'Best of times; worst of times', it was Charles Dickens who started off his epic tale of 'A Tale of Two Cities' with that phrase and I have often thought that should my life be written about then those few words would neatly sum up my biography.
However, given my life is not yet done, such thoughts maybe a little premature and there might well be a happy ending after all. Suffice to say as things now stand I'm not optimistic about ending the roller coaster that is my run of misfortune.
Growing up, whilst not completely trauma-free, was a mainly happy period of my life. I had a Mom who I idolised and a *** who wasn't much of a positive role model given that he was completely dominated by his, it has to be said, rather heavy-set wife. I didn't see it at the time but when she used to comfort me whenever things went wrong and held and cushioned me by her large soft breasts, it gave me an appreciation for larger ladies that has stayed with me for the rest of my life. Likewise, to observe how she treated my father and made him completely subservient to her demands in all aspects of their relationship was absorbed by me as being 'normal' and I grew up not knowing any different. It was an observation that set the pattern and my attitudes toward people, women in particular, since those mainly happy days.
I was a studious child never happier than when I could bury myself in a book. I developed a love of English Literature (hence my reference that started this account) and this interest eventually sent me to college to read the subject in earnest. That's not to say that I devoted myself exclusively to books for I was also a fairly decent athlete and until injury put paid to my ambitions I was playing college hockey and had high hopes of graduating to the top tier. However, it was not to be and a broken leg and other complications made that event one of the 'worst of times' because being away from home I didn't have my Mom telling me everything would be alright before hugging me and letting me bury my head into her soft tits.
It was a wretched time and in between my studies I took solace in pursuing the possibilities presented by the embryonic Internet and masturbation. It opened up a whole new world for me and I soon discovered how to connect with people who shared my interests, attitudes and, dare I say, my fantasies. It certainly wasn't an easy process in those day given that most connections were made through email and photos had to shared by making attachments but things took a more positive turn when I discovered how to connect through 'user groups', special interest forums where like-minded people could correspond knowing that their opinions and desires could be freely shared without prejudice.
My surfing in those days introduced me to so many fantasies that had always been there lurking in my imagination. There were forums that focussed on the most explicit and perverse interests and I discovered the fact that black men were generally known to be better endowed that their White counterparts (aka 'me'). Although I didn't have a regular girlfriend at the time it didn't prevent me from constantly imagining a scenario whereby 'my girlfriend' would be hit on by black men while out shopping or maybe hanging with the girlfriends and that I would 'catch' her one day going off with one of them (or more) and her taking matters to the next level. I would get excited at the thought that when she returned home I would quiz her so I could pretend to be just a bit hurt and then to ask to hear the details. She would cry and ask for my forgiveness of her enjoying well-hung black lovers and then she would be surprised that I would only give her my forgiveness if she allowed me to lick her cunt and get some delicious after-sex sperm and pussy juice! God, I can't count how many times I wanked myself silly running through that fantasy.
However, despite the growing interest in seeing images of white women with black cock my true desires lay in the direction that was true to my history and upbringing and I identified myself with a group called 'alt.binaries.plumpers' as being my natural home.
'Plumpers', as I came to call it, was a group that catered for anyone who had an interest in big breasted women. I delighted in seeing pictures of these naked BBW, both amateur and professional models, and as I stroked off all I could see in my head was my Mom and have thoughts of how she used to treat my father and how he used to submissively accede to her every demand. Such thoughts fuelled my fantasies and fired my desires to find someone who might provide a similar relationship. Plumpers was to provide the solution.
Her name was Deidre, a married lady who lived on the other side of the country. She was my dream come true and over the course of a few months I discovered that her and her husband did a lot of wild things and I squirmed with excitement when she hinted that they might be swingers. She sent me lots of pictures of herself including a set of herself in an old style flapper's outfit lying across a player piano and slowly undressing and then using adult toys. We began to correspond by email nearly every day and she loved my comments. She especially liked to know that I was wanking over the pictures she sent and she used to ask if I had any requests. I told her that I didn't mind what poses she made just as long as I could see those large soft tits and maybe have her look as if she was inviting me to caress and suck on those delightful nipples. She often complied with the most explicit photos.
By the turn of the century we had become the best of friends albeit that we hadn't actually met face-to-face. Our relationship had improved along with the technology and email was left behind and we now corresponded, if you can call it that, by real-time Messaging.
Life had changed for both of us. I had graduated from college, my parents had both died and I was feeling quite lonely and vulnerable as I got used to my new situation working and living in Toledo.
For Deidre life had become even more turbulent, she confided in me that her husband had been cheating on her. She explained that the woman who had been a part of their 'social group' and he had secretly been seeing had somehow moved into their ****** home and was now slowly trying to push Deidre out.
It was not a happy time for her and I suspected she was looking to me for a little emotional support when at her suggestion she thought that I might like to take time out and pay her visit. I had a couple of days holiday owed by my company and I guess it was my submissive side that showed when I didn't hesitate to do as she requested.
Deidre met me at the airport and not wishing to complicate her home life I checked into a local motel. I'm not sure if her husband was aware that I was around but it was of no consequence to me as I had no desire to meet him. I was just thrilled to be left alone to enjoy the company of this beautiful BBW, a goddess, who seemed equally as keen to be in mine. In the flesh she reminded me a lot of my mother both in appearance (big tits!) and with her forthright attitude; she clearly wasn't going to be the subservient one in our relationship and I was happy and looking forward to that!
She was everything I looked for in a woman. She was witty; smart; extremely open with her attitudes and desires and seemed to have no embarrassment with sharing with me details of where her marriage had gone wrong. Indeed, the truth came out that her husband far from just becoming close to 'the other woman' was not just the consequence of a secret affair, it was due to their lifestyle; they were all active swingers and the woman had fallen in a big way for her husband with the upshot that they were all four of them were heading for divorce. Deidre had no such feelings for the other man and I went back home after a wonderful couple of days believing that maybe I had struck lucky with finding the woman of my dreams. By the time I left for home that Sunday early evening we were pretty tightly tied to one another emotionally and felt as though our friendship was headed in a different yet more exciting direction. I looked back on that weekend as being amongst 'the best of times'.
Once I returned home we resumed our daily on-line chatting and sharing of pictures and fantasies. She told me a lot about the swinging life she had been leading over the past few years and I let myself become quite excited at thoughts of being present at the some of the parties she described albeit not so much as being an active participant, more of being a watcher. The idea of being present and actually seeing someone I loved being fucked had a great appeal.
A few months passed by with our fantasy-sharing (well, fantasies for me; not so for her, she was relating what she had actually done!) and then she told me two things. One was that the other couple's divorce had come through and the situation at home had really ramped up and she was looking for an early release from her own marriage; second thing was that she was coming up north for her first business trip to Chicago, close enough to my home town, Toledo, for me to go and meet with her in her hotel. I was elated at hearing both news items and had great expectations for developments on both fronts.
In the event I should not have let myself get so excited at the prospect of hooking up for matters on the world stage put paid to my fevered plan. She flew up on the 10th September 2001, checked into a hotel close by to Sears Tower and we made our arrangement for us to meet a couple of days later. Events the following day in New York put paid to that idea.
As we watched the drama unfold on TV of that despicable act of terror Deidre became quite distressed and worried (understandably so) that being in a area of similar hi-rise buildings might make her a target for another such outrage. With no flights available due to the embargo that had been imposed she managed in the chaos to find a one-way rental and headed back home to Florida. The pendulum of my emotions swung back to it being the worst of times.
It was six months later by which time the world had settled down to an uneasy peace that Deidre gave me new hopes with an excellent piece of news. She told me that she had accepted an invite to attend the wedding of one of her former co-workers who lived close by to my home. So it was that in June of 02 she travelled up to Toledo fully intending to share in the celebrations but she never did make it to any of the events, the pre-wedding parties, the ceremony or the reception after. Instead she came and stayed with me and we spent a 4 magical days and 3 nights making love and exploring our deep feelings about one another. The pendulum had swung back and I was ecstatic.
By September she was divorced from her husband and the following month she was back up here again for another visit. In November I flew down to see her and shared with her my great piece of news that I had quit my job in Toledo and been hired by a company to fill a similar position in her hometown. She shared my delight and in December she came up here one last time and helped me physically pack up and move to join her in Florida.
The first month of being together in the same state, city and apartment was incredible. For the first time in my life I was living inside a stable relationship with a woman who shared my dreams; who knew and approved of my fantasies and clearly had no inhibitions about helping me achieve them.
Christmas passed and we began to settle down to some kind of pattern of living together. Her now ex-husband and his new partner had moved out of the apartment to go live elsewhere and as part of the divorce settlement Deirdre's teenage ********, Desiree, had gone to live with her father. I had seen some pictures of Desiree and I was struck with how much she looked like her mother and was clearly headed to be the same build when she was full grown. (I was later to discover when she came to visit and stay with us that she had a lot of the same characteristics and attitudes as her Mom; interesting!)
We both had jobs which needed attention but the demands of paid employment still left us plenty of free time for us to get to know each other better in every sense. I asked her to help me understand her lifestyle choice back when she was married to her 'swinging' husband.
She did better than just explain. She clearly understood me very well and said it would be better to show me and so one Friday night in early February we went to her old club. That first visit was just her way of giving me an introduction. We had drinks, sat in a booth and I got to see what took place in the 'common areas' where we stayed the entire time. She pointed out doorways through which could be found other rooms where more intimate encounters, private or open, could be enjoyed. Throughout the evening as she explained things she introduced me to some of the people she knew who happened to be there and got me to understand a bit more what, why and so forth. I was enthralled and told her that I was having the best of times.
That night as I drove us back home to our apartment she began to quiz me about everything I saw, heard and such. She clearly wanted to know my reaction for as she asked her questions she curled up close to me and began to massage my cock as I drove us back. Eventually she got my zipper down and was sucking my cock even before I had completed parking in front of our apartment complex.
We went upstairs and began to fuck. As I thrust my stiff cock into her wet pussy she talked more about her previous encounters, lovers and such. She favourably compared my performance with what she had previously enjoyed with others and after the third time of cumming very hard into her I was completely in thrall to her suggestion that we go back to the club the next night and see what other trouble we might get into. The idea that we might venture down through those doorways kept my cock hard as I let my imagination run riot.
That Saturday night we had only just sat ourselves down with our drinks when she ran into an old lover there, a black man who once tried out for the local NFL football team and almost made the final cut as a walk-on. He was with a white girlfriend and Deirdre invited them to share our table. She introduced him to me as Deon and he identified his companion to us as Linda and the two of them squeezed into our booth where a conversation was struck up a which was mainly centred about old times and what they had shared together previously in the club. I wasn't excluded from the conversation and he occasionally talked with me I guess to gauge my reaction. I kept an eye on the two of them now knowing more about what they had between them by way of their conversation as well as in talking to Linda.
It didn't take long before Deon and Deidre began to get things really heated up with their racy talk and I was not surprised to see his hands touching her all over. Deidre saw that I was looking and she asked me if I minded to which I responded, "no, not at all." (I am not a jealousy person, something she knew and actually played upon as I was to later find out.)
Meanwhile Linda was starting to feel left out so she made some plays on me, but I was not interested despite the fact of her being incredibly well built, blonde, very beautiful, and wearing black stockings and 5" heels (one of my weaknesses on women). I was more interested in just watching Deidre making out with Deon. I didn't realise it at the time but he in turn was keeping a close eye on me even though I didn't really notice just how close. I was confused as to how the rest of the evening would develop and was disappointed when after an hour Deon and Linda left us to go find a private room and for Deidre to say that we should call it a night and for us to head back home.
In the car Deidre talked about how hot Deon made her and how he flooded back a ton of feelings she'd had. The more she talked, the more aroused I became and eventually Deidre did much the same thing as the night before, another unzipping and oral before getting home and then an hour of intense sex with her constantly talking about the fun and the fucking at the club. This time however the talk focussed very much on Deon and she probed me as to when I watched them kissing, making out, fondling one another how I felt about it. It turned out she was priming me for even more.
The next two days and nights all she seemed to talk about was Leon and his prowess in bed and how a part of her actually missed those times. She admitted it was all sexual and explained that Linda was much the same thing to him. She also kept quizzing me about why I didn't play with Linda and finally got me to admit it was because I was so in love with her that I wanted to do nothing with anyone else that might be seen as enjoyment or arousal. Deidre had seen that I barely got aroused by Linda, despite her wearing everything that was a weakness to me and being so beautiful but I kept telling her that it was she I was so deeply in love with and it was she that I wanted more than life itself.
Then Deidre suggested we go and visit the swingers club on the following Tuesday night. I say 'suggested' but in truth it was all part of her grand plan and in any case I would have done anything she asked without question.
I agreed and we went but this time there was no Linda there, only Deon. He greeted us and the pair of them picked up where they left off in the common area a few nights ago and after a couple of drinks they sprang this idea on me to move things into Deon's private reserved room. I was thrilled at the idea.
Deidre led me through the doorway and we found the room where she sat me down in a chair and told me watch. It took no time at all to watch as the two of them began to move from 1st base to 2nd, 3rd and eventually to actually fucking one another in front of me. I could barely contain my orgasm over watching them. I had no idea why, but I was fully aroused, leaking pre-cum into my boxers and trying desperately not to unzip and stroke myself off watching the two of them fuck.
After about an hour of intense foreplay, several intense orgasms from Deidre and Deon coming very close to climaxing into her, he suddenly got off her and left the room. She made no comment as he went out but just got off the bed, came over to me and got me undressed, revealing my intense hard-on and pre-cum mess in my underwear. She pulled me over to the bed and lay down on her back. As we talked she made me go down on her and eat her (one of my favourite things to do) as I caressed her black stocking clad legs I oozed more pre-cum, this time it falling on her stockings. She kept coaxing things out of me about watching them, about my desires, about how hard I was and how obviously I loved it. She told me how pleased she was with me for actually loving licking her pussy after another man had been inside her and how I was tasting both her orgasms and a little of his own pre-cum. She then told me to taste my own pre-cum and then began to encourage me to climax for her saying she really wanted to see me cum. She took a hold of my cock and rubbed it over her stockings and then placed it right over her pussy and I climaxed with barely a stroke. Her pussy was covered in my spunk and she grabbed my head and told me to eat it all up off her. I was almost delirious with excitement as I lapped away and I found myself begging her for more.
I remember her words as if it happened a few minutes ago, she said aloud "He's ready".
Deon came back in, pushed me to one side and the two of them fucked with me right there naked kneeling and watching them. Eventually he pulled out and Deidre told me to remove his condom. I held it in my hand and she told me to come closer so that she could once again could stroke me off until once more I shot my cum right on her pussy lips. Deon grunted his approval and again shoved me to one side before he used my cum as a lubricant and pushed his fat black cock in and began to fuck her again this time fully bareback.
Another 15 minutes went by and eventually he came inside her. He removed himself from Deidre's pussy and positioned his cock over her mouth and she began to lick him and clean him up as she again grabbed my head and forced me face first into her pussy and made me do the same to her. Somehow I'd forgotten that I was now going into her pussy that had been cum in by a stranger and just ate, ate, licked and licked and ate some more before climaxing once more, this time spurting all over her stocking-clad legs.
After that night the entire dynamic of our relationship changed. On the trip home she explained about how she felt; how it felt; how she loved every moment and how addictive it was to be back doing this but, this time, with a willing partner and lover (me) who was not in this for his own selfish needs and desires of getting laid.
Over the next few weeks we set boundaries, ground rules and desires to be met. More importantly we moved from a simple cuckold relationship to a more advanced one that saw me becoming sissified for her and eventually living the better part of my life as a sissy slave and cuckold to her as she became my Mistress and my Cuckoldress. I was completely in love with her and everything we were doing and eventually I asked her to make things 'official' and about a week before Christmas I asked her to marry me. She accepted my proposal and I was the happiest man alive.
Our engagement took our relationship to another level and I delighted in her increasingly behavioural degradations toward me. I was inwardly excited when she would take any opportunity to degrade me, humiliate me, strip me of manhood and pride. Several times she would hold parties with all women (usually 5 or less) and would show off how she'd taken me from a semi-tough hockey player into a sissified maid. I was secretly proud to learn that some of the other women took me as an example and eventually transitioned their husbands as well and that some had gone the full route like I did. I was also thrilled when Deidre suggested I purchased a hi-end video camera and we became quite adept at recording our parties and encounters so that we built up quite a library of movies to which I could happily masturbate whenever she was away on business or, as increasingly happened, when she left me home alone to go and meet and party without me.
The videos helped me in every sense and constantly reminded me how wonderful and incredible it was to be a cuckold to a beautiful white woman! I would sit with my stiff little cock in my hand and watch and listen to my woman moan and tell her black lover of how her 'husband' was so much smaller; not as good in bed; that her pussy was not his but the property of her ebony master. I could just listen to the dialogue and not have to bother about looking at the picture, just the sounds alone were enough to reinforce my new belief that white men are meant to serve and I would be aroused to the point of climax without a single touch to my worthless white worm. I loved each time my beautiful Deidre would look over and say similar things to me and watch me fall even more in love with her as I saw her pleasured and then I would feel my body lose control of itself and my hot cum would spurt and dribble over my hand as she got filled with hot Mandingo dick!
My Mistress bought herself a small camera that she could easily stow in her purse with the idea that she could film her encounters when she 'played away' from home. I received one of these videos once from my Mistress after she had been out on a business lunch with a client. When they had entered the restaurant she had seen this black man that instantly she knew she just had to fuck! As she passed him by on her way to her table and her meeting they exchanged glances and smiles and they both recognised the signs.
The meeting and the meal over she said her goodbyes to the client and saw that her 'target' was still quietly waiting for her. She called into work to make sure her office buddy would cover for her absence and getting the OK she left the restaurant and slipped off to a nearby motel with this man she met just moments before ending the lunch meeting.
Luckily (or was it luck?) she was wearing no panties that afternoon and she had on her most sheer nude stockings and her favourite CFM heels. Around her ankle was a gold anklet that held two gold charms, one a heart which had 'BBC' engraved upon it and the other the key to my chastity device. It took her no time at all to convince the gentleman that she was for real and that she was going to give him what he had been eyeing for several minutes in the restaurant.
They got a room and she took the small video camera from her purse and set it up to capture the entire fucking from the perspective as if I was sitting there watching. Thankfully she had just loaded a new tape (remember, this was pre-digital days) because the recording was destined to capture over 2 hours of my Mistress being nailed by some Nubian god!
As we watched the tape later at home I told her I could not love her more if she'd had me there taping it live and cleaning her up immediately afterwards. I told her I was so grateful she had the foresight to remember to take her camera in and record that moment and bring me home the sweet offerings he left in her!
I sat alongside her on the couch for the whole 2 hours. She unlocked my cock cage and let me sit there with my little dick stiff and throbbing as we watched. She made it very clear that I was not to touch myself as we viewed but occasionally she allowed me to interrupt her soft masturbation and let me go down on her to lick and suck at the juices that were still seeping from her pussy. I came without touching myself 3-times spurting and dribbling on her toes and feet while eating her and listening to her moans; watching her thrash; seeing her being so perfectly black-fucked and listening to her occasional commentary like, "you never have fucked me like this .... he's 10-times the man you could ever hope to be, you sissy." Such loving words. The best of times.
Life for me could not have been any better and I foresaw that once we were married that everything that had fuelled my fantasies and desires would all come true and my world would become complete.
We made plans for the wedding and decided that we would have a very special ceremony. Actually, it was decided there would be two ceremonies. The first would be a traditional wedding with my Mistress dressed in a fine white wedding dress and me in a formal tuxedo. We would invite the few ****** and friends from our 'normal' life to witness our nuptials and that the ushers would be some of her favoured black lovers one of whom had been chosen as Best Man. (Heaven knows, she had plenty to choose from!). The traditional wedding would be a daytime affair and be concluded by late afternoon when for all intents and purposes the happy couple would be leaving to go off on a short honeymoon. In reality, once all the vanilla guests had left the second ceremony would begin; a proper 'cuckold wedding'.
We had it all planned down to the finest detail. The black ushers and the Best Man would after the vanilla guests had left revert to type and all become 'Best Studs'. I was to be taken into a back room by several of them, plus at least one non-vanilla female, and then stripped of my male attire. There I would be transformed into a sissified bride complete with wedding dress and everything that would be a more simple version of what my Wife/Cuckoldress/Mistress was wearing.
I would then be bought out and hopefully there would be gasps of admiration (or would it be sniggers of derision?) as I was revealed in all my sissy glory. Then one of the ushers would stand in as the preacher, state some pre-arranged wedding vows about our lifestyle choices and my total enslavement to her and my agreement to her having all the BBCs she desired for life.
That would bring us to the part of the ceremony where instead of the traditional 'kiss the bride' I would be forced to kneel and 'lick the bride' under her gown. I would then be instructed to turn and then take out the preacher's cock and suck him, making him ready for him to impale my new bride. I would then hold up the hem of her dress to reveal her pantie-less cunt and then at her command I would invite him to fuck her.
After that it was to be a free-for-all with every non-vanilla woman there getting to have first crack at any black men, while the black men would all take turns fucking my new bride as much as they wished to in front of me. I would be there with my gown hiked up and mouth open ready to take all cocks or strap-ons and being thoroughly humiliated by everyone, much to what would have been my enjoyment.
We made our plans with the help of the many sites that catered for such fantasies and looking at them now brings back so many lovely memories of our plans and the times we sat around working on them as she teased and tormented me with wedding videos of black men and white brides. My cock is satisfyingly hard as I recall the moments.
Something else that we spoke of often was a desire she had to eventually fully feminized me. She used to get very excited at the idea of turning me into a 'chick with a dick' complete with breasts not as large as her 38Ds but still comparable. There was even talk of her possibly expanding our '******' to include her ******** (she was 14 at the time of my cuckolding) in the lifestyle and getting her to find, conquer and convert another a man for herself into something akin to what Deidre was planning for me. I found both fantasies most attractive, especially the thought of integrating Desiree into our little ****** affairs. As time went by she looked more and more just like her mother and there was no doubting from the looks she gave and her behaviour when she came and stayed with us that she would be more than agreeable.
My Cuckoldress/Mistress had another fantasy of becoming impregnated with a black baby and we played this scenario out many times with new black lovers. She would insist on them using a condom at first, but midway through the encounter she would tell him to remove it and then begin to drift into this 'subspace' of hers where she'd be begging her lover to impregnate her. Every single black lover would never question this. In fact, each got even more excited and would fuck her harder! I don't know if we just got lucky with finding black men always ripe to the idea of delivering a black baby to her or what, but it always heightened her sexual experiences with these new men who would eventually be added to her stable of available black studs she could count on to fuck her anytime she called on them.
I think that for me there was another element of excitement and satisfaction to the idea that she might become pregnant by one of her black lovers. I confess to always having been a deep thinker and in addition to my strong views on the rights of being a cuckold I had also long held a sense of guilt as a Caucasian for the wrongs that had been suffered upon the black community and the appalling manner in which they as a race had been treated since the day the first African slave was landed on our shores. From that day onward there has been so many crimes against humanity meted out on our black brethren by my fellow white Americans that we should all hang our heads in shame at being responsible for the treatment and their degradation. In my mind I felt it was right and proper that white women should be impregnated by their black lovers as a measure to satisfy my belief there was a wrong to be righted.
It was this sense of guilt that fired me to do the things we did. I always felt a need to show my subservience to these much misaligned fellow creatures. I was never happier when I could watch my Cuckoldress/Mistress take her naked lover into the shower and view them lather up and get all dirty once more. It gave me a vicarious thrill but I never quite understood how incredible it was until one of her BBC lovers finally dragged me in there with them and I got to experience first-hand soaping him, rinsing him, sucking him and eventually feeling him push me against the wall and him ploughing his massive god-tool into me. I almost wept with joy as I felt him cumming.
There were times when she would insist that I stay outside of the bedroom door but to make sure that I was in earshot. Hearing her almost in total orgasm mode from just kissing, fingering and groping still has such a profound and arousing effect on a cuckold like me! I can only imagine that she loved the idea of 'cheating' and it gave her such a heightened thrill to be, although we were not yet married, 'adulterous' with this incredible ebony god! She had me both wishing to be in the room with her ... and to be lucky for him to want to use me! Oh my God, the memory of how I edged so many times near to the brink standing there with my ear pressed to the door.
Other times she would 'allow' me into the room and I would be blessed to have a night of watching my beautiful Deidre in our bed with one of her many black lovers, eager to feel a hard black cock penetrate her .... and me locked up in a metal chastity device straining to hold my erection in and making each throb of my cock so painful as I watch my beloved fucked in front of me!
Why am I recalling this all in the past tense?
We had been living our most agreeable life as an engaged couple for a couple of years when one night on a return home from a business trip up north that a ***** driver killed her. There are no words to describe my devastation. In that instant my world was destroyed; my dreams and plans replaced by an overwhelming sense of grief and despair. It is only now, years later, that I can look back on those times that I had with my Deirdre without feeling the tears well up and to sink back into depression.
The weeks following my Mistress's death were amongst the most painful I had ever experienced. If it had not been bad enough to have had my beloved snatched from me in such a cruel manner, the treatment that followed was even more wicked for her ex-husband reappeared on the scene and really dug in the knife of despair.
Unbeknown to me Deidre had a Will that listed her ex-husband as both executor and beneficiary to her possessions. He was a total bastard. He didn't like me; never forgave her for divorcing him and for setting up house with me in what was his old apartment and, more importantly, had never released back to her the keys to the front door when they parted.
The Will had all manner of conditions and caveats that, in law, excluded me or any other person she might be co-inhabiting with from having anything to do with the distribution of the estate. Indeed, there was even a statement in there that prevented me from having anything to do with the ******** in the event of Deidre's death. So it was that one day when I was out at work that he broke into the apartment we shared and began to clean out all of the items that belonged to Desiree. I came home to find that he had left an official-looking document that ordered me to vacate in 30 days.
For several days thereafter he began coming over and cleaning out everything that he felt was Deidre's stuff, which including a ton of videos we made together of our cuckolding and her exploits with other men. He literally stole everything that connected her with me; every item of feminine clothing that she had bought for me; the adult toys; the two chastity devices, even the engagement ring I bought and had given to Deidre. This asshole then used this 'information' as a form of blackmail to speed up the process of eviction to 14 days.
The pendulum had swung back, it was definitely the worst of times.
Stripped of the last dignity and almost losing the will to live I knew I could not stay in Florida and be constantly reminded of the idyllic life which had so brutally been torn away and was forever lost. I decided to return to my roots back up North and that's where I now live with my memories and my books which provide a quiet solace to my broken heart.
I have plenty of time to reflect on what has gone on before and an over-riding thought is that it's a crazy situation that here in the North there seems to be more black folks around but an inversely proportional availability for liaisons. I would give anything to be involved once more with big black men and their big black cocks ploughing into a white willing pussy.
However, when I am not having such thoughts there is always my author of choice, Charles Dickens and I have re-read his masterpieces over and over as I live in this mid-western wasteland of bigoted sexual attitudes.
It is Charles Dickens who provides a neat summation of my life and situation through his book titles. I have often referenced 'The Tale of Two Cities' with it's opening statement of 'the best of times; the worst of times' but when I look back to being with Deidre and being trapped in my cock cage it is fair to say that they, for more than one reason, were 'Hard Times'.
My living arrangements now are without any unnecessary embellishment given I haven't the will or inclination to buy fine, pretty things such as what I enjoyed with my Mistress. I am indeed living in a 'Bleak House'.
However, all is not lost for I recently had a call from Desiree who says now she has graduated from High School that she is looking to come up North to pursue a career in finance, just like her mother. She is looking for somewhere to stay whilst she gets settled and established. Can I help; could she come and stay?
I need to revisit 'Great Expectations'.
However, given my life is not yet done, such thoughts maybe a little premature and there might well be a happy ending after all. Suffice to say as things now stand I'm not optimistic about ending the roller coaster that is my run of misfortune.
Growing up, whilst not completely trauma-free, was a mainly happy period of my life. I had a Mom who I idolised and a *** who wasn't much of a positive role model given that he was completely dominated by his, it has to be said, rather heavy-set wife. I didn't see it at the time but when she used to comfort me whenever things went wrong and held and cushioned me by her large soft breasts, it gave me an appreciation for larger ladies that has stayed with me for the rest of my life. Likewise, to observe how she treated my father and made him completely subservient to her demands in all aspects of their relationship was absorbed by me as being 'normal' and I grew up not knowing any different. It was an observation that set the pattern and my attitudes toward people, women in particular, since those mainly happy days.
I was a studious child never happier than when I could bury myself in a book. I developed a love of English Literature (hence my reference that started this account) and this interest eventually sent me to college to read the subject in earnest. That's not to say that I devoted myself exclusively to books for I was also a fairly decent athlete and until injury put paid to my ambitions I was playing college hockey and had high hopes of graduating to the top tier. However, it was not to be and a broken leg and other complications made that event one of the 'worst of times' because being away from home I didn't have my Mom telling me everything would be alright before hugging me and letting me bury my head into her soft tits.
It was a wretched time and in between my studies I took solace in pursuing the possibilities presented by the embryonic Internet and masturbation. It opened up a whole new world for me and I soon discovered how to connect with people who shared my interests, attitudes and, dare I say, my fantasies. It certainly wasn't an easy process in those day given that most connections were made through email and photos had to shared by making attachments but things took a more positive turn when I discovered how to connect through 'user groups', special interest forums where like-minded people could correspond knowing that their opinions and desires could be freely shared without prejudice.
My surfing in those days introduced me to so many fantasies that had always been there lurking in my imagination. There were forums that focussed on the most explicit and perverse interests and I discovered the fact that black men were generally known to be better endowed that their White counterparts (aka 'me'). Although I didn't have a regular girlfriend at the time it didn't prevent me from constantly imagining a scenario whereby 'my girlfriend' would be hit on by black men while out shopping or maybe hanging with the girlfriends and that I would 'catch' her one day going off with one of them (or more) and her taking matters to the next level. I would get excited at the thought that when she returned home I would quiz her so I could pretend to be just a bit hurt and then to ask to hear the details. She would cry and ask for my forgiveness of her enjoying well-hung black lovers and then she would be surprised that I would only give her my forgiveness if she allowed me to lick her cunt and get some delicious after-sex sperm and pussy juice! God, I can't count how many times I wanked myself silly running through that fantasy.
However, despite the growing interest in seeing images of white women with black cock my true desires lay in the direction that was true to my history and upbringing and I identified myself with a group called 'alt.binaries.plumpers' as being my natural home.
'Plumpers', as I came to call it, was a group that catered for anyone who had an interest in big breasted women. I delighted in seeing pictures of these naked BBW, both amateur and professional models, and as I stroked off all I could see in my head was my Mom and have thoughts of how she used to treat my father and how he used to submissively accede to her every demand. Such thoughts fuelled my fantasies and fired my desires to find someone who might provide a similar relationship. Plumpers was to provide the solution.
Her name was Deidre, a married lady who lived on the other side of the country. She was my dream come true and over the course of a few months I discovered that her and her husband did a lot of wild things and I squirmed with excitement when she hinted that they might be swingers. She sent me lots of pictures of herself including a set of herself in an old style flapper's outfit lying across a player piano and slowly undressing and then using adult toys. We began to correspond by email nearly every day and she loved my comments. She especially liked to know that I was wanking over the pictures she sent and she used to ask if I had any requests. I told her that I didn't mind what poses she made just as long as I could see those large soft tits and maybe have her look as if she was inviting me to caress and suck on those delightful nipples. She often complied with the most explicit photos.
By the turn of the century we had become the best of friends albeit that we hadn't actually met face-to-face. Our relationship had improved along with the technology and email was left behind and we now corresponded, if you can call it that, by real-time Messaging.
Life had changed for both of us. I had graduated from college, my parents had both died and I was feeling quite lonely and vulnerable as I got used to my new situation working and living in Toledo.
For Deidre life had become even more turbulent, she confided in me that her husband had been cheating on her. She explained that the woman who had been a part of their 'social group' and he had secretly been seeing had somehow moved into their ****** home and was now slowly trying to push Deidre out.
It was not a happy time for her and I suspected she was looking to me for a little emotional support when at her suggestion she thought that I might like to take time out and pay her visit. I had a couple of days holiday owed by my company and I guess it was my submissive side that showed when I didn't hesitate to do as she requested.
Deidre met me at the airport and not wishing to complicate her home life I checked into a local motel. I'm not sure if her husband was aware that I was around but it was of no consequence to me as I had no desire to meet him. I was just thrilled to be left alone to enjoy the company of this beautiful BBW, a goddess, who seemed equally as keen to be in mine. In the flesh she reminded me a lot of my mother both in appearance (big tits!) and with her forthright attitude; she clearly wasn't going to be the subservient one in our relationship and I was happy and looking forward to that!
She was everything I looked for in a woman. She was witty; smart; extremely open with her attitudes and desires and seemed to have no embarrassment with sharing with me details of where her marriage had gone wrong. Indeed, the truth came out that her husband far from just becoming close to 'the other woman' was not just the consequence of a secret affair, it was due to their lifestyle; they were all active swingers and the woman had fallen in a big way for her husband with the upshot that they were all four of them were heading for divorce. Deidre had no such feelings for the other man and I went back home after a wonderful couple of days believing that maybe I had struck lucky with finding the woman of my dreams. By the time I left for home that Sunday early evening we were pretty tightly tied to one another emotionally and felt as though our friendship was headed in a different yet more exciting direction. I looked back on that weekend as being amongst 'the best of times'.
Once I returned home we resumed our daily on-line chatting and sharing of pictures and fantasies. She told me a lot about the swinging life she had been leading over the past few years and I let myself become quite excited at thoughts of being present at the some of the parties she described albeit not so much as being an active participant, more of being a watcher. The idea of being present and actually seeing someone I loved being fucked had a great appeal.
A few months passed by with our fantasy-sharing (well, fantasies for me; not so for her, she was relating what she had actually done!) and then she told me two things. One was that the other couple's divorce had come through and the situation at home had really ramped up and she was looking for an early release from her own marriage; second thing was that she was coming up north for her first business trip to Chicago, close enough to my home town, Toledo, for me to go and meet with her in her hotel. I was elated at hearing both news items and had great expectations for developments on both fronts.
In the event I should not have let myself get so excited at the prospect of hooking up for matters on the world stage put paid to my fevered plan. She flew up on the 10th September 2001, checked into a hotel close by to Sears Tower and we made our arrangement for us to meet a couple of days later. Events the following day in New York put paid to that idea.
As we watched the drama unfold on TV of that despicable act of terror Deidre became quite distressed and worried (understandably so) that being in a area of similar hi-rise buildings might make her a target for another such outrage. With no flights available due to the embargo that had been imposed she managed in the chaos to find a one-way rental and headed back home to Florida. The pendulum of my emotions swung back to it being the worst of times.
It was six months later by which time the world had settled down to an uneasy peace that Deidre gave me new hopes with an excellent piece of news. She told me that she had accepted an invite to attend the wedding of one of her former co-workers who lived close by to my home. So it was that in June of 02 she travelled up to Toledo fully intending to share in the celebrations but she never did make it to any of the events, the pre-wedding parties, the ceremony or the reception after. Instead she came and stayed with me and we spent a 4 magical days and 3 nights making love and exploring our deep feelings about one another. The pendulum had swung back and I was ecstatic.
By September she was divorced from her husband and the following month she was back up here again for another visit. In November I flew down to see her and shared with her my great piece of news that I had quit my job in Toledo and been hired by a company to fill a similar position in her hometown. She shared my delight and in December she came up here one last time and helped me physically pack up and move to join her in Florida.
The first month of being together in the same state, city and apartment was incredible. For the first time in my life I was living inside a stable relationship with a woman who shared my dreams; who knew and approved of my fantasies and clearly had no inhibitions about helping me achieve them.
Christmas passed and we began to settle down to some kind of pattern of living together. Her now ex-husband and his new partner had moved out of the apartment to go live elsewhere and as part of the divorce settlement Deirdre's teenage ********, Desiree, had gone to live with her father. I had seen some pictures of Desiree and I was struck with how much she looked like her mother and was clearly headed to be the same build when she was full grown. (I was later to discover when she came to visit and stay with us that she had a lot of the same characteristics and attitudes as her Mom; interesting!)
We both had jobs which needed attention but the demands of paid employment still left us plenty of free time for us to get to know each other better in every sense. I asked her to help me understand her lifestyle choice back when she was married to her 'swinging' husband.
She did better than just explain. She clearly understood me very well and said it would be better to show me and so one Friday night in early February we went to her old club. That first visit was just her way of giving me an introduction. We had drinks, sat in a booth and I got to see what took place in the 'common areas' where we stayed the entire time. She pointed out doorways through which could be found other rooms where more intimate encounters, private or open, could be enjoyed. Throughout the evening as she explained things she introduced me to some of the people she knew who happened to be there and got me to understand a bit more what, why and so forth. I was enthralled and told her that I was having the best of times.
That night as I drove us back home to our apartment she began to quiz me about everything I saw, heard and such. She clearly wanted to know my reaction for as she asked her questions she curled up close to me and began to massage my cock as I drove us back. Eventually she got my zipper down and was sucking my cock even before I had completed parking in front of our apartment complex.
We went upstairs and began to fuck. As I thrust my stiff cock into her wet pussy she talked more about her previous encounters, lovers and such. She favourably compared my performance with what she had previously enjoyed with others and after the third time of cumming very hard into her I was completely in thrall to her suggestion that we go back to the club the next night and see what other trouble we might get into. The idea that we might venture down through those doorways kept my cock hard as I let my imagination run riot.
That Saturday night we had only just sat ourselves down with our drinks when she ran into an old lover there, a black man who once tried out for the local NFL football team and almost made the final cut as a walk-on. He was with a white girlfriend and Deirdre invited them to share our table. She introduced him to me as Deon and he identified his companion to us as Linda and the two of them squeezed into our booth where a conversation was struck up a which was mainly centred about old times and what they had shared together previously in the club. I wasn't excluded from the conversation and he occasionally talked with me I guess to gauge my reaction. I kept an eye on the two of them now knowing more about what they had between them by way of their conversation as well as in talking to Linda.
It didn't take long before Deon and Deidre began to get things really heated up with their racy talk and I was not surprised to see his hands touching her all over. Deidre saw that I was looking and she asked me if I minded to which I responded, "no, not at all." (I am not a jealousy person, something she knew and actually played upon as I was to later find out.)
Meanwhile Linda was starting to feel left out so she made some plays on me, but I was not interested despite the fact of her being incredibly well built, blonde, very beautiful, and wearing black stockings and 5" heels (one of my weaknesses on women). I was more interested in just watching Deidre making out with Deon. I didn't realise it at the time but he in turn was keeping a close eye on me even though I didn't really notice just how close. I was confused as to how the rest of the evening would develop and was disappointed when after an hour Deon and Linda left us to go find a private room and for Deidre to say that we should call it a night and for us to head back home.
In the car Deidre talked about how hot Deon made her and how he flooded back a ton of feelings she'd had. The more she talked, the more aroused I became and eventually Deidre did much the same thing as the night before, another unzipping and oral before getting home and then an hour of intense sex with her constantly talking about the fun and the fucking at the club. This time however the talk focussed very much on Deon and she probed me as to when I watched them kissing, making out, fondling one another how I felt about it. It turned out she was priming me for even more.
The next two days and nights all she seemed to talk about was Leon and his prowess in bed and how a part of her actually missed those times. She admitted it was all sexual and explained that Linda was much the same thing to him. She also kept quizzing me about why I didn't play with Linda and finally got me to admit it was because I was so in love with her that I wanted to do nothing with anyone else that might be seen as enjoyment or arousal. Deidre had seen that I barely got aroused by Linda, despite her wearing everything that was a weakness to me and being so beautiful but I kept telling her that it was she I was so deeply in love with and it was she that I wanted more than life itself.
Then Deidre suggested we go and visit the swingers club on the following Tuesday night. I say 'suggested' but in truth it was all part of her grand plan and in any case I would have done anything she asked without question.
I agreed and we went but this time there was no Linda there, only Deon. He greeted us and the pair of them picked up where they left off in the common area a few nights ago and after a couple of drinks they sprang this idea on me to move things into Deon's private reserved room. I was thrilled at the idea.
Deidre led me through the doorway and we found the room where she sat me down in a chair and told me watch. It took no time at all to watch as the two of them began to move from 1st base to 2nd, 3rd and eventually to actually fucking one another in front of me. I could barely contain my orgasm over watching them. I had no idea why, but I was fully aroused, leaking pre-cum into my boxers and trying desperately not to unzip and stroke myself off watching the two of them fuck.
After about an hour of intense foreplay, several intense orgasms from Deidre and Deon coming very close to climaxing into her, he suddenly got off her and left the room. She made no comment as he went out but just got off the bed, came over to me and got me undressed, revealing my intense hard-on and pre-cum mess in my underwear. She pulled me over to the bed and lay down on her back. As we talked she made me go down on her and eat her (one of my favourite things to do) as I caressed her black stocking clad legs I oozed more pre-cum, this time it falling on her stockings. She kept coaxing things out of me about watching them, about my desires, about how hard I was and how obviously I loved it. She told me how pleased she was with me for actually loving licking her pussy after another man had been inside her and how I was tasting both her orgasms and a little of his own pre-cum. She then told me to taste my own pre-cum and then began to encourage me to climax for her saying she really wanted to see me cum. She took a hold of my cock and rubbed it over her stockings and then placed it right over her pussy and I climaxed with barely a stroke. Her pussy was covered in my spunk and she grabbed my head and told me to eat it all up off her. I was almost delirious with excitement as I lapped away and I found myself begging her for more.
I remember her words as if it happened a few minutes ago, she said aloud "He's ready".
Deon came back in, pushed me to one side and the two of them fucked with me right there naked kneeling and watching them. Eventually he pulled out and Deidre told me to remove his condom. I held it in my hand and she told me to come closer so that she could once again could stroke me off until once more I shot my cum right on her pussy lips. Deon grunted his approval and again shoved me to one side before he used my cum as a lubricant and pushed his fat black cock in and began to fuck her again this time fully bareback.
Another 15 minutes went by and eventually he came inside her. He removed himself from Deidre's pussy and positioned his cock over her mouth and she began to lick him and clean him up as she again grabbed my head and forced me face first into her pussy and made me do the same to her. Somehow I'd forgotten that I was now going into her pussy that had been cum in by a stranger and just ate, ate, licked and licked and ate some more before climaxing once more, this time spurting all over her stocking-clad legs.
After that night the entire dynamic of our relationship changed. On the trip home she explained about how she felt; how it felt; how she loved every moment and how addictive it was to be back doing this but, this time, with a willing partner and lover (me) who was not in this for his own selfish needs and desires of getting laid.
Over the next few weeks we set boundaries, ground rules and desires to be met. More importantly we moved from a simple cuckold relationship to a more advanced one that saw me becoming sissified for her and eventually living the better part of my life as a sissy slave and cuckold to her as she became my Mistress and my Cuckoldress. I was completely in love with her and everything we were doing and eventually I asked her to make things 'official' and about a week before Christmas I asked her to marry me. She accepted my proposal and I was the happiest man alive.
Our engagement took our relationship to another level and I delighted in her increasingly behavioural degradations toward me. I was inwardly excited when she would take any opportunity to degrade me, humiliate me, strip me of manhood and pride. Several times she would hold parties with all women (usually 5 or less) and would show off how she'd taken me from a semi-tough hockey player into a sissified maid. I was secretly proud to learn that some of the other women took me as an example and eventually transitioned their husbands as well and that some had gone the full route like I did. I was also thrilled when Deidre suggested I purchased a hi-end video camera and we became quite adept at recording our parties and encounters so that we built up quite a library of movies to which I could happily masturbate whenever she was away on business or, as increasingly happened, when she left me home alone to go and meet and party without me.
The videos helped me in every sense and constantly reminded me how wonderful and incredible it was to be a cuckold to a beautiful white woman! I would sit with my stiff little cock in my hand and watch and listen to my woman moan and tell her black lover of how her 'husband' was so much smaller; not as good in bed; that her pussy was not his but the property of her ebony master. I could just listen to the dialogue and not have to bother about looking at the picture, just the sounds alone were enough to reinforce my new belief that white men are meant to serve and I would be aroused to the point of climax without a single touch to my worthless white worm. I loved each time my beautiful Deidre would look over and say similar things to me and watch me fall even more in love with her as I saw her pleasured and then I would feel my body lose control of itself and my hot cum would spurt and dribble over my hand as she got filled with hot Mandingo dick!
My Mistress bought herself a small camera that she could easily stow in her purse with the idea that she could film her encounters when she 'played away' from home. I received one of these videos once from my Mistress after she had been out on a business lunch with a client. When they had entered the restaurant she had seen this black man that instantly she knew she just had to fuck! As she passed him by on her way to her table and her meeting they exchanged glances and smiles and they both recognised the signs.
The meeting and the meal over she said her goodbyes to the client and saw that her 'target' was still quietly waiting for her. She called into work to make sure her office buddy would cover for her absence and getting the OK she left the restaurant and slipped off to a nearby motel with this man she met just moments before ending the lunch meeting.
Luckily (or was it luck?) she was wearing no panties that afternoon and she had on her most sheer nude stockings and her favourite CFM heels. Around her ankle was a gold anklet that held two gold charms, one a heart which had 'BBC' engraved upon it and the other the key to my chastity device. It took her no time at all to convince the gentleman that she was for real and that she was going to give him what he had been eyeing for several minutes in the restaurant.
They got a room and she took the small video camera from her purse and set it up to capture the entire fucking from the perspective as if I was sitting there watching. Thankfully she had just loaded a new tape (remember, this was pre-digital days) because the recording was destined to capture over 2 hours of my Mistress being nailed by some Nubian god!
As we watched the tape later at home I told her I could not love her more if she'd had me there taping it live and cleaning her up immediately afterwards. I told her I was so grateful she had the foresight to remember to take her camera in and record that moment and bring me home the sweet offerings he left in her!
I sat alongside her on the couch for the whole 2 hours. She unlocked my cock cage and let me sit there with my little dick stiff and throbbing as we watched. She made it very clear that I was not to touch myself as we viewed but occasionally she allowed me to interrupt her soft masturbation and let me go down on her to lick and suck at the juices that were still seeping from her pussy. I came without touching myself 3-times spurting and dribbling on her toes and feet while eating her and listening to her moans; watching her thrash; seeing her being so perfectly black-fucked and listening to her occasional commentary like, "you never have fucked me like this .... he's 10-times the man you could ever hope to be, you sissy." Such loving words. The best of times.
Life for me could not have been any better and I foresaw that once we were married that everything that had fuelled my fantasies and desires would all come true and my world would become complete.
We made plans for the wedding and decided that we would have a very special ceremony. Actually, it was decided there would be two ceremonies. The first would be a traditional wedding with my Mistress dressed in a fine white wedding dress and me in a formal tuxedo. We would invite the few ****** and friends from our 'normal' life to witness our nuptials and that the ushers would be some of her favoured black lovers one of whom had been chosen as Best Man. (Heaven knows, she had plenty to choose from!). The traditional wedding would be a daytime affair and be concluded by late afternoon when for all intents and purposes the happy couple would be leaving to go off on a short honeymoon. In reality, once all the vanilla guests had left the second ceremony would begin; a proper 'cuckold wedding'.
We had it all planned down to the finest detail. The black ushers and the Best Man would after the vanilla guests had left revert to type and all become 'Best Studs'. I was to be taken into a back room by several of them, plus at least one non-vanilla female, and then stripped of my male attire. There I would be transformed into a sissified bride complete with wedding dress and everything that would be a more simple version of what my Wife/Cuckoldress/Mistress was wearing.
I would then be bought out and hopefully there would be gasps of admiration (or would it be sniggers of derision?) as I was revealed in all my sissy glory. Then one of the ushers would stand in as the preacher, state some pre-arranged wedding vows about our lifestyle choices and my total enslavement to her and my agreement to her having all the BBCs she desired for life.
That would bring us to the part of the ceremony where instead of the traditional 'kiss the bride' I would be forced to kneel and 'lick the bride' under her gown. I would then be instructed to turn and then take out the preacher's cock and suck him, making him ready for him to impale my new bride. I would then hold up the hem of her dress to reveal her pantie-less cunt and then at her command I would invite him to fuck her.
After that it was to be a free-for-all with every non-vanilla woman there getting to have first crack at any black men, while the black men would all take turns fucking my new bride as much as they wished to in front of me. I would be there with my gown hiked up and mouth open ready to take all cocks or strap-ons and being thoroughly humiliated by everyone, much to what would have been my enjoyment.
We made our plans with the help of the many sites that catered for such fantasies and looking at them now brings back so many lovely memories of our plans and the times we sat around working on them as she teased and tormented me with wedding videos of black men and white brides. My cock is satisfyingly hard as I recall the moments.
Something else that we spoke of often was a desire she had to eventually fully feminized me. She used to get very excited at the idea of turning me into a 'chick with a dick' complete with breasts not as large as her 38Ds but still comparable. There was even talk of her possibly expanding our '******' to include her ******** (she was 14 at the time of my cuckolding) in the lifestyle and getting her to find, conquer and convert another a man for herself into something akin to what Deidre was planning for me. I found both fantasies most attractive, especially the thought of integrating Desiree into our little ****** affairs. As time went by she looked more and more just like her mother and there was no doubting from the looks she gave and her behaviour when she came and stayed with us that she would be more than agreeable.
My Cuckoldress/Mistress had another fantasy of becoming impregnated with a black baby and we played this scenario out many times with new black lovers. She would insist on them using a condom at first, but midway through the encounter she would tell him to remove it and then begin to drift into this 'subspace' of hers where she'd be begging her lover to impregnate her. Every single black lover would never question this. In fact, each got even more excited and would fuck her harder! I don't know if we just got lucky with finding black men always ripe to the idea of delivering a black baby to her or what, but it always heightened her sexual experiences with these new men who would eventually be added to her stable of available black studs she could count on to fuck her anytime she called on them.
I think that for me there was another element of excitement and satisfaction to the idea that she might become pregnant by one of her black lovers. I confess to always having been a deep thinker and in addition to my strong views on the rights of being a cuckold I had also long held a sense of guilt as a Caucasian for the wrongs that had been suffered upon the black community and the appalling manner in which they as a race had been treated since the day the first African slave was landed on our shores. From that day onward there has been so many crimes against humanity meted out on our black brethren by my fellow white Americans that we should all hang our heads in shame at being responsible for the treatment and their degradation. In my mind I felt it was right and proper that white women should be impregnated by their black lovers as a measure to satisfy my belief there was a wrong to be righted.
It was this sense of guilt that fired me to do the things we did. I always felt a need to show my subservience to these much misaligned fellow creatures. I was never happier when I could watch my Cuckoldress/Mistress take her naked lover into the shower and view them lather up and get all dirty once more. It gave me a vicarious thrill but I never quite understood how incredible it was until one of her BBC lovers finally dragged me in there with them and I got to experience first-hand soaping him, rinsing him, sucking him and eventually feeling him push me against the wall and him ploughing his massive god-tool into me. I almost wept with joy as I felt him cumming.
There were times when she would insist that I stay outside of the bedroom door but to make sure that I was in earshot. Hearing her almost in total orgasm mode from just kissing, fingering and groping still has such a profound and arousing effect on a cuckold like me! I can only imagine that she loved the idea of 'cheating' and it gave her such a heightened thrill to be, although we were not yet married, 'adulterous' with this incredible ebony god! She had me both wishing to be in the room with her ... and to be lucky for him to want to use me! Oh my God, the memory of how I edged so many times near to the brink standing there with my ear pressed to the door.
Other times she would 'allow' me into the room and I would be blessed to have a night of watching my beautiful Deidre in our bed with one of her many black lovers, eager to feel a hard black cock penetrate her .... and me locked up in a metal chastity device straining to hold my erection in and making each throb of my cock so painful as I watch my beloved fucked in front of me!
******
Why am I recalling this all in the past tense?
We had been living our most agreeable life as an engaged couple for a couple of years when one night on a return home from a business trip up north that a ***** driver killed her. There are no words to describe my devastation. In that instant my world was destroyed; my dreams and plans replaced by an overwhelming sense of grief and despair. It is only now, years later, that I can look back on those times that I had with my Deirdre without feeling the tears well up and to sink back into depression.
The weeks following my Mistress's death were amongst the most painful I had ever experienced. If it had not been bad enough to have had my beloved snatched from me in such a cruel manner, the treatment that followed was even more wicked for her ex-husband reappeared on the scene and really dug in the knife of despair.
Unbeknown to me Deidre had a Will that listed her ex-husband as both executor and beneficiary to her possessions. He was a total bastard. He didn't like me; never forgave her for divorcing him and for setting up house with me in what was his old apartment and, more importantly, had never released back to her the keys to the front door when they parted.
The Will had all manner of conditions and caveats that, in law, excluded me or any other person she might be co-inhabiting with from having anything to do with the distribution of the estate. Indeed, there was even a statement in there that prevented me from having anything to do with the ******** in the event of Deidre's death. So it was that one day when I was out at work that he broke into the apartment we shared and began to clean out all of the items that belonged to Desiree. I came home to find that he had left an official-looking document that ordered me to vacate in 30 days.
For several days thereafter he began coming over and cleaning out everything that he felt was Deidre's stuff, which including a ton of videos we made together of our cuckolding and her exploits with other men. He literally stole everything that connected her with me; every item of feminine clothing that she had bought for me; the adult toys; the two chastity devices, even the engagement ring I bought and had given to Deidre. This asshole then used this 'information' as a form of blackmail to speed up the process of eviction to 14 days.
The pendulum had swung back, it was definitely the worst of times.
Stripped of the last dignity and almost losing the will to live I knew I could not stay in Florida and be constantly reminded of the idyllic life which had so brutally been torn away and was forever lost. I decided to return to my roots back up North and that's where I now live with my memories and my books which provide a quiet solace to my broken heart.
I have plenty of time to reflect on what has gone on before and an over-riding thought is that it's a crazy situation that here in the North there seems to be more black folks around but an inversely proportional availability for liaisons. I would give anything to be involved once more with big black men and their big black cocks ploughing into a white willing pussy.
However, when I am not having such thoughts there is always my author of choice, Charles Dickens and I have re-read his masterpieces over and over as I live in this mid-western wasteland of bigoted sexual attitudes.
It is Charles Dickens who provides a neat summation of my life and situation through his book titles. I have often referenced 'The Tale of Two Cities' with it's opening statement of 'the best of times; the worst of times' but when I look back to being with Deidre and being trapped in my cock cage it is fair to say that they, for more than one reason, were 'Hard Times'.
My living arrangements now are without any unnecessary embellishment given I haven't the will or inclination to buy fine, pretty things such as what I enjoyed with my Mistress. I am indeed living in a 'Bleak House'.
However, all is not lost for I recently had a call from Desiree who says now she has graduated from High School that she is looking to come up North to pursue a career in finance, just like her mother. She is looking for somewhere to stay whilst she gets settled and established. Can I help; could she come and stay?
I need to revisit 'Great Expectations'.
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