Journal of a Journey - Book 80

Tuesday's conversation was very revealing in many ways. Without sex to distract us, it was easier for us to both talk. Rather than try to recap all of what we talked about, it is easier to summarize.

She was very forward with me and openly admitted that at first (years ago) she did this mainly for my benefit, but now she wanted me to know that she was the one who wanted it, other men, other sexual fulfilment and that she had very much come to appreciate and enjoy all of it. She said many things; that she used to think this kind of behaviour and having these desires was slutty, that sort of thing, but now she's come to understand that it's really empowering for her and she's recognizing the control she has over her desires. She also told me that whereas a lot of her friends and even relatives all are commenting on how un-sexy they feel and how sex has diminished in their lives as they get older, it's the total opposite for her! That, plus she said that she is so much more aware of herself sexually and how 'feminine' she feels.

I told her that I guess it's sort of how guys feel when they workout or when they're with a hot-lady, etc.

She came back to ask me about whether I still felt like a man and after I told her that I didn't feel threatened in that way she went on to ask about the whole beta thing. I knew that she wanted me to confirm that I still want all of this to happen as she admitted that she doesn't feel she can do it if it's not something that I want. She openly said that knowing it makes me feel good is still a big part of what makes her able to do this, which translates as meaning it's not something she wants to force on me.

She again emphasized that 'it's okay' if it's what I want and that she doesn't think any less or differently of me in anyway. She said years ago, when we first started all of this, that she didn't feel this way, that she felt it was weird, but now she appreciates that I was able to come out and say it and understands how hard it must have been for me to accept it for myself.

However, last night was much more when she wanted me to talk to her and open up to her. As I was masturbating she was watching and she even commented on how she could see how much it turned me on and commented on how huge my cock looked as I talked about it.

Then on Tuesday, she wanted me to try to tell her why I seem to have such a hard time letting go of my alpha-feelings and she told me point-blank that my beta desires, as I'd even told her, meant that she would have her sexual pleasure primarily with Paul. As part of that, she said, I just had to accept that she was going to make love with Paul and that she was eventually going to cum with him just as she has/does with me.

It wasn't an antagonistic conversation at all; instead it was very loving and encouraging where she wants me to feel more comfortable with me accepting all of this. In turn I told her that after this past weekend, that I did felt better about it and that I did understand what she was saying. At one point she said that she needed to know this is what I wanted in order for her to let herself go and feel more with him. Before I told her anything further she did turn to me and tell me that she wants this too … then immediately added, 'as long as it's what you want'.

I admitted that I was hesitant about it. I told her what I'd said before, that not ever seeing her with Robert made it easier as it wasn't so 'in-my-face' but again, after this past weekend, it bothered me less and I'm now quite sure that I will get there.

She hugged me and again told me she loved me for saying that. I told her that it hurt but in a good way, to see her with Paul. She told me that is something she's coming to understand; she confessed and mentioned her pen-pals have been helping to come to this conclusion and that it's okay if it still turns me on and is what I want to have happen.

She pushed me to talk to her more openly and not to feel so inhibited about my beta-feelings and again, emphasized that it's okay if it's what turns me on. I told her that for me, at least, that it's hard for me to talk openly about giving her sexual intimacy to Paul. She said she understood that and in fact last night, she encouraged me to talk to her more about what turned me on.

In the end, Tuesday's conversation focused on her wanting to know that despite my misgivings or apprehensions at times, that it is what I want. She said that she wants to feel confident and to not feel uncertainty from me so that she can carry on based on her own desires and that she doesn't want to have to worry about me. She emphasized that she wants to be sure that if she and Paul are particularly amorous and intimate that she doesn't have to worry that I’m going to be upset or anything. That was when I had to tell her that despite any of my angst and even how I felt on the prior weekends at our house, that even with my ill feelings, that I never felt that I didn't want it to happen. The look on her face at that moment really seemed to finally convince her of my sincerity.

That broke a bit of a log-jam for us, our conversation moved from uncertainty into more open sharing. She told me that it turns her on that she knows that she'll be having more exclusivity with Paul in the future and made it quite clear to me that she was very much looking forward to me starting to use condoms with her again; openly telling me that she knows it will increase the intensity and intimacy she shares with Paul.

I told her that it turned me on to think about and seeing him cum in her last weekend, although the actual moment is still quite angst-filled for me, that seeing him pull out of her bare and knowing he'd cum in her, it did reinforce the strange desire I have to let her only have that with him. She squealed hearing me say that and said it turned her on so much to know that was my reaction.

We talked a bit about 'what-ifs' but before we got into it she looked at me and told me that she wanted this to be a bit more than last time and again said that she didn't want to have too many exceptions where I'd get to feel her bare again. (I did not push that, just happy to hear that it wasn't going to be 100% absolute).

I asked her if she was still thinking she might want more than my just using condoms. She looked at me and asked me, "do you want that?". I was quiet for a second but then took a deep breath and told her 'maybe'; I told her that it would depend on how everything was going.

She looked at me and asked, "would it be something you'd want to try for a little while first and then decide?" immediately adding that this wouldn't be until sometime next year which relaxed me that it wasn't something she wanted right away.

I was honest and told her that if things were good that it might be something different we could try next year which brought about another squeal of delight, a hug and her again repeating that, "I want it to be good for you". I told her that I didn't know why but the thought of it did turn me on.

The last big thing from Tuesday's conversation was her telling me again that I should be the one to tell Paul what we both want. I told her what I had thought about that, knowing it was something she'd been interested in; I guess I wasn't surprised really when she said, "it should come from you".

I told her that I'd thought about that and that I had an idea to tell him that it's something we're doing as a holiday present that I’m giving to her (as opposed to her asking me) and that I hoped I'd be able to say to Paul that, in a way, it's a present for him too.

She asked me how I was going to feel telling him that and when I thought I would do so. I told her that I hoped I would feel good about it and that I hoped he'd take it the right way; I told her that I thought I'd tell him when it got closer to Christmas, a kind of gift.

She smiled broadly and told me how good that sounded and then she said that she would start to mention things to him a little so that maybe it wouldn't be quite the surprise. I asked her again if she might tell him and she looked at me and said that it's something I should do and even mentioned that it is something a 'beta' should do.

We moved the conversation on and talked about some of my fears, concerns and apprehensions. I told her that I feared that we might not be able to get back to being 'just us'. She pooh-poohed that and pointed out that we had no problem getting back to 'just us' for almost the past year. I didn't remind her that she's also fucked 3 new guys in that time, Glenn, Tony and now Paul, but I still did feel good about how she emphasized how we did get back together.

I also told her that I wasn't sure how I was going to feel being around them after New Years. She held me tightly at that point and said that she was sure that Paul wouldn't make me feel weird about it and that she would be sure to keep him in line and that she was sure that if she was turned on by it, that he would be too.

She reminded me of how I was when she was with Dan and I didn't have sex with her at all at his place. I told her that Paul and Dan were different people and that Dan was a more aggressive person. She agreed but said that Paul cares about her and has said that he wants this to work for all of us so she thinks it'll be fine.

She then asked me if I thought I'd be turned on if I'd have used a condom with her this past Saturday. I told her that if the circumstances were right and I was comfortable with it, that it probably would have been okay.

So, as I said, we got a lot out in the open on Tuesday such that last night was somewhat enlightening. But that will have to wait till after lunch.


Continuing on with Tuesday's conversation, she pushed and encouraged me to tell her what turned me on about everything and what I thought about. She told me I shouldn't feel I need to hold back and that she likes hearing all that I'm thinking about and to know what turns me on. Thing is, it's how she said it, so understandingly and so empathetically. I think I may be finally easing up on my own over-thinking about all of this knowing she is really good with it all.

She pushed me and gave me some starting thoughts; she wanted to know all that I thought about watching them together and that I should tell her how it makes me feel and not just that it turned me on. It wasn't easy at first but she was really a good listener and she encouraged me to be graphic with her.

I told her how it made me ache inside to see her own wetness around his cock in her and how I knew just what he was feeling inside her; how incredible it was to know she was wanting it.

I told her how it gave me a pang of angst to see her spread her legs and reveal all of herself to the man who will soon be fucking her.

I told her honestly how it made me feel a little ill at first but then how towards the end, it made me feel really turned on so see her responding and kissing him and being intimate with him.

She giggled at how hard my cock was getting as I told her my thoughts. I was honest, I told her that the thought of his cum filling her pussy instead of mine was something that would forever keep me hard and horny.

I told her that seeing her lose herself with him made me feel good knowing she was enjoying herself and sharing herself with him.

It was when she pushed me to tell her about my thoughts about using condoms with her that I really got hard and she noticed that, for sure!

I told her that the thoughts of it as we spoke were starting to really turn me on, that I'd thought about being that horny and knowing she didn't want me to cum in her was something that really got to me and would always make me feel aroused.

She teased me a bit about 'that's all you get as my beta' and then she even said that I shouldn't even get to make her cum as her beta-man and that only her alpha-man should be the one to make her cum.

She teased me that I'd been a good-boy last Saturday by just getting myself off in her and not pushing her sexually to cum or respond to me too much. She said she really loved that I was so good about that and that it made her feel really close to Paul afterwards to know she'd only cum with him.

She asked me if I was okay with that, emphasizing that 'it's what you asked for' that only Paul would make her cum after New Year’s Eve. I moaned back a firm, yes, and told her that it's something I did want to feel and explore.

That was it, she'd gotten my mind racing; I can't even tell you what she said in the end that set me off, whether it was my own thoughts or whether it was her telling me she'll feel all of that later today when she sees him again.

I was really into stroking my hard cock and all of a sudden I felt it just let loose. She gasped and squealed at how suddenly and without a lot of notice I'd cum and afterwards she came up and kissed my cheek and told me again how sexy it looked when I'd cum like that; how it turned her on that it wasn't in her as she swept the thick spurts into one pool. As she brought it to my lips on her fingers she looked at me and asked if cumming on Wednesday nights makes it easier for me on Thursdays and I nodded my head and told her yes.

I didn't say it but I know she thought about whether I should masturbate on Friday or even on Saturdays to make it so I didn't need her so much when he's here.


Even though I have seen her with Frank and all those others before, I can’t emphasize enough is that it feels so new each time. Yeah, I've seen her having sex probably hundreds of times over these past few years and of course it is exciting, it always is, but seeing her with someone new, seeing their comfort and closeness increase; knowing what is happening as I watch from week-to-week, it is incredibly intoxicating.

Even tonight as I sit here writing, knowing they are together, I cannot tell you how turned on I am that she is at his place and likely to be naked or just in his button-up shirt by now. Yes, she's done that for years now, but knowing it's a new guy and that he is seeing her develop and come out of her shell for him right in front of his eyes too. I am rock hard thinking about it even after jerking off intensely last night. I'm sure the feelings and intensity will fade once it becomes something that is not-so-new, but the arousal is always there.


This morning as she pranced around naked I noted with pleasure that her pussy still very bare and that she has shaved which I know she has done just for him. It sounds weird in my head but all I can think about is his cock being buried in her shaven pussy. Even when she's dressed or we're out somewhere I think about it but seeing her naked, the thought just consumes me. I find myself at times trying to see if she's still wet from him or if she's visibly wet or aroused, again, now knowing she's likely thinking about him.

I will say that whoever is advising Suzanna through her contacts on the internet, that he is doing a great job of steering her. I really do feel a lot more comfortable the more we talk and the more she reassures me that it's all good for both of us. I will admit that even after admitting my beta desires to her, that it was only recently that I think I truly feel that she may have accepted it. I cannot express how turned on it makes me to think of her wanting to exclude me sexually. It sounds weird but I love knowing that another man wants her as much as he does and that she very much wants him.


Suzanna told me earlier tonight that Paul will again be coming over tomorrow and that it will be good for me to get used to it. I didn't disagree.


He arrived and Suzanna left us alone together for a bit on Saturday. Paul was pretty up front about it and said that he wanted to be sure, "all this is okay with you?” He told me that Suzanna had told him that I was but that he'd never really talked to me about it. I wasn't really ready to reveal all but I knew it was an opportunity and, as I said, he was very amiable; he even made me feel like he was genuinely concerned about me.

I enlightened him that, just like Suzanna had told him, I enjoyed and got off on her being with other guys. I told him we'd been playing with this for a number of years and that we'd both grown to enjoy the excitement it added.

He asked me a few blunt questions including, at one point, "how do you do it?"

I told him honestly that at times it wasn't easy but that it turned me on and that I knew Suzanna enjoyed it and I told him that, "it's done wonders for her" which led to him saying that he can't believe we are as old as we are. He joked with me that she's 'better than some girls half her age' which made me laugh and I told him that it's only gotten better.

We didn't talk about anything explicitly like how she feels when she cums or anything like that, but he did ask if I was okay with how he was with her. I don't think he was comfortable in asking me anymore because, in truth, the conversation had become a bit awkward but when he asked if I was really okay with it I answered him truthfully and said that it always made me uncomfortable at first but that I was getting more used to it and I that I was okay with it.

I didn't ask her but I swear she was eavesdropping because when the conversation grew cold she seemed to come bounding back into the room and asked, "how's my guys getting along?" and she commented about how she wants us to be comfortable with each other.

It wasn't long before Paul left the room to use the bathroom when Suzanna came over to me and kissed me and thanked me for being nice to Paul. We talked for a moment and she hugged me and said it was nice that we were getting along and asked if we'd had a nice conversation. I told her that he was a nice guy and I looked at her and said, "I'm okay if you want him".

She hugged me and asked me, "would you be okay if I was just with him today?" and then she looked at me and said, "I promise you can have me later or maybe tomorrow...." She looked at me with these doe-eyes that made it hard to tell her no.

I asked her what she meant and she immediately understood my question; whether she didn't want me to cum in her or whether she just wanted to be with him only. She looked at me and said, "if you're okay with it just being him.... I promise.... later tonight, not even tomorrow....". We heard the toilet flush and I knew she wanted an answer so I told her begrudgingly, "okay".

In my head I wondered what I was going to say to Paul after our conversation now.

The conversation didn't return to sex until after dinner when Suzanna asked if we'd had a nice talk before. With some wine in us, it was easier for me to joke around and I said something like "yeah, Paul told me what position he likes you best in!" That remark brought a shocked look to Paul's face and he was speechless as she casually replied, "Oh yeah, and what did he say?"

I laughed and told her 'alone with you' which brought a look of relief to his face and made us all laugh. Suzanna smiled and sat on the arm of the couch next to Paul and touched his shoulder and said, "he's right" and then she ran her hand up into his hair before she got up and got us some more wine.

Needless to say I was rock hard seeing their comfort levels increasing and I started to envision the two of them in bed as I hoped to see them; it was a good feeling. When she came back she poured me a bit more wine and as she did I saw that at some point she'd taken her bra off and when she leaned down I could see her breasts. As she poured some wine to Paul I joked, "…. giving him a good view?" to which she pulled the front of her top further away to let him see more clearly. She turned her head to me and said matter-of-factly, "yes" and she jiggled them for him before standing back up and then sitting back on the arm of the couch again.

This conversation with Paul seemed to ease some of the unspoken tension I think we both felt. I was very ambivalent about Suzanna's request as I know that previously I was over-thinking it but up to then I seemed to have my thoughts around that I wanted to Paul to see me fucking her too.

I can't really comment on the idle talk we shared or for how long, suffice to say that when I got up to go get some more drinks from the kitchen, Suzanna called after me from the living room and said, "bring the drinks and come meet us upstairs". As I went into the kitchen I heard them shuffle by and walk up the stairs. I got a beers for Paul and me and a little more wine for Suzanna and carried them up to the bedroom a few minutes later.

As I walked up the stairs and down the hallway I had a sudden flashback to how I felt seeing her with Dan in our bed that first time and how much that seemed to hurt me back then. The feeling quickly left me as now, knowing what I was about to see, I was eager and even excited to see them. I guess the talking with Suzanna about it being something that I just need to accept was starting to sink in. I knew what I'd see, how vulnerable and ******* she would be and how he was going to again have all of her, and while I still had that sinking feeling in my stomach, this time I can say that my cock was steadily throbbing and I could feel my arousal level rising with every step.

Sure enough, I looked in the bedroom and they were on the bed, kissing, hugging, rolling gently against each other, his thigh between her legs and her obviously grinding against his leg. When she moved back away from him I saw that her top was now unbuttoned and he was making himself at home with her breasts.

Again, I have to say that while I still felt some apprehension at seeing just how focused she was on him, at the same time it was incredible to see her responding to him so much; tilting her head and shoulders back so he could suck at her nipples, stretching her arm down to feel the bulge in his pants.

She was right, I need to let her have him the way she wants him and so I stood there for a moment until their passion settled down again and they both turned their heads to see me standing there at the bedroom door. I put the drinks down on the nightstand and joined them. It was pretty erotic, the 3 of us lying on our bed; he and I still fully dressed and her lying between us virtually naked from the waist up feeling so comfortable. He put his hand on her right breast and I took the left and I told him, "she likes it when you gently squeeze them upwards from the bottom". He followed immediately my instruction and we both felt her moan deeply and arch her back and heard her saying, "you guys are sooo bad".

I moved to pull my shirt off but already Paul had gone for her pants and as I threw my shirt aside I helped him pull down the right side of her pants. She raised her butt and we pulled her jeans off her leaving her in what looked like new panties, very lacy in the front leaving very little hidden beneath. My god, she was so hot looking lying there breathing deeply as Paul pulled her pants off all the way. She made no effort to cover up at all, instead spreading her legs and giving us both a very clear view that she was still shaven and bare.

Instead of continuing to get undressed I was content to watch for a moment as Paul stood next to the bed on her right and to take off his shirt. She never even looked at me, instead she just rolled to her right onto her elbow and, as if it were nothing, began to undo his belt and then unzip his pants. He held his boxers up as she pulled his pants down and when she complained he motioned to her panties. She let out a groan and then, as I sat there next to her on the bed, she lifted herself up and slid off her panties while still looking at him; she gave me no mind at all. He looked up to see if I was paying attention and I think I smiled and kinda did a thumbs-up before she pulled down his boxers which took both our attention. Needless to say he didn't look up when she took his cock in her hands or when she started to suck him too.

It was a moment that in the past might have gotten to me, her lying there naked facing him, sucking him hard; now, as I watched, his hands roaming over her body, her spreading her legs and him being very comfortable tickling her pussy I admit it still made me have that angst feeling but, as I already said, somehow now it was easier watching her. Now, sitting on the bed, I thought about what she'd asked, for me to let her just be with him that part of me thought and still does think that would make it easier.

Actually what my mind has gone to since then is that maybe a part of me felt that I had to somehow compete with Paul, or at least show that I was in competition. Don't think I wasn't horny because I was (oh my god, was I horny?!) but to be honest, I felt the most intense cuckold voyeur desire to just watch them and give her just what she asked for.

A moment later she rolled onto her back to get closer to me and Paul lay on the bed on the other side of her. She turned to me and I leaned down and kissed her as Paul again began to run his hands all over her body. It was erotic to be kissing her and to feel her breathing change or feel her lips flutter as I watched Paul’s hands all over and in her. She didn't move to end our kiss so I kept it up and, from the corner of my eye, watched out as her knees came up and then spread apart. I turned to be able to see Paul’s fingers now touching her pussy, he'd licked his thumb and forefinger and I watched his wet fingers expertly play with her pussy, knowing just how to spread her open, how to slide her 'hood' back and ****** her throbbing bud of a clit and how to tease it so perfectly. I'll even admit to getting off on thinking that she'd obviously had to show him previously herself how to touch her most intimately! I know last time I felt queasy watching them, and I did still feel it, but my god, I guess her 'conditioning' was helping because I didn't feel threatened at all this time seeing her show no resistance at all to him.

Just a second later his index and middle fingers disappeared into her pussy for the first time and I could feel the bed as she arched her back and welcomed his entry.

She moaned her approval and Paul, quite the gentleman, as he was pleasuring Suzanna like that suddenly looked up at me and said, "are you going to be joining us?"

Honestly, at that moment it gave me the most intense pleasure to say, "not just yet, you two have fun!" as I think I finally felt myself give in and accept things. I moved away from them as they both went back to focusing on each other and I became a distant memory.

Despite feeling a bit of queasiness, it really was a magnificent to be able to watch and see the two of them continue to grow together. She rolled away from him and just seeing his hand on the small of her back as she hugged and kissed him, it was really so nice to see. She put one leg over his and I could see in her own way that she was aroused as was he! I knew her nipples would be hard as rocks against him and sure enough, when she lay onto her back again, they stood up proudly.

Once more he had the courtesy to ask me, "you sure you're okay?" as he moved to kneel between her legs and when I croaked out a 'yeah' he crouched down and for the first time I saw him spread her pussy apart as he prepared to move in to lick her. I wasn't fully ready for that and to be honest, seeing her hold her legs back and seeing him licking her deeply did bother me. It was just the explicitness of it, and the reality that he was surely tasting just how sweet she is. It only bothered me for a short while but I also know that not seeing this before, it was just another level of intimacy that I knew existed already and would just have to accept. When I heard her moaning softly and then saw her hand move to the back of his head to guide him, strangely, it made me feel better. Maybe it was knowing that she was getting her pleasure out of it and it wasn't just for him to lick her most tender bits!

Neither of them looked at me but they did make eye contact with each other several times. I know from the past, seeing her wanting to look at the man licking away at her pussy, that she has to feel really good about it. So seeing her looking down at him was a big thing for me.

I don't know how long they were at it, it seemed like a whole slow-motion thing, but as soon as he began to move up from his feast, she eagerly pulled back her legs and I felt like crying with joy to see how effortless and yes, how beautiful she looked as a moment later he rubbed his cock against her pussy and just slipped into her effortlessly. No big pushing all around and teasing her, she just pulled her legs back and he took her once again.

I was struck by the effortless transition from just foreplay into him beginning to fuck her; a jumble of different scenes and angles but the moment is quite clear, even down to the gentle squishing sound that was created as he took his place inside her. Suzanna turned her head and was looking at me for a moment as he entered her and I did enjoy sharing that moment with her as she knew that I was right there with her.

From that moment on, everything became a blur. She certainly enjoyed him fucking her in the missionary position but I was then treated to him pulling out of her with a visible effect on her pussy and to see that fat shiny knob almost pop out as she released him. He then gently pushed at her hips until she turned over and with her head and shoulders down into the pillow she presented her pussy to him on her knees. She glanced at me again and said something like 'go ahead' or 'go on' and encouraged me to continue watch. I remember feeling a little weird kneeling on the bed watching as he stood next to it and ran his fingers up and down the outsides of my wife’s pussy! He said something to me about he knew she liked how it felt when he did this; I groaned back something like 'I know'. It was pretty erotic.

I have to say, I knew she really wanted him (obviously!) but at the same time it didn't bother me and as I knelt there about to watch him fuck her. I saw him take his fingers and on each side of her pussy I watched him pull her open like the petals of a beautiful pink flower! Inside she was visibly wet and open. He looked at me and then I realized it, he was waiting for me to move into his place and for me to fuck her. That was when I said something encouraging but honestly told him that I was just so into watching the two of them together and, " no, you go ahead."

I felt kind of weird saying that because, well, kneeling there on the bed next to him with his cock ready for her, it was kind of surreal.

I can say that at that moment I felt a distinct sense of incredible pleasure and satisfaction. The moment that made me cringe and even almost puke in the past had yielded way to giving me a wicked thrill as this time I watched Paul fuck Suzanna in the doggy position with her pussy literally presented to him. Maybe having her face down made it less intimate to me, but there was no denying watching him push slowly and deeply into her until he pulled her back firmly by her hips.

The sounds, the moans and the scents were just incredible. Again, what seemed to have given me the intense arousal was from seeing him fucking her firmly but what I noticed even more were the sounds of her moans and squeals coming through the pillow into which she was yelling. Each plunge in and out of her and her response made it obvious that the rest of her world was nonexistent and then came the moment when he pushed into her and I knew that she was cumming. He pushed so that he was 'balls deep', he held her still and I could see her gently pushing back at him as she rocked her shoulders into the pillow. She gave a low moan; yep, she was definitely cumming!

Suddenly, in the next moment he had again pulled out of her and this time, there was no surprise when she flung herself onto her back and motioned for him to now, go down closer to her. I will say that I surely had another emotional pang at seeing her wanting him so at that moment but it was beautiful seeing her arms wrap around his shoulders as he leaned down against her body. Then I saw it; her hand reached down and grasped his fat wet shaft and she guided him back into her. Just for a second, as he held her legs back, she was absolutely gaping open for him and, yes, it hurt seeing him slowly push into her, this time more slowly and, as they kissed, much more passionately.

Neither of them looked at me and as I sat there watching them I got the perverse feeling that they were the married couple and that I was the 3rd party. I actually thought about it for a bit while they were at it. As I said, the time of all of this is all jumbled but I know that at one point as they writhed back and forth that I actually said to myself that this is how it'd be with him as the alpha and me as the beta. If that wasn't cuckold-ish enough to think about, I actually found myself turned on by the thought!

She was really responding to him, and I mean really responding. Now I am seeing that there are visible changes after her Thursdays with him; she was vocal, moaning loudly but at times telling him 'harder' or 'more'.

Then, suddenly I sensed their rhythm changing. I don't know how long it'd been but she'd cum several times and was lying much more limply under him but I knew what the shift meant and I slowly moved around on the bed. God, it sounds so weird to say this but after now seeing him several times, I almost know his sounds and movements when he is close. She looked beautiful beneath him and I do mean it. She was so relaxed by then and it was obvious she was totally into him grinding against her and then pulling almost all the way out. I almost wanted to say something encouraging but I didn't want to disturb the moment. I did look up and again had a little twinge of angst seeing her looking up at him so lovingly knowing he was about to cum in her. I knew the look so well and it made me really jealous and envious at seeing her that way for him but again, as I saw her eyes close as he got even closer, my queasy feeling gave way to intense arousal when I saw her start to cum again with him; both saw and heard it. A moment later I will admit that I eagerly watched as he took one last plunge into my wife and remained deep in her. His body tensed and, at least in my head, I could see his cock pulsing his spunk into her.

As quickly as it had started, he seemed to be done and was quite still with her hugging him. They weren't moving, just gently kissing each other. She turned her head to me as he rolled off her but she made no effort to move at all. I actually loved that she felt, 'why would I move?'

I continued to look at her, slowly looking up and down her body as he lay next to her. She looked up at me and I thought she was going to say something but instead it was Paul who spoke first and said, "wow, that was crazy". A second later he looked up at me and said something like 'she's all yours'.

She was still looking at me and I knew I could have said 'thanks' and just climbed onto her and taken his place and enjoyed myself that way but it was obvious from the look on her face what she really wanted.

It took me a second to say it but then I came out and said, "no, I'll wait; you guys have your fun ..... I'm going to go downstairs for a bit".

As I started to move away from them I saw her mouth to me 'I love you'. Paul looked a bit confused and asked at least twice, "are you sure?" apparently in disbelief when I left the room.

I left the room leaving the door wide open and as I retreated heard her say something about, "… now you're mine".

From the living room downstairs I heard them, quiet at first, then noisy, then quiet and then noisy.

I sat and listened stroking my stiff dick through my boxers when I heard them once again get noisy but this time not quieten down; Suzanna had become so vocal. At one point I could hear her moaning slowly over and over, "oh god, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me" followed by hearing her seething sexual groans. It was exciting to hear him saying 'so good' and other compliments to her as it was obvious that they were both nearing the end. I heard several other sounds drifting down and then I heard the moans get louder and louder till Paul let out his tell-tale grunt. I heard Suzanna squeal out loud several times and then it all went silent.

I wanted to go up but another part of me said to stay where I was touching my throbbing cock beneath the fabric of my boxers. Maybe 5 minutes or so went by when I heard noises again and then the sound of water running in the bathroom. I didn't know how much longer I could really wait, I so wanted to run up to have my turn with her but at the same time, I didn't want to interrupt them.

Sure enough, same as our new pattern, Paul came downstairs again looking and acting a little sheepish when he saw me sitting, waiting there. What he thought about me being half-naked, holding my dick, he didn't say. He just said, "She's incredible, I'm not sure how all of this is going to work out, but she's incredible"

I told him he shouldn't worry about that and that I liked that he was taking good care of her and as he was getting ready to leave, I joked with him, "thanks for getting her warmed up".

He joked back something like, "she's better than warm; she's smoking hot!" which made me laugh.

He let himself out and by the time the front door closed I was in our bedroom again sitting on the bed next to my wife who was lying naked beneath the sheets on the bed looking like she'd just woken up (or just gotten fucked!). She looked at me with sleepy eyes and said, "I want you."

I wasn't sure what to say or what to do when she surprised me saying more forcefully, "I meant it, I want you now". I asked her if she was sure and she said "yes, I want to share it with you".

I was stripped in a second and she giggled at how my cock was so hard! I told her I'd need to have her soon and when I pulled the sheet off her I was momentarily stunned by just how she looked! They'd obviously been very passionate while I was away from them; her breasts had clearly been sucked and pawed repeatedly. Her skin was smooth and supple and as I pulled the covers further down I revealed her just-fucked pussy, visibly swollen and reddened. She turned to me as I lay next to her and she held my hard cock and she told me, "I need to feel you baby" and with that she lay back and raised her knees for me. I knelt between them and it was my turn to feel her silky warmth and his cum around my cock.

She wasn't very wet on the outside and any thoughts I might need some lubricant at first was forgotten as l I pushed deep into her and felt the silky wetness spreading. The more I pushed deep into her and pulled back the wetter and wetter she became. I don't think she intended to cum with me, but when I let my brain start to think about possibly only having her bare like that maybe 12 or 13 more times, I really started to slam into her. She felt very open and very wet and she started to respond. I could feel it and I managed to hold off until I felt her have a small orgasm with me. She was moaning softly in my ear as she felt me getting bigger in her and we both knew I was going to cum soon. When she felt I was really close she said she had something to tell me and just as I felt it building up she looked up and whispered, "he did it baby, he made me cum like you do.....”

I can't remember cumming geyser-like that before; it was so strong that it almost hurt at how hard when I felt the first spurts get sent into her. She moaned loudly as she felt me let go and I really let loose. Wow, I can't explain how she felt other than heavenly. She had one more decent orgasm with me as I kept up my pace but I realized she'd been literally fucked-out by Paul earlier.

I stayed in her and hugged her and whispered to her, "really, he did it?"

She moaned softly, "yeah ….", hugged me tightly, "….oh god, yeah.... finally …. " and joked, "… I think I scared him."

We both laughed so hard that she literally squished me right out of her pussy!


Since Monday I've had a lot of time to think and last night I felt I was able to share some of it with Suzanna. She has become much more forward with me about wanting to watch me masturbate and she asked if I relieved myself at other times other than Wednesdays. I told her what I think she knew, that unless she really drains me or unless I know or want us to have sex within the next day or so, that I usually will jerk-off at least once a day. As I said, she didn't sound surprised but she was interested. She asked me when I do it and I told her that sometimes it's in the morning when I'm showering but mainly it's at night when my mind wanders to thinking about her.

It all meshed together as I admitted I'd jerked off both Monday and Tuesday nights as I had sorted out my own thoughts. She asked again if she could watch me and I told her okay and she got excited about it saying she really wanted to share it with me. I actually thought in my head at the time that maybe that's her version of how I feel about watching and knowing about her and what she does, then when she asked me to tell her about it and what I was thinking it seemed to make sense to me. She also told me that she was very turned on by knowing that all of this makes me horny and that I wanted to masturbate thinking about her (them) and that she loved knowing how much I was cumming at these thoughts.

So, I lay there next to her and I started to stroke my cock as I talked to her. One of the first things I told her was that I had been thinking more about what she'd said, whether this was what I wanted. I looked at her and I told her that I did still want to go ahead with it and I came out and told her straight up that I did still want to be the 'beta' for her. I told her that it'd made me very horny to think that I won't be making her cum in the future.

She was very surprised that I'd said that and asked me what I meant. I repeated what I'd told her long ago, that giving Paul the 'alpha' status with her, that I did want him to be the one to give her the sexual passion she wants. I told her that when she told me that he'd made her cum like Robert and I, that the more I thought about it, the more I wanted her to have that with him.

She looked at me and said, "it turns you on that he'll have something with me that you won't, doesn't it?” She also looked at my now huge cock as I stroked it and she said in a sexy voice that it makes her feel all crazy and turned on to see my big cock that's made her cum for almost 30 years and to now look at it and know that she won't have that and she admitted that seeing me cum really made her horny to think about it.

As I really got into stroking it she asked me if it turned me on to hear her talk like that. I moaned back, "absolutely it does".

She cooed in my ear, "do you think what it'll be like after New Years?" to which, almost without even thinking about it, I told her a huge yes and that the thought of her just having Paul cum in her drove me crazy to think about.

She moved even closer to me and cooed in my ear about, "does that turn you on to know that something else you will have given to him?”

It was the teasing sexy way she'd said it that really got to me and when I moaned back a yes she continued to tease, "Just like all those times in the past, my lover will have things with me that you won't....." and she told me how excited it made her feel that I wanted to give all of that to Paul.

I told her that it wasn't easy but it was definitely something I wanted to do and to feel with her, to know that she was truly wanting another man sexually and that I wanted to see it happen. My god, was my cock throbbing....

She teased me more, asking me when we can go condom-shopping and even asking me if I still wanted the thin ones like we'd been using.

I didn't understand why she'd asked that until she asked me, "would it turn you on to feel even less of me in a regular condom?”

I looked at her and was thinking about what she'd asked when she continued and said she was just thinking that maybe that would somehow make me feel even more aroused. I told her that hearing her say it did turn me on in a weird way but that I didn't think I'd want to give up that much with her. To which she replied somewhat coldly, "it's okay, it's really up to you, I'll be doing it for you".

I looked at her with a questioning look and she pretty much came out and said that while she would always want to feel me and connect with me sexually, she stated clearly that once Paul becomes the only one to really make her cum, that she will be letting me fuck her with the condoms on mainly for me.

She held my hand and said that she'd always want to feel close and to have things be good for me and she thought that I would need it with her after. She giggled and said that if she's not going to cum with me and that she's not going to feel me cumming in her, that it really wasn't something she needed. She even joked, "I can always use a toy instead …. but you knew that, right?"

I struggled to understand what sort of sexual relationship she wants to have with me but then she confused me even more by saying very clearly, "once you are using condoms with me, that it's really more for you than me".


New book time and there's so much more to tell …!