Journal of a Journey - Book 101

Our kids are home from college and we've already decided to curtail things over the holidays or breaks when they are home. Our ******** is still a virgin (she and Suzanna talk) at 19 and a half and I joked with Suzanna that she surely doesn't take after her mom which earned me a playful slap. Our son has a girlfriend and a busy enough social life that he barely pays attention to us when he is home.

We’ve told them that Thursday is going to the day when mom and *** go out for the evening, dinner or whatever, with people from work, etc. In reality that will be when I either drop her off at Paul’s or stay there with them. That'll be our cover so she can see him at least once a week. She's talked about coming home later one night a week with the excuse of going-to-the-gym after work. That may be believable if she takes her gym clothes with her to work. She said she'd be leaving work early maybe Tuesdays to go see him.

Suzanna was very frank (very punny) about a lot of stuff. She came out and said she is enjoying what we are doing and that she feels very relaxed about everything and we've even penned in a weekend away of either June 13th or June 20th. We both felt it better to leave it a bit more unplanned for right now as she said she wants to enjoy building up to the weekend instead of having it be in the forefront for the next few weeks.

We talked quite openly about my enjoying the beta-role with her. She said that she is really becoming more comfortable with things and yes, she's said that her pen-pals are quite supportive of her assuming more control in the bedroom. We talked about what she felt about me being the beta and she said that she knows very well of my arousal at what she does sexually and that she feels that if it's really what I want, that it's not something I need to hide from her or that we both can't enjoy. I agreed with her and I told her that just like her, I felt more relaxed around her and that I thought we were actually getting along really well with this sexual-denial arousal thing going on.

I told her that waiting for her is even more exciting knowing that in the not too distant future that I am going to get my turn and that the waiting for her is really turning me on. She was equally complimentary back to me and said that she loves seeing how horny I am and she was the one who said again that she loves sharing my masturbation with me. I told her that it felt good that I could let myself enjoy it with her like we are and she cooed and said she felt so horny and turned on watching me and sharing my orgasm with me.

I know it sounds contrived when I hear her say how much more comfortable she felt sharing herself with me now, but there is such a genuine honest sound in her voice when she tells me that. about letting me see her explicitly and that she is feeling better about knowing she can control what she/we do sexually. Even more so, that I am enjoying it even if I don't get to touch her.

Other parts of our conversation focused around my desires as a beta and what she felt she was going to want with regards to them. I told her flatly that I was enjoying being the beta for her and she asked that I tell her again what I felt that meant.

I told her what I'd said to her already, that now, for the past few weeks or so, that if she felt horny or wanted something sexual that she could, and should, look to him to satisfy that. That was when she began to say what it is she wants on her side. She said that she wanted to have a bit more control and she started to tell me more explicitly what she was thinking.

First was that she reminded me that sex wasn't off the table between us during our 4-5 week denial period, that it was her who would decide on what did or did not take place. I agreed and told her that I thought we were already doing that! She smiled when I pointed out how she's been controlling things these last two Thursday's as an example. She said that was correct and that was how I should assume things will be. She continued saying that on the times when she does want some contact with me, "Remember how we used to do it with Robert?"

I immediately knew what she was referring to and said, "Yeah, I had to 'stay on the outside'."

She smiled and said, "That’s right baby".

What she said after that was what got me both turned on as well as surprised in general about just how she seems to have changed in terms of what she's wanting and is aware of sexually. She said to me that she was reading about cuckolds on the web but added, "no, I didn't read your stuff!" but she did say that she'd read a lot of things which prompted her to ask me more about my beta-desires. (I am pretty sure I know what website she was referring to!)

She proceeded to tell me that she understood how hard it might have been for me to accept wanting to try the beta role and said that if it's what I really wanted then she needed to know more. How much did I really want to have her push and do? She said that she was aware that us playing with a month or so denial, "… seems long for some people, but others say they've gone for much longer". She said it surprised her at some of what people said they were doing.

I pointed out that a lot of what she read might be just fantasies. She giggled and said, "so, they're probably fantasies because they're too chicken to talk about it like we do".

That did make me feel good and I told her so.

She hugged me and kissed me and said it's because we talk about this stuff, talked about it and made sure of things with each other that we could do it. So I told her that I thought it was very hot what she'd been doing these past few weeks, spending two nights with Paul. She squealed at that and said that was so good that I wanted that for her as she said it made her feel wonderful and asked me if for me, it felt like things just clicked into place.

I coughed and managed to tell her yes, that it seemed to be something that worked for me. She asked if it still turned me on like it always did and I, a little embarrassed, told her yes. She gave me another hug and told me again that it's okay if this aroused me and that she loved sharing talk with me like we are now.

I felt that she had more to tell me. I was right, she held my hands and thanked me. She then confused me by saying that she'd really started feeling better about herself and with everything we'd done in these past few weeks but that she thought this was one of my goals 'in all of this' was to get her to be more sexual again. I smiled and told her that was always a goal.

She looked at me and said, "and that I want more too."

That made me laugh and say, "also like you used to be", which made her really smile and then hug me.

She looked at me and said that for as long as I want to be the beta, "I don't mind being the alpha," (which I know came from some cuckold website) and she said that she was enjoying the sense of control she has. She giggled and said in a sexy voice, "you'll be really wanting me by the time we go away baby!"


It was incredibly exciting watching her pick out some sexy lingerie that she packed in a small bag for her to take later tonight. I'm going to bring it to her later on when I pick her up after work this afternoon. (We talked last night and she asked if I would just drop her off and maybe not stay with them).

She said that this will be the only night she sees him this week (we joked that her 'gym-class' will start next week on Tuesday afternoons) and that she'd like some alone-time with him. The way she asked me, you'd know why I couldn't say no to her request.

I told her that I'd drop her at the office tomorrow as I don't want her driving home later anyway since she said that she was going to have some wine with him over/after dinner.

When she left for work I told her that I'd leave my office early in time for me to pick her up at her's so that they'd have plenty of time tonight. She had such an angelic look on her face when I said that to her, it was all I needed in terms of being thanked for my cooperation. She kissed me and said that I should, "wait for her to come home later," which I am already psyched and horny about.


Until both kids start to work (this coming week) there's little free alone time for us.

Back to Thursday as there was some new thoughts and feelings about it. First was that she said she felt uncomfortable knowing she had to 'call me' when she was done with Paul to drive her home. We haven't resolved that issue yet and what to do about it.

On top of that issue, she was a little annoyed when I'd admitted that I'd gone to a Go-Go/Titty-bar where I spent most of the night. I was in a down mood and one of the dancers there 'befriended' me and hung around a bit more when I was generous with some $1 bills. After the first few, she let me feel her breasts each time I'd give her another dollar as she shook her g-string covered butt towards me.

It was a slow Thursday night so after her set ended she came over and sat next to me and asked me, "why so glum?”

She was totally surprised when I told her the truth that I was killing time waiting to pick my wife up at her boyfriends! She said something like, "Why? You're a good looking guy?” She seemed genuine enough so I told her a little more, that I enjoyed my wife playing around.

She giggled and said she'd heard of that but never met anyone before who admitted it. She smiled and said that if I wanted a $25 lap-dance with her that she'd 'let me touch'. She was nice enough so I said ok and she held my hand and led me to a little booth-like area off to one side. We went in.

I sat in a chair and she smiled and came over to me and sort of sat on my lap and straddled me and she looked around and when she felt it was safe, she untied the top of her outfit and encouraged me to hold her breasts. They were obviously fake, I could feel how firm they were, but her nipples felt incredible and as I touched them she moaned out loud as she ground herself against my now hard cock. Even though her breasts were fake, her nips still worked and a moment later she looked at me and said, "I'm not supposed to do this," - she put her top back in place and with a smile on her face she said, "here's what your wife is giving her boyfriend." With that, she pulled the front of her g-string bottom away from her body.

I looked down and saw she was shaved bare, quite swollen and wet. She smiled and said, "Give it a quick feel" and so I did. I slid my hand under the side of her pantie and I felt her pussy. She didn't flinch as I touched her open pussy so I went for it and sank two fingers deep into her.

She moaned and clenched down on me and I heard her breathe deeply. I pulled them out of her and she let out her breath and then went, "mm, that's enough for you." I'm guessing that she could feel my now throbbing cock. She leaned forward, kissed me on the forehead and said, "Your wife is a lucky lady".

She stood up, turned her back towards me and did a little more of a dance, shaking her butt. Just before the music that was blaring out loud came to an end she reached down between her legs, pulled the g-string aside one more time and gave me another peek at her pussy.

I guess it wasn't long after that when I got the text message from Suzanna, about 11ish I guess, that I finished the last of my now warm beer (I know how to pace myself) and I headed over to Paul's to pick her up. It felt so like it was a few years ago when I was picking up my ******** from her boyfriends, only now it was my wife!

We talked on the way home and when I told her how I spent my evening she wasn't annoyed but she did make me tell her most everything of what went on. I played down the dancer giving me sympathy but told her that I had felt her breasts and that she'd flashed me her pussy.

She turned to me and said, "Did she say 'You can touch' …" and she reached across to feel my still hard cock adding, "… but I'm guessing she said 'this stays in your pants, right?!'" To which I answered, "of course, that was never a question".

She liked the honesty and immediacy of my reply and snuggled up to me and teasingly asked me if my dancer had nice breasts. She knew how I'd answer because I am partial to smaller and definitely, more natural feeling breasts. I told Suzanna I liked her's better but she did giggle when I said, "… her pussy was bare like you are."

She waited till we got home before she told me of her time with Paul, but while we drove, she did tell me she felt awkward at having to call me, "like you're my father or something," to pick her up.

I agreed and said we needed to talk and figure it out better for next time. She giggled and said that she might just as well work some overtime on other days and maybe leave work earlier and she said that she'll have to talk with Paul about that to see if it'll work for him. It probably will as he has very flexible work schedule.

At home we straightaway went into the routine that we now follow (although this time she let me touch her a bit more!). We began with her asking me if I like how things are right now. She told me she's much more aware of my arousal at her, that she is letting herself see and accept that I am horny for her and that she does NOT always have to reciprocate; she said she wanted to hear it from me.

I am continuing to surprise myself in that I guess this is truly what I want. While I feel incredible desire and arousal for her, I am so intensely aware that it's because of what she's doing and knowing to myself that I will have to wait to be with her. It feels crazy to say it but I actually feel I want to wait another 2 weeks to be with her again.

She's commented how she thinks my cock looks larger and larger to her each week and, she may be right, I cannot believe how horny I can feel at the thought of masturbating for/with her. I find myself looking at her sometimes and almost wishing I'd see signs of wetness or notice some semen in her panties and to know it isn't mine.

I know that I seem to cum more and more each time, I also love 'waiting' and restraining myself on Wednesdays now that our routine seems to have moved to Thursday. It seems so weird to be turned on by NOT fucking her. In some ways, it feels like I've unlocked something in letting me accept my beta-desires.


It was more a tongue-in-cheek moment and ironic as a cuckold that I chose to go see other women at a titty-bar instead of staying and watching her. I say that because we both know she'd said she wanted to be alone and why as a cuck it's sort of ironic. I suppose things seemed unbalanced without my sharing our fun when we got home on Thursday and then again on Friday night.

Suzanna says she couldn’t care less that I am seeing other women’s breasts, whether in a titty-bar, on the nude beach or on the web. She well knows that I’m not one to step out on her like that. If she showed any 'annoyance' it was more in the sense that I didn't find anything else to do with myself; that it was part of what she felt uncomfortable about, that she felt it wasn't good for me.

Despite us both being tired when we got home on Thursday night, that we both felt a need and a desire to be close for a little while. It was her squirming in her seat next to me for most of the ride home that had a big part of it, especially when I asked her what was wrong and she said, "I'm really wet down there if you must know". It was kind of horny as I watched her again and again reposition her pants and panties.

She showed me when we got home how the crotch of her panties was quite wet. This time she asked and encouraged me to undress her and it turned me on to unclip and then unzip her dress. (Seeing the way it was clipped together unevenly at the top made me horny to think about Paul having helping her get re-dressed.) She'd left her stockings off and as the dress slipped down to the floor I could see just how wet her panties were and I could also see her nipples were quite hard beneath the lacy front of her bra. She reached for me to get undressed and a moment later we were both in our underwear with my cock now visibly hard beneath.

When she did slip off and step out of her panties she said to me to, "… not lick or suck too much; you remember, right?" and, my god, was my cock hard when she let me reach behind her to unclasp her bra and reveal her breasts to me. I think I was trembling as she put her arms forward towards me to take her bra off. My cock was rock hard and standing at attention when she reached down and pushed my boxers off and she giggled at how horny I must have been. When I told her I was, she smiled and we lay down on the bed.

She let me do whatever I wanted to her breasts but as I was getting into holding and teasing them she did whisper to me, "we're just playing tonight," which I knew meant that we were just going to masturbate despite how horny I felt at the moment.

I started playing with my cock as I began to kiss and then gently suck at her nipples. She moaned loudly as I did so and a part of me was still thinking that maybe she'd want to do more. A moment later when I felt her put one of her hands over mine to 'help me' stroke it, I knew she intended on making me wait till our weekend.

She lay on her back and allowed me run my hands down her body, even letting me touching her pussy, but then she looked at me and said 'not play inside her' and deliberately took a second to lose the horny glazed-over look in her eyes to tell me that she 'was serious and that she didn't want me to play with her internally'! Actually, what she said was 'not yet', "…. maybe next week or if not, then definitely when we go away".

My god, did her body feel hot and glowing as I ran my fingers all around everywhere … but not in her pussy. She was swollen and as I played I had to get up on my elbow and look because as I ran my finger down below her pussy, between her pussy and butt, it felt so wet and warm.

Sure enough, it felt that way for a reason and as I looked at her pussy she said softly to me, "it's still running out of me isn't it?" I nodded as I stared and she said she thought maybe her panties would have absorbed most of it! Then she said to me almost in a pleading voice, "okay if you want to lick it baby, but just lick it, nothing more please....".

I turned to her and asked her, "are you sure?"

She said, "Yeah, you have to start again sometime, right?"

Just how she said it, I could feel her uncertainty at letting me lick at her. I knew despite what I wanted that I should listen to her and go along with what she was asking.

She laughed lightly as I moved around and giggled a little and said, "oooh, it has been a long time, hasn't it?” She got up on her elbows as I got into place between her legs. "Like how it looks?" she asked when I had my face just inches from her pussy.

I moaned back a clear "uh huh"!

A second or two later I extended my tongue and for the first time in almost as far as I can remember, my tongue touched her pussy! I licked around the edge, so enjoying feeling her very bare skin, and as I ran it down to the bottom of her pussy I immediately tasted what I so remembered as being the taste of Paul's cum! It tasted so tart compared to the sweetness of her own juices and yet, my god, it just turned me on as I felt more trickle out of her, knowing what it was and the thought that it had been his cock was where my tongue was maybe just an hour or so earlier and it was his cum.

I licked around and around but taking great pains and trying hard to resist the urge to plunge my tongue into her gaping pussy … but I didn't avoid her clit, at least not for long. As I began to pay attention to the top of her pussy and licking around the fleshy hood she began to moan more loudly. I thought she would let me go a bit longer but instead, I felt her hands on my head pushing me back when she felt I was getting her too worked up. I heard her moan, "That's too much baby, just let me enjoy it from Paul, okay?"

I backed off and a minute later she said, "you'll have lots of time to do this and more to me soon enough baby".

When I realized she'd just confirmed what she did and what she didn't want, I accepted it and knew she was really saying was how 'it' will happen; that when we go away in another almost 2 weeks, that will be when I get to truly have all of her again.

So it was on Thursday night that I lay back down next to her and she turned towards me and said, "I came a lot already baby, now it's your turn!”

She proceeded to continue to tell me more of what had gone on between them while she was there. She told me how horny they both were and how only seeing him once a week left them both wanting something more physical.

Just hearing her tell me stuff like that had my cock throbbing and she knew I'd abstained on Wednesday night so she wanted to be sure it was good for me! She told me how hot and wet she was for him (she knows that gets to me too, telling me how wet she was 'for him') and how she orgasmed as soon as he pushed his way into her. She told me how tight she felt and how he took his time to get her 'used to him again', mentioning that fat knob of his. As she told me how she felt herself 'get used to him' she added how she felt him going deeper and deeper and how she could feel her pussy 'juicing up … for him'.

But it was how she told me how he felt when they were finally fucking that really turned me on. She told me again on Friday how horny Paul said he was and how she, "… came with him …. both times." That got me to the edge and she knew it.

She smiled and snickered and taunted me that, "I could feel it in me baby, so hot and warm .... both times....". Just how she said '...both times' was sooooo sexy. She knew what she was saying to me and, sure enough, as I let my mind go with that thought, didn't I cum all over the place … both nights!


Suzanna is due home any minute now. She said she left work early to see Paul and wound up staying later so she's bringing home a pizza for dinner for all of us. Seems like we have little free time right now while we get re-acclimated to having our year-older kids home.

We're dealing with getting a car for our ******** which should ease things up a bit and allow her to get out of the house more.


I am most definitely enjoying the beta role, playing the part of being the submissive. It surprises me because it's a role I never thought I would want or enjoy but here I am, doing both.

Suzanna's sleeping in a little this morning as we were up late last night with both of our kids now home. In bed last night she asked me if I was horny and when I said yes she smiled and asked me if I wanted her to 'help me out'. She slid up next to me, kissed my ear and my neck and shoulder and said, "come on baby, let me watch you again".

The thing is, I loved it, loved her talking to me like that. Of course, I would have also loved to have thrown her back on the bed and fucked her, but at the same time, I have to admit that it really made me horny just to slip off my boxers and lie back and masturbate for her.

I told her that I was horny for her and she cooed in my ear that, "I know baby, and you'll have me soon enough, but for now.....". I turned my head to her and she kissed me and said, "I just want to watch you tonight, okay?”

I started to get into it and she asked me what I was thinking about as I got hard. I told her the truth, that knowing I was waiting for her for another few weeks was driving me crazy. She slid up next to me and even through her night-shirt I could feel her breasts and nipples against my arm.

"Do you want to hear about me and Paul again, would that make you horny?" she asked. (As if she needed to!) I moaned a yes back to her and she started to tell me again some of what she'd told me last Thursday.

She told me how horny she feels herself getting when she's driving to her lover's place and how when she gets there, as she walks in the door, "I can feel that I'm wet for him already".

She told me how they kiss and how he makes her feel welcome and wanted. They always share a glass of wine and then she says that, "it's how I always feel when I want to get in the mood" and I know what she's about to tell me.

She almost whispered how she will walk into his bedroom and decide what to get changed into. She told me again how this past Tuesday when she got there that she opened his closet door and how she got undressed or rather, as she puts it, "got naked" and that she touch a few of his shirts until she found one that she liked. Then she told me how she'd go back into his living room wearing just one of his button-up shirts.

It wasn't just what she said but how she said it with this dreamy sound in her voice as she did so. I knew from just how she'd said she'd felt as she put his shirt on, that it really makes her feel like she forgets about everything else.

I moaned when she told me how she went back and kissed him and then they had another glass of wine and I could imagine just how she looks sitting there on his couch with her legs under her, knees bent so you can see it's obvious that she has no panties on. (Fuck, my cock is hard again already as I write this!)

She told me how they will stay there and finish the bottle of wine before either of them admits to thinking about anything else (or so she says!) but I started to throb when she told me that he kissed her and then unbuttoned the shirt she was wearing and how sexy she felt as he revealed her bare breasts.

I was so hard already that she was giggling, "Slow down, I've only just started telling you this story" and a second later she leaned over, hugged and kissed me and said, "I love turning you on like this".

She lay right next to me and whispered in my ear how he began to kiss her and then how he did the same as she'd done to me, kissed her ear, neck and shoulders. Then she said, "… and he then moved to my boobs" and described feeling his hands and then his lips and then his tongue on her nipples.

I think I groaned as I tried to slow down stroking my cock but it didn't help when she went on to say, "You know how I am when you play with my nipples like that". I knew what she was telling me, that if she's in the right mood, that it will leave her pussy drenched if you do it just right. I guess the recollection made her warm all over because I felt her move around a bit and then whisper, "mmmmm, he did it just right".

She told me how he held one while he, ".. nibbled and sucked on my nipple till I started moaning". It wasn't a surprised when she told me that he then pushed her shirt all the way open and moved to kneel between her legs while she lay back on the couch.

"You like that I am that comfortable with him, don't you?" she asked and I moaned back a croaky 'Yes'. She softly moaned and said, "I feel so relaxed with him, how else would I lie there like that for him?"

I told her that it turned me on too and she teased back, "mmm, you'll get to see me like that for you soon enough baby" and then continued to tell me how sexy he made her feel by how he played with her and how she felt no qualm or shame about letting him see all of her nakedness.

I was so hard and drooling pre-cum already when she told me how she felt his hands on her legs and she knew he wanted her to pull them back for him. "It made me feel so sexy letting him see all of me like that … " (from how she said 'all of me' that I knew she was referring to her pussy likely being spread and brazenly 'on display' for him) "…. I let him watch as I rubbed myself for a few seconds". Listening to her moans and descriptions, I knew I wasn't going to last much longer.

She told me that he was still dressed and that she felt incredibly sexy and horny to be lying there virtually naked before him like that. She cooed and giggled at me that it tickled her a little bit, "… as he kissed his way down my belly …. and then I felt him, his tongue you know, on me, in me".

Fuck, just how she said that got me almost to cum and she knew it. "He licked upwards against my clit and I started to cum baby". I could picture it all as she whispered in my ear and having seen him going down on her just recently, it really brought it home. I moaned back at her that it turned me on to hear that.

Up to that moment I hadn't even noticed that she was rubbing her own breasts and pulling at her nipples as she talked, but now I did, I looked to see she was pinching them quite firmly through the thin material and hear her say, "I loved feeling his tongue gently licking at my clit and then all the way down to my lips and then back up". The arousal and intensity in her voice was just amazing as I swear, she might have almost be re-living it.

I was so close, I was moaning and I guess I was pretty frantic tugging away at my cock because a moment later she said, ".. and then I felt his tongue go in me and I started to cum baby, mmmmmm".

That was it, hearing her tell me that he made her orgasm did it. I grunted and felt my body shake as I let go with a huge load of cum all over. I felt her hand on my shoulder as I stroked away and she whispered, "oh god, that makes me so horny to see" as I pulled the last spurts out and then let the rest dribble down my hand,

As I lay there catching my breath, I swore that she'd cum too, not a huge orgasm, but I definitely sensed that she'd cum and was very into sharing the moment with me.

She's got me just where she wants me and I'm loving it.


Uh oh, another book filled.