Journal of a Journey - Book 50

It’s the Happy 4th July. We're home for a while longer today then going over Suzanna's parents for a barbeque and over to fireworks later on.

The week has been excellent thus far all around. The sex has been good, her teasing me has brought us both pretty intense feelings and in addition to her sexy comments about this or that we did start to talk last night about what's going to happen after this week.

As part of that discussion she's come out and said that some of her apprehension and uncertainty has been related to her thinking about what might happen or come between us since she told me that she's been the more aggressive one than Robert.

She said at times she felt numb thinking and worrying about this but at the same time she said it concerned her. She said that in the past a lot of what transpired between us was a consequence and extension of what was happening with her and her lover at that particular time. Now she was concerned that I might feel differently if she became the dominant one and if it really was happening.

I again told her that I love seeing her more demanding sexually and to see her wanting new or different sexual experiences for herself. She seemed to want to hear me telling her that it's okay if she wants to deny having sex with me and that as long as we share what's going on as we have been that it'll be okay and that 'what will be will be'.

When we started to talk about what's going to happen after this week she looked at me and asked, "so, you'll be okay going back to how we were for the past few weeks?".

I told her yes but she said she wanted to hear me tell her in my own words, so I did. I told her that if she wanted to go back to being exclusive with Robert and wearing panties around me, that I wanted her to; I told her that she still turns me on sexually and that she should know that even if it's not her directly giving me my pleasure or satisfaction that it is most definitely her actions indirectly. She again said how wearing panties made it easier and I again told her how it turned me on too.

She asked me if I was going to be okay if we tried to hold off till our vacation time in August. I told her that was another 4 weeks; she corrected me and said, "it's 5 weeks baby, will that be okay?".

I swallowed a bit hard and I nodded yes to her.

She smiled and slid over next to me and said that we should make sure the next 4 days are good.

I said I had no doubt they would be.

She giggled as she reached over and felt the obvious swelling in my pants and said, "it DOES turn you on, doesn't it?". We kissed and when she pulled away she said, "we should talk about when 'our little girl' will be away".

I asked her if she'd changed her mind on spending the night with him and she said she wanted to be sure that it was okay with me especially now knowing that it would be her pushing for that. (He keeps giving the excuse that he's concerned about our relationship).

I held her hands and I looked at her and said plainly, "if you want to spend the night with him ..." I paused a second, "... then I want you to". It hurt a little to say it, I admit it. It does feel a little different knowing she is orchestrating this now and that she's leading him on and I do have to think and remind myself that it is what I wanted.

She said they were going to talk more about it this coming week and she'd let me know. Before we said anything further she looked at me and said, "But I am going to spend the night with him".

I asked her about what she'd said earlier about not being ready for it and she said that was when she was getting ambivalent feelings from him and not feeling that he wanted their relationship to progress emotionally, etc. She says that in the weeks since then though, that she's had this new, almost a revelation, that she wants this for herself now. She tried to make a joke of it by saying, "he's sooo big" and she's really gotten used to feeling this way.

I almost told her that she sounds as if she is feeling unleashed but didn't want to say because there was a danger that she might be offended or upset by the implications .... but it's true.


Yesterday wasn’t spent doing our usual. Somehow being naked in bed together just lent itself to good old sex rather than our masturbation festival. Plus, she had me all horned up from our talk about next week and it just happened. She rode me for a while and I have to say that if felt awesome to feel her fucking me the way she wanted to be, her in control if you will. I think it struck me more mentally that I'd recognized the moment.

I thought that if Robert were somehow Peter (that he'd returned or whatever) then I would be much more hesitant and cautious, even scared, about them letting their emotions go. As I've mentioned, I feel a bit of security somehow with Robert inasmuch that he feels a bit of a boundary but if it were with Peter I know I'd be a lot more hesitant/cautious.

If I'm honest I have to accept that this is something that is going to happen and I don't think I'll stand in their way. I know it'd hurt more and have a lot more risk but at the same time, I do sense she still wants to have this full-blown-affair. We haven't talked about it much but I guess since she's felt this change in her relationship with Robert that she would like to feel this sense of validation by having another man wanting to sweep her off her feet.


After venturing out to 4th Fireworks, we came home and ended our evening with our own bang! I admit that it is easy to slip back into the bounds of 'normalcy' as last night there wasn't much teasing or taunting going on. Instead we just melted together and after she had her share she lay back and encouraged me to do the same. While there is always some thought of being cucked in the background, in the forefront last night it was mainly just her and me and how much I enjoyed fucking her. Feeling her wet pussy open up for me and this time knowing it's me that's gotten her there it felt so good. It felt 'normal' and I think it was good for us both.

I know that afterwards as we lay together with my cock still in her getting more and more limp, the thought of giving this up again in a few days went through my mind. If I'd let myself focus on those thoughts, that this wouldn't be mine again for another month or more, I probably could have gotten hard again! I know that later on as we lay there drifting off to sleep that when I thought of her next to me with my sperm in her that next week it'll be his, that it did turn me on and I definitely did get hard thinking about it.

In a way it was reassuring to feel myself getting horny even if, at times, it is a lot to deal with. I admit that there are times when I do have second thoughts especially now when she's thinking to spend the night with him and when I think about how much he's fucking her.

I was also struck at thinking about Robert and all the others before him who have all enjoyed fucking her. Lying there last night I thought back to a lot of other times when I've watched or been with her and the 'other guy' and it still amazes me and turns me on to think of him with his cock buried in her. I even found myself wishing I'd had some of these thoughts earlier while we were fucking but as I lay there and stroked my cock, like I said, it made me feel good to think about it. It's weird to be aroused by that but I am.

It's also weird to be aroused by knowing how they are together. I've watched that video again and again and to know she's like that with him and that it's her that wants to be taken like that and her that wants to give herself to him, that's the big turn-on!

It still continues to be what turns me on the most, that it is her who wants this.


We sat out on the deck last night, shared a bottle of wine and talked more. We were both still 'satisfied' from Thursday night that it just seemed to be more in tune with vacation to sit out, drink, listen to music and talk.

The subject of her spending the night with him came up again. She again still wanted to be sure I was okay with her spending the night with him. I told her yes and then asked what had changed from a few weeks back where she said she wasn't ready for that.

She smiled back and said that then she was still hoping for that emotional bond between them and wanted that to be there if they were going to spend the night. She was pretty honest with me and said she thought she wanted to be in love with him when she spent the night with him so that it would have more meaning but now she accepted reality that he's not going to fall in love with her. Having now accepted that she's the aggressor, if it was going to happen, it'd only be if she wanted it.

She held my hand and said that she felt she was ready to be with him overnight and, as she put it, that she wanted to feel him all night and into the next morning.


I've never really asked about Robert's desires or his experiences with other women; it's only what Suzanna's shared with me about what they do when they're together. Apparently Suzanna's one of the few women he's ever been with who is comfortable taking his cock and she says is one of the things he enjoys the most is that she doesn't have him using a condom. She also says that she always lets him go down on her which is something his ex-wife didn't go for.

I did ask about why he's not looking for his next girlfriend yet and she said that he says he's not interested just yet. I'm guessing that this is where some of her comments on this being just a summer thing come from. She thinks he may be listening to the psychology that says you need 6-12 months being out of a relationship before you can think clearly enough to start looking for your next partner. She mused that she may just be filling in the gap in time.

I really can't advise Suzanna on anything to change with Robert. In a way, the die has been cast and she needs to let things happen as they would on their own. I don't think she's unhappy with where they are but perhaps she does wish she'd handled our back-story a bit better.

I asked her what she's told him about their overnight visit regarding what I'm thinking and she said that, "he thinks you're going away to see a friend". She then went straight on to say that she's thinking about spending next Friday night with him and then being able to stay into Saturday. My heart gave a jump.

I'll be itching to jump her bones by then if she offers it. I do agree that a little 'surprise' like that would be really nice.

We started to talk a bit more about what's coming up in the next few weeks and she said that after being with just me this week, she hoped it didn't hurt my feelings, but that she couldn't wait to 'feel him' again next week.

We agreed that this week was pretty good for both of us and she said that she was sure that come Sunday night, " ... when you pull out of me for the last time again" that she's going to miss being with me. She looked at me and said, " .... it's something I want to do with him for as long as I can".


It has been an interesting week of work and of returning back to 'normal' in our relationship after a weekend which had ended in a way I hadn't expected or anticipated.

As I'd said, being off of work has a way of bringing out the best of us together including being able to talk openly about pretty much most anything. It really helps to have been having great sex together when we are talking about things like her desire to be exclusive with Robert and that sort of stuff. However a lot of what we talked about what's coming for the next 5 weeks.

It was decided by Suzanna (not me) that she didn't want to be bound by the rigidity of a fixed schedule. She said that there had been times during the past month when she wanted to do more with me but only to let me have her sexually at times when it was her who wanted it. She also made it clear that she wanted to be able to still tell me no at times and that, as of today, she was going to resume wearing panties today.

I know it sounds confusing (I was certainly confused!) but she explained it by saying that she was feeling that when she does come home from spending the night with Robert, that she wanted to come home and have sex with me.

She said that was just one example of when she would want to bend the denial-thing. She said that she already knew that she was going to want that time with me as she will have her emotions being tested knowing Robert wouldn't be truly reciprocating. (I did say it was confusing!).I hugged her and said that my hard cock would always be waiting for her.

I took that opportunity to reinforce that I wanted to still be able to tell her that I needed to be with her and she held my hands and said with a giggle, "of course, we're only playing around ... if you really need it, I'll always be here for you ..." and she patted her pussy!

We talked again about her wearing panties and what they seemed to symbolize and what limits they seemed to infer. She giggled and said that it did make it a lot easier being around me and it put her in the mood to tease me more than when she left all for me to see. She also said in much the same way (wow, does she pick up on what I like or what?) that it seemed to really give her this eerie sexual thrill to know what she's doing and how it turns us both on.

I did ask her about what she thought was going to happen at the end of the summer and she said that she suspected that by the time we go away for our week off out-of-State in August that when we get to Labor Day it will have been truly a "summer love" thing. She says that despite how good the sex is between them (and she emphasizes "good") she feels there's a more tangible gap growing between them. She said before that gap got too wide that she wants the opportunity to vary things a bit more.

I told her that she'll have 2 weeks where she can vary as much as she wants while our ******** is away.

I think she didn't always like the fixed schedule that we were on and that I know there were times when I thought she wanted more from me but then felt conflicted maybe at the last minute; at least that's how it sounded to me.

I tried not to laugh when she said she wants to 'ride it out' and see what happens with Robert. Without realizing the innuendo but knowing that it's a turn-on she again extolled how she can have the kind of sex we've had for the past week with him 'any time'. She also told me that last night when we got into bed and were able to just get started so easily that she loves having that feeling with Robert, of how when she sees him, that she doesn't feel like she's constantly changing gears between being with me and being with him. Plus she most definitely teased me about how she likes the feeling she has when she knows she's just been with him.

We fucked like rabbits last night, her teasing kept me on edge and knowing that it might be 5 days or 5 weeks before I get her again, that really got me horny. She told me how she loved fucking me but then quickly added, "... but after tonight, you'll have to wait till I want you". That really turned me on to hear her say it so sexily like she did.

She got on top for a while and again teased me about how full she feels from his fat cock when she's on top of him. We'd had sex on Saturday night but even as rock hard as my cock felt she teased, "... he makes me feel even more full....”

When we rolled back over and I was on top of her she told me how that was her favourite position for either of us, me or Robert .... but that Robert really loved her being on her knees and him standing behind her at the edge of the bed. I was climbing the walls as she told me how she liked to feel him hold her hips and pull her back to him.

Finally, I could take her teasing no longer and I pinned her legs all the way back and opened her up. She's joked with me at times that this is when they've teased each other about him getting her pregnant, something he would love to do.

I joked back something about it being a 'breeding position' and she squealed in pleasure at that when I said it. A few moments later that thought plus all the others it was enough to push me over and I left quite a copious load in her last night.

We lay together for a long time afterwards saying how nice the week had been and how good the sex between us was. Whatever movie we were watching was long over and as we were getting ready to settle in and cuddle up for the night she kissed me and said she'd be back in a few minutes and she went into the bathroom. I knew what she was doing and when she came back to bed a little bit later I knew she'd douched herself clean; she didn't need to tell me and as she climbed back into bed I thought to myself that I should have known to expect that.


This morning we woke up and she slid out of bed with her night-shirt pulled down all the way. I waited for her to get done in the shower and, sure enough, when she emerged from the bathroom she had one towel wrapped around her waist and a second around her hair. She looked pretty hot with her breasts out in the open and when she saw me staring at her an awesome smile spread across her face.


So, we have a new twist, more of an unknown schedule now with the potential for surprises. Not that there always wasn't a chance for it but I think previously she may have felt too locked in and rigid by 'our schedule', now after having my consent she feels free to do what she wants when she wants it.

We did talk about her desire to spend the night with him and at first she joked and said, "it's about time, don't you think?" but then she talked with me more and she said that she really wanted to feel like she didn't have to run home afterwards. She cuddled up to me as she was talking and she said, "it turns you on to think of me sleeping with him overnight, doesn't it?"

I couldn't hide my hard-on when she said it and I told her that it would turn me on knowing what she is doing. Before I could finish she added in, "like getting ready for bed or maybe us showering together in the morning?"

I asked her if she was thinking that it might be a week-night and she said, "hmmm, that's something I haven't thought about .... going into work the next day ..." and she giggled, looked at me, " ... that might be fun ..... how would you be about that? ..... I guess I'd have to pack a bag with clothes for the next day?". By the time she finished this line of thought we were rolling around on the bed naked with her teasing that, "I'll be doing this all night with him".


Suzanna’s father has taken a turn for the worse and is back in hospital. All our plans have been put on hold and everyone wants to stay close to home, just in case. Our ******** is now staying home next week; even if he stabilizes, it still rules out some of what Suzanna was hoping to do next week with Robert. She had hoped to spend one night with him after which she promised that when she got home she'd let me have sex with her so it was going to be something we both looked forward to.

She said to me this morning that she might see Robert this evening. For the first time since Monday I saw that sexy glimmer in her eye and she said she hoped I understood that she 'needed' to see him. I know she wants to take her mind off of everything for a while if she can and, yes, I'm quite sure she wants him to fuck the heck out of her so she doesn't have to be thinking about anything else. It's okay, it sounds weird to say but I know that she needs that plus it'll give them time to discuss the changes in their plans for next week.


Home here to pick up my ******** and drop her off at a friend’s before heading over to my in-laws to join Suzanna for some dinner and to join in a ****** meeting about next-steps. They never finalized the estate-planning stuff they'd begun earlier so now that's a more serious conversation.

Suzanna's become quite emotional at times as expected. She did see Robert yesterday and apologized to me when she came in for what she said was something like putting her needs above others. I told her I understood totally and even said to her that she looked more relaxed, no doubt from having a few 'pleasurable' hours without having to think about anything. She smiled and hugged me.

Later last night she came to me and said she wanted to make love with me. She said she needed to feel me and thought I too would also enjoy some diversion time. When we were in bed she said that she didn't want to 'do all of this' (meaning denial and that stuff) for right now and that she wanted to share and be with me right then. She did ask that I not go down on her. I wasn't sure why but I didn't question it.

She was incredibly responsive in bed and was quite eager for me to fuck her when the time came. Wow, it was heavenly, it's been quite a while since I've had her like that where she's let me get her worked up, when I entered her, it was like her wet pussy was welcoming me!

I can't describe how it felt to feel her again like this, her so soon after she'd been with Robert. She did tease me that, "he left me really messy" and there was no doubting that; I also knew she was compensating a bit as I could feel her tightening her pussy at times but after I'd brought her to orgasm two or so times, she gave up and simply relaxed.

I told her that I loved how she felt and loved knowing what she'd been doing earlier. She pulled me to her as I kept my motion up in and out of her. It felt great to truly feel her close to me but she knew that I wanted to feel all of her too so after a few minutes, she relaxed and let me up from her.

We both watched me plunge into her over and over until she knew it was my turn and she lay back and let me have her. For as much as she needed to cum when she was with Robert there was no doubt at that moment she wanted to feel me. I could feel it in her as she said, "your turn baby".


She didn't see him today and her mood was reflected by the lousy weather we are having.


Not much change in her ***; he's still in ICU and still not totally coherent. Vitals are improved but pulse and blood pressure in general are diminished. It's almost like he's in a semi-conscious coma kind of thing. At times he'll respond though, he'll smile when he sees someone the first time, etc.

They're still hoping that antibiotics and such that they started him on will help but it's a kind of a crappy way to go if he's on his way out, all hooked up to machines and such in the hospital. Not how I want to go when it's my time.


Sadly, there's not much good news on the home health front. Not much change and unless he becomes more coherent and alert, he can't go off to a rehab centre so things are in limbo right now.


On the sex front, last night as we were getting into it ourselves I asked nonchalantly about how things were with Robert about all of this. She said that he's been supportive and that he said he'd give her the space she needed and that he'd be there when she was ready to back to seeing him more.

She confirmed that between our ******** being home and her ***'s issues that she didn't feel she was totally up to spending the night with him but she did say that if things went better for the next week and our ******** went up to her friends then maybe she would do so. She looked at me with those doe-eyes and said that she did still want to spend the night with him.

I told her it was okay and that I understood and knew it was coming. It wasn't a totally sexual conversation; I knew she needed to feel my support and I even told her that I knew this was a difficult time for her.

She said she wanted to feel close to me right now and from how she was talking that she most definitely wanted to have sex with me last night. Indeed, she wanted me hugging her as she climaxed and then she relaxed and seemed to be more at ease with the rest of the time until we'd both cum again.

So, the plans for denying me have obviously been tossed aside and I told her I understood totally. I can feel the emotion in her when we have sex and she can finally reach the point where she gives into the orgasm and I can feel her body relax and then really enjoy, it's almost as if she's fighting the first one but then the floodgates open.


As we were going to sleep last night and we cuddled up she asked me if I understood why she was so keen and wanted to spend the night with him. I wasn't totally sure so I answered that was it because she thought it might influence how he feels about her.

She elbowed me and said, "nooo, it's not about him at all silly... I've pretty much given up on those desires with him!" A response which made me believe that she now thinks that it was more her than him all along. She said something about how she mistook his 'smooth' behaviour as being signs of affection and that she may have mistaken that as being an indication of his emotional feelings toward her.

She said that despite accepting that the 'affair' isn't going to happen that to have an overnight or more it's something she wants to feel again. She said in a quiet voice that she learned to enjoy them with Ray and doesn't want to miss doing that with Robert. She pushed back against me as she spooned up with me and said as my stiff cock pushed against her back, "'This is what I want to feel with him at least once; not having to run off afterwards". She snuggled back against me and just seemed to melt into her pillow.

It did turn me on to hear that and I'm sure my cock responded but I have to say that at that moment, I also did not like the thought. As I've said before I don't feel threatened by Robert and that maybe all along I've just never sensed the seriousness Suzanna wanted between them had come to anything but somehow last night lying there knowing how emotional and, I guess, fragile, she seemed that it made me want for her to share this kind of feeling with him.

I'm sure that's the reason why she's not running off to do it this week; she must be feeling that same vulnerability that's a part of why she's waiting too.


We were both pretty tired last night after the heat yesterday as well as just everything that's going on which is why I was surprised when Suzanna got changed for bed that she left her panties on as she pulled her night-shirt over her head. She saw me looking and smiled and said, "I didn't say I wanted to stop altogether ... " and giggled, " ... I know this turns you on too" as she let the bottom of the shirt fall past her panties.

Same this morning as she came out of the bathroom already wearing clean panties for today. When she saw me looking at her she said that she wasn't going to see him today but that she hoped to maybe spend a little more time with him tomorrow, "... if that's okay with you?"

I smiled back and all I could think was that I was glad we weren't done with playing with this denial thing as it still has me quite horny to think about.


They're now looking to move her *** to a whatever you want to call a care-facility where he'll be taken care of as he's still not totally there. He looks like hell too; it's just too much for an old man I guess. He recognizes familiar faces but doesn't stay focused and when he does come back into focus he doesn't realize you've been there for a while. Sad.

Suzanna is literally at her wits end; they're discussing whether to authorize a DNR (do not resuscitate) order but even then, you can't be sure the nursing-home or whatever care facility will honor it. Then there's the whole estate planning that they never got to finalizing the last time around so that's also pulling at her.

She DID go see Robert last night after work and stayed out a bit later. It was immediately obvious from the look on her face and her whole demeanour when she got home that she needed to see him. She says she can just leave everything else behind when she's with him, something she can't easily do right now.

I couldn't resist looking after she changed when she got home and saw her wet panties in the hamper and admit it's a weird feeling knowing she went to him for this kind of escape for a while and to then come home to us. It's okay but she's very non-sexual right now with me right now with all of this going on. From the moment she gets in the door she gets on the phone with first her sister and now her brother.

I'm happy she's able to get away from all this for a bit but admit that sometimes it irks me that if this is what she wants and needs that she goes elsewhere. Seeing her wet panties kind of got to me last night knowing that she's sharing her 'up' moment with him and not me but it's okay. She's already told me that later tonight she wants some time for 'us' and said that we should return to our Wednesday ritual if I was ready tonight. The smile on my face gave my answer away.

Maybe later tonight we'll start to pick up where we'd left off. I'm not sure how many more tears Suzanna can really shed right now about all of this.


We did play around last night. She enjoyed talking, teasing and taunting me as I thoroughly enjoyed masturbating with her twice. I admit I was eager for it by the time 10pm came around and sure enough, by 10:15pm or so we were behind locked doors and were talking quite openly about most everything.

I should preface this by saying that she was a bit more relieved when the earlier phone calls had concluded that they're going to move her *** to a nursing-home type of place but that for now at least, until they get a firm diagnosis/prognosis on his mental state, that they aren't doing the DNR thing. I think that alleviated a lot of her concern that the next call she got could be that he's gone if the DNR was in place. So, when she was ready for fun last night she was in a much better place.

She teased me whether I still wanted her to deny me until we go away next month. She pulled her panties up tight against her pussy showing a nice camel-toe and then she asked me to tell her what I wanted. I hemmed and hawed until she coaxed me along saying, "tell me - do you like thinking about it?" and other stuff. As we talked around she started to ask me more questions in particular, " .... what do you want baby; what turns you on the most?".

I thought about I being clearer with her about what turned me on. I was trying to think about what to say and how to say it as she leaned up against me and let me feel her breasts through her night-shirt against my arm and shoulder. Then she said something that she's never really said before or had ever occurred to me, she said, "it doesn't have to turn me on baby, I just like knowing what turns you on".

I still had my boxers on but had my shirt off and as she said that and more like ,"... you can tell me; I won't think you're weird, not any more" she reached into my shorts and started to touch and stroke my cock. It was like releasing a trigger and I just started to talk.

I told her that it turned me on like crazy that she had panties on (my cock was almost stiff when she started but as I started to talk, it firmed up fully and she giggled); I told her that I loved knowing she had them on because she wanted her pussy to only be for Robert.

She looked back at me and said, "tell me more" and went back to stroking me while I looked up at the ceiling as I talked.

For all the talking and other stuff we've done, I still felt awkward looking at her saying what I was about to say but I told her that for as much as it drove me crazy and made me want her knowing that she only shared her pussy with Robert was something that seemed to touch me deeply and made me feel incredibly horny. I said that knowing she'd only have sex with him for the next month and that he'd be with her and, yes, I said it, "that he'll have cum so much in you" made me insanely horny to think about.

She gave me a squeeze and giggled back, "I can tell" and emphasized how she felt my cock thicken and throb as I said that to her.

I told her it wasn't easy for me to accept but that it really turned me on. She looked up at me and said, "Turned on enough that you'll be happy just jerking off instead of fucking me until we go away? ..... mmmmmm." She said it as a question but I knew it was more just asking me to confirm it rather than say no. I told her that when I thought about it while I was jerking-off that it always made me cum intensely.

With that she took my hand and said, "show me". As I took over and started to stroke myself she said, "tell me what you're thinking, what makes you cum?" and she slid down and lay next to me so that we could both watch my hand wanking my cock. and so I told her.

She encouraged me at first and I said a few things about how it turns me on to think about her being naked with him. She cooed that she wanted me to tell her more, that I should just talk as I had fun, so I did. It felt awkward at first but then I just went with it and pretty much narrated the scenes and visions I'd have if I was jerking off alone. I told her of how I liked to think of her giving herself to him; I told her that in my head when she spreads her legs for him, that she is telling him she is his and that her pussy is his too.

She moaned many times as I talked but I didn't dare look at her as I just felt I'd have to stop talking if I did. I told her that having never seen Robert or them together that sometimes I let my imagination go. She giggled at that and said, "I'll bet you do". I told her how I liked to think of her having her first orgasm as he went down on her and how she'd pull her legs back to let him lick her and how I imagined he had a very long tongue that would snake up inside her.

I told her how I liked thinking of her being naked with him and she said, "yeah, that's always turned you on" and I told her how I liked that she felt comfortable enough now with him to not feel like she couldn't be herself to which she giggled a 'yeah' reply back.

My cock was rock hard, and I do mean rock hard, as I told her that I liked thinking of her getting him undressed and that I imagined him having a big hard cock, "... as you said,. bigger than mine" she just sort of moaned a 'uh huh' response in agreement. I continued telling her how I envisioned her mouth being full as she tried to suck him, that I imagined he had big balls too and that she would get horny as she'd hold them. She cooed back, "you're right, they are big".

Things were happening pretty quickly. Alone I could make some of these thoughts and scenes linger in my head for as long as I wanted but lying next to her it seemed like everything was going faster than usual. I felt a big orgasm was in the making.

I told her how I loved thinking of her kneeling in front of him and how she might be playing with herself as she struggled to suck him. That brought an audible moan from her. She giggled when I told her how I envisioned him getting hornier and hornier fucking her mouth until he pushed her back on the bed, ".. and you hold your legs back for him and he can see how wet you are for him".

She moaned out loud when I said that and I knew that I wouldn't be lasting much longer as I told her how horny I get when I think about him pushing his cock into her pussy and how ready and open she is waiting for it.

I think part of my arousal was from hearing her responses; her gentle moaning as I described him pushing his cock into her; how her pussy lips would stretch around him; how wet he'd be as he pulled out of her. When I told her that it turned me on to think that some of that wetness might be from him from the day before she moaned out loud and said, "does that turn you on to think about?"

She almost derailed my fantasy, but not really, so I answered her and said that it made me crazy horny to think about that and she giggled, "it's true you know" and that was my turn to moan back that it drove me crazy to think of her feeling his stuff in her like that.

She encouraged me to go on and as I told her how I'd think of her lying back and him spreading her apart so he could fuck her deep. "Tell me baby," was all she said.

I was still looking at the ceiling rather than at her and she might have been rubbing herself but I couldn't pay attention to it. I knew I was close when I felt my body start to tense up as I shared how I liked to think of her orgasming under him and how she'd arch her back and push herself up towards him. I think I started to cum even before I said how I always cum when I think about him pushing deep into her and how he'd grunt as he'd cum deep in her. All I know is that by the time I got the last of those words out a split second later an intense gush of cum spurted out of my cock followed by several others each one brought forth a breathless 'ooooh baby' from her as she reached out to continue stroking my now softening cock.

It was good that I didn't look at her the whole time or I might have felt self-conscious (maybe a bit more than normal) at just how much I'd cum and about the thoughts I'd shared but she didn't care, she just ooohed and I looked down to see her beginning to lick at some of the cum that was on my stomach. I hoped for the inevitable and I was correct when she lapped up the rest of my cum and then came up to my lips and kissed me and shared it with me.

We kissed for a few minutes and when she pulled back from me she said, "see, that wasn't so bad, was it?!" She leaned down and kissed me again and said, "I liked hearing all of that; it turned me on too. See, none of that was so weird .... you should tell me more.....".

I was surprised when I saw that maybe 20 minutes had gone by. We lay there together for a little while longer and she said, "it's okay that this stuff turns you on you know .... I like hearing it from you". Then, sure enough, just as I expected, a little while later she rolled over towards me and began to tell me what turned her on, "so,- it turns you on to think about my pussy being for Robbie only?”

I groaned back a yes and she said it turned her on to think that way and she admitted that for her, knowing it's mainly sexual (that the "affair" didn't happen the way she'd thought) has become something she's also thought about. She said that in the past that it'd been that she did it for him but that now with the realization that this is mainly a sexual relationship with Robert, that it's her that enjoyed playing like this.

She looked at me and said that it turned her on to know that when she felt her pussy being wet that it was from him and not me; she said that seeing me masturbate and that I wanted to wank instead of fucking that it seemed to turn her on even more than in the past when she watches me cum; she said again what she'd said in the past 'knowing it's not going in me turns me on'.

She snuggled up next to me and said if I let her know more that I masturbate to these thoughts that it makes it easier for her to do it for me. "When I think of you wanting to jerk off like this and that it's turning you on to not cum in me, it really gets me horny baby". She said that she feels so sexual and so aware when she can feel and know that only Robert cums in her and that at times it really turns her on to know she wants it that way.

I told her that I loved knowing she was feeling this way and that she was letting herself go like this. She giggled back that it hasn't been easy but that because I've been so steadfast with it, that she's now accepting that this stuff turns her on too and that she doesn't always need her lover to ask or insist on it. I told her that it turned me on so much to see this change in her.

It seemed like she too felt more at ease talking, at one point she said that all the stuff going on with her *** has made her realize how important we are to each other and how what we are doing is putting her more at ease with everything. Sometimes I think she viewed the stuff we're doing sexually as somehow affecting or threatening our marriage or relationship but I think she's figuring it out that it's more than her pussy that keeps me with her just as it's more than my cock that keeps her with me.

It was quiet for a moment before almost out of nowhere she said, "that's why I want to spend the night with him you know?".

I looked at her quizzically, "huh?" and she said, "it's because I want to!".

She rolled over to me and said that in the past, she'd left me for the night mainly at the urging of her guy. She held my hand and said, "I hope it's okay to tell you that I want to spend the night with Robbie because I want to".

I told her that she'd already told me that; that she 'didn't want to have to run off or lose the mood'. She giggled and said, "yeah, that's true ... but this is something I want to do too ... and I've never had the courage before to say it."

I told her, "it's okay".

She said, "thanks, it was hard to say."

She hugged me and then proceeded to tell me that she wanted to feel his arms around her as she fell asleep and how she wanted to wake up next to him and maybe have sex right then in the morning; for them to both then get up and maybe shower together. She started out kind of hesitantly saying it but after a few minutes (encouraged maybe by the smile on my face or my hard-on growing below) she was saying with ease how she wanted for them to be getting dressed together for the day.

I held her hand tightly back and told her that I loved her and that I loved seeing her like this, how it reminded me so much of how she was when we first got together. She smiled at that and looked straight at me and said, "I love you so much" and then she pulled me into a very deep and passionate kiss at the end of which she said, "it's just sex you know."

That made me smile and I answered, "I know, I think that's why I'm more comfortable with it".


I suppose I should add that Suzanna has gained some comfort from hearing that our ******** has decided after all to go off next week and join her friend at their vacation place. Suzanna has assured her that her Granddad is a bit more stable and that there should be time for her to come home if something bad happened. So I'm guessing that's what's now fuelled Suzanna's desire to spend a night with him next week sometime.



Back to last night, I looked at Suzanna after we'd been talking for a while and I said to her, "you know, I want you to do this stuff. It might sound crazy to say it but I want to see how this all feels." I told her that the jealousy I feel at times is so outweighed by the arousal (and I made her giggle when I said) that it makes me want her even more; that it's worth the wait for the intense passion I've felt from her when it's been 'our turn'. She admitted that she's surprised herself at finding what interests her.

It was one of those evenings when I could tell she was able to relax a lot more than she has been recently at home; it certainly made it easier to talk to her and her teasing continued when she said, "so, it turns you on to know I’m almost always wet from being with him?"

It took me a moment to realize that she wanted to watch me again; she kept hinting for a few more minutes and I didn't disappoint. I do so love the look on her face when she sees my cock is at full-mast having responded to her banter and she responds in kind when I hear her inhale deeply and then involuntarily gently moans.

She set the scene and told me that she was going to see him tomorrow night and that she was going to be late getting home, probably not till after 11pm. (I recalled that earlier she'd told our ******** she was going out after work.) She said that they were going to meet out with the other people from work to do the 'Friday Night get-together thing' and then about 8pm go to his place. She was quite open with me and said that by then she would be, "wanting some time with him".

As I started to get into jerking off the second time she leaned over to me and asked me if I wanted her to play up her 'desires' with Robert. I asked her what she meant and she asked me if it turned me on for her to be more vocal or more open about it with me and to play it up a bit.

I groaned back that I thought it might be hot for her to do that and she giggled and said, "okay, I want to fuck him again and I want and need to feel how big he is ...".

I didn’t need that much teasing really, some of what she'd opened up about was starting to hit me, that she's beginning to accept that she may have to act on her own desires instead of finding a guy who will bring her along and discover them with her.

She went back to talking very sexily about how she wants to lie next to him after they've fucked and for her to, "... be with him all night". She could obviously see it was something that turned me on from how my hand began to respond.

The thing we didn't talk about is when. I'm half turned on and half scared to think that she might do this on a work-night and that'd mean getting up with him in the morning and getting ready to go into work together. A part of me is thinking that's maybe too much but on the other hand the thought does excite me a bit to think I'd maybe have to meet her for lunch somehow that day only to see her in a different work-outfit than she'd left home in the day before. Damn, my cock is hard now knowing how it'll drive me crazy to wait till she gets home to properly see her again

Anyway, all this talk last night got me good and hard and, sure enough, when she started to tell me about how she wants to fuck him and then hearing her saying how she wanted to see me cum and to know that it's not in her, that was it, man did I spew all over my stomach and chest. She didn't' lick it off me this time instead she took her time collecting it all and then dribbling it into my mouth from her fingers. We did kiss and snowball at the end and I know that really turned her on. I suppose I should add that the same decision that gave Suzanna some comfort is also what led to our ******** deciding to go off next week and join her friend at their vacation place. When Suzanna explained that there should be time for her to come home if something bad happened that she seemed to be more relaxed and that he's a bit more stable. So that's what's now fueled Suzanna's desire to spend a night with him next week sometime.


It's now day 4 of her back-to-panties routine and even after last night, I'm still kind of hard and aroused today.


She did ask me last night if I wanted to 'do it' when we were on our way to bed. At first I thought she wanted to have sex but then realized she wanted to know if I was horny enough to masturbate. I said to her that normally I'd go find some story or porn on the computer but that if she wanted, I was sure I could handle it without.

She smiled and said, "I like knowing you do it".

Sure enough when we got in bed I did find myself a little horny which was surprising after Wednesday night. She was reading a book on her Kindle and when I tried to get a look she pulled it away and told me, "No, go get your own book and have fun." So I did and found a Penthouse.

She giggled at me as I balanced the magazine with one hand while I gently stroked with the other and I am sure I saw her looking out over the top of her Kindle to sneak a peek.

I opened up to a wife-watching story about a wife at a party who succumbs to another guy and it turned out I was horny after all!

Suzanna made out she wasn't really interested until a little bit later I put the magazine down and got down to business. I saw from the corner of my eye that she had put the Kindle down and was openly watching me as I got closer to cumming. She whispered something about the 'wife at the party story' being hot and that maybe I should think about her 'tomorrow night' when she also succumbs to 'another guy' and how wet she'll be when she gets home. That did it, I was almost there as it was and sure enough as she said that and more, I started to spurt. It wasn’t a huge load like the first on Wednesday night but it felt awesome to let it go including hearing her softly moaning next to me as I coaxed more out of my cock.

She again sidled up to me and said how horny it was that I didn't cum in her and that she loved watching me. She again helped me clean up and again shared a snowball kiss with me afterwards followed by a hug and, "I love you".


This morning she was almost prancing around in just her. She saw that I was watching and she commented on how 'today I am feeling so up'. She made no secret about taking a small bag with some extra clothes (panties, a top and jeans) with her when she left for work and reminded me that she'd be late home.

I'm sure I'll have time on my hands later on. Things seem to be in a different place today; she seems to have some less weight on her shoulders.


Suzanna did not get home until well after 11pm on Friday night and I admit that by the time she did get home that my brain had been working overtime and gotten me quite horny.

There was no doubt from the look on her face what she'd been doing. It's not that she looks younger but she seems to have this glow about her; this totally relaxed look. The nearest I can relate it to is how someone looks after getting an intensely good massage as though all the stress has been squeezed out of her. If I wasn't horny already, seeing that look on her and knowing the reason why did the rest.

It wasn't exactly awkward when we kissed and hugged but I was torn between feeling hornier and hornier coupled with the knowledge that she wasn't going to have sex with me. I will say that I did want it but there were so many things going on in my mind. It was clear she'd changed; it took me a minute to even realize that and on top of that it was from how she felt, even how she smelled.

I joked with her that I had wondered if she was coming home at all. She giggled back that she was tempted when she'd swapped text messages with our ******** earlier but she said she was aware that she'd have some explaining to do with her if she were to come home too late on Saturday. Then she gave another giggle and said, "... next week, however.....". I was actually too busy hugging and looking at her for it to really register what she'd said.

We talked idly about our how our days had been and it took me a few minutes to realize that our conversation was unnecessarily subdued even with us having the house to ourselves and we could have talked openly. For whatever reason, we didn't; we kept it to just the usual mundane stuff as we ate a snack before we then cleaned up. She kissed me again, said she was tired and that if it was okay with me, she wanted to head up to bed soon.

In the bedroom she looked at me and smiled as she began to get undressed. She pulled her top over her head and as I looked at her in just her jeans and bra and it so reminded me of an early picture I'd taken of her from a few years back.

I don't think it was my imagination but getting changed she seemed to linger in just the bra and jeans for longer than necessary. She saw me looking and giggled at me and said, "you can see this part" as she took off her bra. Her breasts looked beautiful with her nipples still looking swollen from what I imagined was earlier activity; she saw me staring intently and she continued, "you can see this part too" and she undid her jeans and slid them off revealing just her pink panties. She looked up and smiled broadly knowing that I was just staring at her like that. I think she saw the rising tent in my boxers as her eyes glanced downward and then back up and she held my gaze.

Before I could say anything she came up to me in just her panties, kissed me and said she'd be back and off she went into the bathroom. I heard some commotion and later heard the faucet running; finally she came out and said she was ready for bed. She stood next to the bed and said very pointedly, "say goodbye" as she pulled her night-shirt over her head.

It was my turn in the bathroom next and after I washed and brushed my teeth I thought that I'd not heard her flush the toilet which got me curious. I peeked in the hamper and there was nothing new there but then I saw in the trash a small plastic bag. I picked it up and peeked inside and, damn if my cock didn't grow hard, for it was a period-pad folded over. I knew what I'd find but I had to look, sure enough, the centre of the pad was very wet. The odour confirmed what I'd thought, it was covered with his cum.

I had a raging hard on by now and when I went back out to the bedroom Suzanna was lying in bed with the TV on. As I lay down next to her she rolled over and told me a little about her night and 'how wonderful' Robert had been; how they had dinner out first and she glowed that it almost felt like a date. It was clear she was going to tease me by dragging out her account of her evening.

As she continued to tell me she also said how she loved that we'd talked so openly the other night and that she knew it wasn't easy for me to admit to what I did. She held my hand and said that she really liked knowing what I was thinking and that hearing it honestly from me both that night and again on Thursday night, that she'd felt much more aware of what she'd been doing when she was with Robert and how she liked knowing that it was because it was what she wanted to do.

She said that when they got back to his place was when things started to happen. She rolled towards me in bed and asked with a grin if I was still interested in listening! I was a little sheepish to answer her until she said, "it's okay if you are horny; I like that you are". A second later she said, "if you want to take care of yourself while I tell you more, I'd like that".

How could I say no, especially when she said that she'd like it if I did. A moment later I slid my boxers off and lay there stroking my cock. She got up on one elbow and told me how horny it makes her to watch me masturbate and with that she continued telling me about her night.

I can't remember every single detail she shared as I was kind of getting into jerking off and was letting my mind go from thought to thought as she talked. I loved hearing her tell me how he undressed her and how horny she felt. She said that with each piece of clothing he took off her, "... I felt like I moved from being your wife to being his lover". She said how, when he knelt between her legs and she raised her butt off his bed, that as he took her panties off, she said all she could focus on and feel was just how horny she was.

She told me how he likes for her 'to lie naked on his bed, legs spread' so he can see everything as he gets undressed. She said that she could feel herself getting wet and turned on as he stood at the foot of the bed and took his clothes off; how, by the time he stepped out of his boxers, "I was ready for anything".

I stroked my cock more and more as she continued. She commented how she hadn't told me all that much about their time together but now, after us having talked so openly, that she wanted to share more with me. She told me how she loves feeling his hands on her body and how his tongue and mouth follow where his hands go. She told me how from her mouth, face and neck he moved down her body and I swear I felt the first spasms of my impending orgasm when she told me how she's no longer embarrassed by how wet her pussy is when he starts to lick her.

I think she realised that maybe she was being too graphic with me for at one point she giggled that, "I want you to last for a little while longer" and she seemed to change down a gear at how descriptive she was about her night.

Within the next few minutes she told me how he went from licking to mounting her and how she, "couldn't wait to feel him" in her pussy. She told me how she watched him as he pushed into her and even giggled at how she always wonders how it fits in her because, ".. he looks so big!"

Clearly he fits just fine because when she began to tell me how they fucked there was no doubt that she was taking him with no problem. She told me how they changed positions and how she came first when she was on top but how, ".. he waited until I was done" before he rolled her onto her back.

My hand was almost a blur as she told me how she felt being so full from his cock and how she could feel him so deep in her. It was when she said, "Baby, he makes me cum so much when I know he's near" that made me realise that she knew him so well. She told me how she could tell he was close and how, "I love opening myself up for him when he's ready".

I knew just what she meant, on her back she can sometimes reach under her and almost pull her pussy further open at times but it was when she described feeling him cum in her that I felt I was there watching and I too let loose.

She seemed to linger on telling me how she could feel him in her; how hot he felt as he came in her but mostly she conveyed how as she could feel him cumming that it pushed her to her own orgasm and how she felt it all being so wet and open as they both ground against each other.

I wasn't sure she even knew I'd cum as she finished sharing her thoughts about how she felt. It was almost with a start that she focussed back on me and cooed in my ear how horny and hot I looked as she watched me milk out the last dribbles of cum. She teased me about there not being too much cum in comparison to him. I quickly reminded her that it'd now been twice on Wednesday, again on Thursday and now once again and she giggled and said, "Hmmm, I keep forgetting he's so much younger than you are.. " and commented on how often he seems to be able to get it up with her!

She leaned over and started to play with my cum on my stomach again commenting on how horny it makes her to watch me and to see how much I can cum. I thought she was going to feed it to me but instead she kept playing with it (even drawing a smiley face with my semen ) and she started to tell me, ".. you know we did it again later on". That brought another groan out of me. She took my now limp cock in her hand and started to tease me about, "will he get hard again? Robert was surely horny again earlier".

She said how they remained naked lying together on his bed and how sexy she felt like that, lying with her lover after they'd just had sex. She said they teased and tickled each other and that he brought them back a glass of wine as they flipped through the channels on the TV. Apparently he sped by the soft-porn channel that I guess he subscribes to but Suzanna said to him, "what was that you passed by?"

She said he blushed when she made him switch back and he went back to the channel that was showing some sort of sex scene with two women. Suzanna said she joked with him, "isn't that every guys dream?"

I was going to say something as I knew she didn't care for F-F sex but she said that before he could say anything she told him, "... it's not for me but I know it gets guys horny". She said that they watched until the scene changed to be a guy and a girl. She described the guy as 'greasy' and not her type but she admitted that watching porn with her lover was a turn-on in itself.

Now, to be honest, I was pretty spent, it was well after midnight and here she was still up and animated and talking to me while still playing with my cum (what little there was). She looked up at me as she took my limp cock in her hand and said, "do you want to hear the rest of my night?" I just moaned back a weak, "uh huh" for her to continue.

She stroked my limp cock and I have to say it ached to feel her hand pulling at it so soon after I'd just cum. At the same time it felt good to feel her hand on it even if I couldn't get it to plump up!

She told me how they'd left the bedroom and he'd chased her around the living room while they were both still naked and how he'd pinned her up against the kitchen counter as they ground away at each other. She made a point of telling me, "he was hard again" and how he kissed her and how he turned her around and tried to enter her from behind.

She said, "I pushed him away and he chased me back into the bedroom" and then she leaned up against me, kissed me and looked at me very closely and said, "we made love for the next hour baby....”

I think she wanted to hear my response and when I just said, "oh wow, you are driving me crazy with all of this" she giggled and kept stroking my cock which was now beginning to become a little chubby but far from fully hard and erect. She looked at me and asked, "can you cum again?" When I said, "I doubt it" she asked, "can I keep on doing this?" (meaning stroking it) and I groaned back, "yeah...".

She smiled and told me how this second fuck of theirs took a while and how she loved how hard he felt so deep in her the whole time. She told me how dreamy it felt to be lying under him feeling him fucking her and she told me it felt like floating from one orgasm to another.

I thought she might even get me to cum yet a second time but that wasn't to be. She seemed to be content with more just holding onto my cock instead of stroking it as she told me how he finally got off a second time with her.

It was quite intense to hear her talk and I wished I'd held off on my earlier orgasm until I heard her telling me all of this as it was truly beautiful to hear how horny she was and how she loved feeling that passion. It was incredibly sensual to hear her tell me how she hugged him as she could feel his orgasm starting and how she wrapped her legs around his to hold him deep. I was struck by how animated she was telling me and sharing all this with me but she said several times that knowing that I wanted to know everything helped her to be more comfortable with her 'confession'.

I hugged her tightly afterwards and told her that I loved her sharing the evening with me this way and she again said how she felt much better, "knowing all of this really turns you on". She then gave a sort of guilty smile and said, "he left me really messy. I tried to clean up but more kept on dripping out;. I thought that I might have to find a pantie-pad before I left for home." I didn't tell her that I already knew and had discovered the cum-soaked pad in the trash.

I shushed her, gave her a kiss, spooned up behind her and told her that she was beautiful but that it was late and we ought get to sleep.

It had been a good day and even though we didn't have sex together in some ways I felt closer to her than I had in a while.


Saturday was a bit of a blur for us. The weather was still oppressively hot and Suzanna went over to pick up her mom and go visit her *** while I sweated my balls off mowing the lawn before taking a swim. The evening was uneventful and very much non-sexy as I think we were both quite spent and pretty much talked out.

However, yesterday was altogether different as we took the big long drive up to Maine to drop off our ******** to spend the week with her friend; they'll be back next Sunday. We left about 8am and were there in time for lunch. We spent a little while with them visiting and seeing the area before we headed back home late in the afternoon. On our way we stopped for dinner and didn't get in until after 9pm last night.

It was when we got to bed that Suzanna finally acknowledged the 'elephant in the room' and announced her plans for the week. She didn't really ask me, more told me, that with our ******** now away for the week she had it all worked out and was going to spend Tuesday night with Robert.

She told me that tomorrow morning she'll take extra clothes with her and after work she'll go straight to Robert's place. She spared me the expected details and merely said, "I'll spend the night with him and then go to work on Wednesday from there." I was a little taken aback when she then went on to say, "you'll see me later on Wednesday evening after I've gone back to his place after work again".

She giggled that, "I'll tell you everything on Wednesday night baby when I get home ...." and she then almost growled, "... Baby, you're going to cum so much ".

It's only now that I'm thinking about it more; thinking she will leave on Tuesday morning and I won't see her again for over 36 hours.

She seems to have finally come full-circle and maybe I needed to be more honest and open with her, it seems to have made a difference so far.

She promised me before she left for work this morning that we'll have lots of time to talk about her plans later tonight.


Last night we talked and she said that after last week when she opened up and knew that I really wanted to hear everything that she feels so much more at ease now, telling me things that she wasn't comfortable with earlier.

She asked me last night if I was going to be okay when she's away tonight. I've noted that she didn't ask me if I was okay with her going, it was more that she asked if I was going to be okay while she was with him.

She again mentioned how after our talks that she feels much more at ease telling me that she 'wants to be his tonight' and (she used these words exactly) that she 'wants to get fucked tonight'. She cupped my cock and balls and told me that I should enjoy myself tonight but to 'save some for me on Wednesday'.


I am still very aroused and turned on by all of this but this seems to have now become almost our 'norm'. I still get hard at the passing thoughts of her with Robert or whoever else but I do think the sense of urgency that I felt in the beginning of our journey may have faded or diminished a bit.

Still, I cannot deny that I had a huge hard-on this morning after I came out of the shower and she was prancing around the bedroom in just panties as she looked at clothes was going to take with her.

The idea that she was packing a bag to spend the night with her lover totally turned me on and I admit that I even gave her some 'advice' on her choices of lingerie by telling her that the black camisole went nicely with the skimpy black panties she'd chosen. She did put a night-shirt in the bag but even I doubt she'll be wearing it.

My emotions ran to the other side as she stood in the bathroom collecting all of her makeup and hair accessories she'll want tomorrow morning. I tried not to think about it but this is going to the longest time they've been together and I'd be lying if it didn't give me at least some concern. She saw me looking forlorn I'm guessing and she came over and hugged me and reminded me once again that, "it's just sex" and that she'll be back here tomorrow night with me. Again, she promised to 'share all the details' with me as since our open talk that she 'knows' what turns me on; that she now feels she's confident enough to do stuff that she wants to do, confident of my support.

That said I have to admit I feel like I'm sitting on the edge of the knife-blade. If I think about her spending the night in the arms of her lover I admit that I get a little panic-stricken. Yes, there's still an undeniable sexual thrill that I get and it is what I mainly dwell on when I think of her. I try not to think about the sexy emotionally charged small-talk that must obviously follow their passion but I absolutely get excited when I think of her in bed with him; beneath him as he fucks her and she undoubtedly responds.

Yes, I'll admit that the idea of her waking up with him and possibly having a morning-session with him before work just has my mind racing. That she might go off to work freshly fucked is something that I haven't thought about with her in a long time and, my god, if that is what happens then by tomorrow night I'll be bursting at the seams.


She gone and the house being empty except for me right now has an ominous feel to it, one I'm sure I'll have to deal with later tonight. I do think, that perhaps her feeling more calm and confident in sharing details of their time together as she did when she came home Friday night is something good for us. I know that she felt very comfortable sharing that with me, something I haven't felt from her in a while as previously she felt she had to hide or diminish what she's been doing with Robert.


Another filled book and I'm feeling a bit stoic right now and so I am going to sign off here and head into work.

The next book will doubtless be relating more 'revelations'.