Journal of a Journey - Book 55

I think she empathizes with our ******** and wants to maybe spare her some embarrassment that she shared of her own childhood where, for whatever odd reason, her parents wanted the bedroom doors left open. She's shared that at times she heard her parents and that she also heard her brother(s) masturbating at times.

We have talked at times about the good and bad points of when she was seeing Dan and she's admitted that she wasn't ready to for what he wanted or wanted from her. If Suzanna was that enthralled with a lover such that she wanted to do other things, impose more denial, I don't know that I'd resist. At the same time, I think I'd be more on my guard about watching to be sure things stay within what would be 'comfortable boundaries'. It'd be very erotic for her to be involved with a bit more intensity with Robert at times. I am convinced that I hear some change in her eagerness to be with him, and now with him dating another lady, these are bound to increase.


It's just about 9pm and I don't expect her home for probably another 2 hours. Our ******** is busy with the phone in one ear and Skype on her laptop so I have some time but I also don't want to linger here as I'm already horny enough.

I’m hoping for tonight for sure....


I'm sure our ******** has a good impression of her parents. We aren't exactly silent so we are pretty sure she has heard us. It's more just how vocal Suzanna can be when she feels she can let go that is a concern. Our room is right near hers, I'm sure she may have heard me/us.

Last night, our ******** has to have heard us, if not her mom's gentle moaning then surely my loud final grunt!

I was quite horny and aroused by the time Suzanna did get home. Our ******** had gone off to bed not long before Suzanna came in and once I was confident she didn't reek of alcohol or cum, I told her she should open her door and wish her good night.

I find myself thinking more about my calmness and acceptance of Suzanna having sex with Robert. Maybe it's our openness, maybe it's that we've been now doing this for many years but it seems to not really bother me; I rather enjoy it and it does make me very horny and very aware of her. I think I'm long past feeling anything bad about her - true, seeing her in the moment is a bit angst-filled and yes, thinking of her with an emotional side also is a bit unsettling at times, but generally - and especially with Robert given that I've never seen them together so I think I am much less unseated by it all - when I see her I think I feel almost in awe of her in a way.

As she pushed me back on the bed last night and told me to get undressed (slip off my flannel pants, boxers and t-shirt) she stood before me and began to slowly undress. I have to say I couldn't take my eyes off of her as she unbuttoned her top. She asked me what I was thinking and I told her that I wanted to see the rest of her. As she slid her top off I told her that, "it turns me on that you did this for him just a few hours ago". Boy, did that make her smile.

She took off her bra next and I could tell from how her breasts and nipples looked that he'd had fun with them. They were slightly swollen and the nipples were a darker shade of red than they normally are. She giggled as she saw me smiling with my cock peeking out of my boxers. That excitement was only exceeded when she unbuttoned her pants and slid them down revealing her pink panties beneath. As she stepped out of them I could see the darkened pink area between her legs.

She came up to me and lay next to me, her still in her panties and me still in my boxers and we kissed and necked passionately. Even though she'd just come from being with him, I didn't care, it felt wonderful to feel her next to me and for a few moments those were the only thoughts I had. When the kiss broke she giggled at me and pushed me to take my boxers off. I didn't say anything but I motioned to stare at her panties, she giggled again and said, "okay, take them off". Needless to say, in a flash I was naked kneeling between her legs.

I put my hands on her hips and for a moment I was kind of frozen with excitement and eagerness. She looked up at me and said, "what's up?"

I gave an honest reply I said something like, "I'm nervous taking these off you".

She seemed to almost immediately understand what was going on and she put her hand down between her legs and started to tease me, "maybe you're not ready for them to come off just yet?" and she leaned up on her elbows and took my cock in her hand.

Oh my god, I didn't have to say anything and she was taking the lead and I just wanted her to. She smiled and patted the front of her panties and started to tease me, "it's all messy under there you know ...." then she looked up at me and said, "... you know only Robbie gets to do that, don't you?"

The gleam in her eyes as she felt my cock throb meant all I had to do was moan and she knew my answer. Before she'd let me pull her panties down she pulled me against her and with my cock resting against her panties she kissed me again and in the dim light said, "he came in me twice". Then as she lay back she moved her hand out of the way and signalled that I could now take them off her. She raised her butt a little bit and I reached under and pulled them off.

I love how her pussy looks after she's had sex and last night was no disappointment. She giggled when she saw me staring and said, "it's been a while, do you want to lick me a little?" I moved towards her so fast she had to put her hand on my head and she tipped it up so I'd look at her face and she seemed to enjoy saying to me, "just on the outside baby, okay?” I looked back down towards her pussy and continued my approach only now I used my hands to spread her thighs a little and I then used my fingers to ease her pussy lips open a bit. My cock was throbbing as I stared into her open vagina and could see the abundance of wetness and stickiness as well as a small trickle of juices slowly pooling just inside her; I hoped it'd drip out so I could taste them. I spread her lips apart and knowing what she loves, I licked up and down the outsides, pausing at her clit to lick gently and to feel her arch her back in response.

As I followed the inside of her labia downwards my tongue slid inwards just a bit and she didn't flinch. I was rewarded by tasting what still remained inside her. It was tart and salty and yet at the same time, I could definitely taste her own sweetness mixed in. I must have gotten carried away because a second later she put her hand on my head and in mid-moan she said, "okay baby, that's deep enough ..." and then she added, "... leave something inside me after all" or something to that effect. I moved up and I focused on her clit with the occasional rub of my finger gently through her spread opening and up to my tongue around her button. She moaned and I kept going as I could feel her really responding. As she got into it I admit that I pushed my fingers further into her pussy, not all the way in, just up to my first knuckles and, my god, she was so wet and incredibly tender inside! She orgasmed as I sucked gently at her clit and rubbed my fingers all around the opening to her vagina; I felt her body tremble and she put her hand back on the back of my head as I felt her thighs tighten up and then heard this deep low moan come from her as her whole body tensed and then sank into the bed.

If I wasn't horny enough at that moment, I flicked my tongue down towards my fingers and got an incredibly strong taste of what I'd drawn out of her. It tasted so nasty (in a good way) at that moment that I almost forgot and as I moved up to fuck her myself I almost forgot to put a condom on. I rubbed the tip of my cock up between her spread pussy lips and it was as if we both realized it at the same moment. I brought it up past her clit and at the same moment we both looked down and saw that I was bare and now, the tip of my cock glistened. I slid up and down for a moment, rubbing the underside of it against her clit until I couldn't take it anymore.

She was still staring at me and had I simply aimed it and pushed into her I am 99.9% sure she wouldn't have said or done a thing about it; I'm sure she'd not have asked me to pull out or whatever; I'm sure at that moment she wouldn't have said no.

Nothing was said but as she stared down along with me, I knew what she'd like most and the look in her eyes and on her face as I pulled away and leaned over to get a condom from the nightstand said it all. She turned her now glassy turned-on eyes up towards me and said a faint "thank you" before she looked back down and watched me roll the condom over my rigid cock..

I think that moment is one that perhaps defines what I now admit to enjoying. I know it was only a few seconds but it was a moment that I can feel so deeply just by thinking about it again. She lay there beneath me with her legs spread - and I do mean spread - with her pussy equally spread apart. Her pussy was glistening; her labia were full and pushed back revealing everything inside. I knelt there and I know that all I could think about was how hard my cock was and how she must have been an hour or two earlier with Robbie's cock buried in her. I know some guys say they wilt when they put a condom on but not me, not last night. The condom even felt a little too tight as if my cock had swelled up even more than normal.

The look on her face, the smile and the obvious emotional connection I think we felt at that moment was just incredible. At that moment there was really nothing more I'd rather do than to let her watch me roll it over my cock and to kneel between her legs with it standing out straight and hard.

She squealed as loud as she dared as I leaned forward and I pushed it into her. I bottomed out easily on the first thrust and then had to pull back a little bit a few times before she wrapped her legs around me and she knew I wanted that too. When our bodies touched and I ground into her it turned me on incredibly to be so deep inside her and to feel how warm and silky she felt.

As we started to fuck she started to get into it and soon was teasing me about, "come on baby, fill that rubber for me" and that did get me horny but it was when she started to tell me again how, "it's just for Robbie to have bare ..." and "... I love being just his" that I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

We really got into a great rhythm and motion and she began to tell me how, "you have to wait 2 more weeks, okay?" I moaned back that I was so horny for her and that I was really close. I moved up and away from her body so she could watch my condom-covered cock pumping into her pussy, she pushed at my chest to hold me away so she could see better and she continued to tell me, "he's cum in me a lot baby". It was when she said, "can you feel it, can you feel I'm bigger from him?" that was it; Wow, that was it. I slammed into her hard enough that she screamed quietly but she let me stay deep in her as I started to cum. I stayed still for the first spurt or two and then fucked her like a madman until I was totally spent. She moaned away as she came too as I slowed down and kept on stroking in and out of her feeling my cock beginning to soften.

Finally I had to pull out of her as the condom was slipping off. I pulled out and rolled over onto my back. She immediately rolled over with me and she grabbed at my cock and very carefully slid the condom off of me. I swear I heard and even felt her moan as she picked it up in her hand and started to look at it. She turned and kissed me really passionately and when she was done, again she said, "thank you" and as she leaned up away from me she held the condom in her hand and she turned to me and said, "oh god does this turn me on" as she squeezed my cum inside the condom with her other fingers. She leaned down and kissed me again.

Even though I hadn't cum in her, she was a mess and there was a wet-spot on the bed beneath us. She giggled and said, "see, I told you".

As she lay there before me with her legs spread apart I took it upon myself to clean her up a little bit. As I went down towards her she again put her hand out and said in that same sexy voice, "just on the outside, okay?”


Unfortunately after Friday's fun, we had company over Saturday night so it wasn't until last night that we had some time to talk and have a bit more fun.

I shouldn't make it sound like Saturday was a bummer or anything, I was pretty satisfied from my one time with her on Friday night and when Saturday's company, her sister and brother-in-law, stayed later than expected it was okay; we had a nice time with the beautiful weather.


Yesterday was really nice out and in late afternoon it got sunny for a while so Indian-summer loving Suzanna got her bathing suit out and lay out for a little while. I was doing odd stuff around the yard and every time I'd walk by I'd have to stop and just stare at her. The way she was sitting, her bikini bottom gave her an awesome camel-toe and all I could do was stare and just think about her pussy beneath. I find myself consumed by the thought of her sharing her pussy. As I've said, for some reason, I guess it's pride. I just looked at her and smiled.


Last night when we turned into bed she leaned over towards me and asked, "so, do you want to have some fun?” ... as if she needed to ask! We started kissing and soon we were both naked lying against each other. As we started to get warmed up, in this sexy voice, she said, "Friday night was fun, wasn't it?". I nodded and hugged her and told her it was great. She kissed me and said, "see, I told you, it wouldn't be that bad for you to use condoms, right?” I moaned back at her and I know she said some other stuff but my brain was already distracted then I heard her say, " that means a lot to me". That caught my attention and it got us talking a bit more.

She said that she knew Robert was seeing his new lady-friend over the weekend and she said again how she can feel things changing between them. She says that when she asks him about what he thinks about his new girlfriend that it's clear he's interested in her. I asked her what that meant and she said that he's made it clear that he's hoping to have sex with her soon; she even joked with him that he'll have to tell her how she stacks up!

I asked how he's making out, actually I asked, "has he gotten to second base yet?" and she giggled and shared that he's moving slowly just as he'd done with her. From her answer I'm guessing he hasn't shared all of the dirty-details with her.... yet!

I brought her back to what she'd said about 'it means a lot to me' and asked her what she meant. She was quiet as she thought about her answer. After a few seconds she looked at me and she said, "well ..... until it ends with Robert and me ...." and she hesitated for a moment, then said "... until it ends with him, it means a lot to me ..... you know ..... that you are using condoms with me".

It took me a second to take in what she'd said but I knew from how she said it that she wanted it and that it meant a lot to her. I hugged her a bit and I said sincerely, "it turns me on to hear you say that". She hugged and kissed me and pulled me tight to her.

We rolled around on the bed naked and she did what she loves, to climb on top of me and rub her bare pussy against my cock as she'd dangle her breasts down towards my mouth. I looked up at her and said, jokingly but with a little truth to it that, "you could just slip it right in, you know?" meaning that she was so wet as she rubbed her pussy up and down on my cock that I was sure if she aimed it right that she could take it in easily.

She leaned up away from me so she could look down and quietly commented on 'look how wet it is', meaning the pre-cum all over my stomach that she'd brought out by riding up and down the length of my cock. She ran her finger across the tip and brought the wetness to her lips and licked it off and as she did she said with a moan, "soon you can have me again baby ... but for now, it turns me on that this isn't going in me". Again she wiped off another drop of pre-cum and rubbed it between her thumb and index finger. She gave another moan as she said that and I swear it was because she could feel my cock throb underneath her.

She leaned forward and kissed me. As she ended the kiss she said, "would you rather me suck you or would you rather have some fun in me?"

I was greedy and I replied, "how about a little of the first and then the second?”

She giggled and said, "okay, you deserve it" and took my hard cock in her hand and stroked it. She gently licked at the tip and then looked up at me as she sucked just the tip in her mouth before she pulled back and said something like, "wow, it's been a while since I've done this for you". She took another suck and pulled it out again, giggled and said, "you feel like you need to cum baby ... " and again looked up at me and said, "... you sure you want to fuck?”

I know I should have probably let her suck me but in my crazy brain I really wanted to fuck her. The look on her face told me she liked my choice but before I even had a chance to move she reached over and handed me a condom. As I opened it and began to put it on all she said as she watched was, "I love you baby ... " and a second later "... mmmm, thank you" and she lay back and spread her legs for me. A second later I slid my condom-covered cock into her.

While sometimes we'll be very physical this time she wrapped her legs around me and we rocked back and forth together and we very much made love for a while, both of us totally enjoying the feeling of being so close and intimate. She rolled on top for a few minutes and I told her how beautiful she was and how horny she made me. She ran her hands down her body feeling her breasts and pinching her own nipples as she made her way down to where my cock was filling her pussy. I could feel her fingers as she felt around my cock as it stretched her open and I watched as she looked downward and she moaned about how horny that made her feel. It took me a second to realize she was talking about feeling the condom on my cock as she ground down against me and brought herself to an orgasm!

She pulled off of me and again lay on her back as I moved to kneel between her legs. I stared down at her, loving seeing her lying like that waiting for me knowing that she does the same for Robert. She didn't say anything but in my head a million thoughts were running rampant as I pushed into her. She moaned and cooed about how big I felt.

I didn't last long but it was long enough for me to bring her to orgasm one more time and the feeling of her climaxing beneath me, even through the condom, was enough to make me explode almost immediately....


It's clear that she's aware of things changing between them. I think she's taking it well for now in that he's not denying her anything but I do think that once he starts to bed his new lady friend, that Suzanna is going to find that he's less willing to expend all of his energy (much less his cum) with her.

What that means for us, I'm not totally clear on just yet. At one point I would have said that she's going to want me to continue to use condoms with her but, now, I'm not so sure. I will say that they've brought a certain closeness between us just from the taboo-nature of what we're doing and that in a way, I don't really mind using them. It's incredibly hot to think that in another 2 weeks or so that I'll have her bare again but until then, using a condom with her brings about its own hotness even it is more in my head.


She just texted me that she's leaving work early and heading over to Robert’s; a bit ominous is that in her text she said 'he wants to talk' so perhaps later tonight there will be more news to share.


She was a little upset when she came home but, as she said, "I knew this was coming ... but that it's just a bit sooner than I'd expected."

Robert has shared with her that he's 'very interested' in his new lady-friend and part of his conversation with Suzanna last night was to ask her opinion. Apparently he didn't feel his chase with Suzanna was very reflective of how he'd like to woo his new lady. Suzanna said she had to agree that she, and actually both of them, knew under it all that they weren't going to be the romantic couple (she said she knew she was never leaving me for him which made me feel good). She says he asked her all sorts of stuff about if he was going too fast. She told him quite the opposite and at one point told him that glaciers moved faster than he did. She even suggested that his new lady friend may not want to wait quite to so long to have sex with him ... and so on and so on.

The biggest disappointment for Suzanna was that he said that he was going to be busy on Thursday this week and that he was going to be seeing his new lady on Friday. She wasn't upset so much as disappointed. As I said, things seemed to be happening faster than she'd expected. I did point out that it's been quite a few weeks now that he's been interested and that she shouldn't be surprised at this turn of events.

However, she wasn't so upset as none of this prevented them from fucking! Part way through her talking to me last night I said, "so, you must be horny still". She looked at me like I had two heads and she said, "oh, you thought maybe we didn't?" She giggled and said, "sorry baby but I'm not ready to give that up just yet".

I kissed her and said, "unfortunately that may not be totally your choice" to which she responded with something about enjoying it while she still can.

We did not talk about much outside of this, about her and him. I suspect that tonight may reveal more but that it'll probably be when we take a few days next weekend that things will come out more fully. In the meanwhile I hugged her and said I'd always be there for her and that she should take some time to get her thoughts and feelings together.


Last night we sort of talked and I asked her if she was okay about Robert. She said she was but that she was disappointed and even a little sad at it having to end. I really felt for her when she added that, "it's going to be good for him" and later that she wants for him to be happy. She smiled when she said that she spent some time coaching him on how to read women a little better and again suggested that taking a long time to woo her may not be in his best interest if she's younger than him and may not have the curiosity that Suzanna had.

We obviously talked about the changes that Suzanna's going to have which I sort of started off by asking her if he had any inkling about when he might lure his new girlfriend to bed. She said that he still thought that might be a few weeks away and she giggled when I said, "then you have a few more weeks to enjoy his cock" which made her giggle a bit. With the shift to more sex-oriented talk she openly said, "you know I'm going to want to find another guy, right?"

I told her that I expected that and I also added that I thought the down-time between lovers might be good for us. She snuggled right up to me and said something like, "just remember you're the one who I will always want".

I told her as we talked closely that I thought it might be hard for her when things do wind down and I thought it might be good for us to reconnect saying something like 'go back to normal' between us. She hugged and kissed me and said that she knows it's going to be even more depressing for her when that day does come, "but I know you'll be here for me and that'll be what's most important."


As with most Wednesday nights once we had settled down and were both in the right place she looked at me and said, "so, you still horny?" as she gently patted my crotch and felt my hard cock. It was my turn to giggle back and I simply answered, "duh". As we started to get friendlier she looked at me and said, "it's just going to be you tonight, okay?"

I understood what she was saying. She leaned back next to me up on one elbow and she told me again how 'it really turns me on to watch you'. I didn't really need much more encouragement and I told her that I loved having her watch me.

I slid my jeans and boxers off and pulled up my t-shirt so I was almost naked and I lay there and let her watch. She was quiet at first until she asked me, "what are you thinking about?" I told her that I was thinking how wet and slippery her pussy lips probably were at that moment. She giggled and even blushed at what I said.

She told me to pretend she wasn't there and that she wanted me to tell her 'what kind of kinky stuff you think about'. I didn't need to really think hard or make anything up as I told her that I usually thought of her.

She slid down next to me and I could feel her breasts and her hard nipples against my arm which got me even hornier. It took me a few minutes to get into a groove and gather a good line of images and thoughts in my head which I then began to slowly share with her.

I told her I was thinking about her, maybe at a party where she had a bit too much to drink. She moaned and saw that I was really hard already and said, "tell me more". I told her how I'd be watching her from afar and that I had noticed a couple of guys were interested in her. I shared with her details that, "I could see your nipples were hard through your top .. and so could they". That really drew a deeper moan from her and I just continued saying what came into my head. I didn't share everything with her but enough that she was aware of what was in my head. I told her how horny I felt when she came over to me and said that she liked this one guy and wanted to sneak away for a bit. I told her how horny I was (in my fantasy) waiting for her to come back.

She'd started to play along and said something like, "too bad you didn't follow me and see or hear us". I was into it and told her that I had sneaked over and followed so that in my head I had images of her somewhere with her skirt flipped up over her butt and her panties down around her ankles. She giggled when I told her that and she moaned back at me, "was he big?" and that made me moan and stroke even more. She ran her hands down my body and down my leg and then back up and cupped my balls as I kept stroking. I told her how she came back to me maybe a half-hour later and how she looked at me and said, "now it's your turn".

I know it doesn't sound like much and I'm probably overlooking a lot of the small comments and shared moans she made but I knew I was close and so did she as I told her once we were in a bedroom and I took her clothes off her and saw her naked used body. She seemed to be turned on herself as I shared my thoughts, especially at me telling her how horny I felt.

She must have also known that I was getting close because she slid down a bit to watch me more closely. With her moving away it became easier to fantasize out loud. I told her how in my head as we kissed and I got undressed and lay together in bed and that in my fantasy as she lay back on the bed she spread her legs and I saw that she was very wet and creamy. I didn't think about it before but I said that "I put the condom on" and as I entered her she told me, "... I did him and his friend..." A moment later she squealed as I immersed myself in this thought and came all over my stomach as she watched.

She watched my cum spurt and then turned her head to look back up at my face. I cannot describe the look on her face other than to say that she was obviously very horny and aroused. She groaned as my cum dribbled over my stomach and in an incredibly sexy voice said, "oh god, does that turn me on these days".

She turned back to watch me stroke out the last few drops and then put her hand over mine as she pulled out the last few drops and kept my softening cock in her hand as I took mine away. I could hear her moan as she held my cock and when it was soft she giggled and lay it against my leg before she sat up next to me. Again she played with my cum, tracing her fingers through it and even drew a 'heart' on my stomach with it! As she did she giggled and said, "so, turns you on to think of me being slutty like that, huh?".

She pulled together a glob of my cum onto her finger and as she brought it up to my mouth she said, "you never know ... one day...." - and as she said that I sucked at her finger which made her moan again.


Suzanna is still into fantasizing and sharing her more erotic and explicit fantasies with me. I’m thinking she's also sharing them with Robert. I am sure she does still enjoy fantasising with him and from what she has shared with me I am more than certain that they still do. It's her openness overall that encouraged and even enabled me to say what I did say last night with her.

I think we were making a lot of progress with that and now the change in Robert's status has maybe put this into a pause mode for now.

Then there is the question of condoms and the whether I will go bare with her next week when we go away. My position is as always, that's if it's what she wants and she's willing to say and ask for it, that I would always agree with her request.

She's said again at other times that for her she feels in some ways that my willingness to not cum in her seems to reinforce that I love her for more than sex and that my eagerness to still be with her signals to her that I want her for more than just how her pussy makes my cock feel. What I haven't shared is that although I must be thought of as crazy it actually turns me on to think of using condoms with her.

With all of that said, I don't think it should come as a surprise, while she hasn't said it directly but something I can feel her thinking, that after things end with Robert, if she were to still ask me to use condoms with her. There is just something about how she'll play with my cum, on my stomach or in the condom, and the look in her eyes in general that says it turns her on.

It's crazy to think about that she'd both deny me and herself at what she is so turned on by, having her pussy wet with cum. She hasn't said anything about any of this yet but when we reach this point, she'll need my support and love. If she feels that it is something so important to her, then I will surely support her.


I think not seeing Robert is having an effect on her. I offered more than once to talk with her about it but she didn't seem comfortable admitting it to me. It's time like this when I wish she had a girlfriend or someone else she could confide in. She did admit earlier tonight as I watched a little TV with her before bed, that she missed him; that she also missed the desire she once felt from him. I told her that she needed to give it time and that she also needed to give herself time too. She hugged me and said I was so good to her.


She tried to keep her thoughts from me on Friday night. I could see she was distracted that is until I told her that, "it's okay if you're upset".

She loved that I was perceptive enough to see through her attempts to hide it. That broke the ice and it wasn't long till we were getting naked in bed. What was different was that she wasn't quite as wet as usual. I guess the condom can be a little dry even with the little bit of lubricant it has on it so she moaned for me to add some more. That did the trick for sure....


I hoped we were going to mess around again tonight but I knew earlier that I might be involved with a conference call with work. It put a damper on my arousal having to be waiting around for the phone to ring. She hugged me and giggled when I told her why I wasn't 'in the mood' and so we settled for just lying in bed together to watch some TV for a change without it turning into a quick romp...

The intermittent thing; it is very weird that this has become a new dynamic between us but it seems to bring a certain amount of added intensity when we're together and in tune with each other. In a way, it's a continual reminder that she wants to have sex with her lover. Whether this dynamic continues post-Robert is something I’m not so sure about but if she wanted it, then as I've already written, I'm sure I'll agree.

If I could be sure that we could find someone who'd respect our relationship while at the same time pushing her and us, then I think I'd be in favour of it. I know she feels strongly about the things Dan did for her in terms of making her more self-aware of being wanted and of wanting to fulfil his desires. In that sense, yeah, it'd be a lot of fun to see someone who could push her, someone dominant. I think I'm also in a better place to deal with something like that. I know that it kind of freaked me out when Dan started to ask for more with her but now we're both at different places and I think if her next lover was someone who'd still respect our relationship (and not try to pull her away or pull us apart) then having someone who made more demands could be okay and maybe even some fun if not at least create some intense angst and arousal!


I'm thinking she feels the desire from him for her is waning. I did ask her what she meant and she said that he probably doesn't even know he's doing it but that she 'can feel it'. Perhaps desire isn't the best word but it’s how she liked to feel when she was with him, that he wanted her. I know it turned her on a lot at times that she sensed he always wanted her. I told her that it was something that couldn't last forever and she said she knows it. She held my hand and added that she hoped I was okay hearing that she missed feeling his desire.

I suppose she's feeling a bit vulnerable. There were times when she couldn't ever let herself do these things if she didn't feel a confidence in me about it all so I'm guessing my support, encouragement and agreement, may have let her get to the point where she notices the change in his attitude even without him necessarily knowing it himself.


Regarding her breaking it off with him, she says she's waiting for him to tell her that he's having sex with 'the other woman' before she wants to change anything. I told her that it may have happened this weekend and she said that it's possible and that she'd try to talk to him today. I don't think she's under any illusions that she was just a rebound girl for him though but maybe that's what's given her a feeling that she could explore herself more with him knowing there couldn't be any long-term commitments. She's said things about, "being glad she could open up with Robert" and at other times she's used those words 'explore myself' too.


I do think very soon there are about to be changes as I don't believe Suzanna will enjoy having just a once-a-week time with Robert nearly as much as twice or more. I haven't shared my thoughts with her but I suspect she is soon going to feel used, that she is merely providing her pussy to him and that by nature of just it being once a week her attitude is going to change quite quickly.

It is a very unique to be feeling sad for her. It's weird to say that I'm sad that her lover is leaving her and that her pussy may return to just being mine, even if just for a short time. I do feel sad for her to think that she thought that there was perhaps more she could have learned and experienced ... but that is just my thoughts on it.


We didn't talk all that much tonight. She seemed preoccupied with other things most of the evening and as if to reinforce us getting away next weekend, our ******** and Suzanna had an estrogen-fuelled battle going for a while there. I decided to keep well out of the way!

Before I left her I lay behind her as we watched TV and I hugged her deeply and spooned up behind her. She could definitely feel my hard-on through my boxers and her long-t-shirt and she reached back and held it and giggled at how horny I get around her. I thought that moment might be good to share here.

I whispered that I felt like pulling up her shirt and fucking her. She moaned and from the way she hunched her hips back, I think I could have done it and she'd have enjoyed it ... but I didn't. I ground up against her and held her and kissed her and I told her the other stuff that I'd been thinking about, that I wanted her, all the time.

She snuggled back against me and said, "you'll have me soon enough". She turned to kiss me and the way she lay next to me it left no doubt in my mind that she would have gladly let me pull up her shirt and fuck her spontaneously like that.


She confirmed that she's seeing him tomorrow but there was just something in her voice that says to me that something's changed. I sensed it from when she looked back at me and said, "if it's okay with you, right?". Before I could answer she added, "it's probably the only day this week anyway".

At first I felt a little sad for her but as I rethought how that second part sounded, I could swear it also sounded a bit nonchalant about it as if it was something she expected or wasn't surprised by. I think that's new; in the past when we've planned to go away she would often intensify things beforehand to compensate, I'm guessing, for not being with her lover. Not this time.


She came home and again I sensed some kind of attitude going on. She's now downstairs on the phone with her mother. I wouldn't be surprised if something's changed with her ***, he's been too stable for too long it seems.


To be honest, I'll say that I too am a bit disappointed that it is ending for her and Robert. There is still something that is just incredibly arousing to me knowing that she shares herself so willingly with a guy I've never met. It's like there are two sides of her, the sedate normal exterior and beneath her panties lies this totally 'other' person.

I like what he's done for her and while she may be disappointed or preoccupied or whatever, under it all I think we both feel that there is now a much stronger bond between us. Weird to think that using condoms may be emblematic of that in a way but he's gotten her to open up in a way that I'd long hoped for. What's more rewarding is that it's who she really is (or at least seems to be) and that the person I found and got so excited about all those years ago has now come back again. So, yeah, I'm going to miss that he fucks the heck out of her.

I'd also have to say that it is exciting and to get aroused at the thoughts of her finding another lover. Heck, I get hard thinking of her possibly going through a few different guys before finding the next Mr. Right.

It's interesting that in some of her conversations with Robert that she has shared with me that they talked about him seducing his new paramour and she had suggested that many women will still sleep with a guy if they feel that'll help things along and that he shouldn't be so shy about wanting it from her.

Maybe she's signalling to me her own attitude?


Things seem precarious right now on the ****** front so I'm not expecting much of anything for tonight other than maybe some talk-time later. I'm about to head down and exercise for a little while and pacify my own thoughts till tomorrow.


We’ve had little to no discussion about 'how' she'll meet another guy other than her admission that she knows she will want to do so. The community college scenario has come up a few times but I don't see it happening until perhaps this coming summer or fall once our ******** is out of high-school and most likely off to college. The whole 'empty nest' thing then becomes a great excuse for her to enrol in some classes which, to be honest, she's talked about doing for real and not just to find guys.

The only real quality I would say I have as almost a requirement would be that whoever he is will respect our marriage and not try to undermine it or pull her away from me. I did feel that both Dan and Peter had this specific quality; neither of them sought to steal her away from me.

Other qualities that I think I would look for would be that 'he' be a bit of a dom-type where Suzanna would be more subservient. Not quite the master/slave type of thing but one where he may perhaps ask for things that push Suzanna's limits and cause her to continue to explore and learn about herself and what in turn arouses me. I don't know that I would want things to be quite as open as they were with Dan. Some of what Dan did was very arousing but I didn't enjoy the times that seemed to border on attempting to humiliate me when we were out in public. Not my scene at all.


I know that I've said it's arousing to not know Robert and it is. To think that there is some guy out there who I don't know who is fucking the life out of my wife is a huge turn-on. I think it has worked to also keep me a bit calmer and more contented especially early on when Suzanna was toying with her emotional involvement. I think him being faceless to me was a benefit. However, I will also admit that I have missed seeing or somehow being more involved in what she's doing. From that point-of-view I think I might choose to want to meet him at least.

She's also pretty much been with just younger guys and a part of me is wondering whether she might enjoy being with an older guy (well an older guy that can still perform like a younger one!) I think there might be less relationship/permanence type of issues with an older guy who isn't looking for a life-partner, etc.

When she left for work about 20 minutes ago she was quite playful and by later last night she'd warmed up to me quite a bit and mentioned more than once, "when we have time tomorrow night....."

That 'tomorrow' is now tonight!


Last night, we did our usual routine and when I was horny for the second time she even removed her panties and let me look at her pussy as I masturbated.

She was in a chatty mood and some of what we talked about (not in chronological order) as I stroked off was as follows.

She feels it's just about over with her and Robert. She lamented that she will miss the good sex and she made it clearer that it bothers her that she can feel/sense a change in him even though he professes that he still wants to see her.

When I asked her she was a bit 'shy' at first but then opened up a bit. I know sometimes she can be a little reluctant to share all the details of her time with Robert but what she said was that he's still attentive and 'fun to fuck' (as she put it) but that sometimes when she used to remember him really driving into her and how he seemed to be totally focused on her pleasure. Now she just doesn't feel that deep seated desire. She giggled that he still loves to fuck her and that part hasn't changed and she seemed to even glow a little bit as she told me how, "he still cums a lot" but she said that she doesn't feel like she's the only thought in his head when they're together.

I asked her if she thought she might be reading too much into it and she said, "maybe". When she could see that I wasn't totally convinced she said, "okay, I can also feel it when he's licking me" and proceeded to tell me how she just feels like his heart isn't in it. I think she felt a little embarrassed at having to tell me more so I kind of let it go.

One of the bigger things that came up was the subject of condoms. Despite all that we've said and done she's still hesitant to talk about this openly at times. She said again that it turns her on that I use condoms with her and she said again that it turns her on that it's me that willingly does it. I told her that as crazy as it is, that it turns me on to do so. She's said it in the past but last night it seemed to resonate with me more, that it seems to signal to her that I want her to be with other guys. Apparently my willingness to use them seems to reinforce that I want her to let other guys fuck her and she seemed to emphasize that I want other guys to cum in her.

She was very emotional at this point and said that it all seemed crazy to her at times. I was stroking away and told her, "do you think I'd be this hard right now talking about it if it didn't turn me on too?” It seemed to help her when I told her that I better understood what she'd said about my not cumming in her as a sign that our relationship was about more than just sex.

I knew where this was going to head and I was even anticipating it. I was horny about it as we talked and I stroked my cock and, sure enough, she looked over at me and asked me whether I would consider continuing to use them even after she stops seeing Robert. She immediately added,"... it's not forever" and mentioned that this weekend she was thinking/hoping we wouldn't use them but then in the same breath said that she was thinking that she would maybe still want me to use them at other times. She giggled and joked, "it'll make me want to find another lover" but she almost immediately turned to me and put her hand on me and said, "what do you think about it?”

I told her honestly that it turned me on to think that each time I used one that in my head I was essentially giving her pussy to her lover. She kind of squealed at that and asked me if it turned me on to think of her pussy as belonging to Robert (or whoever) and I answered honestly that it turned me on to think and know that what I'm doing was saying I want only her lover to cum in her.

She cooed in my ear as I stroked away and said, "that turns you on huh; that only my lover gets to feel me like that?"

We talked about that for a few moments and I know she knew it was something that had really touched me (her words) and she wanted to hear me tell her more.

My cock was really hard as I started to talk and she kept eagerly staring at it and then would look back up at me. I told her that as crazy as it sounded, that my having to wait till a 'special occasion' to feel her pussy bare was something that really turned me on. I told her that when I see her naked with me or when she's come back from being with him or even when she's just around me, that it turns me on to know that her lover gets to feel her bare pussy when I don't.

The more I talked, the easier it became. I asked her if she remembered how turned on I was when she was with Dan that first time using just her IUD. She glowed and blushed at that so I asked her again if she remembered how turned on I was when Peter was the first one to have her with no birth-control at all. I owned up to her that giving those moments to her lovers turned me on incredibly and that afterwards, when I did have sex with her, that it turned me on that her lover had gotten to feel and experience that with her before I did.

With my free hand I told her that in a way, using condoms with her very much gave me that same intense arousal and that even the orgasms I felt and now feel with her seem more intense knowing all of this. I told her that when I had her that first time with just her IUD knowing she'd already let Dan and that she'd felt that with him first, really turned me on; the same with Frank when I knew that he'd had her totally unprotected before me, that it also turned me on every time after that.

She seemed to be surprised at how I was talking, that I was allowing myself to open up like this. I told her that now, every time I use a condom with her, that it gives me that same intense feeling of knowing her lover is enjoying (or had enjoyed) something with her that I wasn't. I was sooooo turned on when I let my brain go and just said whatever was in my mind and I told her that knowing her lover could feel her bare and share that with her made me incredibly horny to think about. It wasn't long after telling her that when I finally orgasmed the first time.


She is not seeing Robert tonight and tomorrow night our little getaway will start with us heading up to Boston to see some old friends during the day and to fuck like bunnies at night!

She's said several times, including last night and this morning, that she 'needs this weekend away' so I'm quite sure that if not all the time, at least some of the time I'll be sans-condom.

We do have a romantic night planned for Saturday night, a nice dinner out in Boston and then some time for passion afterwards.

She's very much looking forward to it and, believe me, she'll know I desire her by the time we're done.


.. and before you know it, that's another book filled. I'll take a fresh one to Boston and start a new chapter in more than one sense of the word!