Journal of a Journey - Book 75

Apologies, this book has been posted out of sequence (thanks to Maria for advising me of my error.)

It’s like 1:30am and I'm wired. I'm horny as hell thinking about tomorrow as well as other things and she knew it and thought it was funny. She giggled that I should be sure and not jerk-off when she kicked me out of the bedroom. Just as well as she was snoring a bit!

Even now she hasn't told me everything about her time with him. She's told me that she's very comfortable around him and that he's getting used to her liking to be undressed when she's with him. She once again told me that he's very surprised at how relaxed she is sexually. I told her that it turned me on to think of her with him like that and she told me he's a lot of fun.

What I wasn't hearing from her was that the sex was great. I thought about that and told her that she should relax and let things happen on their own and for her to enjoy herself and again I asked her sort of comically, "he gets you to cum, right?" She giggled and gave a shy nod and I said to her that, "maybe it'll just take some more time".

It was just after that when she told me about doing the HIV test. I thought it was good that she was, finally, being sensible and cautious and I told her so. She asked me if that turned me on, knowing what it meant to have him take the test and without a moment of hesitation I told her yes.

It wasn't long after that when we worked ourselves into a frenzy as she teased telling me that, "Paul was right where you are now baby". There were other taunts until she felt my own cock swell in her and she moaned deeply as I got into an intense rhythm with her. She would moan loudly as I'd pull back till I'd almost be out of her and then drive back into her deeply and grind up against her as I would pull her knees back and apart. I pushed up onto my elbows and I looked down at my cock pushing into her and all I could think about was Paul in my place and him feeling her body surrender to him. I pushed deeply into her and I let go, staying buried in her until I'd felt the last of the big spurts. I was still hard and I knew that was exactly what she wanted.

I have to admit right now that every time we have sex that in the back of my mind we are likely one fuck closer to her restricting me again. At that moment the thought of not feeling her; of not feeling her pussy welcoming my cock; of not feeling her body just lose control, is something that drove me wild and kept me rock hard as I kept thrusting until she went limp beneath me.

At that I will end this entry by sharing some of what we talked about on Wednesday night. She again brought up the thought of me choosing by myself when to begin using condoms with her. I reminded her that it was going to be her who would tell me when she was going to let Paul have her bare and, at that time, she said she didn't know when other than it will happen one day. She then again shared with me that she didn't know if he was 'the one' and that she didn't know if she'd feel the desire to be exclusive with him that way. So again she asked me if it turned me on so much, is it something that I'd ever choose by myself to do with her.

Now, I know I could have just said yes but instead I told her that, yes, it would turn me on, but added that knowing she also wanted it was something that was very much tied into how I felt.

She hugged me and teased me and asked me if I'd ever do it using a condom once in a while with her. I was curious where she was going so I said something like, "maybe, what did you have in mind". She slid down and kissed my ear and whispered whether maybe once in a while I would use one, "you know, if you really needed to have me when I first get home" and I immediately realized she's talking about the future when she's going bare with him. She tipped her head up and looked at me and said, "it'd be pretty hot if you ever did that …" and after a second added, "… it'd really convince me that it did turn you on".

I groaned back that it turned me on and she slid back up and cooed in my ear that, "maybe it'd help make it better for us .... you know, maybe if it was only his stuff in me .....". Oh man she was really laying it on. I remember being kind of frantic stroking my cock, too horny to think too much about what she was saying other than it did make me horny. She leaned in again and said, "you'd do that baby, once in a while let me just enjoy being his" or something like that. Just the way she said it really turned me on and a second later I grunted and let my load fly. I remember hearing her cooing about how wonderful I was.

She started to clean me up a bit and she leaned in and we shared a kiss and one of her wet fingers and she told me that I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to. I told her again that part of enjoying it for me was knowing she wanted it. She smiled and told me she understood and repeated some of what I'd said about just relaxing about it and letting what happens happen.


I just heard that if that home-test kit is quick, that she might let him go bare tomorrow. Damn, if I wasn't hard already I am now! Even if that doesn't happen, she told me she'd handle everything conversation-wise if she needed to.

So that's the main thing that has me wired; that even if he doesn't go bare with her, that they're very likely going to have sex here for the first time. I'm not sure what to think, in some ways I feel like an anxious father almost. I did ask her if she thought we'd maybe all 3 be together. She said that if it's really comfortable, that she would be into that and that if it's not, that she hoped I'd give her some alone-time with him first.


He’s due here in about an hour from now. Suzanna's been primping all morning including freshly shaving her pussy. I peeked in on her using that pink lady shaver as she got into all the nooks and crannies, she smiled up at me and said, "Paul likes it when it's really bare". She shared his 'secret' that he has only been with one other woman who shaved bare like Suzanna does.

I have some beer and wine for us. Suzanna got some shrimp and cheese and crackers and we have burgers on the menu for dinner. She again told me that she will guide things and that I should just act nice and feel normal with him. She said she swapped emails with him earlier today and he said that as long as things felt comfortable, that he definitely wanted to have sex with her here at our house.

Knowing it's likely to happen this time, I am strangely nervous contemplating seeing her in the arms of a new guy for the first time.


He did come over yesterday afternoon and things went pretty well … in the end.

Right from the start things were more at ease and as we opened the wine for Suzanna and Paul and a beer for me, we started talking. Despite Suzanna saying she'd lead the conversation, it just seemed easier for me to just get it out in the open so I said, "Suzanna told me you guys had fun this past Thursday night while I was away". He was very quiet at first when I said that so I added, "thanks, I felt bad about leaving on such short notice but I knew she was seeing you so that made me feel better".

He was quiet for a moment more until Suzanna chimed in that, "he was very nice to me baby, I told you all about it".

That seemed to break the ice as maybe he finally saw that it really was okay. He seemed awkward at first only saying something like, "yeah, it was a fun evening". Then Suzanna, who upon walking back into the room, put her hand on his shoulder as she walked by and said, "mmmm, you were a lot of fun for sure" and she came over to sit near me on the couch leaving Paul on the chair across from us.

Maybe it was the couple of beers I'd had before he came over that put me in a great mood but now starting on my 3rd, I was in a happy place. I put my hand on Suzanna's knee and leaned forward towards him and said, "I know you guys have been messing around..... It's okay by me...." A second later I added, "sometimes she wants more than just me".

Well, that seemed to really relax everyone and even I was surprised at the change in atmosphere. I won't say we became best buddies or anything, but the mood and tone of the afternoon did change at that point. I went into the kitchen to get some appetizers to bring out and as I walked out of the room I jokingly said, "I'll give you lovebirds a few minutes" which brought about some kind of '...oh yeah sure....' reply from Suzanna with a giggle.

I made some noise in the kitchen and did give them a few minutes before I yelled out if either of them wanted another drink and a second later I got a joint 'sure' reply. I have to say it felt pretty crazy to carry a tray of appetizers and some drinks out to the both of them. Suzanna had moved over to be closer to Paul on the couch and was talking quietly to him when I came back in and they stopped when I sat down. I joked, "no secrets....". She replied "nope....”

We didn't talk about sex even though it was the pink-elephant in the room. As I sat there talking I actually started to get really horny looking at both of them. He's a nice looking guy and I actually found myself daydreaming about seeing them in bed later on. They were actually talking to me about skiing when I came back to the conversation from my daydream and we all talked glowingly about the hopeful upcoming winter. As crazy as it sounds, it made me smile to think of him maybe fucking her while we're away skiing....

We went out into the backyard and enjoyed the warm afternoon. The conversation was easy. Paul talked about the home he had when his kids were younger and we talked about our own kids growing up. About 6pm or so I left them alone and told them I was going to get the grill fired up and dinner ready. We all walked in and I went into the kitchen while they went down to our den and I heard the TV come on. I was curious what might be going on so after lighting the grill I walked outside and looked down in through the window and I saw they were kissing while sitting on the couch.

I went back to the kitchen to check the grill and the a few minutes later I went down and, treating them like teenagers, I coughed on my way down. When I came into the den they had that 'teenager-guilt look' and I joked around and said, "sorry to interrupt you guys" and suggested they come upstairs soon. When I walked out of the room I heard Suzanna tell him, "see, I told you, it's okay!"

I was about to put the burgers onto the grill when they came up both giggling and I swore it looked like Suzanna's top had been interfered with and her hair had this sexy look that could have only been from Paul running his hands through it. She followed me out while he waited behind and just said "thank you" before asking me what had come over me that I was so up-front with him about everything. I told her honestly that I got a good vibe from him and that even though maybe he's not her Mr. Right (she has that knowing smile on her face when I say that) that I can see she is having fun with him. She asked me if I was going to be alright for later on as she too had a good feeling about it all.

We'd each had now 3 or 4 drinks and I had a good buzz going and it all felt nice and easy. He wasn't pushy at all and I think he was sort of not sure how things were going to go. I didn't know either and when I had a moment with Suzanna as we brought stuff to the table that I told her she might just have to take the lead at some point. She smiled and told me that she would if she needed to.

It turned out that she didn't really need to. Over dinner the conversation skipped all around the obvious, at least until Paul looked at me and said something like, "what do you get out of all of this?"

I admit it caught me off guard but a moment or so later I told him that it always turned me on when Suzanna would do naughty things and I told him that we started out by admitting to each other that the sort of things in the likes of Penthouse letter stories turned us on. We sort of all looked at each other realizing the irony and almost surreal nature of the moment thinking that we were about to write yet another one.

I told him that at first it wasn't easy to tell her that but it did become easier. We talked about those first few years where we did lots of stuff, the nude beach; swing-clubs; some bdsm stuff and that guy who blew his chance to be the first with her. I was actually very surprised at the lovingly positive spin Suzanna put into it when she shared some of her thoughts including, as we sat at the table after we'd finished, of how she felt about skinny-dipping at the swing-clubs we tried out and how she loved knowing the guys were looking at her. I could see that she was enjoying the effects of having ***** nearly a bottle of wine by herself.

We moved to the living-room again and Suzanna told how she had always been turned on by the thought of being with 2 guys. She admitted to a certain curiosity that she says came (I'd never heard this before) from, years ago, when she was a young girl seeing some dirty-pictures in a magazine she found in the basement one time. It was 2 guys with one woman and she said almost proudly that it made her curious.

I was actually caught in that daydream moment again thinking about her finding that magazine when she was so young and how she found herself curious when I heard Suzanna break through my dream saying, "go on, tell him."

"Tell him, what?"

That while she went to use the bathroom that I should tell about the 2 times in college that I formed some of my desires, the FMF threesome and the frat-part gang-bang that I only watched. Paul leaned forward and I told him about both times. He laughed at the memories of my feeling frustrated at satisfying both women but he was also quite interested in the gangbang. He'd never seen something like that where the woman went bare the whole time other than on a porn-video and I told him it was quite a sight and experience even without taking a turn with her.

He asked me if that was what I was kind of looking to re-live with Suzanna by letting her be with other guys. He said it in the nicest and really sincere way which struck me because not only was he turned on by the story but he was also actually not just listening but really thinking about it. I told him an honest 'probably, yes'.

We talked for a moment more about it but, to be honest, other than being somewhat flattered by his compliments about me and Suzanna, I don't remember much because I was just kind of struck by how genuine he seemed; even with the buzz that was going on, he was quite the nice guy. I know that just before Suzanna came back into the room I had the distinct thought that I hoped it would work out for him with her because I actually felt so good about it all.

I suppose I should have expected that he would be nice for Suzanna had no hesitation in blowing away guys who might otherwise come onto her who didn't treat her with respect. Chances are she was polite to Paul and he in return to her and that laid the groundwork for their obvious feelings of comfort that I was seeing. Otherwise how do I explain how she found another genuinely nice guy, one who it may sound crazy, but one who I am happy to have fucking my wife.

Anyway, she came back in the room as we were finishing up the revealing conversation and she chimed in about how 'gross' that story was about the frat-party and we both groaned in response together that "wadda you know?!" which made us all laugh.

So as we sat there, the conversation seemed to become a little awkward. It was late already, dark out for a while and I had a desire to make things move along. Suzanna enough, as she promised, as she sipped her wine with the glass in front of her face, said out loud, "did you tell him about the first time baby?"

I grinned at her and played along and said, "no, I save that for you". Oh my, did she turn red at that but I played along and said I thought it would be good for her to tell it from her side; to tell about that first time when she went away to Boston on business.

Sure enough, she told it exactly as it happened and didn't spare any details. She told us how she'd been cordial at first to him and how I reassured her each time she checked in with me. Paul was grinning as she told us how she felt conflicted and she openly said how even now she can almost feel the nervousness at doing it for the first time with another guy. She told us how she was surprised that she'd orgasmed with him and how once it had started and there was no turning back, she had no qualms about saying how she enjoyed it and did it again.

He asked me how I could stand it and I told him that it was her last night there and that I knew no matter what that I was waiting for her to get home anyway. And I was honest and told him that I was very turned on while waiting.

The conversation flowed easily after that. Suzanna, to her word, didn't reveal anything too detailed and didn't even hint at my enjoying denial or anything more than just her being a hotwife. We talked about how we'd enjoyed each other so much more fully having something exciting sexually to draw us together about. I can't recall everything that we talked about but at some point Suzanna revealed that she's spent the night away in the past and that really drew a surprised reply from Paul something like 'wow, you really weren't kidding' about Suzanna being free to enjoy herself if she wanted.

For whatever reason I just couldn't come out and say, "should we move this party upstairs?" I don't know why but again I didn't have to for Suzanna picked up on it and it was her who said that, "we should get some candles, they're romantic". A moment later she said, "they're upstairs …" and looking at Paul said, " … do you want to help me get them?" Then she turned to me and smiled as she reached out for his hand. As she pulled him up from our couch she looked at me, giggled and said, "you too, silly".

I would like to say I remember details but it all happened so fast, the next thing I knew we were all standing in our bedroom and Suzanna had the candles lit and the room looked pretty romantic. Not only was the bed made but she had done some additions and there was definitely an abundance of pillows. I knew what was behind the door to her night-stand and I had already figured the lubricant was probably going to be needed; that was just one of the million thoughts in my head.

She turned to Paul and kissed him and then asked him out loud that since this was our bedroom, that she wanted me to stay unless he wasn't comfortable with that. He slowly turned his head to look at me and when he saw that I was calm and smiling, he slowly smiled himself. Suzanna turned to me and kissed me deeply and then said out loud, "I love you baby" and then she turned back to Paul and kissed him and then said, "… and you; it's you I want to have fun with!”

With the 3 of us standing by the bed it again suddenly felt awkward. Paul had admitted earlier that he'd never done anything like this and as I said, I felt kind of reticent in what to do next. Suzanna again must have felt the tension because she, very sexily, turned towards me and said, "baby, what do you think about helping me undress". Oh my god, it's a good thing I still had on a pair of shorts because my cock sprang to hardness in an instant. She looked up at me and whispered to me, "are you okay with that?" and I guess the smile on my face gave her my answer.

I took a deep breath and as I started to unbutton her top I said out loud to Paul, "what do you think?, ready to see her again?" and with that I guess he knew I was okay with it.

He smiled back at me and said, "she's beautiful" and it's too bad he couldn't see the smile on her face as he said that. I unbuttoned her blouse all the way and she leaned forward and kissed me as I slipped it off her shoulders. I could hear her moan as she kissed me and as I let go of her top Paul took it and put it on the chair in the room. Suzanna stood straight up and as she felt my hands start to unbutton her shorts she said quietly to me, "I am so turned on...." and then more loudly, " … I love you" and hugged me for a moment. I saw Paul standing there but it's all just a blur to me really, her hug could have been just a second or it could have been minutes....

When she let go of me I unzipped her shorts and slid them down leaving her panties in place. The smile got bigger and bigger on Paul’s face as she stepped out of and kicked her shorts away. Again she leaned to me and kissed me and hugged me. I reached behind her and unclipped her bra but then I stopped and with my hands on her shoulders I turned her to face Paul.

Wow, the gasp that came from her was incredible as she felt me turning her and she said something like, "you're doing it; giving me to him?" I stood behind her up against her and pulled her bra off of her letting Paul see her breasts. While I was undressing Suzanna, I hadn't even recognized Paul had gotten undressed and stood there now in just is boxer shorts with a rising bulge in them. Even with my shorts on Suzanna ground her butt against me and moaned feeling my hard cock. I kissed the back of her neck and whispered in her ear, "are you ready?" loudly enough for Paul to hear. She started to nod her head slowly but then it became a clear yes. I put my fingers into the waistband of her panties and again I heard her gasp and I felt her body tense as I started to slide them down.

It's a good thing I still had my clothes on or, I swear, if I rubbed the tip of my cock against her I'd have cum all over her. I was actually shaking inside if not for real as I knew I was making a statement to Paul as well as feeling incredibly awesome at what I was about to do! If there was ever another defining cuckold moment for me it was that moment about 8:45pm last night as I felt her silky lacy panties in my hands as I slid them down over her hips. In some ways I wish that moment could have lasted for ever. I saw Paul's eyes grow larger as I realized the top of her bare pussy was visible and with a deep breath matched by a shiver and a gasp from Suzanna, I pushed them down her legs.

I cannot tell you how intensely arousing that moment was last night. I nearly came in my shorts when I heard her moan as she stepped out of her panties. She didn't turn back to me, instead she just walked to Paul and as she started to kiss him she slid his boxers down. It wasn't until he sat back on the bed and she dropped to her knees that I first saw his cock. It looked like the rest of him … friendly! It was slender but as she stroked it and sucked at it I saw that the head on it was huge, wider than the shaft of it and Suzanna seemed to love holding it in her mouth making him moan softly.

I don't know how long any of this took; time seemed to have stopped already. I have probably missed so many little things but I noticed he was looking over at me and as I looked up at him he smiled. I croaked out, "she's good, huh?" to him and he moaned as he put his hand on her head and said, "yeah, really good". Now I know Suzanna isn't great at giving head so either he hasn't had much or that he was just saying that but, either way, it turned all of us on.

I started to get undressed and when Suzanna heard my belt and then my zipper she pulled her head off of his cock and turned and said, "would you give us a little time alone baby?" and she winked at me. I finished dropping my shorts leaving me in just my own underwear and I groaned back an 'okay' before moving back to the doorway and into the darkened hallway where I stood and watched them. She turned and saw me and smiled and went back to sucking him so I knew I'd done as she'd hoped. As she stood she told Paul, "he'll come back in a little while, is that okay?" He was so into her that he didn't even notice me as he said, "uh... yeah.... for sure". With that Suzanna pushed him back onto the bed and climbed up next to him both naked.

I don't know if she did it on purpose or not but as she crouched and leaned over to suck him again, she knelt facing almost directly away from the doorway so her ass and pussy were clearly on display to me. There was an obvious wetness coating her pussy lips and it turned me on incredibly to watch from the doorway as she sucked him and her pussy would tremble at times. It was only for a few moments before she rolled over onto her side and as she sucked him, I saw his hand move down her body and his fingers appear between her legs. It was totally enthralled that he knew just how to tickle her clit and separate her pussy lips at the same time. She'd told me that he had a weird pet-name for her pussy, he calls it her 'honey hole' and at that moment, seeing the glistening wetness he'd drawn out of her, I knew his nickname was accurate.

I watched the two of them deep in foreplay and it was truly beautiful. I remembered so many of the past times I'd been there, watching from the doorway or being next to her and her lover. They didn't even seem to notice me there which was good. It was totally obvious that they'd been together many times, their movement, a weird way to describe it, was very smooth and fluid. He would gently move his hand between her legs and she would readily respond and spread them. He knew to tease her pussy and then spend time elsewhere, sucking at her breasts and kissing her neck. Is it crazy to say that I loved watching her with him?

I didn't know when to re-join them. Suzanna seemed to look over at me and smile as they moved into what eventually became a 69 position. It was quite erotic to see Paul playing with her pussy and leaning over to lick at it and each time, to hear Suzanna moan loudly around his cock in her mouth. It was when they moved back into lying side by side and they were kissing and he was again fingering her that I slid off my underwear and came back into the bedroom and lay on the bed on the other side of Suzanna. Paul saw me walking in and when he saw my hard cock pop out I think the last of his concerns were removed. He didn't flinch or even remove his hand from her pussy as I lay next to her and gently touched her shoulder and then held her breast. She nuzzled back against me as she pushed her hips towards him and I could feel her move as he penetrated her again and again.

She broke her kiss and turned to me and kissed me deeply. I swore I could feel her lips were swollen from kissing Paul and it just turned me on that as i was kissing her he was still feeling her pussy and body freely. It turned me on so much to feel her arousal as she kissed me and seeing her raise her knees to give him free access to her pussy was just incredible. I saw that she had one hand on his cock and then put her other on mine as she closed her eyes as we both felt her body all over.

It'd had been a long long time since I was in a true threesome where we were both looking to pleasure her at the same time. It was exciting to not feel in conflict with Paul about anything. If anything, he was giving me preferential access to her, the few times my hand hit his, he immediately moved it away and let me feel her breasts or pussy. She was a bit frantic when she felt both of our hands and fingers on her pussy.

Paul looked and turned away for a minute while Suzanna opened her eyes and focused on me and told me she loved me. When he turned back to face us I noticed he'd put a small package of condoms on my night-stand and had opened one. He moved to a kneeling position on the bed and asked Suzanna if she'd suck him. I nodded to her as he asked and she took his cock into her mouth again while trying to hold and stroke mine with her other hand. My cock was definitely bigger than his but the head on his was huge and was probably thicker than my cock is. I swear I felt myself throbbing in her hand thinking of that being pushed up inside her.

She sucked him for a moment and it really turned me on and she could feel it. A moment later she pulled his cock out of her mouth and looked up at him and said, "you sure you're okay?" and he nodded his head and said, "yeah". She turned to look at me and then said, "we thought maybe you should go first baby?” I groaned at the thought. As she held my cock a billion thoughts went through my head, was she denying me feeling her after she'd fucked him; did she want to be all wet and creamy from me for him; would she need any lubricant with his condom if I went first; did she want him to have her last; did she want him to spend more time afterwards with him and to have me leave or leave them alone after I was done?

It didn't matter though because seeing her lying there, totally aroused with her pussy gaping open, swollen from all of our attention and her clit standing proud and almost throbbing, her pussy lips flared back and glistening wet, as I moved up to my knees seeing her totally open and knowing his fingers were inside her, cuckold or not, I wanted her. She gently went back to sucking his cock as I knelt between her legs and he moaned how sweet she is. There was no doubt how aroused she was as I pushed my cock at her and it slipped in effortlessly. With a squishing sound I pushed halfway in and then held still. She moaned deeply as she felt my cock throbbing against her g-spot; I could feel the wetness oozing out of her with each gentle push and pull.

I don't know how Paul kept it together as his cock was obscenely hard as he too watched me fucking Suzanna. While I could have easily pulled out and said 'take my place' to him, something made me want, made me need to keep going. He told me how 'fucking hot' it was watching us and said several times he couldn’t believe this was happening.

I don't know how long I was at it but I know that I was fucking her with the full length of my cock, at some points even pulling out of her and then pushing all the way back in. She was cumming but she wasn't really conscious, all she was doing was moaning and causing squishing sounds out of both her pussy and mouth that were filled with cock. Each time he'd push into her I could feel her pussy spasm inside and each time I'd plunge firmly into her I could see she'd stop sucking him for a second. While it seemed to take forever, in the same sense it was over far too soon, a moment later with just moaning and squelching sounds in our room I plunged into her one more time and I came deep inside her. She pulled his cock out of her mouth as she started her intense post-cum orgasm and it was so intense to feel her body just let go as I stopped cumming and then to just kept fucking her slowly. She'd long stopped sucking Paul and all he could say when she and I stopped moving was, "incredible".

It took me a second to pull out of her and I am going to say that this was yet another ultimate cuckold moment for me as I literally presented my just-fucked wife to her lover for his turn with her. I laughed inside at how long ago when we had a threesome she would have slammed her legs shut at that moment instead of letting her lover see her so well-fucked … but not last night. She lay there and as she felt movement on the bed her eyes opened wide and a huge smile came over her when she saw Paul now kneeling between her legs with his hard condom covered cock ready for her.

I'd like to say I held her legs or something like that, but instead, all I did was hold her hand as he penetrated her in front of me for the first time. We talked but I don't know what we said. I was too enthralled seeing his cock now pushing and pulling in and out of her wet dilated pussy. The condom took on a whitish appearance as I guess the big head of his cock stirred up the cum I'd left in her.

I know they moaned and talked and that I think we even all said stuff, but to be honest, all I could watch as I sat on the edge of the bed was his cock buried in my wife. I remembered feeling so squeamish about all of this so long ago but now, all I could think of was wanting him to pound into her on our bed and to fuck her good. She had cum several times already and I was just so proud and even jealous of her for having such pleasure with him right in front of me but it was at the end, when he was really going at her deeply, that I could hear her pussy really wet and oozing this foamy whiteness all around the base of his cock. It ran down below her down her ass but it was obvious she was gushing beneath him.

It seemed like a few moment but it could have been seconds or it could have been hours, but I started to see her responding even more and I knew from how she was with me that she must be able to feel that he was going to cum. She says she can always feel when my cock gets really really thick at the end that I’m going to cum and I guess she could feel the same with him because she really shifted her butt downward and arched her back to almost let him be able to fuck straight downward into her waiting wetness. When she did that he really let out a loud moan and I saw what was obviously the end for him. This part seemed to take forever, I know he looked at me for a second, but I also could tell each push into her was one step closer for him and when he began to pound at her that I knew he was about to cum.

The thing was, Suzanna was starting to shiver and thrash beneath him and it made me realize that between my cum and her own, that she was really wet and really open and as Paul fucked her and started to cum in the condom, I saw and felt her squeeze my hand tightly and then just let go as I felt her go limp. Paul was still hard and he'd seen me keep going in her after I'd cum and he was doing the same. It was so beautiful to finally see another man bring her to that moment, to see her give herself to him fully and completely and to share that intense moment. Even with him wearing a condom, she was wet enough and I guess could feel the heat from him that she went over the edge and as she came, I think for a moment it even scared Paul for a second at how she responded....

I can't really describe the moment of seeing her lose it beneath him for the first time and imagining what he must have felt from her. In a way I was jealous but I was also wicked horny again from watching her. When she'd finally calmed down he got up onto his elbows and then knees and reached down and pulled his cock out of her with the condom still on. It was slippery and his pubes were looking almost foamy at the base of his cock. As he moved to stand up, now Suzanna finally felt a bit self-conscious and pulled her legs together while laughing at what Paul looked like. He pulled the condom off and was saying 'wow' and 'incredible' and stuff like that. He tied the condom in a knot and then leaned down to kiss Suzanna. As he stood up she pulled him to her and licked off his cock and told him, "you taste good"; it was all his cum she tasted. He looked at me and put his hand out to shake mine. As I did he said softly, "wow, thank you".

That was it but it said so much. He turned and said he was going to get washed up in our bathroom. As he left the room Suzanna sat up gingerly in bed and kissed me and said, "that was wonderful" and she then asked if she could have a few minutes alone with him. I smiled and said that I could use a drink and I went down to the kitchen. I was amazed that it was after 10pm already! We'd been fucking for hours....

I put a robe on and walked out of the room feeling kind of dazed and my emotions and thoughts were all over the place. Even now (20 hours later as I write this) I am still struggling to process it all. I did go back up to peek into the room through the crack in the door and she was lying in bed next to him kissing him and they were talking. I thought maybe either or both would go for seconds but when I saw them just enjoying a moment, I left them be. About 10 minutes later she came down in her silky robe which left her nipples quite visible and Paul was already dressed. I was surprised and started to talk to Suzanna but Paul interrupted and announced, "that was awesome" and he proceeded to say that he'd never had as exciting an evening as he'd just had and that before anything could change that he wanted to say thank you to me and he gave Suzanna a big kiss and then said, "I hope we can do this again".

I extended my hand to shake his and he put his out and it was a hearty handshake. I told him that, "it's up to Suzanna, but I hope you are right". There was a little chit-chat and then Suzanna said she was going to walk him down to the front-door and I again gave them a moment. When they again took longer than I expected I peeked around the corner and saw them kissing but he'd opened the front of her robe and was obviously fingering her as they kissed good bye. After he walked out and she closed the door she tied her robe shut and I slipped out of sight before she came up.


We did have time to talk a bit more tonight now that the afterglow has waned a bit. I still find myself so turned on looking at her. Even as she was falling asleep tonight after turning the TV off, I am just so taken with her having finally re-lived a wonderful experience with her.

While we talked she made a point of asking me if I saw how she came when Paul was fucking her. I told her that I had seen it and that it really turned me on to see it happen for real with someone else. She told me it had never happened with him yet and the obvious conclusion for both of us was that it was my cum as a lubricant that let her go wild with him. She giggled and added that, "it could be his shape too" and then extolled for a moment how different his cock felt with its different shape. Again, I'm not sure that I can really describe in full how it is to be able to talk to her like this. Granted it was the bedroom and we were lying right where it happened yesterday so I'm sure that added to the openness of the conversation. As we hugged and snuggled in bed she giggled and told me she can't wait to have him bare.

Anyway, there's probably a million things I didn't share or have simply forgotten, but sometimes it's the simple nuances that get to me and the gasp and sounds she made as I undressed her and the feeling I had of literally presenting her naked to him, it was crazy and it was so arousing that even now I'm hard yet again thinking about it.

About the only last thing I should add now is that while they are going to see each other again this Thursday, as that seems to be the night that works best for all, the thing is that he's going away this Friday for like 2 weeks. Suzanna said he's jokingly offered to let her come with him, but she's said she's not ready for that yet with him … but when she said it, she emphasized 'yet'!


I have thought back and while I'm sure that both Paul and I might have been able to go for seconds, I think it's good that neither of us pushed a good evening beyond its limits. I truly enjoyed being there and watching and participating make it good; make it better. In the past it did make me a bit squeamish or apprehensive seeing Suzanna being brought to orgasm with another guy but, honestly, I felt nothing but good feelings and even more about what happened and what we all did. She really is so beautiful when she lets go and let her animal desires come out. Seeing her quivering and shaking beneath him as she was able to let herself go into that funky post-fuck orgasm of her, that was something I wasn't expecting to see but, nonetheless, it was beautiful to see her sharing it with Paul (actually sharing it with anyone) for the first time as I'd only imagined how she must have felt and looked when she was with Robert. Seeing her truly give herself to him like that was quite arousing and not the least bit threatening at all. I admit I hadn't envisioned Paul feeling her passion like that quite so soon but I also know that it left him feeling quite wonderful about it all so it was a good thing. Even now, last night or this morning seeing her naked, all I can think about is her lying there spread waiting for him.

It's going to be a gradual slide towards the beta role for me, likely in response to his rise to alpha …. if that does happen. Until then she knows that her own arousal and desire about all of this is something that I need to feel as part of my own arousal so it will be interesting to see how it all works its way out.


I’ve also been thinking that Paul isn’t as alpha as I would like right now but I fantasise and look forward to the shift to condoms where I essentially hand her over to have one of those great bareback induced orgasms with just him. Maybe next time we get together I can undress, present Suzanna and then let him go first while I stand to one side whilst putting on my condom. Hmmm, maybe that will be something we’ll talk about later tonight as she's already told me she wants to have fun later.

For me, as I said to Suzanna, thinking/knowing that she wants it is something that completes the feeling for me. I have thought about whether my desire for this type of denial is something that I would self-impose and I am still mixed on that. I am totally loving the idea of having her be clean for when she sees Paul if that's her desire and the same if she prefers to enjoy the post-fuck afterglow with him . Then again, I am hooked on the idea of it being her who wants it. Maybe it's the thought of her wanting it that somehow makes it somewhat 'acceptable' in my mind; not sure.

Just got home and the empty-house is actually a turn on. I can't explain it but I have a really good feeling about things after last weekend's fun. She is out with him now and seeing as he's going away tomorrow for 2 weeks, I'm quite sure she won't be home till quite late.

No, I think it's way too soon for either of us to think about her going away for 2 weeks with him. An overnight is obviously a next step that we began to talk about last night when we talked about how things had gone and that she was feeling better about the possibilities with him.

We've already talked and she asked me (rather, told me) that she'd like me to be there the first time she lets him go bare in her. As I'll likely have time to recap later, she's said that she's not sure about how much of the beta-stuff about me she is ready to share with Paul yet, she has already told him that it turns me on when other guys cum in her so I expect after my response of, "that'd be awesome" last night, that I think she'll be talking to him tonight about just that.

It's such a turn on to see her all fluttering around the bedroom again and I can't explain it but since watching the two of them this past weekend, every time I look at her I get horny. This morning she came prancing out of the bathroom totally naked after obviously giving her pussy a once-over with the razor and just the towel around her head. She did tease me about, "what should I wear tonight?" and made it a point to pick out several erotic pieces of lingerie including the split-crotch panties and peek-a-boo bra that revealed her nipples. I gave her the nod towards something in a boy-shorts type of look that was essentially lace the entire lower-half. So fucking horny to watch her put it and a very low-cut satin bra into a little travel bag along with a bottle of lubricant.

In our talk last night she felt that after she spent the night at his place for the first time that she'd be comfortable leaving some of her stuff there; so horny to just think about this starting over for her.


Last night was a reminder of how things used to be when she would have regularly, or almost regular, scheduled dates on Thursday nights and how she used to love for Wednesday to be for when not only would she see and hear about my enjoyment of what she was doing, but it also became a time when, as she put it, that she used to like to 'drain me' so that come Thursday I would be more content to let her enjoy being able to come home and not to have to have sex with me. She asked me how I felt about that and I was honest with her, I told her that I loved feeling so aroused and that I loved to share it with her with her watching and enjoying me masturbating.

She began to talk but I continued and told her that yeah, having me cum a second or even sometimes a third time (though that would be just a tiny dribble if anything) was a big turn on for me and I really did enjoy the entire thing; I told her that I did enjoy the feeling of not having much sexual desire for the next day or so. I also told her that in a way I liked being horny for her and now, admitting to my more beta desires, I told her that being horny for her and having her tell me that she'd rather not have sex with me was something that I found equally arousing and that for me instead of being totally drained on Wednesdays, when she will come home on Thursdays and not want me, that I would actually find it really a huge turn on to know I will either have to wait or not have to provide it.

She giggled at that and laughed that I would rather feel that torment or 'angst' (another word she's not really used much before) instead of feeling totally relaxed about it, that me wanting that did seem to fit me better. As we talked a little more she added, realized, recognized that this was much more than totally draining me on Wednesdays. I opened up and admitted to her that knowing, in the future, that she may be wet from Paul and that I may want to have her but that she would want me to wait, that just turns me on incredibly. She immediately seized on it as being very much of a reflection of my true desires the more I talked. Then she asked me if I wanted her to do that, did I truly want her to just have Paul's cum in her? She turned a little serious when she asked me (told) me that I should just come out and say it if it is what I felt.

I admitted again to her that, yeah, it was a huge turn on to think about it, acting my part that gives her exclusivity to him (almost those words) but I again told her that if I felt she wanted it, that it would be a bigger turn-on. However, now, in thinking about this a bit more, perhaps she's looking and asking me these questions because maybe she does want me to demonstrate that it turns me on. That without her providing her part of the 'desire' maybe it's what she might need to see from me to finally get beyond all of the apprehension and hesitation that we both seem to have.

A part of me is turned on by the idea, for me to initiate my own denial; Oh god, does that thought turn me on, but I’m not sure it's enough to sustain me without feeling like she wants it,. In a way I think if I don't feel that from her that I feel like I’m denying her even though that's not the case.

Our conversations eventually did turn to the sex between all of us and since we'd already talked to death about how nice it was that I got along and blah blah blah, last night she began to extol about his cock and saying how awesome she felt at the end, "like with you and Robert". She asked me if it turned me on that my cum in her was what brought her to cum like that with him for the first time. Holy crap did that get me going!! She continued on about how she's getting used to his shape and, "how different he feels in me". I had noticed that the shape of his cock seemed to cause some kind of vacuum effect in her, pulling out my cum when he withdrew. I didn't tell her that but did tell her that I thought she was going to feel and cum a lot more with him if he wasn't using a condom.

That led to her desire for me to be there for their 'first time bare'. She asked me if they could be here at our house and how she thought it might be arousing to the both of us if they did it in our bed. I knew why she asked me and I told her that I'd been silly all those years ago now and that now I loved the thought of creating new intense memories like these in our bed.....

All the while we spoke I was continuing to masturbate and I could feel that my orgasm was building and her telling me how wonderful he felt in her in 'other positions' drove me to the edge. She said that he really would like to have her bare doggy-style and she shared that she feels him most deeply in that position and, that was it, I exploded. All of the talk had gotten me there and her thinking of him pulling her hips firmly to him as she feels him for the first time, Oh God, that was enough for me!.


She just called me and I believe she was honest and not just teasing when she said she'd be 'leaving soon'. I'm sure she'll text me once she's in the car but until then, I have visions of her giving him one last turn with her before he goes away. Of course part of me would love for her to come home and surprise me that she'd let him skip the condoms; the other part of me thinks it's kind of erotic of her to give him something to come home to.

I resisted jerking off all night and given that it's this late I'm quite sure she will be too tired for me when she gets home. So I suspect I'll be horny as hell waiting for my time tomorrow night with her.


Things have been obviously quiet here since Paul has taken vacation away and Suzanna is depressed and deprived. I suspect the next week and a half will go by slowly. To get her out of her funk we went up to Boston for the weekend to visit some friends and have some fun. It helped a bit but she's still missing the new excitement that had just begun.

That's not to say she hasn't been horny and hasn't continued to enjoy taunting, teasing me and the like. She's already said that she hopes Paul will do some sort of health testing. She's even said if he doesn't on his own that she may take the lead on it so I know that she thinking finally going bare with him will reveal the type of sex she's been hoping for with him.

She's continued to compliment me on how I handled him being at our house and I have told her honestly that I enjoyed seeing them together and that I am comfortable with her desires with him.


Suzanna went to bed already and I suspect she knows I wanted some alone time as even after last night I’m horny.

She was kind of depressed tonight as it's a Thursday and she was honest about missing Paul and their now regular date nights with him.

Last night was quite eye opening for me. Amongst other things, she took to great details in telling me just how different his cock feels than mine does. As I said, he has this big head on top of a thinner shaft and she told me how wild it feels when he rubs it between her pussy lips and spreads her wetness all over. What really got to me was how she described how she feels when he pushes into her and it made me groan out loud when she told me how erotic it feels when she can feel it stretching her open and then 'popping' inside her! She said that she's getting use to how he feels, which was just crazy to hear, as he pushes into her and then pulls back and she can feel this fullness just inside her vagina as he almost pulls out before pushing back into her.

I was rock hard as she told me how different he feels with a thinner shaft and how she can feel him much more inside her but not really stretching her wider like I do when I push into her deeply. She spared no details telling me how she can feel it as he pushes into her and how she's getting used to the different sensations from him.

We talked about her hoping he'll get tested and how she is thinking that it may really make the sex between them that much better. She said she is constantly going back to how she felt and how she came with him after I'd cum in her and she seemed to really get into telling me that she hopes she can cum like that with just him if he's bare and she gets to feel him cum in her. The way she talked about it really got me going telling me how she loved how she could feel the wetness around his shaft as he pushed in and out of her after I'd gotten her really wet.

I asked her if she thought the sex was going to be something that was as fulfilling as she'd felt with Robert and she said it was too soon to really know but she thought that, " it was going to be good enough baby". It was obvious where the conversation was going.

As she watched me stroking away she asked me if I was going to be comfortable with him cumming in her and I obviously told her, yes. She made a point of telling me that she really wanted the first time bare with him for me to be there and she asked me if I was okay with that. I eagerly told her yes and that I thought it would be a beautiful moment to share with her. She blushed deeply and said she loved me so many times that I would let her have that experience. I was so horny when she turned and asked me, "can we do it here?" and I swear, I almost came at that moment thinking about it. When I told her yes she told me how much she loved that I wanted that for her and that I would want to share our bed when it happened.

I told her that I felt good about Paul, unlike some of the other guys; that I actually really liked watching her and at one point I told her that I felt good about 'giving her to him'. She gushed and told me over and over how she felt so great when I did just that and again told me how special it was that I undressed her and then let him have her! I told her that it made me feel awesome to do that. She saw the look in my eyes and the throbbing in my cock when she asked me how I'd feel if she wanted to just have him in the future for a while. I told her what I'd always told her, that when the time was right and she was ready, that with Paul, I think I'd actually be happy to hear her ask me that.

She hugged me tightly and said she wasn't ready for that yet but also made it clear that with how differently he feels in her that she was sure she was going to want it to just be him. I looked at her and said, "are you talking about condoms or more than that?” She turned to me and said she'd never been with a guy shaped like him and that eventually she definitely wanted it to just be him cumming in her once he started to go bare. She held my hand and, a little hesitatingly, said that if it goes really well, that she'd like to see what it's like to just feel him in her too. She immediately said that, "it won't be tomorrow or really soon...." but she added that if things go how she hopes, she turned to me, kissed my cheek and said, "yes baby, at some point I would like to just see how it feels to only be with him".

She asked me if that still turned me on to think of her 'giving herself completely' to him. Just the way she said it was enough to cause me to explode right then!

And now, just thinking about it again has me all hard and horny once more so while I hoped to carry on writing I'm putting the pen down; my cock needs some attention!


She’s just a little down at times but not like she's hiding in her room sulking unhappily. Put another way, that little spring in her step seems to have faded a bit but perhaps maybe I overstated it a bit. There's a bit of a diversion this weekend with our ******** coming home. I had no idea it was a day off at her school.


During one of our alone times the other night she said something to me that did get me to recognizing things that maybe I'd been too involved with work or elsewhere to realize. When I told her that I thought it was only natural that she'd be missing him, she suddenly smiled all over and looked at me and held my hand. When I asked what she was thinking about, she told me, "it's happening". It took me a moment to understand what she meant and when I did, I had to honestly say that it turned me on incredibly. She suddenly realized that she'd started to develop feelings and desires for him.

In thinking about it, it's wasn't her response, I mean yeah it was what she said and what she realized, but more of what turned me on, honestly, was my own knowing it was happening and how I felt about it. It felt incredible! I mean, on one hand it's how I knew I felt, but then to feel it happen without even having to think about it, was like feeling another instinct or desire.

I think she knew it even though I didn't say much, I mean it was obvious I guess, and again told me that it's okay if it turns me on. At times I can tell her so easily and yet at other times, maybe I feel too vulnerable or something like that, but at that moment I found it hard to come out and say what I was feeling. She knew it wasn't simple for me, there's no doubt about that, but she's right when she keeps pushing for me to open up more easily.

One thing I haven't told her, and I'm not sure why just yet, but every time we have sex lately I find myself fixated on feeling every little bit of her pussy and being almost ultra-aware of how she feels. In the back of my mind I am saying to myself that this is one less time more that I'll be feeling her bare, as if there's some set number of times that I am counting down till she asks me and I willingly go along with starting to use condoms with her. I think I've said it before but feeling her so slick and open for me and at the same time, thinking about not feeling her that directly, and yes, Paul enjoying that instead of me. I can't explain it and maybe that’s why I can't tell her, but it turns me on like crazy to want to happen. I can't understand how I can get such arousal out of this … but I do.


Suzanna's spirits are soaring with Paul returning tomorrow and she plans to meet him at his place when he is back. No word but we did talk about whether she'd see him 2 days in a row as I told Suzanna he was welcome to come over on Sunday again. No other news other than her saying that we aren't going to have our usual Friday night fuck as she wants to be horny for him (and, in my head at least, clean for him) which has me horny as it is.


Heck, another book filled. Need to find where I put the new ones!