It was Saturday 5th November that things changed; firework night - well it was this year for me. It was another Saturday evening in by myself. Saturday evenings were the times I felt loneliest, the evenings when I would sit and think of Beth. What was she doing? Did she miss me? Why hadn't she phoned me after the meetings with Rose? Why hadn't I phoned her? Could I get over her unfaithfulness and move forward with her?
Well on this Saturday I had just poured my first whisky when there was a knock at my door. I opened it, and Beth stood there, looking good. Her hair looked recently cut and styled, her make up was light and perfect. She was wearing a light coat that I hadn't seen before, it was tied attractively with a belt at her waist. She stood there in the outside light. "Hello, Beth."
"Hello, Tim" And she pulled the belt tie. The coat fell open, under it she was naked. Nude, perfect. I noticed immediately that she had shaved her pussy completely, Smooth, white and hairless. She walked passed me, dropping the coat in the hall. She headed straight to the bedroom. I stood by the open door, speechless.
And then I remembered. Three of four years ago we watched some perfectly average film. And for some reason in the plot, a very beautiful Hollywood actress had travelled across town to seduce her boyfriend, dressed as Beth was dressed, in nothing but a coat. I remember saying at the time that I thought it was damn sexy thing to do. Beth had remembered.
I followed her into the bedroom. She was lying on the bed, her arms outstretched towards me. I sat on the edge of the bed, and put my hands out to hold her, but saying "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Her hands went to my crotch and held my rigid cock through my trousers. "Yes." Was all she said. She moved forwards, scrabbling at my zip, and then my cock was in her mouth. I was lost.
"Come on, Tim. I need to taste you properly. Undress. I need to see and feel that body."
And I did. I stood up, with her still trying to suck me as I pulled my jumper over my head. She had found my belt, and soon my trousers and boxers were at my ankles. I sat on the bed and tried to kick them off, and then get my socks off. Why are socks always such a bloody nuisance at times like these? But then I was naked and lying on my back.
Beth set to with enthusiasm, taking my cock into her mouth deeper than I've ever known her to do it before. Suddenly there was a tighter feeling at my cock head. Then Beth came up, gasping for air and with tears in her eyes. Then she plunged herself down again. For the first time ever, she was deep throating me. I wasn't going to last long with this. How many weeks of celibacy? I didn't last long. She gagged a little on the sheer quantity, but she swallowed the lot.
"O.K. Are you going to tell me what this is about?" I asked, when we'd got our breath back.
"Yes. In the morning. But not now. But I promise you, there are no strings attached, unless you want to try a little bondage, I hadn't thought of that." She smiled at me, leaning across my chest, her nipples brushing me lightly. "Now, go and find us a bottle of wine, and I'll talk about other things."
I kissed her lightly. It seemed so natural to raise my head a little off the pillow and just kiss her forehead. Then she moved off me so that I could go and find that bottle of wine.
I wandered off to the kitchen, looking back at her from the bedroom door as I left. She lay on her side, watching me, her breasts falling sideways or downwards to the bed, her bald pussy part hidden by the angle of her hips and the bend of her top leg.
In a couple of minutes I was back with an open bottle of the best red wine I had and a couple of glasses. I put them down on the bedside table and filled the glasses. She watched me in silence, and took a glass when I handed it to her.
"This is unfair, Beth. You've got to tell me what's going on here. We haven't even emailed in weeks, and now this."
"No, I told you I'll explain in the morning. Trust me on this one. Nothing bad is going to happen, I'm not going to hurt you in any way. And I mean it, there are no strings attached. Now how are you, Tim? You're looking good, have you been working out?"
I sat on the bed. "Yes. Didn't Phil or Denny tell you? I go to the gym several times a week. I love it. I feel better, I think I'm looking better, and occasionally I get chatted up by nice men who have a lifestyle so different to my own."
She laughed. I hadn't realised, but I had missed that laugh. I hadn't heard it in months. It was music to my ears, as bad poets say.
We talked easily. For a golden moment all the problems slipped away. Our talk drifted to that time on our honeymoon when we had spent the whole evening in bed. It was in the second week and we realised that the hotel had a weekly cycle of its tourist entertainment in the evenings, and Wednesdays was the day for the excruciatingly bad folk group. We had taken two bottles of wine and gone to our room. Beth reminded me that we had managed 'it' three times that evening, a feat of which I was quite proud. Then her head fell to my lap with a comment about how twice wasn't too much to ask.
Once her mouth had brought me to full erection again, I went to move over her, to make love to her. But she stopped me. "No. Please Tim. Use my bottom. Not hard, not in anger against Ken, but as you would. Gently, slowly, trying to make me enjoy it. Please, I want you to."
"No, Beth. I just want you."
"Good. I want you, but I do want you in my bottom. It's important to me. I came here with this in mind. I've already put a lot of Vaseline in me. Just do it, as you would. My bottom is a virgin to your gentle love, it's only known pain, and only twice. Introduce it to love. Please Tim."
So that is what we did. It was my first time. And it felt so different. I took it very very slowly, with gentle short strokes. And she didn't wince or sob once. For obvious reasons I couldn't see her face, so I don't really know how good it was for her, but it was a new thrill to me. And I loved her for giving me this.
After I came deep in her bowels, I carefully withdrew and fell on my back on the bed. She immediately rolled over and lowered her head to my crotch.
"No, Beth. Think where it's been."
But she took me deeply into her mouth. I was softening, and I didn't reach to the back of her throat this time. But I felt her tongue swirling around me, licking at the last drops of cum from me. And then she came off me with a last kiss to my cock. I was spent. Somehow we got the duvet over us and I fell asleep with her curled in under my arm, with her head on my shoulder.
I woke up in the morning, lying on my side facing her. As I opened my eyes I saw her, lying on her side, facing me, watching me. "Good morning." she greeted me.
"Hi." I rolled onto my back. "Are you going to tell me now what brought this on."
"Not quite yet. We've got round three to go." she said as her hand went out across my stomach. She found her target, and found that it was already standing waiting for her.
"Good, ready and primed." And she knelt up, over me and lowered herself onto me. We fell into a soft easy rhythm, learnt over years. If last night was new territory, then this was familiar ground. My hands went up her body from her hips, in co-ordinated movements her arms moved to give me freedom of her breasts, my thumbs rubbing over her hard nipples.
And then in unison, we rolled sideways and then with her on her back, her legs locked around my waist. And we finished in hard sweating passion, cumming together.
I rolled off, onto my back.
"And now I can tell you." She was on her side, again tucked under my arm with her head on my shoulder.
"Do."
"Well, I was on a potential win-win situation. First and most important, I decided we needed something big to breakdown the wall that was between us, something that would help us both decide if there was really anything left."
That was interesting 'us both decide?' "And?"
"And the other one was selfish. You may have had nightmares about myself and Ken together. I had nightmares that the last man who had my pussy was Ken. The last man and only man to ever use my bottom was Ken. The last man to whom I'd given a blow job was Ken. And I hated that. I felt dirty, but I couldn't wash it away. I could see myself growing old and bitter still knowing that my last man was my biggest, worst mistake. I needed to eradicate that thought."
"You used me." I said. She raised her head to look at me, and she saw I was smiling.
"Yes. But it went further than that. I wanted to give myself more than I'd ever given myself to any man ever before. I had to go further. So, I've spent hours and hours on the Internet. There are some very strange sites out there, I never knew that some people can find some very odd things so sexy. But I found that I had to go deeper, to take your cock down my throat to make my blow job be more than any blow job I've ever given. And that I had to swallow. Girls that swallow are a big thing for some sites. Well, to be honest, I've always swallowed, it never crossed my mind not to. But Ken never expected it, I never swallowed for him once, he always handed me a tissue or handkerchief or suggested that I spit it out in the bathroom. Obviously no one had ever swallowed for him, but I don't think he'd ever had many blow jobs in his life anyway. But, I had to swallow last night, it was important."
"Go on."
"Well the anal bit was obvious. But it was important to me that you took me slowly and in the loving way that I knew you would. I prepared for that, I even gave myself a home enema last night before I came out. I don't fancy doing that bit again. But I planned it that I would give you the blow job first, to ease some of your enthusiasm so that you could take it a bit slower. And the same time, I hadn't had a man in me for weeks, so I would be keen, even for anal sex. And then the Internet had told me that ass-to-mouth was the thing, that I had to take you in my mouth after you came out of my bottom. It sounded pretty yucky, but I was determined to do it, and actually it wasn't that bad. You see, I thought it all through. And that just left making love this morning. And you did that perfectly. So there's my win position, and no strings attached."
"And the shaving your pussy?"
"Oh, Yes. That was just part of the going further bit. Like turning up here with nothing but a coat. I have a set of clothes in a bag tucked under your stairs outside by the way. But I did come all the way from home in just the coat. I did it properly."
"You remembered that film!"
"I've been remembering a lot of good times for these past few weeks. Not the big, obvious events, just the little comfortable special moments. Oh sorry..." She stopped to wipe her eyes, I got out of bed to find her a handkerchief. She took it with "Thanks. That's the trouble with travelling light."
"I rather like it. I've always loved just looking at you in the nude. It was always one of my great pleasures."
"I know. Sometimes I think I didn't walk around naked often enough for you."
I sat on the edge of the bed. And looked at her. "So, what now?"
"Some breakfast I hope. But before you go off to desperately look at what you've got that can create some form of an OK breakfast for an unexpected visitor, I've got something else to say."
She paused to compose herself. Obviously whatever it was it was important. I just waited.
"Well, I don't know whether we'll ever really get back together. I've learnt to accept that in these last few weeks. But I do know that I want to give you, or any new man I one day get, more of me than I ever gave before. I've learnt some things about me in all of this."
She looked at me, probably for reassurance. I smiled and said, "Tell me. Remember, we can talk about anything."
"Well, I've realised that I am a bit of a submissive. I guess it was always there in our sex, the blindfold bit, that sex was usually initiated by you rather than me, that I liked to dress to please you, all that sort of thing. Well with Ken it was closer to a master and slave relationship. He would never see himself like that, because he didn't have the imagination and it wasn't the sort of thing that senior members of the golf club did, but to me there was a hint of it. He would order me around, and in some ways that was what was exciting at the beginning. You were always so gentle and loving, even though you were in charge. But then I realised that I didn't like it with him, without love it was meaningless, and without thought for the other one, without the please and thank-you's if you like, without the respect it was horrid. But there is that submissive streak, I want to give, it pleases me to give myself totally to the man I love. So, I want the man in my life to know that I will always say Yes. He can have me anywhere, anytime for anything. I don't promise that I'll get turned on by every act or by every fantasy, but I will get turned on giving myself totally to the man I love and who loves me."
"You're right. There was always a hint of it in our life, but I didn't push it. I guess I respected you too much to demand anything that you might think was outlandish. And I didn't know that you would want me to push it."
"Nor did I." She leant across the bed to kiss me. It was our first true kiss in so many months, a full tongue fight. I'm not sure what this was doing to my emotions, but a part of me was beginning to stand up for its own interests, again. I broke away.
"I think there might be some pain-au-chocolat in the freezer. But no drinking chocolate. You'll have to put up with coffee and some orange juice." I grabbed my robe and went off.
Having set things off in the kitchen, I went back to the bedroom. She was laying on the bed, still naked, and still beautiful. "In here or at the table?"
"At the table. I think I'd like to sit and talk and be civilised. Can I borrow one of your shirts?"
"No. Stay nude. I want to look at you."
"Oh. OK."
"In fact, breakfast can wait long enough for me to have a shower." And I went off to the bathroom.
And that's what we did. We had breakfast at the table with me casually but fully dressed and her totally naked. It was so sexy.
"You've changed, Beth. You're a different person."
"Yes I am, but so are you."
"Well I know I was changing, getting used to this new life, but I guess my image of you was as you used to be. It's logical that you're different as well. After all, you've gone through a pretty traumatic experience as well."
"Well, now I'm beginning to actual believe some of the things that I said to you Tim. I can't change the past, I've got to live with it, and I refuse to pretend that any part of my life didn't happen. So I can only learn by it. And then I can move forward."
"Do you think we have a future?"
"Apart? I'm sure both of us can get through this and we will find our way to happiness in the end, maybe a bit wiser. Together? Well, I can imagine that it won't happen. But, yes, I think we still have a chance."
"I did love you so much. And last night and this morning wasn't bad." I smiled.
"Don't be fooled by just sex, Tim. Even wonderful loving sex like we've just had. To make it work we'd both have to really want to, and it would still have its bad times."
We paused and fell to silence. Then I brought the conversation back to her "Tell me how else you've changed."
"Well I remember you accused me on that Thursday night of living by the day. And you were right. I was no good at thinking about tomorrow. I knew where I wanted to get to, and I could cope with today. It was the middle ground that I was useless with. That may have been part of why I fell into such a mistake, I knew it wasn't forever with Ken, and I didn't think enough about the damage it could do in the short term. Before now, when you were worrying about money and I was saying not to worry we've got growing careers so it would all work out in the long term, you used to say 'There won't be a long term if we don't get through tomorrow.' Well I've only just realised how right you were."
"My! You have changed."
"Oh, I'm trying.... Oh, I want us to sell the house."
"You do?"
"Yes. Well, you won't ever want to live there again, and I realised that although I love being surrounded by the association of good memories, the house itself was part of my downfall. I bit off more than I could chew when we took it on, it's cost me too much and I want it to go."
"We should have a word with Rose. With all the work we did, we should make a good profit on it."
"Well, let's do that. Now I'm going to take another cup of coffee, and I want to sit on the sofa, just as I am and I want you to sit in one of the chairs."
"OK" I said, slightly mystified, but picking up my coffee, and going over to a chair.
She sat in the middle of the sofa, still nude. Her legs together and her hands on her knees. "And now I want to complete what I came here for. I want to give you something else. To go further than ever before, to do something I've never done before for anyone."
She started to run her hands over her breasts. Then her knees parted and a hand went down to that beautiful shaved pussy. Within minutes she was leaning back on the sofa, her legs wide apart, pumping her pussy with two fingers from one hand and the other hand rubbing her clit. She came with an explosion that lifted her hips off the sofa for a second or two. I sat there in total silence, but gently rubbing my crotch, my cock rigid under my trousers.
When she'd recovered herself, she looked at me with a smile "Surprising what ideas you can pick up on the Internet . Now I need a shower and I need you to nip downstairs and get my clothes."
"And what about what you've done to me?" I asked thrusting my hips forward and opening my legs. By erection showed blatantly through my tented trousers.
"Oh, I'm sorry Tim. I forgot the effect I was likely to have on you when I planned my four acts. Of course you can have me or I'll give you a blow job, whatever you want."
"No, you're right, Beth. It's been the perfect one of everything. I have no right to ask more, not unless I attach some strings. I'll get over it. We could share a cold shower?"
"Well, no thanks, that just sounds chilly and it might still not have the calming effect you want if I'm there. We can save that for another time."
We were both smiling. I didn't know whether I wanted my wife back, but I have got my friend back.
I went and collected her bag of clothes and left it outside the bathroom. I cleared the breakfast and by the time I'd done she was back, fully dressed. She looked good.
"What are you doing for your birthday?" I asked.
"Nothing planned. Why?"
"Well I thought I might take you to The Lobster Pot. If you remember we never made it the last time I suggested it."
"I'd like that very much. Not only would it be nice in itself, it would lay one more very minor ghost. Every time I pass it I'm aware of what might have been."
And that's the way we left it. We kissed, a proper loving but not passionate kiss as we parted at the bottom of my staircase.
---
For the rest of Sunday my mind could think of nothing but Beth. Did I want to get back with her? Could I really forgive her? Could I forget? Had she changed? Was she really different? And if so, did I like the new Beth? Would she love the new Tim? I was beginning to realise that all those people who had advised me that reconciliation took two were telling the truth. I had to admit that I had been thinking, very arrogantly, that the decision was totally mine. Beth was her own person, it was also up to her. And it would be a new marriage, a new house built from the ruins of the old one? Oh no, I couldn't have a mother-in-law that was right.
On the Monday I had a long heart to heart with Dave. Not about Beth, but about the organisation of the department. I wanted him as my deputy, but not in the way that Perry had used me, splitting the department and giving me a separate empire. I wanted Dave to be the project co-ordinator, managing our prime resource of people allocation, and keeping himself well informed on every piece of work. That would mean there was a true deputy in the department, and it would play to both our strengths. He took some persuading. He liked the idea of promotion, but I think he had ideas of his own little empire as I had once had. And, of course, there was always the dichotomy that it would put a gulf between him and his colleagues if he could roam over all their work, but that was the cost of promotion. That bit had to be explained with a pint over lunch.
Once I'd convinced him, I went off to see Neil. He just said yes, he didn't even want to know the details. As far as he was concerned it was up to me to run my department as I saw fit. He just sent me to Charlie to get Dave's pay and rations sorted out.
Then it was back to see Dave and explain all to him. After that it was a process of seeing all the other project managers individually, some took it better than others. Some were genuinely pleased for Dave, others less so. But they were all pleased that we used them as the channel of communication to their teams, rather than a big departmental announcement.
Dave took everyone to the pub after work. I counted myself out, it was better to leave it to him. Instead I went to the gym. After that I went home and phoned Phil. It was time to introduce him to the joys of the Black Swan.
We met that evening, and I could see from his face that he was impressed by the pub, he even commented "This used to be such a dump."
"Yes, but the neighbourhood's going up by leaps and bounds. So much better class of person is moving in."
"Yes, but their letting off their garage apartments to the hoi-polloi." He said with a smile.
"Do you want some gossip, ahead of Denny?"
"Power! Yes please."
So I told him, without the anatomical detail, about the weekend. He just listened, watching me. When I finished a fair but clinical description of Beth's visit, he just said "And?"
"And it was the best sex ever. Better than our honeymoon. Better than our first night. Better than anything we ever achieved when we were together."
"Did it involve whipped cream?"
"No. Why?"
"Well Denny's been going on a bit about how we should experiment more. So I suggested licking whipped cream off her naked body. But she said it would just be wet and sticky and would tickle."
"I think I'm with Denny on that one. Especially if I was the lickee and not the licker."
"Well I shan't invite you for a threesome then! Not if you aren't into whipped cream! Actually, it was something I read in a magazine many years ago, and I thought it sounded fun. But it isn't one of my fetishes or anything."
"You have fetishes?" I asked, with incredulity.
"No. But I might have. I might be a sexual magician of mystery and depth. Usually I'm just grateful." he said with a philosophical smile.
I started thinking aloud, "Anyway. Sex as good as Beth and I had yesterday must mean something. You don't have sex that good unless there's a special something."
"But that's no surprise. Of course Beth is a special something to you. It's just that you don't want to be married to her." He paused to look at me "Or do you? Is this what this is about. You're beginning to think that you might get back together?"
"Well I have been wondering? What do you think?"
"It doesn't matter what I think, or what I would do in your position. You've got to work this one out by yourself."
"I know." I stopped and pointedly looked at our empty glasses. "Your just here to keep me refreshed while I'm on the wrack."
He smiled and went off to get the next round. When he returned, and we'd both taken our first sip of the new pints, I put my glass down "It's all Rose's doing."
"What is?"
"This push the boundaries, keep the sex fresh thing. She had a go at me about it. Had myself and Beth fallen into comfortable routines? Had, unwittingly, Beth got bored? I'm sure she had a go at Beth on the same thing. And Beth would have told Denny, and you're the lucky recipient."
"You could be right. Well done Rose." He raised his glass and toasted her. "Well where does all this leave you? Do you still love her?"
I looked at him, I knew that was sort of the basic question. I took a long draught of beer, to give myself some time. Then I paused to give myself some more time. "Yes, but I thought it was not as much as I once did. And that's not just the pain and hurt, it's that separation does make things fade slowly. But, yesterday...?"
We fell into silence as we both drank. Then Phil asked the next obvious question "And does Beth still love you?"
Again I paused. Again I took a drink. "Yes, or at least she says she does. But I think even for her it was less than she used to. That was a bit of a shaker, not at all good for my ego, but it's probably fair and right. I hurt her when I walked out, and she is damaged by what she's done. She's changed, you know, Phil."
"In what way?" He asked, once he'd put his glass down.
"She's more confidant. She's faced up to a side of herself that she doesn't like, and accepted it and decided to cope with it. And she's more sexual than ever."
"Well that's two good changes I would have thought. Not that she wasn't sexual to start with." He paused. "Not that I have any reason to say that, you understand."
"Yes, you're right. If I did go back, and if we could make it work, then it might be rather fun in parts." I smiled. I took a last long draught as I considered the possibility of being back with a Beth as she had been this weekend, and put my glass down.
Phil followed suit, emptying his glass and putting it on the table. I went on thinking, sitting there in silence. Phil watched me, waiting quietly.
Then he spoke. "You've changed you know."
"Have I? How?"
"Well there was a time when you would get your round in without question. But these days..." I got up with the two glasses.
When I returned, he took his glass and had a sip, then he looked at me, "If you think you want to try to make it work, well why not have a trial reconciliation? Get back together, with no promises. But you would have to be convinced that you can really make it work, you can't ignore how badly she hurt you, you know, Tim. And she can't ignore how badly she went off the rails. I'm sure it would be tough. But it seems to me that if you both have changed enough and you both really want it, then just maybe..."
"No. Just going back with the idea that either of us could walk out at anytime? Well that would pretty well guarantee that one of us would walk out at some time. If it were to happen, it would have to be a bigger commitment than that, something to get us over the rough times, because there would be rough times. Even when she was there this weekend, it still hurt to look at her sometimes and to remember something of what she did, or when she mentioned something to do with what went wrong. That's my fear that those painful memories become too much, or that the walking on eggshells gets to be too much."
"Well, do what Denny always says we're going to have to do. Go back to Church and take your vows again. Both of you committing yourselves to the new relationship. Or how about just dating? No commitments, just boy and girl stuff."
"No, that doesn't make sense. Role play sort of stuff has always struck me as a load of rubbish. I am who I am, the situation is as it is. We can't go back to just dating, it may work for some people, but not me."
"Well I've run out of suggestions then."
"Well, while I think, tell me about you and Denny taking your vows again. What have you done wrong that warrants that?"
"Nothing. Denny has always said that she wants to refresh everything and make us understand our commitment by taking our vows every ten years say. I've always known that, it's a big thing with her. Personally I couldn't care less, but if that's what she wants to do, well I don't object. Especially if her father will pay for the booze up afterwards again."
"I don't think it works like that."
"Bugger. Well that's off then. No bloody point."
Not long after that we finished our pints. He wandered off towards the taxi rank at the bottom of the High Street and I went home.
Not really a lot happened after that, all week. On the Friday night I met Phil and Denny for a curry. Denny was full of unasked questions. Eventually she could contain herself no longer, she just had to say something, "You had an interesting weekend last week I hear."
"Yes. I told Phil about it. I can't believe he didn't tell you. Or were you too busy expanding your horizons or making sure you didn't get to comfortable and stale, if you know what I mean." I responded with a leer, hoping to kill her line of attack.
Phil looked up at this "Oh. Yes I told her. Monday night, as soon as I got home. But what I didn't tell her, because I didn't know 'til Denny saw Beth last night is that you're taking Beth to The Lobster Pot for her birthday. Does that imply a decision?"
"No, well not in the way you mean. I'm taking her there just because it seems a nice thing to do. But I've sort of set it as a sort of milestone for making up my mind as to what I want to do."
"Well, if you do want to try to get back together, I'd get on with it. She said that she isn't going to ask you, she doesn't think she has the right to do that, she's waiting for you to do something. And, anyway, she feels she's done her bit when she turned up last Saturday, undressed to the nines."
Phil looked up again "Er. What's that?"
Denny looked at him, with a smile of triumph "I didn't tell you that bit. Just in case you had some idea that I would do it for you. I don't want to catch double pneumonia even for you my love. Let's just say Beth was dressed appropriately for her purpose."
"You were saying. About Beth not doing any more?" I felt that Denny hadn't quite finished.
"Oh. Nothing except that she is changing by the week. She's just getting more and more confidant about her own future. Some guy will spot her if you don't. She won't wait forever."
Phil looked round. "When is Beth's birthday, anyway? I guess I should know, but I don't."
"The twenty-fifth. Exactly two weeks from today." I answered him.
"Oh well, Tim. Go on being indecisive 'til the last moment. I enjoy the beer." Was Phil's final, unhelpful piece of advice.
That weekend I went to the gym on both Saturday and Sunday, not that I was uptight or anything. On the Sunday evening I got very maudlin with the aid of some whisky, sitting in front of my first log fire of the season. Every bit of the hurt and pain of it all came back to me, and I cried. I went to bed thinking I can't go back for more of this.
Then, on Monday morning I got up to the question 'Will it be any less painful if you don't go back? Does not going back somehow cut out the pain?'
On Monday lunchtime, I tried strolling along the river bank, by myself, to the seat. I sat there. It was raining and cold. The weather and myself were in unison, we were both miserable. I had to decide something, I knew I was putting pressure on myself, quite unnecessarily, to come up with a decision, but that was me. I'd set myself a target date to make up my mind, and I had to meet it.
By Tuesday I had progressed. If I couldn't make up my mind, then I had to give myself the tools to be able to do so. I decided to go to Ireland at the weekend, to see Mum and ***. Maybe to talk to them, and even less likely, maybe to take their advice. Certainly to sit and stare out to sea until I understood myself well enough to know what I wanted to do.
So that afternoon, I went to see Neil and ask for Friday off. He didn't like that. But I said I needed the time, I gave him enough of a hint that this was deeply personal and important and in the end he gave me the day off and wished me luck. I phoned Mum and *** and warned them of my imminent arrival. They were delighted.
For the rest of the week, I was more relaxed. I'd given myself a schedule, and a time and place to take the right decision. I didn't even think about the problem very much. I did realise that whatever I decided, I had to back it up with positive action to make it a success. I either had to have a proposal for Beth on how we might proceed, or a plan on how I was going to get out there and start dating again, with all the pain and uncertainty that that brings.
The weekend in Ireland wasn't much fun. The journey was lousy. The plane was full of a very noisy bunch of lads going over for some sporting fixture, rugby I think but I wasn't sure. Then the hire company had had a problem with my booking, the car they scheduled for me had been returned late, and wasn't cleaned, would that be all right? No it bloody well wouldn't be all right. Eventually they upgraded me to a better car that they had spare. Then it was a long drive by myself, in the rain, on a road I didn't know well. And then there was that tension of the first night back, with Mum and *** not knowing what to say, so painfully trying not to say anything.
By Saturday, things got easier. ***'s advice was simple and clear cut. Ditch the bitch. It was so quickly and easily given that he devalued it because he hadn't really listened. But if Beth and myself did get back together then *** had put himself in an interesting position with me and his ********-in-law.
Mum's thinking was more cautious She really didn't want to give any advice, she was more concerned to support me in whatever I decided. Kind as that was, it didn't help much.
The sea helped. It stopped raining, and I sat and looked at it for a long time. By Sunday afternoon I was going home in a happier mood. I had made a decision and I had a plan of action. For the first time in months I knew what I wanted to do, with as much certainty as when I knew I wanted Perry's job.
On the Friday I drove out to the house to pick up Beth. It was the first time I'd been there in months. I noticed that we now had a 'For Sale' sign up, which meant that Rose was getting on with her work. I didn't go in, I didn't want to risk anything, so I just pipped my horn and Beth came out. She looked a million dollars. She was wearing the coat of her visit to Blindside, but I assumed she was slightly more conservatively dressed under it. She jumped into the car.
"Nice car. I remembered that I was rather disparaging of you getting a sports car. I'm sorry."
"Well this was a bit of luck really. Company car policy avoided all sports cars or specifically excluded them from some manufacturers, because of the higher insurance costs I guess. But they listed 'all BMWs', I guess from before the time BMW started making sports cars and then it was just a matter of cost for my status. So I asked for this. Charlie was a bit upset that I'd spotted the gap, but then he let me get away with it, he couldn't really say anything, it had said all BMWs were acceptable.
"Denny told me you got promotion. I assume that you got Perry's old job. What happened to him?"
"Axed." I said.
"Oh."
We chatted amicably all the way to The Lobster Pot. I was lucky and found a space in their too small car park. Normally they can't get all their patrons in. Beth handed her coat over, under it she was wearing a beautiful blue dress, I couldn't say much about style and material, but it was wonderfully too short, and I'm sure she had no bra on, her breasts seemed to move softly and tantalisingly. "You look gorgeous."
"Why thank you, kind sir. Actually, it was an extra birthday present from Daddy. When I told him you were taking me to dinner tonight he told me to go and buy a new dress, no expense spared. So I did, and he hasn't seen what no expense spared means yet."
We chose to sit at our table for our pre-dinner drinks. Once they arrived, we perused the menu and made our decisions. Once that was done, I thought there is no point in hanging around. I owed it to her to be clear as to whether this was just a friendly dinner for her birthday or something more.
"Beth, I haven't actually bought you a birthday present..."
She looked disappointed. "Oh, that's all right, Tim. I didn't really expect one."
At that point the waiter turned up to take our order. Once we had got that out of the way, I was about to start speaking again, when Beth held up her hand to stop me, and then the wine waiter turned up to take our wine order, she must have seen him approaching.
Once he was dealt with, I started again. "Beth, I would like for us to try again...."
Her eyes filled up with tears. She found her purse and opened it, by which time I was holding out my handkerchief. Once she had wiped her eyes I started yet again, "Beth, I would like for us to try again, but I've some plans and ideas that you will need to think about."
"OK, What plans." She was serious.
"Well, I think we should start with a damn good holiday. Somewhere where there's miles of soft white beaches and palm trees and sunshine at this time of year. I don't really care where, Seychelles, Caribbean, Bali wherever you fancy."
"I could manage that bit."
"Well I want that holiday to be the sexiest most passionate time we've had in a long time. We have some catching up to do, and I don't mean just the last few months, maybe before that we had lived a comfortable routine but without an eye on the ball."
"OK. And what else."
"Well, I've some very dirty ideas about the holiday, but I'll come back to that. Then I think we have got to just try to make it work. I know it won't be easy. There will be times when all the pain and all the hurt and even the anger will come back to me. To the point that I might not want to go on. But then again, you might decide that you don't want to go on trying to live with a man who gets angry and depressed and throws your mistake back at you, who makes horrid barbed comments just when you don't need them. And I know you've got a lot of pain and remorse to work out. It won't be easy, and we both have to accept that it might all come to a painful end."
"Oh I hope not. I'll do my best, I promise Tim."
"We both will. And then there will come a time when we both feel that we're over the worst. That we can look forward with confidence. I want to aim that we go back to Church just before my birthday, in April of early May say, and take our vows again." I didn't say 'and you'll have to try to keep them this time' which was the nasty barbed comment in my head, I had some learning of new habits to do. I went on "To make a fresh start. No one else has to be there, or just a few if we want them, but that we recommit ourselves to each other forever. But only after we know we really can do it this time and not just because we want to, like now."
"That's a lovely idea. Did you know that Denny and Phil intend to do that on their tenth wedding anniversary?"
"Yes. Or well Denny wants to and Phil is happy to do so was the way he explained it to me. But it was them that made me think of it. But then, on my thirty-first birthday, if all goes well, and one year late, I do want you to come off the pill. Only if you feel happy to, but I would really like us to have children once we both know we're over this problem."
"Well I won't promise that one now. But it would be lovely if we both felt that the time was right. And yes, I say yes to all your ideas. I do love you Tim. I'm so sorry for what I did." Her eyes began to fill again.
"Well your first lesson must be that you mustn't keep saying you're sorry. I don't want some doormat back. I want a feisty, confidant, very sexy, intelligent wonderful woman for my wife. Or do you think I deserve less?"
At that point, our starters turned up and our wine. Once the shuffling and arranging and formalities were over. She looked up "You're right. I'm sorry that I'm sorry, if you know what I mean. I don't want you leaving me out of boredom with my apologies."
"And there's another thing. You must either change your job, or at least go in to the office three or four days a week."
"I already do that. At first it was just to get away from Mummy and Daddy, but now it's because I'm living alone. I haven't got a desk there yet, but I am more part of the team. It's helping with the work too." She smiled.
Finally, I added my last condition "And you must think more about you, and how you're feeling. And you must talk to me. I'm not a believer in all the new age mumbo jumbo, but maybe some yoga or meditation or something. Just like the gym's been good for me. Even that, maybe the gym would be good for you too."
Again, she smiled. "Yes, I like that idea. You're right, I need to take a positive step to look after me."
We began eating in silence. My mind was racing on what I'd just done. I guess hers was too. But then she looked up "What were your dirty ideas about the holiday? I like the sound of that."
"You don't know what they are yet. I guess I'm picking up my cue from you the other weekend. I want us to go further, sex is so damned important to us. I guess it is to other folk, but I don't care about them. I don't want us to do anything you ever feel unhappy about, but I do want you to do everything that you feel vaguely OK with. For a start, I want to look at you and know you are mine, that even if I were a million miles away, you were ready for me, wanting me, needing me, sexually that is. I want you to wear dresses and skirts rather than trousers or shorts for the whole holiday. And I don't want you ever wearing panties under them. I want to look at you across a dining table like this and know that you are dressed to be available to me, to be mine at a moments notice. That you haven't even got a thin layer of lace or silk to cover yourself. And even if we're in a crowded tourist market, I want to be able to look at you from a distance and know you are ready and available and mine."
She looked a little shocked at the passion of my outburst. She looked around to make sure no one had heard me. But then she looked at me, leaned in across the table a bit and said "It might have its embarrassing moments, but I would like that too Tim. I'd be quite turned on knowing that I was dressed just for you. But can I ask another thing?"
"Do." I put my fork down, I'd finished my starter.
"I don't know how you want me to keep my pubes, and I'll keep them any way you want. But just for this holiday, may I please shave completely. I like the idea of being in the bathroom every day shaving myself smooth, just in case my man wants me. So, may I?"
"Wonderful. I love the idea. And I shall check for smoothness on a regular basis, probably hourly." I smiled.
"I love you, Tim. Thank you for everything; for taking me back; for working out the best way forward for us; for thinking I'm worth it." Her voice was breaking, and she dabbed her eyes "You'll have to excuse me a moment." and she stood and went off to the Ladies.
On her return, she leant in and gave me a small kiss on the cheek and handed me a small, pretty piece of blue silk and lace. God! I love this woman.
THE END
Epilogue:
About a month after we got back from the most wonderful holiday in Antigua, I had a phone call from Jean. It was time to make her movie.
I went over to her house on a Saturday. Beth wouldn't come, she was very quiet whenever I mentioned it, and didn't even get out of bed when I left for Jean's.
We made the movie, much as Jean had planned it with me all those month's ago at the Carlton. I did my bit to camera, but it took me two takes. And driving off in that Bentley was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in a car. It was so weird to drive compared to modern cars. Visibility was useless, it was a cross between a perfect limousine and a very crude tank to drive. I had great difficulty in crashing the gears on time, but with some careful editing the director thought he could cover that.
Eventually, I drove home, back to Blindside. I immediately put the car away in the garage below us. Freddy had already agreed to that, he loved the idea of a vintage Bentley that his tenant had 'inherited' being in his garage. But, with Beth as she was, I thought it best just to hide it away for the moment.
But then, on the Sunday morning, she was up first. "Come on, I've got to face it, let's go out for the day in that damned car." She dressed rather smartly I thought, and I was sure I felt the straps of a suspender belt when I held her. "Well, you have to dress up for a Bentley." Was her only comment. The suspenders were later confirmed when my wandering hand got as far as the stocking top as I drove along. But I couldn't do more, not and drive that machine.
We had a lovely steak lunch at a nice country hotel. Later, at Beth's request, we found a quite car park, high on a cliff, overlooking the sea. It was deserted at that time of the year, and anyway it was late afternoon and beginning to get dark. Then Beth said "Now I've got one more thing I must do." She got out of the car, walked round to the front, where she took off her dress, slowly and sexily, for my delectation, or so I thought. But under it she was wearing the most beautiful maroon and black lace lingerie. She slowly stripped herself of that, and walked up to the cliff edge and threw all three pieces over the edge and into the wind. Then slowly walked back to the car, and got into the back seat, still naked. "Well come on, or have you forgotten what back seats are for?"
We eventually got home, tired and happy. And it wasn't too late.
Well on this Saturday I had just poured my first whisky when there was a knock at my door. I opened it, and Beth stood there, looking good. Her hair looked recently cut and styled, her make up was light and perfect. She was wearing a light coat that I hadn't seen before, it was tied attractively with a belt at her waist. She stood there in the outside light. "Hello, Beth."
"Hello, Tim" And she pulled the belt tie. The coat fell open, under it she was naked. Nude, perfect. I noticed immediately that she had shaved her pussy completely, Smooth, white and hairless. She walked passed me, dropping the coat in the hall. She headed straight to the bedroom. I stood by the open door, speechless.
And then I remembered. Three of four years ago we watched some perfectly average film. And for some reason in the plot, a very beautiful Hollywood actress had travelled across town to seduce her boyfriend, dressed as Beth was dressed, in nothing but a coat. I remember saying at the time that I thought it was damn sexy thing to do. Beth had remembered.
I followed her into the bedroom. She was lying on the bed, her arms outstretched towards me. I sat on the edge of the bed, and put my hands out to hold her, but saying "Are you sure this is a good idea?"
Her hands went to my crotch and held my rigid cock through my trousers. "Yes." Was all she said. She moved forwards, scrabbling at my zip, and then my cock was in her mouth. I was lost.
"Come on, Tim. I need to taste you properly. Undress. I need to see and feel that body."
And I did. I stood up, with her still trying to suck me as I pulled my jumper over my head. She had found my belt, and soon my trousers and boxers were at my ankles. I sat on the bed and tried to kick them off, and then get my socks off. Why are socks always such a bloody nuisance at times like these? But then I was naked and lying on my back.
Beth set to with enthusiasm, taking my cock into her mouth deeper than I've ever known her to do it before. Suddenly there was a tighter feeling at my cock head. Then Beth came up, gasping for air and with tears in her eyes. Then she plunged herself down again. For the first time ever, she was deep throating me. I wasn't going to last long with this. How many weeks of celibacy? I didn't last long. She gagged a little on the sheer quantity, but she swallowed the lot.
"O.K. Are you going to tell me what this is about?" I asked, when we'd got our breath back.
"Yes. In the morning. But not now. But I promise you, there are no strings attached, unless you want to try a little bondage, I hadn't thought of that." She smiled at me, leaning across my chest, her nipples brushing me lightly. "Now, go and find us a bottle of wine, and I'll talk about other things."
I kissed her lightly. It seemed so natural to raise my head a little off the pillow and just kiss her forehead. Then she moved off me so that I could go and find that bottle of wine.
I wandered off to the kitchen, looking back at her from the bedroom door as I left. She lay on her side, watching me, her breasts falling sideways or downwards to the bed, her bald pussy part hidden by the angle of her hips and the bend of her top leg.
In a couple of minutes I was back with an open bottle of the best red wine I had and a couple of glasses. I put them down on the bedside table and filled the glasses. She watched me in silence, and took a glass when I handed it to her.
"This is unfair, Beth. You've got to tell me what's going on here. We haven't even emailed in weeks, and now this."
"No, I told you I'll explain in the morning. Trust me on this one. Nothing bad is going to happen, I'm not going to hurt you in any way. And I mean it, there are no strings attached. Now how are you, Tim? You're looking good, have you been working out?"
I sat on the bed. "Yes. Didn't Phil or Denny tell you? I go to the gym several times a week. I love it. I feel better, I think I'm looking better, and occasionally I get chatted up by nice men who have a lifestyle so different to my own."
She laughed. I hadn't realised, but I had missed that laugh. I hadn't heard it in months. It was music to my ears, as bad poets say.
We talked easily. For a golden moment all the problems slipped away. Our talk drifted to that time on our honeymoon when we had spent the whole evening in bed. It was in the second week and we realised that the hotel had a weekly cycle of its tourist entertainment in the evenings, and Wednesdays was the day for the excruciatingly bad folk group. We had taken two bottles of wine and gone to our room. Beth reminded me that we had managed 'it' three times that evening, a feat of which I was quite proud. Then her head fell to my lap with a comment about how twice wasn't too much to ask.
Once her mouth had brought me to full erection again, I went to move over her, to make love to her. But she stopped me. "No. Please Tim. Use my bottom. Not hard, not in anger against Ken, but as you would. Gently, slowly, trying to make me enjoy it. Please, I want you to."
"No, Beth. I just want you."
"Good. I want you, but I do want you in my bottom. It's important to me. I came here with this in mind. I've already put a lot of Vaseline in me. Just do it, as you would. My bottom is a virgin to your gentle love, it's only known pain, and only twice. Introduce it to love. Please Tim."
So that is what we did. It was my first time. And it felt so different. I took it very very slowly, with gentle short strokes. And she didn't wince or sob once. For obvious reasons I couldn't see her face, so I don't really know how good it was for her, but it was a new thrill to me. And I loved her for giving me this.
After I came deep in her bowels, I carefully withdrew and fell on my back on the bed. She immediately rolled over and lowered her head to my crotch.
"No, Beth. Think where it's been."
But she took me deeply into her mouth. I was softening, and I didn't reach to the back of her throat this time. But I felt her tongue swirling around me, licking at the last drops of cum from me. And then she came off me with a last kiss to my cock. I was spent. Somehow we got the duvet over us and I fell asleep with her curled in under my arm, with her head on my shoulder.
I woke up in the morning, lying on my side facing her. As I opened my eyes I saw her, lying on her side, facing me, watching me. "Good morning." she greeted me.
"Hi." I rolled onto my back. "Are you going to tell me now what brought this on."
"Not quite yet. We've got round three to go." she said as her hand went out across my stomach. She found her target, and found that it was already standing waiting for her.
"Good, ready and primed." And she knelt up, over me and lowered herself onto me. We fell into a soft easy rhythm, learnt over years. If last night was new territory, then this was familiar ground. My hands went up her body from her hips, in co-ordinated movements her arms moved to give me freedom of her breasts, my thumbs rubbing over her hard nipples.
And then in unison, we rolled sideways and then with her on her back, her legs locked around my waist. And we finished in hard sweating passion, cumming together.
I rolled off, onto my back.
"And now I can tell you." She was on her side, again tucked under my arm with her head on my shoulder.
"Do."
"Well, I was on a potential win-win situation. First and most important, I decided we needed something big to breakdown the wall that was between us, something that would help us both decide if there was really anything left."
That was interesting 'us both decide?' "And?"
"And the other one was selfish. You may have had nightmares about myself and Ken together. I had nightmares that the last man who had my pussy was Ken. The last man and only man to ever use my bottom was Ken. The last man to whom I'd given a blow job was Ken. And I hated that. I felt dirty, but I couldn't wash it away. I could see myself growing old and bitter still knowing that my last man was my biggest, worst mistake. I needed to eradicate that thought."
"You used me." I said. She raised her head to look at me, and she saw I was smiling.
"Yes. But it went further than that. I wanted to give myself more than I'd ever given myself to any man ever before. I had to go further. So, I've spent hours and hours on the Internet. There are some very strange sites out there, I never knew that some people can find some very odd things so sexy. But I found that I had to go deeper, to take your cock down my throat to make my blow job be more than any blow job I've ever given. And that I had to swallow. Girls that swallow are a big thing for some sites. Well, to be honest, I've always swallowed, it never crossed my mind not to. But Ken never expected it, I never swallowed for him once, he always handed me a tissue or handkerchief or suggested that I spit it out in the bathroom. Obviously no one had ever swallowed for him, but I don't think he'd ever had many blow jobs in his life anyway. But, I had to swallow last night, it was important."
"Go on."
"Well the anal bit was obvious. But it was important to me that you took me slowly and in the loving way that I knew you would. I prepared for that, I even gave myself a home enema last night before I came out. I don't fancy doing that bit again. But I planned it that I would give you the blow job first, to ease some of your enthusiasm so that you could take it a bit slower. And the same time, I hadn't had a man in me for weeks, so I would be keen, even for anal sex. And then the Internet had told me that ass-to-mouth was the thing, that I had to take you in my mouth after you came out of my bottom. It sounded pretty yucky, but I was determined to do it, and actually it wasn't that bad. You see, I thought it all through. And that just left making love this morning. And you did that perfectly. So there's my win position, and no strings attached."
"And the shaving your pussy?"
"Oh, Yes. That was just part of the going further bit. Like turning up here with nothing but a coat. I have a set of clothes in a bag tucked under your stairs outside by the way. But I did come all the way from home in just the coat. I did it properly."
"You remembered that film!"
"I've been remembering a lot of good times for these past few weeks. Not the big, obvious events, just the little comfortable special moments. Oh sorry..." She stopped to wipe her eyes, I got out of bed to find her a handkerchief. She took it with "Thanks. That's the trouble with travelling light."
"I rather like it. I've always loved just looking at you in the nude. It was always one of my great pleasures."
"I know. Sometimes I think I didn't walk around naked often enough for you."
I sat on the edge of the bed. And looked at her. "So, what now?"
"Some breakfast I hope. But before you go off to desperately look at what you've got that can create some form of an OK breakfast for an unexpected visitor, I've got something else to say."
She paused to compose herself. Obviously whatever it was it was important. I just waited.
"Well, I don't know whether we'll ever really get back together. I've learnt to accept that in these last few weeks. But I do know that I want to give you, or any new man I one day get, more of me than I ever gave before. I've learnt some things about me in all of this."
She looked at me, probably for reassurance. I smiled and said, "Tell me. Remember, we can talk about anything."
"Well, I've realised that I am a bit of a submissive. I guess it was always there in our sex, the blindfold bit, that sex was usually initiated by you rather than me, that I liked to dress to please you, all that sort of thing. Well with Ken it was closer to a master and slave relationship. He would never see himself like that, because he didn't have the imagination and it wasn't the sort of thing that senior members of the golf club did, but to me there was a hint of it. He would order me around, and in some ways that was what was exciting at the beginning. You were always so gentle and loving, even though you were in charge. But then I realised that I didn't like it with him, without love it was meaningless, and without thought for the other one, without the please and thank-you's if you like, without the respect it was horrid. But there is that submissive streak, I want to give, it pleases me to give myself totally to the man I love. So, I want the man in my life to know that I will always say Yes. He can have me anywhere, anytime for anything. I don't promise that I'll get turned on by every act or by every fantasy, but I will get turned on giving myself totally to the man I love and who loves me."
"You're right. There was always a hint of it in our life, but I didn't push it. I guess I respected you too much to demand anything that you might think was outlandish. And I didn't know that you would want me to push it."
"Nor did I." She leant across the bed to kiss me. It was our first true kiss in so many months, a full tongue fight. I'm not sure what this was doing to my emotions, but a part of me was beginning to stand up for its own interests, again. I broke away.
"I think there might be some pain-au-chocolat in the freezer. But no drinking chocolate. You'll have to put up with coffee and some orange juice." I grabbed my robe and went off.
Having set things off in the kitchen, I went back to the bedroom. She was laying on the bed, still naked, and still beautiful. "In here or at the table?"
"At the table. I think I'd like to sit and talk and be civilised. Can I borrow one of your shirts?"
"No. Stay nude. I want to look at you."
"Oh. OK."
"In fact, breakfast can wait long enough for me to have a shower." And I went off to the bathroom.
And that's what we did. We had breakfast at the table with me casually but fully dressed and her totally naked. It was so sexy.
"You've changed, Beth. You're a different person."
"Yes I am, but so are you."
"Well I know I was changing, getting used to this new life, but I guess my image of you was as you used to be. It's logical that you're different as well. After all, you've gone through a pretty traumatic experience as well."
"Well, now I'm beginning to actual believe some of the things that I said to you Tim. I can't change the past, I've got to live with it, and I refuse to pretend that any part of my life didn't happen. So I can only learn by it. And then I can move forward."
"Do you think we have a future?"
"Apart? I'm sure both of us can get through this and we will find our way to happiness in the end, maybe a bit wiser. Together? Well, I can imagine that it won't happen. But, yes, I think we still have a chance."
"I did love you so much. And last night and this morning wasn't bad." I smiled.
"Don't be fooled by just sex, Tim. Even wonderful loving sex like we've just had. To make it work we'd both have to really want to, and it would still have its bad times."
We paused and fell to silence. Then I brought the conversation back to her "Tell me how else you've changed."
"Well I remember you accused me on that Thursday night of living by the day. And you were right. I was no good at thinking about tomorrow. I knew where I wanted to get to, and I could cope with today. It was the middle ground that I was useless with. That may have been part of why I fell into such a mistake, I knew it wasn't forever with Ken, and I didn't think enough about the damage it could do in the short term. Before now, when you were worrying about money and I was saying not to worry we've got growing careers so it would all work out in the long term, you used to say 'There won't be a long term if we don't get through tomorrow.' Well I've only just realised how right you were."
"My! You have changed."
"Oh, I'm trying.... Oh, I want us to sell the house."
"You do?"
"Yes. Well, you won't ever want to live there again, and I realised that although I love being surrounded by the association of good memories, the house itself was part of my downfall. I bit off more than I could chew when we took it on, it's cost me too much and I want it to go."
"We should have a word with Rose. With all the work we did, we should make a good profit on it."
"Well, let's do that. Now I'm going to take another cup of coffee, and I want to sit on the sofa, just as I am and I want you to sit in one of the chairs."
"OK" I said, slightly mystified, but picking up my coffee, and going over to a chair.
She sat in the middle of the sofa, still nude. Her legs together and her hands on her knees. "And now I want to complete what I came here for. I want to give you something else. To go further than ever before, to do something I've never done before for anyone."
She started to run her hands over her breasts. Then her knees parted and a hand went down to that beautiful shaved pussy. Within minutes she was leaning back on the sofa, her legs wide apart, pumping her pussy with two fingers from one hand and the other hand rubbing her clit. She came with an explosion that lifted her hips off the sofa for a second or two. I sat there in total silence, but gently rubbing my crotch, my cock rigid under my trousers.
When she'd recovered herself, she looked at me with a smile "Surprising what ideas you can pick up on the Internet . Now I need a shower and I need you to nip downstairs and get my clothes."
"And what about what you've done to me?" I asked thrusting my hips forward and opening my legs. By erection showed blatantly through my tented trousers.
"Oh, I'm sorry Tim. I forgot the effect I was likely to have on you when I planned my four acts. Of course you can have me or I'll give you a blow job, whatever you want."
"No, you're right, Beth. It's been the perfect one of everything. I have no right to ask more, not unless I attach some strings. I'll get over it. We could share a cold shower?"
"Well, no thanks, that just sounds chilly and it might still not have the calming effect you want if I'm there. We can save that for another time."
We were both smiling. I didn't know whether I wanted my wife back, but I have got my friend back.
I went and collected her bag of clothes and left it outside the bathroom. I cleared the breakfast and by the time I'd done she was back, fully dressed. She looked good.
"What are you doing for your birthday?" I asked.
"Nothing planned. Why?"
"Well I thought I might take you to The Lobster Pot. If you remember we never made it the last time I suggested it."
"I'd like that very much. Not only would it be nice in itself, it would lay one more very minor ghost. Every time I pass it I'm aware of what might have been."
And that's the way we left it. We kissed, a proper loving but not passionate kiss as we parted at the bottom of my staircase.
---
For the rest of Sunday my mind could think of nothing but Beth. Did I want to get back with her? Could I really forgive her? Could I forget? Had she changed? Was she really different? And if so, did I like the new Beth? Would she love the new Tim? I was beginning to realise that all those people who had advised me that reconciliation took two were telling the truth. I had to admit that I had been thinking, very arrogantly, that the decision was totally mine. Beth was her own person, it was also up to her. And it would be a new marriage, a new house built from the ruins of the old one? Oh no, I couldn't have a mother-in-law that was right.
On the Monday I had a long heart to heart with Dave. Not about Beth, but about the organisation of the department. I wanted him as my deputy, but not in the way that Perry had used me, splitting the department and giving me a separate empire. I wanted Dave to be the project co-ordinator, managing our prime resource of people allocation, and keeping himself well informed on every piece of work. That would mean there was a true deputy in the department, and it would play to both our strengths. He took some persuading. He liked the idea of promotion, but I think he had ideas of his own little empire as I had once had. And, of course, there was always the dichotomy that it would put a gulf between him and his colleagues if he could roam over all their work, but that was the cost of promotion. That bit had to be explained with a pint over lunch.
Once I'd convinced him, I went off to see Neil. He just said yes, he didn't even want to know the details. As far as he was concerned it was up to me to run my department as I saw fit. He just sent me to Charlie to get Dave's pay and rations sorted out.
Then it was back to see Dave and explain all to him. After that it was a process of seeing all the other project managers individually, some took it better than others. Some were genuinely pleased for Dave, others less so. But they were all pleased that we used them as the channel of communication to their teams, rather than a big departmental announcement.
Dave took everyone to the pub after work. I counted myself out, it was better to leave it to him. Instead I went to the gym. After that I went home and phoned Phil. It was time to introduce him to the joys of the Black Swan.
We met that evening, and I could see from his face that he was impressed by the pub, he even commented "This used to be such a dump."
"Yes, but the neighbourhood's going up by leaps and bounds. So much better class of person is moving in."
"Yes, but their letting off their garage apartments to the hoi-polloi." He said with a smile.
"Do you want some gossip, ahead of Denny?"
"Power! Yes please."
So I told him, without the anatomical detail, about the weekend. He just listened, watching me. When I finished a fair but clinical description of Beth's visit, he just said "And?"
"And it was the best sex ever. Better than our honeymoon. Better than our first night. Better than anything we ever achieved when we were together."
"Did it involve whipped cream?"
"No. Why?"
"Well Denny's been going on a bit about how we should experiment more. So I suggested licking whipped cream off her naked body. But she said it would just be wet and sticky and would tickle."
"I think I'm with Denny on that one. Especially if I was the lickee and not the licker."
"Well I shan't invite you for a threesome then! Not if you aren't into whipped cream! Actually, it was something I read in a magazine many years ago, and I thought it sounded fun. But it isn't one of my fetishes or anything."
"You have fetishes?" I asked, with incredulity.
"No. But I might have. I might be a sexual magician of mystery and depth. Usually I'm just grateful." he said with a philosophical smile.
I started thinking aloud, "Anyway. Sex as good as Beth and I had yesterday must mean something. You don't have sex that good unless there's a special something."
"But that's no surprise. Of course Beth is a special something to you. It's just that you don't want to be married to her." He paused to look at me "Or do you? Is this what this is about. You're beginning to think that you might get back together?"
"Well I have been wondering? What do you think?"
"It doesn't matter what I think, or what I would do in your position. You've got to work this one out by yourself."
"I know." I stopped and pointedly looked at our empty glasses. "Your just here to keep me refreshed while I'm on the wrack."
He smiled and went off to get the next round. When he returned, and we'd both taken our first sip of the new pints, I put my glass down "It's all Rose's doing."
"What is?"
"This push the boundaries, keep the sex fresh thing. She had a go at me about it. Had myself and Beth fallen into comfortable routines? Had, unwittingly, Beth got bored? I'm sure she had a go at Beth on the same thing. And Beth would have told Denny, and you're the lucky recipient."
"You could be right. Well done Rose." He raised his glass and toasted her. "Well where does all this leave you? Do you still love her?"
I looked at him, I knew that was sort of the basic question. I took a long draught of beer, to give myself some time. Then I paused to give myself some more time. "Yes, but I thought it was not as much as I once did. And that's not just the pain and hurt, it's that separation does make things fade slowly. But, yesterday...?"
We fell into silence as we both drank. Then Phil asked the next obvious question "And does Beth still love you?"
Again I paused. Again I took a drink. "Yes, or at least she says she does. But I think even for her it was less than she used to. That was a bit of a shaker, not at all good for my ego, but it's probably fair and right. I hurt her when I walked out, and she is damaged by what she's done. She's changed, you know, Phil."
"In what way?" He asked, once he'd put his glass down.
"She's more confidant. She's faced up to a side of herself that she doesn't like, and accepted it and decided to cope with it. And she's more sexual than ever."
"Well that's two good changes I would have thought. Not that she wasn't sexual to start with." He paused. "Not that I have any reason to say that, you understand."
"Yes, you're right. If I did go back, and if we could make it work, then it might be rather fun in parts." I smiled. I took a last long draught as I considered the possibility of being back with a Beth as she had been this weekend, and put my glass down.
Phil followed suit, emptying his glass and putting it on the table. I went on thinking, sitting there in silence. Phil watched me, waiting quietly.
Then he spoke. "You've changed you know."
"Have I? How?"
"Well there was a time when you would get your round in without question. But these days..." I got up with the two glasses.
When I returned, he took his glass and had a sip, then he looked at me, "If you think you want to try to make it work, well why not have a trial reconciliation? Get back together, with no promises. But you would have to be convinced that you can really make it work, you can't ignore how badly she hurt you, you know, Tim. And she can't ignore how badly she went off the rails. I'm sure it would be tough. But it seems to me that if you both have changed enough and you both really want it, then just maybe..."
"No. Just going back with the idea that either of us could walk out at anytime? Well that would pretty well guarantee that one of us would walk out at some time. If it were to happen, it would have to be a bigger commitment than that, something to get us over the rough times, because there would be rough times. Even when she was there this weekend, it still hurt to look at her sometimes and to remember something of what she did, or when she mentioned something to do with what went wrong. That's my fear that those painful memories become too much, or that the walking on eggshells gets to be too much."
"Well, do what Denny always says we're going to have to do. Go back to Church and take your vows again. Both of you committing yourselves to the new relationship. Or how about just dating? No commitments, just boy and girl stuff."
"No, that doesn't make sense. Role play sort of stuff has always struck me as a load of rubbish. I am who I am, the situation is as it is. We can't go back to just dating, it may work for some people, but not me."
"Well I've run out of suggestions then."
"Well, while I think, tell me about you and Denny taking your vows again. What have you done wrong that warrants that?"
"Nothing. Denny has always said that she wants to refresh everything and make us understand our commitment by taking our vows every ten years say. I've always known that, it's a big thing with her. Personally I couldn't care less, but if that's what she wants to do, well I don't object. Especially if her father will pay for the booze up afterwards again."
"I don't think it works like that."
"Bugger. Well that's off then. No bloody point."
Not long after that we finished our pints. He wandered off towards the taxi rank at the bottom of the High Street and I went home.
Not really a lot happened after that, all week. On the Friday night I met Phil and Denny for a curry. Denny was full of unasked questions. Eventually she could contain herself no longer, she just had to say something, "You had an interesting weekend last week I hear."
"Yes. I told Phil about it. I can't believe he didn't tell you. Or were you too busy expanding your horizons or making sure you didn't get to comfortable and stale, if you know what I mean." I responded with a leer, hoping to kill her line of attack.
Phil looked up at this "Oh. Yes I told her. Monday night, as soon as I got home. But what I didn't tell her, because I didn't know 'til Denny saw Beth last night is that you're taking Beth to The Lobster Pot for her birthday. Does that imply a decision?"
"No, well not in the way you mean. I'm taking her there just because it seems a nice thing to do. But I've sort of set it as a sort of milestone for making up my mind as to what I want to do."
"Well, if you do want to try to get back together, I'd get on with it. She said that she isn't going to ask you, she doesn't think she has the right to do that, she's waiting for you to do something. And, anyway, she feels she's done her bit when she turned up last Saturday, undressed to the nines."
Phil looked up again "Er. What's that?"
Denny looked at him, with a smile of triumph "I didn't tell you that bit. Just in case you had some idea that I would do it for you. I don't want to catch double pneumonia even for you my love. Let's just say Beth was dressed appropriately for her purpose."
"You were saying. About Beth not doing any more?" I felt that Denny hadn't quite finished.
"Oh. Nothing except that she is changing by the week. She's just getting more and more confidant about her own future. Some guy will spot her if you don't. She won't wait forever."
Phil looked round. "When is Beth's birthday, anyway? I guess I should know, but I don't."
"The twenty-fifth. Exactly two weeks from today." I answered him.
"Oh well, Tim. Go on being indecisive 'til the last moment. I enjoy the beer." Was Phil's final, unhelpful piece of advice.
That weekend I went to the gym on both Saturday and Sunday, not that I was uptight or anything. On the Sunday evening I got very maudlin with the aid of some whisky, sitting in front of my first log fire of the season. Every bit of the hurt and pain of it all came back to me, and I cried. I went to bed thinking I can't go back for more of this.
Then, on Monday morning I got up to the question 'Will it be any less painful if you don't go back? Does not going back somehow cut out the pain?'
On Monday lunchtime, I tried strolling along the river bank, by myself, to the seat. I sat there. It was raining and cold. The weather and myself were in unison, we were both miserable. I had to decide something, I knew I was putting pressure on myself, quite unnecessarily, to come up with a decision, but that was me. I'd set myself a target date to make up my mind, and I had to meet it.
By Tuesday I had progressed. If I couldn't make up my mind, then I had to give myself the tools to be able to do so. I decided to go to Ireland at the weekend, to see Mum and ***. Maybe to talk to them, and even less likely, maybe to take their advice. Certainly to sit and stare out to sea until I understood myself well enough to know what I wanted to do.
So that afternoon, I went to see Neil and ask for Friday off. He didn't like that. But I said I needed the time, I gave him enough of a hint that this was deeply personal and important and in the end he gave me the day off and wished me luck. I phoned Mum and *** and warned them of my imminent arrival. They were delighted.
For the rest of the week, I was more relaxed. I'd given myself a schedule, and a time and place to take the right decision. I didn't even think about the problem very much. I did realise that whatever I decided, I had to back it up with positive action to make it a success. I either had to have a proposal for Beth on how we might proceed, or a plan on how I was going to get out there and start dating again, with all the pain and uncertainty that that brings.
The weekend in Ireland wasn't much fun. The journey was lousy. The plane was full of a very noisy bunch of lads going over for some sporting fixture, rugby I think but I wasn't sure. Then the hire company had had a problem with my booking, the car they scheduled for me had been returned late, and wasn't cleaned, would that be all right? No it bloody well wouldn't be all right. Eventually they upgraded me to a better car that they had spare. Then it was a long drive by myself, in the rain, on a road I didn't know well. And then there was that tension of the first night back, with Mum and *** not knowing what to say, so painfully trying not to say anything.
By Saturday, things got easier. ***'s advice was simple and clear cut. Ditch the bitch. It was so quickly and easily given that he devalued it because he hadn't really listened. But if Beth and myself did get back together then *** had put himself in an interesting position with me and his ********-in-law.
Mum's thinking was more cautious She really didn't want to give any advice, she was more concerned to support me in whatever I decided. Kind as that was, it didn't help much.
The sea helped. It stopped raining, and I sat and looked at it for a long time. By Sunday afternoon I was going home in a happier mood. I had made a decision and I had a plan of action. For the first time in months I knew what I wanted to do, with as much certainty as when I knew I wanted Perry's job.
On the Friday I drove out to the house to pick up Beth. It was the first time I'd been there in months. I noticed that we now had a 'For Sale' sign up, which meant that Rose was getting on with her work. I didn't go in, I didn't want to risk anything, so I just pipped my horn and Beth came out. She looked a million dollars. She was wearing the coat of her visit to Blindside, but I assumed she was slightly more conservatively dressed under it. She jumped into the car.
"Nice car. I remembered that I was rather disparaging of you getting a sports car. I'm sorry."
"Well this was a bit of luck really. Company car policy avoided all sports cars or specifically excluded them from some manufacturers, because of the higher insurance costs I guess. But they listed 'all BMWs', I guess from before the time BMW started making sports cars and then it was just a matter of cost for my status. So I asked for this. Charlie was a bit upset that I'd spotted the gap, but then he let me get away with it, he couldn't really say anything, it had said all BMWs were acceptable.
"Denny told me you got promotion. I assume that you got Perry's old job. What happened to him?"
"Axed." I said.
"Oh."
We chatted amicably all the way to The Lobster Pot. I was lucky and found a space in their too small car park. Normally they can't get all their patrons in. Beth handed her coat over, under it she was wearing a beautiful blue dress, I couldn't say much about style and material, but it was wonderfully too short, and I'm sure she had no bra on, her breasts seemed to move softly and tantalisingly. "You look gorgeous."
"Why thank you, kind sir. Actually, it was an extra birthday present from Daddy. When I told him you were taking me to dinner tonight he told me to go and buy a new dress, no expense spared. So I did, and he hasn't seen what no expense spared means yet."
We chose to sit at our table for our pre-dinner drinks. Once they arrived, we perused the menu and made our decisions. Once that was done, I thought there is no point in hanging around. I owed it to her to be clear as to whether this was just a friendly dinner for her birthday or something more.
"Beth, I haven't actually bought you a birthday present..."
She looked disappointed. "Oh, that's all right, Tim. I didn't really expect one."
At that point the waiter turned up to take our order. Once we had got that out of the way, I was about to start speaking again, when Beth held up her hand to stop me, and then the wine waiter turned up to take our wine order, she must have seen him approaching.
Once he was dealt with, I started again. "Beth, I would like for us to try again...."
Her eyes filled up with tears. She found her purse and opened it, by which time I was holding out my handkerchief. Once she had wiped her eyes I started yet again, "Beth, I would like for us to try again, but I've some plans and ideas that you will need to think about."
"OK, What plans." She was serious.
"Well, I think we should start with a damn good holiday. Somewhere where there's miles of soft white beaches and palm trees and sunshine at this time of year. I don't really care where, Seychelles, Caribbean, Bali wherever you fancy."
"I could manage that bit."
"Well I want that holiday to be the sexiest most passionate time we've had in a long time. We have some catching up to do, and I don't mean just the last few months, maybe before that we had lived a comfortable routine but without an eye on the ball."
"OK. And what else."
"Well, I've some very dirty ideas about the holiday, but I'll come back to that. Then I think we have got to just try to make it work. I know it won't be easy. There will be times when all the pain and all the hurt and even the anger will come back to me. To the point that I might not want to go on. But then again, you might decide that you don't want to go on trying to live with a man who gets angry and depressed and throws your mistake back at you, who makes horrid barbed comments just when you don't need them. And I know you've got a lot of pain and remorse to work out. It won't be easy, and we both have to accept that it might all come to a painful end."
"Oh I hope not. I'll do my best, I promise Tim."
"We both will. And then there will come a time when we both feel that we're over the worst. That we can look forward with confidence. I want to aim that we go back to Church just before my birthday, in April of early May say, and take our vows again." I didn't say 'and you'll have to try to keep them this time' which was the nasty barbed comment in my head, I had some learning of new habits to do. I went on "To make a fresh start. No one else has to be there, or just a few if we want them, but that we recommit ourselves to each other forever. But only after we know we really can do it this time and not just because we want to, like now."
"That's a lovely idea. Did you know that Denny and Phil intend to do that on their tenth wedding anniversary?"
"Yes. Or well Denny wants to and Phil is happy to do so was the way he explained it to me. But it was them that made me think of it. But then, on my thirty-first birthday, if all goes well, and one year late, I do want you to come off the pill. Only if you feel happy to, but I would really like us to have children once we both know we're over this problem."
"Well I won't promise that one now. But it would be lovely if we both felt that the time was right. And yes, I say yes to all your ideas. I do love you Tim. I'm so sorry for what I did." Her eyes began to fill again.
"Well your first lesson must be that you mustn't keep saying you're sorry. I don't want some doormat back. I want a feisty, confidant, very sexy, intelligent wonderful woman for my wife. Or do you think I deserve less?"
At that point, our starters turned up and our wine. Once the shuffling and arranging and formalities were over. She looked up "You're right. I'm sorry that I'm sorry, if you know what I mean. I don't want you leaving me out of boredom with my apologies."
"And there's another thing. You must either change your job, or at least go in to the office three or four days a week."
"I already do that. At first it was just to get away from Mummy and Daddy, but now it's because I'm living alone. I haven't got a desk there yet, but I am more part of the team. It's helping with the work too." She smiled.
Finally, I added my last condition "And you must think more about you, and how you're feeling. And you must talk to me. I'm not a believer in all the new age mumbo jumbo, but maybe some yoga or meditation or something. Just like the gym's been good for me. Even that, maybe the gym would be good for you too."
Again, she smiled. "Yes, I like that idea. You're right, I need to take a positive step to look after me."
We began eating in silence. My mind was racing on what I'd just done. I guess hers was too. But then she looked up "What were your dirty ideas about the holiday? I like the sound of that."
"You don't know what they are yet. I guess I'm picking up my cue from you the other weekend. I want us to go further, sex is so damned important to us. I guess it is to other folk, but I don't care about them. I don't want us to do anything you ever feel unhappy about, but I do want you to do everything that you feel vaguely OK with. For a start, I want to look at you and know you are mine, that even if I were a million miles away, you were ready for me, wanting me, needing me, sexually that is. I want you to wear dresses and skirts rather than trousers or shorts for the whole holiday. And I don't want you ever wearing panties under them. I want to look at you across a dining table like this and know that you are dressed to be available to me, to be mine at a moments notice. That you haven't even got a thin layer of lace or silk to cover yourself. And even if we're in a crowded tourist market, I want to be able to look at you from a distance and know you are ready and available and mine."
She looked a little shocked at the passion of my outburst. She looked around to make sure no one had heard me. But then she looked at me, leaned in across the table a bit and said "It might have its embarrassing moments, but I would like that too Tim. I'd be quite turned on knowing that I was dressed just for you. But can I ask another thing?"
"Do." I put my fork down, I'd finished my starter.
"I don't know how you want me to keep my pubes, and I'll keep them any way you want. But just for this holiday, may I please shave completely. I like the idea of being in the bathroom every day shaving myself smooth, just in case my man wants me. So, may I?"
"Wonderful. I love the idea. And I shall check for smoothness on a regular basis, probably hourly." I smiled.
"I love you, Tim. Thank you for everything; for taking me back; for working out the best way forward for us; for thinking I'm worth it." Her voice was breaking, and she dabbed her eyes "You'll have to excuse me a moment." and she stood and went off to the Ladies.
On her return, she leant in and gave me a small kiss on the cheek and handed me a small, pretty piece of blue silk and lace. God! I love this woman.
THE END
Epilogue:
About a month after we got back from the most wonderful holiday in Antigua, I had a phone call from Jean. It was time to make her movie.
I went over to her house on a Saturday. Beth wouldn't come, she was very quiet whenever I mentioned it, and didn't even get out of bed when I left for Jean's.
We made the movie, much as Jean had planned it with me all those month's ago at the Carlton. I did my bit to camera, but it took me two takes. And driving off in that Bentley was one of the hardest things I'd ever done in a car. It was so weird to drive compared to modern cars. Visibility was useless, it was a cross between a perfect limousine and a very crude tank to drive. I had great difficulty in crashing the gears on time, but with some careful editing the director thought he could cover that.
Eventually, I drove home, back to Blindside. I immediately put the car away in the garage below us. Freddy had already agreed to that, he loved the idea of a vintage Bentley that his tenant had 'inherited' being in his garage. But, with Beth as she was, I thought it best just to hide it away for the moment.
But then, on the Sunday morning, she was up first. "Come on, I've got to face it, let's go out for the day in that damned car." She dressed rather smartly I thought, and I was sure I felt the straps of a suspender belt when I held her. "Well, you have to dress up for a Bentley." Was her only comment. The suspenders were later confirmed when my wandering hand got as far as the stocking top as I drove along. But I couldn't do more, not and drive that machine.
We had a lovely steak lunch at a nice country hotel. Later, at Beth's request, we found a quite car park, high on a cliff, overlooking the sea. It was deserted at that time of the year, and anyway it was late afternoon and beginning to get dark. Then Beth said "Now I've got one more thing I must do." She got out of the car, walked round to the front, where she took off her dress, slowly and sexily, for my delectation, or so I thought. But under it she was wearing the most beautiful maroon and black lace lingerie. She slowly stripped herself of that, and walked up to the cliff edge and threw all three pieces over the edge and into the wind. Then slowly walked back to the car, and got into the back seat, still naked. "Well come on, or have you forgotten what back seats are for?"
We eventually got home, tired and happy. And it wasn't too late.
