Journal of a Journey - Book 56

Greetings from Boston. We arrived last night by about 10pm as we expected and by 11pm the build-up of anxiety and horniness had peaked and I had her naked kneeling at the edge of the bed as I slowly pushed into her bare for the first time in either 8 or 9 weeks!

I'd already gotten her all worked up, including bringing her to orgasm several times with 'Jim' her favourite dildo buried deep inside her pussy, when she moaned and asked me if I wanted to really wanted to do that first. Then after a few minutes she realized what I wanted and she said, "you want me to feel like I do after being with Robert, don't you?". I was already beyond horny and I moaned back that I did.

It was intense to be licking at her pussy and to taste the wetness seeping out of her around Jim buried in her as she came profusely. I could feel her pussy relax its clenching down on the dildo as I pulled it free and then I positioned myself behind her. Even with the deep fucking from the dildo she was just perfectly tight enough such that I could push into her on one plunge as she again screamed into the pillow with her face down.

I don't know how I lasted so long (maybe it was the long drive up and the 2 beers I had!) but once I got past the intensity of finally feeling her pussy again I pushed deep into her and just stayed there feeling her post-orgasmic contractions gently squeezing my cock. She told me that I felt huge in her and that even with her having cum with Jim just a few moments earlier, she still told me to take it easy.

I just wanted to really get myself going and she knew it. We also knew that she prefers missionary and needed to cum face-to-face. She leaned forward, rolled over and pulled her knees back and said, "now baby, it's your turn".

I wasn't gentle with her (she even moaned a little I was being pretty hard on her) but I had my arms wrapped behind her and would pull her up to me as I pushed into her with all I had. At some point she moved a little and suddenly her entire pussy just opened up so incredibly deep that it felt awesome. I thought in my head that this was probably how she was able to accommodate Rob's big cock and that turned me on. I pushed deeper and deeper into her as much as I could and each time I'd stay in her and savour the feeling.

She'd ridden through at least another orgasm and another was on its way when I felt that my own time was approaching rapidly. As she came beneath me her pussy flooded, spasmed and then seemed to relax and open up even wider as if it were finally tired of my assault. That was when I pushed in as deeply as I could. She knew it and she opened her eyes to look up at me just as I moaned and began to cum, finally, deep inside her.

It was so intense! It was one glorious spurt after another and each time she squealed I could feel her body tremble as I knew she was cumming too. As I began to stop I was still pretty hard and I pushed her legs back and I rode her for another few minutes until, even with my semi-softening cock, she came to an incredibly intense orgasm that had her screaming loudly and thrashing her head back and forth. When I slipped out of her now gapingly wet pussy, a flood of my cum (my cum this time!) came dribbling out of her. A second later her own fingers reached down and traced around the now very reddened opening of her vagina and rubbed the oozing cum all around. She looked up at me and said, "it feels hot, just like Robert's!"


Suzanna is coming to a halt with Robert but, as she said this past weekend, she enjoys the sex too much to put an end to it just yet. We didn't talk about it much at all, we seem to have kind of exhausted that topic but, well, it was on both our minds, I'm sure.


On Saturday night we got pretty buzzed in the hotel room and had a bit of a marathon sex session during which she enjoyed teasing me that Robert had cum in her over 30 times since the last time I did. Mid-foreplay she asked me several times how that made me feel and if I liked knowing that.

I told her that I knew it was happening and that each time I used a condom with her that I knew and most of the time I could feel that she was wet from him. She pushed me for more and I told her again that I loved that she wanted to do that.

We went back and forth for a while until I realized what she wanted to hear from me. I told that feeling her bare on Friday night was just so intense. She squealed as I said that to her and she moaned that even for her, feeling my cock bare in her seemed to really set her off with equally intense feelings. As she put it 'crazy orgasms'. She asked me if it was worth waiting for and I don't know how much more I could extol on how turned on I was to finally feel her barest of bare. She loved hearing me say it like that and she asked me if, "it has really been that bad waiting?"

I finally told her that feeling her bare on Friday night and again fucking her on and off for hours on Saturday night that 'it was worth it'.

She again reminded me how many couples always use condoms.

For as fast and intense as it was on Friday night finally feeling her bare, I still felt the same on Saturday night other than the anxiousness and eagerness had faded a bit. At many points I can remember holding her close and feeling as my cock slid in and out of her that it was mesmerizing, the urgency of needing to fuck her hard and deep from Friday night had given way to an incredible awareness of just how silky and wet her pussy felt inside and how it seemed to suck at my cock at times as she'd ride through several mini-orgasms. I was honest and open with her when I told her that it made me crazy to think that Robert gets to feel that from her all the time.

Still, each time I'd finally cum deep in her she seemed to reach an intense climax herself. It seemed she start to cum as she'd feel me plunge deep into her but then she'd ride it out as I'd finish emptying in her and I would keep on fucking her until I'd go soft. By then, wow, her pussy was just play worn out and tired. I do admit that I did feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when I did pull out of her and she would lay there with her legs spread but, this time, it's my cum that was dribbling out of her.

We made full use of the hotel yesterday morning where I again had her kneel at the edge of the bed and we had 'Jim' bring her to her first orgasm. The feeling of pushing into her just as I pulled Jim out of her is a feeling that can only be matched if Jim were real, as if I was going second and to feel her gaping pussy and the wetness from her orgasm is intense.

We did play with Jim a bit on Saturday night but that night was mainly us. I got her started up and enjoyed, for the first time in a long time, bring her to her first orgasm orally and confirming her first cum as I felt her pussy clench down and I could clearly taste what would be my cum in her this time! On Saturday, I toyed with Suzanna and told her that, "Jim can keep your pussy ready" as we took breaks from building up to our final fuck-session. By the end of Saturday night we were both exhausted and wound up spooning together, me behind her and my cock still nestled in her pussy as I kissed the back of her neck and felt her breathing as we both literally fell asleep post-fuck. There's perhaps no closer moment for us than that one, to be feeling her breathing slowly against me as I held her naked. It's what makes all of the rest worthwhile.

When we rode home yesterday afternoon that she had 3 loads of cum from me in her, a fact that wasn't lost on either of us. At some points she'd reach her hand down into her jeans and would bring it out and to my lips and as I'd lick her fingers she'd tease me, "that's yours in me for now baby".


We talked about Robert and she wasn't shy about telling me that, right now, she's only seeing him for the sex. From what she'd said, even if it's only the 1-day a week, she'd still like to see him. She shared with me about how she's feeling and about how she's going to feel as Robert either gets more serious with this current or even a future girlfriend. She said that he's said that just like with her, that he'll be using condoms with his new friend for now but he told her that she's now spoiled him at having had her bare for so long that he now feels he wants that with his new friend and that he now feels it’s an important step in a relationship.

I joked that it took her to make him understand that?!

She also said that she doesn't expect condoms to last with him once he's moving in that direction with her. She also said that she herself would want to be out of the picture by the time they may get more serious with each other. As she said, "I don't want to mess it up for him". So it seems she's being a bit stoic about it all.


She asked and we talked about how her attitude towards sex had changed over the years. She asked me if I thought she was slutty back when we met and then asked me what I'd say if she behaved that way now.

I asked her to be more specific as despite what I'd surmised, she'd never really 'fessed up about how selective she was (or wasn't) about who she'd sleep with. She said that back in college that she slept around a bit but that she wasn't one for 'one night stands' but admitted to having several, usually spontaneous kinds of things.

When she left college she put some of that behind her until she met her now ex-husband. She told me that, if it was any sign, that she didn't sleep with him right away and that it actually took a while to when she finally let him finally fuck her. I didn't push but she's said over the years that (comparatively and objectively) he was not very skilled in bed.

I met her after her divorce and she recognised that she was quite promiscuous and admitted for a while to sleeping with just about everyone she went out with (which threw out my earlier thoughts of her being a bit more selective!) She said that she wanted to get her husband out of her system and she admitted that for the first 6-9 months that we were dating that she still slept with several other guys. We all went bare-back then. I told her I knew that and that there was at least one if not more guys who she'd been through before we really got settled in.

Anyway, I told her that just as I'd felt long ago, that I loved that she loved sex and that back then and as of now, I saw nothing wrong with it.

She contemplated that and then said something about me, "... knowing I'd been pretty slutty back then...."

I corrected her and told her that there was nothing slutty about it. Yeah, OK, the guys talked about her (she knew this) but I told her that we all thought she was far from being a slut. As far as we were all concerned she was merely easy but wasn't slutty in that she was with multiple guys at a time or anything like that.

Then she asked me, "what if I behaved like that now?" (there was more to her question but that was the gist of it).

I told her honestly if she was enjoying it for herself and if she shared it with me, that I thought it might be exciting. This conversation morphed (helped by alcohol) to her questioning me, "... do you really like that I share my pussy?" and saying that at times that she still found it hard to believe that 'her husband' wants her to share her most intimate parts and experiences.

It was more of a rhetorical question as I told her that I thought it was incredible that she liked to fuck like she does to which she giggled and said, "it's been so long since I've felt this way". Then she seemed to come to ease in telling me that once our ******** is out of the house (away at college) that if she doesn't have a new guy by then, "... you're just going to have to put up with my desires....!"

One of our bigger discussions was about condoms. She knew that it turned me on to talk about my using them and Robert not using them and, again, she teased me quite a bit about how much Robert has cum in her recently. We even got the calendar out and we figured it had been 8 weeks since I'd either cum in her nor felt her bare and how he'd cum in her 3 and sometimes 4 times a week all that time.

I told her that I could still taste him in her that first night and she seemed to glow thinking about it. She looked at me with this loving longing look and told me how special it made her feel that I'd sacrifice the feelings we'd shared on Friday night for her. I told her that it wasn't just for her that, yeah, I truly did miss feeling her and that there is nothing in the world quite like cumming deep inside her without a condom on. I told her honestly that I felt things with her and about her that amazed me when I did without sharing that with her.

Even now, knowing I'm back to using condoms with her, there is still something incredibly special and incredibly arousing at knowing what I'm going without and what I’m telling her to give to her lover. I told her that I know I'll get it back in spades both from the closeness we both feel to each other to the way we both orgasm together now. As if somehow withholding my cum from her, in a way, intensifies the pleasure that we know we're both doing something special for each other.

I told her that it wasn't that I don't want to cum in her but that in a way, not doing it, holding myself back, that it makes what we do together feel so much more intense. I told her that, especially after feeling her again, that I do so so miss feeling her but that at the same time, having had such an incredible weekend alone with her, offset anything I might give up.

She said much of what she's always said, that it feels very special and incredibly sexy to her that, "my pussy is for my lover" and that she feels like she's living in a Penthouse Letters story. She also told me some of the same that knowing she's not having me cum in her seems to really enhance the rest of our experiences. Maybe it's the same way a blind person says they can hear and smell better!

What I did ask her was what's going to happen after Robert is done. I put it on the line, "will you still want me to use condoms?”

She was thoughtful for a moment and then said, "you know I love you baby ..." Before she could get past, "... I was thinking....." I pulled her close and said, "if you want me to, I will ..." and then I said something like, "I thought you'd miss this" and I reached out and just gently ran my finger between her pussy lips and it came out wet and shiny.

She said that it wasn't like she wanted it forever but then giggled and said, "it's sure likely to get me to find another guy quicker!" which made us both laugh.

As we made love later Saturday night we held each other tightly and we seemed to almost both say it at the same time how intense it felt finally feeling each other bare and how maybe, less is more?


Suzanna took a bit more time before she left for work this morning and said she'd probably be a little later getting home. She said she's figuring another month or two at the most before things change and she no longer feels comfortable. Understandably she's curious to find out tonight how things are progressing in Robbie's' world.

Another thing that really got to me was something I haven't felt in the last couple of months. Last night she took a bit longer to come to bed and she spent more time than usual in the bathroom. She didn't say anything to me at all but this morning I saw the reason why, there's an empty douche bottle in the trash.

I was initially annoyed to realise that she wanted to be clean for him tonight but, at the same time, it turned me on when I figured that the first time she's had my cum in her for weeks she had washed all traces of me out last night. That thought really gets to me.


She came home very happy tonight and is now again sitting on the phone yapping with her sister so she'll be occupied for at least a little while longer. I do wish she could somehow tell her sister what's going on as I just think she'd enjoy having a girlfriend she could share this with. Just a thought.

I don't write often enough about the angst that I feel. Even now, knowing she's sitting there in the kitchen and that his cum is in her pussy, it just turns me on in the most intense way but it's not totally pleasurable, that's the thing, it's more like a drug in that it seems to be something that keeps me continually aroused. I'm sure somewhere in my head I'm living vicariously through her but there's so much more to the erotic feeling of knowing, sexually, she is his.

That's the same kind of angst I felt this morning when I saw the evidence that she likes to be clean for him. It's something I've felt and known about with all of her lovers. I'm going to even say that way back when that while I was sure she was having sex with other guys, she was always totally clean when we were together. I never asked her about it then but now, seeing her behaviour, it wouldn't surprise me if she did the same, douched before she came to see me. I haven't mentioned it to her at all but I do admit that it does turn me on that she wants to be clean for him.

I am sure what began as a tease about sperm preference has now turned into a bit more of a reality. Does she prefer him to me? I am going to say a qualified 'yes' in that I think it is also circumstantial in that it intensifies what she feels with him, that much is clear from how she's described it to me.

I do think it's chemical/hormonal too which is why she's wanting to see him and, as I've said before, at times to just be there to let him make her cum and, more importantly for her maybe, for him to cum in her.

All sounds so scientific and yet it is such an intense feeling that it's almost the opposite at times. Even now, just a few days after our weekend, my god, I think I want her more tonight than in the past 2 months. The feeling is just intense to know and think that she's been satisfied by him and that he's now reclaimed his place in her body. It's weird to think that it turns me on but it does. The thought of her being with him earlier, it seems to almost make me want to use a condom with her and let her experience that with him for now. I can't really explain it but it turns me on in a way that nothing else does, to know that she wants that moment with him and not me.

While I could only encourage her to let Dan have her first with her IUD and while I could only encourage her to let Peter have her first truly bare and unprotected, in a way, I have that same feeling of intense arousal and this crazy feeling of satisfaction all the time.

It doesn't make sense to me but it's so intense when I sit here and focus on it.


I re-read what I wrote last night and I think it rings very true to me. I'm actually surprised it came to me and I could put it down in writing because reading it again, it seems to capture the type of arousal that I feel.

It's weird knowing she was sexually active before we met and that it's always turned me on to hear some of her past. I was infatuated hearing when she lost her virginity and now I see that I was probably aroused knowing that it wasn't me who did that. Same with her and anal sex in college, it's always made me curious about why I seized on these few 'stories' from her past but I see it now that again, it was some 'other guy' fucking her ass in college. I suppose it's also why it's turned me on to hear about her first marriage and I've long fantasized and pictured her in my head what went on that first night for her.

I could try to ask her thoughts on what is going on with her in terms of all of this but I think it would be asking the obvious. She likes him to cum in her and she's enjoying me not doing so right now. I'm a little scared to say that this is something that is really tickling my fancy and she knows it. The angst I'm feeling (which is painful at times but it's not the kind of physical pain that hurts) it's like a magnifying glass in a way. When I get lost in the feelings and thoughts about her it seems to swirl up and, more than anything, it seems to sharpen my horniness and desire.

It's almost the opposite of what you'd think; it's almost as though knowing I 'can't' have her and that at the same time she's willingly spreading her legs for him that my thoughts go to her sitting there on the chair probably, unconsciously, rubbing her legs together, enjoying the 'feeling' of a double-dose of his cum in her pussy. I think it really gets me horny like crazy and, in a way, even more eager for our Wednesday night fun.

No, she didn't let me see or even feel her last night; we didn't even talk about it other than a knowing 'mmmm' as we kissed when I'd pull her close to me . She had panties on when we went to bed and although I noticed it I didn't think about it.

This morning she had no qualms about drying her hair and strutting around the bedroom naked though. In a way it's much more intense when she doesn't wear them.

I admit that I craned my neck at times to get a glimpse at her pussy lips with the hope in my head I might see a little trickle of wetness between them.


Wednesday nights are kind of interesting.

She kissed me when I came in from work and the kiss lingered for a moment longer and she smiled at me. I knew what the smile meant and I have to say that it left me feeling horny from the moment I walked through the door.

It was when we finally went into our bedroom that things felt really good between us. She turned to me and said emphatically how wonderful our weekend away was and she particularly talked about how great it felt to be able to, "feel what we did after so many weeks" and I knew what she was saying.

We talked and she said that she was 'worried' about how we'd be after 'what we'd done'. I reassured her and made her talk about it saying something like, "it turned me on to not cum in you" and I told her that I wasn't worried so much as I was hoping that things would be as good as I'd hoped they'd be. I told her that feeling her bare for the first time was beyond description.

She said much the same thing, that she felt so great with me that it really seems to have been a good thing for us.

What she also said was that it seems to have given her a better perspective on both us as well as how it is with Robert. She said was something like, "knowing we're good together makes it easier to enjoy what time I do have with Robert" which may account for the lighter mood she had when she came home on Tuesday.

Whatever it was, that, combined with the unseasonal warm weather, made last night just a very close night for us. We both got naked in bed as we were talking and we were lying against each other and I could feel how warm she was. We were kissing and she was stroking my cock as well as touching me all over. I was playing with her breasts and she would playfully push my hand away if I went towards her pussy and at one point said, "just you tonight baby".

She leaned towards me and licked at my neck and told me to talk to her; that she wanted to know how I felt 'after so long'. Again it was one of those moments where I felt like I could just talk openly to her. I thought of what I'd written here in these journals and I told her that I actually enjoyed using condoms with her, that after the weekend I think it even sharpened my desire to do so.

She asked me why and cooed in my ear that, "you can tell me baby". I let up and told her some of what I'd been thinking. I told her that it turned me on that she would do things with her lover instead of me. She asked me more of what I was thinking and I told her that it'd always turned me on that she'd do stuff with other guys; I told her that I felt the same about thinking about things we'd done.

"Like what?" she asked.

It was hard to say at first but I did it, I kind of croaked out, "remember what you did with Dan before me?"

It took her a second and then she said, "you mean when you wanted him to be the first to try out my IUD?"

I groaned back a hoarse 'yes' to which she responded by sliding up next to me and whispering in my ear as she breathed on my neck, in this sexy voice, "yeah baby, I remember ..." and a second later added "... that really turned you on, didn't it?". My response was obvious by how my cock seemed to throb as I moaned, "uh huh". She cooed in my ear, "you can tell me ....- I want you to".

And so I bit the bullet and I told her pretty much the thoughts I'd written here, that it turned me on for her to have that experience with Dan first, that somehow it really got to me and turned me on that 'she would give it to him' instead of me too. I told her that one of the most intense feelings I can remember is how I felt when it was my turn to have her after Dan and how incredibly turned on I was that she'd taken his cum in her bare (without a diaphragm) before me; that when I did have my turn, that it turned me on to no end to not just think, but to know that she'd let him.

I told her that I didn't know why it always turned me on that someone else had taken her virginity; that someone else had take her anally; that someone else had carried her over the threshold and fucked her as a new bride before me. I told her that if anything, it made me want her even more.

I was so focused on trying to say what I did that I hadn't noticed how her breathing had become so much deeper and how she was responding to what I was saying to her. She moaned and said that was some of the sexiest things she'd ever heard me say about her and how while she didn't understand it, she could accept it as something that turned me on. She kissed me deeply, tongue and all, and then said, "is there more?”

It was easier to talk after the ice had been broken so I told her that "it happened again when you were with Peter, do you remember?”

She thought for a moment and then said, "you mean after I had the IUD removed?”

I breathed in deep and said, "yeah" and I know I seemed hoarse as I said, "it's crazy but it turned me on so that you did that with him before me too".

"I knew it turned you on but not like this ..." she paused and said, ".... that it'd turned you on so much that I would do this with other guys instead of you?".

I think she may have thought she offended me because she turned my face toward her and said, "I love you, I love you sharing this with me. It's okay baby, I love knowing more about you". I told her that I was worried that she'd think I was crazy or weird but her response was, "no baby, oh god no, it’s beautiful. I love you, I love that you could tell me that".

That was when I looked at her and said, "using rubbers with you give me that same feeling every time".

She had a look on her face that was as if she'd come to this huge revelation and she said, "wow, I never knew, I never heard you explain it that way".

I was still stroking away but as I focused on her face I fell back into total horniness and told her, "it did the same to me when you came home and told me how you'd fantasized with Robert about stuff".

I felt very horny but also very vulnerable at that moment; I'd literally bared my soul to her and I didn't know what to expect. I was still stroking away and I knew that if she was horny and was into it that I'd cum in just a few moments also knew that if I'd turned her off or she didn't respond positively that my cock would shrivel like a grape in the sun!

She slid up to me and stuck her tongue in my ear and said, "I married the best guy ever" and she rubbed her breasts up against my arm. That was enough to 'hint' she was okay with it all even if she didn't say anything more, I could tell.

Far from being quiet she cooed in my ear, "I'm still wet from him" and she took my hand and put it between her spread legs. She pushed my middle finger into her open pussy and said, "can you feel it?" and then she hissed, "too bad you'll have to wait to feel it with your cock!".

Oh my god, to hear her say that triggered the floodgate and I grunted and came all over my stomach, spurting up to my chest and even, I think, onto her chin. She giggled and moaned as I kept on stroking until I milked it all out.

After I'd cum all over my stomach Suzanna got up on one elbow but still stayed lying against me and she started to play with my cum like she usually does. Sometimes she'll spell out words with it, other times she'll pinch it together and see how stringy it is. Sometimes she'll comment on how much or how strong it smells but last night as she was playing with it she just said to me, "it really does turn me on that this isn't in me". She turned to look back at me and said, "it's not that I don't love you, I think I love you more than ever" then proceeded to stammer a little bit and even struggle with the words to add, "... whatever we're doing". She pulled some of my cum up into her fingers and said, "this .... it's making me feel really crazy".

I asked her what she meant and she said that it's been a long time since she's felt herself being so sexual and said that doing this together feels good. I put the shoe on the other foot and said, "doing what baby?" She hesitated for a moment and she said, "you know....". I must have had a look on my face because after a second or two she said, "okay, I'll try to say it".

She looked at me and said that all of our playing has made her very aware of how she has sex, what she feels and gets out of it and what effects things have on us together. She said that at first she couldn't understand how her denying me could turn me on and she said that she did it mainly because I said it did.

She hesitated a lot and I knew how she felt so I did the same as she'd done to me, "it's okay baby, I know it's hard to say it but it is okay; I want to hear it".

With a deep breath she said that over the years now that she's come to see how it turns me on. She said that after my explanations a few months ago about my thoughts, that she was feeling the same, just from the other side. She said that it made sense to her now and, "I like denying you now .... You’ve shown me how hot it can get both of us." Then she giggled and added, "of course, when we do get together .... oh god was that good for us...".

I held her hand as she talked and when she'd hesitate I'd tell her, "it's okay, take a breath".

I'm going to say that last night I was more taken with the moment to really think about it at the time and I told her it was all okay. She wouldn't look at me when she talked more graphically. She told me how she's much more aware of who cums in her and how her pussy feels. She used more clinical terms, telling me how aware she was of how her vagina responds differently to Robert than me. She was a little hesitant when she said that it turned her on, "I guess like it does you" that he'd cum in her so much. She said that she didn't think it'd be something like this but that even when she's not having sex or whatever, that it now turns her on very much to know that she's only letting her lover have her bare. "So I guess it turns me on that I'm giving him what used to be for you".

She paused for a moment and said almost rhetorically, "that's what you wanted, right?”

I moaned back a 'yeah'.

She kissed me and said she loved me and then turned back towards my stomach and again started to play with my cum, this time pushing it into a puddle. As she played with it our talk became more at ease, she told me again how horny it made her feel to see me cum and again emphasized that it's not in her.

I told her that it made me feel very close to her letting her share her thoughts and that I liked her knowing what we were talking and doing turned me on. She cooed that it made her horny to think how I used to cum in her all the time and she said once again, that it turned her on that now I didn't; how horny it made her to think that I really want her to be with another guy and to have him give that to her.

I was moaning and I know my cock was swelling already as she talked but she was into it and I knew better than interrupt. Maybe playing with my cum helped get her open up to talk. She pulled up a fingerful and leaned back and brought it to my mouth. As I licked it clean she moaned and said again, "you must have been so horny before we went away ... especially knowing how many times I was with him". When she brought the next fingerful up to my mouth she said, "you know it was like 30 times, right?" As she said that she quickly looked down at my cock which I could feel had throbbed at hearing her say that.

I moaned to her that it made me really horny to think about it and I told her what I've often written here, that whenever I looked at her and thought about her pussy having his cum inside - that it made me feel really horny and aroused. She had this broad smile as I sucked the tip of her finger clean. As she slid the rest of my cum onto her finger I finally said, "I love it baby, but sometimes I wonder about what's going to be in the future....".

As she let me lick at her finger wet with my cum she rubbed my cheek with her other hand and said, "oh baby, you'll always have your time with me; we're always going to have special times together like weekends away where it'll just be us like it just was".

I surprised myself when I said, "yeah, but there have been a few times when I've been so close to really needing to feel you again".

She pulled her now clean finger away from my mouth and leaned down so she was almost nose to nose with me and said, "oh baby, it's not like that" and she kissed me passionately and said, "if you needed that you just have to tell me baby. If this isn't something you like, you just need to tell me".

We lay there together for a moment until I said, "it is what I want but sometimes I just need to know I can still have you".

She kissed me deeply again and said I shouldn't ever worry about that. I hugged her back and I added that I was just concerned that this denial thing might become something more than just fun between us.

She pulled away from me at that and asked me what I meant. I was struck by the change in her tone and I said something like, "well, I'm just concerned that this might be something you decide is what you want for us for the future".

She looked at me and said, "I don't understand, it IS something I want for us". She said that just like me that she can't deny what she may be feeling and said that she would always let me cum in her when we would have our special times and such saying, "... and of course if you ever really need it". But she then said, "but it IS what I want baby, maybe I should be sorry I'm saying this but it's where we are and it is what I want". Then she said, "yes it's for fun but I'm also serious baby, for now at least, I really don't want you to cum in me that much".

I was quiet when she said that, I wasn't sure I was ready to hear that just then, that this was more than just having fun. I mean I knew it was, and it turned me on that it was,- but I don't think I was ready to hear it from her just then.

She obviously sensed I was taken aback by my reaction and she straightaway changed her attitude and approach. She didn't try to backtrack but said that it's not that we wouldn't ever go back to how we were but that she felt she had to be honest with me; that it was the truth and while she didn't say it in so many words, I know she was saying, "this is your doing" (meaning me).

I held her hand and I said that I didn't want to lose her and that I was concerned that we may be on a slippery-slope. She squeezed my hand and said, "baby, there's more to 'us' than you cumming in me, right?" Before I could answer she said, in a more assertive tone, "I still want to make passionate love with you just as we have been for the past few months, I couldn't live without that". Then she softened her tone and said, "but it really turns me on that you don't cum in me like you used to ... that it becomes something special between us when we do ... our last few times away have really convinced me".

I guess I must have looked forlorn because she snuggled up, kissed me and said, "haven't the last few months been really good between us?".

I nodded my head.

"My god what you did to me when we were away, I loved it" and then she added, "and having you cum in me again after 2 months really made it so incredible". I guess I started to come around a little bit because she smiled and said, "let’s just give it some time. This is all new to me baby and it's so much to try to figure out right now". She kissed me and said something like "I meant what I said though, that knowing you don't cum in me really makes me feel good about us in general"

I was at a loss for words until I said something about regretting all of this if it wound up as coming between us. She squeezed my hand firmly and said, "I love you and you never need to worry about that." She paused and then said, "... everything will work out, you know that".

She did make me feel better with that but then I mentioned something else, "It's not just that I'm not cumming in you, you know....". She looked at me puzzled so I told her, "It's that only he gets to feel you too....".

She hugged me tightly and said, "I know baby, I know but it's all part of the same thing, isn't it?".

I spoke softly and said, "Sometimes I feel so weird that I want this to happen".

She pulled back from me and said, "I meant what I said; I love you".

I hugged her back, "I know, it's okay, just as long as it doesn't go too far... " and then added "...as long as it doesn't hurt us."

The kiss and hug she shared with me after that seemed to convey more than words ever could. When she let go of me she looked at me and said, "are we okay?" I nodded back.

We lay there together afterwards until she looked up at me and said, "so, are you ready for more?" as she reached down and gently ran her fingernails along my cock. I moaned my reply to her as I felt her tease the underside of my cock and I could feel it throb. I felt her hand hold my cock and start to stroke it. She leaned down to me and said, "do you want me to tease you baby?” I knew that she was going to talk about what we'd just shared and I nodded.

It was her turn to talk and I think she was in the mood for it from the way she'd asked. Oh my god, did she turn me on! She held my cock and started taunting me. She teased me that, "I wonder when our next special occasion will be?"

"Thanksgiving, maybe?"

"No, that's too soon baby" and she turned to look at my face when she said, "will you like waiting till Christmas? Maybe that'd be fun - I could put a little bow on my pussy and you could unwrap your present!”

I moaned louder and louder as she talked. She then said with this sinister sound in her voice that, "maybe it'd be better as a New Years Eve present". I didn't say anything but I'm sure she could feel my cock was now fully hard and then with this teasing voice she said, "think you can wait that long for me; what is it 8 or 9 weeks?"

Oh my God, I just figured it out , no, it's 10 weeks till New Years! It surprised me that I was as horny again as I was but the way she was talking was intoxicating. She was stroking me now with full strokes and she was even rubbing her nipples across my arm as I lay there and let her masturbate me.

"Til then, you can think about how silky smooth I feel baby".

I started to thrust upwards with each of her strokes and a moment later she looked at me and said, "do you want to do it?"

I still didn't say anything so she gently put her free hand on mine. When I lifted it up she smiled and she guided my hand to my cock and whispered, "I love watching you baby...."

I moaned back that, yes, I would do it and she sat back, took her hand away and stared intently as I started to take over.

I knew I was going to be quick as I didn't want to somehow go negative in my head. She started to tease me again going back to, "10 weeks until I feel your bare cock in me baby" and then she cooed, "... even just seeing Robbie just once a week - mmm, that's like 20 times he's going to cum in me before you do". She could tell that taunt got to me from how I responded and she seemed to go further with it, she leaned down and started talking in a low sexy voice to me, "mmmm baby, he's going to get to feel me cum so many times....".

By that point I was lost in my own head and while she kept on talking I admit that my brain was full of the thought of his cock slipping in and out of her wet pussy. My thoughts went to him cumming in her and, that was it, I felt my second orgasm spill over and even though I knew I didn't cum very much, it still felt awesome.

As I pulled out the last few drops of cum I then became aware of Suzanna's quiet moaning as she lay rubbing between her legs. I could also hear the sound of her wet pussy as she enjoyed her climax.

When she came down from her own orgasm she leaned over and again kissed me passionately. I felt her damp hand on the side of my face as she caressed me as she then said in this loving voice, "this is going to be fun for both of us baby. I love you".


She surprised me Friday night by opening her night-stand and showing me a new box of condoms saying matter-of-factly that we needed to restock. I was a little shocked to see it and said, "umm, are we being serious about all of this?"

She didn't answer directly but just said again was that it turned her on to do this and that kinda set the tone for the rest of our conversation.

Later as we got into things she did say that it turned her on that her pussy was just for her lover. Then later still she also said that it turned her on to know that she was denying me and that it turned me on as much as it did.

I asked her if it turned her on because it turned me on. She was quiet for a second before saying, "that's part of it, but it does make me horny to think about it too .... after all, it is mine!"

I laughed a little and then told her that was true. Not much more was said after that even though I was a little surprised to hear her say that.

What we talked about over the weekend after that seemed to play on her emerging awareness that I'm okay her playing with this stuff with me. I think she's found it hard to find the right balance and she even admitted to not being sure of exactly what I would be okay with.

I told her that I loved it all and that there wasn't anything she'd done that we couldn't 'play with'. (She has never recognized that I have these journals, a chronology of it, to look back on that made it easier for me to find the right things to say!)

She giggled and asked about, "even stuff with Dan?"

I told her that I know that she'd done things with him that at the time may have bothered me. I told her about how I didn't like how it felt when we were out and he seemed to flaunt that you had been with him that night. She kinda cocked her head and asked for more and I told her that the rest of the time with him was pretty intense and that, looking back, he'd been responsible for a lot of stuff that's gone on between us.

It was her that reminded me that he wanted her to cut me off totally and she giggled that, "maybe he'd have been content with what we're doing now?” That thought seemed to interest her and she looked at me and asked, "do you ever think about that?”

I smiled at the thought and that led to a bit of a discussion which eventually led to me telling her that she could tease me about it and play up the whole thing a bit more than she is. She asked me for an example and I told her that she could make it a point of telling me that she's, "been naughty" when she gets home.

She said she wasn't sure where that line was on what she could or couldn't do with things like that and then she admitted that she held back at times because of that.

I had to laugh inside and thought, "how come she's so concerned with how I'd feel about fantasy stuff like this but she's still seeing him at the same time!"

Friday night and we got past foreplay that she started to open up a bit more. She sucked me until I was near bursting and then giggled a little as she said something like, "now get that rubber on so none of that gets inside me anymore!". I think she was giggling a little nervously because she was unsure about how I might react.

At least she was unsure until I moaned out loud, ripped open the foil and pulled the condom on with lightning speed. I felt huge as I knelt above her and she handed me some lubricant and said, "you should use some of this so I don't get sore!”

I can't describe how horny I was at that moment. She pulled her knees back and I plunged in. She looked up at me with glazed eyes and said something like, "Maybe you can feel Robbie’s pussy next month" as she rolled into a first full orgasm underneath me.

I can't recall much after that, she didn't go overboard but she didn't hold back either. She looked up at me with these deep dreamy eyes and said stuff at times with this sexy sarcastic way, "awww, do you miss feeling me baby?" At other times she would tease me more and would push the envelope and my response when she tested the water and said, "maybe you'll have to wait longer. You feel really good right now, huh?"

I've long said that I can't hide the truth in terms of how I seem to fuck her harder and deeper as she gets me more and more turned on. By this point no lube was needed either even through the condom I could feel how slick and open she felt. She knew I could feel it and seeing my reaction she, hesitatingly at first, then she let go with more and more explicit teasing. When she knew I was close she looked up at me and said something about it feeling great, "knowing you're not cumming in me".

It was weird but hearing her say that was what pushed me over; it conjured up so much in my head. She'd already floated through several deep orgasms herself and each one gave me intense feelings as I could feel her wet pussy almost sucking at me but knowing that I couldn't add to her wetness at the same time. All of that played in my head at the end for sure.

Afterwards I lay against her as we both got back our breath and we kissed and hugged a bit until she nudged me off of her and said in a serious voice, "don't make a mess in me please". With that she reached down and pulled out my softening cock and held the condom in place. She looked up at me as I knelt above her and she had that glazed look in her eye and as she slid the condom off my cock she seemed to quiver for a second as if she'd had a chill come over her. She looked up at me and said, "this is just so erotic to do this with you" as she pulled the condom off and held it in her hand.

She hugged me and said, "I can't explain it baby but that is almost the most erotic thing I've ever felt". She kissed me and then said, "is it really okay with you that we do this?”

I nodded yes.

That experience on Friday night seemed to have kept in line with what'd been going on already, that she really seemed to want to accept things and now, it felt like she was feeling me out on just what I wanted her to be open about and to share.

As we lay in bed that night we cuddled and she again said how she wanted to make sure it was all good for me, "you know, even the teasing stuff".

I told her that I was pretty sure she could tell what turned me on.

Here we go again. Another book filled ....