Journal of a Journey - Book 105

It was quite revealing when she came home yesterday (just a little later than usual I thought, at least it seemed so to me although I doubt our kids even noticed anything out of the ordinary) I could see it in her eyes that she'd gotten at least some of what she'd wanted.

She smiled but we didn't talk or really get together too much until later in the evening when she told me that, "Paul was wonderful.....just what I needed" and I had to laugh and agree that she certainly seemed less anxious and like she had had a good time. As if she knew what I was thinking she told me that I was, " … surely having to wait till after tomorrow" if I was going to be doing anything with her.

I'd like to say that I found clear evidence of her time with Paul that afternoon, like her wet panties in the hamper or that there was a wet-spot on the back of her skirt or whatever, but actually, even when she got changed for bed, other than the signs of redness around her pussy and her breasts, there wasn't any other sign of her fun with Paul which made me think that they both may have waited for more time tonight.

When we got into bed I told her that I was horny and she said she'd like to watch me masturbate. She added that she just wanted to watch and then said that she'd like to hear what has me so horny. I could see her nipples through the thin material of her nightshirt and that was actually enough for me to really get horny about much less what was in my head. It felt so much like a resumption of our Wednesday rituals and I am a little embarrassed at how quickly and eagerly I got naked in bed next to her. I saw her smiling and it really made me feel good when she came right up next to me and kissed my shoulder and neck and whispered that she loved to watch me. As I started to stroke my cock she whispered, "thank you".

I turned to look at her and said, "For what?"

She just said, "you've been wonderful about everything baby".

I know that I've felt comfortable on Wednesdays before but lying there with her last night, I think I may be finally starting to really accept things. I told her as I got harder and harder that it did turn me on that she had so wanted to have sex with Paul; I told her that it turned me on that I knew she wanted him to cum in her. She moaned softly as I said that and as I continued to stroke and talk she encouraged me to tell her more about how I felt.

I still felt a little awkward but I just let myself relax and I told her that while I had really wanted to have sex with her for the past week, that I was also so turned on that she wanted to 'save herself' for Paul, I told her that I could see it on her face when she came home earlier.

She murmured a 'thank you' again as I talked but the way she said it was so reassuring. She asked me how I was feeling and whether it was good for me. I told her without any hesitation that as strange as it sounded, that I felt incredible about it and that while I surely missed feeling her, that at the same time it gave me the most intense sexual feelings and I admitted that masturbating was very satisfying.

She moaned softly and she said she could tell from how much I seemed to cum lately.

She encouraged me to continue telling her what turned me on and she said, "it's okay if it's different baby, I still love hearing what turns you on".

I admit it wasn't easy but I tried to tell her what was in my head. I told her that it turned me on knowing she wanted him so much and that she wanted her pussy and her desires to be satisfied by him and not me.

I went further and told her that it really turned me on that I was the one letting her do it and that it turned me on in such a deep way to know that I want her to be with Paul sexually and to feel the longing and desire for her but that she'll only do it with me when she wants to. It wasn't easy but I told her that it turned me on to deny myself sexual pleasure with her and that it made me feel strangely fulfilled to know she is having that pleasure with him.

She knew I was getting closer to cumming and she pulled up the front of her night shirt and I could feel her bare body against my side and hip. The feelings that I had building up seemed like I could say anything and everything that was in my head, so I said it. I told her that one of the most exciting things I can think of is thinking, knowing she is fucking Paul and that they are sharing orgasms together.

My cock was so hard as I just let it go and I told her that I loved that he knew her so intimately now and that he was sharing the most intense thing a couple can do together; that it turned me on that she was doing it only with him.

She moaned deeply next to me and I would have sworn she was masturbating but I knew she wasn't. She whispered in my ear that, " … at first it was hard for me to let go … ". I realized the 'it' was referring to sex with me as she continued and said, "… but now, it's so much a part of what I want to feel." I know she was saying stuff like that, not being overtly sexual like telling me about her being filled with cum, but instead she was telling me that she was really enjoying the sex with him and how she was truly coming to enjoy it for herself and not because of me.

I wasn't shy and I told her that it turned me on so to think of her lying next to me with her pussy full of Paul's cum. Just saying that bought me so close that when I heard her say that, ".... I love cumming with him...." - it was just how she said it that set me off. I grunted with a sudden burst of arousal that surprised me and I felt a spurt of cum shoot out of me like I haven't felt in decades. I was even more surprised at several more spurts that brought about a deep moan from Suzanna as she watched. It felt so good to stroke my cock and I kept going even after it was reduced to just a dribble, each stroke felt so awesome.

When I had finally exhausted myself I was lying there motionless for a moment and then she surprised the heck out of me. She leaned over and took my softening and still leaking cock into her mouth and she sucked me gently knowing that her gentle touch with her tongue on the underside of my cock would give me the last few waves of an orgasm …- and wow, did it. My body spasmed one last time and I think even managed one last little squirt into her mouth. I know my cock was totally soft when she pulled her mouth off it and came up to kiss me.

As we kissed she looked into my eyes and me into hers. She told me she loved me and I hugged her back and told her the same. It was kind of a surreal moment as I was lying there with my stomach and chest streaked with cum, but, no matter, we kissed and it somehow felt so comfortable and so close to her at that moment. When she pulled back from the kiss she looked at me and just said, "do you want it?"

I knew what she meant, I nodded my head and softly said, "yeah" and a huge smile came over her face as she sat up onto her elbow and began to play with my cum. She told me how erotic and horny it made her to see, " ..it whether on your stomach like this or, you know, in a condom" and she proceeded to play with it. Putting it between her fingers and feeling how sticky it is.

I licked a few drops off her finger at first and then she brought up a bigger drop to share with me. Each time she'd put her fingers in my mouth as soon as she'd pull them out she'd lean in for a very-tongue-heavy French kiss. It was heavenly and I was disappointed when the 'supply' was all used up!

When I'd come back from washing up a bit in the bathroom she giggled and said, "will that hold you through tomorrow now baby?”

She didn't wait for me to answer before she asked, or rather, told me that I was going to be on my own tonight and that she really didn't want me to be there with them tonight. I didn't ask but she said, "I really need to be with him again and then, I promise, this weekend we can have our fun".

I told her I understood and that it turned me on to hear her tell me that. Even after my fantastic orgasm a few minutes earlier, hearing her say that to me got me throbbing again. But I really did understand and it felt good to want it for her today with Paul.


This morning she was all bubbly and so demonstrative, showering me with kisses and for my benefit, teasing by spending quite a bit of time prancing around the bedroom naked with just the towel wrapped around her head. Several times she bent over right in front of me with her legs spread and I saw her glance in the mirror and smile when she saw me looking at her with her vagina just opened slightly … in the position she was going to be enjoying Paul tonight. Thinking about that got my cock going again

She has left a few pieces of lingerie at his place now such that she no longer packs a bag to take with her but she did let me see the undies she picked today, a pale white bra with generous amounts of lace on the top of the cups almost revealing her nipples through the material and a matching pair of panties with lace that stopped just short of revealing her bare pussy beneath.

Is it so weird that I felt so good watching her with the bounce in her step knowing she wants to get fucked by her boyfriend tonight? I love being so horny and hard about it and feeling good about wanting her to be with him.


We are heading up to the Finger Lakes in NY State for most of this coming week; leaving later this afternoon and taking the kids away for a few days before they go back to school.

I was surprised she'd forego time with Paul so easily but she said (and it was quite obvious) that he'd literally fucked the life out of her on Thursday night. She even said she was too 'sore' on Friday night to let me have a turn with her. However, it was quite worth waiting as when I was 'allowed' we both orgasmed quite intensely, including her even having one of those intense post-fuck orgasms even without me cumming in her. I will even say I was a bit proud of myself at just how much was in the condom I filled.

I was surprised at first when Suzanna suggested we maybe do something nice for the kids before they go back (not that she was being nice to the kids but that she'd want to forego seeing Paul) but then she reminded me what she wanted after the kids go back, for him to spend 2 nights at our house with her.


Unbelievable, I forgot to pack my journal and missed a whole week of writing! Now we are back home and I'm trying pick up the thread.

Actually we were all back home early on Saturday but we were busy packing up one kid to take off to school yesterday. The other departs later this week, so by next weekend, the empty-nest will have returned.

It's interesting going away with the kids as they are getting older, far easier to spend time with them, and in the privacy of our condo, nice to see their response to us feeling comfortable for them having a drink with us on the deck in the evening watching the sunset over the mountains.

The other aspect of the week was it afforded Suzanna and I a lot of time in the evenings to go for some quiet walks with a glass of wine and to feel comfortable spending non-sexual time with each other as other than the few times the kids were out, it was difficult to find alone-time together.

So, going into going away, I knew that sex between us wasn't going to be frequent, if at all. Suzanna had also let me know that while she really wanted ****** time before the summer was over, that she was going to miss seeing Paul while we were away. She didn't have to remind me that our agreement was that when we returned home she'd have a bit more time with him to sort of make-up for it.

We arrived at the condo we rented in time for dinner and it was a pretty uneventful first night, or so I assumed. It wasn't until Monday evening when Suzanna and I had some time together and had taken a walk alone after dinner. I could tell she wanted to talk about something and I was right. As we walked along she asked me if I'd enjoyed myself last night. I didn't answer right away and she said, "you know, your little fun at 2am?"

I thought I'd been quiet about it but I woke up horny and enjoyed a quick jerk-off session. I wasn't shy about it and told her that I was horny a lot these days and was enjoying it.

She smiled and then asked what I did with my cum as there wasn't any wad of tissues or anything this morning. I told her that I'd tried to be quiet about it and not wake her and I guess maybe I should have been embarrassed but without really thinking about it I told her that I'd licked it off my hand where I'd 'aimed'.

She just stared for a moment and I realized what I'd just told her, and she asked if I did that often. I know that I've said I feel really comfortable around her and I don't think I flinched or even thought twice about it and told her 'sometimes...'. Before I could finish the next word she pulled me to her and kissed me and told me that was the sexiest thing she'd thought about in days and a moment later she whispered that she was wet from thinking about it.

I should have expected it but was still half-surprised when that night she rolled over toward me in bed and said, "let me watch you!". I didn't have to ask 'watch what', she flipped the covers off me and even helped pull down my boxers. "Show me just what you did baby," was all she said.

So for the next 10 minutes , maybe longer, I proceeded to stroke my cock while she asked me to tell her what I was thinking about, what was it that was getting me so hard and horny. I told her it was thinking about Paul being with her that was making me horny, that and her asking me to jerk off for her always made me horny too.

I don't remember specifics but we talked like this other times during the week and by the end of the week it was very easy to tell her about the thoughts and visions in my head of her with Paul.

I've jerked off so many times for her before but this may have been the first time she'd actually watch me when I'd be cumming this way. She said she knows that I jerk-off like this sometimes, that she's felt it before and it always made her feel good when she realized why the bed had a slight shake to it for a few minutes. She said she was surprised at how I could do it without really making any movement. What was obviously different on Monday is that a lot of times there'd be some laundry on the floor by the bed, a sock or underwear that I could reach and clean up with.

She said she knew, that she'd always have a smile finding something 'hard and crusty' next to my bed knowing what it meant. As she said this she got up on her elbow knowing that I was getting closer because I started to tug harder.

I'll admit that I did feel a little self-conscious when I felt myself getting close but I resolved to let her watch if she wanted, and knew that I wanted her to see knowing what I was doing. Sure enough, a moment or two later I felt the need to cum and I rolled to one side. Without even looking I knew her eyes were open wide and focussed to my hands. I extended one and cupped it and with the other I tried to aim as best as I could as I jerked off to a glorious orgasm. I heard her moan as I did so and I wondered if she'd been as horny as I was.

When I was done and had caught my breath and let her watch me squeeze out that last bit from way down, that was when I first looked up at her and, my god, was she smiling and seemingly fixated to my every move. I looked down and saw a good size puddle of cum in my palm and without a second thought or even a flinch, I brought it up and licked it clean. I felt a shudder in the bed as I did so and it felt like she'd had her own little pleasure too. I finally looked up at her and she had a gleam in her eye and again, before I could say a word she pulled me close and kissed me passionately, the moan she let out as our tongues touched confirmed she could still taste cum in my mouth.

When she pulled back from me a moment later she said that was, 'sooo sexy baby' and that she loved watching me and she then asked me honestly how many times I've done that before. I took a deep breath but before I could answer she said it turned her on that I might do it even when I wasn't around her. I took that breath again and told her that I do it sometimes and guessed maybe it was a few times a month. I explained as best I could that sometimes it really gets me horny to do it and, yes, I told her that I sometimes kid myself it's Paul's cum that I'm tasting.

She thought this was just awesome and so I did it again for her on Tuesday night which again brought out the same responses from her on how sexy she thought it was and how horny and hot it made her to watch me cum and then lick it up.

Wednesday night came around and our kids took the car and went off on their own. She turned to me and I thought she was going to want to watch me stroke off again but instead she surprised me and said, "nope, not tonight baby..... I'm horny tonight!". She literally handed me a condom and said it was my turn.


To sum up, aside of Wednesday night, up to and including last night, she wanted to watch me.

Is it a cuck-ish thing to post that I've eaten 6 out of my last 7 loads of cum?

The last night she lamented that, "I don't get to have my fun playing with it when you do it that way" (referring to my cum) so I’m not sure it's going to continue.


I wasn't surprised totally by her request on Wednesday. When we packed for the trip she'd told me to bring some condoms with us so I had hoped all along that she'd be in the mood and I guess watching me on Monday and Tuesday had gotten to her by Wednesday. We had some wine and spent some time getting horny together during foreplay. It felt so good to feel her sucking my cock and getting me really worked up. In exchange, my fingers and tongue confirmed her readiness including edging her repeatedly and feeling and tasting her wetness growing.

Wednesday night seemed to morph into more physical than mental stimulation for both of us. After pulling on the condom we proceeded to fuck for a long time, changing positions repeatedly, her orgasming several times while building up to what I knew would be a noisy climax for both of us. It seemed like it had been a long time since I'd fucked her last and even with the condom, the feelings were intense finally being inside her again and feeling so close with her. We kissed passionately at times, and other times, like when I was behind her in the doggy position, I used my fingers to spread her pussy and butt cheeks apart and I made her squeal as I played with her ass.

In the end though, I knew that there was only one way she wanted it to end and I waited until she felt she was ready and she clearly communicated that when she abruptly pulled off of my cock and rolled onto her back and pulled her legs back eagerly for me. I can't describe how it felt to see her spread wet and open beneath me (even if I couldn't feel it totally). All sorts of thoughts and visions were in my head as I pushed into her for what I knew was one last bout with her. I told her some of what was in my head, that I loved how her pussy felt finally being in her again (that was the main thing that really got me going) but what also really got me going, and I told her, so was knowing that I wasn't going to cum in her. She squealed out loud when I told her it was that which really turned me on and sure enough a moment later that thought pushed me over the edge.

With all the build-up, Suzanna was right there when I came and a moment later she followed and even through the condom I sense her wetness and hear the squishing sounds. I stayed hard, wanting to enjoy every moment of it and when I felt her body start to tremble I really pushed in at her as deep as I could get and my god did she explode. Thank god the kids were out or they'd have come running from the moan and sounds she let out to see what all the noise was about!

I kept going until she collapsed on the bed and only then did I slip out of her, still hard but now beginning to soften and I'll say that I was hugely proud of myself when I looked at the seemingly huge load of cum trapped in the condom.


Of course, our week away wasn't all about sex, we did other stuff like hiking except for those days when it was raining. Saw some beautiful sights, spent some quality time as a ******.

Some of the best times were most nights when Suzanna and I found time to take some alone walks where it was quiet. It was during one of those that she revealed some things to me that I had previously assumed but now had it confirmed.

One was that she is finding herself on new ground with Paul. She says that this is maybe the first time she's enjoyed just a sexual relationship since college. She mentioned Greg, the guy that had the skinny cock in college and who regularly had anal sex with her. She said to me at one point that she thinks he was one of the last guys she was really into for just the sex and not trying to think about where a relationship was going all the time.

She said that she feels that way about Paul right now, that the sex is incredibly good but also incredibly easy to enjoy. She gave the example that when she goes to leave him that it's always something like 'I'll see you soon', never a 'okay, maybe we might get together again", as if it is something that has become very easy for her to accept.

I told her that I'd thought that for a long time now but she says that it's only a realization she's come to recently, that she doesn't feel the need to over-think what's going on and that, just like Greg, she enjoys having sex with him as often or as little as it happens.

She was quite frank and open with me and said that she enjoys sex with Paul immensely now and that it's not necessarily because of what I like any more, she actually said quite clearly that she feels very free with Paul to enjoy him however she wants and admitted that she has put a desire to be with him over knowing that I am horny several times now, again something she wouldn't have done or felt comfortable about in the not too distant past.

She told me she feels very comfortable with Paul about most everything; she shared that she feels very comfortable being naked with him and says that some of the feelings she had to combat in the past have gone away.

I asked her more and she said that until recently, she felt some reluctance somewhere to simply going to his place and wanting sex, but that feeling is now pretty much gone and she accepts that she is basically his 'fuck-buddy' and he is hers and said she is as relaxed with him as she was 'spending time' which I know meant long times in bed just being naked and sexual with him when they weren't actually fucking. She said it was just like with Greg way back when (yes, she referred to him more than I can ever recall, but fondly more than anything) and said that she liked the ease with which they'd simply start to fuck for a while and then take a break before starting over again.

I could hear it in her voice that it was sort of an excitement at what she was feeling and I told her so.

As we talked she began to lead up to what she was hoping for after our son goes back to school, some of what we'd talked about already, hopefully of Paul spending 2 nights with her at our house.

I started to see what she is wanting when he is here as she pretty much came out and said it, that she wants to feel like she did with Greg when she's with Paul at our house. She started to say that she didn't want to have to worry about getting dressed all the time but then she backtracked and said she'd likely just wear a loose robe around him but wanted to be clear that she wants to feel she is his when he is here and vice-versa.

She said this earlier last week and while I don't recall this exact conversation, it did end with her pulling me to her and kissing me and promising me that, "... it'll still be fun for you, just .... a bit more of it....”

What I was surprised most by was when she steered the conversation to Paul and I.

She said that she'd told Paul that I am still very self-conscious when I was around him or them. She said he actually laughed at the idea that I could be there while they had passionate sex together but that, ".. your husband feels self-conscious?"

I told her that I wasn't happy with her telling him this but she said it had been a few days and even weeks earlier that she'd first brought it up with him. When I asked what she'd told him and what he'd said she gave me an example of my reluctance to go down on her pussy and lick her after Paul's finished in her. She said that he knows that I want to and that I do at other times and that I shouldn't feel awkward or weird about it because he doesn't think that way about it. Apparently, in my defense, he did say that he definitely understood how I could feel self-conscious about it and had said himself that he doesn't think he could do it if it was another guys' cum in her other than his. As if to make me feel better she said he, like me, that his own cum doesn't bother him.

I told her that I hoped she wasn't going to suggest me doing anything with Paul and she gave me an immediate 'ew, gross' response and said again that she was still doing this more as a way to make me feel better about it all while still giving me the feelings I wanted. She even said at one point that, as long as I used a condom, that at times I could even take a turn with her if I wanted. She reminded me that he'd already said that was 'pretty cool' that we were playing around with condoms like that.

Our conversation ended with, when again, she brought up her sister and brother-in-law and how they still use condoms even though she's likely unable to get pregnant any more. I asked her at one point why she keeps bringing it up and she said that she wants me to see that other guys are okay using them.

I keep telling her its different because she has a boyfriend that she goes bare with but her answer is always that it's the same for Bob, her brother-in-law, and that it's only different to her and her sister, whatever that is supposed to mean.

She asked me at one point if I ever thought about the future and how I'd feel if she wanted me to use condoms for a longer period of time. She came out and asked me if I thought the pleasure of not cumming in her would ever decrease. Before I could answer she told me that it made her really horny that I've only cum in her 4 or 5 times this year in total and again said how romantic and beautiful it was that I want her to share that with Paul.

I never did give her an answer to this question.


Another thing that we have talked about a bit more was about the future. She asked me when/if I thought my cuckold/beta desires might ease up. I wasn't sure which direction she was hoping I'd take it so I just told her honestly that after 8+ years of her going with other men, that my desires hadn't let up at all and that in many ways, maybe are even more so now. I confessed that I am still incredibly turned on about it all and that I still feel this sense of satisfaction about what we're doing.

I wasn't sure if that was what she'd wanted to hear but was comforted when she said that I do seem much more relaxed and content sexually now even though we have less sex together. She thought that was the really interesting part, that less could mean more in some ways. I asked her if that was the answer she wanted to hear and she smiled and said that all she can say is that she too is very content right now. She ended that particular conversation with a giggle and playfully patting her pussy and saying, "… this is pretty satisfied now too!".

She again brought up her sister and brother-in-law and asked me if I was happy thinking about the future and continuing to use condoms together. Again before I could answer she added, "it's really okay with me baby, it's kind of crazy but I can see how it still turns you on".

I sort of answered when I said that I guessed that would be our sign, if I stopped responding (and performing) as I do when we have sex together. She hugged me and again told me how romantic and how much she loved me that I would do all this with her.


She just left and made it quite clear that she'll be seeing Paul this afternoon and that 'maybe' she'll 'share with me' when she gets home. I have to say, somehow it seemed even more exciting to me seeing her showering and dressing this morning.

I admit that it scares me that my desire is not giving any sign of waning; this was a part of what we'd talked about but when we talked we both agreed that we aren't making any decisions about long-term, more that we'll just see how things go on their own. When I said this she giggled that it's fun to talk with me about it and see my response and how it seems to turn me on. I admit that I am still crazy-turned-on by all of this and seeing her preparing to go off to Paul's today was no different than before …. other than seeming to maybe even turn me on more.


I think that's the thing that came out of our long talks for me; it's that neither of us wants to push things along but that we both admit we are curious about how things will progress on their own. It has become a lot easier and less awkward now for us to talk about things and I have told her many times now that I am still incredibly aroused by using condoms with her knowing she is only going bare with Paul. She says that we should just accept what turns us on and let it go at that.

I have to say, it's very comforting to me to hear her taking this kind of tone and position. Yes, I know it's her that has the ultimate benefit from it but at the same time I know she is being genuine and loving when she says that we each have our own kinks (or perversions) and that as long as she doesn't find it offensive, that she's okay with it if it is what I want.

It's weird to be able to say that I want it, but as I've started to accept that I really do enjoy this type of play between us. I wouldn't have believed that I would feel this way, feeling strangely satisfied at knowing she is with him.

I will say again, it is a crazy feeling that it really has to be love that Suzanna and I can talk about this so openly.


She texted me that she left work early and is already at Paul’s and that they are going to have some dinner together and then have some fun later. She did say she expected to be home 'not too late' which surprised me a bit.

I was going to reply back but then thought that I didn't want to interrupt them and that I'm hoping her early return home later will mean she'll be in a playful mood with me. She said she'd text me later on when she was leaving so we can coordinate our return home together

Our son has already told me that he's going out tonight (enjoying his last days of freedom before going back to school) so our planning may be for naught if he's not home. Who knows, if he leaves within the next hour or so I may not even have to go anywhere to bide the time till she comes home.


Suzanna came home pretty much the normal time and the smile on her face left no doubt of where she had been. I had hoped she'd have wanted to have a little fun with me last night but she said that she would prefer to wait till tonight. With our son still home we are still working with the guise of us both going out tonight and we are going to time our return home accordingly.

Our son did let us know and confirmed that either later tomorrow (Friday) or early Saturday that he'll be heading back to school. When Suzanna heard this she whispered to me that she's going to tell Paul to come over on Saturday and, yes, possibly spend the night here.

We talked a little bit more and I told her that I thought them being here at our house would maybe make it easier for me to join them as she's suggested. At least I'm hoping it will.


When she came home she was quite playful. I asked her what was up and she said that they hadn't really gone at it all night as they normally would have and when I asked why she casually said that he (they?) both wanted to save something for tomorrow.

Our son will be leaving just after lunch, apparently there's a party that he'd like to be back at school in time for tomorrow evening. Suzanna will be happy to hear that as she told me she'd not invited Paul over until after dinner thinking our son was going to be home. It wouldn't surprise me if he showed up earlier now that the coast is clear.

When we went up to the bedroom she offered to let me undress her and when I asked 'anything else?' implying the question of will she let/want me to do anything else with her she smiled and said, "yes baby".

I guess I was too eager without thinking about it all as I pulled her top off she reached behind and unclipped her bra. My hands fumbled to unbutton her pants while I stared at her bare breasts. I know she would have let me lick or hold them but I have to say that the arousal I felt at just looking at them and knowing that Paul had them in his mouth just a short while earlier, my god, that was intense enough.

I slid her pants down and she smiled at how I looked up at her from down on my knees as I helped her step out of them and then I slowly slid her panties down. I have often said it feels like a first date when it's the first time you get in a girl's panties and last night was just as exciting if not more so because I knew what I'd find. I wasn't disappointed. Her panties dropped to the floor and when I steadied her as she stepped out of them it was very obvious she spread her legs even more to let me see her.

And see her I did. I was almost eye-level with her pussy and as she stepped aside I watched as her swollen pussy lips clung together for a moment before the separated so slowly and beautifully. Her clitty was very swollen and out of its little hood and what was revealed between those swollen pussy lips was this crimson coloured furrow that led downward to her obviously wet and open pussy. I felt frozen in place seeing her move like that, barely realizing I was still steadying her hip. All I can say is in that moment my cock began to throb like crazy and I felt myself begin to subconsciously move my own hips.

When I did look up at her she giggled and smiled, I didn't need to say anything, she knew what was happening to me. She sat back and then lay back on the bed and again without saying anything, her motion to gently pull me with her followed by her hand guiding my head to what she wanted … I loved it!

I pushed her legs apart and back and she went right along with it and in doing so she put me face to face with her now well-used pussy. It was open and wet and even in the dim light, I could tell she was still horny from how it glistened.

I hope to have the same desire tomorrow night as I felt last night when I leaned forward and licked and sucked her pussy clean! We've been talking a bit and she has come out and said that she thinks it'd be nice if I could 'participate' with them in that way. I started slowly and ran my tongue up and down from just above her opening to just below her clit and she really began to moan. I slowly moved to going all the way around just the outside of her vagina, and I have to say it was so erotic when I reached the bottom part that I could more strongly taste Paul's cum.

As I moved up the opposite side her moaning grew louder and louder until her hand came to the back of my head as she clearly wanted me to suck and lick at her clit. She came, rather easily, as I tended to her needs and gently licked at her button till her breathing began to seethe in and out and she let out a tell-tale moan.

I still hadn't penetrated her, not with my fingers nor with my tongue and to be honest, I wasn't sure what she wanted so I took a deep breath, looked up at her and asked if I could 'lick more deeply'. She gave me a moan that I interpreted to be a yes and I was rewarded by hearing and sensing she was having an orgasm.

After she came down from that one she asked me if I thought she still felt 'tight'. I told her honestly that I do think she's a little looser but that after she'd been with Paul that I couldn't really be sure without a comparison.

She giggled and asked me if I still liked how she felt and I gave her a glowing yes in return which caused her, if anything, to pull her legs back even more for me. It didn't take long before I was literally fucking her with my tongue and she was moaning out these deep sounds that made it clear that she was going to cum again and that it was going to be a bigger one.

I wasn't disappointed, with her hand on the back of my head one more time, I licked as deep in her as I could until she bucked up at me as she started to cum. I will be honest, feeling her and tasting her like that, I so wanted to get up off my knees and take a turn myself with her but at the same time I knew from what we'd talked about and that when she hadn't tossed me a condom or said anything otherwise, I knew she didn't want me to fuck her.

In a way it's what I had wanted, I need to get past my apprehension around Paul and maybe this weekend I'll get the desire and courage up to don a condom and take a turn with her.


Knowing Suzanna is right now getting herself all ready (shower and such) for Paul has me wickedly excited and given me a massive hard on. We are both comfortable with how it has all panned out.

I see it this way, she was looking for things to escalate with her previous boyfriends, escalating into this desire of hers to have this full-blown affair that she had long spoken of. I understand that my coming out with my beta desires has let her direct herself towards Paul. Maybe it's because I feel safe with him that I finally could tell her of my thoughts that, for me, were long in the making.

While she hasn't said this exactly, I think if I were to say it to her this way, she would immediately say yes. All the time she's been with other guys she's seemed to have wanted more; more of something; more of anything; more of everything. I think she truly wanted things to have gone further with Robert but he wanted something she couldn't or wouldn't give him.

For me, seeing her wanting it and her finally accepting that she wanted it more than he or I did, that is when it gave me the courage to finally say that if she wants it, then it triggered me to finally let me let go of the alpha role I was clinging to and to enjoy more of what I didn't feel I could with Robert.

She had said so many times that she wanted this big full-blown affair because I think (and I think we both even thought this) that for her to have the kind of sex and the kind of feelings she wanted with another guy, that she needed to have something of a heavy emotional nature to it for her to enjoy the sex as much as she wanted to.

So to me, as far as what she's said, when I came out and said that I wanted to be the beta with her, to let her have what she wanted with Paul without having to have all of the emotional stuff. If anything, she's even pulled back a little emotionally with him. I feel that because we spend a lot more time close together talking and such where it's very intimate; that's not what we were doing before.


Paul arrived on Saturday evening and Suzanna left the 2 of us alone for a while. The conversation was awkward and strange at first but it gradually turned a bit more comfortable. In short, Paul continued to say he is having fun with Suzanna and appreciated the time he has with her. At one point I told him that I liked him having sex with her.

I am sure Suzanna was within earshot but she stayed out of sight while we talked. One thing he did tell me was that he said Suzanna has told him everything we're doing and he said, in summary, that I shouldn't feel weird about anything and he joked and shared that he already knew I liked to clean up Suzanna after she's been with him.

I guess I hemmed and hawed but he eventually said something to the essence, "it's not like you're sucking my cock … " and later added that, "… licking it from Suzanna's pussy is different than that!"

There was more to the conversation but that was the crux of it. He later said that I should join them and I told him that Suzanna had said the same thing.


In short, I stayed there with them and even participated a bit. I lay alongside them on our bed and Suzanna sucked and stroked my cock while she was busy with Paul. I didn't really move much as their time got closer; in reality, by then they'd pretty much forgotten I was there and she had long let go of my cock. But yes, I can report that after watching them go at it and cum together that when he rolled off of her and they were busy kissing immediately afterwards, that Suzanna motioned for me that if I wanted to do it, now was the time.

So, as they kissed (and I felt that Paul wasn't staring at me) I leaned in and began to lick at her pussy. At first there wasn't much to taste but as I licked, more began to flow as she got into feeling me licking her and within just a few moments I felt her hand on the back of my head guiding me to what she wanted.

I tried not to think about Paul as I focused and indeed, he seemed to be take my apprehension into account (from what we talked about) as every time I glanced upward, Paul was engrossed with Suzanna and wasn't looking down at me.

At times Suzanna did smile and glance downward and when I brought her to orgasm she removed her hand from my head and I took that as a sign and backed away. I am sure I had a bit of a glazed look, but again, Paul was the perfect gentleman and gave her a last kiss and then got off the bed and went into our bathroom.

I moved up and kissed Suzanna and she smiled broadly when she tasted how I tasted. I told her I loved her and she said the same to me and we hugged. When I heard the toilet flush in the bathroom I gave her a last peck on the lips and said I was going to leave her alone if that's what she wanted.

The look on her face gave me her answer.

I was disappointed to learn that he wasn't spending the night and it was maybe an hour or so later, after hearing more from the bedroom, things again got quiet and after hearing the water running and such in the bathroom, Paul came downstairs first and we talked for a moment and it seemed weird but he thanked me again and I did the same to him. Suzanna came down in just a bathrobe a few minutes later and commented on how nice it was that we were getting along better.

I left them alone while they shared a short moment together then she walked him downstairs to the front-door to say her goodbyes.

Unfortunately, she made me wait till Sunday evening before she would let me have a turn with her!


New book time.