Journal of a Journey - Book 92

I know that after the long drive up, dinner, drinks and cumming rather violently that I slept pretty well and didn't even think about setting an alarm. I was awakened to sounds in the other room and it took me a second to get my bearings. I remembered waking up in the middle of the night to piss and seeing them still lying there but no longer spooned together - another thing that I now remember made me feel better as she was curled up underneath her side of the blanket clutching her pillow and he was draped over his side.

Well, as I lay there I heard noises and realized it was them, and later found that Paul had set an alarm so he could meet up with his friends. I stumbled out of bed and looked in the bathroom and Suzanna was in the shower and he was just leaving with a towel wrapped around his waist. He said good morning and that he was sorry the noise had woken me. I went into the bathroom and said hi to Suzanna in the shower and I peeked in at her. She turned around and said, "must you!" but a minute later she pulled the curtain back and had no qualms about standing there naked. I handed her a towel but could tell she didn't want my attention as she told me that Paul was going to be leaving before we would even be ready. She joked how he reminded her of our son who would wake at the crack of dawn to ski. I don't think she meant it as a compliment and even now, she wouldn't say it but I think it annoyed her that he got up earlier than she'd wanted to. Still, seeing her naked as she dried off was a turn on especially when I thought of how I saw her not 8 hours earlier next to me. I didn't say anything to her and in a way, I wonder if she even remembers what she'd done.

No matter, she gave me a peck on the cheek and then went back into the bedroom with him with just a towel loosely wrapped around her. I just stood there and listened. I heard talking and some motion and I thought as I got ready to get in the shower that maybe there would be some morning fun between them. I was both surprised and disappointed to come out of the shower and find Suzanna in her panties and robe and to find that Paul had left already to meet his friends. I asked her if she was okay; she said yes and that he'd told her he'd be leaving her with me for breakfast. I didn't push it and make her feel any worse and so I asked her what she wanted for breakfast.

It was very erotic seeing her sitting at the breakfast table dressed like that with my thoughts of her pulling them on as he got his skiing gear ready. I admit it gave me a smile going thinking she's annoyed with him about it too. I know I shouldn't have but I did.

We had an awesome day skiing. With all the snow we'd taken the shuttle over to the slopes in the morning knowing we could ski back at the end of the day. It was bright sunshine all day and we had a lot of fun together. Over lunch, maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed like we just found so much stuff to talk about. I found myself looking at her with her rosy cheeks from the cold and this time the smile of enjoying being outdoors for the day on her face.

I had somewhat forgotten about everything later that afternoon and I admit to even having the thought of a quickie with her before dinner but as we started to make our way back, I remembered that was not to be. I will say I had a distinct feeling of disappointment at that thought but it was short lived as we made our way towards the ski-home trails, I found myself behind her and when she tucked down to ski a little faster, I found myself staring at her butt and that thought seemed to replace the other ones.

By the time we got back Paul's vehicle was also there (he'd actually driven over to meet his friends for breakfast. I didn't ask what he told them; maybe he told them the truth, that his lover was there with her husband, I don't know) so I knew that things would begin again for a little while.

When we came in Paul asked us about one of the bars on the mountain access road and whether we'd ever been there. I told him that we had years ago and the food was okay and they sometimes had some music. He said that was where he was meeting his friends for dinner.

It wasn't even 4:30pm and I already knew the plan that Suzanna had shared, which was while we were supposedly taking a rest for an hour or two, that she and Paul might have some time to have some fun. I thought maybe I'd get to watch but instead I heard their bedroom door close shut.

I lay down and remember hearing some commotion muffled through the door but then, maybe 15 minutes after it started, I heard the absolutely unmistakable sound of Suzanna crying out in orgasm. There was a bit more commotion and noise before things went quiet. I so wanted to see and know what was happening but their door stayed closed and now, it was quiet again. I was hard.

The sound of the shower again woke me and now it was after 6pm. I heard them both in the shower and could hear them talking but couldn't hear what they were saying. So erotic to hear the water shut off and to hear them more clearly talking together. I knocked and asked if it was my turn yet and they both said almost together to come in as if it were nothing. Suzanna was drying herself standing in the shower as if it were the most normal thing to do and he stood at the sink brushing his teeth as if it were totally normal too. Fuck, how that turned me on. I felt weird barging in so I turned away and gave them a few more moments. Sure enough, a moment or two later, the two of them again went into their bedroom and I struggled against my hard-on to get in the shower.

When I came out their door was still shut and I threw on some clothes while I listened to their muffled voices. The bedroom door opened and he came out and joked with me to, "not let her drink too much at dinner". She came out, again in just her robe, and shooed him toward the front door but before he opened the door he kissed her and undid her robe for the latter part of their kiss and I'm sure I could see his cum dribbling down her leg. He glanced across to me, then released her letting her close the robe before he went out closing the door behind him.

She came to me and asked me if I was okay and I said yes and I hugged her. I'm sure she knew but I was checking and sure enough, didn't feel any panty lines.

Suzanna and I had made reservations for 2 at a nice restaurant that we'd wanted to try. I knew she was trying to give me as normal a weekend as she could and I recognized that Paul was making an effort too by giving us meals together without him, although, I admit that knowing she was eagerly waiting for the Big-O at some point (I know my wife) did keep me on edge as we really enjoyed being together.


What I haven't mentioned is the crazy intense feeling that was so tweaked listening to them in the bathroom and just knowing she was with him all night and that morning. I really don't know what it is but Suzanna finds it amusing that this turns me on so much. Seeing it so close up and hearing it so close up - I can't explain how turned on I felt. I know what I'm going to say next will sound crazy but hearing and seeing it happening, it only made me want to see him fucking her even more. Of course I was horny and I would have loved to fuck her but at the same time, it was a huge turn on knowing I wasn't going to. I'm not sure if I can explain it any more other than that.

Dinner was surreal. I mean we talked and conversed like normal but she knew I was horny thinking about her. We didn't talk about what might be happening later though and that was a turn-on in a way, I didn't know what to expect. About the only thing we did joke about was that we anticipated to be back at the condo by about 8:30pm and how we both expected Paul to be there waiting. We were surprised when we got back that he wasn't!

It gave us a little bit of time to talk. She told me she really appreciated how I was being and she asked me to, "really tell me if you're okay with all of this". I hugged her and said that I did want her to be with him and that I would be okay. She smiled and we talked and she told me she loved me and said it again, that knowing I wanted it was what she wanted to hear. We kissed and she promised me that we will have some time this week for just us together.

Paul arrived not long after that and it was quite obvious that I wasn't a part of the plan. I knew she was antsy at dinner and now I knew why, she was horny. All the teasing and the little orgasms he'd given her, all that touchy/feely stuff, she was horny and I was seeing her direct it to him … and not to me.

I can't recall every little detail but the high points that still drive me crazy were:

Them, kissing passionately and him starting to undress her from the clothes she put on to go out to dinner with me. It was so hot to see the ease with which he reduced her to standing there in just her bra and panties.

Her, undressing him and fishing his cock out through his fly in his boxers and without even a glance at me, being fixated on his cock, stroking it as they kissed. A moment later I winced at seeing his hand follow down her stomach and without even a pause, slip under her panties and seeing her widen her stance for him was just so erotic to see.

They, moved into the bedroom and finally I saw her look at me and smile but that was all. I watched her let him take her bra off and then watched him push her panties down. It never fails to amaze me to see her naked with another guy. It is just so in my face but she just looks so beautiful to me showing herself completely to him and not being shy - quite the opposite!!!

And, yes, again I watched them fuck. (What position didn't they try?!) She loved being on her knees and I knew from her being so horny that she was going to really be into him fucking her. All I wanted to do was to watch. At that moment, even if she'd turned to me and offered herself, the way I felt, I wouldn't have gone for it …. well, maybe that's an exaggeration, but not all that much!

Is it crazy that I like watching her get fucked?. Sure, when she got on top of him for a little while you could say it was her fucking him, but in all the other positions it was her that wanted him to do the fucking and I so loved seeing her wanting it. And when he would get her to cum it was so intense to see her body go taut and to hear her moan deeply and to know what he was feeling. I think that's the part that may turn me on the most, that his cock is in her pussy feeling her cum. I don't know why it gets to me so, but it does.

They were going at it for a while and then they took a break. He pulled out of her and he was still hard as he lay next to her and I could see that fat knob all shiny and wet from her juices. They took no notice of me standing there as they slowed down and kissed for a few minutes while he felt her breasts. I guess it was around then that I started to finally get undressed.

Suzanna looked over at me as I got undressed and smiled which I remember made me feel really good. Paul went to take a leak and I remember Suzanna looked over at me and puckered as if to blow me a kiss and she whispered that 'she loved me'. Paul came back into the bedroom and she followed his example and looked so cute climbing off the bed and going to pee herself. While she was gone Paul didn't say anything to me other than, "you good?" I nodded 'yes'.

When she came back she climbed straight back on the bed and they picked up again as if I wasn't there.

I don't know how long they were at it before their little pee break but it was well after 10pm when they again changed position back into the missionary position, Suzanna's favourite. She pulled her legs back for him and as she did so she actually turned to me and smiled before turning her attentioned back to Paul and holding herself ready for him.

This time I moved right into position to be up close and watch what I expected would be when Paul would finally give her what she was so horny for. Again, they looked just so normal as he played with her pussy and gently pushed his fat knob into her. Once he was in, he began to do that slow in and out that she loves and whenever he pulled back, a flood of her wetness would seep out. I so wished I could be even closer but that's just not something I can do.

They were really began going at it and I suspected that Suzanna had told Paul what I'd done the night before so suddenly I felt brave, if you will, and I pulled off my boxers and, yes, I started to jerk-off watching them. It was easier than I expected as neither of them looked at me at all and once I realized that, I got rock hard and totally into it.

It's going to sound weird (maybe not so) but I actually moved around and lay on my side up on one elbow such that I had an awesome view of him fucking the life out of her. She was moaning and flopping all around and I could see (and smell) that she'd cum several times already and that she was just on the verge of another one. Again, as I've said before many times, getting to know his pattern has become really exciting for me and seeing her recognize it was even more exciting. Sure enough, over the next few minutes things built up and it was obvious to me that he wasn't going to stop this time. He only paused to shift her legs around onto his arms to hold them back and apart (my favourite position) before he continued hammering at her.

I was getting close myself and I started to feel self-conscious with the thought that I didn't want to cum before they/he/she did. It felt so horny to try to pace myself with them but that's what I was doing.

It may have taken 2, it may have taken 15 more minutes, but soon enough I saw the signs in both of them. Something about how she'll hunch her body downward to almost point her pussy upwards even more and then, he followed, giving those same deeper more urgent thrusts into her and each one accompanied by a higher and higher scream from her as I knew what she was desperately seeking.

He fucked her hard and deep for another few minutes before I saw him thrust sharply and deeply into her and I heard him grunt deeply himself. That was followed by several less intense thrusts, each accompanied by a grunt that I knew meant he was coating the inside of her vagina. Seeing the tell-tale trickle of his thick cum appear with each thrust confirmed it and when I saw he was still hard and going at her I moved back a little to watch as a moment later his continued fucking after he'd cum in her drove her over the edge. She thrashed back and forth and thrust herself upwards at him over and over. At one point her body spasmed as he kept fucking her and seeing her tremble beneath him finally drove me over the edge and for the first time I came and spurted all over the bed as I watched them. I know I grunted out loud but neither paid attention as they slowly ground themselves against each other.

I drew out the last few drops and lay there for a moment longer until I realized that they weren't going to separate this time and that they were kissing and whispering (I caught a few words and one thing he said was something like, "that was so intense").

I pulled myself away from them and left them together, literally.

I knew I was going to sleep alone again and it didn't matter to me. I felt good sharing their moment of pleasure in my own way. It didn't feel weird like I thought it might have. I left my bedroom door open and as I lay down on my bed I noticed it was now after 11pm and I was tired.

I fell asleep but was later awoken by the sound of murmuring and muffled voices and I saw that my bedroom door had been closed. I got out of bed and looked out to see that theirs was closed too and that it was now just after 2am. I lay back on my bed and as I lay there I heard their conversation grow a bit louder but then heard the unmistakeable sounds of them beginning to go at it again. Hearing her softly moaning behind that closed door, knowing she was likely just laying there letting him fuck her, it drove me crazy; crazy enough for me to jerk-off one more time before I would lie there for another 30 minutes or so until the fun in the other room died back down.

I lay there for a while after it went quiet and it was a very weird time. I'll say that in those few moments there I questioned everything but then other thoughts replaced them and I can genuinely say that I liked what we'd/she'd/they'd done. Or, to put it another way, I felt very calm and, yes, satisfied. I loved seeing her let go and knew it was for real that at that moment she was his.

It was and still is hard to put into words. Of course it hurt in a way, but it felt good in so many other ways. I actually felt content and, to be honest, I fell asleep without much effort.


We needed to check out on Sunday morning so it had been agreed we needed to be up by about 8am at the latest.

Again, I was awakened by the sound of Suzanna giggling in the hallway outside my door and I leaned over, opened it and saw her walk back into the other bedroom; she was naked. I don't know if she knew I was looking her but Paul obviously liked what he saw and from my room I could hear her giggling at him and saying, "really, again?" and him asking her if she could take any more. It was a crazy way to wake up hearing her say "yes" and then hearing them start to go at it.

I got up curiously and there she was, kneeling at the edge of the bed shaking her butt towards him. She had a smile on her face and I think she saw me at the door. In my mind the smile was directed at me but a moment later the smile was replaced by this look of pleasure on her face and I turned to look and see Paul playing with her butt and slapping his stiff cock against it raising squeals of laughter from her.

I was spent, after Saturday night and cumming a second time before falling asleep; I was content to just watch her get a quickie in with him. I also knew he had the same plans as the day before, that he wanted to meet his buddies for breakfast, so a quickie was all they had time for. Sure enough, with a little coaxing from again slapping his cock against her, I watched him as he unloaded in her one last time. I stayed in the doorway watching as he pulled her hips to him and held them there. I heard her moan softly and then watched him pull out of her. She got up on her knees and turned around to hug and kiss him. And that was it!

I felt a somewhat let down that there wasn't a little more.

With that they both went into the bathroom and there was lots of giggling and knowing that they'd both gone in there naked, that thought just turned me on like crazy. I did give myself a stroke or two and I so wanted to go in and watch them but I also knew that Paul wanted to be out earlier than we did. So it was with a feeling of angst I heard the shower go on and then hearing the two of them talking and not knowing if both or just one of them were in the shower. The whole scene with them and the bathroom is just intense to think back to as I really think it's almost makes more of an impact to me than her fucking him. The only thing I can think of is that she is sharing things that we used to do together with him and it's just an amazing turn-on to me.

Despite all the arousal and fun listening, not long after the shower went off, Paul was ready to get out and back with his friends which left Suzanna and I alone for really the first time.

She was still naked and I saw she was walking a little gingerly. When I asked if she was okay she smiled and nodded but added that, "that was more for him than me I guess".

I held her and we had a deep hug for a long time. We were again going to cook our last breakfast and she giggled and said she should get dressed and I brazenly asked her "why?" She indicated the spitting fat in the skillet and said otherwise she would have to be very careful cooking some eggs for us! I did the honours for some bacon and then we spent the next 30 minutes packing up, well, and her getting dressed!

We didn't have much time. Checkout time was 10am and we were in the car at 9:57 on our way to park near the lodge. To be honest we simply had no time to talk about anything that had happened. Instead, we had an amazing day skiing …. followed by a hellish drive back home.


I thought she might have been a bit playful with me tonight but she said that she wasn't ready for me just yet and hoped I understood.

I am now finally done with work and I expect to be home in the morning for a while and can spend some time with my journal and write down some of what we've talked about, both on the long ride home as well as last night and, hopefully, a bit more tonight. I do love going to sleep horny for her.


After Paul left us Sunday morning, Suzanna and I skied together all day and it was fun. I know I was still buzzing sexually and she was feeling the same. She knew it had been a fun time for both of us even if it seemed a bit much at times. That I slept as well as I did was evidence of that, but really, all I can say is that I think we felt close to each other. I know she felt very comfortable with me. There was one point when we stopped skiing for a moment I saw her shifting around a little bit and she looked at me and giggled and said, "I'm so wet". That was all I needed to hear her say to make me hard. At lunch she came back from the bathroom and whispered to me that she had to, "clean up a bit". I know she said it to tweak and tease me but it was also the truth.

It had been a long weekend and that drive home was hellish, we talked but not a lot. We were both pretty tired on Monday night and Suzanna did go see her parents for a bit too. Last night I was tied up with work stuff so hopefully tonight will be when we finally have time. Indeed when she left to go into work this morning she was very amorous and hugged and kissed me and said that tonight was going to be fun!


I have a lot of mixed thoughts. One thing that I have now realized is that she has already almost cut me off sexually with her. It's been now almost a month since we last made love and I shared an orgasm with her. I knew she said that when it would happen that it would be something that just happened and, she was right, I've just noticed, that it's just happened!

It's now been weeks since I penetrated her and now that I recognize it I am almost surprised that it's something that's 'just happened'. I guess maybe I'm feeling sad about it, but at the same time it is something I never thought I could accept or endure. Yet, here I am enjoying it. I wonder if she recognizes it?

If it's true, that she's really feeling this, that she no longer wants to feel me in her, then I want her to tell me that and explain it to me. I want to know how she's feeling and if this marks any escalation between her and Paul. I have to say, I thought things were a bit cooler between them than I'd thought I'd see. Not sure if it's my myopic viewpoint or my own recollections; I don't know if behind closed doors things were closer between them but I felt like Suzanna was more performing for him and me than necessarily enjoying it or really being into it.

I know she was horny and that guided a lot of her desires and I think Paul was sly to make her wait for their real peak time together. A part of me was thinking that had he given her the Big-O on Friday night how would Saturday night have been? I don't want to pry into her relationship so I'm not going to ask those kinds of questions but I do want to be sure of what she's feeling.

It's all a bit confusing at times. A part of me so wants her, but another part of me, recognizing that I've already been largely cut off, now wants to see how it feels to let this play out and to see where they go to.

It is nowhere near as difficult as I thought it would be to give up intercourse with her but I have to say that it's a real puzzle within myself because it was something I'd so valued. Now I truly seem content to masturbate with her or to jerk off thinking thoughts of her and be just that, content.


I'd expected to have another 'usual' Wednesday night and when I came to bed she was already there and I just assumed that would be the case. So, imagine my surprise was when she pulled me to her and we began making out. What was so different was that there was real passion in her.

We kissed and the caresses progressed into what felt like foreplay which confused me and. I pulled back for a moment and asked her what was going on. She pulled me back to her and she said, "I need to be with you". While I held her she told me that after this past weekend she felt that some distance had developed between us and that she felt she wanted to reconnect with me.

I told her that she didn't need to do that for me; she insisted that it wasn't just for me.

We talked for a few minutes and she told me that she felt different about Paul and she seemed to be very up front (just as she was on the ride up on Friday) that she was really enjoying the sex with him. She admitted that seeing him as much as she is (read that as: 'fucking him as much as she is') that she gets very carried away with it all and that the weeks where she sees him on Saturday and Tuesday, she feels he fulfils her desires. Then she said that after this past weekend that she really felt that she needed to reconnect with me.

I asked her if she wanted to have sex with me or whether she felt obligated to or that she needed to for some reason other than just wanting it. She hugged and kissed me and said that she 'wanted it' and that she wanted to feel me in her. She said, "I want to cum with you tonight".

I had a fleeting thought of going bareback but that was squashed as she reached over her shoulder and handed me a condom, but there was no doubting that she truly wanted to be with me. I didn't tell her the things I'd been thinking about of how long it'd been since we'd had sex nor did I ask what she was thinking about as it was clear that this was something that was definitely on her mind.

It was the first time in a long time that it was me doing the seducing of her and it was so exciting to me to caress her myself, to feel her breasts and suck gently at them and hear her moan. Crazy as it sounds, I'd almost forgotten how soft and sensual her pussy felt beneath my fingers. She didn't flinch when I went to go down on her and she was totally into it as I licked and sucked at her sweetness until I felt her orgasm and then could clearly taste and feel her pleasure. She was all glassy eyed from cumming as I pulled the condom onto my cock and rubbed it between her spread lips. I could almost feel how wet she was through the condom and she squealed like I haven't heard in weeks as I gently pushed into her.

I'm actually rock hard right now thinking of how different I must have felt pushing into her than Paul does. The head of my cock fits snugly into her vagina and then when I push, it's the shaft of my cock that stretches her open, not the other way around with Paul and his fat knob. She thrashed around beneath me as I pushed slowly into her and then pulled back only to do it again.

It really felt awesome to reconnect with her and it so brought me the cuckold angst I long for as I totally felt aroused and wicked horny to finally feel her again. She responded magnificently putting her legs around me and pulling me close with her arms around my back. I'd like to say that I lasted for hours (and I did last for quite a while) but as I looked down at her and felt her pulling me closer and deeper, the feelings became too much and she knew it too and could feel it too. I held out until I felt her just about to slip over into a big orgasm herself and that was it, I felt her pussy start to spasm and clutch at my cock and I poured it on and fucked her hard until we both came. It'd been so long since I'd cum inside her when she was really into it that once I started, it seemed to never end and I felt like I squirted out a quart of cum. I collapsed against her and we were both left breathing heavily.

No, it wasn't the Big-O for her, I knew we wouldn't share that. As we lay there with my cock still in her she hugged me and told me she loved me and that, "I really needed that". We kissed and a moment later I felt myself start to slip out. She reached down and grabbed my cock and the condom on it and eased me out of her pussy and said, "we don't want to make a mess now, do we?" and she slipped the condom off my now softened cock. She held it up and she giggled that there was a lot of cum in the tip and I told her that's what she gets for making me wait so long. She giggled and hugged me and asked, "was it good for you?"

I was honest and said it really was good, and it was.

After we cleaned up and got back into bed, it felt really nice between us, very much like old times - well, at least for me. As we lay there with the TV on I asked her if she was still into me continuing to use condoms with her. She held me and told me maybe and then said something about Paul and her still really feeling horny about him and how, "you know, you using them really does make it special with Paul".

Needless to say, having had my blast with her, I slept like a baby last night!


Last night was really nice for me to really feel her respond to just me. She did say that she felt it more difficult to feel a sexual desire toward me when she sees Paul twice a week and said that after seeing him on Tuesday, that by Friday she is horny but that she really wants to wait for him.

I don't think she necessarily wants me to pull the plug on this or that she feels she is doing this just to fulfil my desires. My desires are surely part of what lets her do this, otherwise they'd just be a part of all of the other fantasies that she has (and has begun to reveal). So if my being into this lets her have some of her own fantasies become real then at this point, if this is how it's wound up, I just want to let it play out.

Maybe this denial-play is something she's doing for me, but I don't think so. She has continued to say how nice it is not having the sexual tension she used to feel between us. I know that's something that I could simply stop doing, but I have to agree with her about the unexpected side-effects of this which may be good for us and at play in how it did feel to finally reconnect last night as we did.


Regarding the most recent changes in her, I think my coming out and telling her more that I want to be the beta-guy for her is where she's both picked up on and found some enjoyment or, maybe better said, to be that it excites her.

Paul was a skier before he met us, and a good one at that, so this hasn't been where she's dragged him up there just for sex. She's commented on how good he is and him staying with us this past weekend was something I wanted as much as she did. When they stay in our house, she often mentions what a good lover he is and I have to say that her saying that feels like a pin pushed into my lower back at times but, it also is incredibly arousing for me. I know she's picked upon that. If you ask me, she wants my continued reassurance that what she's doing is "good for me". I don't know if she's really becoming more dominant, that would be arousing if it did happen but I don't see her really going that far.

It feels so crazy and yet so hot to say that it's obvious Paul really has a way with her. I am amazed at how he can get her to have the whole 'Big-O' in most any position when for me it's only happened in the missionary position. I know in this area she's quite open about it that he really does do things for her, maybe it's that fat knob that does it. However, havng ecognised that, it's clear to me after this weekend that there's definitely an emotional gap between the 2 of them and that was heartening for me to see. (The other side that was heartening was seeing him so masterfully fuck her and make her scream!)

It doesn't really surprise me that when she's comfortable and 'in the zone' that she says and does things that are a bit more up front and out there.

My other expectation is that I think that Paul's questions about 'is this okay' will reduce, just as they have when he comes over our home but, to be honest, it's friggin' arousing for me to hear her say or see her/him/them do things like they are.


At the moment I am 'enjoying the journey'. It's been painful at times for me, but I guess for me it's worth it to truly see Suzanna let herself go and enjoy herself. I think that's the thing that I feel most about her and Paul is that it really is mainly the sex between them that is driving things. I suspect she knows too that sooner or later this is likely to burn out, likely sooner. She hasn't seemed as hot on Paul since last weekend but whenever I've asked her she says everything is fine and also told me that she's hoping he'll be over tomorrow. I asked about if he was spending the night and she said that she didn't know yet.

I sometimes wonder if Suzanna is enjoying our denial play for herself or if it was just for me. I did ask her last night, in an innocuous way, what her thoughts are on my continuing to use condoms with her. She giggled and said that she hoped I was okay with it because she found herself very turned on by it and she came out and said that she liked it and liked how it made her feel. I jokingly asked if maybe one day she'd let me in her without one on as long as I pulled out before the end. She said maybe at first but then said again how it turned her on to think that she hasn't felt me bare in a long time now. She said she surprised herself because she thought she'd miss that part.

I knew she also meant me sharing/giving her the Big-O at the end but then she said that Paul has really given her all she wants that way and she admitted that was also part of what made her feel so hot and horny about denying me.

So yes, she's enjoying denying me and I honestly now don't believe she is doing that just for me. It's actually something that really turns me on about what's going on and it's to see her able to say and tell all of that to me without feeling awkward or like it's going to hurt me.


I'm not sure that either of us has said that Paul will be her last lover. I actually know I've said many times that she now feels she'll likely enjoy having another male partner for as long as we are able but perhaps, and this is my assumption, that it would be maybe less intense and just her enjoying another guy every now and then. I don't think we can ever (well, never say never) go back to a totally vanilla relationship. I think I knew that all along that the genie won't go back into the bottle.


I'm not sure that the earth didn't move for her last week with me. Granted, the Big-O was off the table but there would be surely no complaint from most women in terms of the orgasms and pleasure she did have with me. However, we have also experienced a much longer period where we weren't intimate at all and I'm not sure that it was so bad. Again, while the sexual interaction for us may have decreased, the closeness and other aspects of intimacy have definitely taken a boost and for me, with her apparently not really getting that from Paul, that gives me a lot of comfort that things will work out okay. She may choose to see a different direction in the future, but I don't think it's will impact on our love for each other. If anything our closeness seems to be increasing and, for me, I see her keeping a comfortable distance between her and Paul. After all, she's the one who said no to seeing him Tuesday night feeling it was too much. I actually see her keeping herself under control in that way. So far, there's nothing she seems to be hiding from me or not expressing with me so I'm not sure that I see her actively seeking someone to replace me with in the future but rather someone who might complement us in the future (complement with an 'e' not an 'i')!

Paul is coming over this evening but from what we last talked about just an hour or so ago, she doesn't think he's going to spend the night.


As expected, he came by but not until after dinner (which was better for me) as I was feeling a bit rough and just felt out of sorts. I liked being there with them but really, this time, I wasn't into being there while they were getting into it. I guess that should have been a sign but instead, when they started getting chummy on the couch, I left them and went and kept busy nearby but not on top of them. Of course I did peek in on them and watch from a distance.

I like it when I can see them when they don't think I'm there; I like to see whether they're more or less reserved around me and, yes, to see if she's into it.

She didn't disappoint me and I loved seeing her really get into kissing him as he got on top of her. I wonder if it will ever not turn me on to watch another guy be as familiar with her body as I am. He had her panties off before she pushed him away and ran up to our bedroom. He waited a few moments and then without looking my way he followed.

I waited till I heard familiar noises before I went up and looked through the bedroom door that was conveniently left open just a few inches and, yes, I watched him fuck her. It was a beautiful sight to behold, to see her eagerly take his cock into her, seeing her wanting him and seeing him really fuck her was really hot.

I only watched from a distance knowing he wasn't spending the night and, sure enough, after he'd made her scream so even our neighbours could likely hear her, he pulled out and I left them alone after they went motionless. The next thing I heard was noises in the bathroom and then him coming out dressed and her in her bathrobe.

Neither saw me watching from the other room but, then again, neither looked my way. She kissed him at the door before turning back to look in my direction. She smiled at me and let me watch her take off her robe showing me she was naked beneath. I could see her nipples were reddened and it looked to me that her pussy was swollen … but then, maybe not, it might have been my fevered imagination.

However, I do remember it was late already and she pulled her night shirt on and we spooned up and snuggled in bed.

That was the last thing I remembered from Saturday night even though she told me we talked in bed for a while. I really didn’t feel very well while we lay there; felt a little nauseous. When I woke up Sunday morning I felt no better. She said, dismissively, I most probably had 'Man-Flu'!


I knew that they had plans but Suzanna elected to stay home tonight. (She told me later that Paul was 'annoyed').

I spent the day in bed and was relieved to be feeling a little better when she woke me up when she got home from work. I was out until then. I thought it was something that would pass but instead, whatever it was got worse. Mild temp; achey. Mild/late-flu? Who knows.

Even after sleeping most of the day today I'm still out of it.


I finally felt a bit better last night. Suzanna had a little surprise 'medicine' for me, she said she wanted to see if I was well enough to masturbate! We obviously talked a lot both before, as part of teasing me during and after I'd cum we talked even more.

The surprise was that as I was about to spew last night, that she pulled my hand away and said I 'deserved this' and with that she leaned in and sucked me off until I came in her mouth. It was awesome, totally unexpected, and I'd had a huge load from not cumming while I wasn't feeling well. She didn't swallow, I knew she wouldn't, and as soon as she knew I was spent she moved up and kissed me and snowballed with me for a bit. So erotic sharing my cum with her like that and I told her it was just the medicine that I needed!

I also told her I was curious about what is really going on between her and Paul. I hoped the conversation would be easy, and it was.

I can't recall exactly who asked what because we just talked for a while but it was nice to see her feeling so relaxed that she could talk comfortably. She was a little restrained at first but then opened up as she saw that I wanted to really talk instead of just her teasing me and helping me get off.

She confirmed something that I knew and suspected. She told me that she didn't love Paul and even said in a joking way that, "I don't even always 'like him'".

As we talked she became more at ease in telling me that she loves the sex with him and that she joked that 'for the first time' she feels very fulfilled sexually. I obviously pushed her on that statement and she said they didn't mean that I'd never satisfied her but that now that she feels like she's opened herself up sexually, that it feels all very new and intense to her. She was very cautious on how she told me this and admitted that it made her feel different about sex and that it was something new she was dealing with.

That was when I asked her about Paul and all of the emotional stuff. She held my hand and said very clearly that she doesn't love Paul and she said that at times she's not even necessarily liking him, but then she gushed about how good the sex was and how he made her feel things that she never felt before.

She was very calm and close with me when she told me that he makes her cum 'even better than you do' and she said she hoped that didn't hurt to hear from her but it was the truth.

I told her that I didn't mind it and that it turned me on that it was true and that I was happy that she could tell me that. She held my hand and said how lucky she was to have me and that 'it's just sex'. She added that it had got better with what I'd done this past year including, most notably, my admission to wanting to be the beta for her. She said that had, "finally gotten through to me … " and added, " … that you 'should enjoy this'".

She kissed me and held me tightly and told me that she felt so alive sexually and that my using condoms had really made her accept what was going on and that my doing so made her more 'feel the role'. She explained, in so many words, that seeing my cock sheathed in a condom was something that reminded her continuously, "even if we aren't using too many of them right now", that when she feels Paul cum in her, she knows it something she only feels with him and that it's something she feels is sweeping her along.

I didn't say it but the obvious hormonal/chemical influence it is having is also what's at play too whether she knows it or not.

I asked her if 'everything is okay' with him and she said that at times she wanted to feel something more for him but that it's just not there. I didn't ask for specifics but I did say, "I was wondering about when we were away this last time".

She took a deep breath and opened up a bit and said that Paul didn't really feel comfortable with that whole scene, that is, him staying with her in their room with me next door.

I asked if it wasn't working; him knowing about me and my desires and all that. Suzanna said that she wasn't sure. She said that was something they were talking about, both on the phone and also by email, and that's something that was on both of their minds after we'd all come home.

She said that was why she had wanted to see him on Tuesday but then had to cancel. What she did say was that he said he didn't like feeling like he was a performing-act for me and that it was 'weird enough' that I know and like what's going on.

I didn't really push it as she wasn't comfortable yet with what was going on but in my head I'm guessing maybe me being right there and watching so up-close might be something he's not comfortable with. Maybe he doesn't like her holding my hand sometimes, either way, she didn't say anything more and it wasn't something I wanted to push.

The conversation turned less serious when she gave a giggle and told me that, "he loves the sex though" and that she admits she's quite sure that's what's kept him okay through what's gone on.

She gushed at how he loves to wait till he sees her and that she giggled and said, "unlike you, he hardly ever does this" as she motioned with her hand simulating my stroking and wanking my cock.

Again I didn't ask or push but she seemed to also be implying that he doesn't 'do this' because he is fucking her whereas I am not … or not as much.

.. which brings me to the end of another book!!