Journal of a Journey - Book 98

I asked her last night as we lay together in bed, whether this was okay for us or whether I was losing her. She turned to me and almost had tears in her eyes (unless she was acting, in which case she deserves an Oscar) when she told me that she loved me and never wanted to lose me. As she sniffed and took a moment, she replied that she wanted this to be as good for me as it can be while she works through things and that she doesn't want to hurt me.

I told her that I loved her and that as long as we were together it would all be okay.

She told me, "it's not going to be forever baby" and then we snuggled into spooning together. As we spooned she murmured to me how close we feel like that and she was quite clear that even though she could feel that my cock was stiffening up, that she said it was nice that she could let herself know that she didn't have to let me have her and that I would be okay. I told her that it turned me on that there were two thin layers of cotton separating us and that I knew I would have to find my own relief but that I loved being against her and feeling her next to me just the same, if not more even. She pulled my arms tightly around her and said, "that's it, I knew you'd understand, I love you".


I never have asked her about 'Jim' being out in the bathroom nor did I mention anything when after I had sniffed it, washed it and then put away in her nightstand. I don't know if I was supposed to find that or not but my god did it turn me on to think of her relieving her own desires and knowing she wanted to separate them from me.

It's a little scary for sure but at the same time, she's come this far and has been able to share and vocalize what she has and I've actually understood it once she was able to explain it more, so the question I have asked and answered myself is how I could possibly tell her not at this point, that after all of this she can't continue exploring herself. I don't think it's my place to tell her that I don't trust that we can put things back together and that I don't trust that she knows, loves and understands what we're doing.


You can only stay at work just so late but eventually I had to come home to an empty house.

I find myself feeling torn on nights like these. One part of me definitely misses her here and, well, the other part has me already horny thinking about her (them) and what she is doing. For a change though, she promised to call me this evening rather than just a few text messages.

She did say that she's not sure she's staying tomorrow night though, that she might opt to come home late instead. Nonetheless, she did take enough clothes and such for 2 nights. She smiled when she saw that I was hard as I watched her packing her stuff wearing just her silky (and skimpy) bathrobe. She packed that as well once she got dressed.

I know, well at least in my head, she played up a bit more of our whole morning routine. Again, I really think she is, as I've said, 'pushing my nose in it' and making a bigger deal out of things. Just little things like her not tying her robe very tight and letting me see her as if it were just accidental or her just happening to wait till I was in the bathroom before she let me see her run the razor around her legs and then between them as she finished in the shower.

When I asked her more about 'why two nights?' she said that, "the timing is good".

When I asked further, she said that it's something she's wanted for a while now. I guess, thinking about it, she must be horny herself as I'm pretty sure she isn't one to masturbate a lot other than what I guess she wanted me to see.

I didn't ask but still feel that she is accelerating everything. The way she makes sure that I can see the things she packs and, yes, the thought of her likely being in something sexy, or perhaps just one of his dress-shirts as she used to enjoy. Either way the thought of her pussy likely getting wet as she thinks about what she will be wearing when finally getting laid herself has me very turned on.

I hope it doesn't sound too weird but so far, I am enjoying how it is feeling to detach from her sexually like this. The strangest and perhaps most awkward thing I am dealing with is that when she gets home she really will not want to have anything to do with me sexually, even after being gone for so long. Again, something I want to feel and want to experience, it's the only way I can explain it.


She called me earlier and got me distracted. I was surprised; we talked for a few minutes. She shared a bit of humour from her job today about some customer she had dealt with among other things. I didn't ask nor did she share anything about what she was doing (or had done), but we talked about tomorrow and she said that if she did come home that it would be late. She reminded me that she was working from home on Thursday so that made more sense to me why she'd want to be home.

I will say that I am once again wicked horny and turned on looking at the clock and seeing it's past midnight. I have an almost perverse sense of enjoyment at the thought of her perhaps sleeping naked next to him after an evening of sex. As with the last 8 years, I can't explain it other than to say it turns me on.


After another fitful night of sleep, she did surprise me this morning with a 'good morning sweetie' text message. Otherwise, well, it's another morning without her here.

What I love knowing is that I really can't wait for her to get home and be here even knowing that I won't be having sex with her, that, at most, enjoying her teasing while I masturbate.

She texted me about an hour ago and said she would be home later tonight. She added 'maybe you can wait till later and we can have some fun together?' It is Wednesday so my evening just looked up.


She got home about 10:30pm last night which actually wasn't too late considering. I was eagerly awaiting her to get home but as I'd said last night, I wasn't expecting anything really and didn't know what to expect.

She looked beautiful as always coming home after being with her boyfriend. Just something in her eyes and how she seemed to be relaxed and pleased is all I could think of as she walked through the door. She hugged me and I hugged her back and she joked 'miss me?' but she didn't need an answer.

We relaxed for a few minutes; I went out to the car and grabbed her overnight bag while she fixed herself something in the kitchen. As I came in the house I suddenly got very aroused thinking that the bag I was holding held her clothes, undies and likely any lingerie from her time at Paul’s. A part of me wanted to open the bag and look at each item but the other part of me wanted to get back to be with her so I put the bag down near the laundry room and went back up.

I talked with her for a bit in the kitchen and she was very friendly and talkative. I hugged her again and she hugged me back and she giggled and said that she'd had a, "very nice time with Paul" and as we talked a bit more she smiled and said, "he took very good care of me". With that she kissed me and said, "wouldn't you like to go upstairs?".

She asked me if I'd taken-care of myself on Tuesday night and she was all aglow when I told her, "Yes."

I told her that it was after she'd called me and that I'd gotten horny thinking about her with him and how she was probably sleeping naked next to him. She smiled and said I was right and that she felt really comfortable with him like that. I know she said it that way because she knew it tweaked the heck out of me.

I wasn't so sure at first which way things were going to go but as she adopted more of a sexy teasing voice with me, I knew that it was going to follow our usual pattern. She asked me if I was still horny and I answered her honestly that I seemed to be always horny now which made her smile and giggle and she said something like, "let me see".

I was hard when I pulled off my boxers and she seemed to like seeing it. She stood next to the bed and started to talk to me. She said 'thank-you to me for being so good about letting her be with Paul' and again said that she liked how it felt to, "share it with you" (meaning me). As she stood there she began to unbutton her top and I found myself staring eagerly. I remember I used to describe this like being on a first-date and it so seemed that way again.

I felt my cock throb as she slid her top off and stood there in just her bra and jeans. I remembered her putting that bra in her bag the other morning and now it turned me on seeing her in it. She was all smiles as she reached behind her and unclipped her bra and she said very casually, "Paul likes my breasts" and as they came into view she caressed them and played with her nipples; she added, "... he likes my nipples too!” When she saw I was stroking away she giggled and taunted me and said, "maybe you'll get to play with them again someday....” I just moaned in response.

She sat at the edge of the bed, naked from the waist up and asked, "do you miss them baby?" and as she twisted her nipples to make them even harder she let out a sexy moan and then said in a sexy whisper, "he was sucking on them just an hour ago..." Again all I could do was moan. She wasn't being mean, quite the opposite, she totally knew it was turning me on like crazy! I so wanted to reach out and touch them but at the same time, knowing that she didn't want that was just so hot to think about.

After a moment she stood back up and said that she loved spending time with Paul and loved how she felt being with him and she looked down at me she said, "it's what I want" emphasizing the 'I'.

As she glanced towards my now really stiff cock she smiled and said in this really sexy voice, "... he makes me cum just how I like it...” Just like that.

I think I started to shake I was so turned on by her standing there with her bare breasts and staring down at me. Thinking about what she'd said all I could think was, "...please take off those pants!!!....".

As she stood there she must have been reading thoughts, she smiled at me and said, "you just get to look baby... right?” And all I could really do was eagerly nod!

She saw me staring and it was obvious she knew I was so horny, "… mmm, look how hard you are .... so hot knowing that you're not fucking me right now … ”, just like that.

She slid off her jeans and stood there in just her light-blue panties. "Can you see they're wet?" and with that she spread her legs and pushed her pussy forward to let me see the crotch was indeed a darker colour.

I so hoped she'd pull them off but instead, she sat back down next to me and teased, "we fucked a lot baby....” I managed to tell her I thought they had." She said again quietly and really sexy, "he really makes me cum baby" and , leaned towards me and asked, "you like knowing that, don't you baby?" It was really more of a rhetorical question as she didn't really want or need an answer. My grunt was enough.

She knew that it was a night when I really wanted her to tease me and not for her to push for conversation. Even now I am wondering if she's moved past that, whether she just finally believes me or maybe that she already knows.

With her panties still on she lay on the bed next to me and said all sort of things but she started by saying how nice Tuesday night had been. I remember we had some crappy weather going on and she said that they stayed in and brought some Chinese food in for dinner. It took me a minute to realize she was just teasing me as she told me what she had for dinner.

Finally she said that she was dessert and she told me how Paul undressed her and how he licked her till she came the first time for the night. It was just how she said it that made me feel so incredible; I felt myself tremble at the thought. She told me how she liked his tongue and how comfortable she felt letting him lick her everywhere. It was just how she said it, truthful but also playing her part to just tease me.

She told me how she got changed into the lingerie she'd brought with her and how they spent some time lying together on his couch watching TV with him just caressing her body and feeling her all over. She took particular time to tell me that as she watched the TV that she felt his hands on her breasts as well as her pussy but that she just let him do what he wanted.

I was actually trying to not let myself cum too soon, not that I was so close yet, but I also knew that from how she was talking to me that my mind would wander very frequently.

She told me that they went back into his bedroom and she looked right at me as she told me how they made love for several hours. She told me how she felt like she was truly his and how 'natural' it felt for her to let herself go with him now. She told me how she sucked his cock and how she could taste his pre-cum, "it's sweet, like yours used to taste to me". She also didn't miss an opportunity to remind me of other things that we had done in the past and now what she would do with him as well as what he would do to her. She told me how he likes her on her knees and taunted me, "... remember when I'd be right here like that with you?".

I admit to losing myself in what she was saying. Fuck, I was so horny by then that everything she said seemed to really push my buttons, just as I expected.

She told me that they were in the missionary position, "... when he came in me the first time....” Fuck, just how she said it, even typing it right now has me trembling and on edge again.

She told me how they lay together afterwards and how, "....he didn't care that I was making a mess on his bed.... and that the whole time I still had my panties on; just like now!". She toned it down a bit, I guess when I grunted and she turned to me and said "... then we got ready for bed..."

I moaned as she said that as she knows that sex is one thing, but the thought of her with him in the bathroom as they wash up or she brushes her teeth or whatever is real turn on for me. She leaned way down and whispered, "... I even peed while he was washing ..." just to emphasize it!

I had to take my hand off my cock several times to hold it together as I pictured the scene.

I was so into it but at the same time, I knew she wasn't nearly done with teasing me. She looked down at my cock and gave me a smirk. I took it as her wanting me to last longer and I kept my hand away for a moment and we both watched it lie there and throb. "We fucked one more time in bed and then went to sleep". Just like that, as if it were nothing.

I stared at her and she giggled and said that they'd gotten back into bed naked and that she thought they'd be going to sleep but he pulled her towards him and she said she actually let him fuck her from behind as they spooned.

I forced myself not to touch my cock as I waited for more description. "He felt really good in me like that," but that was all she said!

The next thing she said was about waking up with him in the morning and how she was awake before he was and how she lay there next to him looking at him. "I don't love him baby … " which took me by surprise " … but I do love the sex with him" and proceeded to taunt me even more as she told me how she lay there watching him wake up; how she snuggled up into his arms as they both lay there together for a few minutes.

"He washed my back in the shower," was the next thing I recall specifically after she'd teased more about getting up and all of that. She knows what to say to me to get me going, to hear about the 'mundane things', and hearing that I felt my hard cock throb and I stated to stroked it more intensely again.

"… but there was no sex in the morning .. " She took pleasure in telling me how, " … just like with you baby, we talked as I put my make up on and then got dressed". Fuck, so hot to hear her say it so nonchalantly.

She got off the bed, leaving me hanging in mid-air. I thought she was taking her teasing to a new level and that I was going have to wait till later, if at all, to hear more but her leaving me was nothing more dramatic than her needing to use the bathroom. I was relieved when what seemed like ages later she came back (still wearing her panties) and snuggled up to me and told me more about their Wednesday night.

That was when she really poured it on. She told me how they met for a quick bite to eat at a little Italian place and how when they got back to his place she got changed into one of his dress-shirts. I had wondered why her descriptions so far had been both so quick as well as so limited, but that was about to change.

She told me that he said she looked sexy with just his shirt on; she told me that she told him he should take it off of her after which she described how she felt as he unbuttoned each button, then licked and sucked every bit of her that he uncovered. I heard how he licked her neck and then worked his way down her shoulders and then her breasts. That was when she stood up and told me how he unbuttoned the shirt all the way.

She stood right near me and playfully put her thumbs in her pantie waistband and smiled and said, "wanna see?” I eagerly nodded and as she tugged at them she said, "we just finished before I left to come home".

She pulled one side down and then pulled it back up and then the other side. She said something like, "he smiled when I didn't clean up before I came home". As she spoke she slid both thumbs in the waistband and slowly pulled her panties down. I heard her talking but couldn't take my eyes away from what she was uncovering. She pulled them down slowly first and her smooth bare mound came into view, then I saw her clit peeking out from beneath its hood and it was darker pink and swollen. I watched her pussy lips come into view and they looked swollen and puffy too. She pulled them down more and I could see the wet crotch was sticking to her before being pulled free leaving a stringy wetness behind. I couldn't move, I could barely breathe, but I heard her say, " … looks like he left me a mess!"

I hadn't even noticed that my hand had stopped moving on my cock but it had. I think it was good that I did because I'd surely have cum just then. As she dropped the panties to the floor and stepped out of them, I couldn't take my eyes off her pussy that was now visible in all its glory. As she stepped out of her panties I was staring so intently to not miss a thing.

The next thing I remember isn't what I was seeing, it was what I was smelling. As she stood back up straight in front of me I smelled a strong smell of cum, that very tart almost acrid smell which I knew was from not cleaning up and my god, did it ever turn me on!

But it was what she did right after that that set me off. She looked down at me as I was so eagerly focussed on her pussy and she said, " … remember what it looks like?....." and then she said it, " … but I'll bet you don't remember what it feels like do you?"

She murmured a tease, "this IS what you wanted me to do, isn't it?" again a rhetorical question. This time I nodded yes and she smiled, even giggled, before getting back on and sit next to me on the bed facing me. "Want to see it up close? You know... like Paul does?"

I was absolutely on the edge and I know she knew it. She had a big smile on her face, "It's nice now; Paul's cock feels so good ..... now I'm really used to it....".

She looked down at me as looked up and she said, "it's still messy, you sure you want to see?". I nodded, struggling to move so I could do just that. She smiled broadly and said nothing as she slid her right leg apart to let me see more and more of her pussy. The way she was sitting not only showed me more of her, but it spread her open a bit and I could see now much more clearly and how swollen she looked.

When she saw I was comfortable she shifted around and said, " …. take your time, you can see more clearly if you want baby.... " then she sat back against the headboard and just let me look at her.

I was so close seeing her sitting like this next to me and I know she knew it. She smiled and said something like, "I know something you want" and with that she ran her finger down one side of her pussy and then down the other, both times pausing at the bottom and pulling her vagina open just a little more. I gave a moan. She did this a second time and put a finger in and then come out looking wet. She brought it up to my lips and when I tentatively stuck my tongue out she whispered, ".. he came in me a lot ".

When I licked at her finger and tasted something very tart that matched the smell in the air it didn't take a stretch to realized what I was licking off her finger was his cum. I started to moan even louder and I could feel myself churning inside. She knew what she doing, and sure enough she cooed at me, "come on baby, let me see you cum".

That was it, she could have said anything like 'we need bread at the store' and I'd have likely cum just the same! It was just a very intense moment, the sound of her sexy voice, the visions in my head, the taste of her finger; I know I grunted out loud and, geez, at least 5 or 6 good sized ropes of cum spurted from my rock hard cock.

She giggled and moaned to see it then she lay next to me and gently rubbed her breasts against my arm as I tried to catch my breath. She leaned in, kissed my ear and said, "I love you".

When I caught my breath, I looked up to see she'd pulled her panties back on and was about to sit back down next to me. "I love watching you cum baby" was all she said. She smiled and I knew what to expect next and wasn't disappointed when she leaned over and began playing with my cum that was pooled on my stomach and began to push it together. She scooped up one fingerful and then another and told me how she liked how things were right now. She licked her finger and again leaned in and kissed me to share the taste of my cum and said, "thank you for letting me work all this out honey".

She rolled off the bed and went and put her night-shirt on then she came back and I enjoyed getting cleaned up with her wiping away my mess with a wad of tissues. I told her that it turned me on to think that maybe she'd done this 'with him'. She just smiled and hugged me. We really didn't talk too much more about things after that and , to be honest, I was pleased for my brain and my cock were tuckered out.


This morning, we resumed exactly how we were, prancing around naked after her shower to a nice kiss before we both got out of the house to go off to work. The day was crazy so it took me till now to finish things, I'm sure these last few paragraphs read differently than what I had time for earlier today.

She's out at her parents right now. I didn't tell her but I'm thinking that is what she does when maybe she's feeling guilty in another way about what we are doing.


When she got home last night from her parents it was just about 9pm and almost immediately the conversation began with her asking me, "how did you like last night?" and me answering her with, "it was amazing but why do you ask?".

Let me just say that she said many things that I found quite revealing as I'm picking up on, that she doesn't want to be seen as the 'weak one' any more. She's also said that it wasn't easy for her to take that role last night and she admitted that she wanted to make sure I knew exactly what she was doing without me.

I told her that I was really awakened by her attitude and she smiled and said that's part of what she wants to change for her; 'for us!' ". I told her again that it was amazing and she said that once she got herself started, that it was easier. She said that she enjoyed teasing me like she had and seeing me go from just horny to almost bursting at the end.

I asked her if that was what she wanted or if it was too sexual for what she'd wanted .. 'for us'. She shook her head and, "no, that it was okay as I enjoyed teasing you and showing myself off ..", and that she liked that she could do all of that without having to have sex with me and that we could both enjoy that.

I need to head off to work but I am going to say it again that I wonder how many times, even before we started with other guys, but I wonder how many times she might have rather just masturbated or, maybe just teased me and encouraged me to do so all these years instead of us having sex together.

She shared quite a bit more about just that, this feeling of pressure she keeps talking about. It was quite interesting, very interesting, hearing her try to explain it. I suppose in most ways, I'm much simpler to understand than she is but isn't that true about men in general? I can actually sort of understand what she wants and how it's changed over the past few years to what it is now.

The last thing I'll share is that even though it's a little uncomfortable (yes, still, at times) to own up to it, when we do talk and can really talk, the way I feel (and I’m sure she does) afterwards is almost better than sex. My honest thought is that who cares who is fucking her when I know she will only talk like we do with just me. Something that makes me say, even if it takes longer than I thought, for her to feel this way and to let me know it, well, it's okay, it's part of being her husband and enjoying it too.

If anything, it's easier to let it happen.


The way she talks about Paul with me has changed too. Maybe it’s a good thing. A part of me is thinking that maybe she likes him because he wasn't going to push her and, no matter what, our marriage is safe.

I will say that I am starting to feel the denial though. Seeing her the other night and even just seeing her normally in our bedroom getting changed or whatever, I am very much becoming aware that while my hand and her teasing are really satisfying, that I am definitely starting to miss the feeling of being in her. I noticed the condoms were still in her nightstand and I had the fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, I might still get to feel her and feel her respond with me.

At the same time, she really did push my buttons, my god, did she ever?! I am sure she saw that the 'in-your-face-teasing' worked I felt almost like I was drugged as I watched her. Does she ever turn me on knowing that her body will only be shared with him. It's a crazy feeling to see her and feel the intensity between us but at the same time know that I am just supposed to look and enjoy pleasuring myself.

I guess she is giving me what I'd asked for; her to return to how she was when we first met. I recall back then that she knew what she wanted sexually. I loved seeing her back in that place and it is such a turn on to see her realize it too.

Can she be the alpha and me be the beta if it goes back to being just us? With months of gaining experience and memories and with her enjoying taking an alpha role, it's very possible. I've always told her okay when she's said that she thinks she will always have a lover in the future. Maybe that's where this is heading? I don't know.

What does come across to me very strongly is that she's feeling like she hasn't been honest with herself. She hasn't said it in so many words but I think being with other guys, as we've been doing now for a few years, and with the most recent changes with me admitting I wanted more of a beta-role, I think that she has responded to that and taken the alpha role herself, not 'given into' another guy.

I had written many times about how Suzanna was when I first met her. Granted it was during a somewhat promiscuous phase of her life after her first short-lived marriage but that was why we were setup in the first place. I was going through my own divorce and the guys pushed me towards Suzanna and told me I'd surely get laid. What was so refreshing to me after my own prudish first-wife was that here was a hot sexy girl who liked and knew what she liked in sex and wasn't afraid to ask or get it.

I knew she'd had sex with several guys at work and was still doing so with another guy when we first started dating. Of course I loved the person she was (and still is) more than anything. I think I even said that this was something I'd hoped to uncover and bring back out in her. Having said that, now it's manifested itself in this way, my denial and her rediscovery of herself, is a bit surprising. I don't know that I anticipated things happening exactly as they have but now that it's here, it's quite exciting. I don't think this is what she thought she would uncover this either!


I will say now that every time I masturbate with her or alone that I am starting to really feel the denial. She hit it on the head last week when she teased me about not feeling her pussy or any pussy. It turned me on at the time and still does. At the same time, I am beginning to feel like I am missing it even more. I find myself longing for that warm wetness and the feeling of her pussy stroking the whole length of my cock. At the same time, the other side of that feeling of missing it is an insane arousal. I get hard thinking about it's just Paul feeling her like that.


She again said she'd call me tonight and like last week, take a little time to talk and make sure we're okay. I already know she's quite horny for him tonight and I have to say that it makes me feel good that she is doing what she wants right now while she can. Maybe that's what I'm feeling more, not that she's accelerated things but that she's filling in what time there is left with him as she wants. I will say that it is still a huge turn on that she is there wanting him tonight. My cock is rock hard thinking about it.


This morning, as I've said for the past few weeks, is when it stings the most waking up to an empty-bed and empty-house especially knowing where she is and what she's likely doing! It hurts and yet at the same time it turns me on. She hasn't said if she will be home tonight or not yet. I am honestly thinking she won't and a part of me wants her to stay the night and get it out of her system. We are now so far into this, she might as well do it all (so to speak).

She's already called me from work and asked if I'm okay and she said she missed me. She teased and asked me if I'd taken care of myself and I told her yes and she said, "that's good" and she said she'd be home this evening and we can have some time together.

I'm already past the uncomfortable point knowing she'll be home in another 8 hours or so but I will say that I didn't sleep well last night at all even after jerking off. And even after all of that, as I got dried off after my shower earlier this morning all I could think of was her prancing around his bedroom just like she does with me. Fuck I'm horny already...


I don't plan on applying any pressure to her or trying to sway things. I think she feels she's "making progress" and getting back in touch with herself and as she said it, "my own self-confidence". I don't expect things to have resolved themselves in just 3 more weeks - our ******** is due home sometime the week of the 24th and our son that following weekend. We began talking about what-if's and such and I’ll just say that it's a work in progress. I do recognize that we're now 8 years into this (really 18 if you count all the time working towards it) so I don't expect that if this is the rationalization point she's come to, that it'll resolve itself in a fixed timeframe.

Wanting to be the beta was, I think, the outcome of several desires of mine. I did want to see her allow herself to experience a boyfriend more fully and in a way, I'd hoped it would lead to a bit more subservient role sexually with her, yes, with her hopefully instructing me to clean her or to not-have-her before her dates. I also hoped it would give her an increased self-confidence that I saw budding at times but never seemed to come-forth. I knew condoms would be the fare as part of the beta-role, she knew I would accept that after the time with Robert where I found I didn't mind them. I knew that more denial was a possibility but thought it wouldn't be as rigid or as extreme as she has wanted. I knew that taking the beta-role and telling her that I wanted to do so might let her either take more control in general, or feel she could let her boyfriend do so.

What she has said to me now twice since Thursday night is that she likes how she feels that she doesn't have to have sex with me to share herself with me and she's continued to say that she wants to be the one to want to have sex and to not feel like she 'has to' do it. She's said that these last two times coming home after being with Paul and being very open with me sexually but also not allowing me to touch her sexually, that she thinks it is helping her to really feel that I can see her, be horny for her and for her to know that unless she wants it with me, that she doesn't have to do it.

She looked at me and said, "I haven't felt this since before we had kids". I told her that I wish she'd have said something all this time but she genuinely doesn't blame me and says that, "it's not you, it's me" and that not having any contact with me is helping her. The thing is, she sounds so open and honest, there's even almost a tear in her eye at times, it's hard to not believe that this is how she's feeling.


When we got in bed on Thursday night I found myself so almost hypnotized by seeing her undress in front of me knowing I hadn't seen her in over two days and that she'd been naked with him in that time … just as she stood there in front of me. Her breasts had 'nearly hickies' and she said that she had told him to only do 'that' lower on her breasts so the marks wouldn't show in an open-neck top. She held her breasts upwards and showed me where he had in fact left some larger marks. I told her that was a first and she giggled that she'd told him, " … to do that so you'd find them later". I don't know if she added that all I will be doing is looking!

I could not take my eyes off of her. Knowing she'd spent the last 2 nights and 2 mornings with him had me so horny that I could barely get my boxers off over my hard-on. She again moaned softly when she saw my hard cock and said again how it turned her on that, "I haven't felt you in so long now …" Then she said how excited she was at thinking what fun it's going to be to rediscover each other. She didn't say when nor did I ask.

She climbed on the bed with me and began to tell me how free she felt being at Paul’s and how, "the only thing that mattered was him fucking me". She teased me, "If you stroke your cock, I'll tell you about it."

She asked me if I’d 'taken care of myself while she was gone' and I told her that I'd done so both nights. The way she moaned I knew it turned her on that I'd done so especially when I told her that I was thinking about her at the time.

She taunted me a bit about how horny she felt when she went back to his place after work on Wednesday knowing she was going to be spending the night with him. Again and she told me how she had just his dress-shirt on (she knows that turns me on) while they got dinner ready and then ate.

I moaned and she asked me what I was thinking and I told her that it turned me on that was what she wore as she had dinner with him and that I remember looking at her lying on one side next to me 'dressed' like that. I looked at her breasts and it so turned me on that he would have had the same sexy view of them as he ate opposite her.

As I stroked she spread her legs and told me to, "look down there .... remember how it felt?" I think she knew from my response that looking turned me on more and more. She told me how she would let him lick her as long as he wanted and that she knew she didn't have to get ready quickly and run home afterwards. It gave me the craziest intense sexual thrill to hear her say such things especially when she told me how, "good he is licking me down there now baby", that he knows her body now so well, inside and out!

She didn't really recap every moment of what they did but she did flaunt her body at me including holding her breasts above me and telling me how she likes to let Paul suck and nibble at them while she rides him. I didn't need to ask how many times because she told me, several times both Thursday night as well as last night. Even this morning before they left for work, how much they fucked and how much he came in her.

She further taunted me by lying next to me with one leg out straight and the other bent at the knee showing how still reddened and slightly swollen she was and, as she moved towards me, that she was still wet inside. She whispered that, "it's been 4 months since you came in me last baby …"

Hearing her remind me of that, I let loose with a veritable geyser of cum! She groaned at seeing me spurt away. I won't say that she came herself but that she surely did moan and look flushed and reddened all over when I did finally catch my breath and look over at her. She giggled and commented, " did that feel as good as when I was on my own .." and whether " … I'd done it right the last two nights"

I counted at least 5 long streaks of cum on my chest and a puddle where the rest had dribbled out. She looked too and maybe I just noticed it more but she had a distinct look of arousal in her eyes as she leaned over towards me and began her usual routine of playing with my semen and then feeding it to me.

God, I'm loving this.


We both awoke early and before we got out of bed we snuggled and picked up on the conversation of last night. The topic moved onto the coming Summer. The only thing we've talked about for the summer is that she said that she can work some extra time on some days and then leave early on others. She also said, "I have every intention of seeing him somehow twice a week even when the kids are home."

She looked at me to gauge my reaction and continued talking, "You'll know when I'm past my issues when that changes." Before she would let me say a thing she added, "I am so lucky, I love you."

She leaned over and hugged me and pressed her bare breasts against my chest. My god, she felt so good but all I did was hug her back and she had a deep smile on her face as we moved apart a moment later.


We went out to dinner and got home late last night but when we were at the restaurant she'd already looked at me and said that she wants to, " … have some fun tonight together with you when we get home."

I’m excited about that ….


.. also a little annoyed that this is last page in my notebook and at the moment I can't find a fresh one to continue!