Journal of a Journey - Book 94

I actually do like the idea of her returning to me to start anew after her fling with Paul comes to an end. In many ways, I actually see all of this hastening the ultimate end of her time with Paul by accelerating and intensifying it. If anything, the communication and closeness I've felt with her these past few weeks have only further cemented my total faith in her that she isn't looking to run off on me, if anything, I can almost feel us being closer these days, bringing back a lot of the rest of what our relationship had in it before kids and before life caught up with us.

I'll almost admit that even I feel a bit pre-occupied with sex (more so over the past few years because of the obvious reasons of her boyfriends and my ardour of that situation) so, in a way, it will be nice to separate from that and get back to the way we used to be, talking till wee hours of the morning or how we'd hold hands on a nice walk, something that we've found ourselves doing spontaneously now.

Yes, we surely understand the risks. Even now I recognize that there's likely no going back to plain old vanilla sex. She's even said that she will always want a lover, so we have already changed in response to what we both now find turns us on. Whether I become very conditioned to my right-hand such that weeks or months from now, that I need to re-acclimate to her pussy again, it's weird to say it but I am actually looking forward to that time. I'm actually laughing right now because I remember I used to use the description of a first-date with a woman as how I felt when Suzanna would return home and I'd not know what i'd find beneath her clothes. I do really remember our first dates - yeah, we fucked on our first date, but it was mutual - totally mutual - and I really remember that part - not always being sure we'd have sex early on and loving the closeness we found so that when it did turn to sex, that it was pretty awesome. The chance to re-live that is really appealing to me and I think that may be why she's started to emphasize that, because she knows it is something I like to think about.

I am not worried about Paul stealing her away from me. He's had many an opportunity to put that into motion and has not done so. And likewise, they're good together (even I’ll admit it) but I don't see her being comfortable with him 24x7. Let’s face it, after 30 years of happiness together (and yes - it's been happiness, otherwise we couldn't have ever even thought about doing any of this in the first place), I know how she is and what she likes/dislikes and there are certain things about Paul that I know won't work for her. So, in my head, what's the harm in letting them have their fun?

I am sure anyone can tell that I’m not feeling all anxious today - so I have my glass-half-full hat on today. Yeah it scares me to give her up sexually, but at the same time, it's something that I definitely do want to continue with, even with my doubts or apprehensions.


I'm a bit upset emotionally right now at things. Seeing her naked this morning seemed to bring me to reality a bit more quickly than I'd thought and yes, the reality that I won't be touching or having her began to sink in big-time. She hugged me and held me for a few minutes and told me it'll be okay and again that if I 'need her' that we'll do what we need to do to make me feel okay. She kissed me and said that she knew this wasn't going to be easy for me. I'd even say I had (and still do) have a little tear in my eye at the reality.

I know it's just me feeling melancholy and over-thinking it, so I am sure I'll need a little time to get used to things and to get comfortable with the knowledge of what we are doing and that it's begun for real.

She made it clear to me last night though. She was very much in the mood and quite animated about everything including being very open and up-front. She actually said to me that if I was having second-thoughts, that we didn't have to do it and that we could wait. She also told me that if I got her started and we started fucking that she didn't want me backing out then, that, "once you start, it's going to happen".


We had sex together on Saturday. I think it was more for me than for her but I know she meant it and I could tell she was at least a little turned on, if not by the sex, then what it meant to her as she made it clear that it was my "next to last condom" several times. I know I felt her cum with me and at the same time she was really into teasing me and telling me that I should, "enjoy myself" and all of that. She was very playful during foreplay and I was a little surprised that she let me have free reign over her on Saturday and last night too. I supposed she felt that she should let me have and do whatever I wanted so I spent a long long time going down on her and licking her pussy before we got into fucking on Saturday. I loved making her cum and tasting all of her sweetness; knowing that Paul was munching down on her like I was also was a huge turn-on.

I admit that I didn't think about it on Saturday night but last night the angst did come crashing back. On Saturday night I was too eager to see, touch, feel and do everything with her that I didn't really spent enough time savouring everything. Although in reality, I don't think there ever could have really been enough time. I know when I did finally cum in her on Saturday that it wasn't until yesterday that it started to hit me that I should have taken more time and savoured every moment.


Yesterday wasn't nearly as easy as I'd hoped it would have been. We made quite the afternoon and evening quite the event and Suzanna was very supportive and honest with me about everything. She told me again how this is something she wanted to do and also admitted that it turned her on to give me my 'beta wish' and that she was very turned on by denying me. We talked a bit more about denial and she said that she's gotten very used to the idea and the arousal she feels at denying me; that it turns her on to know that it turns me on too. Hearing her say that did make me feel better, knowing that my enjoyment of this is still a part of her drive.

I had hoped that the way she was talking, maybe she'd let me have her bare or something like that but that wasn't to be. She wanted to talk about that a bit more and she actually asked me if it turned me on that I hadn't cum in her yet this year.

When I said yes she asked me how I was going to feel if that continued, maybe even all of this year. (She said it as a question, not as something that she was necessarily thinking, but I also know better). I told her that it really turned me on to know it.

She told me that my answer really demonstrated that I wanted all of this.

It was a night when we both knew we had to be honest and open with each other and I told her honestly that it turned me on so much to give that to her and she glowed that, "I know it turns you on every time you used a condom with me." Then she looked at me and said, "I am so wet thinking that tonight might be the last one you use".

As I said, we talked pretty openly and I think she was surprised that I was still so turned on and 'up' about what we were about to do. I told her that it had turned me on for a long time that we were going to do this; that I knew it wasn't going to be easy but that I did want to do it and I even came out and said that I wanted to "give her up" to Paul. She was very happy that I was enthusiastic and excited about what we were doing.

The more we talked, the easier it became to tell her what was on my mind. I let my inhibitions go and I opened up a bit more and told her that I was really turned on that I hadn't cum in her in over 3 months now. She was all aglow when I opened up about that and I told her in no uncertain terms that I liked knowing she's had so much of his stuff in her. She responded by telling me she liked very much how it made her feel to know that only her boyfriend was doing that with her.

She must have recognized my change in being more open because she started to tell me again how sexy it makes her feel when she thinks about that and how it makes her feel things for Paul. She must have seen my expression change because she immediately added, "by that I mean it makes me very horny for him baby, nothing more". She smiled when she saw me smile.

It was sort of unsaid that we both wanted to make it as romantic a night as we could and to get things started we opened a bottle of champagne as we got ready to have a nice dinner together. We dimmed the lights a bit and even lit some candles to enhance the mood and ambiance.

I so loved staring at her over dinner and devouring her with my eyes, knowing that we can still do all of this in the future even if we don't get into bed afterwards. Even though I was wicked horny to fuck her again, at the same time, I'd become very aware of all of the other parts of our lives/times together, how she looked and how nice it was to share a glass of champagne with her and look into her eyes across the table.

It was after dinner that the sexiness ramped up as did the uneasiness.

After dinner and into our 2nd bottle of champagne we both nicely chilled and both feeling more at ease with what we were about to do. When we went up to the bedroom she told me I should take as long as I wanted with her and that we had the whole night to enjoy each other. It felt a bit surreal as we got comfortable on the bed and we began to get amorous. While she may have had her mind focused on Paul, her body was responding quite nicely to my touches and as I undressed her she told me to go as slowly as I wanted.

I began by taking her top off but took my time, caressing and playing with her breasts outside her bra and I was so turned on by it. She helped me by lifting her body off the bed as I reached behind to unclasp her bra.

I swear I was trembling at some points because it really sank in at that moment that it might be one of the last times I get to hold, caress, lick and suck at her breasts. She wasn't shy about letting me do what I wanted and I could feel her body respond and hear her moans as I sucked at her nipples. She giggled and teased me about 'enjoying them' and I knew very well what she meant.

I admit to getting a bit over eager and I pulled at her pants to take them off leaving her in just her panties. She lewdly spread her legs and I could see she was excited as the crotch of her panties was visibly wet. I had stripped down to my boxers but she wasn't touching me. She told me that, "if I do that you'll not last very long … and besides, this is your last turn with me so you should have your fun". Damn, did that make me crazy!

We kissed and she told me many times that she loved me and that she wanted this to be good for me .. for us. She repeated again that if I ever felt it was too much .... but left 'it' unsaid.

I was trembling as I ran my hands over her body and down her sides until I felt her panties. When I slid my hands back up she felt me tug at the waistband and I was so hard I was sticking out of my boxers as she raised her hips and I slid her panties off.

A million thoughts went through my head including the biggest one, that this might be the last time I take her panties off for me to have sex with her! As I slid them off her ankles she lay back and had no qualms about letting me see all of her and it was obvious she could see I was so turned on at the scene that was unfolding before us.

She lay back against the bed and motioned for me to come over and onto her and said, "have your fun honey". That was all I needed to hear. I went back to her breasts and sucked at them more and then, as if pulled by some invisible force, I just had to move down her stomach.

Her hairless pussy was on display and her lips were parted before I even got there but, nonetheless, I ran my tongue up from the very bottom up one and then the other side of her vagina, between the inner and outer lips. I pulled back to look at her and I loved what I saw, she had opened up and all of her pink glory was now visible. A second later I plunged my tongue deep into her and licked and sucked at her pussy as if I were starving. She squealed and I felt her hand on my head which made me feel really good to know she was very into it too. I licked and probed with my fingers and in almost no time I could hear and feel her next orgasm approaching and I loved that she let me bring her to it orally with my tongue buried in her pussy. As she came I could taste and feel her body as she gave into the pleasure I was giving her.

I will admit that it almost brought a tear to my eye as I realized that I may not do or feel that with her again but at the same time, my god, was my cock raging! I sucked and licked all of the sweetness I could from her pussy and only then did I come to the realization that it was now or never.

Suzanna had told me that once we got started and once I got into her this 'last time' that she didn't want me to stop and that it would mean to her that I was ready for it. I swear I was shaking like a leaf as I pulled away from her wet open pussy and she had a glow on her face as she handed me my last condom to use with her. I fumbled with the foil wrapping so she took it back and tore it open and as she did so she had an ear-to-ear smile as she watched me pull off my boxers and kneel between her spread legs. She could see I was on the verge of crying as I struggled to put it on so she sat up and hugged me and kissed me and said, "it'll all be okay baby, just let it happen". She helped roll the condom on and I could feel that my cock was absolutely huge! She then lay back, legs spread, and handed me the lubricant and asked me to use some to make sure she didn't get sore as, " .. I want to be there at the end with you baby".

And so, literally with a tear rolling down my cheek, I rubbed my cock against her pussy and pushed slowly into her.

I didn't lose it right away. Having had my hopes of maybe having her bare or at least feeling her bare one last time dashed, in a way, it only seemed right to me that I not cum in her and I knew that if she'd let me in her bare, that I likely wouldn't have been able to resist. With that thought in mind I pushed into her ever so slowly, trying to feel every inch of her pussy as it swallowed my cock. I went so slow that she got up on her elbows to watch as my cock slid inside and she cooed at me, " … it's okay baby, take your time, I want you to enjoy it".

Enjoy it I did. My god, did she feel hot and wet inside even through the condom, and while I did start out slowly the sensations and the thoughts of her coaxing and teasing got to me and I couldn't help myself and began fucking faster. She grunted out loud when I became more and more forceful as the whole length of my cock thrust in and out of her. She came at least twice as I fucked her (there was no hiding that) and feeling her orgasm so reminded me that only Paul will be feeling that in the future. I had to force myself to change thoughts quickly or I was going to cum far too quickly.

She moaned with me and told me how good I felt but also told me how she couldn't wait to feel Paul 'really make me cum'. That stung but she knew that saying something like that would make me fuck her harder and deeper. I soon couldn't take it any longer and I think I was crying as I felt my final orgasm approaching. I felt Suzanna hug me tightly. I plunged deep into her and held it there, with her legs wrapped around me holding me. I heard her moan, "come on baby …" and then, " … one last time baby". My god, that did it. Fuck, did I cum!


Typing this has me hard again less than 18 hours later but, man, did I cum?! I felt at least 6 or 7 stiff jets of cum as I held deep in her and then, my god, the last few strokes just made both of us shake in pleasure. I lay against her afterwards catching my breath and I caught myself as I felt my cock starting to shrink and I got up on my elbows and continued to push in and out of her trying to slow down deflating! It worked, I kept hard for a few more minutes and even thought I might get one more try with her but as I kept at it, my stamina gave out and even now I have this empty feeling at remembering how my cock felt when it started shrinking in her this last time. Just before it got too small she leaned up on one elbow and with her other hand she reached down and took hold of my cock holding the end of the condom and she looked up at me and just said, "it's time baby... pull off of me one last time while you're still a little hard baby....". Her voice sort of cracked too at saying that and I cannot describe the feeling that swept over me as she pulled me out of her pussy.

I knelt back on my ankles and sort of slumped there. She sat up and pulled the condom carefully off of my cock and held it up. She didn't say it, she didn't need to, I'd cum a LOT this time, an amount that I thought looked like a teenager's load! She giggled and tied it in a knot and then held it in her hand and she told me how incredibly sexy it made her feel to know what we had done.

I was quite emotional afterwards and she was really supportive. She hugged me and again told me it'll be okay and that we'll find ways to be close and make it work.

I was surprised when I actually slept pretty well last night.


This morning was difficult. I did see her in the shower and as I stood there I watched her raise one leg and shave it and then run the razor across her pussy mound she looked up at me and asked me, "what?"

I didn't say a word I just felt an ache inside seeing her and realizing what I've given up.


I think I’m still kind of numb about it all; today doesn't seem much different other than the knowledge of what has been put into motion. Our son is due home any time now for just tonight and he'll be leaving tomorrow to go visit and stay with some friends until Thursday so tomorrow is when things will get uncomfortable given that Suzanna is planning on spending the night with Paul tomorrow night. I have a feeling that will be when it really hits home what we've done.

Right now, I'm strangely aroused by what we've done and am somewhat looking forward to seeing and experiencing this new phase of things.

I'm still trying to get my head around everything and today, I've found myself feeling sudden bouts of remorse and questions … which contrast intensely with the huge dripping hard-on I've had all day long and how horny I feel about everything.

One thing is for sure. I am a cuckold.


Last night was actually pretty nice. She said to me that she hoped she didn't have to change how she 'behaves' around me by which she means getting changed, washing, showering, etc. I told her that I had never expected her to change anything and, sure enough, she did let me watch her get changed last night including stripping down naked before she pulled on her night-shirt and climbing into bed with me. We did snuggle and she definitely responded in kind and I have to say, it felt really nice lying next to her.


Our son came home yesterday afternoon and our nice ****** dinner together was also relaxing and felt quite normal. We stayed up a little later than usual hanging around with our son. He will be gone by the time we get home from work today as he's going off to his friends for a few days and, as he said, "why would I stay home on my spring break?" We were all happy about that … for different reasons!

However, this morning wasn't so easy. My cock got hard at seeing her getting out of the shower and the, as usual, standing around naked as she primped in front of the mirror and picked out what she'd both be wearing and taking with her tonight. Granted she pulled on a pair of panties denying me sight of her shaven pussy before she continued her morning routine but even with that, I still couldn't help staring at her breasts in the bathroom mirror. She saw my obvious hard-on and after she'd put her bra on she came over and hugged me and said that she loved seeing me hard and said that it, "told me you liked what we're doing" so I guess that's my tell.

She packed a nice dress to wear tomorrow and again some sexy undies for later tonight. Before she left she came over to me and hugged me and asked me if I'd be, "taking care of things" tonight. I joked with her that I might have to do so this morning before I left for the office. She giggled and again hugged me and said she loved me and then she said it, "thank you for letting me do all this".


After staying late at work, I'm home now and feeling much more stoic about it all. Now that 'it is done' so to speak, it is such a turn on to think of her with him tonight. I know that I'll miss intercourse with her, but with the intensity of the weekend now behind me, I have to say that I am still finding this to be very much what I want. I think the angst has passed and now been replaced by arousal at it all.

Time to get some dinner together and find a movie on Netflix or something before coming back here later and getting myself all horned up before going to bed.


She got home a while ago and while we haven't talked much yet other than the obligatory over-dinner 'how-was-your-day' stuff. She's now catching up with her mom and sister on the phone but she did already tell me that, " … we are going to have some fun later".

I am incredibly turned on to hopefully hear how she felt last night with him knowing she was truly his sexually. She surely gives me the impression of having been well pleasured and, yes, I'm well aware of balancing my masturbation desires so I don't go too far and can't come back to the 'real thing'.

At the same time, I really do want to feel the desire build in me for her and to see and know she is his sexually for now. I want to feel the desire to seduce her and strip her naked and play with and enjoy her body but at the same time to know that I can only enjoy feeling that desire and not fulfil it.

So far, the thought of not fucking her for the near future has me very aroused. In a way, at least for me, it does feel like she was kind of weaning me off in recent weeks anyway, our sexual fun had reduced either naturally or through both of our desires so I'm not sure, at least not right now, whether I am going to feel the angst just yet or whether that won't occur until my desires rise even more but that is so what I want to feel. I so want to look at the pictures of her and feel the longing for me to feel her, penetrate her and cum in her again.

That desire isn't there right now, the desire to be denied that with her is paramount for me right now but we are already under-way and it's too late to turn back. I am taking the attitude to embrace it and enjoy it as best and as much as I can.


It’s the first Wednesday night since our big-decision.

Sure enough about 10pm or so Suzanna came up to me and surprised me with the suggestion that, "maybe you want to join me in the bedroom for a little while?”

When we went up into the bedroom she surprised me again by the kind of kiss and embrace we shared. I kept my arms around her shoulders and back as we kissed; she hugged me back and our kiss was very intense. Now I could tell she wasn't trying to make it sexual, she wasn't grinding herself against me but it was a passionate kiss and hug.

We talked for a few minutes and she told me that she liked how things had been last Wednesday and that she hoped things would be the same. I told her I did too. With that she smiled and I started to undress down to my boxers and I was hard already as I lay on the bed still looking at her. She smiled and said that I could watch as she unbuttoned her top and slipped it off followed by her pants. I groaned as I saw she was wearing different underwear than the day before and I got so hard at thinking about it all.

She smiled as she lay on the bed next to me and asked me if I wanted her to undress more. I struggled to say 'yes' and she smiled and said that I should think about Paul and her the night before as she unclasped her bra and her breasts came into view.

I felt an incredible ache at seeing them and knowing she was doing it to tease me as I knew that she didn't want me to touch but at the same time knowing Paul had likely enjoyed them really turned me on. She giggled as she saw my response and then smiled as she looked at me and said, "you can see the rest" and she started to slip off her panties! Again, just seeing her nakedness appear and knowing I couldn't touch her or have her drove me so crazy and yet turned me on so much. I thought I might cum as she slipped her panties off her foot and tossed them aside.

I thought she might start to tell me about her and Paul but instead she simply asked me, "so, how does it feel to look but not touch?”


I really think that this thing with Paul won't last beyond the end of the year. That's the impression I gain and just how I feel from what she's said and how things have gone in the past. I think if it lasts 6 months that I'll be likely climbing the walls by then but, at the same time, I thought I'd have felt that going to use condoms with her would have me in that state but instead I found that strangely satisfying. So far, masturbating for her last night was very pleasurable, perhaps even more than in the past because of what we are doing but I am not kidding myself; I know that this arousal will likely fade and that will be when the angst will rise in me.


She didn't see Paul last night or tonight, instead she's decided that he'll come here on Sunday afternoon and she's already said that I will be invited to 'watch him fuck me' and then she looked at me and said, "it'll be the first time you'll watch when you will not be having me after he leaves". It wasn't said in a spiteful way; actually she had a bit of sexy way of saying it but there was no doubting a very serious tone to her.

We were lying in bed earlier and she looked over at me and saw I was hard and she asked me if I was horny. I told her yes and she said that she wanted to go to bed and that if I needed to I should, "go in the office and enjoy yourself" and she giggled and said, "you can think about not having me" before she snuggled into bed.

I think she is going to push my buttons. I can feel it in her, as if she wants to almost rub it in my face. Well, I may wish she'll do that but for now, it's a figure of speech.


She so loved me telling her how turned on I was the other night, it was nice to feel and it was nice that I was able to open up and tell her that it was what I'd wanted to feel. I told her that knowing she was truly his for now and that only he would have her sexually was something that I wanted to feel. She hugged me as I stroked and told me that she needed to feel she could let go of me and give herself to Paul like she did when she stayed over.

She told me in quite exquisite detail (at times, in tormenting detail) of how he had fucked her, or rather, how they 'made love' (yes, her words) and how she felt letting herself go with him; how he'd made her cum and cum and cum before he took his turn with her.

Just from how she said it, so turned me on but it wasn't until she asked me more of how it feels to 'look and not touch' as she again showed me the bright pink interior of her pussy that I told her that it was the most exciting feeling I'd ever had. It wasn't much after her ******** herself like that when I let go myself and squirted a huge load again.


From how open and how almost in-my-face she was the other night, I suspect she is going to give me all the beta-feelings I can handle.

Now, time to take care of this raging hard-on yet again. I feel like I'm a teenager, I get hard seeing her naked or seeing her hard nipples beneath her night-shirt, even just seeing her panties on the floor in the bathroom and knowing she's naked beneath her night-shirt keeps me constantly horny .


It became painfully aware to me last night that this is the first I am truly experiencing full denial from her. I've been good about it and respecting her (and my) wishes. It's become something that is keeping me hard virtually all the time.

Paul will be here just after dinner tonight and Suzanna's already told me that she would like some alone-time with him but then said, "you can come in for the good parts" (aka, when he gets her to cum and, yes, when he finally cums in her). I fully expect to be teased and tormented later tonight after he leaves. She seems quite into what she says is 'giving you the beta experience' that I've wanted and, interestingly, she's admitted that her pen-pal friends are somewhat behind this!

I’m a little nervous, I haven't seen them in person now for a while and I wonder if she set it up like this?


It's going to sound crazy when I say I so loved last night!

Paul came by after dinner, must have been about 7:30pm maybe later.

He was very cordial when he came in and we talked easily. He mentioned how long it'd been since I'd been with them and I told him, with a bit of a cuckold thrill, that I had missed seeing him with her. He had a wry smile but said, "yea, she's mentioned it" as he pulled her closer to him on the couch while I sat across from them.

Suffice to say he had didn't take much notice of me but very much seduced her on the couch while I went into the kitchen and left them alone for a bit. He had her top open and her bra off as she lay back on the couch and he was sucking at her breasts and I could hear her moaning which is what made me go back into the room in the first place. She saw me, smiled and, if anything, pushed her chest out even more towards him. I admit it did strike me for a moment that he was doing to her what she wouldn't let me do; I'll also say that as I stood there watching them, I got wicked hard.

She got up and came to me with her top still open and her nipples now like little pebbles and she said, "we're going upstairs now". Paul was all smiles as she held his hand then they both went up to our bedroom. From what she'd told me earlier, I knew she wanted me to leave them alone for a bit and I admit it was pretty amazing to hear them getting more and more passionate before I went up to join them and watch.

As I stood in the doorway Paul had his face buried in her pussy and she had one hand on the back of his head while the other held back one of her legs even more. I could hear the sounds of him licking her pussy deep inside and I think as I watched, she came because she arched her back upwards and she let out this deep moan and a moment later I heard him making a 'mmmm' sound. It so turned me on that she'd cum like that and that he was now so familiar with her pussy and how he must know her taste when she cums.

I don't think either of them knew I was watching, they seemed totally into each other. He was already undressed and as I watched he shifted his position and I watched as he took his place between her legs. He stroked his cock a few times and I was reminded of the sight of that big fat knob as he did so. I could see her pussy was spread and the glisten of her wetness. I would have liked to move in closer but didn't want to interrupt them in any way and I feared opening the door more would have distracted them just then.

Instead, I waited till he started to rub that big head on his cock up and down her pussy split; even from the doorway I could see the size of the knob on the end of his cock. I was totally entranced in watching Suzanna respond to his cock rubbing up and down and spreading her wetness all over. I recognized his technique; I knew he was going to get her really worked up before he fucked her.

I went into the room when I knew they were going to start fucking. When Suzanna and I talked previously before Paul's arrival, I told her that I wanted to be there for that part and not just at the end. She smiled at me and said she was okay with that if it's what I wanted.

As I entered the bedroom I heard her moan the first few times he pushed into her but didn't get in, then as I was just at the foot of the bed and getting down on my knees on the floor, I watched as he pushed at her forcibly and she let out a gasp as his cock was finally in her.

Again, I'm not sure if they knew I was there, it made no difference, but I loved seeing her respond to him. He went slowly with her until it was obvious even to me that she wanted it harder and deeper and he seemed happy to give it to her. He hooked her legs around his arms as he fucked her (my favorite position) and they went at it. I can't describe how beautiful I felt she looked as she gave into him and let him take her. She must have had 2 or 3 smaller orgasms before he suddenly pulled out of her and leaving her pussy gaping open beneath him he gently pulled at her hips and encouraged her to turn over. As she got up onto her knees he gave her butt a gentle slap before he resumed fucking her.

It was then that they both noticed me as she got into the doggy position and with him now standing behind her I think they both decided to put on a bit more of a 'show' for me. He pulled out of her several times each time letting me see his cock covered with her wetness and to let me see that her pussy was literally staying open for him! Between her moans and screams into the pillow, I knew he'd made her cum at least one more time before he grabbed her hips and pulled her fully back onto his cock which brought her up off the bed for a moment.

I knew that she wouldn't want him to cum in that position though and, sure enough, just a few moments later he turned her over again onto her back and this time she pulled her own legs back brazenly showing him how wet and open she was for him. I have to say, seeing her lie back and show herself so eagerly and openly to him had me rock hard.

I knew from how they were that they were both horny and that they weren't going to take their time now and, on cue, he really started fucking her. Maybe it was all in my head but he seemed to be much more physical and forceful with her including pushing deep into her and staying there before resuming his motions. All I could think about was his big cock buried in her with that fat-head likely up against her cervix deep inside!

I was totally into watching and knowing I wasn't having her later made it even more intense. Seeing her fuck and knowing I wasn't going to have her was just so horny for me and my cock was rock hard as I also felt this great feeling of loving watching her.

Paul must have known how I was feeling and he put on quite a good show for me. Maybe it was that they hadn't been together since earlier in the week, but he seemed really horny for her. He'd pull almost all the way back and from where I knelt, even though the light was dim, I could even see her inner pussy lips being pulled and stretched outward when he'd pull back, then, oh wow, seeing him push back into her soooo slowly was just really horny to see. I could tell from how she moaned and responded that his cock was right against her g-spot as he pushed back in and it was a beautiful sight to see her wetness began to seep out of her pussy, especially when he'd pull almost all the way out.

It could have been 5 minutes or it could have been 45 minutes, I don't know, all I know is that they were into it. It was a little humbling but also so arousing to me to know she would soon only be having his cum inside her and, sure enough, his first time was about to happen. I remembered his motions, short deep strokes and I saw them starting and I knew. For some reason it just felt so so right to me when I watched him take one more big plunge into her and then, deep inside her, he remained motionless. I watched his body tense and his butt tighten several times and I knew and openly admit that I loved that moment knowing that his fat knob was pumping his hot spunk, knowing he'd given her something that I won't for quite a while.

I also knew what was coming next. Sure enough, Paul remained pretty hard and after a few moments he began to again thrust in and out of her. This time each time he pulled back his cum came streaming out of her pussy and down onto the sheets as he ramped up his pace. She literally turned to jello beneath him and a moment later as he continued his wet-fuck she began to shake and moan. As he kept at her, she got louder and louder until she let out a shriek. I saw a flood of wetness gush out of her as he pulled back and a moment later she was lying still on the bed beneath him, unable to move. It totally thrilled me that he stayed deep in her until she'd calmed down a bit and before he then pulled out of her.

He rolled over onto my side of the bed leaving Suzanna lying there motionless with her entire pussy on display as if it were nothing. From where I was kneeling I could see a thick bead of his cum, pale, whitish looking in the dim light, come oozing out of her from deep inside. I so loved seeing her like that knowing how she felt. A moment later he got up on his side and lay against her and his cock kinda flopped and lay on his thigh as she lay there catching her breath. He looked at me and showed me clearly that he was her lover; his hands and fingers went everywhere including in her pussy while I watched.

I wasn't sure what was going to happen next. Suzanna seemed to come out of her daze and upon seeing me there she smiled but did nothing to move or change her position. A few moments later Paul leaned over and kissed her passionately and then he got off the bed and went into the bathroom.

Suzanna motioned for me to come up closer and when I did she asked if I had liked watching her. I told her that I always did. I was about to lean in for a kiss or a caress of her breasts but then remembered that she didn't want me to do that. In fact, a second later after that thought of mine, she said, "can you leave us alone for a little while; Paul is going to want seconds". Just how she said it struck me, as if it were nothing. She smiled at me as it sank in and I am quite sure she was aware that her indifference had kept me hard.

We both heard the toilet flush in the bathroom so I knew he was coming back to her. Before he came out, I left the room.

I only went out as far as the landing and turned to listen at the door, peering in several times as the scene was repeated! It wasn't a surprise to see that Paul was horny for a second round but I was surprised at how they were both just as eager as the first time. (Later Suzanna told me that she had not said anything to Paul about what we're doing). Again I watched as he pleasured my wife as I no longer am allowed to do so and her response to him made it clear that he was doing a fine job!

It must have been at least 10pm, after she'd moaned and squealed her way through god knows how many orgasms, that he finally pulled out of her for the last time. His cock was smaller now and slipped easily out of her followed by yet another thick bubbly trickle of cum. Again he lay there next to her for a while and they kissed and caressed and very much enjoyed their post-fuck bliss together. As they started to kiss and embrace I felt it was better to let them be completely alone and so I did leave and deliberately closed the door knowing they'd hear me.

It wasn't for another 20 minutes or so before the door opened and Paul came out. I'd heard water running in the bathroom and when I saw he was dressed, I figured it was him who had been cleaning up. He saw me in the kitchen and said, "thanks"; it sounded a little awkward but I think he was being honest.

I told him it was good seeing him again and I said, without any sense of irony, "my pleasure."

I think we could have talked more but he seemed to want to go and I knew that she was lying in bed upstairs likely just as he left her.

He let himself out of the door and I went back upstairs and, sure enough, she was still in bed but had now pulled a sheet up over her. When I came back in the bedroom she smiled and motioned me over to her. I wasn't sure what I should do or what to not do, especially when she pulled the sheet back to let me see her and say, "So, how did you like watching knowing that's all you'll be doing?”

I groaned back as I saw the sheet come away from her body and I said, "it was intense".

She coyly spread her legs and said, "he left me very messy" and I thought, hoped, for a moment that she might have said for me to clean her up but she didn't, instead she just said, "I love that"..

We talked for a few moments and I told her how intense it was to watch them, especially knowing what I wasn't going to get to do. She giggled and spread her legs a bit and ran her hands up the insides of her thighs and said, "mmmm, it was so nice cumming with him baby".

I told her I'd loved watching and she smiled and asked me, "are you horny?" to which I just replied, " … is the Pope a Catholic? What do you think, of course I am!"

When she smiled back at me and just said 'good' and it confirmed that this was likely all I was going to have with her sexually, it almost felt like I was being dismissed. Sure enough, a moment later she said, "if you want to jerk off, I'll watch..... you can look at me if you want..... but that's all baby".

So, my first true time as a fully denied cuckold, I lay there on the bed next to her and jerked off like crazy and the really crazy part is that I loved it! My cock was so hard as I started to stroke. She asked me to talk to her and I tried, at least at first, to tell her how I loved what she'd done and all of that. She cooed and teased some more before saying, "come on baby, that's enough, let me see you now."

She asked me if it was good and if it was okay 'instead of having me' and I told her honestly, that it was something I had wanted. She giggled and said, "show me how much you want it" which I knew was her wanting to watch me jerk off.

As I stroked away I asked her if I could look at her and she giggled and smiled and she spread her legs, just a little at first but then seeing the intensity in me, she spread them further and even teased me as she ran a finger around her swollen pussy opening and she cooed at me at how much he cums at times!

She kept teasing me about how much he cums, and then she pointedly asked me, "do you like looking at the pussy you used to fuck?" Well, that did it, hearing her tell me how she loved him cumming in her and the whole scene, I let go with a huge load that splattered all over my chest and stomach.

I lay there expecting her to lean over and help clean me up when she said, "let me see you do it". It took me a second to understand what she wanted, then I realized, she wanted me to gather up all of my cum and to watch me clean it up. I smiled at what she wanted and I let her watch as I pushed all of my cum into a bigger puddle before I licked my fingers clean each time.

I knew she wasn't going to want me to go down on her and I wasn't surprised when she asked me if I give her a night-shirt to put on. She sat up in bed and it was the first time I noticed just how hard and pointy her nipples were and they looked so hot under her shirt.

It seemed sort of anti-climactic in some ways as after we both got washed up and just got into bed and cuddled up.


So far it is definitely tweaking my beta-desires. I know it's going to sound cliché or whatever but I really did enjoy the night with her. It's so hard to put into words how strangely satisfying it felt to see her so 'well used' and, yes, it was equally satisfying to talk about it with her and to have her literally show me her used body!

I don't know how long this buzz will last but so far, the thought of not fucking her isn't bothering me …. just yet. It was a pretty intense night being with her but 'not being with her', if you know what I mean. Cuddling up afterwards was a really sweet moment for us; I knew she was still revelling in the post-fuck bliss with Paul and she knew I was so horny from it all even after jerking off with her.

This morning - it's weird to say it but for now, I like what we're doing and it's very intensely arousing to think about it.


And no surprises that I have a raging hard-on after writing all that up and having filled another book!