Journal of a Journey - Book #107

I was 'set up' on Saturday by Suzanna and while I wasn't ready for it, it all worked out okay. Paul did spend the night with us (I say 'us' because it was us).

Paul was very cordial and asked me if it was okay if he spent the night when he got here. Being alone with him was no different from previous times although he was more complimentary about Suzanna with telling me how much he enjoys 'her company'. I corrected him and said, "you mean sex with her". He smiled and said "uh, yeah, that too for sure".

While we waited for Suzanna to make her appearance (she was in the kitchen getting drinks) we talked and he said that he genuinely likes Suzanna as a friend and not just a lover. He said again to me how lucky I was to have such a relationship with her that he can be a part of.

She joined us in the sitting room and sat next to him on the couch. Soon they were getting very chummy and I figured they must be thinking about heading up to the bedroom. I don't know why but I felt a bit awkward watching them as it seemed it was the wine that was having its effect on Suzanna.

When he had his hands under her top, it was clear that the time had come for them to head up. Thing was, Suzanna was very amorous and inclusive of me when we were talking, even when he was caressing her and had his hands between her legs. Then when they untangled themselves on the couch she leaned over me and said, "are you going to come up with us?"

I gave my usual answer of 'in a few minutes' and she surprised me and said, "don't wait too long". I wasn't sure at the time what she was angling at (she later told me that she was trying to 'tell' me what to do a bit more).

I say I was setup because when I went into the bedroom a few minutes later they were already getting into more foreplay. He had her top unbuttoned and her breasts were ******* and he was kissing and caressing her all over and as I entered the room, he was beginning to again play with her pussy through her pants and with her squirming around, it was obvious she was going to want them off soon.

It was when she lifted her butt to let him pull her jeans down that he noticed the box of condoms that Suzanna had apparently purposely left inside the headboard (our headboard has shelves for books and such). Apparently innocently and unplanned Paul asked her out loud, "hey, did you want me to use one of those with you?"

I had barely sat on the edge of the bed and she said to Paul, "no baby, those are the ones Stefan and I use …"

It was at that moment that she realized I was sitting there and as she said that she turned her head to me and said, "oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you were here …" and then she tried to start to cover what she'd said by starting to say "...you know..." Then, seemingly without any prompting or planning (Suzanna insists she hadn't expected it to play out like this) Paul immediately said what he'd said to me in the past, "oh, that's cool." He turned to me and then just said, "So? You think you're going to join us?”

I knew that Suzanna had explained to Paul that at times she would like me to maybe join them together and she'd long said that he was okay with that (as I said, non-dominant and non-aggressive) but from how he looked at me, it was clear that Paul still fully hasn't gotten into his head what we are doing regarding denial and that sort of stuff. He looked at me and asked me again if I wanted to join them. He couldn't see it but Suzanna was nodding her head in the background, her way of telling me to say 'yes'.

I said, "I was thinking about it,"

He replied, "about time....”

And that was it. All of a sudden it was out in the open that those were 'my condoms' and I realized it wasn't that big of a deal if neither of them made it out to be.

I did lie there on the bed with them as they continued getting 'chummy'" but I didn't stay the whole time. It just felt awkward to be right next to them as he literally seduced her and they slowly undressed together. Instead I went into the bathroom and watched from the doorway. Suzanna did turn towards me and when she saw me looking at her, the look on my face as well as the lump in my pants that I was gently massaging, she gave me a smile and then turned back to re-engage with Paul.

She really does look beautiful as she gives into him. There's just a way she looks and how she moves with him and how into it she seems and how she responds. The slight arch of her back as he kisses his way down her neck to her breasts is just beautiful to see knowing how she must feel at that moment. That, and the soft gasp of breath when his hand went into her panties for the first time, how can it not turn you on to see the woman you love slowly getting hornier and more amorous with her lover.

I wanted to stay and watch and yet at the same time I knew that they would probably be at it for a little while as I had a feeling Suzanna was really into wanting to get hot and horny with him from how she'd been responding to him. As he started to finger her and she began to moan I ducked back into the bathroom for a bit. I just didn't feel like being the voyeur but to be honest, I started to feel a little self-conscious standing there starting to jerk-off watching them.

I didn't return until I heard them well under-way. It was sooner than I'd expected but when I got back to the room he was already in her and they were just starting to get into a good rhythm fucking. I stood in the doorway watching them on our bed and loving it, something just so incredible to see her lying there beneath him totally enjoying it. I guess maybe it's been a little while since I watched from this perspective and I'll even say that his cock looked bigger than I'd remembered as he pulled out and then would push gently back into her. Each time he'd push in she'd moan deeper and then would relax with a sigh as he'd pull out. It quickly became a succession of moans followed by sighs as he sped up, the oo's and the uhh's getting shorter and shorter.

Will I ever tire of watching her? I don't know, it's been so long now that it's, if anything, even more exciting to see her losing control. I know I'll sound totally cuck-ish to say that seeing his cock come out very wet covered in her juices, knowing she'd cum, even if it was just a little bit, was just beautiful. Sure, I wince at seeing him thrust forcefully back into her but knowing how wet and open she was, seeing it the few times he'd pull out obscenely from her pussy and then push his way back into her, it was all so breathtaking.

Thing is, at one point she looked over at me and saw me smiling (and jerking with my hand in my pants). When I noticed she smiled back and with her left hand she patted the space on the bed next to them for a moment and I knew she wanted me to come to them. By the time I got there she was too engrossed with him to notice that I had dropped my pants and boxers ; I actually felt relaxed masturbating while I was right there with them. I was low enough on the bed that Paul would have to turn around to see me, but Suzanna could see me and our eyes met a few times and she smiled each time.

I was only a foot or two away from where he was thoroughly enjoying her pussy and, I admit it, seeing them up close, seeing them both really into it, it did get to me. It made me feel so horny that he was in her bare and I was seeing it all so close. He'd push into her and then stay deep for a moment until he'd pull back. Each time he did she'd let out a louder and louder moan. My cock was hard as a rock and I began to notice so many other things. For one I noticed just how her hips shift back when she's really into it, her pussy was almost facing upwards receiving him at times. I also noticed just how wet the underside of his cock was and how her pussy lips clung to it as he pulled out of her. When he'd pull back, but not all the way, it was so erotic to see that big head of his cock pull her open wide and then just before pulling out totally he'd plunge back into her making this slick sound and hearing her groan each time.

It'd been a while but I recognized the tell-tale signs. Just the way he stayed deep in her longer and longer after each time he'd push into her. That and how she began to sort of pull at his butt with her legs each time, I could only imagine she was feeling his cock swelling inside her.

Then, I knew it was about to happen. Like watching a porn movie, you can tell when the urge gets to be too much. His thrusts had been smooth and deep and they suddenly became more erratic and certainly deeper and more forceful each time bringing a shriek from her. I was so into watching that just like when I'm watching a porn movie I forget to keep stroking. That was how it was then, my hand stopped moving on my cock as I just watched. A moment later, sure enough, he thrust into her one last time and then stayed in her and I watched … and I watched and listened. From being so close, I was seeing his cock pulse several times and seeing him push gently in and out of her, just a tiny bit, and the whole time his moaning got louder and louder.

She let out a loud and deep moan that could mean nothing other than she could feel him cumming deep inside her as he continued to fuck her again with deep firm thrusts. Now as his cock emerged it was covered with the thick off-whitish color of his cum as she screamed and thrashed back and forth beneath him. Finally, as their motions stopped, my hand resumed its gentle stroking of my hard cock, feeling incredibly horny as they lay together kissing all but ignoring me, her legs were still around his and his cock still buried inside her.

Finally they began to move and both looked over to me as he rose up off of her. This time it was Paul who said, again as if it were nothing out of the ordinary, "want to watch me pull out of her?".

I got up on my elbow and they both smiled as I watched him slide his wet cock out of her vagina. She lay there motionless and even from the side angle I had, I was aware she was deliberately lying there on display for both of us. I leaned up more and I could see what he'd done to her, how reddened she was, how open she was, how wet she was. Indeed, I confess to say I was so thrilled by the sight that I felt as if I was in some sort of a trance ...

… that is until Suzanna moved a bit and I looked up at her and saw that she was staring at me. Paul had moved off of her and was lying on her right side facing me. Suzanna lay on her back between us with her knees bent and her legs spread invitingly. Paul didn't say a word but it was more that he was so focused on Suzanna and caressing her breasts and such that he didn't really look up at me. She said, quietly almost low enough that I don't think Paul heard, "do you want your go now?"

It was now or never and when she put her hand out towards me it gave me the courage to do it. I leaned over and took a foil packet out of the condom box and I tore it open. Suzanna was watching me but Paul was not. I fumbled with it for a second but I'll say that my hard-cock never wavered once!

The thoughts and feelings I had opening the condom were incredibly arousing. In that moment I was so incredibly turned on about what I was about to do, to demonstrate to both of them that I like what we're doing but, even more than that, it felt incredible to me to accept that it turned me on knowing I was about to fuck my wife but that I wasn't going to cum in her, nor was I going to really feel her either.

It feels so weird to say this but at that moment I truly wanted to leave it as something special between her and Paul, that I wanted what she and I had to be different than that. I don't know if I truly want to cede this forever to Paul, but I do know that on Saturday evening when it was my turn to kneel between her legs that I definitely did not want to have her bare. She didn't say anything at the time but did say last night that she loved watching me pull the condom on and she admitted too that she wanted me to share in the special moment with her, that she even wanted to cum with me and that she also felt incredibly turned on knowing that I wasn't going to cum in her.

Paul did look up as I moved between her legs and he pulled back a bit from her as I leaned forward but he didn't' say a word as I entered her and let my mind imagine what my cock wasn't feeling directly. My god, her pussy was so hot inside; hot and wet and open!

She moaned as I entered her (she still says my thick cock feels wonderful when I'm fully in her and the thick base of my cock is spreading her open, something she doesn't get from Paul’s cock, him being so skinny!). As soon as I was in her fully I stayed in her deep and I remember the feeling of realizing that I was fucking her in front of Paul with the condom on and it felt pretty freaking intense!

She moaned to me that I should 'come on honey and feel good with me' but I felt that she wasn't really responding as well as I'd hoped. Sure, she felt great but something felt different, as if she felt like she was holding back for some reason. She admitted to me last night that it was a little different than she'd expected it to be with me fucking her right after Paul; that it was HER who felt a little self-conscious at how she was responding to me with Paul being right there.

Nonetheless, the more we fucked, the less either of us focused on Paul and indeed, within just a few moments she had her legs wrapped around mine and we were kissing passionately ourselves. I could feel her moan as we kissed and I thrust into her. I'm not sure if she'd even wanted to respond how she did but with her pussy so slick and open how could she not.

She came at least once or twice with me, not the huge type of orgasm that Paul had just given her, but they were noticeable both that I could feel her tense up and tighten up her pussy on my condom-covered cock(I could also sense her get wetter after each one). I'd hoped to keep going for a while and for me to make her cum like he did but I also knew from how she was that it wasn't to be. She was the one who felt self-conscious beneath me and while I think she did cum with me at the end, it was more for my benefit and pleasure for sure.

However, once I got going in her, to be honest, I forgot all about the condom and that Paul was right there; I certainly had no thoughts about what he might have been thinking. Suzanna knew I was ready and when she knew I about to cum she pulled her legs back for me and said loud enough for Paul to hear, ".... come on baby, it's your turn now....". Sure enough - a moment later I let out a grunt and I thought I might have hurt her at how hard I pushed into her for that first push into orgasm. I plunged into her and let go with a flood of semen that felt incredible at the time.

It was over far too soon though. I'd really let go and was hugging her when I felt her gently push at me and I realized that it wasn't to be my night with her. Paul had sat up at some point and I got the impression that he wasn't as into watching me fuck her as I had been watching him!

Suzanna however did get up on her elbows and watch me pull out and when I was half-way out she reached down and grabbed my cock and held the condom so as for it not slip off. Paul looked over and I did feel a little self-conscious for a moment until I realized that my cock was still pretty hard and that I'd put quite a load into the tip of the condom. Dare I say it let me feeling a bit more masculine? She pulled me down for another kiss and whispered, "that was fun baby".

After I'd finished I felt a bit like a 3rd wheel so I left them alone and went back downstairs. I did not see Paul again that night.

However, Suzanna did come out of the bedroom and downstairs in her robe and she teased me, opening it and letting me see her. We talked and she said she'd come down because she was concerned that I was okay about having joined them. I admitted it was okay, that I was fine, and we swapped 'I love you's' and kisses before she reminded me that Paul was spending the night. I realized that meant I needed to go back up and get some clothes for the night and the next morning.

I was getting the last of my stuff together when he came out the bathroom. He said, "thanks" and I told him to have a good night. It felt weird saying that to him as he was about to spend the night with my wife, in my bed and with me about to go downstairs to be on my own.

I will say that I didn't sleep well at all and suspected I could hear them at times during the night. There was no doubt of what was going on the next morning, I awoke to hear shrieks of pleasure from Suzanna who clearly was already awake!

I was a bit surprised when Suzanna came down first in her robe with Paul following behind and him being fully dressed and ready to go off to a golf game no less! He shook my hand and again said thanks; that Suzanna was a wonderful lady; and, thanks again, for sharing her. She followed him down to the front door and as I watched, I saw her open her robe and they spent a while kissing with his hands all over her before he left. From the look on her face I realized he'd fingered her to a small orgasm as I'd spied on them. That was just so beautiful

I wanted to have some more fun with her but she said she was starving so before that happened we had some breakfast (lunch?) together. She then invited me to follow her up to our room where she let me take off her robe.

I cannot describe how it made me feel to see her naked after knowing she'd spent the night with him. She told me that I wasn't going to have sex with her but she asked me if I would go down on her and she giggled that, "I thought you might enjoy that" … and I did!

As I've said, it's so much easier with her now that things are more out in the open and I told her as I lay on the bed between her legs that I loved that Paul had fucked her and that I loved sharing the experience with her in whatever way she wanted. As I said that, I added, "including this" and with that I leaned down and started to lick and suck at her pussy.


We spent Tuesday and some of last night talking about the weekend and things in general. I'll continue my own thoughts while she spends the night at Paul’s.

She's decided that this is how she'd like her 'schedule' with Paul to work; that she will spend one night every other week at his place and on those weeks she will try to see him at least one other time, likely over the weekend. On the intervening weeks, she very much wants him to spend at least one night here with us.

I told her that I didn't know if we could be quite that rigid with things but she said that's what she was hoping to arrange and that we'd work around any issues.

I guess the main part is that I didn't disagree or resist her request.

The other important point is that we've spent the time talking about her emerging and evolving feelings and mine.

The first thing that she shared was that she came out and told me that she now likes fucking Paul better than me. As we talked she told me that it was bound to happen once she started having so much more sex with him and even more now with our more firm use of condoms together. She told me that it wasn't really anything to do with technique but, with a tiny bit of hesitation, she came out and told me that it's the shape of his cock, that fat knob, that really turns her on and makes her go wild with him.

She was very supportive and asked me if I had thought that this was going to happen and when I gave a quiet 'yes' to that, she asked me to tell her honestly if it turned me on to know that; I answered her with a more vocal, "yes". She hugged me and told me it was okay and that she was very touched to hear me say that and mean it; that she expressed her appreciation for me letting this happen for her. She told me she still loved how my cock felt in her but that Paul's distinct shape was now really noticeable and that she could really feel the difference; that my cock being thicker at the base, she says still feels wonderfully filling to her when I am in her fully and stretching her open but she said (and she hoped it wouldn't hurt me to hear) that she loves Paul's cock and went on and on about how the 'big head' on it really made her feel things.

I admit it was a little painful to hear her tell me how she loved to feel him pushing up against her when they first get started and how she feels her vagina being stretched open as he pushed into her. It almost felt that she was gloating when she told me that, "once he pops inside me..... Wow....” She told me that the feeling of him suddenly slipping into her, past the tight ring at the opening to her pussy, how when she feels that it seems to turn her on incredibly.

She went on to describe how she says she can actually feel the 'big head' on his cock as he pushes into her and especially when he pulls back and stretches her vagina on the way out. It was unmistakable at how she would close her eyes or breathe deeply when she told me how wonderful the pleasure is at feeling him. Again she said that she hoped it wasn't hurting me to hear it. I didn't say anything, I just showed her the huge hard-on I had so she giggled and kept going.

What she told me next was something she'd said in the past but never so clearly, about how she can feel him when he pushes all the way into her, about the fullness 'way in the back inside'. She held my hand when she said that it's the most wonderful feeling when he cums inside her when he's so far in her; she says she can feel the heat and the sensation of being filled just makes her almost cum each time she feels it. She said she's felt that sometimes before with me but then added that the different shape of his cock seemed to make it feel more intense.

What held the most cuckold-sting for me was what she said after telling me that. She again held me close and began by saying that she loved me, maybe now more than ever, and that nothing we were doing sexually should concern me about how she feels about me. She added that she hoped that even though it might hurt to hear, that she thought (rightfully so) that it would be something I would want to hear and she hoped would turn me on.

I nodded my head in agreement as she told me that it feels 'more normal' to her now to be having sex with Paul and that she feels that being with me is 'different'. She admitted that in some ways, the feelings she has have swapped places with regard to me and Paul. She told me that she loved me but that she now feels that she is more comfortable and able to really enjoy sex with Paul more than me. Before I could say anything she added, "that was why it was so nice that you joined us on Saturday" and that being with me like that was different to her as opposed to how she said she felt normal having sex with him.

I wasn't sure how to react to that but it led to an interesting discussion in which I revealed some of my more deep and emerging thoughts.

She said reminded me that it's been over a year now since she's been with him and that in that time she's had far more sex with him than with me; she thought it was at least 3 or 4 times more than with me and, " … how does that made you feel?"

I told her it was awkward for me to admit but that she was right and that it does very much turn me on to know how things have changed and I told her that it really turned me on that she felt that way about him. She said that it's something she'd felt even longer ago and mentioned that she'd started to feel this when she was seeing Robert and that over time she's become more confident in letting it happen especially after hearing what I've said and wanted.

She said she doesn't fully understand how my having less sex with her turns me on and I told her that I couldn't fully explain it either but for me, less sex and now using condoms with her seems to do more for me mentally. I told her that I know I am having less physical feelings as a result of it but mentally, it is turning me on incredibly. I told her that once I felt that Paul wasn't judging me that I didn't feel emasculated by using a condom with her in front of him; that it was something that was incredible for me to experience.

She asked me more about what it makes me feel and I tried to explain it to her saying that somehow by my own means, denying myself the most intimate sensations and experiences with her, that it somehow turns me on to know that she's having them with Paul. I admitted that it was weird to say it but in some ways it seems to me to almost separate the sex from our relationship and let me look in on it from the outside. I told her that at the same time as knowing that I'm insulated, that I can't feel how wet or open she is, that the thoughts and feelings that I have in my head at that time are so incredibly pleasurable that they make up for the loss of physical intimacy.

I told her honestly that I was loving what we were doing although some of what she'd said did make me a little scared and concerned, especially now about who she feels 'normal' with. She held me tight and said she understood all of that too but she wanted me to know that this was different with Paul, that she is very much aware of all of this including how she feels emotionally for him.

She saw the look on my face and realized she should probably answer that a bit more. She said one thing that I wasn't ready to hear and that was that she loved him but not like she loves me at all, not like a husband/wife, but more of him as a good friend and that she genuinely liked him. She said what has been said many other times, after having sex with him and being so intimate for so long that it was inevitable that feelings would develop. She asked me if I felt she was out of control or anything like that and I had to tell her honestly, "no".

She smiled at that and said that's because of how she now feels about me and everything, that she knows she can truly WANT sex with Paul and that it doesn't mean anything about how she feels about me other than the physical aspects. She quickly added, "now that you can share with us like last Saturday, that it should be really nice for all of us".

She went on to say that knowing I want her to experience this with Paul and that I want her to feel this kind of sexual desire for him, knowing she can give that to Paul and to experience that with him is what is letting her feel that it is, "just sex and nothing more". She said that was one of the biggest things she'd learned and come to understand this year, that she can give herself to him and it's not something that has to be beyond just that.

Most of the conversation was one-sided to me and by last night, after we'd finished dinner and with our 'normal Wednesday time' approaching, I think both of us knew we still wanted and needed to talk more.

She told me how she wanted to be able to feel good about wanting to stay at Paul’s or to have him stay with us and that she wanted to be sure that I was okay with that. I could tell that she needed to hear it again from me.

I knew what I wanted to say and after all she had said to me, I felt better about saying what I was thinking. We were lying in bed last night and the mood was turning and we were feeling close together. I told her that as long as we still shared close moments like we were, where it truly felt like we were together as one, that I did want her to be with him. She encouraged me to tell her more.

I confessed that I felt uncomfortable with some of my thoughts. She was really listening and she held my hands and she told me that I shouldn't ever feel that I can't tell her something. She told me, "if I can tell you that I love sex with Paul, you can surely tell me anything".

I told her that in some ways I was worried about seeming 'like less of a man' to her. She hugged me and told me again that this is just sex and fun and that it doesn't have anything to do with how she looks up to me or how she considers me a 'man'. She kissed me and then said that it actually makes her feel more in love with me knowing that I would talk to her like this.

I wondered if it was wise to go on but it just felt like it was the right time to tell her, I told her that it made me crazy with jealousy and arousal that she's going to spend the night with him. She responded by holding my hand tighter and really supportively saying, "go on baby". I told her that it drove me crazy and it made me feel like she was like a Playboy model, someone who I lusted after and masturbated, being excited thinking about fucking her but at the same time not being able to have her.

She encouraged me to tell her more and I did. I told her that I loved how I felt when I'm alone and I know what she's doing and I think about what I've seen when I've been with them; that I have all sorts of visions in my head about it. She asked me what I do about it and I told her that it is something I find I can masturbate to over and over again and that I get very intense orgasms over it. I told her explicitly about how I like to think of her sleeping naked next to him knowing he can and does have her whenever he wants ; I made it pretty clear when I told her how turned on it makes me thinking of her sleeping next to him after they've had sex together.

My cock was hard already as I was telling her this, I think I even started to cry a little bit at feeling like I could tell her all this. I'd said it all before to her but last night, I think she heard it and really understood what I was saying, that it is something that affects me so deeply that I struggle to find the words. I told her that I always get rock hard and horny as heck thinking about them together in the morning and how she shares her most intimate moments with him.

She asked me right then if it turned me on that she will pee in the bathroom while he's in there with her whether in the shower or just at the sink next to her. She asked me that because it's not something she will ever really do in my presence unless she's desperate and can't hold it in with me being in the bathroom.

I told her that for me it turns me on in the same way it did long ago when she first told me that she'd shown Brad how to put her diaphragm in! She blushed at that but told me that it meant a lot to know that it turned me on as she wasn't sure herself how she felt other than feeling liberated enough to do it but now that she knows I get a sexual thrill from it she says she will relax a bit more about it.

I told her that it was just part of the same feelings as how it makes me feel to know she's showering and doing all of that with him tomorrow morning to which she replied that she always feels incredibly sexually aroused doing that too; that it makes getting ready in the morning just really more of the fun with him from the night before. She teased that sometimes he'll look into the shower while she's shaving her legs and she'll deliberately let him watch as she runs the razor over her pussy mound!

My cock was rock hard and I was starting to stroke away when she asked me to tell her about how I felt about the weekend. I knew that it wasn't a general question.

I was a tiny bit reluctant to say anything at first so she said, "come on honey, tell me how you felt on Saturday" so I told her that it had turned me on incredibly and that I was surprised at how Paul was about it. She said to me that, "he thinks it's cool" and I said, "yeah but does he know it all?"

She looked at me and she just said, "he knows you haven't cum in me in months baby". That he had talked to her about it and told her that whatever I was into was okay with him. She said when they'd talked about what might happen ahead of time that he said, "when he's ready, it's okay." She added that she had not told him about the setup with the condom box on the headboard and then she steered the conversation back to me and said, "tell me about you baby...”

I told her that I probably felt a lot like she had over the past few days at some of what she'd said. I told her I was worried at first about it but when the time came, that I was much more turned on than I'd expected to be. She giggled and nodded towards my now stiff cock, "come on baby, just tell me".

I guess I just sort of blurted it out, ".. it's so weird to say it but it really really turns me on to not be cumming in you". Once I'd confessed that it seemed easy to just keep talking quickly and to not think too much so I just kept talking. I told her that somehow it just feels right to me when I pull a condom on and that even just talking about it and thinking about it gets me going. She was all ears as I was just letting it all out I told her that hearing how she described sex with Paul had made me feel even better about it, that somehow it feels so good to me to know what she is feeling with him and that I wanted her to enjoy it with him as much as possible.

She asked me if I missed feeling her bare and when I said that I did miss it but that it was much more mental than a physical arousal and satisfaction that I felt, she said to me, "I know, I can tell from how you are afterwards" and proceeded to tell me that after all these years she can tell when I've really felt sexually satisfied and can tell it is something that means a lot to me.

I told her what I'd said that some of these thoughts scared me a little bit and she held my hand tightly as her other hand worked my cock and she said,"I love you even more knowing how you really feel about all this".

I was really getting into stroking away as she started to tell me this sort of stuff, that she said again how it really means a lot to her that I want her to be with Paul and that she shouldn't feel anything bad about enjoying him. As I was stroking away she leaned down next to me and said, "it really does turn me on baby that you aren't cumming in me" and continued to tease me in this sexy voice that she loved watching me cum, whether it was all over my stomach or, "filling a condom like you did on Saturday." She said that seeing my cum and knowing it's another load that didn't go in her was something that was turning her on more and more and after our talks, she now knows it's okay for her to let it continue.

I told her that in a way it was kind of exciting not knowing when things will change and she asked me what I was thinking. I told her that it really excited me to think about this becoming our 'norm' and that while it scared me to think of maybe never feeling her pussy bare again, I told her that aside of that thought, knowing I wasn't going to feel her at any time in the near future was just a crazy turn on; to know that every time I see her naked or whatever that I'm reminded and aroused by knowing I won't be feeling her.

I noticed she'd started to rub her pussy right around then and she said that it really excited her that, "my husband isn't fucking me" and that until our talk she'd herself been scared to think this way. She then leaned over and cooed in my ear, "but maybe it is something we should have fun with …" I remembered her saying things like this in the past and knew where this might be going. She teased some more and said, "come on baby, you can think of how I'll be with Paul tomorrow night baby....".

As I stroked away I admitted about how I felt so aroused at everything. I told her that mentally, I felt an incredible thrill at what I was doing and told her, "it turns me on that I want it".

She cooed and moved closer to me and said again, "it's okay baby, it's okay that it turns you on …. I guess I know that …, maybe it's why it feels so good to me".

Well, that did it, I started to really get into it and I knew I was almost there. I just let it out, I told her how it had turned me on to see Paul fuck her and to see and feel through the condom how wet and open he'd left her.

I told her how her telling me how he feels in her had only turned me on even more and that, "...I get this crazy intense turn on knowing how he cums in you...". Saying this and the thoughts in my head got to me and I felt myself go stiff in the bed and if anything I stroked even more intensely and a second later I let things go. I tried to hold back and even thought about trying to stop and make it last longer but it felt so good to say what I had and my mind was just racing that I just let it go. I closed my eyes and then I felt my cock throb in my hand as I stroked it. I moaned out with each thick spurt and I kept stroking even after I'd stopped cumming and it felt awesome with my hand being lubricated by my cum.

When I caught my breath she was breathing heavily herself and was kissing my forehead and cheek and telling me how hot I looked as I came and then she said, "my god honey, there's so much". I opened my eyes and looked at the big puddle in my navel from the 6 or 7 spurts . I let her watch as I reached down and I drew out the last thick drops as I ran my thumb up from way down below my balls up to the tip and she surprised the heck out of me by suddenly leaning forward and licking it off before it dripped onto my stomach. Before I could respond, she moved up and kissed me passionately.


So, that's it, it's all out there now. I feel a little self-conscious about things and I even told her as much this morning. She hugged me and said she'd 'take it easy' on me and didn't play up too much teasing about tonight other than to ask me repeatedly if I was going to be okay being on my own. She asked if I thought I was going to, "do it again tomorrow night" (meaning me masturbating).

I laughed and told her that I don't think I'm going to have a choice with how I'll be feeling later!

After cumming that hard last night, I'm already rock hard again after writing all of this.

I will say, it feels good to be more honest and open with her. It was very weird to do so but I have to say that it felt wonderful to be able to tell her that I truly don't want to cum in her right now …


… but I do have find another book as this another one filled!