Journal of a Journey - Book 102

Last night after dinner we went up to the bedroom and Suzanna asked me if I'd like to undress her and that included removing her somewhat wet panties. For the first time in so many months she told me that I could go down on her, "… as much as you want".

I am seeing a few changes in her behaviour and (although she didn't say it) maybe their time together earlier today was just okay and maybe not as fulfilling/satisfying. Just a thought.

My god was she wet and she made no secret of telling me all about how she got that way. We were in a bit of a 69 position and she slid off my pants and stroked my cock as I licked away at her. I am trying to find the words to say how it felt to touch and feel her like that; the aroma of Paul's cum; just how wet and slick and hot her 'inner folds' felt and tasted!

I felt like a starving man finally being given some food. She even had to push my head back a bit at one point and tell me, "take it easy," and it turned me on even more to think that maybe her pussy might have been a little sore as I was licking away, it was incredible.

She orgasmed fairly easily as I licked and sucked at her clit and then I felt her body tense as she came beneath my tongue and as she did, the taste of Paul's cum became all I could taste. She cooed as she heard my responses and teased, "he cums a lot sometimes baby".

All the while she was stroking my cock. I had thought for a moment that we were going to fuck until I heard her say, "you're going to make it till next weekend, right?”

It excited me to hear her tell me that she was getting excited about when we're together but also that she knew it would turn me on how she said it and that she was teasing me that we'd have to wait just a little longer. I felt her hand grasping my cock sort of get firmer as well as stroking me much more intensely.

After she'd come back to earth from her orgasm she took my hand in hers and made it was clear she wanted me to stroke my own cock and she also made it obvious she wanted me to stroke it while I continued to lick away at her. She said stuff to me as I stroked away, asking me if I liked how her pussy looked and, "it's been a long time hasn't it, since you've licked me like that .." and other stuff. The more I got into stroking, the less I could pay attention to licking her and instead, when she felt me stop, as I continued stroking myself I saw her smile and watched her slide a hand down to her pussy.

I lay just inches from her as she let me watch her fingers do their magic and slip deep into her pussy. She gave a sort of moan and brought them back out wet and sticky looking and that did it for me. A moment or two later I came along with her as her fingers moved to her clit and she brought herself off as I came. She had the same up-close view of my hand on my cock and she later said that when she saw me cum, that it made her immediately follow and cum with me.

She delighted me again after I was done when she pulled my hand to her mouth and licked it clean and after that she then took my softening cock in her mouth and sucked it clean too. When we both sat up I knew we both wanted to kiss and as we hugged each other she giggled, “We're going to have a hot time next weekend .." and with that we kissed and it turned me on to think that she could taste Paul's cum on my mouth and I could taste mine in her mouth!

It all left me feeling quite excellent last night and certainly gave me an awesome feeling about letting her go see him tonight. And by the way, she said several times to me since last week that 'if you want to go to a go-go bar, it's really fine honey' She's never shown any concern in the past about me going to these bars, she knows that they're innocent enough!


It’s been quite chaotic around here as we adapt to everyone's emerging schedules. Good thing the kids are out as once again Suzanna isn't home yet from seeing Paul earlier this afternoon. However, we have made a lot of progress elsewhere and she now says she is very hot about us getting away and as she put it 'you having me again!'

We are both going our separate ways tomorrow night, I'm going over a buddy's house for a beer (or two!) while she's seeing Paul. We'll again coordinate our return home.

Tonight she has said we will do a repeat of last week where she encouraged me to be very sexual with her short of fucking. She asked if I would be okay with leaving her alone on Thursday nights after she's spent more time with Paul and she would like to enjoy the feelings of being with him for longer. I was surprised enough about Wednesday's that I said okay to Thursdays. Hopefully the kids will stay out for a while longer and she will let me have fun with her!

I am thinking she's been honest with me all along and that there haven't been any ulterior or hidden motives. She truly does seem more comfortable right now including what she's saying about actually telling me what she does and doesn't want me to do with her including telling me that she doesn't want me to have intercourse with her. I have to say that I do see a change in her, or maybe as she seems to express it, that she's become more aware of what she wants and that she understands she can tell me what SHE wants.

She often tells me that she very much enjoys the sex with Paul. Not necessarily better than with me but just that, "he isn't you," and that "… how he is shaped," (referring I'm guessing to that fat knob) that she really enjoys the sex with him and that she feels comfortable telling me that she does want it more with him than with me at times.

Of course my telling her that I enjoy her knowing that about herself and acting on it has helped her begin to figure things out. I have continued to tell her that it gives me this crazy pleasure to know how she feels about him and that it's her that wants to be with him. She does admit that if I wasn't as turned on by it as I still am that it might have changed how she feels.

Suzanna just called that she's 5 mins away.


Not sure if 2 weeks on the trot makes a pattern or a new norm but she again let me really go down on her last night. As I mentioned, with her just seeing him for a shorter amount of time on Wednesday, she says she comes home 'wanting more' and doesn't mind me really getting into licking and sucking at her and as with last night, getting her to cum again. She also admitted that come tonight when she's had more time with him, that when she gets home she just wants to relax and not have me, "poking and probing" (as she called it).


Last night with the kids not home when she came in, we went straight up to the bedroom and as we really got into kissing and her seeming to let me seduce her that she was definitely worked up and we were both quite passionate as I undid her blouse.

To this day I still get chills undressing her after she's come home from being with her lover. Very much like first-date jitters at not knowing what you'll see as you undress her. Last night I saw that she had a new sexy bra on and it so turned me on to think that Paul had likely undressed her only a few hours earlier. When I removed her bra she lay back on the bed and I could see her breasts were still reddened and had the faint trace of hickies. God, I so love to see the 'evidence'.

When she lifted her butt off the bed and I pulled off her pants that I saw her panties were quite wet and literally clinging to her pussy. I heard her moan and then she got up on her elbows as I put my fingers in the waist band of her panties and as I slid them off slowly she giggled and said, "he left me kind of messy again huh baby?" As she said it, no other way to describe it other than to say it smelled like sex. Definite smell of Paul's cum but also definitely her own sweetness too.

When I pulled her panties off she clamped her legs together and said, "you too now," meaning I should get undressed.

She needn't ask twice; I was naked in a flash and when I lay back on the bed in sort of a 69 position with her she reached out and took my cock in her hand as she spread her legs to let me have a better look at her.

Just as I love looking at her breasts, my god, seeing her pussy up close like that when it's obvious she's been fucking earlier just gets to me. I love how her labia swell up, the inner ones nestled around her clit at the top, where they separate and gap instead of being tight together. As I moved into place, being able to see her openness and see more evidence, to gently touch with my wet fingers and to hear her softly moan it made me feel really close to her. A moment later as she spread her legs even more, revealing herself even more, a little dribble of wetness appeared in her to make the vision complete.

I guess she wasn't ready for it as she gasped when I plunged my tongue into her to lick up the emerging wetness. A second later she put her hand on the back of my head and made it obvious what she wanted. I could feel we were in sync so it felt really nice to just let it happen. The first taste was quite sweet but a second later it turned quite tart as I guess I could begin to taste what Paul had left in her.

She teased me as I licked and sucked at her pussy. She told me how she had sucked his cock till he was hard and, yes, reminded me of how big the head is, ".. more licked it, you know I can barely fit it in my mouth". So hot to hear her and this time as she was stroking me it sounded as if she was making some kind of comparison!

Needless to say, I was lost in sucking and licking her pussy, revelling both in the close intimacy that she was sharing with me and totally revelling in knowing that Paul was fucking her where I was licking her just an hour or so earlier. That so turns me on to think about his cock being in her so much. She must have known it because as she talked and teased me about what they'd done earlier she also taunted me by saying, "you know baby, you've only cum in me one time this year so far!".

She knew she was saying the right things and she cooed out loud when she felt my cock start to really throb!

I brought her to orgasm orally at least 2 or 3 times. Each time, I could feel her body responding and hear her moans and as she'd shudder and let herself release, a thick trickle of both her's and Paul’s juices would ooze out of her. It was so erotic each time she orgasmed to still taste more and more of his essence and it so turned me on to think that he'd obviously been really deep inside her when he did cum! I can't describe how turned on all of that made me feel but I knew that I was getting closer and closer to cumming even though I kind of wanted to maybe wait till Friday night to cum.

But the more she talked and the more she stroked me, the hornier and hornier I got until I knew when I brought her to her last orgasm that I too wasn't going to wait. When I pulled my face out of her pussy she giggled and said, "let me watch you" and she motioned for me to take over stroking my cock. I started to stroke and she suggested I move to where I'd be more comfortable and 'more turned on' and I realized she was suggesting I kneel between her legs and let her watch me. As I moved into position she spread her legs and the view was just magnificent seeing her in all her glory and sharing it all. With her pussy now gaping open in front of me I only needed a few more moments to cum.

With her lying spread beneath me I looked down and for a moment I thought about either plunging my cock into her or aiming for her open pussy but then I thought about what she'd said earlier and I wasn't sure if she'd appreciate either. I moved my focus and as she moaned away and held her breasts and tweaked her nipples I stroked a few more times and erupted all over her! A few streaks and drips did land on or near her pussy but none went into her. She smiled and said something like, "this time it's on ME!" and proceeded to do what she normally does, she played with my cum, pushing it into a puddle on her navel and then she looked up at me and said, ".. want to clean it off me?”

As I leaned down she whispered, "kiss me when you're done".


I can certainly say that our reconnection weekend was quite good in many ways. I did woo and seduce her as she'd wanted and it was clearly obvious she was equally horny for me (despite her words and teasing that said otherwise at times) which was good to see. We left early that Friday afternoon and were up in NY State with plenty of time to check-in, get some dinner and begin reconnecting.

We checked in and Suzanna said she wanted to go shower and freshen-up so I took some time to unpack and make a drink for both of us (we came prepared). She surprised me when she came out of the bathroom with a towel around her body and she lay back on the bed and asked me if I liked how she looked as she spread her legs and showed me she'd run the razor over her pussy and told me 'how smooth' it is. What really delighted me was when she told me to take a closer look and then invited me to lick her.

What started out as a gentle lick soon turned into something else with her hand on the back of my head as she eagerly encouraged me to lick her until she came and came and came. It was so erotic at how open she seemed to be about it, holding her legs back for me and not just guiding me but telling me to suck more and lick her clit and even to gently nibble and pull on her pussy lips. At one point she told me, "fuck me with your tongue".

When she climaxed the first time, she came quite hard and amidst the sweet taste of her own arousal that I could also taste what was obviously the taste of Paul's cum in her. But that taste soon dissipated and indeed, by the time she told me she wanted my fingers in her as I licked, all I was tasting was her own sweetness. She later said she wasn't thinking it but I was very turned on by the thought that she may have wanted me to make sure she was totally clean before 'we' started.

I really felt we were on the right track when after maybe 15-20 minutes (although it seemed like an hour that I was between her legs!) that I could tell she was satisfied. As I sat back up on the bed she just lay there as if it were nothing to be lying there naked with her pussy now looking quite wet from my efforts. We kissed and exchanged 'love you' a few times before she got up to get dressed. When I came out of the bathroom a few minutes later she was standing there in just her bra and panties looking at a choice of what she was going to wear. As we got dressed I remember her saying to me that, "this is how I've wanted to feel" and she proceeded to tell me that in the past she would have HAD to let me have sex with her before we'd go out to dinner, that she would have felt that having got me all worked up she needed to make sure I was satisfied; now, here she was teasing me saying that it would make us both horny for later!

I have to admit, it'd been a long time since she'd been into just that, using me for her own pleasure. Even now I can think back to so many times when we'd gone away and that quick lead up of me going down on her right after we'd arrive had usually turned into a quick fuck-fest for us. I really do feel bad at how things had seemed to have changed now that I am so aware of it. I think back to many times when it happened and now that she's been pointing it out, it's hard to say it but maybe she is right.

Dinner was nothing great and after we went into a bar nearby and had some drinks afterwards. It must have been maybe 10pm or so when we were dancing a little (something Suzanna really wanted to do so as to have a 'real-night-out') and she started to make it clear that she was getting horny. At one point she even jokingly said that if I didn't take her back soon that she was 'going to find someone else to have some fun with'. I had a fleeting thought of taking her up on that challenge but then thought again about it and we were back in our hotel before 10:30pm.

Whereas the beginning of Friday is pretty clear, after returning to our room things got more cloudy for me in terms of specifics as the effects of alcohol and other fun things seem to have had an effect, but Friday night, WOW, is all I can say. I know that the last time I'd truly felt her bare was over a month earlier and I have to say the eager anticipation and waiting was worth it! As I'd already said, she was VERY horny for me and it was obvious when we got into bed that no lubricants were going to be needed, her panties were quite wet when she let me pull them off; her naked body and the sex that followed was nothing short of incredible.

For the first time (and by her own admission) she came like she does at the end of really good sex when she almost loses control. She came like that not just once but twice with me BEFORE I'd cum in her! At the end, she let loose with one last intense orgasm that I thought would bring complaints from the hotel until she buried her screaming into a pillow. Her pussy literally gushed with sweet wetness several times as we fucked, each time her telling me, "how good you feel in me". At the end, she was left laughing lying in a huge wet-spot! It was very quick but, my god, she was so horny for me and I was for her.

Time meant nothing but I do know that I loved every moment of it, feeling her body spasm over and over beneath me as she was literally just responding and not even thinking or communicating. I know my cock felt huge (even for me to say that .. but it did!) and she felt so so tight even though I am sure she wasn't. The intensity of the moment, it all felt awesome, seeing her eyes open wide and look up at me as she knew I was about to cum in her and then at the very end, feeling her feet wrapped around my legs and butt pulling me in deeper. I will never forget how it felt to finally let go deep inside her after having waited almost 5 weeks to do so. All of the jerking off in the world can't replace the feeling of letting go inside her.

Afterwards she was so open and honest and she said that she couldn't remember the last time she'd cum like that. I told her that I did remember long ago when we first started dating that she would cum like that sometimes including squirting and getting me and my bed drenched from her wetness. She blushed and said that it'd been almost too long since she'd felt like that and she said, "not fucking before dinner really had me worked up".

I told her that I understood what she was saying and while I didn't actually apologize to her about it, I did say that I wanted her to be able to feel like this all the time. As we lay there, before we got ready for bed, she turned to me and asked, "do you want to clean me up?" Just like that, it had been so long since she'd asked for me to clean up my own mess that I was almost startled!

Then again, it was just so different being in bed with her as lovers that gave me the surprise of being asked but I remember eagerly saying "yes!". Again, something that has been so long since the last time that my shock was justified.

She once again lay on her back and spread her legs for me and let me see that this time it was my mess I was cleaning up. I have to say even though Paul seems to cum a lot more than me there was just something so nice about nuzzling up to her wet pussy and licking my own cum out of her and hearing her moan softly and contentedly.


Our weekend away can be summed up by generally saying 'hiking, swimming, lounging and fucking'.

I think maybe Suzanna is getting used to Paul having more stamina than me as I am not up to going twice so close in a row. She teased, but also was serious, about wanting to get me hard a second time on Saturday night and I did manage to get hard, enough to fuck her and get her to cum. However, I just didn't have it in me to muster another load. Maybe it's because I feel like I am cumming a pint in her the first time that may also accounted for it!

But we did have passionate sex together and I do mean passionate. Saturday night she rode me for what felt like ages as she eagerly ground herself against me as she came and came. She told me that she still didn't let Paul play with her butt but she did encourage me to gently probe her ass with a wet finger. Indeed, it all came back to me, it'd been so long since she'd let me play with her like this. As she rode herself up and down on my hard cock she made it clear that she so wanted me. She'd lean forward with her breasts against me raising her ass high in the air and as I'd run my finger around her tight rosebud and then just around the bottom of her vagina and she'd squeal out loud as I ran one finger up each side around my hard cock feeling her pussy lips stretched tightly.

At other times she wanted to be on her knees with me behind her whether on the bed or her at the edge and me standing; she was so into it. Even more (and this I know is what she's been doing with Paul) we would fuck for a bit and she'd cum, either a lot or a little, then at some point she would pull herself off of me or push me off her and say, "we need to take a break" and she'd prance around the hotel room naked, get another drink off the mini-bar or go to the bathroom, then come back onto the bed, suck me hard again and then just climb up on top of me again.

What really surprised me was just how she was sexually in charge. As if it was 'all about her' in a way. She led the way on changing positions and indeed, when she wanted it, she would literally shove me on my back and then get up on me, rub herself and ride me till she'd cum (a little or a lot) and after would then pull herself off of me. It was obvious, even if she hadn't told me, that this is how she is when she's at Paul's and she knows she doesn't have to leave.

Our last fuck for the weekend was on Sunday morning and we both had said we really wanted it. That was something we used to do when we used to go away, whether skiing or otherwise. The last time I could remember that was when we went to Jamaica when she wanted it in the morning from me. On the ride home she said she liked that she still felt wet from our fun in the morning.

I have deliberately separated our sex fun from the things we've talked about and now really gotten out into the open for both of us. I'm thinking that I will likely end this thread when I feel I've gotten to that.


This past week, due to circumstances, Suzanna did not see Paul on Wednesday but at my encouragement she did go to him on Thursday night. She had considered not seeing him this week but I pointed out that we are all off the week after July 4th and that it's unlikely that she'll see him at all that week. She giggled when she heard my reasoning and thought it was sweet that I wanted her to have her fun with him.

Which leads me to into the other stuff we did which was talk, pretty brutally open at times. Again rather than try to recall specific conversation, easier to just summarize where we are and what we've agreed on.

One of the first things we spoke about was that she did not bring any condoms with her on our weekend trip nor did she ask me to. I had thought about doing so on my own and when I said that to her it started up one of the most interesting and revealing conversations I can recall with her


The first thing to say is that after our weekend, we both agreed that it was something we both needed and needed to feel with each other. We both felt that it was something that we shouldn't overlook as we both admitted we tended to get a bit 'into' our own fantasies and that reconnecting was something that we'd underestimated.

However, we also both agreed that the intensity of what we both felt was because of the time between and what we did with and for each other but we both recognized and accepted that the sex between us was really really good because we hadn't been active with each other recently.

It was a bit awkward for us to both accept that but it also made it easier because as we talked, we both admitted to being very satisfied with how things had been between us. Again, it's out of context and I can't recall specific words, but we both felt that the build-up and everything else for the weeks before we went away had certainly intensified things for us.

I should also add here that Suzanna said that what she felt with me is something she says she hasn't felt in a long long time with me or with anyone else. Indeed, her only real memories of that where she'd literally squirt during sex was with me when we first started dating. She also said that Paul has never gotten her to that point … and she also said that she didn't think he ever would!

One of the first things she said was that she felt guilty to say that she enjoys sex with Paul as much as she does but as we talked I told her that I didn't mind and that I actually wanted to hear her tell me about that (she didn't think I'd want to hear about that while we were away together). It actually turned me on to hear her tell me about sex with Paul and while she didn't want to necessarily do that during our foreplay together, it was something we talked about at other times.

I won't say she seemed surprised at my response but I still don't think she believes that I really do love hearing about her and him. She repeated much of what I'd already known and seen between them. She admits that she 'feels something' for him but insists it isn't love. I understand as she said that after all this time, that when they are in bed together, that she feels very safe and uninhibited. It did sting a little (but in a good way) when she told me that she feels as comfortable with him sexually as she does with me and feels as at-ease with him as she does with me in bed.

I remember her telling me that she likes sharing herself with him and giggling as she realized I really did want to hear it. After that she shared a lot more details including telling me how she liked how he went-down on her and how she likes to cum with him, she said to me that she really has to like him and feel comfortable with him to let him do that. I know that for fact that she isn't totally into letting just anyone go down and suck on her pussy; that she has to feel more than comfortable for her to let herself cum on his face as she described to me several times over that weekend and since.

That led on to us talking about intimacy and her fascination that I was so horny about how intimate she is with Paul, and she brought it up, how it's quite different from my reactions when she first started dating other guys. It was her that remembered and mentioned how I used to get when she was still using her diaphragm with Brad and as we talked more about that she says now that she didn't expect herself to enjoy the intimacy she felt with him and that it was part of what led her to let herself feel out of control about him. She says it was the first guy since marrying me who she'd ever let herself go with and to really let him be a part of her during sex such that she wanted to share herself with him.

She laughed and said that it's something she now finds she actually wants to feel with Paul as it heightens everything for her, but back then she says it felt overwhelming to her and that she said I didn't respond nearly like I do now.


I didn't share all of the sentiments she shared with me about that first night away with her; that she would let me go down on her and make her cum like I did even before we went out to dinner was really cool. What I know was the most meaningful thing in her view was that when she'd cum enough she said she felt good about telling me 'that was all for now'; that she didn't feel this internal conflict or pressure which in the past would have led to her lying there and letting me fuck her.

That sentiment came through several times during the weekend and since then, she says that she feels 'confident' around me, that she can ask for and have what she wants with me and not feel concerned with making sure I am satisfied.

In talking about her responding to me as she did, she was a little confused about it too, until we came to the conclusion that in our more recent past together, that she felt she was holding herself back to ensure my pleasure; trying to time things, to be simultaneous as she pressured herself into holding back and resisting cumming herself because she wanted to try to cum at the same time as me; where it became, as she says, that she wanted to feel me cum in her first before she would let herself go and fall into that huge post-fuck (actually after-my-cum) orgasm.

I told her that I remembered the times when I'd made her squirt long ago and as we talked it became clearer to both of us that back then, she always put her own pleasures ahead of mine and she says she can remember many times when we first got together when she'd have cum several times before she remembered that if I hadn't cum yet, that she would then let me finish after she'd be done with her own pleasure. As we talked I told her that I loved fucking her like that after she'd cum fully and was literally feeling fucked-out and she said she knew I liked that but that didn't overrule what she would joke about 'being the good wife'.

To me, it seems like she may have figured herself out after all. She seems to have a better balance with me and certainly a better, more open physical relationship with me. We both agreed that not fucking (actually not being sexual with each other) works … at least so far!

She says that she feels a lot better now knowing that this is really what I am enjoying; that she can and should and will enjoy being with Paul; knowing that I am getting hornier and hornier as the days and weeks pass; knowing that masturbating for her only primes me to want her more.

Now that is out in the open she says that knowing she can come home from being with him and not feel that she 'has to' let me have her in any way sexually if she doesn't want it, is finally what she say she's been wanting to feel, that her enjoying sex doesn't obligate her to make me feel satisfied just because I am horny about what she’s doing.

Maybe that's what I haven't been able to properly articulate, that in some way her prior enjoyment of other guys has somehow been mandated to include taking care of me, her husband. She now sees that I don't need her to do that for me.


I'll go out on a limb and say that maybe it's good that Paul is the kind of guy he is, in that it may have driven Suzanna back to me to want to feel the intimacy and closeness she wasn't getting fulfilled by Paul? It's only a guess on my part though but it's a comforting feeling.


We are clear about our summer, that we're going to continue our 4-5 week time-away plan. She will be his sexually between those weekends, it is what I want.

She hasn't been feeling well this past week and I actually miss knowing she'd been with him. It still seems crazy to say it but I like the way it feels to not be fucking her or not being sexual with her and to feel the build-up and desire as I see and experience her fulfilling her own desires with him. I love the way it feels to be with her but to know she is his sexually until it is my turn.

I know it sounds crazy and self-defeating for me to want this but it is how both of us feel right now. She likes the way at 54 she feels so sexually aroused at doing something so taboo with her lover, to only have him and not her husband.

I love the way I have a 54 year old hottie running around who can't keep her legs together.


After not seeing Paul last week she found herself feeling quite horny and asked me if I'd 'help her'. I expected her to ask me to lick or go down on her or maybe play with some of her toys with her. Instead she asked me if I'd like to fuck her with a condom on!

I jumped at the opportunity and as we were getting into it she asked me if I’d do one more thing for her. She asked that if I hadn't cum by the time she's done, that I pull out and finish another way. I laughed and told her, "you want me to be sort of like a human dildo?"

She giggled and said she'd cum better with me that way than with her toys and said she needed it. I was rock hard as we got started and she complimented me as well as us when she said again how awesome I'd made her feel when we went away, "… even before you came in me".

She was quite into it and I was very aware of just how I was making her feel. I thought about trying to time it to cum with her or just afterwards but I couldn't get the right rhythm and still really get her off as I knew she wanted so I just went for it and made her scream. As she held me tightly as she calmed down she asked me if I was okay with what she'd asked and I was. I felt so horny as I pulled out of her and my cock was still so huge and hard. I pulled off the condom and proceeded to stroke just a few times till I came all over her stomach and let a lot drip all over her pussy. She squealed as she felt it land on her and she smiled broadly when I was done and she nodded towards her pussy and without saying a word, I knew she wanted me to lick my mess off of her.


I encouraged her to do more crazy stuff with me however she wanted. What she asked me was something that I hadn't said or suggested directly but I did tell her that she should feel free to enjoy her own sexuality how she wanted and for the pleasure she wanted, even if, at times it would only be for us.

As I see it as it becomes clearer, she wants to control what happens with and for her but doesn't particularly care if I do or don't cum.

What she has obviously kept no secret is that she has repeated that in between our weekends when we reconnect, she feels actually quite strongly that she likes how SHE feels when she only lets Paul cum in her. Of course, my telling her that it is one of the things that absolutely turns me on incredibly has helped her accept her own desire and to come out and tell me more openly.

She says she loves how she feels sexually, how she is so turned on all the time by what we're doing; that it makes her feel so good to know that I want her to do it.

Like Saturday night when she asked me to make her cum, I could have easily taken longer to get her off and timed it more that I came with her or just after she did but, honestly, it turned me on even more to do just what she asked for.

She came quite hard, like when we'd been away, even without me cumming in her and when I felt her relax afterwards, yes, I could have taken like 2 or 3 more strokes and probably cum, but then it was ME who didn't want to.

I don't know if I can ever put it into words why I would want to pull out of her just then and masturbate instead but knowing she asked me to do that was a big part of it; it just made me so horny to know what I was giving up at her request. Her eyes were wide as saucers when she felt that I was going to do it and I pulled out of her and I honestly loved doing it. Again, I won't say I came as much or as hard as if I'd kept on fucking her, but it felt so awesome to do it for her and to let her know and see that I loved doing it - believe me I did - stroking out the last few thick spurts as my cock became so sensitive I felt my body tense again and again even though there was no more cum to give her.

There were a lot more things that we got out in the open while we were away. I told her again of how intoxicated I felt when I knew that she'd been with Paul recently and what thoughts still fill my mind when I see her naked.

She asked me what had changed in me when I came out with my beta-desire and, more aptly, she asked me how I felt about it now. What she really wanted to talk about was what had changed in me over time that I was so accepting of 'less but better' sex with her. Her comments related to how she too felt that our 'reconnection' was even better than I'd thought. It wasn't easy to tell her but I tried, I told her how I seemed to have felt less threatened by not having sex with her after she'd been with her lover. I told her that I could easily remember how I felt that I just HAD to have her when she'd come home and how tormented I felt when I didn't. Then, I don't know, I think I became more at ease with it and then I said it.

I told her liked the changes in her and how her attitude and approach to sex had changed. I told her that I loved her taking control of her own desires and that as the time had gone by, I guessed that her continued telling me that my enjoyment of it was a necessity for her, that it made me more relaxed about everything.

She asked me if there was anything else that was going on and even at one point asked if I was maybe bisexual or something like that in my liking her with other guys so much. I joked with her and said that I didn't think that was what it was but I did admit to her that I loved that she liked her lover cumming in her so much. When she told me that she really liked how she felt to just be with Paul she asked me why denial turned me on so much. I told her I honestly couldn't answer her other than that it made me want her more and more.

I can probably go on about his for longer but, suffice to say, she now understands that my not-cumming in her turns me on. We talked about whether I might even use condoms with her on our weekends. I told her that it turned me on to think about her possibly preferring that only Paul would be cumming in her for longer periods of time and she said she liked that too; again, that it really made her aroused and horny. Then she said that at the same time, she loved that I'd cum in her as I did when we were away.

She is feeling better this week so the schedule will likely resume, especially with the weather being so much nicer too.


I am coming to realize I am very comfortable and happy with what we are doing right now. Of course that may and will likely change as things progress but for now, as I've been saying, denial seems to drive the arousal and feelings that I have wanted to feel for so long now. I love knowing that I am willingly giving her to Paul and encouraging her to seek her sexual pleasure from him and not me. For whatever reason, I am perpetually hard and aroused at knowing what is happening and that is just what I want to feel.

Even now I'm getting horny to start to plan our next weekend away in another 3 weeks. Suzanna is starting to get into it and thinking that maybe we should go different places each time it's our turn to reconnect. So horny to hear her tell me, "that'll be when you get to have me again".


Last night and this morning were just perfect examples of how things have become very relaxed about Suzanna and Paul. Last night she teased me whether I was getting horny for her and I joked back that, "I always am!"

That led to just a relaxed conversation between us where I again told her how it turned me on that she was going to be with her lover again today and tomorrow. She told me openly how she'd missed being with him and how I had only partially satisfied her when she 'used-me' last weekend. I told her that I knew she was horny for him especially after not seeing him last week and I joked that her pussy must have an itch that she wants him to scratch. She even told me, without even a flinch, about how she missed feeling him cum in her and I don't think she was surprised when I told her that I missed that too. She giggled and told me she loved me when I said that.

So this morning she was all aglow coming out of the shower and she took the time once again to ask me about what she should wear for him; she held a few different pairs of panties and bra's against her and asking me what she would look best in. I told her now that she has a little bit of a suntan, that she looked awesome in her black bra and panties and she giggled that, "we need to go to the nude beach again soon" so she can get an all-over tan instead of the contrasting look she has now with bikini lines and such. She stayed naked as she did her hair and I could clearly tell she'd run the razor over her pussy too as it looked baby smooth as she rubbed a little lotion in and all around.

Before she pulled up her panties she walked up to me and spread her legs a bit and said, "just feel". As I ran my finger through her now spread pussy she giggled and said, "I told you I'd missed him".

As my finger ran past the opening to her vagina I could feel it was soaking wet and swollen feeling. I began to probe a little bit but she said sharply, "don't go in hun … " and then giggled "… can you believe how wet I am? I woke up this way".

I told her that I hoped she enjoyed herself with him last night. I thought about suggesting that I was hoping she'd come home and let me clean her up again but I stopped myself, I didn't want to add any pressure to her thoughts and I really do want it to be if she wants me to.

She pulled up her panties, put on her bra and she came over to me and kissed me passionately. She reached down and into my boxers and whispered, "I want to see you later tonight, okay?" Again, nothing to hide between us and I told her back that I couldn't wait and I really can't. My cock is so hard right now just thinking about later.


Uh oh, another book filled.