Journal of a Journey - Book 110

I got home a while ago and I have to say that the empty house is very quiet and that I'll say for sure that I miss her.

We spoke several times over the weekend including just a little while ago. It turns out that they're in Myrtle Beach and not Hilton Head as I'd thought. She said it's been humid and rainy in the afternoon but Paul played golf both days. We talked only briefly, once when she caught me at home after they'd just arrived on Friday, again on Saturday evening and then just now when she wanted to hear from me when I got home.

I asked her what she was doing and if Paul was there, she said he was in the bathroom. I asked her what she was wearing and she answered that one by just saying 'nothing' and that Paul had left her alone when I was going to call. She said she called only to say what time she'll be home tomorrow and that she loved me and couldn't wait to see me.

I had texted her just a few times too, mainly to just say hi in the mornings and early afternoons. She'd always reply quickly but then after that it would be hours or more before she'd answer.


It was good seeing my buddy and getting ***** with him both nights but somehow avoiding a hangover. He's long-time single, I'd always wanted to talk Suzanna into getting ***** with us and then somehow letting it happen with him but we were all good friends and she says she would have felt weird doing it even if it did turn her on to think about. He's had his share of women though and he has one special lady now.


I admit it, lying in bed the past 2 nights jerking off madly to all sorts of thoughts, I have to say that it still turns me on incredibly to do just that, to not cum in her. It also feels good to admit to it and to say I do really enjoy what we are doing. I shall never understand it but the thought of her spending the past 3 nights with Paul having more sex than I can imagine turns me on so much to think about. Yes, I have an ache in the pit of my stomach when I think about the mess his cumming in her makes but, my god, it is just so arousing thinking about the fat knob of his cock pushing into her. I told her she could tell me stuff on the phone or in a text or email but she said that she didn't have time for that and that she'd be home soon enough.

I'm hoping (but also know better) that she'll want some physical time with me tonight. I know I would want it but accept that she will most probably come home physically and yes, emotionally drained. I also know that if she does ask me to wait that it is only going to turn me on even more.

I'm not going to lie and I will say that a part of me is hoping she will do just that, and ask me to wait. My cock is already hard at the thought of that possibility for as crazy as that may sound.

Now that I know she is on her way home, my anxiety and angst is fading and it is being replaced by an eagerness to see her, to see her naked and for her to share with me how the time with Paul was.


I didn't recognize her at first when she came in on Monday. She just looked different. Her hair was tied back and she must have gotten some sun because she definitely looked suntanned. She was wearing clothes that I hadn't seen before, a very sexy top that clearly showed she had no bra on and a tight pair of jeans that looked remarkably good on her (she'll kill me if I said so but sometimes tight pants can make her look chunky which she's not). There was also the look on her face, once I got past her overall appearance and truly looked at her, that told me even before the door was closed behind her that she'd had a LOT of sex.

A part of me wanted to throw her over my shoulder cave-man style and drag her upstairs but the other part of me so wanted just to be with her and hopefully have her share her experience with me. At the same time it felt so good to be so horny for her.

I knew she was a bit tired from all the travelling, even with TSA-pre-check airline travel is still a hassle, so we sat in the kitchen and had a cup of coffee together and as we talked she said she hoped I understood but she was definitely not up for any more sex. So we just sat and talked about lots of stuff for a while before we pulled her small suitcase up to the bedroom and I helped her unpack.

I told her how hot she looked, how different she looked and how it turned me on. She told me that they'd had sex one last time at Paul's place before she came home and she admitted that she was pretty 'worn out' before that and that this last time was all she could take. It was quite horny watching her put her 'used' lingerie into the hamper, so erotic knowing she'd worn them just for him.

I told her that it was a bit of a surprise to see how different she looked and she said that when she got there that she'd decided she wanted to try a new look and admitted she wanted to feel 'sexy-er' around the other women. I told her it was very arousing to see her like that and she blushed.

She smiled at me as she got changed and it turned me on to see her dampened panties before she pulled on her flannel pyjama pants over them. She had her back to me as she pulled her pyjama top on so I didn't get to see if her breasts that night other than, in my head, which I knew must have been pawed over.

Just before getting into bed she found her rings and put them back on. We cuddled up in bed after that and she hugged me and thanked me so much for not pushing myself on her. What I have to emphasize here is how it felt for both of us to spoon up like that, it was an amazingly close time for both of us.

She was asleep pretty quickly and I understood. She was so fast asleep that she didn't move as I masturbated in bed next to her before going to sleep myself.


Tuesday night we spent some time talking about things and then of all times, I got a call from work that consumed the next hour and that sort of took the horniness off the night. Suzanna also admitted that she wasn't feeling all that horny yet and as I was annoyed with work it just became obvious that it would simply be better to wait. Anyway, it was getting late and her admission on top of it just made the decision for us.

However, I have to add that Tuesday and yesterday morning, my god, did I have a huge hard on both times! I almost felt like a teenager getting hard at seeing her walking around the bedroom and bathroom and thinking of her doing the same with Paul over the weekend.


Last night she made it clear that when she came home from work that we would have some fun. I admit a part of me was disappointed when I thought that what she'd said meant I'd only be masturbating with her, but a part of me also accepted it as the way it is and that our time for sex has typically always been on the weekend so in a way I wasn't surprised. So I was quite ecstatic when we were in the bedroom getting into bed that just before she slipped off her panties and pulled her night-shirt off and climbed in naked next to me.

We kissed and hugged and suddenly a ton of emotions came out between us, she held me tightly and told me how much she loved me and vice-versa. Kisses turned passionate, I felt her hand slip down between us to grasp my cock enjoying its hardness and my fingers for the first time in a long time were in her pussy pleasuring her.

I hadn't really realized how much I'd missed this part of sex with her, getting her revved up, foreplay if you will. I even went down on her and for the first time, tasting just her sweetness as I believed that by last night the remnants of Paul's sperm were gone. She cautiously sucked my cock too; cautiously because she knew I was quite horny and didn't want to make me cum too soon! She also made it clear that she wanted to feel me in her.

It was really nice feeling her next to me like that; it'd been a long time for us to have alone time like this but we were quite amorous and it was clear that she wanted it which was really nice to feel between us.

It goes without saying that we were both talking and teasing each other including me telling her, as I looked up at her as I licked her pussy was that, "I love that Paul was in you so much". I told her that it turned me on so that he'd been in her where my tongue was, both his tongue and his cock, and, yes, his cum too. At one point I told her that I couldn't taste him in her anymore and she giggled and said, "don't worry, you will soon, next time".

Obviously both of us were on the edge and it wasn't long before our foreplay progressed to the next level. When I moved up next to her and we started kissing again she looked at me and said, "you don't have to use a condom if you don't want to".

I was hard already and hearing her say that made me stop for a moment. I looked at her and asked her, "is that what you want?"

She kissed me and asked, "what do you want?" I told her that I wanted what she wanted and told her that I felt awkward making that decision based on what I wanted. She looked at me and said, "would it hurt you if I told you, no?"

I just said "no" and with a short pause added, "I was thinking it wouldn't be right if I did".

She smiled and said, "Suit yourself then, I thought you might want to for a change."

I cannot explain to you how wonderful it was to talk to her like that. I know it sounds horrible and cold in some ways but it wasn't, it was actually an incredibly loving close moment when the way she was and what she said and what she wanted, it was so beautiful to me. It was open, honest and loving; she was able to tell me what she wanted but, more so, she knew that I would also feel that way and would equally want it.

As she watched me pull the condom on she smiled and told me she loved me.

As I slid it all the way down she lay back in the bed and pulled her legs back for me and I can't even find the words to say how intense it was to see her lying there visibly and obviously aroused from my fingers and tongue and her pussy was just waiting for me. Even through the condom I could feel her and it felt so intense. I had so many visions and thoughts in my head, did her pussy feel different; was she so wet thinking about me; how warm she felt even though my cock was sheathed in a rubber.

It will sound crazy when I say that I loved making love to her but knowing that I was still being denied. It’s a moment like that last night that touches something so deep inside me with this intense feeling of satisfaction knowing I really am a cuckold. I'll add that as thoughts of Paul's cock filling her pussy over and over with his thick warm cum consumed me and with those thoughts in mind I felt my own climax rising and, man, did I ever let loose.

She must have felt me filling the condom and she squealed and orgasmed quite intensely. I remained hard and kept fucking her and I'm happy to say that even without me actually cumming inside her, she reached one of those intense post-fuck orgasms beneath me and I felt her own wetness make her so slick inside that while she didn't squirt, she did leave a wet-spot on the bed.

Actually it was quite funny, after her breathing calmed down and I held her as she came down from her orgasm, as I pulled out of her and rolled over she looked at me and said, "I thought you weren't cumming in me". Then she put her fingers in her pussy and she blushed when she saw the condom still in place said, "oh ..... sorry, my mistake, you didn't" and realised she'd cum so much it was her wetness on the bed!

She rolled onto her side and we lay together naked feeling each other, enjoying a true post-fuck moment. She slid the sheet down and reached for my cock and carefully slid the condom off. I was watching her as she held it in her hand and she said how warm it still was. I just murmured a 'uh huh'. She tied a knot in it and I thought she was just going to toss it when she held it in front of me and she said something about how erotic it was that, "this little piece of rubber is holding your sperm". She kissed me and said that it turned her on a lot to hold it in her hand like that with the obvious unsaid comment of 'it not being in me'.

She looked at me and kissed me again and she said that she was glad that this turned me on as much as it did her and that she never have dreamed that, "...this kind of fun could be so fun" and then the most important part, she said she loved me.


I am realizing that a major component of my arousal is in knowing what my denial leads to me missing and the underlying knowledge that another man has had her in his way and that I have not been party to it. I can't explain it other than to say that I love knowing another man has had her and that I've not.

I thought about other things that turn me on such as I love that another guy took her virginity and I didn't; that her college boyfriend took her anally so much and I don't. I think back to the lingerie she wore and flaunted for me on our first dates and knowing she'd had sex with other guys while wearing it; I love thinking of her on her first honeymoon with her ex-husband and how young and ripe she must have been and that he had that with her and I didn't. And yes, I love the things we've done since, I still can get hard with just the thought of her and the IUD both when she had it put in and when she had it removed; knowing another man shared that with her instead of me just so turns me on.

I get that same intense arousal knowing Paul has her as he does and, yes, my not going bare with her seems to fit right into that in my head. It's another thing that so turns me on that she has this thing with another man that I don't get to. It's weird, I know, but the more I come to understand what turns me on, the more I see how this seems like such a natural fit for me.

It's almost unbelievable that after her being away I turned down the opportunity to have her bare but at the same time it felt so good to tell her so and to then use a condom with her.

It's even weird to me when I write it but, my god, weird or not, my cock is hard!


After what she'd shared with me about their weekend away, it seem appropriate to mention where we are right now.

No doubt that they enjoyed a lot of sex, she told me that they had sex at least 8 or 9 times before she came home on Monday. She asked me how I felt about that and I told her that I expected that and that it was what I had expected. She smiled and even blushed a bit. I told her that it turned me on to think of her enjoying herself for that long with him.

She obviously sensed that there was more I wanted to talk about although likely that any conversation would lead to more questions. She asked me if I still liked what we were doing and whether it still turned me on or, more to the point, what it was that made me so turned on while she was away.

I told her that it was because she was having sex with him and not me. I told her that I was enjoying it and I also told her that I thought it was Paul’s unassuming character that was allowing me to let go any of my concerns and I told her that I hoped that was true.

She appreciated what I'd just said and said that it absolutely was true and even more that it was what was also letting her really enjoy it. She said that when I came to her and said that I wanted to be the beta, that in those following months where she literally cut me off from most (all?) sex, she said she had 'found herself' and, she hoped it didn't hurt me to hear her say it, that she loves having sex with Paul. She loves everything about it, from how she shares all of herself and how she feels doing it.

However, at the same time she left no doubt and emphasised that it really is just the sex and, in a way, even thanked me for unlocking some of this for her and that she can't believe how she can feel this way with him when they're together in bed.

It was gratifying for me to hear her say this but at this point I needed her to tell me more about how she felt emotionally about him, about my 'other concerns'. She knew immediately what I meant.

She held my hand and said she wasn't going to lie to me, but after having Paul as an incredible sex partner now for over a year, that she does have feelings for him as a close friend. She said that I had to know that sharing herself so intimately with him couldn't remain totally platonic and that kissing him and feeling his passion for this long, that she feels very close to him.

I told her that was the part that concerned me and she immediately moved right next to me and took me in her arms and pulled me close. She told me point blank that no one could ever replace me and that she would never want anyone to, much less Paul. She says he's a great guy, but that I am her husband and that there is so much more that keeps us together.

She left no doubt in my mind that she loves me and wants me. It was good to hear.

The conversation moved on and 'the future' came up and she asked me how I was going to feel if she continued to see Paul.

I answered her by asking if she thought she was going to keep this pace up. She answered me by asking if it bothered me what we were doing, her going to his place or, " … is it him coming here that bothers you?" I quickly told her that neither bothered me but that I thought keeping a somewhat rigid schedule was maybe going to be an issue eventually.

She giggled and said, "well, you know I like it 2 or 3 times a week".

I tentatively told her that sometimes I wished she'd 'want' me. She turned to me and held me and she said that she always wants me. She said that I’m her husband and that she loves me and that even though sex may be fun and crazy and awesome with Paul, that it will never be what she still feels with me.

She looked at me and asked if that would make it better if maybe every other week or so, that instead of her seeing Paul during the week, that it's a night for us to make love. She said it just like that. I think she may have even had watery eyes as she did because as I said back that I'd like that, I had a little tear too.

It was her that asked me, "do you want to use condoms with me on those nights? You don't have to if you don't want to...”

No guessing about what we talked about next last night.


Her having some sort of intense orgasms with me at times (even when I'm using a condom) is maybe a sign of some kind that she wants to be with me again/more. I gained that impression last week for it was very nice for both of us when we truly made love instead of just a horny cuckold quick fucking.

The same occurred last night. We'd lit a fire in the backyard, Suzanna had a glass or two of wine and we just sat and chatted and it was a really relaxed time. With her not seeing Paul all weekend I wasn't sure whether she was going to let her desires build up till she sees him this week or whether she'd want to be with me. Just about 10 pm she leaned over towards me and told me she was 'getting warm'. It had started to get cold out so at first I didn't recognize her come-on. We went back inside and took ourselves up stairs and were almost like a normal married couple in bed, we seemed very comfortable with each other and we both enjoyed each other's company immensely.

However, I'm not sure that a 'normal married couple' would have had the type of conversation that we had when Suzanna openly admitted to me that over time my fantasies and arousals have rubbed off on her. When we talked she reminded me just how long ago we started our Wednesday night routines and she admits that over time she's really gotten into the idea of me not cumming in her. Whether it's with a condom or me masturbating, she says the fact that her husband doesn't cum in her is a very erotic thing for her and something that she admits, turns her on immensely. She says it's all linked together with everything; the good and different sex with Paul; my beta-desires and her own acceptance of what turns her on and what she's not scared or reluctant to let herself get turned on about.

We talked at length at times about her time away and just how sexual she was with him and how intimate they were together. She glowed when she told me of making love with him over and over and feeling him, every time, cum deeply in her also over and over. But she insisted that it's really just a physical release she is having with him (granted, an incredibly intimate physical release) but she was adamant that neither of them have any goals or desires to do or have more than they have, there was nothing emotional or romantic going on.

She says that Paul doesn't care about what we do together (except for his making an occasional comment about liking that she's clean for him) and that he doesn't care if we do or don't use condoms together. So what we are doing regarding condom use is really just something between her and me.

I told her how it makes me feel to put one on and to know that I am giving her something with him that I can't or won't have with her. I admitted that it turns me on that he has sex with her in ways that I don't or won't.

She asked me about how I liked being the beta and whether it was something I still wanted. I told her yes, that I felt that because of Paul's character and how he is with her, a big part of me being able to let it happen.

She glowed as I spoke like that and said it summed up how she felt being with Paul and again, teasing me a bit about their trip, she told me how she loved being with him for so many days in a row. She added that her liking me not cumming in her these days was just that, something she likes, not something she insists on. Given a choice right now, she said she would continue to ask me to use condoms with her but again made it clear that if I ever felt the need to have her without one, that she would never turn me away.

I jokingly remarked with 'as long as you're not too sore'. " She immediately looked up at me and with a smile on her face said, "I meant it, anytime you need to ..... just use a little lubricant and I'd be okay".

She then said that I should stop getting so concerned about the condoms. She repeated what she'd always said, " … that if it turns you on then you should just go with it". She hugged me tightly and said that she'd never do anything to hurt me and then said it again, " … knowing this all turns you on is still a part of what makes me want to do it".

She didn't say she'd stop if it didn't turn me on and I recognize that I wouldn’t expect her to stop either but she had a point when she said that I shouldn't be so concerned.

As we talked I confessed that some of my concerns were about what was going to happen in the future and that if she continued towards not wanting me to cum in her. That if it continued, while I might like and enjoy it, that over time I might not want to remain the beta. She smiled at that and said, "baby, I'd always want you back …. but it might take us a while to get back into our rhythm but I know we would".

She looked up at me and said, "is that what's worrying you sometimes?”

I told her 'YES', that a part of me was concerned if she began to look at this differently than I did, what we'd do.

She kissed me and said that we'd do what we always do, we'd work it out, adding that she 'd never hurt me and that I should always know that …. even if we do more or get into other things (whatever that meant) that it was never that she didn't want me.

I guess I strayed a bit here. What I wanted to end by saying is that we have agreed to let things continue as they are with her enjoying her time with Paul as we do now. She asked me if I was still okay with her spending one night a week with him either at his place or him at ours and I told her yes. That brought a big smile to her face and she told me with no hesitation that she loved thinking about sex with Paul and that she hoped things would be better with us when we settled back to our own schedule.


She didn't see him last night but is going over today after work but not staying overnight. Apparently he'd mixed up when our kids will be home (this weekend, not next; they want to stay at school for Halloween, not come home). She called me at work and she sounded annoyed about the change of arrangements. I think that's an area that could be some friction in the future as yesterday afternoon he was playing golf when Suzanna texted him and they realized their mix-up..

Last night I reminded her that last summer when this episode began that things were still kind of new for them and I'm sure he was a lot more eager to chase after her but, now, that I think he feels he can pursue both, her as well as the other things in his life, like his golf-game. She grinned and said she didn't like feeling like she was coming in 2nd place!


Other than them having gone away, there's been no talk recently about them having more time away together. I wouldn't go as far as to suggest they'd spend a week together but she did recently make a mention of having 2 nights with him sometime in the future. I don't know that I'd say no to that but would want to understand where the 'give' part of give-and-take is in that situation if she's taking another night with him.

However, she hasn't mentioned it again so not sure it's still a priority or desire for her. If she wanted and it was okay in terms of schedule, etc., I think it'd be something I could be okay with every now and then but I don't think it'd work for me as a regular thing to have her gone 2 nights in a row. I guess that means I may have a limit on my own beta-ness.


Wednesdays are generally filled with a lot of talk. Many times she likes for me to talk to her openly and tell her what turns me on or what I'm thinking but at the same time she will share details of what she has been doing and colour it with teasing and taunting me.

I've said many times how it seems we can more easily talk to each other on Wednesdays and she has sometimes just used the time to talk to me about what she wants and to 'confirm' it all by watching me and enjoy seeing me masturbating along with her. I'm not sure how much further that envelope can be stretched.


My expectation is if things stay as they are with her and Paul that I will very likely be using condoms with her for as long as she's seeing him …. or as long as I wish to remain as the beta for her. I am quite sure she isn't viewing this as punishment in any way as she knows how using them makes me feel when we have sex together. What I am now actually sensing is almost a little bit of reluctance from her to admit that she now finds it somewhat erotic for me to no longer cum in her.

I don't think she feels she'd be cheating on or violating something with Paul if I did cumin her but she's told me that she is getting aroused at the general idea of me being a cuckold and I get this feeling when she tells me how sexy and aroused she feels at the kind of denial things we are doing between the 2 of us; about her being much more open about enjoying sex with Paul but also about how she feels about it herself.

While I know that she's always loved having guys cum in her, she has found a new arousal in denying her husband that pleasure. It's very much in line with the feelings I get from all of this, that denying me this pleasure has somehow struck a note in both of us. I guess what I’m trying to say is that she seems to be aroused at the idea of her being this middle-aged wife/mother with this crazy sexual side.

I've known she's been turned on by this for a long time now and I suppose it began with Dan and his insistence on her being clean for him. I am sure that while it annoyed me, Suzanna obviously recognised that at the same time that it turned me on and if I had to conjecture, it's that over time she's become aware of her own sexuality and that she's actually turned on by recognizing that it turns her on to be this cuckoldress (even if she doesn't know/use that term).

That's the part that both excites me and scares me a little. I'm excited that she's turned on by it all, but have to admit that it does scare me that she is truly (and maybe not just because it turns me on) enjoying how it feels for me to not cum in her. It scares me because I guess, it could be something that lingers on or becomes something she wants to continue even when she may not have a boyfriend or lover.


She came home, finally, about 10pm last night and again it was pretty obvious that she had needed to see him. I think that's what I’ve started to notice too, that when she has a certain expectation about when she'll see him and their plans get changed at the last minute, it's interesting to see how she is when that happens. Annoyed was one word but it was obvious that she had really wanted to see him (it had been a while) and only seeing her come in last night did I realize that what I was seeing as annoyed was also her being horny.

Our kids are due home this evening for the weekend but Suzanna did say we'd have some time for us over the weekend so maybe things are already working their way out in terms of changes between us.


Well, that's the weekend over and after the kids left to go back to their colleges last night Suzanna came to me and said she was horny and hoped we could have some fun together. Needless to say, I was at the ready but she also wanted to have some of our same discussions again where she really thinks I should calm down and relax and just let things happen; that there's not always more to what she's thinking or what is going on. And this is HER saying that!

What she started with was simply coming out and asking me, "do you really like it that Paul cums inside me and you don't?”

When I said, "yes, I like it" she went into this long discussion about how she thinks I still feel too anxious and how I seem like I am over-analyzing things all the time when I should just be chilled and relax. She told me again how she thinks it's okay and even a bit romantic that I really like what we're doing and again she doesn't think I should feel all up-tight about it. She even commented that Paul doesn't think anything or much about it either.

She asked me again (in continuing our conversations from last weekend) about whether it turned me on that I don't get to cum in her and she once again told me that I shouldn't over-think about when we'll go back to not using condoms.

It was then that I admitted to her that I am aware that I get hung up too much on thinking about the future and 'what-ifs'. She held my hands and said that as long as it's something that we are both enjoying that we should do just that, just both enjoy it and not get up tight about it.

I told her again that it scared me a little that she was liking this so much and she giggled and said, " … and what about you? You enjoy it too!".

I tried to tell her it was different but as soon as I started talking I realized that I wasn't making any sense, the more I tried to say, "but your my wife" the more I realized I wasn't arguing against her and that the same things that turned me on also turned her on. As she said, "there isn't anything more baby".

It wasn't all of a sudden or anything that the conversation turned, but it was obvious that as we talked more she started to tell me again how wonderful she felt having sex with him and that just as it turned me on to think about only Paul cumming in her, that it's the same arousal she feels thinking about it too. She teased me about how wet he leaves her and how she loves to feel it when he cums in her and slowly I really started to get into it too. Thing is, it was like she said, the less I felt self-conscious, the better it felt.

We were 69-ing and she was sucking at the tip of my cock while she stroked it with her hands and I was licking away at her. She teased me that there was nothing from Paul in her and told me that from how much pre-cum she was licking from my cock, that she thought I needed to let myself go and enjoy it without worrying. "If it turns you on to think about it, then just do it baby.... I love you and I'll be here for you...."

We moved around and I began kissing her and I think we both felt real desire for each other. She told me she was horny because she hadn't seen Paul as much as she normally would have liked and that she wanted me to very much make love to and to feel my cock inside her. I was fingering her and she was already quite wet. It seemed like old times, so natural and easy for us as she lay back and spread her legs and I knelt above her and I loved the moment, knowing this time she wanted me.

I surprised her, I nudged her knees back and as I began to probe her pussy she reached down and felt between her legs and felt my cock and the look on her face when she felt that I already had a condom on was just priceless. She hadn't even seen me take one from the nightstand or put it on. This broad smile came over her and a moment later she relaxed and let me press into her. She was very wet and we soon let our passions take over and I have to say, we really got into a good rhythm. We rolled over at one point and she crouched over me and let me watch her as she rubbed the head of my rubber covered cock against her spread pussy and then in just about one slow move, she slid herself down onto my cock and we both moaned at that.

Condom or not, we both prefer the missionary position and as we got into a comfortable rhythm, her teasing, or rather, her talking to me resumed. She must have felt my cock start to throb when she asked me if I thought she felt any different inside. I moaned back that all I knew was that she felt looser. She giggled and said for me to enjoy it. I'd like to say that there was more but the entire conversation had gotten to me and it just felt so good to be moving in and out of her. She must have known I was going to cum soon because I felt her shift her body and pull her knees back for me like she always used to.

Wow, did that open her up and really sent me over the edge. I plunged into her a bit more and then couldn't hold back any more and let loose. I stayed hard and kept on fucking her and again, she continued moaning away and I felt her pussy getting wetter and wetter and I just kept up at it …. until a few moments later she burst out in a scream that surely the neighbours would have heard. She wrapped her legs around my back and pulled me hard into her as she spasmed wildly beneath me. I felt a gush of wetness in her pussy that I quickly realized would have likely been a huge squirt of hers! She finally stopped thrashing around when my cock shrunk and then I slipped out of her when she coughed.

We lay together and held each other and she kissed me and asked me if that was good. When I said it was amazing, she just said, "see, that's what happens when you just relax baby".

As she slid the condom off my softened cock she smiled and told me how nice a surprise it was to feel it already on and how she liked not having to think about it and she thanked me. She even surprised me by taking my softened cock into her mouth and sucking it clean. Of course she kissed me right afterwards. As we caught our breath she picked up the condom and tied a knot in it and then held it in her hand and again told me how warm it felt and then she giggled, patted her pussy and said,"see, no mess... from you at least...." She then kissed me again and said, "just relax about it baby and let's have some fun with it, okay?".

Her plan is to spend Wednesday night at Paul’s this week.

It turns out that we may head up to Massachusetts and go to a Halloween party that a friend of ours from college is throwing. Just saying.


She was quite happy to let me help her pick out some lingerie for tonight and she has continued to tease me saying several times that, "it's okay if this turns you on ..." then said that she loves seeing this side of me that allows me to enjoy even more of what she's doing. She looked at me when she held up a skimpy pair of leopard panties and asked me if I thought about how wet they'll be later tonight!

I have to say that it feels better letting myself get into it more with her including my telling her that I will surely be jerking off tonight while thinking about her. She asked me, "what are you going to think about?"

I told her what I always tell her, "you cumming with him". She blushed a bit at that and then told me she loved me and kissed and hugged me.

It's a rainy evening and that always makes her horny especially if it is enjoyed with a glass of red wine, so that's my thoughts for the evening. As she said, "is it so wrong for us to enjoy this?"


I was still horny when she came home after work yesterday after spending the night at Paul’s.

When she came in, she looked different, her hair was a little altered, her clothes weren't the same and I just found it so arousing. I kissed her quite passionately which surprised her and she asked me what was up.

I went for it, I told her how it turned me on to see her come in looking as she did and added that it was the same feeling when she came in looking very different after being away with him. I don't think she was ready for my honesty as she blushed a bit and she said that she loved hearing that from me and asked me if I would always felt this way.

We talked for a bit and as we hugged she could feel my hard-cock and she smiled and said. ".. you weren't kidding". I took her bag from her and we went upstairs.

We had already agreed that we'd go out to dinner, just pizza or Chinese, something easy so there wasn't any rush. When we got to the bedroom as she started to take her stuff out of her bag she looked at me and I told her she looked beautiful. She giggled and held up those leopard panties and said, "did you remember what we said about these?" When I nodded she smiled and tossed them into the laundry basket then she turned and let me watch her finished with unpacking her bag before getting undressed.

I love watching her undress. So many buttons and snaps and clasps before her sexiness is revealed. Last night was no different and I watched her in the mirror as she took off her bra and then pulled on a loose t-shirt. Her pants followed next and she looked up as she stood there in just her t-shirt and panties and she turned to me and said, "are you going to leave me alone, I want to change these too...." She had a smile on her face as she said that and then she added, "...or are you going to want to lick me or something like that?"

It was my turn to be surprised when she then walked over and stood in front of me and said in a commanding way, "you can take them off of me".

I think my hands were shaking as I put my fingers in the waistband and began to slowly take them off her. She looked down at me now sitting on the edge of the bed enjoying this moment and she said, "Oh, by the way, we're not having sex tonight though baby, I hope that's okay....”

Oh my god, I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to hear her say that to me so off-hand and so casually. I then surprised myself when I stood up and put my hand on the front of her panties so I could feel her warmth through them and told her, "I love hearing you tell me that" and I kissed her. She looked at me almost like I had two heads for a moment until I told her that, "it turns me on so much that you know what you want and when... and who.... you want it with... I love that you can tell me how you feel".

I kissed her again and before I sat back down she hugged me and told me she loved me.

I sat back down and she let me continue and I have to say it's been a long time since I had that 'first date' feeling and this was it again. I loved it as I again put my fingers into her silky panties and resumed pulling them down. So exciting to see her bare-skin come into view knowing that she's still shaved bare after all this time.

It's the longest she's ever kept it bare now, over a year. She even been to her ob/gynae for the first time shaved bare which shows how confident she is these days. In the past she'd always let it grow in for a few weeks before but not this time!

I wonder what he thought about that as a moment later I slid them down to reveal the top of her pussy, the little cleft at the top and the hood of her clit. I felt my cock get so hard as a million thoughts went through my mind including one of her pulling these same panties up as she got dressed with him that morning!

It was crazy, I glanced up at her and I told her that it felt good that I could talk to her more openly and then I told her about my thoughts of her being with him that morning and slid them the rest of the way down. I think if my cock was not constrained in my jeans, that I could have maybe cum just from the sexiness of the moment as her panties pooled around her ankles.

I cannot tell you how good it felt to say that to her and to let her feel and see how it turned me on. She stepped out of her panties and sat next to me on the bed now with just her t-shirt on. She looked at me and said that she loved me talking to her like that and she kissed me and then said with this sexy voice, "would you like to take a closer look?".

When I nodded she just lay back on the bed next to me and raised her knees and turned herself towards me and said, "just watch for a second".

With that she took both her hands and started to massage and caress herself all over. One hand tweaked and caressed her breasts leaving her nipples prominent through her shirt. The other snaked between her thighs and she let me see them as they slid down and covered her pussy as she gently spread her legs. She teased me and said, "do you want to see it?" and when I nodded she did that thing with her finger where she motioned me to move closer. As I did so she moved both hands between her legs and then moved them up to either side of her pussy and began to pull and open the lips just a little. I could almost hear the slick sound of them being pulled apart and she knew that I'd see she was wet and glistening inside.

I wish I could say more about the next few moments but the next thing I knew I was running my tongue up between her tender pussy lips and wondering in my head, "was that cum I just tasted?" The more I licked the more she came (yes, she orgasmed several times with her hand on the back of my head making it clear what she wanted). I was sure I could taste the more obvious tang of semen mixed with her own sweetness; it was just wonderful.

We'd moved around so that I was kneeling at the edge of the bed with her lying close. As I licked at her I slid my pants and boxers down and for the first time in a long time, I jerked off while I licked away at her. I hadn't really done that in what felt like ages only last night it felt just right.

In between licking and breathing I looked up at her and told her how beautiful she looked and it did feel good just saying what was on my mind instead of over-thinking it so I just said it, " I love thinking about you fucking him last night."

She got up on her elbows and said, "mmmm... and again this morning...." and then lay back down and let me enjoy that thought. I'm sure it was in my head but I swore she seemed even wetter and tastier right after that.

It was only after she came for what I guess was the 3rd pretty nice orgasm that while still gently licking her swollen opening that I let my thoughts go and got into jerking off. I guess I must have stopped licking her at one point because the next thing I realized I was kneeling back away from the bed and she was sitting up watching me as my climax overwhelmed me and I came all over my hands, my clothes and some on the floor in front of me and the side of the bed. I hadn't really realized she was watching until she squealed, "oooh that looks sooo nice...." as I came.

I looked up at her, she smiled and said she loved me and that seeing me doing that really made her feel so good that she really knew I was turned on.


After dinner, with our sexual tensions aside, we snuggled up in bed and caught up on some TV while we cuddled up under the covers.

The plan is for him to come here tomorrow but not spend the night. I'm still a bit unclear on her proposed schedule with me on Wednesday but hoping it'll resume next week.


What is certain is that I need to find another book as this one is truly filled up!