Whore Bound Part Seven ( Fiction - Fantasy )
I drive from my pimp's house ONCE AGAIN in a haze. I barely remember coming into the house, turning on the television, and getting the wine now in front of me. When I start to calm down and think clearly, certain things come to mind. My phone is buzzing with texts, and voicemails from Dotty. Huh, Dotty my friend. Dotty who was there the night I gave my pimp a blow job which was used as blackmail to turn me into a whore. Dotty, my friend who oddly never mentioned it again. Dotty, who coincidentally showed up not long after my first beating, then was arguing on her phone in my yard. Dotty, who not long ago, I saw sucking my pimp's cock. Dotty, who now I know was the voice I heard being fucked by my pimp. Dotty, who now is leaving texts and voicemails 'We need to talk,' 'I'm so sorry,' 'Can I come over?" etc. Dotty, who I now think set me up. Dotty, who I think now is a whore like me. I drink my wine and pour another glass. I'm angry, another glass. I'm hurt another glass. I'm disgusted, another glass.
I'm on my knees in front of the toilet heaving. I'm sick from drinking too fast, but I'm sicker knowing I was starting to enjoy being a whore, I enjoyed being disciplined, and I enjoy Black Men using me. I enjoyed the money but also enjoyed doing it for free.
I hate Dotty, I hate my pimp, I hate myself, and I need to take control of my life back! I need to quit this, I need to get my marriage back, I need to cut ties with Dotty, my pimp, and this lifestyle. I need to put everything in the past, I need a way out of this.
My husband comes home a bit later. I'm showered and calmed down as much as I can. I make him a quick supper. We chat, and he goes up to bed, he has an early day tomorrow.
I sit and think, I block Dotty on my phone. I guess that's step one. Tomorrow, I guess, I need to talk to my pimp. I don't care about the money anymore, I'll pay him back somehow, I just want my old life back. No Dotty, no pimp, no whoring, no strange Black men, no sneaking around, etc. I just want to be boring Cathy again.
The next morning, I log in for work. I'll give him a ring in a little while and tell him I've had enough and will pay him back when the doorbell rings, must be a package. I can't believe it, it's my soon-to-be ex-pimp using the company IT thing again and Dotty is with him. I can't create a scene, so I let them in.
We sit and I start telling him I'm done, I will pay him back, etc. He says to my surprise, "OK" He does all the talking. Dotty rarely looks at me. He goes on to say Dotty will be my replacement plus she took the debt on. She was his whore for 12 years and wanted out. Someone she trusted drugged her, like she did me, and was blackmailed into being a whore. She wanted out so found a replacement, me. She kept tabs on me, but when she was told about the discipline, she rushed over out of guilt. When she saw how bad it was, she became enraged and called him. That's who she was yelling at outside my house that day when she just happened to pop in.
"Oh, how fucking gracious of her!!! I was made to kneel and suck niggers off, to spread my legs for them, bend over for them, to be *****, beaten, shamed, humiliated, scared of being pregnant by one, turned into a filthy whore, but I'm just supposed to say, Oh, Dotty felt guilty and got me out, Thank you Dotty, well, fuck her!! I never want to see her OR you again!"
He tells me I owe him nothing, and that he deleted all the videos and pics, and my profile, I'm officially retired. Dotty looks at me and nods yes in agreement, I don't know if I can trust them, but it is all I have. "Is there something else?"
"No"
"Leave!"
I go to my computer, take the day off and log out. I get a cup of tea, sit and look out the rear window, enjoying the nice day and start to sob, a sob of relief.
Days go by and I start to feel better. The college is paid ahead a bit, so start saving now, cutting back on this and that and we can be maybe ahead of the game.
Things between me and hubby are the same, I think we wore out our welcome with each other. It seems an empty nest puts things in perspective a bit. Other than the kids, we had nothing in common. Don't get me wrong, we don't hate each other, but just staying together for the sake of staying together isn't right. We sleep in separate bedrooms, and have for a while, even before my months of "Betrayal". We don't speak unless it's about bills, the kids, or gossip. We go through the motions which isn't fair to either of us.
We raised kids, have good kids, and had a great time together, I kept the home stable and running, everyone clean well-fed, etc., but now it's a house. A house that yes, he built with his bare hands, and that one reason is the main reason we made the choice together: I should be the one moving out.
So several weeks after the Pimp/Dotty visit, I was looking for a place of my own.
I'm on my knees in front of the toilet heaving. I'm sick from drinking too fast, but I'm sicker knowing I was starting to enjoy being a whore, I enjoyed being disciplined, and I enjoy Black Men using me. I enjoyed the money but also enjoyed doing it for free.
I hate Dotty, I hate my pimp, I hate myself, and I need to take control of my life back! I need to quit this, I need to get my marriage back, I need to cut ties with Dotty, my pimp, and this lifestyle. I need to put everything in the past, I need a way out of this.
My husband comes home a bit later. I'm showered and calmed down as much as I can. I make him a quick supper. We chat, and he goes up to bed, he has an early day tomorrow.
I sit and think, I block Dotty on my phone. I guess that's step one. Tomorrow, I guess, I need to talk to my pimp. I don't care about the money anymore, I'll pay him back somehow, I just want my old life back. No Dotty, no pimp, no whoring, no strange Black men, no sneaking around, etc. I just want to be boring Cathy again.
The next morning, I log in for work. I'll give him a ring in a little while and tell him I've had enough and will pay him back when the doorbell rings, must be a package. I can't believe it, it's my soon-to-be ex-pimp using the company IT thing again and Dotty is with him. I can't create a scene, so I let them in.
We sit and I start telling him I'm done, I will pay him back, etc. He says to my surprise, "OK" He does all the talking. Dotty rarely looks at me. He goes on to say Dotty will be my replacement plus she took the debt on. She was his whore for 12 years and wanted out. Someone she trusted drugged her, like she did me, and was blackmailed into being a whore. She wanted out so found a replacement, me. She kept tabs on me, but when she was told about the discipline, she rushed over out of guilt. When she saw how bad it was, she became enraged and called him. That's who she was yelling at outside my house that day when she just happened to pop in.
"Oh, how fucking gracious of her!!! I was made to kneel and suck niggers off, to spread my legs for them, bend over for them, to be *****, beaten, shamed, humiliated, scared of being pregnant by one, turned into a filthy whore, but I'm just supposed to say, Oh, Dotty felt guilty and got me out, Thank you Dotty, well, fuck her!! I never want to see her OR you again!"
He tells me I owe him nothing, and that he deleted all the videos and pics, and my profile, I'm officially retired. Dotty looks at me and nods yes in agreement, I don't know if I can trust them, but it is all I have. "Is there something else?"
"No"
"Leave!"
I go to my computer, take the day off and log out. I get a cup of tea, sit and look out the rear window, enjoying the nice day and start to sob, a sob of relief.
Days go by and I start to feel better. The college is paid ahead a bit, so start saving now, cutting back on this and that and we can be maybe ahead of the game.
Things between me and hubby are the same, I think we wore out our welcome with each other. It seems an empty nest puts things in perspective a bit. Other than the kids, we had nothing in common. Don't get me wrong, we don't hate each other, but just staying together for the sake of staying together isn't right. We sleep in separate bedrooms, and have for a while, even before my months of "Betrayal". We don't speak unless it's about bills, the kids, or gossip. We go through the motions which isn't fair to either of us.
We raised kids, have good kids, and had a great time together, I kept the home stable and running, everyone clean well-fed, etc., but now it's a house. A house that yes, he built with his bare hands, and that one reason is the main reason we made the choice together: I should be the one moving out.
So several weeks after the Pimp/Dotty visit, I was looking for a place of my own.
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