In the Black New World Order of the future, whites were completely dehumanized and denied any protection of the law. Free whites were beaten, tortured, and killed on sight. The only protection of the law any white could enjoy was in his or her status as a slave and many whites volunteered for slavery for that reason. Of course the white birth rate had collapsed and white extinction was taken for granted, but in the meantime there was a huge surplus of free whites and white slaves and a problem with how to employ so many whites to good use. This problem was complicated by the fact that many white men were too old for hard manual labor or any labor at all for that matter.
One solution to this challenge was the formalization of a special kind of slave, the white urine slave.
A white slave is on all fours, head up, eyes forward in a so called “urine cage.” A urine cage was made out of iron strips formed into the shape of a human down on all fours, on his hands and knees. An opening could be unlocked to allow the slave to crawl in from the rear and to be supported, whether awake or asleep, in that position.
In front of the slave’s head is a funnel approximately 12" in diameter with a short hose that passes into his mouth through one of several types of mouthpieces. The more traditional mouthpiece allows the urine to flow directly into the slaves mouth. Thereafter the slave must ingest i.e. swallow it. The more modern, more advanced mouthpiece is a hose that passes through the slave’s mouth and extends down the his throat into his esophagus. Most often it has a tongue suppressor.
The pass through design allows the master more efficiently to use his slave as a urinal. The pass through design and the hose extending through the mouth directly into the slave’s throat allows urine to flow freely from the funnel through the hose and directly into the slave’s stomach. This eliminates the need for the slave to gulp and swallow and allows the urine stream to flow more freely.
The traditional diver’s mouthpiece fits into the lips and allows the urine to be dumped into the slave’s mouth, to be manually swallowed. This traditional mouthpiece allows the slave to experiences the distinctive taste, warmth and volume of the master’s urine. Although the more traditional mouth piece based on the slave’s gulping and swallowing is slower than newer more streamlined designs, it’s more personal and takes into account the individual slave’s reaction to the master’s urine. Of course the traditional mouthpiece allows a defiant slave to try to block the stream by constricting his throat or blocking the tube with its tongue. This disciplinary problem, however, is rarely encountered and is easily remedied. A master can either switch to the more modern mouthpiece with its streamlined stream flow or use other discipline as he prefers. Violent discipline is easily applied to a slave in this position because he’s confined in a metal cage and can’t move or fight back.
Despite the efficiency of the pass through mouthpiece, many masters still prefer the more traditional mouth piece that dumps the urine into the mouth so that the slave can experience its warmth and flavor as he gulps and swallows it. This traditional mouth piece is still the favored accessory for personal use in homes and also in high end night clubs and restaurants. It is less efficient but more pleasurable.
All currently manufactured urine funnel kits now come factory equipped with both types of mouthpieces for the master’s choice.
A master may want to use the traditional mouth dump for personal every day use and switch to the faster, more efficient by pass model when entertaining guests who only want to relieve themselves quickly without savoring the personal experience.
Original urine funnels were either plastic or galvanized metal that had a bland, utilitarian industrial appearance. The splatter of a fresh strong urine stream hitting the metal funnel produced a distinctive sound, much like the sound of rain drops hitting a metal awning or splattering against a window. The sound annoyed some masters, but most enjoyed it as part of the intensely personal experience of this essential bodily function. Also, the slave heard the distinctive sound as well and this made it a shared experience...shared between the master and the slave.
These early models worked well in public places and in school restrooms, but were considered to be hopelessly bland and unsuitable for private homes of the black well to do.
Original urine funnels were mostly plastic but the overwhelming popularity of these items created a booming market for a wider variety. Designer urine funnels appeared. Black masters can now chose among a limitless variety and selection of urine funnels, many of which are wonderfully artistic and creative. Who would have guessed that such an item would be the focus of aesthetic efforts and appreciation?
Black artistic talent and creativity have been the source of endless variety. There is even a model with interchangeable funnel covers that can be changed according to the seasons, the decor of the surroundings if the urine slave is moved to different rooms for whatever reason. Some urine slaves are positioned for easy convenience during large parties or other social events. As the urine slave is moved from room to room or into different surroundings, urine funnel covers provide an infinite variety of choices.
Schools sponsored art contests for urine funnel design, and why not? Urine slaves are being stationed in school restrooms for use by black students. What could be more natural or appropriate than their interest in their own surroundings and what more creative way to brighten the otherwise sterile and dull environment of the school bathroom.
No one foresaw the way the urine slave/ urine funnel phenomenon would take black society by storm, especially black, upper class well to do society, the kind that could afford personal slaves. Urine slaves were all the fashion.
The white urine slave and the ubiquitous urine funnel was a source of profound cultural enrichment as well as interracial interaction and interracial fellowship. It actually benefitted both the master and the slave, even though no benefit was intended for the urinal slave. Many close relationships were formed.
The urination experience provided a form of interracial fellowship between the slave and the master, privately and behind closed doors. Urination is of course an essential bodily function and among the most private under most circumstances. Obviously this does not apply to the public white slave urinal phenomenon with white urinal slaves positioned on public streets, bus stops and other public places.
Interestingly enough, the white urine slave phenomenon provided an unforeseen boost to the black literary and entertainment scene.
One example of this is urine funnel/urine slave humor as expressed in jokes, wise cracks as well as in novels and TV sit coms. The humor provided by this phenomenon was a well needed form of relaxation and release from tension the inevitable interracial tension and ill feelings. For both races the white urinal provided a badly needed release and humor that smoothed over the nerve wracking political controversies and questions that were so important.
The enormous important issues facing the newly empowered black community in dealing with the neutered white minority took its toll on the social fabric and tensions and tempers flared. The harshness of the plight of the white urine slave placed an emotional and psychological burden on dominant black people who were by nature kind and gentle. The harsh treatment of white people required for black survival placed a heavy burden on kindly black people. They payed a heavy psychological price for having to observe the plight of the white slaves and white freed males.
It was essential to black psychological well being that some release from this tension, from the psychological burden be available. Several arose. One important release for this burden on black sensibilities was a very special kind of humor, White urine slave humor. Although appearing primitive and earthy, at a higher psychological level it provided much needed relief from these tensions and gave black people a much needed source of humor and levity that helped take the edge off tense political and social issues.
White slave urine humor was a boon to all black men and a source of laughter and psychological relief to all black people. The varieties of this humor were seemingly endless.
One form of humor involved the conclusion of the urination process. As the black man’s bladder was voided, his powerful urine stream would decline to a trickle of a few remaining drops. His black friends would remind him boisterously, with that classic admonition: “Don’t forget to shake it.”
Of course this timeless, universal rejoinder, “don’t forget to shake it” prompted uproarious laughter by all present, all except the white urinal slave who could not laugh or react in any manner because the mouthpiece of the urine funnel made it impossible for him to speak. The white urine slave’s responses were limited, by the circumstances, to gulping, gurgling and swallowing. Neither insubordination nor any form of rudeness were possible and the natural sounds of the urine stream splattering against the urine funnel to be followed by gulping and swallowing sounds were pleasing to the black man’s ear.
The urinating black man would usually respond to his friends’ rejoinders with mock gratitude. “Hey! No problem” or “Oh, thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot.” Of course he hadn’t forgotten. No one ever forgot to shake it. It was, however, the point their telling him to do it and his reaction of then making a big, elaborate gesture of shaking his penis so that every last warm, fresh, gleaming drop of urine would splash down into the funnel and then down into the white urine slave’s mouth.
Other rituals were greeting the white urine slave with such social greetings as “How’s it going?” “How’s your day?” “See you next time.” “Hang in there baby.”
Of course, the white slave’s mouth was filled with a mouthpiece or he was gulping and swallowing urine so as not to spill any. Urine slaves could be punished harshly for spilling urine on the ground if they didn’t gulp and swallow fast enough.
In any case, the slave did not reply and could not have spoken if he’d wanted to. White replies were limited to animal like grunts, squeals and whimpers if any response was offered at all. Of course gulping and swallowing sounds were unavoidable and indeed, were an inherent part of the experience, a shared experience between master and slave. It was generally considered best for the white not to react at all so as not to attract any more attention than absolutely necessary.
Jovial, good natured black men would ask, would matter of factly speak to their waiting white urinals with cheerful, friendly greetings as they unzipped their pants and pulled out their penises in order to urinate, “Hey baby! How’s it going today?” Others would say, “Hey! You all ready there?”
Others would mock the white urinal slaves with such comments as “Why don’t you ever have anything to say?” “You’re not much of a conversationalist are you?” “You’re not very talkative today?” Others would ask, “Is something wrong?”
Of course this mockery was a source of endless humor to the blacks. If white urine slaves were offended by this humor, they never said so.
There was no end to the greetings and also no end to the comments made by urinating black men who were releasing their strong, warm, sparkling urine streams into the white men on their knees before them.
“Think it’s going to rain today?” “Hot enough for you?”
Of course this humor was admittedly ironic, perhaps even cruel and mocking. Everyone knew the urine slave could not speak at all. Even so, it was a shared experience between fellow human beings, notwithstanding the unequal standings of them.
Occasionally, black men accused the hapless urine slave of disrespect and insubordination for refusing to return the black person’s friendly greeting or respond to his attempts at “conversation.” It was a darker sort of humor, to be sure, but a source of humor nonetheless. If white urine slaves were offended, none ever said so. In the absence of even a formal objection by any white, blacks should certainly have felt comfortable with whatever humor amused them.
Insubordination by a white slave was grounds for harsh physical punishment. Sometimes the black person so aggrieved would demand to know if the urine slave thought he was too good to speak to a black man. More black humor...or at least dark humor.
“How come you never say HI?” “Cat got your tongue?” “It would really be nice of you to speak or say something when I reach out to you,” a black would say as this urine stream splattered into the urine funnel to flow down into the slave.
Some especially harsh black men would deliver a blow to the hapless white urine slave or other slave to punish for bad manners for not returning their greeting or engaging in conversation.
Others would walk up to the white urine slave and display a gallon of “Liquid Plumber” or a can of “Drano,” both caustic drain cleaners. The slave would tremble in terror at the sight of these caustic liquids which would kill the slave if poured into the funnel. Sometimes white slaves threatened this way would start shaking, or trembling and struggling against their restrains when approaching black men held up Liquid Plumber or cans of Drano as they walked up smiling broadly as they approached. The eyes of the white slaves would widen and bulge with horror. Some would start squealing and make muffled unintelligible animal like sounds and start straining against their bonds.
Black pranksters would feign surprise. “Hey! Something wrong?” Then they’d look all around as if trying to see what could possibly have frightened the white slave. Then they’d look at the drain cleaner in their hand.
“Oh! This? Hey man,” they’d explain. “ Hey! Calm down. This is for using at home. Get a grip on yourself! Do I look like the kind of guy who’d pour this into a slave’s urine funnel?”
Others would say “Hey! Lighten up asshole! Relax.”
Then they would all laugh hysterically. “Oh,’ they’d say with mock surprise and hold up the container. “Oh. This isn’t for you. Relax. Sorry I upset you.” This would trigger more laughter.
Thankfully for the white urine slaves, this was not the norm. The urine slave belonged either to a private owner or to the department of public works, if it was a public slave urinal. Any black person who damaged or seriously injured the white urine slave could be financially liable for damages and even some time in a forced labor camp.
Unfortunately for the white slave, some pranksters weren’t joking. few times these jokes went too far and some jokesters actually dumped liquid drain cleaners down the into the urine funnels. Some of these incidents were videoed by cell phones for later viewing. The slaves would immediately go crazy, their eyes would widen and they would struggle frantically but futilely at their restraints and squeal and make muffled animal like sounds. Their eyes bulged with terror and their otherwise expressionless faces were grotesquely contorted as their internal organs were eaten away.
This inevitably killed the slaves who experienced unspeakable agony as their internal organs were eaten away by the caustic chemicals.
Ironically, these pranks were harshly punished and security was increased on publicly placed white urine slaves. Videos of these deaths were widely circulated but were so horrible they actually triggered outrage from black civil rights and animal rights groups. Black slavery was not without its humane dimension and slaves were not entirely at the mercy of black pranksters. Admittedly they had little formal legal protection, but a little is more than none.
One kindly black man was known for popping open a full beer can and pouring its contents down into the urine funnel. The closet things most white urine slaves ever got was when beer drinking persons stopped and relieved themselves down their throats. Consuming alcohol was a source of humor for blacks.
Black entertainment actually produced a weekly sit com entitled “Don’t Forget to Shake It,” based on the adventures of a black ******’s patriarch, his trials and tribulations of life in general and his close relationship with his white urine slave.
“Ralph,” his wife “Alice” and their three children starred in the show and the white urine slave was portrayed by a number of different white men. The white urine slave’s actual identity was a subject of some conjecture because his face was never visible, obscured as it was by the urine funnel, the hose and the mouthpiece. His lines consisted entirely of animal like grunts, squeals, moans and gurgling, gulping and swallowing. He could not speak with the mouthpiece in his mouth.
The show actually began with a few seconds of complete silence followed by the distinctive sounds of a fresh urine stream splattering on a metal urine funnel, flowing down the hose and the gulping, gurgling and swallowing sounds when it flowed into the mouth of the white urine slave. Of course after the debut show of the series, the sound was as famous as it was distinctive and unmistakable. It was included in the soundtrack of the show’s music.
Ralph was a moderately successful middle manager at a corporation, recently expropriated by the Black New World Order government’s economic planning division and his was a position of some import. His personal urine slave in his home master bedroom bathroom was a source of pride and personal satisfaction to him. Apart from his wife, the white urine slave was the first person Ralph saw in the morning and the last he saw before going to bed, after relieving himself in the evening. Of course he would sometimes get up in the middle of the night, depending on how much he’d ***** at dinner or socializing with his friends.
Although intelligent and relatively successful, he was continually dueling with his overbearing but loving wife who always reminded Ralph, “Don’t forget to shake it” every time he relieved himself into the white man’s mouth.
Ralph’s white urine slave was not only a useful receptacle and a status symbol, but a valued personal confidant as well. Ralph enjoyed the quiet, the solitude and the peace of his time alone in the bathroom behind a closed door, alone with his white urine slave, down on all fours in front of him in his urine slave cage and fitted with his urine funnel, hose and mouthpiece. Ralph savored the distinctive natural sounds of the splattering of his urine on the funnel, the sound of its flowing down the hose followed by the gulping and swallowing sounds when it flowed into white urine slave’s mouth.
The white urine slave always reacted to the fresh flow of warm, sparkling urine with a kind of “Mmmmm....” sound. Ralph wondered if his slave enjoyed the taste and warmth and flow of the urine, but never asked and the slave never volunteered an explanation. The protocols of master slave etiquette disfavored expressions of judgment or opinion from slaves. Their comfort or pleasure were irrelevant to the master. Of course personal relationships developed and such pleasantries were probably exchanged, but not on a television show designed to reinforce rather than to undermine accepted norms governing the master slave relationship.
Once when Ralph hosted a poker party at his house and drank an entire six pack of beer, he wanted to remove the slave’s mouthpiece and ask if his urine tasted different after drinking so much beer? This issue was the subject of discussions with friends, neighbors, co-workers and his wife...should he ask the slave’s reaction to the taste of urine after drinking beer? In the end he decided not to ask. What if the slave said it tasted bad? Would he stop drinking beer? Would he stop urinating in the slave’s mouth after drinking? Who needs those kinds of ethical issues and worries? One value of the urine slave was a judgment free, quiet personal moment for which no rejoinders could be made...except to remember to shake it.
Ralph cherished the fact that he could say anything and speak with total honest and candor to his white urine slave without any risk of being challenged or having any confidence betrayed. He could complain about his boss, his children or...most importantly... even his wife and his remakes, made behind closed doors, would never be repeated. Standing over his slave in the cool quiet of the bathroom behind a locked and closed door at the end if the day, Ralph would wax philosophical about the day’s events, the conditions of the world, his ******’s problems or any other subject. Depending on the subject and the shows’ subject matter, his monologues came at the end of the show and could be either serious or funny, or humorous or dignified. His slave never disagreed or spoiled their quiet moments together. Invariably, as he stood alone with his slave, his wife would pound on the locked door, demand to know what he was doing, and when he responded that he was relieving himself, she would shout from the other side of the bathroom door... “ Well, don’t forget to shake it!”
Of course the viewers and the studio audiences laughed hysterically and the show was a great success. This was of many changes in the traditional black white relationship in the short era between domination of whites and their ultimate extinction.
One solution to this challenge was the formalization of a special kind of slave, the white urine slave.
A white slave is on all fours, head up, eyes forward in a so called “urine cage.” A urine cage was made out of iron strips formed into the shape of a human down on all fours, on his hands and knees. An opening could be unlocked to allow the slave to crawl in from the rear and to be supported, whether awake or asleep, in that position.
In front of the slave’s head is a funnel approximately 12" in diameter with a short hose that passes into his mouth through one of several types of mouthpieces. The more traditional mouthpiece allows the urine to flow directly into the slaves mouth. Thereafter the slave must ingest i.e. swallow it. The more modern, more advanced mouthpiece is a hose that passes through the slave’s mouth and extends down the his throat into his esophagus. Most often it has a tongue suppressor.
The pass through design allows the master more efficiently to use his slave as a urinal. The pass through design and the hose extending through the mouth directly into the slave’s throat allows urine to flow freely from the funnel through the hose and directly into the slave’s stomach. This eliminates the need for the slave to gulp and swallow and allows the urine stream to flow more freely.
The traditional diver’s mouthpiece fits into the lips and allows the urine to be dumped into the slave’s mouth, to be manually swallowed. This traditional mouthpiece allows the slave to experiences the distinctive taste, warmth and volume of the master’s urine. Although the more traditional mouth piece based on the slave’s gulping and swallowing is slower than newer more streamlined designs, it’s more personal and takes into account the individual slave’s reaction to the master’s urine. Of course the traditional mouthpiece allows a defiant slave to try to block the stream by constricting his throat or blocking the tube with its tongue. This disciplinary problem, however, is rarely encountered and is easily remedied. A master can either switch to the more modern mouthpiece with its streamlined stream flow or use other discipline as he prefers. Violent discipline is easily applied to a slave in this position because he’s confined in a metal cage and can’t move or fight back.
Despite the efficiency of the pass through mouthpiece, many masters still prefer the more traditional mouth piece that dumps the urine into the mouth so that the slave can experience its warmth and flavor as he gulps and swallows it. This traditional mouth piece is still the favored accessory for personal use in homes and also in high end night clubs and restaurants. It is less efficient but more pleasurable.
All currently manufactured urine funnel kits now come factory equipped with both types of mouthpieces for the master’s choice.
A master may want to use the traditional mouth dump for personal every day use and switch to the faster, more efficient by pass model when entertaining guests who only want to relieve themselves quickly without savoring the personal experience.
Original urine funnels were either plastic or galvanized metal that had a bland, utilitarian industrial appearance. The splatter of a fresh strong urine stream hitting the metal funnel produced a distinctive sound, much like the sound of rain drops hitting a metal awning or splattering against a window. The sound annoyed some masters, but most enjoyed it as part of the intensely personal experience of this essential bodily function. Also, the slave heard the distinctive sound as well and this made it a shared experience...shared between the master and the slave.
These early models worked well in public places and in school restrooms, but were considered to be hopelessly bland and unsuitable for private homes of the black well to do.
Original urine funnels were mostly plastic but the overwhelming popularity of these items created a booming market for a wider variety. Designer urine funnels appeared. Black masters can now chose among a limitless variety and selection of urine funnels, many of which are wonderfully artistic and creative. Who would have guessed that such an item would be the focus of aesthetic efforts and appreciation?
Black artistic talent and creativity have been the source of endless variety. There is even a model with interchangeable funnel covers that can be changed according to the seasons, the decor of the surroundings if the urine slave is moved to different rooms for whatever reason. Some urine slaves are positioned for easy convenience during large parties or other social events. As the urine slave is moved from room to room or into different surroundings, urine funnel covers provide an infinite variety of choices.
Schools sponsored art contests for urine funnel design, and why not? Urine slaves are being stationed in school restrooms for use by black students. What could be more natural or appropriate than their interest in their own surroundings and what more creative way to brighten the otherwise sterile and dull environment of the school bathroom.
No one foresaw the way the urine slave/ urine funnel phenomenon would take black society by storm, especially black, upper class well to do society, the kind that could afford personal slaves. Urine slaves were all the fashion.
The white urine slave and the ubiquitous urine funnel was a source of profound cultural enrichment as well as interracial interaction and interracial fellowship. It actually benefitted both the master and the slave, even though no benefit was intended for the urinal slave. Many close relationships were formed.
The urination experience provided a form of interracial fellowship between the slave and the master, privately and behind closed doors. Urination is of course an essential bodily function and among the most private under most circumstances. Obviously this does not apply to the public white slave urinal phenomenon with white urinal slaves positioned on public streets, bus stops and other public places.
Interestingly enough, the white urine slave phenomenon provided an unforeseen boost to the black literary and entertainment scene.
One example of this is urine funnel/urine slave humor as expressed in jokes, wise cracks as well as in novels and TV sit coms. The humor provided by this phenomenon was a well needed form of relaxation and release from tension the inevitable interracial tension and ill feelings. For both races the white urinal provided a badly needed release and humor that smoothed over the nerve wracking political controversies and questions that were so important.
The enormous important issues facing the newly empowered black community in dealing with the neutered white minority took its toll on the social fabric and tensions and tempers flared. The harshness of the plight of the white urine slave placed an emotional and psychological burden on dominant black people who were by nature kind and gentle. The harsh treatment of white people required for black survival placed a heavy burden on kindly black people. They payed a heavy psychological price for having to observe the plight of the white slaves and white freed males.
It was essential to black psychological well being that some release from this tension, from the psychological burden be available. Several arose. One important release for this burden on black sensibilities was a very special kind of humor, White urine slave humor. Although appearing primitive and earthy, at a higher psychological level it provided much needed relief from these tensions and gave black people a much needed source of humor and levity that helped take the edge off tense political and social issues.
White slave urine humor was a boon to all black men and a source of laughter and psychological relief to all black people. The varieties of this humor were seemingly endless.
One form of humor involved the conclusion of the urination process. As the black man’s bladder was voided, his powerful urine stream would decline to a trickle of a few remaining drops. His black friends would remind him boisterously, with that classic admonition: “Don’t forget to shake it.”
Of course this timeless, universal rejoinder, “don’t forget to shake it” prompted uproarious laughter by all present, all except the white urinal slave who could not laugh or react in any manner because the mouthpiece of the urine funnel made it impossible for him to speak. The white urine slave’s responses were limited, by the circumstances, to gulping, gurgling and swallowing. Neither insubordination nor any form of rudeness were possible and the natural sounds of the urine stream splattering against the urine funnel to be followed by gulping and swallowing sounds were pleasing to the black man’s ear.
The urinating black man would usually respond to his friends’ rejoinders with mock gratitude. “Hey! No problem” or “Oh, thanks for reminding me. I almost forgot.” Of course he hadn’t forgotten. No one ever forgot to shake it. It was, however, the point their telling him to do it and his reaction of then making a big, elaborate gesture of shaking his penis so that every last warm, fresh, gleaming drop of urine would splash down into the funnel and then down into the white urine slave’s mouth.
Other rituals were greeting the white urine slave with such social greetings as “How’s it going?” “How’s your day?” “See you next time.” “Hang in there baby.”
Of course, the white slave’s mouth was filled with a mouthpiece or he was gulping and swallowing urine so as not to spill any. Urine slaves could be punished harshly for spilling urine on the ground if they didn’t gulp and swallow fast enough.
In any case, the slave did not reply and could not have spoken if he’d wanted to. White replies were limited to animal like grunts, squeals and whimpers if any response was offered at all. Of course gulping and swallowing sounds were unavoidable and indeed, were an inherent part of the experience, a shared experience between master and slave. It was generally considered best for the white not to react at all so as not to attract any more attention than absolutely necessary.
Jovial, good natured black men would ask, would matter of factly speak to their waiting white urinals with cheerful, friendly greetings as they unzipped their pants and pulled out their penises in order to urinate, “Hey baby! How’s it going today?” Others would say, “Hey! You all ready there?”
Others would mock the white urinal slaves with such comments as “Why don’t you ever have anything to say?” “You’re not much of a conversationalist are you?” “You’re not very talkative today?” Others would ask, “Is something wrong?”
Of course this mockery was a source of endless humor to the blacks. If white urine slaves were offended by this humor, they never said so.
There was no end to the greetings and also no end to the comments made by urinating black men who were releasing their strong, warm, sparkling urine streams into the white men on their knees before them.
“Think it’s going to rain today?” “Hot enough for you?”
Of course this humor was admittedly ironic, perhaps even cruel and mocking. Everyone knew the urine slave could not speak at all. Even so, it was a shared experience between fellow human beings, notwithstanding the unequal standings of them.
Occasionally, black men accused the hapless urine slave of disrespect and insubordination for refusing to return the black person’s friendly greeting or respond to his attempts at “conversation.” It was a darker sort of humor, to be sure, but a source of humor nonetheless. If white urine slaves were offended, none ever said so. In the absence of even a formal objection by any white, blacks should certainly have felt comfortable with whatever humor amused them.
Insubordination by a white slave was grounds for harsh physical punishment. Sometimes the black person so aggrieved would demand to know if the urine slave thought he was too good to speak to a black man. More black humor...or at least dark humor.
“How come you never say HI?” “Cat got your tongue?” “It would really be nice of you to speak or say something when I reach out to you,” a black would say as this urine stream splattered into the urine funnel to flow down into the slave.
Some especially harsh black men would deliver a blow to the hapless white urine slave or other slave to punish for bad manners for not returning their greeting or engaging in conversation.
Others would walk up to the white urine slave and display a gallon of “Liquid Plumber” or a can of “Drano,” both caustic drain cleaners. The slave would tremble in terror at the sight of these caustic liquids which would kill the slave if poured into the funnel. Sometimes white slaves threatened this way would start shaking, or trembling and struggling against their restrains when approaching black men held up Liquid Plumber or cans of Drano as they walked up smiling broadly as they approached. The eyes of the white slaves would widen and bulge with horror. Some would start squealing and make muffled unintelligible animal like sounds and start straining against their bonds.
Black pranksters would feign surprise. “Hey! Something wrong?” Then they’d look all around as if trying to see what could possibly have frightened the white slave. Then they’d look at the drain cleaner in their hand.
“Oh! This? Hey man,” they’d explain. “ Hey! Calm down. This is for using at home. Get a grip on yourself! Do I look like the kind of guy who’d pour this into a slave’s urine funnel?”
Others would say “Hey! Lighten up asshole! Relax.”
Then they would all laugh hysterically. “Oh,’ they’d say with mock surprise and hold up the container. “Oh. This isn’t for you. Relax. Sorry I upset you.” This would trigger more laughter.
Thankfully for the white urine slaves, this was not the norm. The urine slave belonged either to a private owner or to the department of public works, if it was a public slave urinal. Any black person who damaged or seriously injured the white urine slave could be financially liable for damages and even some time in a forced labor camp.
Unfortunately for the white slave, some pranksters weren’t joking. few times these jokes went too far and some jokesters actually dumped liquid drain cleaners down the into the urine funnels. Some of these incidents were videoed by cell phones for later viewing. The slaves would immediately go crazy, their eyes would widen and they would struggle frantically but futilely at their restraints and squeal and make muffled animal like sounds. Their eyes bulged with terror and their otherwise expressionless faces were grotesquely contorted as their internal organs were eaten away.
This inevitably killed the slaves who experienced unspeakable agony as their internal organs were eaten away by the caustic chemicals.
Ironically, these pranks were harshly punished and security was increased on publicly placed white urine slaves. Videos of these deaths were widely circulated but were so horrible they actually triggered outrage from black civil rights and animal rights groups. Black slavery was not without its humane dimension and slaves were not entirely at the mercy of black pranksters. Admittedly they had little formal legal protection, but a little is more than none.
One kindly black man was known for popping open a full beer can and pouring its contents down into the urine funnel. The closet things most white urine slaves ever got was when beer drinking persons stopped and relieved themselves down their throats. Consuming alcohol was a source of humor for blacks.
Black entertainment actually produced a weekly sit com entitled “Don’t Forget to Shake It,” based on the adventures of a black ******’s patriarch, his trials and tribulations of life in general and his close relationship with his white urine slave.
“Ralph,” his wife “Alice” and their three children starred in the show and the white urine slave was portrayed by a number of different white men. The white urine slave’s actual identity was a subject of some conjecture because his face was never visible, obscured as it was by the urine funnel, the hose and the mouthpiece. His lines consisted entirely of animal like grunts, squeals, moans and gurgling, gulping and swallowing. He could not speak with the mouthpiece in his mouth.
The show actually began with a few seconds of complete silence followed by the distinctive sounds of a fresh urine stream splattering on a metal urine funnel, flowing down the hose and the gulping, gurgling and swallowing sounds when it flowed into the mouth of the white urine slave. Of course after the debut show of the series, the sound was as famous as it was distinctive and unmistakable. It was included in the soundtrack of the show’s music.
Ralph was a moderately successful middle manager at a corporation, recently expropriated by the Black New World Order government’s economic planning division and his was a position of some import. His personal urine slave in his home master bedroom bathroom was a source of pride and personal satisfaction to him. Apart from his wife, the white urine slave was the first person Ralph saw in the morning and the last he saw before going to bed, after relieving himself in the evening. Of course he would sometimes get up in the middle of the night, depending on how much he’d ***** at dinner or socializing with his friends.
Although intelligent and relatively successful, he was continually dueling with his overbearing but loving wife who always reminded Ralph, “Don’t forget to shake it” every time he relieved himself into the white man’s mouth.
Ralph’s white urine slave was not only a useful receptacle and a status symbol, but a valued personal confidant as well. Ralph enjoyed the quiet, the solitude and the peace of his time alone in the bathroom behind a closed door, alone with his white urine slave, down on all fours in front of him in his urine slave cage and fitted with his urine funnel, hose and mouthpiece. Ralph savored the distinctive natural sounds of the splattering of his urine on the funnel, the sound of its flowing down the hose followed by the gulping and swallowing sounds when it flowed into white urine slave’s mouth.
The white urine slave always reacted to the fresh flow of warm, sparkling urine with a kind of “Mmmmm....” sound. Ralph wondered if his slave enjoyed the taste and warmth and flow of the urine, but never asked and the slave never volunteered an explanation. The protocols of master slave etiquette disfavored expressions of judgment or opinion from slaves. Their comfort or pleasure were irrelevant to the master. Of course personal relationships developed and such pleasantries were probably exchanged, but not on a television show designed to reinforce rather than to undermine accepted norms governing the master slave relationship.
Once when Ralph hosted a poker party at his house and drank an entire six pack of beer, he wanted to remove the slave’s mouthpiece and ask if his urine tasted different after drinking so much beer? This issue was the subject of discussions with friends, neighbors, co-workers and his wife...should he ask the slave’s reaction to the taste of urine after drinking beer? In the end he decided not to ask. What if the slave said it tasted bad? Would he stop drinking beer? Would he stop urinating in the slave’s mouth after drinking? Who needs those kinds of ethical issues and worries? One value of the urine slave was a judgment free, quiet personal moment for which no rejoinders could be made...except to remember to shake it.
Ralph cherished the fact that he could say anything and speak with total honest and candor to his white urine slave without any risk of being challenged or having any confidence betrayed. He could complain about his boss, his children or...most importantly... even his wife and his remakes, made behind closed doors, would never be repeated. Standing over his slave in the cool quiet of the bathroom behind a locked and closed door at the end if the day, Ralph would wax philosophical about the day’s events, the conditions of the world, his ******’s problems or any other subject. Depending on the subject and the shows’ subject matter, his monologues came at the end of the show and could be either serious or funny, or humorous or dignified. His slave never disagreed or spoiled their quiet moments together. Invariably, as he stood alone with his slave, his wife would pound on the locked door, demand to know what he was doing, and when he responded that he was relieving himself, she would shout from the other side of the bathroom door... “ Well, don’t forget to shake it!”
Of course the viewers and the studio audiences laughed hysterically and the show was a great success. This was of many changes in the traditional black white relationship in the short era between domination of whites and their ultimate extinction.
