Journal of a Journey - Book 61

She just left for work and I will say for myself that if Tony does get lucky with her again tonight, that he's going to be one lucky guy. She looked awesome this morning and put on this really sexy but conservatively styled blouse, a tighter-than-usual skirt and, for one of the first times ever, she put on thong-panties saying, "no panty lines this way" as she spun around for me. It made me want to throw her on the bed and ravage her but we both knew that wasn't to be!

I'll also admit openly now that the condom-only thing is really really getting to me. Seeing her dressed up all sexy and knowing Tony may have her again bare before I do next week has my cock rock hard and drooling pre-cum whenever I think about her. I'm hoping tonight she'll relent and share herself with me like last week. I'm still thinking about it all and she's back to possibly be with him again before I've even really processed it all.


I got home a little before she did and knowing she wouldn't be home till after 9pm I was able to relax a bit and have a few beers without having to watch the clock. I stopped off at the Mall and shopped a bit on my way home but still had maybe 30 minutes based on when she texted me that she was leaving. I sat in the lounge and did absolutely nothing but look at the front door as I eagerly waited for the sound of her key in the latch.

I wasn't disappointed, when she walked through the door the look on her face and from how her clothes looked left me no question that they'd been off not long ago. We hugged and kissed and I could smell sex on her. Before we even talked or said more than 'hi' after we kissed I guess she could feel how horny I was because she said, "relax baby, you can have me tonight". At first I thought she's meant maybe I could have her bare, but then I realized she meant that I could fuck her instead of jerking-off. I felt my cock throb and the 'need' in me rise as I realized I was still going to have to wait till next week...!

In the bedroom, as she lay back on the bed, I looked up at the clock and figured we had quite some time before our ******** was going to be home so I lay down next to her and we hugged and kissed again and she told me to get undressed. As I stood then knelt against the bed she unbuttoned her top and slowly pulled it apart. She told me how it was warmer last night and Tony drove them away from the party and got his SUV really warm for her. What really turned me on was when she had her top unbuttoned that she smiled and showed me that she had bra that clipped in the front and she said, "Tony had never seen one of these before". She unclipped it and just the thought of her lying in his back-seat with her top completely open like that got me so horny.

A moment after that she lifted her butt and slid her skirt down and off leaving her 'dressed' in just her now wet thong and her thigh-highs. She didn't need to tell me, I knew she'd been undressed just like this not more than an hour or so earlier. She looked up at me and confirmed saying, "you can take them off .... just like Tony took them off me earlier".

I felt this throb in my cock and I swear I felt like I was almost going to cum just from what she'd said and how she'd said it.

I think I was shaking a bit as I reached out and began to pull them off her and again she raised her butt and all I could see in my head was her doing this for Tony under the streetlight in his back seat. Her pussy spread apart as she lifted one leg and then the other, I can still see the dark red wetness in her if I close my eyes. A second later she lay back on the bed with her top open and just thigh-highs on. She knew what I was thinking and she looked at me with this sexy pouty look and with this sultry voice said, "mmmm ... you like knowing that Tony had me just like this?”

I knew but she proceeded to tell me again how she loves being naked with her lover and how that she was much more comfortable with Tony this time and how she wanted to feel like she was giving herself to him. She said he stared at her naked body for what seemed like a few minutes before he lavished all sorts of compliments and praise on her especially telling her how beautiful her breasts looked. She said he made her blush when he said how beautiful her pussy looked from how she trimmed and shaved it.

I was naked by now and I was leaning against her and started to move on top of her as she kept talking, saying how Tony also seemed to be more comfortable and less furtive. I was kneeling between her spread-legs on the bed and I could see her pussy was really, really wet with even a bit of a wet-spot beneath her. I went to lean down and go in to lick her when she put her hand on my shoulder and just said, "can you not do that tonight? .... You can fuck me though".

Without thinking I leaned forward on her and went to push into her but she turned her upper body and reached to the night-stand. I stayed there kneeling as she pulled out the condom and then she leaned up on her elbow and opened it and for one of the first times, she leaned over and she smiled broadly as she unrolled it down my cock. She cradled my balls and stroked me and moaned how hard and horny I looked. Then she looked up at me and said, "next week baby, okay, but until then....." and she lay back again and this time, she raised her knees.

I was in her in a flash and, my god, she felt incredible! It was effortless to push into her and I could hear and feel the squishing feeling of the wet sticky content of her pussy even through the condom. I slid all the way in without feeling any resistance and I could feel her swollen pussy lips at the base of my cock where the only skin-to-skin contact was. I pulled back to just the tip being between her swollen lips and I looked down at her and I just have to say that it turned me on like nothing else to think about her lying like this beneath Tony and, yes, how she'd feel his bare cock drive deep into her. When I did the same a few moments later her pussy had a sheen to it and, damn, did that turn me on.

She knew I was really horny and she teased me more and more; she told me how she'd cum easily this time with Tony and how it turned her on to let her co-worker feel her so intimately and openly. She said while the last time she'd felt a little self-conscious, that this time she relished the feeling of sharing herself with him. He knew after last time that she'd want him to cum in her so there was no awkward moment like there'd been last time where she had to tell him she was okay with it.

I was sooooo hard and deep in her and it turned me on to think that the deeper I pushed in her, the wetter she became. When she told me she could feel that he was going to cum soon I can't explain how that made me feel; I felt so many different emotions, jealousy, envy and, yes, even a bit of humiliation in knowing she felt like she could connect with him so easily but the thought that she could feel his cock in her pussy and how she knew him already turned me on.

I started to cum when she put her legs around the back of my thighs and she said, "I pulled him in like this when he started to cum" and I felt her legs pull at me, pulling me deeper into her and that was it for me.

My god did I cum and cum and as she felt the condom fill she moaned and I felt her orgasm beneath me as I plunged in and out and ground myself against her.


We did a fair share of talking over the past weekend after her first time with Tony last Friday night. One thing she made clear was that she's not looking at him as a boyfriend or a regular-lover. After discussing the pros and cons of her having someone so close as a true co-worker fucking her we went into this understanding of how it would be for her at work.

When she came home from her first day back at work Monday night she said he was a gentleman about everything and that they did share a few knowing stares at times but that she felt it was okay and that it was going to work out as we'd both hoped and that he'd understand that discretion would allow him to have more fun with Suzanna. She also knows that he's not the type to want a girlfriend on the side and after they talked more last night she basically told him that they'll have fun together in the future but that she'd prefer it was something spontaneous rather than something planned.

When we were talking though, she did admit that one of her desires was to, putting it bluntly, to have someone cum in her as she'd missed that. I did take clear notice that she didn't want mine but instead, used it as one of her reasons for finally letting Tony have her. I'll openly admit that this turned me on (despite some of the more ominous aspects of this). I just can't fully express how horny it makes me that my wife wants another guy’s cum in her so much.

One thing she said that was a turn-off was that he isn't circumcised and that after seeing and holding it and licking it a little, that she was a little turned off at sucking him. She said she hasn't really done that (yet?) for him. Not sure of the significance of this as both of the times with him have been in this 'teenage throwback' backseat-sex frenzy of sorts so I'm not sure how this is going to pan out.


She said that she didn't yet feel she could totally let herself go like she could with Robert but she did say that if they continued at it, that she thought she would be able to 'soon'. I asked her how she'd feel sharing that with Tony, her co-worker and she was quiet for a moment and then said that when that time comes (i.e when they've fucked a few more times) that it would be okay. She looked at me and asked me, "how are you going to feel?"

I told her that it did make me a little uneasy to think of her sharing that depth of intimacy with Tony, knowing that he'd truly have felt all of her sexually. She was about to start saying something when I cut her off and added that despite that uneasiness, that I thought it would be very arousing and to be quite the turn-on for me.

She smiled and kind of moaned and hugged me and said simply, "I'd like to know I can". With that I knew that she wanted it and I know now that she wants that for herself.

I've said all along is it's incredibly exciting and arousing to see her wanting sex, all different stuff, for herself. Whether it's for my benefit either directly, indirectly or not at all, it's incredibly exciting to see and let happen.

I've come to believe, accept and even understand the more extreme cuckoldry themes but that it needs to be Suzanna who decides which road we are taking and what she wants to explore and feel. I continue to feel this incredible satisfaction using condoms with her and even last night, knowing Tony's now fucked her twice and I've only felt-it indirectly, I don't know how to explain it, but I really loved knowing that I had the condom on.


I admit that it's all a bit ambiguous right now and I guess that maybe it is changing from a game to being more real. We have already moved beyond this just being role-playing but the real question is whether I care that it is changing as long as it's something that's working for both of us. For that answer, I don't see any choice but to wait for next week and see how things go.

I admit I'm a bit scared that maybe we have moved from playing games to reality. I know she's had this almost fetish about only having her lovers cum in her and I know I've both accepted and maybe even encouraged it. Yeah, that's a little scary but at the same time, the sex is incredibly satisfying. Whether she feels that final rush of orgasm or not with me, there is no denying that she does cum easily and plentifully with me. Whether it reaches the eye-rolling-back-in-the-head and body-shaking intensity, perhaps not, but if it turns both of us on that she may only feel that for now with her lover, is there anything wrong with that?

I think much is going to depend on how we both feel next week and how things are between us. Until then, all I can do is enjoy the ride.


Suzanna has never been much of a 'Computer Person' but we'd have talked recently and I explained to her about chat rooms and showed her how to access them.

When we awoke this morning she said she couldn't fall asleep last night and said she'd gone into a chat room and admitted she'd had some fun (I didn't even know she'd left the room; slept right through it). She said she would be taking the afternoon off and well, let’s just say that by how she responded to my questions about her chat room time, I wouldn't be surprised if she went straight there this afternoon when I was out.


I just got home in time for dinner. It was nice that we both took half-days today to start the holidays right. She's already suggested opening a bottle of wine after dinner which obviously had some sexual overtones the way she said it!

I checked the browser history and it looks like Suzanna was indeed in the chat room this afternoon; like about an hour and a half ago. I don't think she knows about the browser history thing, maybe I'll look again later and see if I can pick up on any of the threads.

Right now I think she's a little infatuated with having a workmate who's fucked her again. She told me that she actually likes the feeling she has being around him, that they have a special secret between them.


We spent most of the day outdoors. The weather was surprisingly warm so we went over to her parent’s house and cleaned up around their yard. Afterwards we then went for a walk down by the lake nearby.

Suzanna was kind of tired, we were up late last night, so she turned in a little earlier. She wasn't so tired that we didn't have sex before she went to sleep and, yes, I used a condom with her.

Coincidentally, we talked a bit about the whole condom thing last night. It actually started with her teasing me about whether I was looking forward to next week.

I told her definitely.

As we started to mess around when I started to finger her pussy she moaned how she missed how wet she used to feel all the time when she was with Robert. She said it playfully so I teased back that she'd just had Tony not more than 2 days earlier to which she replied, "he's no Robert".

As we got into it a little more she asked me if I remembered that the kids were going to be out at parties with friends on Tuesday, Christmas Eve, and she asked me if I wanted to 'celebrate' then with them being out of the house. I knew what she was asking and I told her, "heck yeah". By now she was lying on her back and as she stroked my hard cock I had my fingers making squelching noises in her pussy.

She wanted me to stand next to the bed and she turned her head to suck me as she lay there and spread her legs. When she took me out of her mouth she asked me again if I liked that Tony's seen all of her; I moaned yes as she sucked at my cock again. She could feel I was getting closer and when she pulled her mouth off the last time she patted her pussy and said, "you should get up here".

As I moved onto the bed she reached onto the nightstand and opened the condom and as I knelt between her spread legs she slowly rolled it on me. She moaned about how hard I looked and how much I was going to enjoy her next week.

Even though we'd fucked just 2 days earlier, I was out of my mind with horniness about her. Feeling her the other day was awesome but now, nestling in her warm pussy again it felt awesome. She put a little lube on the outside of the condom and told me to start slow with her. As I started to really begin to fuck her she looked up at me and asked me if I wanted a Christmas present on Christmas Eve. The way she asked it, I knew it was something sexual and as I thought about it; I knew what she was saying and damn if my cock didn't throb at the thought.

I looked at her and said, "are you saying you're going take a little longer getting home on Tuesday?" (Her company and mine both have 'early out' afternoons at 1pm that day so neither of us wastes a vacation day taking it off.) As she started to moan her answer of 'uh huh' and nodding her head I asked, "did you already plan this?"

She moaned back, "no, but I don't think he'll say no, not after the other night". She looked up at me and said, "do you want me to?" and literally just a second or two after I said "yes" I plunged deep into her and I let loose and pounded at her until I'd exhausted myself.

She was moaning and writhing under me and pulled me tight and deep as she came just after I did. So yes, she's going to have a quickie with Tony before she comes home to me and I'll get to have her bare and enjoy starting out with sloppy-seconds with her.

I'm seeing this very casual attitude about him from her, I think she feels he's her little plaything, having sneaky fun with her after all this time with her in control of it all. She said that all she's explained about me is that I 'look the other way' so it is going to be interesting when I see him again.

All I can really say is that I will insist on having her bare when she doesn't expect it. I have given this some thought and I think the first time should just be me insisting on not using a condom with her but not timing it so that, if she is seeing someone, that it interferes with her schedule or something like that. I guess I'm thinking that way I'll know whether it's her or not and not something partly influenced by another person, etc.

I know that if she finds the right guy who wants more from her that she will probably agree to it and I have no doubt that I'd go along with it. I think she knows herself/us well enough that when that time comes, if or when; should it be an 'if' what I'm trying to say is that she has to want to let it happen. I do think she loves me and wouldn't ever do something to hurt me so if this does escalate, I do still feel in my heart that my wishes will still carry some weight with her.

Our son will be home come tomorrow so things will probably take a more quiet turn.


She hasn't mentioned getting together with Robert. She briefly mentioned that she'd seen him at the work-parties but said nothing more. My suspicion is that it's a combination of her excitement about finally bedding Tony as well as that she'd already said that Robert was going to be spending time with his new lady over the holidays.

As far as Tuesday is concerned, no, it's Tony with whom she's suggested she'll have a quickie. I was surprised when she mentioned it for it is not so much that she thinks she can just have a quickie with Tony as opposed to, as she admits, still wanting more time with Robert.

The whole Robert thing seems to have just fallen by the wayside but, then again, I am sure that is part of the reason she gave into Tony after all this time, to take her mind (and body?) off Robert. About her thoughts of having both Robert and Tony before me, that is what she will have had since I haven't felt her bare since back in October now. I told her that I was actually quite horny about what she has suggested/agreed to for Tuesday. She giggled and said that I just wanted her home sooner after she'd been with him to which she added that I should, "have my way," on Tuesday as she has already fantasized about letting him have her quickly before she comes home to me.

I do think that in some ways we have already moved to reality as I don't feel she's just teasing me about the condom use now. I need to see how things play out over the next week or two before expressing a concern or letting things continue. I'll share that if next week when I have her bare again works out the way of our last few times, where we've felt a deep and even profound reconnection, then I'm not sure that I'd want to change things.

It may sound weird but in my head we share a lot sexually and if limiting ourselves to just a few times a year where we re-unite then I think that's something I can accept and rationalize as a trade-off. If I feel anxiety from her or that we aren't meeting physically and emotionally the way I'm hoping, then I'm going to look to 'steer the ship' again for a little while.

Thing is, I admit that I'm still not sure about my own desires. Now as a confessed cuck, I am beginning to fear the permanence that it could become.


I think Suzanna's still pining for Robert and this is why she's kind of thrown-herself and become-infatuated at this fun with Tony.

She's just headed out the door for work. We only talked briefly last night and basically she wanted to be sure I was okay with both waiting for tomorrow as well as her plan with Tony. She also joked that I should be sure and not-masturbate till then too. I laughed with her and told her the only place I was going to cum for the next week or so was in her! She smiled and rolled to me, kissed me and said, "sounds perfect".

I'm not expecting to hear about anything more of things continuing with Robert. Under it all I think she's still a little hurting from that both ending as well as not going quite how she had wanted and hoped. Neither of us expects her to really have much contact with him until maybe after New Years.

Thinking back to Ray, well it seems to us that once she gets involved on more than just a fun-basis that for the longer-term, it's not good for friendships/acquaintances. Suzanna says she has received some Email from Ray and all he's said is that he doesn't think he'd feel comfortable around me/us. I suspect Suzanna 's lackadaisical attitude about him towards the end may have also left a sour taste with him. Even to the end I never saw the downturn in desire in either her or Robert that I saw with Ray.

She just came home from work earlier than expected, they let everyone at her work go home early today in addition to tomorrow, how nice. She came in all bubbly and happy teasing me about 'being ready' for tomorrow and she told me that she dropped a sexy hint to Tony that she, "wants to give him a Christmas present tomorrow" and that he smiled back at her.

She hugged me and kissed my neck and face and told me she was getting horny about it all. Before I could say anything she said, "you tomorrow finally!" and then she almost whispered in a sexy voice, "mmmm, are you horny about me being all wet for you when it's your turn? ...... only 24 hours from now baby" and she reached down and felt my hardening cock.

I'm hoping to knock off work about 4pm and head out for some last-minute shopping; I have a short-list of things to pick up. She said she has some orders she wanted to check out on the computer for if they'll arrive by tomorrow. Maybe she'll spend some more time after I leave in another 15 minutes or so.


I am sooooo horny right now, she'll be getting out of work in another half hour and then I know where she'll be. Every time I close my eyes I can see her with her skirt pushed up around her waist in his back-seat.

Our kids are both out till later this afternoon when we'll all meet at Suzanna's parents for dinner together so I'm home here in an empty house right now.

It's now 12:45. I'm actually excited for her if it works out with Tony. I could see her own excitement. She wore a skirt and again, a top that unbuttoned down the front and that same front-clip bra. My cock is throbbing when I close my eyes and picture her lying back naked for him. Why do I love that he's going to fuck her and make her moan before I do?


I was so horny on Tuesday. Even now it still haunts me just how much I wanted her and how much, at that moment, I really felt what I've longed to feel. After so long and knowing she was with Tony, I can't begin to describe how I wanted her. In the hour or so longer that I had to wait that desire only grew more and more.

I wanted her so much that as soon as she came through the door I literally swept her off her feet and dragged her to the bedroom. She could sense my urgency for sure and she undressed herself and by the time I was kicking off my socks, she had lay back on the bed and spread her legs for me. "Come on baby, you've earned it" she giggled and while one hand rubbed her nipple, the other moved to her spread pussy and smeared some of the wetness from inside her all around the outside and then she lay there and rubbed her button for a moment.

I did lean in and lick deeply. There was no doubt Tony had not long before cum in her. Even as much as I wanted to spend hours there, I needed to feel her. When I knew she was wet and ready I moved up and she looked at me and said, "come on baby, it's your turn now" and with that I finally felt her bare pussy again.

Oh, I savoured it; oh, did I. She screamed as she came deeply as I just slowly enjoyed all of the sensations of her sweetness again.

I tried to take it slowly but when I finally pushed all the way into her and I could feel her entire pussy swallow my cock and almost nurse at it. Feeling her pussy lips bare around the base of my cock and then, oh god, the entire way up and down the shaft. She knew it'd be too intense for me and she tried to push back at me. I tried to hold off, I wanted to really feel her, and somehow I managed it until a moment later she said could feel me swell inside her. She admitted later that she wanted so to feel it all with me that she let herself go and started a tremendous orgasm herself. I felt her body start to tremble and shake beneath me and I watched her eyes roll back and glaze over and that was it for me, I let out a spurt of cum that jolted her eyes open and to stare up at me as I erupted inside her. No sooner had her eyes opened wide that her body went limp beneath me and she gently shook as I fucked her deeply until I'd shrivelled up to nothing....

I pulled out of her and stared down at her pussy and finally, again, I could see her dripping out my cum.....

She was totally spent after that and we both took a long well deserved nap before even cleaning up.

Come 11pm that night as we snuggled into bed, I pushed her night-shirt up one more time. She giggled at first but that turned to a deep moan when she felt how much I wanted her again. In the end we spooned up and I fucked her till I came from behind one last time before we both once again went off to sleep....


It's nice having both of our kids now able to drive themselves. It gives us a lot of 'alone-time' and last night we certainly took advantage of that!

We started enjoying the afternoon with a bottle of wine before the kids left and after they did leave, and would be gone well through dinner into the late evening, Suzanna and I had some much needed time together.

Without the pressures of a clock bearing down on us, we retired to the bedroom where she changed into something sexy and then we lay together on the bed talking, teasing, playing and getting horny. She told me openly that she missed having 'someone regular' and when I answered that she certainly seemed to be enjoying spending time with Tony, she immediately replied that, "he's just someone I'm having fun with" and that there's nothing more serious ever going to be between them.

She giggled and said that maybe it's better that she just had a quickie with him instead of all of the whole dating and build-up and that she thought it might be fun to, "give him a shot at me every once in a while".

She knew by how hard my cock was getting that I was okay with it but she asked me anyway how I felt about Tony. I told her that as long as it didn't get out of hand or impact her work that I was okay with it. She giggled and asked me how I was going to be about it when I see him again, "he knows you know about us" she added.

When I asked what he'd said about it she replied that he thought it was cool and that as long as I didn't mind, he was going to enjoy it.

"So you don't mind that we fuck every now and then?" When I shook my head she smiled and said something about missing this kind of 'fun' at work.

As I got her undressed, pulling off her lacy panties and pushing up her camisole top, she looked up at me and said that she still wanted to find herself another guy who she could have, "more than a quickie with". She continued to tell me that she loved the feelings she had when she would let herself be sexual with another guy; that she felt empowered and that it had been a long time since she'd truly felt this self-confident.

I told her that I'd seen the results too and that I loved the person she was becoming, or rather as I said it, the person she was turning back into! She giggled at that and said that, "I guess I was a little slutty back then, wasn't I?”

It was my turn to take the lead soon though, I'd snaked my fingers between her legs by then and she'd willingly brought her knees up and spread them apart. I leaned up on one elbow so I could see her better and I loved the sight of my fingers spreading her pussy wide apart revealing the tender pink insides and the wetness that followed my fingers when I pulled them out of her. When I moved up to my knees next to her to get a better view and move into position I started to tell her that I loved that she fucked other guys. I said it just like that too, wanting her to really understand.

She moaned and I could feel her get wetter and wetter. I told her that I loved that she let other guys put their cocks in her, pushing my fingers deeper into her as I said that. She moaned as I whispered, "and I love that you let them cum in you" and I felt her start to push her pussy up against my fingers.

Her hand found my cock and a big smile came over her face when she felt I was hard already. As she stroked me I continued to finger-fuck her until I really started to feel her responding as she'd moan loudly and I could feel her pussy clench down on my fingers and then release a moment later.

She got on her elbows as I moved between her legs and she looked at my cock at the ready. She pulled her knees back towards her chest and she looked at me and said, "it's your turn again baby ... let me feel you cum in me again".

I was so horny again and she squealed as she felt me slap at her pussy with my hard cock and I was rewarded by seeing her vagina spasm as I rubbed the head of my cock around her opening, spreading her wetness. Her moans got louder and louder as did mine as I stroked my own cock as I would put just the tip in and then pull it back revealing her gaping pussy. Finally, she knew it when she pulled back again and her pussy opened and I pushed into her and then waited a moment. When she clamped down again and felt my hardness now deep in her she screamed out loud and for one of the first times in a long time I actually felt her squirt a bit as suddenly her pussy spread this thin slippery fluid all over us. She squealed as she felt herself release in a deep orgasm. When she regained consciousness she immediately began moaning at how deep and firmly I was fucking her.

She teased me how good my cock felt and she added that I should enjoy it, "while you have me". I didn't answer her then but that comment did drive me crazy inside and, sure enough not more than a few minutes later, I was nearing my own orgasm. She could feel it and she'd started to tease me, "come on baby, let me feel it" but it was when she started to say stuff about Robert and then Tony, "come on baby, Tony's had me 3 times already" that I really got into it. I told her how good her bare pussy felt and how much I could feel of her and how much she was getting my horniness up. She moaned that, "it's been so long baby; the other guys feel good but you feel like my husband".

That comment made me feel really good about it all but I wasn't really sure she was all that focused when she was saying it but I went with the thought anyway. A moment later she was teasing me about, "you have a lot of catching up" (regarding me cumming in her) and then she added in this intensely sexy voice, "if I let you!".

I heard it and I think she knew what kind of response it was going to drive in me and sure enough she got her wish. I move up onto my outstretched arms and we both watched her pussy swallow my cock and how I'd pull back and we could see her wetness glistening on it. I wish I could remember what she may have said in those last few moments but I cannot other than I could feel every fraction of an inch of my cock as I pushed in and out of her. As I pulled back it truly felt like her pussy was sucking at my cock and then, oh my god, how she felt when I'd need to push deep into her again.

Finally, with a torrent of thoughts in my head, I could feel myself start to instinctively push harder and deeper into her. More so, without the condom, I could feel her response! Oh god did she feel sooo good. I could feel every inch of her, every drop of wetness she secreted, every millimeter of her pussy lips as they dragged along my cock.

She began pushing back. Again, she knows how I feel just when I'm going to cum and she knew just how to make it even more intense for me. She lay back and would let me do the work, enjoying feeling all of me pushing into her and then pulling back. As I got closer and closer I'd stay deep in her longer and longer and would grind against her. She was right there with me and as she felt me just begin to orgasm and as she felt the first spasm and jolt of cum spurt out of me she let herself go over the edge and squealed loudly as again, she let herself go with the moment and another of her huge, body-shaking orgasms spread over her. As I spurted away inside her she continued to moan and writhe until I was completely spent in her again.

I went to pull out of her but she wrapped her legs around me and insisted we lay together for a little longer.....


I need to share more about some of what we've been talking about in addition to the very awesome sex.

Some of what we've been talking about has been obviously about how it felt for me to be using condoms with her for as long as I did. I told her that for me it turned me on more and more the longer it went on and not just because Robert (and now Tony) were cumming in her and I wasn't. After feeling her bare again I told her that I realized that it wasn't just them cumming in her but that they got to actually feel her pussy bare; that when I could feel the heat, slipperiness and sensations I'd missed, that it reinforced how horny it got me to know that I wasn't feeling or sharing that part of sex with her. She agreed with me in some ways and admitted that not just feeling them cum in her but actually feeling their cocks in her was something she'd felt too. She was the one who brought up the level of intimacy that she felt with them because of it. I told her that it was combination of everything but added that it was also because she wanted it, that it all turned me on.

She was the one who went on and on about just how wonderful it feels to be 'this intimate' with me again but she also added that in some ways it feels even better right now with me than with her lover(s) because of the time and desire that's built up between us. At one point she hugged me deeply and said clearly that even if we go back to condoms and (increased) denial, that she now knows that she will want to have times like this, between us, in the future.

I'd like to say we talked about more but we haven't, I know we've only scratched the surface of things. What we have said is that when we have the house to ourselves on New Year's Day and, as she put it, "after we've fucked all night" on New Year's Eve (as she's now focused on) that we should talk about everything on New Year's Day. About all I can say is that she's said that whatever we do, that she'd like more definition around it and she looked at me and said that she wants to be clear about what we both want.

Of course at other times, like last night, she's said that she misses feeling the full-range of orgasm that she has when I (or whoever) can keep fucking her as I (or whoever) cums in her and that feeling it again with me has really gotten her focused on what we both truly want. I didn't really push the discussion but at another point she did say that once she finds another lover that she is pretty sure she's going to feel the same way again, about just wanting it to be him. I wanted to ask more but that was when she said that she was thinking about a lot of stuff and that she wanted to wait to talk about it sort of all-at-once rather than a little here and a little there.

We again had the house to ourselves last night and again we enjoyed a night of intense sex together. Including her masturbating with 'Jim' her favourite dildo as she sucked my cock and teased me that, "you get seconds when Jim is done". By the time she lay back and spread her legs for me Jim had made her cum several times and the liberal amount of lube we used left her feeling gaping open and very wet. She cooed up at me about how, "you love me when I feel like this, don't you?" I moaned a yes back to her and she kept on teasing me gently like that telling me how wonderful it felt to feel her lover deep in her. I managed to moan back what I've long told her, that I love knowing other guys have been in her pussy and have cum in her.

I held her legs behind my outstretched arms as I stretched out above her leaving only my cock buried in her. I do so love looking down at her legs spread giving me all of her and, yes, knowing that she does this with other guys.

Suzanna must have known that's what I was thinking about, she looked up at me and said, "Tony likes looking at me like this too." That was it for me, hearing her tell me how she's lay back for him like that! Her eyes opened widely as she knew I was on edge and then I felt her moving her pussy upward at me as I pushed into her.

She looked at me and said, "I can feel all of you." It was how she said it and what I did with that thought in my mind that pushed me over and I moaned loudly as I came deep inside her. She pulled her legs around me and pulled me down against her. As I ground against her pussy she closed her eyes and started to writhe and twist under me shaking beneath me as I released the 3rd and 4th spurt deep in her and as I did so I felt her suddenly go sort of limp but at the same time, her pussy seemed to go crazy, spasming, tightening and then releasing several times in a row before she went totally limp beneath me and her legs fell to the side. I lay against her and I could feel the orgasm sweep over and consume her.

I didn't say anything to her but knowing she would feel and experience that with another man just drives me wild with arousal and desire. I still can't explain how I feel but after feeling that with her again last night I am very turned on by wanting her to have that with another man.

I know that it should maybe be more of an orgasm competition between me and whoever but that doesn't seem to fulfil my apparent need to somehow give her something with her lover that she doesn't get with me. Even after having her bare again, I still feel that desire to deny her and myself that and that it still feels strangely fulfilling that I want her to feel that with another guy.


The first that I'll share is something that I suppose I should have known already or at least assumed was going to be. It was a bit humbling to hear, but Suzanna came out and said that, especially after her time with Robert, that at times I am not up to the sexual peak I used to be in the past. She said that in some ways she had thought my own awareness of this was somewhat behind my more recent admission of wanting to be a beta-male for her. She said that sex between us is still great, awesome even, and that the last week surely proved and supported that but more that she simply said, putting it bluntly, Robert fucked her better than I did at times. She made it clear that it's more of a consistency thing with me, that many times I was equal or better than Robert, but that at other times, well, it either just wasn't as hard or wasn't as hard for as long, etc. She did say that maybe she had been spoiled a bit by his ability to recover quickly and go for a second round most of the time as opposed to it being more the exception for me.

I suppose I knew this deep inside, maybe it's some of what's helped fuel my own desires and in some ways is what's pushed her further in her own desires. I know that when I exercise more regularly (a New Year's resolution) that I perform better/longer, etc., so perhaps some of this is something I can address. The thing is, even with her saying this, she made it clear that it didn't matter in terms of how she thought, felt about or loved me. At one point she even threw in a 'thank-you' to me for accepting this and letting her have fun elsewhere.

We also spent some time talking about intimacy and closeness that we feel for each other. She said she wanted to be sure that I knew that even with all of the changes and other things we've tried and done that she initiated the conversation where she said to me that she doesn't think she's ever felt closer to me than now. She added that even though our sexual relationship is changing, that she felt we maybe even shared more sexual intimacy and closeness now.

I picked up on this and asked her more questions. I told her that I felt bad that my desires and what turned me on seemed to, at times, work against us. I told her plainly that I worried that sometimes what I seemed to enjoy and want would push her away from me or make her feel like I didn't love her. We talked pretty openly about it.

She agreed with what I was saying, that I felt that my desires in some ways forced her to perhaps experience things with her lovers. I said clearly, "you know, my liking knowing how you cum with Robert or Tony, at the end....".

She blushed for a moment as I said it and she paused for a second before replying. She did say that at first she felt very guilty when she realized she wouldn't feel that with me and she even admitted that it did bother her a little bit that I would so willingly give it up but she said that the more we talked and then, when I opened up about truly wanting to be the beta, that she seemed to somehow accept it. She did say that she missed feeling that with me and said in general that she did miss the intimacy that we had together without condoms.

I was feeling pretty low hearing this and was about to say something when she then changed her tone. She said that while it was different, that it also was after a time when she began to feel much more self-confident and much more self-aware of her desires. I told her that I'd seen this and that I had thought she was really happy and up about it all. She said she was and that was some of her conflict at the time.

We talked about this for a while and the more we talked, the more she conveyed to me how she feels that our relationship has changed over the past few years. She said that she loved that the role of sex in our relationship had changed. She came out and pretty clearly said what I'd been trying to say all along, that early in our marriage, sex became something where she felt she had to satisfy my desires and it is only now she seeing that she wants her own.

She held my hand and said that I'd shown her that she could enjoy sex with other guys but what she really emphasized was that as part of this that she'd now been able to look at our own relationship and see that it's about much more than sex and that my desires for her pleasure really struck her as something core in how I felt about her and what I wanted for her and us. At one point she looked at me and said that she had to realize and think about what I was doing or asking or enjoying or agreeing to, not as pushing her away from me, but as something that I was doing to want her to have more pleasure in life as an expression of love.

One might wonder where this is heading for Suzanna asked that I not return to condom-use just yet. When we talked about it she did say that when/if she finds her next lover, that her desire for this could/will return. She also said that there would be a lot of time to discuss this as it's not something that will happen overnight.


We did talk a bit about the whole emotional side, about how my pushing for her to experience more with her lovers also pushed her to be more emotionally involved with them. While this is related to what I've written above about, I didn't really go into it more to try to keep my thoughts clear and that this was actually, in my head, more linked to the other parts of what we talked about.

It was interesting as we appear to both be beyond the point of having to reassure each other that we like her having lovers. There was really no discussion at all about whether she'd be having sex with others, it was more of an assumption. What we did talk about was her continuing desire to have some sort of deeper, more emotional involvement with another man. As part of this she again brought up events and her feelings from the now distant past with Peter and she also mentioned how she felt when she was seeing Dan. Apparently hindsight there has revealed a bit more in terms of her feelings of wanting more but being unsure what she wanted.

I told her that I felt that she had much better awareness and, even, much better control of all of this now. She giggled at that and laughed that this was a conversation that she'd never have thought we'd be having but how now it seemed so right and okay to talk about. As she talked she shared that her quashed desires with Robert really got her down until she got past it and she realized that even without an emotional bond, that she and Robert were very comfortable together. She admitted, as I've already said in the past, that she was able to grow with Robert in ways that I don't think either of us expected. For her, it's been the change of wanting to do this stuff for me to now wanting this for herself. She says that she is convinced that is part of what she's been feeling regarding condoms. The way she said it, the more she felt that she wanted the sex, the more control she says she wanted to feel about who she had sex with and how.

I didn't follow all of what she was saying but to me, the more she felt she could share and experience with Robert, the more it led her to want that more. I know it wasn't easy for her to talk to me as openly about this as she did, but this was also when she started to tell me that my performance was a bit waning and as part of that she extolled at times about just how much Robert would cum in her at times. She admitted that it really did become a bit of a fetish.

Even after all the sex we had on New Year's Eve, my cock got hard hearing her tell me how erotically sexual she said she felt at times feeling Robert's cum in her afterwards. I was squirming as she told me how it made her feel to continually be reminded of her sex with Robert and how fully she was enjoying it. Once she said it, it seemed to be easier for her to talk about but she said that she felt very sexual almost all of the time she was seeing him and, she seemed a little embarrassed to say it, but that she got a huge thrill out of letting herself feel that she was exclusive to him.

I was horny at her saying this and I kind of encouraged her to talk more and what she said was that it was something she started to feel more and more as she was seeing him and, yes, this was also when she commented that I, "only cum a little at times" and how he always came a lot more in her. She said that she didn't intend to feel like this but that it is what happened. She tried to explain how conflicted she felt at coming out and saying she wanted that, she told me how she'd never wanted to feel this way and how she didn't like (at first) the idea of denying me but at the same time (and it was very sexy to hear her say this part) that over time she found that she was very horny herself whenever she'd let herself think about it just being Robert who would cum in her. She admitted to me that she'd masturbated many times thinking about it and that was also part of her conflict, her enjoying the thoughts but fearing it in terms of how I'd feel about it and how I'd feel about us. She said that she felt herself get very aroused at the thoughts of being 'one of those wives in the stories' whose pussy is only for her lover.

I told her that I could feel her excitement about it all and that was most definitely part of why I'd agreed when she'd asked me, because I could tell it was something she'd struggled with to tell me.

She asked again how I'd felt knowing how she was about Robert. I told her that I felt a lot of anxiety but that seeing her obvious pleasure and desire far outweighed it for me. I again told her how I thought I was the one pushing her to him and she said that once she'd started letting herself feel and accept what she was feeling, that my acceptance and support was something she felt great relief about, and she said it, that my doing so was what led her to want it more. At one point she gently patted her pussy and said something about feeling very erotic knowing what she was doing and how this 'normal housewife' had such an alternate side.

I told her that I did get enjoyment and that strange type of fulfilment out of it and that was when she hugged me and even sort of apologized for asking me to do such a thing but how when she saw how I seemed to be okay with it, that she felt much better about it.

It was me that told her that just as I was strangely turned on by using condoms with her, that it equally, strangely, turned me on when she told me about how she'd climax more deeply and profoundly without them. She said that wasn't easy for her to tell me but that she needed to know that I understood it all. I asked her if she missed feeling it with me and she said, "at first yes, and after our weekends together, yes" but that other times, as more time went by, that she did miss it but that she'd, like me, become aware of how exciting it was without it too. She admits that mentally she was very turned on by it all just as I was.

It was as we talked about this that she said that if/until she finds another lover like Robert that she didn't want me to use condoms with her.

That was what led us into the whole discussion about the future and what she's still wanting to experience. She still very much says she wants to 'feel something' emotionally with her next lover. She also said that this may have to wait until the fall when our ******** is off at college and we have an empty-nest.


She is pretty liberal these days, but mostly what I feel is that she's much more confident in herself as well as what she would like.

Which leads me to the last thing that I'd wanted to write about that she'd shared, and that's regarding this still pending desire to want something more emotional. I told her that this both turned me on as well giving me cause for concern. She said, in many more words than I'll put here, that she would like to feel what it's like to truly be smitten, to be in lust if not love for another guy.

I asked and she said that it's not that she wants to lose or replace me and she spent several minutes reinforcing those thoughts. She explained to me that some of what she called 'fun' was to get naked in the back of Tony's SUV and 'fuck' (exactly as she put it) and that at least in her mind, feeling the lusty feelings of desire for a new guy and feeling the desire to be with him is what she wants.

I told her that it made me nervous as well as being a little turned on. She giggled and said that she thought it might turn me on a little to know she 'had the hots' for someone. We did talk about the risks a bit and that's when she said that she didn't really think she could let it happen (let herself go with the desire) until later this year when we have an empty-nest. It was quite intoxicating to hear her talk about being swept up with desire and 'fucking all night and not having to run home if I don't want to'.

I told her that wasn't what I was worried about, that it was the emotional side that I was concerned about. I could accept and even get excited about all her being swept away sexually; I even intimated that I too wanted to see that but her emotions, whether her developing feelings for another guy would diminish what she felt for me, whether it could become something that would pull us apart.

She answered me in the only way that she really could; she held me tightly and said, "I'd never let that happen ......he'd need to somehow give me 30+ years of happiness before that could ever happen".

How could I say anything in response?

In the end, she looked at me and said that, "we have this break right now" and again said that, "Tony is just a fun way to spend a few hours" that we should just let things happen as they do and that until she has another 'regular' lover, that she'd prefer that I not use condoms. As she put it, "I miss the feeling".

So our agreement-du-jour is that we'll resume a bit of a more normal love-life together until she does meet someone new. I commented that this would probably be what would happen even if we hadn't talked because we are entering ski-season and Suzanna's expressed a desire to get out more on the slopes this year. I grinned back at her and asked her if she was hoping to pick up a ski-bum somewhere if we're away just ourselves. She giggled and said, "you never know".

We did talk about my feelings were too. She seemed very understanding and even supportive. I told her that I felt that many of the things that turned me on were very similar to her own feelings just from the other side. Just as she felt arousal at essentially giving exclusivity to Robert cumming in her, that it turned her on to know what she was doing, that from my side, it turned me on to think of her and know she wants that. I admitted that for the months I used condoms with her, that it turned me on more than I could have imagined to know that I was willingly sacrificing cumming in her. Before she could say anything more I told her that her admission of enjoying sharing her most intense state of orgasm with him and not me turned me on as much or more.

She was quiet for a bit and then said that while she didn't understand it all, she was associating this with a desire for me to give her more pleasure and more of what she wanted; that it was because I loved her and not otherwise. The way she said it, she strongly implied that she'd prefer to keep the thoughts that way so if I had some other sort of thoughts or whatever, that I shouldn't necessarily share them.

I told her that it was true, that knowing she wanted this and that we were doing it together, that it made me feel good. She moved away from the condom discussion and instead turned the discussion to her feeling closer to me since we'd separated and changed how our sexual relations worked. She asked me if I felt close to her and I extolled about how I felt so much more aroused, aware and wanting her. She in turn shared that by removing the intense part of sex between us (as she said, "the part where it's out of control") that it's made her really appreciate all of everything else that's between us, our lives, jobs, ******, home, dreams, vacations, etc. It was weird to hear her say it again but what she shared was that she actually felt that by using condoms as we were, that when our special-weekends or Christmas-New Years came around, that the sex we shared somehow took on more significance to her. As she put it, "feeling you cum in me then, finally, was better in some ways than having felt it all along.." Weird but it made me feel good to hear it.

We did discuss a bit more about futures. I told her of some of my denial-fantasies, longer in duration or perhaps a bit more pointed or a bit more 'teasing' oriented. We talked a bit but I will end this here by saying she giggled and said, "you never know what will happen".

I should also add that she hugged me deeply and said, "we will always be us though.


I think what I should probably say is that I understand the balance that’s needed between fantasy and what we fulfil in reality. I think the acceptable line may be a bit further down the road but there is a line there and the reality is that I think Suzanna and I both know that there's an underlying need we have for each other.

I'm not saying that we can't explore fantasies but that I think they also need to be viewed as something temporary or transient. In Suzanna's desire for this full-blown-affair or this deeper emotional involvement, I may not have conveyed this sufficiently, but to me, it is never something that she is looking for in terms of permanence. I know I've glossed over this and perhaps not shared everything. Yes, she has a desire to feel herself wanting another man and to want to feel it from him, to be swept-off-her-feet in a way, but at the same time, she and I talk about our futures, retirement, older age, grandkids, etc., and those are all solely focused around her and I. The other thing that I should have shared is that she's made comments about, "we're only young enough to do this once". I think her admission about my occasional inadequacy in some ways has fuelled this though in her, she knows she is older than me.

So, I admit I do have other fantasies that go deeper. When we have an empty-nest in the fall I would like to experience more. For example, I would like to experience her lover moving in with us for a short period of time, maybe a week to a month when she would be all his. I would like to experience her feeling relaxed enough to be open sexually with him wherever and whenever and for me to see her and be there. Another thing I think I've already said I'd like to experience would be for her to have a lover when we go away somewhere, maybe skiing where she would pick up a fellow-skier somehow or maybe, as I'd said last year, we'd be in Jamaica or some other destination and she'd disappear at times to have sex with her lover.

I know that Suzanna shared many truths with me, some that I'm still getting used to, and yes, the truth is that she does like a more well endowed, younger more virile guy, but the truth is, I knew to expect this sooner or later. I think the real thing now is for us to find the best balance between all our desires.


I admit I'm a cuck and that I do have all sorts of crazy desires. Maybe they're fantasies and should stay that way, or maybe if they become something that we mutually want to experience, that we do so. I have already held her hand as I've felt her experience both hers and his orgasms and it's quite intense to know you're holding her hand while he is fucking her deeply but for now, fortunately I suppose, she's definitely not into any male-male stuff. We're actually strongly in agreement on this, she's said that she isn't at all aroused by that and that she doesn't like to think of me doing that, handling another guy or 'guiding him' into her (on the other hand, she is aroused by the thought of my holding her or her legs, etc.).

I know that for right now we're both content with where we are. I'll even say that I'm happy to not be using condoms but I also know that as the days and weeks go by, that the desire is going to build in her. We have plans for this weekend with ****** and taking down the tree and all of that stuff, skiing the next, so perhaps it's all a bit serendipitous that we're where we are right now given everything. I will say that she's smiled at me and confided that she, once again, likes me cumming in he and her feeling my stuff in her afterwards. That makes me feel good. Whatever effects (if they were real at all) from only being with Robert, were short lived.


.. but writing about that will have to wait until I get myself another diary as this one is all filled.