Journal of a Journey - Book 100

Things have changed and I'm guessing, permanently. The change hasn't been due to being with Paul but actually stems from her time with Robert that made the most marked change. I guess I too have changed. I wouldn't have admitted it in the past and it seems crazy but I am enjoying her denying me. I won't say I'm prepared to give her up forever but at the same time, I am preparing myself mentally that things will likely be different in the future. If nothing else there will be limits and controls on when we will have sex together and it is also likely that my using condoms may continue.

What I don't feel is any 'gloom-and-doom'. If anything, our talk made me feel much more confident and comfortable in our relationship. It felt good to tell her that I was turned on by her denial and that it was turning me on. She says she still loves me very much and that's the most important thing.

I say that because she continues to insist that while she loves the sex with Paul, she did say that she doesn't love him and isn't looking for anything more with him. If anything, it sounded very symbiotic between them and she did indicate that he does leave her very satisfied, almost satiated … enough to last her till their next time. I suppose as the evidence bears out, that she will take matters to her own hands if she isn't satisfied.

But back to the absence of the 'gloom-and-doom', if anything she all but told me that things are likely to diminish with Paul by later this summer or early fall. That statement, combined with her thoughts towards resuming sexual contact with me, seems to support my earlier thoughts … albeit with some sort of denial play and condoms!


We just finished setting our short-term plans and she told me that she intends on going to Paul's tomorrow, the same as last week. She reminded me that she only has this week and next before the kids come home. I somewhat reluctantly agreed but told her that despite being turned on, I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. She considered my remark for a moment and then told me that if I wanted to join her over at Paul’s for tomorrow night, that I had 'earned that' for being so wonderful these past few weeks.


Suzanna is off to sleep already and I promised her I'd be quiet when I came to bed. I can't deny that I am definitely aroused by what we are doing. I know I keep repeating myself and that it sounds crazy saying I enjoy giving up sex with her, but it still has me aroused at almost 5 weeks into it. If anything, her teasing is intensifying it and a part of me still believes that she knows that and that remains a motivation for her.

It does excite and even thrill me in a peculiar way that seems to be as I've described. Her being totally off limits has made me far more aware of her and appreciative of everything about her. Despite anything else, she clearly has a much greater awareness of what I am feeling, arousal-wise. I didn't come out to her confessing my beta-desires just because it sounded good and might be fun, I said it to her honestly and, as strange as it sounds, I still feel that way.

I hadn't envisioned being subjected to this degree of denial but I had expected her to show some emotional attachment to him, to want him, and at least in my head, some of her desire for him is still rooted in that. Call it what you will, but I do feel this way.

I will say that my anxiety was certainly eased when it was her that told me that she expected that we would return to having sex over the summer. Perhaps that's the thing I have a hard time putting into perspective of letting this play out as she seems to be saying it will happen, maybe it's me making a bigger deal about things right now. If anything, what she said seemed to clearly imply that after these next few weeks things will change and that over the summer, that this change will include having sex again. I'm not sure if or why I want to change that right now.

I can see a change in her eagerness. In the past, she'd be wired and excited tonight about seeing him and 'all that' tomorrow, but tonight she seemed to be in just a normal, even quieter mood.

I guess the question is what is the right level of denial that would leave me aroused. At the moment, it is me that is excited tonight thinking about seeing them together tomorrow for the first time in many weeks now.


Last night was full of surprises. I got to Paul’s a little later than expected and when I came in she was already in her lounging-attire which, just one of Paul's dress shirts as she'd long been doing in the past. I think she did that for my benefit.

The next surprise was the pleasant conversation with Paul where he thanked me for 'borrowing Suzanna' as he has and he told me things that matched Suzanna's version exactly. He said he is amazed at having sex with her and thanked me for backing-down with her to let her be as horny as she is with him. He again told me he has no designs on her at all, instead repeated what he'd said and what she'd told me, that he loves the sex with her and that it's all he's really looking for right now.

We talked about other stuff when Suzanna was out of the room, he asked me how I was managing and revealed that Suzanna had said I wasn't nearly as sexually active with her as in the past. I started to tell him about my take on things when he interrupted and said, "well that's going to change in another 2 weeks" and proceeded to tell me that his summer golf-league will be starting and that he's likely to see less of Suzanna! I wondered if he had shared that news with her!

Alone and together with Suzanna, we must have talked for a while. Whenever she was in the room all the while she was flashing me and him under his dress-shirt and, yes, keeping us both hard! Eventually the talk turned to sex and the two of them went off to his bedroom. I gave them some time alone but when I heard 'sounds' from his room I made my way down the hallway. I got to the open door to see her lying back naked on the bed with Paul's face buried in her pussy and her hands on the back of his head.

Same as in the past, he kissed her pussy for a while before getting to his knees and moving onto the bed. I was hesitant to be so close to them while they're into each other but I did move closer as he moved up and began to rub his cock all around her pussy and running it up through her swollen pussy lips. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning away and it was so intense to see her getting wetter and wetter and then see him push his cock with the huge head into her pussy. She moaned loudly as he entered her and then, my god, it's been so long since I saw them, she was pulling her legs back and encouraging him in deeper.

It happened very quickly and she responded so freely and easily with him and I have to say again that she just looks beautiful with him. I stood and watched her cum a few minor times with him before I moved onto the bed next to them. I kept out of their line of sight, as in the past, and I struggled whether I should whip out my cock and jerk-off or just wait and watch. In reality, it was no choice for I couldn't take my eyes off the two of them, I was motionless and couldn't take my eyes off his cock in her.

I had started to stroke myself slowly through my pants as I recognized the signs that he was about to cum in her and, wow, did I get so turned on knowing it was coming. I will say it again, I am a cuckold and I love to see him inside Suzanna's pussy knowing he's about to cum in her. I'd even say I stopped stroking when I knew the moment was imminent.

That was when things changed. Oh yes, Paul fucked her beautifully, perhaps even better than I ever had, and, my god, she looked so beautiful as her head thrashed back and forth with her chest heaving as she felt him. Then I heard him grunt and thrust deep into her once and then twice knowing on the third he'd be filling her vagina. Sure enough, he thrust deep in and after staying still a moment he began to fuck her more. His cum seemed to form a foamy ring around his cock and I watched her respond!

Wow, did she ever respond?! She pulled her own legs back even further and there was no doubt he wasn't done with her. In the moments that followed his cock stayed hard and deep in her, he again brought her to a truly amazing orgasm that left her lying almost motionless on the bed in a sweaty mess.

And that was when it changed. He looked towards me and saw me kneeling close and I guess he figured I was looking at his cock so he pulled it slowly out of her letting me watch. He had softened up but, even so, the big head on his cock was visibly stretching her out before it popped out of her leaving her open and very wet. In instant he sort of high-five'd me and said, "I'm done, your turn" as if it were a buffet! Seeing her lying there motionless with everything on display for us got to me; he moved off the bed and said something like, "go for it".

And I did! I stood up, slid off my boxers and climbed on the bed. In a moment of pure instinct and desire I knelt between her spread legs and my cock was rock hard. I placed it at the opening to her pussy and in one smooth motion I went for it and thrust into her!

She must have felt the difference in our shapes as her eyes opened widely and she glanced down at 'who and what' was entering her. She looked back up at me she smiled at me and seemed to pull her legs back just a little bit more. She didn't say anything and I didn't need very long at all.

My god, it was the first time feeling her pussy in over a month and the first time in her bare now in almost four and a half months. It felt so intense and, my god, I had missed it SOOOOOOOO much. She felt loose and hot and wet and open and it didn't matter to me. I fucked her for maybe 2-3 minutes before I felt the urge building and went for it. She was looking right up at me when she knew I was going to cum in her too.

As I really started in on her I lay against her and she whispered in my ear, "give it to me baby". That was it, hearing her whisper set me off almost instantly and did I ever cum! I felt myself let go with at least 6 or 7 huge spurts of cum and I could hear my cock squelching and squishing in and out of her. I was still rock-hard and when I realized that I kept going and kept fucking her for as long as I could. Her pussy was saturated with both loads of our cum plus her own from cumming with both of us but I kept at it and, to my delight, she responded just as she'd done with Paul. A moment later her eyes rolled back in her head and she moaned deeply as she had another orgasm just as Paul had given her. A moment later she lay there as limp as a damp washcloth.

He had already left the room when I began fucking her. After I came in her and when I'd calmed down and she'd caught her breath we continued to lay there carressing and now kissing each other passionately. I told her I loved her and she hugged me deeply and said she felt the same way. We kissed a little while longer and I looked at her and said, "I guess I should maybe be going soon; is Paul going to be okay with all this?"

She giggled and said, "yeah, we talked about this earlier and he said he wanted to do this for you," apparently he'd told her that it'd been a long time and that he thought I should, "take a turn" when he was done. She added, "I thought you needed it too baby".

It was quite erotic when I pulled out of her and she lay still on the bed with her legs still spread and knees still bent. Her pussy was open-wide and there was a big wet-spot on the bed under her. She pulled the sheet up over her as I got dressed (but not before she sucked my cock clean!) while she stayed in his bed for him. I asked whether she was going to stay there and she giggled and said, "he's not done tonight yet". I leaned down and told her that I loved her and that she should enjoy her time with him and that I would be eagerly awaiting her when she gets home.

With a hug and a kiss, I reluctantly left her there with him, but I admit, after being so well satisfied by our fuck, it was easier this time. I went down the stairs and saw Paul in the other room, he and I talked for a moment. He asked, "done already?" and I joked that he'd warmed her up so much it didn't take long!!

It was easier talking to him but still awkward knowing I was leaving her with him but, in the end, I just said, "take good care of her."

He said, "always," which made me feel a bit better. We shook hands and I left. It was well after 11pm when I got home..

So, not sure if this is what she'd planned but it surely is a change in direction.


Right now I’m just so horny to have her home again this evening.

I’ve been recalling some of the conversation I had with Paul before things got underway at his place. It seemed he knew that I was having less sex with Suzanna and I got the impression that he associated that with the amount of time/sex he was having with Suzanna. It was part of the conversation about her being there so much lately and how I was feeling about that. He was aware of some of Suzanna's 'issues' that she was working through and he said he hoped he was helping it …. but he admitted it was pretty weird to him.

I was surprisingly calm and found it easy to talk to him, especially when Suzanna was out of the room, and to tell him that I was enjoying the change in things … for the time being. That was part of what I'd mentioned that he'd said about things in the future with regards to his golf-league starting which means that Suzanna will not be spending as much time with him.

Those thoughts was what was at play on Tuesday night. I'm sure they discussed things before I got there which may also account for her seemingly eager accommodation of me.

What I can say is that even now I have such a strong longing to feel her again. Not only fucking her after a month but being allowed to touch her pussy bare after so long. Wow, even now I can close my eyes and 'feel' her pussy, the slickness, the openness and, my god, just the way it grabs and strokes my whole cock (especially when compared to my hand). I will say that I had a fleeting thought of 'should I cum in her?' but then I felt that she was really so into it, I knew she wasn't going to complain!.

Will this be our pattern for the future? I am hoping so. After feeling her again last night, the desire level in me has skyrocketed. Maybe this might be some sort of periodic fun for us. I still have to admit that I rather enjoyed our denial-play but now realize that we need to have some 'together time' in there. I have been thinking of suggesting some scheduled time for us, maybe 3 weeks off and then 1 week on. Now, after this surprise, I am perhaps thinking that rather than a fixed schedule, that it would be better and more of a treat if she would do it randomly and surprise me.

Of course, I am hoping that tonight will be a repeat of these last few weeks when she's come home to me. I'll even say that I deliberately didn't jerk-off last night in hopes.


I find myself always very happy and excited when I know she'll be home soon after being away for a few days. After Tuesday, I am really looking forward to seeing her and just being together; talking about what happened and what will be. It's obvious that we will have to talk about it, hopefully after she teases me till I explode later!

I am still kind of tingling when I think of how she felt bare and all the thoughts that went with it even in the short time I enjoyed her. I sensed I'd seen her excitement with Paul diminishing; I still feel that. Yes, they were quite comfortable with each other, it was very erotic and horny to see her feel at ease with him sexually and to see them being just so smooth together. But earlier, when we were all together, I wasn't seeing her previous excitement level of being with hi. It's not that she wasn't horny or that he wasn't into her, but the level of intensity is definitely down from where it was. Of course, I suppose that's only natural over time but what I am happy about is that Paul was being honest with me when he said he was really enjoying the sex with Suzanna but that I didn't need to think about it going any further than that. All of which is what Suzanna had also told me.

So maybe it's true, that this something that will run its course.


Both of them know that next week is the last mid-week time they'll have together like this. In some ways, I wonder if Suzanna had planned or hoped to have had sex with me on Tuesday, something about her response to me taking my turn with her seemed to lack a certain level of surprise, etc.

I'm hoping that it'll be easier to talk about our denial-play now that the pressure has been relieved for a bit.


The truth is out! Apparently my invitation to have sex with her was at the urging of Paul who said that I should have some time with her. It obviously made me ask what she had told him and she said she didn't tell him about the full extent of our denial play but she did tell him/reminded him that I was using condoms with her. She said he was 'concerned' when she said that I hadn't cum in her since the turn of the New Years. She said that he said that he thought that was too long and it made me wonder what he would have thought if she'd told him the full truth!

She said that she agreed with Paul's 'way of thinking' and that she is in agreement with me that we need some sort of schedule for us. She said that while she wasn't ready to resume full sexual relations with me, we shared my thought that some better balance was needed. She said that all I had to do was ask her and that we could have changed things earlier and that it didn't have to be Paul who said I should finally have another turn in her.

We continued to explore possibilities and she said that she still wanted to change things sexually with me and that she knows that total denial isn't a good thing for us. She confessed that when she felt herself really begin to cum again with me last Tuesday night, that it felt right then that we need some time like that for us.

My beta-desires came up and I told her that I really found it amazingly hot to know she was his sexually like she had been; she in turn asked me how it was for me to be in full denial of her for the past month. I told her honestly that it had made me really want her even more and that I thought maybe another week or two would be my limit in terms of building up my desire and, at the same time, enjoying knowing what she is doing with him the rest of the time.

We came to a compromise. In the end, with the kids coming home, we agreed that every 4 or 5 weeks that we will go away for a weekend when we will reconnect sexually. She said that she felt that by the time we go away (perhaps in mid-June based on the calendar) that she feels she'll be ready to be with me that way for a full weekend by then. She giggled that, "it is going to feel amazing for us."

We really talked openly about it all. I told her that I loved her taunting me like she'd done again this past Thursday and she admitted that it's been wonderful for her to still be able to enjoy how she feels still from being with Paul. Yet she knows (now) that she's really turning me on by it all by, as she says, "based on how much you cum these days..." That it really does make her really understand that it turns me on.

Knowing it teases the heck out of me, she did tell me that she still wants to enjoy the feel of being exclusive with Paul the rest of the time. She said that she is going to start to let me touch her (and perhaps, more) but she said that she absolutely isn't going to want me to make her cum or anything like that while she's with Paul, that it's 'his time'.

She told me very openly that she is truly loving how things feel between us and that while last Tuesday happened sooner than she'd thought it would, with Paul knowing more about what we are doing. She said that now that she's been with me again that she didn't have any kinds of negative feelings afterwards, that she is ready to move ahead. I did share with her that I was concerned that my taking my turn with her might have undone some of what she's wanting and she said that she was surprised that she didn't feel differently afterwards and it's that feeling that's making her much more comfortable about being with me again.

We didn't talk about condoms, whether she is going to want me to use them with her or not, but she does know that they represent something that really turns me on, that of giving her boyfriend something so intimate that I am being denied. We did talk about that and she asked me how I felt now after so much time and now again seeing and feeling what she's only had with Paul.

It wasn't easy to say, I mean how to do you tell your wife that you seem to really enjoy knowing she is doing and experiencing that with another guy other than to just say it? So I told her; I told her how it had always turned me on that other guys got to fuck her and cum in her and that it turned me on that she enjoyed it too.

She teased me a little bit (but it was also a close moment) when she told me that she had really begun to be able to enjoy sex like she used to, she even thanked me for waking it up in her, so to speak. She reminded me that missionary was always her favourite position and she said without any hesitation that a big part of it is how she feels in that position when 'he cums in me'. It was so exciting how she said it and I couldn't find the words to tell her how turned on it made me to think of other guys' cocks in her and that it really made me horny when I saw how comfortable Paul was with her. She hugged me and again said that she felt comfortable with him and that was why she started to tell him more of what we are doing. She said he didn't seem surprised when she told him again how much I liked him having sex with her. She knew it wasn't easy for me to tell her but she hugged me and said that she understood that it turned me on and that she hoped we would find a good balance over time.

As we talked I was able to tell her that while I really enjoyed the denial and all the play we've had, that after feeling her again last Tuesday, that I too was hoping we could find a good balance. That's when we sort of came up with the schedule of maybe every 4-5 weeks and for her to giggle and say, "okay, but you have to take me away to have me … and also to be away from the kids if I'm noisy!" and that will be my turn with her.

We talked about how we could look at this schedule and then have fun with when we go away in the future and maybe time it so we'll know ahead of time if I'll be having sex with her then or not.

It actually turned quite hot when she joked about what will happen when we go away and it's not my turn to be with her. I told her that really turned me on how she'd said whether it's 'my turn' or not.

At least that's been the conversation up to about 20 minutes ago when she ran out to buy flowers to plant in the front garden and the hanging baskets on the porch.


It's my last Tuesday evening alone and what I've come to accept about myself is that I am enjoying the beta-role and honestly feel that Suzanna is living out the other-half of that. I think that she's making more out of her 'pressure' issues than it really is, but what I have to say that I feel is that she has adapted her side of our relationship at this time to fulfil some of her own suppressed desires as well. To be honest, she is supporting me in my desires in a way she feels most comfortable. I think it's clear that she can only fulfil my beta-desires if she has someone else to focus her sexual needs on and with.

Is our relationship changing? I suppose it is.

I know that I have changed and it's strange but almost like a weight off my shoulder to admit it, and it's nice to let her have her sexual focus with Paul right now. What will happen when and if he goes away? We'll figure that out, but that's the point, it's a 'we' that will figure that out … just as we did after her time with Peter came to an end.


Since admitting and accepting that it really does turn me on that she is having this kind of sex with Paul, I have to say that I don't feel the same kind of angst and intense anxiety that I used to feel. Instead, I just feel the arousal and the excitement.

She gets something from me just as I get something from her. She knows that what she's doing is intensely arousing to me and even pleasurable. Thursdays and other nights when she will lie next to me and tease and encourage me to masturbate, she is most definitely sharing that moment with me. The way she talks, the way she'll rub herself against me and even from just how I can hear her breathing change as I get more and more into it, oh, she is there with me, whether she cums or not.

There was a time when she was embarrassed to lie on the bed with her legs spread apart. Now, she will let me see all of what Paul did to her with such confidence. It's weird to say it but having given up sex with her for so long has made me see so much more of how we share and interact with each other.


Contrary to my earlier thoughts I am starting to wonder if Paul may just be someone for a longer-term. Much will depend on this summer, if their desire for each other remains, then even with less contact, he may remain. It is something I've considered, he seems to make no demands on her and, of course, she is quite accommodating at this time.

She called me about an hour ago and sounded so sexy and I told her I was really horny thinking about watching her get dressed this morning. We normally don't talk sex much when she calls but I felt I just had to share that. I liked hearing about her day and telling her some of the funny things from my day. I reminded her that I'd be out tomorrow night watching the Rangers game and she said it was good Paul wasn't into hockey. It felt good to tell her to have a good night.


She just emailed me from work telling me that she'd had a 'wonderful last 2 days' and that she was eager to come home and see me. A part of me is hoping for some kind of surprise when she returns, but the more realistic side of me thinks it's more that she's feeling how I feel, that it seems to be even nicer and a closer feeling for us when she comes home after seeing him.

I abstained last night and am now quite horny thinking about later tonight.


She came home in a mixed mood, up from being with him but a bit sad that things are about to change. We talked for a while when she came in about just general stuff until she suggested that we head up to the bedroom and I told her that I was quite horny and that I'd 'waited for her'. She smiled and hugged me.

Up in the bedroom she told me I should get comfortable on the bed and she started to tell me that she was enjoying taking more of a lead role in our bedroom fun. She said that she'd been 'reading up on this stuff'! As I lay there on the bed in just my boxers she told me that it's good that I am enjoying the beta-role with her because she was having fun taking the lead.

She stood next to me and unbuttoned her top slowly and teased me all the while. She told me how she had really enjoyed these last few weeks spending days in a row with Paul. As she did so she giggled and told me how she wanted me to just watch and then taunted me saying, "Paul always pushes me down on the bed when I start to undress like this with him". She shrugged off her top leaving her wearing just her bra and pants.

"He likes my breasts," she said candidly as she sat down next to me on the bed and she started to tell me how much better she was feeling about 'us', how she liked that she could feel that she can sit next to me and know that I'm hard and horny, that she (finally) feels she has some control.

"It turns me on to think of you being horny like this …" and as she continued she unclasped her bra to tell me that she can show me her breasts, let me watch her caress them and pull at her nipples and, "… knowing that you are just going to watch me".

She told me how she doesn't wear a bra when she’s with him and how that turns him on. She turned to me and said, "I like how it feels when he sucks on them" and with that she put her hands under both breasts and brought them forward towards me as if to show me her pointy nipples.

"You can touch them if you want," I heard her say and that was it, I couldn't wait to feel them again and almost lunged at her. She admonished me to be gentle on them and to not try to get her turned on. I obeyed and just held them in my hands feeling her warmth. She giggled at my touch and said that I could play with her nipples a little if I wanted. I think my hands were trembling a bit as I held her in my hands and I felt her nipples between my thumb and forefinger; they were hard, a little swollen and, my god, did it turn me on to think of her giving herself to him like this for the past 2-3 days.

I was just getting into enjoying them when she stood up and began to unbutton her pants. She looked down at me as she pulled them down and she had on a pair of pink 'boy-shorts' panties that I'd never seen before and my cock grew hard immediately which she noticed. She said, ".. and what did you just think about that got you hard?"

I answered her honestly, "I was thinking about you with him this morning when you got dressed …" She finished my sentence, "… and pulled these on?" with her hands on her new panties. I croaked out a 'yes' and she said, "they're new you know, Paul said he liked how I looked in these so I bought a few more". I didn't need to tell her but my cock was rock hard thinking that she'd bought new sexy undies for him that I hadn't even seen yet!

She slid off her pants and sat next to me in just her sexy new panties, "You look like you're pretty horny baby?" and I nodded telling her that she was absolutely turning me on and making me 'want her'. She giggled and said, "another few weeks baby" and she gently patted my hard-on, took hold of my hand and put it on my cock and told me to start stroking it.

She watched as my hand moved slowly up and down and asked, "… that still turns you on, to think about us getting up in the morning together?"

I groaned back, "my god, yes".

She moaned softly and said, "I like knowing that" and she continued to tell me about their mornings. She told me how sometimes she'll wake up before him and his alarm and she'll think about being there naked next to him knowing how she feels warm and cuddly all over. She smiled and said, "sometimes I'll even play with myself a little bit thinking about that." She giggled again, "sometimes I'm really messy, like this morning".

I wasn't fooled, I know she was saying all this to turn me on and get me really horned up but I also knew it was for real too.

She turned to me and said, "… do you want to hear how he joined me in the shower this morning?". Nothing more than that but wow did it make me moan out loud. She teased me more about how sexy he makes her feel, "… just like you do, you know, when you're just watching me and I know you are horny for me".

I told her that it made me crazy to think about all of that and she said, "that's good".

I was stroking away when she again turned towards me and this time leaned over and kissed me before standing back up. She looked at me and said, "want to take these off of me?" motioning to her panties.

This time my hands really were trembling when I reached out to feel the lacy/satiny material. As I hooked my fingers around the waistband she put her hands over mine and said, "just look okay" and then a second later she added, "I'll show you". I don't know if she could feel it but I was so nervous as I began to slide them down over her hips. It was so erotic to just slowly reveal her shaved pussy, seeing the bare pink skin as I slid them down more until the top of her cleft came into view, it took my breath away as she let them fall to the floor.

It was the closest I've been to her pussy in ages and I could see the little peach-fuzz that was slowly growing but what totally caught my eye was how swollen she looked, the inner and outer lips were all puffed up, a little spread apart at the bottom and, at the top, her clit seemed to protrude. I was so caught up staring at her pussy that I finally heard her give a little cough and I looked up to see her smiling broadly.

"You can get closer when I sit down baby …" but as she went to sit next to me she also repeated "but just look, okay? .... Promise me".

I realized that this was in some ways more of a test to her than a taunt to me; she wanted to sit next to me and show off herself but that she wanted to remain in control. I nodded and moaned a 'uh huh' in agreement. She sat next to me and then said, "okay" and she began to spread her legs moving one knee towards me with the other leg on the floor around the edge of the mattress. As she moved her knee she moved up to sort of kneel a bit and with that her gorgeous pussy came into view. She heard me moan and she giggled and said, "I like that I make you horny.... and that you have to wait" and with that she proceeded to lick one of her fingers and let me watch as she ran it from all the way at the bottom of her pussy up the crease between her inner and outer labia, spreading them apart and revealing all of her sweetness to me. She went up one side and then the other and when she was done, I could see everything. I stroked my cock more firmly and she lay back leaving her legs spread and as she did so my angle of view changed until I was looking directly into her spread open vagina, it was visibly wet, very swollen and reddened.

When I looked up this time she saw the look on my face and she smiled and said, "you like seeing that don't you ..... where Paul used me?"

I moaned back and told her that it turned me on so that she was fucking him like she is and for how long. She hissed back at me that he was going to leave her very horny for, "… when it's our turn again baby … " and with that she began to flick her finger gently at her clit, " … it's going to feel sooo good for us when you get to feel me again baby". I could only moan in response.

She turned towards me and shifted so she lay in almost a 69 position. I thought for a moment that was what she was going to do but instead she told me, "just watch … this is how I like it done". She showed me her fingers swirling around her clit, then diving deep into her gaping pussy before rubbing all around before doing it all again. It was so hot to see her getting herself off like this and every now and then she'd glance at my hard cock and my stroking hand and she'd moan back that she wanted to see me cum soon. At one point she used both hands to spread herself while I eagerly watched and I then saw her push her fingers into her pussy to search for and rub at her g-spot. Hearing her moan out loud was a signal that she'd found it.

She was very into herself at that moment and I knew that I wanted to be there when she came. I started stroking away and all sorts of visions ran through my head, fuelled by how more and more wet and open she looked the more she played. When one of her hands moved up to her breast and began to pinch and pull at her nipples, I knew she was really close and I was right there with her.

She opened her eyes and saw that I was so close and I realized she wanted me to cum first. I thought about moving or turning to spray it on her but then I caught myself remembering that she liked watching, so instead I lay back and really got into it. I let my imagination go wild and with visions of her in all sorts of erotic situations and positions, I let go with a grunting orgasm and I heard her squealed as I pulled out rope after rope of warm sticky cum. I heard her moans and felt the bed tremble a bit as I realized she was cumming right behind me. Her head thrashed back and forth as she really worked over her pussy with her fingers.

Finally she sat up onto her elbows and she looked a touch embarrassed at first until she saw the puddles of cum all over my chest and stomach. She turned in the bed and slid up next to me to lay against me naked. I could feel her lying next to me and could feel her warm skin against mine, her firm nipples against the outside of my arm and then her arm slid around my back and mine around hers which pulled us both into a deep kiss. When she pulled back she smiled at me and then just said, "ready?" I gave her my knowing smile.

She talked to me as she pushed my cum into a bigger puddle around my navel, "… you know it really turns me on that you haven't cum in me at all this year.... well, except at Paul's that one time".

As she played with my cum she murmured, "it's soooo warm and thick and gooey baby.... you must have needed this....” She turned her head up towards mine and said, "that turns you doesn't it, it's a beta-thing, right?"

I moaned back, "yes, it makes me really horny" and as she got it on her fingers and brought it up to my mouth she said, "so hot". It took a few minutes to scoop it all together and when I licked off her last fingerful she slid up against my whole body and pulled my face and mouth towards her and we shared a very erotic and very special snow-ball kiss.

So, I'm seeing what she's been saying she wants, to be able to control things more with me and not give into temptation unless she wants to. I think I believe her when she says that in another 3 weeks or so, when we're ready to go away for a reconnection-weekend, that she'll be okay with things by then.


That's it, another book filled. Just realised that with my haphazard way I've numbered these that this one is #100.

Wow, whoever thought that this would run and run?