Journal of a Journey - Book 49

She did come home a bit later than expected last Friday. It's now 3 days ago so I'll only say that she was very amorous when she got home but also made it clear that she would prefer to be left alone sexually but she did say that if I was horny, that she'd 'help me out' if I wanted to masturbate. She then said that, "if you wait till tomorrow, I'll make it even nicer for you".

I wanted more info from her but she was a bit reserved and said that she didn't want me to do anything with her unless I 'really needed to'. I told her that I was horny but that I understood her desires. She hugged me and asked if I was sure but then giggled when she felt my hard-on and asked me if I wanted to 'make myself happy'. I told her that I'd wait till the next day, Saturday. She kissed me and gave me heartfelt thanks.

I will admit that I fully expected her to not want me to be with her despite my optimistic hopes. As we got into bed later that night she did lean over and kiss me and felt that my cock, while not rock hard, was certainly engorged. She whispered that if I wanted to relieve myself that I should.

I hugged her and said that maybe I would but also admitted to her that I was enjoying the feelings I was having of wanting her but knowing I can't have her.

She moved away from me a little bit, looked at me and said that she loved me and loved that what we were doing was having this effect on me and that even though she felt a little guilty about not letting me be with her, that hearing me say that made her feel wonderful all over.

She let me spoon up with her but she said that she'd prefer that I didn't put my cock in her as she's allowed me on prior weeks. I knew that she could feel my hard cock against her butt but all she did was to turn to kiss me and asked if I was sure I was okay.

I didn't sleep all that well (for obvious reasons) but I figure it was due to me constantly thinking about having to wait for her.


She had promised to 'take care of me' on Saturday and I wasn't sure what 'her caring' would entail. She spent some time teasing me trying on different bathing suits; some looked dated but others, including a somewhat skimpy bikini actually looked pretty excellent on her!

The whole day long, that was all she did, teasing.

Finally, about 9:30pm after sitting around drinking some wine I was hoping and started to hint around about 'when's my turn going to be'. Our ******** was in her own world reading a book and seeing that Suzanna had got this look on her face we excused ourselves to the bedroom upstairs. I didn't know what to expect until she closed the door behind us. We kissed and she hugged me and she said that she wanted to give me one of my presents early. As we kissed she fumbled with my clothes pushing my shorts and underwear off. I followed suit and removed her top and bra.

When I unbuttoned her shorts she said calmly to me, "leave my panties on, okay?”

I hoped she'd have let me touch her or something like that but she said, "no" and before I could ask much more she dropped down to her knees and said, "this should help" and she started to suck and lick at my cock. Almost as soon as I felt her mouth I sat back on the bed and she moved to kneel on the floor between my legs.

Damn, her mouth felt great. As she sucked me she looked up at me and in between sucks she said something about 'she doesn't do this for Robert that much'. I was too deep into the pleasure she was giving me to say much and I wasn't sure what she meant.

Sometimes it can take me a while to cum orally and for whatever reason, whether it was my usual reticence or whether I just wanted to savour her luscious mouth on my cock, I lay back and let her really go at me.

She had both hands on my cock and was eagerly sucking at the head and would then take almost the whole shaft in. She stopped moving from time-to-time and let me fuck her mouth for a while, staying still and let me thrust upwards over and over. I was totally into it and while she was busy sucking I let my mind wander and the erotic thoughts that filled it really pushed me to the edge. I moved up onto my elbows and reached out and put my hand on the back of her head as I got closer.

Finally, I could take it no more and I moaned that I was going to cum. Like the trooper she is, she sucked down more deeply and literally sucked me over the edge. I moaned out loud as I felt myself start to cum and I heard her moan as she took my load in her mouth.

Whew, I loved that she let me thrust in and out as I came; so intense to feel her warm mouth sucking at me as I pull out and to then feel her warm tongue waiting for me on the way back in. It sure felt like a lot but she never gagged or anything and as I finished, she sucked her mouth off my cock and she held it in her hand. Damn, if I wasn't out of breath when she stroked the last bit out of my cock and I lay back against the bed knowing what she was going to do next but at that moment I was too lost in the post-orgasmic bliss to remember .... until I felt the bed move under me and she climbed up next to me.

She looked so hot; her nipples were hard; her colour flushed across her chest and I could even see a glimpse of a darkened stripe in her panties between her legs. A second later she moved up to me and I immediately knew what she was going to do; she kissed me and as our lips touched, she shared my load of cum with me in a snowball. Despite just having cum it was, and always is, incredibly erotic to share a load of cum like that with her and our tongues danced with each other while we shared the results of her efforts.

I was surprised when after we'd had fun kissing and she pulled away she said, "I never do this with Robert." I asked her what she meant and she giggled and said, "he's never cum in my mouth ...." and pointing to her pussy " ... he's always cum down there!” If I hadn't just cum that probably would have done it

I didn't really know what to say at that moment as it was a lot to think about so I just kind moaned something about her being 'so sexy' but later on as we got ready for bed and I was lying next to her I did say, "so, you really never sucked him off?”

She said, "no. he always wants to be in me ..." and then a second later added, "... besides, he's too big to really fit in my mouth". I know she heard me moan after she said that but nothing more was said about that.


Yesterday, both of our kids went out for a while which gave us some alone-time in the afternoon. I wasn't sure if we were going to do anything then or not but when Suzanna opened a bottle of wine for us instead of heading up to the bedroom, I figured that maybe she just wanted to talk. She came over and kissed me and we talked for a bit and over the next hour or so we finished the bottle which led to some very relaxed and open discussions.

She told me that she loved me and I told her that I never doubted that. Then she started to be a bit more forward and, I guess, began showing a bit more of a dominant streak. She asked me a lot of stuff about whether I still wanted to have her deny me. I told her that I did if it's what she wanted. She asked me what I thought when she told me that it turned her on to think about only having sex with Robert.

I told her that it turned me on to think about it too and that while it seemed crazy I told her that it totally turned me on.

She confessed that it turned her on to think of it as 'Robbie’s pussy'.

Oh my god, it messed with my head to hear her talking so calmly and so sensually. I knew she was saying this partly to turn me on but also that there was more than an element of truth when she said that she liked that she was only sexual with Robbie and how she liked feeling like she was his.

She told me that he'd started to ask more about us (her and I) and my feelings about the two of them; she said he'd specifically asked how I felt about how much the two of them had sex.

I asked her what she told him and she giggled and said that she told him that 'he doesn't mind and that I don't tell him everything'.

I asked her if he knows when we had sex last and she said that, "he knows we did last weekend ...," and she smiled and said "... and I told him that I didn't think we would again for another few weeks". She giggled and added, "I'm not lying to him; I'm just not telling him quite all of the details".

When I poured us the last glass of wine from the bottle she smiled and said, "maybe we should go upstairs". She picked up her glass and, obviously, I followed her eagerly. Even after that awesome blow-job from Saturday, damn if I wasn't horny for her again.

I didn't know what to expect though as our entire conversation had been around her being exclusive with Robert and all of that. We got into the bedroom and she turned to me and said I should get undressed and as I did so she started to talk to me as she also started to undress. She took off her top and bra and I must have stopped and been staring at her because she coughed as she reached for the button on her shorts. When I stepped out of both my shorts and underwear she still had her panties on and she came forward to me and held my hard cock in her hand. She giggled at first but then said that as it was 'Father's day' that she wanted to give me what I wanted. I immediately thought that maybe we're going to fuck but she said, "but first I want to ask you something". I was speechless waiting on her to ask.

Still holding my cock she said, "I want you to feel great .... but I don't know how you're going to feel about this, what if I asked you not to cum in me?"

Wow, even now I get the chills thinking of her saying that to me. I hemmed and hawed as I tried to figure out what to say, or more like how to say it, "well..... I mean...... I suppose....." when the answer was really very simple. She could feel my cock harden and she knew she'd really hit a nerve when I finally coughed out a meek, "okay".

She kissed me and told me that if I wanted, that she'd suck me off again, if that was what I wanted and then she said, "... or you can put it in me but I want you to promise you'll pull out when you're ready and I'll help you".

I was about to push her back onto the bed and pull her panties off when she said, "or you can use a condom and not have to pull out".

I saw a look of what I can only think was fear in her eye at that moment until she saw me smile and I said, "I'd really like to be inside you".

She was lying back on the bed on her elbows as I pulled off her panties and she said, "okay, just be careful, okay?". I was lost in a million thoughts when she said in this shy sounding voice, "will it turn you on to not cum in me?”

It was just as well that I wasn't in her at the time because that thought might just have set me off. As she said it, with my cock dangling over her pussy, I felt it throb and I knew that before I moved further with her that I had to say it so I did, I said "yes, it will". She smiled at me with this huge smile that could warm the arctic.

Damn, I felt so nervous! I can't believe that I was actually shaking nervously with my own wife. It had been only a week since the last time but with all our earlier talk and now what she'd just said, it hit me. She teased me about letting me see Robbie’s pussy and with that she spread her legs and showed it all to me! There was nothing I hadn't seen before but I was overwhelmed by realizing how much I missed being inside her. Her pussy lips parted and it revealed my desire.

I did think for a moment about reaching for a condom (there's still some in a box in her night-stand) but then thought of how she'd felt last week when she'd let me push into her that Friday night and then again how she felt over the weekend and I knew I couldn't pass up on that.

I've said before how it sometimes feels like a first date when I'm in this situation with her and this was no different. I was scared to even touch her. I lay against her and she was responsive but as I kissed her and worked my way down her body she said matter-of-factly, "I don't know that I'm going to cum baby, this is more for you".

I felt a lightning bolt go through me at that moment she said that. I'd been rubbing the tip of my cock all around her pussy and as I moved it into position at the bottom edge of her pussy and slid it up to separate her labia I could feel how wet she was as I slid my cock back down and into place. I moved the tip in a little and then back out and all around and then in again, this time she was open even more and the tip slid in effortlessly. I was looking down at my cock as it dipped into her and then how wet the tip was when I pulled it back out. I groaned at her as I pushed it back in saying, "you feel so wet".

She giggled back at me and said, "it's always that way now when I see him this often". I pushed into her even harder almost without even thinking of it and I immediately felt her tighten up and push back on me and she said, "slow down, take it easy, I know you're excited". She eased up and let me slip in more slowly and said, "remember baby, not in me, okay?”

She had to have felt how thick and hard my cock grew at that moment (I could feel it!) and this time as I pulled back and pushed in again, her pussy just opened up and I slid right in almost balls-deep. I ground against her and she moaned a bit as it felt like I could feel every inch of her body through my cock and, my god, she felt so loose!

Yes, she felt loose and this time I knew it wasn't just in my head; I knew it was from her having had a fatter cock than mine in there. I pulled back almost all the way out and her pussy was just so silky and smooth and just the perfect wetness. I pushed deep into her and she saw the look in my eye and again reminded me to 'be careful'.

I grunted back, "I know" and we started to get into a rhythm for maybe another minute or so until I guess she could feel my cock start to grow and throb in her. She pulled her legs back and said, "remember baby, not in me" and I was saying to myself to hold off as long as I could to make it as intense as I could. A second later she said, "that's just for Robbie".

Wow, that did it. In an instant I forced myself to pull out of her and almost as soon as I was out of her pussy the first thick spurt of cum came shooting out of my cock all over her curly pubes and then all down the front of her pussy. The second spurt went further, up onto her chest and at that point I reached down and stroked out the next 2 or 3 until all that was left was a dribble dripping off my fingers as a shiver ran through my whole body. I was too lost in my own pleasure to realize that she lay underneath me and, as she admitted later, that me pulling out and her feeling me cumming on her had given her an orgasm of her own.

I lay next to her afterwards feeling out of breath and also having overwhelming feelings at what I'd just done. It had been very quick but also very intense, I can't really remember that kind of explosive orgasm suddenly hitting me for a long time. I lay there and felt totally drained physically and emotionally; I'd just pulled out of my wife at the most intense moment and cum from her teasing that her pussy was just for her lover.

She rolled over towards me and said, "wow, your heart is beating so fast, are you okay?"

I mumbled, "uh huh" to her and she kissed me and said, "thank you, I know that wasn't easy for you .... was it good for you?"

I managed to say 'yes' and she kissed me and said, "that's good, I wanted it to be" and she lay back against the bed next to me and held my hand.

I got some energy back and I rolled towards her and I told her how sexy she was and how horny she makes me. She giggled and said, "can you wait your two more weeks?". The look on her face said she was surprised when I nodded. I started to move and she coughed and when I looked up at her face she motioned her chin towards her body and said, "you're not done are you?" I instantly knew what she wanted and smiled.

I got up on my knees as she spread her legs and as I leaned down to lick and clean her off she looked up at me and said, "remember baby, just the outside, okay?”

When we were finally done she pulled me to her and we kissed; I know she likes tasting the cum on my lips and mouth.


It was about 5:30pm when we finally untangled ourselves from each other and had put some clothes back on. Our kids didn't come back until just after 6pm by which point we had the barbeque going and steaks ready to put up. (I didn't ask her but I suspect she had said something to them about them taking off for the afternoon). They asked us if we'd had a nice nap which explained what Suzanna might have told them, that I wanted the house quiet so I could enjoy some rest on Father’s day. Yeah, right as if they believe that....


In bed last night she pulled me close and said thank you again and that she wasn't sure how all of this was going to work out in the long run but, for right now she was very happy and she wanted to know if I was too. I held her tight and said I definitely was and again, that I felt closer to her in some ways now than ever before.


I realized this morning that since I didn't cum in her last night she hadn't had any need to run off to the bathroom to douche. However, she did say to me this morning that she felt a little sore 'down there' as she got dressed.

I asked her if she was going to see him today and she said, "Yeah, why do you ask?"

I reminded her that she just told me about feeling sore. She giggled and said, "he'll soothe it for me, I'm sure!”

I grinned but my cock didn't stir a bit.


This morning she woke up and said she is pretty certain she's getting one of those yeast-infection things which will sideline her for the next few days. I didn't say anything, I just looked at her when she told me that. She asked, "what?" and I said, "Well, it's been getting quite well-used lately" and I giggled.

She punched my arm and said it wasn't funny!


From my perspective I think she's conflicted between wanting to deny me and let herself go with it; with being concerned that we'll either be more distant with each other or that it'll affect us if she doesn't feel that 'we' are 'in the zone' whenever she wants that reassurance physically as well as verbally. At least that's what I think.

If I'd have said no to her or not taken her up on the offer I had the feeling that she'd maybe wonder about whether I wanted her to continue since, again in my head, that this is what I've wanted to do and feel with her.

I'm not sure but I'm also thinking that she's got this conflict in her mind of she's cheating on him by fucking with me. She is totally getting off on that he WANTS her and she'll go there and, as I said, feeling like a teenager for a while spending the afternoon having sex with 'her boyfriend'.

I am curious to see what happens between them. She keeps mentioning that he often asks about us more. Maybe it's some sort of reassurance thing again she's doing for me to justify it to herself as to make or keep me comfortable with what’s going on. Then again, it could be more sinister. Maybe he's opting for more control perhaps? One thing is certain is that she has been teasing me a bit more now about it being 'Robbie’s pussy' so perhaps there is a truth to this.


The thought has occurred and I wonder if Suzanna might want for the three of us to be together at some time so that he might witness her denying me although from my impression so far I’m thinking that Robert isn't interested in that sort of thing.

I think, in a way, it may bother him that she's married and that is partly behind his regular questions and his concern for our relationship. That said, I do think he's becoming more demanding of Suzanna, not emotionally, but certainly physically in that Suzanna seems to be more physically drained at times when she comes home and that may also account for her accepting that sometimes, like tonight, it doesn't work out for them to get together.

I joked with her earlier that Robert will be stuck with his right hand tonight the same as I am. That brought a smile to her face, even a giggle, but despite her accepting the situation, I think she's annoyed with it too. She assures me her discomfort is 'just a yeast thing' and that she should be back to normal by Friday and made it quite clear that she will be seeing him on Friday.


I really think she almost needs my reassurance in order for her to feel comfortable about what she's doing. I know at times it seems like she wants to exert control be a true dominant in our relationship but at other times, I still feel that she needs the reassurance that I want her to be that way.

If she wanted to see him every day, she could for she knows I'd probably never say no; there's no doubt that a part of her would like to let go of the reins and let the horses just run wild. We've come this far so I know that in time she will eventually give in and 'believe me' I want her to do what she wants and that I want to experience it with her.

I think that me not ever meeting Robert is helping her because it truly makes it something she's doing and only sharing what she wants to tell me. I think that us being friendly with Ray made it awkward for either of them to truly let themselves go. Ray was never aggressive enough, maybe because of the friendships, and while she may have gone away with him several times it never went beyond that. When their weekend or trip was over, it didn't mark an escalation or growth between them, it just became another time shared.

I don't know that Robert is the guy that she's going to let loose with. I'm laughing to myself with seeing how she’s become much more self-aware now, having someone forceful like Dan with her, who is going to bring her over the edge sexually and let her run wild.

She doesn't talk about escalating things with Robert but I'm expecting there will be some sort of other changes between them other than frequency that would happen and, of course, the summer is young!

Speaking of Summer, our ******** has told us that she has worked it out with her girlfriend and that she'll be going to Maine for the last 2 weeks of July. We just talked about his for the first time earlier tonight when our ******** came home with this news after school. (School ends this coming Friday for the summer). When Suzanna heard that she got a gleam in her eye so I suspect that when we enjoy our ritual time later tonight that she'll share what led to that gleam. I'm thinking that if something more is going to happen between them, that's when it'll start.


As usual with our Wednesday nights, in addition to being a time to share sexually, it's also a time when we both seem to find it easy to talk openly.

We started a more open conversation about her denying me. It was obvious from how she spoke that she is still very concerned about 'losing us'. I reinforced that if anyone should be concerned, it'd be me and the loss of having sex with her. She countered that it's not just me having sex with her but that it is also very much her having sex with me.

I told her that I'm content ... for now .... if she wants to limit sex to be with just Robert.

She said she does want to do that, just have sex with him, but that she feels uneasy when she is around me after she's had his incredible sex and is aware that 'all you've had is your right hand' and that she feels weird her being in one-place and me being in another in terms of what is happening or has happened.

I told her that it truly turns me on to think and know how sexual she's being with him and I even told her that it turned me on to hear her refer to it as 'Robert’s pussy'. I told her for this next week that she should focus herself exclusively on him and (this wasn't easy for me to say) I wanted her to not give me any access to her.

She admitted that she felt so conflicted at times between wanting me to feel and be a part of her experience (such as when she's let me push into her on Friday nights) and her wanting to truly feel like she can direct her sexuality away from me. I told her that it turned me on seeing her smouldering away after coming home from being with him and that, I admitted it, knowing what she's done; knowing she is still post-orgasmic from him and still feeling his cum deep inside her). I told her that it's an incredible turn-on for me and that if she doesn't want to share that moment with me, then it's okay. I actually told her that it would turn me on to think and know that she doesn't want to share it with me and for me to know she wants to enjoy that feeling.

She hugged me and said at one point that she 'thought this would be easier' and I told her that it isn't easy and it's because we love each other and that she shouldn't feel like this is taking something away from me but, rather, just sharing it with me differently.

We only talked briefly about when our ******** will be away. I asked her if she had thought about it and whether she was ready to spend more time with him then. She was a bit hesitant and said that at times she's really excited about spending a night with him and experiencing the rest of what their relationship may offer. She asked me for my thoughts and I was pretty calm when I said that had already expected her to spend a night or two with him during that time. She said that 'we'll talk about it' more when it gets closer; that she wasn't sure she was totally ready to spend the night with him.

I didn't ask any more because the way she said it sounded like she wanted to think about it on her own before we would talk more about it.

I’m suspecting that the week of July 4th will be when we do some soul-searching for what both of us will want.


I think, perhaps I overlook writing about the non-sexual content that we share together. She's off picking our ******** up from a party but earlier today, as with other times during the week, we do have a lot of time together now where we share and are a lot closer; perhaps because the issue of having sex between us isn't up for discussion.

Like today for example, we shared a nice day just lazing around the pool picking at some wine, cheese and crackers. I admit that her lying out in a pretty sexy bikini kept my attention but that's as far as it went! We've just finished a nice dinner together with a little wine and some shrimp cocktails.

I've said a lot of times that I don't share much of this side of our lives but maybe I should because in some ways, it seems so much easier being with her today knowing that we aren't going to 'have to' find time to sneak off and have sex sometime.

Yes, I'm horny and she knows it; she isn't feeling horny and I know that and it's okay. For now, it's an arousing thought to be horny and to know she's not because she's well satisfied from him.


When she came home it was obviously she'd had had a good time. She did tell me a little about it but promised to tell me more when we had some alone time later last night. For the moment we did snuggle and hug and kiss but what we did more was talked about stuff such as Home, kids, work, life and, yes, a little about sex.

Maybe I don't share enough of this side to remind myself that there is more to our lives together than the sex . It’s the rest of this stuff that is what's making us feel even better, something she reluctantly admitted to last night in bed when I didn't make an attempt to try to coax her into being sexual with me. After we lay there talking for a while and she realized that I wasn't going to 'hit on her' it became just this really enjoyable time.

I was still horny when it was time for bed and she encouraged me to go into the office and have some fun. She was still awake when I came back and she asked me if I'd spoon up with her. It's weird but knowing it was going to be non-sexual seemed to increase how close we felt.


I know we're playing with risky stuff but from how she's describing Robert, I don't see him scheming or planning or anything like that. Yeah, maybe they do play the 'let me get you pregnant' game and it wouldn't surprise me if she teased him right back at it but I don't see anything that makes me suspicious or concerned that there's more going on than just them having a good romp in the hay.

Even her attitude about spending the night with him (unless she's not being honest) doesn't sound like she's ready to take that step yet. I haven't really asked her about it but it does make me feel good that she's not clamouring or making a big deal out of it or making it a priority.

However, with our ******** going away for 2 weeks I think it's obvious to both of us that there is the opportunity for her to spend at least one night with him. Maybe not, perhaps she'll just use the opportunity to stay out really late. Without him responding emotionally to her I'm not sure that she's necessarily letting herself go with him and I know that even she feels that spending the night with him is quite a big step forward.

The thing is, and it's weird, I'm enjoying not having sex with her. It's crazy but last night masturbating it just felt good to go off and enjoy myself and to then come back to her and snuggle up. It's almost as if simply knowing that we've each had our own private-type of sex last night was nice to share and feel comfortable together afterwards.


Just before she ran out to pick up our ******** I'd told her that she needn't always worry about me and that I'd tell her if I felt like I wasn't okay with things. She giggled and said that she likes my reassuring her and that it made her feel okay about it all. I told her that I was okay with what we were doing; I even came out and said, "it's kind of different, you know, not having you, but it's really okay" and calmly made it clear that I was content with everything.

She smiled as our ******** called and then said that we should talk more later tonight. She said that she couldn't fully explain how she felt but that at times she says it feels incredibly sexy and a huge turn-on to know what she's doing but that at other times, when she thinks about our 'traditional' relationship type of thing, that she says she has mixed feelings. She picked up her car keys and was gone.


Last night and when we went to bed we talked a bit more and I asked her straight-up, "what's with all the uncertainty and all of the need for all the reassurance". I reminded her that she used to deny me more than this at times before. (I didn't mention Dan by name but she knew what I was saying.)

She said that she'd been thinking about this more too and had wondered herself. Then she said something that made sense to me, "back then it was before I'd go out that I'd deny you .... now, it's after I come home that I also deny you" and then said she wasn't used to that just yet.

I reminded and corrected her that she used to do it afterwards too. She was quiet for a moment and then said, "yes, I know that too .... that was when I was wearing panties all the time around you".

I knew I was asking a question that I may not have really wanted to hear the answer but I asked it anyway, "Does it make you feel easier for you to let yourself feel that way?"

She held my hand and said that she'd been thinking that maybe it was. She said that she thought that maybe it was easier for her mentally to have the panties, in a way, do the talking and that she thought maybe it made it easier. She looked at me and said, "maybe knowing you could see them and what they meant and knowing that you accepted me wearing them but that maybe that was what was different.

She did say that at times she liked 'sharing with me' but at other times she felt uneasy knowing I was seeing her all the time and that she didn't want to always share the experience with me. I asked her a rhetorical question , "So, me not seeing you made it easier?"

A second or two later she simply nodded her head and said in a quiet voice, "yes".

I pulled her to me and she kissed me and even had a little tear in her eye as she asked me if that would be okay for this week if she went back to wearing panties when she was around me. Before I could answer she got a little tease in her voice and said, "just think how much you'll really want me next week then!".

I hugged her and told her that I would do anything she wanted to try and she hugged me back and then kissed me and said, "okay".

As we kissed she pulled me close and said that she loved me, then she giggled and pulled one of my hands down under her night-shirt and told me, "get a good feel now". With that she spread her legs and let me feel all of her. I was hesitant to push my fingers into her until she put her hand over mine and pushed them in herself. She looked at me and said, "go on ... " and as I started to move, "... just fingers though" and she pulled me in for another kiss.

I could how relaxed and spread open her pussy was, my two fingers easily slid in and arched up to scrape against the upper inside of her pussy, her g-spot. She arched her back and giggled at how easily I found it. I commented to her on how wet she felt and she giggled back and said, "that's still from him yesterday".

That comment telling me that the wetness I felt in her was from him brought my cock to full hardness! I wasn't sure she wanted me to bring her to orgasm but when I pulled my fingers out and she let me spread her apart and rub at her clit then I knew she wanted me to. Normally I'd mix licking away at her to bring her off but she said she didn't want that. So instead we just kissed as she let me pleasure her!

Sure enough, as we kissed I could feel her responding and it was surprisingly easy to bring her to orgasm. A few moments later I felt her start to shudder and I could feel her pussy clenching on my fingers. She hugged me tight through it and when she finally came down a few minutes later she pulled my hand up away from gently feeling her sexy folds and she said, "that's enough till next weekend" and then she kissed me and said, "are you really okay with this? I know it's not what we talked about".

I knew what she meant and I said, "if it makes you feel better about it, then I'll be okay". I felt she needed to hear one other thought too; I looked at her and told her, "in a way, it turns me on even more, you know ...... knowing what they mean".

She giggled, "you are such a perv" as she went to her dresser and pulled out a pair of panties. She walked over to my side of the bed where she stood naked and said, "give it a kiss goodbye".

I leaned forward and kissed her pussy, ran my tongue against her now swollen pussy lips and got a taste of the sharp flavour of her pussy.

She stepped back and pulling up her panties said, "maybe this IS what's been missing".


If anything, over these past few weeks as she's explored this whole denial thing, our closeness seems to have increased . I listen to her more; she listens to me; we talk with each other rather than at each other as other husbands/wives do. While right now I may not be fulfilling her sexual desires there is no doubt that she knows I want her even more than I did before. So what may have been seen as a dangerous area doesn't appear that way to me at all.

I will say that seeing her go back to wearing panties around me has already had its effect as I am totally horny this morning. It started when I saw her come out of the bathroom with panties on and the towel wrapped around her head. In an instant my cock was like a rock. She noticed and giggled, "I think this turns you on even more than seeing me walking around naked in front of you!". A few minutes later as she put her bra on and got ready for work she turned to me and said, "this makes it a lot easier for me" and she kissed me and hugged me. Before I could say anything she reached down and felt my hard cock and said, "we're going to have fun next week ... " giggled and said, "... you'll just have to wait till then".

I'm going to end this entry with this observation, her attitude since Saturday evening, similar to the attitude from this morning, is much more how I'd had anticipated she'd be while she's denying me. Maybe her going back to wearing panties allows her to better accept what's going on and to play along with it more. I remember her feeling like this back when she did it when she was with Dan and now, the thought of my not having any access to her at all, even visually, until the end of the week is actually going to torment me even more in so many ways.


There is definitely more playfulness with her since she came to this realization on Saturday about how her wearing panties may have affected her as well as me.

I think that this time she realizes that they mean something to her as well as me. I think the last time she did this in earnest like this was when she was seeing Dan and that was somewhat at his direction and insistence. I'm thinking that maybe this will help her define where the boundaries are for her and me and, as she said, maybe just make it easier in general.

I already know that I am craving to just put my hand in them and feel her curly pubes and then to feel her sweetness just beneath. I can tell you that lying out at the pool yesterday afternoon and seeing her bathing-suit bottoms in place of her panties also made me horny and brought back the fantasy I'd had last summer, to have her lover come over, pull the bathing-suit bottom to one side, fuck her silly and then pull it back in place and leave her as she was on the lounge chair out in the sun. That fantasy totally turns me on.


She did see Robert this afternoon. She got home by about 6:30pm and we just finished dinner about 45 minutes ago.

She has a knowing smile on her face but hasn't shared anything with me. I'm on pins and needles wondering what she'll say or do later tonight when we are getting ready for bed as our ******** is up now and they're both watching TV downstairs right now while I am here at the computer once again with a huge hard on.


I don't think there's any doubt that her 'husband' will be back, maybe not totally on Friday night in terms of aggressiveness, but most definitely while we are on vacation. I do admit that it would be incredibly hot to hear her ask me to not cum in her but that also isn't in the script at the moment. Perhaps we can use it as some hot banter during foreplay; I can easily play up telling her 'it's my turn', I think she'll certainly play along.

There was a noticeable return to playfulness about her last night. Maybe she's right, that panties help her get into the cuckoldress mode more easily. She teased me that I'll 'just have to wait' as she pulled panties up under her night-shirt last night to 'keep you from peeking'. Maybe it's giving us a better balance in terms of everything; not sure.

She really doesn't talk about Robert that much. I asked her last night, "doesn't he ever want anything more?" and that led to a short discussion where I asked her pretty much point blank whether Robert ever wants anything more than just having a roll-in-the-hay?

She looked at me and asked me what I meant in terms of more. I told her that I was thinking about doing other stuff, like going out to dinner or doing something other than fucking.

She giggled and said that she thought I was talking about 'more' in terms of their relationships, so I said, "that too".

What she then said was telling in both what she said as well as what she didn't say. She never mentioned anything emotional but instead shared that Robert is just really having fun, yes, having sex with her. She said that they are out together on some Fridays and other than that, he's not looking for anything more right now and has been pretty honest with her.

I didn't ask anything but she did not mention anything about furthering their emotional ties. I will ask more next week but I've not felt this as a part of what she's feeling. I think maybe she's moved away from the desire to fall for him, maybe because the physical side of things has been so satisfying and maybe doesn't need any more intensity to it. She clearly has no problems telling me she loves having sex with him and I'll say that if her behaviour is such that it tickles my cuck-fancy as it seems to do then I may also not feel that I want to see them get closer. I can say that I still love the fantasy but the reality of what she's doing now is pretty awesome!

Then again, maybe there's something she's not sharing and they really are falling for each other and it is gloom and doom that awaits me. I suppose the next week and beyond will tell all.

Either way tomorrow evening may bring some more clarity but the idea of peeling off her panties on Friday night when she comes home as an act of taking-her-back is incredibly arousing and totally what I want to wait for and feel. It'll be like that First-Date thrill all over again.


As expected, last night was both very satisfying as well as somewhat revealing. Revealing in the sense that over the course of her talking, teasing and encouraging my enjoyment it ******* a lot more about her relationship with Robert.

She says she realizes that it will probably never develop into more than it is despite her fluttering doe-eyes and offering of all of herself to him. She says that she is accepting that this isn't going to develop into the full blown love-affair.

I asked her if she was disappointed and she said yes but she added that she's learned so much more about herself explaining that she's much more comfortable in expressing herself and accepting her own desires even if he doesn't reciprocate. She says that she's still learned a lot about herself and about us.

She also hinted that she 'wants to enjoy this for as long as it lasts' and again mentioned that 'he wants other things long term' again including children.

I asked her back if this was, "why he doesn't want more from you, dates, going out somewhere?”

She smiled at me and said something to the effect of, "yeah, I know he just wants me for sex ... " and then added, "... gooooooood sex!!!!” Damn if that didn't get me all horny! She continued to tell me how incredible it feels to have this 'younger guy' wanting her as he does. She giggled and said that he still loves having sex with her and loves that she can take all of him; she tease me about that, about how big he is and how 'deep he cums in me'.

She also confirmed what I suspected, "wearing panties all the time makes it so much easier to tease you ... and helps me stay in control" but she also added it makes her 'enjoy it more with you'.

I was stroking away and she asked and teased me about how I felt waiting for 3 weeks while she was 'busy with Robert the whole time'.

I told her that it turned me on incredibly and that I couldn't believe how horny I was for her for next week. She giggled and asked me to tell her more. I knew she'd like hearing it from me so I told her, in between moans and such, that knowing he was fucking her as much as he is and that she truly had given her pussy to him, that it made me incredibly turned on. I even said something like, "knowing his cum is almost always in you keeps me hard all the time".

She giggled and spread her legs to show me the wet spot on her panties but she didn't pull them aside to let me see her pussy. Instead she teased me and said, "you'll get to see it when the weekend gets here" then said in teasing, rhetorical way, "... it obviously turns you on that I'm wearing these again doesn't it?”

She didn't need my answer but I told her anyway that seeing them on her really drove it home that she only wanted sex with him and that was what led her to start to say that she wanted this to go on for as long as it could, both with him and with me. She asked me if after next week whether I could wait again till our vacation time in August.

I was too horny and maybe even over stimulated that all I could do was sort of nod and reply, "uh huh". Oh did that response turn up the teas[ng!

She teased about how much he'll have cum in her by then;that it's going to be 4-weeks instead of 3 and, "just think how much you'll want me by then". It was when she started to say, "that'll be after I'll have had some alone time with him when our 'little girl' (referring to our ********) is away" that I erupted the first time and literally spewed cum all over my chest!


I've returned to the video that made me extremely horny! After finding it again I can see how it attracted my attention and how it really fuelled my fantasy especially coupling it with Suzanna revelations about how she and Robert play around with him getting her pregnant.

Except for the face, and maybe the pertness of her breasts, from the neck down the woman in the video could easily be Suzanna. What really turns me on is the passion that they share in the video. When I close my eyes as I stroke I can see Suzanna sharing this passion with Robert. It doesn't hurt my feelings, I know how she is with him and I'd be surprised if they weren't even more intense with each other; I've seen her share this type of passion in the past.

Seeing the woman in the video riding to a climax at the end is something that I know Suzanna's experienced and I will say openly here now that I love knowing she's shared and is sharing this passion with Robert. How can I not? I love her and love knowing she's experiencing this type of passion with or without me and then, hopefully, sharing it with me afterwards.


We continued talking last night after my first time. There was no doubt for either of us that I wanted to masturbate a second time with her. I don't even think my cock got soft after the first time; I know it thrilled me when she held it as she moved to clean me off. She didn't suck it into her mouth but she did stroke it one last time which made me shudder.

She wanted to talk more, actually wanted me tell her more about how I felt knowing she was only with Robert. I told her what I've shared here before that, as crazy as it sounded, it turned me on to know how much she's been with Robert. I told her at one point that knowing she was lying next to me and was wet from him was turning me on like crazy.

She giggled and cooed back at me that she was turned on by knowing that too and, "that it makes me feel so sexy." When I shared that it turned me on to think about the thin layer of cloth of her panties and what it did to me to think about, that it made me so horny to know that only he can have her right now, she squealed.

Then she asked me if it turned me on like this when she did this when she was with Dan or Ray.

I told her that it did but when I told her that it turned me on even more that it was her that wants it this time, the look on her face was just beautiful. She smiled, leaned forward and kissed me.

I loved lying there next to her stroking my cock. It just feels so erotic her eagerly looking on as I get closer and closer. As I got more into it she picked up her teasing and taunting. She told me how 'crazy sexy' she feels that she's, "only letting Robbie in me". She leaned forward and whispered again, "he cums soooo much baby".

I moaned back that I loved to think of her so wet all the time from him. She teased back, "you'll get to feel it again soon baby ... all wet and squishy!"

It wasn't going to take me much more, my balls were tingling and I could feel it approaching. I didn't even need to look down as I could feel the pre-cum that I was rubbing all over the tip of my cock. She leaned in and started to whisper in my ear, "let me see you cum baby .... come on baby ... one more time before you can do it in me again".

I was getting frantic and she said something about, "just think how much he'll be having me after our vacation next week ... for 4 weeks...."

That was it, I let the second load fly and the look on her face told me that she loved seeing me cum again. As I was coming down, she moved my hand off of my cock and she again stroked out the last bit, running her thumb up from the very bottom and I heard her moan as she pushed out the last thick drip as I watched.

I wanted her to clean me up, I wanted her to feed me what I'd just cum all over. It just seemed to fit in my head and I wanted to lick her fingers clean. I think she knew it and she lifted her hand and seemed to let her fingers linger in my mouth and let me lick at them. When she was done she leaned in for a kiss.

I do think she still has more on her mind, I'm not completely sure she's happy with the status-quo as I do think she genuinely wanted to let herself feel emotionally attached to him. I think she may be settling for 'just sex' because it's turned out to be quite good.

I have the thought in mind that maybe she will be able to feel this kind of emotional thing with an older guy instead of a younger one. That thought scares me a bit so I think that will stay in the back of my mind for now.


She isn't home. I didn't expect her to be for she joked that she wanted to give Robert a nice send-off for next week as he too is going away.

I did ask her if she was going to see him before he left and she said, "that's up to you."


She came home much earlier than I'd expected just before 7pm. I'd thought she'd be much later but I was pleased to see her and our reunion began later that night as we lay in bed together with her tease, "it's finally your turn again!".

I could have just plunged in but I really wanted to work up to some intense passion between us knowing where she'd been and what was waiting for me was worth the wait. She told me later she'd come home earlier, "So I'd still have some energy for you" as opposed to coming home totally spent later on!

I wanted the moment to build and to find what I'd hoped to find which was as we slowly reconnected, touching each other sexually, kissing, hugging that I would feel her desire for me build. I know it sounds weird but at that moment and now thinking about it, it seems to be almost the opposite of her wanting to feel that in me, that it felt really great to feel her desire for me build into how she felt when I did first push my way into her.

Maybe that's what I've also wanted to feel. I know it is most definitely part of why I wanted to go more slowly, feeling her body next to mine as I touched her; her nipples getting hard; her whole body feeling hot and, yes, being aware of her just being with Robert only a few hours earlier which gives a definite and pronounced feel to her pussy when she's aroused and horny. It was so intense to feel it.

She was both hesitant and playful as I went to push my hand into her panties. She held her hand over mine and teased me about, "wanting to play with Robbie’s pussy" and how, "he left me kind of messy". I had to hold back my excitement as I could feel around and feel her swollen pussy lips and the wetness between then. At one point as we kissed she pulled at my hand and brought my fingers up and we both licked at them together as we kissed. That did it for me as a second later I pushed her panties off her and she giggled as she lifted her butt to make it easier.

I was up on one elbow and she looked up at me and said, "go ahead, I know you want to". With that she pulled back her legs a bit and encouraged me to go down on her and as I moved into position she said, "it's all yours tonight" and I knew she meant that for tonight I could dip into her used pussy.

My cock was rock hard but I really really wanted to feel her and be that close to her pussy. It was just like that 'first date' feeling again, exploring her pussy and not knowing totally what I'd find. She was still a bit 'open' and as I pushed my finger right in to her warm wetness there was no doubt it was semen, his semen, in her.

I closed my eyes and licked all around and I couldn't really think clearly, I wanted her so much. I could feel her body respond as I licked upwards and as I gently went around her clit I heard her moan and felt her hand on the back of my head; I loved feeling that. I pushed my tongue back inside her and felt her pussy spasm, tighten and then loosen and a much more noticeable taste appeared as I licked. Man, that did it for me; if I wasn't already there, I was after that. As her pussy relaxed I could taste much more tartness and I knew he'd cum, just as she'd said, very deep in her.

I've long said that there are moments that are defining as a cuckold and that was one of them for me. The way it made me feel at that moment was just incredible. Between loving knowing what she'd been doing and, yes, I loved knowing her lover had been there just as I would soon be. I also loved that moment where she felt open and comfortable enough with me to not feel she had to hide it from me. She knew what I'd soon be tasting in her and she confirmed it when we kissed a few moments later as I rubbed my cock at her vagina when she kissed me and said, "I can still taste him".

She pushed me up and away from her and held me with just the tip of my cock touching her. She watched my cock so obviously bobbing up and down between her legs and teased me one last time, "you ready to feel me again?" and then she cooed to me as I pushed just the tip in , "I hope you like how I feel". With that she relaxed and we both watched my cock slip into her.

The thing is, it was passionate, it wasn't physical. When I pushed all the way in, she wrapped her legs around me and pulled me tightly and I could feel her almost rocking back and forth beneath me as we hugged and kissed. All the while, her pussy feeling wetter and wetter despite how she held me; I think she may have even cum as we did that because when she relaxed again a few minutes later, it was heavenly fucking her; so so so silky smooth inside her.

Yes, she felt different. In my head I told myself she most definitely felt different, I told myself that she felt so loose because Robert's cock was huge and that he'd stretched her out. I told myself that every bit of squish and squelch that her pussy made was from how much cum he'd left in her.

Of course none of it was true. Yeah. she felt silky smooth and there was definitely this sense of her pussy feeling tired but the rest was 99.9% my imagination and fantasy. It didn't matter though, as we started to move up a gear she teased me right along with those thoughts in my head and when I realized she was doing that not just for me but for herself too, damn, we both started to really get into it. I told her how slick she felt 'from his cum' and she said how 'hot it was' when he'd cum in her.

It worked, we both got more and more frantic until, at the end, in between waves of cumming she'd encourage me, "harder, harder". I'd held off for a few days and it was worth it, we both came almost at the same time and she squealed at how hot it felt in her as I came.

For as good as that felt the moments just afterwards were equally or perhaps more important as we lay together with my cock still in her and we just kissed and hugged together.


We talked more over the past 2 days and it seems like she's not totally in charge when she's with him but she described herself as, "a lot of times being a little aggressive". She said that for the past few weeks that she's felt like she wants to tell him more of what she wants and what she enjoys but she said that it's not that he doesn't want it, it's more that she is guiding him at times.

From talking to her, it seems to me that she started this new track with him when she realized and came to terms with he wasn't going to go the route of the whole emotional affair that she'd thought originally. I didn't ask but I have my suspicions that maybe her deception when it comes to us may have played a role but I won't say that to her. Maybe he's reluctant to push her more sexually in light of his respect for her and my relationship' I just don't know.

She said that he's being just as amorous as he was before but she now feels she needs to guide him a bit. I didn't ask her for a lot of details as I'm not sure how she's really feeling about all of this; I'm not sure she knows how to deal with things. As she said, "you both want different things" and she said she's not totally sure of it all but said that my agreeing with her starting to wearing panties last week had, "really helped me". I guess, by my 'helping her', for lack of a better way to describe it, we are 'staying in role'.


We didn't have sex last night as we got caught up in some stuff with our son up at school and then had to have the obligatory ****** phone calls but today she's already hinted that when our ******** goes over her boyfriend's later this afternoon then it will be 'it's our time' and she's made it clear what she wants.


It's been interesting as we've talked about a lot of stuff in addition to her changing role with Robert. She keeps asking me how I feel about her 'not sharing her pussy' with me. I've told her that if it's what led to how we're feeling this week, then I'm feeling pretty excellent. She giggled at that and heartily agreed she feels the same and that I've left her VERY satisfied.

We haven't talked anything more about after this week, at least, not yet and she also hasn't said she is going to see him this week. If she were to tell me she wouldn't be long and would come home and let me have her afterwards, I'd even drive her there myself! However, I know that her focus on me this week is something that I think we both need.

It's been awesome reconnecting with her even if it has required some re-wiring of my mental fantasies back to physical ones! She's shared that she's come to enjoy knowing how I feel and that it is definitely what keeps her going. She actually said, "knowing that really helps me enjoy what we're doing". At one point she said that there have been lots of times when she's been doing her normal things; shopping in the foodstore; sitting at her desk at work; driving somewhere or even just hanging around the house, when she says that she'll suddenly think about sex and that she's 'only been with Robert' in weeks and that it will turn her on incredibly.

She said she was hesitant to admit that until she's heard me saying the exact same thing. She admits too that, "your fantasies have influenced mine" but it was more how she described it, that she'd be doing whatever and as the thought of her just fucking Robert would come over her she'd feel her pussy get aroused and, yes, wet. I told her that turned me on to think about to know that too.

I pushed a little bit and she did say that Robert is sometimes, as she put it, too respectful of our relationship. I told her that it probably would have been different if she hadn't deceived him about us and I asked her if she thought he might be confused by us.

She said that he'd asked about how I could be so agreeable and receptive to the amount of sex they're having together and she told him that he wasn't her first lover and that I 'make the best of it' and that I'm 'okay with it'. She hinted that she'd also shared with him that it turned me on and was something that was good for us but she said that he still did not understand it all and couldn't believe it might be true too. I asked her if she'd ever tell him the truth and she said maybe but that she doubted it.

I heard something in how she said that and I asked her what she thought of the future and she said again that when they didn't grow together emotionally, that she knew it wasn't going to be something that lasted a long time. She giggled and said that's why she's seeing him as much as she does because she doesn't think it's going to last more than the summer either.

She seemed sad about that but when I asked her she said again that it was too bad it didn't happen with him because, as she put it, "he was someone I could have fallen for".

I asked her if maybe she scared him off and she giggled that at first she thought it was clicking but now she's thinking that she may have confused his desire and want for her as something more than just physical desire. She joked with me that she doesn't have a lot of experience to really tell the difference and said that, "Peter was a long time ago now".

She said that she knew that when it hadn't really clicked between them emotionally this wasn't going to be a long-time thing. I again asked her if she was sad about that and she said that at first she was but that the sex was really good with him and once again she emphasized how big he is too and that kept her wanting to see him!

As best as I can explain it she said that over the past few weeks, that she'd become much more comfortable with this new direction and how she felt she could and would be more aggressive with him. She joked at one point that she wanted to get all she could out of this. After which she looked at me and asked me if I was still okay with it knowing that it's been mostly her desires that's driving things now. I held her tightly and said that I loved seeing this sexual side of her coming out again and that I loved the energy it was giving her and us.

Enough of the psychological stuff here, what we did talk about together was how incredibly aroused I am this week and how much I feel I need to fuck her this week. After we went at it again last night she looked up at me and said how horny I seem to be and she even commented on how thick and hard I feel to her.

As I lay next to her afterwards I told her that it turned me on incredibly to think that in another few days she'll put her panties back on and I'll again have to wait for her. She asked me if it was better or easier for me with her panties on or off. I told her that I loved seeing her naked and that seeing her and knowing I couldn't have her was really a turn-on but I then admitted that not seeing her and either only getting short or sneak peeks or having to leave it up to my brain was surprisingly and very strangely arousing.

She again told me that it was a lot easier for her if she wore panties. At times, such as Wednesday nights, she's very aware of what it does to me to see her wearing panties as I'm so obviously sexually aroused but at other times she says that it affects her too. I moved up on one elbow and looked at her as she talked. It was one of the first times she'd opened up like this.

She said that when she sees herself in the mirror as she dries her hair and she has panties on that it immediately reminds her of what she's doing and finds herself daydreaming about what they mean. She held my hand but didn't look at me when she said that she feels totally sexual when she lets herself think about only being with her lover. She said that sometimes when she sees me watching as she pulls up a pair of panties beneath her robe or a towel around her waist that she almost has mini orgasms from the arousal she sometimes feels. She confessed that sometimes she'll rub herself for just a second or two as she pulls the panties up and that she is amazed at how turned on she is that she can almost cum just from feeling her fingers at that moment.

I told her that I'd seen the expression on her face and thought it was sexual too. I held her hand back and said that I loved knowing 'these secrets' about her.

She pulled me close, hugged me and said that she loved me and that feeling us together, so comfortable together, was making her feel good. She looked at me last night and said that she needed this week of us being together to feel good about it all.


We haven't talked about beyond this week but I think it's obvious that she wants to take this thing with Robert as far as it'll go. She hasn't seen him this week and he'll be leaving tomorrow and won't be back till the end of the weekend.


It's the last page in this book so I will end here saying that last night as we were in bed and getting down to business I started to push her to tell me more about how he is with her. She's told me often enough that he's big; that she cums with him pretty easily and that he loves to cum in her but she's never really shared much in details. So last night I started to push her a bit and ask for more.

I learned that his favorite position is to be behind her while she's kneeling at the edge of the bed. She said with a smile, "he fills me up so good like that!" I could definitely see in my head how him being bigger could be good for her in that position.

I told her it turned me on to learn more about them together but she got a bit shy on me and said she'd talk more about it later on.


I'm still waiting.