Journal of a Journey - Book #142

Last night and, honestly, it only has gotten better with everything being more out in the open. She felt very comfortable getting undressed, looking at me as I lay there naked stroking my cock. She teased me as she leaned forward and dangled her breasts as she pulled the bra away and she pulled her panties up against her pussy enough to darken slightly from her moistness.

I told her as she slid her panties off and then stepped out of them that I still loved seeing her naked and, with her pussy almost at eye-level right next to me, that I loved seeing her pussy, ‘peeking out like that’. I groaned as I looked up, saying that I loved knowing I had to again wait for her.

She had that same angelic look on her face that was just something so beautiful when I said that to her. I watched as she slid her hands down, spread her legs, and then pulled her pussy apart. Before she pulled the inner lips back, she glanced down at me and said, "Keep stroking or you don't get to see".

I did as she said and she ran her finger up and down between the lips and then quickly in and out and she smiled as she moved to sit on the bed next to me and almost whispered, "Too bad you don't get to feel that". I swear my cock felt like it was a balloon about to explode.

As I said, it's become a lot easier for us just to talk openly and I told her, as she leaned back towards me almost rubbing her breasts on my arm, that thinking about that drove me crazy. She asked me to tell her more and it felt really good telling her that, "giving that up, and having to wait till the following Sunday, both things seem to make it great for me lately". She leaned over, kissed me, and gushed about how wonderful it felt to her too.

She said, "It's been a long time since I felt we were on the same page baby" and she continued to tell me that she loved watching me masturbate and that she wanted me to know that she felt that in some ways, " … sharing this is even more intimate than sex" and she told me that during sex she doesn't get to talk or any of that but that watching and ‘helping you along’ she thought was something very meaningful between us.

I told her I felt the same and enjoyed that she would help me along to feel good. She giggled and told me again how much she loved watching, "when you finally cum", telling me how beautiful and how hot it is.

I groaned back that I felt the same way watching her playing with herself. She giggled and leaned down and kissed me. As she stayed close to me, she whispered, "Maybe one of these times I'll suck you like I used to do sometimes..." She looked up and there was no doubt from the look on my face (as if my leaking cock wasn't enough!) that I wanted her to do that. She added, “ … but not tonight, honey."

With that she moved to sit on the bed cross-legged, giggled, and said, "Come on honey, you like it when I sit like this" and, sure enough when she leaned back against the headboard, truly all of her was on display with her pussy being wide open. She saw me smiling as she ran a finger down and let me watch her slip it inside and then come out shiny from her juices. It turned me on when she said, "Oh wow, he opens me out doesn’t he? I’m so wet ..." before she arched her finger back up inside.

I stroked away as I told her how sexy she looked and she told me that she loved lying naked like that now and giggled, "Remember when I wouldn't do this?" I did and told her so. She giggled even more and said, "… or remember how I'd be afterward about letting you see me?"

I think she knew I was getting close, she saw me edge several times (she now knows that when I pull my hand away that she should hold up on the teasing or I'll cum too soon) but when I started to stroke again she leaned down and said something like, "who was I seeing when I finally realized that you liked seeing me like that?" Before I could struggle for an answer she hissed in my ear, " … you know baby, all wet and open and full of his cum like that".

I moaned loudly and pulled my hand away as she giggled and said, "Oh honey, I know what you want...." and she allowed me to catch my breath one last time before I started to stroke again. She saw me and knew that I needed it this time and she seemed determined to help me along. As my cock got even harder, she moaned and said, "It's so romantic you know honey …" When I moaned back, "What?" she replied, " … that you have given me and Paul such a nice gift".

I didn't know what she meant at that moment and just gave another groan. She smiled and laughed softly, moved her head back up to where mine was, and as she did so she whispered in my ear, "Your cock is gorgeous baby, so big and hard and, mmm, look, so wet too.”. I felt my hand speed up and knew the end was near, that I wasn't going to be able to hold back. She moaned softly and whispered in this sexy voice, " … it's too bad that it's never going to feel my pussy again!".

Wow, the way she said it caught me off guard but so turned me on that I think I came almost immediately. With this huge grunt (I know I've described it this way in the past) it felt like a load of piss at first from how much the first few spurts were. I kept stroking and stroking until the last dribbles added to the puddles of cum on my stomach. It was only then that I realized she'd been doing herself too and now had 3 fingers firmly in her pussy and she'd likely not even seen the last painful dribbles that I needed to get out.

I lay back breathing heavily and in between my breaths, I could hear her’s as she slowly pushed herself up onto her side and up on her elbow so she could look at me.

I immediately asked her as she began to touch my face and my shoulder (I knew she wanted to play with all of that cum) I asked, "Did you mean that?" and she said, "No, not for real...." but after a short pause she said, "... but I thought that it would turn you on to play with the idea as real...".

She sat up even more and openly began collecting up all of my cum as she started to talk to me and said stuff like letting us play that it's for real, " … as we'd done before." Then she looked at me as she brought her first finger-full of cum to my lips and said in a soft voice, "You know that I've meant what I've always said, that if you ever need to have me like that, you know, bare or whatever, that I will always be there for you".

I told her I loved her and appreciated hearing that, to which she responded, "But we could play that it's for real and that you know.... you'd have to be the one to decide".

I asked her what she'd want and, without really thinking about it, she just said, "It would be okay with me if you didn't". It rang true to what Roni had shared with me in her chat and I asked her if it mattered to her at all.

She said again that knowing it turns me on also turns her on and ‘that is just how it is’ but she did then say that it would be okay with her if I decided that I wanted to continue as we are. I didn't ask anymore because I guess Roni was right in a way and I guess she saw me thinking and must have thought I was thinking about our conversation and not my chat when I heard the end of what she was saying as, ".... so it's sort of more the icing on top of the cake".

I looked over at her and asked her, "Is just the cake okay" She giggled and knew what I was asking, and she turned to me and said as if it were nothing, "Baby, of course, the cake is awesome" and she kissed me.

She sat back up and said, "Back to earlier" and proceeded to tell me that she thinks it's so romantic that I want to do this with her and said ‘it turns her on that I want to do this’ and give this to her as something to be more special between her and Paul. She said, "Sure it makes it better with him" and then she looked at me and kissed me and said, "Isn't that what you wanted?".

I looked at her and gave just a simple ‘yes’ to which she smiled again and said, "Then let’s enjoy it".


Suzanna is trying to find time to see him either tonight or tomorrow as Sunday will be spent with the obligatory luncheon with her mom and ****** and the youngest doing an egg hunt in the yard.


A bit more about my thoughts from Wednesday evening. It's a very slow day at work as the world seems to have slowed down for Good Friday.

Just as we talked about playing other things for keeps including denial and the like, the subject of whether condoms will be the state forever is something that has now come up a few times, it's only now that I feel that my last misgivings are going away about it. Thoughts from ‘Roni’ in that chat and the reinforcement of some of that by Suzanna are relaxing my apprehension.

I still wonder if Suzanna is serious about letting me have her bare or even letting me have her if and when I need her, even if she isn't, particularly in the mood, and I get that. I also know that she wouldn't say it as she does and not mean it. So, with that as a backdrop and an ongoing assumption of always being there, and with the way I feel after some of the most recent chats with Roni and reinforced by Suzanna, the thought of using condoms with her perhaps forever is strangely arousing.

I admit it is a huge leap to go from thinking that it will happen periodically to now thinking that it will not, even with ‘a safety valve’ always there in the backs of our minds, it becomes incredibly intoxicating to hear her talk and tease me about it. I don't know that I will never want it again, but I do think and can now say that yes, I do want to play it as this is what we will do and that there won't be any deviation from it.

It is scary to say it here much less to be able to perhaps say it to Suzanna (as if she doesn't already know it) that the thought that I may never feel the inside of her vagina on the outside of my cock again is just amazingly arousing to me. Even as I type this my cock is drooling in my boxers. and yet, in some ways, it scares the heck out of me to the point of almost smacking myself in the head and saying, "What the heck are you thinking?”

And therein lies where the arousal border is, that perhaps for me and us the confidence and trust I have in her offer to always be there should I want her is the same thing that allows me to say, "Okay, as long as that is there, then I can enjoy this now". My fears of a longer-term impact on her by not cumming in her, for whatever reasons that guys can have in their heads, are not accurate in terms of how it feels to Suzanna (or Roni as she stated). It's just different and not necessarily bad, and also not required for an enjoyable sex life. So, I guess just as some guys like blowjobs more than fucking and I guess some women like oral and manual more than fucking. I guess my fetish desires (as I am now recognizing them to be) are just that, a fetish that we can both indulge and let ourselves be lost in for as long as we want.

I can say that for me, in a way, it feels liberating. I know that in a way I am telling Suzanna that if she wants that part of sex, she'll need to get it elsewhere. I cannot begin to express how wonderful that feels to me; to perhaps truly give up this part of our sexual relationship knowing she will fill it with another man. I do seem to need to feel this. Indeed, these past few weeks now with our more routine schedule, I feel amazingly up, tormented, and aroused the weeks between and eagerly looking forward to our limited time together.


I haven’t written for a while (been super busy doing other stuff) but I can report that Suzanna did see Paul this past Saturday and, that evening when she came home, I was surprised that she was very open to sharing herself with me. Normally when she comes home, she prefers to relish in the ‘afterglow’ from being with him, but this time she was more animated. She teased me about having to wait another week before I'd have her again and I think that turned her on as before the end of the evening, she'd let me undress her and, for a real change, let me go down on her and didn't make me hold back.

As I started to gently kiss my way down her body, she was very open with me about how she and Paul had fucked in many different positions and how, "… he seemed to need to cum." The first time I went down on her, she let me spread her legs apart and told me he'd fucked her twice. It showed for her pussy lips were swollen and parted revealing the wet interior. As I pulled her open with my fingers, she teased me about how hard he'd fucked her the first time and how he must have known how I felt having waited to have her!

I looked up from between her legs and told her that she tasted and looked awesome which made her smile and relaxed her even more. I was surprised when she let me bring her to quite an intense orgasm which caused quite a bit of cum to flow from inside her. At one point when I looked up she giggled and reached down and wiped some of her juices and his cum off my nose and lips.

It honestly felt good to tell her that I loved licking her like that. She got up on her elbows and said ‘Maybe I'll do this more often’ which made me give a grateful smile. She seemed to get into it when I told her I'd jerked off while she was out and that had I known she'd come home and let me have her I would have waited.

She smiled at that and asked me, "Can you cum again?"

I nodded and said, "probably".

A few minutes later she pushed my head back from her pussy and said that she thought she was clean enough and then giggled when she put a finger in her pussy and laughed and said that “You’ve cleaned it all out of me, both loads of cum!”

She saw that I was semi-hard, and she asked, “Do it for me", wanting me to masturbate for her. I told her that it'd take a little while as I'd already cum and also told her that it'd just be a little bit and not like Paul's copious second loads. She smiled and said, "I know, but I still like to see you".

She lay there on the bed, raised her legs for me to have a better look at her now wet and open pussy as I sat there and started to stroke. It took a little bit to get hard but with her coaxing and teasing about wanting to watch and how much Paul had cum in her (and how much I'd cleaned out of her) I soon got to full mast. She moved over so her head was near mine and she was sort of looking down at my cock, her breasts rubbed on my side, and she told me how Paul had sucked at her nipples earlier and it'd made her wet. There was something about how she said that that just pushed me over the edge and I came, just 2 or 3 small spurts, which made her groan and she insisted on pulling my hand away and drawing out the last few, really thick, drops of cum from me.

I knew she'd feed it to me, and she did. It was tart tasting and she agreed when we kissed and snowballed right afterwards.


Our ******** surprised us to come home on Easter Sunday so that was nice, and it was good we'd both gotten our sexual fix the night before.


She is seeing him again tonight and we have sort of resumed our Thursday night schedule now. Last night when I masturbated for her she told me some things that both turned me on as well as reminded me that we may not be done with everything just yet.

Last night she told me that she wanted to hold off on the overnights with Paul and that she'd talked to him and that, instead, they would both like to take some weekends away. Golf for him sometimes but she admitted that she would like to go away with him, maybe for 2 or 3 nights, when it would be more like a vacation. She teased me that it would be 2 days for her like they'd had when we were skiing.

I told her that it was a lot to take in but that I sort of understood to which she giggled and said, "You'd like thinking of me being fucked for 3 days wouldn't you?" I couldn't lie, the answer was obvious as my cock gave it away. She moved closer and whispered that I don't have anything to worry about and she hinted that maybe when she gets back would be when it could be, “… a special time.... if you know what I mean."

I didn't ask as I was too far gone in stroking thinking about it, but I took it to mean she may let me go bare with her then.

I was getting into it as she told me how she wanted to ‘have him for a few days’ but added that it wouldn’t be for another month or so, not till after we're sure of our kid's plans for the summer. She cooed in my ear about how she'll ‘be his’ for that time and I swear she knew that saying that made me so close to cumming.

She looked at me and said, "There's one more thing we talked about honey".

I listened with all ears as I was on the edge, she looked at me and said, "We were also thinking about going away for maybe a little longer, more than just a few days .. but how it wouldn’t be till maybe the fall”. She said that they had been talking about it and she wanted me to get used to the idea.

She giggled that she wanted to feel like she was his and sort of started to daydream a little about how, "Of course, I'll leave my rings home...." which totally got me dripping away with pre-cum, and then, just how she said it, she said, "you know... maybe check in as Mr. & Mrs. Paul ‘Smith’ just to, you know, really let me feel like I’m his.".

By the time she turned to look at me, I'd cum all over myself!


She’s just seeing him tonight after work. She may have left a little early if she skipped lunch, etc. but with all this talk about future trips, they will require her to use vacation time. She does always have the option of taking days without pay too, so it's not a huge consideration in that sense.


I don't expect her home for at least another hour yet so right now I'm enjoying the thoughts of her with him. I was chatting earlier online with Roni and she asked how I felt seeing them together and it made me realize it is one thing that has changed over time. I can recall early on not liking seeing her kissing or making out with her lover but, now, I can honestly say that seeing her and Paul embrace and kiss passionately, seeing his hands on her, and seeing her respond to him, it's such an erotic turn on to me now. I think it's because I just feel so much more comfortable with everything including how she feels about me and us. Yes, a part of it still is that she is turned on by seeing my arousal and this turns her on too. It is weird to feel in sync with her about this sort of stuff.


She was quite the tease including letting me watch her get changed shortly after she got home. She made quite a thing about having to change her panties and her breasts certainly looked as if they'd been pawed at as she pulled her night-shirt on. We kissed quite passionately and she giggled when she reached down and felt my hard cock and then calmly whispered in my ear, “You’ll just have to wait till Sunday".

I thought her tease was done until she smiled at me and said, "… but you deserve this”. With one hand she took my hand and with the other pulled up the front of her night-shirt and then drew her panties out from her body, smiled, and said, "You can feel if you want".

I slid my hand down her bare skin and felt the warmth once I reached her pubic mound. Her button was still a bit swollen and I was very gentle but as I reached lower I felt her widen her stance and I could feel where her pussy lips began to separate. She breathed in deeply as I ran my finger just around the edges, down one side and then up the other. She kissed me as I let my fingers slowly trace the insides of her lips and she gasped deeply as I reached the source of the wetness I'd felt; she was open and there was a slick wetness inside. I reached in further and she moaned loudly as I curled my finger against the upper part of her vagina and kissed her more passionately. I thought she'd let me bring her to orgasm but in an instant, I felt her hand on mine, pulling it out of her panties with her gasping, "Okay baby, that's enough for tonight".

My finger smelled of cum as she laughed and said, "This is fun teasing you".


Well, again it is my ‘weekend off’ with her this weekend so I am left with the memory of last weekend when she again kept to her promise and schedule with me. I think what feels right to me is that it feels very natural between us again (albeit with some teasing involved) but that we are again very much in sync with each other when we're in bed. She's resumed sucking me till I'm hard before putting the condom on me, something else she did last weekend. Hearing her tease me as she put it on was amazing, I knew she could feel my cock throbbing and she could see it was leaking away as she told me how, “ .. you needed to be covered up", how as she unrolled it, she teased that, "there we go, all covered now and ready for me to enjoy". I swear if I had still been bare in her mouth hearing that I'd have cum right away!

The thing is, she is really into it too. When she lies back and tells me, "It's your turn now baby", she can't fake how she feels and it's amazing to be able to share our feelings like that in the moment. I moaned something about being turned on that he's in her where my cock is and she responded with something about how ‘he can feel her pussy but I can't’, it's something I can feel that turns her on too at the moment like that.

I almost had her at that intense orgasm at the end of last week and just when I thought I wouldn't get her there I felt her hand slide down and rub her clit. I kept going for a few more minutes as I felt her finish up and she slipped into that intense body-shaking kind of orgasm. Her pussy was so wet by the end from both the lube we used as well as her juices!

She is going to see him tomorrow, but on his terms, as the forecast is for sunshine and he texted her this morning to say that he was going to play golf.


A busy day for us around the house and doing Yard work but she just went into the shower to get cleaned up before she went to see him in a little while.

Last night we talked for a while in bed, and she told me that she loves how things feel between us and she teased me that she especially liked how things felt sexually between us. After a little bit, she opened up more and told me that she was looking forward to fucking him ‘for a long time’ this afternoon. As I've been saying, it's been easier for us to just talk and as I held her I asked her if she liked getting herself worked up for him and I told her that it turned me to hear her say it.

I won't recap the entire conversation but as we talked she told me that she liked how she could ‘feel and enjoy’ the both of us and then she added, "Of course, it's different between you two", but she conveyed that even though the sex is different with him and me with her, that it still has a special place; that, and this is my paraphrasing, even though it may be different (and I admit, likely less satisfying in some ways) she admits that our sex together now feels like it does to me, that we still connect, deeply at times.

She could feel how hard I was as we talked last night, and she said that she loved knowing that I was turned on and aroused by everything. Then she repeated something that I thought was very significant, she said, "And you'll just have to wait for me, won't you?"

I moaned back that I wasn't going to wait that long which made her giggle and she asked me, "So you'll be taking care of it tomorrow when I'm with him?" and she giggled even louder when I told him, "Definitely". Then she leaned over and kissed my shoulder, up to my neck, and just said, "I love you" and after we kissed she looked at me and said softly, "I am so wet".

I looked at her and said, "Just from teasing me" to which she said, "Well, and being horny". and she smiled and said, "I guess we both can't wait, can we?"

I have to say that it was an amazing feeling to lie there and feel her fall asleep next to me while I lay there with a hardon. I stroked it a little and then, just as now, as soon as I started to stroke, I could feel it inside and I knew I was going to be ready today, just as she said.


Well, sorry for the long gap in updates but it's been yet another busy time and, unfortunately, Suzanna's Mom seems to have taken a downturn recently. It’s now much more noticeable, that Mom’s markedly slower in conversation and generally seems more tired. Looking back we can all see it's progressed over the past few months so, moving forward, the ****** is now looking at what kinds of care may be needed.


Things have been interesting here. We talked both last Sunday as well as during the week and on Wednesday night told me that she thought I seemed very comfortable with how things are between us. I told her that I was and that I was feeling good. When she asked more, wanting to know if I was, "feeling what you wanted", I admitted to her that since our talks over the past few weeks, I have felt more comfortable and confident in accepting what we are doing together and that what she has with Paul seemed to be working. She seemed to like hearing that and she told me the same.

But what surprised me was when she said that she felt a different kind of excitement with me now. (I was horny enough to listen to anything she'd have said but this perked me up!) I moved up on the headboard so I could look at her more easily while I kept on stroking my cock.

She looked at me and she said that she could better understand how turned on I am now and she said that my ongoing issue with finally accepting that I enjoy what we're doing has made her more aware of it. She says that she thinks that as I've relaxed now more about everything, she feels a certain kind of excitement when she's with me that's very different than with Paul.

She told me how she loves to watch me masturbating on Wednesday nights and she admitted that she ‘never wants to change that’ but she also told me how she gets aroused and very turned on now when our Sundays together are approaching.

Paul teases her about it too. The last time he was with her before our time together, that he teased her about getting ready for me again. She says that he knows she is turned on too and he's told her it's a good thing for us. It was very erotic to hear her tell me that she cums with me a lot more now when we have sex. As I stroked my cock more firmly she whispered, "It's just different now …" and she started to tell me how, " … it just feels different between you two".

Even now it sounds crazy but at the time on Wednesday night when she said that, I told her that it turned me on that she could feel that way. She told me how she feels like the sex is more for her when she's with him and she seemed to be kind of lost in thought as she told me how she can feel him, "you know, far inside." Then she added that " … with you, it's more on the outside". She said she wasn't sure if it was due to me wearing the condom or just, "how he's shaped" (I immediately had the vision of that fat knob!) She said that the orgasms she feels with him are now different than with me and then she giggled and said that she, "likes looking forward to that with you honey".

As I said though, we'd started talking on Sunday last week and at that time she was more aglow from seeing him and knowing I'd been so horny before. I don't think she realized what she'd said but as our conversation progressed at one point she said it so casually that it felt right that it was just Paul who got to cum in her. She went on to say how turned on it made her feel to know her lover was going to cum in her and, "give me that feeling afterward". She let me see her put her hand in her panties and bring back a visibly wet finger.


So on Wednesday night, she continued by telling me again how, "Of course, well you know what else it also is.....". I groaned as I realized what she was implying and that was when she moved over next to me, knowing I was getting closer, and whispered, "It's been a long time now baby hasn't it?" and she kissed my ear and down my neck. She had just her nightshirt and panties on as she lay next to me on her side propped up against the headboard, when I glanced down I could see her nipples and all I could do was moan.

She whispered, "Do you think about it sometimes?" I moaned back something like "....what are we talking about?" Without missing a beat she whispered back, ".... you know.... how it used to feel..... inside me........".

She knew she'd hit a nerve I guess by how I moaned and how she later told me that pre-cum almost gushed from my cock at that point. "Mmmm, baby..... you do think about it don't you......".

When I moaned back a more vocal ‘yes’, she giggled and said, "That's good, you shouldn't forget it ...... because you might have to wait a long time......." As that sunk in she added, ".... I so love to see you soooo close baby....." knowing that I was right at the edge. She gave me just a few moments to stroke my cock at that peak of hardness before she whispered, "Mmm - baby - you can have me this weekend again...." but before I could get another stroke in she added, "Not bare though!".

It was just how she said it, that did it. With a loud grunt that even surprised me (sitting up more I guess), I started to pump away and she cooed in my ear each time I'd spurt a little bit.

Afterward, as I slumped down the bed and she began to help clean me up, as she brought each finger-full to my mouth she told me that what she had wanted me to understand was that she enjoyed the sex with me on Sundays, " … with you in the condom honey". She said that it felt good and she looked at me and said, "You know I cum with you" and added that she thought it was good for us; that while the sex IS different with Paul, she said it's getting, "really good with you again now." She said she hoped I understood that it was partly to do with the condoms we're using and how it was good as she now realizes that this was something that she was missing with me without me cumming in her; the feeling of being fulfilled as she wants to be (and as she later said, “just like you are”, meaning me feeling satisfied too).

She went off to visit her mom today so I’m going to end this entry here and go get a few things done while she's out.


I’ve been wondering about long-term instability though. In a way, I haven't shared it with her yet, but her admission of enjoying sex with me as she says (and does, more later on) has released a bit of arousal and angst and the reality that this will further the condom usage between us.

I feel wonderful that she's been able to reconnect physically with me as she says (and does) and will also share that it excites me in a way to think that it more assures this will be a longer-term thing for us, using condoms together. It is the only way I can feel after how wonderful the sex was between us last night.

I admit it does leave me with some forlorn feelings and I shared some of them with her last night. I told her as I've written here that I'm not sure that I will not want to feel her bare again. She smiled and said the same things she's always said that I can have her bare any time I want to … but that it will have to be me that wants it.

So maybe it's not that, maybe it's that she doesn't, or more that she won't want me to resume cumming in her. Maybe that's it, that the sting isn't the denial, it's that now she seems to have reached where she no longer will need it to feel fulfilled with me.

We didn't get anywhere talking about this last night beyond just talking about how she seemed to cum with me again and even more than last time. At one point she turned around and got on her knees at the edge of the bed and she told me that was the position that Paul seemed to like her best in lately. What turned me on even more was that this was the position Paul would be with her and I can only put it this way, I loved that he would see her as she was just then, every bit of her open and exposed.

It is a feeling of pride that I feel at thinking of how comfortable she is sharing herself with him just like this and how inviting she is for him to use. She was wet and open but I still ran the latex-covered tip of my cock all around and even slapped it against her clit before going back to pushing it in and out of her, just the head on it, almost popping it in and out. When I would pull it out, I could see her spasm and clench and then open back up as I rubbed and again entered her. Her moans got louder and louder each time I would pull it out and slap it against her only to push it back in, but never more than halfway, at least not at first.

She opened up a bit more and then it was her that got the most greedy and after I held her hips and fucked her doggy-style until she came, she turned onto her back and I knew what she wanted. She added a little lube to the outside of the condom and as I slipped back into her I groaned that she felt, "all slick and full of his cum," to which she grunted, “ … take your turn".

My god, I could feel her pussy spasming and trying to squeeze down on my cock as it squished in and out of her. There was no faking how her cunt opens up so deeply after she has a deep orgasm, her eyes opened wide as she felt me push into that part of her so easily.

When she'd regained a bit of her composure it seemed like she knew it was her turn to tease me. I can't even describe how it felt other than heaven. I could hear what she was saying but it would take what felt like minutes to sink in and then feel myself respond. Hearing her ask me at one point if, "Paul's cock has made me feel any different?" was just amazing.

What was nice was how normal it felt at the end. She had a pretty good orgasm just before I let go and I could feel her put her legs around behind me and pull me in as I started to cum so I knew she was in control of herself. I felt her hands on my back and she whispered in my ear to ‘fill me up baby’ as I moaned softly with each contraction but it was at the end when I had to say that it just felt so right.

I kissed her as I started to calm down and as we kissed she slid her hand down and grasped my cock as I slid out of her and held me fast as I rolled over onto my back. I lay on my back and as she pulled the condom off, I lifted it on my elbow when she held it up I stared for a second and then she turned to me and said, "Wow, you must have been horny honey".

I felt proud as she just twisted it at the top and tied it before putting it on the nightstand. Then she smiled and said, "You'll like this" and without any warning, she sucked my softened cock into her mouth to, what I then realized, was her cleaning it off before kissing me.


I have no illusions that sex for her is better without condoms. But I have also come to accept that it turns me on. Her ‘learning’ to cum while using them is, I think, her effort and desire to have it be as good as it can be for her. I guess close to being great is better than not being great!

I've always enjoyed making her cum and knowing she can and does respond that way now does make things seem much closer between us than I think they have been. Feeling her body responds and the unmistakable way her pussy opens up and gets incredibly wet make it clear that she does respond quite well. Again, whether she's changed to accommodate my fetish, I suppose it's true, but then I guess it also says a lot about her, which is what I've always felt.

I say all this because I am, albeit gradually, accepting that condom usage may truly become our norm. To that end, while I do have a desire to take her bare, at the same time it seems to go against what I now know makes me feel very satisfied. By this, I am coming to accept that she may never say she wants me to have her bare, or at least not in the foreseeable future.

While it is sometimes difficult to think about, the feeling I get is wanting to go along with it, and to that end, I don't know that I will feel the way I would need to feel to want to have her bare. Does that make sense? Right now, it just feels so incredible to be denied that, whether by my own doing or hers, I suppose it is hard to understand. Even I cannot explain the arousal of it, but it is there, nonetheless.


Well, all I can say is I don't feel it from her at all. If anything, I think she is sorting things out quite well. There is a desire on her part to see him, but I can tell that it isn't something emotional, if anything, far less than it was in the past. To me, I see a nice distance between them and to be honest, the absence of overnight stays on either of their part I think says a lot too.

I see her developing enjoyment of sex with me as just the opposite of what might have been predicted. I think I am right, I see the increased enjoyment with me as diminishing things with Paul and I see her embracing that while still keeping to our bi-weekly schedule. She admitted that she looked forward to being with me when I began to see that part of things.


We did just find out that our ******** got her summer job/internship and will only be home on a few weekends so it's just our son and his random visits that we will need to care about. Once we know what their final plans are, then perhaps we might think about Suzanna and Paul having that mini-vacation.


New book time!