So, it is a few months later, I'm on my own for the first time. I stayed at home while in college, met hubby while in college, married him, stayed with my parents while he was in the service and finished college, graduated, then lived with him. He was in the Service, so I always had a support group around, other Sailor's wives, etc. Then children, so I was never alone.
I don't mean to infer he was my first and only blah blah. I had a few BF before him, sex-wise, he was my third in almost 25 years. Then God knows how many Black Men penetrated me, sodomized me, filled my belly… hurt me. But did not hurt me as much as my friend, Dotty. They hurt me physically, and that heals. But emotionally and mentally, that's a different story. I did betray my husband, but she was the reason.
Now months have passed, and hubby and I are still married mostly because we have not found a reason to divorce. We talk, about bills mostly, I work every day and have set up a nice little place for myself. The kids visit when they are in town we go out as a ******, life is good. Sometimes I lay in bed, or sit and daydream because I feel that something is missing, something is gone from my life, I don't know what? Then one day I'm in the grocery store and I see Dotty, she makes a gesture to say something, but I turn away, even though I wanted to talk, I couldn't give her that.
I found myself driving by my ex-pimps house one day just out of curiosity, I told myself. I often found myself missing the control he had over me, the way he manipulated me into believing everything was my fault, and the punishments. The way I so naturally accepted my role, my purpose, looking forward to "appointments", saying words/things I found offensive, waiting anxiously for his texts, loving the feeling of the slutty outfits, even the few times I had a pregnancy scare made me a bit excited. How would I explain a bi-racial child? These aren't the days of sending someone "away" for the summer and they return and mom had a baby… lol, but one of a different race.
I'm content, happy, happy that my ex has moved on, and our children have excepted things so well, but… I'M FUCKING HORNY!!!! I had enough of men and their bullshit, but I need, no, I want a man to scratch my itch and then get out!! So, with what little I did manage to save in cash, I got a room for the weekend an hour away in a small college-type town, inexpensive, etc. hit a bar near my motel. I know how to dress now to attract a man, seems being a Whore does teach you some things. I meet a guy, who seemed nice enough, tall, blonde-ish. Good looking, but no Keith Urban(Damn!). I invite him to my room for the standard cheap "nightcap." We have sex, but it was vanilla. I offered him my ass, no, offered to give him a straight blow job, no. He wouldn't slap my ass, pull my hair, or talk dirty. Just fucked me missionary, pulled out to cum, and left. Thank God because I was going to throw him out. I orgasmed because I massaged it. While he fucked me, he kept his eyes closed. AAAAHHHHH!
Something was missing. It took me a day or two to figure it out, I'm in bed one night, with porn on the computer, it beats a man sometimes, and I realize I'm only interested in interracial so did I choose a white guy because I was supposed to? Thinking back, in the last year, besides this man and a few times with my ex the only Cock I've had was Black, and it was in my pussy, mouth, and ass. Most have pulled my hair, slapped me, verbally abused, humiliated me, etc. But I orgasmed almost every time. I orgasmed while giving blow jobs (With the help of toys), I've orgasmed from anal, and even masturbated myself!
I was never truly attracted to this guy. I mean he was good-looking, nice, and definitely shouldn't be ashamed of his tool, but I don't know. Maybe it was the fact he just wanted pussy and out, I don't know, I guess it's time to find out.
A few weeks later, another room, another town, this one with a hip-hop club in it. I googled… lol. So, dressed as slutty as the law allows, and head out to the club. Immediately, I'm offered a drink. I have juice or water. Don't want to get into any type of alcohol-related incidents. Asked to dance a few times, and chatted up a bit, all Black guys. Then one of the guys I danced with a few times that nite asks me out for a slow dance, I agreed.
While dancing, I maneuver my hips to be able to feel him it is a norm for females. He's hard, I stay there giving him the hint I want to fuck. He pulls me in, hands on my ass, we kiss, and I give him a lot of tongue. Ten minutes later, his cock is in my mouth in my room. He fucks me in several positions, but I had to take the lead so to speak, no pulling hair, no roughness, nothing I was used to with a Black Man, but I do orgasm twice. He cums in me (I got new vaginal condoms), but he wouldn't do anal, eat me out or let me clean him off. It was better, much better, felt right, and enjoyed the color contrast, but I know now I need a man, a Black Man, who knows how to treat a white woman, knows we are whores, knows what we need, and want.
After I get home, I open the website where I advertised myself and find my profile isn't there anymore. I can't open a new profile since I need his account number or member number. This site has what I have been looking for and needing for longer than I know.
So, after all this reality as to who and what I am and need, I find myself at my former PIMP's door reaching for the bell.
I don't mean to infer he was my first and only blah blah. I had a few BF before him, sex-wise, he was my third in almost 25 years. Then God knows how many Black Men penetrated me, sodomized me, filled my belly… hurt me. But did not hurt me as much as my friend, Dotty. They hurt me physically, and that heals. But emotionally and mentally, that's a different story. I did betray my husband, but she was the reason.
Now months have passed, and hubby and I are still married mostly because we have not found a reason to divorce. We talk, about bills mostly, I work every day and have set up a nice little place for myself. The kids visit when they are in town we go out as a ******, life is good. Sometimes I lay in bed, or sit and daydream because I feel that something is missing, something is gone from my life, I don't know what? Then one day I'm in the grocery store and I see Dotty, she makes a gesture to say something, but I turn away, even though I wanted to talk, I couldn't give her that.
I found myself driving by my ex-pimps house one day just out of curiosity, I told myself. I often found myself missing the control he had over me, the way he manipulated me into believing everything was my fault, and the punishments. The way I so naturally accepted my role, my purpose, looking forward to "appointments", saying words/things I found offensive, waiting anxiously for his texts, loving the feeling of the slutty outfits, even the few times I had a pregnancy scare made me a bit excited. How would I explain a bi-racial child? These aren't the days of sending someone "away" for the summer and they return and mom had a baby… lol, but one of a different race.
I'm content, happy, happy that my ex has moved on, and our children have excepted things so well, but… I'M FUCKING HORNY!!!! I had enough of men and their bullshit, but I need, no, I want a man to scratch my itch and then get out!! So, with what little I did manage to save in cash, I got a room for the weekend an hour away in a small college-type town, inexpensive, etc. hit a bar near my motel. I know how to dress now to attract a man, seems being a Whore does teach you some things. I meet a guy, who seemed nice enough, tall, blonde-ish. Good looking, but no Keith Urban(Damn!). I invite him to my room for the standard cheap "nightcap." We have sex, but it was vanilla. I offered him my ass, no, offered to give him a straight blow job, no. He wouldn't slap my ass, pull my hair, or talk dirty. Just fucked me missionary, pulled out to cum, and left. Thank God because I was going to throw him out. I orgasmed because I massaged it. While he fucked me, he kept his eyes closed. AAAAHHHHH!
Something was missing. It took me a day or two to figure it out, I'm in bed one night, with porn on the computer, it beats a man sometimes, and I realize I'm only interested in interracial so did I choose a white guy because I was supposed to? Thinking back, in the last year, besides this man and a few times with my ex the only Cock I've had was Black, and it was in my pussy, mouth, and ass. Most have pulled my hair, slapped me, verbally abused, humiliated me, etc. But I orgasmed almost every time. I orgasmed while giving blow jobs (With the help of toys), I've orgasmed from anal, and even masturbated myself!
I was never truly attracted to this guy. I mean he was good-looking, nice, and definitely shouldn't be ashamed of his tool, but I don't know. Maybe it was the fact he just wanted pussy and out, I don't know, I guess it's time to find out.
A few weeks later, another room, another town, this one with a hip-hop club in it. I googled… lol. So, dressed as slutty as the law allows, and head out to the club. Immediately, I'm offered a drink. I have juice or water. Don't want to get into any type of alcohol-related incidents. Asked to dance a few times, and chatted up a bit, all Black guys. Then one of the guys I danced with a few times that nite asks me out for a slow dance, I agreed.
While dancing, I maneuver my hips to be able to feel him it is a norm for females. He's hard, I stay there giving him the hint I want to fuck. He pulls me in, hands on my ass, we kiss, and I give him a lot of tongue. Ten minutes later, his cock is in my mouth in my room. He fucks me in several positions, but I had to take the lead so to speak, no pulling hair, no roughness, nothing I was used to with a Black Man, but I do orgasm twice. He cums in me (I got new vaginal condoms), but he wouldn't do anal, eat me out or let me clean him off. It was better, much better, felt right, and enjoyed the color contrast, but I know now I need a man, a Black Man, who knows how to treat a white woman, knows we are whores, knows what we need, and want.
After I get home, I open the website where I advertised myself and find my profile isn't there anymore. I can't open a new profile since I need his account number or member number. This site has what I have been looking for and needing for longer than I know.
So, after all this reality as to who and what I am and need, I find myself at my former PIMP's door reaching for the bell.
