Journal of a Journey - Book #134

Well, no other way to put it than I've just watched him fuck the life out of my wife. She was almost motionless by the time I watched him push into her one last time and I heard him finally let out the sound I think I was waiting, may have even wanted, or dare I say, almost needed to hear as he let go and filled her with his cum. She'd been riding one long orgasm just before he finally let go to have what I saw as a huge climax for her. He stayed motionless in her as she kind of spasmed beneath him until she calmed down.

I didn't watch any longer as seeing her embracing and kissing him was still something that made me feel as if I was prying into her privacy and, yes, to be honest, although an arousing sight, sometimes like now knowing the moment, it gets to me.

I am so horny right now, the lights are out in the room now and I know she is lying next to him falling asleep while I'm here rock hard right now thinking about it.


He got here closer to 9 pm having texted Suzanna that he was running late and she showed me the text that said she should 'stay warm' for him. We already had a glass or two of wine while we waited for him so were cordial when he arrived. The three of us were talking pretty relaxed for a while with the TV on in the background and again I could see what she liked about him. He was just a nice guy (as I've said before) in that he wasn't pushy either in conversation or actions with her. He was quite happy for her to take the lead and let her edge him onward.

There was something we were talking about regarding French food and she joked about French toast for breakfast which was laden with innuendo. The conversation turned a bit towards the two of them and as they began to talk to each other instead of me, I took it as my cue to make myself scarce so I went into the kitchen.

I could hear their talking continuing over the TV but then their voices fell lower and after a few more minutes I looked back into the room to see them kissing and making out on the couch. As she'd said, this was one of the things she wanted to feel free to do, to feel the arousal with him and want to be able to respond to it.

I stood in the doorway to give them some space and sure enough, he began to undo her top and open it up revealing the tops of her breasts and her bra. My hard-on grew to full hardness when I saw him lean back a bit and saw her squirm as, somehow from beneath her shirt, he slid her bra off. A moment later he had her breasts fully out in the open as they continued this one long kiss.

It was the 'kissing thing' that disturbed me so I retreated into the kitchen to make myself busy and a few moments later both of them came walking into the kitchen a moment later.

She had re-buttoned her top but I knew her bra was off and from the look on her face and her messed-up hair, I could tell she was horny as she stood there. He smiled at me as he went over to the refrigerator and when he opened it she looked knowingly in my direction and said out loud for him to 'get me a bottle of water'. Before the fridge door had fully closed, he was already following her upstairs.

I could go on about what I watched and how I felt seeing her but as I'm working my way up to masturbating to the thoughts of them together, I need to cut this short.

To put it into words that I won't soon forget and to make it clear right now, sure I have this angst but at the same time I love that she's in bed with him, enjoying her post-orgasm moment with him and I'm quite sure getting pleasure from feeling the cum he deposited in her. I can't say it any other way than I love how turned on I am about it right now.


She looked into my room hugged me and kissed me good morning before she went downstairs to prepare coffee in the kitchen. I correctly surmised she might be naked under the robe she wore and had the same thought about Paul when he came downstairs about 10 minutes later in one of my robes (Suzanna told me she'd told him it'd be okay).

I know they were having sex before they came down so I want to go and see how it feels to be with her/them right now. They are downstairs right now having 'breakfast' which I joked with Suzanna about seeming more like dessert given the noises and sounds from our room earlier this morning.

Even after jerking off twice last night, my cock is hard again after hearing them and now the thought of her still being freshly wet from him is just making me crazy.

We talked a lot last Thursday night both rehearsing what we needed to say in this situation. Nothing she told me was what I wasn't expecting but hearing it from her was both arousing for sure and, yes, also a little sobering.

So far, last night and this morning are panning out and going exactly as she'd said she'd wanted.


He picked up his cell phone and went through to the sitting room and straightaway I could hear him talking about arranging a golf game for the afternoon since the rain stopped here.

With him out of earshot, she asked me if everything was OK. I answered and told her I'd cum twice last night and that I was very turned on by everything. She giggled and then asked if I would be okay with them taking a shower together.

I told her 'Of course' which made her smile ear-to-ear.

He finished his call and he went upstairs before her and before she followed him she told me that they may, " … have a little more alone time before he leaves" and again I gave my consent. She kissed me again and then whispered that "I'll leave the door open a little".

So when I hear the shower go off I'm going to go upstairs and watch if I can. I can't believe he'd have a 3rd time in him!

They're now in the bedroom together and I can hear them through the wall.

To answer if I'm okay with everything, I can say, yes, right now, yes. There were a few moments when I still felt that queasy feeling inside but all in all, I have to say that it was okay to let her have her time with him.

What I can say is that finally hearing her tell me exactly what she wants led me to share some of my thoughts that I hadn't been able to earlier. It seems strange to say it, but talking with her has made it easier for me to enjoy last night and this morning; right now, I enjoyed last night in my way. For the first time, I have to admit to not having a scary-foreboding feeling watching them together. I think it may be easier for me to watch from the doorway for now as we move ahead.

Okay, that's the shower turning off (finally) so I'm going to go peer in on them again.


I have the house to myself (Suzanna has gone over to her sister's; Paul's out to go play golf) so I have some time to fill in the blanks of what happened earlier.


First, I did peer in and watch them again this morning and it was very erotic seeing her take off her robe and then take his off and have it confirmed that they were both naked underneath. I don't know why but I was surprised at how easily he got hard and how hard he stayed while she lay back for him on the bed.

What turned me on was to think they were more natural and at ease when I was not right there because she just seemed to be so beautiful lying there, kissing him, and then them both playing with each other. Seeing her just let him play with her pussy and put his fingers inside her made me feel warm all over as there was no doubt she was into it. He seemed to be a bit more physical than I'd expected but then again, I was comparing him to myself, it'd take me a whole lot of activity to get hard even if I could cum a third time!

The foreplay didn't last long though and I think she may have had quite enough already in terms of orgasms. She just seem to lie back and let him fuck her until he came in her one last time.


To go back to Thursday night which sort of started things off. Let’s just say we had a very frank and open conversation. I can't say that I was okay with everything she said, and I told her so, but by the end, she had made her valid points and I'm a little surprised at myself at what I was finally able to tell her.

It was me who started it when I told her that I didn't think we'd talked about everything the night before. I can't remember exactly what the subject was that led to it but at some point, I just came out and asked her if we were just playing with things or if she was truly feeling that this was for real; if I should maybe be worried about returning if she was feeling that way. I also asked her just what she was thinking about how long this would go on and that sort of stuff.

Before she said anything she looked at me and told me that I still was getting all anxious about nothing and that she wanted to know if I truly wanted all of this to happen. She said it seemed that I was and again she asked, "Why are you always resisting so much? After over 9 years honey, you should know that I love you no matter what and that not having sex with you isn't going to change that or make me feel differently about you".

I changed the subject and asked her, just to make me feel good, about my bare cock to which she giggled and said again how it doesn't make her feel differently about how she loves me, but she did say that it does make me look like a 'little boy' and that I had to understand that seeing it made it easier for her to want him.

It wasn't until she said that if it turns me on that she has sex with Paul only, that I should just relax about it and come out and say it so it's something that we can just be more comfortable about and 'just accept it'.

She then kissed me and hugged me and told me that if there had been anything to change things between us, then it already would have happened .. and it hadn't. She smiled and looked at me and said that she wanted me to relax about it and to just accept it if it was truly how I felt. I told her that it was and she said, "So, that's it then … " and that is what she wants for right now.

This led to me asking, "How long is right now?"

She answered that she is very aroused that I no longer cum inside her and she's agreed with me that it turns us both on to think about it. I told her that I didn't understand it but that it truly turned me on to think that I may never cum inside her again and that only Paul or another man would be the only one to do that.

She teased me back telling me that she loved the feeling of knowing only her lover would truly 'know her' that way and I told her in turn that I derived incredible pleasure, somehow, out of knowing that her most 'intimate place' is only truly used by Paul.

She giggled and told me that it turned her on to think that only Paul's cum was in her, " … in my cervix and maybe in my womb". She then said that when I want to give up the beta thing, I can resume cumming in her. I in turn told her that I wasn't sure when or if ever I was going to feel differently and then admitted to feeling more comfortable about our situation as time has gone by.

She told me that she wanted to feel that she could be intimate with him when and where she wanted, which was why she said, I shouldn't have been surprised by their actions in the den on Friday night.

I told her that as long as I felt that we were good, I would be okay with her doing as she wanted. She promised me that she was going to try to make things good for me and she asked how I was feeling in general she also asked me about how I felt about him starting to spend more nights with her and at our place.

I told her that the past few weeks had been good for us and that while I felt a growing physical desire to have sex with her I also told her that as long as I seemed to be close to her she would welcome me into bed with her even if we weren't having sex, that it was something I felt I needed and didn't even really recognize before.

She said that she too had felt the same thing and that for a long time had felt that it would be too hard on me or too difficult to let me be closer to her after she'd been with Paul or at other times when, ordinarily, we'd be sexual with each other.

I told her that now I'd rather cuddle with her even when she's filled with his cum than not feel her at all. Then I gave the game away by giggling and telling her that I liked knowing she was like that the prior weekend!

She looked and asked me if I was serious about that and I told her I was, that it did turn me on, and that I loved feeling her afterward, the smells, and how they made me feel good about her. It seemed like saying it was a kind of a turning point because I continued telling her that I liked how it felt to see and know she'd truly made love with Paul; now having accepted that I wasn't going to have sex with her, that it made it easier in a way for me to enjoy being a voyeur.

I probed her for her thoughts on the future and she was quite candid, telling me she wanted this arrangement with Paul to extend through the holidays and New Year's adding, "I want to fuck him on New Year's Eve this year baby."

I took a deep breath and I told her that it would be a turn me on that (after our 30th or 31st New Year together) it would be okay if it wasn't me. I even admitted I wanted to feel how it would be to not have her that night.

She smiled and told me that she wanted him to come away skiing with us again, hoping I would be okay if she could feel she was truly his all weekend.

I told her that again as long as I felt still connected to her somehow, and if not that weekend, then when we got home afterward, I was sure it would be something that would work out for us. She hugged me and said she loved me and that she would be sure to.

In the end, she told me that come Springtime, she'd be past her urges with Paul and if I could wait till then, that she felt she'd have a very new outlook about everything but, until then, that she wanted to feel that she was his. She asked me how I'd feel about all that.

I was honest with her and I told her that it worried me to go so long but, at the same time, admitted it was very erotic to think that I may not feel her body again for 6 months or more.

She reminded me that at the end of October, we would be going away and she agreed with me that, "we need some alone time too …" Whether it was skiing or elsewhere, she also emphasized that while we will go away and do stuff together that she hoped I understood that sexually, it wasn't going to be the same. I told her that I understood.

The conversation turned to 'real vs. fantasy' and I told her that I understood and that I wanted to go along with her in making this seem as real as possible; told her that it turned me on to think that way. I also made it very clear that at the same time, if she was truly feeling that this was going to be what she wanted for real, not wanting me to have sex with her, it worried me.

It was then she more or less admitted that her feelings were changing and growing. For example, as she'd already told me, she doesn't feel she could ever just be with me sexually now in the future, "I think I'm always going to want to have another man from time to time baby …" and if that was okay with me (which it was) then whatever may happen beyond that isn't something to which she can firmly commit.

She teased me that she does love that I may no longer cum in her but she said that the fact that it turns me on too is what she is loving even more. She said that I shouldn't let myself be so concerned about enjoying that denial that she thinks it's nice that it’s something that we enjoy together for different reasons; and that I should just relax about it. As she said at one point, "So whatever you like, whatever turns you on, that's okay with me".

She asked me what I was thinking and I told her it turned me on like nothing else I'd ever felt that it was only Paul cumming in her; that in my head that I loved the thought of it being something that we may continue to do for a long time and that I liked the feeling it gave me leaving that for her to enjoy with him.

She smiled and said she loved me for being able to tell her that. I told her that it made me feel strangely satisfied knowing that but added it both scared me and also turned me on that we have, for the time being, given up intercourse too.

I told her that not feeling her pussy was also much more of a turn-on than I'd have anticipated and that seeing her naked now knowing I won't have her makes me so aroused all the time being around her. However, I also told her that I was fearful that after 6 or more months, it may not be the same afterward.

She asked me what I thought was going to happen and I told her that I was worried we'd lose our being in sync so well. She responded by saying that was going to happen and that there wasn't going to be anything I could do about it; that was also part of what she wanted out of all of this; that when we are ready, she wants us to 'rediscover each other'.

She said that if it turns us both on to try this out, we shouldn't feel scared or worried about it but instead, it should be exciting to think about both now and then … whenever that might be!

As I spooned behind her with my erection pressing against her back, she giggled saying something about how she hoped she feels differently to me as she is sure my cock is going to feel very different to her.


Somehow at the end of Thursday night, it just felt easier to let her go with Paul and to let her continue with her plans and desires. This afternoon after he left, it was very sexy and very erotic to talk openly about what they'd done together and I told her how much I'd enjoyed watching and then pleasing myself last night.

She said she loved hearing about it and promised me that we'd continue to talk like we had and that she too felt good about us, about what we were doing, and that she was glad we could clear the air and be so open.

Maybe hearing her say it, knowing her plans and what she wants, might make it easier for me to see the future and what to expect. I did remind her that while I liked seeing them messing around in our house, like getting started in the den, at least for the moment I wasn't yet ready to be dealing with them fucking and more in other parts of our house. I told her that seeing them playing around and getting worked up was very hot but, for now, I liked it that they'd go up to our bedroom for their real fun.

Surprisingly, she accepted by saying that 'playing around all over the house' was something they'd agreed that they should work up to more slowly!


I've now endured and, yes, enjoyed 2 weekends where she's been with Paul as she wants to be. It is very strange to feel the physical desire of wanting to have sex with her but to also feel mental that I want to continue on our journey down this 'rabbit hole'.

I may think I finally felt and believed what she's been saying that she's not going to love or want me any less now that I've found some new sexual desire even if it isn't a more masculine role. It is difficult to explain but I feel an incredible arousal when I masturbate now, feeling my bare hardness but knowing I just don't want to fuck her. Looking at and feeling my cock turns me on incredibly having given up sex with her and experiencing what she is enjoying vicariously.


These past 2 nights with Paul staying here have been difficult for me to fall asleep, but that is the only downside.

I felt such a rush all over that was just the most pleasant arousing and contented feeling when I knew she was naked beneath her robe yesterday morning and she told me without even a second thought that she was going to go back upstairs with Paul again. I so loved that he was going to undo her robe, remove it from her shoulders and that he was going to have her naked body to himself once again. I know that after he left, there was just a moment of awkwardness between Suzanna and me until I told her that he seemed like a nice guy and was pleased that she'd enjoyed herself. She smiled broadly at me, hugged me, and then told me she loved me.

Last night in bed we again snuggled. She let me put my hand around her body and let it rest on her breast and when I just gave it a gentle feel (but that was all) she turned her head and kissed me and once again told me she loved me. We watched TV but at times my mind drifted to the thought of her pussy now only being for him and the next thought I had was how aroused I had become thinking about that.

I know this isn't going to make sense but this seems to be working for us and I'll say quite sincerely that it's me that's very likely to forego sex with her at the end of this month based on how I'm feeling right now. As she said, she wants this to be as real as possible and that if it's something I want to and am enjoying, then what I am feeling is as it should be. Does that make sense?

As an example, this morning seeing her come out of the shower and stand there as she picked and then pulled on her panties, I just felt an overwhelming sense of arousal and awareness of her pussy, briefly visible and then quickly covered by the panties.


I have been having some very profound thoughts over the past few days wondering how this whole thing is going to pan out. Whilst we have always been honest with each other with sharing our desires and needs I have this nagging thought that maybe I am being manipulated by Suzanna (with Paul’s assistance). Although the things we do and have done have supposedly been at my prompting, it may well be that they have stemmed more from what she wants to do and she has had this subtle way of making it appear that the next 'level' was my idea; that she is only acceding to my desires when the reality may be that there is some 'Master Plan' she is following that results in me being asked to move out of the house.

Are we moving toward some point in the future where I will be almost totally excluded from her life?!

Scary thoughts but they are fed by her keep upping the ante, that is, delaying the end of the no-sex period beyond our original agreement of the end of October and not being drawn on when she might want us to reconnect again. I just can’t help but feel more vulnerable than ever but, then again, isn’t this part of bringing the beta?


When I first met her, I knew she had enjoyed herself immensely with several different guys (at separate times mostly) and after we were wed when I brought up with Suzanna about bringing another guy into bed with us she admitted she was 'interested'. At the time while she said it was just a phase, I am not surprised that she has since developed her desires and now, isn't afraid to want to experience them.

I know that I had long said that 'I couldn't do this' or 'I couldn't do that' but the reality is that at every point along the way, whether it was the things we did or didn't do together, each time when I relaxed and let myself experience it, it became something very pleasurable for both of us.

I now find myself truly yearning for the experience of her wanting Paul as she says she craves. It is scary to me when I think about it, but at the same time, as she's said, she loves me no matter what. Surely after all this time, it should feel to me like it is something that was a deepest darkest thought but now having had that reassurance that can perhaps now I can see the light of day.


When I think back, I know that even that first time watching her with Peter, despite the wrenching in my stomach, it was still something I very much wanted her to do. The things that Dan pushed for did goad me at times, but at the same time, some of the memories of feeling her wanting him were so arousing to me back then that I don't think I fully understood what we were doing.

I truly liked how it was when she was fucking Frank. I wished that could have continued as I felt very much like I do about Paul. There is just something so arousing to me that she feels so comfortable with him that she can share almost anything with him. I know that began with Frank and I'm glad that it did. I know that I felt new emotions especially when she went away with him but there again, the reality of what happened wasn't 'gloom and doom' but, instead, was incredible to feel and know that she was finally doing this for herself.


Right now, it is incredibly arousing to know that I will not be intimate with her, at least not for a few weeks. While we did discuss skipping our 'date' in October, at the same time we have made some reservations to go up to the Boston area for the weekend. (No, I didn't think of staying in the same hotel that 'my wife' first slept with another man, although that would have been erotic!) At the same time, I will say that I have hope that a weekend and romance together may lead to us both dropping our alpha/beta roles and lead to us sharing something that we can both enjoy as a married couple!

Aside from that (and yes I know that I once claimed I could never do this, 'be the beta thing') that was the same person who said he could never use condoms and yet, for almost 2 years now, I thoroughly enjoyed them, enjoy the symbolism and the way it makes me feel to use them; to cede her body to him. She knew that it turned me on and she has always made me feel okay about using them and accepting it and all the other things that we have done.

What I can't explain though is the feeling deep inside that I am turning her into that prostitute in the fraternity who slept with all the other guys except me. I have this crazy idea that what I want to feel is that she isn't mine and then perhaps, for me to reclaim her and seduce her back to be my own!

There are times when I think that she wants this for similar reasons or has she just found her desire and is she enjoying it in her way?


It seems that however, things have worked, that we fit together. Perhaps us being so open with each other is our way of fitting together and giving each other what we want. I know from our talks when she's continued to point out that I shouldn't fight it and that she wants the same for me, it just feels right to say okay, everything is good.

I doubt that Paul has some sort of grand scheme to steal her away from me. I am embarrassed to admit that I have checked her phone and text messages from time to time and there are a few in the day or two before they get together but often 2 or 3 days will go by and they have no contact (at least from what I can see). I do not check her Emails so perhaps they share more there. Either way, if he is guiding her, then he's doing a good job, so again, as she says, "why fight it?"


Do I want to give up intercourse or any sexual intimacy with her? No, I don't but at the same time the arousal I feel at doing so far outweighs any concerns I may have at this point. As I said, the feelings I get when I see her in her panties and know that what lies beneath them is off-limits and results in a lot of masturbation, at the same time, she's surely making it better and better and better for me. Whether the changes to our October decisions are a problem, I can only see them as decisions we are making together, and maybe for a change, I am simply feeling less stressed as a result.

For example, I mentioned feeling easier right now watching from the doorway instead of being with her. I still can't get over how she smiled when she saw I was wanking and said, " … whatever is better for you, honey." It wasn't said smugly, it was said with love and concern.

I feel strangely liberated right now. It feels surreal but at the same time, I don't want to do anything to change things yet. She has this contentment about her that is just so beautiful and pleasant to be around.


I can only say that in the time since Monday night and the revelations of last weekend, things have only gotten easier and more relaxed with Suzanna as I guess she too is feeling the difference in my attitude and responses.

Last night we talked quite openly about last weekend with Paul here; she asked me what did and didn't work for me and I was honest in answering her. I told her that from my perspective it had gone very well and that I appreciated her sense of restraint when they were in the den.

She asked me if I was going to be okay with a repeat for this coming weekend. She said she had emailed Paul and he'd agreed that he'd love to see her and spend the night here again.

I told her that I would be okay with it and said, "Why wouldn't I be?" and reminded her that last weekend I'd certainly enjoyed myself too. She smiled and said she appreciated my honesty and my newfound sense of trying to not get all worked up and overthinking everything.

It led to me asking her about why she's 'starting so slowly' and she smiled and said that she wants to feel herself wanting him more and not just push them together just for the sake of making things go faster. She said she liked how she felt by the end of the week 'wanting him' and that was her feelings now thinking about this coming weekend.

She also mentioned with the weather turning colder and Paul's golfing coming to an end, that she could be ready for and wanted to spend two nights in a row with him. She asked how I'd feel about that happening at our house.

I told her honestly that I would rather she started that at his place, spending 2 nights in a row first there and then afterward doing it at our house. She didn't say much more about it except to confirm that she thought I would be more comfortable that way, if and when.

Just as she wanted to start slowly, I told her I appreciated that and then I admitted I did want them to be together here at our house for more than one night, eventually, just not right away.

That made her smile knowing she'll be with him for a whole night and more and she told me she can feel herself getting more and more turned on and horny at the thought. She said once again how she loved the feelings that gave her. She giggled and told me that she was surprised, "Just how wet my panties can get sometimes thinking about it; thinking about him."

She giggled again and said that she liked that she could feel more at ease talking with me about all of this.

I told her that I felt weird but aroused to talk with her like this, admitting that for now, I wanted her to just want him that way. She smiled, held my hands, and told me she loved me and again that she was going to make it good for me too.


She let me watch her dress this morning and put on a light green bra and panty set. She turned around from looking at herself in the mirror and when she saw that I was staring, told me that I'll get to see her 'like this' later tonight. It was incredibly arousing to hear her say that I'd see her in her panties and bra but implied, not naked or to see any more of her. I cannot express how it turns me on to see her acting like this.

I'll say it again, I've come to accept that it's okay that her behavior and teasing turn me on for right now. Whether it changes in the future or morphs or develops or fades, I’m unsure.


As I was reminded this morning as she pulled her panties on in front of me, I am so turned on that that special place between her legs is only for her boyfriend right now. If I'm honest, it still really hasn't sunken in yet that I'm not going to get to penetrate her and, even when it does, I somehow feel it's not going to be the big shock that I once thought it might be.

I can only describe it not as an addiction to the idea but as something that's evolved and come to the surface because of what we have shared and how we've shared it. That her vagina is only for Paul right now is a huge turn-on for me. The knowledge that it's off-limits for me, at least right now, is very intoxicating.

She's right, telling me to simply relax about it and not go with the gloomy thoughts; just enjoying it for the sake of enjoying it, has made it easier between us.

Plus, I had to admit to her again, that it gave me such a wave of pleasure when I watched them orgasm almost together last weekend. She smiled at me saying that to her and said she loved that I was so aroused by it and that she loved that I was the source of my arousal.

She's due home soon and I am aware that she's already planned something 'fun for you' later on tonight.


Last night our foreplay and conversations were a little different in that she encouraged and participated in talking very openly about moving ahead. She told me that she liked knowing what turned me on and again repeated that I shouldn't feel weird about liking what we're doing.

As we talked she slid off her robe and let me see her in just her bra and panties and I told her that she was beautiful and that I was very turned on. She smiled and as we talked she told me that I could see her breasts but that she wanted to keep her panties on; she giggled that she wanted to resist playing with herself which made me groan. But she also looked at me and told me that she knew it turned me on.

I was masturbating for her pleasure and she surprise me when, knowing I was getting close, she pulled my hand away, leaned over and took my cock into her mouth, and told me to 'enjoy it'. She sucked me off masterfully, edging me several times, eagerly sucking me till I exploded. She then continued to enjoy gently sucking me as she coaxed the last bit out of me. Immediately after, with her mouth full of my cum, she came up and kissed and snowballed with me. It was probably the most intense orgasm I've had in, well, several months at least. She knew it too when she looked up at me towards the end as I opened my eyes and saw the huge smile on my face!

She asked me 'if I enjoyed that' and I told her the truth, it's become easier and easier telling her simply that, "not seeing your pussy drives me crazy … " and then adding something like, " … that only Paul get to have you.... me".

I told her that seeing her with her panties on made me think more about it all, everything and she cooed that she loved turning me on.

As we lay there whispering our 'love talk' to each other, it didn't take too much more coaxing and teasing from her till once again my shaven cock was at a full stand. With her encouragement, I began to masturbate again and surprisingly was soon at the edge again. I suspect she'd thought and planned this ahead of time because she seemed to be into getting me horny.

Then she took over and, my god, she still has a wonderful mouth!


Just had to share that she'd hoped he'd be coming here tonight and then maybe tomorrow night as well due to the long-range weather forecast. She is now annoyed because with the forecasted hurricane now going elsewhere he has just rung to tell her 'no' to tonight as he now has an early golf game in the morning! She's a bit pissed but consoling herself with a glass of wine and I'm about to join her.


He will be here later tomorrow and she asked me if I was okay with him staying tomorrow night. She smiled when I told her that I assumed he would be.


I know she's changing the field and the rules on the fly but I think I understand her and why she is doing this. She's been talking very openly with me and it's surprising to hear how much self-doubt she has, still, about her sexuality and all. She continues to tell me how she thinks she has a few pounds to lose or that she's got 'age spots' and all that despite that her boyfriend is clamoring to get into her panties and she has me at the edge of her fingers. (Fingers which I've noticed these days are often not wearing her wedding rings!)

I think that everything about her is beautiful and I tell her so, that she shouldn't concern herself about her appearance. Then I have the thought that she is worried that having this crazy sex with Paul might be her one last fling so to speak. It's actually kind of interesting to watch someone you love, having her version of a mid-life crisis.

Either way, I have to say that for now, I'm ready to let her go with him and see just how far and how much she wants.

I still feel very confident and trusting of her throughout all of this, somehow her honesty in sharing her feelings (even like today about being disappointed with him changing his mind and not coming) just makes me feel more at ease overall. I don't know how to explain it but it doesn't scare me to let her do this with Paul.


Time for a glass of wine …also time for a new book.