Journal of a Journey - Book Forty One

Last night was interesting as I didn't know what the plan was for the evening other than we were going to have some fun!

Come about 10:30pm we're in the bedroom and she comes out of the bathroom in just her night-shirt and joins me lying on the bed in my own t-shirt and boxers. We had some idle talk for a few minutes then she asked me, "So, do you miss me teasing and denying you?"

I was honest and said, "yeah, in a way" and told her that I missed some of the arousal I'd felt and that I thought it added to how much I wanted her.

She smiled at that and said that she'd thought the same but she promised we'd get back to that after the holidays although she did say, "of course, if you WANT to finish off those condoms....." I knew she was kidding but I also detected a certain level of arousal in her voice.

I simply answered, "If you want me to, I would."

She giggled again, "no, you can save them for when we might need them again". The way she said it that gave me an awesome thrill and made my mind wander about the future.

Anyway, she rolled over towards me and kissed me and said, "So, what do you want tonight ..... want to put on a little show for me, or do you want to have me again?”

I kissed her back and moaned back, "what do you want?" She whispered, "I love to watch you ... " and after a pause added, "... and it does still turn me on to see you cum". She leaned in, kissed me and reached into my boxers and started to stroke me.

As my cock got harder she looked up at me and with this sexy giggle in her voice she said, "You do it." With that she pulled her hand away, reached into her night-stand and pulled out ‘Jim’ her favourite dildo. She giggled, “ok, now you can watch me while I watch you". She turned so her pussy was facing me and looking eye-to-eye with my cock in my hand said, "You can watch 'Jim' fuck me".

Seeing her sexy fingers rub all around her now bare pussy and then spreading her labia apart revealing the pinky/red wetness inside, oh man, did that turn me on. My arousal got stronger as I watched her rub the lubed-up dildo all around her now open vagina. She'd shudder and moan out loud as it rubbed around her swollen clit and then she'd let out this sexy groan as she'd push it gently into her pussy. Seeing it pop in and out of her pussy was amazing and my hand must have been a blur.

I wanted to hold off as long as I could but seeing her bury all of Jim in her pussy down to the base was just too much and after just a few moments of seeing her being fully-fucked by 'Jim' she must have known I was close. A second later she plunged it deep into her pussy and let out this moan that was clearly accompanying a huge orgasm. Hearing that I couldn't hold back and I stroked out this huge orgasm of my own. It felt awesome to spew it all over my stomach and chest while listening to her moans. As I started to cum she slammed her legs together and seemed to grind her way through what seemed like a never-ending orgasm for her.

We both lay there afterwards and caught our breath. I dare not move lest the pool of cum on my stomach would dribble off. A few seconds later Suzanna relaxed and spread her legs and I watched her pull Jim out of her now wet and open pussy. She moved up onto one elbow and said, "Wow, that was good!" and she then looked at me, giggled and said, "well, looks like you enjoyed it too!”

She sat up and leaned over, kissed me and then dipping a finger said, "I guess you need help cleaning up this mess". She then followed our usual pattern and brought her fingers up to my mouth and simpered while I licked and sucked them clean. I was delighted when next she leaned over and began licking my stomach and chest clean which she followed up with kissing and snowballing with me.

What really tweaked me was as she broke our kiss and licked her lips clean, she said, "it still turns me on to see you not cum in me....” She didn't say anything more and with me still in a post-fuck haze I just lay there and smiled at the thought.

She snuggled in next to me and we turned on the TV and mindlessly watched something (I don’t remember what). I wasn't totally surprised when after the show ended she kissed me and reaching back into my boxers said in a sexy voice, "want to cum again?” I didn’t have to say anything and she smiled when she felt my cock answer her question.

She told me she wanted to help and I suggested she could hold my balls gently or maybe lick at the tip of my cock. She smiled and moved to gently cup my balls and she commented on how they felt so hot and heavy. I was stroking away as I felt her hand gently caressing me and then she moved her fingers down and began rubbing and massaging the area just below my balls and every now and then she'd rub a finger across my ass.

Unbeknown to me she'd gotten some lube onto her finger and she began to probe my ass. Normally I am most definitely not into anyone or anything playing with my ass. The few times we've tried my cock deflated almost instantly but this time, I guess maybe I was relaxed enough that I let her probe and I was surprised that it felt as good as it did. No, she didn't finger-fuck my ass or anything like that but it did get my cock good and hard and as I'd stroke downward she would suck in the head of my cock each time.

It felt glorious and when she felt me starting to thrust back at her into her mouth she looked up at me and said, "want to have seconds in me?” I didn’t have to answer it was almost an instinct response as I sat up. She giggled and said, "okay, let Jim help me get it ready for you" and with that she picked Jim back up, applied some lube and then plunged it back into her pussy. She moaned back that Jim wanted to be sure she was ready.

I climbed between her legs and she looked up at me and said, "Jim says you can cum in me". With that I knelt between her legs, she pulled the dildo out and in almost one smooth motion I took his place and pushed myself back into her.

Even though it was my second time in less than an hour, damn, I was horny. She looked up at me and said, "Come on, fuck Jim's pussy".

What a turn-on to hear her talking like this and I said, "Oh man, he left you really messy". She whispered, “He knows that's how you like it" and when she felt me bottom out in her she moaned in my ear, "That’s where he came in me, right where you are now".

Even though it was my second time whatever she was doing was working and I felt a big orgasm brewing in me. Seeing her lying beneath me, pulling her legs back and apart, her bare pussy glistening beneath me, well, that surely helped me along.

I must have ridden her like that for another 10-15 minutes. I was totally into how open she felt from cumming while the dildo was buried in her and feeling her sloppy pussy was starting to really get to me. She'd cum quite a few times such that her pussy was now feeling really loose and wet. She moaned to me, "This is how I felt for Ray when we were away .... he made me cum so much". Those were the last words I heard. She may have said more but my mind was fixed on one thing and a few minutes later I felt like I had exploded in her! So much so that she squealed with how hot her pussy felt as I continued to spurt in her.

I finally collapsed down against her and rolled off of her where we lay, me totally naked and her bare from just the waist down, and caught our breath. The silence of just our breathing was broken by movement and then her saying, "Oh my god, how much did you cum in me?" A second later she rolled out of bed and went into the bathroom. I laughed to see the big wet-spot on her side of the bed!


Well, it was so quiet at work today that I cut out right after lunch and am now virtually done with my shopping. It also puts me sitting here at home for the next 5 hours while she's at her work’s party. She did tell me where they were going afterwards, a bar between her work and our home, so that makes it easy for her getting home afterwards. She said she'd text me when they're leaving the party and, if I want, I can meet up with her and her co-workers.

I don't think she has anyone in mind to check anyone out either during the party or afterwards. I could be wrong but I think she just wants to let off some steam. She's usually a lot of fun to be with if there's decent music playing so it should be a nice night.

If I go I won't get there right away rather I'll be sure to observe from a distance just in case anything is brewing. It actually might be kind of fun to watch from a distance to see if anything is going on.

I suppose if she gives off the right signals and the right vibe that guys might ‘just know’ she's interested and available. Just thinking out loud I get that vibe from a lot of women I work with who are just so easy to talk to about most anything.


She'd texted me that they were leaving the work-party about 9:15 so I got to the bar about 10:15 and I lurked in the shadows for a bit looking around for Suzanna. I found her on the far-side of the club in the midst of half a dozen other people, men and women, and she seemed quite animated.

I hung back looking at the bunch of them for a while to see if there was anyone hitting on her. I didn't see anything obvious but did notice one guy sitting at the bar watching Suzanna's bunch who brought her and one of her friends a drink from the bar. He stayed with them and maybe I was seeing more into it than there was but it seemed to me that he was paying a bit more attention to Suzanna than the others. His attention didn't seem like it was being returned directly by her though so I just hung back and watched while I had a beer.

After half an hour or so of hanging around I made my way towards her and when she spotted me she immediately waved me over to her and introduced me to her workmates. I had already met some of them, a nice enough bunch but no one in the group was ‘for her’.

I hung around for a while and eventually was introduced to Todd, the younger guy, the hanger-on, but I didn't treat him any differently than anyone else there. I'm not sure if I put the brakes on anything developing but I don't think that she was in the mood to ‘meet someone’ right now so she and I danced a few times together and that was it. We weren't overly affectionate, I'd say if anything, we were kind of sedate towards each other.

She stayed a bit later than me as she wanted to say goodbye and Merry Christmas and all that to everyone. She got home about 15 minutes after me and I confess we were both pretty beat and went to bed without much fanfare.

Today though, I did joke with her that I thought Todd might have had ‘the hots’ for her. At first she didn't know who I was talking about until I said, "you know, the younger guy".

She said, “Oh him ...” that she knew of him and that he was working in their accounting area and she immediately followed it by, "He's soooo young; it's almost funny at how he tries to fit in"

I laughed with her and agreed. I didn't get the vibe from her that she had any interest so I just let it go.

Suzanna and our ******** are out shopping now and then the kids will be on their own for dinner as Suzanna and I are going out for some drinks and dinner. She's already told me she's feeling horny.


Suzanna said she wanted to do something ******-ish before she went off to see Ray about 4pm.

She invited me to come along if I wanted. I thought about it for a bit but decided against it. Perhaps she's giving Ray a bit of what he wanted we certainly went at it last night. I teased her about Todd and she laughed and said if she went with him that she'd feel like she was with our son, he's so young. Nonetheless she certainly responded!

We talked and teased about a bunch of stuff that really got us going. I know we only went at it once but again she commented on how much I'd cum in her.


She keeps looking at me and smiling as she knows I'm thinking that she's sitting there opposite me at the table wrapping gifts with his cum still in her. She promised me I could have some fun with her before bed so I'm heading back to the kitchen table to finish up.


Only news to share is that she's letting her bush grow back in but she's said, "I’ll keep it neat for you".

She's not seeing Ray this week as he's off to somewhere for the upcoming weekend through New Years. She didn’t seemed too concerned about not seeing him this week, we're still in the Christmas mode and there's tons of stuff going on around here so she's still in that frame-of-mind. Besides, I am taking care of her quite well!

As a rule we never do anything special to celebrate New Year’s Eve, certainly not since we had kids. We prefer to enjoy staying home, drinking champagne and having sex. Last year I think we both came just as the ball-dropped to ring in the New Year. Hopefully that'll be a repeat for this year!


We fulfilled our continued annual tradition where we've fucked every New Years Eve since we met. What I can share now is that I've reclaimed the peak rung on her orgasm ladder away from Ray. There was actually a moment where I was concerned over how she was where she was just totally into cumming to the point she was almost non-responsive! Granted we were well into our 3rd bottle of Prosecco Mimosa's. Oh boy,did I make her cum. It was like a damn fountain at one point where she loose including some incredible sounds of moans and squeals that were really loud at some points.

The funny part was that the following day we're next door at our neighbours and the wife starts to say that they were staying up the night before in bed watching the TV to wait for the ball to drop. She said that, "about 11:30 I thought I heard something outside" and that after a few moments of listening from her bedroom window and thought it was someone yelling. By the time she got to her front door and looked out the yelling had stopped.

Suzanna looked over at me as we listened and she turned bright red knowing it was her that had made all the noise. She now feels embarrassed because she is sure that our neighbour knows it was her that she had heard. I don't think the neighbour does think anything of the sort but it's funny to see Suzanna fretting about it.


We'd actually not had sex all weekend as we'd agreed that we would try to wait till New Years Eve. We’ve been like high-schoolers again and we spent time on Saturday and Sunday just ‘making out’, kissing, petting, nibbling at her neck, grinding against each other standing in the hallway or lying in bed. Come Monday we were so hot for each other such that when we dropped our ******** off at her boyfriend’s house our passions nearly boiled over.

We all had dinner together before I dropped her off. When I got back home the ball really got rolling for us for what with the wine we’d had with dinner followed by the Prosecco, Oh yes, we were in quite the horny mood.

We'd done our share of teasing and the like all along the way back on the drive home sometimes as we'd be making-out she'd tease me about ‘cheating on her boyfriend’ amongst other things. Her teasing made me want her even more and by the time we got home and naked I was wicked horny.

We had quite the bout and what I will say struck her most was how much I wanted her; how hard my cock seemed; how forceful or aggressive I was with her, etc. After we'd had our intense fuck that culminated about 11:30-ish we lay there and talked for a while we waited for the ball to drop in Times Square.

She said to me at one point that she wished Ray would show half the enthusiasm and desire that I did. It wasn't just what she said but it was how she said it. How my ‘performance’ emphasized her disappointment in him and it truly is disappointment at this point that she feels. Despite the highs she was able to feel with him, it's not sustained and she says it leaves her feeling a longing.

At one point during our sex-session that night I got the belt from her bathrobe out and playfully tied up her hands to the headboard on the bed. She play-acted struggling a bit (she could have pulled free if she'd wanted) and then she let herself relax and give into it. I absolutely loved making her cum like that; feeling her bring her own legs up and back to enhance her desire and seeing her struggling with her hands restrained. What felt amazing was how her body responded, a gush of wetness from her pussy, her body writhing between me and the restraints; hearing her loud and then even louder moans. After I felt she'd cum enough while restrained, I released her hands and that was when the passions overflowed.

I know we'd had spent a few days home unwinding but, coupled with our make-out sessions, by the time Monday night got here, she was well in the mood. When we reached that particular point that night all I can say is, WOW!

I think we both outdid ourselves sexually. She was just so responsive, my slightest touch would bring out moans and groans. As we moved from position to position she just got wetter and wetter until I drove her over the edge and I felt her body just totally give in. Had my cock not been in her I am sure she would have spurted her juices all over the bed. As it was she came violently under me as I fucked the heck out of her and it's been years since I've felt her cum like that.

As we lay together afterwards she told me that what I'd just done to her was as intense as what she'd felt with Ray; hearing that really made me feel good. She asked me, "is it terrible of me to want to feel that with another man?" and that led her to make the comment about wishing Ray would want her like that too.

I held her tightly and we talked about how she wishes sex could be like this with me all the time. I speculated that how in the future it might return to that once the kids are out of the house and such but we both knew even without saying it that it simply won't happen like that. We are husband and wife with a house and jobs and a ****** and with the best will in the world that we can't be that sexually aggressive with each other but in that unspoken moment I know that we both knew that this is why she wants a lover.

She and I will always have these times, the New Years Eves; the vacations together, etc., where we will reach this passion again but I also know she'd like to feel it more often than that and that she can really only get that with another guy.

We talked pretty openly about how she's simply not feeling the type or level of desire that she wants from Ray. I asked if he's aware of it and she's saying that this seems to be just how he is which, to me, may also explain what went south in his marriage if his sexual desires tend to decrease over time.

At one point I told Suzanna that she deserves a lover who will truly want her. I think we both understand the possible implications of that but we didn't talk about it much more other than for her to say that while she's disappointed at times with Ray, that she does still enjoy the time they spend together. As she put it, "he still makes me cum" and again she asked me if I was truly okay with her wanting to feel this type of sexual fulfillment she wants with another guy.

I told her honestly that I loved what it has all done for our own relationship. I said that it'd taken me a while to come to accept and embrace it all but I looked at her and said, "it is just sex" and how after the closeness and tenderness that we've felt and all we've gone through in the past few months, that I thought it had been a good thing. She agreed and with a little hesitation she admitted/owned-up to wanting and even needing sex like this more often and again wanted the security of my telling her that I am okay with her getting it from another guy.

We did talk about Ray and she said, “I’m not just going to drop him”. That was part of when she said, "... he does still make me cum". (I have to admit it is so erotic to hear her say that like that, to openly admit and enjoy that she cums with another guy). I didn't ask about when or how she'd find another lover but merely said that I'd think she'd probably wean herself off of Ray when another guy caught her eye.

She giggled and said that I was probably right. That was when she said, "but I think I'd always spread my legs for him if he really wanted". An tacit admission to what I'd long thought, that she was never going to give up Ray totally or be totally turned off on him, despite her complaints at times.

So the bigger question, which I think has already been answered, is what is going to happen when it is something she wants. I know in my heart that while I love having sex with her, bareback or even with a condom, that in my heart I also now know that if she ever truly, honestly and openly came to me that she wanted to do things with her lover and not me, that I would, reluctantly perhaps, accept them and make the best of it.

But isn't that merely confirming that I am a cuckold?


We are going away for a few days; I’ve just booked it with the travel-agent. We are going to Jamaica for 4 nights and 5 days. We are leaving on Saturday and we'll be back on Wednesday, a week from tomorrow. Being a last-minute booking it was surprisingly affordable on an all-inclusive package staying at one of the resorts. Neither of us has ever been to an all-inclusive before so we’re really excited.

Neither of us had mentioned going there for any cuckold-related purpose although I'm sure it's in the back of her mind just as it is in mine. All we’ll admit to is looking for a warm beach and there's no place in the US other than Hawaii that is in the 80's or warmer right now. I also figure that with us finalizing the reservations and making other arrangements that it’s going to put a damper on her time with Ray as there’s only a week to pack. Already she’s complaining about having put on a few pounds over the holidays!


We have no special plans for this coming week up to when we are leaving. Suzanna has already said she will see Ray again on Thursday before we go but it now sounds like she's doing it out of habit or perhaps, a sense of obligation, rather than a true desire.

I think my performance with her over New Years may have reset her attitude towards Ray a bit; nothing specific but she seems to be much more in tune with the level of desire she feels from me rather than him.

I haven't asked her if she's made any hints toward Ray of his eventual demise but I do have to wonder how he's going to feel losing his almost-weekly little bout with my wife. Perhaps she's already made a mention to him and maybe that's behind his lackadaisical attitude towards her. He must be pretty insensitive if he hasn’t seen it coming, I would have thought he would have sensed something in her manner and attitude toward him lately.

It's all a bit premature to conjecture about her next lover as there's actually a new wrinkle that's recently come up concerning her parents. Her *** hasn’t been getting much better and now they are thinking of moving from their house into some sort of assisted-living facility. Obviously we are involved in all this and now there's so much to do as they want to plan their estate as part of this move and maybe revisit their will.

However it all pans out this little trip away will be good for Suzanna to unwind before she returns to continued stress with her ******.


Suzanna has been like a little kid for the past week or so since we confirmed our upcoming trip. We just finished putting all the holiday stuff away this past weekend and since then she's been on this ‘up’.

I do think, in general that since our candid discussions over the holidays that she's recognizing and accepting of what's happening with Ray and her. It's actually been interesting because some of that attention which was directed toward him is now being directed towards me! No doubt that I'm enjoying it as a change but I will also be honest (and it seems weird to say it) but right now I think I'd actually prefer less attention and for her to be more sexual with her lover!

She's going to see Ray later this afternoon but I have to say that when she left this morning she seemed somewhat disinterested in the prospect. Perhaps that's because she’s more excited about our trip; perhaps she's a bit more focused on 4 days away with me!


Something I've been thinking about lately (which is kind of interesting from my perspective) is the thoughts on possibly joining Suzanna and Ray for the last time they got together. I'm not quite sure how to explain this but their physical act of intercourse which still thrills and excites me no longer gives me the angst or feelings I used to have at knowing Ray is fucking Suzanna . Maybe I've gotten used to it, or maybe it’s an offshoot of her lack of enthusiasm for him, but now it feels just kind of, well, ‘normal’ for her to be fucking him.

I recall the anxiety and eagerness I used to feel at seeing my wife having sex with other guys in the past. Don't get me wrong, it still is incredibly arousing but perhaps the shock value has since worn off. I know it used to vex me and just drive me out of my mind seeing Peter or Dan or Ray push their cocks into her. Is it weird to say that I've sort of gotten used to that now?

What I now find really arousing is perhaps the non-physical aspects of it all. There’s no doubt that seeing her arch her back as she cums with her lover is still such a turn on but I also find that thinking about her cumming and what she's feeling and what she's doing/wanting is now a much larger source of arousal and desire for me. For sure, the physical moment when Ray or whoever cums in her is still an intense moment and one that can still in the right circumstances really set me off, but now, I find that the whole mental side is in some ways even more arousing.

For example, when I think about them being together ater today of course it's a turn knowing that they're going to fuck but I am equally, if not more turned on by what's going on in her head at the time and, by extension, what she shares and does with me.

I think that's why I've become so much more aroused by her desires regarding condoms and the somewhat exclusivity thing with her lovers, knowing that sort of stuff is in her head in addition to him being in her pussy. The discussion we had about her desires when she went away with him, hearing her tell me of her thoughts and desires about whether the effects of just being with him were physical or whether they were mental (as from her thinking about and wanting it) that was incredibly arousing to me. Perhaps even more than hearing of how they fucked or how much he came in her.

I don't think I'm desensitized to it all, it's not that at all, if anything it's more like that I'm over sensitized to all of the other stuff. I'm not sure if this made any sense but it’s made me feel good trying to put it into words.


We’ve had our short impromptu vacation and it was exceptionally nice. I made a conscious decision not to take my journal so I shall now attempt to recall and record how it all went and what we got up to ... and we got up to a lot!

I had thought about diving right into the cuck-related stuff but then thought that perhaps I should share how awesome it was to reconnect with Suzanna so easily. What pleasantly surprised me was how easily she shed all of the other stuff that's been weighing her down and stressing her out lately.

One thing worth mentioning is that, for sure, she's not with other guys because I don't satisfy her! Whatever it was, the warm weather, clear ocean water or the free-flowing alcohol, I made her sing the sweetest song as she so easily reached pleasures she'd really wanted.

We got some knowing-stares at breakfast the first morning we were there. Our first night and I'd had to put my hand over her mouth as she screamed out in pleasure, proof that my abstention before we left really had me wicked horny for her. For me, I don’t know what the reason, whatever it was, wow, I felt like a teenager at times. We fucked 6 times in the 4 days we had there and I was still up for another round on Wednesday morning but she begged off saying I'd left her too sore. She kept asking me if I was bigger or something the whole time we were away. I have some thoughts on this that will reveal the possible cause in a bit!

Having said that, I have to admit that at times that not everything was wonderful for I had a lot of angst and uneasy feelings. At some points I was kind of down at realizing and experiencing stuff that she'd only recently done with Ray when they went away to Atlantic City for those few days. As I'd said at the time, back then it didn't really bother me but when we were away and in our own hotel room and I'd look over at her lying naked or just in a skimpy bath-robe and I'd be reminded that she'd shared much of these same moments with Ray. It did get me a bit down when I thought that what had at one time been so private and intimate between us has now been shared with 3 other guys.

However, crazy to say that at the same time, when I could get my mind off of those ill feelings, the same thoughts and ideas really turned me on. After the first day or so, most of the uneasy feelings went away and, happily, it continued to turn me on to think of how she and Ray were when they had been together.

For example, Sunday morning we both woke up feeling horny despite the fun of our first night. After we had a morning-quickie we got dressed and went off to breakfast. As we sat there eating I saw her looking at me and smiling and when I asked what was up she answered, "I can feel you" which I interpreted as meaning my cum was seeping out of her.

Oh, how that thought turned me on intensely but what also turned me on was the thought of her saying that same thing to Ray a month earlier in the same situation, having breakfast together after a quickie.

I will even venture to say that as I looked around at other couples there, many of whom were younger than us, that in my head at times, I envisioned Suzanna being there with her lover enjoying and cavorting together. I know it sounds crazy but it turned me on to think of her and her lover in a tropical paradise fucking each other’s brains out.

There was a wedding that we saw on Saturday night, a moon/candle-lit ceremony on the beach. On Sunday we saw another and, no, I didn't picture Suzanna as the bride, sorry, but what was a hoot was when on Monday we saw the two newly married couples on the beach (not together) and after several drinks Suzanna looked over at me and said, "I'll bet you they feel like me" again referring to the brides as both probably being cum-filled just as Suzanna was. I joked back with her and said, "I wonder if they 'came' like you did?"

She giggled back and said, "not unless you were with them too!” Hmm, that thought made me smile.

The whole vacation thing really got her into the groove with sex with me to the point where, on Tuesday night, after a lot of alcohol, she finally let me get my cock in her ass again. She was pretty buzzed and moaned like hell but she was into it and wanted me to try. I was so concerned about hurting her or doing some damage but eventually, with enough lube and alcohol, I got about half-way in her and took several good strokes before she screamed that my cock was growing larger and she felt she was going to split in two. So I pulled out, washed off and fucked her pussy instead .... which led to her comment about being sore the next day!


We talked about Ray openly. She says she enjoys fucking him but, as I've long mentioned, she is tiring of his unenthusiastic response. Actually I should say she is tired because she said in other words but the same meaning, that she's going to stick with fucking him because, well, she likes it.

She said clearly that when a new guy comes along that she will probably stop seeing Ray. Before I could really ask her anything else she added that she would probably always have a soft-spot (or a wet-spot?) for him. She said that she feels the same way about him as she does about many of her former lovers that, in the right circumstances, she'd probably have sex with any of them again without much issue.

I told her I knew that if their paths crossed I'm sure it's something that I'd have no problems with.

She did say that without the enthusiasm from him though, that she just didn't feel the drive or need to push the sexual experiences between us further along. She said that without him ‘wanting’ her that she couldn't divert her own feelings to him and, indirectly, away from me which is what gave her the desire and strength to want to do cuck-like stuff with me.

Well, that's a summary of that whole discussion. I sort of understood it and in my head it tied back to her comment about ‘why deny myself’, that if she can't feel the sexual experiences she wants with Ray then she'll take what she does get from me.

I asked how Ray could perform so well when they're away but be so lackadaisical at home. She laughed and said I should look at myself and how I was on this vacation with her. That made me think about what drove me and I concluded that subconsciously I wanted to out-perform Ray, as if I was in competition with him in a way. It was surely a case where the subconscious can affect the physical reality because, man, I haven't been that horny for her in a long time.

Again we'd been drinking a lot and it certainly led to loosened tongues and eventually she came out and said she wanted to find a new guy. I asked what she was looking for and what she wanted. She just said that she really wanted someone who wanted her as much as she wanted him. She wants that new-relationship sexual desire; she wants a guy who's horny and who ‘wants me’.

I asked what she thought was going to happen between us and she said, "It depends". She said that she was sure that I would go along with whatever she wanted and she now knows that I would support her if it was truly what she wanted. In the end she said, "obviously if he wants me more, then you'd just have to have me less, it only makes sense ..." and then added, "... but I will always be here for you".

The conversation got more intense and she turned to me and asked me how I'd feel about her dating; just like that, she said it.

I asked her what she meant and she said and admitted that we were lucky in how things had worked out with Peter, Dan and Ray; somehow it just seemed to have happened but now, without anyone waiting in the wings, she said that she'd have to go out on dates to find ‘the right guy’.

I was kind of speechless, I mean I knew what she was saying made sense but then when I thought about her dating like that, well, it just gave me a bit of a surprise to hear her say it and to know what she was meaning.

She saw that I wasn't totally comfortable with the idea at first and when she said, "what's up?" my first response was, "I remember how our first date ended". I reminded her that we'd fucked on our first date and I knew that her criteria back then was that if she liked the guy enough to want to go out with him again, that she had no qualms about fucking on a first date. She smiled back at me and said, "that is the goal, right?”

I don't know what I was thinking but I said something like, "that was a long time ago" and "times are different now" but I knew as I said it that it was all just BS.

She looked at me and said something to the effect of, "okay, you thought Todd was interested in me, right?".

I nodded my head.

She continued, "Then how am I going to know if I would be interested in him if I didn't go out on a date with him somehow?"

I countered by asking her what I'd thought about the moment earlier, was she going to fuck him and then go out with him again to see if she still liked him, etc. Thing was, even as I said it, I knew what her answer would be; sure enough a moment later she said it, “Yes”.

I don't exactly know how I said it but I said that times are different and that I didn't think she'd want a rep at work if she wound up sleeping with Todd and that it didn't work out afterwards, much less if there were others.

She agreed but also said that, "things aren't as conservative as you might think" and she then told me that some people knew about her and Dan and that some of her co-worker/friends later revealed that they'd suspected about her and Peter. She added, "it all still goes on just like it always did".

I told her that she'd have to be careful and her reply was, "Of course, but remember Todd works for a different company division than I do too".

That was the big revelation I guess. I don't know that it's really sunken into me yet and probably won't until that first date comes around. Still, it's such a crazy thought to think of her going on dates with guys to find the one she'd want as a lover? Now I'm just not sure where she's going to meet these potential dates or how we'll coordinate it logistically.

It's not that anything is on the horizon right now but knowing she's going to put herself out there like that when the time comes is pretty arousing to me!

The thought of Suzanna 's heart being in the ring scares the heck out of me but, as I said earlier, seeing the other couples at the resort did make me think fondly about Suzanna being able to enjoy something like that with her lover. I can't say for sure how I'd react in that situation where she began to feel true emotions for another guy, to possibly truly love him. A part of me is certainly aroused by it knowing the passion and pleasure that would follow but the other part is flashing the warning and caution signs.

I have pondered whether this is inevitable if she truly begins dating other guys that someone may eventually sweep her off her feet. So why if this scares and freaks me out as it does, am I also turned on by it?

Now we’re back home I suppose I should add that she is not seeing Ray tonight. Actually, when I asked her this morning she said she wasn't sure when she'd be seeing him next. I left it alone at that; perhaps we'll talk more about it tonight.


When we were away we obviously talked about a lot of things. One of the things she said was that she feels she's much more aware of her feelings and emotions. She admitted she fell hard for Peter but she also said that it forced her to deal with her emotions or at least accept their existence and to be aware of them.

She said she'd never felt that type of deep emotional connection with Dan but also admitted that she does look back somewhat fondly at how he helped her grow sexually and to accept her own desires that she'd held back for years. When we got to talking about Ray she admitted that she let herself feel something for him. (I didn’t say so but in my mind I'm thinking it's because of his separation/divorce and her feeling sorry for him perhaps.) She says she was well aware of how she felt for him and admitted that those feelings helped her feel more desire for him at times. She also said clearly, "I could have easily let it go and fallen further for him but I didn't.”

The way she described it wasn't that she had to fight the feelings for him, but more that she had to put them into perspective; that she always had me in her mind and wanting to find a balance that worked for all three of us.

I don't know if she'll be able to do this as things progress but if she hadn't said all that and reconnect with me so easily then perhaps I would be more concerned.

I think the whole Todd thing is merely for reference/example purposes, I really don't think she'd pursue him at all but, on the other hand, I think she's quite enamoured that someone so much younger might be interested in her. I guess time will tell but given the age difference and her attitude, it'll be Todd that has to chase her down; she won't be the aggressor and chasing him!


It has been a huge turn-on to think of Suzanna possibly cavorting at a tropical resort with a passionate lover. That was one thing that was very apparent at the resort we were at, the couples there were very amorous and on more than one night we did both think, "how many couples are fucking right now in this hotel?" When I'd see Suzanna lying on the beach in her bikini, knowing the smouldering heat between her legs, I admit openly that thinking about her being there with another guy and her sharing that passion with him was such a huge turn-on for me.

However, there's a huge distance between that fantasy in my mind and the reality of where we are right now. With a ******** still at home and a son who isn't totally out on his own just yet, this kind of fantasy is destined to remain just that .... at least for the foreseeable future.


I just had to comment and clarify what I'd meant by how she'd met Peter and then Dan. To me, those just happened to happen. Perhaps she was more aware of their desires because of what we'd been doing or where we were at between the 2 of us but what I'm trying to say is that she didn't have to look around or go through multiple guys to find the two that she seemed to click with and to move ahead.

I'm still feeling a bit odd about this because to me her stated idea of dating means that she is going to take a more active role in finding her next lover rather than waiting for it to happen by coincidence. That part is what's giving me a bit of pause and yes, quite a bit of arousal, because it's really going to be the first time that she's taking the more aggressive role in wanting to find her next lover instead of waiting for them to just come to her by chance.


She's over her parent’s house as they're starting to meet with lawyers and such to figure out how to transfer assets and such. Apparently there's a lot to consider given the whole elder-care thing. Fortunately her *** took some smart steps a few years ago to protect the house and property he owned; maybe he had a premonition of his eventual demise. We knew this stuff was waiting for her after the vacation and already the stress of dealing with it all is back.

And that's really my focus on my comments about her maybe being away with a lover in a tropical paradise. In my head, that's the only place where she can easily de-stress and shed it all. I also know that the right guy will be able to do that for her right here at home; that she'll eventually leave her cares, and most likely her clothes, at his doorstep and be able to have the sex she wants (and needs) more easily and forget about the worries of her world.

To me, the fact that when we got off that plane in Jamaica and into our room, that she became this sexual tigress with me totally reinforces that our current situation (with parents and kids still in the mix) this is a big part of her apparent need to have a passionate lover.

I fully understand it. I play sports; I ski; I do physical things (other than fucking!) that meets my physical needs. She doesn't have that other than her yoga-like exercise stuff. She doesn't have that outlet but she does have more of the day-to-day on her back than I do for no reason other than she's the mom/******** in the relationships.

When I think of her being off with a lover it's not to feel at all jealous; quite the opposite. I didn't tell her that I'd thought about and gotten horny to the thought of her being away in a paradise-like place like Jamaica but not with me but with a lover. I didn't think that would have gone over well at a time when I felt she really wanted to reconnect with me almost as much as I did with her but it sure did fuel some of my passions.


I've been thinking about it and I’m apprehensive (unless things serendipitously fall into place again) that she may date more than one guy in her search for her new Mr. Right. I just hadn't really put my head around it before hearing her say it, even though, obviously, how else would she find another guy on her own.

I have joked with her that she should start to be on the prowl and aware of those around her. She joked back that her parent’s lawyer they met with yesterday ‘seemed pretty hot’ but she added that he had a ring on so that was the end of that. However, it did make me realize that there are a lot of places where she can be on the lookout other than at work.

It goes without saying that also in my mind is I know how she was when she was dating. She would now be considered fairly promiscuous not that it's a turn-off (actually it'd be interesting to see her in these situations) but I shared my concerns about her getting a reputation or something at work. She agreed to be careful.

We had a rousing time in bed last night. Afterwards she rolled over and asked me in a quiet voice if she could ask me a question. I said "sure" and she proceeded to tell me that the sex we just had was great; that she easily had multiple-orgasms and she was totally into it as she let me rut into her until I too had cum in her and even the last few strokes as I was softening brought her to yet another gentle rolling orgasm as we lay together.

I said, “That wasn’t a question, you’ve just confirmed we'd just had a pretty good run in bed. What did you want to ask?”

She took a breath and asked me how I thought our sex was in comparison to how it was when we were away just a week ago.

I had to admit it was amazing being away and just so into each other that I felt like a teenager and, “... sure, it's not quite as intense as it was but....”

Just as I said that ‘but’ she interrupted me, looked at me with this deep serious look in her eyes and just said, "So, do you understand that's what I would like to have more of?"

I nodded my head and moaned an, "uh huh". She hugged me and I knew she had more to say but I also knew what the moment meant to her. Before she could say anything I pulled my head back from hugging her and I put my finger under her chin and said, "It’s okay if you need it from someone else. I totally understand.”

I hugged her tightly and I could feel the tension ease out of her as I told her that I loved her and that I wanted her to have what she wanted. In the next few moments I told her that I knew she needed to escape to really let herself go. She seemed almost teary eyed when she came out and said, "I just can't let go the way I want to.... the way I need to.... when we're home".

Despite the emotional part, it wasn't a tense discussion, more like open acceptance in a way. I held her and told her that I knew she would want someone to replace Ray. Then I joked, "well, more than replace him" and I hugged her and I just said, "I just want you to be safe and to be careful".

She hugged me back and there was no real need for anything more than contented sighs. Until, that is, a moment later when she wriggled out of my arms and had to reach for some tissues to keep from leaving a big wet-spot where she was going to be sleeping!


Today,it's kind of calm. She's out shopping right now and the kids are both out so I'm here contemplating things.

I think when I compare Peter, Dan and Ray, it wasn't like she had to make much effort to find them, but I also think there was a bit of a predisposition towards them that sort of smoothed the way for it to happen. At the moment there's no one that I'm aware of waiting in the wings.

As part of our discussion last night, I did suggest to Suzanna that maybe she start to take a class or something that might put her in contact with other people. She liked that idea as she's been interested in yoga for a while. I half-jokingly suggested that she not wear her wedding rings in the class. She's continued to say that she'd like to see how things go if she makes it like she's either cheating on me or that perhaps, she's separated from me if she doesn't have her rings on.

Ahhh, that's her pulling in the driveway right now.


She’s off to see Ray again tonight.

She even apologized to me for wanting to go see him but at the same time, I know she'd like even just a little while to escape and let loose even though it’s little that she does with him. She admitted that he is more amorous when it's been a while since they've been together. She reminded me that he enjoys hearing her tell him about the sex she's had with me so she'll probably share some of our fun in Jamaica with him.

I should say that I finally understood something from her as part of this brief discussion last night before bed. She said that she's never really given into Ray's admitted enjoyment of her sharing details of our sex-life because it brings me (and ****** and all of that) into her time with him. While it might make Ray a bit more horny to hear that she says it distracts her from what she's gone there for! Plus, and I'm guessing here, I'd think that this worked against them over time.

I told her this morning she didn't need to apologize for what she wants and that over time we'll figure things out. I joked with her that she should go out tonight and we can do some of our old-routine, "... have a little fun together tonight and then really go at it tomorrow?”

She smiled - a big smile, bigger than I've seen in the last week - and then said, "that sounds REALLY nice!!" and she gave me a huge hug that left no doubt of her feelings.


She texted me that she'd left work later than expected. I replied that dinner can wait till she gets home and added a smiley face. I'm very horny but also know that I want to enjoy tonight and tomorrow night as we planned. I'm actually looking forward to it even without our Wednesday-routine last night but I'll be the first to admit that I do miss her more actively cucking me.


She saw Ray on Thursday but she came home apparently with something on her mind. Some wine with dinner seemed to ease her issues and the whole time I had to put my ardour on hold. I don't think either of us realized that this was the first time she'd be seeing him in quite a while - several weeks now, since before we'd gone away.

I knew they'd had sex but something was bothering her and after dinner with the house to ourselves, we made our way upstairs and she told me more. She said she felt guilty and a bit slutty for having sex with him (even though they did it twice!) but said that she didn't feel horny for him as she normally did, especially after being away for so long. She said she forced herself to be accommodating and although he did make her cum before he did the second time she did it more out of a sense of obligation.

I didn't quite understand it all but she did say that she thought being away with me and the stuff we talked about had gotten her mind all set to move on and look for a new lover; that seeing him again, she thought wasn't going to help her desire.

I asked her if she'd let him down gently and joked with her whether that was his last ride in her saddle. She punched me but said that she hadn't said anything to him and that she wasn't really sure he'd even known something was going on with her. I was quiet for a moment and then just said to her, "you deserve someone better".

That seemed to melt her mood away and we started to kiss and I ran my hands all over her body. She let me go for a bit but then said, "I thought we were doing our usual Thursday routine?"

I joked with her that it normally followed our fun on Wednesday and she prodded me back that she was sure I'd, "taken care of things" on my own. She was right.

I moved up, kissed her and said to her something like, "okay, I'll wait till tomorrow". She seemed to like hearing me say that and that too seemed to help warm her up for me.

I slowly pulled her top out of her pants and unbuttoned it. I love it when she wears bras that have the catch in the front and, yes, knowing she had another man’s hands on her earlier did drive me crazy. I really did want to undress her and she didn't resist at all; I guess the last of the wine and my sympathetic replies earlier had let her relax with me. She lifted her butt off the bed to allow me to slide down her jeans and I think she made it a point to spread her legs and show me the wet gusset in her panties.

She giggled when I slipped off my own pants and she saw my hard cock. I immediately remembered that our usual routine on Thursdays had me still limp from our fun on Wednesday so it was a bit different for me, perhaps a bit more tormenting, as I would have loved to fuck her right then and there as I knelt between her legs and prepared to reveal her well-used pussy to me. Again she raised her butt off the bed as I began to slide off her panties. They seemed to stick a little bit but mainly they seemed to be quite damp.

As she lifted her legs to let me slide them off completely I took a good look at my sweet wife. Seeing her lying beneath me naked and seeming totally comfortable showing me her pussy being wet from Ray, it just seems so amazing to see what has happened in just a few short years.

I guess my hesitating as I stared and daydreamed a bit caused Suzanna to look up at me and say, "you don't have to if you don't want to, you know....” I looked again down at her more clearly and she smiled when she saw the big smile on my face. I lay down on top of her, feeling her breasts against my chest and feeling her start to breathe deeply. I kissed her and she kissed me back, passionately this time, and in my head I remember thinking how slightly swollen her lips felt as we kissed and I wondered about how they got that way.

I loved feeling her hands on the back of my head, guiding me from one breast to the other, begging me to gently chew and pull at each nipple until she screamed out that she couldn't take it anymore but once I began moving down further, she left me to guide myself. At first her hands caressed her breasts but as I kissed below her navel she began to moan and pull her legs back and apart for me.

I'd almost forgotten how totally erotic she always looks when she's giving her used pussy to me like this. I did think back to how sometimes she'd be reluctant to let me see her shared and used body but not on Thursday night, oh no, I think she'd have let the whole world see her the way she let me everything. As she spread her legs I could see the dark-pink/reddened inside of her pussy glistening with what had to be their shared cum. Each time I'd kiss or caress a part of her she'd breathe in deeply and as she did so her pussy would open up and almost seem to wink at me!

She still was quite wet from Ray but the fact that it was in her was what I needed to know in my head before I began to lick my way down towards her now wet and sticky pussy. I guess I was a bit too aggressive because she put her hand on my forehead at one point and said, "take it easy down there.....” It didn't matter, once I tasted the sweetness of her own juices mixed with the tart acridity that could only be Ray's cum in her, oh my god, all at once it seemed like it'd been ages since she'd shared herself with me like this. While it may have been a big step for her in the past, this time she had no problem letting me snake my tongue into her lick her until she began to squeal.

I looked up at her to make sure she wanted me to bring her off just then. My unspoken question was immediately answered by her hand on the back of my head and her arching her hips upwards towards my mouth. Without any hesitation on her (or my part) she began encouraging me to, "suck me" and, "lick me deep".

I do recall right around then thinking that this is a lot more fun when it all happens in person together and it's not hours and hours. I also knew that Suzanna wanted to cum, perhaps even more than usual given the somewhat unfulfilling time earlier with Ray. Sure enough, with the right attention to the right areas, she succumbed to my tongue probing between her swollen pussy lips.

I love it when she will let me just do this for her. It is so erotic to feel and taste her pussy as it opens and gets ready. Sometimes I'll pull back away from her for a moment and many times, marvel at just how beautiful she is with her pussy flared open, still wet from her earlier tryst with Ray, but now open because of my attention. But not Thursday night, as she felt my tongue penetrate her, I felt her hand on the back of my head as she guided me to just how she wanted "it" such that my tongue became almost another finger that plunged deep into her.

I think that's about all I can get out of me right now about Thursday and it's off to bed for me.

Suzanna 's been out for 2 hours already.


She’s definitely waffling on the whole issue with Ray. For as down as she was on him when she got home, she had a bit of a different opinion later on where she seemed, perhaps, to be more sentimental than turned-off on him.

Thing is, she said, he's oblivious to it, like he doesn't see or feel the change that even I can see and sense in her.

That's what I've told her, that, after all of this time, for him to not have a better feel for her that I told her again that she deserved better. I'm not sure how I'm going to feel when she finds ‘better’ but let's get off this bridge we're stuck on right now.

I think she feels almost more like she's maybe being played for the fool or something. Just a sense I get from her, like she's starting to project some real negativity onto Ray at times. I've reminded her that he's only wanted the best for her and that he certainly has treated her nicely. That warmed her a bit and I think maybe made her see the good side when she was so focused on the negative.

She did share that he had asked about our trip away and that she tried to tell him that she didn't really want to talk about it but he pestered and asked her how active we were. I told her that he was obviously asking because it turned him on just like it turns me on.

Again she said that she didn't like sharing ‘us’ with him and that, she held my hand, to say again that it took her mind off where she wanted to be to be talking about us and the sex we had.

I asked her if she thought that may have also been why he was so physical with her the first time. She smiled and admitted she hadn't thought of it like that and then giggled when she recognised that I sure respond in the same way but an instant later she said, "but that just doesn't work for me".

She apologized for saying it that way and emphasized how she's not saying sex with me is bad. I shushed her and told her that I understood what she was saying and she seemed to relax a bit when I said that it turned me on that she needed to let go for a bit. I reminded her that I get that same release from skiing hard or riding a mountain-bike or riding a motorcycle and that for the few minutes, I'm focused on something to the exclusion of everything else.


We haven't really talked much about Ray since all of that between Thursday night and last night. Suzanna's been over her parents going over some financial stuff so they can plan on when they want to move and that stuff. At this point, they might as well ride out the winter and move in the springtime when it's warmer.

She's been wicked horny since Thursday night. I think she felt guilty at how she needed/wanted me to get her off and, my god, on Friday night and again last night we just seemed to get into this intense rhythm. She teased me a bit about how, "you like my pussy all wet", stuff like that, but nothing specific to Ray or anyone. Still, in my head, the movie that was playing kept me rock hard the whole time.

As our passions rose I told her that I loved knowing she's let other guys fuck her now. It's a wicked turn on plus I'm also trying to keep the thoughts reinforced in her till she finds her next partner. I think my plan is working based on how much she seems to want and needs me to go at her.

There's been no conclusion on Ray and I’m not really about to push it. When she comes to it, she comes to it; if she wants to fuck him, or, maybe more likely, let him fuck her more, that's really up to her. I do know though that if she comes home feeling like she did this last time again, that I'll have to say something to her as I don't know that it's good for her to feel the way she did.


Suzanna's in a holding pattern regarding Ray; neither leaving nor arriving. I don't want to push her one way or another as I know she's not feeling totally great about what she's feeling.

We still tease and turn each other on, but it has become a bit more vanilla-ish, which is okay for a while as it's good to feel close to her and know that is still there underneath it all.

She's suggested going out with people from work on Thursdays or Fridays. The married people tend to go out on Thursday evenings for a bit while the single/younger crowd seems to tend towards Fridays. It's not something that's particularly an organized thing and last week the brutally cold weather put the kibosh on all of it as no one felt like being out late in the cold. She is unsure of this week’s plans.

Still, she's upbeat and it is becoming very apparent that our more open lines of sexual communication have extended over into other areas as she's found it much easier to talk about her parents and their old-age issues than she'd had felt in the past.


The past few weeks have been wonderful for us and especially for me in giving me much more confidence in letting her ‘spread her wings’. I'm also much calmer in terms of my apprehension levels and concerns. It's weird but knowing there will always be a ‘we / us’, no matter what, is giving me a good feeling in allowing things to happen more freely for her.

I don't know that I want her to truly fall in love with another guy though. I don't know if it can be avoided but I think we are both aware of the potential problems with that. I suppose love has many levels and something superficial or not terribly deep would perhaps be acceptable. We now talk about most everything so clearly will have to include this topic. I guess what I'm saying is that I don't necessarily fear this happening as I perhaps used to.


The after-work-outings are a bit free-format and unstructured. She's also well aware that I know some people there (as well as at my job) are in a bowling-league and that sometimes during the nicer weather there are informal volleyball games and such. In those scenarios, the suggestion to chat-up someone who participates in them asking what they're like, etc., could be practical. When the circumstances are good, I'll suggest that.

She left this morning unsure of whether she's going out after work. I asked her if she will be seeing Ray but she said not and that she's told him last week she wasn't going to be seeing him as much for a while. I think his unconcerned response to her saying that has pushed her further from him.

I told her that it's supposed to be a nicer day today so that it'd be lighter-out later and that always makes going out after work that much nicer! She smiled at me and without saying anything; her smile told me all I needed to know.


She did text me that she was heading out with the gang after work today. I don't expect anything to happen tonight other than for her to get used to the crowd. I'd be fine with her going out tomorrow too if she wanted to be able to compare the people who tend to congregate each night but, long term, I'd expect her to decide about one or the other.

It’s kind of cool to think that she's out checking out guys. I'm a bit concerned with her maybe getting a ‘reputation’ at work but I suppose her having a little fun isn't going to be a surprise to anyone.

Our ******** is at school working on some project so I'm solo for dinner.


Well, she did go out both nights, Thursday and Friday. I was a bit surprised when I received a text message from her just after 7pm on Thursday that she was going to be home earlier than she'd thought, as she put it ‘nice to be out, but...’ Apparently the atmosphere was very much that these were just people going out after work for some drinks and nothing more than that.

Friday and I wound up staying late at work as I knew she was going out after work with the other group, the ‘younger ones’. My ******** and I had some dinner together and we had no more than a moment’s conversation that mom was, "out with people from work" before she went off into the social world of a teenager.

Suzanna had texted me about 8pm and said, "fun night - be home later". Our ******** was engrossed in a school project when Suzanna came in just before 10pm.

I could tell from the look on her face that she'd enjoyed going out and had obviously found it a better time than with the Thursday crowd. She told me how it wasn't all younger people and how some people even had their spouses join them while others enjoyed being out without them.

I joked with her whether she enjoyed ‘guy hunting’ and she said in reply that, "there's some possibilities".

I asked her if Todd was there and she giggled, "yeah, he's such a little kid" but there was this playfulness in her voice. I don't think she's interested in him but I do think his attention to her is doing a lot to boost her ego!

One thing for sure, she was wicked horny when she got home. Drinking? Yes, and she danced a bit (mainly with some of the other women; interesting how women will dance together!) and then with some of the guys who they cajoled out onto the dance floor. Todd wasn't among them; I joking asked her that!

She was horny enough that when I pulled her aside in the kitchen and pulled her up against me the kisses turned very passionate and as our desires grew she let me unsnap her pants and run my hand inside them. I moved from holding her butt tightly against me to bringing it around to the front and gently running my finger up gently against her pussy lips. Not only were they swollen up but when I reached the bottom she'd moved her legs apart and her lips parted and I could feel her wetness seeping out.

Making sure our ******** was engrossed in a Skype session with the girl she's working on this project with I ran up to the bedroom after Suzanna to find her on the bed in just bra and panties waiting for me. She joked and teased me that, "the guys got her hot and horny" and even though I knew nothing had happened, we played along with the fantasy. As I got her naked I commented about how wet she seemed and she giggled and said, "I get to fantasize too you know!" and she joked how I get hard seeing sexy girls and how it's the same thing.

As we started fucking I asked her if she ‘fancied anyone’ and then teased, "Todd maybe?"

She giggled back and said, "noooo, he's just too young..."

I pushed her and went with it and said, "if he's young he probably cums a lot!" and another time, "he'd probably love learning from you".

She played along but wasn't really into talking about Todd specifically. Instead she looked up at me mid-stroke and said, "I thought about a one-night-stand" and some other things like, "just going for it".

Wow, I hadn't heard her say stuff like that in a long time but then thought that was pretty much what she'd done long ago in Boston that first time with Bill.

Soon the physical pleasure took over from the mental stimulation and we rocked back and forth for a while, fucking deeply, her on top and then us rolling over trying to stay connected and giggling the whole time. I moved back on top and then we both screamed out, me first letting loose in her and a split second later her following with an orgasm that left us both out of breath and even a bit sweaty!


We haven't talked about specifics. I do know she'd like someone who wants her more than Ray did and truly wants her sexually, so wherever that leads. I do know she now has the courage and confidence to turn things down/off with Ray.


I considered going out on one of her nights and finding a quiet corner where I could observe what she was really getting up to but I wouldn't really feel comfortable spying on her. I do know some of her work-mates so that could be awkward having one of them say ,"hey, why is your husband sitting way over there?". Besides I really don't want to be the one to push her one way or another or to someone or another.

I think this has all worked for both of us because we are letting it happen somewhat naturally and neither of us feel we have to push for something to happen.

We did talk about her comment on a one-night-stand. She said that she just wanted to hear that I wouldn't flip out or be all crazy if she did something like that. I told her that it was hot to think about and asked her why?

She said that she'd thought that if things didn't work out dating-wise that maybe she'd just drink a little too much and let things get carried-away. She said it might be a way for her to break out of the mould with Ray and as she put it, to, "get out of the rut". I cautioned her that she needed to be careful if she did it with someone from work. She replied that she could always, "blame it on the alcohol".

It was weird hearing her talk about it as if she might be planning it. I asked her, "is there someone you want?"

She said back (and I believe her) that there wasn't anyone she fancied and then added, "yet". She then said that she'd considered it as an alternative if the whole dating-thing didn't work out. It seemed like she was saying that maybe she could hook-up with someone else who was married. At least that's the way it came across to me.


We did have a heck of a time on Saturday night. All of that talk about one-night-stands did get us horny. Suzanna wanted to go out drinking and dancing somewhere and she even teased me that if it were warmer out that she'd go out in just a skirt without panties. I joked back with her that she should save that for the springtime!

There is no doubt that had Ray had a bit of the sexual-demanding side that Dan had, it might have been different. One thing for sure is that for the future, if she does find the next guy for the longer-term, that he will probably be one to push her buttons a bit more.

She keeps mentioning this lawyer that they're using for her parent’s estate-planning and soon-to-be move into an assisted-living place. She's said on several occasions how ‘hunky’ he is. I haven't yet joked or suggested it yet but perhaps she'd go for a one-night-stand with him!

I'm not totally sure I want her getting involved with a lawyer but maybe as a way to make a break with Ray?

Regarding our friendship, or perhaps more appropriately, our acquaintanceship with Ray, our paths don't really cross much in the wintertime but, come spring, I'm sure we'll see him or encounter him more frequently. I did ask her what he's thinking and she said that he sent her an Email asking her to come by this week (Thursday) so they can talk. Apparently he's finally realizing that something up/changing.

Suzanna hasn't been planning on going out every Friday, at least not to start with. She wants it to be a more subtle thing; she's thinking of joining them every 3-4 weeks for now and making sure she's comfortable with the crowd and all of that. I told her simply, "whatever you're comfortable with".


I don't think Ray is capable of fulfilling the type of role that Suzanna now seems to want. We still consider him a friend but we just don't think he has it in him to sustain the role of being the strong clandestine lover she wants but I’m also going to say that I don't think she wants it to be him to fill that role. She has told him, perhaps not to his face directly, but she's told him and expressed it enough that he should either know what she wants and hinted that he's just not that kind of guy. I never took him for any sort of dominant or controlling kind of guy.

A bit of a tangent but one thing that Suzanna and I have felt about both us and about life in general is that things should happen of their own accord and not have to be coaxed or led into. What that means is that in a relationship (or whatever word you want to use) that actions need to happen of their own.

At a simple level, if 'she' wants to try out scuba-diving, then 'he' should be open to trying it of his own desire and not to have to be coaxed or persuaded. At something of a relationship level I'd say that she feels that if Ray did somehow take a more aggressive/dominant/possessive role that she would feel he is only doing it for her and not a something he wants. Right or wrong, it is how her mind works at times.

She is planning on going out once more this Friday night. A few of the girls she'd hung out with had asked her if she was going again. None of the guys did but I don't think I'd expect that, at least not just yet. I told her to just be careful.

We have some snow in the forecast for Friday night so that might scupper plans and will keep her home.


And that's taken me to the bottom of the page; time for a new book.