Journal of a Journey - Book Forty Four

We have now resumed Wednesday night fun. She already told me before bed last night and again this morning when she walked up to me and cupped my cock and balls and said, "Are we going to have our usual fun tonight?"

As with most every Wednesday since it began, it's been a time when we seem to be able to talk about most anything while I am masturbating with her. I will try to steer the conversation that way.

She told me that if it had been up to Robert he would have had kids already as he'd really wanted them. All I have to go on is what Suzanna shared with me but apparently his ex-wife led him on for a long time about ‘someday’ having kids then apparently she came out and straight said she didn't want them. That in part was what led to their divorce

I'm getting an impression of Suzanna and Robert is that in all likelihood this is likely to be a ‘summer-fling’. That’s what Suzanna seemed to convey to me but, on the other hand, she did not come out and say this explicitly. Perhaps tonight is more of a time to confirm or disprove my assumptions. I have to recognise she hasn't been completely open or honest or shared everything. So this evening, perhaps I can share my concerns.


Everything came out last night (in more ways than one!) I have to say that it’s Wednesday nights when we seem to be able to talk most openly. Granted it's a bit different with me lying there stroking away but it does really seem to be when we can talk the most and we talked about a lot of things.

One of the first things I told her was that if she's got any second-thoughts or misgivings or apprehension, then we should talk about them and make sure we both want to continue.

Suzanna agreed that she wasn't sure herself of what she wanted with Robert and I told her that she didn't need to have everything already figured out and that she could just approach this with a ‘let’s see what happens’ type of attitude.

She said she is doing just that but then repeated again to me that she feels an attraction to him. I asked her if she'd felt that before and she said, "maybe back when I was with Peter" but she said she didn't necessarily recognize it back then and wouldn't have been ready to accept it. We got into a little discussion about what she was feeling for Robert and she was honest and said that she felt a definite sexual attraction to him which has only gotten stronger since they finally had sex together.

She said that he's a nice guy who makes her feel wonderful so I asked her what he's said about the two of them.

She told me that he's admitted that he's attracted to her but she immediately added that, "he's not looking for a wife" and that she feels they are both on the same-page with regards to what they are both feeling.

Again she emphasized how he's very respectful toward the two of us and how he's continued to tell her that he doesn't want to come between us but that he has been very clear that he would very much like to provide her with sex that I can't/don't.

She says he's been clear that he doesn't want a relationship right now; that he wants time without being married to enjoy himself. She giggled and said, "that's where he says that I come in".

I don't know if her feelings of a desire for this full-blown-affair are reciprocated by him or whether this is something he's projecting onto the situation. It has sounded to me all along that, much like Dan, Robert is in post-divorce mode where, essentially, he’s just looking for a good-fuck (which Suzanna obviously is).

I asked her if she's mentioned her desires and thoughts and she said she has and he's always replied with basically the same thing to what I've said, ‘let’s see what happens’. One thing she did make clear though is that he would definitely like to see her (fuck her?) more than just once a week.

So, at the moment I'm not sure now of how much of this is real and how much of it is something that Suzanna is creating in her head. Is she going through the motions as if this were the big affair she's got this obvious fantasy about and is she possibly trying to see how it would be?

What is most arousing to me, especially after hearing all of this from her, is that it most definitely is her that is driving all of this. I have to recognise that she's been in control for a long time which means that she definitely wants to do this and explore all of this stuff herself. However, I do know that she is also very mindful of what I want so thinking out loud here, maybe she's doing all of this because she knows it's what I want to experience.

We talked a bit about her thoughts on this whole full-affair thing. She was honest and said that she didn't really know what to expect or what she could truly let herself do and feel. I told her that I understood her motivations; that I'm sure it would feel wonderful to feel that sort of desire/attraction for someone new and how it could really reinvigorate her.

She confessed that she was surprised at first of my acceptance at first but also said that she understands a bit more of what turns me on and that is something she's thought about too.

I asked her if she thought she could fall in love with him.

She was quiet for a bit and then said that she felt the sex was better when she felt some additional bond between them. She mentioned how she still looks back fondly on her time with Peter when she allowed herself that additional closeness but she immediately turned to me and said that no matter what she'd ever feel for Robert that it wouldn't come between us.

She asked me how I felt about it and I told her that I would feel insanely jealous about it but at the same time, knowing what else it meant, that it would turn me on too. I told her that I thought it would make me want her even more and would turn me on knowing she's enjoying sex with him instead of me.

She said she couldn't fully understand that or how I could be turned on by having to use condoms with her. I answered her that it's all in my head, the arousal at knowing what I couldn't have and at the same time knowing she's giving it to him. She said she didn't fully understand it but reasoned that it is, "just like you liking me to be with other guys in general".

I smiled and said, “Exactly.”

At one point she looked at me stroking and asked me if, "this will be enough to keep you happy?" meaning my masturbating instead of actual sex with her. That was when I said that as long as it wasn't forever, that I thought we were at the point where I could deal with it for a little longer and repeated what she'd said about our vacations and her offer of ‘special times’.

She giggled and simply said, "of course nothing's changed for that".

I'm sure there's more to share some of which will probably fall into place when I describe some of the stuff we talked about as I continued to masturbate for her.


Suzanna admitted that she did like watching me masturbate. She said it turned her on to, "see what you do inside me" but she also said it turned her on that it wasn't going inside her. I encouraged her to just talk openly and she continued and said that especially when she's involved with a lover that seeing me masturbate and knowing that I'm doing that instead of having sex with her that it turns her on to know that she wants it.

I was pretty horny hearing her say all of this and I kept on stroking. I confessed that it turned me on too to know that after we were done, that she would have to have sex with someone else as I'd be drained for at least a day or more afterwards.

She cupped my balls and told me that it's good for her to know that and that knowing it is also what lets her let go more easily with her lover.

I told her that I loved the thought of her with a lover. She said she too now found it sexy to think about and she told me how sometimes she'll fantasize about spontaneous meetings with him. I opened up and told her that I'd thought about her many times and that not having met Robert was particularly arousing for me to not know who she was fucking.

She giggled and said that it turned her on too ‘this time’ to have it work this way and that she also thought that was better for her. As we both got worked up (me specifically) I told her that it's alright for her to fantasize and even want stuff with Robert that might be hard to really accept or do.

She asked me what it was I thought about that turned me on. I told her that thinking of her with his huge cock in her was a thought that continually turned me on. She joined me in that thought and told me how gentle he was with her as she'd never been with anyone that big. She leaned down to me and told me how full her pussy felt with him in her and how huge his cock felt as he got more and more aroused.

I told her that it turned me on to no end at how he must have felt her when she'd cum and she admitted that is one of the most intimate moments she's shared with him, knowing he brought her to orgasm and knowing she'd then felt him cum.

My cock was so hard already that hearing her tell me this really got me close for the first time. It was when she told me how he felt when he'd cum in her, how she could feel his cock throb as she put it, "soooooo deep inside me", and how all she could feel was this warmth sweeping over her as she realized he'd cum in her. I spurted my first load when she told me how she felt it drip out afterwards.

She knew I was going to cum and as she continued to describe feeling him cum she moved up on her elbow so she could watch me. As I stroked out the last few dribbles she leaned down and said that made her hot to watch me.


It was in between the first and second times last night that we talked some more and there was other things that she told me which kept me feeling horny. She started to tell me how she felt when she didn't have sex with me. She said she felt ‘powerful’ knowing she was making that decision and admitted that after she'd stopped seeing Ray it was her that decided we would resume our usual frequency. She also said that, as is already happening, as things got better with Robert, that she and I would be having sex less.

She also got to saying how the times she'd ‘only had sex with Ray’ and with Dan before that, were the times that she felt had really made things much more intense for her. She said she didn't know if it was all in her head or not but that it was something that she felt was going to be inevitable with Robert. She held my hand and said that this is where she gets uneasy thinking about it.

I leaned up and by now my cock was again rock-hard. I told her that I understood what she was saying and that I'd seen it for myself. I told her how incredibly beautiful she looked after she'd come back from the last time going away with Ray and I told her how I saw that again on her when she came home after being with Robert.

She hugged me and said that she needed to hear that reassurance and looking at my hard cock was further reassurance to make her accept it.

I again told her that as long as it wasn't forever and that there would still be times for her with me then, and I looked at her, and said, "if you want to try it, then I want you to".

She told me to tell her more and I noticed that she'd moved down to lie next to me as I continued stroking my cock. She said, "Tell me what you're thinking; what turns you on to think about?"

It’s what I love about Wednesday nights; it just felt so easy talking, lying there and I could feel her arm and hand moving, playing with herself just as I was, both of us looking up at the darkened ceiling.

I told her that it turned me on to think of her giving her lover something that I can't have. That having her deny me sexual contact with her while openly being with her lover is a thought that can get me hard; I told her that I think about what could happen with her and Robert; how turned on I get seeing her naked body and knowing I can't have any of it. I told her how it blows my mind to think about seeing her like that in the bathroom with one foot up on the toilet as she cleans up from him seeing his cum dribble out of her.

I don't think she was ready for my explicitness but in my head, it just seemed right to say it to her. I told her that knowing I was jerking-off instead of having her was, in a way, demonstrating my desire for her to do it, that I would masturbate instead of having sex with her symbolized that I do want her to do it.

She was intrigued by what I was saying and said that it was a pity that I had never presented it to her that way before (that I would have masturbated as a way to demonstrate my desire for her to have sex with someone else) as that ,"all of this might have happened sooner". She encouraged me to continue, teasing me that she liked to watch me cum and how it's good that, "... you’re so good with your right hand".

She started with her tease about her being, "all for Robert" and she noticed how much more intense it became for me because she amped it up a bit. She told me how horny it made her to think of only having sex with Robert.

I groaned at her that it made me horny too.

She teased me about using condoms so that, "only Robert's cum was in me" and how that really made her feel like she was so much closer to him.

I groaned in return that I could tell and knew it was something she may want to try again.

She moved next to me and ran her hands over my body. She knew I was close and she whispered that she'd miss feeling me in her then added that, "when we do again, it's going to be so special".

I know part of it was for my arousal, to get me really to cum hard, but I also knew that there was also a kernel of truth in there. As I lay there next to her in the darkened room I knew she was staring at my cock as I stroked it and I told her what was in my head at that moment. I told her that the thought of her telling me that ‘this is the last time in me for a while’ would be a moment that would set me off.

I got lost in that thought for a moment then I heard her moan and say, "oh my, wow, wouldn’t that be exciting; to feel you pulling out of me for the last time?" or something like that. Hearing her say that just made me explode; I grunted out loud and let loose with a huge 2nd load. (I think I may have blacked out for a moment or two!)

It was only as I ‘surfaced’ that moment or two later that I realized that she'd also had a huge orgasm and that she'd probably been fingering herself the whole time. We both caught our breath after which she giggled as she rolled up onto her side and started again to play with my cum and have me lick her fingers off. She asked me in this calm sexy voice, "would you really want that to happen one day; for me to say that to you and mean it and all?” I think my cock even throbbed a bit as she said it.

I sucked at one of her fingers that she pulled out of my mouth and looked up at her and said, "yes, if it wasn't forever, I would".

She had the most angelic beautiful smile on her face and leaned down to kiss me. As we kissed I let her taste the cum that was still on my tongue.


It does sound crazy to think of letting her fall in love with another guy but at the same time when I think of it sexually and of how turned on it makes me, I can't explain it other than to say that I know I want to feel it. I know that I did and still do love knowing that I encouraged her to share some special moments with her lover before me. It still turns me on to this day that I encouraged her to have sex with Peter before me after she had her IUD fitted and for him to be the first. I've re-lived the memory so many times and I have never regretted it, there is just something that turns me on knowing she shared that moment with Peter first.

I know from what we've talked about that things like that made it all the more intense for her at the time which is why I suggested and encouraged it. Thinking about Peter being the first guy to cum in her pussy without any creams, diaphragms or condoms even now it gets me hard to think about.

Again, thinking about Ray, I still love that I encouraged her to let him be the first to have truly bare without any birth-control since when we were having kids 20+ years ago. It is something I look back at and, just as with Peter, it is something I love knowing she did with Ray before I had my turn. I don't understand why but I do love that she went along with both of those requests and was just as excited about it and to then share them with me afterwards.

I felt it the same again when she'd go away with Ray and would, again at my encouragement, leave her rings at home. It's crazy but it's incredibly fulfilling and arousing to me to have her do and give these things to her lover.

When I do let myself think about the time when she may be ready to tell me that it's my last time with her I know how I'm going to feel regret afterwards at times and yet, there is something that continues to push me in this direction....


She's just left for work a little while ago. She took a small bag with her which she had spent a little while getting together. I only saw her put in a different lingerie-ish top, a snug-fitting camisole that she sometimes will wear along or will sometimes put under another top.

My cock is absolutely throbbing since the moment she came out of the shower and walked around naked except for the towel wrapped around her hair. It's a warm morning here but her hardened nipples gave away that she was turned on by deliberately doing it. She stood in front of the mirror holding different tops, bras, camisoles and more, against her and would turn from side-to-side a bit. She knew I was standing right there watching and she just ignored me.

I think this is going to be even more arousing and make more of an impact on me than when she wore panties all the time. It started last night going to bed when, with the warmer temps, she picked a short-t-shirt to wear to bed, short enough that it only came halfway down her butt and left her pussy *******. She smiled at me and said, "You can look, but you can't touch; not till tomorrow night" and now, this morning, Man, it's going to be a long day. Good thing I'm working from home today.


It's almost 3pm and I am thinking she's going to leave work early if she can. I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of a knife, one side is pleasure and the other is pain at what is happening.


She did just text me and said she's off and that she doesn't think she'll be home that late. She said specifically, "wait up for me".


I do know generally what they've planned. They are meeting at the bar that's in a hotel not far from where he lives. There's also a nice restaurant and the plan is they'll have an early dinner. She did say that if the bar had music, they might dance a bit before going back to his place.

So Robert is obviously continuing his seduction of my wife and that’s okay for there was no hiding the excitement and arousal in her this morning. There’s been no thoughts shared about Wednesday nights ... yet!

My ******** is downstairs and we're going out to dinner together in a while. It will be one of the rare times she's home when her mom isn't here. She's not questioning or showing signs of being suspicious of anything as it's become a bit more of the norm for one or both of us to be going out, sometimes late, after work. We'll just have to keep things to a dull roar when she does get home later.....


Suzanna's still not totally sure of how she feels about it all and we've only begun to really start to talk about it.

She shared with Robert how she thought she was developing some emotional attraction to him and she asked him what he thought. She wasn't totally prepared for his answer.

Apparently he'd felt some of this developing and he said he enjoyed knowing she was very attracted to him and that he had very much wanted to seduce her into bed, even more so after she shared with him her story about my ‘health issues’. She told him how comfortable she felt with him and he said that he loved having sex with her. Again he told her (or so she emphasized to me) that he loved that he didn't need to use condoms with her and also that she could take all of his big cock as apparently it’s something he's had problems with other women but then he told her that he wasn't looking for a romantic relationship and that he wasn't looking to fall in love with her or anything like that.

She said she was confused and even a little hurt when he said that but what followed was him essentially telling her that he wants her for sex. It seems his ex-wife was quite the prude in terms of enjoying sex and wanting it, at least with him (apparently her cheating on him was part of the reason for their breakup). Essentially, when he heard about our supposed health-issues and about him wanting to fill in for me sexually, that was what he wanted to have with her; for him, romance didn’t come into it.

It was just after 5pm when she met him at the bar. She said he kissed her when they met and he hugged her and said he was glad she could make it. They made idle talk but with clear sexual overtones and innuendo. She shared that she had brought a change of clothes and he said he couldn't wait to see them, etc. I'm sure she told me more details but I don't recall them right now other than she made a great point of telling me of there being some hand-holding including his toying with her rings at one point. She asked him if she should take them off and he said that was up to her. She giggled at me and said that if I saw them home one-day that I would know the reason why. I didn't think much about it then but now I'm thinking that if I do find them home that perhaps she meant that I should know it's her that wanted and took them off.

Drinks were followed by dinner, apparently nothing special food-wise, but that he was really nice company and that he seemed to pay a lot of attention to her when she was talking. I loved hearing how smooth he was with her knowing she loves it when I or anyone else will really listen to her when she's talking.

By the end of dinner which was maybe 7-7:30pm they felt it was too early to go to the bar for more drinks and dancing so they went to his place instead. He told her that he could put on music and they could dance there. Again the smooth seduction, something she loves, to be wooed like that.

It was when they got to his place that their conversation turned more sexy and more open. She said they hadn't gotten undressed yet and were making out on the couch when she said the conversation I mentioned earlier had begun. It was in the midst of a passionate kiss that she shared with him that she ‘could fall for him’.

I knew from how she looked and even how she smelled that they'd most definitely had sex but hearing this conversation I was confused as I thought she'd be upset or whatever about her dream for this passionate affair seemingly to have gone.

Over the next hour or so, over more wine, she said that they both opened up to each other a bit. She kept up her ruse about my health and said that she hoped that the passionate-affair would fulfil her (to use his words back on him). He countered by again saying he didn't want the emotional baggage of a relationship so soon after his marriage was over and instead told her about his thoughts of her, essentially, being his sexual outlet. He told her that he thought he could fulfil the same feelings and desires she'd had and that he said that, "this was more considerate to your marriage".

Now there was more she'd shared but to short-cut to what obviously came out of it Suzanna said she'd, "think about it" and that all during their time in bed together that he emphasized how they could get together more frequently. Apparently she'd shared her concerns about being seen or whatever that he also played up on that and said that, "we're great in bed together, let’s just enjoy that for now".

She asked him if he would fight it or resist it if he felt attracted to her to which he responded, "of course not".

She looked at me and said, "it's sort of what you'd said; to just enjoy whatever it is".

I held her and asked her if she was okay and she said that she was okay about it. I asked her what she was going to do and she gave me this look and said, "you just said it,to see whatever happens".

We kissed and as we pulled apart she said, "It is going to happen, if not this time, then sometime". She paused, "I want it to .... I just don't want to force it to happen".

We kissed again and I asked her,- playing dumb because I did already know the answer, "so, did you have 'fun' tonight anyway?”

She bit her lip and coyly said, "Hmm, I think so.... wanna find out?”

I took off her top to reveal she was still in the sexy camisole she'd taken - obviously her bra and whatever else she'd worn to work must have been in her bag. I loved how she looked with the lacy top just revealing the tops of her tits. She unbuttoned her pants and stepped out of them revealing her matching lacy panties that also seemed darkened down between her legs. A moment later she was beneath me on the bed as I pulled them off of her.

I knelt there for a moment just looking at her pussy. The whole mound was swollen and reddened but mostly her pussy lips seemed really inflamed and swollen. As she breathed they'd part at the bottom and revealed her vagina that looked almost angry it was so reddened and so open too. A dribble of some sort of wetness appeared as she breathed in deeply and she knew what I wanted.

Despite my cock throbbing between my legs the first destination for my tongue was down there. I pushed her legs apart and I loved how her labia felt under my tongue. She moaned at how gentle it felt and I moaned back as I tasted what I'd seen dribbling out of her. I knew it was Robert's semen and I knew from last time that undoubtedly there was a lot more of it up in her. As I licked I could feel her muscles contract and spasm and each time a new dribble appeared.

I could only stand it for a few minutes and she seemed almost relieved when I did climb up and rub my cock against her and start to spread all the wetness. I'm sure it was all in my head but knowing that it had been his big cock that had just been there, her pussy felt like it was gaping open and just a soft deep pit for me to sink into. Maybe it was real, maybe it was from all of the cum he'd left in her, but she felt slick and open and she made no secret of it. She told me how he fucked her so deep and hard at times. She looked up at me and said that he'd made her scream and cum and cum.

She said more than just that. She kept it up, getting more and more graphic until she told me how it felt when he'd cum in her a second time and she felt it oozing out of her. It was then that I lost it and let go with whatever I had to give. I too felt it splash-out as I pulled back and then plunged back in and the thought that this was sloppy 3rds that I was now sloshing in and out of really turned me on and kept me hard, hard enough that I rode her to a surprise orgasm for her too!

Afterwards, as we lay there all sticky and messy she giggled when I asked her, "What’s with being so graphic?"

She said, "That’s something Robert said he thought we might enjoy. That it’s something he'd wanted to do that he could never do with his wife, to be able to talk with me like that. Essentially he liked to talk to his ‘fuck-toy’.

I asked her, sort of, if that's what she'd wanted to do with him, to be his toy, or rather, ‘his plaything’.

She rolled over to me and said, "Maybe, it'll give you what you wanted if I go along with him".

That is pretty much Friday night into yesterday morning. After sleeping in yesterday morning, we talked more but then we had ******-visitors in the afternoon-evening into last night so we had to leave any further discuss for later tonight.


Our discussion from Saturday continued well into yesterday including a few times when things got a little heated.

I had a number of the things I wanted to air and one of the biggest things was what she wanted to do with him and what she wanted from him. It was my way of essentially saying that I was actually a bit concerned that she now seemed to be saying to me she'd changed her mind, or maybe worse, would settle for assuming this new role with him.

We went all over the place with the discussion. She wanted to hear me tell her again that I wanted her to have a lover and that I wanted her to do more with him which including denying me as we'd discussed. I told her yes to all of that and added that I was surprised that she kept on wanting me to repeat it. With tears in her eyes she said she will probably always want to hear me say it just to reassure her.

I asked her how she was suddenly going to go from wanting this passionate affair to simply being his friend-with-benefits. I told her how it'd taken a lot for me to accept her desire to even fall in love with Robert and now she was saying that it was off-the-table or that it wasn't going to happen, “How’s that going to work?”

That's when I started to ask her what she wanted; whether she was going to try to encourage him or try to make him fall for her. I asked her how she was going to feel if it wasn't reciprocated.

I guess the bottle of wine helped the conversation flow but in the end she pretty much came out with the conclusion that she didn't necessarily want to fall-in-love with Robert but she thought that was what she needed to do in order to have the sex she wants to satisfy both herself and me.

I was kind of dumbfounded and after a moment I told her so. She explained to me that was the only way she thought she could have the kind of sexual experience she was looking for (and had now found) and was the only way to escalate it to give me more of what I wanted in return.

I told her that I was disappointed that she hadn’t come to me before now and to talk to me about it but she pointed out that she did do that and that we did talk about it ... at least in her eyes. At another point I accepted a bit of responsibility for not trying to dissuade her from the whole emotional involvement thing.

All of this would have had a different flavour had it been a few weeks earlier before she'd been with Robert. She admitted that she really enjoys sex with him and how different it is from that she’s had with other guys including me (Yes, primarily from him being bigger) but also from how she feels with him in general.

I asked her if she still felt she wanted to fall in love with him. She was quiet for a moment and holding my hand, then said what she'd said the other day, how it wasn't something that I should be scared about, that it was mainly for herself but added that if it didn't happen with Robert, then, yes, she would still want it to happen with someone, eventually. She said she didn't want it to be something that took anything away from her and me but, as she tried to explain it, as something that would help her and in turn, even help us.

She admitted that she wanted to have an intense sexual relationship with Robert, if it worked out now, and then said something that I wasn't totally ready for that she’s wanted this ever since she was with Dan and that he was the last guy (other than me) who really pushed her sexually. She then turned things around and came out and asked me to tell her without any misunderstanding what I wanted to have from her sexually.

It was my turn to be quiet and think about what she'd said. I looked back to what happened with Dan and I saw that he really did push her and get her to open up and accept her desires more; I never saw that Ray did it for her in this way.

She didn't say it, but now I'm even thinking that maybe she went with Ray more to satisfy me than for herself. She knew I felt comfortable with him and, well, this is all just me right now as I'd never ask her that.

So when she asked again about what I wanted it was my turn to open up and be honest. I told her that I feared her falling in love with someone else but at the same time I did want to feel her sexual desire to be exclusive with another guy. I told her that I'd want to feel and experience that but I added that I wanted it to be something that she wanted to do too and not necessarily because it was what 'he' wanted (as was the case with Dan where she seemed reluctant to embrace it).

She giggled and said that she still didn't fully understand it all but that if things went, now, as they seem they might with Robert that it would be something she would be more comfortable doing.

All this talk was kind of exhausting but at the end I felt I understood what she was saying. She said she didn't see how she could feel strongly enough or to feel enough in general with a lover to have the kind of sex she wants (it is soooo hot to hear her say that to me) without falling in love with him; that maybe Robert might be more the combination of guys she's wanted.

In my head, it was the desire she felt from Dan, someone who truly wanted to have sex with her and wants her to want him, and it was something Ray didn't do. She had a comfort-level with Ray of being able to be herself and being accepted for it but there was no real desire or emotional spark the like of which she felt with Peter way back when. Maybe Robert is someone who can fulfil those roles? She pretty much said all of that without those specific words.

I asked her outright, “Do want to be his fuck-toy for the summer just to get him fully over his marriage?"

She said she wasn't sure but as Robert and I have both said to her, “I might just let it happen and see what develops”. She even said that maybe it wouldn't be so bad even if the emotions happened but they were just one-sided. She turned to me and said, "is that what you'd like; are you going to be okay with knowing that?"

I was thinking about how to answer her when she added, "I'll still tell you no ...." After a pause she looked at me and said, "you'll know it's because I want to".

We talked only briefly about the future, she said that Robert has pretty much said that he wants to have sex with her more often and more frequently. I asked her how she felt and more importantly, what she wanted.

She was quite explicit and graphic and spared no details when she said she loved having sex with him (clearly his big cock has impressed her highly!) and, yes, if I was okay with it all, that she wanted to let herself go with him and see what happens.

I asked her what that meant and she said she wasn't sure yet but then said that she had ‘fond memories’ of when she'd met with Dan at lunch-time and how that had made her feel. I was about to respond when she added that it had also made her feel really special the few times things had really gone well with Ray when she'd ‘just been with him’.

She again asked me, "are you really going to be okay when I want to just have sex with him?” I was going to answer her when she added, "Of course I'll make sure you're happy in other ways!" and she licked her lips and made this sucking sound with her mouth.


I don't know what her plans are for this week, perhaps I'll know more later, but I know that we are doing things Friday night so that may affect things for them. I suspect that she'll probably meet him today or tomorrow at work, maybe they'll talk a bit over lunch or, with the nice weather we’re having, take a walk around outside.

What I can say is that after all of that was said and done yesterday, that last night there was this renewed feeling of calm between us which has dispelled all of the uncertainty of the past few days and weeks that was hanging over us.

As we lay there last night watching something on TV it seemed we both just rolled towards each other and felt the same, that we needed to feel each other. As we started to fuck she looked up at me and said, "you know, even though I may see a lot of him I will still always need this with you." As she said that she wrapped her legs up around my back and we rocked back and forth together fucking deeply (well as deeply as I can!). I felt her cum from deep inside her as we rocked back and forth and she told me she loved me as she encouraged me to ‘fuck me harder’ and ‘cum in me’.

This morning that same lightness was in her step as she bounced and pranced around the bedroom after her shower. I do love her so.


I'm kind of annoyed about tonight. She's gone off to bed but despite all we spoke about yesterday she went around and around again on this stuff until I finally told her again what I've been saying all along, that if she's not wanting this, then she just needs to say it and we don't have to do it.

Then in the next breath she's saying that she does want to try it and, yes, she admits that she does want more sexually than I give her and that she's really sorry that she's feeling this way now.

Between the borderline tears at times and her open desires at others, we both left it that we'd let things simmer this week. Apparently Robert’s away or something later this week and that hopefully, as time and the days wear on, things will get easier and clearer. I told her the same as I've said all along, that I'd support whatever she wants, but that this time, it's her that needs to make the decision.

I'm wondering if it is my encouraging her that may be part of the problem she's facing. I've encouraged everything in the past. Indeed, I was the one who started it by planting stuff in her suitcase when she went away on that Boston business trip. I'm pretty sure that I was the one who encouraged her to see how she felt when she started seeing Peter. The same with Dan, I'm almost certain that I encouraged her there too, and we know that I was behind things with Ray. So maybe this is the first time I'm asking her to make the decision.

A part of me wants her to ask me to just tell her what to do but the other part knows that at this point, I want her to take control of her own desires.


She's torn, at least from my perspective. She loves and wants to have our marriage and relationship continue/succeed/thrive if you will and yet now (yes, mostly my own doing) she's seen and felt the kind of excitement and sexual fulfilment she wants.

She hasn't mentioned it explicitly but I do still firmly believe she sees all of this as something she wants now with the goal that in another 2 years or so when our kids are out of the house, that she and I will then have our time. Some of how she's described things, her affair desire, to how she describes what she feels/wants with Robert, they all seem to have some sort of time-frame when they will end or fade. It might be my imagination, not sure, but I think it's there.

There’s no doubt she is undecided, I'm pretty convinced of this now, as this is the first time it is down to her to make the decision about Robert and what she wants. Like I said, previously it has been others (me, Dan, Peter) taking the lead suggesting or telling her what was wanted. Maybe the situation now has revealed that really she wants to be a bit of a submissive and not have responsibility for this decision.

I know I'm rambling on here but what I'm trying to get at is that I still think she wants to let herself go with Robert and see what happens and that she's, in a way, struggling with her own desires this time. While I know she wants to feel love from me, I also know that she does want to try and explore this. She knows it turns me on and maybe that's an influence on what she's trying to sort out but how much desire does she have if she excludes my being turned on about it?

Maybe that's her dilemma;, how to reconcile that?

Just thinking out loud.


So, where to start?

We followed the normal Wednesday routine even though she's not seeing Robert this week. In the past I've described Wednesdays as following ‘her routine’ but it has now really has become ‘our routine’ and I totally enjoy ‘putting on a show’ for her and letting her watch and hear her encourage me to masturbate. Occasionally, last night being one of them, she'll sometimes join in herself with the mutual teasing being enough to arouse both of us. It is quite erotic to talk about sex and the like while we both are enjoying ourselves.

As ever, we talk and we pick up on preceding conversations of the past few days. This week it appears that Suzanna had some other stuff on her mind that she hadn't shared, things not related to me or Robert, but some ****** and health-related stuff from a close ******-member that’s put her on edge. (Fortunately it’s not her parents; her father is actually doing pretty well although he still has difficulty speaking and has very limited physical ability on one side.)

When some calmness returned and she settled down we returned to the ‘topic of the moment’ and talked more and agreed that all of this with Robert was maybe happening a bit too fast, too ‘planned’ and too much all at once. She says that she does think that over time she will develop some emotional attachment to Robert but is now content to, as we've all said, to just let things happen without any sort of goal or timetable. I'm not even sure how we got to having some sort of expectation on when she might ‘become serious’ with him as she's said that he hasn't expressed any issues with our sex-life, at least what she's shared. So we de-coupled her desire to get more serious with him with automatically meaning denial for me.

She made no secret that she wants to do and explore more sexually with Robert. She went on and on about his big cock up until the moment she looked at me and must have seen the expression on my face which caused her to change the subject. I didn’t say anything but hearing her tell me how big he is, how ‘delightful’ he is, and all of that, there was no doubt that she really enjoyed being with him.

The subject change was to talk about me, especially she wanted to know how this denial thing turned me on.

I tried to explain it, the longing and increased desire I'd have for her, the intensely erotic knowledge that another man is fucking her but I'm not. To be seeing her and even touching and tasting her but not fucking her would be incredibly hot and, yes, that when she is denying me, that knowledge fuels incredible masturbation.

She giggled at the last one and said, "oh yeah it sure does".

What I told her next was something that I wasn't sure I should have said, I told her that it turned me on knowing that she'd do it for me, to turn me on but that it turned me on even more when I knew she wanted it for herself.

I told her that the times she'd denied me before she went away with Ray and while she was away that they were probably the most intense sexual moments I'd ever experienced; how even after jerking off time and time again, that my cock was perpetually hard and that I felt so incredibly horny and alive and almost crazy at the thought of her wanting another guy instead of me.

I told her that I knew she'd never do it to hurt me and that knowing she wanted it for herself, so that she could have more or better or just the kind of sex she wanted, it was just so intense.

She told me that she felt like Robert ‘wants’ her the way she's felt she has wanted to feel. As I said I'm thinking that she may also be realizing how Ray didn't fulfil this for her. It was obvious from how she talked about it that it turned her on a lot to feel wanted, sexually wanted.

She was hesitant for just a moment and then said, "I cum really easily with him" and after a short pause she said, "I need to feel like that, I hope you understand".

I knew that wasn't easy for her to admit but I hugged her and I told her again that I liked her having sex with Robert. I also told her that I understood she wanted and needed to hear that from me to keep reassuring her that it's okay and it's what I want her to do.

She said that helped her keep things balanced in her head and to let her think that doing things that she would think would be hurtful are exactly what I want. I reminded her that either of us could express concerns or misgivings about what was happening and the other would take have to stop and address it. I told her as long as we had that, that I was okay with it. I don't know if it was so much of an epiphany at the time but she seemed to take a bit more notice and recognition of what I was saying.

Where we ended this discussion was getting back to what was going to happen moving forward. Once again we agreed we're going to just let things happen when they feel right and to not push or rush things.

Suzanna's admitted she'd like to see more of Robert. I've recalled that she was always able to find more time to spend with Dan so anything is possible. With regards to the denial stuff, we left it that when she's ready (I guess when she figures out how to maybe get more time with Robert) that we'll maybe do a trial-run of it. We talked maybe start with 1 week (which she giggled at and said, "You’ve done that before") and then maybe 2 and work up from there.

That seemed to put us both in a good place.


We got frisky in bed last night; Suzanna surprised me and began by sucking me off. Not to completion but enough that I was really going. She giggled and looked at me and said, "You said you might be okay with just me doing this for you". A second later she added, "you know, when I tell you that you can't have my pussy anymore!”

Damn did that get me horny! My cock was so hard and she was playing along with it. She teased me as she stroked me and gently licked at my cock. At one point she turned so we were in more of a 69 position and she put my hand on my cock and said I should help her out. As I started to stroke myself she got up on one elbow and she spread her legs and continued teasing me. She spread her pussy lips apart and said, "you're going to miss having this" and she started to rub her fingers up and down from her hard little button down to her vagina that was quickly getting wetter and wetter from her attention. She teased me that, "your hand may be all you get sometimes" and, "how hard you'll be knowing only Robert gets to fuck me". I was getting pretty frantic when she pulled my hand off my cock and said, "see, this is what you can have instead" and she leaned forward.

As I thought about feeling her mouth on my cock instead of her pussy she began to suck and a moment later she heard me start to moan. She knew what to do and, sure enough, a moment later she sucked me until I came profusely in her mouth. I heard her moan and gag a little but she was a trooper and kept it going until the end including my favorite feeling, her running her thumb up my cock from my nuts up to the tip to draw out the last few drops.

I also knew what was going to happen next. As I caught my breath, sure enough, I felt the movement on the bed and a second later I turned my head to kiss her. She opened her mouth and her tongue pushed most of my cum into my mouth where our tongues danced and she moaned at sharing the moment, and my cum, with me. We kissed for probably just a few seconds but it felt like forever and as our kiss ended, we both swallowed. She gently cooed in my ear as I leaned down and licked the little dribble from her cheek and licked her lips off.

I was pretty spent from that first time and just lay back and watched a TV show. The show came to an end and she rolled over and kissed me as she reached into my boxers. She whispered that, "Robert loves to go for a second time when we're together".

Just hearing her sexy voice got my cock to respond and TV was forgotten as she teased me about going for a second time. This time though she was also again rubbing herself but she wanted me to do the talking, at least to get us started.

I told her that I remembered how wet she was when she got home and she started moaning as I started stroking faster. Her moans got louder and my stroking got more furious when I surmised about how far up in her pussy she was wet. Her reply was, “That’s because, "how big he is ... and how much he seems to cum in me”. She started to contribute to our build-up when she again told me how Robert loved that he didn't have to use condoms with her.

I moved up onto my elbows so I could better see her, I loved looking over at her lying next to me, her night-shirt pulled up over her waist, her legs bent, knees up and feet flat on the bed as she plunged her fingers into her wet pussy. She looked delightful, so sexy, and at some moments she would arch her back as she drove her fingers in more and more.

I told her that watching her was turning me on. She said, "what if I told you I was thinking about his big cock going in me?”

Damn, did she know how to turn me on at just that moment? I got lost in the thought and although she said other stuff my brain was stuck on her thinking about that big cock fucking her. I tried to get back to our mutual teasing but we were both almost on-edge already. I tried to say something sexy but instead came out with something like, "I'm going to cum just thinking of him fucking you and not me".

She moaned out loud back at me and said something about, "he makes me cum so good ..." before the only sound was mutual moaning. I felt her body on the bed next to mine shudder from how hard she was slamming her fingers into her pussy I knew she was really close. Feeling how hard she was fucking herself, damn, a second or two later I let go with my second load of cum that I let go all over my stomach. She followed suit a few moments later, her head arching back and the thrashing back and forth.

She let me lick her fingers off; she even teased me that, "one day you might even taste Robert on my fingers" after which she began helping me get cleaned up.


She seems to be all over the place with all of this. She’s like a pendulum going from a concerned ‘Let’s-call-it-off’ extreme the other day to, now, a more relaxed ‘Let’s see what happens’. Perhaps my reassurances and our discussions have helped her reason things out for herself.

Case in point was last night for despite our fun on Wednesday night, last night found both of us horny. She seemed more comfortable teasing me about her and Robert and also about her denying me. At one point as I knelt above her, she lay back and teased me as she pulled her knees back that, "this might be just for Robert one day". As I've admitted much more now regularly, I think it confirms that I’m clearly a cuckold when my cock seemed to grow even harder and throbs at what she'd said last night. However, from her point of view I know that while she orgasmed easily several times I knew they weren't the deeply satisfying ones she seems to want.

We'd spent the evening reviewing a disappointing report-card from our ******** so I knew that the ****** stresses were on her mind but at the same time, when I pushed into her and felt her body respond to mine; when I felt her arms pull me close, there was no cuckold or any sort of weird sexual feelings. At that moment, the kiss we shared and the passion of the moment of being together said all that was needed to me. It may not have been a deeply satisfying orgasm but at the same time, it accompanied a really close moment between us and I know it was what we both needed to feel.

It was after we got into a rhythm when she started to tease me again. There was no doubt that her taunts of how Robert can make her moan or how it feels when she cums with him, there was no doubt that it was turning her on too. I teased her back at how she felt afterwards, how comfortable her pussy feels after he's been in her. She moaned back at that thought and I can't even describe how that made me feel. Turned on, yes, but it was just so incredibly erotic to hear my wife moan about how her lover's cock feels in her. It sounds weird but it was another moment where I thought we both felt very connected and close. She looked into my eyes just after that and said she loved me.

Despite being tired after the long week, we both seemed to go on for ages. It was one of those nights when I loved fucking her almost as much as cumming in her. We rocked back and forth on the bed. I reached down and ran my fingers around her lips as I pulled my cock in and out of her and I gently spread her open even more. She moaned loudly as I ran my fingers all around and then up to her button which made her really moan and for her pussy get all juicy and wet. I knew I was really close and I guess she did too as I got into this deep in and out motion she started to moan louder and encourage me.

She knows me so well and knowing I was just on the edge, she looked up at me and said, "just think of how it's going to feel when it's the last time for a while".

Oh my god, it was like my head exploded at that. It took a second for what she said to sink in and then all of a sudden, wow. She moaned away as I lost control and started to thrust harder into her. I can't even describe how intense it felt to cum deep in her at that moment, feeling her pussy sucking at my cock with each stab into her; to feel the frothy wetness around the base of my cock as I pushed all the way into her and then pulled back out. I swear, each time I pushed into her drew another spurt of cum out of me. She squealed the whole time until, finally, I pulled out of her and rolled off of her.

After a moment to catch my breath we both started giggling at how suddenly things had turned so intense. She rolled to her side and ran her hand across my chest and just said that she loved me and that she'd always make sure I was okay. I kissed her back.


She was quite amorous last night too. I'm sure the warm weather helped keep her on a low-simmer all day as we worked out in the yard and she had on these tight little shorts which caught my attention more than once. I’m not sure if what I was wearing was giving her the same effect but last night in bed we went from a mild kiss to passionate love-making in what seemed like a flash.

Of course there was what now seems to be our normal level of teasing each other including me taunting her about how horny she must be to get back with Robert later next week. She teased back about how much I enjoy her after she's been with him and then she sat up in bed, ran her fingers down to her pussy and commented on how horny I seemed to be gauged by how much I seem to cum in her at times. Indeed, I had cum so much that we hadn't needed to use any lubricant and I offered to help her which she knew was my way of asking her if I could help clean her up.

She lay back and said, "of course", spread her legs and encouraged me to clean her up. She doesn't always like it so soon after sex, sometimes she says she's just too sensitive down there afterwards but this time when she felt my tongue probing in her I could feel her squeeze and bear down to try to push more of my cum out of her. I don't know if she orgasmed but she sure was close.

It was after that where our conversation got a bit deep. She posed the question against of how long we've been together (almost 30 years now) and then she tried to guess how much sex we've had in that time. We came up with an optimistic average of 2x for 40 weeks a year and came up with somewhere about 2,500 times and for me, at least 95% of those times were bare.

She looked at me and said, "that's a lot of cum in me". I joked that she's now catching up between Peter and Dan and Ray and now Robert. We joked for a little bit but then she started to say things about it turning her on when she thinks about me not cumming in her and just her lover doing it. I told her that it wasn’t just her who got turned-on to think about her husband not cumming in her but letting her lovers do it.

She didn't really say anything more about that and the subject moved back to Robert and her desire to see him this week. It's was clear that the pendulum of doubt had swung in the right direction and while she may have her moments of second-thoughts, that when she lets herself relax and go with it, that she is turned on by this same thought as I am.

After some pretty darn good sex the past 2 nights, I'm decidedly un-horny right now.


Having never met Robert I can only relate what Suzanna's shares with me and I don't really have a reason to not believe her what she tells me about him.

I know that long ago after my and Suzanna's divorces that we both did find ourselves in bed with many different people. Thinking back to how I felt back then a willing partner who'd fulfil my sexual desires would have been very welcome. I can see how with my ‘health issues’, why this might be something that sympathetic Robert would be happy to provide to Suzanna right now. She says he is such a nice guy he believes he is helping her out and that romance isn’t part of his playbook.

I think perhaps that it's some of these thoughts that are behind my willingness to let her go with him.

When I spoke to her earlier today she let me know that she was ‘definitely’ going to see him this week and that they were discussing possibly Thursday instead of Friday. She asked me if I minded and I obviously told her no, that either day was okay with me.


Suzanna's desires may just be mainly physical but I am also aware that she hasn't wavered from what she feels about him so far. Not that she's shared all that much but it is obvious that she has more than just a sexual desire with him. I can't be specific about it right now, but she's still indicating that she'd like, eventually, to have it go further than just sex. It's mainly in how she talks about him and how they are together; there's a lot of ‘we’ and ‘us’ when she talks about him. It's actually quite erotic to see her arousal for him at times. Sometimes she'll seem to wander off mentally with this smile on her face which then changes to an almost-guilty look when she realizes I’m looking at her.

So far there's been no mention of them seeing each other more often but I know it is coming.

It is definitely a different feeling not knowing who Robert is; it's incredibly erotic to know that I could run into him and not even know that he's the one fucking her. She hasn't told me of all of her past lovers and it had always turned me on that I could have known or run into one of them at some point. I don't believe she's told him that I know when they are getting together. At this point he believes that I'm looking-the-other-way about her time with him and that's all.


In my heart I think I will always believe that if I said ‘stop’ with enough meaning and intent that she would listen to me. However, the further this goes, the more difficult that may become and the more likely she may not heed my request. However, those are bridges we need to cross when we come to them and all I can do is to remind her and make sure she agrees about that agreement.

Our son announced that he will not be home much of this summer. He's gotten himself into an apartment at school such that I'm going to have to pay rent through the summer and he's found himself a job for the summer up there. That leaves just our ******** home this summer and she already has 3-4 weeks and weekend trips planned in addition to her working part-time. So, in the back of my mind I’m thinking that the play that's been set in motion that with us having ‘our space’ that we may have the summer to enjoy ourselves too. I fully expect that if this romance with Robert continues that when the kids are away, that she may very well spend much more time with him.

Having shared that thought there is another side to the coin for I've since heard Suzanna comment that in another year and a half or so until our ******** is away at college that all of this might get toned down a bit. I do still get the feeling that she too may be feeling an end being in-sight, especially in some of the comments she's made about Robert being ‘for now’. So I am actually a bit on-the-fence thinking about this summer on just how intense things might get with our kids not being home at the same time.


I've told her several times that I enjoy how she feels after she's been with Robert and she knows her telling me the details has fuelled many orgasms for me.

It's now really become something that I think both of us look forward to. In addition to how comfortable and open we feel being able to talk about things, she will change things up at times. Like when she sucked me last week instead of fucking, that it's really not something I think of as us doing as if it's been a trade-down but instead, it's actually become an incredibly satisfying evening for both of us. I do love to jerk-off for her in the belief that I am being denied. There is something about doing it with her that has become something I really look forward to. I'd maybe even say that, in a way, I may even prefer it over fucking.

I have been re-reading a lot of my earlier books and what I'm wondering is if I was maybe in denial about what I thought I'd wanted compared to how I feel now and what I'm actually now wanting to have happen.

I noticed that my earliest entries here all feared and sometimes emphatically stated that I didn't want any prolonged denial. Now, it is what I most definitely do want.

It scares me but obviously turns me on incredibly to realize that an ever increasing part of me wants to feel and experience that. I don't know that I've fully sorted out my thoughts about Suzanna's desire to fall-in-love and develop something emotional with Robert but what I'm realizing is that maybe I do want something that extreme. I have to say that when I have the time to let my thoughts go the idea that she could be his for this summer, have that ‘summer fling’, is just getting me so horny. I look back at what I've encouraged with her and stuff like that and it makes me think that maybe this is what I've wanted to get to all along.


Thursday and their ‘date’ didn't work out for a number of reasons including stuff that Suzanna had forgotten about for this evening so they are going to start tomorrow evening by going out with the group from work but then they'll leave at separate times, her after him and she'll then go to his place.

She grinned and said that she expected she'd be later than usual as she casually said that after spending time out with him after work that she'll surely be horny for him after that. She's been very up the past 2 days since confirming their plans!

I guess it would make sense to put it in chronological order. We went up ‘to bed’ about 10:15pm and as I expected, we talked and kind of got horny together for a little bit. She got washed up for bed and made a point of putting on a show for me when she got undressed before pulling on just a long-t-shirt for bed.

I was lying on the bed trying to look casual flipping through the TV despite both of us knowing what we will soon be doing, it's still a little awkward to just suddenly strip off and start to masturbate even if I could do it without thinking about it.

She sat next to me Indian-style on the bed and her pussy was totally visible and spread open as she sat there. She knew my eyes were fixated but she said she wanted to talk a bit.

The conversation actually started with an almost apology from her for seeming to flip-flop on this whole thing with her and Robert. I told her it was nothing to worry about and that I was okay. She smiled and basically said that's what she likes to hear, that if she wants this with Robert that I'll be okay about it.

She also added was that she too was having a hard time accepting her own desires at times, that at one time she'll think it's crazy to be even thinking about all of this but that at other times (and I think this was even hard for her to say) she knows she wants to see what happens with him.

She looked at me and said, "But like you said, I'm going to just let it happen and see what happens".

I told her that, "its okay that you like to fuck him".

She giggled and said something like, "and how".

There was a bit more to that conversation but that's the essence and it broke the ice for us where she made a point of spreading and showing me her pussy and telling me that I should look at it saying, "So you know what you're giving away".

Oh man, sometimes she knows just how to say something like that. I moaned and slid down my boxers and she smiled to see how hard my cock was already. She let me watch her fingers slither through her trimmed bush and down to spread her pussy lips apart and gently caress her little button! As she started to finger herself she continued teasing me and encouraging me with her sexy moaning. She said she felt so sexy and horny in just thinking about not having me fuck her, much less actually doing it. She said that it's so horny for her to think like that about me, her husband. Then she leaned over to me and said, "But knowing you want me to do it is what really makes me horny".

We bantered back and forth about but I can only really recall parts of sentences from each of us. During our first 'bout last night she kept up with me as our passions grew. Even now I love enjoying lying there next to her stroking my cock and just totally getting into the scenes and thoughts that we were each sharing. She told me again how wonderful his cock felt, how big it is and, "how slowly he has to get me started .... how he makes me cum with it".

It’s a very different feeling I thought I'd ever feel or experience than to say that I genuinely enjoy knowing she fucks other guys. Looking at her fingers in her pussy and knowing how Robert must totally enjoy her, such a thought used to get to me but now, it serves only to turn me on, not drag me down, knowing how he fucks her so easily and well. I should be cringing thinking of her orgasming while fucking him or while he's fingering her but now I love knowing that. I can't find other words to better describe it

I didn't tell her in so many words but I did make it clear that it turned me on incredibly knowing that she fucks him and that she enjoys it. It turns me on to hear her tell me so easily how comfortable she feels with him.

She looked at me and said that she wants to be naked with him just she has been with the other guys. I held her hand as she said that knowing it's really her saying she wants to give all of herself to him. Again, that used to make me cringe to think about but now, seeing her lying next to me with her pussy clearly on display and to know she'll share this and more with him, I can't explain how much it turns me on.

I heard a bit of hesitation when she said that was when she felt she'd also start to feel for him emotionally. I comforted her and told her that she'd reached that point before and that she should just let it happen. I was still stroking away as I looked up at her and just said, "Its okay if you fall for him if that's what happens". I told her again to just let it happen and that we'll be okay as long as she shares it with me and doesn't exclude me.

She giggled and rolled over towards me and said, "oh you'll know, I won't be able to hide it" and adding she’ll always be sharing what's happening with me.

Sometimes it's the explicit talk that gets to me; other times it's stuff like this. I told her back in between deep breaths that it'll turn me on to see it and she smiled, leaned over and kissed me and said she loved me. She then giggled and broke the mood and said something like, "okay then, let me see some cum here!" and she motioned to my hand on my cock.

I was kind of lost in the pleasure and the thoughts of the moment but when she said that I came back with a start to focus on her as she started to talk more. She told me how again she was thinking of how much we've fucked over the years and she said something, "there's probably been gallons of your stuff in me, huh?!" like this was something new to her.

She continued with her teasing and soon moved to her telling me of her delight at, "seeing you cum .... and it not being in me ... turns me on to think about". In addition her pointed moans and groans also turned me on. At one point I told her that it drove me crazy to think about only Robert cumming in her which brought about a sexy moan in response from her. I knew I was about to cum by then and in seconds the thoughts in my head put me over the edge. As I grunted and stroked out my cum I heard her moan deeply next to me and felt the bed shake a bit as I realized she'd been masturbating right along with me.

We lay there breathing deeply until she rolled up onto her side and started playing with my cum pooled on my stomach. She started talking a bit sheepishly saying something to the effect of, "it does turn me on - seeing all this here ..." and after a pause "... and not in me". She then said, "you okay? You know it's just talk".

I looked at her and said, "I know, its okay".

She started pushing the spurts of cum from my chest into a puddle and said, "But it does turn me on". As she scooped up a fingerful and brought it to my mouth she said, "it really does make me feel very close with him when it's just him ... at least it did". Then she giggled, kissed me and shared a taste of my cum before saying, "... and it makes me hot to think of with Robbie." (That was a first to hear her call him 'Robbie' but I didn't ask about it). As she brought the next fingerful to my lips she cooed, "don't worry, it's just to get me horny" and then she reminded me of her promise to make me feel okay about it.

It was pretty late and the TV was still on low in the background as she finished with sharing my cum with me before we fell into a deep kiss. I know we hadn't fucked but we'd still shared our moment of passion together and between just the two of us. Maybe that's why I find Wednesday's so strangely satisfying.

We only went one-time last night. It was coming up on 11:30pm by the time we had relaxed and to be honest, I was still pretty spent and I told her that I wanted to just cuddle up if she was good with that. We spooned up and she'd kept her t-shirt bunched up around her waist and we were skin-to-skin below the waist and my cock feeling limp as we cuddled. It was but a few minutes that once again thoughts began to take shape in my mind with the inevitable consequence.

I’m not sure why but the thoughts that surfaced were related to Jamaica earlier this year. I can't explain it but ever since then I've just been smitten and consumed by thoughts of Suzanna experiencing that sort of sexuality with a lover. The knowledge, looking across all of the bikini-clad women lying on the beach knowing that the night before, almost without doubt, they'd been fucked silly really struck me. Thinking that all around me that beneath those thin layers of nylon lay well-fucked pussy after well-fucked pussy was just very arousing! The thought of Suzanna lying like that with her lover's semen still in her still makes me shake to think about.

She giggled when she felt my cock starting to throb and swell. She said, "You said we were done. Can you wait till Friday?”


I am getting more and more excited about the prospect of her pussy being exclusively for Robert to cum in. It's clear how exciting it is for her when she tells me how Robert fucks her; how his cock is special and how excited she is with the idea of ‘exclusivity’ as well.

She hasn’t ‘groomed’ her pussy in any way but I might suggest she asks Robert how he prefers her, natural; shaved; ‘landing strip’ etc and then she can ‘groom’ it like he wants it. Better would be if I could be the one that does this for her, frequently kissing her pussy as I do so that I let her know it’s hers to give to Robert.

I'd gladly do any and all of that but I want her to be the one to ask for it. She knows that I want that just as much as she seems to need reassurance that I'm okay with it all. I do so want to see and hear her saying that she wants this or that she wants that. Right now her bush is trimmed above and to the top sides of her pussy but between her legs she is bare or it's trimmed very short. She likes it this way and has said in the past that being totally bare makes her feel somewhat self-conscious. However, she has also said that she relishes it once she's bare. I’m guessing that once we get to pool-season she'll trim it shorter and bare around the bottom.

We’ll find out his likes and dislikes in this area over time but I will say that for me it would be so arousing to see her emerge from the bathroom completely bare or with a landing-strip or whatever and know that she'll have done it for him.

Much as I'd like to cede her pussy to Robert I don't truly know that's what she wants in terms of it being an absolute. I know that on the few weeks that we're home together or when we go away together, that we'll both want to be close and have sex. Having said that I will also admit to myself that if she were to come to me while we're off on vacation and say that she'd suck me off instead of fucking that I know I will relent.

Brave of me to say but the thing is, I'm thinking that she won't want it. Call me old-fashioned or whatever, but I still feel and believe that when we're away, that she ultimately wants this kind of deep passionate sex with me. It happened in Jamaica and it's happened when we've had time together and the kids are away for a few days, so ....


She’s not into doing humiliation stuff with me but in our relationship I'm a sub and a cuck. I think part of what she's feeling and part of what I want to let her feel is that she can control the sex for now and that I want her to see and do things that she wants to. I know it's a good thing that my desires are part of why she's doing this and that without my desires, she wouldn't necessarily want this to happen.


For tomorrow night, we're not sure how things are going to work out as our ******** will be at home. Suzanna had set the story and told her that the two of us who were going out and that I was meeting her after work and we’d not be coming home until late. Now with her desire to go to his place after the ‘party’ and to get home even later than usual, I'm not exactly sure what the plan is other than maybe for me to get home hoping our ******** has gone off to sleep and doesn't wake up before Suzanna gets home herself.

Another idea is to invite Ray to share a couple of beers one evening after work but to be honest, I think I'd feel a little weird as I'm sure he'd know why I was ‘home alone’ there on a Friday night.

I haven't talked with Suzanna about this quandary just yet.


She saw me watching her get changed tonight knowing I love watching her slip her panties down and step out of them. That didn't go unnoticed by her and led to a short little chat about her wearing them or not around me. She said that she thought I might want to know that it turned her on to be naked with me and to know that she's ‘saving herself for her lover’ (her words) and that I could look but that's all.

I told her that it was much better for me too, but I also admitted to also being turned on by her wearing panties at times. As she pulled her night-shirt over her head she patted her pussy as she let the shirt drop and said, "say goodnight".

And she wonders why I lay there tossing and turning! I think she knows I'm horny and knows that I won't jerk-off tonight because I want her tomorrow night, it’s as if she's taunting me about it. I do so love to see her let this side of herself out! It is so obvious from just the energy and arousal in her that she's enjoying it as much or more.


I'll have to say that Friday mornings are probably the most angst and anxiety-ridden for me. From seeing her naked in the bathroom after the shower and as she prances around getting ready; to seeing her put a few extra garments and some lingerie in a small bag to bring with her, for whatever reason, it's this time that gets to me the most. Mind you, I'm hornier than a goat right now seeing her taking the time to pick out what she'll feel sexy in and what she'll feel sexy in taking off when she's with him.

I could probably cum with just a stroke or two letting my mind go on this thought. At the same time it boils in my stomach and all of it just makes me want her even more. I can let my mind go with them tonight at his place; I can see her come into his bedroom in just her lacy camisole and skimpy panties that she took with her this morning. Perhaps, she'll be wearing thigh-highs as she does own a few pair of them. I can see them wrapped around his back too.


Damn, the book’s filled just as things are getting interesting. Best I find another so I can continue to tell the rest!