Journal of a Journey - Book 48

She came home last night before 7pm and I didn't push her to share any details or more with me. I only asked if she'd had a good time to which answered, "Yes, thank you." Later in the evening she said that she appreciated what I was doing for her and 'separating things' which I took to mean that she would like to exclude me when she's been with Robert.

We didn't talk about anything else last night other than that she wanted to think about things and that we'd talk tonight.

I had the whole day to think about things right through to lying there next to her as she fell asleep. I hadn't asked more or pushed further but the sentiment was clear that she remains driven in this by knowing I am enjoying this and her treatment of me. However, I'm still not sure how she'd be if I were to not enjoy it. I think perhaps she would pull back from this somewhat more extreme situation that we are exploring but that, the psychological side of it, is a conversation for another day.

I recognise that she is extending her time with Robert, she's already admitted to doing that but now she is going further and has said that she preferred it if we didn't do anything, or rather , I didn't do anything tonight with her too. She admitted there were times today when she could still 'feel him', be it wet or, as she put it, 'well fucked' (a glass of wine helped ease her tongue) that she loves it and didn't want me to spoil that feeling.

She asked me openly how I was about this to which I responded and asked her if that meant it was going to be something that became more infrequent for us. I think she knew that I wanted an honest answer and not say something that would just make me feel good. She paused for a second and then said, "Yes, if I was okay with it, that maybe after this weekend that I'd like to try it."

I think I made a dejected sound because she immediately said, " ... but only if it's working for us" and added she wanted me to tell her if it wasn't. I didn't really know what to say other than an 'OK' and she said that's this is just what she wants us to be able to do on Wednesdays, to let us talk and, if it's good for me, it was kind of a time for us to be close and for her to share in my pleasure.

She asked me how the blow-job was last weekend and I told her it was incredible. She giggled and said, "that's always an option too; you know, you can ask me for that if you want to. Now I'm with Robert, I don't mind doing it for you every now and then if you want." That was interesting to hear!

The reality is that as she's said, he is respectful of Suzanna and my marriage and despite my 'knowing' about her having a lover, he apparently doesn't see it as a place for him to intrude into. I again asked my question to her about whether Robert ever wants anything more from her in the context of, "doesn't he ever want to do anything with you other than have sex; doesn't he ever want to go out or anything?"

She smiled and said that he has asked whether she could stay over for dinner instead of running home sometimes, either going out to eat or staying in. I asked her if she wanted to 'date' him instead of just being an FWB and vice-versa.

She giggled and said that, "he's a pretty horny guy" and then added that they have gone out on Fridays after they've split up after work but, in general, she said he's reluctant to ask her for more time because again of how he feels about her and me.

I took that to mean that he's satisfied with getting laid 3x a week and going out along with one of those times isn't such a bad deal.

I think her eager offering of blow-jobs for me and the promise of perhaps some increased intimacy between us on Wednesdays may help alleviate my neediness...

I am still trying to let her lead this and to not push her or feel needy. It is incredibly exciting to see her behaving like this though. It’s like she's a teenager almost all over again and is a place where she seems to exude sexuality everywhere. At least in my head she does, seeing , a hand or arm or leg and just thinking about her soft-skin touching mine is enough to get me hard lately.

I asked her if there was anything more she wanted to share and she joked for a second and said that what he wanted most she couldn't give him, a child of his own. He still considers that a 'must' for him. I know that she's already said it won't be her but I floated the thought of what would happen if he found someone else who would have his kids. She just shrugged her shoulders and simply said again that it won’t be with her and even though she was in a jokey mood there was still a sombre element to the way she said it.

With the cat now well out of the bag, I've already admitted that I don't think I could exercise any sort of veto power for the longer term and I suspect that she may always have a lover going out into the future. If I had to guess, I think a year or so from now when our ******** is heading off to college that this is all going to slow down substantially but, right now, things we are doing is what is going to define how the future works for us.

For the moment I've essentially agreed to leave her alone after she's been with Robert in exchange for more open talk about what's going on, increased talk between us on Wednesdays including more openness on her part and a random blow-job here and there. That's not to say I'll never get to at least play with her but she says she'd like to guide that to start with. She's also agreed that she'll still let me 'have some fun' with her at least once a week too.


She's downstairs right now fussing around with some laundry but she's left me so on edge. When she came in just before dinner she kissed me and as we got things ready to put on the table she whispered, "you can have some fun with me tonight if you want".

That was all she said, all she needed to say. I hugged her and kissed her and then after dinner I came up to her at the sink and kissed the back of her neck. She turned and shooed me away and as she did she reached down and cupped my cock and said, "Hmm, feels like he's ready too".

I know it sounds strange but in some ways I think I look forward to Wednesdays perhaps more than anything else (except of course the feel of her after so many weeks) but when things are clicking and as hot as they now feel between us to lie there and masturbate with and for her, it just feels wonderful.

My mind is forever working overtime and I wonder about Suzanna finding another lover post-Robert and if she found her 'true affair' partner whether that would turn into a poly-situation. Mind you this would have to be after our ******** has gone off to college and even so I don't see that happening. For right now, she most definitely wants the lover to be one who 'wants her and I don't think she will ever be into the 'my 2 husband' thing.

I do think though, that if she lives out her desires, to experience whatever it is she's now feeling she wants that perhaps things will relax back into more of a hotwife situation. Perhaps when the day-to-day stresses are eased up with our kids out of the house and life becoming simpler again that perhaps her need to separate things; the need to feel somewhat exclusive with her lover to achieve the feelings and experience she wants. Perhaps then that will ease up to where she will once again be able to let herself go as easily at home again with me (as it was long ago) as well as to feel relaxed enough to also share time with a lover as well.


Robert wants to have children but he knows Suzanna is no longer fertile and in any case there's just no way she'd ever want to go through raising kids again. Even taking this to the most extreme, if she perhaps truly fell for him and he for her, that there's just no way she'd deal with another kid regardless of whether it was surrogated, adopted or a genuine miracle for herself. That there's just no way that she'd want to not have our own lives back again until she was past 70! Crazy thinking.


I've never asked if they 'play with the thought of her becoming pregnant' as they have sex. She's never really told me about any of their dirty-talk together other than in general and somewhat vague terms. I don't know if he has pet-names for her breasts and pussy; I don't know if they've fantasized together about anything. It's actually quite arousing NOT knowing. Strange as it sounds, I am much more comfortable with her being this engrossed with someone who is a stranger to me than someone who I've met. I know I enjoyed watching and being a part of when she's been with a lover in the past but I have to say it is decidedly more arousing in many ways and far less threatening to simply not know and not have seen it.


10:30pm rolled around and we told our ******** that 'mom and *** were going to bed' and I think my cock became hard just walking into the bedroom. She turned and kissed me and couldn't wait to tell me she'd had a 'really fun' time with him earlier. She giggled when she reached down and felt my hard cock. I dimmed the lights and started to get undressed and when I turned around she was already undressed and stood there naked.

I had the most intensely arousing feeling sweep over me, seeing her standing there; seeing her somewhat still swollen breasts; the flush of colour over her body; the damp curly hair between her legs and peeking out her swollen pussy lips and at the same time feeling my cock throb in stiffness and to know that she doesn't want me to fuck her. I can't explain why it turns me on but there was no doubting my arousal at all last night. I loved knowing that she'd enjoyed her lover earlier, that her pussy definitely still carried his cum and that he'd definitely sucked at and grabbed at her breasts as they'd fucked. I think what I love the most was knowing she'd stood there just like that in front of him.

She giggled at how I stood staring at her and she came up to me and we hugged so that I felt the warmth from her body against mine. It felt really erotic to be so close to her, to feel her against me and to know that I won't be fucking her. I was overwhelmed by the need to lie back and jerk-off with her.

As we moved towards the bed I asked, "are you in a 'sharing mood'?"

She giggled and said, "why, is that what you want?"

I pushed her back onto the bed and from her playful reply I knew she was okay with it and wanted it. I kissed her again and worked my way down her body. I know she felt my stiff cock rubbing against her leg and I was so turned on thinking that it was just inches from her pussy but that I wasn't going to fuck her tonight! It is just such an intense moment to realize that it's what I want. It's so weird to say it but I think I genuinely love knowing that she doesn't want me to fuck her.

I sucked at her hard nipples and she moaned as I moved from one to the other until I felt her hands on my head. She was moaning and then as she felt me kissing my way down her stomach she moved up onto her elbows and as I got closer to her pussy she said in this sexy voice, "remember baby, just the outside, okay?". I didn't look up at her but just let out this involuntary moan.

I think I was shaking a little as I reached the top edge of her pubes. She moaned but was still up on her elbows as I pulled back and began running my hands down her body and as they reached her legs, I gently pushed them apart and she seemed eager to comply. I swear I thought I'd cum just by rubbing my cock against her leg as she spread her legs and I saw all of her. The nub of her clit at the top was sticking out but at the bottom as she pulled her knees up and apart, oh my god, even the thought of it gets me hard now. Her vagina was open and it was glistening inside and as she pulled her knees back her labia slowly pulled apart and revealed just how she looked to him. The entrance to her vagina and deeper inside was almost a crimson red and oozing out was his cum. All I could think of was Robert's big cock pounding away at her and him cumming inside where I was just about to lick.

Again I was just stuck in place, staring at her, until she wiggled her butt and slid down the bed a bit and thrust herself upwards towards my face. I was totally in lust with the sight and when I looked back up at her it was to see her staring at me . She smiled and said, "go on".

I held her gaze as I licked her gently upward from the middle up to her now protruding clit. She closed her eyes as she felt my tongue and then still up on her elbows, laid her head back as I reached her clit. I turned away from her and looked down at her pussy and as I did so I felt her hand on the back of my head.

I wished so much I could have stuck my tongue deep into her and sucked at her gaping pussy but I knew she didn't want me to do that so I licked all around and all around the outside of her vagina just outside the entrance and at the bottom as the wetness seeped out.

I'll say it because I know that Suzanna loves knowing that I enjoy and like tasting cum in her pussy. It's incredibly erotic to know that another guy came in her and she's sharing it with me this way. The more I got her aroused with my fingers and tongue, the more that would seep out of her driving me crazy.

I started to lick at her clit in earnest and she leaned forward and pushed my head away and said. "not too much, I told you". As I leaned back in she said, "just a little more, okay?” I moaned back a reluctant, "uh huh".

She must have felt my tongue down at her entrance again because she let out a little giggle and seemed to bear-down just a bit, a second later there was a noticeable trickle of what was obviously Robert's cum that came out of her. I have never felt anything so erotically arousing before. It became even more intense when she pushed my head away a few seconds later and sexily said, "okay, that's enough".

I didn't want to leave her pussy but I also knew she didn't want and wouldn't let me have anymore. I was not surprised that she didn't want me to make her cum even though it would have been very easy for me to do so; I knew that this was really almost an extension of her time with Robert. When I realized she was serious that she'd had enough (I am laughing out loud at myself when I say) I almost jumped off of her into place next to her!

She giggled as she leaned over and said how horny it makes her to know she's going to watch me masturbate. I felt her hand on mine and then guide it to my cock and it felt very erotic to feel her move my hand to start me stroking. I didn't need much encouragement.

As I stroked away I asked her to tell me about her night if she wanted. She giggled and said, "you like hearing all of this... so okay".

She wasn't as emotional as she was more on the physical side as she told me, "... how horny Robbie seemed tonight..." and I laughed and commented something about, "even after Monday?" She looked up at me and said, "remember how you used to be 10+ years ago". She told me how physical he seemed with her compared to Monday and how she could, "really feel him deep".

I knew I wasn't going to need to hear much more, I was already so worked up from earlier. I think she knew it too because she sort of lay down next to me and I swear she rubbed her breasts and nipples against my arm on purpose as she snuggled up next to me. She started to whisper how she felt herself start to cum when he entered her. I'm sure she could tell by both my heart rate as well as the rate my hand was moving that I was more and more turned on.

When she whispered how she, "love feeling him cum in me when I was underneath him", that was it. It couldn't have been more than 5 minutes after I'd started jerking-off that I was spewing all over and I do mean cumming! It seemed like I was 10+ years younger from how it felt and more so from how Suzanna squealed and then oooh-ed as it kept on spurting out of me with each stroke.

I loved it, the feeling of freedom at that moment; I love sharing it with her, letting her see my pleasure with her own eyes just as I can see hers. I know that she could have easily cum if she had been masturbating herself at the time from how she moaned as she lay next to me. Indeed, I'm not totally that sure she didn't cum herself without masturbating!

A moment later I lay there exhausted with my cock still thickened but laying limp on my thigh and then she surprised me by leaning forward and sucking it into her mouth and then licking it off. I wasn't surprised when she came up to me and gave me a deep kiss.

I could barely move but it felt so erotic tasting my own tangy cum on her lips. A second later I felt her fingers doing her usual of collecting the spurts of cum off my stomach into a pool but then she surprised me again when she leaned forward and began to suck and lick it off my stomach. I held my breath until she came up and again shared a very passionate snowball-kiss with me. As our kiss ended, she encouraged me and teased me to kiss all around her lips and face to clean and lick off anything sticky left behind just as she did the same for me.

I lay there motionless as she lay back and started to talk to me. She said she wanted me, "to cum one more time and then ... ", she cooed sexily in my ear, " ... I want you horny for the weekend".

I rolled my head towards her and said, "yeah, really, you and me again this weekend?"

She smiled and said, "uh huh .... I want you again". I told her that she didn't have to do it if she didn't want to. She almost immediately asked me, "So, uh, don't you want to?”

I immediately pulled her face towards me and kissed her passionately and told her, "I most definitely want my turn with you again this weekend! I've been looking forward to it since Memorial Day"

She giggled and with a huge smile on her face said, "mmm ..... I love you" and she then snuggled in next to me.

I did not talk too much with her beyond that perhaps because it was a bit different from last night in that there were no big revelations, at least not before the first time she'd have me masturbating with her. We watched TV and talked idly about the weather and whatever for a little while until I guess she saw my hand reaching down and unconsciously adjusting my cock. Her hand followed and she giggled and said, "is he ready for more?”

It'd been about 30 minutes and, yes, I was ready for a second time. She kissed my cheek and said again, "I do love to watch you".

This time though, she added to my pleasure and did tease me a bit. She told me how much she likes that she can be 'all Robbie’s' for all this time; told me how much she likes that 'just my lover gets to cum in me' and how she likes seeing me cum 'knowing it's not going in me'. All her teasing brought my cock to full mast!

I told her that I wanted to feel her again this weekend and she cooed, "you'll get to baby, I want to share this with you" and she proceeded to tell me how incredibly sexy she's felt about all of this and how wonderful I've been about it. Then she went back to teasing me again, this time she said, "so, you think you can last 3 weeks next time?". I grunted back something like, "we can try" and she giggled and said, "that's going to be a long time for you .... especially knowing I'll be seeing him you know".

Oh man did that give me a jolt and I felt the pre-cum start to dribble all over. She must have seen it too because a second later she moved and I didn't know what she was doing until I felt her tongue lick at the tip of my cock against my hand. I swear if she had done it for a second longer that I'd have cum right then but she pulled back and said, "come on baby, you know you want to cum". I was stroking away and I guess she thought I needed a little more stimulation because a second later I felt her hand cupping my balls and heard her say, "come on". That was it, whew, I felt my balls tighten up in her hand and I felt the cum fly! She cooed out loud as I stroked through my orgasm and said with a giggle, "wow, that's a lot for your second time baby...." as the spurting finished. I took my hand away and let my cock flop free.

She snuggled up next to me and lay down and kissed me. She whispered in my ear and said how horny that watching me made her and, " .... looks like you really enjoyed that". All I could do was moan, "uh huh....".

She kissed me again and then we were both quiet for few moments before she leaned up and again started pushing all of my cum towards one pool. She brought it to my mouth on her fingers and it felt intensely erotic when she leaned down and kissed me while her fingers were still in my mouth.

I'd like to say that we talked about all sorts of stuff but we did not. Instead I think we were both a little tired out and instead of talking about sexy stuff, we just held hands as we watched something on TV. To be honest, I was asleep before the show was over.
*******

She got home about 10:30pm last night. Our ******** was out at some friends and wasn't due back for another hour so we had a little time to ourselves.

I looked at Suzanna and it was quite obvious to me that they'd been busy. There was something about her odd gait when she walked and I could only imagine why!

There was torrential rain last night and not too many people joined the after-work group and they broke up early. Suzanna said that as far as they know, no one suspects anything between her and Robbie. Apparently they left the bar unnoticed and she said they were at his house before 7pm. From what she described I figured that they had been together for at least a couple of hours and it just turned me on to think it had been more than just a 'quickie' there with her.

She kissed me and we went upstairs. She gave me another hug and stepping out of her panties went toward the bathroom and said, "the weekend starts tomorrow, right?” I knew what that meant and my mind immediately went back to what she'd done two weeks earlier. She walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I picked up her panties and there was a pantie-pad in them that was visibly wet. She came out a moment later, saw me holding them and giggled and said quietly as she took them from my hand that, "... he's always so horny on Friday nights".

Without missing a beat she then turned and asked me if they could maybe be 'more random for when we get together?' She said he's finding it difficult to have to shuffle his schedule around at times to fit in the Monday/Wednesday/Friday timetable and wanted to know if it could be more 'when we want it'. She didn't wait for my answer but immediately added that, of course, she'd always check with me about the weekends but that she wanted to know if she could see him like maybe Monday/Tuesday/Thursday one week and that maybe some weeks that it won't be 3x.

I grinned at her and said, "Won't be 3x; maybe you're thinking more than that?"

She laughed back at me as she pulled on her night-shirt and said, "I was thinking of only 2 times but ... " she giggled, " ... I suppose it could be more". A second later she looked at me and said, "you pervert!".

I giggled back and reminded her of the saying about the pot calling the kettle black.

We went back down stairs and I followed her into the kitchen and she immediately turned to me and said, "thank you". I was confused and she said, "thank you for not pushing me upstairs just now". I didn't say anything as I didn't even realize what I'd done but as she turned and got herself something to eat I thought about it and realized that I'd just stood there as she got changed in front of me and all we did was talk.

I felt my cock getting hard as I stood there thinking about it and realized how I have now I guess become a bit submissive toward her becoming more dominant. It's weird when it happens naturally and it's now that I have come to really realize it.

Our ******** came home and we said our goodnights and we all made our ways to our bedrooms. When we got washed up for bed Suzanna pulled off her panties which she had only just changed into when she had herself come home an hour earlier. They were now wet from I guessed his cum seeping out. I didn't miss that sight and I can't quite explain the intense thrill of arousal that I felt sweep over me. She pulled her night shirt back down and turned to look at me and said that she was tired and, " ... remember 2 weeks ago."

Oh my god, did I remember 2 weeks ago. She looked at me and said, just as she had two 2 weeks ago, "you can spoon up and put it in me but just for a little bit" and then she turned and looked up at me and said, "... but take it easy this time; nothing hard or deep ...." and with this incredibly sexy smile on her face added, " ... please?”

I knew she wanted to enjoy the night still feeling him in her but I also knew she wanted to offer this to me. I didn't pass on it as my cock was hard already as I slid over next to her.

She reached between her legs and giggled when she felt how hard I was and how full my balls felt. "Tomorrow baby, you'll want me so much ... okay?"

What could I possibly say in response?

She turned away from me and turned the lights off and I slowly moved in behind her. Again she seemed to guide my movement and, wow, her pussy felt so hot when she rubbed the tip of my cock against it. She rubbed it around and it felt so wet. She moaned and said, "easy ... " as she put it at her opening and then, " ... you stay still" and she wiggled her butt around and took the tip of my cock inside her. She turned her head to me and said, "OK, just a little" and then I felt her lean forward and relax and I knew she was going to let me fuck her for a moment.

Oh my god, lying on her side she was so much tighter than I'd had in my head but once my cock slipped in, it was heaven. I felt this slick wetness throughout and I slowly pushed deeper and deeper into her until I was all the way in. She moaned as I pulled her hips tight and then I pulled back slowly. I gave another moan as I pulled out and she must have heard me because it caused her to turn around and say, "just one more, okay?" I nodded and with a sigh she turned away, arched her back towards me as I pushed in again.

If I would have let myself, I probably could have cum on that second stroke. Just the heat of the moment but as I pushed deeper, this time she reached her hand behind and pushed me back before I got all the way in. She almost hissed, "I told you to go easy; I told you!"

I tried to say I was going easy but by then it was too late and she'd already pulled off of me. She turned and rolled towards me and gave me a peck on the cheek and said, "Save it for tomorrow, okay baby?” She then reached down and felt my throbbing cock and as if she was talking to someone else said, "Will you wait?”

I gave her a dejected kind of 'okay......' knowing I was going to lay there with this wet stiff cock for the next 15-20 minutes while it calmed down. She kissed me and then suddenly went under the covers and quickly licked and sucked my cock clean. I didn't even realize what she was doing until she was done and she re-appeared and kissed me again, this time tasting the strong taste of what 'someone' had left in her from earlier.

I honestly don't know how I held off from throwing off the blankets and either ****** her or jerking off madly .... but I did.

I felt her get up sometime in the night and I thought probably to pee or something like that. However, when I woke this morning I found that she'd gone and gotten a towel that she'd laid on all night rather than staining the sheets as has become the norm lately. She giggled and said, "You caused some of that you know; you stirred me all up last night, mmm, you felt so big." She made me feel like a million dollars especially when she kissed me and said, "we are going to have some fun later...." and that's how she left it.

She's gone out grocery shopping and I'm waiting for her to come home with some lunch in a little while and then to see how the afternoon or evening is going to go. Right now I can't even focus on doing stuff around here while I'm thinking about her. The bounce in her step, the smile on her face, the laugh in her voice; it's almost intoxicating feeling like I want her more and more.


There’s no doubt that Suzanna is taking a dominant role and I admit that although I was reluctant to see it now that I do, it's incredible to behold. I actually want to say that this is what I've been looking for in her; it is so much more reminiscent of our earliest days where she was very forthcoming in how and when she liked sex.

I think back to some of our earliest times when we were just starting to date. We'd carpool sometimes and on the way home to her parents place (she lived at home for a while after her divorce) we'd stop off in a park or wherever and we'd fuck in the car and each and every time with me leaving a huge hot load inside her. She'd pull up her panties/pantyhose and we'd go back to her parent’s maybe to hang around a little or sometimes go for dinner and the whole while knowing she's wet from me. Thing was she wanted it back then, she wanted to feel me; she even told me way back when that she liked how it felt.

So, when it came to Friday night and maybe I should have had my turn with her I knew she wanted to wait till Saturday. I knew it even before she'd come home just as I knew that she was going to be tired and wasn't going to be in the mood for more energetic sex with me. So while she did allow me to put my cock in her, she did that for me because she knew I wanted to and that she knew it'd turn me on.

I subconsciously knew that even though she said I could leave my cock in her for a little while that I wasn't going to be able to have that much self-control but I was content to have the feeling of her sharing her (almost) just-fucked pussy with me. It was such an incredible thing to feel and it instantly told me just how passionate her evening was without me.


I know what she said yesterday was honest, that she genuinely wanted me but that I would have to wait. That became apparent and made real when about 4pm she came up to me while I was working outside. She had on a thin t-shirt and obviously no bra underneath as I could see the shape of her nipples. She was wearing these sexy almost daisy-duke shorts which I recognised as belonging to our ******** so I figured she must not be around. She crooked her finger to me and turned on her heel and went inside the house.

I followed her back inside and up in our bedroom and she suggested I undress her (what little she had on) as she said, "now that we have some privacy, it's your turn honey .... I really want you". As I unbuttoned and pulled off her clothes she apologized again to me about Friday night but then asked me "I know it turns you on, is it okay that you just feel me a little?”

I groaned at her and with that she undid my shorts, took out my rock-hard cock and said, " Mmm, I see it does!". As she started to stroke she kissed me and again said, "thank you"

I mumbled something like, "for what?"

She said, "For being patient with me like last night".

I wanted to let her know that it was okay. I told her that I knew she didn't want to end and spoil her time with Robert by having me last night. She hugged me and said that she was happy I understood that because she didn't know how exactly to explain how she felt. She then said in this sexy sounding voice that it was something she hoped I was okay with and that she'd appreciated it how I'd 'left her alone' all week. She kissed me and said that she loved feeling 'him still in me' then she looked up at me and said, "I can douche if you want; he's really cum a lot in me this week."

She said it in a serious way but knew that asking such a thing would turn me on. I suspected she also wanted some reassurance from me again that I was okay with it. I told her, "yeah, I know, he gets you more than I do".

She came close to me and said, "are you sure you're okay with all of this?”

I turned to her and kissed her and said, "as long as that's all he gets more of" or something like that implying that I was concerned that he might be taking more of her than just her physically.

She hugged me and said very clearly, "Honey, I love you and nothing will ever change that ... he may have more sex but he'll never have my heart".

I didn't need to hear anything more. How she said it; the emotion I felt in what she said and the deep hug we shared, said everything to me.

I told her that I wanted her just as she was and that as I helped get her undressed I told her that I don't think I'd felt this much desire for her in years. She giggled and said, "I'm horny too!" A moment later we were both naked rolling on the bed.

I ran my hand down between her legs and she willingly spread them. She was wet and I could tell some was from her from how slick she felt but I could also tell that she was still wet from his semen in her. She giggled at how wet she seemed to be almost always now. I moaned back that 'he seems to cum a lot in you' which brought this deep sexy moan from her and she said, "I want you to feel it".

A moment later I was kneeling between her legs and she was holding my cock rubbing it up and down her slit. She'd let me push into her just a bit and then she'd pull me back out and each time it released a dribble of wetness from her before she'd let me push back into her a little deeper.

I don't know if it's ever going to be something I grow tired of, the feeling of her pussy, her body, after she's been fucked. It's incredible and gives me such an indescribable stimulation. The wetness and openness of her pussy, feeling her a bit more loose, knowing I can push into her a bit more easily and quickly because she's been stretched out by his big cock and, of course, knowing that she's wet from his cum.

She looked up at me and said, "I can clean it out if you want" meaning she'd douche for me. I told her that I didn't want her to and that I loved how she felt.

I don't know if she realised what she was saying but she then said, "I like doing it before I go to see Robert again".

It stuck in my head all afternoon and all night and now is still there, she was telling me that she washes out my cum but she'll leave his alone afterwards. I didn't ask her anything more about this but I will later tonight when she goes and douches after we fucked before bed later as I expect she will.


I have to say that she definitely seems like she can get to orgasm much more easily and quickly now.

She teased me a bit about, "how much he cums" and that combined with everything else set us in motion for another intense climax. I was starting to get frantic and I knew she was totally into it by the end when she was thrusting her pussy up at each thrust I'd take at her, grinding her nub against my curly pubes and feeling her start to tremble. Finally she knew I was ready and, wow, she pulled her own legs back and apart and as I really got into it and just as I was about to cum I felt her whole body shake and I felt the unmistakeable feeling of her pussy seeming to milk my cock. That was it, I let loose and my first squirts make her squeal out loud as she shuddered under me. I could feel her body trembling but I was way too busy focused on plunging deeper and deeper into her with each spurt until I just pushed in and stayed put as the last dribbles were drawn out of me.

She still had her eyes closed a bit as I came to a rest against her and then she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me as we shared the last tremors of our orgasms. It may not have been exactly simultaneous but there was no doubt we were together in passion. She held me close and whispered how she loves feeling me wanting and needing her so bad. I hugged her tightly and said that I missed feeling her so close but now loved how we felt like we were one.

I felt my cock getting softer and a moment or two later I pushed up onto my elbows and both of our eyes locked on where my cock was still imbedded in her pussy. Of course the knowledge that she's shared this moment with Robert many times was in my head but it didn't matter because at that moment all that mattered to me was feeling her sweet slickness as I playfully thrust my softened cock in and out of her.

She giggled and said, "did you enjoy that?!” I kissed her and just nodded a 'yes'.

A moment or two later my now soft cock slipped out of her and she giggled and said, "now it's you who's made quite a mess" as she lay there with her legs still spread. She looked up at me and saw me staring at her well-used pussy and said, "you can have it if you want, go on".

She knows me so well and a second later I was leaning down and licking gently all around her pussy. I could taste my own cum mixed with whatever else was still remaining and a moment later she put her hand on the back of my head and cooed, "you can go inside now if you want."

I put my thumbs on both sides of her vagina and pushed it apart and open and revealed my own thick cum coating her. I relished fucking her with my tongue and tasting all that was there. I felt her hand tighten against the back of my head and I realized she'd wanted me to make her cum one more time so I used both my tongue and finger, my tongue licking at her clit and my finger reaching inside and massaging the rough-spot of her g-spot. She started to moan and arch her back to push her pussy towards my mouth and as I probed I felt her again tighten and then shake gently as yet another, milder, orgasm rolled over her.

When she came down from that high I slithered up next to her and kissed her and we shared the taste of all 3 of us.

That was just the afternoon. About 10:30pm we were back in the bedroom to do it all again!


Last night when we got into bed she rolled towards me and sidled up to me and she ran her hands up and down my body while saying to me how lucky she was. She looked at me and said that she was happy that I was content and that she was very much enjoying the 'new aspects' of our relationship. Then she said it, she said that she is learning more about what turns me on and that she was surprised at how 'rewarding' (her words) the 'limited sex' has been between us. She said that she hasn't felt this alive in a long time and she thanked me again for letting her enjoy herself and not having to worry about me.

I wasn't sure where this conversation was going at first, it was kind of an odd out-of-the-blue discussion, until a minute later she leaned over, kissed me and ran her hand down to my boxers and gave my cock a squeeze and said, "think he's up for another round?"

Damn if I didn't stiffen right up with her hand on it and she even giggled and said, "looks like Robbie's not the only one who wants seconds". A second later she disappeared under the blanket and proceeded to suck me to full hardness. When I was fully hard she came up and grinned and said, "looks like he's ready .... I’m still wet from you this afternoon ... you can probably just get right in." Sure enough, just a few moments with my fingers between her pussy lips she opened up like a flower waiting for me. Even in the dim light I could see her pussy gaping at me and inviting me in.

I pushed into her and she giggled at me and asked, "do I feel any different?" I told her that I wasn't sure it was a good time to ask. She persisted, "I mean in general, silly ..... I've been doing some kegels ..... or do you like me feeling looser ... knowing how it got that way?"

She continued to tease and at one point she relaxed her pussy completely and said, "see how loose I can make it for you". I guess she felt my cock start to throb at that because she teased me more and said, "My pussy gets tired after Robbie's been at it for a while .. but it feels so good afterwards".

Since she'd been so 'busy' this week and she'd cum pretty hard earlier, I wasn't sure if this was just a good quick fuck for me or if she was going to really get into it. I had my answer a few moments later as she slid herself down the bed more and positioned herself underneath me. As I held her legs back I saw that one hand was pinching her nipples going from one breast to the other and the other hand was now between our legs rubbing at her clit. The more I plunged into her, the faster she rubbed herself and the wetter she got to the point that there was slurping and sloshing noises each time I plunged in and a thin foam started to appear around the base of my cock.

After 30 years I can tell when she's on the edge and from looking down at her seeing her eyes closed, head thrashing back and forth, and the way she was moving rhythmically with me, I knew she was going to cum again. I loved knowing she was going to cum while we were fucking and it was me that was causing it. There's something just so rewarding to feel, when you can feel your woman respond deeply like that.

It spurred me on and when I put a few fantasy-visions in my head I found myself on the verge too. I looked down at her and she had her eyes open and we looked at each other and after another few seconds of fucking, as we held each other's gaze I felt my orgasm start to spew in her. A second later I watched her eyes glaze over and sort of roll back as she shook under me and held me tightly.


Suzanna and I had some comparatively serious discussions last night (before and after sex) about pretty much everything. I think I touched on all the important things that I'd been wondering about and plus some others.

The obvious one that we talked was about the weekend; sex between us and the next 3 weeks. She came to me and suggested we go upstairs and talk about things so that the weekend ended the way we both wanted. She teased me about my wanting to be sure I had enough sex with her this weekend and this led us into the larger discussion.

I have still doubts that she wanted to have sex with me this weekend but unless she's acting (in which case she should win an Oscar) I have to believe her when she tells me that she feels that the sex we've been having on 'our weekends' has been excellent. She even used the words 'surprisingly good' and said that she hasn't been able to cum that hard or that much with me unless we've gone away or been alone for a few days.

I told her that I felt the same way, that it seemed weird that the less we have it, the more intense it is. She smiled and said that she too hadn't felt this type of desire or even need to feel sexual with me like this in a long time and she added that she hasn't been able to orgasm as deeply with me in the past as she has this past weekend and back on Memorial Day weekend.

With that as a starting point, I felt very comfortable opening up with her. I told her how hesitant I was about starting all of this but that over the past month I'd become more sure that this really did turn me on. I told her that I find myself incredibly turned on to think (at that point) we'd only had sex 4 or 5 times in the past month and I think my voice cracked a little when I said that I knew she'd been with him like 10 or 11 times.

She held my hand tightly and said that it wasn't the amount that was important, but more what it meant for us and that she loved me, maybe now more than ever (her words). I didn't say it then but it was also in my mind that he probably came in her twice most, if not all of those times, when she'd been with him ... but we weren't talking about that just yet.

I told her that I was a little concerned about just how much she was seeing him and what she was thinking about in terms of him and what the rest of the summer might be like.

She proceeded to tell me that she hasn't felt like this in years, that she felt like a teenager again when she was with him and she giggled that he's as horny as one too. I mumbled something about that being apparent!. I asked her about seeing so much of him and she said that's why she said what she did last week about their time being more flexible. I again asked her if this was her way of saying she wanted to see more of him. She giggled again and said that it was actually the opposite and, "... I need a break too sometimes" and patted her pussy.

That led us into a bit of a discussion where she asked me if it bothered me that he came so much in her and it led to her telling me about how she feels afterwards and how sexual it makes her feel to be able to still feel his semen in her the next day or after that.

I started to tell her that it turned me on when she continued and said, "We used to fuck a lot more way back when" and she admitted that constantly feeling his stuff still in her makes her horny and makes her want him all over again. I asked her if she liked or didn't like me going down on her after they'd been together and she said that she loves it when she's in the mood for it but also admitted that sometimes she just wanted to enjoy that feeling just herself afterwards.

Eventually this came back to her again asking me if it bothered me that he cums so much inside her. I told her that it did turn me on a lot to know that she was almost always wet from him and she smiled and admitted that she found it to be really arousing. She didn't mention and I didn't ask but the thought of her body absorbing all of his stuff was on my mind.

She wanted to know about what I was thinking about for us for the next 3 weeks and wanted to hear from me whether I still wanted her to do it.

I told her what I've said many times, that the thought of not having sex with her while knowing she is having sex with her lover is just incredibly overpowering for me. I told her openly that it turns me on so much and that while I know it sounds crazy, that I still wanted to do it.

I then asked her how she's going to feel only having sex with Robert for all this time. She came close to me, held my hand and said that she hasn't felt this turned on and aroused in so long that she just feels that she wants to do it and 'see what happens'. She reminded me that's what we'd agreed to, that we would do this as long as it was still working for both of us. She reached down and felt my hard cock and said, "I guess it's working for you!".

I told her that it was the hardest thing I'd ever done, to know that, "after tonight I won't get to have you again for another 3 weeks".

She giggled and said that she felt the same way, that each time we have a spectacular weekend together that she too feels some of the same feelings afterwards. That's when she said that she was hoping that letting me have fun with her some of the time would make it easier for me and make us feel more connected. She also added that 'there are times' when she just wants, "... to enjoy feeling him for longer".

I'm sure that there's a lot more to tell but as strange as it may sound, in short, all is good.

She was very relieved to hear that all of this still really turns me on and that I don't mind masturbating more now since we don't have sex all that much. We talked briefly about our 'Wednesday ritual' and she says that when she thinks about it, that I cum more now from masturbating than having sex with her, that she finds herself very turned on by thinking about it; how it seems to be almost better for us now. I had to admit that I did miss fucking her, feeling her pussy, and she said she did miss that with me too but that she knows that overall, she is far more turned on by all of what we're doing together (and apart) than she has probably ever been.

In the midst of all of this discussing, that we found ourselves naked in bed and almost without realizing it, started to fuck. She thought and was right that after Saturday night, that I might need/want some teasing and taunting and she let it out when we got down to business. She told me how I'd better enjoy her now because I will be waiting for a longer time. She did tease me with a giggle that, "maybe we'll work something out for Father’s day; maybe you can pull out of me or something!" Damn that really hit me.


The weekend ended in the usual way. I pulled out of her and as we cuddled and hugged she looked at me smiling and asked if I wanted to help 'clean up'. I told her that 'I'd love to' and she got up on her elbows and watched as I moved between her legs and spread her pussy apart. She told me to 'do a good job' adding 'you can go inside too if you want'. I licked and played with her pussy with my fingers for few minutes which bought her to a mild orgasm after which she pushed my head back and said, "okay, that's enough for now".

I came up and gave her a kiss and she said she liked tasting our combined flavor on my lips. After that she got leaned up on her elbows and said, "I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm going to douche."

That was when I finally said to her, "why do you do that every Sunday night after we're together?”

She turned and sat next to me on the bed, held my hand and said, "it's just something that makes me feel sexy".

I asked her how washing out my cum made her feel sexy and she said, "do you really want to know?"

I nodded my head and she said, "it makes me feel like it's the end of our time together and it makes me really horny to think that I'm getting cleaned out for tomorrow night". I must have looked a little shocked for how blunt she put it for she continued, "I'm sorry, but if you really want to know, it makes me feel like I do on Wednesdays; it helps me get in the mood for Robert. It turns me on cleaning out your cum but knowing that I'm going to leave his alone." She said it just like that.

I asked her if she didn't like me cumming in her and she said, "no, that's not it at all. I love you cumming in me .... but if I'm going to be Robbie’s for the next 3 weeks, then it's just something that turns me on to think about". She looked at me and said, "I told you lots of times that it really turns me on to think that just Robbie cums in me" and then she leaned down and kissed me and said, "are you not okay with this?"

She sensed my mood and went on to say that she didn't have to run off and clean my stuff out right then.

I had to ask, "do you not want him to feel my cum in you?”

She was quiet for a second until she said that he had said that he liked that he was the guy making her feel good these days and that it made her feel really sexy when she's with him and she knows she’s either clean or that it's just his stuff in her. "I'm not sure how he'd feel if he knew I was still wet from you. He's not Ray." That was her reference to Ray liking it if she was the 'used wife' when she'd come to see him.

She looked at her pussy and just said, "I like being clean for him" and then she said again that it seems to really touch her in some way for her to douche out my cum as if it somehow signals her to return to being his. She lifted her head, looked at me and said, "I don't have to if you don't want me to?”

She was waiting for an answer from me, maybe reassurance. I looked at her and after a moment said, "if it's something you feel strongly about..."

She knew from how I said it that I truly was okay about it...


In keeping with her new 'random' schedule she did not see Robert today. She surprised me with a phone call about 5:20pm where she said she'd gotten stuck at work where she couldn't leave early and that she was heading home instead of seeing him. She seemed a bit sad that she didn't see him today but also said that the rainy crappy weather here today didn't really do much for her either.

She's now downstairs on the phone with her sister. I do sometimes wonder if she's ever told her anything about us and maybe hinted at what we do. If there was anyone who she feels comfortable talking with it'd be her sister but I also know that she's never felt like she could even say anything like this to her.

I'm going to say that actually it’s something I've been thinking about and coming to terms with. It's going to sound crazy but if Suzanna wanted to try having me not cum in her at all, it's something that I wouldn't resist. I know it sounds crazy but in my head it's an incredibly arousing turn-on to think that her lover is the only one who will be cumming in her. Obviously I wouldn't want it to be forever but if our 3-week period works it's a crazy thought that I'd be the one who'd be turned on by it but I am.

I'm not scared of losing her, not after how she was with me this past weekend and actually all along the way these past few weeks. It's quite a distance that we've covered in only a few months but I genuinely am not worried about losing her, at least not her heart and not our love or our marriage. It's just so hot to see her almost be bordering on what we might have called slutty in the past!

Things are changing by the moment here though. It's such an intense feeling; to be with someone long enough to feel confident enough to let and even encourage this stuff to happen. I'm sure I'll reconsider all of this in a few weeks when I tire of my right hand. Right now my balls feel pleasantly empty from the weekend but I cannot ever deny that I am constantly turned on to all hell right now from all of this talk, teasing and conjecture.


I suspect the part about not being able to leave work early today may not have been the reality. I'm thinking the rain excuse made her feel better and that maybe she left work even earlier and did see him and just didn't tell me about it. I'm paused by this thought right now.

I know that perhaps I'm jumping into the deep end of the pool before I've really made sure I can swim in it. Why does it bring me this intense arousal and how do I deny it when she seems to be along for the ride and she's controlling all of this more and more? Yet, why should I care? As long as it's working between us, nothing’s right or wrong if it is working. I suppose some might define not having sex with your wife as 'not-working' but if it heightens things, well!

If Suzanna is leading this and following her desires now, I'm clearly not resisting. Why should I? Whether it was because I wanted it to happen at first and it became something she's now felt too, or was it, is it something she wanted all along and as I've long suspected and hoped, that it's been let out again?


As part of the whole discussion about Sunday nights and her being clean for him, she said to me that she also does it so that she's 'not perpetually full of cum' (maybe not in those words) but she basically said that after she's with him on Friday, and that after a weekend like we've just had with me, she giggled and said something like, "I'd never stop dripping".

It is intensely erotic it is to think of your wife, your 53 year old wife who is having the sexual time of her life, being exclusively ravaged by her lover. I can't describe how it makes me feel other than just incredible. Maybe I'm even a bit envious in a way too but it's just such a powerful turn-on for me to know that about her. Whenever I see her wearing her nice clothes for work; her lounge, comfy clothes at home; panties and a t-shirt before bed or her naked in front of me, it sounds crazy to say it but when I see her knowing that she so willingly spreads her legs for her lover looking like that, it just turns me on so much to know that.

I know if you play with fire you are bound to get burned but I also know that the fire burns hottest before it dies down. I still feel that she knows this is all something that can't continue at this pace for ever; that what happens will happen of its own will if we don't force things.

What is happening right now is working for me.


Last night Suzanna said, "I guess this is what a real affair is like" although I sensed she doesn't necessarily have or feel the emotional ties that she'd hoped. She does however, accept that the sex part of it is, as she put it, "is incredible".

I told her that it sure felt like an affair to me and she giggled and said that it's started to make sense to her about why it feels so good. She said that what's different now is that she's able to separate sex from our relationship (her's and mine) and that it just feels so natural and easy to just be with Robert. She said that my agreement to all of this has made her able to 'not worry' about taking care of my own sexual needs and allowing her to focus on her own. She said that she hadn't ever felt this before with the earlier lovers but she also said that taking away the stress she felt that she needed to provide me my sexual release has really made her love me even more because we are just able to be together now and she doesn't have to always think or plan about how we'll have time for sex together; work around our ******** or other home and ****** type of things. I will say that in the past few weeks, our time together at home has been markedly less stressful and much more fun overall.


She didn't tell me if she's seen him either Monday or yesterday. Both days she came home a little later than she would normally from work but also a bit earlier than if she'd kept the schedule she's been following earlier with him.

I asked her about it last night and she giggled and said, "a lady doesn't talk about that stuff" and then added that she'd make sure that, "you'll enjoy tomorrow night" referring to our usual Wednesday night ritual.

On the one hand it does drive me crazy not knowing but on the other I know that she's seen him somehow and, as I've said in the past, that as long as it's not coming between us or taking time away from us together, that she has my blessing to do what she wants.

I can say though that in my head, thinking that she may have seen him both Monday and Tuesday that unless she says otherwise that she's been quite slutty this week. By later tonight, in my head, she'll have been with him all 3 days and he'll have cum in her twice each time. That thought is enough to get me hard right now and I might just have to ease the tension so that I last longer later tonight when we are having our fun.

I still feel very able sexually; I could easily masturbate daily and enjoy it each time. If I do get off twice in a night then I'm usually done for the next day but at times I can certainly rise to that occasion. With the current denial we are trying out, I still masturbate at least 4-5 times a week; two of those are certainly on Wednesdays. Suzanna's very accommodating in giving me some privacy at other times to enjoy myself. She knows of course she could watch or join in but she also knows that I also enjoy a bit of solo-time.

It's actually her that I worry more about. She's also not a teenager anymore and I do sometimes wonder about the amount of sex she has with Robert in terms of the physical aspects of it. Still, I suppose that she'd know better herself about all of that.


This evening she was definitely seeing him. I came home, got dinner ready and she came in a little after with the most dreamy look on her face. I fancied that she was perhaps walking a bit gingerly (or was that my mind playing tricks on me and getting me ready for later tonight?) Other than giving me a knowing smile over dinner she hasn't said or shared anything about her time with me yet.

I should probably do something nice for her. Maybe flowers this weekend or maybe a picnic lunch somewhere with a bottle of wine or something like that. Sure it might be father’s day but it'll be a nice way to spend it together.

Not sure where all of this going but right now, it's certainly keeping me quite horny.


In the narrow range of our relationship that's in the bedroom, there may have been a shift in dominance from me to her but outside the bedroom, if anything, it seems the opposite.

It's weird to observe but outside the bedroom it's clear she's becoming a bit more submissive towards me. There's certainly less conflict/disagreement/differing-opinions about things that I might say. Whether it's something as simple as what we're doing for dinner or whether it's something more important, say, about our ********, she seems to acquiesce and say, "you're right" to me much more easily and readily now. I wonder if because she's taking more control in the bedroom, that she's relinquishing it elsewhere.

Whatever it is, it's just great to see happening so effortlessly between us. Maybe that's the thing that works for us of accepting each other’s desires without feeling like we have to argue against them. I can't explain it more, but in some ways it really has changed some of the dynamics of our relationship for the better. As I say, weird.

However, there's no doubt that I haven't lost my desire for her or the desire to show it to her. When the time is right, be it this weekend or in another two weeks, no worries here that I will want to reclaim her.


Last night was refreshing in many ways. I knew she was with him earlier and, yes, it gave me incredible angst to be with her knowing what lay beneath and what she'd been doing.

I'd actually watched a very sexy video yesterday on a website of a couple having really beautiful passionate sex. The woman in the video was obviously younger than Suzanna but very similarly built with smaller breast, slim waist and medium length brown hair. The guy in the video was also younger than me but very well endowed and really knew how to bring her pleasure. In the end when he withdrew from her the video showed the creampie results. It made me feel incredibly excited thinking of the similarities between her and Robert.

It's been a while since I've been with her and a lover and even the most recent times with Ray there was a somewhat evident lack of passion in retrospect at least when I was there. Seeing this video I had to sit and say to myself that this is how Suzanna is with Robert. Passionate kissing during sex; incredible intimacy; extreme openness including staying spread open afterwards.

I actually watched it a few times and each time I made myself think that this is how they are together. It wasn't just fucking, it was passion. I will say it hurt a bit 'knowing' this is how they are together and despite all the arousal there is still (and will probably always be) a pang of horror at truly knowing what they do. However, I think that's good. If I ever didn't feel that, perhaps it'd mean that I'd lost something for her.

At the same time, the more I thought that this is how she is with him naked; sweating together; hugging; kissing and more, it felt good and it still feels good when I watched it again. There is something just so beautiful about knowing your loved one is being so passionate and so skilfully pleasured. I felt as if I was a voyeur as I stroked my hard cock.


Last night these thoughts weren't lost as when we went up to bed she was in a playful mood. I lay in my boxers and a t-shirt and she pulled her night-shirt over her head and then reached under and pulled off her panties. She teased me, "wanna see it?" and kissed me as she said, "you may have to wait". After a few minutes had gone by she reached over and giggled when she felt my hard cock waiting and she started to pull up the bottom of her night-shirt.

I realized what she was doing and I leaned up onto my elbows and looked down at her. What a turn-on to see her slowly reveal her pussy. She asked me if I was okay with, "... just playing with me but not having me?"

She already knew the answer. I rolled towards her and gave her a kiss and hugged her. She smiled as I kissed her neck and then giggled as I pushed her night shirt up and worked my way downward.

Her breasts were taut and the nipples were stiff by then and she let me kiss and suck them for a moment each before she put her hand on the back of my head. From that video earlier I could picture her being above Robert and dangling them into his mouth possibly as she rode his cock. I was frozen in thought until I felt her push at the back of my head and I realized that not only had I not heard what she'd said but that I hadn't realized what she was pushing me towards.

As I kissed my way down her stomach she said that, "Robbie had missed me" which answered my questions about Monday and Tuesday and as I kissed down to the top edge of her pubes she leaned up onto her elbows and she said, "... he wanted me so much, it was almost funny how horny he was today."

I groaned as I started to play with her pussy with my fingers which made her say again to me, "remember, just the outside". I cannot tell you how horny that made me to hear her say it just so plainly and calmly as if it were nothing at all.

She spread her legs apart for me to get more comfortable. I licked my fingers and began to run them up the sides of the crevice just on the outside of her pussy lips and not in between them. As I touched her she moaned and her pussy spread open; yes, it was spread open and even in the darkness of the bedroom I could see where her vagina was opened and I guess I have to say that it's not just in my head that she does seem to be a bit more open these days. When she spreads her legs, it just opens up more now but of course she was also quite turned on too so that may have been a part of it.

I ran my fingers up, still on the outside I reached the top and my fingers could feel her clit stiffening beneath its shroud and just beginning to peek out at the top. I gently pulled back above it and helped it along. She moaned as she felt me reveal it and then felt my fingers go back downwards. I leaned in and gently separated her pussy lips from in-between with my tongue. I wish I could figure out the words to describe my excitement right then, not just sexual but genuine overall excitement....

She tasted of cum; the tang, the tart taste and even a bit of acrid smell down close. As I moved upwards she started to moan and as I reached her clit I felt her hand again on the back of my head, this time holding me just shy of reaching her clit. I ran my tongue downward and I could taste more of her wetness seeping out but I also remembered that she didn't want me to probe inside her. My cock was throbbing at this point and I honestly couldn't wait to jerk off for her! I know a part of me wanted to plunge into her and fuck the life out of her but another part of me most definitely wanted to give her the time she wanted and, honestly, the thought of her teasing and arousing me even more as I stroked was incredibly arousing to think about at that moment ; I think I actually wanted to masturbate more than fuck her, crazy as that sounds.

It seemed like just a few moments while she let me enjoy her most intimate place. She seemed totally relaxed about letting me lick away at her and even seemed to be letting me really get her going. Then, she did it, after a few moments she pushed at my head and said, "okay, that's enough".

I was going to ask her to let me bring her to orgasm but then realized that she probably didn't want that. I must have had a crazed look at on my face for she giggled and said, "Aww, come on, let’s take care of you".

A moment later she had my boxers slid down and she started stroking me with one hand as he got my hand in place with her other one. She sat up almost Indian-style (which I'd hoped she would so I could see all of her) and with one leg crossed over she cooed as I started to masturbate.

I was really getting into it and she started to talk to me almost immediately. She said Robert had asked her about Father's Day and what we were doing. She told him about our barbeque plans and the ******. She said he also asked about me in sexual sense and she said that, "I told him I'd make sure you had a nice time".

I joked with her that it's too bad he's not a father as he doesn't get any gifts. She laughed and then said something without even really thinking about it like, "he wishes I could fix that". It took me a second to realize what she'd said and when I did, wow, it just got to me. I asked her, "does he tease you like that?”

This was one of the first times she'd shared something about what they talk/fantasize about and she must have realized that it struck a nerve, maybe from my croaked reply to her. She leaned down a little and said, "sometimes he'll say that to me; that he wishes I could have a baby for him".

I didn't, actually I couldn't, respond but I know that my cock throbbed and I stroked it even harder. She said, "is that okay with you, it's just fun talk".

I nodded and moaned, "uh huh" in the affirmative.

She giggled and said, "it gets me horny sometimes" and proceeded to tell me how sometimes they'll play that up and that, "... it gets him horny too". She said how sometimes she'll lie back and tease him and say, "you never know" and stuff like that.

My brain was going a mile a minute already and despite it just being a few minutes total time that my right hand was busy I was already very near the edge. She giggled at my frantic wanking before she sidled up closer to me and said in this sexy voice, "he cums a lot when I tease him like that....".

That did it, man did I start to spew all over! It made me grunt out loud and damn if I didn't cum all over the place. Some landed on Suzanna's arm and the rest spurted across my chest with the last of it pooling on my stomach. I admit to being a little embarrassed at what thought had sent me off but then I heard Suzanna's deep rapid breathing and I suspected that she'd perhaps been diddling herself a little bit too. Either way, it was such that neither of us really talked about it afterwards.

Despite the intensity of that fantasy, it's just not something I can really talk to Suzanna about other than in an abstract sense or, as we'd just done, at the peak of passion. Somehow afterwards laying there it just didn't feel right to talk about her and her lover fantasizing about her getting pregnant but it is in my brain now that they do talk about this. I suppose it's to be expected since it is one of his wishes for the future.

As I lay there catching my breath she came up to me and kissed me on the side of my face and then down my neck. She said some stuff but I didn't hear it till she said she loved me and loved sharing 'moments like this' with me. A moment later she shared my cum with me.

It's weird but now after months of this, it's a close time for both of us; she loves teasing my tongue and lips with each fingerful and there's just this knowing-bond between us. The look on her face at such times is almost enough to get me hard again!

We didn't talk about Fathers Day at all. I'm not sure if it was because of the awkwardness earlier or that she didn't want to tell me but when she was done with me she went off to the bathroom and I followed her a second behind. I did grind up against her butt as she leaned forward my boxers and her night-shirt between us. I saw her smile as she looked up in the mirror. I tickled her and she splashed water back at me.

When we were washed up and back in bed she rolled over and lay next to me and I could feel her breathing she was right on top of me. She said she loved feeling close to me and that she was surprised at how close we could feel even without having sex together and that she said some of what I'd said, that she is finding other things about me that turn her on. She said something about liking how I look when I'm working in the yard or when I come home dressed nice from work. It was as if she'd been reading what I've been writing; she even said that it turned her on too that she could feel this kind of attraction to me without having to have sex with me. I gave her another big hug she qualified what she had just said, that she definitely misses having sex with me but she that she also is very turned on about 'not having sex with me.

I reckon that she must have seen a focus article in our newspaper the other day about adultery for she kind of repeated the theme that said 'an Adulteress likes being an Adulteress'. It was very sexy to hear from her but she then turned to me and said, "but you will tell me if this isn't okay for you, won't you?”

I told her, "of course" and joked and said that the same went for her too. She laughed out loud at that, cuddled up next to me and said in this deep sexy voice, "thank you" and then kissed me and said, "... this is even better than I thought it would be". A second later she said thank you again.

We lay there for a while and we talked about idle stuff and whatever. I explain but I didn't want to talk about sex just then. It felt nice to just converse. I guess it must have been maybe 30 minutes later when she kissed me and said she was tired. I hugged her back and kissed her and I turned over. But when I didn't fall off to sleep right away, I lay there for a moment and as my thoughts swirled - damn if I wasn't hard again.

I turned back onto my back and moved around. I leaned towards her and kissed her forehead and whispered, "I'm still horny"

She said, "it's okay, just be quick if you can". A

Definitely hard and horny again I pushed the covers off and let my brain run wild. Every thought in the world went through my mind. I opened my eyes and when I looked towards Suzanna I could see her eyes were half-open and she was secretly watching me. That turned me on too.

It really didn't take that long. I felt the urge overwhelm me and the thought of her lying next to me, watching me while probably still feeling his cock in her pussy or the remains of it that was all I needed really. A moment later I let it rip and damn if it wasn't good. The vision in my head of her standing with a trickle of his cum running down her thigh was all I needed to start to cum myself. I heard her moan softly as I took the last few strokes and spurted. There was nowhere near as much cum that second time so just a tissue or two was all I needed to clean up and when I turned over a few minutes later, damn, did I fall asleep fast.

The only mention this morning was her smiling at me as we went to swap places, her coming out of the shower and me going in. The only comment she made was, "I'm guessing you're content this morning".


This is one of those evenings when I get home to an empty house when I do wish she was home with me instead of being with him.

I don't think I'm completely a sexual submissive. Perhaps for this period where I want to explore and feel this, then maybe I am but I think that for me, I'm not sure how long or when it will be when I've felt like I've gotten what I've wanted and may possibly want to move on.

That point is I think is still off in the distance, it will probably be a sexual issue between us that will raise my ire but, in the short term, it's evenings like this when I’d like her to be home that will also push the issue.

I do love thinking about what she's doing right now. That part still turns me on and probably always will especially after watching that video from the other day. I know they are making-love and not just fucking; I know how she feels when she's with him, in a sexual haze of pleasure, and that parts okay with me. I do love knowing she's' getting fucked.

I know she's probably lying naked on his bed, maybe with a sheet draped over her in a post-fuck bliss. Maybe he's still spooning up behind her; maybe he's still in her, I don't know but the thoughts are intense. Not threatening, surprisingly, but definitely intense to think about. Indeed, the thoughts are so intense that I really need to take matters into my own hands once more.


She just texted me and said she wouldn't be home before 10 at the earliest so that’s another hour-and-a-half I shall have to resist tonight. I hope she won't be too tired to share some details or more when she gets home.

I think I'll have to find that video again but if I do I know I'm going to lose my resistance. The girl in the video bears a strong physical resemblance to Suzanna, just a younger version. It is beautiful to see and when I think of Suzanna being her it really makes me feel wonderful to think she's responding like the girl in the video with Robbie.

I wonder if I may actually get to see them together? There's a thought to end this book with.

She's due home any minute. A good time to stop, me thinks.