Journal of a Journey - Book 111

This weekend was a good example of spontaneity and surprises. I thought that perhaps we'd wouldn't be bothering with answering the door to the Halloween trick-or-treaters and that I'd have some time to maybe join them once Paul got here, but she surprised me and asked me (well, more told me) they wanted to be alone. She added that that we wouldn't be having sex that night but told me that if I took good care of the trick-or-treaters, we'd have some time on Sunday. (I joked with her afterwards that her screams and moans at times sounded like Halloween sounds!)

Paul arrived and we only talked for a few minutes, mainly generalities. I have a feeling that unless we see each other and interact more, that its' going to remain semi-awkward between us in short situations like this. However I'm reaching the point where I think I may need to open things up with him a bit more.

I am continuing to be surprised at how enjoyable it is with Suzanna by taking it more as something we should enjoy together more and not feel anxious about but, for now, it was pleasantries and generalities along with a bit of innuendo when I told him that she'd be down soon and that she was getting ready for him.

Knowing they wanted to be alone, I gave them their space and kept myself busy.

It was equally quick when he left and I went up to find the bedroom door now open. The aroma of sex and sweat permeated the room, an almost sweet smell. She was braless but had pulled panties on before I came in and we had some time together. I lay on the bed and could see and feel her breasts were so warm and still flushed from her excitement. We kissed and she told me that they'd been at it almost the whole time. We spooned and hugged and as I lay next to her I knew she could feel how hard my cock was but I also knew she didn't want it and wouldn't be paying attention to it at all. It was another clear point where my relaxing about it instead of focusing on it really made them moment just so nice.

I told her that it really turned me on and that I loved holding her like I was and at the same time know that Paul had cum in her not too long before. She snuggled back and said ,"twice". I'm quite sure she felt my cock throb but I knew that moment wasn't for me, it was just more of her night with him so instead, I hugged her back and I told her honestly that I was glad she'd had that with him.

I didn't share the more explicit thought of her wet pussy lips being just thin layers of fabric away from me. I was horny and I would have loved to have fucked her right then, but at the same time, it just felt good to go with it and to know that the next day she'd be hopefully making it good for me. I can't explain how it felt but it felt good to be horny for her.


It wasn't till last night that she told me she loved how I was with her the night before. We kissed and I can honestly say I felt her desire for me without a doubt. I really think the way I was with her on Saturday night really did help things.

She told me how she liked being alone with Paul and reminded me that it's the first time she'd done so in a long time. I did remind her he'd spent the night here several times alone with her, but I knew what she meant.

I told her that in some ways I really liked coming up to her after he'd left and finding her in bed looking and feeling so beautiful. She blushed a bit deeper when I told her that I loved finding her like that, so vulnerable and still feeling so intimate and warm all over.

As we kissed and I ran my hands all over her I told her that it turned me on to know how she was when we were together the night before and that she'd been with him just before. There was no doubt of how she felt with me at that moment; she wanted me and it felt really nice. She stroked my cock as I played with her body and when we moved into a 69 during foreplay she told me how she could taste the precum each time she'd suck my cock; I told her that I could still taste Paul's cum in her pussy which made her moan.

It felt really good to just do what she'd said, enjoy it and not feel so uptight about it. We moved back into the missionary position and I told her that knowing she was still wet from him that it'll be a great lubricant for me.

She smiled and moaned and as I got ready to have her myself told me she loved hearing that. Again, by instinct she reached down and felt my cock and she looked at me and said, "wow, I never saw you put it on" referring to the condom. I told her that I opened it and took it out of the foil before I lay on the bed so all I had to do was quickly roll it on. As I rubbed my covered cock up and down her pussy slit I told her that I was already hard.

She got up on her elbows and looked at my cock through the sort of latex and said that she loved that I was doing this for her. As I rubbed it around her pussy I told her I was doing it for me too that and I looked at her and told her that, ".... it just turns me on that I don't get to feel you...."

With that I pushed partway into her but I wasn't being honest, it wasn't true, I do feel her, just not bare. In that moment last night when I told her honestly that it was for me, my god, did it feel so good to admit it.

The polyurethane condoms are very good at letting me feel her, but we both know that it's not bare-skin. I was so swollen and hard as she looked down at my covered cock pushing into her. I surely would have loved to have felt her slickness against my bare cock but at the same time, I simply can't find the words to describe how turned on I was at not feeling that. She was pretty well lubricated and once I was in her, I slid in pretty much effortlessly with just her moaning for me to 'go slower'; it was the only thing I heard.

When I was half-way in she pushed her hand against my chest and stopped me saying she needed a minute and that, "You feel huge to me baby". Maybe it's the new state I feel with her, but I too thought I felt huge in her … or is it just in our minds.

Then the teasing began, she asked me what she asked before, "… does it feel any different in there baby? You know, Paul's shaped different than you...".

Only this time it was my turn to tease back and my answers were maybe a bit more open when I told her, "you do feel more loose baby … he's stretching you out inside". I'm sure she had her own thoughts in her head and that's what she wanted to hear for she responded quite beautifully as we got more and more into it with her thrusting herself upward at me to take me in even deeper.

It took only a few moments of my thrusting before she came hard and almost immediately afterwards, for me to let go with my own dose of pleasure. She squealed and her eyes opened a bit wide as she heard my grunt as I finally came in her. At first I thought maybe the condom had broken or something based on her eyes and face, but as we lay there afterwards she felt me softening and she reached down to hold the condom in place while she slid my now soft cock out of her pussy.

We'd both cum pretty hard which a bit of a surprise for I had sort of figured from the start she wasn't going to be into having her own huge orgasm. It was pretty funny when she pulled up her hand from between us with the condom in her hand in an almost triumphant gesture!

That wasn't the end of it, she held the condom in her hand and she said how warm and how it felt sort of thicker and not runny! She told me again how incredible she felt to hold it in her hand (her eyes even fluttered a bit), how erotic it felt to, "hold my husband's cum in my hand" with the obvious implication of it not being elsewhere.

I looked at her and told her what I was thinking, that it turned me on like crazy to know that I haven't cum in her except for those few times earlier this year.

It was a really close moment, we were naked and kissing and hugging in bed and she told me that it really turned her on too. I told her what I've written here, that there were so many times I so wanted her, but that this moment where we were together and being so open and honest with each other, was just the best feeling. I told her that it felt good for me to not cum in her and that while I really did miss it, that at the same time sharing a moment like we were and from how I felt; that what I had in terms of pleasure and satisfaction and love for her far outweighed the tiny increased pleasure saying as. I held her hand with the condom in it, " … that leaving this inside you would have given me".

We kissed, I told her that I loved what we were doing and as we drifted off to sleep I wondered, will she actually be horny for me on Wednesday as she's now planning for Paul to come here next weekend?

I don't know. Even she gets confused at times about when she thinks it would be better to have sex with me.


The plan as of now is that he's coming over tomorrow afternoon and is likely spending the night.

We've discussed things and she's very happy that we've reached this point where she can openly share her excitement at being together with him and him with me. She's been encouraging me to tell her how I feel when I see them having sex together, and I have to say that it's been very satisfying not feeling self-conscious about telling her that I enjoy seeing him fucking her and that I enjoy waiting my turn for her.

She in turn has been incredibly appreciative, and has told me several times how special she feels when she sees/feels/finds-out that I've not even asked her or made her really aware of me putting on and using a condom with her. She says that it makes being with me much more relaxed and pleasurable for her knowing this 'edge' is there with us when we have sex, that it turns her on very much to know that I am truly giving her something special to share with Paul.

It felt weird but I am getting more comfortable with telling her that it's something that really touches me and gives me the craziest feelings. The look in her eyes and how she'll hold my hand when we're talking, sitting on the porch with a glass of wine as we did last night, that says these moments are really close for us both and in a way, incredibly intimate.


She’s off for a mani-pedicure which she says always makes her feel sexy and horny. I never thought much about it but I guess when she's with him, that most times all she is 'wearing' is her nail polish so I guess it makes sense!

She's already told me that I will not be having her later tonight and that while I can always watch if I want, she warned me earlier that later on tonight that she'd like to be alone with him. She said she hoped I'd be okay with that and then smiled and said that I can certainly have her tomorrow as Paul will likely be leaving early to get in yet another round of golf. I sensed she was kind of annoyed at that but I guess from his point of view it's a lucky thing to even be able to be playing at this time of year!


We again have purchased a number of ski-lift tickets in advance and we're now looking at the calendar to see when we might use them. She's already told me again that this year that she'd like it if Paul could stay and maybe ski with us. She pointed out that it's been a year now and she thinks I'm getting more comfortable with everything and with him now staying over somewhat regularly again, that it's not such a big deal if they sleep together when we're away too. When we talked she told me that it'd be nice if I could join them sometimes too for some fun when we're away but she also added that she would still want some alone time too.

I admit I had some angst kinds of feelings but I also knew that she wanted me to focus on the positive and to not feel so anxious so I went along with the good thoughts of the 3 of us having fun together and me maybe getting to fuck her while we're away. Given her hints, I told her that I thought it'd be a lot of fun. She really seems to be liking that I am trying to be more open minded and put my concerns behind my arousal.


I guess maybe it's something natural, I don't know, but in my mind I want her to come home, to feel sexy and be relaxed for later. It's kind of weird that I find myself doing little chores so that she doesn't have, like picking stuff up around the house as I did just a few minutes ago before I sat down here. That is a strange feeling, to not even recognize or notice that I really am leaning towards enjoying being the beta even when I don't know it.

I have to say that when I was in the bathroom putting some stuff away, that it also struck me when I saw her razor and shaving-gel in the shower, it gave me a moment to pause and think that we're going into the 2nd winter in a row now where she's keeping her pussy bare for Paul. I’m wondering if she might have done a little touch up like this when she was away with him last month.

Fuck, I'm hard yet again.


Paul arrived about 6:30pm on Friday night and he brought with him a banquet of Chinese food. He'd called beforehand and we'd told him what we wanted. I found a bottle or two of wine which started the evening off nicely.

After dinner we sat around and talked and as the wine sank in, Suzanna slowly moved towards him on the couch (not sure if she even realized it) and we talked about going skiing together. She and I had talked ahead of time and we agreed that we would only schedule one trip with him for early in the season (January) and see how it goes with him staying and skiing with us instead of him going off with his friends for the daytime.

She said as far as she was concerned skiing was something that she and I did together and that she wanted it to remain that way, so her thinking was that it would only be once or twice that he might go with us. I will say that when we talked about it she asked me how I liked it last time and I told her that it was very erotic seeing and being with them for 2 nights in a row and knowing they were having so much sex.

She giggled and, as if she suddenly remembered it, said with a sexy voice, "oh yeah, I get horny when we ski, don't I?"

They started to make out on the couch in the living room which I took as a cue to leave them alone for a little bit. I made some noise as I returned to alert them and I could tell by her face that she was horny and that he'd likely had his hands all over her already. It was then that I remembered that she hadn't seen him in a week which explained their eagerness!

Suzanna came to me as she led Paul upstairs and told me she'd like some alone time with him and then I could come up. She patted my hard cock and whispered, "you'll get your turn on Sunday."

I went up maybe 15-20 minutes later and it seems I always walk in on them when he is going down on her. I stood there in the darkened hallway for a few minutes watching the two of them. She was sucking on his cock but not in earnest, she was too busy enjoying his tongue licking her clit to care, but she did open her eyes and see me and smiled when she saw me that I was eagerly watching. A moment later she closed her eyes and lay back against her pillow. It was obvious she had left the bedroom door open as she wanted me to watch.

I stayed in the doorway long enough to see them move and for Paul to notice me. He kind of acknowledged me with a 'hey Stef' before he turned back to kissing and caressing Suzanna. It's seems he's oblivious to me in a way.

As they kissed I saw her hands on his cock while his fingers were playing with her pussy and it's clear that he's aware of what really turns her on. I moved closer as he played with her pussy and watched as he'd gently spread her pussy lips apart and how he'd just touch her gently around the edge of her swollen lips. From where I stood, I could see her spasming in response and each time, more wetness would coat his fingers which he would then rub all around her clit using both fingers to pinch it gently and then making her moan loudly as he more firmly rubbed the little button. All the while though his fingers never penetrated her, he'd rub and gently touch and tease all around her pussy making it ooze wetness the whole time but he'd never push his finger in. He'd gently touch her butt teasing her rosebud which also made her moan deeply, but he'd then go right back to alternating between teasing her pussy and all around the hood of her clit.

I know I've watched him before but this was the first time I think I really watched and felt good about it. That he was able to elicit such response from her was really beautiful although I also noticed that his cock was so swollen and Suzanna's grip was so hard that I was worried she might tear the head off it!

Not much later he moved into position and I don't think either of them remembered I was standing there as he penetrated her for the first time. She squealed and, man, did my cock ache at seeing how he pushed at her a few times and then, as if it were nothing, he just pushed firmly and popped right into her. She gasped when she felt it and her eyes opened wide at it but I don't think she saw anything.

I so wanted to jerk-off but at the same time I knew I wanted to wait until Sunday to have her. At that moment, I knew I would have to wait for her and was content staying there watching. It was almost difficult to keep my mind under control and to keep myself from getting too lost and into it. I have to say that watching him begin to fuck her, watching him slowly pull his cock out of her and seeing it seem to keep coming out of her was just totally erotic; hearing her moan as she must have felt the fullness when he was pulling out but not all the way. Hearing her gasp and squeal again as he pushed into her for that second time was just beautiful. I'm not sure of how else to describe what can only be described as intense pleasure in how she sounded.

They fucked hard for a while and Paul started to talk to her about how much he'd missed her this past week and how much he needed to feel her right then. If she could have pulled her legs back any more she could have been in the circus as she gave herself to him while I watched. She'd cum several times by the time I realized that a really big one was approaching and at the same time I thought that Paul hadn't cum yet and I wondered if he knew. Sure enough, a few minutes later he kept going at her as he let out a loud moan and, so erotic, he didn't stop as he came in her. I could tell he'd cum when the wetness on his cock clearly changed from a clear slippery wetness to the thick whitish cum that coated it after he'd moaned.

I was in a daze standing there when I realized they'd finished. It was obvious that neither were going to pay any attention to me and as I'd already put some spare clothes and such in the guest-room, I left them alone and went back downstairs. It wasn't more than maybe 15 minutes later that I heard the bedroom door upstairs close and then I heard the click of it being locked.


I spent a fitful Saturday night trying to sleep with a hard-on every time I heard noises (and I did hear them). I also knew that they would likely fuck before he left early on Sunday to get in his round of golf. Perversely, I thought that actually I didn't blame him as the weather forecast was really awesome and, as Suzanna had shared, him having sex with her beforehand seemed to improve his golf-game!

So, when I awoke to hear them going at it on Sunday morning, I wasn't surprised. My only regret was that instead of going downstairs to make the coffee that I didn't go and peek in and seen them in the midst of all the rumpled bedclothes after having spent the night together.

That image always gets to me and Suzanna joked with me later, when I told her of my disappointment, that sometimes she thinks it's the non-sexual stuff that gets me more worked up than the sex itself!

As I waited for the coffee to brew I heard commotion in the bathroom and then heard the shower come on. Paul came downstairs maybe 20 minutes later all dressed and ready to go that confirmed he actually was leaving. We talked for a bit and he said that he'd really enjoyed his night and he thanked me for being a great guy. I told him what I'd said the night before at one point, that I was comfortable with him enjoying sex like he does with Suzanna and that it was something I enjoyed.

I had the coffee ready and I poured him a cup to take with him and as he was getting the last of his stuff together Suzanna came down from the bedroom in her bathrobe and gave him a hug and a kiss before she went down to the front door with him. From where I stood I could see that she opened her robe for him as they kissed and his hands were visible inside it. As he turned to go she pulled the robe shut and came back to me.

The front door closed and she smiled and said she was going back to bed and that I should bring up a cup of coffee and come up with her. Before I could say anything, I guess it was the look on my face, she giggled and opened her robe and let me see what Paul had just enjoyed, her naked body beneath. She pulled her robe back around and tied it and said she'd be upstairs in bed.

It was very erotic walking in and seeing her under the covers and the robe now lying on the floor and she told me she was still all warm all over if I wanted to cuddle up. I jumped at the opportunity; I slipped off my lounge pants and went to get in bed but as I did she said, "Uh, can we wait till later though baby, I'd just rather wait till this afternoon if you don't mind".

In that instant I realized she wanted to still enjoy having been with Paul so I gave a reluctant 'OK' but as I slid in under the covers I have to say that it felt very intensely sexual to know that I was lying where Paul had slept next to her in my side of the bed. The thought really turned me on and I told her so. She giggled and as I pulled up close to her she reached her hand out and felt my hard cock in my boxers and she said, "mmm, I promise you can have me later baby".

She felt so warm and cuddly and she let me run my hands all over her. Her breasts felt wonderful and her nipples were so hard. She let me touch the outside of her pussy and even let me feel that she was still wet further down lower but then she asked me to not penetrate her with my fingers just yet and promised that I could have her later again. I think she was really building me up …. and it was working.

We talked while we sipped some coffee and she told me how wonderful the sex had been with Paul and how he'd missed her and that sort of stuff. I joked that he must have had quite the load of cum for her and she giggled, "that's why I want you to wait till later".

As we talked I told her that it had turned me on all night long to think about him cumming in her. She smiled at that and teased me and said, "take a look if you want" and pulled the blanket and sheet up away from her, turned to me and spread her legs a little to let me see that she was wet, she spread her legs a wider and when her pussy opened just a little, it looked very wet inside. She only allowed me a couple of seconds to look before she put her legs back together and rolled back into spooning with me. I told her honestly that it was driving me crazy to be so close to her knowing her pussy was full of his cum and that I had to wait for later to have her.

I don't know how long she tormented me before I couldn't take it anymore and I got out of bed. I felt like a teenager as I stood there next to the bed with my cock was sticking straight out of my boxers bobbing away. She walked over, bent down and kissed the head of my cock and said, "later" and then turned and walked toward the shower.

The teasing continued through until mid afternoon when I came back into the house from working out in the backyard to find her waiting in the living room for me. She knew I'd been working on moving some stuff around behind our shed (she was very appreciative since her planting/gardening stuff was always difficult to get to until I'd moved things around) and she asked, "is my big sweaty worker ready to have some fun with me".

I took that as an invitation to stop working so I went upstairs and showered myself and when I came out from the bathroom she was lying in bed with some lingerie on and she said, "how about it being our turn now?”

I was surprised that she was being so amorous with me but nonetheless, grateful. I went over and stood by the side of the bed so that she could see my reaction. She giggled that she had liked that I'd left her alone with Paul the night before and she said, "you must be ready for me by now, huh baby?" With that she reached down and under the towel she felt my cock which was already stiffening as well as touching and trailing her fingers over my heavy balls.

She teased me about all they'd done the night before and how she was still, "wanting a little bit more". We got into bed and she encouraged me to go down on her as long as I took it gently. She was so swollen and puffy and ever so sweet and tart tasting that it was just incredible.

She made no comment as I proudly reached for and pulled on a condom and with us both staring to see just how big and hard my cock was (the condom felt very tight!).

Finally, it was my turn and she really encouraged me to, "have what you need baby …. I’ll be there for you".

She sure was and she moaned as my condom-covered cock slid into her pussy that was still slick from the remains of Paul's cum!


As part of our newfound openness and honesty, Suzanna has told me that while she really does orgasm with me and doesn't fake it, even times I can get her to really keep going after I cum when she seems to sometimes really get off. She said (admitted?) that I should still know that it's not the same without her actually feeling me cum inside her. I think I surprised her when I told her that I knew that and even more when I said that it was something that turned me on, that he would give her that and I don't right now.

When we talked about it she asked me about how that made me feel and I told her that it was something that really turned me on and I told her outright that only Paul cumming in her was something that made me just incredibly aroused and horny all the time.

Some of this again came up in the past day or so when we had some time together and she told me she was seeing him again tonight. She asked me if we could just accept this as part of what seems to turn us both on and not get all worked up about it and when I agreed, she asked me if she could tease me about it and how that would make me feel. I told her that we could try it.

She started by teasing and saying, "how wet I feel" and then later on when I was really getting close she started to say things like, "only Paul gets to feel me bare though" and, "too bad you can't really feel it".

Well, that was it, so intense to hear her say that and at the same time feel her warmth all around my cock and that it just did such things in my mind that when I finally came , wow, it was crazy how awesome it felt. I don't know if was just feeling like we could talk openly and being all turned on by it all or what, but when I pulled out of her even I was proud of how much cum was in the condom.

She pulled it off of me and she once again held it in her hand and told me how warm and thick it felt, there was just no doubt from the look in her eyes about how she felt holding it in her hand like that. She pulled me to her and we kissed and hugged and she told me how much she loved me.

How could I be upset with her for wanting to go to him again tonight? (She says that she doesn't want to be staying overnight though.)


After our time on Sunday she asked me if sometimes I would like to 'play with her' when she comes home from being with Paul. I gave her an eager 'yes'and she said that she would try to let me have some fun like that but she immediately added that "I'm not going to want to have sex with you"; that she liked to keep the feeling of being with Paul with her and not to be replaced by me. She also added that's why she's not really been into it in the past and she suggested that maybe I could just enjoy her but not necessarily make her cum.

I joked back, "yeah, like you'd ever not want that" and she giggled and said it was how she felt then …. but that I was probably right.


I am sure Paul knows most things of what goes on between Suzanna and I but I also know she hasn't told him everything and it's very clear that her way of interacting with me, what she'll say or do when Paul is with her, is different than what she'll do when it's just the two of us. An example of that is when we're alone she'll extol about how wonderful Paul feels in her and all of that, but when we're together with him, even when they're fucking, she has never 'teased' me; never looked at me and said anything like 'see what he gets and you don't'. It's always just things like, "it's so good" so I guess you'd say she's never denigrating towards me and, at least in my head, Paul is well aware of that.

That's in comparison to when we're alone, such last night when for the first time in a truly long time, she let me play with her used pussy as much as I wanted (well, within reason) including finger fucking and licking my tongue in for a bit with her openly teasing me, " do you like tasting all of his cum in me...."

At another point she even said I should clean her up good but then added, "don't lick too much baby, leave some of him in me" and then telling me again she didn't want me to make her cum.


Last night she got home about 30 minutes later than expected, I guess the rain was an issue. No matter, I will always love how she looks when she comes in after being with him, it's as if she's got no stresses at all, the deep look in her eyes that says she's spent the last few hours enjoying herself is so apparent.

I asked her if she'd had a good time and it really felt great to be able to talk to her honestly about her date. She told me it was still raining out when she got there and that they stood out on his porch under the awning and kissed and she told me it was a very sexy way to start the evening.

I told her that it seemed it had been a while since she would tell me about her time with him and she blushed and smiled and said she wanted to try to change that and said now that things seem so much better between us, she feels she wants to share it more with me now.

She didn't say it, but I know that a huge part of it is that she finally felt comfortable telling me even before she left that she wasn't going to want to have sex with me. More so, that I was really good about it and understanding. I could tell so when I saw the look on her face and I said 'OK' without any question … or at least that’s what I think,

Anyway, as she talked I took her jacket from her and when we went upstairs she turned to me and said, "thank you".

I hugged her and said, "what's that for?"

She hugged me back and said, "for everything".

I followed her upstairs and she said, "remember, I just want a little bit of you but you can have your own fun." With that she said, "want to undress me?"

I think my hands were shaking as she said, "You're really horny aren't you?" and when I nodded she asked, "what has you so worked up?"

I told her, without even a second's thought, "that your pussy is very wet right now." and she giggled and corrected me, "yes, wet and sticky".

My god, I was so horny and she just giggled a bit more as I unbuttoned her top and when I pushed it off her shoulders she looked down at me (I was sort of kneeling on the bed with her standing next to it) and as I unclipped her bra she asked me if I liked that, "...Paul was playing with these just a little while ago..." referring to her breasts.

So as I knelt there and moved to her pants she reminded me of how she is when she goes to see Paul alone. She reminded me of how she likes to get undressed in his bedroom and come out with just one of his dress-shirts on and last night was one of those times. She told me how she wanted to feel sexy with him after what had been a long day at work and how, "that took my mind right off it"; she told me how being with him like that, all through dinner and before they went into his bedroom, really gets her in the mood.

She asked me if that turned me on and I felt almost obligated to pull down my boxers and let her see just how turned on I was! I stood up to slide her pants off and she giggled at my hard cock bobbing away. When she stepped out of her pants she lay back on the bed and I could see the wet-spot in her panties. "You can take them off, just take it easy, okay?" and once again, my hands were almost shaking as she was letting me undress her and even play with her

A second later I slid them off her ankle and she put one hand over her pussy as she spread her legs and said, "do you want to see?". When I nodded eagerly she giggled and pulled it away.

My god, it'd been so long since she'd let me do this. I was only a foot or so away from her pussy as she lay back down and said, "remember, just take it easy, I'm feeling quite tired!".

So, for the next 5-10 minutes I was kneeling there playing with her pussy. I love her being so bare, she's really gotten quite good with the razor in the shower getting her whole pussy and the lower area really smooth and clean. I spread her legs a bit more and as I did so, her lips separated and revealed more and then the swollen button of her clit, clearly visible within the hood covering it. The furrow below her clit down to her opening glistened with wetness but even with her legs spread, she wasn't gaping open. That wouldn't happen until I probed it with both index fingers and gently inserted both of them and then began to gently pull her open.

A little dribble of cum appeared from inside and began to seep forward. She had told me I could lick her gently, just not too deep and as I so recalled from the past, not to suck at her either. Knowing it was Paul's cum, my god, did it turn me on.

She was talking VERY openly with me as she was up on her elbows watching everything, "I thought you'd like that...." and a second later just before my tongue touched she asked, "... it's running out of me right now, isn't it? I can feel it..."

It felt so surreal for her to ask me that just like she did. When I moaned back a 'uh huh' and she felt my tongue she continued and said, "... mmmm.... that feels so nice baby"....

There followed more teasing with her apparently enjoying this newfound openness with me. I loved it, to me the teasing is always arousing but not really denigrating. The teasing may revolve around what he gets to do and have with her and I do not, including her at one point asking me if I remember how her pussy feels bare. After so long together, I am quite sure she understands what would and wouldn’t arouse me and she's never gone to the dark-side so-to-speak with her comments.

She knew, could see, that I was jerking off with my 'free' hand as I licked at her so it was a bit of a disappointment when after a few minutes she reached down and pushed my head away from her pussy and said, "I don't need much more baby". I looked up at her and she said, "but you can finish baby" and I knew immediately what she meant. I leaned in and took one last big lick from the very bottom all the way up to the tip of her clit and then I leaned back onto my ankles as I knelt there next to the bed and I let her watch me jerk off.

Sitting there just a foot or two from her blatantly spread open pussy was incredible. The cum had gone, replaced by my saliva so It was still so wet inside her that just looking was almost enough to get me off. As I stroked away she sat up a bit more and watched. When I was getting close she looked at me and said, "I want to watch you cum baby … " and a second later, "… I want you to do it on my belly?”

It was how she was talking that was just so incredible to hear, so exciting and obvious to know that she wanted it! The look on her face was priceless, so sexy and eager. I stood up and started to move towards her as I stroked harder and harder. Just I was about to let go she looked up at me and said, "not in my pussy baby, okay?"

Holy crap, just how she said it was amazingly sexy, with that, I let it fly and rope after rope of cum streaked her stomach and one spurt almost reached her breasts but, mindful of what she had just said, I was careful not let it drip in or around her still open pussy which I admit I could not stop staring at, it was just so erotic!

She watched me milk the last few drops of cum from my cock with an almost glazed look in her eye and all she did was moan and tell me, "that was sooo sexy, my god, I love seeing that".

As I stood there panting she looked up at me and smiled and then she lay back onto her elbows and gave a nod towards her stomach which I immediately understood. I slid up next to her on the bed and I leaned over and began to clean my cum off of her stomach. When I'd licked most of it up I moved up and pulled her to me and kissed her deeply and passionately. I pulled her to me and I could feel the last of my cum that I'd not licked up as it spread between our naked bodies.

She hugged me back and we just lay together for a little while. Maybe 10 minutes later she looked at me and said we should get cleaned up and I suggested we should just take a shower quickly together which she agreed to.


With the weekend approaching, we have been making our plans, taking into account that our kids will be home either tomorrow or Wednesday at the latest so Suzanna is seeing Paul after work today and will likely be there for a bit later tonight but not staying overnight. She was still pleased from my spur of the moment agreement with her to spend the night with him on Friday. Indeed, when she got home, with me still being a bit out-of-it, she knew I wasn't going to be horny or sexy at all.

When she came in on Saturday she got changed and let me see clearly that she'd had a good time with Paul. She put a robe on and sat next to me on the bed and told me that she and Paul had been talking, as they had done many times before,but this time she told me some of what they talked about. Apparently he told her that she's the most different woman he's ever met in terms of sex and what she likes. He jokes with her all the time that she's ruined him for other women but she seemed to enjoy telling me most about how he likes that she likes to fuck for a long time; he's never been with a woman who liked to do it for so long. She giggled and told me that, "he's never been with a woman who would let him leave it in her for so long". I knew why she was giggling, because it's something she likes a lot when she's spooning with him.

She's continued to encourage me to relax about things and to be turned by whatever turns me on. It's become a lot easier for me and I had no hesitation in asking if her pussy was still full of Paul's cum. She said, matter of factly, "yes, especially because we did it again this morning" and she stood up and asked me if it would turn me on to see.

I didn't say anything, just nodded, so she moved around on the bed and undid her robe, spread her legs and hands either side of her pussy spread her labia apart; she asked me if I could see and if she looked wet.

I could see her pussy was glistening and as I looked a dribble of cum appeared. I told her that, "I can see it in you".

She giggled and said, "I know you can".

We talked on and off for a little while and all the while she let me watch her take a tissue and blot herself dry whenever a drip seemed to run out of her and the whole time she told me how good he felt and how she likes having sex with him so much.

Last night when we were going to bed she told me more than asked that she'd be home late today as it was likely they wouldn't be seeing each other for a week. It was one of the first times I'd felt horny in a while and she smiled at seeing my cock get hard.


I barely saw her this morning as she was quiet when she got up and didn't disturb me even while she dressed. By the time I got up she was fully dressed and finishing her make-up in the bathroom already having had breakfast.

She giggled when she saw the disappointment on my face and promised me that tonight when she gets home that she'll 'share a little with me'. Not sure what that means yet but I'm eager to find out.


Between Friday and tonight, her thoughts haven't gone toward having sex with me but I'm quite sure we'll have our time over the long weekend. We do still enjoy having sex together and, as a matter of fact, she's expressed her enjoyment a bit more recently!

I am thinking it's her response to my own changes in terms of being more open and accepting of everything. I'm actually quite enjoying the changes that she's pushed me towards, it's very nice being able to feel close to her and to share and talk more intimately about her time with Paul. It so turns me on to think of how she was lying next to me on Saturday when I knew he'd likely cum in her only a few hours earlier. It's really quite the eye-opener for me at least to feel like I can share my excitement with her like this although I do still have concerns when I let myself think about it in the long term. On the other hand, it is actually amazing to be able to say that using condoms with her like this has really hit the sweet-spot for me in terms of what I almost needed to feel.

I do know she still likes looking at Paul as being her alpha-male and that he gets to connect with her in a way that I do not. It is such an incredible emotion to know she feels the same and enjoys how she feels about this. She continues to tell me how this turns her on and extols how it makes her feel so sexy and aroused knowing that her husband, aka, me, doesn't get to have her the way her boyfriend does.


I've gone back and re-read some of the earlier books and events and things that I wrote about which I can now really see as foreshadowing what I would eventually find out about myself and become. I got so hard re-reading what we did and, even more, how I felt when she first had her IUD put in and, my god, is it ever something that I feel just so right about doing even if I didn't understand I at the time.

I jerked-off earlier this afternoon when I read about the things we did when she had the IUD removed. To this day I am still just so horny about what we did without even really knowing why. Was it such the thrill for me to see that even back then, having these beta-desires that I guess I just never could or want to accept?

I've written several times now about other things (even before she began cucking me) that I have thought back on and can now see other aspects of being so in line with my, at the time hidden, beta desires. Maybe that mental struggle and emotional conflicts in some way accounts for how strongly I felt at being the alpha at times, as if I maybe had to prove something. Just so many things that I wouldn't accept that turned me on in a cuck-way but they so did.

For example, the other guys at work when we first started dating, I long told myself that I was turned on because I was the one who she selected and was able to fuck and make her cum so well that it was me she wanted to be with. But, the truth was I loved knowing that the other guys had fucked her (back then she went bare with everyone, including me) so I knew she'd done the same with the other guys.

I also thought a lot about what turned me on so much by the 'fashion show' she gave me on one of our earliest dates. At the time I loved that she was so sexy and loved to show herself off to me in sexy lingerie. I now realise what turned me on was knowing that she'd worn all that lingerie with other guys and had surely had sex with them while wearing it all. I was so naive and vanilla at the time to not see it; now it is so clear to me.


She's noticed, and I really feel it now, that I just seem to be calmer. I agreed with her and said that it's just so much easier to say, "yes, I’m a cuck and I enjoy not cumming in you".

I don't feel as self-conscious about it, not since I guess she's convinced me that she wants me to relax about it. Whatever she's doing or coaching me or guiding me towards, it's very calming for me so I'm definitely into it.


I think neither of us cares about being on a fixed schedule or not. In terms of intimacy, we are pretty secure. She's already let me know that both kids will be going out on Friday and that she wants us to plan a romantic evening for ourselves. She already indicated the evening will most definitely be culminating in sex together.


When she came home on Monday evening I wasn't expecting much, hoping but not expecting, so I was pleasantly surprised when she came in very talkative and energetic and up. Indeed following her up to the bedroom she was very thankful to me for encouraging her to see Paul and that Paul also expressed his thanks. She giggled and said, "He says, thank you twice, in fact!" which I immediately meant he'd cum in her twice.

Even though it was a bit late and we both had work the next day, she did let me undress her on the condition that I knew 'nothing was going to happen' unless I was going to masturbate. I told her openly in return that I would like that. She blushed when she realized I meant it, that I would love to undress her and for her to 'help' me along in return.

I so love it when we're in sync and can talk really openly. I don't feel quite so self-conscious and it's really fun to be with her. As I undressed her she teased me about how Paul loved to suck at her breasts while she was on top of him and she seemed to really enjoy telling me how she orgasmed so easily when she was riding him like that. I was stroking away when she asked, "do you want to see my pussy?" and when I nodded she lay back on the bed and spread her legs and let me see everything … and I do mean everything!

She asked if she was still wet and when I moaned back 'yes' she replied something about how sexy she felt letting me see her like that and how erotic it felt for her to know that I was just going to be looking.

Of course, in the end, she wanted me to tell her what nasty thoughts were in my head as I got closer to cumming. As I said, it's becoming so much easier to tell her what turns me on and I loved how it felt when I could tell her that I liked thinking about Paul having her so much and how it turned me on that I hadn't cum in her 'in so long now'. When I saw her fingers moving on her little button and I recognized that she was rubbing herself along with me, it didn’t' take me long to cum myself.


Not much more to relate other than say our ******** is already home and our son is due home before dinner. I was out of work at 1pm and Suzanna is off as of 3pm so we'll all be home this evening and may light a fire in the fire-pit outside if it stays reasonable temperature-wise. Otherwise we are gearing up for tomorrow with her parents coming over for a while.


Which seems to be a good time to close off this book and open up a new one!