Journal of a Journey - Book 115

She's heading home a little early from work today and I think we're going to head out to a local place for cocktails and appetizers before dinner seeing as both kids have abandoned us yet again this evening.

She surprised me when she told me she was going to take some time off tomorrow from work and spend it with Paul. She apologized for the short notice but said it took a while to confirm with her boss she can have the time off.

She did say that we'll have some fun later when she gets home.


Being denied bare intercourse with my wife isn't the end of the world for me, it is the beginning of a crazy world that turns me on so much. Maybe I'm vicariously living out my fantasies through her if I'd been a woman I’d surely have been a slutty one! Maybe I am in my mind making Suzanna become the hooker who fucked all of the frat pledges at that college party I went to where I just watched but was so taken by what I saw. To me, it just feels good to relinquish this, for now, I suppose it's like giving up something for Lent in a way, it makes you think more about it and savor it more.

All I know is that now that things are out in the open more it was wonderful to talk to Suzanna openly this morning about her giving Paul a holiday present all afternoon and her feeling free to tell me how horny she is for him and that she's been looking forward to this for a few days now. She then giggled and came over to me and kissed me and said, "it'll be fun to share it with you tomorrow night and tell you all about it".


She got home about 6 pm tonight and only our ******** was home and she has engrossed in Facebook or something on the computer. Suzanna motioned for me to follow her upstairs and when we got in the bedroom she more or less told me, "we're waiting till tomorrow, right?" When I confirmed she said, "Okay, then you can watch and we can talk for a bit while I get changed."

She proceeded to undress in front of me and when she got down to her bra and panties while looking through her closet she started to talk and said that she'd had a wonderful time today and giggled, "Paul was really happy to see me!"

I asked if he'd been anxiously waiting to see her again. She smiled at me in the mirror as she looked at me for a second and said that he was very horny and, "… we made love before lunch for the first time". She looked to gauge my reaction and when she saw that I just smiled at her she continued and said that she enjoys being at his place where she can enjoy him for a longer period.

She unclipped her bra, let it slide off her arms, and tossed it in the laundry hamper before standing back in front of her dresser picking out a t-shirt to pull on. She continuously glanced at me in the mirror and then said, "what?" when she realized I hadn't stopped staring. I told her simply that I liked seeing her get undressed and that I loved seeing her breasts and that it turned me on to think of Paul sucking and playing with them. She blushed a bit and smiled.

She pulled the t-shirt over her head and then reached under and pulled off her panties. When she looked up and saw me still staring at her she smiled and said, "okay....", pulled the t-shirt up to her waist and turned around for me, and said, "…. there, see my pussy ….". She picked out a pair of panties and before putting them on she walked over to me and pulled her shirt up one more time and said, "… see, up close.... and yes, I'm still wet .... now let me go wash up a little". With that, she left me sitting on the bed and walked into the bathroom, and smiled back at me knowing what I loved to watch.

She put one foot up on the toilet I watched her wipe all around her pussy before turning to me and teasing, "say goodnight till later" and pulling the panties up. She stepped into a pair of comfy lounge pants and then came to sit next to me on the bed where she kissed me as she felt my hard cock. A moment later she said, "This is so nice, I like being able to talk more openly with you like this sweetie". With that, she stood up and went over to the dresser and fussed around taking off her earrings and necklace before retrieving her rings from her jewelry box.

Thing was, this 'performance' was all a preamble to her getting around to what was really on her mind, that is, she tells me she and Paul were talking about the possibility of them spending the night together again and that they realized that it might not be till we are away skiing that it works out for them. She said that Paul was concerned about how I was going to be with them for the whole weekend seeing how they were today. She said that she agreed to talk with me about it but Paul was the one who asked if there was anything she could think of that would bring it about.

I cringed when she told me that she shared with him that long ago, when she was dating 'someone else' (I think she must have had Dan in mind) that sometimes I would masturbate a lot, like multiple times, to make it easier on me afterward if she was going to be doing something sexy.

She looked at me to gauge my reaction and said, "do you ever still do that, or you know, want to do that .... you know, where you tell me when we're done that you're drained or empty, however, you described it?" She put her hand on mine and said, "... do you remember that baby? It was when I first really started to like watching you do it....”

I nodded and said that I did remember (indeed, very well once she mentioned it) and that, no, I hadn't done that in a relatively long time. She leaned over towards me and kissed me and said, "I always thought it was sexy to watch you..... You remember?" and when I nodded she kissed me again and said, "maybe it would be a good thing to do for when we go away skiing? Would that make it easier on you?"

I told her I wasn't sure and that, in being honest with her said, "I don't know baby, I mean yeah, it was good, but.... how should I say this?" She prompted me with 'just tell me honey' and I said, "well, I kind of want to be a little horny when we are away".

That bought a smile to her face and she said, "I would love that honey, you know that I would love for you to enjoy yourself ... if you are okay with it...." After a brief pause, she added, "it'll just be you though, I'm not sure I'm going to feel right going into you and helping you or anything like that.... okay?".

I nodded and hugged her and I told her I loved her and that it felt good being able to talk to her. She hugged and kissed me back. After this talk, I had a big hard-on (nothing new, I mean my cock has been throbbing all day!) but I have to say that it feels so good to want her so much right now.

She stood up and made a move to go downstairs, leaving me sitting on the bed waiting for my cock to calm down but just before she went down she hugged and kissed me, felt my hard cock, smiled, and said, "mmmm, we're going to have our fun tomorrow night, honey".

I sat a while and the next thing I heard was her talking on the phone; it soon became clear it wasn't Paul she was speaking with but with her sister. Knowing that would take a while I waited a few minutes more to give my cock time to calm down before heading to the den to hang out with my ******** and maybe find something to watch on TV.

I should also mention that before I left the bedroom I did check in the hamper and loved the feeling of anticipation when I opened the top of the hamper and found her panties she'd taken off. Yes, the crotch was still quite damp and chalky white around the edges where it'd dried already; from the size of the stain, no wonder she wanted to clean up a bit. I held them to my face and inhaled, delicious!


Suzanna said Paul felt weird with me jerking off while I'm with them, not that he thought it was weird for me to want to do it but that he is a little self-conscious in a way. She said that he'd mentioned it, not that he'd made a big deal about it. I am indeed less involved with them when all 3 of us are together and I am also sure it's more Suzanna's doing than Paul’s. I am thinking that earlier on, Paul wasn't (and neither was I) aware of my beta/cuckold desires so I also think a part of his inclusion of me was from his view of me needing to be involved to make it work with Suzanna. Just a thought.


I am quite sure that she is working on making sure that she feels confident that I'll be comfortable when we're away next month. She's sharing more about what they do together and revealing more of that in the time they're together (so far at least) so I suppose it's her way of making sure things go well. It's interesting as it answers a lot of the questions I have about what exactly they do together when they're alone. In a way, I'm glad it's this more playful open interaction than something where they may spend a lot of time in bed or emotionally closer.

She's in the shower right now and we have plans to go out to dinner (reservations made months ago) and then come home to an empty house. She teased me went into the shower and turned to face me naked and pointed to her pussy said, "I'll give this a once-over so you can have some fun later." I understood her to mean that she was going to tidy up and give it a closer shave for me later as I thought I could see some 5-o-clock shadow!! But seriously, she's already told me that tonight is for us and that we can talk more later.


It is just wonderful to have a satisfied wife. It may sound weird but I loved seeing her when she comes home and even more, I think that her feeling she could share her pleasure with me was nice. She was all aglow when she came in and told me several times that she 'needed that' and that Paul was quite passionate with her. I joked with her that after a week without her he must have been quite horned up. She giggled and said that she knew that too before she left.

What was quite erotic was when she coaxed me (without much effort) to follow her into the bedroom. She stopped me before we did anything and she said that she didn't want to have sex at the moment but wanted to let me have some fun with her and 'have a little of what she had'. She told me I could always masturbate if I wanted but then was quite clear when she said that she was going to want to have sex with me later today (Sunday) so if I wanted to wait that was also okay.

I told her that was fine and I was quite happy to wait and that I love undressing her after she's come home, how it is so much of a turn-on like a first date when I don't know what I'll find underneath her clothes. She giggled and said that was an erotic thing to tell her and that it made her feel wonderful about letting me undress her.

I helped her take her top off and then as I unclasped her bra she told me openly how Paul had sucked at her breasts for a long time earlier and how he loves that when he can get her aroused, that when he suckles and gently chews on her nipples how wet her pussy will get. It turned me on to hear her tell me that and I told her how it turned me on that she was so intimate with him and how it turned me on to share or even give that to him. She blushed at some of what I said and told me she loved me many times as I worked my way down to her lying there just in her panties. She teased me several times spreading her legs and letting me see the dark spot on the panties between her legs as I moved to slide them off of her she said in a sexy voice, "it felt like he came a lot tonight baby.... I hope that's okay with you" and then I heard her giggle as if saying, 'obviously it is'.

Indeed she was still quite wet and, my god, her pussy was just so soft, tender, and just a little puffy. I kissed my way down her body and she let me take a few moments at her breasts but she hurried me along after that down to her pussy and as I began to lick at just the outside she started to tease me again, telling me how much she enjoyed fucking him. I moaned back eagerly so that I could tell just what she was saying.

Again, as with the last few times, she didn't tell me I couldn't suck at her pussy and as I began to run my tongue up from her ass up to and through her spread pussy, up to her button, each time she would moan louder and louder, put her hand on my head and guide me back down. After the 3rd or 4th time, she held my head just so my tongue was inside her pussy and it was clear she wanted me to lick and suck at her, so I did.

No, it didn't gush out at me but there was a LOT of Paul's cum in her and at some point, I even looked up at her and told her over a moan, "it sure seems like he was happy to see you." She got up on her elbows and looked back at me and said that "Yeah, he'd fucked me twice." She pulled her knees back as she looked down at me and asked me, "do you like that baby; tasting his stuff inside me?"

I nodded and moaned an 'uh huh' back as an answer; she moaned herself and said, "mmm, it's been so long now since your stuff has been in me, hasn't it?"

Fuck, did that get me horny (I almost reached for my cock to stroke it but I resisted)I just told her back, "yeah, it has …" and saying that nearly made me cum without even touching myself. I pulled my face from her pussy and looked up at her and just said, "…. almost 8 months now I think."

My god, did that make her moan. I licked her once again, her eyes closed, her head tilted back and a moment later she lay back and began thrusting her pussy up towards my mouth. I fucked it with my tongue as best as I could and reached up to hold one of her breasts and gently caressed her nipple. I moved my other hand to rub her pussy and clit as I licked. As I made contact with her pussy with my left hand I pulled it open a bit more (she later told me she felt so incredible at that, how my tongue seemed to fill her), and with that, she let out a squeal and a gush of wetness sprayed from her pussy. A little bit of Paul's semen was mixed in but, my god, she'd cum herself and it sprayed all over me as I pulled my face back.

She shook on the bed for a moment as I held her tightly in my arms and I kept licking at her as best as I could. My cock was rock-hard and I will say that I felt a really strong alpha urge to push her legs apart and just climb up on top of her but at the same time, tasting what was now Paul's cum continuing to dribble out of her supplemented by her orgasm and the muscular contractions pushing it out, I have to say that the urge to climb up onto her faded very quickly. Instead, I reveled in the feeling of wanting her so much and knowing my cock was at the bursting point; yet knowing that she wanted me to wait till today.


Well, it's today and she's already told me several times including kissing me and cupping my cock several times that we are, "going to have some fun later" I noticed that the bottle of champagne had moved from the liquor cabinet into the refrigerator for later tonight. She hasn't mentioned it but I already know that she wants to make tonight very erotic and fulfilling for both of us but more for me because I do remember that she's already told me that I won't be having anything sexual with her after today until after we get home from next weekend. I intend to enjoy myself thoroughly with her.

I will also say that again, she seems to be taking more and more control. Not just from her essentially choreographing last night but now I see it at other times too. Like this morning, she had taken a shower and while I'd watched her undress and get into the shower (I had been busy with something else while she washed) when she came out she let me watch her dry off and primp in front of the mirror. When I turned away and then turned back the bathroom door was closed. I walked over to it and opened it and she was sitting on the toilet peeing. She looked at me and said coldly, "would you mind giving me some privacy".

I stood there for a moment and said, "you don't mind when Paul watches you?"

She looked at me and said, "it's different with him honey, it's sexy when he does it...." She paused, still sitting there, and then said, "...sorry, but I don't want it to be sexy with you ... you understand, right?”

I did; I knew what she meant and in my head, I immediately knew it. Without saying anything more to her I turned and half-closed the door. I heard her pee, then flush and all I could think was just as she'd said, 'beta's don't cum in their wives' was her saying was 'beta's don't watch their wives pee either!'

The bathroom door opened; she didn't say anything, just walked naked by me, gave me a peck on the cheek, and said, "thank you honey" as if it were nothing.


Wow, that is all I can say; last night was just spectacular. She was very into it with me and spent quite a long time sucking my cock as I stood next to the bed all the while she lay there with her legs spread letting me the finger and play with her spread pussy. She teased me, asking me if she still felt wet from her lover, at times teasing me, "how does Paul's pussy feel?" and then telling me, "it is his baby, I mean he is in it so much more than you are, isn't he honey?!"

It was amazing. She sucked my cock and licked at my balls, caressing them while teasing me, " … how much you just need to cum knowing and thinking about where I was yesterday....” She told me she could taste my pre-cum and then looked up and asked me, " …. unless you want to use one of your coupons and cum like this..." as she sucked me.

I told her honestly that from how her pussy felt with my fingers that even with the condom on I wanted to feel her and cum in her. She cooed, "I'd love that baby" and asked if I wanted to lick her before getting my cock into her, teasing that maybe she'd still 'taste like Paul'.

I lay next to her on the bed and we moved into a 69 and, sure enough, she still tasted tart and I told her so.

She waited and watched as I pulled the condom on and when I began to push into her she continued her teasing and told me, "he came a lot in me, yesterday baby … " and then added, " … he's going to do that next weekend too... I just want you to be ready baby..." She moaned loudly as I slid into her and said, "I thought that might turn you on..." and I realized she could feel my cock start to throb and grow inside her as I felt her seem to be a bit tighter. We soon got into a rhythm and I was more than ready to go and I think she knew it.

We moved effortlessly into the doggy position and seeing her kneeling at the edge of the bed now pulling her pussy open, I had the vision of seeing her do this only it being Paul behind her who was about to fuck her, only now it was my turn. She grunted into the pillow as she hunched her butt up into the air and snuggled back against me as I pushed into her. I could feel her body tense as she felt me in as she moaned into the pillow again.

We went at it for a while and she orgasmed several times, once when she felt my hands around her body and pulling and caressing her breasts and nipples, another when I reached around and rubbed her clit as I filled her. I'm even going to say that in some ways I felt almost alpha-like but the reality is that my arousal was so heightened when I'd look down each time I'd pull out of her and see the glistening condom between us. Wow, did that so turn me on to see?

We went back to her favorite missionary position and she started teasing me, "How long it's been since you've been in me, bare baby? Oh yeah, it's almost 8 months now."

I told her that I was still incredibly turned on by everything and (not in those exact words) I told her how it turned me on to be reminded and know what we were doing.

I'm not sure if she was convinced for as I continued to fuck her she said she was a little concerned and told me, "I just want to be sure you're okay for next weekend …." adding matter-of-factly, "you know we fuck a lot when we're together...."

It was like a lightning bolt through me hearing her talk like that and a moment later she added, "it's not like he or I cum every time, but you know, sometimes it's just fun to fuck....".

I knew exactly what she'd meant by it and I recalled that we too did that in the past, lying in bed sometimes I'd just push my semi-hard cock into her and we'd just enjoy knowing I was in her. Other times I know I'd get her to cum and she'd always love to see me pull out of her still hard knowing I would just want her again later on. I guess I was lost in thought for a bit when she said, "I hope you're going to be okay if we get into it like that"

I asked her plainly, "is that how you are when you're alone with him?"

A moment later she nodded and said a soft, "yes".

I would like to say it was just her saying 'yes' that set me off but in reality, it was everything in my head; she said later on, "wow, that was sudden how it came over you" and I had to agree.

Hearing her 'yes' seemed to set off a chain of events, my cock was rock-hard and I truly did enjoy fucking the life out of her for a few moments and hearing her scream beneath me. I finally let go with what felt like a geyser and she came along with me, genuinely cumming deep and hard.


Even after enjoying our Wednesday night fun together, I am still feeling quite wired and increasingly anxious about the weekend. The storm isn't due to hit here till Saturday so we will be fine going up before then and coming home afterward, it isn't expected to go all that far north.

She has not seen Paul for quite a few days and won't till we arrive Friday afternoon but tonight, while enjoying her fun with me, she was quite animated and again, talking very openly with me. She told me she was getting quite anxious herself and said she enjoyed being able to tell me that knowing it's what I want for her. I told her it was and that I wanted to see her feeling as comfortable as she could and that it was going to turn me on to be able to be there and see her letting herself go. She said that it wasn't like they are all crazy, " … well, maybe, sometimes....”

It was so sexy hearing her talk like that and her knowing that I wanted to know how she was feeling. She teased me that I didn't have to run off to my bedroom if I was feeling horny and just asked that I keep it to myself. She reminded me that I shouldn't be expecting much if any interaction sexually with her although she did add, "I can maybe try to come in and tease you a little." She giggled when she saw my cock start to bob up and down all on its own as she told me.

It was while I was getting into really stroking my cock that she said she'd been reading some stuff online, a 'confession' that answered some of my questions about what was going on with her. She said that it seemed like it was true, that when I know she's just been with Paul, that I seem to cum more, that, "the condom just seems to have more in it those times." She asked me if I had heard about this.

I told her what I understood, the psychology of feeling like I need to compete knowing that Paul came in here earlier. She said, "yeah, that's it ..." and how she'd just read about it and how she'd started to notice it. She looked at me and asked me, "is it better for you then?”

It was just such a nice very truly curious question but it was also so erotic to me at the same time to hear her say it. I nodded and told her yes, that it was exactly what it was all about and that sometimes it turned me on. She smiled and said something like, "guys are so easy to figure out" and she kissed me.

She teased me a bit more but to be honest, I was already on edge from everything, and then hearing her tell me how she was looking forward to having 'time with Paul' and how she hoped it turned me on too.

That got me going and I listened closely and curiously when she told me that she'd been 'coaching Paul too'. I asked her what she meant by that and she smiled and said with a giggle, "to not be so concerned about you and to just worry about looking after me!"

That did so confirm what I'd been thinking earlier, that she's enjoying her newfound control over both of us. As an example, I think back to the 'naked-tickle-chase' and I am thinking she was likely the one who may have started it and she was surely the one who decided to run down to where I was.

I have to say that I am still getting used to this but it does seem she feels empowered to enjoy some of her desires. It's a little scary but at the same time, Wow.


We have rented a 2-bedroom condo. If it's in the same complex as we've rented before then there is 1 bedroom with an en-suite bathroom and that will be where Suzanna and Paul will be staying. The 2nd bedroom doesn't have an attached bathroom but there is a 2nd bathroom off the entry hallway. There is a hot tub, not in the unit itself but attached, and shared with the complex; swimsuits are required. Regarding privacy, it has already been made very clear that if they are in their room and have the door closed, then I know I'm not wanted; otherwise, at least so far, when the door is open I'm welcome to be with them.

It's eerie and surreal to be sitting here working knowing what will be happening in just another day or so. I say eerie and surreal because, in a way, I want to see and be with them.


I'm laughing at what I wrote last night and a memory of something I wrote related to Suzanna's observation of me seeming to cum more at times. I remember reading (likely what she found too wherever she is looking online) that when the male knows or believes his partner has been with another man, he produces more sperm. The thing that made me laugh is what else the article said, that it's an instinctive response and that the male doesn't know that a condom is being used anyway!


Time to put the book away and cap my pen. I'll not bother to take my journal with me, I'll just have to hope that my memory will be good enough to remember the details of how the weekend panned out when we get back home again next week.