, my relinquishing sexual control like this. I know she only wants the best for us and that she's not doing this to hurt me but, rather she’s doing it to enhance and satisfy her own desires so maybe I should just relax a bit and let her run with things for a while.

I guess the tell-tale is that as I'm writing all of this and thinking about it all, that my cock is rock-hard at the thoughts....


I'm probably over-reacting and over-thinking about all this. Her controlling manner is something I have wanted to experience and in an indirect way having to use a condom with her is another part of denial.. I do admit the idea and thoughts about it is arousing, that she's chosen to want this is a big part of it and that knowledge is why I think I am going along with it too.

Maybe I'm becoming too focused on the symbolism attached to it and I also have to realize that not every step of the way on this journey will always be for me.

In this case, it's specifically not something I can get excited about unless I have a change of mind and can get really turned on by having to use a condom with her. So far, isn't something that I've really felt a desire for other than at select moments.

Just when I think I've felt all there is to feel with her, this comes along. I know it's not a big deal and I should just go along with it and enjoy but to me, not cumming in her is a lot different than not fucking her. I can't explain why, but to be denied that part of sex with her is bothering me much more than just plain being denied.

I think that's what's maybe bothering me about the condom thing. She's always loved it when I or the other guys would cum in her. It's one of the things that attracted me to her in the first place, that she liked to feel the sperm flooding into her. So in a way, I think that's why this condom thing is hitting me.


Of course it turns me on that she is very open with Ray as she was with the other guys before. She's not shy and if it's warm enough, she enjoys being naked with him or just wearing one of his shirts. In my mind whatever position she's in it's one that makes her pussy visible to him. She did share that they'd had sex twice and I definitely had the wicked thought that as she texted me she was either perhaps fucking him, or had just finished.

What I do love the most though is to think of her at the peak of her orgasm, there is something just incredibly beautiful and arousing to see her ride over the crest and see her tremble as she cums. Knowing what Ray feels at that moment, knowing he's sharing that moment with her (and me) is a huge turn on. Seeing her getting pleasure like that, it's like it doesn't matter how, from me or from Ray, she's getting it, it just turns me on to see her let go. It will often push me over the edge to think of Ray cumming in her at that moment.


I guess it's my turn to do some soul-searching here and figure out what I want and what will work for us both.

I know I've been responsible for encouraging Suzanna and I am sure that I have probably given out mixed signals in the past. Suzanna has always professed to not like using condoms and I know this is also part of my dilemma.

Last night we were preoccupied with non-sex stuff so not much was said about anything but I am expecting that tonight circumstances will be right for us to talk about this condom thing more. It seems that Wednesdays have become a time when we open up and share thoughts and desires while she encourages me to masturbate.

I guess what I have to accept is that she is becoming her own person with her own desires. They are somewhat in sync with my own desires and I will say that there is most definitely a part of me that is okay with all of this and wants to continue even if it may not be what I'd originally envisioned. What I don't feel is her slipping away from me at all; I don't have that fear or concern.


I do not think there is anyone else in her sights just yet. I've not seen anything or heard anything that she has found anyone else, just her comments that she will be open to it after New Years. Indeed, she's not mentioned anything else other than going away with Ray.

Regarding their plans, these have been fairly well set and they intend to leave early on the Friday after Thanksgiving and be back until late in the afternoon on the following Monday. Apparently there are some special offers at the new Revel casino/hotel so that's where they're booked to stay. It's odd that them going away together has become less of a concern for me now.


Right now, if I’m honest, I'm being pulled in all sorts of directions. I just know that I do want her to feel that she can do what she wants and I guess I'm now going to have to come to terms with knowing it may not always be what I might want or have envisioned.

I am going to go along for the ride no matter where it goes to but I am thinking about a lot of things; things that could be a taste of things to come. I also know that seeing how Suzanna is now compared is amazing to how she was a few years ago. Her sexual confidence has spilled over everywhere in to other aspects of her (and our) life and her change of attitude has been noted. Her boss at work complimenting her on her drive and confidence; her younger sister telling her she hopes she'll be this happy when she's our age; our kids telling us that we act like kids at times. It’s wonderful to see.

Even with the crap in our lives like her ***'s health issues, I think, for her, having this alter-ego has been good for her to help her let go of things that previously I think would have burdened her terribly.

However, at the same time, as I've noted several times, I'm a bit scared to let (or admit to it) of letting her take control of all of this. I know that she's not going to hurt me but I worry that maybe she's going to go into directions without me pushing/guiding her.; that she may want things that weren't what I'd have necessarily wanted.

Maybe I can open up about my concerns during our usual Wednesday night ritual; perhaps tonight will provide some clarity on what's now unclear.


Suzanna did see Ray this evening but came home much earlier than I'd expected as she said she wasn't feeling well and she went off to bed about 45 minutes ago. There's an odd bug going around that's like a short-lived cold so we're hoping that's the case.

Yes, she stayed long enough to have sex with him. She said she wanted to as next week Ray has his kid(s) coming for Thanksgiving and they will be going to his brother’s house. For me a sexless evening was almost a bonus as I had a critical report I needed to finish for work and that held my focus for the evening.


I'm coming to some new realizations. There is no doubt that Suzanna has taken control of things. Even she's said it herself, "this is what you wanted; me to be like this again".

I told her, yes, that I do love who she's become (or turned back into) and I told her that I felt very passionate about her. She opened up about her emotional feelings and said that all of this having sex with other guys has reinforced what she knows; that she loves me and, most definitely, she doesn't feel that about anyone else.

She gave a somewhat convoluted explanation saying that all of this has made her realize that there is so much more to us than just good sex and that it's let her accept that she likes sex with other guys. She openly said that it's let her accept that she wants to do things with other guys.

She asked me if I was happy with what I'd pushed her towards and in turn I asked her how she felt about herself and us. At first she accused me of answering a question with another question until I told her that I am happy but only if I know it's something she (now) wants.

She smiled back at me and said in a sexy voice, "yes, I can't believe I'm saying this to you but yes". I am realizing now, and I knew it then, but she was controlling that conversation and I think she wanted me to tell her that I was happy with things before she'd move on. It’s now quite clear to me that she’s taken control.

I remember how I felt when she was with Dan. It was earlier in their time together, before he ran the train off the tracks, but I do remember those feelings and they are very much the same as I felt when she went away with Ray the last time too. I can't explain it but knowing she wants to be his again seems to totally turn me on.


Last night, after she'd started our time together with the conversation above, she began to coax my cock to hardness and we began to talk more openly about the pink-elephant in the room. I don't think I was responding as fast as I normally would and she asked me what was going on and I opened up to her and told her that the thing about condoms had me worried and concerned.

She turned to me and kissed me passionately and asked me what I meant. I told her that I was so confused and all up about what brought it about and I threw in a mention of how she doesn't like them.

She hugged me and said again what she'd said to me earlier, that she felt bad that I knew she'd been with Ray ‘several times’ (her words) and that she thought it might be difficult for me and in her words, she said she wanted it to be good for me too and thought it might help. Of course she said sarcastically, "of course if you'd rather just wait....”

I told her that I was concerned that it was going to be something she'd want me to do more of and I mentioned how a 12-pack of condoms is going to probably last more than two weeks. She giggled and said that it must be my fantasy in my head as she hadn't been thinking of that.

The conversation continued as she replaced her hand with mine on my cock and she told me how erotic and sexy she felt thinking about giving herself totally to her lover before they go away together. I didn't feel it emotionally threatening at all, but I could definitely feel this smouldering desire in her. It was crazy to hear her tell me how it turned her on to only have sex with him so many times before they went away together. It was the way she said ‘so many times’ that really got to me and yes, got my cock really hard.

She said she felt really in-tune with him by the time they'd gone away and that she wanted to feel that kind of arousal again. I told her it turned me on to hear her say that and that I was surprised she was going to let me have her even with a condom on.

I knew what her answer was going to be and sure enough she said, "I think it's that it was just him cumming in me" and she held my hand tightly. She continued to tell me how she'd masturbated a lot (for her) last time and that was when she admitted that it really turned her on to think about what she was doing. She said she'd cum many times with her toys and it didn't affect how she felt with him when they went away so she concluded that she just doesn't want me to cum in her. She even joked that if she could trust me to pull out, that she'd offer me that but she knows me better than that.

She moved in for a hug after we'd kind of gotten past that part of the conversation and I hugged her back. As we embraced she asked me if I hated her for what she was doing. Maybe she played the guilt card in a way from how she responded but I know as I felt her hug that I could physically feel her body relax. I kissed her and told her I could never hate her and that hearing her being truthful with me did make it a bit easier to think about.

My cock was hard this whole time and as we separated from our embrace she saw it and smiled. She teased me that I'd ‘better enjoy her while I still can’ and she cooed in my ear how she'll feel through the condom. It was when she started to tease me about whether it'll turn me on to think about Ray's cum in her and not mine, wow, that really set me off and I spurted a huge squirt all over my stomach and chest.

She knew what she had said had set me off and I knew as I lay there catching my breath that just as she'd opened up, I would too. So as she started to play with the cum all over my stomach I started to tell her that I did think it'd be pretty intense and exciting to play like that and I mentioned, "when we do get together again when you get back it's going to be awesome".

She giggled and cooed in my ear as she gave my cock a final stroke and said, "Mmm, I'll bet you'll have something waiting for me". I replied back about having her back to me afterwards and she said that she all but promised I'd have her that night when she gets back and she added, "Maybe without a condom".

As I licked off her fingers each time she'd bring them to my mouth I asked her if she was hoping Ray was going to be a different person this time and I reminded her of some of what she'd said afterwards last time and I joked, "I don't think you can change him". She said as if it was nothing at all that she's not looking to change who he is and then added that she was still serious about finding ‘someone new’ next year.

Maybe I shouldn't have said it but I did, I said to her that I thought she was looking for someone a bit more controlling and demanding (I didn't use the word dominant over her).

She smiled and said that, "it'd be nice seeing a guy who wants me more than once a week" and she then mentioned something about when she first started seeing Dan and then added, "when it was good.... when it was fun....”

Our conversation just flowed, words just appeared and I said to her, "you remember what he'd wanted .... what if your new guy is like that?".

She turned to me and said, "Let’s cross that bridge when and if we come to it".

I know I should have let it drop but at that moment all sorts of thoughts were in my head. Here I was lying there having just cum while talking about her and her lover being exclusive before they go away and I guess the openness of the moment got to me and I said, "is it something you've thought about?".

She was quiet for a moment but continued to scrape together the last drops of cum on my stomach and she said something like, "I'm not surprised that he didn't like having all of this stuff in me" as she brought the last finger-full to my mouth.

I can't explain what I felt at that moment, it felt such a turn on to be hearing my wife tell me such intensely erotic thoughts about her most deepest sexual thoughts but at the same time I felt fear sweep over me. Suzanna must have felt it somehow because she looked up at me and said, "no matter what baby, it will always be okay and good for you or, I promise, I won't do it". The hug she gave me at that moment said more than she could ever speak; she squeezed me tight and said, "you have to trust me baby, just as I trusted you in getting me started with all of this".

I wanted to say more but I let it go at that ; I wanted to ask more but I just felt that it was enough for one night and that, maybe, we'd said all there was to say. As she kissed me she said, "Let’s not look too far out in the future and just enjoy what's now, okay?" I kissed her back and said, "Okay". Before our kiss ended, she'd leaned me back down to lie on the bed and she'd essentially climbed up on top of me wearing just her t-shirt and panties and we stayed in that position with her hugging me for a few moments until she ground her pussy against my cock and said, "it's hard again, are you ready?" and when I grunted, "uh huh" she said in her sexy voice, "let me see you cum again baby".

As I started to stroke faster and faster she leaned down and started to whisper, "It turns you on to think about just Ray cumming in me" and some other short teases. I was getting close and she started to say things about the condoms, "how many are you going to fill" and then began repeating what she'd said earlier about how I'll feel waiting for her. I was really close, my hand was moving really fast because she was sort of mesmerized by it. It's weird to say it this way but I needed one last big push to get me off and somehow she knew it, she leaned way down and whispered, "maybe you'll have to fill all of the condoms before you get me again".

It was a combination of the way she said it as well as what she said that made it so erotic to hear. A second later when I still hadn't cum she pulled my hand off my cock and sucked it into her mouth. In an instant I let go and started to cum profusely and I could feel her gently sucking at me as I felt each spurt. I felt like I'd passed out for a second but as I lay there and realized what she'd just done, I also knew what she'd want to do next and I was right. I turned my head and there she was with a smile on her face waiting to kiss me and snowball with me. I was totally relaxed as she leaned over and we began French-kissing and the moment my tongue entered her mouth I could taste the familiar tang of my cum and she knew it turned me on.


I was totally spent after that second time last night so-much-so that even though I'm feeling horny right now it would still take an effort to get hard right now. I've described the feeling as like a sponge wrung dry.

It's now quite late and I'm going to finish this and hope when I read it later that it makes sense and isn't just my inane ramblings at 12:30am. I can say that as I sign-out for the evening that I feel an odd calm right now mixed in with a bit of anxiety and anticipation but I’m definitely calm.

I'm still not totally sure about it all but I will say that the thought of using condoms with her for two weeks doesn't seem so horrible and is actually quite a turn-on. Both her openness as well as her obvious concern for me has given me a better feeling about it all and, wow, that blow-job last night was just perfect to make me feel special.


Last night and our ******** was again out working on the school play stuff, learning about setting up stage-lights and such, so we had the house to ourselves. Suzanna had taken some medication for her cold earlier in the day and that seemed to have kept her stuffy head at bay.

Through dinner we talked about the day and such but there was a sense of tension as there were still some things that needed to be said. After dinner we opened a bottle of Prosecco and adjourned to our bedroom. The alcohol certainly relaxed us both and the tension seemed to disappear and soon our conversation turned to sex.

She was horny for sure but seemed hesitant until I said something like, “It’s okay if you want to talk about what we talked about the other night; I'll be okay". That seemed to ease her sombre mood, she hugged me and it seemed like I’d opened a floodgate. She almost burst into tears as she said she felt weird because while the thought of me not cumming in her turned her on she said she felt that she was a terrible wife for thinking like this.

I held her tightly and told her that it’s no crazier than the things that turn me on. I reassured her, "as long as it's just something that we’ll do for a while, then relax about it ..." and hugging her tightly said, "... I'm sure I'll survive".

That seemed to make her more cheerful and she said, "you're right, let’s just have fun with it for now" and then she looked at me and said, "I guess you're going to want me as much as possible, huh?". We kissed and I moaned a sexy, "uh huh, most definitely," in her ear. As her hands went down my body she giggled and said, "okay, me too".

We'd said some other stuff to each other, more words of reassurance and I told her it was okay to want to try new things. She thanked me but said in a more serious tone that she really does want to try it.

As I climbed up on top of her she spread her legs and watched as I started to play with her pussy with my cock. She seemed mesmerized at watching and I said, "whatcha thinking?"

She said, "How your cock will look and feel in a condom".

I know it should have deflated my cock on the spot but it didn't. I knew she wasn't saying it in a bad way, it was obvious she was turned on thinking about it. I told her that she's going to have to wait about a week to have that and she giggled and said, "Good, in the meanwhile I want it just like it is". A moment later I sank into her and we began passionately making-love.

There wasn't much talking and very little teasing but our passions were sizzling hot and the juiciness in her pussy told me all I needed to hear. I didn't need to ask what she was thinking about because whatever it was obviously turned her on; in turn she didn't ask what I was thinking but from how hard she felt my cock in her told that I was equally turned on.

My own head was busy enough torn between thoughts of enjoying the next 9 days and thinking of what lay beyond. I glanced down and also wondered about how it will be. I know I could feel her silky wet pussy seeming to grab and even suck at my cock as I slid in and out of her and I wondered how I'd be when I'd use a condom and couldn't feel all of that.

It weighed on me that although in the past I'd used condoms with her when there was a need to do so that this time the only need was hers. The strangest thing seemed to come over me as the more I thought about it the more it turned me on that this was what SHE wanted. I know it sounds crazy but it began to turn me on that she'd come to this decision for herself even if it meant denying herself something she's loved, my cum in her. I think what I realized is that she must truly want this if she's going to deprive herself.

That was just some of the millions of thoughts flashing by, thoughts of how wet and open and used her pussy will be when she's away; thoughts of Ray's cum dribbling out of her while mine remains inside a condom. It was crazy but it totally turned me on!

She pulled her legs back and I put them around my arms. She put her hands around my neck and pulled me down to kiss her as we both drew closer to orgasm. It felt like I had and held all of her in my arms and I could feel her whole body shake and tremble as I pushed deeply into her and then slowly withdrew.

It didn't take much longer before she began to moan loudly and cry out for me to fuck her. "Fuck me .... harder..... oh yeah.... harder ... " over and over until I felt her begin to shake and I could feel her pussy spasming. It was a death grip on my cock one moment and then soft-looseness the next as she rode wave after wave until the big one approached. She continued to moan and I could feel her pussy getting really really wet; I knew she was going to hit the edge any moment. In that instant the thought that Ray (and Dan and Peter and countless others before me) had felt her this same way and of all of them cumming in her just as I was pushed me right over the edge. When she felt the first spurt of my cum she squealed and just let herself go and cum and cum and cum underneath me. Each time I pushed into her and left another spurt she too crested another wave of a huge orgasm.

Until the end when I could no longer move and we lay there together and each could feel the other’s heart beating.


It truly was an awesome fuck last night. The build-up had gotten to me and apparently her too. There are times when I could go for a second time but not last night, that first time was just incredible.

As we lay there afterwards we kissed and hugged and then she said, "Guess you enjoyed that".

I smiled at her and said, "as always".

We slowly separated and my shrivelled cock slipped out of her pussy. She rolled over and then sat up. I lay there and I saw and felt she was doing something and when I looked over she had her fingers in her pussy and she looked at me and said, "you do cum a lot sometimes, don't you?"

I wasn't going to say anything as I knew what she was thinking but she kept on talking. I suppose now that we'd both cum, she felt she relaxed and she turned to me as if she was going to say something but then stopped and instead reached out and just held my hand tightly. She didn't say anything and a moment later she let go of my hand and said she wanted to get cleaned up a little bit. I didn't know what to expect but she just went into the bathroom and got a warm washcloth and just wiped herself clean and then came into the bedroom and gently cleaned my cock off.

It was barely 9pm and she said she'd worked up an appetite so she pulled on her robe and went down to the kitchen. I followed her a few moments later as she was getting a snack out of the fridge. She didn't hear or see me until she turned to get a tissue and then I saw her open her robe and again wipe up what I could now see had dribbled down her leg. She looked embarrassed at first when she looked up and saw me smiling at her and again she said, "my god, how much did you cum in me?"

I told her that's what happens when she makes me wait. I sort of bit my tongue as I said that but she just smiled at me and asked me if I wanted some of the snack she was going to have. After our snack we put a show on TV which we were just getting into when our ******** called to be picked up from school.


Tonight and Suzanna's already hinted and outright told me that she's still horny and has confirmed that I'm ready for her. Earlier when I came in from the yard she came up to me and kissed me and reached down and cupped my crotch and said, "Hope you're 'up' for more later!"

I guess maybe she's giving me the calm before the storm, a bit of almost normalcy before her sexual adventure. She will be all-mine next week too. 9 more nights like last night and I'll probably be happy to let her go!


Last night brought more of the same; some teasing but once we were underway the teasing turned to moans and then squeals followed by a good sweaty fuck.!

I did want to share was her comments afterwards when she said, "you seem to cum even more now" as she spread her legs and pushed her fingers into her pussy. What did get to me was when she looked up at me and said something like, "I know I said you could have me all week .... but do you need to cum in me all the time?"

I looked at her and said, "you could suck me off" and she said straight back, "you could pull out too" and then began to say, "or..." but she didn't say anything else.

I immediately knew she was going to have said, "... or you could use a condom" but I let it drop.

Afterwards as we lay in bed watching something stupid on the TV she huddled up next to me and said she was sorry. I asked her, "what for?" and she answered that she's sorry that she's become turned on by the idea of me not cumming in her.

I hugged her and said not to worry and that we each had crazy things we wanted to experience.


No sex here tonight. She giggled and joked with me earlier about her needing a break; not sure if it's a break from sex or a break from me cumming in her.

I was thinking I might give in to her request to pull-out. I've actually been thinking that she used to like that a long time ago, for me to pull out and squirt on her stomach and breasts. She also used to love to feel me squirt all over her back if she was on her hands and knees. I think over the years we got so good at cumming together (or close) that it became our norm. Back in those earlier years, like I'd been saying all along, she used to always make sure she'd cum first and cum enough. She was one of the first girls who was ever open and comfortable enough to finger her clit to make sure she'd cum the way she'd wanted.

It's actually quite a turn-on to think back to all of this stuff from like 30 years ago....


New book time.