Journal of a Journey - Book 71

I asked her the question that now that their class is done will she be seeing him anymore, or was Friday their last time?

She smiled and said that 'if he calls' she might go out with him again.

To me this was proof that we have put into motion a new stand for her, that by spending the night with him she is now content to just have something just for fun instead of it being for something more. She went on to say that she feels more empowered now and that she feels like she should be able to do this (if it's okay with me) and this is what she wants.

It did get to a discussion (that is still going on) about what this means and she agreed with me that it's not something she's ever really done before, spending the night with someone just for the fun of it and not because she was totally into the guy.

I was left thinking does this now mean that she can add 'slut/hotwife' to her qualification of being a cuckoldress?


We returned to the burning topic of her emails to Will and what he has written her as well as some of what she's thinking about herself. She is slowly coming to accept that she is a cuckoldress and that she has her own desires and wishes. She's even said that she thinks she should take more control and have more autonomy on what she does and doesn't do.

The reality, as far as I'm concerned, is that I am feeling worry and apprehension as well as a certain bit of relief. Our conversations, most recently including last night as she again encouraged me to masturbate for her, really come down to her now pushing me and asking me whether I am really sure about what I'm feeling and what I'm wanting. It is obvious to me that she is paraphrasing and bringing Will's (and other stuff she's now seen elsewhere on cuckolding) thoughts to the forefront.

She's asked me if I am sure about what I've told her about me wanting to be her beta-male. She said she's looked around on the internet now and has found some more sites to educate her. She laughed when she said that she's found some of the sites where it's a forum and people write about their thoughts and experiences and said, " ... that there are a lot of crazy people out there!"

She said she's also found some more factual sites where she says she's learning more about everything. She held my hand last night and looked at me and told me that it's okay if I have these desires and want her to do things with other guys. At one point she said, "it's just sex baby, and there's more to us than just sex". As she talked more she said that it's okay and that I shouldn't be as hard on myself as I am about having these kinds of desires. While she didn't say 'it's normal' she did say that she thought it was beautiful that I could tell her this stuff and that she thought our being able to talk about it was a great thing for us.

I asked her what she's feeling and she said that she feels 'empowered' (that's my word to shorten her own longer explanation) and that she is first really coming to terms with my asking and letting her take more control in the bedroom. She said that a few months ago she'd never have thought of spending the night with Glenn but more recently she said that her attitude was more like, "if I want to do it I should be able to". When she said this my heart gave a leap as this is just what I wanted; what I wanted to give her; to give this power to her in our relationship.

Perhaps that's where I'm feeling most ambivalent right now, knowing inside that this is what I want and yet still being scared in a way to see and experience it happening. I know in my heart that Suzanna will always take care of me and make sure I'm not hurt in any way but at the same time how can I not be nervous or apprehensive about this change starting to happen more and more?

She mentioned condoms again last night and she once more told me that, "maybe I just like having it be just one guy cumming in me?" and asked me how I felt about that.

We talked for a bit and she explained that her new thinking might be that if she finds a boyfriend who she will go bare with, that even if he's not the 'end-all' for who she'd like to have this passionate affair with, that perhaps if she sees him at all regularly and let’s him go bare with her that maybe that's what she wants. It's all speculation now but clearly she's thought about it and if she sees him enough, even though he's not 'the one' that she still may want that sort of exclusiveness with him. She asked me openly what was my opinion.

I asked her how she'd felt all these years past when she still had sex with me along with her lovers. She told me that it's been wonderful but that she's begun to develop new feelings that she thinks are really very focused sexually and are some of what she's actually been thinking for a while now. She held my hand and said that all the talks she has with me have made her better understand her own desires and she came out and said that having sex with her lover even if it's just a fling like Glenn, that when she thought about how she'd feel going back out with him that knowing he was the only one she was being sexual with was something that really turned her on. She held my hand tightly as she said this.

She added that, "knowing it's turning you on that I'm denying you" is something that now held a definite attraction for her. That's why she asked me about the condoms and how I felt about using them with her even if she's not in this big heavy affair.

It was a big moment for me and one that we still need to discuss more over the weekend but I took my deep breath and told her that it did turn me on to use condoms with her. I told her that hearing the difficulty in her voice asking me this let me know that this wasn't an easy thing for her.

She giggled and agreed but then she looked at me and said, "you did say that you felt really good when you used them, right baby?"

I pulled her to me, kissed her and said, "yes, it did and, yes, it did turn me on." I looked at her and told her what I've written in my journal many times , that it did turn me on incredibly to use them with her knowing what it meant. I said again that, "for whatever crazy reason, knowing you are doing stuff with your boyfriend that you won't do with me, it's a huge turn on!"

She said we weren't making any decisions right now and then she reached over and held my thickening cock, kissed me and said, "... for now though, this is all mine".

So, it seems she may be coming to terms with all of this. We didn't talk again about what she'd said about me fucking her but pulling out as an alternative to using condoms (in my head it's all the same thing) might work ... but perhaps not. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't turn me on and that the thought of perhaps not feeling her pussy at all when it's time for me to cum is strangely arousing too.

I just don't understand it; I know what turns me on, it's so obvious, but I don't know why. There is no doubt that I love that she will do and give her lovers things that she won't with me and that thought is incredibly arousing.


The other thing that's looming over us is the situation with Suzanna's parents. He's so fragile looking at this point that I'm worried the move will do more harm than good but her mom is looking quite frazzled over caring for him and it's her that will benefit most. At this point it looks like they'll start to move next weekend going on through the week. Then the real work begins of getting their house ready to be sold.


Suzanna's long been asleep. We said goodnight to the kids and adjourned to our room for some surprisingly awesome sex. I should say that we've been talking most of the weekend and, in keeping with the night's surprise, earlier today she admitted that because the sex is so good between us at times, that it actually is something that keeps her back. Like tonight, I had her on her side and as she sucked my cock, I pulled her towards me and pulled her one leg forward. This caused her legs to separate and open up her pussy from behind. I used a little lubricant on my fingers and I rubbed them all around her pussy and could hear her as she moaned around my cock. I put my fingers into her and again, I could feel that ring of muscle around her pussy that seemed tight and I could so remember how that was absent when she was seeing Robert. I rubbed down to her clit and then all around her pussy before poking my fingertip inside her. When I pushed it in further, I curled it forward and rubbed at her g-spot and she shook as her first orgasm swept over her. When her pussy relaxed and released my finger, I pulled it out and a steady stream of her juices began to ooze out. Again I put two fingers into her and I pulled her open again, this time feeling that ring relax a bit more. She came one more time on my fingers before I rolled her onto her back and knelt above her. By now, her pussy was gaping open after two or three orgasms.

I was about to push into her when she smiled at me and handed me the lubricant and said, "put more on". I obliged and as I pushed into her she whispered up at me, "Let's pretend that Glenn just finished in me baby, now it's your turn".

Holy crap if that didn't make my cock throb.

She smiled and then closed her eyes and arched her head back as I pushed into her and now, she felt like she'd been fucked. Her pussy was a slippery mess and I so enjoyed plunging into her. We rolled around for a bit until, after stopping for a drink of water, she lay on her back and pulled her legs back for me. As I went to push into her she again handed me the lubricant and said she wanted to feel, "really wet and open". A few drops on my rigid cock made it glisten in the light and I swear I felt like a steel rod pushing into her, slicing into her, and not feeling a bit of resistance.

She looked up at me and again said that, "Glenn made a mess in me baby" and as I started to fuck her she started to moan. Thing was after a few moments she looked up at me and said, "can I ask you something baby?"

I struggled to answer her 'yes' and she moaned first and then looked at me and said, "would you pull out and cum all over me?”

I was stunned and my brain went into overdrive and she continued, "you know, when you're really ready baby....” I know I started to really thrust into her and she moaned and made me realize how close I was. I managed to pull myself together and answered her something like, "I.... I sup... I suppose I could if you really wanted". I could feel her juice up as I said that and she moaned deeply I took that to be my answer but instead she looked up at me with the most incredible look on her face and she said, " ... but not tonight baby; tonight I want you in me" and she wrapped her legs around mine and pulled me in herself.

When I felt her slide her hips downward and arch them further back, it seemed to open her up inside and I started to fuck her like crazy. She squealed and when I realized that she was just asking me that and hadn't meant it for tonight, wow, did I go at her. In that position, my stroke in and out of her seemed even longer and deeper and each time she moaned and I felt another gush of wetness from inside her. A moment later with me holding her legs excruciatingly far back and apart I pushed as deep into her as I could and I stayed in her as I came. On the second spurt I felt her buck her hips firmly up at me and we started that rhythm as I finished cumming in her but I stayed hard enough to keep fucking her and she just went crazy.

I've seen her cum and sometimes it gets very intense; maybe the 4th or 5th stroke her body will begin to shake and her pussy seem to gush and go from vice-like tightness, to a gaping open feeling that I can only describe as being so incredibly erotic to feel her body opened up like that, this was one of those times.

Finally I slipped out of her and fortunately, she'd put a towel beneath us so she wouldn't have to sleep in a big wet-spot. With all of the lubricant we used I didn't dare go down on her but instead, did get her a warm wash-cloth and as she lay there and wiped herself clean I got to look down at my sweetie's used body. I loved the dark pink, almost burgundy colour of her nipples after sex. Whether from me sucking at them or her own tweaking them. Her stomach, yeah, she could lose a few pounds lately but for 53, she's friggin' hot. And there was her pussy, totally inflamed and swollen, still spread, bright pink/red inside, but I just loved how she looked lying there, just fucked. And, yes, the thought that Glenn had her all night like that really hit me hard.

We talked for a few minutes before she rolled over and cuddled in to go to sleep and I asked her, "what was that about anyway?"

She turned back towards me and smiled and said, "nothing, I just wanted to see if you would really do it if I asked you to". She smiled, leaned up and kissed me and as she lay back down she said, "I love you, that you would say yes when I asked you that earlier really meant a lot to me".

Her saying that related to some of what we had talked about previously (well, a lot of what we talked about) where I sort of confronted her about the new attitude and changes she's showing me.

She admitted to me that she spent the night with Glenn because it was what she wanted to do and, almost, to prove to herself that she could. As she pointed out, she had become aware that I wouldn't say or do anything about it.

She told me that she's feeling different about things, more accepting, but wanting more herself and that she felt things with Glenn that she hadn't felt in years and that it really left her feeling very energized. She said now she found it easier for her to give in and spend the night with him whereas just a few months ago, she wouldn't have done that even if she might have wanted to.

She said more but I think that pretty much conveys how her mind is now working.

I told her that it turned me on what she was doing and that I didn't necessarily want her to change that. Instead, what she did that had me more on edge and that I'd just begun to accept and, even in a way, was looking forward to what we were going to go through and to see her grow to enjoy. I added that now it suddenly seemed like she was accelerating everything and I told her honestly that I didn't think I was ready just yet. I also told her that I really did want to see her lose herself in her next true lover but that I wanted to see her desires rise and to see her begin to really want him more and more.

I told her that I didn't think it was the same if she pushed me for more denial play when it didn't have the other parts that I was hoping to see and experience.

She surprised me when she first answered that she really didn't need to ask me for anything; that she was really just testing me and seeing how I would respond to different things that she'd been thinking about. She told me pretty clearly that for a bit there she was seriously thinking of seeing Glenn again and if it was still as good the next time that she was considering asking me to go back into condoms.

As we talked it rekindled some of that desire that she had and she, half-jokingly but half-serious, told me that she'll go along with that and will hold out for Mr. Right but she said that at times she would like to experience some of the excitement she'd felt and to also have some of that intensely sexy feeling she has when she can enjoy the afterglow of her lover.

So, we came to sort of an agreement that if there are times when, for example she really wants to see Glenn, or if she gets 'frisky' with Tony again, that when she comes home and wants to just have it be him, she asked me whether once in a while whether I'd use a condom with her when we get to bed.

In a way, a part of me couldn't wait to say 'yes' to her asking me that but another part of me really wants it to happen how we said it would. So, later on, when we were in bed and she asked if I'd pull out, in a way I thought she might have been serious. It totally turned me on that she'd gotten so lubed up and wet and open feeling and to then hear her ask me that. Wow, it totally got me going.

She started to talk more about how I felt about her taking more control .... but I stopped her and said, " that's a conversation for later."


Despite her preoccupation with her parents move this coming weekend, last night continued on in our Wednesday traditions.

By 10:30pm last night I lay there next to her with my boxers around my knees as she encouraged me to let her watch me cum.

We talked quite openly and she told me she's learning more about me being a cuckold. She says she's been exploring online (and made clear mention that she hadn't been prying into my privacy) and said she has been looking at cuckold sites and she said that she is learning more about what turns me on so much.

She said she's read a lot and that she is becoming very comfortable and even aroused at the idea of her wanting to deny me. She actually said that after 30 years, it's an unexpected change for her to be thinking of me differently this way, that seeing my hard cock turns her on and, as she's said almost every Wednesday, that she is very much enjoying seeing me cum and knowing it isn't going in her.

Actually what she said was that it's a change in how she is thinking about me. As she explained it, she all but came out and said that it is turning her on to think of me as her beta-male. I can't recall exactly what she said but she said that it turns her on to think about not feeling my hard cock in the future in one way or another!

I think if it wasn't for the whole ****** thing that's going on in the background that she'd be more aggressively looking for her next boyfriend. I think Glenn is a nice diversion for her in some ways even if he isn't the long-term guy. She said he's emailed her about going out again and that she is considering seeing him maybe next week. I asked if it was going to be a regular thing and she smiled and said with a giggle, "maybe; I do like being with him" and then she almost whispered and added in this sexy voice, "... and, oh, he does cum so much!" Damn if that didn't make my cock throb!

She told me again though that he isn't 'Mr. Right' for her and that, "you still have more time before we start buying condoms ..." but a second later she did say in this sly voice, "... well, unless we use them for some fun.....” Then she started to tease me a bit, "You know baby, what if I came home after seeing Glenn and asked you to use one with me..... I'll bet that would turn you on....." Of course she knew the answer was yes from our talk last weekend but to hear her say it like she did got me so hard. I moaned back what she obviously knew was my agreement.

She cooed in my ear in a sexy tease, "mmmm, it turns me on in a way to think about you not cumming in me ..." and a second later ".... that's why it turns me on watching you baby".

She continued to say stuff like, "are you going to miss feeling me?" and "It makes me horny that it's just my lover that will feel me". My cock was rock hard and she knew it, she whispered, "tell me what you are thinking". So I did.

As I said, it's been easier and easier to tell her most everything on my mind and after all of the earlier talk about Glenn and her next boyfriend and her thinking about me as a cuckold more and more, I just told her that it still turned me on about what she's going to ask for and want.

She still wanted me to tell her and, my god, did my cock start to throb as it felt good to say it, that I know it'll be something difficult for me at first; that the thought of her coming to me and telling me she'd like me to start using condoms is just incredibly arousing.

"Because?"

I was so horny as she said that, that she wanted me to tell her why it turned me on. I swallowed and I was quiet for a moment, struggling to start to talk, knowing what I was going to say. I don't know why I struggled for the thing was that as I talked, the easier it became to talk about it.

I told her that the thought of her only having her boyfriend cum in her was something that really turned me on (as if she couldn't see it in my cock) and I told her that knowing I was using condoms to give her that intimacy with her boyfriend was something that turned me on like crazy.

She moaned as I talked and said, " .. but won't you miss feeling me?"

It was easier to answer her this time and I said something like, "yes, but it turns me on so much to think about you only feeling him bare like that, it will be okay".

Her eyes were open wide as I talked to her and I knew she could tell how this was affecting me. She moaned back with this wickedly sexy teasing voice, "what about when I tell you that you can't be in me at all, do you still think about that?"

My cock was throbbing and I knew I was on the verge as I struggled to tell her, "knowing you would want that would turn me on" and knowing I was just about going to cum I said, "I want you to have that if you want to". Sure enough, as soon as I said that and the reality of what I'd said sank in I started to cum and I felt the first few spurts fly.

It's moments like that, when I know how I truly feel when I'm comfortable, when I cum like a fountain letting my mind think about it; I looked over at Suzanna as I milked the last few drops out and she had the most beautiful smile on her face.

As I lay there she told me she'd been checking out cuckolds on the internet and that she's 'learning a lot' about it. She giggled and said that she felt better seeing I'm not the only cuckold who wants or enjoys denial play. As she leaned over and started to play with my cum on my stomach she told me that she's getting more and more turned on by this sort of stuff and that was when she mentioned that she was enjoying taking more control of what she does and 'with whoever'.

We talked briefly about Glenn when I told her that I was surprised she'd spent the night and she again said it was, "because I wanted to" and she giggled and said, "and I knew it would turn you on". I was going to say something when she continued and said, "that's what made it so good, it was what I really wanted".

Not sure what more I should add right now so might just as well finish writing for the night. However, I do feel that even without her having a steady or regular boyfriend, much less her 'Mr. Right', that we are still making progress and heading towards the same destination.


There’s been a bit of a change in her recently. Her new embracement of the term 'cuckold' for me is something new for her; it seems like her overnight with Glenn has had some effects on her that are spreading out. Along with her acceptance and use of 'cuckold' is that I see she's definitely evolving regarding her overall attitude and desires.

She'll be busy most of the weekend with moving her parents while I'm home tending to what needs to be done here. Last Wednesday night was a moment of light-heartedness and closeness that has been a bit, if expectedly, absent at other times as I know the move this weekend isn't going to be easy on her or her siblings.


The move is just about done. Her parents are in their new place; it's actually pretty nice and since he can't get around, it's plenty big with space to move. They have a small garage as well as a patio-area where her mother can do some gardening if she wants but best of all is that there is someone who will check on them daily for general things like meals and such as well as a nurse who will tend to his needs and allow her mother some time to get away from him. That's the good part; the bad part is the sombreness of it all. Next steps are to finish cleaning out the old ****** house and to put it on the market.


I could go on but what's the point? Suffice to say we went through several bottles of red wine over the weekend and last night after she finally got home (long after me) when we got in bed she looked at me and asked if I could make her cum. She guided and encouraged me to go down on her until she finally let loose with a huge orgasm which finally seemed to give her a bit of the uplift she needed. It also served to make her want more and I was very happy to oblige. As I licked away at her I was sure I could taste cum in her. It was probably my own but in my head even the most faint taste seemed to fill my head with what Glenn did to her and put in her. When she asked me for more, as I knelt there between her legs I took clear note that her pussy was visibly open and gaping a bit and that when I pushed her legs apart I could see she was swollen a bit and the most beautiful colour of deep pink with a wet sheen was visible inside her.

I could tell from how she felt that she'd cum pretty intensely before and was now really enjoying seeing how I was feeling. She said she'd been emailing Glenn and about wanting to see him later this week and then began to tease me about condoms and how wet he's going to make her again. She obviously knew what she was doing as my fucking her became more and more intense. She smiled at me and asked me in a sexy way again if I'd maybe use a condom with her when she comes home after being with Glenn, "you know, to let me feel that it was just him for a bit longer".

Oh god, did that do it to me, I swear it felt like my cock swelled up to twice its size. She squealed when she felt my reaction and that brought about another flood of wetness from her. The result was that just a moment later as she looked up at me eagerly as she felt me start to cum in her and she managed to whisper, "oh god yes....." as I fucked her straight through my orgasm. Just as I felt the last deep squirt, wow, did she rocket into her own orgasm that shook the bed. Her eyes closed as I looked down and then her head began to thrash and I felt her body suddenly thrust upwards at me as if to have me fuck her even deeper and then as I rode her for the next few moments, she floated on an intense orgasm that consumed her fully.

In the end, a few minutes later, she lay there with a sheen of sweat glistening on her skin and on her breasts moaning and struggling to catch her breath.

I pulled out of her and she closed her legs and rolled onto her side and whispered, "you were awesome baby, especially at the end".

She didn't need to say anything as she gently stroked my now softened cock, I knew what she was thinking and I knew what it was, that someday soon she wants to be saying that to her next lover.


It's Wednesday night and she's already told me that tonight should be fun. Yes, she is seeing Glenn tomorrow night after work so I'm sure later tonight she will reveal more of her plans and thoughts. I'm not surprised to hear it though; I even said it to her that she could use a night out where she can take her mind away from everything going on here. For as much as I can make her scream and moan, I also know very well that her just being away puts her mind in a different place.

Or, to put it another way, she needs to go out and just get fucked good. I'm comfortable saying that and, although not quite as explicitly, I've told her much the same!


Earlier this afternoon I made Saturday evening reservations at a nice restaurant down near the shore where we'll be able to go out and take a walk on the beach after dinner. Tonight however, she is out with Glenn.

I came home earlier than usual to do some work around the house and keep my mind busy. We both understand tonight she's out to blow off some steam and escape for a bit but that, come Saturday, romance is going to be on our plate.

I did 'approve' of her choices for clothes and undies for tonight. Earlier this morning we chose together a nice summer dress, mid-thigh and short enough to show off her tanned legs but not so short as to flash the world as she was going to be at work all day. She asked me about sexy panties and I think she was surprised when I suggested she wear something conservative (her granny pants) for work but to take what she wanted for afterwards and change. The panties she put into her purse were totally sheer and the matching bra merely held her breasts. Indeed, both items were quite transparent and did nothing to hide the delights beneath as they were quite visible through it. Even now, I cannot tell you how excited I am to think of Glenn seeing her in them. I know it sounds weird but I am so looking forward to seeing her when she comes home knowing what she wore for him.

Back to the ****** stresses, we haven't stay together for 30 years without me knowing what she needs. Yes, I may like her to fuck other guys and more but she is my wife and I know this is both a stressful and emotionally-wrenching time for her. As I may have mentioned, my father passed away some 20+ years ago and I know how it affected me; I know it's similar for her as it's truly marking the ending of what she'd long associated with her ****** and home life.

Believe me, the bottle of wine we'll have on the beach on Saturday night will mark a very different type of close moment for us.


Suzanna is visiting her parents right now but will be home soon for a later dinner. Both our kids will be going out later so we have some alone-time planned for tonight.

I am so friggin' horny. She came home quite late last night and I knew already that I'd be waiting till tonight for our time together. She shared some of the details of her fun with Glenn as she let me lick her and clean her up a bit.

My god, can that man cum! Suzanna actually had to push my head away before I was finished. I knew what to expect when she came home and when I saw her undress to get changed, I saw that she'd put a period-pad in her panties. She was very pleased that I knew that I'd be waiting and even more pleased when she said, "are you okay with just licking me tonight?"

I answered yes. It seems strange to say it this way, but Glenn's cum tasted good mixed with her own scents and flavours. Maybe a bit tart and salty but with almost an hour ride home, it was all still intensely erotic at the same time. She told me she was quite tired and that Glenn had fucked her not once, but twice and she even cautioned me that, "I might be pretty messy" although I am sure she knew that saying that would only serve to arouse me even more.

I wasn't as horny as I might have been because in my haste yesterday we had our fun on Wednesday night too where she really teased the heck out of me before I finally came all over the place.

I will say now that she has clicked up the humiliation type of teasing with me. At several points she taunted me on Wednesday night telling me and reminding me that, "Glenn cums so much more than you do". At first, had she gotten home earlier last night, I actually was thinking of asking if she'd like me to use a condom with her, but when the night got later and later, I realized that wasn't likely to happen.

Anyway, I want to go get dinner started so that when she comes in we can be eating soon and then hopefully fucking soon after that!


She didn't do that much teasing and taunting last night. If anything, it was more close, emotional and loving. Whereas she admitted that she 'got fucked' by Glenn, I would say that last night for us was much more about making love as she felt particularly close and loving. Our passions were intense as she got on top of me and she did reveal that she'd done the same with Glenn the night before but there was a certain level of teasing as she knows that really turns me on and when she started to say that she was still wet and 'leaking' on Friday, that really got me horny.

With the 'cuck-thing' turned down a bit for last night's fun, it was particularly nice to feel her cum so effortlessly with me. Of course my head was filled with thoughts and visions of her impaled on him and with his cum flowing out of her as it likely was but between us, it was just love as I kept those thoughts in my head.

Despite my horniness, I lasted a long time with her and she'd cum several times before she could feel my moment approaching. I felt rock hard in her and sure enough, just after she'd hit a particularly intense orgasm, I felt my desires peak. I pulled her legs back further with my arms and I gave her all I had as I came deep in her.

I know, compared to Glenn, I don't nearly cum as much as he does but that didn't matter last night. As Suzanna felt the first of my orgasm deep inside her and as she felt my cock remain rock hard she was swept over the edge. She shook and moaned and trembled beneath me as her head thrashed back and forth and I felt her body convulse deeply. When I finally finished inside her she lay there motionless for a moment and only 'surfaced' when I lay against her and hugged her deeply. When her eyes did open they had that deep satisfied look in them that needed no further explanation.

The 'humiliation type teasing' was enjoyable for me. I've felt it at times in the past, especially when she does it with the intent to tease me and turn me on. So in that sense, if it was done the same way, where it was done to make me hornier, then yes, I suppose I'd be okay with her doing it more.

I also know that there's an element of truth in that kind of teasing and I think that puts a sharper edge on it. It seems to both turn me on as well as give me that bit of angst that I seem to enjoy at times.

She doesn't use the word 'cuck' or 'cuckold' all that much although it is something she seems to becoming more comfortable with. I suppose it's a turn on for her to refer to me that way but it is more the context and the situation rather than the words.

We're heading down towards the shore later this afternoon to avoid the traffic so perhaps I'll have time to write more before we leave.


While we were talking over the weekend Suzanna came out and asked me if I missed watching her or being there with her and her lover. It made the both of us think for a while and to be honest, I couldn't remember the last time I was present. As we talked we realized that time had just slipped by so quickly. While I'd never seen her with Robert, that pattern has continued. I asked her if she wanted me to be there anymore and kind of asked her if maybe she didn't like that or whatever since it never came up as an opportunity for her with Glenn based on the 'story' she told him. I reminded her that I also hadn't been there at all when she'd bedded Tony on the spur-of-the-moment.

We talked about it for a while and she admits that she did miss me being there but now, even she admits that with it being so long ago that she'd probably feel self-conscious like it was way back.

I told her that I thought she wouldn't feel all that awkward and that it was probably like riding a bicycle (only riding her lover! She laughed at that joke) and that I was sure she'd feel comfortable once the first few moments were over.

That led us to a longer discussion about what we might have in the future. She said she did miss the openness that she felt when I knew her lover and he knew me. In the end she agreed that next guy she finds herself attracted to she would come clean with and hopefully introduce him to me.

It was then that we both realized that we will be empty-nesters in about 5 weeks. Hard to believe summer will be almost over in another 5 weeks or so; talk about time flying by!


We haven't yet got to talking about how things would be when she does find her Mr. Right, so I'm wondering if she'll settle for someone who's not Mr. Right, perhaps someone like Glenn, to fill in the gap until she does find him. She says that by the time both kids are off and away, that her parents should be settled in and that maybe even their house will be sold or on the market by then so, as she put it, our life can go back to what was the norm.

This was a subject of discussion last night as she got cosy with me and we began our Wednesday routine. I do love masturbating for her; it feels so normal now to just lie there and let her watch me as we talk.

She told me that she too had missed me being there with her and the 'closeness' that she felt with me. I should have added that she was relieved that I too had missed seeing and being there with her as she had thought that perhaps I wasn't as aroused by that as I'd been in the past. I was honest and told her that since I'd come to accept things more, that I actually really missed seeing her and being a part of it with her.

She teased me that come September if she finds a guy she likes that I might find myself watching a lot more and then she leaned over and cooed sexily in my ear, "just think, I can be right here in our bed baby". Damn, did that send tingles all over my body.

I moaned back that was so sexy to think about and she half-jokingly asked if I was going to be okay about it. I knew what she meant and I told her yes, that I was past a lot of that now. She kissed me and said, "mmm, turns me on that you want that now" and I told her that I did. I think back to how I was that first time she used our bed and I feel so silly and foolish thinking about it.

She said she might see Glenn again even though at the same time said that he was a little boring. I know that isn't how she portrayed it when she saw him last but perhaps that is the nature of his character, that he doesn't leave her glowing and wanting him even more which is what I know she wants to feel.


Tonight she is actually meeting her siblings at her parents' apartment so they can begin talking about selling the house. The parents have the lawyers coming too, so since I'm not truly a blood-relative, it's not really my business on what happens so I'll be staying at home.

Sorry, I went off track there.

Last night she admitted that she missed having, "someone special who I can really get into" that's how she described it, and then she turned to me and said, "and you miss it too, you miss what it makes me want with you, right baby?”

In that one sentence she seemed to sum it all up. I told her again at how I wanted to see her desires start for another guy and to see her becoming more aroused and more into him. She smiled and cuddled up and told me how she so wants to feel swept-away by those desires. I moaned and she smiled when she saw just how hard I was and she said, "awww, does it turn you on to think about me wanting to fuck my lover, huh baby, you miss that?" She had this incredibly sexy teasing voice and it was getting to me. She moaned and told me how, ".... I miss cumming with another guy; you know, that really big one at the end baby...."

I was delirious at that point that I don't even remember what she said that triggered me as my mind did most of it. A moment later I grunted and, man, did I cum. I felt splatters on my stomach and chest and I heard her moaning deeply as she watched and as I got the last bit out she said in this low sexy voice, "that turns me on so much....”


I’m sitting here 'Home Alone' and imagining holding her hands or legs back while she is receiving her lover and being there just as her rock all the while and then cleaning her up while I’m denied in my bed! I suppose that is possible and perhaps even an 'eventual' outcome. I don't think either of us can quite visualize what will happen other than it will be more than it is and has been in the past.

The feeling I am getting more and more is that she is really just waiting for the right guy to tickle her fancy and that will release the floodgates. I also think her annoyance level is also rising, that she's annoyed that our summer has been busied-out by her parents and the time that all of that takes.

Hard to believe that it is almost August already.


Part of my feeling about her is based on Glenn whetting her appetite but not satisfying her hunger, if you will. If anything, I think it made her realize that she does want more. It’s something we're continuing to talk about. She mentioned of maybe taking a real college class, something like an Accounting or Economics course at a real college, a night-school class, to see if that's a way to meet guys.

I have brought up searching for someone online but she dismissed the idea saying that it would make her feel cheap in that if she replies to an ad, what she's really saying is that, "I'm interested in fucking you" and the same in her putting an ad online for herself that she's basically advertising that she just wants to find a guy for sex. While that might be true and the end-game is to feel another cock in her pussy, the thing is that she likes getting to know someone a bit before that happens. She pointed out that she'd known all of the guys she's slept with for a while before it happened and that she just felt better about that.

I reminded her that was how she felt when we went to the swing-clubs all those years ago, that even though it was why we went, that she hated feeling like she was either being picked or had to pick who she was going to have sex with.

I hope she comes home with some good news tonight about her parent’s house. It's a huge house that's fully paid and has no mortgage and, if they sell it, the money will be used for their assisted-living costs. We shall keep an eye on what they're spending as they're at the age when it's easy to fleece them. I just think if they can sell it fast, even if they get a bit less money for it, that it'll be worth it just so we can put it behind us and move ahead with the new reality that they are old and aren't on their own anymore and are being taken care of in their new care-assisted home.


Back to Suzanna, I have to say that it is a profoundly cuckish feeling to know that your wife 'needs' to get away every now and then for a good fucking. I joked with her about maybe reconnecting with Robert or even giving Tony another shot at her. She told me she has seen Robert and that he's been cordial with her but he is very cautious about anyone getting any inkling of what went on between them as even his new fiancé doesn't know about his past with her.

She laughed and said 'maybe' about Tony but I could tell from how she said it that she knew he wasn't going to give her the sex she wanted. He won't be physical with her and she won't feel like she can let go with him, I know that.

We jokingly talked about Frank but we also know through the grapevine that he has a new girlfriend which is nice but we figured that Suzanna probably set the bar very high for her!

So, as we continue to wait out the year until Mr. Right comes along, we are mainly left with our own time together which isn't really all that bad. However, I will confess that after the denial we both enjoyed last year and now, after re-assuming the alpha-role with her for over 7 months, I can honestly say, and I have told her the same, I do want to go back to being the beta-male for her. In a way the time has been good because clearly it's brought us both very close and reassured us that even after her time with Robert and how she felt, that we fit back together just so so well. I actually feel much more at ease about letting it happen again when she's ready for it.


New book time. Who'd ever have guessed I would have found enough thoughts to fill so many!