Journal of a Journey - Book 86

We are having dinner together as a ****** tonight before our kids go their separate ways. I can tell she is as eager and aroused as I am just from seeing just how playful she's been since she got home.

We decided to have a bit of a ceremony tonight as we sort of did last time I began using condoms with her when she was seeing Robert. She's said that she very much wants tonight to be special for the both of us. I know last time that we both were very open with each other as we fucked, I believe she will definitely do that again.

I am so horny right now waiting. I asked if she was going to douche afterwards and I am now trying to remember clearly if and when she did this last time whether it was the morning after or straightaway after we finished. I had forgotten about this until she reminded me and now I have this crazy arousal at thinking of her wanting that as her way to start the new year. Fuck, I'm horny as hell already.

She let me feel her pussy again last night and again I had to fight the urge to jerk-off and she knew it. She even said that, "by tomorrow you'll be bursting" and she's right. I am so hoping we'll fuck early tonight and then take our time later on. I so love how she feels after sex, so slick and open, maybe pliable is the right word; sumptuously delicious. She's already asked if I wouldn't go down on her, she even joked with me that she would probably still be wet tonight from our time with Paul last night, the thought of which has me dripping so much pre-cum that I can feel a wet-spot in my underwear!

But other than letting me feel her under the covers last night, she's been a bit shy and withdrawn so far. Definitely teasing and horny but at the same time, I don't know, it's probably in my head, but is she pulling away sexually and starting my formal transition to beta? It's crazy but that's where my head is and, my god, my cock is hard thinking about it. I so want her to fulfil her desires that a part of me would love to see him fucking her every day if that's what she wanted. It just turns me on to think about her satisfying those desires with him instead of me for now.

I’m getting dinner going soon and I need my cock and mind to calm down. I swear all I can think about when I see her in her jeans is what lies beneath and that she's still wet from last night and that's part of what she wants to share with me.


After our kids left for the night, Suzanna started the evening out on a more serious note. We talked for quite a while as she really wanted to make sure I was ready for this next step and that I truly wanted it. She told me how she felt about it both from her appreciation of it and her saying it's one of the most loving and giving things I could ever do for her, but she also told me how she felt about it from a sexual perspective.

Actually her main point was really pushing me on the whole beta-thing. She said that in so many ways she found it to be something very powerful for her to feel, that she wants to move towards only being sexual with her boyfriend. She assured me that, as always, it'll be something that I am ready for and that we can stop if I say I'm no longer comfortable about it.

That was her main point, to reinforce my readiness last night. It also confirmed my earlier thoughts as she said in so many words that she wanted to separate her sexual feelings from me, as something that she feels she really wants to experience with Paul.

I asked if he was really Mr. Right or whether he was just 'Mr. Right-Now'. She giggled and said that she might have agreed with me a few weeks ago, but that in the last few weeks, she's begun to feel the sort of fulfilment that she says must be what I seem to feel.

She held my hand and said that she was ready to do this and she truly wanted me to confirm my own desires. She also told me that she thought it would be good for me; that she believes me that it's something I want to feel. She even said she can sort of understand it from how I seem to have been since 'coming out' to her (my way of putting it) and, again, she thought it would be good for us to sort of recharge the spark between us.

Any glimmer of reluctance I had faded away as she talked to me. When it was my turn to share my thoughts, I found it strangely easy to tell her that it turned me on to think of her only having some and eventually, maybe all of her sexual play with Paul. I told her that jerking-off seemed to be very fulfilling when I was aware of what she was doing and that it all seemed to be linked. At another point I told her without any doubt that the thought of her only cumming like she does after a good fuck, that she would only have that with him was something that burned in me and continually kept me rock hard.


About 8pm last night, we had moved on from the discussion/agreement phase, and I teased her about how 'comfortable' she would get for Paul but not for me and, sure enough, she scurried upstairs and came back in just one of my dress-shirts and she announced that she was mine for the night. We had 2 bottles of champagne chilled and we began drinking, sharing some very intimate closeness as we kissed and sipped together.

At one point she saw me looking downward and when she glanced down she could see that her pussy was very visible from my view. She giggled and said, "you want to see more?" and she moved so that all of her was basically on-display to me. She saw me still staring and she put one finger down there and then snaked it into her pussy, giggled and said, "I'm still wet from him yesterday…." and with that she lay back on the couch and said, "… you can lick me if you want". As I started to lick her she began to tease and asked me if I liked how she tasted after she'd been with her lover. I groaned back that she was delicious. She asked me point blank if I could, "taste his cum... he left so much in me...”

I was hesitant before that but at that question I reached in and spread her pussy apart wider and I started to snake my tongue deeper into her and sucking gently at her. I was rewarded by a definite tart taste that began seeping out of her and I looked up and told her that it turned me on that I could taste him in her.

As I looked up at her for a second she giggled at me and said something about, "getting a good close look at it …" and then she asked me if I was, "…. ready to give it away?" I groaned and was now horny enough that I really needed to get inside her.

She knew it and she willingly lay back on the bed and made herself available to me. I swear my iron-hard cock was throbbing as I pushed into her and in my head she felt different inside. As I fucked her I started to tell her that I thought Paul was changing how she felt. She giggled and said she wasn't surprised because of, "how he is shaped" and she then told me that she feels him so differently inside her that once he gets her going, she can really let herself go and cum. It hurt a little to hear her tell me how easily she orgasms with him but at the same time she seemed so up and positive about it all that it just made her seem even more beautiful to me.

I told her again how it really turned me on that she would only, "cum hard like that" with him. She was quiet when I said that and held my hand and she said she knew how hard that must be. Then she sort of had a more wicked tone when she said, "but it turns you on too, right?" I grunted an answer and she cooed that she loves knowing I am so turned on by what we're doing.

We were in bed and I knew that I wanted to knock off one round with her early in the night and save the last for later. She was very receptive and was almost eager to lay back for me and she even masturbated a little bit for me, saying, "I'll keep it wet for you". I pushed into her gently at first but, as I said, once I got into her she seemed to be much more open and stretched inside. She was saying all sorts of things, but mostly she was imploring me to, "go slow baby and enjoy it all".

And so I did. Oh man, was it ever so exquisite pushing into her so slowly, feeling every little movement, feeling her pussy lips stretch and drag open further. More so, feeling the open wet warmth inside her. As I pushed further, I'd pull back a bit and then push further in. At some point, when I pulled back, she felt markedly wetter and slicker. She felt it as I did and she giggled and said, "see, I told you I was still wet from yesterday" and, my god, she was. For the next few minutes her pussy became a slick mess as I pushed her legs back further and spread the wetness that was still seeping out of her.


I am sure that at some point she'll want to move to the stage of total denial and I'm also sure, as she says, I'll be ready when it is time but the big change I see and feel in her is the way she is with me. She clearly has a far better understanding of what turns me on. Another change, obviously, is her backing away from the emotional desire that she earlier said she wanted to feel. If that's what the whole beta/alpha thing has led to, that she doesn't need the emotional part with Paul, and then it's also a good thing. It all makes it easier to see that you are right, that it is going to be something we get to.

She was much more explicit about things as we got into it more. As we fucked she got wetter and looser and seemed content just to lay back and let me watch my cock slip in and out of her as she watched along. She grinned and looked up at me and said, "mmm.... turns you on to think of Paul being the one to have me like this soon... doesn't it baby?” She said it slowly and sexily and it was very erotic; I felt huge in her as she talked to me. She again told me she wanted me to really enjoy myself and even showed me some lubricant on the headboard just in case we needed it if I really wanted to ride her for a long time. I was so intensely aware of just how her bare pussy lips surrounded the base of my cock when I was all the way in her and she moaned out loud as I pulled all the way out so just the tip of my cock was still in her. She came, rather violently, after just a few times of pulling out slowly and then all the way back in. The wetness from Paul combined with what gushed out of her to leave her slick and oh so fuckable.

She looked up at me as I fucked her and she told me that Paul knows and understands that he's going to be the only one cumming in her and that he'll be the only one she has that post-fuck intense orgasm with. As I continued to fuck her slowly and she added, "… he likes knowing that" and that he is beginning to understand what I'd meant about denial and all of that.

I was so horny by then that hearing her say that to me really got me to the edge. She held my gaze and said, "come on baby; make it take as long as you can....” I pushed into her and I held still until I regained some control before I resumed the slow-fucking. She groaned that I hadn't cum as she felt me still fully hard push back into her. Again, just a few strokes later I felt her cum again, my cock feeling her pussy suddenly get so wet inside that even if she tried to hide or suppress it, it was obvious to me. Again she started to tease me about, "make it good baby" but then she said it, she started to tease me about, "enjoying the next to the last time". I guess she knew it had gotten to me as I felt my cock start to throb. She continued, "Come on baby, just one more time after this" and then she said it, she said something about, "… soon it'll just be Paul....." and that was it, it felt like a fire-extinguisher was let loose. I felt a huge flood of cum in the first deep squirt and it brought about a shriek from her in response. After that, there were at least 5 or 6 more huge spurts before I finally felt myself take another breath.

As I felt the last spasms subsiding I doubled-down with my thrusting and my god did she respond. She gasped deeply as she realized I was far from shrinking inside her and I fucked her hard. I pushed her knees further back and I churned her pussy into a frothy mess as she hissed and thrashed from side to side beneath me. I could feel her struggle against me, pushing up intensely and then with her groaning I felt all the tension just leave her body. A moment later she lay motionless beneath me gasping for breath with her eyes still closed. I don't know if her earlier resisting me built it up or, perhaps it was her letting herself enjoy with me one more time, whatever it was she had truly had a hell of an orgasm. When I pulled out of her I almost felt a little sorry about how reddened and swollen her pussy lips looked and how her bare pussy seemed to glisten in wetness. But it was the smell that struck me the most, that tart semen smell I knew came from what I'd pumped into her.

She lay there motionless for a few minutes and I lay next to her up on my elbow so I could just look at her. I loved seeing her breasts rise with each breath and to see a shiver travel over her as I ran my hands down her body. I touched her thighs and she almost instinctively spread her legs to allow me to run my finger up through her swollen pussy; it felt incredibly hot. She opened her eyes to look up at me as I felt the wetness start to drip out of her. I moved up onto my hip to take a better look and she gave me an 'okay if you must' look on her face and then she spread her legs further. She giggled as she saw me stare and she even teased me and said, "you won't be seeing that in the future will you?"

I looked up at her questioningly and she giggled again and said, "your cum....”


It had been barely an hour and I was in heaven having just experienced that with her and she was right there with the tease afterwards. She looked at me and relented and lay back. I don't know if I will ever tire of seeing her like that (whether it's my cum or somebody else's) there is something just so beautiful and so natural at how she looks after she's been fucked. Not just her pussy but, as I've described it before, there's just a look about her,- a flush to her skin, erectness in her nipples, her eyes have this softened look in them, but, yeah OK, her pussy. Oh damn, I am going to say it, I miss it already and we haven't even had sex again and yet I already can tell.

My honest expectation is that what is going to happen is going to depend on her mood. I can so recall the intensity when she would tell me to just stay on the outside and to not suck or lick too deeply. She did offer it to me on Wednesday night and I did just that. I licked up the dribble that had run down her butt and I gently separated her lips with my tongue and did run it upwards making her moan as I reached her clit and sucked it clean. I didn't do any more as, to be honest, I wanted her feeling as wet and messy later on.

She giggled when I pulled away from her pussy and we rolled around naked on the bed for a while. She looked at me and said that she knows I was still horny and that we would definitely have another time later on but she also looked at me and asked, " will you find this just as sexy, kissing and feeling each other even without having sex?"

I knew what she was asking and I agreed that it was a moment when I felt really close to her. She kissed me and said it's because I just came and that it let me relax and let me feel close to her which made me feel that all of a sudden she's a psychologist!! She hugged me and said that we can share a lot more times like this in the future and then she said it, ".... you know, if we're not pressured to always have sex ...".

I hugged her back and told her something like, "yeah, you're right...." and I know she was but it was also a bit eerie in how she moved to talk about that so soon after we'd just had a pretty intense round together and then shared a very erotic moment with me licking at her. If I'm honest, now as I'm typing this, I guess it's something she is doing in separating the sex part from me.

It didn't matter, we had a few more hours and I surely needed that time to recharge. As we got up from bed to get some more champagne she again slipped on my dress-shirt and buttoned just one button. I pulled on the pair of silky boxers that she likes on me and we both headed back down to the kitchen. I'd seen her so many times dressed like this but this time she was dressed that way for me and as we sat on the couch to talk some more and drink and listen to some music she again sat such that her pussy was on clear display to me. (I must be getting into the beta role as for a split second my first thought was, "geez, she's going to drip some cum on our couch sitting like this!") I'll admit that I started getting horny again when I thought of her sitting just like this with Paul after their first time. I could see the excitement in her, how she talked; how she sat; how she expressed herself, and I have to say that I definitely felt awesome thinking about her experiencing this with Paul and just how excited and aroused she truly gets. It turns me on like crazy to think of her that way.

So, the thing is that as the evening progressed, maybe from the alcohol, Suzanna became a bit more vocal and a bit more explicit. At one point she got on her knees in front of me and told me to lay back and let her suck me. She was quite good and I told her so and she giggled and said that it's because she'd been getting used to 'Paul's shape'. I groaned in response and she said that he'd been asking her to suck him more before they had sex and that how he's shaped had given her a bit of a challenge at first as her mouth is on the smaller side. She giggled and said that he feels big in her mouth.

I jokingly asked her if she would suck my cock like that in the future and she smiled and said, "maybe" and then after another few sucks she said, "… but I don't want to swallow your stuff after tonight either".

My god, did that make me groan and she knew it. She looked right at me as she said it and she knew what my response would be to what she'd said. I already knew she didn't want me to cum in her pussy but this was the first she'd said that she wouldn't swallow either. She saw my look and she sucked her mouth off of my cock and said with a smile, "... what's wrong?" and then with a giggle, "I haven't swallowed any of your stuff in years now baby, you know that .... we always kiss afterwards and .... you know .... you finish it". She smiled at me with this huge sexy grin as my cock throbbed in her hand before I could even say anything.

We were very playful all night long. She truly did let me have as much of her as I wanted. I undid the button on her shirt and was content to let me spend as long as I wanted sucking and playing with her breasts. She moaned when I lay her back against the couch and I kissed and sucked my way down her neck.

I will say that was when I began to have some second thoughts. I didn't tell her at the time as I am not sure if I'm over-thinking things or not but I know that Wednesday night I had the thought that she might not let me do this to her in the future if she wants to separate me from sexual thoughts and feelings. I know I'll still see her and that she'll still tease and arouse me but as I felt her nipples harden again and I felt her breathing getting deeper I realized that this will be a part of what I may eventually give up.

I will say that I will surely miss the tender intimate moment of licking and kissing her skin and feeling her warmth but I can also say that I almost immediately had the thought of Paul doing this same thing to her and as I felt that night, the arousal of knowing he will do this to her was something that was incredible to feel and my cock grew incredibly hard as I let my mind go. I know it's weird to say and admit to but if I am honest, then it is what I felt and yes, it really turned me on to think about it.

It was getting closer to midnight as we opened the 2nd bottle of champagne and we spent some time kissing and hugging, much more than usual and I know that at least for me, I was far more aware of exactly how she felt, how her lips felt, how warm her tongue was, how her hands felt around my back and how her hair felt in mine.

She teased me more as the clock ticked away and she came up to me, kissed me and said in a sexy voice, ".... almost ready for the last time?” I told her that it sounded so erotic how she said that and she admitted to me that she was half-scared and half-excited by what we were about to do.

I'm a bit scattered right now but I wanted to recap the rest of our night while it is still fresh in my mind and yes, before I lose the excitement of it and begin accepting the reality that I've now created.

As I well know, there's a long distance between where we are now and where we may be going. What surprised me most is how open and very up front she became and how she seems to be more comfortable adopting that position of being my cuckoldress and being open about it. What does comfort me is, as I've mentioned, that I don't see her sticking to the extremes of her earlier desires.

So would it be a year of not touching her?... no, not likely.

Will she truly be non-sexual with me fully? - no, not likely.

Not as long as she feels my arousal and happiness are key to it. She's made it quite clear that she definitely wants our Wednesday's to continue.

She slid my shirt off her shoulders and stood there naked and whispered, "come on baby, upstairs in our bed...” I let her go up the stairs before me while I stayed and finished my drink. When I entered the bedroom she was busy lighting candles and then she came up to me and said something that was just so erotic to me, she said, "come on baby, this is the first place you came in me in our house, it should also be the last, don't you think?"

Oh man did I moan at that; even after the good fuck we had earlier, my cock was rapidly growing and I could feel that dull ache as my new rising horniness took hold. She reached down and slid my boxers down and she giggled at how hard I was. We kissed and I could feel everything; every sense in me seemed heightened. I felt her nipples against my chest hair and then against my skin; I felt her finger nails gently graze my balls as she reached down to stroke me; I could feel her warm breath against my shoulder as she wrapped her arm around my back; I felt her leg against mine and then I felt her pussy against my upper thigh and hip. She rubbed it against me and I could feel it was wet. Only a few seconds had gone by but my focus was now solely on her against me.

She giggled and continued her teasing, "....mmmm baby..... does it make you horny to know that only Paul is going to cum in me from now on …" and she paused for just a second before she said, "... in our bed?". Wow, was I ever happy I'd cum already because what she just said to me rocketed me to hardness and I could feel like another monster load was brewing. I pulled her face up to mine and I knew from the look in her eye and the smirky smile on her face that she knew she was really turning me on.

We kissed and I felt her let go and give herself more fully to me. As if she was trying to maybe hold back before that, but now, my arousal had spread to her. She told me when our kiss ended that, "I really want this to be good for you baby...." With that she lay back on the bed, not spread-eagle beckoning me to fuck her, but on her side, wanting me to come down and go slowly with her one last time. I think I was actually nervous as I lay down.

Thinking back now and recalling my thoughts, I knew things were happening fast and that midnight was fast approaching. As with all of the past 30 years, we'd always finished fucking in time to watch the ball drop in New York and I knew that once we started, that it wasn't going to take that long.

She was really loving and as I lay down next to her she told me she loved me for what I was doing for her and that even though she knew that it turned me on, she also knew that I was only doing it because it was what she wanted. We hugged and kissed and rolled around on the bed. I told her that I was excited and nervous and scared at the same time, but I held her tight and I told her slowly and clearly that I did want to do it. She sucked me and if I wasn't fully rock hard already, when she slurped her mouth off of it I surely was. She turned to me and said, "can I ride it one last time?" A part of me ached at what she said but at the same time I know she felt me throb in her hand as I managed to croak out, "sure, climb on".

I don't know how much more erotic it could get. She got on one knee and raised herself up on her other leg and she grabbed my cock and she ran it up and down her wet slit. When she pushed it to the bottom edge she sank down on it and then pulled it back out and spread her wetness. She started slow but within a few moments she was almost ripping my cock off of me as she rubbed it forcibly against her. Then, without a warning and with a huge squeal, she aimed it and slid half-way down onto me in one fast motion. She had her hand wrapped around my cock to stop her from sliding down any more and I know she fought off an orgasm as she stayed stone still for a moment and held me in place. A moment later when she regained her composure she pulled herself off of me and then did it again. This time stopping for less time before pulling herself off me once again 4 maybe 5 more times and each time I could feel her opening wider and feeling just amazingly wet and soft and hot. Then, again without warning, on maybe the 6th or 7th time she removed her hand and with both hands on my chest, she lowered herself the rest of the way until she took all of me. When she ground herself against me I felt her body tremble and I could feel her pussy pulsating as a flood of wetness seeped out of her. She was laying flat against me and her only motion was her raising and lowering her hips as she held me tightly. A moment later she got up on her elbows and kissed me and said, "wow, I needed that".

She kissed me again and then let me watch the erotic sight of her lifting herself off of my hard cock and rolling onto her back.

Now that was a sight to see; her lying back truly waiting for me. All of her looked just so beautiful. She reached upwards to me and pulled me downward to her. I kissed her but I think she knew that I wanted to watch as I pushed into her. She got up on her elbows and said, "I want to watch too baby" as I started to rub my cock against her, trying to take as long as I could before I couldn't resist the desire, the need, to push into her. She looked up at me and seeing the look on my face and said, "it's okay baby, take as long as you want, I want you to really enjoy it". If anything, she even pulled her knees back a bit more for me which spread her open a bit more. We both watched as drop after drop of pre-cum dripped from my cock.

I don't know exactly what she was thinking but I know looking at her spread pussy, seeing her vagina wet, open and waiting for me, it was if it was calling me. Her lips were swollen and everything was just so erotic and so graphic, the pool of whitish cum (my cum) visible inside; her swollen clit glistening above; the way her pussy seemed to pulse with each breath she took. I heard her groan, "oh my god, you look incredible" and I glanced at my cock and I have to say I was impressed of just how big and hard and menacing it looked! I heard her murmuring, "come on baby …. it's time".

And I knew it was. I couldn't hold back any longer, not when I could feel that I needed to cum in her, the need to be deep in her and to feel her all around me as we become one … for one last time.

When I pushed the tip in and then kept going she put her hands up and told me, "come on baby, make it take a while". She was right, there was no rush and once again on a New Year's eve we were together, naked and slowly moving towards a deep intense fuck. She looked at me and smiled again and said, "it's okay baby, I love sharing this with you". It felt like an hour but I'm sure it was barely 5 minutes but soon I was buried in her, her arms and legs wrapped around my back and mine around hers. She told me to lie still and enjoy feeling her and as she said that I could feel her pussy start to seem to contract and even pulsate a little. My eyes opened wide and looked at her and she smiled and giggled and said, "I've been working on that" and she smiled broader and I felt her pussy clench down and tighten on my cock. She then let go and I felt she was markedly wetter and when she relaxed fully, she felt far more open and loose which really turned me on. She giggled and looked up at me and said, "Paul likes it when I do that to him" and the thought of the big head of his cock being inside her as she did that really turned me on like crazy and, man, did I hunch forward into her. She groaned and cooed and said, "oh yeah" as she could feel just how turned on I was.

Again though, it was just how comfortable and relaxed she was teasing me like that that drove me crazy.

I wish I could say we fucked for hours but the reality is, we didn't last more than 15-20 minutes. We moved through a few different positions and with her having let herself go with me, one position she and I wanted to feel was her on her knees at the edge of the bed, the position Paul had fucked her in when she'd cum that time, only this time it was me standing behind her watching her snake her hand between her legs and spread herself open for me. Yes, in that position her pussy gaped open and the thought of Paul feeling her like that and not me gave me the strangest feeling of satisfaction, as if in my head I was somehow ready to share her and give her to him.

A thought of him being next to me and me motioning him to take a turn with her flashed through my head but what we actually did was that I stood up and came up behind her and I pushed my huge cock into her and made her scream into the bed pillow she was leaning against. I guess it had been a while since I'd fucked her really firmly in this position and, at least in my head, my thicker cock was making her scream. All I knew is that she was cumming like crazy as I pulled her hips firmly back against me and that her pussy made all sorts of squishing squelching sounds as I plunged into her over and over.

Whatever else, I wasn't going to cum doggy-style with her. No. She knew it as well as I did that we would both want to be in the missionary position when it was time and that time was fast approaching. She collapsed forward after she came one last time and then she rolled herself lazily onto her back and looked up at me and said, "I think it's time baby …. " and as I climbed on the bed she said, " …make it as good as you can.... I'll be there with you when you cum....” I hooked her legs around my arms and held them back and apart and with a pillow under her head she grinned and said again, " last time, come on baby, let me see you". And so, I pushed my bare cock into her one last time.

I just have to say that my cock is rock hard as I'm recalling all of this. I'm sure I'm missing a million things but one thing I know I'm not missing is how I felt at that moment. I so wanted it to take as long as I possibly could. I tried to think of everything, baseball; math; even the proverbial naked-grandmother, just to postpone the inevitable. She lay there just as she said she would and she moaned with each thrust and told me how awesome I felt. But no matter what, hearing her moan and then hearing her tell me, " … it's almost time baby, make it good."

I tried to hang on but in the end, I couldn't. I went with it and for the last few strokes into her I went deep and hard, hard enough to make her moan and wince, then she felt what I felt and I started to cum in her. I kept on thrusting. It felt burning hot to me and she squealed louder and louder with each spurt until the heat and wetness began to spread. There was no worry about me going soft just yet as I kept going at her. I felt her try to fight it almost as I'd tried to make it wait but then I felt her give way. Her eyes rolled upwards and then closed … and then it began, almost as if she were having seizure, her body would thrash around and she'd push her breasts up at me and then she'd push up with her pussy so firmly our bodies would crash together but she wanted it harder and deeper and each time she'd shriek a bit louder.

It's good that it was winter and the windows were closed or god knows what the neighbours would be thinking! At the end she even bit her lip trying to restrain her moans as she rocked her head back and forth. Then, almost as suddenly as it started, I felt her body grow slack and limp beneath me, and a second later she lay there motionless. It wouldn't surprise me if she had become unconscious in a state of bliss. I held her tightly and sure enough, after maybe a minute or two of holding her and running my hand against her shoulders and face, I felt her begin to respond. She pulled me closer and we kissed and hugged. I was still in her and when I went to move she pulled me back firmly against her and she murmured that she wanted me to stay in her until I was soft and 'fell out'. That happened a few minutes later and we both were looking at each other when we each felt my cock slip from her wet pussy. The thought that stuck with me was that may be this was the last time I feel that for a while now.

We lay there together for a few minutes until she started to laugh and whatever it was it made me giggle along with her. She looked at me and said, "that was incredible baby" but a moment later she stopped laughing and held me tightly and asked me one last time, "you okay with all this?”

I kissed her back and said, "never better".

She looked at me and let go of me and said, "I want to do this" and without any warning she leaned down and sucked my wet sticky soft cock into her mouth and licked all around and then said, "I'm not sure when I'll do that again … " and something about, " … not wanting to miss it".

A moment later she was encouraging me to go down on her. It took me a second to realise what she was asking but when I did I said, "oh, sure". I started to move into place and I was kneeling between her legs about to dig in she put her hand over her pussy and whispered, "can you stay on just the outside for now?......" and a second later added, " … I want to enjoy your last time in me".

Now whether we'd reached the big climactic moment and that was it, I'm not sure, or maybe the alcohol and the whole evening had finally caught up with us but we lay there in bed naked next to each other holding hands and with a last flute of champagne, I switched on the TV and saw that we were only about 10 minutes till midnight; all of that build-up and fun for our last time hadn't taken very long at all! It was kind of surreal, we really didn't say much as we toasted each other and our love for each other and as the ball-dropped we kissed.


I'd like to say we talked a lot more … but we haven't. I know we went to bed before 1am on New Year’s Day and both of us fell off to sleep like we'd been drugged.

Yesterday we had a ******-afternoon planned. Our kids drifted back home around lunchtime and we put a turkey in the oven about 2pm. Suzanna's sister's ****** came by about 5pm and joined us for a New Years dinner and today, unfortunately, she had to go into the office while I was able to work from home again.

So, yes, it's kind of been a bit weird; I know the weekend will give us more time that we need to talk.

I'm sure I missed writing down a lot of things that hopefully I'll recall but, again, I just had to get this out there while it was pretty fresh in my mind and while my cock still felt nicely drained.


All is well, quite well, as a matter of fact. I filled my first condom last night and it was quite an evening as both our kids had gone out for a while and we had some time alone. I admit the first time I was a bit slow to start as I think I was both nervous and horny at the same time. She was awesome though and, yes, she came several times before I gave into my urges. I will say that at the end when there was no cum-filled pussy to plunge into and ride her until she screamed, that it was something we both felt. Yes, I missed it, but I will also say that it is what I wanted to feel. It's not like she always came with me at the end but it's what we both wanted as the first steps. It was very erotic pulling out of her and again seeing the cum-filled end of the condom and to see her looking fresh and clean.

I will say that it is an odd feeling right now. I feel somewhat anxious and yet at the same time I have a profound feeling of calmness and contentment. Not sure I understand it all just yet.


Suzanna was playful again last night and I filled my second condom with her. I've decided that I am going to try to keep track of this during this year and possibly also try to keep track of how often Suzanna is with Paul.

I am surprised at my level of calmness. Other than starting to use condoms with her again, nothing else has really changed other than that we are talking about things and that time is progressing. I will say though that there are some subtle changes that I'm seeing already.

Such as on Saturday night when we were together and she made a specific reference to 'this being nice' and when we talked a bit more she said that it was nice that we could be together without feeling like there's this sexual-tension that I think we always felt. I know what she means, that with her seeing Paul in some ways it seemed like it pressured us in a way to have sex more to 'fit it in' if you will around her time with Paul. I do know that this may become more of our norm as we move forward which fits in about finding intimacy in another way.

I recognise that we're somewhat in the euphoric state right now. I see that in how Suzanna seemed to want it last night versus how she was on Saturday night where she wanted to just be together but not be so sexual .

Last night was more of a 'normal' night of sex rather than anything earth-shattering. Normal amounts of foreplay with a good dose of her teasing me,- pretty much starting with her giggling about having a turn with 'Paul's pussy'. Damn, did that get me horny?!

I will say that I didn't feel any of the hesitation that I'd felt on Friday; I clearly felt all the same things I had last time we'd done this. She was very animated during foreplay including asking me if I tasted anything like spunk in her when I went down on her. When I said 'no' she giggled and said, "oh yeah baby, I haven't seen Paul in a few days...." and it was obvious what she was teasing me about.

She laughed at how hard my cock was as we 69'd a bit but to me the most arousing moment was as I moved to kneel between her legs. She lay there ready for me and I loved looking down at her naked body waiting for me, then she reached into the nightstand and handed me a condom.

My god, that just an intense moment for me. It so brought back the feelings I had last time. I don't know why but pulling it on and rolling it down my cock, I only got harder knowing I was demonstrating my desire. I just can't find the words to explain it other than it seems to give me this incredible feeling of fulfilment. That, plus the smile on her face and the look of excitement is something that I can't deny. She's told me that she appreciates what I'm doing and that she recognizes that while it turns me on, that it's not necessarily something I would have wanted if she didn't.


It did surprise me that she hasn't seen Paul now in almost a week. She said they been talking and thinking that maybe next Tuesday. I expect she'll confirm with me later.

Our kids are hardly around now. Since our ******** went off to college she's got quite the social life now and is rarely home during the week and our son is actually heading off to visit some friends for a few days and he too expects to be leaving on Tuesday.

There has still no mention of any other kinds of dating or other get-togethers other than their having what will become a regular 2 times a week.

What I will also throw in here is that Suzanna is getting the itch to ski already and we are contemplating perhaps trying to get away over the MLK weekend. We talked about Paul possibly joining us but that’s only talk right now.


She was horny last night and she again orgasmed several times as we fucked. After she'd had her fill of cumming she looked up at me and said, "it's your turn baby" and I have to admit it was a moment that I loved. I don't know what it is about it but towards the end, it seems crazy to say it, but knowing what I am not feeling in her, not feeling the slick wetness of her pussy, that it just drives me crazy with desire and if last night is any example, my god, was I spent when we were done.

She had that same smile on her face seeing me pull the filled condom off as she has on Wednesday nights when she likes to watch me jerk off.


Another book filled. Maybe I'll just have a little bit of 'me time' before I begin another ....