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. Journal of a Journey - Book Seventeen

Discussion in 'Cuckold Stories' started by Curt Bruch, Jul 30, 2018.

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  1. Curt Bruch

    Curt Bruch Well-Known Member Member Author!

    Book 17

    Sue's not seeing Dan this Friday; she's taking a bit of a break. It's not that she's worried or concerned about it being too much with Dan in terms of what she warned me of her feelings for him but, rather, it seems to be genuinely that after her week with Dan, she just needs a break.

    I asked her what that meant for us and she basically said that it means we can do whatever we want this week which, in so many words, means that there isn't that feeling of obligation to fuck tonight as I think we'd both sort of felt for the past few months or more.

    I’m not thinking that, “uh-oh, that's the end of that”, it isn't. It's actually something she said they both have been feeling, that their ‘every Friday’ needed a break., I don’t know exactly what that means because unless he changes his schedule or his job, there isn't really much other time for them to get together other than by happenstance.

    She made no bones about telling me that it did feel like a honeymoon of sorts for her. She even joked with me that they may have fucked more than we did on our real honeymoon. I told her that was okay and that it was what I wanted to feel, her wanting him.

    She asked if last week had given me what I'd wanted and I said it had and proceeded to tell her that as the week went by I appreciated her a lot more than previously and felt, in hindsight, I had taken her for granted over the past few years.

    She giggled and said she'd never have believed that her fucking another guy would make me feel that way about her (she joked, "or I'd have done it years ago") and I told her that it made me realize that she's an independent person and that I wanted her to realize she herself is very sexual and that I want that to be more in the open

    I told her that the last few days were much as I'd felt when I'd travelled on business for almost 2 weeks one time and how when I came home that I truly needed to fuck her. She looked at me and said that she'd felt much the same way; that the sex with Dan was great but that the last few days (I guess except for when she was in bed with him) that she too felt like she somehow needed to feel me in her again.

    I remember that post-business-trip fuck and it really did feel the same way. I joked back with her that it would have been really intense feeling how I do now back then and if she'd been with Dan (or Peter or whoever) while I was away. She asked me if I could even stand that and I said that while I didn't necessarily want to jump back into that now, that if it could happen in the future, that it might be fun to try? She laughed and said, "we'll see....”

    At one point she asked me if this was a one-time thing. I told her honestly that it wasn't something I wanted as a regular occurrence but I also told her that I did enjoy it and that I was happy with how it all worked out and that if we ever found similar circumstances, that we could try it again or some sort of variation.

    At that point I asked her how she felt about everything and especially what she felt emotionally. I confessed I was asking because it was a concern based on what she'd said to me. She said the week started out like something that was going to be fun, that they discussed all sorts of plans that Friday beforehand and she was excited about it being something new to try and to see how I felt about it. She then said that as the week began and progressed, that she did feel herself being drawn to him. There was no question that the absence of controls coupled with my desire for her to let herself go did let her feel very aroused and by the end of the week, very connected with him. She described the sex with him as going from somewhat physical at the beginning of the week to being much more sensual at the end, fucking as opposed to making-love. She looked at me and said, just like that, "It is what we were doing .... it wasn't fucking by then, we were truly making-love." She said that by the end her feelings did scare her a bit.

    She thought she might be hurting me by what she was saying but when I told her that I really did want to hear how she felt and that as long as we were talking calmly like we were that I didn't mind knowing how much she'd given of herself.

    I've known forever it seems that she doesn't hold herself back physically when she's with him that she truly loves fucking him but I know I'm truly a cuck when it turned me on and made me feel as it did to hear her tell me that she truly began to feel emotionally for him and that, at the end, it wasn't just her body that was having sex with him but it truly was her making-love with him.

    She described how they'd hold each other after they'd finish having sex and not that they exchanged loving words afterwards or whispered ‘sweet-nothings’ in each other’s ears, but more of feeling this emotional satisfaction at lying with him afterwards and loving what she'd shared with him; him feeling not just her body orgasm with him but knowing she'd been there with him mentally and emotionally too.

    She asked me how I can want her to feel like that to which I simply responded, how does she feel about me now. She paused and then she held me tightly and said that she hadn't really thought about it that much but when I said it to her that way that she too began to realize just how much this has affected her and her feelings towards me. Instead of driving me away, either physically or mentally, she began to turn back and think about how she felt about me.

    Later (Sunday I guess) she came back to me and to say that she'd thought about it more and whilst she didn't want to give me a ‘swelled head’ realised that I was right and now she too has realised there is a subtle changes in our relationship. She feels so much more sexy around me and that she feels like she truly loves me more in that she knows I want her (and she wants me) as a person and not just for sex. She admitted that my unwavering love and support and attraction to her last week has made her realize just how deeply she feels about me.

    There was more; she asked me again how the whole panty-thing felt for me and I told her that it was incredibly sexy to know what they were doing but to not be able to see for myself. She giggled and said that it also really helped her get in the whole scene too and that while she felt guilty at the beginning of the week about it, that by the end of the week she knew how I felt and she actually found it much of a turn-on for herself too.

    I suspect that this weekend we'll have more time together and we won't feel as obligated to have sex on Friday night, etc., so perhaps we'll talk about the future then. She did admit that she loved his tongue but she also said to me very clearly that his tongue wasn't worth giving up sex with me for! She added that they'll ‘have to figure something out’ about it. I told her to let me know what she decides and she giggled and said ‘I'll be the first to know.’

    It is quite different around here right now not feeling the obligation to have sex tonight. It'll feel even stranger if we do have sex before late Friday!

    *******​

    Last night was interesting as despite what we'd discussed about the lack of feeling an obligation to fuck when we got into bed (for whatever reason, be it routine; be it that our thoughts were just about each other or that it'd been a few days already) our lack of obligation turned into quite an intense desire.

    There wasn't any teasing or anything (there hasn't been much of it at all this week) but on one hand I am a bit concerned that possibly it was a bit too much last week, but on the other hand, in a similar but different way, I'm thinking that she wants to feel ‘us’ again and I'm very good with that for right now. I am still relishing the feelings I had and the desires it raised in me.

    We've made plans to go away overnight this Friday night and between the drive there and our time away, I'm sure our conversation will undoubtedly cover Dan and last week.

    Our son will be home and can care for the house and his sister.

    I can even see the desire starting to smoulder in her this evening.

    ******​

    Suzanna and I have been discussing so many topics; in no specific order, here's where we are.

    First is that after our experiment, Suzanna said she felt like perhaps this was a bit too much in that she began to have feelings and desires for Dan that were a bit beyond with what she was comfortable.

    I had admitted to her that her describing the week as a honeymoon was arousing to me and over the time she's asked me why that turned me on. I told her what I've always told her, that seeing and knowing she truly sexually wanted another guy is a turn on to me.

    She said she was concerned about how strongly she felt connected to him when they were together so much. She also explained how seeing him daily like that, by the end of the week, had really allowed her to stay very in-tune with him to the point where by the end of the week she truly felt like she had to be with him and wanted more of him than she'd ever felt before.

    I asked her if it was the same as when she was with Peter and she went quiet. I observed that now that she's been with Dan that maybe she hadn't realized how she'd truly felt about Peter.

    She did look at me and said quietly that maybe I should have been more concerned about that than I was at the time but she also told me that she's very aware of how she now feels about Dan and knows she needs to be careful to recognize what she sees herself feeling towards him. That was the reason she said she didn't want to see him that Friday. She admitted it would have been too much for her and that she needed a bit of a break.

    We talked about what she wants for the future which led us to once again discussing the ‘experiment’. She came out plainly and asked how I felt not having her for a while like that. I told her the truth that it was very intense and incredibly arousing and that in the end it only served to make me want her even more. I knew where this talk was going when she asked if it was something that I'd want to try again.

    That was when I turned the tables on her and I asked her what she liked about it and why, apparently, she wanted to do it again. She made no secret that the sex she had with Dan that week was much better and much more satisfying than they normally have and she teased me telling me that they are normally pretty good together.

    I asked her what made it so good and she said what she'd said before, that going back to him so soon each time and not being with me in between really helped her feel more in tune with him and allowed her to more easily ‘pick up where they'd left off’ before.

    I was beating around the bush and not getting to the question I had really wanted to ask so I just came out and asked her how she felt about not having sex with me. She was quiet for a moment and then said that she hoped what she was going to say is what I wanted to hear; she came out and said it, that denying me was quite a turn-on for her. So-much-so that by the end of the week she became so aroused knowing that she was withholding her body from me like she did. She said that just pulling on her panties (under the towel) as she did began to turn her on a lot by the end of the week. She said that it turned her knowing I was aroused by it all was a part of what she was feeling.

    Then she said what I'd both wanted to hear and also feared hearing, that she did like considering it to be ‘Dan's pussy’ for that time and not wanting me to be a part of it. That let loose a flood from her where she said that by the end of the week, she did like feeling like she was totally Dan's sex partner and not mine. She looked at me at that point to see my reaction with what she'd said. I told her that I was fine and that I had wanted to feel that, to know that for a while she wouldn't be mine. I told her again that knowing she wanted to be his was such a turn-on to me; knowing he was fucking her as much as he was and that the whole time she withheld herself from me was just incredible.

    However, I did make it very clear that by the end of the week I felt a really intense desire for her and that I probably couldn't have lasted much longer.

    She giggled and said, "You missed my pussy didn't you?" and I said yeah. She asked if ‘seeing it’ would have made it better or worse. I said that just seeing it but still not being able to have her would have made it worse. She giggled at that and said again that men are crazy.

    We turned back to talking about what she wants for the future. First she said that she does feel strongly about Dan and some of the angst she feels about their relationship is because she does want to see him more often. She made it clear that she wishes she could see him more than just Friday nights and the occasional Saturday. I told her I knew that’s what she wanted but it is still the case that his work schedule doesn't really allow it.

    Then the conversation took an unexpected turn when she said that she didn't think he'd be the guy that she could really see more of all the time. I asked her why.

    She said Dan doesn't really want much more than they have now (except of course for something special like the ‘experiment’) so they're not in tune on that part but then she looked at me and said that she didn't want to change our sex-life and that would surely happen if she were to be with Dan more often.

    I gave her a look and she said that if she did see him more that she wouldn't have me as much and reminded me about how he likes her clean. She said this experiment had proved to her that whether it's a conscious act on his part or some subconscious thing, that she knew that it was only when she was truly his that their sex was so good. We simply left it that for now but I felt good that this isn't something we have to deal with.

    That led back to, again over time, us discussing whether we'd do another ‘experiment’ like this again. I told her that from how I felt about what we had done, that I would be okay with trying it out again.

    She smiled and admitted that now, by the end of this week, that she can honestly say she would want to try it again but she also cautioned that she didn't want those feelings to become something more than they were.

    I asked her how she thought she'd be if we did it again and she said that as long as it wasn't too soon that it might be fun as something we’d do maybe 2 or maybe 3 times a year. I told her that we should just wait and see how we feel about it next time the circumstances are right.

    She smiled and said that she didn't necessarily want to just wait for it to happen spontaneously. I didn't get what she was saying at first but then she just said that Dan had asked her about whether they could schedule his next ‘vacation’.

    I told her that I'd need to think about it at first but then I guess a day or so later, I did go back to her and tell her that they could schedule something but added that I didn't want our lives to be based around Dan's vacation schedule. I gave her the example that if something else came up that we needed to do or wanted to do, that Dan's vacation wasn't something that we'd put higher than our own desires. She agreed with that then added, "But if we can, will you be okay with doing it again?"

    How could I say no to that?

    Right now the only plan we have is that next week, the Friday before Labor Day, that she gets out early from work; she's asked if she can spend the afternoon and evening with him. I confirmed that she's not asking for an overnight visit and she’s said, no she wasn’t.

    I told her that I was okay with the arrangement and then I joked that they'd probably be quite horny for each other after this long break. She agreed and also said that was something they'd talked about, that maybe they needed a break from the ‘every Friday’ routine to bring more passion between them.

    ******​

    It almost sounds as if I'm pushing Suzanna away from me. That isn't what I’m trying to convey. I am not pushing her to do anything she doesn't want to and I am very well aware that she is both hesitant and cautious in what she's doing.

    What I’m trying to convey here is that we've reached a point in her time with Dan when she has to think about what she truly wants in terms of sex with him. I recall reading somewhere where the guy felt aroused that his wife was falling in love with another guy. I don’t want to see her falling head-over-heels in love with Dan and I don’t think that's possible as they are very different people. As I’ve said, I don’t see Suzanna leaving me for what is still only a very physical sexual experience for her but, on the other hand, I can say that I can see the appeal and arousal that the other guy said he felt from seeing his wife experience her emotions going out of control.

    At the time I wasn't totally aware of just how deep were the feelings Suzanna had for Peter. I know for myself and, as she has said many times, that this was very risky (I didn't necessarily know it at the time) but I would be lying if I didn't say that right now, thinking of her passion for Peter, is a huge turn-on. I can't say that I would ever want her to leave me but I do feel good that she allowed herself to have such a deep connection with him. Her knowing how she felt and her now being very aware of her own feelings is comforting for me. I know she is NOT looking to leave me in any way so in that sense her knowing her own feelings isn't something I am fearing. If anything, it gives me confidence to let her take it at her own pace.

    Seeing the look on her face when she knew that I would accept her wanting to do this again, an ‘experiment’ with him for his next vacation was a joy. I don’t fear this or think this is a bad thing; quite the opposite.

    She's made it clear that she would like more time with him and that alone is a wicked turn-on for me. The benefits I get from it are that when she can't be with him that I get all of that sexual desire unleashed on me and, believe me, some of the passion that we've shared in these past few weeks has been truly incredible. There are moments when 2 people feel like they are truly one; Suzanna and I have shared many of those moments in these past 2 weeks.

    I also know that she's had those moments with Dan too but in her own words she’s said they aren't the same as how she feels with me. She may say and profess that she loves him in a way but I know that it is not a deep emotional bond that they are sharing. I'm sure at the peak of their pleasure that perhaps they come close but from how I've been reading her and what I'm feeling from Suzanna she knows the difference between what we have versus what she and he have.

    Right now she's over at her parents’ place and I'll be heading over there later this afternoon with our daughter and taking dinner with us. So this is a bit preoccupying for Suzanna right now which I think is also grounding her in terms of what is truly real for us and our family versus what is solely sexual and between her legs with Dan. I know for a fact that she is not openly sharing this aspect of what's going on with him as she's said she's not totally comfortable letting him into this part of her life (contrasted with Dan sharing his woes about his sister-in-law who continues to cling to life).

    I guess to sum up what's going on, if anything, Suzanna feels lust and infatuation for the physical time she shares with Dan and we all (including her) know how that feels. While it may consume and occupy the present time and present desires she knows that it is fleeting at best.

    I think they may have found the tipping point in the balance between them; she would like more time with him in general but he can't accommodate that because of his schedule and I also feel (and Suzanna's said so but not in so many words) that Dan may not want more time with her. Some of what Suzanna has said seems to almost indicate that they may ease off on the stringency of their ‘every Friday’ together but possibly replace that with something more spontaneous and occasionally interjecting with something much more planned like our experiment.

    I feel good about this as I think that approach is much more of what I want from all of this. In any case with the school year around the corner now, the every-Friday routine was going to become more difficult. Yet the idea of perhaps something spontaneous between them seems to be very appealing to me (and her) as well as the idea that they can look forward to something planned too.

    I think we perhaps all were feeling a bit closed in with the routine we'd established and that a bit of a change-up may be in order. I do not know how the spontaneity-thing will work regarding Dan's fastidiousness so that will be interesting to see how Suzanna handles that.

    ******​

    Sue told me that they are thinking of a day at the nude beach sometime either this week or next (after the Labor Day holiday).

    I asked her if she was just planning on going with Dan or if she was thinking I was going with them and she said that she ‘hoped I would go’ but that she would be okay if I didn't. I grinned at her and told her that was not something I was going to miss. She giggled at that.

    I expect to hear more either tomorrow or on Monday. Granted, plans could fall-through but I suspect that they'll wait till after Labor Day as the beach tends to become less crowded which would probably put Dan more at ease.

    ******​

    I am not pushing them together at all. I am accepting of the situation and from how things went with our experiment I'm content with allowing the 2 of them to plan something for when Dan is next off on vacation.

    ******​

    I thought I'd been clearer but perhaps not for the entire week when Suzanna was ‘Dan's’ I realized just how much I wanted, needed and appreciated her. On top of that, the entire week drove me crazy with desire.

    I think Suzanna is well aware of where her emotions are regarding Dan. It is her that is controlling that and not me or my actions. When I said she is aware of her feelings towards him, which was a positive comment as she understands that she needs to be very aware of just how much she lets herself feel for him emotionally and that she is balancing that against how she feels for him sexually. She doesn't want to put herself in a position that will bring her pain but, then again, she isn't looking for me to put the reins on her to prevent her from being hurt.

    Actually, it's more the opposite; she was warning me that she may be reluctant to do more with Dan despite it possibly bringing me more satisfaction because she won't put herself into that position. Maybe I should be more cautious.

    I suppose it is possible that Dan could relax his stance on not wanting more out of his relationship with Suzanna but I can’t see that happening. Perhaps when I am with them later this week I can better gauge but why would he want more when he can already have more if he wanted.

    Yes, Suzanna says she loves him in some ways but not as a husband or a life-partner, rather as a fuck-buddy. I know that when they are together that she doesn't think about me all that much but I also know that when they are together that they aren't professing their love and passion for each other. At least she hasn't shared that with me. It seems instead their post-coital conversations are rather mundane and somewhat mindless. They do not lay there in each other’s arms looking into each others' eyes and whispering sweet nothings. Remember, I've been there for some of those moments and, yes, there is whispering and softly spoken compliments and such but mostly it’s ‘that was a great fuck’ type of comments.

    I think perhaps I may have misrepresented Suzanna's feelings on what she wants. When I said she'd like to see Dan more often it wasn't because she feels that she needs to see him but rather that she wanted to feel more of what she felt during our experiment, namely the feeling of ‘jumping right back into it’ with him instead of what she says now feels like ‘scheduled sex’. That part I understand totally that she got to see and experience something that I had hoped she'd find someone other than me that she truly wants to fuck. Unfortunately, unless his schedule changes, it's not going to be Dan, there's no possibility.

    ******​

    Suzanna and I share and enjoy her teasing when she's not with Dan. She knows so well that when we're together it does turn me on but it not the way one may think. For example, I took her away for an overnight that Friday night after the week with Dan. We had a romantic dinner together where there was no talk about Dan or anything other than us. Believe me, sparks did fly.

    Over a bottle of wine with dinner, a romantic stroll outside, some furtive making-out in a dark area just off the footpath was all followed by some truly spectacular sex together which climaxed with Suzanna riding my hard cock until she could cum no more. She collapsed forward against me and at that point I held her butt and pulled her down gently as I'd push up into her and, despite having orgasm after orgasm earlier, as I held her in that position, I brought her to yet another climax. As she came down from that I let loose in her which brought her yet another squeal of delight.

    Just as I tend to not post much about the non-sexual stuff (including petty arguments and disagreements), I also tend to not post too much about our own sex-life together which, incidentally, has only gotten better over time. Suzanna had no doubt that her allure totally captivated me. When I mention the ‘teasing’ that is now a part of our sex-life together, it isn't always extreme, instead it can just be a slight comment like, say when we're getting started when I may have my hand in her panties, she may whisper, "Dan wouldn't like you playing with his pussy like that ... " but it is always followed by a giggle.

    I don’t really want more in terms of extremeness; that week of not having her at all was as far as I would want to go. It was quite intoxicating as I truly felt as though I reconnected with her in many ways. She is equally surprised at how close it seems to have brought us.

    I'm sure there's more that I could and probably should explain here but I think I've maybe said enough that I’m not trying to intentionally sabotage my marriage and that I am not looking to push Suzanna into Dan's bed on a full-time basis. Nor do I need her to have sex with him to have me be turned-on. I admit that in the back of my mind when I see her naked, of course my brain does go to the positions and ‘scenes’ I have either witnessed or imagined and, yes, that turns me on but it is NOT something I always share or want to have as the central focus between us.

    I have made plans to be with Suzanna and Dan this Friday night as part of a little pre-Labor-Day celebration. We've already told our daughter that she may want to find a friend's house to stay that night as we won't be home till late.

    ******​

    I wouldn't want to just go down to 1 night a week for me. I mean I suppose that at times that would be okay but the bigger issue that Suzanna (and Dan) will need to deal with is that Suzanna isn't ready to give up on sex with me, especially now that she understands that it isn't so much my cumming in her that Dan is opposed to but my having sex with her at all (so that sort of answers the condom question). If it were just my cumming in her to be honest, as long as I got to fuck her bare at least once a week, I think I'd even be willing to try using a condom if it would help her with her spontaneity desire. However, since there's more to this than just my cumming in her it's not likely to resolve itself which is why I said what I did about being okay if they wanted to arrange another week like we did.

    With her period having ended over the weekend, we already have plans for this evening. Our daughter’s bed-time has been backed-up a bit to get her ready for resuming the school-year and with our son off at college come 9:30pm it is quiet in the house, that is until we get started!

    Tonight, we will spend a bit of time out on our deck with a glass of wine looking up at the stars as we relax. She'll probably be in something slinky with a thin robe over it and it wouldn't be out of the question for me to climb on top of her as she lays back on our lounge chair and for me to spend a bit of time between her legs getting her revved up. After that I suspect I'll chase her up to our bedroom where I'll have her stand and lean over the bed and I'll start out behind her, that is, until she begs me to turn her over and give her a ‘proper fucking’!.

    ******​

    It is another Wednesday night and we have returned to our normally scheduled programming here. That is, Suzanna went to bed early, panties and all, leaving me to enjoy myself for a while longer and finally have time to write up my journal.

    We did enjoy a very passionate evening on Monday night as the realities of a much quieter house sank in. We watched something on TV in the den with the lights out in the rest of the house and for the first time in years, she let me undress her and get started right there in the den. Our foreplay included her sucking me until I had to push her off and resume upstairs in our bedroom where we could lock the door. We used to do this when our kids were younger and if they were coming we'd both see the lights upstairs come on as well as hear them on the stairs. I know it really heated up the night for us and what I thought was perhaps going to be more of a ‘quickie’ turns into a good 30 minutes of the best aerobics there is! It was one of those times when I felt very much in control and I particularly enjoyed restraining how slowly she was able to build to an orgasm, As I felt her desire growing I started going at her deeper and more forcefully each time.

    Damn, if that wasn't wickedly good! There was only grunting and moaning between us (plus the occasional scream of her cumming again) and she was particularly sensitive to my touch and gently rubbing her as we fucked which drove her crazy.

    Finally, after it seemed she could almost cum no more, it was my turn to enjoy and she made it clear that she wanted me to. If I could have taken root in her it still wouldn't have been deep enough from how we both needed to feel. I knew she needed to feel that connection we share and I read her correctly. Her legs wrapped around my waist trying to hold me in her with each stroke and her arms holding me against her and I felt her hard nipples on my chest. There was no mistaking that moment as she opened her eyes and just looked at me, after so long together you don’t need words at that moment; the look you are sharing is something that's beyond words. Her delight was only matched by the smile on her face as she felt me reach my own climax deep in her.

    We didn't fall asleep but she did lie against me and after a moment our breathing synchronized and, still being in her, it felt like we were one person.

    That said, this morning as she got up she mentioned it was Wednesday and I sort of thought nothing of it until she came out of the bathroom after her shower in just her panties and the towel wrapped around her head. Normally she'll come out naked and then go to her dresser to pick out what she'll put on but as soon as I saw her, I realized what she'd meant and damn if my cock didn't grow. I looked like a teenager with a pup-tent under the blanket! Suzanna looked over and giggled at me as she went back to her routine.

    ******​

    This Friday being before the Labor Day weekend, we are both out of work early. Surprise, surprise, the plan we worked out was that WE are going to get together and have a drink and maybe a small bite to eat together and we'll then take one car to Dan's. He's offered, weather permitting, to barbeque but if it should rain then some sort of take-out will be in order.

    Suzanna said she told him that I'd be there and that included that I wanted to be there the whole time. She said to me the same as she says she said to him, that she wanted me there this time. I asked her why and she said that she wanted me there; that she felt it was the right thing to do after the week they'd had and that it just seemed like what she wanted.

    I didn't want to go into any psychology stuff but I'll take it the way it seemed to feel, that she wanted me there to maybe put things back to how they were and put me back into the equation once more. That's how it seemed in spirit and from how she seemed to say it that she just plain wanted me there.

    I did not ask what Dan said about it or anything like that as I’m taking it from the dinner plans that he's okay with it. I'll stick with those thoughts.

    ******​

    Friday didn't go as planned/hoped and it ended in an argument between Suzanna and Dan.

    It started out quite well. Things were very cordial. Suzanna and I stopped for a late lunch (I picked her up just after 3pm at her work) and some bar-food. We arrived at Dan's place about 5pm or so and we continued our drinking.

    We were out on his deck when the two of them went in for something. It was when they took a bit too long to return that I snuck in and spied on them in a kiss in the kitchen and Dan's hands all over her.

    That repeated itself a little while later only that time Suzanna returned to me and said that they'd ‘be busy’ for a little while if that was okay with me. I nodded and smiled at her eager grin she had.

    I went over to a window and continued spying on them. It was quite erotic to see him undressing her right there in the living room (she later told me she knew I was watching). When he slid her pants down and she stood there in just her knee-highs and panties I had a wicked hard-on as that was the most I'd seen of her undressed too. Watching him take her panties off and seeing her so nonchalantly step out of them was a total-turn-on for me! They kissed and she knelt to finish undressing him and then she sucked his cock as it stuck out in her face. He pulled her back up and they kissed and from the window I saw her spread her legs to let him finger her. A moment later they said something to each other, turned and went upstairs leaving their clothes piled on the floor where they'd dropped them.

    I thought about going up to watch them and almost did but then I heard them in his room above the deck where the windows were open. At first I couldn’t hear what they were saying but then they must have moved closer to the window because I could hear everything including the telltale moans from Suzanna. It was clear from the piercing moan I heard when Dan must have started to fuck her.

    I felt like quite the voyeur/peeping-tom standing there listening to them both. I did hear what I am pretty sure was Suzanna cumming at least twice and I did hear Dan too. Sure enough, a few moments later their pitch and pace seemed to increase which was punctuated first by another cry out from Suzanna which was followed almost immediately by the grunt I now recognize as Dan cumming in her. It was followed by some muffled talking and Suzanna's giggling.

    A few minutes later they both re-appeared. Dan was now wearing a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and Suzanna just in one of his dress-shirts that was loosely buttoned. We made eye contact and smiled at each other but she was still hanging onto him in the kitchen as he was pouring more wine and getting the steaks ready for the barbeque.

    It wasn't until I was returning from the bathroom that Suzanna met me in the hallway away from Dan and kissed me and hugged me and asked me if things were okay and specifically if I was okay with the ‘quickie’ that they'd had. As she kissed me she spread her legs and let me run my fingers up her legs and in her pussy. She'd cleaned up a little bit but my fingers came out covered with what was obviously Dan's cum. I pulled them up, she giggled then quickly pulled them in her mouth and licked them off. I thought she would pull away from me but instead she stayed right there and I went back to playing with her just-fucked pussy. I didn't get her to cum right then but I could feel how turned on she was by how her pussy was clenching down on my fingers and each time I pulled them out she giggled at how wet they were and she'd lick them off. Finally she pushed me away and said, "enough" and I went back to the other room while she went to the bathroom and cleaned up a bit again.

    Dinner was quite uneventful, as a matter of fact, it was pleasant. From my seat I could see what Suzanna sees in Dan, he was very nice to both me and her. It was also very erotic with Suzanna sitting in between us in just his shirt naked underneath, we could both see her breasts when she'd lean forward!

    It was after dinner was when things seemed to start to change. Dan was quite open about his desire for more time with Suzanna. We'd put on a soft-porn movie on the TV and in a short time we'd gone from it being the three of us talking and sipping more wine to just me staring at the TV while the two of them started as we sat on the couch. He unbuttoned her shirt and seemed to be oblivious to me being there as he had his hands and fingers all over and in her!

    Soon they decided to take it upstairs. He went up first and she stayed with me and kissed me as she stood there with her shirt open and wearing nothing else. Once again I ran my fingers and hands all over her and again she leaned back against the wall and spread/relaxed her legs and let me enjoy finger-fucking her for a moment or two after which she said, "how about you wait down here for a little bit and then come up?". How could I resist the smile on her face?

    I thought things would go well from there on and that maybe we'd even get back to a little MFM sex. I already knew about having to wait to fuck her but thought maybe she'd be sucking me while fucking him as we'd done it the past.

    I waited maybe 5-10 minutes (actually got involved with the porn-movie) before I headed up. As I reached the stairs though I didn't hear the sounds of passion instead I heard the sounds of arguing.

    I can't recall specifics now but the argument was most definitely about Suzanna and me. From what I heard, Dan was surprised and annoyed to find that she'd been fucking me earlier in the week and she clearly replied that she wasn't about to stop fucking ‘my husband’. Then the arguing went up a level when he found that I'd been finger-fucking her just a few minutes earlier and also before dinner. I couldn't hear everything clearly but he was very agitated and annoyed that she'd, as he put it, ‘shared it all’ with me already.

    When I was sure that it wasn't going to turn from verbal to physical, I went back down to the bottom of the stairs. I was about to head back to the Living Room to see if things cooled off when I heard the door open upstairs and heard Suzanna yell at him, "then you can go back to using your right hand from now on" and him yelling back at her, "take your married cunt out of my house".

    She stormed naked down the stairs and into the living room where she put her clothes back on. I was silent the whole time but she knew I was concerned. She went commando and just pulled her pants and blouse on and stuffed her bra, panties and stockings in her purse and looked at me and said, "we're going.... now!” With that I followed her out to the car and never saw Dan.

    She was too mad in the car to talk and it was mostly a silent ride home.

    ******​

    Over the weekend and into this week it became clear that Dan had developed not so much more feelings for Suzanna but certainly become more possessive in his desires for her. She said that when he got mad that she'd shared their ‘quickie’ with me as she did by letting me finger-fuck her and share that moment with her; that really bothered him. When he found that I'd again played with her and had definitely gotten her going before she went back up to him, he took it really badly and had started to tell her that he didn't want her to let me have her pussy when she was with him. She told me that she wasn't ready for that and that she had realized after the ‘experiment’ that’s not what she wanted. Instead, that she wanted to be able to share all with me.

    I haven't pushed at anything to find out whether this is a permanent break or whether they're looking to put things back together again. I have not heard her mention anything about Friday.

    ******​

    We did have sex last night but there was no teasing and no mention of Dan at all. Instead it was one of those nights when it was all loving and closeness. I'm figuring she really needs to know I'm there for her right now and that it doesn't matter about Dan. How we felt afterwards last night as we lay together and watched TV, I think I'm doing a good job in making her feel secure.

    So, is it over? I don’t know but he was pretty nasty to her so unless I hear of an apology and a change in behaviour/attitude, I’m not sure that I want her going back to him.

    ******​

    I really don’t know what to think as Suzanna hasn't really opened up yet other than to confirm that she doesn't want to see him anymore.

    I was pissed at Dan for what was going on but at the same time how could I not love to hear what Suzanna was saying. As I said, I could hear that she wasn't in danger or anything like that and I didn't really want to intrude. Apparently there was more said from the time that I walked back away from the stairs and when the yelling resumed once she opened the bedroom door.

    When she came down the stairs I had considered going up and sorting things out with him but from how she was acting and how quickly she wanted to leave, it was just better to go along with it and make sure she was okay.

    I suppose a lot of what I’ve written here is true in some ways. I think a difference is that I trusted her to not let it get out of control and you cannot imagine how great it feels to know that she did just that.

    She hasn't said anything more about it. I've said many times, "if you want to talk" and her response is always the same, "yeah, when I'm ready".

    Sex since then has been different. She's hasn't stopped the teasing but it's changed a bit, it's become impersonal and solely about her. She'll still say things like, "you like me all wet" and stuff like that but it's all passive and only about her.

    It's okay though; we need some ‘us’ time. She hasn't said anything about not wanting to do this anymore so that's a good sign to me that she hasn't been traumatized or adversely affected by it all.

    I will say this; I absolutely loved the feeling of her denying me sex. Whether she did it for him, me or herself, whatever, it was awesome. I know I had my moments during our experiment week but I also will openly say that I loved it. I loved knowing my wife was so involved with another guy and how much sex she was having with him. I know how much we fucked on our honeymoon so hearing her describe it that way may have a bit more meaning for me than I previously thought. However, I will also say that I am definitely not prepared to go for much longer than 2 weeks or so!

    Where I have a hard time expressing my thoughts is where she is emotionally. I would be lying if I said that it didn't arouse me that she may have been falling for him. Not for the emotional part or the potential loss of our relationship but more for the happiness that I saw in her and for the pleasure I saw in her.

    We have always felt something different between us from the first time we met. I do firmly believe in love at first sight but that you can only recognize it retrospectively. That is, you can only look back and realize it after you are together for some time.

    I'm not sure if that makes any sense for at the time we were just 2 people who met and were friendly with each other but we both now look back and realize that we had emotions and a feeling of connection with each other.

    So, when I say that I found pleasure in seeing her ‘falling in love’ my delight was not due to the emotions she felt for Dan that I enjoyed, it was what I saw in her.

    ******​

    I do want her to find someone else to fuck. For whatever reason, I enjoy knowing my wife is fucking another guy. It seems to bring out intensity in me towards Suzanna that I enjoy feeling. However, I do not want her to find a guy who, like Dan, will be as possessive towards her or for him to be asking for her exclusivity. I don’t believe I will be able to support that in any relationship she may have.

    I think I've learned that about myself from all of this but, crazy as it may sound, I'd be okay if SHE wants to try it again.

    ******​

    I suppose if we're theorizing, the question of would I want her to see someone regularly is one that needs to be answered. Indeed, if I'm going to totally direct it this time, then no, it's not going to be someone regularly.

    Actually, if I had my way, I'd want her to fuck someone we know. I can't think of anyone specific I'd like to see her with but I think if it was someone we knew, that it would allow a level of trust and intimacy that wouldn't be there with a stranger, at least not on an infrequent basis.

    Could it be an ex-boyfriend or maybe even her ex-husband? I can see either of them as possibilities in my mind but I don’t think they would be anyone she would go for (unless it was like someone from really long ago.) I'm more thinking of a neighbour or a friend; I'm strangely turned on by the idea that someone we might see elsewhere would also be fucking Suzanna.

    I think that leads to the last question regarding my thoughts, would I want him to know that I know about what is going on?

    I can answer that one; I don't want him to know that I'm okay with it, at least not at first!

    ******​

    It is a strange feeling to be home and to know Suzanna is out with our daughter shopping right now and not with Dan as she would normally be on a Friday night. She hasn't opened up other than to say that she, "gave him so much and yet it wasn't enough".

    I asked her what she meant and she said that she was still thinking about it all. Then she kissed me and said she'd be ready to talk soon. I bought 2 bottles of wine and I suspect that by the time we get through them both either tonight or tomorrow night that she'll feel better about talking about it (that's the hope!).

    I accept that we feel differently about each other now, we really do. I know for me that I feel a much deeper connection with her and for me it’s put sex in our marriage in a different place than it was, I think, a better place. I think what it did was to maybe bring back the fun in sex in a way. I know it has re-stoked the fires that we both felt for each other. Strange how sharing her with another guy has made me appreciate and love her even more. I feel the same in return. We can talk about anything now so freely and openly. It's really an amazing feeling to know that neither of us will run off even at the most extreme thing. Sort of puts the rest of life in a different light.

    I read something about a guy who posted an update where he's getting his wife back together with her lover, knowing she will continue to deny and not have sex with him until she tires of her lover. The very idea of that is a turn-on for me but I could never do it for an indefinite duration and I’d like to think Suzanna couldn't do that either. To me that is something that I had always felt I believed in about her and to see her affirm that so spontaneously as she did, how can it not make me feel good about her and us!

    I hear Suzanna pulling in now so I'm going to close and await her coming into the house.

    ******​

    Sue is out again shopping with our daughter, I'm beginning to regret her not getting back with Dan if she's going to be spending money like this.

    We have talked a lot this week and I think she's opened up about as much of it as she can.

    I do not believe she deliberately provoked him. From what she's told me, that's not something she did, at least not consciously.

    She has said that she doesn't want to see him again; that she saw a side of him that she didn't like and, to put it simply, it turned her off on him. That's actually what seems to have bothered her more than anything. I told her that I knew she was developing feelings for him and she was relieved that I had recognized it just as she did. I guess my telling her that may have let her relax about what she was okay about telling me and, out of the blue at times, she just seems to want to talk.

    In some ways that’s what hurt her the most. She says that she thought they'd been together about all of this and that she'd given so much to ‘them’ (I did wince as she said that) for him to have said and acted as he did made her feel she had been almost stupid about it. She said at one time to me that, "maybe all he wanted was the sex?" While I may have been thinking that I told her that was nonsense and said stuff to make her feel that it wasn't just something physical that they shared.

    I guess it sounds crazy, me defending their relationship to her but in a way I didn't want her to hate this whole idea of having another guy in our life for up until that Friday night, it had been pretty awesome.

    She asked me how I felt about it and I told her that I was sad that something that had given her so much pleasure had been lost. That's when she explained that she just seemed to have lost her respect for him in a way and that she no longer felt inside that she wanted to give herself to him as she had anymore.

    She told me she was really upset that after how close they'd been and how in sync she felt with him during that week together; that she is still really confused at what happened and why he had expected something different. She confirmed that she'd told him she was going home that Friday night to have sex with me and that we were together in the time after that too. Apparently what he'd heard was that they could do another week together from time to time and he must have thought somehow that between that and their once-a-week, that she was no longer going to have sex with me.

    It's a big jump from where I was sitting for him to conclude that but I guess maybe she had been leading him on with her saying, "not yet" instead of, "no" to earlier requests from him for more exclusivity. Maybe the week somehow convinced him that she'd crossed that bridge.

    I guess if she was sharing the whole panty-thing with him but not playing up the sex that she and I would have after she'd come home, maybe he did have that in his head. Maybe he thought I was there to watch that night or something like that? I honestly don't know and I haven't told Suzanna any of this line of thinking that I have because I don't want to make her question herself at this point in time.

    She did ask me whether I still wanted her to have a ‘lover on the side’ as she put it. I told her that I loved what it had done for her/for us and she giggled and said that she too had begun to accept that maybe it has been something good for us. That was when I brought up that I didn't want her getting hurt and told her that I really was happy that she herself recognized the line she was nearing in their relationship.

    That was when she dropped the big question when she came out and asked me how I'd feel if she did truly fall in love with another man. I paused for a bit and I told her that it would probably kill me but I added that if it did happen despite our, and I stressed ‘our’, best efforts at stopping; preventing; reversing it (you get what I mean) that if it still happened then we'd just have to deal with it.

    A moment later she asked me if it turned me on to think of her falling for another guy. I didn't answer straightaway but then said honestly just two words, "sort of". I couldn’t look at her as I said that. I don't know why but at that moment I couldn't.

    When I looked up a second later she was turned away and the moment had passed and she didn't bring it up again.

    In the end she told me that she needed to gather her thoughts for a while longer but, as I said, she did reluctantly begin to accept that maybe this has been a good thing for us at this point in our lives and she said that she was pretty sure that she would probably want it again in a while.

    I can say that the sex between us is a bit different now. Not better or worse, just different. It seems to be less explicit, perhaps a bit less ‘slutty’ but, at the same time, it has become incredibly physical. Most recently she's begun throwing a little teasing back in too which is a sure sign to me that she's relaxing about all of this. Not over it, but no quite so upset about it. I'll give her all the time she needs/wants.

    Yes, it is over with Dan. From the contempt that she's had in her voice when she's mentioned him, it's clear that she feels hurt by him, hurt and turned off.

    ******​

    We do need to discuss a bit more about boundaries. I think Suzanna feels the same way now too in that, at least from what I understand, she needs to know herself when too much is too much.

    She has asked and we've talked about what turned me on and I did tell her that her description of her week as a ‘honeymoon’ was really arousing for me. I explained my memories of how crazy we were on our own honeymoon and it turned me on to know she was re-living some of that excitement.

    She said she didn't think she was going to be ready for another week like that for a long time and I told her that was okay if she never wanted it again as I had incredible memories and feelings from what we did do.

    I did mention to her a few times that I thought our next ‘partner’ should maybe be someone we know and might even be friends with. She was reluctant to think that way until I explained that it would probably limit how far things would go and I joked that if she didn't tell him that I knew about things that it might make it even more exciting.

    She giggled and said that I may be onto something with that thought.

    ******​

    .. but writing about that will have to wait until I get myself another diary as this one is all filled.

    ******​
     
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