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. Why do I let her grope me??

Discussion in 'Cuckold Stories' started by Stella1976, May 25, 2018.

. Why do I let her grope me?? 4.5 5 2votes
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  1. Stella1976

    Stella1976 Member Member

    I am a 42 year old woman. What is wrong with me? Six months ago we moved to my husband's hometown. We were forced to move from the suburbs to my husband's hometown due to financial constraints. My husband business venture collapsed.We lost our home.Settling into our new home was hard. My husband is depressed. His depression is hurting our day-to-day life, and I admit to feeling very frustrated sometimes. I love my husband dearly, but I’m having a really hard time feeling 100% respectful of him right now, and I hate that feeling. My husband and I have been married for 14 years and have a 13year old daughter! I am 5ft10 tall heterosexual curvy hourglass shaped attractive brunette. I have very large breasts and i do have a big butt. I don't intend to dress in any particular 'way' for anyone. I just wear what I like. I don't 'ask' for anything. I don't ask to be groped. I wear clothes that fit me properly. Most of my outfit are satin pant and skirt suits satin coats and satin and silk blouses. I am always on high heels and full make up on. If you are curvy, tall and busty, many clothes tend to look sexier on you than on a thin person. So things that fit properly that are relatively conservative can be suddenly too revealing and sexy when you put it on. This happens to me a lot. I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative. I tower over plenty of men and women. I was sexualised from a very early age, and shamed for the way my body looks - something I have no control over. I can't help how wide my hips grow or how big my breasts get.

    My mother used to shame me for the way my body looked. If I wanted to wear a skirt or dress, she always discouraged it, she always thought my skirt was 'too short' or 'too tight', or there was something wrong with my dress-sense. There's always guys flirting or asking me for my number. When I go out in public guys start talking to me and subtly try to ask me out. I mention I have a husband but some of them wont go away. I have trouble being mean so i cant get them to leave me alone. I end up getting stressed by it. The irony is that all this time I've been afraid of men, perceiving any touch as a sexual advance that I should fear - when really, it was a short, skinny old woman I should have feared. My story just seems so implausible that I feel I won't be believed.

    On February 1st i started working at this accounting firm. It is all female workplace. Other 14 employees are women in their 40s and 50s. Other women there, my coworkers, think that i am stuck up and arrogant upper middle class snob. I feel like these women don't really like me.I am considered by most of other women my coworkers to be very serious, arrogant, and stuck up. One woman group member has described me as a snob on about half a dozen occasions. I still don't really know why. I know on one of those occasions it was because I turned down the offer to go to a coffee with her after work. How not wanting to go somewhere makes me a snob, I don't know. One woman always comments on my clothing saying that i am always overdressed in satin and silk clothes and glammed up. I am dressing like this since i graduated college and got my first office job. It is my whole wardrobe. Its how i like to dress myself and that is my style. When I am feeling stressed, blue, or overwhelmed, I will dress up a bit more than usual (which is already 'up' for this community my husband's home town), and put more time and effort into my hair and make up. I think it's part of the 'fake it til you make it' mentality that I have adopted. If I look pretty, it helps me to feel a little better. And very often, to cheer myself up, I'll wear red. Btw, that doesn't mean I'm always down when I wear red, just that sometimes red is my way of subconsciously sending myself positive messages. It puts me in better spirits when I look fab. It helps me feel fab on less fab days. I always dress up when I'm feeling down. In fact I think the more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such. Partly because it's the fake till you make mentality, partly because I have no patience for feeling sorry for myself. I definitely feel better and more competent/capable of getting through the day if I dress up a little extra on the days when I don't feel good, but have something pretty important going on. I've been doing a lot of that lately.

    (Sorry if I sound whiny)

    It sucks to see your coworkers do group lunches everyday and not be included. And it's not just lunches that I'm not included in. These women my coworkers are the most gossipy, nitpicking, backstabbing group I have ever come across. They are so quick to tattletale on you for some of the most minor things and chastise you.

    Only one woman my coworker is friendly with me. She is skinny really short like 5 ft 3 wrinkled face thin lips green eyes gray haired masculine 55 year old woman. But for some reason, she feels entitled to touch, squeeze or jiggle my breasts and to rub and slap my ass. On my second day there in the office restroom she said "Wow! Your breasts are sooo large! Can i touch them" AS she was already grabbing and squeezing them! I just said it looks like you are already touching them. In the moment, I found myself laughing it off. And this woman is really short, her head is exactly the level of my breasts. Since then this woman my friendly coworker thinks she can just walk up and feel my boobs or grab my ass when ever she feels like it!! She routinely slaps or rubs my butt. She loves to squeeze or jiggle my breasts and tell me how soft and squishy they are. She thinks they are toys. She often hugs me around my waist and then proceeds to hump me (From behind usually but sometimes from the front).

    Usually it happens in the restroom, in the hallway, by the watercooler or on the parking lot. I don't know how to stop it. I usually just feel like a deer in headlights. I hate that i have grown accustomed to it. I kinda feel like a weirdo for not losing my shit on this woman my coworker. I am physically stronger than her. I am 5ft10 tall well built well endowed and curvy.She is like 5ft3 tall skinny. I am always on high heels she is always in sneakers. Standing next to me she looks like a midget. She isn't a horrible woman she is really very pleasant but something about her and her need to grope me makes me very uncomfortable.

    Three days ago as we were leaving work her friend(this short like 5 ft 2 skinny freckled face creepy green eyes thin lips red haired masculine woman in her early 50s) was waiting for her on the parking lot and she(my friendly groper coworker's friend said to me "You are so tall big and soft!" and then my coworker said to her friend "Touch her boobs if you want, she wont mind!" Then this short skinny ugly ginger woman walked up to me reached with her both hands and gave my breasts what I can only describe as a jiggle-squish. She commented on how soft they feel. I was speechless.

    This woman my friendly coworker gets away with groping me all the time, simply because i let her. Instead of outrage, i feel a strange, paralyzing shame. Instead of immediately and publicly denouncing her, i try to defuse the situation as quietly as possible, as if the guilt is my own. What is wrong with me? I am a straight woman, I love men, simple! I am straight and I am completely 100 percent straight. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually. I am STRICTLY hetero. Even the thought of eating out a vagina makes me gag. I've never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female.

    I can't just quit this job. This is a smallish town. There aren’t many job opportunities. I fear I won’t be able to find work. I really need this salary. I don't want my husband to found out of that situation with this short skinny groper woman my coworker. He is going to blame me. 5 years ago I had an affair on my husband which I regret terribly. It has been a difficult journey for my husband, he can't seem to forgive me. My husband loses it at times and says some really crappy things about me in front of our daughter and I am afraid of what she may think of me. I don't want this to ruin her future,which I feel it could. I try to remain calm with my husband and answer all his pesky questions that he has about my affair but eventually I get irratated and lose it. He will begin to call me names (horrible I might add). Which eventually makes me sick to think I even told him about the affair. My husband and I where going through some sex issues at the time. I'm not making excuses just giving a bit of insight into what lead me into this affair.

    This other man can't compare to my husband as far as having character (just because I fell prey to this situation doesn't mean I've lost my ability to recognize character and integrity - I realized I've comprised mine BIG time). My husband is a WONDERFUL man that any woman would LOVE to have. After all these years I STILL don't have anything negative to say about him. I just made an extremely poor decision (not a mistake - I own my dirt completely). The affair has been done and over and I think my husband has had enough time to stop talking about it to me at least. It's almost like he is hearing it from the very first day all over again. He is soooo angry still, I can't understand it. I regret the affair terribly,but I can't change what has happened.

    My husband is unemployed since his company declared bankruptcy in September 2017. We lost our home. The bank foreclosed on our house. All the while, he has done our finances and never really was open to my having access to them. I think it was a control issue at first and later he didn't want me to know. That is why we had to move here in his hometown.

    I know that many women have to deal with worse, and I should just "man up", but I am an extremely non-confrontational person, and I usually prefer to endure something uncomfortable than draw attention or displease the other person. I don't want to push any sensitive buttons with this groper coworker since she is only one who is nice with me at work. That is why i decided to try tolerating groping, rubbing, humping and hugging by her. It was a big mistake. It is my fault. I really don't want to offend her.

    I always laugh uncomfortably and try to be as dismissive of the situation as possible when this short skinny woman coworker is groping me. I think the reason why this reaction might be so prevalent is that I shy away from asserting myself, even when it comes to defending myself against such action, because i am wary of being labeled as a shrew, a bitch or a upper middle class snob. So i try to be polite and as unaggressive as possible. I laugh, to prove that i am easy going, and i apologize or refrain from demanding an apology and make excuses to show that i am graceful.

    I know other women my coworkers probably laugh at me behind my back because of this situation with this woman groper colleague. One woman coworker said to me that I make stupid faces while this woman groper is groping me and humping me. She also said that it is bizarre that standing next to the groper I look like a giant and I let her get by with it. I just laughed and replied to this woman that we (me and friendly groper coworker) just have a weird bond like that. Other women my coworkers probably think that I am okay with it.

    My husband said to me that he is not motivated to seek job point blank the other day, after we discussed the solution to our financial problems would be for him to simply get a job. He never cleans. I'm going crazy. I work all day, come home and eat something quick. Then I clean the kitchen, pick up the living room and I do laundry. I don't think it's fair that he doesn't do any house work when he is home all day long. I feel like I'm nagging him constantly about cleaning up after himself and our daughter during the day. I just don't think I should be doing everything.My husband just wants to sit at home and watch T.V. and go out with his old high school friends. My husband straight told me he doesn't have to get a job. That is pretty messed up, you know. 5 years ago I cheated. I have never cheated before. My husband and I struggled with communication. We had sex like once every 2 months for years. I felt like my life was passing me by. It was an six-month affair, from January 2013 until July 2013. I realized one day that I wanted to stay with my husband and that I did love him more than anything. I told the other guy that it was over and that I was going to confess all to my husband.

    We went through counseling, a few different times over the years, but nothing has helped. He wants to know all the details about everything, how many times we had sex, what other acts we did, where did we go, how big the other guy was, did I like it, did I orgasm, etc. 5 years later he still asks all these things.

    That was a very shameful time of my life, and I have blocked a lot of things, things I said to my husband, and feelings that I had toward the guy I cheated with, my feelings at the time. All I want to do is forget all of it but I can’t because my husband still has not moved past it.

    I feel that I have done everything I can to try and rebuild his trust in me, to show not just say that I regret and will never do anything like that again, to show him that I love him and he is the most important person in my life. He still has hurt feelings and brings the affair up every few weeks, for the last 5 years.

    I don’t get angry, and I let him say what ever he needs to say. I respond to him when he talks about it and asks questions, and I do my best to empathize with his feelings and reassure him that I love him and will be here for him even though there was a period when I was not.

    Nothing helps. I don’t know what I can do to help him through this. It has been 5 years, and this is still a massive wall in between us that I want to tear down, but he doesn’t seem to be able to allow it. He doesn’t want to go back to counseling; he feels all they do is try to get him to move on to the present. He says he forgives me, but of course, it is never forgotten. He still cannot stop bringing it up. I understand that I’m being a wimp. It seems as though this friendly groper coworker targeted me from the very beginning. I am physically stronger than her. Standing next to me she looks like a midget but she is not intimidated by me. Why? I'm confident that I look good in my clothes my style is "sexy but classy" I don't believe I have ever offended or embarrased myself or anyone with my wardrobe. I am a very classy woman and i would never dress in a cheap trashy way. I have noticed that at times I apologize for the size of my boobs. Being tall and curvy draws attention on its own. This can be both positive and negative.

    I tower over plenty of men and women. I love my height and my curvy stature. I love satin and silk clothes and dressing up too. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That’s just who I am. I love dressing up, I’ve tried dressing down, but I always end up changing. My clothes are there to be worn! People always ask me why I’m so dressed up. I always like to dress on my best, because I also feel great when I’m dressed pretty. Once, i’d been to the hairdressers and was off to do a little shopping afterwards and the girl at the salon asked where i was going looking so glamorous – i said i was going shopping and she was like “really? You look so glammed up to be going shopping!” I don’t mind though, i’d rather be wearing something i feel good in than look like i just rolled out of bed. I am uncomfortable in social settings and it takes me a while to feel comfortable around other people. I've been asked soooo many times 'Why are you so serious?' when I'm not feeling serious at that moment. I unintentionally tend to give off an unfriendly aura which has led people to ask if I dislike them. When I feel nervous I try to compensate by being really confident. I guess other people take that as me being arrogant. I've been told I come across as stuck up/snobby full of myself, narcissistic, stuck up etc., and also very unwelcoming to new people. Technically the second part is true as new people terrify me, but the first bit is very untrue. And the truth is, i just can't talk to everyone... not that i don't want to. I just need time to open myself to people. To relax and open up. I hate that I come off like that.

    When I do speak with people, I tend to be overly nice to compensate and I guess that comes off as fake which definitely doesn't help the situation. People around me (except for the ones who truly know me) have always said that I come across as snobby, stuck on myself, and unfriendly. The truth is, I'm just really shy and insecure when it comes to socializing with people. I do have several close friends, but it bugs me that A LOT of people think I'm a snob when that couldn't be further from the truth. I have been told that I seem snobby and it is because I don't speak up in groups where I am not comfortable. I have had people ask me if I thought I was better than others.

    Since this woman friendly groper coworker is so openly groping me,rubbing me, humping me in a joking/playful way in front of other women at work, they probably think that i am okay with that.This woman groper is well liked and respected at work. Being well-liked at work means there's more people on your side. Also me being spineless is due to my intense fear of conflict with this short skinny old woman friendly groper since she is the only one who is nice with me at work. I just automatically want to do everything possible to keep conflict down with her and I always sacrifice my dignity for it. I tell myself that "next time" I will say NO to her. Always "next time" but next time never comes. She always places her hand on my ass when I stand beside her. When she gives me hugs she tries to bury her head into my breasts. She will just randomly grab them. If she needs comfort she will tell me “I gotta rub your boobs”. It’s so annoying. I try not to make a fuss over it. Okay, so at first I thought it was just a little phase she was going through and could laugh about it. Now, I’m becoming so frustrated with her. If I just stand there, she would stay there for a long time just feeling them and squishing my breasts or whatever. Also she will just full on grab my butt. It is super annoying. I’m just standing there, and she’ll walk by me and take a swipe at my butt.

    Should I feel ashamed of myself? I am a weak, spineless person. Why would I scream my head off if a man did it but I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this short skinny old woman? This friendly coworker says to me that because her face is at level with my breasts and I am rather large she finds touching, squeezing, rubbing, and patting them and resting her head on them comforting. She said that she finds great comfort doing this when she’s stressed. It is all my fault. She thinks that my breasts are a readily-available source of comfort for her. Also I think she is always grabbing, slapping and rubbing my ass to show dominance over me. It is so annoying. This friendly groper colleague is very grateful to me.

    I really don’t know what to do? There is nothing more I can do. Either I take it the way it is, or I just tell her to stop, which of course involves the risk that it messes up everything. And probably it will not matter what I say. She seems harmless to me because I am physically stronger than her. Also, she doesn’t look threatening. She is creepy and uglyish but she is a tiny, short, skinny, 55year old woman. How do I tell her off without causing tension?

    Other women my coworkers are insufferably rude and hostile to me. They're all mean to me and leave me out. I try to keep a positive attitude at work, I work hard and I try to be nice. Sometimes I complain but I make jokes of it, just like everyone does. This is what I do at work and I'm not obnoxious about any of it. I'm starting to really dread going to work because of it but I can't afford to quit my job right now. My husband a lot of the time blames me for his depression/stress, because of my affair. He seems to be a bit of a gaslighter as well, in that he sometimes tries to portray things differently to how they actually happened or tells me I did things that I didn't do. He doesn't take responsibility for his actions, but rather blames me for him behaving that way. Living with him can be very unpleasant at times, very stressful. I have become so used to it, that I think I accept his behaviours too much rather than saying 'hey that's not ok'.

    I am not going to change my dressing style. I dress in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. I am considered by most people to be extremely fashionable, elegant, glamorous, and classy.
    Most of these women my co-workers seem to think I'm a snob. When I smile at the them , some simply stare back . Others just stare at me like I'm an alien. How am I a snob because I don't talk that much?
    And so most of these women my coworkers stay away from me. It's gotten to the point where even if I TRY to talk to them, they usually blow me off and walk away. And that just makes it even worse. I think their whole purpose for coming to work is to gossip and form their little clicks or something. I am trying to avoid sounding like a snob but I've been exposed to lots of wonderful things in life. I am one of those women who is not too social but when someone approaches me I will be sweet and open. I tend to wait to see how people are before getting too close, but I am always polite and kind no matter what.But the people who get to know me always think I’m sweet and NEVER arrogant (that is the last thing I am). I keep reminding myself that I'm not paid to like or be liked; I am paid to work.

    I try to be nice to everyone and I don't pick fights/argue. I do what I am told to at work and always apologize if I am wrong. I'm amazed how much ego these women my coworkers have. They give me dirty looks and leave me out of everything. I love my husband so much but feel like he is slipping further away from me everyday. He was a hard working, loving and caring husband and father. I am constantly accused of not giving him enough support and compassion. I confess I find it hard to feel compassion for someone who is always putting me down. He resents me because i had an affair.

    Because he is always moody he blames me for my affair and says I'm a 'bitch'. We are financially bankrupt and have lost everything. Sometimes I really want to yell at this woman friendly coworker to get her hands off my body but I can’t get angry. I just can’t. Not in the moment–I shut down like a security camera with a miswired motion detector, and it’s only later that I realize what I should have done. By then, it’s too late to confront her, and it’s turned into a pattern and what am I supposed to do then?What am I supposed to do? She is important to me as a colleague,so I'm willing to sit/stand out the awkward groping,humping and hugging. I can't even say no or push her away.I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous. I can't even tell her to stop hugging me groping me rubbing me. I can’t verbalize a succinct “NO” to this woman. I can't just punch her in the face. I am physically stronger than her, she is short and skinny, but i have never been in a fight my whole life. I am afraid of any kind of physical altercation.

    Some of these women my coworkers have worked together a long time. I'm not a fan of cliques and I have no interest in being a part of one. I guess some comments have been made about me being somewhat quiet. I just don't care about what these women do outside of work to ask questions about their weekend and I can't fake it. I am not going to change my dressing style. That is part of who i am. It is my whole wardrobe. I dress like this since i graduated college and got my first office job. I feel much better when I dress up and present myself as the best I can be. I have had the experience of women being jealous of me. I like satin and silk clothes and I wear them well. I should not have to suffer for what I like because other women have low self esteem and don’t see the gifts they have within themselves. I have a more stylish sense of fashion. I never wear anything trashy, I keep myself well covered and strive for professionalism and class. I know I am lucky to have a husband still, to have him still love me and stay with me for all that I put him through. I am very aware of this.

    I never said that I want him to just forget about it. I know that is impossible. I would never say that or think that. Anytime he brings it up I talk with him, he can get angry and call me names and ask all the questions he wants, I sit through it every time and listen and respond. I don’t yell back at him. I don’t try to blame him, I have taken it all on my shoulders because it is my fault, I did it, not him.

    I have begged for forgiveness, multiple times, every time he brings it up. I have opened up everything to him, emails, facebook, phone, texts – everything so that he can get on at any time and see what I am doing. I have no privacy, and I don’t expect to have any. I broke his trust and am willing to do what I need to prove myself to him. Anytime he calls, I answer if I can’t answer I shoot him a quick text on why I can’t answer and then call him back as soon as I can. I never go anywhere without letting him know, if I am away somewhere- say shopping, I always answer his calls or texts immediately.

    In his words, he wants revenge/justice, but he doesn’t know what that would entail, he just wants it. My husband is always moody and I never know if I'm going to ask the wrong question or say the wrong thing and have him bite my head off. I work full time, manage the finances, cook, clean, and have to be the drum beater and planner for everything we do. He is at home all day and doesn't do anything round the house unless I keep asking. He doesn't have any passion or ambition for anything. I know forcing him into something won't work either. There is no HR at work. My boss is a very successful local business woman. She has built her company from scratch. My boss is a 51 year old woman who has been divorced twice. My boss has a policy of hiring only women over 40. This friendly groper colleague frequently monitors me as if she's the supervisor; often asking me why I did/didn't do certain things. I'm relatively new to the job and the woman who I am replacing was fired for confronting her (among other things). My actual supervisor doesn’t like me. She seems very uninterested and unimpressed with me. She basically ignores me in the office.

    This friendly groper colleague also tries to get me to do other tasks, tasks that are usually her's to do and it's starting to get on my nerves. She is more friendly than other women my coworkers. She frequently invites me to have lunch or join her for feminist workshop . She texts me at random times to ask if she can drop by to say hello. But she rubs and strokes my breasts and rubs my ass talking about random stuff regularly. She also will kind of... hold me from behind with her hands on my breasts very tightly in a way that I can't move, even when I'm trying to get away from her. She can't resist either grabbing and squeezing my breasts or ass or rubbing up behind me... it's irritating at the best of times. How should I handle her? I have to work closely with her and it could be very uncomfortable if I confront her.

    I can't report her to the police because i don't want my husband to find out about this. I don't want my husband to found out of that situation with this friendly groper colleague woman. He is going to blame me. My husband can be incredibly moody. I often feel like he treats me disrespectfully, he doesn't listen to what I have to say as he always thinks his opinions/ideas/concerns are far more valid than mine. He gets really angry really quickly and talks down to me, swears at me, points his finger at me and basically just shrugs off anything I am trying to tell him that I am feeling. He takes exception if I try to tell him what is making me feel the way I do and takes EVERYTHING as a personal attack. Then he shuts off from the entire 'conversation' and gives me the silent treatment for however long it takes him to calm down. He NEVER apologises. Of late I have noticed that I feel anxious most of the time...I feel like I am always walking on eggshells around him so we don't have another argument about something.

    There are dresses that I can never wear because, while on someone with smaller breasts it would look ok, on me it looks vulgar. This issue of vulgarity isn’t something that I would have necessarily impressed upon myself, but rather the reaction that I get from people. I would love to wear strappy dresses with little triangle cups! I would love to wear certain shirts and blouses without something underneath for the sake of modesty (well, someone else’s idea of modesty not necessarily my own). I wear almost always my satin and silk blouses fully buttoned to the top combined with a satin skirt or satin pants. I don't wear anything vulgar but because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. The truth is I regulate a lot of what I wear so that people won’t take it as an invitation to touch, stare, or speak to or about my breasts or ass. What's happening to me?

    I don't understand it. I feel the overwhelming sensation of guilt all the time. I am sick of this. I feel like a failure. I feel like my life is such a mess, I just don’t know what to do anymore.I just feel hopeless. I just don’t know how to change things. I have no desire to do anything sexual with a woman. I am 100% straight. I’ve never had any desire to do anything sexual with a female. In all honest just thinking about possibly kissing a female makes me cringe.

    I feel embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I’m confused and my mind doesn’t stop. I really worry that I’m going to lose myself completely! I don't want to waste anyone’s time but I had to get some of this out of my head. What is wrong with me? Is this a normal reaction to getting attacked… to disappear into your head and go limp or rigid? I’ve never heard anyone say they did this and I’m so ashamed that I can’t even say no or push this short skinny old coworker woman away. I have large boobs and big butt, and some men like to tell me about them. Men talk about them a lot, but no man ever dares to touch them. If he did I would tell him to fuck off. If he did I would scream. If he did I might even report it. It is all my fault. I am letting this woman colleague to walk all over me on a daily basis. I don't want my husband to found out of that situation with this groper colleague woman. He is going to blame me. My husband cannot forgive me.

    We can have a great day, or a great week, or we can be just okay and getting along and then.... suddenly, out of the blue in my opinion, he's depressed, which causes or turns into anger, and he's lashing out at me, or snide remarks etc. When all I have been doing is being me, living our life, working, being mom, etc, meaning I haven't done anything wrong that day he lashes out on me, or even that week, etc. I just don't think it is fair that if he chose to stay in this relationship and if I am not doing anything wrong, I am being honest and a good wife and mom, I don't think it's fair that he can just be mean over something that happened 5 years ago that I cannot erase! I can never take it back, we can only move forward or really on be in today. I so desperately want to be able to help my husband heal but I am not sure how best to go about it. Am I doing the right things? I know I did wrong and people are right to judge me. He says he does still love me and wants to be with me. I do blame myself, I am the root of the cause and the problem. I am fully aware of that. It hurts and it sucks, it hurts him the most.

    However, I feel that he has taken me down even further. We are on a downward spiral and it doesn't end, only subsides, then resurfaces when his emotions are re-triggered. I am very sexually attracted to men. I am a 100% straight.... I would never want to kiss a woman. I am completely the opposite to a homophobe... but I am literally 100% straight, i could never imagine myself ever doing anything with a woman. I just feel lost and don't know how to make my husband forgive me and move on. I do want to make it work. He won't stop asking me about this other guy and is very angry and confused. I have nothing else to tell. It was 5 years ago. The only reason i hesitate to tell my husband about my situation at work with this woman groper colleague is because of my affair he has lost trust in me. Deep down i would rather be with him and not have him know about that. I don't know what else to do. I feel like he can fully trust me but at the same time, having to regain his trust, however long that takes, at the end of the day I'm not entirely sure if it's worth doing. Since my affair i try to just keep quiet and not annoy him but I feel as if I have lost my husband and our previously close relationship will never be the same.

    This woman colleague groper says I'm one of the best colleagues she's ever had and I have so much potential, she's got so many plans for me..I don't get it! It makes my working life very awkward. This creepy short skinny woman coworker hasn't pushed me into having sex so far. It's just the obsessive touching me groping me. And I find it weird she behaves so touchy. She is taking advantage of me, and i am afraid that she will just go even further. I need to find a way to make her truly understand that this needs to stop. This woman my friendly colleague groper is hard to read because she has this bizarre sense of humor. She is some kind of local feminist activist. This woman my colleague groper considers herself "super-smart". I've tried a few methods, from laughing about it to being serious, but I've concluded that you can't deal with this kind of person. I am a 42year old woman. What is wrong with me? Basically, I'm at the point where my self-esteem and confidence in myself has eroded to where i don't trust myself. Why is this happening to me? What could be the possible reasons? Am I just an easy target for this weird coworker? Do you think that she is a sociopath? I am not going to change my dressing style I dress in mainly form fitting satin and silk fashionable clothing. I am always in high heels with hair and makeup done. That's just who I am. I love my height and my curvy stature. The more down I feel the more I dress up, put make up and such. If I'm mildly blue, I will indeed take more care with my appearance, in an effort to banish or soothe the mood. It helps! I just find looking in the mirror and seeing something I like always helps when nothing else seemed to be going well.

    Do you think I'm just over reacting or is this not normal? Well my problem is, I simply freeze when this woman colleague is touching me or groping me or humping me. I freeze up. So what to do? I feel like a fool, but i totally freeze up. I know it's really weird and probably sounds ridiculous. My husband has become a nervous wreck. I can't talk to my husband about this. I feel like my husband moods tend to make the whole atmosphere change to his mood. I feel if he's in a bad mood I have to tip toe around him and worry my daughter is going to wind him up and cause him to be worse ( he has never physically harmed us), but I do feel like I live on egg shells. If I have ever been funny with him he makes me say sorry (in a slightly over the top belittling way).

    I feel so nervous that even if nothing wrong but he ask me a question for example "Do you love me?" or something similar. He even tends to hold my hand or stay close when he's asking questions like this. I'm not particularly fond of wearing revealing clothes. I prefer to wear covered, yet form fitting fashionable clothes. As i said because of my body type anything i wear looks tight on me. I am 5 ft 10 and being well endowed well built and curvy always on high heels makes me HUGE!

    The other day I was at Costco with my daughter and this little boy pointed at me and said something like: "Gush mom, look at her, she is giant!!!" Why should anyone have to wear something they don't really want to wear, just because some people can't respect another human? It's what I feel comfortable in, and I find no need to change that. I am not going to change my dressing style. It is my whole wardrobe. I can't afford to change my whole wardrobe. Another thing is that one should dress up for their own self; one should look good and fashionable for their own self.

    I am like paralyzed and numb while this colleague groper old short skinny woman is touching me and groping me. I am just sitting and standing there kind of awkwardly letting it happen. Even i am unable to speak coherently.I am going “ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm” ” errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrr” for ages and ages while she is rubbing me and groping me. Should I tell my husband? I want to tell him but I am afraid that he might get mad at me or something. He has become extremely quick to anger, he yells a lot now, and swears. Tiny things set him off. He is extremely sarcastic and EXTREMELY defensive. He also seems to be getting increasingly paranoid. I try to treat him with respect and kindness to take as much pressure off of him as possible. My parents are both in their mid-60s and have recently retired. They live thousands of miles away. We Skype regularly but I am worried about their lack of financial planning for their old age. Since retiring, they have spoken openly about “blowing all their savings” before they get too old. They are taking round-the-world holidays and are always shopping for new things. When their savings have run out, they will live (relatively comfortably) on their monthly pensions.

    I don't have any brothers or sisters. I'm an "only child". I feel isolated from my family. I'm not close with my extended family. I have cousins I wouldn't recognize on the street if I saw them. I wish there was at least someone who could see what I am going through but I don't have the confidence to tell anyone. I came here on this forum with the hope that I would find someone to help me with advice. I wish I can find someone who can understand what I'm going through or maybe someone who's going through what I am so we can help eachother. I don't have any friends here in my husband's hometown.

    When i am in an environment where I do not know anyone I can come as arrogant and stuck up depending on the setting. It's truly a defensive mechanism though. I got the feeling that people here in my husband's hometown think i am just arrogant snob. My life is a mess right now. Most of my neighbors here in my husband's home town think I'm stuck up overdressed snob because I tend to ignore them. Not because I don't like them or think I'm better than them, but because I'm scared of them, or I think they don't like me! To be completely honest, I'd rather them see me that way... stuck up. It makes me feel better when they think I'm stuck up.
     
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