Day by Day, Month by Month, Year by Year

“Day by Day, Month by Month, Year by Year,” Part 6
by c.w. cobblestone

November 1​

It’s hard to describe how much my life has changed since I came out as trans. I didn’t think it would be this difficult to deal with. Public humiliation has been a part of my life ever since Molly and DeShawn started openly dating, and I thought I’d built up a coat of armor to protect me. But this change has been far more traumatic than I’d anticipated. I feel like everyone’s staring at me. Laughing at me. Pitying me. I haven’t bumped into Mom or *** yet since coming out, but it’s a small town and I know I will eventually. So far, the only relative who’s seen me in drag was Joel’s wife Cindy, and she’s got a big mouth so I’m sure she’s told everyone in the ******. I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow and I’m dreading it, since it’s the only supermarket in town and everyone shops there. I’m considering driving a half-hour to the Walmart in Stanton to buy groceries. Then again, Molly or DeShawn might ask why I didn’t shop at the Food Lion as usual, and I might get in trouble if they found out I was trying to avoid being shamed. That’s the whole point of this fucked-up relationship — they WANT me to be shamed. It’s a feature, not a bug. WTF, I’m a spineless wimp who’s scared to death of DeShawn, so I’ll probably just go to the Food Lion and hope I don’t run into anybody.

November 2​

I didn’t see any relatives at the grocery store, although I bumped into a woman who’s friends with my mom. She called me a “disgrace.” I ignored her and continued pushing my cart down the aisle with my head down.

November 5​

The “Alice” maid outfits arrived in the mail, and DeShawn said I’m to wear them from now on, and that the flouncy dresses will only to be used for special occasions. Unless I’m at the firm, I’ll normally wear a powder-blue dress topped by a crisp white apron, even for shopping or other public outings. That works for me. Finally, an edict that doesn’t make my life more miserable. I’m just glad I won’t be wearing the faggoty dresses every day. Even when I’m alone, they’re a goddamn embarrassment.

November 6​

These new uniforms are great! The fabric doesn’t itch like the other outfits, and as I cleaned tonight, I found the sleeves to be far less restricting. The other dresses are designed to be humiliating, not for cleaning, and these new uniforms allow me much more free movement. I just wish DeShawn would’ve let me wear flats, but he likes me in heels, so I’ll just keep dealing with sore feet, in addition to my sore back from sleeping on that goddamn dog bed. Ugh, here I am bitching again, when I should be thankful for these new uniforms. They’re going to make my work a lot easier — and maybe, from a psychological point of view, they’ll cause Molly and DeShawn to respect me more, since I won’t be wearing outfits that make me look like a fucking joke. Yeah, right, who am I kidding? Like Molly and DeShawn would ever respect me. Nah. They’d think I was a joke not matter what outfit I had on.

November 9​

Well, Molly’s pregnant. She broke the news last night when I got home from cleaning Cassandra’s house. DeShawn was in such a good mood, he let me have a glass of champagne, which sat heavy in my stomach mixed with his mother’s piss. The drink gave me a buzz, but I managed to hold ‘er steady while I gave Molly a long foot massage. With an expression of pure bliss on her pretty little face, my wife relaxed on the couch, nestled in her baby-daddy’s arms as they watched a movie together. It was beautiful, romantic scene that made me want to puke. But I was a trooper and managed to give my darling wife a foot rub that lasted nearly two hours. She and DeShawn went to sleep in a blissful haze, but I stayed up all night worrying. This is no longer some abstract plan for the future — my wife is pregnant with her lover’s baby. I’m going to be stuck with the late-night bottle feedings and diaper changes. The reality is hitting me like one of DeShawn’s bitch-slaps, throwing me into a frenzy. Each time my situation enters a new phase, whether it’s coming out as trans or Molly getting pregnant, I’m finding it much more difficult to deal with than I’d anticipated. Ugh. My life, which already sucked, sucks even more now — and it’ll probably suck worse tomorrow. I guess I could get out of this abusive relationship, but I can’t even fathom what life would be like without Molly in the picture. So, as long as I get to stick around, I can deal with all this heartache and humiliation. Everything happens for a reason. I’ll leave it all up to the fates and continue being thankful to be a part of Molly’s life.

November 10​

My poor ass is in agony. Darlene really pegged me good before I cleaned her house last night. She’d promised that she was going to use lube, but she just put a dollop on the tip of her dildo before going to town on me. I thought I might have to go to the hospital because my rectum was bleeding. Darlene told me to jam toilet paper in my ass and wait a few minutes to see if the bleeding stopped. Thank goodness it did, and my mother-in-law deemed me medically fit to clean her house. Not that she’s a doctor or anything, but she said her place was too dirty to let me slide, so I gritted my teeth and struggled through my chores. She did call her ******** to apologize for “damaging” me, although Molly must’ve made some smart-assed remark because Darlene laughed and quipped back: “oh, he’s a sissy, he can sleep on his stomach. Who cares?” Well, my bitch of a mother-in-law turned out to be right. I did sleep on my stomach. She was right about nobody caring, too. Because nobody did. Nobody does. Poor me.

November 13​

Cassandra was at her friend’s house last night, so I was able to clean her place in peace. I’ve really come to appreciate any little breaks like that which come my way, because they’re so few and far between these days.

November 17​

A client I haven’t seen in ages came into the firm today and was shocked when he saw me dressed as a woman. I think I managed the situation the best as I could. Both of us did. The client got over his initial surprise and we ended up having a productive meeting.

November 18​

DeShawn farted in my mouth while I was giving him his propers last night and I almost threw up. Good thing I didn't; had I puked, I might very well be dead right now. Instead, he just laughed and said, “sorry ‘bout that, sissy.” Molly thought it was funny.

November 23​

I ran into Mom and *** at the Food Lion. When they saw me in the “Alice” maid’s dress I’m required to wear in public, they both shrieked and literally ran from the store, leaving a cartful of groceries in the middle of the aisle. ***’s heart can’t take this kind of shock and I feel terrible — but I need to remind myself that this is all on him. If he and my mom would be open-minded enough to accept me for how I am, things wouldn’t be so stressful for them. They choose to be assholes. So be it.

November 25​

Joel called yesterday to cuss me out. Unfortunately for him, DeShawn was standing right there when he called. He snatched the phone from me and asked my brother if there was a problem. No surprise, the wimp sonofabitch immediately backed down, apologized and hung up. I actually felt proud of DeShawn for putting Joel in his place like that.

November 29​

Molly stopped smoking weed once she found out she was pregnant, and DeShawn has been sharing his blunts with me lately, because he wants someone to smoke with, I presume. I always make sure to thank him, although when I get stoned I start having strange, submissive feelings, and I actually enjoy being DeShawn’s little bitch. I find myself hoping he’ll order me to blow him or give him his propers. I’m always so ashamed of myself when the buzz wears off.

December 2​

Molly loaned me to Alyssa last night to clean out her refrigerator and stove. If it wasn’t for Alyssa’s boyfriend, Todd, I’d probably be cleaning my wife’s bestie’s house weekly like I do for Darlene and Cassandra. But Todd hates me with a passion, and Alyssa told Molly he’d probably end up kicking my ass if I went to her house regularly. He’s homophobic, and whenever he sees me in drag his face contorts with rage. The dude scares the shit out of me. I know what it’s like to be hated; Cassandra and her friend Violet are supremely prejudiced against white men, while Darlene thinks I’m a rich little bitch who never deserved her ********. But with Todd, it’s a different kind of hatred. There’s no desire on his part to fuck with me, toy with me or humiliate me. No, he just wants to beat the living shit out of me, because he says he despises “fags.” I’m no homosexual, but I’m not about to argue with the muscular motherfucker. I just try to stay out of his way.

December 5​

Violet stubbed her toe when she was kicking me in the balls earlier. When she moaned and told Cassandra she may have broken it, I hid my smile. Serves the fat bitch right.

December 7​

DeShawn brought home some weed from outer space last night and it absolutely blew me away. He was pretty fucked up, too, and while he and Molly chilled on the couch after dinner he started teasing me, waving his cock in my face and making me beg to suck it. He’d say “go ahead, bitch,” and when I’d move toward his dick with my mouth open he’d yank it away and say “not yet. Beg some more.” I pleaded with him to let me suck his cock, and I’m ashamed to say I meant every groveling word. I honestly craved having DeShawn’s penis in my mouth, and I completely debased myself in front of Molly, who was sitting right there with a sneer on her face. She thought the whole thing was hilarious, and made me repeat “DeShawn is my master and I love sucking his beautiful cock” over and over. She must’ve ordered me to “say it like you mean it” 30 times or more. If my wife didn’t think I was pathetic before, she sure as hell does now. DeShawn finally let me blow him for a while before taking Molly into the bedroom and banging her. I lay on my dog bed listening to her moans, crying my eyes out, hating myself for being such a little bitch.

December 8​

Molly says I need to start thinking of what to buy DeShawn for Christmas. Jeez, what do you get for the man who has everything? Maybe I could hire a hooker so he can enjoy having three women in his bed. The egotistical sonofabitch would love it, but Molly would have my ass. She doesn’t mind DeShawn fucking her mother, and in fact, she rather enjoys the decadent dynamic of a mother-******** threesome with her king. But she’s jealous as hell and protective of DeShawn when any other women are involved, so hiring a hooker is out of the question. I’ll have to think of something else.

December 11​

When I reported to Darlene’s place last night, she tried to switch things up by having me wear her strap-on and fuck her with it. That lasted maybe two seconds before she pushed me off her, slapped the shit out of me and told me to start cleaning. I later overheard her tell Molly on the phone, “it was disgusting — a sissy trying to fuck is like a dog trying to play the piano. Sissies don’t fuck; they get fucked. Guess I’ll have to wait until DeShawn wants some.”

December 12​

Molly liked my idea of a Christmas present: having a new Bose stereo system installed in DeShawn’s Jeep, since he was complaining that the stock system didn’t have enough bass. We racked our brains trying to figure out how to sneak the Jeep away to have it done, but in the end Molly told me to just put the receipt in the card so he can supervise the installation and change any elements, such as the subwoofer or speakers, if he so chooses. Molly told me “a receipt in a card isn’t very romantic,” so she ordered me to buy a bottle of expensive cologne for her lover as well.

December 15​

Violet wasn’t at Cassandra’s house last night. As it turns out, the fat bitch did break her toe last week when she went to kick me in the balls and caught my pelvic bone instead. Cassandra blamed me and spent a good half hour making my poor testicles pay the price. By the time she was finished, she was sweating like crazy and I lay on the floor, unable to get up. She collapsed on the chair heaving and fanning herself while I rolled around on the carpet moaning. We must’ve made quite a sight. Eventually, I had to get up and start cleaning while DeShawn’s hateful mom relaxed, watched TV and sipped wine. After she’d consumed three glasses, she called me into the living room and pointed to the carpet in front of the couch. Knowing the ritual, I lay down where she’d indicated, so she could squat over my face and piss in my mouth. I thanked her as usual, and then went back to scrubbing the kitchen floor.

December 17​

Molly thinks she’s starting to develop a little baby bump. DeShawn and I couldn’t see it, and she kept telling us we were blind. He nudged me in the ribs and said “that girl’s crazy,” and we shared a chuckle over the woman in our lives. It was strange feeling a sense of comradery with a man who has bullied me so terribly, but since Molly got pregnant, DeShawn and I seem to have bonded a bit, and his cruelty has waned. It’s been weeks since he last slapped me. Gratuitous insults are few and far between. He shares his blunts with me all the time now. While he still makes me blow him and give him his “propers” almost every night, there’s been a palpable shift in our relationship. DeShawn told me he plans to tone down the more extreme elements of our lifestyle once kids are in the picture, so maybe he’s getting started on that process now by treating me halfway decently. I still walk on eggshells whenever I’m around him, and there’s never a nanosecond where everybody in our household isn’t aware who’s boss. But if this is a peek into my future, it’s encouraging.

December 18​

There’s been an issue at work since one of the female attorneys complained in the break room last week about having to share a bathroom with the other trans lawyer and me. I was in the room when the lady complained, but didn’t say anything. Someone who overheard her did tattle, and the woman was sent to HR for sensitivity training. That pissed off a lot of my coworkers, and since I’d been in the room when the woman was bitching, the rumor got started that I’d been the one to tell HR. I tried to explain that I had nothing to do with it, but nobody believes me. Now, half the firm is pissed off at me. I’m trying to defuse the situation by using the bathroom at the coffee shop down the street from the office. Somehow, I got stuck in the middle of this huge political battle, and all I did was use the damn bathroom. WTF, I just want to keep my head down and do my job. It’s bad enough having to live as a woman, dealing with the strange looks and smirks from clients. The last thing I want is to be the center of attention, but here I am.

December 21​

The woman who complained about me using the woman’s bathroom was fired yesterday, and the people who’d been grumbling about me are now outright hostile. It doesn’t matter that someone else told HR about the woman; everyone blames me because she lost her job. After work, I told Molly and DeShawn about all the drama at the firm, and I got yelled at for “causing problems.” DeShawn says I need to be careful because he doesn’t want me losing my job with the kid coming. The nerve! He lays around the condo with my wife all day while I bust my ass to support them — and instead trying to ensure a better future for his unborn child by getting a job himself, the lazy bastard has the gall to tell ME to be careful at work so he doesn’t lose his cash cow. Of course, my only response was to bow my head and say, “yes, sir.” DeShawn replied “that’s my good little bitch,” and then he did me a “favor” by “allowing me” to suck his dick. He said he wanted to save his nut for Molly, so he stopped me halfway through my blowjob and took my wife upstairs. I finished my chores with Molly’s screams echoing throughout the condo.

December 22​

Darlene gave me my “Christmas present” when I came over to clean her house last night — a brutal reaming with “Big Bertha,” the name she’s given to her massive strap-on. She says she enjoys making me cry when she fucks me, and until there are real tears coming out of my eyes and mascara running down my cheeks, my mother-in-law insists I’m being a “fake drama queen,” and will only pump harder. Once I’m properly bawling, she might take pity on me and ease up a bit, although my tears sometimes prompt her to try to hurt me even more. She gets a really strange glint in her eye when she hate-fucks me like that. Molly said her father ran off when she was a baby, and that Darlene never got over it. Maybe the old bitch is taking those skeletons out on me. What the hell, everyone does it, right? Cassandra hates white men, so she tries make me miserable whenever I see her. I guess I should be glad to be useful and that I’m providing an outlet for the ladies’ frustrations. Ugh.

December 23​

I spent the evening shopping after Molly told me we’ll be hosting a ****** get-together at the condo tomorrow night. Cassandra, Darlene, James and his wife LaDonna plan to come over. I’m dreading it. Every one of our invited guests hates my guts.

December 25​

Well, to my great surprise, the party wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. Everyone seemed so happy that Molly and DeShawn are starting a ******, they pretty much ignored me while I scurried around serving them. It was the kind of normal scene I think DeShawn wants in the future — no overt kinky stuff, just impeccable maid service. If that’s to be my fate, it won’t be so bad. I hope not, anyway. But there always seems to be something around the corner to knock me on my ass and suck all the hope out of me.

December 28​

My neck and jaw are aching. Before he went to bed last night, DeShawn told me he wanted me to give him his propers all night while he slept. I spent seven hours with my tongue in DeShawn’s ass while he cuddled with my wife and snoozed. I don’t know what possessed him to make me do that, but in the morning he said it felt good. I made sure to thank him, and I felt a cold shot of humiliation when Molly scoffed and wondered aloud, “what kind of loser thanks someone for letting him lick their ass all night?” Then she told me to wash my face and make breakfast.

December 30​

Molly and DeShawn saw the doctor today and he told them the pregnancy is going fine. They’re weighing whether they should wait until the birth to learn the baby’s sex, or find out early and start fixing up the room and buying baby clothes. Molly plans to take Lamaze classes, and she says I’ll be her partner. Having to serve as a Lamaze coach when I’m not the father won’t be easy on me, but as always, I’ll grit my teeth and make the best of it.

December 31​

Almost midnight. I can’t believe another year is gone. Looking back, I’d have to say that while I endured a lot of heartache and humiliation, in many ways I’m much better off than I was a year ago. There was a lot of uncertainty as to whether DeShawn was going to let me stick around, whereas now I’m an integral part of his plans for the future. He’s a lot nicer to me than he was a year ago. I can’t remember the last time he or Molly bitch-slapped me. So, all in all, I’d have to say it’s been a decent year. There was bad stuff, too, like alienating my ******. But I’m counting my blessings. It could’ve been a hell of a lot worse.

THUS, CONCLUDES YEAR ONE OF OUR CUCKOLD’S JOURNEY. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO CONTINUE INTO YEAR TWO AND BEYOND? IF THERE’S INTEREST, LET ME KNOW.