Journal of a Journey - Book 45

My ******** texted me about 6pm that she ‘couldn't get hold of mom’ and that she didn’t want to be home alone so could she go over to her friend's house for dinner and maybe spend the night?’

I replied back that I was sure her mom probably hadn't notice her text message or missed phone-call and that as long as it was okay with her friend's parents, that it was good with me if she wanted to stay the night.

I left her plenty of time for her to have gone out before I came home myself. I planned to have some dinner and spend a little time to collect my thoughts. However, I soon decided that rather than staying home and probably drive myself crazy with whatever thoughts that it might be better to go somewhere so I shall head over to a buddy's house in another hour or so and grab a few beers with him.

It seems that fate has dealt us an agenda change and taken our ******** out of consideration for later in the evening so we now no longer have to make any excuses or need to coordinate. I texted Suzanna so that she'll know.

Before I went out I sent Ray an email. In it I said that I hoped the past year or so hasn't made it too awkward for us to hang out together and that we wanted to invite him over sometime soon for a barbeque. He'll probably reply back over the weekend.

Writing to Ray brought on some thoughts about Ray and Suzanna. From what I can see, she's now completely done with Ray as there's no doubt in my mind that Robbie (I guess that's what I'll have to now call him as Robert sounds so formal) has already well surpassed Ray in the desire category. There is no denying that Suzanna is quite smitten with him. Whether it's physical and/or emotional, I guess only time will tell but, right now, it is most definitely physical.

It’s difficult to find the words that describe my emotions of knowing she'll have had wild passionate sex with him and will then come home to me. I’m having all sorts of visions in my head but the feelings are what I am having a hard time really articulating.

I am totally horny thinking of her soon going back to his place and of her being horny the whole time she follows him in her car. There is just something so incredibly arousing that touches me in a way that I cannot describe when I think of her undressing for him and then spreading her legs to share her most private treasure with him.

I know it has always turned me on that she's fucked other guys; I knew all along it gave me this weird feeling knowing she was doing it but not really understanding it. Now the thought and vision of her lying back for him and spreading her legs for him is just so incredibly arousing. A straight/normal guy would be horrified to think or know of another guy fucking his wife but I just cannot get it out of my head. When I think about it or when we're together and I think of Robbie’s cock being in my place and deeper in her than maybe anyone else, well, the thoughts just drive me crazy.

All I can really say is that I like knowing that she is feeling that with another guy. It sounds weird and crazy to say it but it does. It turns me on in the exact same way as knowing that Peter was the first to fuck her with her IUD and that Ray had the honours of being the first to have her without any birth-control and, dare I admit, her boyfriend way back in college with the skinny cock was pretty much the only guy to fuck her ass. I know it should be something I should be upset or distraught about but it's SO much the opposite. I can't explain it other than to say that I just love knowing that other guys have fucked her and still do; I love seeing her and knowing that about her. Weird, I know.


Friday night and after I'd come home from work I did go off to a buddy's house where we had a few beers and we put the world to rights. My visit kept my mind off things and I was surprised to look at the clock and see it was close to midnight. I made my excuses and headed home to the empty house.

I sat in the living room and just felt myself getting hornier the longer I waited. It was well after 1:00am when she eventually got home and I just felt so much love seeing her as she walked in. Even now remembering the smile on her face and the contented look said it all to me.

She was quiet until I told her that no one was home (she hadn’t seen my message) and as I followed her to the bedroom she started to talk to me telling me of ‘her evening’. I can't remember all of the specifics she shared but I do know that we giggled to see my hard-on sticking out in my boxers!

She let me undress her and it was incredibly exciting to unbutton and pull her top off to reveal that she was wearing just her sexy camisole and nothing else, certainly nothing that she'd worn to work that day! I pushed the silky material up and saw that her breasts were swollen and reddened all over, marks that had to be from him sucking at them.

(It was later that she shared that she'd told him we'd had sex together the prior weekend and how that would probably be enough to tide me over for another week. She commented that as I wouldn't be seeing her breasts for another few days she wasn’t concerned he might leave them visibly marked!)

As I began to slide her panties down she stopped me and held them in place. Standing in front of me wearing just her camisole and panties she told me, "you need to be gentle with me tonight. Robbie was very physical with me”. With that we fell into bed and she went on to apologize for how messy she was as I began to slip her panties down her legs. It was when I move up onto one elbow to get a better angle that I was a bit surprised to see just what she was talking about!

I've seen her well-fucked before but I wasn't ready for the sight that greeted me. Her pubes were matted down, sticky and wet but what actually got me concerned was just how red and swollen her pussy was! Her labia were bright red and swollen out so that they were totally visible and it seemed that her whole mound was inflamed and reddened all over. I licked my finger and ran it gently up between the swollen lips and I could feel the heat and wetness immediately. The crease between her labia was wet with semen and as I licked my finger to wet it more I could taste it. She moaned loudly and gently spread her legs further apart as I probed between them. My finger went down to the bottom and found the entrance to her vagina and while it wasn't gaping open, it surely was swollen and open like a flower inside.

She winced and seemed uncomfortable at my finger pushing into her. She pulled at my hand and said, “Ouch, you need to go easy. I’m really sore”. I’m sure she didn’t realise what she was saying.

I immediately got a little upset and said something about having to have a word with him (Robert) but she quieted me down, shushed me and said, “No you won’t, it was me that asked him to be so physical".

She held me and said that by the time they'd gotten to his place that she'd really felt totally relaxed and she admitted to being incredibly horny for him. She told me how she couldn't wait to get changed into something sexy for him and that she wasn't disappointed with his response. Her hand moved and gently grasped my cock and the feel of her hand together with the sound of her voice made me even harder and more turned on.

She looked at me and said very plainly, "Then we made love".

Hearing her say it stunned me for a moment but it didn't reduce my horniness or desire for her. She sounded maybe even a little guilty when she told me how he undressed her and then she undressed him. Yes, I did momentarily wince at her comment about, "how big he looked ..." and "... how I could only suck a little of him into my mouth" but it was her describing how they had sex, or rather, how they made-love together that bordered on a feeling of being stabbed but at the same time inflamed my desire for her even more.

She lay there next to me and told me of how ‘loving Robbie was’ and how he gently sucked at her pussy until she screamed as she came on his tongue. I admit that it was incredibly erotic to hear Suzanna tell me how at first he was so gentle with her or how she responded in kind and it drove me crazy to hear her tell me, "how easy it is to cum with him” She said that when he climbed up on top of her how she loved spreading her legs and sharing herself with him.

She was stroking my cock and I wasn't sure I was going to make it to my turn with her from how she was talking and what she was saying. She knew from how hard I was that I was totally into hearing her tell me about her night. Yes, it did stick into my side like a knife but at the same time, my god, it was just so erotic hearing her tell me of her sexual pleasures.

He fucked her gently and, she added, "so deeply!" the first time but it was hearing her tell me how tight she still felt with him and how slowly and patiently he was till she ‘got used to it again’ that drove me crazy.

At one point she took her hand off my cock and said, “You need to calm down so I can tell you the rest; it feels like you're going to explode".

I relented and she let go of my cock (only to be replace my own hand!) as she told me how effortlessly their sex was together and how she loved letting herself go and cumming with him over and over. Then she looked at me eye-to-eye and told me how wonderful he felt when he finally came ‘deep in me’. She held my hand and said, "that made me cum ... a lot. Then he held me tightly as I orgasmed and it felt so good to be in his arms.” Hearing her say that brought me to the point of bursting.

She rolled over, hugged me and kissed me and said something about thanking me; loving me for letting her have all of this but when I reached for her pussy she moaned again about being sore and tender.

I was nearly frantic by this point and she told me that they lay there together afterwards and she said that she is starting to feel what she really wants to with him; to feel totally comfortable sexually with him. She said again how contented she felt lying there naked with him afterwards, “... even when I felt his cum start to dribble out of me".

I knew from how she was saying this to me and her tone of voice that there was more she wanted or had to share with me.

I was starting to move up to getting on top of her when she told me how after they lay together for a while and how she crawled over to him and started to suck his cock. She made a point to tell me that she could, "taste the both of us on it". It almost made me spurt at that moment to be reminded that she'd cum too with him.

She looked up at me and said, "... but I told him I was still horny" and she told me how she turned around and, I put my butt up in the air and told him to fuck me".

I felt like I was going crazy as I looked down at her beneath me on display and hearing her tell me, “I really needed to be fucked" and how she said to him, “I really want to feel you".

In the few moments as I knelt there between her spread legs she told me how he fucked her, savagely apparently, doggy-style until, as she put it, "he held my hips and finished deep inside me".

She saw the effect hearing her account was having on me and as I literally trembled she said, “I want you now but you have to be gentle with me ... can you lick me gently first?"

I groaned out loud and wanted to complain at having to wait yet again but instead I slid down the bed and touched my tongue to her swollen labia. She moaned deeply and said, "oh that feels so nice" as I slid my tongue up and down her sweet furrow. Her moaning grew louder as I probed the now open entrance to her vagina and I could definitely taste their mixed juices in her, there was a definite tartness that could only be Robert’s cum in her.

As I tickled her clit she arched her back and once again said that I need to be gentle and that she's ‘very sensitive’ down there. This only lasted a few minutes though as she couldn't take that much contact with my tongue and there was an urgency that I needed to fuck her! I pulled up and put myself back in position and she said, "Let me do it". With that she took my cock in her hand and guided it to enter her VERY slowly. She moaned at how tender she felt and all I could think of was how she'd let Robert pound away at her earlier.

I've felt her, many times, after she's been fucked, but this was different, or at least in my head it was. She moaned with maybe even with a bit of pain in her voice and again said, "oh god, please be gentle" and I could tell from how she felt that she was probably pretty sore. I could feel how hot and swollen she was through my cock the deeper I pushed into her. That and how wet she was inside but that was only apparent once I started to thrust and out of her. As we got into a rhythm she let out a more comforting moan as the slipperiness spread but she still implored me to ‘go easy’ and ‘I guess I'm not used to him yet’.

There were a million thoughts in my head all at the same time. She felt so incredible under me and the closest I can remember ever feeling her like that was how she felt towards the end of the week in Jamaica when she had also said that she'd felt a bit tender from so much fucking.

The thought of his cock fucking her senseless and leaving her like this was just mind-blowing to think about and knowing my cock was spreading his cum in and out of her pussy with each stroke of mine, well, it was incredible to feel her like this. She moaned softly under me and begged me to ‘be gentle’.

I did as she asked and at one point said, "Is this too much."

She said, "Noooo, just like you are is great," and then added, "... I need to feel you".

I knew she was tired and I was struggling with my thoughts; we were quiet, no teasing, not really much talking either but in my head, my mind was working overtime. I could see her on her knees and had the memories of that note she'd written me so long ago talking about presenting her pussy for her lover while she was on her knees, knowing how she felt at that moment. It was totally crazy and in my head it was bringing me closer and closer to my own release. Finally with a moan of her own she pulled her legs back for me and said with an urgency in her voice, "you have to finish soon". I could feel her pussy getting hotter and hotter and I knew that either I'd have to cum or I'd have to pull out soon.

Yes, a part of me actually thought of pulling out of her and stroking myself off onto her stomach. She'd probably have loved that but at the same time I had a moment of clear thought and realized that I should enjoy every time in her that I can and so I pushed forward and deeper into her.

She moaned and I sensed that maybe she even winced a little in discomfort but that thought and the knowledge of why she felt like that drove me on. Sure enough, just a moment later I pushed deep into her, held it there while I let the moment take me. She squealed when I did finally cum in her and it huge, a load I pumped into her at least 5 or 6 more times. Finally at the end, when she realized I'd stopped cumming, she pushed me off of her and moaned that, "you have to pull it out of me already".

As I pulled free of her she immediately put her hands down there and ran her fingers up and down the insides and outsides of her pussy lips and jokingly moaned about feeling so abused. I offered to go back down and gently lick at her again but she just said, "no, your tongue is way too hot for me right now ..." then giggled "... if anything, I could use an ice-cube!”

I know that I still hadn't really processed all of what had led to this and that we'd just pretty much had just a pretty physical fuck-session. I also knew that I'd had an intense orgasm and it was a result of the thoughts of all of it that had gotten to me.

It was now close to 2am and after giggling a bit in bed together about how much of a mess we'd made we both went into the bathroom. She sat wearily on the toilet and as I stood in front of her she gently cleaned up my cock laughing about how soggy I was. Then it was my turn, she stayed sitting on the toilet but I knelt between her legs and spread them and opening up her pussy I leaned forward and slipped my tongue into her. She giggled and pushed me away and I knew she really just wanted to feel a cool washcloth against her.

We didn't say too much after that although we both had a lot on our minds and easily could have stayed up for another few hours talking. Instead, we went back to the bed where she'd pulled a pair of panties on saying, "to keep from making a mess" and we spooned up. As we cuddled I kissed the back of her neck and we fell asleep.


The next morning after having had the ‘sleep of the dead’ Suzanna nudged me out of bed and said, "You need to help me change the sheets". Sure enough, underneath where she'd slept all night, there was a large wet-spot. She looked at me with this sheepish grin and said, "it's not all me, it’s from you too, you know!" to which my reply was, "yeah, but only some of it!"

Our son showed up not long after we'd gotten ourselves, and the laundry, together. He decided to come home from college with a friend for a surprise visit for the weekend. We were pleased to see him but his arrival put a damper on what would have been a continuation for Suzanna and me of a sexy Saturday morning.

However, his presence made little difference to my anticipated outcome for as sexy as Friday night had been with its promise of more to come, when our son and his friend went out to a concert (which was the real reason that they'd come home) Suzanna came to me and said we were going to have to wait until Sunday as she was just ‘too sore’ for more sex between us on Saturday.

By the time they'd gone out for the evening, I still, ever the optimist, was hoping we could have another romp in bed. When I made the suggestion that was when she told me that she felt like her pussy was just too sore for more sex and that ‘it needs a break’ to which I added, "yeah, from his huge cock" implying that the damage was more from Robert than me.

She giggled and said, “yeah, you're probably right ..." adding, "... I guess I'll just have to get used to it.... and you'll just have to wait, I’m guessing?!"

Later that afternoon after our son had gone out I went up to the bedroom looking for Suzanna to find her in the bathroom, panties off standing before the washstand and her washing, more like blotting up, what she said, "... it keeps on dripping out of me".

I didn’t say anything but let her be deciding that after dinner we would go back to that conversation.

So, I was kind of disappointed that I wasn't going to get another turn with her on Saturday but she did say, "I’m sure by tomorrow (Sunday) you can have your fun". I knew there was nothing I could say that might change her mind so, as I said, after dinner that we opened a bottle of wine and instead of having sex, we talked about the stuff that was obviously on both of our minds.

She opened up and said that she hadn’t really had any expectations or goals in mind when she saw him on Friday but she quickly added that once they'd gone off more or less together after the after-work-crowd had thinned, that her desires started to come out as did her horniness. She told me that she's feeling so much more comfortable with him and again told me without really flinching at all that he can make her cum so well now. I let her talk as she seemed to want to share more with me than she obviously had the night before.

She told me that after they'd made-love (she emphasized that again, that it wasn't just fucking between them, that they most definitely made-love that night) that her emotions ramped up and she shared that she'd told him in the midst of passion that she loved him.

We've talked about this before. I know it doesn't mean that she loves him; just that at that moment as he's fucking her, that she loves what she's doing with him. Nevertheless, at the same time, although she downplays that part of it, I knew that she is already feeling an emotional attachment to him.

Maybe knowing we weren't going to have sex that night let her open up more easily but she told me that once he'd gotten her undressed, that she couldn't resist him or having him in her. She didn't look right at me but she also didn't hide it when she told me how she felt when she reached orgasm with him after lying naked with him. I know from how she said it that she is feeling more than just physical attraction for him but hearing her tell me how he fucked her so gently and how he kissed and caressed her neck and breasts as he brought her to climax several times, I could clearly see the two of them in my mind.

I felt that she'd been very open and honest with me. She later told me that she still felt it to be difficult to tell me that she has feelings for another man. I told her that as long as we talked about it openly and in the clear about it, that I thought she should do as we'd so often said, let things happen.

She told me she loved me and would never leave me but she also said that she definitely had an attraction for him and that she, "will probably fulfil all of your wishes" if she lets herself go with him. I told her that as long as there was an "us", that I wanted to let her be.

That was when she said, “If this is any evidence of how things will be after I’ve been with Robert then I'll probably be too sore in between seeing him anyway!"

The implication was obvious.


We talked more about Robert and her and she thinks she's getting to know him much better and what he's looking for. She said with a hint of disappointment that he most definitely isn't interested in a relationship but that he liked her very much and, as he put it, "only wants to be a positive" in her life.

He asked about me and when Suzanna said I was okay it was then she realized he really wanted to know when we'd had sex last. She was honest and told him ‘last weekend’ and she proceeded to tell him our fabricated story that it would probably be her that next ‘initiates’ sex with me and probably not for another week or two. She said he seemed to genuinely be concerned until she said that it's really all I want. She said he then asked whether I had to take Viagra but she made up some reason it's not suitable for me on a regular basis, "given the medication he's on".

I didn't know where she was going with all of this detail yesterday until she told me that their conversation led to him asking her if she wanted to see him more often. She giggled when she said that she wasn't sure he wanted to see her more and he replied, "what and miss out on more of you".

She then shared that she told him that for the summer, with our son not coming home and our ******** getting a job that she hoped to be able to see him more. He responded by saying that he wasn't ready to jump back into a serious relationship just yet and that he didn't want to hurt our marriage and that it was him who was hesitant about whether she'd want something like this. It was when she shared her story about our frequency that he then said he'd love to help her out.

He asked again about me and what I did when she'd come home as she did on Friday night. She told him that I would probably be asleep or mostly-there watching TV and that I know she's out having sex with him and that I don't really bring it up or want to talk about it with her.

He asked about how it would work for them to see each other more often and whether she could stay late like this on other nights. She looked at me and said that she'd like to. I asked her how often she was thinking. She giggled and said, "Well, right now it surely couldn't be more than 2 or 3 times a week .... not until I get more used to him".

I didn't really think about it and just replied, "Well, that ought to force things, won't it?"

She took a moment to realize what I'd said before asking, "is that what you want?”

It was a big moment for us.


I knew she was horny again from how she had been acting all day and how close and loving she'd been as we talked last night. She was horny from our conversation, I could hear it in her voice as she told me she wanted to see more of him. I knew she wanted to hear me say it so I did. I told her yes and I told her that if that was what she wanted, to see him more, then yes, that I did want what came with it.

I kissed her and said, "if you want to see him more then, yes, I want you to ..." and I hesitated for a second before saying, “... and yes, I know that will mean I probably won't have sex with you much".

She kissed me back and said,"you can always tell me you need me you know but it will happen if I see him more, you need to know that."

It was my turn to ask her something that concerned me, I asked her, "will you still have what you want if you he doesn't fall for you too, if he doesn't reciprocate your emotions?"

She held my hand and said that she didn't know but that for right now (her words) that it’s her lust for him is all she needs to feel.

I knew she was horny and this conversation pushed her further and it was no surprise when one of our kisses caught fire and spurred us on. I teased her as I fingered her pussy about whether, "it's calmed down a bit yet?" She giggled and said "yes, it had until you get me started".

I'm very content about where we are and what's going on. We all seem to be on the same page and, as she shared with me, how he's looking to fulfil some unmet physical needs from his ex-wife.


I knew she'd be horny last night and sure enough she was certainly ready too. There was still this tenderness to her pussy but I knew she wanted to be with me. I again had every thought in my head all at once but she started to tease me as we lay there together. She made sure I remembered that she'd been a bit sore the night. I groaned back at how she'd felt on Friday and she added, "Mmm, with his stuff still in me". I swear I felt my cock throb as she said that.

I told her she still felt tender and she giggled and said again how she wasn't used to how big he is. We went back and forth for a bit, each one upping the other. She told me how she liked him to fuck her and I told her that I liked her pussy to be well-fucked. The ante continued upwards until she looked up at me and said, "you'd better enjoy me while you still can". I knew it was the height of the moment as just before that she told me how ‘used’ she felt after being with Robert and hearing her say that I should enjoy her while I still can did ring in my head.

I am sure she felt my response even though I didn't say anything other than maybe a moan. She seemed to be in the moment with me and she continued with the teasing saying, "it'll just be him in me" and then she seemed to get this hissy sexy voice as she started to lose it herself and she started saying how she wanted to, "give my pussy to him one day" and how she wants to be his lover.

She looked up at me and said, "cum on baby .... let me feel you".

I rested on my elbows and I felt like I was a piston plunging in and out of her. She moaned and I could tell the position was doing all the right things for her as she began to get wetter and wetter. I hooked one leg around my arm and pulled her open in one direction and I started to fuck her deeper and deeper. She might have been saying something but all I could really hear was moans and groans and didn't even realize some were from me!

I'd like to say it was something she said or did at that moment that set me off but there wasn't anything specific. I was close enough to her that with each thrust into her I'd feel her hard nipples rub against my chest and I could feel the soft cushion of her pubes as I bottomed out in her. It was thinking of his bigger cock doing the same to her that did push me over when I thought of how she must have felt on Friday. That thought did it and it felt like a gusher let loose in her that even she squealed a moment later as she clutched at my back and rode out the end of our orgasms together.


It turns out that they have a gym at her place of work, it's a moderate/token fee for her to ‘join’ after which she can use the facilities at any time. She's already been saying how, "A lot of people stay late to exercise."

I was surprised for I knew she wasn’t big into exercising but I'd not really picked up that she was scheming until she said, "Duh, that's why I've been mentioning it" She had figured that saying she would be going to the gym would be a good cover-story but she wanted to know that I'd be okay with it before saying it for sure to Robert.

It does surprise me at how much she seems to have been thinking about things and situations since declaring her desire for him. It was quite exciting to hear of her plan and to know that she's given it thought. She said that she can continue to leave work a little early at other times too.

I asked whether Robert had this same flexibility and she answered that he can work from home whenever he wants. So, that answered that question!

She insists that if he doesn't want more that she will still enjoy the sexual experience she's having with him immensely and that while she'll be disappointed if the emotional side doesn't happen from him, at the same time she giggled, "its surely going to be a fun summer!".

Right now, I want her to call the shots and to let her make the decisions. She's basically said that I am going to get my wishes and when I think about it, it gives me the chills up my back and throughout my whole being. I think I'm prepared for it, I know that I want it and yet I know when it does finally happen, that I'm going to have incredibly mixed feelings which I don't really know how to prepare for. I can take the highs, the incredible arousal and desire, but I'm not sure how I’m going to cope with the lows.

I do not know when their frequency will increase; I know that it's something she wants to talk more with him about this week. I think they are trying to schedule for Thursday. Her exercise-excuse will surely help ease this kind of juggling.

It seems strange to write all of this knowing I won't have sex with her again till Friday night and that, perhaps by then, I'll know better of her intentions date-wise. I know it's not something she wants to rush into and based on this past weekend, she's not yet ready to stop having sex with me. It is so exciting anticipating what's coming.


I don’t know whether there are other women in Roberts’s life. Suzanna say's that he’s handsome and attractive but it doesn’t surprise me that he seems somewhat reluctant to get involved with someone from work as it can lead to problems. However, this is only my conjecture based on how slowly their relationship has developed. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that both of them want more of each other by now and yet knowing that I am comforted to know that Suzanna isn't one to shirk or desert me or our ******.

I know now that her now commitment to ‘joining the gym’ at work is her way of moving forward for the both of them. Knowing that Robert hasn't pushed for more yet is also comforting; he seems to respect the relationship Suzanna and me have and it seems to me he's just wangling to be her sexual outlet but he is being very careful about it.

To back up my theory it has been Robert who been holding back and delaying as much as Suzanna. Another calming tactic has been him to ask her that if he proved he was healthy whether she would go bare with him as she's past the pregnancy-risk. As I say, he is being very careful not to be rocking any boats.

From what she's shared it seems clear he's not seeing anyone else and that she is his only interest at the moment and that he's eager to see more of her! He has also told her that he respected her need to get things in order here at home so that it will work for them.


While I was aware that Suzanna may want to start this exclusivity with Robert it was a bit of an the eye-opener for me last night when she asked me that if things clicked for them tonight how would I feel about starting a trial-period of her denying me after this weekend; how I would feel if after this weekend we did a 2-week trial period of her denying me. She said that we could ‘re-unite’ over Memorial Day weekend.

It was over dinner last night that she also announced that she'd be starting to go to the gym-at-work next week.

This past week we've really been in sync together. She's much more confident in how she is with me. For example, I know that earlier she'd felt a little conflicted, like when she'd be in bed or getting dressed and such. In the past when she'd enjoyed wearing panties and that sort of teasing me but I had always felt that she was doing that because it was what she did when she was with Dan and that he'd influenced her to do it. Now, she's very open that letting me see her, all of her, and her knowing it's her decision to let me see but not touch is what she enjoys now. She says she gets this sexual thrill, maybe even similar to what I feel, when she is naked and knows that I will abide by her desire to deny me but still let me see her. It really is amazing to see this change in her where she will now almost flaunt her body at times.

I know we're playing with fire here but I'm hoping the denial-fantasy is as good in reality as it is in my head. We've done this before (perhaps not as explicitly or intentionally) but I've been denied her for 2-weeks and even a little longer in the past. I'm happy that she's declared this a trial-period because I suspect it may be a bit more intense this time as my expectation is for her to be more explicit regarding it all. I am excited about it and it's something I want to experience with her.


Suzanna's said that there was a sexual component to Roberts marriage that didn't work for them. She hasn’t pushed him to find out exactly what but we have speculated on a number of possibilities. Was it him too big; her too small; Mismatched desires; was she infertile and knowing how much wants to have kids that maybe that was the reason for the break-up?

From how Suzanna has set-up our ‘story’ with Robert I have my doubts I'll even meet him much less see them together and there’s even less chance of a 3-some between us, that would be awkward given the back-story she's given him about us and ‘my problems’.

To be honest, I'm not sure I want to meet him. It seems to be much easier for me to be open with her, and vice-versa, without the complication of a personal introduction between me and her lover. In my head it's easier for me to deal with what we are doing rather than knowing exactly who is with her. I think it's less stressful for me to not know him. It certainly gives me the freedom in my head, to ascribe whatever characteristics I fancy to him. When she tells me how he fucks her it is in my head and not seeing him that lets me imagine a huge cock being pushed up into her. I’m thinking the reality of knowing what he looks like isn't as arousing.


Right now I am still incredibly excited about everything. It seems almost surreal that this all may be happening but I do know that when the weekend gets here that I am going to start to have second thoughts. I think we both felt last night a mixture of anxiety and relief at accepting that we both want to do this.

Seeing the weather clearing up now and the sun coming out I know that is going to make her even hornier than she already is and I actually found myself, in my head of course, rooting and encouraging her to go off and see him tonight..

This morning as she walked around the bedroom with just the obligatory towel around her wet hair all I could think of was that I'll get to see her like this in the future but in just a few days, she will no longer want or allow me to touch or be sexually intimate with her. I know the reality isn't going to be all fun and games and be as 'light hearted' as I'm seeing it right now. I can’t stop thinking about how it's going to be when she does say no to me.

Right now, I can't fully describe how aroused or energized I felt seeing her getting ready for work and thinking that she just wants to be with Robert. I’ve still got that feeling now.

Last night was another night of almost brutal, honest talking as we enjoyed our fun. (Well, I had fun!) She did not masturbate, at least not openly, but I think she was grinding and rubbing her legs together as I enjoyed myself.

I wasn't totally sure how I was going to be when ‘the conversation’ finally happened. I knew in my head that I wanted it but I was still concerned that perhaps that the reality of that moment may have been different ... but it wasn't.

She again shared how horny he made her feel just from being around him and how he talks to her. It was when she told me how relaxed and comfortable she's feeling with him now that my cock was totally at attention.

I should have said that she started by reassuring me that she will always love me and all of that, and after that seemed to clear her conscience, she started with the sexy teasing/turn-on. As if soothing my emotions made it easier for her to tell me that - as I'd already shared here - that she's accepting her desires and as long as I'm okay, that she isn't going to resist them. I told her as I stroked away that I trusted her wanted her to.

As she told me again how much she enjoyed sex with Robert I felt myself tip over the edge and I came for the first time

She smiled to see my spunk spurting over my hand and stomach but didn’t comment rather she continued and said it surprised her at how on only their 3rd night together, that not only did she have awesome sex (as she described it, "my god did he make me cum") but, and I know this wasn't easy for her to say to me, that she felt totally at ease with him sexually and that she didn't hold back. She said it surprised her that they'd found themselves so much in sync and that he too seemed surprised by it.

I told her that I loved hearing her so excited and that knowing she was turned on really got me turned on. I noticed that she talked more openly and easily when she was looking down towards my stiff wet cock and it easier for me too not looking at her in the face as I talked openly about her loving having sex with him.

She looked up at me and told me how she felt as she got on top of him for the first time. Hearing her tell me how full and stretched she felt was amazing but it was the way she described how deep he felt in her that really turned me on. She had to feel so comfortable with him to get on top of him and literally ride him as she wanted. She started telling me how intensely she climaxed on him and that was enough to once more push me over the edge. I stroked away until again I spurted all over my stomach. She pause talking and giggled to see the one or two spurts and it made her pull back and watch.

Could there be any truer evidence of me totally wanting to be cucked like this than for my cock to remain rock-hard as she told me all of this. Even more so, at how much I came so soon and so quickly a second time.

She cooed how hot it was to watch me and giggled about how I will have to enjoy it even more soon. I didn't make the connection then but instead just lay back and caught my breath as she rubbed up against me and I could feel her curly pubes against my hip.

She rubbed against me and kissed my neck as I felt her fingers playing with my now softened cock. Again, she said things that didn't fully register at the time. She said stuff about how much I seemed to be cumming on Wednesdays and she said it made her horny to watch me and see my now limp cock and to think that I was incapable to fuck her right then. It didn't really register at the time. Instead I thought it was just her having fun with my post-orgasm mellowness.

She leaned up and (I really have come to love this with her) did her usual ‘treat’ of scooping all my cum into a pool into my navel and then brings fingerfuls up to my lips. It is totally erotic, she'll lean in and kiss me and we'll share it on our tongues. She makes the sexiest moans as we do that.

Last night she leaned down and licked at my cum and then came up and kissed me, a sort of a snowball. It was very intense to feel as I 'recovered' from a good cum. She leaned up against me when she was through and kissed me again and said she loved sharing it all with me.

I was in a totally mellow state and it took me a while to realize she was still talking to me and that it wasn't just idle talk but she was saying things that she really wanted to talk about more.

She started to tell me how empowered she felt by all of this stuff between us. She said she was genuinely excited about ‘deciding who I have sex with’. She said that allowing her to let herself even just feel such lust and desire for Robert even if it never turns into the full-blown emotional affair she was hoping for, that just feeling this kind of desire is something else. She said that she still doesn’t understand what’s happening but that as long as I'm okay with it, that she's stopped fighting it and wants to accept the situation.

I told her that I'd known she wanted to let herself go and that I wanted her to do it and let it happen as she wants it to when she wants it to.

She told me that she loves our Wednesday night fun and that she's particularly smitten with watching me cum. She said she'd always loved that I never felt I had to hide it from her. I told her that I enjoyed her watching me from when we first started dating. She giggled and said she remembered from way back then and how I'd jerk-off when she'd have her period and how much she liked it even back then.

Then she turned serious and said, "how are you going to be when that's the only way you'll get to cum?”

I was surprised by how straightforward she was with that question but I also knew at that moment that she was maybe ready. Before I could answer she continued, "... that's what you're saying to me. I just want to be clear".

In that moment I knew that if I nodded my head yes, where she was going to get to before the night was over.

I suppose I really didn’t need to say anything for once again my cock was hard. She noticed it right away and mentioned it to me, "Seems like part of you definitely likes the idea".

I didn't hide it; I let her see that I was fully hard. In a way, I was showing that I wanted her to have no question in her mind about it, that I wanted her to do it.

She then went on with the same things she's said for so many Wednesdays, how she likes that when I cum, that it's not in her. She looked at me and said she used to be scared to think like that but now she said it again, “... how you must have cum gallons in me and how it turns me on to think about you taking a break!" It wasn't so much what she said but more how she said it.

Then she said something that I don't know if I'll ever forget, “it's weird to think of being turned on by not having something that used to turn me on so much ... but I guess that's really no different than how you are feeling, is it?".

In that moment it was like the clouds parted and we were at one in what we were thinking. She said she's not sure how she came to that conclusion but that she thinks she understands me a whole lot more. It’s weird to think about right now.

I was stroking away like crazy by now. She turned to me and said, "So, I think I'm at that point" and that's when she said that if she has what she wants out of tonight, that she'll then want to go further.

Through my muddled thoughts I heard her say, "if he makes me cum again like last time......” and then she snapped me out of my fog when she said, "... it turns me on to think of only being with him.

I focussed back on what she was saying and asked her if that's why she's ‘joining the gym’ and that’s when she got silly and said, "Actually, it's Robert and not Jim" playing on words and making reference to her favourite toy ‘Jim’. She smiled and got back on track and said, "yes".

She then said that she'd had lunch with him earlier yesterday and they'd talked about what they'd both wanted which was to see each other more. She told him of the ‘gym excuse’ she'd started and then joked with me that they'd both laughed when they'd said, almost simultaneously something to the effect of them both getting a workout anyway. She said that is what they'll be talking further about tonight.


Last night she sidled up to me as I lay there and said, "He thinks he can work from home 2 days a week and I thought that maybe we could then have one night together too". She leaned over to me and kissed me and said, "Would that be too much for you?"

My first and almost immediate response was, "Are you sure that is that might be too much for you?!" then after I was kind of subdued as I thought more about of what she'd just said and what it meant.

She lay next to me and said it wasn't going to be easy for her and that she wasn't totally sure just yet. Then she let out this sexy moan and sigh and cuddled up to me and said, "tomorrow will make me sure".

She slid up and started to whisper in my ear again how it makes her feel so sexy to think like this of ‘doing this with my husband!’ and then she said it, "... but if you want, then we can try it for a sort of trial period".

I made no reaction so she leaned up on her elbow and said, "this weekend, maybe after this weekend, we can take a break for a week or two".

I started to moan as I kept on stroking as she talked, my rock hard cock telling her the words I couldn't find to say. She kissed my neck and ear and then said, "you can have me as much as you want this weekend but then maybe we'll take a break while I have fun with Robbie?”

I groaned back a hoarse, "ok" and she giggled and kissed me and said, "I love you".

She started to say stuff about how horny I'm going to be, "... especially when you know I'll be with him".

I did manage to groan out mid-stroke, "how long?"

She giggled and said, "I don't know, maybe 2 weeks?" then a moment later said, "that's Memorial Day weekend ... that sounds good - you can have me back then and we can talk more over the long weekend". I think she was going to say more but she must have seen how urgent my stroking had gotten to the point where she said, "wow, this really does turn you on, doesn't it?". She leaned down and cooed in my ear, "okay baby, now you can think that next week that I'll be all Robbie’s....”

Wow, that did it; my god did that do it. Just hearing her saying that and everything exploded all at once. I knew what she'd said and I knew what it meant; at that moment the excitement of it hit me and I know I came hard for a third time.

She cooed in my ear at how good I am at jerking off and told me how that's all I'll have for a while. I know as I stroked out the last spurt or two that she was cooing in my ear how I shouldn’t worry about us; that everything will still be good for us.

I know I was exhausted after that. It was like it was too much to cope with. She was quiet until I caught my breath and asked her, "You were serious, right?"

She leaned forward and kissed me and said, "If you are okay with it....." she paused, “then I think I want to do it ... I'll tell you more tomorrow".

We kissed again and she had no care that my cum had spread onto her or dripped onto the bed. She then leaned downward and again started to collect up my cum and share it with me. She was talking kind of aimlessly just sharing the thoughts in her head and I know seeing my cum on her fingers spurred her on to tell me how erotic it was that ‘this’ won't be in me for a while. As I licked off her fingers she cooed that she thought her having ‘just Robbie in me’ was also very erotic and how it turned her on. She also said, "I know it helps me feel closer to him".

Hearing her say that gave me a shudder as I thought about it.

I honestly didn't know what to say next and I mumbled something about how it's hot to hear her say that and that I wanted it to be something we shared. She leaned down and lay against me, now fully flat against me and again I could feel her hard nipples through her t-shirt and again feel her pubes against my leg. She hugged me and said how much she loved me and, at one point, she looked up and pulled my face towards hers and she just said, "thank you" before giving me an incredible kiss.

I'd like to say we talked about more but we didn't. I didn’t know what more there was to say at that moment but now, wow, I can think of so much more that I wanted to talk to her about. So many details which I don't know the answers, will she let me lick her when she comes home; can I use a condom with her; will she masturbate along with me on Wednesdays; is there a ‘safe-word’ for us to use? So many question but at the same time I DO SOOOOO want her to do this. Even this morning, all I could think about is how it's going to be to see her prancing around knowing.what’s going to be happening.

Last night wasn't the time for all of this clarity and this morning, well, her focus wasn't on me. She did say, "we'll have fun tonight baby; I can't wait" but we didn't talk too much more about it. Instead, this morning I had the extra arousal at knowing what was coming as she picked out the lingerie she'll share with him later.

In a way, her being with him is almost anti-climactic to last night. Despite cumming heavily three times last night and knowing that might be one of the last nights I'll have with her had my cock at full-mast all day and, believe it or not, dripping pre-cum at times despite last night’s action!

It's crazy but now that the ball is rolling I absolutely want to let it happen. I can't decide which is turning me on more right now, knowing what she's doing tonight or thinking about what may come this weekend?


I am sure she's already at his house by now and if the night is going as she hopes then she's probably either wearing the lingerie she brought with her, or perhaps just one of his button-down shirts. Either way, I am sure it won't be long before she has a present to bring home to me later on.

I really do like that she's out; there’s no other way to say it, that she’s out getting fucked right now. The thought of her screaming out in orgasm under his ministrations is just too much for me to think about right now.

She said she wouldn’t be home all that late so I’m thinking she could be home by 7:30-8pm.

I am aching right now....


Last night gave her what she had wanted with Robert. She was ‘tender’ when she got home but insisted that having got what she wanted that she wanted to fulfil her part of the bargain; she said, ‘I promised you’.

Hearing that I went down on her but was unsure of whether she'll allow me that level of contact. It sounds strange but there is something just so incredibly arousing to me when I taste and have it ‘confirmed’ that he came in her. She indulged me for a few minutes, even giggling as she bore down to squeeze some more of his semen out but the reality is that if she's offering me her pussy until Sunday when things may change then right now I'm going to be sure to take her up on her promise.

I sensed she was feeling a bit tender for at first her response to me was a bit subdued but, and it makes me feel good to say it, she picked up on my arousal and desire and soon I had her rocking back and forth right along with me. What we had thought might be a quickie turned into a bit of a longer session as I was mindful of the limited time that there may be. I fought off the urge to fuck her like a madman and instead moved slowly and sensually. I think I got an extension of her time with him as she became very compliant and receptive up until we both reached orgasm. She came just after me and I think it was the feeling of me cumming in her that carried her over.

My god, what a mess she was in afterwards. She giggled at the amount of cum that was dribbling out of her accusing me of, "cumming so much ... because of what's going on”.

She staggered off into the bathroom and I admit I do so love to see her there in my favourite position of one foot up on the toilet seat as she wipes herself clean. She cleaned up and then brought me the washcloth before putting on her t-shirt and robe on to wear for the rest of the evening.

I had thought that maybe we'd go for seconds (thirds or 4ths for her) before we fell asleep but instead there just seemed to be a general calmness between us afterwards. It just seemed inappropriate to talk all that much about the pink-elephant that is upon us right now.


Suzanna confessed to me yesterday that she's already started seeing Robert more often than I knew. She admitted to me that she's seen him, as she put it, ‘for a quickie’ twice in the past 2 weeks in addition to their normally scheduled dates. She spoke so confidently of her plan for the next 2 weeks about how she'll be able to see him at his place .... because that's what she's already done!

I told her I was disappointed in her for not telling me as she must have known I wouldn't have minded. She told me that she wanted to be sure she would be okay with seeing him more after knowing that he didn't want it to become romantic or emotional between them. I told her that it was obvious that it didn't seem to matter to her and said, "it's okay if it's just sexual between you two." I told her that if she wanted to do more sexually with him that it would be fine and I thought that it didn't necessarily have to be all romantic and emotional.

She said stuff like that she felt the need of at least something between them, that while she can't say that she feels like he's head-over-heels for her, that, "I know it's more than just sex for him too." I’m thinking that's what she wanted to confirm before she came to her decision about us trialling out a more formal denial period.

To be honest, I was a bit put out by her deception even though I kind of understood why she did it. We both felt that we were approaching a decision that seemed to have more implications than our earlier times of playing with denial. She hugged me and said she hoped I could understand her wanting to be more certain about what she wanted. She looked at me and said she felt ‘so alive’ thinking and doing this stuff. As she talked she wriggled and allowed me to see more of her, her t-shirt rode up revealing her waiting pussy and she would teasingly pull the shirt tight across her chest to let me see the outlines of her hard nipples. In between talking she was kissing me all over and, well, it was hard to hold up a good front and I soon relented. How could I be mad when she looks at me like that?

She hugged me tight saying that ‘we'll always find ways to be close’ and at one point said ‘she loved me even more for letting 'us' do all of this’. That was the moment when I would have agreed to anything as she again rubbed up against me and I could feel her pubes against my hip.

I reached over and gently ran my fingers up and down her pussy as she kissed me and I could feel how wet and swollen she still felt from Thursday night. She moaned softly and whispered that I'd have to be gentle with her last night again, "so that I'll last all weekend for you".

What turned me on even more was when I pushed my finger into her waiting vagina and I could feel it being so wet. She cooed in my ear as I kissed my way down her neck that, "I'm still so wet from yesterday ... I could feel it all day long today".

Oh my god, it was so intense to hear her say that; I swear my cock swelled up to full mast in a split second.

We didn't do much in terms of our usual open teasing. She did taunt me a few times saying how she'll ‘have to get used to him’ but in reality it was a quieter evening for us as we just shared a few explicit thoughts. I know what the thoughts in my head were and I'm pretty sure there were similar ones were in her head.

Despite her request for gentleness we became ever more physical rolling over to her being on top at one point, then rolling back over (without my popping out of her!) to where she lay back and urged me to go at her. When I felt her legs wrap around my lower back and I felt her pulling my shoulders to her I knew she must have been riding up to the edge. I responded by focusing on her and it was just beautiful to see and feel her climax underneath me. I stayed still as she moaned and thrashed beneath me.

Maybe it's the knowledge of what's coming but I seem to be so aware of everything about her; the sight and feel of her hardened nipples against my chest; how soft her curly pubes feel; how sensitive her pussy-lips are to a gentle touch of my finger or tongue! As she orgasmed beneath me I swore I could sense her pussy ripple and spasm over every inch of my cock, feel her squeezing me tight one second and then relaxing open the next, again and again.

I laughed to myself that feeling all of that wetness in her as she came was from her and not remnants of Robert and me in her. I loved hearing her moaning then feeling her breathing deeply as she calmed down.

She was so soft, sensual, WET and just so open. Pushing her now weakened legs back against my arms that open feeling was just soooo welcoming to my still rock hard cock and once again I just pushed into her effortlessly.

How could I not think at that moment that I had only 48 more hours to enjoy her and how I so wanted to enjoy every possible moment in her?

She knew it too and as she calmed down from her climax she started to not so much tease me but more to encourage me. "Come on baby, now it’s your turn ..." and a moment later "... I want you to have me so much for the next few days".

Well, her encouragement worked and hearing those thoughts made me feel like my cock had become even harder and I thought even thicker than I normally am. I felt like it was made of steel; as I pulled out of her, we paused and both looked to see how wet and glistening it was.

Maybe she knew it, maybe she didn't, but I also pulled out of her like that because I think she just looks so friggin' hot lying there beneath me with her pussy gaping open waiting for me to push back into her. There’s times she claims to be embarrassed at me looking at her like that but last night she didn't seem to mind.

I love to see her like that with my stiff cock just resting between her lips but, I confess, that my thoughts last night were more of, “that what she looks like when she's with him too". I know that seems so almost mundane in the midst of things but that thought just made me so horny that it drove me to not waste more time and I pushed back into her with a vengeance.

When she knew I was going for it (she can tell) she seemed to shift her hips back and let me in even deeper and she started to tease me more in earnest. She knows what to say to make it more intense for me and her words when she teased, about how big Robert is and how deep he goes in compared to me, had the desired effect.

Whatever she said, it worked because whereas I will sometimes try to hold back at the edge to make it more pleasurable last night I just let loose and kept on fucking her at the same motion as I came in her. She squealed out loud as she felt my warm cum lubricating my last few thrusts into her before I collapsed against her.

We hugged and lay together as I caught my breath and she whispered in my ear, "it's going to be okay for us ..." as if to comfort me, "... it's going to be fun ...." and after a second, "... remember, I promised you that it'll be good for you too" and then she made this slurping sound as if to intimate that she'll be sucking my cock in the future!


Today there's a bit of uneasiness in the air. Oh, I'm very satisfied sexually but there's obviously something big afoot between us that it feels like we're sort of on eggshells around each other. Nothing bad but we are both aware of what is about to happen.

I do have a nice Mothers Day planned for her for tomorrow. Our son has sent a gift for her which is a nice surprise that he remembered and it's here ahead of time! My ******** and I have gotten a few gifts and have planned to cook a nice dinner for her tomorrow night.

It’s the time between now and then that's going to be awkward.


My thoughts keep going back to her not having told me of her extra visits to go and see Robert. I'm being positive about it instead of letting it bother me that she didn't tell me. She stressed it was only twice and just ‘quickies’ so I know it was more of something for her to test the waters about. It also answers some thoughts I'd had about her having been so wet at times on Wednesdays and it does turn me on that already I've experienced some of what I'll have in the future.

As far as the end of the ‘trial-period’ is concerned she's the one who's emphatic about us ‘re-uniting’ on Memorial Day weekend. In my head, I'm thinking she'll want to feel that reassurance that it's something that's good for us.

I know the point of no return tomorrow evening is approaching quickly and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared that it’s about to become real, or as real as it can be for the trial period. At the same time, I know just how horny I will be for her tomorrow night.

In my head, the moment that seems to really turn it on for me is thinking of how I'm going to feel pulling out of her for what will be the last time for a while. That will be the moment I've wanted to really experience knowing she is the one wanting it.

She's talked more about how it turns her on to think of me not cumming in her and she admits, or as she said it, "I learned that one from you." I was honest and told her that it was an intense thought for me that only Robert will have that pleasure with her. She said that was a beautiful way for me to say it to her and after a moment she hugged me and said that she'd never totally thought about it that way, that him cumming in her was the sharing of the pleasure of that moment.

I am scared to admit it but that may be what turns me on the most is to know that she'll only share that pleasure with him now. That she'll only cum from him being in her is incredible to think about and I'd even say that just thinking about that part of it, her giving that to him and not to me, has become an insane desire for her to give those moments to him.

I'm shaking right now as I have that thought and the thought of her tonight and tomorrow. Somehow it seems kind of appropriate for her to make this decision for Mother’s day!


Suzanna told me on Saturday that while this was definitely a trial-period, that she wanted to ‘make it as real as it can be’. She repeated this statement several times last night as she encouraged me to enjoy my last time in her. She teased me as she lay there beneath me and told me, "be sure you look me over good ..." and she spread her legs, "... because you are about to give me to Robert".

She ran her hands up and down her body and down to her pussy and teased apart her already engorged lips and said, “You’re really sure you want to do this?”

I was nervous as hell but every time over the weekend that she asked me this I steadfastly gave her the same answer, “I really do want to try it”.

On both nights she said that she wanted to make this as real as it can be. She almost admonished me at one point and said something like, "I want to play this for as if its forever; I don't want you to expect me to give into you if you ask or want me".

She told me several times that ‘you rubbed off on me’ and when I asked her to explain she said that lately she now finds herself very turned on by all of this ‘denial talk’ and it was me that had made her that way.

She said that she used to think how she could ever not have sex with me much less not have me cumming in her but now admits that all of the talk over the past few months together with the ‘fun without you fucking me’ has convinced her that she wants to try this. She said it's taken her a while to accept that this turns her on and kidded with me again that, "you have no one to blame but yourself." To emphasise her point she teasingly put her hand over her pussy and said, “It's been a long time since I’ve felt so ‘in control’ over my own sexuality” (I know she meant that she feels empowered but it wasn’t the time to correct her!) She again said that it scares her at times, but that she is genuinely excited by, as she put it, ‘taking a real break’ from me cumming in her.


Saturday night was intense. She teased me mercilessly at times, laughing at how my cock seemed to be revealing my true desires when she said, "this is going to be Robbie’s when you're done" meaning her pussy.

As we fucked she explicitly encouraged me that, "you'd better enjoy yourself because there’s only 1 more day for you to have me”.

Even though we'd fucked up a storm on Friday night damn if I didn't cum like a teenager again on Saturday. Mainly for my entertainment as I pounded into her she giggled and said, "just think only 2 more times for you to cum in me" but soon enough, she was right there with me at the peak of passion and her joking turned into her moaning to think that, "only Robbie will be in me soon".

As we approached our mutual orgasm our talking and teasing turned into grunts and moans. My head was full of every thought possible and I felt torn at times of wanting to fuck her soooo slowly and to savour every moment and every inch I could feel of her but at the same time I so wanted to just plough away at her and be as physical as I could.

When I finally did let loose in her she came at almost the exact same moment. She later confessed that thinking of playing it for real, that it was one of the last few times I might cum in her, was what really drove her to an intense orgasm.

She encouraged me to stay still with her afterwards and she said for me to, "Stay in me as long as you can baby". We lay there kissing and hugging and as we did she looked up at me and said, "It’s going to be alright".

I hugged her and said, "I know".

I got up onto my knees and it turned us both on to watch my cock slip out of her. I cannot emphasize at how much that moment meant to me when I felt my cock slip out of her and watched a dribble of my cum follow. Even though I'd just cum, that feeling of my cock slipping out of her and the sight that followed in a weird way gave me an even greater feeling of pleasure than the orgasm that had just swept over me.

She giggled as she felt me slip out but then she let out a deep sensual moan as I guess she too realized the significance of the moment. She cupped her hand over her open leaking pussy and then looked at my cum on her hand and then said something to the effect of, “don’t take this personally but after almost 30 years, it's going to be good to take a break from this!" I wasn’t too sure how to take that

I'd like to say we talked or did more on Saturday night but instead we both lay there afterwards and hugged and caressed each other. When I did run my hands down to her pussy she held them for a moment and then said, "after tomorrow you'll only get to look baby," but then she released her grip and let me run my fingers up through her swollen open pussy making her giggle at how it felt for me to spread my cum all around.


Last night (Sunday) and things really reached their peak in terms of what was going on. We talked again before we started to mess around and then she looked at me and in keeping with trying to make it real said, again, that she wanted me to know that this was the last time I was going to fuck her. She didn't say ‘ever’, which was good, as that might have been too much for me, at the time, to hear that or for me to even have that thought. She again said, "I don't want you bothering me for sex".

We were still dressed and we were talking out loud and she continued and said, "You can have all of me tonight ..." and then added "...for the last time".

Hearing her being so definite, I was worried I was going to shoot off in my pants!

It was when we got into bed that things got tenser and more intense. She asked me if her ‘not wearing panties’ and leaving herself ******* to me was going to be okay for me; whether I can ‘handle it’.

I told her that I would much rather get to see ‘what I couldn’t have’.

She giggled and said that I must really enjoy being tormented and again she emphasized and reminded me, "this is what you started" and then she lay back naked and said, "I want you to look at me. I want to do this, try this, - but I want to be absolutely you do too."

Before I could say anything she said again that she wanted to play this for real (even though it's just for 2 weeks) and then she said, "I want you to tell me again that you want me to give my pussy to Robbie."

I nodded my agreement.

“Not good enough. I want to do it but I want to hear you to say it to me".

It was truly a moment I'd wanted to feel for so long. I can't fully explain everything in my head but I know at that moment it was never clearer to me. I love my wife and I love having sex with her but last night as she lay there beneath me I knew it was exactly what I wanted.

I put my fingers into her pussy and felt her warmth and the sticky-wet feeling between her pussy lips. She moaned as I probed the entrance to her vagina and she seemed to push her hips up to get me to penetrate her more. My cock was rock-hard at her literally ******** all of herself to me like this. As I pulled my fingers out of her she moaned and said, "well, I want you to tell me before we do more, yes or no?"

I was actually worried I'd cum as I said it to her but I knew she needed to hear it from me, that hearing it from me right then before our last moments of pleasure together was what she needed. I took a deep breath and I said, "Yes my darling Suzanna, I love you dearly but I know this is something that I, you, we both, want to try out"

I paused and then simply said, "yes, I want you to be all his". I don't know how my voice didn't crack but I know it wavered as I said, "I want him to be the only one to be fucking you".

She squealed at that moment to hear me say it out loud and hearing me say it again (and again and again) has finally convinced her.

I was glued to staring at her pussy and I just knew that to be denied was what I wanted; maybe it's what I've wanted since the beginning. As I started to realize the other day (and it's crazy to say it) I do so want her to share her sexual pleasure with him. Much as it scares me to think about it also excites me to think about it!

I became aware she had started to talk again and I heard her say, "... good, then it'll be done". I was sort of delirious with excitement and I'd started to rub my cock up and down between her swollen labia. I wanted to take as long as I could before pushing into her for what could be the last time. It turned me on so much to think of her wanting to make it as real as possible. As I rubbed up and down she said in a quiet voice, "I want to be his".

Hearing that really got me seething and my anxiety only increased when she said, "this is for you tonight. I want you to enjoy it as much as you can".

I started to tease her more by pushing just the tip of my cock into her pussy. She squealed as she felt me probing her (maybe for the last time?!) then just before I pushed all the way into her she looked up at me and said matter-of-factly, "I'm going to douche when we're done".

That seemed to take me out of being so focused on fucking her and she must have seen the look of confusion on my face because she said, "I told you, I want to start clean for him". A second later she said, "... but that's after you're done. For now I want you to really enjoy yourself and I'll be right there with you ... come on baby".

I think I almost cried when I pushed into her finally. I felt really vulnerable as the obvious thought in my head that ‘this could be the last fuck’ started to sink in and the emotions started to flood out of me. She pushed me on though, she knew I wanted it no matter how wavering my voice may have sounded and my rock hard cock made that totally clear!

She teased me more, "just think; only Robbie's going to feel me after you are done". Then she started talking about how turned on it made her to think about it being only him to cum in her and, wow, it was like the top of my head was blown off! My hair stood up and I felt every inch of my body go crazy!

Once I was in her, I was in my own world. She was talking and teasing and whatever, but in my head, I was just so turned on that I wasn’t really hearing what she was saying. Feeling her slick pussy, hearing her teasing talk and knowing in my head that this was possibly my last fuck with her, that thought just drove me absolutely crazy.

I know I wanted the fuck to last as long as I could but at the same time, oh my god, the urge to burrow into her and fuck her madly was equally intense for me. There was so much more that I'd wanted to share and talk about but I knew that once I'd cum for the last time in her that we'd have plenty of time to talk afterwards.

There was no doubt that she was into the moment too, no doubt at all, as she was fucking her pussy up at me with each thrust of mine. She was drenched, juices were running out of her and were causing slurping and sloshing sounds each time I'd fully push into her and grind against her. Her moans were as loud as mine were.

I intended to enjoy every second of that fuck as I could. Even with how ‘busy’ we'd been for the past 3 days, I knew that this might be my last time and I knew that despite how much sex we'd had that I was going to cum profusely in her.

I fucked her in earnest and when I felt the urge coming I tried to fight it off as much as I could. The thought of pulling out of her and calming down and starting again went through my head but I couldn't do it. She was now encouraging me on, she was as horny about it as I was, but when she knew I was getting close it really turned her on even more.

I was thinking it was odd but now I look at it as poignant as I felt my orgasm approaching I almost started to cry on her. I can't explain the rush of emotions I felt but a part of me definitely knew the symbolism of that moment.

I had so many second-thoughts about pulling out of her pre-orgasm and calling it all off and yet at the same time as I pushed deep into her all I could think about was that I truly did want Robert to be the one in her afterwards. I can't say it was a revelation but more a realization that I did want it.

I pushed into her knowing my own climax was so close and I was thinking that this might be my last time in her and that he'll have her after that. That thought didn’t make me relent, if anything, it convinced me that it really was what I wanted.

I heard her moan out loud as she must have known I was close and I looked down her body at where we were connected together and I knew more than ever it was what I wanted.

I did try to fight off the last orgasm as much as I could but 3 or 4 strokes later it was too late and as I'd predicted it felt like the cum just gushed out of me. She squealed with a crazy shaking of her body as she felt me finally cum; she later admitted that, for her, feeling me at that moment also cemented her desires.

What was possibly the most personal and loving moment I think I've felt in a long long time was right after that. She held me tightly wrapping her legs around me and pulling me close with her arms. She kissed me passionately and cooed at how exciting it was ‘now that it's done’.

I started to pull out of her but she said, "wait" and locked her legs around me. She looked up at me and said,"I will always love you and will always be here for you but now, I want us to step onto a new path in our journey". I was still a bit out of breath as she said, "I want you to slowly pull out of me for the last time".

Hearing her say that ‘the last time’ really got to me. My cock wasn't totally softened when I pulled back and she moved as if to delay me for a moment longer after which she seemed to settle back onto the bed and then we both watched as I pulled slowly out of her. A big drop of cum was at the tip of my cock and when I ran my thumb up the underside, a final weak squirt came out of me and dripped down to her spread pussy.

I was spent in every sense of the word. Between the emotions, the thoughts in my head and now the intense orgasm I'd just had, I was almost lifeless for a few moments.

She asked me if I wanted, "to see me one last time" and when I said, "uh huh" as a yes response, she giggled and said, "Okay". I looked over to her and she let me see her, the same as she had before we'd had sex, but now her pussy was well-used and as I watched she bore down and a big dribble of my cum appeared. She let me watch her for a few minutes until she said, "okay - that's enough" at which point she pulled her legs together and pulled me down for a hug.

We fell into an emotional kiss and we both spent the next few minutes reassuring ourselves of how much we loved each other. She told me how much she loved me and how close she felt to me through all of this; I told her that I loved her too and that I thought this was going to be okay. She hugged me and said, "I'll make sure it is".

I think she felt that I was in a good-place because she then gave me a peck on the cheek and said, "Okay baby, I'm ready to be his".

I didn't say anything; there was nothing that needed to be said, it was virtually a done-deal.

Her hand lingered in mine as she got out of bed to go to the bathroom. She turned to me and said, "I hope we can be this open all the time".

I told her that I just needed to know that we were still good. She came back to the bedside and kissed my forehead and said, "We’ll always be good". A second later added, "... but this is something I want to do - for me - mentally - to be ready to be his."

With that she returned to the bathroom leaving the door open so that I could watch her. She didn't look at me but she knew that I would be glued to what she was doing. Sure enough, she reached into the medicine cabinet and she got out her douche-bottle and filled it and then she proceeded to sit on the toilet while she inserted it. As I watched her squeeze the bottle and a second later saw a flood gush out of her pussy, I knew she'd done it and that she wanted to be his.


Suzanna is not seeing Robert today. Their additional times together will start on Wednesday afternoon this week but she's promised she’ll share all with me during our usual Wednesday-night routine (she giggled that she'll probably be well satisfied by then).

She has already said to everyone that she'll be going to the gym two or three afternoons or evenings each week. Our ******** is really impressed as she's been after her mother to join a gym ever since her high school went over fitness and aging, etc., in her health class. I am sure she doesn't know what Suzanna is really going to be doing so it's kind of funny to hear her saying, “mom, it'll be good for you once you get into it".

I think I'm still not dealing with it yet. Last night was just intensely satisfying for me that it may take me a while longer for it to sink in that she's not going to let me fuck her until Memorial Day weekend. She said she doesn't want me to tell her that and that she really doesn't want to think that way herself either for right now. It scares me a bit to think about it without a definite end-date.

However, I know that despite what’s been said before Saturday, she was VERY insistent on us reconnecting over Memorial Day weekend.


We haven't established any kind of rules of what's allowed and what's not. I suppose I'll find out on Wednesday night, if she's seen him earlier, as to what will and won't be allowed. The only thing I can say for sure right now (and my god is it ever a turn on to say this) but the only thing I know for sure is that she doesn't want me to cum in her. Thinking of her last night cleaning me out of her, it feels so incredible to think of her wanting to be his as much as she can.

I still find it unbelievable that we are here. It's true that this is what I've wanted, for her to dictate when, how and with whom she has sex but more I've so wanted her to truly want it for herself. That she is no longer reluctant to accept it, that she wants to be with him and not me and her denying me is something that makes me feel so much more alive and horny.


Wow, what a note to end on. Best I find another book so I can continue to tell ‘what happened next’!