Journal of a Journey - Book 74

She just left to go to work but she'll be home and will get changed before going out later so I'll get to talk to her before she goes out.

She was very calm this morning and giggled at me and asked if I, "took care of things last night?" I gave her a smile and told her that it's not my fault she gets me so horny. She smiled back, kissed me and told me she loved me before she left. Even after jerking off last night, I'm rock hard again this morning sitting here writing this. I am sure it's going to be a long day but I did tell her that I liked having a chance to see her before she goes out tonight. She actually laughed at that and then said that she wanted to get changed anyway and teased me that she can't wear lingerie to work.


I got home a little later than I'd hoped but Suzanna was still home and was getting ready for her date. Just seeing her finishing up her makeup and all of that while she had on a silky bath robe really got me reminiscing of the last time I'd been horny for her like this. It sounds crazy but to me, it was intensely arousing to see her literally getting ready for another man. She smiled at the way I looked at her as she primped and tweezed in front of the mirror. While I would have loved to have thrown her on the bed right then and there, instead I sat there at the edge of the bed content to watch her.

She stood in front of her dresser and picked up various bras and panties and turned to me each time holding them against her and asking me what she'd look best in. In the bedroom light and I guess from the little while we've been out in the sun, she looked like she had a nice glowing tan and to be honest, the lacy white ones seemed to contrast best to her tanned skin and tan lines. I told her so but it was only after I said it that I realized it was unusual for her to wear white lingerie; I don't know if she'd ever worn that colour for a boyfriend.

As she slipped off the robe and stood naked at the end of the bed my mind wandered and as she put on the bra and then stepped into the panties, in sort of a reverse strip-tease, the thought in my head was that she looked like a bride on her wedding night, and yes, that thought gave me a huge hard-on. It was warm and hearing her ask me if I thought she had to wear stockings brought me out of my daydream and I told her no, that she looked beautiful and I knew she'd shaved her legs and pussy in the shower as she had this smooth glistening look to her as she got dressed.

As she showed me the dress she was going to wear she saw the look on my face and it took her a second but she again caught my attention when she said something like, "...you're really turned on right now, aren't you?" She had a huge smile on her face as she knew she was right. I think she made a point of not putting on the dress for another few minutes just to taunt me and let me see her in her lingerie. She didn't say anything but I know that she leaned over and picked out her shoes giving me a beautiful view of her ass and what was an obvious camel-toe.

Before she put the dress on she turned to me and leaned down and kissed me and said, "wait for me for later, okay?" I knew what she meant for as horny as I was, I already had no intention of relieving myself but I admit it turned me on to hear her ask me. She did look beautiful, a slim fitting blue and white dress that ended just above her knees. Modest, if she buttoned the upper-most button, but definitely sexy when she didn't giving a little view of the lacy top of her bra when she leaned forward.

She sat on the bed next to me and kissed me and told me how special I was to let her go out like I was. She tipped my chin up to her and she asked me, "are you going to be okay if I go back to his place instead of here?"

I knew what she was asking, 'did I mind if their first time wasn't here with me'. I nodded my head and told her that if it felt better to go there, then that's okay but I asked her to text me when she knew what she was going to be doing. It was a somewhat surreal conversation because without coming out and saying it I had just agreed to her having sex with him and told her I was okay with it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that it was easy to say yes and give my 'consent' and as we kissed a bit more and she hugged me, I have to say that I had this incredible sense of arousal wash over me knowing that she was going to leave me in a few minutes and when she came back, in all likelihood, she'd have had sex with him already. I loved the feeling.

Oh god, did I love feeling that and knowing it.

She kissed me and then she was gone to go and meet him at the restaurant and I knew that I wouldn't hear from her till quite later. I thought about going online and doing a little surfing but I also knew I wanted to keep myself in control and if I started to look at things, well, I wasn't sure I'd be able to restrain myself as I was really really turned on by what had just happened; that she was off to see someone who might be her new boyfriend.

It felt different than when she slept with Glenn as there was no thought on my part about that being more than something fun for her. This, this time it was possibly a guy who I'd see more of in the future. The more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I found myself hoping she'd make him feel comfortable about everything.

It was just after 9pm or so, that her text came that said, 'I'm sorry baby but we're going to Paul's for a while, tell you more when I get home later, hope this is okay, love, Suzanna'.

I have to admit I was disappointed but I started to think about it and had to conclude that if he's a 'regular guy' that unless he's done this sort of thing before, either a 3-something or a cuckold thing, that it might be pretty weird to start their sexual relationship here in our house. There wasn't anything I could do about it and I admit it did take a bit of wind out of my arousal-sails so I was left feeling, well, still disappointed,

It wasn't hard to keep busy at home with no one else here and somehow knowing I wasn't waiting for both of them to come home made it easier to pass the time. I was surprised when she texted me about 11:30pm that she was on her way home and that she hoped I would 'wait up' for her. I sent her back a smiley face and just knowing she was on her way home and that she'd been at his place for over two hours, I knew she'd had sex with him and that woke me back up horny-wise for sure!

About 12:15pm or so I saw the headlights in the driveway and a moment later I was greeting her in the foyer. The thing was, I didn't see the look on her face that I had hoped to see. I didn't see this totally-satiated and sexually-drained look in her eyes. She smiled and was bubbly and happy but something already told me it wasn't what she'd hoped it was going to be. I followed her upstairs (again thinking of her white lingerie underneath the dress!) and wondering if Paul had it all off of her just a little while ago.

She gave me a very detailed recap that I'll try to shorten. She said they kissed and it was very passionate and that she could feel him hard through his pants and her dress as they hugged and kissed. He asked her many many times whether 'her husband' knew what she was doing, where she was and who she was with. He seemed surprised to be told but after a few times, he seemed to accept that it was okay for her to be there. She didn't play up anything more than I was okay with this and he finally started to ask her a little more, like what did I do when she was with me and with her boyfriend (did I watch? etc.) She said she told him in very general terms but didn't give him real details. She told him what I've long told her, that I love to see her passionate and being satisfied sexually and that I'm not threatened by it at all. She didn't play up anything more about the cuckold aspects such as our denial play and such.

She seemed to enjoy telling me that he was 'good sized', not sure if she said it to make me feel good or not but said that he's 'about your size' as she told me how she was comfortable sucking him. Apparently he complimented her on her oral skills even though she's not able to deep-throat or stuff like that, she does know how to make it feel good for sure! We were both naked by the time she told me how he took her bra and panties off and saw her naked for the first time. She told me she felt really good by how he made her feel and it let her feel very comfortable with him as he complimented her on how sexy and beautiful she looked; she even blushed a bit as she told me that. I know sometimes she can be reluctant to let a guy go down on her if she's not really comfortable with him, she says it's so intimate to let him lick her pussy like that, but last night she told me that she felt none of that with Paul and that he was very gentle and very sexy with her that way. I groaned as she told me she actually wanted to spread her legs for him and how sexy his tongue and fingers felt.

I was rock hard already and she was stroking me as she continued to talk and tease me. She told me how he made her cum as he licked her and she was looking at me as she said it and then asked me if I liked knowing that. I was already going and this really pushed me and I told her that I liked knowing she felt that comfortable to let herself go like that.

The thing was I also realized that she was getting very turned on herself by telling me this and I found it kind of strange as I thought about it lying there with her. Normally she'd be sharing this but I'd be the one playing with her and she'd be tired out and just lying there. As she continued she said that after she'd cum that first time she was all set to literally get fucked when he climbed up next to her and presented his cock for her to suck. She looked up at me and said it kind of broke the mood as she would have loved to have him, as she put it, 'ram it into me' but instead she said that she figures 'we'll have to work out our rhythm' and before I could ask more she continued and told me she sucked him till he was really hard. He fingered and played with her pussy to keep her horny and, she admits, she was really into it despite having wanted something else. She took a point to telling me, "his fingers felt sooooo goooood in me baby" so I know she was turned on.

She leaned down and sucked my cock and said, "this is what I did to him" and I was on the edge of cumming when she pulled off of me and went back to gently stroking me to keep me hard.

I groaned back at her, "did you fuck him?"

I actually wasn't sure at that moment and she looked up at me and said, "of course, silly....” She then moved to a sort of 69 position next to me and while she lay there playing with my cock she spread her legs and I could see her pussy was swollen and reddened to a much darker shade of pink. I knew there wouldn't be a creampie as she told me how he lay on the bed as she rolled the condom onto his cock. I swear I saw her pussy pulsing at me as she told me how she got his covered cock all wet and how, for their first fuck, she got on top of him and slid herself down on his hard cock.

It was a good thing she let go of my cock before she said that because I probably would have cum at that thought, instead I could feel it throbbing and bouncing and I could hear her moaning at seeing my reaction. She turned up to look at me and smiled and turned around and kissed me. She was moving around in the headboard behind us and a second later she put her fingers underneath her and for a second I didn't know what she was doing until she started masturbating and then climbed on top of me. She'd put some lube on her fingers and as she slid down onto my hard cock she cooed at me and said, "I did this to Paul".

Holy crap, I don't know how I held off at that moment from bursting in her but I was just in awe of what she'd said. She started slowly and then more forcefully, fucking me, doing it; I lay still, she'd lift up and then plunge down onto my cock. Slowly and gently at first but within a few minutes she was plunging down with all of her weight and groaning fiercely as she ground against me. As I felt her motions start to become erratic I reached out and grabbed her butt and pulled her towards me and pulled her open. When her weight shifted forward against my chest, it was my turn to fuck her silly. She screamed into the pillow next to my head as I felt her cum like a geyser. Her pussy gaped open and gushed wetness as she fell limp against my chest and barely stayed up on her knees to allow me to finish fucking her into oblivion.

I could just tell from how she responded that she hadn't really cum with Paul earlier. The little orgasms she'd told me about weren't enough and from how she was breathing and groaning next to my ear with her face buried in the pillow, obviously holding herself up on her knees and even pushing downward to present her pussy to me even more; she wanted it and I was happy to give it to her.

In the end when she fell totally limp against me, I wanted it to be my turn finally so I turned her over and lay her on her back and I told her so, that "… it's about time you got home, I want my turn in here" and I pushed my cock into her. She moaned in response and I was getting into role, playing a bit. I was so hard it felt just awesome to push all the way into her and feel how wet and open she was both from her own cum as well as the lube. "All those guys fucked you earlier, now it's my turn finally".

She murmured below me but seemed to hear me and said, "oh yeah baby, they all came in me, can you feel it?"

I told her something about how wet and open she felt and that is really all I remember explicitly other than my grunts and exclamations of “oh-yeah”. I will say that it felt awesome feeling her rise up at the very end and to feel her body shake with that final orgasm as I emptied my own load into her. By the time I pulled out of her a few minutes later, she lay there seeming to be asleep with this thin trickle of my cum dribbling out of her now very red and very swollen pussy.

She moved to her side and I slid in behind her and, wet and sticky as we were, spooning, as we hugged she murmured how good it was to, "finally cum like that tonight …" and in the next few minutes she told me how she liked being with Paul and how it could be good, "… you know, once we get our rhythm together" (what she'd said earlier).

I didn't have to ask as she told me that he didn't stay hard the whole time with the condom on so that caused them to have a bit of a break Another key point in bed she said was that while she did cum while he was fucking her, that it wasn't a huge orgasm and that in the end, he came sooner than she'd hoped he would as she thought she was building towards a bigger orgasm.

I held her and told her I was sorry that it didn't work out better.

She giggled and then said hesitatingly for a second, "I want to give it a bit longer, are you okay with me still seeing him?".

I was surprised and told her so and told her that was totally up to her and that if she wanted to see him that was up to her. She actually apologized to me about it not being, "better for you baby" and how she had wanted it to be really exciting for me and that she was worried that I wouldn't like it because she hadn't really cum with him, silly stuff like that, but I knew she was just letting her thoughts out as we enjoyed our own post-fuck moment. I reminded her that she had to shake the 'Frank cobwebs' out too and she giggled at that which seemed to ease the moment. She turned to me and kissed me incredibly and told me again how she felt so lucky to have me.

So, that's it; they're going to see each other again next week. She's not sure of what day but added that maybe Friday night wasn't the best as she thought it added some sort of pressure to their situation, that this first time had been made out to be some sort of bigger-deal and that maybe they should have just done a quickie as the first time. She also said that the whole discussion about possibly coming to our house may have also added to the tension of their evening.

I told her this morning that she and he should just relax about it and to let it happen naturally and not push it. Without saying it, I wonder if the whole thing about our house would be an example of pushing for something to happen before it should.


She's been pretty stoic today and says she had a good time with him and that, for her, she feels it's really important that she feels comfortable with him, which she does. It did feel weird to say it in a way, but also felt good to tell her that she should give it some time if she feels strongly enough about it.

She's over her parent’s house now and I'm sitting here fondly remembering these same kinds of feelings from when she first started seeing Robert. It gives me such a thrill knowing she let another man inside her last night and wants him again.


She asked me yesterday when she could see Paul again this week and I basically told her that it's really up to her. I told her that I figured that she would certainly want to have some time and she again said that she'd rather not wait till Friday if that put any pressure on him, etc.

She told me she sent him an email suggesting Tuesday or Wednesday to either meet for lunch or maybe meet after work.

We talked more and she again said how she felt very at ease with him and said that even after they'd had sex, that she felt very comfortable lying there with him naked. I know from experience that this means a lot to her but I also think she's become much more comfortable sexually too. At one point, as if justifying things she even said, "it's not like I didn't cum with him....”

I held her hand and told her that I knew what she was saying and I again told her that if she felt strongly enough that she wanted to get to know him more, that I was okay with it and again told her that he seemed like a nice guy. As if to clarify it and to be sure she heard the answer that I was saying she asked, "so you're okay with him being the one if it works out?”

I knew what she was asking and I calmly said, "yes, if he's who you find really turns you on, then I'll be okay with it". She smiled broadly and cooed and kissed me and said she loved me.

That playfulness came back last night when we enjoyed one last romp in bed enjoying the empty house before going back to the work-week. She was very eager to lie beneath me naked and asked me several times if I, "was ready to share this again" and she ran her hands up and down pointing to her body. As I was about to push into her she held my cock and teased up and down the length of her pussy, dipping my knob in at the bottom and then spreading her wetness all over. She looked up at me as she did that and said, "I did this to Paul the other night and he loved it" and then before she'd let me into her wetness she asked me, "are you ready to share my pussy again baby?". I groaned a huge 'yesssssss' as she relaxed her fingers and let me push into her.

Needless to say, neither of us lasted long and we both giggled when we were done that we both had missed the excitement that her having a boyfriend would bring to us.

And, yes, there certainly no change on how I feel about everything; Yes, we've had almost 10 months now of me, I suppose, reassuming the Alpha-role with Suzanna but I can still without a doubt say that I definitely want to go back to being her beta-male. Every time we fuck I still have arousal at the thought of going back to using condoms with her and it most definitely still turns me on as much as it ever did if not more.


She’s meeting him tomorrow night again for dinner and then likely his place afterwards. I say likely because she's still feeling him out and as she said to me already that maybe she pushed it in suggesting he come here so soon and she even suggested that maybe a non-sexual meeting might be better for the first time he's here. When I asked her more about it just a bit ago she giggled and said, "let’s talk about it later tonight baby...." so I can imagine already what our subject-du-jour will be.

I must admit that I am a bit surprised at her choice and at times I still wonder if she's perhaps settling for the first guy to come along. Since it's a boost to her so far I don't want to suggest something like that as I think things will show themselves soon enough if they are truly good together. If I had to describe how I see her acting, it's cautious and hopeful but not a done-deal yet. The euphoria needs a bit more to sustain itself in between their times together so far.

It actually feels kind of nice to hope she has a good time with him tomorrow night and is able to let herself go and it's nice that I don't feel anxious about wanting that as I used to.

I’m already hard for later tonight....


Wednesday night is pretty much a distant memory but I can say that she sat next to be in bed that night and she talked to me as I let her watch me. She told me she was sorry that it hadn't worked out to meet Paul before they'd had sex together and stuff like that. She asked me again if I was still comfortable with her seeing (fucking) him before we'd all met and I told her okay. I can't recall exactly what she teased me about after that but it surely involved her and Paul and at the end, her encouraging me to tell her that she should let herself go with him when she sees him the next night. It turned me on that she wasn't going to get herself worked up or masturbate with me, instead as she told me several times, that she wanted to be horny for him on Thursday.

After I'd cum and she'd helped me clean up we talked a bit more about her date and she said that she wanted to meet him at his place after work and then go out from there. She said that would prevent them from having to separate after dinner and drive 2 cars back to his place. She said she'd change at his place before dinner and that she'd text me when she was on her way home.


Thursday morning she asked me to help pick out something sexy to wear. She giggled and said that he'd liked her in a dress and she giggled that, "it let him undress me pretty easily" so we looked at what she had in dresses and we picked something that she could wear to work as well as out afterwards. The one we chose she showed me how she could unbutton the top and make it look sexy (like her other dress). Then it was time for lingerie and she told me how Paul had loved her in white when she saw him last and she even admitted that it turned her on to, "look virginal" which made me laugh out loud. She then punched me in the arm and giggled about it herself.

The dress was darker coloured, blacks/browns and blues so she chose darker coloured undies. The leopard camisole came out and she teased that she could go without a bra underneath it and then she held up a pair of lacy black panties that just obscured her bare pussy beneath. She held them to her body and turned to me and asked, "do you think Paul would like this?"

All I can tell you is I was hard all day and night until she came home.

This time there was a much more satisfied and deeply pleasured look in her eyes when she did finally get in early Friday morning. I playfully joked with her that she was late and she smiled and looked at me and said in the sexiest voice, "he wanted to go one more time". I pulled her to me right in the foyer and kissed her. I could feel she didn't have her bra on and I remembered about the camisole and I ran my hands down her dress and felt her panties and pulled her against me firmly.

Despite the late hour I was horny for her and we went up to the bedroom where she let me undress her again. As I kissed her and reached for the zipper on her dress she murmured in my ear that, "Paul did this to me earlier". If I wasn't hard already, I was then. I dropped the dress off her shoulders and she stood there in her sexy lingerie and I just loved how her nipples showed through the camisole and I also liked to see the darkened, damp appearance of her panties.

She raised her hands over her head as I pulled the cami up and over and I came to see her breasts and noticed that they had obviously been sucked at and that there were even slight hickies on them. She looked at me and said that she told Paul that it would turn me on to know that he'd been sucking at her breasts.

When she got there before dinner she said he was still in disbelief that I knew where she was and what she was doing and that I was okay with it. He was totally in disbelief when she told him that I'd help pick out what she was going to change into and she told me that she went into his bedroom and got naked and went into his bathroom and got washed up. She said he was leaning in the bedroom doorway when she came out naked and she shooed him away saying he had to wait till later. A minute later she went out in just her cami and panties and did a twirl for him and said that he can have 'this' later.

Over dinner she said they talked about lots of stuff. He still seemed to not believe that I'd want her to be with him but she said she took the time to explain to him how this all seemed to turn me on and for now, she played up the time when she'll come home and I'll reclaim her. She said he asked if I'd ever been with her, "you, know, a threesome thing". She answered him honestly that we'd done it before and that it'd been a lot of fun but then added that even back then I liked to wait and have her second instead of at the same time. Once he began to accept what she was saying, the rest of dinner turned to be very arousing for her and that she left the restaurant hanging on his arm and very much hoping to have the evening extend longer.

She said that she thought about texting me but as they walked to the car he kissed her as he opened the door for her and she forgot about it and, instead, focused on him. She was a bit embarrassed to say that she sucked his cock in the car on the way back to his place. He told her that she'd gotten him really horny over dinner and in the car she flashed him her breasts and he egged her on to suck him a bit. She giggled as she leaned over in the front seat and heard him moan as they drove the 10-15 minutes back to his place. She said he was nice and hard by the time they got back.

Even now she hasn't given me much details and specifics. She told me that she let him go down on her as she lay on his bed and he knelt at the edge of the bed and that was how he gave her her first orgasm of the night. She said she felt so sexy letting him take off her panties and told me that in her mind she could easily see letting herself go with him at how she felt lying there letting him ****** her pussy and that lying there naked from the waist down with her camisole still on made her feel very horny. What surprised me was that she said she felt very comfortable with him. Later on she told me that it'd taken her a bit longer to feel that comfortable around Robert when she said that by the end of Thursday night with Paul that she felt very comfortable being naked with him, "like I used to with Robert".

She still didn't give me blow-by-blow details but she did say that he didn't have the same issue as the prior week with the condom and that he looked very sexy as she looked up at him about to fuck her and how hard and stiff his cock was. She told me that after licking her that she was plenty wet and that he again was very gentle with her when they started to have sex. She was pretty wet but the condom still needed a little extra lubricant which Paul provided with some saliva as they kissed each other.

While she didn't give me much details I know that as I got undressed myself I asked her if she was kissing him as he pushed into her the first time and she smiled and said, "yes". I told her that thought turned me on and she said that, "it just felt right". I asked her if he was good and she answered, "better than last time for sure" and as I started to rub my cock up and down between her used pussy lips she moaned and said, "it took a little while but I think we finally got things right".

As I bottomed out in her she moaned up at me that, "he made me feel good baby, really good".

I knew she'd never feel that tremendous post-cum, post-fuck orgasm with him as long as he was using condoms with her so once we got into our own rhythm there was no doubt that she wanted me to finish what he'd started. She moaned and told me how she'd cum with him and how she'd loved lying back and, "letting him have me". I asked if she'd cum when he did and she giggled, "not without feeling it more …" but then added that, "… he lasted a long time so after a while I finally got what I needed". She said he had a huge smile on his face when he felt her finally let go with a big orgasm as he fucked her.

I was plunging away at her when she told me how she felt him starting to get more and more physical with her as he got into it. Oh god, did it turn me on to hear her tell me how that turned her on and how she felt herself really getting wet as she felt a big orgasm building in her. She teased me and looked up at me and said, "do you like knowing he made me cum like that baby?”

Well the whole evening had been getting to me and that pretty much did it. She could feel that I was close and she knew she wanted me to hold off as long as I could so she pulled her knees together a bit and held me off on my next thrust, I only pushed an inch or two into her when she tightened up and said in a jokey, serious voice, ".. maybe he gave me enough tonight baby, maybe you should wait!"

I could feel her pussy seething and seeping wetness against the head of my cock buried in her but she was so sexy teasing me like that. "Maybe you should wait till tomorrow baby, let me enjoy just being with Paul for tonight?” It was a good thing she giggled and suddenly relaxed her knees and let me plunge all the way into her because for a moment I thought she was serious and, yes, for a moment there I was going to pull out and stroke off onto her I was that horny but a second later she literally just relaxed her pussy, spread her legs and I plunged right into her all the way on one deep plunge. Grinding against her I felt her start to shake herself and that really urged me on.

I shifted upward, pointing her pussy almost straight upward and spread her legs apart and she let me fuck her as deeply as I could. She moaned so deeply as I pounded against her and as I felt her start to shake I pushed into her deeply one last time and held there till I heard her shriek and then as I pulled back I felt myself start to cum in her. The first spurt felt huge followed by one after another. My cock felt huge in her still as she thrashed her head back and forth in pleasure. When I felt the last of my spasms start to ebb while I was still hard I pushed her knees even further apart and fucked her as deeply as I could as my cock slowly began to deflate. Sure enough, within a moment or so she let out this unintelligible groan and I felt her hips thrust upwards one time after which I felt her body shake all over for a moment after which she fell totally limp beneath me. My cock slipped out of her pussy and a dribble of our cum followed. She lay there before me , legs spread as I knelt between them and I just looked at her naked body with her pussy obscenely gaping open and looking incredibly used. All I could feel was pride at knowing how she'd felt and the pleasure she'd felt from both of 'her men' tonight.


We talked yesterday and while she said the sex is good, she's still not sure he's aggressive enough for her. I told her that maybe he still needs to feel more at ease about her and of us. She smiled and that led to her inviting him over - and him accepting - to come here tonight for some beers and burgers on the barbeque.

She said she talked to him for a while on the phone and that they agreed this is just a social visit and that they don't have any plans to have sex but as we talked I looked at her with a questioning eye and she finally said, "well, if it all works out, maybe...." but she repeated that the reason she wants him to come over is for me to feel comfortable with him and for him to feel comfortable with us. She hugged me and said that she hopes this can turn into something that might be interesting for all of us and smiled, looked at me and said, "Paul likes to ski too".

I just looked at her and smiled knowing that she's already thinking about winter and maybe him coming skiing with us. I didn't tell her but that would be a first and be very interesting if he were to come along and if we were all comfortable around each other.

Suzanna's actually out at the store shopping, picking up stuff for a salad. She said before she left the house, "I'm getting him the beer he likes too".

He's due here about 4:30pm. She's already said that this is just a social visit and that, "I'd like you guys to be friends or at least comfortable with each other".


He's still here now, they are sitting downstairs out on the lower deck by the pool. I told her that I'd give them a few minutes. He seems nice enough but wow, was it awkward at first, I don't think he quite knew what to make of it when Suzanna pretty much introduced him to me as 'my boyfriend'!

We talked, shared a bit of history and he's commented that, "it's pretty cool how you guys get your fun!"

She is going to be smoking hot later as she's already told me he won't sleep with her tonight here with me here just yet.


It's Thursday and Suzanna is seeing Paul tonight as she's now said, it's their 'regular date-night'. There's been no talk of them coming here yet and no talk of me joining them at his place yet but, honestly, I'm happy that she has some sexual attention from him as these past few weeks I am just exhausted at the end of the working day. She's asked if I'm okay with her seeing him more than just Thursday nights and I told her that as long as it didn't get out of control, that I would be okay with it. We talked about weekends and again I told her I was okay as long as it wasn't both days and, obviously, not when our kids will be home (our son will be home next weekend and our ******** the weekend after that).

Things are progressing with them for sure. They talk for a while on the phone most nights. She has the door open to our bedroom when she talks to him and she doesn't mind me listening from the hallway but feels self-conscious if I should be in the room with her. Mostly it's just talk but I've heard some sexy stuff and I am sure when I'm out of earshot she's talked him through some phone sex too.


I finally got home by 7:30pm and I told Suzanna it was pretty much fine with me if she went straight there, at least for the next 2 weeks as I can see this pace at work not relenting until closer to month-end.

I'm seeing that she's enjoying getting to know him better. She says that they talk about me often and that he still seems uneasy but that she is sure she is swaying him. She suggested maybe trying to get together again this weekend and I told her that would be okay but that I'd rather know sooner than later.

Last night she took her time to talk to me about what she's hoping for and she said that she hopes things get a little better in bed with him. She immediately added that she's sure he has potential and told me that he's nicely endowed and that he 'fits nicely' but what she really wanted to talk to me about was that she hopes that if he comes over this weekend, that the 3 of us can have some fun.

She knew I was worked up about it already, despite the long days I was having at work and that I was very much looking forward to an intimate moment with her last night where I'd have my own 'happy ending' to the day. Our talk varied but she did ask again if I was going to be okay with using our bedroom and for the first time in a long time she asked me if it still bothered me.

I laughed and looked at her and told her that I remembered how I'd felt when we had done that the first time and how, I hadn't really been ready yet to accept what I wanted. I told her now things were very different and that I was quite comfortable with the idea. She hugged me and said that she just wanted it to be good for me.

Another thing she brought up was Paul using condoms and, not like she even had to tell me or ask me, but she said she was thinking of asking him if he'd be tested or whatever so that he could stop using them. I moaned and told her it was okay and I got really really hard. It was only a moment later that I realized that this might be the first step in the domino effect and damn if that didn't turn me on that it could happen sooner than I'd thought. I am sure she noticed the effect on me but she didn't push or say anything other than, "it'd be nice".

As the minutes ticked by and I got hornier she told me that, "maybe it'll be good for you tonight so you're not so horny tomorrow night!"

I asked her what she meant and when she teased, "you might have to wait till Friday" even though she was joking, damn did it hit me hard to hear her say it so cool and calmly that I started to grunt and I guess she knew I was close. She leaned down and whispered sexily in my ear something like, "you'll definitely be waiting when he stops using condoms with me". All I can say is that it felt like she'd hit the launch button and that earlier grunt was nothing like the sound I let out at that moment.

Damn, did it feel awesome, on top of feeling so intimate and close to her, it just felt so good to feel almost pure pleasure after the day I'd had yesterday and, yes, it has made it far easier for me to wait!


The stress at work has really got to me and in many ways it reinforced my desire to be the beta for Suzanna, at least for the time being. Not that I minded being the alpha for her but right now it's merely more stress that I can do without. My god, was it almost a relief that she went back to Paul's yesterday instead of them coming here. I'm feeling somewhat better today but still feel very tired mentally and physically.

However, things aren't as rosy as they'd been sounding or I've alluded to. Suzanna came home from being at Paul’s last night and came to me and said a few things that a part of me wasn't surprised at hearing. She's concluded that Paul isn't going to be the guy to give her this big affair type of thing. She said that she doesn't think that there's going to be all that much emotional bonding between them. She said that he's fun in bed and that he is most definitely fulfilling her desire to have another man sexually; she said it in such a way that it almost sounded like she was apologizing to me about it not being this big emotional thing she'd said she'd wanted.

When I pushed her she pretty much said that she just didn't feel the right 'vibe' from him and that she doesn't feel that budding lusty feeling that she'd hoped she'd feel. Since we weren't having sex last night (I just wasn't up to it) it was easier to talk.

She wanted reassurance (still after all this time? I guess it may never change) that I was okay with it being mainly a sexual relationship between them. I asked her a bit more and she actually said that it's something she feels but also is something that Paul had said to her. He told her that she's 'fun' but that he either doesn't want it to become something more because of me or that he's just not interested in that with her for whatever reason. She said she pushed him a bit but he didn't clarify it just that he said he was enjoying 'finally having sex with someone fun' and that he intimated to her that he didn't really want much more than that.

I asked her if there was another woman who he was seeing and she said, no, that she's sure she's it for him right now. So I asked her what he was thinking when he pursued her and continued even when she said she was married. He admitted that if she weren't married, that it might have led to more but in the end she said that he seems happy 'just to have sex with me'.

We spent a little while talking about just that; how did she feel about that; did she want to be his girlfriend, if that's what it meant. She said that he enjoyed taking her out and that they'd even danced a little bit before going back to his place yesterday and she's sure he'd want to do more of that but at the same time, she doesn't see him asking her to go away with him, etc. She seemed a bit disappointed at times and said that she'd hoped she'd get to experience more with him in terms of feeling his desire and such. She said that she'd thought that maybe, over time, that she could have spent a night or two with him every now and then, speaking abstractly she looked at me and asked if I'd have been okay if she'd have even stayed overnight during the week with him. She said that was something that they'd talked about, what kinds of things she could and couldn't (or rather would and wouldn't!) do with him.

It felt weird at first but I asked her, "So, how the sex was with him?"

She pointed out that they're still using condoms and that she thought it was a bit inhibiting for him. She said that she's going to tell him that if he gets tested that he can skip using them and she made it a point to say, "that might make things a little better" but she said that while the sex is good and she feels very relaxed and comfortable with him, that the sex isn't 'great-great'.

I asked her if doing without the condom thing might make it better and she just gave a 'yeah'. I am not convinced that it's as fulfilling for her as I think she wants it to be.

What we did talk about before bed last night was about what might happen in the future. She said that because she isn't feeling everything she wanted with Paul, that she didn't feel as strongly about some of the other things we'd talked about. Obviously I pushed her and in the next few minutes she revealed that if she felt really strongly about Paul like she did about Robert and felt 'that vibe' things might be different. She then looked at me and said, "you know what I'd be asking you for soon".

I pushed her to answer me as I didn't want any vagueness. She looked at me and said that because she's not feeling this lusty infatuation thing with him that she won't be pushing me regarding condom-use or more.

I was quiet for a moment so she continued and said that when she starts going bare with him, that unless she starts to feel those deep kind of desires for him, that she wasn't going to insist about me using condoms and the 'other stuff'.. I guess I must have had some kind of surprised look on my face as I told her that, "I'd just assumed that once he started going bare, that you were going to want that again".

She smiled and said again that she didn't feel all that she wanted to make her want that with me but a second later she smiled broadly and said, "now, if it's something you want then you can be the one to say so". Before I could say anything more she took a breath and continued and said in this really understanding voice, "baby, if it's something that would turn you on, then that's okay with me if it's something you want to do..... really baby, it can be something you decide if you want" and then she leaned over and kissed me.

We shared some more thoughts and she repeated that right now she's not feeling 'the vibe' from him and that while she most definitely wants to continue having sex with him (she openly admitted, "how much I missed it") and I told her that with how I'm feeling at work lately that I, "… welcomed the relief from him" which made her laugh. She repeated again at how she wanted all this to be good for me and basically said that if me using condoms would give me something more fulfilling, that it would be up to me to decide to do so for right now.

Of course things can and will change over time, so much will depend on how things go this week. It looks like they've again settled into this Thursday routine and right now thinking about it, it would be pretty horny if she sometimes stayed over with him on Thursdays and then went straight into work on Friday.


We are planning some time away in another few weeks and visit some friends and see some Fall foliage up north. Between things at my job and lately Suzanna's ******'s maintenance has been on an uptick, that it'll be good to go away. Even tonight she had to run over to her parent's house for a bit so if it's not me having to work hard then it's her. At least for the time being, both kids are content.


Suzanna's happy to have another regular guy that it seems to be easy with, that's the feeling I get. It's all somewhat low-key and now I understand more why but I think she's learned from the past and I think she's happy to 'use' Paul for the time being. I no longer feel odd thinking that she truly does enjoy having a boyfriend or just a friend-with-benefits if that's all this turns out to be. In terms of satisfaction then, yeah, I am disappointed. I feel altruistic in that I truly did want her to have a lover she enjoyed and could let herself go with. I've been honest with her when I said that I truly did miss knowing another man was having sex with her.

It's never really an effort to take the alpha role with her and make her moan as only I can, but I do miss ceding that role to another guy as, for whatever reason, it turns me on like nothing else. So in that sense lays my disappointment.


Wednesday night we had our fun and some fairly revealing conversation (if you want to call it that). She had a date planned with him for Thursday night and all was good with that until mid-morning when I first had to run into the office to then be told that I needed to travel to our other office for a meeting on Friday. I barely had enough time to get home, throw some clothes together and meet with the others who were also going.

When I called Suzanna she at first was going to cancel her date when I asked her why she wouldn't still go out with him. She thought I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I joked with her, "are you going to spend the night with him?" At first she said 'no' and then agreed that there was no reason she should cancel just because I was going to be away. I asked her if they were maybe going to come to our house and again she said no, that she didn't feel right about that and once again said that she wanted me to be there for that first time when they'd have sex at our house.

She called me about 1am Friday morning and told me she'd just gotten in. She asked me if I was horny and wanted to have some fun, 'phone-sex'. Instead, I told her to 'save it' and that I was going to be quite horny knowing what she'd done by the time I got home.

I got home about 7pm last night and after dinner she came to me and said, "do you want to re-claim me?" and over the next hour or so we fucked while she told me about her evening.

One thing she told me that last night she told me that when she was with him on Thursday that she told him if he'd take a health test (she remembered that they sell HIV test kits right in CVS) that he could go bare with her. She said that he liked the idea and that he would likely do that before they meet again. In her mind, if not for real, after she told him that, she thought the sex got a little better, more intense.

She ended the conversation by saying in a quiet voice, “he is coming here tomorrow”


Damn, a fine time to fill up this book. Need to go out and buy a new batch!

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