So, I am 34 years old, unmarried. My story begins from 2006 when I was teenager. I was too young to know about fantasies that exist in the world. I had typical fantasy as regular straight men have. I used to like curvy girls, boobs, lips etc. (and I still do). Gay things were weird for me at that very young age.
HOW I FELL IN LOVE:
I used to go home on my bicycle. The average time to reach my home from my collage is about 30 mins. There, one day, on my way, I saw two girls from my class going home together. They both lived nearby my house. So, our path to and from the collage was same. They used to overtake me and I used to overtake them occasionally while going home. One of the girl felt too cute to me and I used to kind of like her (not knowing that I am felling in love with her). I used to like to see here occasionally whenever she was entering in the class, roaming in the class & going outside of the class. Whenever collage is over, I used to wait at parking until both girls start heading to the home. Didn't know how these 2 years have passed. The collage was over in summer 2008. After 3-4 months I started missing her so badly and it was too late for me to know that I fell in love with her.
INTRODUCTION TO CUCKOLDING FANTASY:
After that, I saw her in July 2008 near a tuition for her graduation and decided to ask her out. I planed to stop her while she was returning to her home and ask her. But when I stopped her, she didn't speak with me in good way. She was kind of irritated coz she was getting late to go somewhere. Hence, I didn't propose her as there was chance that she might say NO to me due to here irritated mood. Later after 3-5 months one boy from my friend circle got information that she has boyfriend. As soon as I heard that, my heart was shattered and I was broken... but aroused at the same time?? Why?? Why is that happening with me? I asked to myself. But it was weird and best sexual feeling I had in my life. I decided not to propose her as it was obvious that she would reject me as he had boyfriend. I loved her so much that I never wanted to hear NO from her mouth for me. During these days, I discovered cuckold fantasy on porn sites and started getting aroused to it. This is when I got to know why I got aroused when I got to know that she has boyfriend for the first time. I used to read so many stories and gooned to it while imagining her with someone else. I liked to imagine that her boyfriend must be a big black muscular powerful man.
DEPRESSION PHASE:
After that, I never saw her for long time but her facebook profile in 2013. She was married. I felt so sad and missed those days with her and used to hear songs that release in 2006-2008 to remember those days. I got into sadness so deeply that I got into depression and started to take medication. But along with that I used to read cuckold stories and goon while reading. After masturbation and cumming, my brain used to switch into depression mode and I used to take pills everyday. Next 5 years were rollercoaster for me. I had lot of anxiety panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. I got gradually recovered until end of 2018. And one day, I just thought to visit her facebook profile again. I got surprised that her social status was changed to "Single" from "Married". I thought that this is the right time to ask her out.
TOLD HER ABOUT MY FEELINGS:
I messaged her and got her reply and told her that I missed her and used to like her. In the beginning she told me in kind words that I have to forget everything and go ahead in life and be a successful person. But I told her that I am unable to move on since last 10 years. She tried to convince me a lot until January 2019 but I was unable to do that. One day she told me that she got married again and blocked me on facebook. (I got to know from sources that her first marriage didn't work because she cheated on her 1st husband with this 2nd guy. And now married to the 2nd guy... her lover).
CARRYING ON WITH THE SITUATION:
I still sent her follow request on instagram telling that even if we can't marry, it was important for me to at least let her know that I loved her for last 10 years and had lot's of roller coaster due to depression and will always love her. She didn't block me on instagram but in Sep 2019 she followed me back on instagram and told me that she can only be a good friend of mine. I had to agree to that. My love story was over here forever. for next 4 years, we rarely chatted only to wish each other for birthdays and festivals. My mind kept thinking about her, still in deep overthinking & depression and along with that reading BNWO and MNWO cuckold stories was my daily handjob routine.
SURPRISE SURPRISE:
One day, after 3 years, in April 2022 I got her text,
Her: "Hey, you are computer engineer right? So, can you hack what's app?" (Whats app is chat app).
Me: "Who's what's app you want to hack? & Why?".
Her: "For a friend of mine. Can you hack what's app or not?"
Me: "You are not a kind of girl who would want to hack a friend's phone. Hey, seriously, tell me is it your husband?. Is he cheating on you?"
Her: "Leave it"
HER REGRATE:
I got the strong vibe that her this husband is cheating on her and she is probably trying to spy on him. I told her that I don't want to get into hacking stuff as it's risky job as we both might get caught. But for next 2-3 months I tried to confirm that if it's really her husband that cheating on her. I felt sympathy for her as she recently lost her father too. She was so depressed, missing her father, wanted to die because now it's her 2nd (love marriage) was failing. She told me in next several weeks that her husband is cheating on her and cried a lot on phone call with me. I told her that I would have never done that with her. She shouldn't have missed chance with me in 2019 when I came back earlier. She asked to tell me the detailed memory I have about our collage days. I told her everything about bicycle thing and told her in detail about how I missed her. She realized so badly what a big mistake she made when she told me to move on in 2019 by rejecting me.
CONVINCING HER TO MARRY ME:
I told her that we are still 34 years old. Not so old and I am still unmarried. I told her she should file divorce and marry with me. I was still ready to accept her even if she had 2 marriages broken. She genuinely said that even if she cheated on her 1st husband, he wasn't a good guy at all. He used to torture her and that's why she got too close with this 2nd guy and had affair. And now, this 2nd guy cheated on her, hence, she said that she don't believe in marriages. "All men are same" she said. She was not able to trust me because she had two bad marriage experiences with men. It took me next 3-4 months to convince her and she also got close to me and kind of started liking me. She didn't realize that she is felling in love with me. It took few more weeks for her to realized what her feelings are about me. Then one day she told me that she will marry me after divorce.
DEMINISHING OF CUCKOLD FANTASY:
In June 2022, I got the same girl back who fell me love with me for whom I used to imagine cuckolding. We started doing roleplays on phone call but didn't tell her directly about cuckolding. I tried to get her mind like big cocks and big men but she said she only like to see my dick. She was getting turned off every time I used to show BBC pics. I tried another ways by introducing her sex fantasy knowledge. I taught her about Dom/Sub fantasy. I told her that I used to read stories where I liked to imagine myself as submissive guy. I told her that I am switch (Sometime Dom but most of the time Sub). I didn't tell her directly about cuckolding. I told her to try being dominant woman with me while roleplaying but It wasn't her thing. She liked to play a role as a mommy and me as her baby tough but I wasn't able to take her to like BBCs and cuckolding. I used to play mostly as a regular Dom guy with her and she wanted me to be a normal regular Dom guy for her. In the meantime, I was so happy that I got my lost love back and my mindset was slowly shifting from being sub to being dom (may be because I got the same girl back who rejected me). My "loser submissive" mindset was slowly diminishing since I found my lost love of 10 years who rejected me over 3 years. I thought to myself that my brain was repairing?
NO FUN IN FANTASY:
Now, in present day, I am slowly becoming less submissive. Cuckold stories and porn is not feeling so erotic for me. But me being dom and she being sub is also not so fun. Is it due to the shift in my mindset or is it that my libido is going down due to age? But one thing was for sure that, If I still imagine her with someone else, I get somewhat aroused. I miss those days so badly (for sex life) when she rejected me. When I imagine her hating me, I get aroused so nicely and want to read cuckold stories. But now, since she is mine, it's getting difficult for me to get aroused as I am not Dom kind of guy by nature.
So, the situation right now is, at one hand, I have my love back in my life but I am not getting that kind of arousal. And at another hand, there is my fantasy where (If she cheat on me or leave me for someone else then) I would get aroused so hard. I know that she would never ever ever like cuckolding. I know her mindset. Hence, it's hard choice for me between Love & Fantasy. What should I do? I don't know.
HOW I FELL IN LOVE:
I used to go home on my bicycle. The average time to reach my home from my collage is about 30 mins. There, one day, on my way, I saw two girls from my class going home together. They both lived nearby my house. So, our path to and from the collage was same. They used to overtake me and I used to overtake them occasionally while going home. One of the girl felt too cute to me and I used to kind of like her (not knowing that I am felling in love with her). I used to like to see here occasionally whenever she was entering in the class, roaming in the class & going outside of the class. Whenever collage is over, I used to wait at parking until both girls start heading to the home. Didn't know how these 2 years have passed. The collage was over in summer 2008. After 3-4 months I started missing her so badly and it was too late for me to know that I fell in love with her.
INTRODUCTION TO CUCKOLDING FANTASY:
After that, I saw her in July 2008 near a tuition for her graduation and decided to ask her out. I planed to stop her while she was returning to her home and ask her. But when I stopped her, she didn't speak with me in good way. She was kind of irritated coz she was getting late to go somewhere. Hence, I didn't propose her as there was chance that she might say NO to me due to here irritated mood. Later after 3-5 months one boy from my friend circle got information that she has boyfriend. As soon as I heard that, my heart was shattered and I was broken... but aroused at the same time?? Why?? Why is that happening with me? I asked to myself. But it was weird and best sexual feeling I had in my life. I decided not to propose her as it was obvious that she would reject me as he had boyfriend. I loved her so much that I never wanted to hear NO from her mouth for me. During these days, I discovered cuckold fantasy on porn sites and started getting aroused to it. This is when I got to know why I got aroused when I got to know that she has boyfriend for the first time. I used to read so many stories and gooned to it while imagining her with someone else. I liked to imagine that her boyfriend must be a big black muscular powerful man.
DEPRESSION PHASE:
After that, I never saw her for long time but her facebook profile in 2013. She was married. I felt so sad and missed those days with her and used to hear songs that release in 2006-2008 to remember those days. I got into sadness so deeply that I got into depression and started to take medication. But along with that I used to read cuckold stories and goon while reading. After masturbation and cumming, my brain used to switch into depression mode and I used to take pills everyday. Next 5 years were rollercoaster for me. I had lot of anxiety panic attacks, hallucinations, etc. I got gradually recovered until end of 2018. And one day, I just thought to visit her facebook profile again. I got surprised that her social status was changed to "Single" from "Married". I thought that this is the right time to ask her out.
TOLD HER ABOUT MY FEELINGS:
I messaged her and got her reply and told her that I missed her and used to like her. In the beginning she told me in kind words that I have to forget everything and go ahead in life and be a successful person. But I told her that I am unable to move on since last 10 years. She tried to convince me a lot until January 2019 but I was unable to do that. One day she told me that she got married again and blocked me on facebook. (I got to know from sources that her first marriage didn't work because she cheated on her 1st husband with this 2nd guy. And now married to the 2nd guy... her lover).
CARRYING ON WITH THE SITUATION:
I still sent her follow request on instagram telling that even if we can't marry, it was important for me to at least let her know that I loved her for last 10 years and had lot's of roller coaster due to depression and will always love her. She didn't block me on instagram but in Sep 2019 she followed me back on instagram and told me that she can only be a good friend of mine. I had to agree to that. My love story was over here forever. for next 4 years, we rarely chatted only to wish each other for birthdays and festivals. My mind kept thinking about her, still in deep overthinking & depression and along with that reading BNWO and MNWO cuckold stories was my daily handjob routine.
SURPRISE SURPRISE:
One day, after 3 years, in April 2022 I got her text,
Her: "Hey, you are computer engineer right? So, can you hack what's app?" (Whats app is chat app).
Me: "Who's what's app you want to hack? & Why?".
Her: "For a friend of mine. Can you hack what's app or not?"
Me: "You are not a kind of girl who would want to hack a friend's phone. Hey, seriously, tell me is it your husband?. Is he cheating on you?"
Her: "Leave it"
HER REGRATE:
I got the strong vibe that her this husband is cheating on her and she is probably trying to spy on him. I told her that I don't want to get into hacking stuff as it's risky job as we both might get caught. But for next 2-3 months I tried to confirm that if it's really her husband that cheating on her. I felt sympathy for her as she recently lost her father too. She was so depressed, missing her father, wanted to die because now it's her 2nd (love marriage) was failing. She told me in next several weeks that her husband is cheating on her and cried a lot on phone call with me. I told her that I would have never done that with her. She shouldn't have missed chance with me in 2019 when I came back earlier. She asked to tell me the detailed memory I have about our collage days. I told her everything about bicycle thing and told her in detail about how I missed her. She realized so badly what a big mistake she made when she told me to move on in 2019 by rejecting me.
CONVINCING HER TO MARRY ME:
I told her that we are still 34 years old. Not so old and I am still unmarried. I told her she should file divorce and marry with me. I was still ready to accept her even if she had 2 marriages broken. She genuinely said that even if she cheated on her 1st husband, he wasn't a good guy at all. He used to torture her and that's why she got too close with this 2nd guy and had affair. And now, this 2nd guy cheated on her, hence, she said that she don't believe in marriages. "All men are same" she said. She was not able to trust me because she had two bad marriage experiences with men. It took me next 3-4 months to convince her and she also got close to me and kind of started liking me. She didn't realize that she is felling in love with me. It took few more weeks for her to realized what her feelings are about me. Then one day she told me that she will marry me after divorce.
DEMINISHING OF CUCKOLD FANTASY:
In June 2022, I got the same girl back who fell me love with me for whom I used to imagine cuckolding. We started doing roleplays on phone call but didn't tell her directly about cuckolding. I tried to get her mind like big cocks and big men but she said she only like to see my dick. She was getting turned off every time I used to show BBC pics. I tried another ways by introducing her sex fantasy knowledge. I taught her about Dom/Sub fantasy. I told her that I used to read stories where I liked to imagine myself as submissive guy. I told her that I am switch (Sometime Dom but most of the time Sub). I didn't tell her directly about cuckolding. I told her to try being dominant woman with me while roleplaying but It wasn't her thing. She liked to play a role as a mommy and me as her baby tough but I wasn't able to take her to like BBCs and cuckolding. I used to play mostly as a regular Dom guy with her and she wanted me to be a normal regular Dom guy for her. In the meantime, I was so happy that I got my lost love back and my mindset was slowly shifting from being sub to being dom (may be because I got the same girl back who rejected me). My "loser submissive" mindset was slowly diminishing since I found my lost love of 10 years who rejected me over 3 years. I thought to myself that my brain was repairing?
NO FUN IN FANTASY:
Now, in present day, I am slowly becoming less submissive. Cuckold stories and porn is not feeling so erotic for me. But me being dom and she being sub is also not so fun. Is it due to the shift in my mindset or is it that my libido is going down due to age? But one thing was for sure that, If I still imagine her with someone else, I get somewhat aroused. I miss those days so badly (for sex life) when she rejected me. When I imagine her hating me, I get aroused so nicely and want to read cuckold stories. But now, since she is mine, it's getting difficult for me to get aroused as I am not Dom kind of guy by nature.
So, the situation right now is, at one hand, I have my love back in my life but I am not getting that kind of arousal. And at another hand, there is my fantasy where (If she cheat on me or leave me for someone else then) I would get aroused so hard. I know that she would never ever ever like cuckolding. I know her mindset. Hence, it's hard choice for me between Love & Fantasy. What should I do? I don't know.
